If you see that your friend neglects your interests or the one you love behaves with you in a completely different way than you expect, then an unpleasant feeling arises, which we call resentment. The more we are connected by feelings with another person, the more degree it can become a source of good and bad emotions. We take offense at loved ones, as well as those with whom we are connected by some kind of agreement, explicit or implicit. To be offended, one must also recognize the offender as similar to oneself. I will not be offended by a fool or a person who is now out of his mind. But if this is a friend, lover, wife, mother, brother, then I can be offended. Emotion arises from the collision of my model, which I have thrown on reality, in this case on the behavior of another, with the actual behavior of this other. Let's single out at least three elements here: a) my expectations regarding the behavior of a person oriented towards me; how should he behave if he is my friend; b) the behavior of this other person, deviating from my expectations in an unfavorable direction; c) our emotional reaction caused by the discrepancy between our expectations and the behavior of another.
Why are we still offended? Yes, simply because we believe that the other person is hard-coded by our expectations, we deny his right to independent action. It is worth considering why he did not do what I expected, as we will see that he had something that excluded the possibility of behavior in accordance with our expectations.
Resentment stems from the desire to program another. And if we recognized him as an independent being who determines his own behavior, then we would have no reason to be offended by him.
The other is able to offend me only because I deny his reality, and he turns out to be real, and, moreover, in a completely different way than I expected.
Offended, I exploit the love of another and control his behavior, punishing with guilt. When two people interact, the resentment of one is necessarily complemented by a sense of guilt in the other, it appeals to this feeling of guilt. If the other is not capable of experiencing guilt, resentment becomes useless, non-functional. We do not resent those who do not love us.
The more significant my expectations are, the more desires are embodied in these expectations, the stronger the reaction to disagreement with reality. Further. The greater this discrepancy between expectations and reality, the stronger the emotion. Therefore, resentment can be reduced either by reducing the significance of one's expectations, or by reducing the discrepancy, making one's expectations more realistic, corresponding to the behavior of another.
There will be no resentment if my mind stops:
1) build unrealistic expectations, that is, he will not be mistaken in anticipating the behavior of another.
2) there will be no resentment if my mind does not attach special importance to its expectations, if it does not associate any satisfaction, joy or well-being with the behavior attributed to another person.
3) resentment can be completely destroyed and will die out before it even arises if we refuse to evaluate the behavior of another, that is, to compare the observed behavior of another person with my expectations, even if they are unmistakable and realistic.
4) if I am able to realize and fulfill the first three requirements, then it will turn out that it is impossible to offend me precisely because I simply accept the other as he is.
It is in my power to perform mental actions of attributing a certain behavior to a partner or not.
It is in my power to stop the work of developing resentment. And it is much easier to restrain yourself at first than from the moment when the offense has already arisen and begins to act according to its program.
My mind is naughty, elusive, and I cannot stop it, since these mental operations proceed automatically by themselves, according to the habit of my mind to act this way and not otherwise. Habits just consist in the fact that they act without the participation of consciousness, by themselves. You can say, "My resentment is my bad mental habits."
I need to fix in my memory: “I cannot stop these mental actions as long as they are carried out unconsciously. But if I manage to become aware of them, then I am able to control these actions, and it will be in my power whether to perform them or not. Therefore, as I become aware of the underside of my emotions, I will gain power over them.
Resentment is unpleasant. Resentment is suffering that occurs in the most "tender part of the soul", which everyone tries to avoid. It, like any suffering, excites protective actions. Among them, the most ancient are flight and attack, with the corresponding emotions of fear and anger.
When I am angry, it is easier for me, because the psychic energy is taken away from resentment and consciousness is concentrated in the emotion of anger. In anger, I stop feeling hurt.
Anger takes psychic energy away from resentment and takes it for its own use, because energy is needed to realize anger in aggressive behavior. Therefore, as soon as I start to get angry, resentment is relieved, since my thoughts are only occupied with how to cause any damage in response to the offender. Offended are always angry and aggressive.
Since by definition I love the offender, then a conflict arises: anger at the one I love. I refrain from overt attack, but I attack the offender in my mind. This aggression and pent-up anger is destroying my body, causing illness. Touchy people are always sick.
Resentment destroys our organism in that it includes mental aggression, thoughts in which we punish the offender, and this cannot but deplete our immune system, which comes into a state of readiness to participate in a good fight, envisaged by the ancient instincts preserved in a person of habit.
If I restrain my anger, do not reveal it outside, then it is concentrated inside and stimulates the work of memory, aimed at remembering past grievances. Outwardly, everything seems to be calm, but the tension increases and will always find a reason to pour out.
Judging another person means committing stupidity, a mistake, because you have to compare a person with something impersonal, with some standard. One who understands this can easily refuse comparison, easily recognizes the essence of his offense.
Acceptance of another is facilitated if I try to understand him, accept him free and free to act as he pleases. Accepting him, I understand his motives, his emotions, his desires, his attitude towards me.
Resentment intensifies if you think: "I cannot forgive him, because he is wrong, unfair." At the thought that the offender is wrong, unfair, and according to my expectations, he should be right and fair, the mismatch in my soul increases and resentment too. Radical removal of resentment requires unconditional forgiveness of the offender.
Acceptance of the other as he is, without ceasing to love him and without changing his attitude towards him, is the essence of forgiveness. To forgive means to accept him as he is. Resentment dissolves in the warmth of forgiveness. It becomes easier for us from the moment when we accept the other unconditionally.
Resentment is a rather painful method of controlling the behavior of the offender, punished by guilt for not meeting my expectations. When a mother controls her loved ones, often offended and creating a sense of guilt in them, then she, without suspecting it, uses a cruel and merciless means of influence. They love her, and those who love her are completely defenseless against guilt.
I do not know a more harmful creature for a child than a touchy and overly sensitive mother who mercilessly exploits love for her and creates a guilt neurosis, although she is not to blame for this, since she does not know what she is doing, that is, she does it unconsciously.
For a sanogenic [positive, healing] memory cleansing, one should not try to forget insults, as is usually recommended by homegrown psychologists, but on the contrary, for the act of extinguishing one must remember insults, but correctly and sanogenically. For sanogenic extinction, it is enough to imagine the situation of past resentment in a state of well-being and calmness, to remember and think over all its elements in accordance with the structure that you already know: your expectations, the behavior of another, an act of comparison.
The repetition of images of unpleasant feelings in a state of rest leads to the withdrawal of mental energy from these mental structures, which will lead to general relaxation and peace, therefore, for mental health improvement, it is important to learn:
- bring yourself to a state of rest;
- remember in detail the necessary circumstances and your states, and not forget them.
The false wisdom "forget everything bad, and you will be fine" usually leads to the accumulation of energy in the unconscious, which will inevitably give rise to illness.
By focusing on the offense itself, and not on the offender and the circumstances of the offense, I move away from the offense and thereby deprive it of the opportunity to program my behavior. The energy of resentment is taken away and it weakens, so the art of detachment, making the emotion itself an object of speculation, is the art of regulating emotions.
To control an emotion, it is not enough to restrain it, but one must also be able to make it an object of mental contemplation. Holding back up to a certain point intensifies the emotion, so it is impossible to deal with emotions through direct holding back. Removal required.
If I contemplate my resentment, that is, I try to understand the source of the origin of my expectations by means of sanogenic thinking, evaluate their realism, understand the offender, then the removal of resentment is easy. Even better, if I understand the harmfulness of resentment. Harmful, unpleasant repels, and you need to use this impulse.
If an emotion has a certain function of adaptation in communication, then it should not be totally suppressed. If I am offended, but I am not offended, then the offender feels discouraged, dissatisfied, and sometimes he thinks that he is not loved, that he is not respected, that he is not significant for the offended, because they do not take offense at him. This can lead to broken relationships.
If I do not outwardly express my emotional state, the offender will think that he is behaving correctly and will continue to make mistakes, disorganizing his environment.
Without being offended, I upset a loved one. After all, it is important for the offender to offend me and get his share of the blame. In the absence of resentment in another person, he defines it either as his failure or as a loss of his significance.
You are offended - be offended. You are ashamed - be ashamed. You should not hide your feelings.
If you have thought about the offense by decomposing it into elements (your expectations, acceptance of another, detachment), and thus weakened it, then, by actually playing the offense, demonstrating it to the offender, you simultaneously achieve good, namely, extinguish the offense, your minus becomes a plus. Such a repetition of resentment does not reinforce it, developing a trait of resentment, but, on the contrary, becomes the extinguishing of resentment, which gradually outlives your trait of personal resentment.
It will be impossible to offend you if you managed to lose in your mind the main and possible insults that you can be inflicted. By doing this, you cleanse your future of resentment and acquire emotional hardening. Along the way, you maintain your relationship: the offender must be satisfied and, for his own benefit, suffer to the right extent from guilt.
Imitation, playing emotions and feelings is used in almost all types of psychotherapy. We suggest that you do this not only in special conditions when the session is taking place, but at any time, in your mind or in a real situation.
Photo: Iakov Filimonov/Rusmediabank.ru
“What kind of girl is this if she never takes offense and is not capricious?” - some men think and indulge women's whims, considering them one of the side effects of close relationships. And the female half is happy to try, inventing new grievances. Meanwhile, touchiness is not at all a sign of female charm, it indicates a low level of emotional intelligence.Emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence(EI; English emotional intelligence, EI) - the ability of a person to recognize emotions, understand the intentions, motivation and desires of other people and their own, as well as the ability to manage their emotions and the emotions of other people in order to solve practical problems.A person with a mature and developed does not have such a trait as touchiness. He tends to forgive and correct his behavior if it offends someone.
The situation is different with those whose emotional intelligence is not developed. That's when the face and constant touchiness, and tearfulness, and capriciousness, etc. Each of us can and should increase our emotional intelligence and become a mature person responsible for our words and actions.
How resentment manifests itself
Everyone has their own ways to show resentment, some individuals can simply give odds to those who still do not know how to be offended, it sometimes takes such sophisticated forms. Which for example?silent;
pout;
tears and sighs;
reciprocal negative manifestations (for example, refusal of help, walks, habitual rituals, rudeness, etc.);
vengeance;
the search for evidence of justice;
demonstrations and public performances;
involvement of additional witnesses and arbitrators.
Need to distinguish situational resentment, which is caused by the negative behavior of the partner and serves to correct his behavior and does not last long, from. Perhaps a person cannot or does not want to somehow convey to his partner his vision of the situation and explain to him what exactly upset and offended him. And for some time he pouts his lips and becomes in a pose: he falls silent, defiantly does not communicate and does not greet, etc. This is a situational response. It is harmless, and sometimes even necessary.
But there is another situation. When resentment becomes chronic and is caused even by the quite adequate behavior of the victim (this is exactly what the one who is covered with guilt looks like). Something like this needs to be done about it. Otherwise, it will destroy your relationship, and your health, and your personality.
Why does the person react this way?
comes from childhood, when the child learned to interact with his parents, he manipulated them and tested them for strength, plunging them into a state of guilt and achieving his own. The habit of achieving what you want with the help of manipulative behavior in the form of resentment passes into adulthood.The offended person is not confident in himself, and he wants to punish the one who offended him, show him his true value, force him to be attentive, show care and love. A person with adequate self-esteem will never lure attention and appreciation through manipulation, such as resentment. He does not need them, because he knows his own worth and does not humiliate himself with insults.
An emotionally immature person does not know how to respond correctly to a partner's inappropriate behavior, to his hurtful words, decisions, etc. And he prefers to withdraw into himself and fan the fire from sparks and chips. As a rule, harsh words of people close to us break from the lips in moments of emotional fatigue, from lack of feedback, from boredom, from the inability to say directly what worries us. The same is with resentment, it is always easier to be offended than to get to the source of anxiety and dispel the fog of mutual misunderstanding. This is how someone who has not learned communication reacts, who does not want to bother with empathy or tolerance. Looking for easy ways to communicate. And as a result, it gets complications, stop-communication and many other negative consequences, up to loneliness.
This is a manifestation of infantilism, that is, the inability to take responsibility for one's life and the expectation that someone else will take it upon themselves. Resentments arise from unjustified expectations, invented ideal relationships and other fantasies about people around.
This is a manifestation of narcissism, increased self-love, a desire to put yourself at the forefront and be the navel of the earth.
No one likes to be guilty, and he avoids this state in every possible way. And if at first he tries to improve, then with the constant use of resentment as a means of communication, people psychologically move away from the one who makes them feel guilty, part with him and look for more comfortable hugs.
How to deal with resentment
Resentment destroys people and human relationships. And you have to fight it. How?Don't hoard it. Try to resolve all conflicts as quickly and as correctly as possible. “To do this, we will have to go to the humiliation!” - so some people think, and with a tenacity worthy of a better application, they try to stand their ground and turn away, closing themselves in their shell. And they saw, they saw sawdust, and at the same time their nervous system. But explaining the situation has nothing to do with humiliation. On the contrary, the ability to let go of resentments and exclude them from your life is a manifestation of a high level of emotional intelligence.
Avoid . Resentment arises where someone does not say something and reacts spontaneously, sometimes not being able to explain to himself the reasons for his actions. If you get into the good habit of explaining to each other the reasons for your discontent, then you won’t have to be offended. It is always better to say what you want, what you like or dislike, than to pout and put the other person in the uncomfortable position of being guilty.
Think about others. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their behavior. When you think about other things more, there is no time for self-pity and the accumulation of negativity.
Develop emotional intelligence.
Resentment suffocates, resentment lives in the heart, resentment torments ... Resentment is a psychological reaction to an irritant, often just a word or a look. For people who do not know how to be offended or hold a grudge for a long time, from the outside, long-term, black resentments in the soul of another seem like a strange problem and an incomprehensible phenomenon. And often we do not understand what pain we inflict on others, how we offend them, and how such insults are remembered for years later. Neighboring with each other, communicating, people who do not feel offense cannot even imagine in what states a very touchy person can be.
I am not a touchy person. No, it's not that I can't be offended. Of course, if I get hurt, I will be offended. But not for long. People like me are usually called forgiving. As a child, my mother was very surprised by this feature of mine. She always enthusiastically told how I, upset and quarreling, running away from everyone in the world with offended cries, after 10-15 minutes came back and behaved as if nothing had happened. Mom always said that I was a very intelligent child who knew how to calm down his grievances. But she was wrong - I just forgot them. Not through willpower, but simply because I am such a person.
Moreover, through my properties, on the contrary, it always seemed to me that all other people also cannot be offended for a long time, like me. Of course, you can flare up, you can be offended, but it will definitely pass quickly. Even if the offense is very big, how can you hide it in yourself for more than a few hours?
My mother, on the contrary, is a very touchy person by nature. I always felt sorry for her, because many people really left wounds in her heart: they said unpleasant things to her, offended her, threw unkind looks in her direction. In every mother's story, in her every word, I also felt resentment. Not for myself, for my mother. Listening attentively to her stories, some wild feeling of black resentment also rose in my soul. Something I have never experienced for myself. When it's wildly insulting, to tears, to blackness, to nausea ...
This painful feeling of someone else's resentment, feeling for another person, gave me an idea of \u200b\u200bwhat strong resentment is. But, it is not surprising that I forgot other people's grievances even faster than my own. When my mother, after several months or years, began to tell the same story of resentment, I usually just waved my hand - oh, do you still remember? She could not rid herself of this feeling of bitter resentment in her soul.
Interestingly, the question never occurred to me in my life: why does my mother remember everything so clearly - to the smallest detail, to the emotion in her eyes, to the word? I did not attach any importance to this, I treated it superficially, like everything in the world. Maybe, I thought, she just remembers these grievances from time to time. And I could not even imagine that such a state of resentment in her is not undulating, but constant - her resentment is not interrupted, but suffocates, torments, lies like a heavy stone on her heart all the time.
My discovery - where do touchy people come from?
What is resentment, I learned from my mother's stories, while still being a very little girl. But what it really means resentment, a heavy feeling in the soul, I realized quite recently. I could really feel this, understand a person who is tormented by resentment, only after training in systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. But to understand is to help.
The fact that not all people are the same has been observed and known for a long time. But what exactly this difference lies in, where its roots, I managed to understand only at the training. It turns out that there are such people - the owners of the anal vector. They have certain innate character traits. Such people (in a developed state) are very clean - women are good housewives, men are called "master - golden hands" according to their merits. They are very stubborn and like to do everything to the end, to the point. By nature, these same people have a good memory - they can tell whole stories about their childhood, remembering everything in great detail. For me, a person who does not have any of these characteristics, it was easy to recognize them as my mother. I am a person with opposite properties, the owner of the skin vector. I don’t have such properties as hers, but there are many others: dexterity and speed, the ability to count well and instantly navigate where it’s profitable, a logical mindset. And also - a weak memory for long-standing events. What happened yesterday, I remember very well, but my childhood is rather weak. And if it were not for the Odnoklassniki project on the Internet today, I could hardly remember my school friends even by their names. A skin person can also be offended, but because of his weak memory, as well as his flexible nature, he forgets this very quickly.
The only thing that a skin person does not forget is if he was shortchanged or turned into a bad deal with him. But this is quite...
So, a person with an anal vector is a hostage to his good memory. On the one hand, this is an excellent property that allows him to learn and become a real specialist in his field, remembering many details. But at the same time, he has the ability to accumulate bad memories, resentment. He remembers them so vividly and, as if he preserves them - exactly, in the smallest detail, he remembers the whole history of the offense, as if it happened not 20 years ago, but yesterday.
Read about how a child can often be offended and what this leads to.
If the anal person has another vector, visual, then the situation with resentment against a person in the soul can be even more depressing. The visual vector is very emotional, such a person is able to swing on his emotions. Positive, such as joy, happiness, love, or negative - in fears. Having united in one person, the anal and visual vectors create a unique personality. On the one hand, this is a truly golden person, pure, intelligent, beautiful in soul, but on the other hand, very often, he is a real hostage of frequent, strong insults that result in the hardest, painful, full of bitter tears, suffering. Moreover, these grievances occur on the most ordinary things that other people, for example, such skin people like me, do not attach any importance to at all. They are often offended, offended by a word or even just by a look.
People who are often and strongly offended are most often the owners of two vectors: anal and visual.
I recently went to the water park. As you know, showers in water parks are separate, but the changing rooms are shared, with separate changing cabins. And here I am, already dressed in my clothes, standing, drying my hair. As always, my head is full of my thoughts... I dried it out - I hung a long hose from a hair dryer on a hook. You cannot turn off the hair dryer, it will buzz for the set time. I go to my locker. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that a man in swimming trunks is standing near the drawer opposite and takes clothes for changing clothes. At this moment, the hose from my hair dryer falls off and starts to beat against the wall. With the thought "that's a fool" and a look of tiredness on my face, I have to go back and hang it back. Having solved the problem with the rampant hose, I return to the locker. He, as luck would have it, does not open, and this is already starting to infuriate me. I am angry. Behind me I hear a voice:
- Excuse me, girl, did I offend you with something?
- What are you speaking about?
- You looked at me like that! And then they ran away somewhere, with such an expression on their faces! It's because of me?
Previously, before the training in system-vector psychology, I would just chuckle and think that he was an idiot. And, perhaps, she would have been rude in response. But today I understand that this is a very sensitive, unhappy anal-visual person who is drowning in insults. It is very difficult for him to live, under the yoke of his grievances, which arise from one glance. And I don't want to add one more. The only way to save the situation is to sincerely apologize to him.
- What are you, what are you! Not! My hair dryer just fell, I went back to hang it up.
The man lowers his head, and I understand that he does not believe me. I literally feel his resentment, which is being formed. I feel so sorry for him, I don't want him to be offended. And I'm trying my best to fix the situation:
- Sorry, for God's sake. I just always have this expression on my face, as if I'm unhappy with something. It comes naturally when I think about it. Forgive me if I offended you. I didn't even see you before, before you spoke to me. Excuse me, excuse me.
The man takes his things and goes to the changing room, but before he closes it, he says to me:
- In any case, I wish you all the best, have a good day and good luck in life. Do not be offended at me...
The problem of those who surround a highly touchy person is that they often do not notice when they offend him with a word, deed or look. We often chat something, do not attach importance to our words. And then suddenly we find out that it turns out that the person harbored a grudge. For one word or look - having invested in them, some big meanings, which in fact were not in sight. A year will pass, and maybe 20, and only then can a secret be revealed to us - it turns out that all this time a person not only remembered this event, but kept it in his memory as if alive, and harbored a bitter-black resentment, the size of which is simply impossible to imagine introduce.
But people with an anal vector have another feature - this is a tendency to cruelty. It is not surprising that it is they who do not just hold a grudge, are not just vindictive, they are also vengeful. It is people with an anal vector who can hatch a plan of revenge for years, how they will disgrace the offender, or repay him with the same unbearable suffering, the same resentment. It is not certain that they will implement this plan. But it's not a fact that it isn't.
Living in a pair with such a person is sometimes simply unbearable. If a husband or wife often harbors a grudge, this is a very difficult, conflict situation. The difficult atmosphere that persists in such a family affects everyone, including the development and formation of children. In addition, very often hidden grievances are reflected by diseases on the person who accumulates them. Therefore, a person prone to resentment needs help.
Not in persuasion not to be offended, but in real, psychological help. Only this will help him cope with his grievances in his soul.
Do not live with grievances and do not let your loved ones live with grievances!
The causes of human resentment lie deep in the subconscious. It is simply impossible to rid a person with an anal vector of his bitter grievances. Especially, from those who have been living in the heart for many years - to parents, to brothers or sisters, to friends, to themselves ...
My mother, remembering grievances for 20 years, having become acquainted with system-vector psychology, made an amazing discovery: it turns out that all this time she only tormented herself, causing damage to her health. The same people, whom she was offended by, have other properties and were often not to blame for anything. It was my mother who put into their words, into their views those meanings that she was then offended by. This insight helped her look at the world differently and no longer dwell on grievances.
Of course, you can sympathize and empathize, as I did in my time with my mother. And for a while, what he shares with you will make him feel better. Unless, of course, you yourself are not the offender. But be that as it may, resentment, such disgustingness, does not let go of the anal person and soon rises again in the soul as real blackness, devouring all the thoughts of the anal person. The only way to get rid of such old grievances is to understand yourself, your nature, the nature of your desires, their orientation, your realization. Therefore, if you have an acquaintance, or maybe the closest person who is too touchy, do not waste a minute - drag him to a training in system-vector psychology, there he will be delivered. The same training is very good for those who want to finally learn how to communicate with people who are too touchy, for example, in a team or in a family. How not to make an enemy in their face, how not to offend - all this can be learned in the same place, at a lecture on the anal vector on system-vector psychology. Moreover, this lecture is absolutely free and available to everyone. To gain access to it, just register or click on this banner:
This training takes place online and is available to absolutely everyone anywhere in the world. Introductory lectures on the skin and anal vector are free of charge, all the rest - 10-12 lectures on other vectors, are served on a paid basis. Additional material recommended after completing the training can be found in the articles of specialists who also completed this course and are practicing life, working every day to deepen their knowledge. To regularly receive their articles, subscribe to our newsletter in the form below - in each issue we try to find a lot of material for our readers on a variety of topics.
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If you notice that in a relationship, either you or your partner constantly began to experience this feeling, then most likely the problem is somewhere deeper. We can react violently to some minor flaws (dirty plate on the table or lunch not cooked on time), however the root of the problem will be one - unmet expectations. And this is what we need to work with, instead of once again making a scandal because of scattered socks.
Resentment helps to deal with the situation
This point follows smoothly from the previous one. You noticed that you began to take offense often, and realized that something was wrong. We begin to understand the situation. What caused you such a reaction? Why are you offended? Maybe the person didn’t want to hurt you and you yourself “took fire on yourself”? Anyway Dealing constructively with resentment is already much easier for yourself The main thing is to be honest with yourself.
Resentment helps to get rid of toxic relationships
A normal person does not like to be in negative emotions. That's we, in order to avoid resentment, begin to think about “preventive measures”. For example, we precisely discuss what we want to get in the end, we express our thoughts more clearly in order to avoid misunderstandings, etc. This avoidance of resentment is constructive and saves us from unnecessary worries.
Resentment at work allows us to understand that we are being treated unfairly and we need to restore our rights
The most important thing that gives us resentment is forgiveness.. We will not get away from experiencing even negative emotions, so the only thing we can do about it is to understand why they arise and forgive the offender. Of course, it is quite difficult to step over serious grievances, but, as Nelson Mandela said, “To be offended and indignant is like drinking poison in the hope that it will kill your enemies.” Remember that we are not offended, but we are offended, and in order to forgive your offender, it is enough to take his place and think about why he offended you. Maybe this was not the purpose of his behavior, and if they specifically wanted to offend us, then it makes no sense to waste your energy on communicating with such a person. By forgiving and forgetting the conflict situation, we make our life fuller and more positive.
Maybe you have your own options for how to forgive the offender? Share with us in the comments.
