It is difficult to find a person who would be 100% satisfied with himself. Self-criticism often leads to self-destruction, so it's important to know how to accept yourself and your body. Psychologists unanimously argue that the key to happiness is, therefore, problems with low self-esteem cannot be ignored.

How to accept yourself the way you are?

You won’t be able to rebuild in an instant, so you need to start with small steps. The easiest method is to start smiling at your reflection, which will allow you to get a positive charge.

Psychology tips on how to accept yourself:

1. Take a sheet of paper and write on it all your virtues, if it is difficult, then ask your friends to do it. This method allows you to look at yourself from a new perspective and understand that everything is not as terrible as it seems. Give yourself permission to regularly add to the list of your virtues.
2. Stop comparing yourself to other people and don't find an idol for yourself. All people are individual with their own strengths and weaknesses, so be your own queen.
3. The next psychology advice on how to accept yourself as you are is to get yourself a notebook where you write down all your achievements, even the smallest ones. This will be a great incentive not to lose heart and continue to improve. You can come up with some kind of reward for yourself as a reward for achievements.
4. If there are defects in the body, then they also need to be dealt with. Proper nutrition and sports will help to remove excess weight, a hairdresser will save you from an ugly hairstyle, etc.
5. Spend a lot of time with positive people who will energize you. Psychologists recommend trying to notice in others only.
6. Find an area for yourself in which you can realize your full potential. If it's not a job, then pick up a hobby.

How to love yourself / how to accept yourself for who you are. December 24th, 2013

If you are wondering “How to love yourself”, then it’s great that you have already understood that your happiness in life is hindered by insufficient self-acceptance, a lack of self-love.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

1. Frequent feelings of guilt with or without.


2. tendency to justify.


3. A state of intense tension when you are in the company of a large number of people whose opinion is important to you.


4. The tendency now and then to mentally "scroll the record": "What a bad, imperfect, unlucky, etc. I am."


5. The habit of thinking of yourself as a hopeless person who has everything wrong: both face and figure.


6. The tendency to often recall one's life's failures (divorce or breakup with a loved one, refusal at an interview, loss of money, etc.).


7. The habit of often complaining about life, about helplessness, the inability to change anything in your situation.


8. The tendency to notice flaws in one's appearance when looking at oneself in a mirror.

Why don't we appreciate ourselves?

This happens because the inner space of our “I” is filled with self-criticism, self-criticism, introspection and DISSATISFACTION with oneself and not with oneself (dissatisfaction with others is a projection of dissatisfaction with oneself). Many insecure women live according to the formula: "If it were not for my weight, my legs, arms, ears, then everything would be fine with me, and men would like me, and I would have a lot of money, and the best job and everyone would love me." And it often turns out that it is beneficial to cling to your weight so that you can complain to someone that no one likes, in order to prove to yourself the fact of your unhappiness instead of going to the gym and going on a diet.

It is generally accepted that if a person has high self-esteem, then he loves himself too much. However, more often, inflated self-esteem is associated with great fear and pain to see yourself as real. Stop when you catch yourself thinking that “you are doing something wrong” or “something is wrong with me”. Get used to the new "I'm fine" mindset.

One of the main signs of low self-esteem is a constant feeling of guilt, when a person seems to be guilty of one fact of his existence.There is no woman who would be satisfied with her appearance.You can, of course, fix something, change it with the help of plastic surgery. But, if the trouble is in the head, no matter how you reshape yourself, the trouble will still remain.After all, standards change periodically. You set your own standards and follow them! :)Therefore, many people whom we adore become for us the most beautiful, although they are not at all. Men love confident women, not necessarily beautiful ones.You are a significant person, regardless of specific achievements.

• 1 Exercise #1 We focus on the good that is in you. The key to its success is regular implementation.

  Take a sheet of paper, divide it into two parts. In the first - write all your positive qualities. In the second - what you do not like about yourself and what you would like to change about yourself. Then carefully cross out each word on the list with negative qualities. Tear off this part of the sheet and destroy it (tear it into small pieces, blow it into the wind, burn it). Memorize the rest of the text and regularly repeat it to yourself every morning or evening with the wording "I - ....". Then make it a habit to add one new quality to that list every three days.

• 2 Exercise #2 We track the positive dynamics. Runs every evening.

  Instead of comparing yourself to others, start comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. Notice all the good things that you managed to do today, even if it is a couple of little things. Be sure to praise yourself and follow the dynamics of the process.

• 3 Exercise #3 We replace the negative with the positive. It is carried out in stages.

• 1 Create a self-image. Imagine an image of yourself. Just think about how you look, it should be a complete picture, showing not only appearance, but also character.

• 2 Change your mood. Everything that looks negative in your image, try to change it by presenting these elements in a more favorable light. For example, if you see yourself as slow, and this trait could mean that you tend to procrastinate, or find it hard to get started, think about how that same trait keeps you from being impulsive and gives you the opportunity to weigh everything carefully before taking any action. Be guided by the principle "My failures are actually successes, I just looked at them from the wrong side."
  Imagine a complete and complete image of yourself, the way you look at the moment you achieve your desired goal.


• 3 Make a movie. Now let this self-image become a big, bright, close, attractive three-dimensional color film about you. Scroll it!


• 4 Compare feelings. Ask yourself - what changes do you feel when comparing the newly created self-image with the image that you imagined at the very beginning? As a rule, self-esteem seriously depends on the form and content of the self-image. When the self-image acquires positive content and takes on a sufficiently intense form, self-esteem rises. What can you do to love yourself?
  
  
  • Get rid of bad thoughts. As soon as you feel that you start saying something bad to yourself, switch. Never dwell on the negative.
  
  
  • Be kind to yourself. Do not judge everything strictly. Everyone has the right to make mistakes.
  
  
  • Be sure to take care of your body. This is a healthy diet and everything that can please you: massage, pleasant baths, walks, etc.
  
  
  • Spend time with friends who are dear to you, with those who do not bring you negativity in life.
  
  
  • Know how to enjoy the minutes that you spent just for yourself. Make time. Ask your loved ones not to disturb you during this time. Let it be only 10 minutes. No one should enter "your territory".
  
  
  • Don't fool yourself. It is better to honestly admit to yourself why you do not like yourself so much than to pretend.
  
  
  • You can also recommend pampering yourself and creating a cozy environment at home. For example, you can buy fragrances for your home - isn't it a great idea? How many positive emotions, and at the same time everything is so necessary for health and everything is so great. Aromatherapy has always been valued, at all times.
    Dear women, love yourself, pamper yourself. Remember that we should be beautiful, loved and happy.

    Source-to: http://irinazaytseva.ru/kak-polyubit-sebya.html

    
    Source-to: http://irinazaytseva.ru/kak-polyubit-sebya.html
  
  

Psychotherapist Sharon Martin talks about how to learn to love and accept yourself for who you are.

Perfectionism is a pretty popular word. We use the term to feel important and take back control of the situation. But when we expect the impossible from ourselves and others, we inevitably doom ourselves to disappointment.

Unfulfilled expectations and the pursuit of perfection cause a whole host of problems: we criticize ourselves harshly, find fault with others, think inflexibly, overwork ourselves, cannot relax, do not want to try new things, and are afraid of failure. Throw in obsessive thoughts, anxiety and depression...

For most of us, the problem of perfectionism comes from childhood. Many grew up in unstable families, many lacked predictability and a sense of security. We tried to be perfect in order to avoid criticism, rejection and anger. We thought we had to be perfect to deserve love.

The root of perfectionism is shame

Shame is the feeling that we are inferior to others. This feeling develops if parents in childhood treated us as if we were bad, worthless, incapable of anything. As adults, we try to compensate for this shame by pleasing others and striving to be "perfect." We do not tolerate imperfections in ourselves and in those around us, we do not accept mistakes and misconduct, but this only increases the feeling of loneliness and alienation.

We take mistakes and failures as evidence of failure, and people who aren't perfectionists take them for granted. They discuss difficulties with friends and loved ones and strengthen ties with them.

Perfectionism does not increase self-esteem

It would be logical to assume that people who are goal-oriented, work hard and achieve a lot, are distinguished by high self-esteem. Actually it is not. Perfectionists strive for perfection precisely because they are unsure of themselves.

You may have thought: “I’ll lose 10 kg and life will get better” or “I just wish I had another, prestigious job ...” Setting realistic goals is fine, but happiness and self-esteem should not depend on achieving these goals. You need to try to find a middle ground between self-improvement and self-acceptance. Finally recognize that you are valuable in themselves, regardless of merit.

How to get rid of perfectionism and accept yourself

1. Lower your expectations

Expecting perfection from ourselves and others, we are disappointed over and over again: no one can live up to our high standards. We are adamant in our expectations and do not want to give them up. But for the sake of our own well-being, it is time to recognize that we expect the impossible from ourselves and those around us. The only way to be satisfied with life is to bring expectations closer to reality.

2. Watch your mind

Perfectionists tend to think in terms of “all or nothing”: “I am either successful or I am a failure”, “I am either beautiful or ugly”. But between the extremes, as a rule, there are a lot of other options. Perfectionist thinking is also characterized by overgeneralization, dramatization, and hope for miraculous resolution of problems if certain conditions are met (for example, “I will be happy when I move into a new apartment”).

3. Accept failure

The only way to get better at something is to try, fail, and try again by focusing on the lessons to be learned from mistakes. Failure is an integral part of success. So instead of avoiding failure, embrace it as part of your journey.

4. Forgive yourself

Perfectionists are usually very hard on themselves, but criticism and shame only kill motivation. You need to learn to forgive yourself for imperfections and mistakes. Think of forgiveness as a process: it takes time and practice to change from a critical mindset to an accepting one. Remind yourself often that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes from time to time.

Focusing on the process relieves the stress associated with achieving results

5. Focus on the process

Perfectionists evaluate success by the results achieved. Try instead to do something for experience, for fun, or just because you've been wanting to do it for a long time. Focusing on the process relieves the stress associated with achieving results. It's not always the most important thing to win, get promoted, or hear praise.

6. Share problems

Shame is at the heart of perfectionism, and to get rid of it, show your true, imperfect self more often to those you trust. Most likely, many will support you and tell their stories in response. It helps to remember that it's okay to make mistakes and that others experience the same thing.

7. Love imperfections

When expectations are realistic, you can love yourself for who you are. You don't have to be perfect to earn love and acceptance. Contrary to popular belief, perfectionism does not help us achieve what we want. It doesn't remove shame or build self-esteem. We cannot achieve perfection, but this does not mean that we are bad, stupid, unworthy. This means that the time has come to get rid of unrealistic expectations. And it is within our power to do so.

Sharon Martin- psychotherapist. More details on her website.

If you approach the mirror and look carefully at the reflection, the question “who am I?” arises, then it's time to figure it out. This will help you improve or even change your life, become happier and take a different look at the world around you. How to accept yourself, understand and love? Psychologists have a lot of advice and recommendations in this regard. Let's take a look at a few basic steps.

Important Basics

First of all, you need to understand what it means to "accept yourself." This does not mean a throw from one extreme to another: from a bunch of complexes and insecurity to narcissism and ascension to the ranks of saints. To accept yourself and your life is, first of all, to realize the whole value and uniqueness of the body and soul, every moment and place, person and object, and also to understand your significance in this cycle of the universe. Sounds complicated and incomprehensible? In fact, everything is simple, if you break it down into points.

1. Unique personality

How to accept yourself if there is no compliance with generally accepted norms? The thing is that the world is changeable and you should not change yourself blindly following trends and fashion trends. Today, athletic and healthy are in trend, tomorrow fat and lazy will smile from the covers of magazines, and the day after tomorrow some others.

If you don’t live your life and do only what everyone else does, then you can easily lose yourself. It is very important to remember that each person is unique. You should not give up on yourself, just because in appearance, behavior or character there are not those qualities that should be. And they should be, in general, only because someone said so. Looking in the mirror, it is worth remembering that a person in the reflection is unique, unrepeatable, and this, at least, is interesting.

2. Beauty is different

Having dealt with the uniqueness, you can move on to the next item - appearance. Are these unique body, face, arms and legs beautiful? Of course yes! And nothing else! The color of the eyes, if you look closely, is so deep and bewitching. Hair frames the face so beautifully and emphasizes femininity. The body, although not perfect, but also looks very good.

Accept yourself any and do not forget that beauty is very different. Think of some where women knock out their teeth or scar their bodies to be beautiful. To a European this seems strange and ugly, but on the black continent this is the height of perfection. So what looks disgusting to one person will look perfect to another. Beauty is not an absolute concept, many-sided and many-sided.

Well, if these beliefs do not work, then - go ahead for beauty! Gym, beauty salon, clothing store - anything! The main thing is not to lose yourself in the pursuit of beauty, and when doing a newfangled hairstyle or trying on a trendy dress, do not forget about inner feelings. What happens if you take off this outfit and wash off the paint? Under the bright and beautiful wrapper, the same beauty remains as without it.

3. Advantages and disadvantages

Having dealt with the appearance, you can move on to the beauty of the inner. How to accept yourself if there are only flaws?

First, people without merit simply do not exist. Everyone has something to flaunt and something to work on.

Secondly, is there really so much bad and so little good? You need to take a sheet of paper, draw it into two halves and divide all your qualities into positive and not so good. This should be done in a calm and quiet environment, so that no one interferes, and nothing distracts. Then, for each merit, you can praise yourself or even reward yourself. For example, indulge in a cake or fragrant tea.

Now, let's move on to the list of disadvantages. It is necessary to include objective criticism at full power and analyze each item. Is this really a flaw, or does it just seem that way. For example, the directness and simplicity of a person in different life situations can be both a good and useful quality, and completely inappropriate. This ambiguous character trait cannot be classified as a disadvantage. And so on in the same vein. Having worked through the entire list in this way, you can make sure that everything is not so bad, and that there is no huge “black list”. And if some shortcomings still oppress and haunt, then you need to highlight them and work on their elimination.

4. No comparisons

How to accept yourself as imperfect, if everyone around you is so good, beautiful and smart? Very simple! You need to stop comparing yourself to others. You need to learn to erase from your mind the thoughts that someone has thicker hair, a slimmer waist, and so on. Here we recall the first and third points. Each person is unique and inimitable, but not perfect. Comparisons don't make any sense. They only develop insecurity, envy and other feelings and thoughts that do not benefit anyone at all.

5. Cross out the excess

Very often a person does not accept himself just because his environment does not allow it. Don't sacrifice your inner sense of comfort and confidence for someone else. On the contrary, it is worth conducting an audit in your relations with others. All who do not accept and do not respect as a person must be immediately struck out of life. The “kind” advice of a best friend about appearance and love, if analyzed, may not be so sincere and good. And the statement about the "soul mate" turns out to be just an attempt to keep or subjugate.

People around should accept two truths:

1. There are no halves, quarters, and so on. Each person is whole and self-sufficient.
2. Each person is unique and inimitable, interesting and beautiful, and there is no need to change it. If you are interested, communicate, and if not, leave.

In addition, there are amazing people who cry all the time, whine and literally “pull” life energy from everyone else. Such friends and girlfriends with prolonged communication can simply plunge into depression, from which it is very difficult to get out later.

And another category of "unfavorable communication" is those who assert themselves at the expense of others. If a girlfriend gives advice on how to make eyelashes as long as hers, or how to become as fashionable as she is, then most likely this is not a sincere desire to help at all, but an attempt to emphasize one's own peculiarity by belittling the merits of others . Such people are also not suitable for long-term and close communication, otherwise you can earn a lot of complexes and insecurity.

6. To love and be loved

How to love yourself? The advice of psychologists in this paragraph is the same as in all the previous ones - to make sure of your uniqueness, uniqueness, inner and outer beauty, and exclude everyone who does not agree with this from the social circle.

There is only one important nuance. Love, as you know, is not subject to reason. It is impossible to sincerely and truly love someone by force, even yourself. But there is good news - love for oneself is inherent in nature. It is already there, just under the influence of some circumstances or people, this important feeling is hidden somewhere deep inside and it needs to be extracted, revived and filled with strength.

No need to try, but you just need to excite those feelings that already exist. And that's where the tips in this article come in handy. Having appreciated all the advantages, being convinced of his beauty and originality, and having cleansed his life of unnecessary people, a person will resurrect the lost feeling of love for his own family.

7. Different emotions

Another very important rule: you can and should understand yourself, accept and love in any emotional state. Absolutely everyone is sad or sad, any person can get angry or just "be out of sorts."

Negative emotions are also part of the inner world. If this means what the soul and body need now, and there is no need to be afraid of this, to be shy, etc. Of course, there are situations in life when it is necessary to restrain emotions, but after that you can hug your favorite pillow and shout to it whatever you think, or cry enough.

All feelings are natural and should not be suppressed. If there are too many of them, then this separate issue can be worked out, but at the same time, without forgetting the first point - each person is unique, and an emotional portrait is an important component of this uniqueness.

little helpers

Help, accept, understand and love yourself can be simple things that are available to everyone today:

Summing up

If after reading the article and following all the recommendations, the question “who am I?” still remains, then here is the answer: smart, beautiful, wonderful person and interesting person!

Only this way and nothing else! So say the leading psychologists of the world, and experts of this level simply cannot be wrong.

In this article, let's talk about how to accept yourself for who you are! Recently, I have increasingly come across the fact that many people do not correctly understand the meaning of the phrase “self-acceptance”.

This leads to the fact that instead of making our life more joyful and easier, we not only do not solve our problems, but we can even aggravate them. What exactly are we talking about?

The issue of self-acceptance is directly related to the issue of forming a good adequate self-esteem, creating full and harmonious relationships with oneself, close and dear people. And in order to accept yourself, it is worth taking the first step - to understand yourself, to know your needs, to deal with the qualities that you possess.

Each of us is unique in its essence, each has its own strengths and weaknesses, its own talents. But, as practice shows, not many people think about how to properly deal with what is inside him. The experience of working in a psychological center allows me to speak about this with confidence.

How is self-esteem formed?

How to love yourself? As a rule, a person, during his life, creates some idea of ​​himself, which can hardly be called adequate. After all, how does it happen? From birth, adults begin to focus our attention on our certain qualities.

And then someone is as lucky: someone is praised, they talk about how smart, capable, talented he is, but more often it is the other way around: they scold, inspire negative thoughts, unconsciously lower self-esteem. Of course, we ourselves also contribute certain knowledge about ourselves, based on life experience.

However, most of us, most often, do not know how to support ourselves, tend to notice only our shortcomings, see what is “not enough”, what “I could not earn” or what I “do not possess”. Indeed, how can you be proud of yourself if you don’t have a millionaire husband, a salary of 100,000 rubles a month, a villa by the sea, a luxury car?

You appreciate what you haveOr are you waiting for more?

The problem is that many people are waiting for some events, circumstances in order to start respecting themselves. As a rule, my clients at consultations say that they lack some qualities: willpower, determination, patience or no abilities - therefore, in life they simply cannot get what they dream of.

Moreover, most often such negative assessments in relation to themselves are clearly unfounded. Often people do not appreciate what they have achieved, what they already have, easily dismissing those, albeit small, victories and achievements that they have.

The result of all of the above is low self-esteem and disbelief in one's own strengths. Fortunately, today, educational psychological centers have appeared in almost every city in Russia and the former Soviet republics, with the advent of perestroika, we have the opportunity to read books on psychology, and in general, the policy promoted in our country has changed.

Today it is no longer a shame to love and respect oneself for some personal qualities, and not as a member of a party or a citizen of a great country. However, in my opinion, having changed the form, our society is only just approaching to really begin to change internally.

Fashion whim or opportunity
change your life

I'll give you an example. Today it has become fashionable to read psychological literature, engage in introspection and attend various trainings. And so a person, faced with any problems, decides for a psychological consultation or attends a training.

As a result, he receives certain knowledge, begins to understand that in order to be happy, to achieve his goals, he needs to increase his self-esteem and accept himself. This is where the difficulties begin. Of course, each person is a unique, inimitable personality.

In order to accept yourself, you need a long and painstaking work to study your special set of stereotypes, attitudes, your special qualities, weaknesses, talents. And in this work there is no such sense as to make some kind of assessment for yourself, such as “good or bad”.

The point is to figure out what hinders and what helps you to be happy. In the course of such work, we naturally come across new discoveries about ourselves, which we are not very pleased with. For example, we learn that rudeness is inherent in us, that we are arrogant, or we can find some other negative qualities of our own.

Self-acceptance and permissivenessthey are different things

And here is an important point: the meaning of self-acceptance is to learn not to be upset and not to condemn yourself for these qualities or committed actions. But that doesn't mean you have to be condescending about it.

I have heard more than once from people who, having gone through many trainings, nevertheless, gave out a phrase that shocked me: “I realized that I have ... (touchiness, for example). So what? I love myself so much."

But there is no acceptance in such behavior, it is rather selfishness.. If you see that you have some qualities that prevent you from building relationships with loved ones, then the point of accepting yourself is not for you to “reconcile yourself” with this quality and continue to live as before, but to change their behavior, doing something new.

Acceptance opensthe whole world is before us

When we get upset, do not accept some of our shortcomings, we experience pain, and, as a rule, make ourselves some kind of disappointing diagnosis, which is simply impossible to “cure”. Such a decision deprives us of strength, prevents us from moving towards goals, making attempts to improve our relationship.

In my opinion, it is very important to learn to really ACCEPT ourselves, because this is what allows us not to give up, not to waste our strength on suffering from the fact that something did not work out the way we wanted. When a person accepts himself, he will be able to accept any criticism addressed to him, and will not experience pain, anger or anger, but will use the information received to improve his relationship.

In fact, this is a magical skill that opens the way to any dream, filling you with strength and energy. Learn to accept yourself, and then you will really live more joyfully and easily, and you will know for sure that any of your desires is feasible.

family relationship consultant

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