Many of us are unhappy because we do not know how to forgive - either ourselves or other people. But forgiveness is a heavy burden that does not allow you to move on. And we carry this burden sometimes throughout our lives, deliberately making ourselves unhappy. In this article, you will learn how to forgive yourself and allow yourself to enjoy life without experiencing negative emotions.

Why forgive

Forgiving yourself is necessary. A person who cannot forgive and forget his past mistakes drags a load of worries and grievances, not allowing himself to move forward. Looks back, blocks the channels of new arrivals.

To pour clean water into a glass, you need to empty it, wash it, dry it, and only then pour new, clean, spring water. And then it will be clean. Imagine if you pour clean water into a dirty glass, what will happen to the water? And if there is already water in this glass, then we will not be able to pour anything into it at all.

Likewise, our soul is a vessel that we just need to regularly clean, dry and refill with clean, spring water. The only way!

The question is often asked: “I can’t forgive, what should I do?”, “It’s hard to forgive, what should I do?”. I want to answer with the words of my respected teacher Radislav Gandapas: “Do nothing, stay in the ass!”

And so it does. People come for advice, ask for help, and when you say: forgive yourself, let go of this mistake, forget that period, whining begins. So why do you come and ask for help? Solve your problems in the same way as you solved them before.

There is no other way to move forward. There is no happiness without love, and there is no love without forgiveness!

No one said that it was EASY to forgive, especially yourself and your mistakes. I didn't promise you this. Forgiveness is hard, difficult, sometimes even too much. BUT. “If you suffer for a long time, everything will definitely work out!”

So go ahead, suffer! As they say: "Through thorns to the stars!"

How to forgive

In order to learn to forgive yourself or any other person, you need to learn to understand others. To understand is to forgive!

It is necessary to memorize, drive into your head and chop on your nose: IN THAT MOMENT YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD! AT THAT MOMENT YOU WAS EXACTLY IN THIS STATE AND IN THIS SPIRITUAL LOCATION, AND YOU WERE DOING YOUR BEST!

You did not want to harm anyone, and even if you wanted to, you could not do otherwise. Well, you lacked knowledge and understanding at that time, understand this!

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT UNDERSTANDING ON THE WAY TO FORGIVENESS.

I forgave myself for a long time, and sometimes moments come up for which I still forgive.

What is important is DESIRE, a burning desire to forgive yourself, to get rid of resentment against yourself. When there is a desire, you will use all the methods, all the possibilities and all the resources, just to forgive yourself. And you will learn to forgive. The main thing is to learn it!

I have several methods that I used in my time:

• Write yourself a letter.

I won't go into detail. I already wrote about it. Let me just say that a letter can be written in any form, the main thing is that you write by hand, and not on a computer. Re-read, or rather rewrite it until you feel relief throughout your body.

I once wrote a letter about 20 times.

• Listen to the forgiveness meditation!

You can find it on the Internet, or you can write it yourself. A small audio file, duration 20-25 minutes, calm music and words that promote forgiveness. It is also necessary to listen to it until relief comes, and the aching sensation in the soul passes.

• Self-talk.

Every day, if you experience discomfort in your chest, say to yourself the words that I wrote above. Your job is to convince your inner critic that YOU WERE DOING YOUR BEST THINGS AT THAT MOMENT. You are not to blame for anything, everything happened the way it happened. It all happened for the best, because that situation was able to teach you this, show you this, and give you that.

• Hoponopono.

This technique is universal and very effective. Whenever you remember any unpleasant event for which you cannot forgive yourself, repeat four phrases:
"I'm really sorry!" "Forgive me!" "I thank you!" "I love you!"

I also added these phrases on my own, since it was important for me to forget and let go of the situations of a past life:
"I forgive myself!" "I accept myself!" "I approve of myself!" "I'm letting myself go!" "I love me!"

There were moments when this phrase not only flew from my lips, but screamed with all my inner state. After these phrases and repeating them 10-20-50 times at a time, I felt much better, and then I realized that there was NO more aching feeling in my soul in relation to this situation.

So I was able to overcome almost ALL of my grievances!

Forgive insults! Forget grudges! Cleanse yourself of resentment! And go forward with a pure heart, a light spirit and an open soul!

From the previous Holy Week until recently, I was doing something like this: I was hysterical, hurting loved ones, did not notice the needs of my family, and then, a little coming to my senses, maniacally asked for forgiveness from everyone, along the way blaming myself for everything - real and invented by my own painful consciousness.

I remember clearly the time because it was then that the brakes failed. I sat on the net and was not distracted by anything else. Neither for a little daughter, nor for other worries. Then somehow came the realization that "something is not right." And I began to harass everyone with this “sorry”.

Why did I ask for forgiveness? For tantrums and for inattention. For insensitivity and evil deeds. I asked. Sincerely. And she could not calm down, even seeing that people ... and did not think to be offended. It all seemed to me that it was all “in words”, but “in deeds” no one wants to know me after all these tantrums and other behavior of that time.

But I continued to torment myself with guilt for everything, and others with mine: "I'm sorry." I came up with explanations for myself - one more beautiful than the other. Either I played too much, then I’m too selfish, then I have depression, then I have “understandable fatigue after childbirth,” or I was completely “nasty because I didn’t read the morning rule that day.” And she blamed herself for everything.

All this ended unpleasantly, but usefully. For some reason, I told one of the eternal recipients of this “forgive me” that she herself creates a feeling of guilt for me. I was tired at that moment from this eternal feeling of guilt, self-criticism and the relentless feeling: “I ruined all friendly relations.” I could not stand it and decided to throw some of the blame on my neighbor. To which she received not the usual silence for an indistinct “forgive me, a sinful fool,” but a rather sharp rebuke: “I didn’t create any feelings of guilt for you and, you know, I don’t want to communicate after such words.”

It was so strange to me. After all, I feel guilty in everything before everyone, before her in particular and even in particular, but no one ... no one understands this impulse of mine, does not accept it, and in no way responds.

After this conversation, I forbade myself to succumb to this self-indulgence and voluptuously look for new explanations for my tantrums and condition, and then somehow slowly it became clear to me that I should forgive not someone, but only myself.

Forgive for tantrums, weakness and inattention to others. Understand why this was so. Without self-pity, just “fix” - it was not easy for me, I could not cope with some life challenges, I am weak.

But what is "forgive"? This is not to be forgotten, of course, and to continue to behave in the same way. Draw conclusions and try to move on, not looking back at a time when I could worry about the fact that someone did not answer the letter, while not noticing my daughter's sobs at my side.

Any act of forgiveness is not only words that cannot be applied to oneself. It is artificial to say to yourself: “I forgave you, dear.” No, this is an active process. It is a process of changing yourself and your behavior. In relation to yourself and others.

No need to sigh picturesquely: "I'm a bad mother." If you continue to ignore the baby's sobs, you will be an even worse mother. Conscious of its “badness” and does nothing with it. A child does not need a mother who admits her mistakes only in words. My elder tells me that I don't smile at him much. And no matter how much I repeat to him: “Yes, I’m wrong,” nothing will change until I am able to smile at him sincerely.

No need to eat yourself for what a bad journalist and editor you are. As long as you continue not to write and fail all the deadlines, you will continue to be a bad journalist and editor, no matter how much and how sincerely you say what a bad specialist you are.

And beat yourself in the chest: "I'm a bad Christian" is also not necessary. Bad, of course. How else can you call a person who wakes up Sunday liturgies every week? Well, and who will be better off from this fruitless self-flagellation? Does the Lord expect this from us? I don't think. Christianity is not about that at all. This is the way of life of active people, and not self-destructive subjects, who at the same time do not change anything in their lives and are not even going to move towards Him.

But in order to stop all this self-criticism, you need to forgive yourself. Recognize weakness. Recognize imperfection. To move on. In order to become at least a little better mother, a journalist and at least a little closer to talking about yourself as a Christian would not be so ashamed.

Such is the mood before Forgiveness Sunday. I will probably refrain from mailing with “sorry” to different people. However, I never really did them. But I will also refrain from “forgive” for the hundredth time to those whom I really hurt. Only deeds can be forgiven. Both in oneself and in others. His other state, his attention, his active love.

Today I would like to continue the topic of forgiveness and write about the most difficult kind of forgiveness - forgiving yourself.

Why forgive

Forgiving yourself is necessary. A person who cannot forgive and forget his past mistakes drags a load of worries and grievances, not allowing himself to move forward. Looks back, blocks the channels of new arrivals.

To pour clean water into a glass, you need to empty it, wash it, dry it, and only then pour new, clean, spring water. And then it will be clean. Imagine if you pour clean water into a dirty glass, what will happen to the water? And if there is already water in this glass, then we will not be able to pour anything into it at all.

Likewise, our soul is a vessel that we just need to regularly clean, dry and refill with clean, spring water. The only way!

The question is often asked: “I can’t forgive, what should I do?”, “It’s hard to forgive, what should I do?”. I want to answer with the words of my respected teacher Radislav Gandapas: “Do nothing, stay in the ass!”

And so it does. People come for advice, ask for help, and when you say: forgive yourself, let go of this mistake, forget that period - whining begins. So why do you come and ask for help? Solve your problems in the same way as you solved them before.

There is no other way to move forward. There is no happiness without love, and there is no love without forgiveness!

No one said that it was EASY to forgive, especially yourself and your mistakes. I didn't promise you this. Forgiveness is hard, difficult, sometimes even too much. BUT. “If you suffer for a long time, everything will definitely work out!”

So go ahead, suffer! As they say: "Through thorns to the stars!"

How to forgive

In order to learn to forgive yourself or any other person, you need to learn to understand others. To understand is to forgive!

It is necessary to memorize, drive into your head and chop on your nose: IN THAT MOMENT YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD! AT THAT MOMENT YOU WAS EXACTLY IN THIS STATE AND IN THIS SPIRITUAL LOCATION, AND YOU WERE DOING YOUR BEST!

You did not want to harm anyone, and even if you wanted to, you could not do otherwise. Well, you lacked knowledge and understanding at that time, understand this!

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT UNDERSTANDING ON THE WAY TO FORGIVENESS.

I forgave myself for a long time, and sometimes moments come up for which I still forgive.

What is important is DESIRE, a burning desire to forgive yourself, to get rid of resentment against yourself. When there is a desire, you will use all the methods, all the possibilities and all the resources, just to forgive yourself. And you will learn to forgive. The main thing is to learn it!

I have several methods that I used in my time:

1. Write yourself a letter.

I won't go into detail. I already wrote about it. Let me just say that a letter can be written in any form, the main thing is that you write by hand, and not on a computer. Re-read, or rather rewrite it until you feel relief throughout your body.

I once wrote a letter about 20 times.

2. Listen to the forgiveness meditation!

You can find it on the Internet, or you can write it yourself. A small audio file, duration 20-25 minutes, calm music and words that promote forgiveness. It is also necessary to listen to it until relief comes, and the aching sensation in the soul passes.

3. Talk to yourself.

Every day, if you experience discomfort in your chest, say to yourself the words that I wrote above. Your job is to convince your inner critic that YOU WERE DOING YOUR BEST THINGS AT THAT MOMENT. You are not to blame for anything, everything happened the way it happened. It all happened for the best, because that situation was able to teach you this, show you this, and give you that.

4. Hoponopono.

This technique is universal and very effective. Whenever you remember any unpleasant event for which you cannot forgive yourself, repeat the four phrases: “I'm so sorry!” "Forgive me!" "I thank you!" "I love you!"

I also added these phrases on my own, as it was important for me

forget and let go of past life situations: “I forgive myself!” "I accept myself!" "I approve of myself!" "I'm letting myself go!" "I love me!"

There were moments when this phrase not only flew from my lips, but screamed with all my inner state. After these phrases and repeating them 10-20-50 times at a time, I felt much better, and then I realized that there was NO more aching feeling in my soul in relation to this situation.

So I was able to overcome almost ALL of my grievances!

Forgive insults! Forget grudges! Cleanse yourself of resentment! And go forward with a pure heart, a light spirit and an open soul!

P.S. I forgot to say that before the forgiveness procedure, you need to get a handkerchief. Tears will be the sea!

The world around you.

Your descendants.

The person we forgive.

World. Divine nature.

Divine superiority.

When we don't forgive. We:

- we create chains between ourselves and those whom we do not forgive. These chains will last for more than one, two or three lifetimes. So much until you forgive the person.

- we start reactions in the body that will remind us every split second that there is someone who is hostile to us (because we are hostile). This means that the body will always be in a state of war.
- we find ourselves in such situations, we attract such people who respond to our vibrations: deceived and deceivers, suffering and causing suffering.

Practicing Forgiveness- one of the most powerful and most important for spiritual development. Through Forgiveness one can work with images, with problems and with reality. We always have someone to forgive, something to forgive and something to ask for forgiveness. We have something to forgive ourselves, parents, partners, God and the Universe for. Forgiveness makes you free, because by forgiving a person, you let him go. When you ask for forgiveness, you free yourself.

This is the hygiene of the soul. From childhood, we are taught to wash our hands before eating and brush our teeth in the morning, but they are not taught at all how to ask for forgiveness so that it really works - without humiliation and guilt. The practice of Forgiveness brings liberation on an emotional, physical and spiritual level.

To do this, it is not at all necessary to personally communicate with the person you want to forgive. This can be done through meditation. And this does not mean at all that this person will leave your life forever. You just let go of the emotional burden, the negative ideas about the relationship that you are pulling along with you.

It is difficult for us to live here and now, we often dwell in memories of past days, past negative experiences, or make plans for the future. We also perceive a particular person. We drag along his image from the past, not giving this person a chance to manifest for us in a different way. We perceive it "there and then." And you can learn to see a person in a new way - this is a task that reveals two partners. Practicing Forgiveness will clear these past relationships.

Forgiveness gives freedom, joy, strength and happiness, helps restore the field of love between people, as it allows you to see a person at the level of the soul, where everyone is equal and is one.

Another plus of Forgiveness is that this practice can be carried out everywhere and always, an unlimited number of times with the same person - close or barely familiar, for example, with someone who stepped on his foot in the subway. It can be not only a person with whom you are angry or hold a grudge, but also simply someone whom you do not accept or condemn.

Forgiveness- this is a great healer, it can free us from past wounds, resentments and misunderstandings. But sometimes it's good for us to be offended. Sometimes it is difficult for us to forgive near or far. Why? Because this is how we unconsciously protect ourselves. With Forgiveness, we can change painful situations in our past simply by changing our attitude towards them. Through the practice of Forgiveness, you can make peace with yourself—forgive yourself, your past, your parents. Forgiveness can heal not only your life, but the planet as a whole. It will be great if all people get rid of old grievances, anger, claims against each other. With the help of Forgiveness, one can even be healed of many physical illnesses and ailments, as it has long been proven that every illness is an unconscious, unmanifested and unprocessed emotion. And with the help of Forgiveness, we can let go of the situation or emotion that led to this disease. Lack of Forgiveness not only complicates life, but also destroys the body and soul. And if you use this practice, you can make life easier and more joyful.

How and whom to forgive?

Make a list of people you want to forgive.

Make a list of people you don't want or can't forgive.

Forgive your parents.

Forgive yourself, your childhood and your inner child.

Forgive your feelings, emotions and experiences. (This is perhaps the most difficult task, because we often get angry with ourselves and do not accept our feelings - anger, anger, resentment. Make a separate list: for which you cannot forgive yourself).

Forgive your family.

Forgive your former partners. Write a list of the most significant partners for you with whom you had a serious relationship, or a deep feeling on your part, even if it was unrequited. Asking the "ex" helps to free yourself and prepare the space for a new, happy relationship.

Forgive your colleagues and superiors (or subordinates if you are the boss). In any team there are conflicts, this is a reality. It is important not to get stuck in them. By mentally forgiving your colleagues, subordinates, and boss, you can easily resolve even the most explosive conflicts at work. Your efficiency will increase many times over!

Forgive all the so-called "third parties". These are the people with whom you are in contact on a daily basis - in transport, in a bank or a store. These are people who seem to accidentally hurt or insult you. But in fact, all accidents are not accidental, if we talk about the spiritual plane. Every person comes into your life to help you free yourself. It is the technique of Forgiveness that gives this liberation. Having spent Forgiveness with this seemingly random person. You can repay a karmic debt or simply clean up relationships with your loved ones.

Farewell to professionals. These are situations associated with specialists - lawyers, doctors, tax authorities, traffic police, etc. When you are sitting in line to a lawyer or a doctor and are nervous: “Will he accept it or not? Are all the papers in order? ”, then, having mentally performed Forgiveness with him, you energetically prepare the field of love with this person. As a result, any issue is resolved quickly and easily.

Forgiveness of the Higher Powers. We all sometimes take offense at God, at fate, at love, and exclaim: “Why do I need these troubles and punishments?”. Having tuned in to Forgiveness, we receive powerful support from the Universe and Cosmos.

Forgiveness of tragic situations: accidents, attacks, gross insults, robberies, etc. Forgiveness in this case allows you to open your heart - your spiritual center and protect yourself from similar situations in the future.

What are the obstacles to Forgiveness?

Fear #1:“What if I forgive him and that person leaves my life forever?” But forgiveness is not the same as saying goodbye.

Fear #2:“What if I forgive him and this person comes back into my life? Do I need it?!" If you release a person from the bottom of your heart and do not want to cling to these relationships, then they will stop - for the common good.

I can forgive, but I don't want to.

We always have a choice: either continue to be victims, want revenge, feel resentment, anger, pain, or forgive and choose love. What do you choose for yourself?

The essence of our being is Love. Forgiveness teaches us to choose love over pain, resentment, fear, and suffering. Forgiveness is a universal technique that anyone can learn, regardless of age, gender, experience, religion. Try it and your life will become much brighter!

Prayer of Transfiguration

You, me and the whole world around us are the essence of one whole. You came into my life with your pain and suffering for a reason. You show me, like in a mirror, that pain and suffering exist deep in my soul, in my subconscious.

And I realize with full responsibility that I am involved in your problems, because I know that everything that happens in my life is the result of my thoughts and actions in the past.
I repent for what I did.
And with my free Will, I cancel all my destructive programs in relation to you, your ancestors and your entire Family.

I forgive you and your ancestors for all their wrong thoughts and actions, committed intentionally or unintentionally in relation to my ancestors from the Creation of the world to the present day.
Forgive me and all my Family, for we did not know what we were doing.

I thank you for coming into my life and helping me clear my mind and get rid of everything old and unnecessary, become truly free, transform and be happy, living in Truth and Conscience.

I love you and bless your entire Family with love. I wish you, your loved ones and your descendants happiness and kindness.

And may all my wrong thoughts, words and deeds that led to your pain and suffering, be transformed into righteous thoughts and deeds by the power of Divine Love, and may they bring happiness to our families and the whole world around us.
May Love, Peace and General Prosperity reign on Earth.

Let it be so!

I accept you with love in my heart!
Forgive me and all my Family!
I thank you!
I forgive you and your entire family and bless you with love!
I wish you happiness and good!

Meditation "Forgiveness"

Sit down, relax, take a deep breath and exhale, and once again - a deep breath, and as you exhale, let go of all tension in the body, all heaviness, sway on the waves of your breath.

Call up the image of the person with whom you would like to perform the ritual of forgiveness. It can be a close or distant relative, friend, boss, the person who offended you or whom you offended.

Imagine that he is standing in front of you. Take a closer look at his image: what he looks like, what he is wearing, whether you see him clearly or a vague image. What do you want to say to him: "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry"? The first thing that comes to mind is the right one.

Now tell that person, “Forgive me, and I forgive you, and I forgive myself in my relationship with you. And I forgive and let go of all the dark that was between us, I forgive myself all the feelings, emotions, experiences in a relationship with you. I forgive and let go of everything that is not love in our relationship."

Imagine how a violet flame enters your body and the image of this person. “I ask the violet fire to purify all feelings, emotions in a relationship with you, I ask you to purify pain, resentment, envy, hatred, jealousy - all that is not love in our relationship. I forgive and let go of all this, everything that interferes with my disclosure, freedom, love.

Now imagine how golden and pink rays of light enter your crown and fill you with those qualities that you lacked in your relationship with this person. I give myself as much light, love, support, freedom, attention, value as I lacked in my relationship with you in all births and incarnations. Let the golden ray fill every cell of your body with love, light, warmth.

And now imagine how the same ray of light enters the crown of this person. I give you as much light, love, warmth, forgiveness, acceptance, support as you lacked in your relationship with me in all births and incarnations. Let the golden ray fill the body of this person with love, freedom, forgiveness, light.

I ask the Universe to restore the field of love between us through all generations and incarnations.

Tell this person: “I thank you for what was between us, and for what was not between us, for who you were for me and what you were not for me, and for those lessons of love that you gave me." Mentally bow.

Now take a deep breath and as you exhale, return to the here and now.

Forgiveness Louise Hay.

The topic of Forgiveness is the most important today. The ability to forgive removes restrictions, heals space, gives a person Divine qualities and opportunities. By forgiving, we become stronger in spirit.
An offended person is bound by chains of enslavement by his own emotions and karmic knots with offenders. And almost all energy is spent only on maintaining these chains.

Forgiveness Technique:

1. Introducing the Golden Triangle

2. inside we place the image of a person with whom we need to balance relations

3. looking at this image mentally (you can also say out loud) ...

a. I represent the left side of the triangle - forgive me
b. right - forgive him (her)
in. bottom of the triangle - forgive us

4. after that…

a. we take very close people into our hearts
b. if people are more distant and it is difficult to place them in the heart, we hug them
in. the dead are sent to God.

If we don’t know the names of those who need to be forgiven or from whom we need to ask Forgiveness, we light a church candle, it can be homemade, but it should be made of light wax and we say this:

Lord, you know all the names, may those forgive me, forgive my Family, who are offended by me, by us, voluntarily or involuntarily. I forgive all those whom I offended (a) with Love

The art of forgiveness

Forgiveness is perhaps the hardest thing to come by. But without forgiveness, there is no health, no luck. “Unforgiveness” is negative emotions and low vibrations, which greatly hinders the fulfillment of desires.

What is "unforgiveness"? This is a rooted resentment, claims and accusation of another person. Do you think that someone is to blame for your troubles? No, my dears. The outside is only a projection of what is inside. And each unpleasant situation is a task for acceptance and forgiveness, including oneself. And if there is another person's fault, then the punishment will find him according to the Law of Attraction.

Forgiveness, if you will, is intelligent selfishness.

We pay special attention to the process of forgiveness at the “Code of Success” training: we harmonize relationships with parents and other close people. This is especially important for those who work to improve their lives, visualize and manifest their goals and desires. As one good friend of mine said: “If there is no forgiveness in your heart, you should not expect changes for the better! At least visualize!” She knew the Bible very well, and it is written there: “... whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you will receive, and it will be for you. And when you stand in prayer, forgive what you have against anyone, so that your Heavenly Father may also forgive you your sins. If you do not forgive, then your heavenly Father will not forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:24-25)

There have been many cases in my practice when sincere forgiveness gave a person health, lightness, joy and opened the way to cherished desires.

I have come across many methods of forgiveness. But most of all, the arrangement and special exercises that we do during the training help. And for self-study, I recommend the following:

one). Enter alpha level. Invite the troubled person to your ideal vacation spot or laboratory, have a heart to heart talk, invite him to agreement and mutual forgiveness. In conclusion, surround him with a field of light, love and goodness.

2). Read Joe Vitale's Life Without Limits and use the wonderful formula for forgiveness from it.

3). Sit comfortably, relax, take a few calm breaths in and out. After that, slowly say the phrase: “I turn to God the Creator. You are welcome. Teach me to forgive. I forgive (name) ________________ here and now! I forgive everyone who ever hurt me, who offended me, who mocked me. I forgive those whom I remember and whom I do not remember. From this day on, I begin to live without resentment. From this day on, my Divine Self can merge with me even more, and I feel the presence of Divine Grace, a warm wave flooding my heart, my mind and my whole body.

Repeat this appeal so often until you feel that you can thank the offender for the lesson and mentally present a valuable gift, with love and respect, surrounding him with light and warmth. After that, miracles can happen.

4) And here is a magnetic-energetic affirmation from Wilma for forgiving yourself:

I forgive ---– (my fear, my guilt, etc.).

I forgive myself for letting this in -- (my fear, guilt, etc.)

I ask you, my dear body, forgive me that I let into you -- (this fear, guilt, etc.) and thereby caused you pain and evil.

The Forgiveness Technique from Liz Bourbo's book:

Here are the stages of true forgiveness that have already been passed by thousands of people and rewarded with miraculous results:

1. Define your emotions (often there are several). Be aware of what you are accusing yourself or another person of, and determine what feelings this causes in you.

2. Take responsibility. To show responsibility means to realize that you always have a choice - to react with love or with fear. What are you afraid of? Now realize that you may be afraid of being accused of the same things you blame the other person for.

3. Understand the other person and relieve stress. In order to relieve tension and understand another person, put yourself in his place and feel his intentions. Think about the fact that he may blame both himself and you for the same thing that you blame him for. He is afraid, just like you.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS. THEY ARE FOUND IN OTHER BOOKS OF MY OTHER BOOKS BUT ARE SO IMPORTANT THAT I DECIDED TO END THIS BOOK WITH THEM.

Give yourself the time you need to go through all the stages of forgiveness. You may need a day for one stage, a year for another. The most important thing is that your desire to go through these stages is sincere. The stronger the psychological trauma and the resistance of the ego, the more time will be needed.

If step 6 proves to be very difficult, know that it is your ego that is resisting. If you think: “Why on earth should I ask for forgiveness from this person if it was not I who offended him, but he me? I had every reason to be angry with him!” It's your ego speaking, not your heart. The most important desire of your heart is to live in peace and compassion for others.

Don't worry if the person you're asking for forgiveness doesn't react the way you expected. Some things are almost impossible to predict. He may not say anything, change the topic of conversation, be surprised, refuse to talk about it, cry, ask for your forgiveness, throw himself into your arms, etc. Try to be understanding with the feelings of the other person - as well as your own.

As I noted in the description of the sixth stage of forgiveness, you should not tell the person who offended you that you have forgiven him. There are three reasons for this:

1. It may turn out that the person you are angry with did not have the intention of offending you at all. Reality often differs from our perception. Maybe this person did not even suspect that you were offended.

2. You must understand that you need forgiveness in order to free yourself. To forgive another person is to take a necessary step towards forgiving yourself.

3. You must also realize that it is not in your power to truly forgive another person. Only he can forgive himself

4. Forgive yourself. This is the most important step in forgiveness. In order to forgive yourself, give yourself the right to be afraid, to show weakness, to err, to be flawed, to suffer, and to be angry. Accept yourself as you are in the present moment, knowing that this is a temporary state.

5. Feel the urge to ask for forgiveness. In preparation for the stage, imagine that you are asking for forgiveness from the person whom you condemned, criticized or accused of something. If this image gives you a feeling of joy and freedom, you are ready for the next step.

6. Meet the person you want to apologize to. Tell him about your experiences and ask for forgiveness for judging, criticizing or hating him. The fact that you yourself forgave him, mention only if he talks about it.

7. Make a connection or make a decision about the parent.

Remember a similar situation in the past with a person who represented power, authority for you - with your father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, teacher, etc. This person must be of the same gender as the one you just forgave. Repeat with him all the steps of forgiveness.

If the emotions you are experiencing are directed against yourself, go through steps 1,2,4 and 7.

If a person does not want to accept your request for forgiveness, this means that he cannot forgive himself. You can forgive him, but that's not enough.

If you tell another person about your experiences, and he suddenly begins to make excuses, he may have thought that you were blaming him. If so, then you have not yet forgiven this person and you hope that he will change.

If you, going to meet this person, hope that he will understand the depth of your suffering and ask your forgiveness, you still have not forgiven him. In any case, you should not be angry with yourself; you just need a little more time to move on to steps 2 and 3. You may have already forgiven this person with your mind, but have not yet had time to forgive him with your heart. To forgive a person with the mind means to understand the motives of his actions, but this does not bring relief or inner liberation. This often happens. Intellectual forgiveness is a good start, as it at least indicates goodwill.

Remember: forgiving someone does not mean that you agree with his accusations. By forgiving someone, you seem to be saying that you look with the eyes of your heart and see something more important in the depths of this person’s soul than his accusations.

Thanks to this forgiveness, it will be easier for you to give yourself the right to be yourself and show your human feelings.

Now let's look at the three emotions that people experience the hardest: fear, anger, and sadness. A person usually suppresses, controls, hides these emotions - in a word, does everything not to experience them, as they stir up emotional wounds received in childhood and adolescence. These wounds arise under the influence of five negative psychological factors: the trauma of the rejected, the trauma of the abandoned, the trauma of humiliation, betrayal and injustice.

Instead of giving themselves the right to be imperfect and suffer from emotional wounds, most people continue to blame others as the cause of their fear, anger, and sadness. That is why people experience so many negative emotions, and emotions, in turn, cause all kinds of diseases.

But these emotions can be used for good:

Fear helps you understand that you need protection and are looking for it. He also reminds us that real protection should be sought in oneself.

Anger is useful in that it helps you discover your need for self-assertion, articulate your demands, and listen more closely to your needs.

Sadness helps you understand that you are suffering from a sense of loss or fear of losing. Sadness teaches a person not to be attached.

LOVE YOURSELF means to be responsible for your life and give yourself the right to exercise this responsibility. If you love yourself, you will have a healthy and energized body that will allow you to fulfill all your dreams.

I hope this book will help you more than once to find a deeper awareness, a more fulfilling and happy life filled with love. Never forget that your inner GOD uses all possible means and through your body speaks, reminds you:

"LOVE YOURSELF!"

MESSAGE FROM MASTER ILLARION "ABOUT OFFENSE AND FORGIVENESS".

Greetings, dear brothers and sisters! Az I am Illarion. And now we will talk about very important manifestations of human existence.

Resentment is the essence of a state of insufficient energy in the bodies (physical and subtle).

If a person is offended, he is an instrument of the astral plane, which promptly pressed the “weakness buttons” of the human ego.

Resentment is one of the methods of energy vampirism, which, however, has karmic working off, the essence of which is separation from the Energy of Love - the endless stream of the Universe coming from the Higher Self.
The person HIMSELF must unlearn dependence on the astral.

When a person is offended, he releases low-vibration energy emanations towards the supposedly “offender”. He experiences an unconscious (or conscious) feeling of guilt. And this allows you to use the energy of this person, since the feeling of guilt opens the way to the energy flow of a person.

There is no point in being offended - there is a point in acting, talking with each other, solving problems.
What happens during resentment?

First, the imbalance of yin-yang, which is the Divine basis of the Energy of Love. There is an outflow of this energy through the crown chakra. From this moment on, the flow of the Energy of Love is stopped.

Second, the ego is out of control. Since you are energetically weakened, your vibrations are lowered, the colors of the aura are weaker and less saturated, you become within the reach of the astral. Astral is not able to influence you through your Soul. Astral is not able to influence you through your Body. He is able to influence you ONLY THROUGH the EGO, which is out of control. Previously, to a state of imbalance, the Energy of Love helped to keep the ego "in check".

The astral subjugates your ego, as it knows its “weak points”, and begins to influence it.

The following happens:

1) Pumping out the energy necessary for your health and vitality.
Notice how you become during resentment (without strength, gloomy, embittered, etc.);

2) "Sucker" of certain types of astral projection to weaker, unprotected organs. Also, the cause of resentment can “help” in this choice. If she is on a man in a woman, then the reproductive organs are the weak point. For men, respectively.

If the offense is on the realities of life, then the eyes suffer.
If you are offended by what others say to you, your ears may suffer.
If you have lingering grudges against close relatives, your teeth will start to hurt and crumble.
If you have a grudge against someone for your, in your opinion, “unfinished” life, then the organs of the solar plexus chakra (ego location) suffer: the gastrointestinal tract, liver, pancreas.
If resentment lived in you for years, and you could not forgive either yourself or your neighbors, then oncology begins.

3) Since you have little energy, the astral is interested (if possible) in influencing other people through your ego. This is how your ego provokes others to feel guilty, seeing and feeling your “resentment”. Thus, they (people) give their energy. But it goes, in the end, not to you, but to the astral plane. And you remain with your resentment in complete energy impotence. But ... until you stop this activity.

It is absolutely necessary to learn to forgive.
What Happens During Forgiveness?
This state is purple.

During forgiveness, a cloud of violet flame envelops you. It helps you understand the essence of the lesson. Allows you to free yourself from the power of the astral over the ego. Allows your ego to find its "place". And, most importantly, it opens your crown chakra to restore the flow of the Energy of Love in you. At this moment, you feel the rain, the energy rain of Love, which irrigates your Soul, subtle bodies, the Temple of the Soul - the Body. At this point, you have a yin-yang balance. At the same time, the Wave of the Holy Trinity covers you - Peace, Joy and Love. You are free. You are calm. You are loved.

May it be so from now on. We love you. And we warmly embrace.
Az I am Illarion.

MESSAGE FROM MARY MAGDALENE

TRANSFORMATION OF OFFENSES. GIFT OF FREEDOM AND LOVE.

So, what is the essence of resentment?

Resentment is an unwillingness to accept a karmic lesson so appropriate for the development of your soul, a lesson that is taught to you with love and true compassion by your karmic teachers.

Beloved, you have lived a huge number of lives, acquiring this or that invaluable experience for the Soul. As Disciples, you sometimes committed acts due to karma (acts of violence, disrespect, participation in wars, murders, etc.).

In this lifetime, you bring in your precious DNA "a suitcase of unlearned lessons."

Prior to incarnation, you "arrange" with your Beloved Soul Mates to help you catalyze the appropriate Lesson (for example, a lesson on accepting masculinity or femininity, etc.). And this is all so that you, having accepted it exactly as a Lesson, could transform the experience of low vibrations received in past lives into Love and Awareness through the act of Forgiveness and Acceptance.

At the same time, you agree on what Lessons you, namely you, can teach as Karmic Teachers!

And so you, beloved, and your Karmic Partner-Teachers come to this World!

Karmic Teachers appear in your Life at a previously agreed synchronistic moment and ... teach a Lesson!

If you did not accept this as a LESSON, then you have a deep denial of Spiritual Education - Resentment!

A simple hint: if one side is offended, then the Lesson was intended for ONE!

If two sides are offended - THE LESSON IS MUTUAL! Both of you, in this case, are both karmic students and karmic Teachers!

If the two sides are "offended" and do not accept the Lessons, then the most aggressive thing that can happen on Gaia is war!

All wars are a fact of non-acceptance of the Lessons!

What is resentment? How does it affect all the deepest levels of a person? How can resentment be transformed quickly, painlessly and consciously? What is the help from the Higher Self? What Gift lies behind the Lessons that cause resentment in a person?

MESSAGE FROM MARY MAGDALENE

TRANSFORMATION OF OFFENSES. THE GIFT OF FREEDOM AND LOVE.

Greetings, Beloved Family! I Am Mary Magdalene. We Are Your Family at Home. Gently, with all the Energies of Our Love, embracing You, We will begin the next friendly conversation!

So, what is the essence of resentment?

resentment IT IS THE UNWANTING TO TAKE A KARMIC LESSON SO RELEVANT TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF YOUR SOUL, A LESSON THAT YOU ARE TEACHED WITH LOVE AND TRUE COMPASSION BY YOUR KARMIC TEACHERS.

And at the same time, those people who are “offended” at you at the moment are also Souls who did not want to accept the Karmic Lesson of Soul Improvement, presented with Love and Compassion by you!

Thus, from infancy to the end of the incarnation (or to the Collective Enlightenment), you are both a Karmic Student and a Karmic Teacher for someone!

Thus, resentment is a karmic knot, “tied” as a result of the Freedom of Your Choice in such a way, exactly in this way, to react to the Lesson!

How is this karmic knot of resentment “tied”?

How to transform resentment and at the same time learn the Lesson?

- You need to ACCEPT (as always, everything is universal and simple!) the fact that you have a specific grudge against a Person, People, Situation, etc.

- Observe (remember) how resentment affects you on:

- physical level (perhaps an imbalance in blood pressure, pain in the heart, stomach, liver, body tremors, insomnia, headaches, etc.);

- emotional level. Feel what emotions this particular offense causes in you (anger, fear, disappointment, etc.). It is advisable to work with one "resentment" in one sitting - Lessons in different cases may be different. Emphasize, dear ones, on quality, and not on a one-time number of transformations of grievances!

- at the mental level. Each offense carries the conviction of your "rightness" and the illusory "wrongness" of your Karmic Teacher. How is this belief expressed in your case? For example, “They (offenders) offended me for no reason, because ... (and then your arguments follow, proving the viability of your position at the moment Now)”.

- at the energy level (in general). Watch, beloved, and try to the best of your ability, readiness and desire to remember which vibrations are characteristic of your particular offense. What multidimensional Image (sound, melody, song, picture, taste, sensations, smell, etc.) evokes in you associations with resentment? This is a deep connection of resentment recorded by the main sense organs at the level of vibrations and cell memory.

For example, it can be such an association of resentment: The image of a formidable, foul-smelling, loudly roaring lion, tearing you apart into painful parts. Or the image of a sacrificial lamb. Everything is individual, dear!

Why is it necessary to call these associative links?

Firstly, so that you can be an OBSERVER in the transformation, NOT a PARTICIPANT in events. You work with a deep inner image, and do not scroll through painful memories again and again, living through deep and acute pain, which can again harm your physiology and psyche. The experience of immersion is good if you already understand the lesson! Otherwise, you, totally immersed in the Lesson that caused offense, run the risk of receiving a lot of new injuries until you are still aware of the Lesson. And physiological recovery can be complicated! There may be tears of past resentment, angry thoughts and cries, pain in the body! Consider: Is this your method? Be vigilant, loved ones! Going back to a painful past can be an ineffective way to abuse yourself. Be gentle and careful in the experience of this awareness with your Body, with your Psychic, with your Energy!

Secondly, Sense Image Association work is how your mind-ego "sees" the resentment block. Through this block-image, Your priceless vital Energy enters the astral world. This image carries the essence of the "hook" for the importance of this offense!

So, in your DNA, this resentment is fixed and is waiting for ... the beginning of the transformation!

Beloved, now that you have accepted that there is resentment in you, you have observed its pitfalls and effects on you, you are ready for the next Big Step.

— If you feel that the Moment of Truth has come, then call on your Higher Self with Love. Express your intention about your readiness for deep, multidimensional work with this episode of resentment.

- Take the position of the Observer again, and, having called up the facts (and not EMOTIONS!) of memory at your service, track step by step how events are developing at that moment “now” for the Participants (one of them, that past “You”, not identify yourself with Him!).

— Feel every word and deed with your whole Soul and remember: the Soul is wise, it doesn’t “know how” to evaluate!) Be aware. You will succeed easily if you are out of grades!

— The next stage of Transformation is called ENLIGHTENMENT. This is a Gift from your Higher Self! After you managed to consciously view the whole event outside of emotions and assessments, you begin to REALIZE the cause-and-effect relationships of this episode!
This state is also called "EYE LOOKING FROM ABOVE" or "HIGHER SELF LOOKING FROM ABOVE".

This is the position of the MULTI-DIMENSIONAL LOVE OBSERVER, THE ONE WHO TRUELY SEES, OUTSIDE OF PREJUDICES, PAIN AND DISTRACTIONS IN THE FORM OF EVALUATIONS!

This is the position of an Angel watching over people!

And this Human Angel is You, Your Higher Self!

So, in the state of ENLIGHTENMENT, the Higher Self shows you what this LESSON really was, synchronicity and relevance!

AWARENESS AND FORGIVENESS IS A SIMULTANEOUS MULTI-DIMENSIONAL PROCESS!

Having realized, you will see Wisdom and Love, moreover, Compassion with which this Lesson is presented!

Forgiveness is complete and this Lesson will not return to you if you feel the Transformation at all multidimensional levels:

— On the physical Level, you feel a surge of strength, free breathing with your whole body, Joy enters your cells, awakening potential, until that time, dormant vitality. You feel great! You feel the rise of all Vital Forces!

— At the level of sensuality, instead of pendulum exhausting emotions, Feelings of Eternity have come to you: Peace, Joy and Love! The Song of Your Liberation and Gratitude to all (including yourself and all others!) Participants of these events of the Lesson sounds!

— On a mental level, you have realized the essence of the Lesson. Now you can easily and painlessly, without judgments and emotions, be able to tell this story at any moment of your life, if it is appropriate and synchronistic!

— at the level of DNA (general state of energy) you feel a wonderful New Height of Vibrations of Love!

So, what happens after the transformation is what you call a Miracle or a Gift from the Higher Self!

So what is this Gift?

Let's get back to DNA.

So, each of your Karmic Lessons is contained in your precious DNA.

At the moment of Transformation, the low-vibration shell of the block called “Resentment” dissolves, releasing the Essence of the Lesson with which you were born into this World. These are the sensations of Birth, New Birth!

At the same time, this naked Lesson is realized by you, and the participants in the events, including you, are forgiven with all their Soul.

Consequently, the energy of the Lesson is also transformed, but into what?

There is a saying in your culture - "A holy place is never empty." We will use this phrase to explain.

So, the block of grievances as a result of complete forgiveness, and, therefore, Acceptance and Awareness of the essence of the Lesson, is replaced by not only Liberation from astral influence (loss of energies), not only high vibrations, but also THE GIFT LAYING UNDER THE COVER OF THE LESSON IS AWAKENING!

Under the Light of Your multidimensional Awareness, the Petals of this Gift open. And there… The Power of Creativity leading you along the road of Destiny! You are free from this Lesson, and you have advanced to the Essence of incarnation!

Your resentment has taken away your vitality before. Forgiveness "patched" the energy holes.

Your overall energy vibrations prior to Forgiveness and Awareness were low.

After the Transformation, you float. This is a fresh influx of the Highest Vibrations of Love that hugs you so much!

This Higher Self has merged even more with Your Consciousness!

Resentment bound you hand and foot and hindered your Path.

And now you can easily call the one you "offended"!

And, having met, you will naturally smile at him! You will naturally thank him to the extent that it will be synchronistic!

Perhaps “he” (the one you “offended” at) will at first be surprised and perplexed: “What happened to you? Why have you changed SO much?"

But on the energy level, He will feel this Information of Liberation and Gratitude, Liberation from the Karmic Knot that binds you with His priceless Soul.

He - Your Karmic Teacher is also free!

And now, if you both want it, you can become Close Friends, remembering your past "exploits" with humor! Here it is - Kindness! Here it is - Wisdom! Here it is - Awareness! Here it is - Love!

All Karmic Teachers are Kindred Souls who came to Gaia with Love and Compassion also in order to catalyze Your Gift hidden under the mask of Your Lesson! They freed you from certain karmic layers originating in many incarnations.

And now you are all free! For Peace. Love, for New Creative Ideas and their implementation into Existence! For Goodness and Wisdom!

You are the God-Goddess, You are the Creator, You are a free Artist who draws your Life with your hand!

And that's great, love!

With love, Mary Magdalene. Family Light

Prayer for forgiveness.

These prayers must be said sincerely. Listen to yourself to understand if forgiveness really happened. Practice as much as you need. With someone, it will be possible to resolve the karmic situation in 1 time, for others it may take weeks or even months.

PRAYER FOR FORGIVENESS

I ask for forgiveness from the Divine soul... (name) for all inharmonious thoughts, feelings, states, words and deeds, manifested in relation to her embodied personality from the subjective consciousness of my human being.

FLAME OF FORGIVENESS

I forgive the human being ... (name) for all inharmonious thoughts, feelings, states, words and deeds shown on his part in relation to the incarnated personality of my Divine soul.

PRAYER FOR FORGIVENESS (2)

I Am the Divine Soul… (name) as the Presence of the Living and Eternal God, in the name and name of the fulfillment of the Laws of Love, Sacrifice and Mercy, I ask the Lord for forgiveness for all inharmonious thoughts, feelings, states, words and deeds manifested by my real human being relation to the embodied personality ... (name)

FLAME OF FORGIVENESS (2)

I Am the Divine Soul… (name) as the Presence of the Living and Eternal God, in the name and name of the fulfillment of the Laws of Love, Sacrifice and Mercy, I forgive my embodied personality for all inharmonious thoughts, feelings, states, words and deeds manifested in relation to a human being …(name).

FORGIVENESS MEDITATION:

For forgiveness meditation, sit comfortably, let your eyes close, and your body and breath become natural and light. Let your body and mind relax. Breathe slowly with the area of ​​the heart, allow yourself to feel all the obstacles and accumulations that you carried with you, because you didn’t forgive - you didn’t forgive yourself, you didn’t forgive others. Feel the pain of your ever-closed heart. Then, after breathing softly through your heart for some time, begin to ask for and spread forgiveness by repeating the words below and allowing them to open your forgiving heart. Let the words, images, and feelings deepen as you repeat them.

FORGIVING YOURSELF:

Feel your own precious body and life, say: there are many ways in which I betrayed myself or hurt myself, left myself in thought, word or action, knowing it or not knowing it. Allow yourself to see the ways in which you have insulted yourself or hurt yourself. Outline them, remember them, visualize them. Feel the sadness that you have carried because of all these deeds, feel that you can be freed from these burdens, extend forgiveness to them, one by one.

Then say to yourself, “FOR EVERY PATH I HAVE HARMED MYSELF BY ACTION OR INACTION DUE TO FEAR, PAIN AND DELUSION, I NOW SPEND FULL AND PURE FORGIVITY. I FORGIVE MYSELF."

FORGIVENESS TO THOSE WHO OFFENDED, HURT, OR INJURED YOU:
There are many paths in which I have been hurt, harmed, hurt and abandoned by others in thought, word, action, knowing it or not. Outline them, remember them, visualize these many paths.

Feel the sadness you have brought from this past and feel the ability to let go of that heaviness by spreading forgiveness if your heart is ready for it.

Now tell yourself:

“IN MANY WAYS OTHERS HAVE HURTED ME AND HARMED ME OUT OF FEAR, PAIN, DELUSION AND ANGER; NOW I SEE THEM. TO THE EXTENT I AM READY FOR IT, I OFFER THEM FORGIVENESS. I HAVE THIS HEART PAIN FOR TOO LONG. FOR THIS REASON THEME. WHO HURTED ME, I OFFER FORGIVENESS. I FORGIVE YOU".

Allow yourself to silently repeat these instructions about forgiveness until you can feel relief in your heart. Maybe you will not feel relief from some of the severe pains, but will only be released from the heaviness, longing and anger that you have kept in yourself. Touch them softly, forgive yourself for that too. Forgiveness cannot be forced, cannot be artificial. Just keep practicing: let the words and images gradually work in their own way. Over time, you will be able to make forgiveness meditation part of your regular practice, letting go of the past and opening your heart to each new moment, approaching it with the wisdom of loving kindness.

Music for evening relaxation and healthy sleep! The scientists from Manchester who created this tune say: “It slows down breathing and reduces brain activity to such ...

I respect the needs of my body and the signals it gives me. I sleep well and every time I wake up feeling fresh and energized. I...

American psychologist Fred Laskin has been studying the situations of people who find it difficult to forgive themselves for many years. They are tormented by remorse, delve into past failures and revel in their insignificance. Each of us, perhaps, experienced such a state. How to get out of a too melancholic state and forgive yourself, for example? The psychologist, based on observations, gives instructions for action.

So you've already done a bad deed:

• you spent half of the money intended for buying food for a month on a new coat;
• did not get to a football match in which your son participates;
• when the cat's screams began to get on your nerves, you let him out into the street so that he was immediately hit by a car.

It's hard to forgive yourself. You think that your family and friends will never forgive you if they knew even half of what you do. Unfortunately, you know the whole truth. And the most disgusting thing is that this feeling of guilt lies like a stone in your heart, and you burn with shame. God can forgive you. But how can you forgive yourself?

Probably one of the few people who can tell you about this is psychologist Fred Laskin, PhD, director of the Forgiveness Project at Stanford University (USA). Laskin has been conducting research and workshops on the practice of forgiveness in California for many years. He works:

• with husbands who cheated on their wives;
• with women who cheated on their men;
• with children who abandoned their parents;
• with moms and dads who abandoned their babies.

According to the psychologist, the hardest thing about forgiving ourselves, oddly enough, is that we tend to fall out in our own. "It's not like we feel bad because we know we did something wrong," he explains. Everyone makes mistakes. But some of us actually wrap ourselves in these negative feelings like a blanket, cover our heads and refuse to stop crying.

If forgiving yourself is very difficult for you, then know that you are not alone. Leave the howls for the victim, not the culprit, right? But some of us try to use these negative feelings as a kind of talisman to neutralize the consequences of our own actions, says Laskin. We curl up in a ball and say: "Look how bad I feel! Look how I suffer! You can feel sorry for me! I am a pitiful creature! There is no greater punishment than this; it will not be fair!"

We curl up into a ball and say: “Look how bad I feel! Look how I suffer! You can feel sorry for me! I am a pitiful creature!

"It's a perverted form of repentance," Laskin adds. Many people decide: this is my fault, so I will punish myself. They do not want to act constructively, for example:

• take responsibility for your actions;
• eliminate the consequences of the damage;
• correct mistakes.

It's not just about you

Unfortunately, the decision to feel miserable for the rest of your life can have tragic consequences, and not always in an obvious way.

On the one hand, suffering loves the audience. "If you continue to self-flagellate, then a loved one will fall under your hot hand," Laskin explains. It's unavoidable. Anyone who bathes in their wine is more withdrawn, more demanding, and less open than usual. And those who are nearby (be it a spouse, children, parents, friends, even your dog) will suffer with you.

Our thoughts affect our body very strongly. That feeling of guilt that you cultivate in yourself is transformed into chemicals that affect vital organs. How does guilt affect the physiological level?

• pulse quickens;
• blood pressure rises;
• digestion is disturbed;
• muscles tense;
• increased cholesterol in the blood;
• decreased ability to think clearly.

And every time you remember your bad deed and wince, these negative feelings again cause harmful chemicals to appear in the body.

At one time, scientists conducted research on how useful forgiveness is. Researchers have begun to suspect that those who have difficulty forgiving themselves are more likely to experience:

• with a heart attack
• with high blood pressure;

The healing power of forgiveness

Psychologist Laskin, from his cramped office, spent years studying how people learn to forgive themselves and others. He puts his soul into the study of this issue, besides, it is very interesting to him.

"Forgiveness is the tool that we use when we look back on our past: we did something once bad, admitted our mistakes and now move on," says the doctor. "It doesn't mean you're conniving or making excuses. It doesn't mean you've forgotten all the bad things. "Remember the saying, “There's a reason for everything”?” the doctor asks. "Yes, there are times when we suffer and regret something. This should also be present. But such times also end. The world does not stand still. And we need to move on with our planet."

We bring to your attention 12 steps to action, how to learn to forgive yourself.

1. Divide bad deeds into groups

"Most of us find it hard to forgive ourselves when we've done one of the four things below," Laskin says.

• You are not able to complete some vital task, for example, improve relationships in marriage and;
• as a result of your actions, the other person was offended;
• you yourself have harmed yourself with your lifestyle: for example, drinking a lot of alcohol or doing something else that can be attributed to self-destruction;
• you didn’t do what was necessary (in your opinion) - for example, you had to intervene in a family dispute or save money for a child to study.

"When we group bad deeds, we are already in the process of forgiving ourselves," emphasizes the psychologist. This allows:

• divide the act into several parts;
• look at them;
• step back a little;
• start healing consciousness.

2. Talk about your feelings

“Formulate what exactly you did wrong and what harm it did. Tell a couple of close people about what you did in order to get support, help and advice from them to improve the situation,” the psychologist advises.

When we share something, it reminds us that everyone makes mistakes. "We often think that we are the only ones in our suffering, but this only makes the process of forgiving ourselves more difficult," the expert adds. When we admit that we did something wrong, then we will not slide:

• in denial;
• into suppression;
• into displacement;
• into oblivion.

3. Understand what you want

You don't have to put up with the person you offended:

• you just don't want to feel shame;
• you seek to get rid of guilt;
• you want to find peace;
• you want to level your condition.

By the way, scientists say that when a person, he drives away the disease.

4. Admit that your expectations are far from reality.

Most of us have a certain set of unconscious rules that exist in the subconscious: about what actions we expect from ourselves. We absorbed many of these attitudes in childhood, moreover, they were not formed by us, but imposed from the outside. And it is worth recognizing that a set of such rules does not always correspond to reality.

For example, when my friend Susan's mother had a stroke, Susan felt compelled to invite her mother to move in with her, to her daughter's house. A daughter always takes care of her mother, doesn't she? But her mother was always an absolutely unhappy person. Nothing made her happy. She expressed only criticism, uttered insults or complained. The tone of her voice was completely repulsive. Perhaps it was her intention to express contempt for every person who was around.

Susan's friends and husband helped Susan realize that she shouldn't fill her own home with such harmful energy, even from a loved one. So she helped her mom move into a nursing home. There are many helpers who are ready to respond in the morning, afternoon and night.

5. Determine the extent of your pain

Realize that when you think about your wrongdoing, the feeling of resentment, thoughts of your own guilt and cause you heartache - regardless of whether you did it 2 minutes ago or 10 years have passed, says Laskin. This is your response to wrongdoing today, and it causes a problem. This is a habit that should be broken.

6. Press the stop button

When you replay the events of the past in your head over and over, it still won't help you or the person you offended. Therefore, every time you catch yourself replaying your sins mentally, just stop. Turn your attention to something more positive (like good habits that will change your life).

7. Sorry!

If you can't forgive yourself for what you did to another person, sometimes just sincerely apologizing is enough to make things better. Apologies are most effective when made in the first person, of course. But if that can't be done, think about how you can apologize in a playful way. One woman who had to apologize to her husband sent him a copy of the game "Sorry!" (Sorry!) along with a note with a question: can we play together? Her husband responded by sending Brenda Lee's "Sorry". Really, great?

8. Practice the Mind Contemplation Technique

Psychologist Laskin developed a technique of mental contemplation lasting 45 minutes. It is needed whenever you start beating yourself up again for old sins. The technique can also be called feelings of guilt. Just close your eyes, breathe deeply. Imagine that as you inhale, you gently push your stomach out, and then slowly exhale and relax your stomach. Breathe deeply again (inhale - exhale).

According to Laskin, during the third deep breath, you need to create:

• mental image of the person you love;
• a beautiful place in nature, from which you come in admiration;
• beautiful beach;
• a path through a majestic forest;
• Mountain Creek.

Breathe deeply and mentally contemplate the natural beauty around you. Pay attention to how you feel and allow those feelings to fill the area of ​​your heart.

Now ask yourself what you can do to make yourself feel better. Then, when you have received the answer, open your eyes and take action.

9. Get better

"In order to make amends, find a way to be kind to the person you hurt," Laskin says. If you've spent half your family's monthly food budget on a new coat, cook your favorite meal for your loved ones. Couldn't attend the full match of your son? Agree with the coach to work as his assistant on a free basis next year. By the way, scientists say that, because similar reactions appear in the human brain during sex and at the time of kindness. So the mood will definitely improve after doing a good, kind deed!

Even if the person you offended is dead or otherwise absent from your life now, you can still make amends and do a good deed towards the other person, Laskin says. "Think you were a bad mom? Okay, you can't go back and change things now, but you can be a good grandma! Do good and then you won't feel bad," Luskin says. Not only do you forgive yourself, but also good deeds will change your life for the better.

10. Lose the talismans of the evil witch

Once you've made amends, stop telling yourself the old fairy tale in which you have the role of the Wicked Witch. Start telling yourself a new story: in which, despite your human weaknesses, you do everything in your power to become a generous person. As for Susan, the heroine of our article, she has undergone changes. When she learned to forgive herself for moving her mother to a nursing home, she learned to forgive her for her childhood, for the lack of warm words. Today, Susan visits her mother once a week and calls her every few days. And although her mother is acting as unkind as usual (there are things that do not change), never before have these two women been so close.

11. Evaluate yourself objectively

Once a day, think about all the good deeds you have done today:

• helped the owner find his dog;
• switched the attention of a crying child so that his mother could eat lunch;
• went to the dry-cleaner for clothes of a loved one so that he could play sports.

Think about it and you will realize that you have become an amazing person! Yes, if thanks to scientists they are discovered, this means that, thanks to genes, in principle, someone has more mercy, generosity and compassion, but nothing prevents you from identifying a lack of warmth and goodness in yourself and starting to develop it!

12. Take a break!

When we feel disgusting about our actions in the past, it poisons our present. So, while you're learning how to forgive yourself and move on, give your mind and body a gift and allow yourself to take a break from shame and guilt, replacing them with gratitude, Laskin says. proven by scientists.

Here is how a psychologist suggests developing a sense of gratitude:

• take a walk to the nearest supermarket and thank for the abundance of food in the public domain;
• go to a nursing home or hospital and thank the Universe for your good health;
• while driving, mentally thank every driver who follows the rules of the road;
• if you have a person right now who occupies an important place in your life, thank him or her for taking care of you every day;
• pay attention to the seller in the store, who is waiting for you to contact him. Thanks to the sellers for the help they give you;
• when you wake up every morning, be grateful to the Universe for breathing and for giving you life;
• Do not forget that it is much better to do good things than to feel bad.

The feeling of gratitude helps to develop optimism and has a beneficial effect on peace of mind. When we perceive our mistakes as a valuable experience, and all the people on our way as teachers, life changes, because the attitude towards the world and towards ourselves changes in general. Guilt has a devastating effect on any person. Therefore, it is so important to seek support in oneself, to forgive oneself and others, to give thanks for everything that is in life: both bad and good.