Translated from the Latin word " conflict» stands for collision, and its cause often lies in mutually opposite needs, attitudes, goals and unwillingness to resolve issues peacefully. At the same time, the behavior of opponents can be radically different: someone enthusiastically gets involved in a communication war, passionately proves his case and tries with all his might to win the conflict, while someone chooses a different tactic - he tries his best to avoid sharp corners, but with it is surprising that the conflict does not go out.

Truth is born in a dispute

It is impossible to completely avoid conflicts in the workplace even with the most ideal organization of work. In addition, some modern psychologists argue that periodic conflicts, even in the most successful company and even with excellent relations between colleagues, are not only possible, but also desirable. As you know, truth is born in a dispute. However, this does not mean at all that management should calmly look at the squabbles taking place in the team and not make any attempts to prevent the development of conflicts, especially if they happen often. The high speed of modern life, stress and constant tension can turn any office into a battlefield, where there will be no place for effective work and normal healthy relationships between colleagues. Any manager should remember: the authorities can play a huge role in the emergence of contradictions in the team. And for the quick repayment of quarrels, the leader must have a clear idea of ​​​​the causes and ways of managing conflict situations.

As is known, objective and subjective factors can underlie conflicts. The objective factors include working conditions, financial position and skill level of the company's employees. To the subjective - different goals and ways to achieve them, the incompatibility of the characters and types of behavior of people working in a single space and having different views on certain emerging situations. One of the main tasks of leadership is creation of favorable conditions that would prevent the occurrence of frequent conflicts that disrupt the workflow.

“I have been working for three years. I got a job in this company immediately after graduating from the institute and until recently I was very pleased with my place of work. But as the company expands, about a year ago, the boss hired another secretary, and since then my quiet life has ended. We didn’t get along right away with this one, we have different temperaments, a different approach to work and a different manner of communicating with colleagues and superiors. It would seem that there is nothing terrible in this, it happens that people who are different from each other get along well with each other, but we had conflicts one after another. In addition, over time, I began to notice that I have to work harder and stay late in the evenings more often, and my colleague very successfully and regularly shifts some of his responsibilities to me. Moreover, he does this with the approval of his superiors, who, apparently, do not care at all how much someone works, as long as the work is completed on time. At my requests to look into the situation, the boss dismisses it: “Solve everything yourself,” and we ourselves can only make scandals in the workplace, which is why we are ashamed of it in front of our colleagues. I recently made the decision to quit my job and am now looking for another job. Hopefully there won't be any trouble."

Marina, secretary

How to recognize conflicts

In order to be able to prevent the occurrence of conflicts in the workplace, it is necessary to know the main causes that lead to quarrels. Among them are accusations and criticism for what the person is not to blame for, failure to do work or doing it poorly and the subsequent clarification of circumstances, anger and irritation from fatigue, unfair demands, gossip of colleagues behind their backs, biased attitude and making excessive demands.

Psychologists also distinguish three most common types: interpersonal, conflict between an individual and a group and conflict between two groups. In the first case, the cause of the conflict most often becomes the dissimilarity of characters. Many people can't get along with each other because of differences in behavior. The second type of conflict is often observed between the new leader and the group, where the confrontation between the newcomer and the "oldies" begins. Any deviation from previously accepted norms is regarded by the group as a negative manifestation and a conflict arises. The third type of conflict is one of the most difficult to resolve, because there is, as they say, a “wall to wall” collision. Almost all employees can be included in such a confrontation. Everything is often pumped up by mass layoffs “of their own free will”.

“I am not ashamed of it. Despite the fact that this word is considered almost abusive by some, I have always strived to be the first and succeeded in this. He studied well at school, received a red diploma at the University. He got a job in a small company and in just three years he achieved success there - he became a sales director. The entire profit of the company depended on my successful work, I will not hide, I was pleased that the authorities valued me and were afraid of losing me. However, in the fourth year of work, I realized that there was nowhere else to grow here, so I had to change my place of work. I got a job in a well-known company engaged in the supply of rolled metal products. I was appointed as the head of a department where there was always a relatively small turnover and where a kind of “family” has developed with the motto “One for all and all for one”. And this "family" refused to accept me as a leader. They felt that I was too young and inexperienced, that I offered ideas that would not work. Our relationship improved only after a year and a half of my work, when everyone realized that my projects bring real profit to the company.

Vladislav, Sales Director

How to deal with conflicts the right way

The first rule is to try to resolve the conflict at the earliest possible stage. As a rule, the conflict arises gradually, so you should not disregard minor quarrels between employees at meetings, their sharp remarks and comments. Otherwise, later it will be much more difficult to deal with a sharp deterioration in the quality of work caused by office “wars”.

The second rule - do not arrange a public showdown. Colleagues are not schoolchildren whose behavior can be discussed at a general meeting. Don't turn workshops into blaming conflicts and don't publicize issues that require a personal touch. All serious issues related to interpersonal conflicts, try to discuss behind closed doors with direct participants in the quarrel.

The third rule is to encourage teamwork. Your company is a single organism, for the life of which well-coordinated work is necessary. Do not allow unhealthy competition, when employees are forced to fight almost with swords for certain bonuses or profitable customers. Try to rally the team, where mutual assistance will be in use, at least sometimes.

Fourth rule - do not take sides, choose neutrality. Until you listen to both sides, do not make any decisions, and even more so, do not rush to punish the first one who comes across, the one who was complained about. Invite colleagues to solve the problem through negotiations.

The fifth problem - do not be afraid to fire. Even if you have a genius working in your company, but at the same time he regularly interferes with the work process of other employees and provokes conflicts, you will have to say goodbye to him. Otherwise, everything can end with mass layoffs, which are not so easy to deal with.

Expert opinion

There are conflicts in every field. And the work team is living people: people are different, with their own beliefs and different styles of behavior. Therefore, the clash of opposing points of view, different models of work inevitably leads to conflict.

Being in the midst of a labor conflict is, of course, unpleasant. In addition, frequent conflicts in the team have a negative impact on the overall working atmosphere. However, without conflict, there is no development. After a dispute is resolved, something new almost always appears: a new relationship between employees, a solution to a problem, etc. However, it is important to remember that conflicts should not be avoided, but dealt with constructively so that they really lead to the development of the company. Otherwise, the confrontation can continue indefinitely, thus preventing both employees from productively fulfilling their duties and the company itself from achieving new goals.

To figure out a conflict employee, you need to be very attentive to others, be able to listen and try not to become a provocateur of the conflict yourself. It is necessary to observe a person, how he behaves in a team, how he communicates, what he considers important in life and work.

Often those who can provoke a conflict situation are convinced that they are right. It is important for them that their opinion is always accepted unquestioningly. They are afraid to make a mistake so as not to undermine their authority. And they do not make concessions, because they consider only themselves to be right in any situation. Therefore, any opinion other than their own, such people can take "with hostility." They are struggling for career growth and can create conflicts precisely on this basis.

Such a person is pleased that someone was scolded by the boss, while he himself remained good. Such a lover of conflict often says compliments and other pleasant things in the face of a colleague, but in his absence he can gossip for a long time and with pleasure.
People with heightened emotionality are also subject to conflicts. As a rule, they react violently to everything that happens, not hiding their feelings and emotions. If something made them happy, they rejoice noisily, share their impressions with colleagues. If something upset or offended them, then they will immediately throw out all their indignation right in the team.

There are also silent conflict employees. The difficulty of interacting with them is that they prefer to remain silent, even if something does not suit them or they are dissatisfied with something. At the same time, an attempt by the opponent to find out what the actual matter is will not bring results. This can irritate the opponent. This is where the conflict begins.
And if among your colleagues there are people who constantly complain about life, about their boss, about working conditions, about a husband or wife, etc., then be careful: such a person will defend his position “offended by life” with all his might, which is also may lead to conflict.

Irritation and anger are indispensable companions of any confrontation. But it is better not to throw out anger on colleagues, but speak about their feelings to the opponent directly, calmly and frankly. At the same time, adhere to the so-called I-concepts”: talk only about yourself, your feelings and do not blame colleagues and partners.

If it is very difficult for you to pull yourself together in the midst of a serious conflict, then you should just get out of the situation for a while (leave the office, move away from your opponents, stay alone), so that later, when the anger passes, be sure to return to the discussion. Left alone, you can yell, speak out, and hit the wall with your fist to vent your anger. Water helps a lot. Therefore, you can wash your face, wet your wrists, wash your hands.

But it should be remembered that any conflict must be resolved. If you constantly try to avoid a collision, then the hostile atmosphere in the work team can last for a very long time. Up to the point when, finally, it will not be allowed.

The best way to resolve the conflict is cooperation, when both opponents win something in the end. However, in many situations, a compromise will also be a good outcome, when the parties to the conflict make concessions to each other, thereby coming to a common solution.

If you are already in a conflict situation, first listen to all the claims of the other side, try to accept this point of view. Then express your position, give your arguments. After that, all parties to the conflict should ask themselves: what is the best solution that will benefit both us and you? If specific methods that suit both parties are still not in the process of negotiations, it is advisable to invite a third party - a mediator who can offer his own neutral ways out of the conflict.

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Low salary

You have worked for the company for several years. And now a young specialist is arranged for you, and the boss assigns him a salary equal to yours. In your opinion, this is an unfair decision, since you were actually given to understand that your experience does not matter.

In this situation, you should not conflict with the boss. Do not take out your dissatisfaction on a newcomer, do not try to insult him or put him in a bad light in front of management. Call the manager for a frank conversation and ask for a salary increase. Justify this with your impeccable work, and not with the fact that the newcomer gets the same as you.

Not promoted

For several years you have been striving for a higher position. And then a suitable place was vacated, but suddenly it was not you who was transferred to it, but an unknown person from outside.

Explain to your boss that you have been working at the same job for many years and have succeeded in it. But you are ready to try yourself in other areas of activity. Therefore, you are very interested to know how the management imagines your further career in the company. If you are truly appreciated, you will soon be promoted.

You got blasted for no reason

Until now, your professional activity has not caused criticism, but suddenly the leader suddenly yelled at you. It is necessary to very delicately make amends with the boss and return the old relationship.

Perhaps the anger of the leadership is not at all caused by your miscalculation, but by another person who is the source of his irritation. You just didn't show up at the right time. You should wait a couple of days and you will probably be apologized.

If nothing happens, choose a good moment when the boss is in a good mood and not in a hurry, and talk. Find out what your mistake is and why you have been so criticized. If it turns out that you really made a mistake in your work, apologize and correct it.

Conflict with the boss because of rude words addressed to him

You were careless in a conversation with colleagues, and now the boss is aware that you are unhappy with him. It remains only to find a good reason for your dismissal. How to be? First of all, never allow yourself to criticize management or even just colleagues. However, if this happened, then you must, on your own initiative, apologize and make peace. Sometimes, in a fit of anger, we make hard-hitting remarks about our superiors.

The main thing to remember is that in a conflict with the boss, you need to behave with restraint and respect. You should not start an open war, because victory, most likely, will not be on your side.

All adults spend most of their time at work, then father-in-law in a team. Often our workplace becomes our home, and we often have to communicate with employees and colleagues much more often than even with the closest family members. It is clear that in view of such constant and long-term personal interaction, the possibility of a wide variety of conflict situations that can really turn life into a real nightmare is not at all excluded. Yes, and your favorite work, to which you gave yourself without a trace, may no longer bring that joy at all, a quarrel can even overshadow the joy of serious successes and achievements. Conflicts at work are quite common, therefore it is worth figuring out how to behave in order to prevent this from happening, and if the problem could not be avoided, how to get out of it with honor, and maintain good friendly relations with employees.

Path of least resistance: relationships with work colleagues different

Conflict situations in the workplace, according to official statistics, occur quite often, and it happens that it is hardly possible to stop the cause of the conflict, and, as is clear, its consequences immediately. All people in the world are different and it is not at all surprising that the reaction to communication with some is fundamentally different from the reaction to others. Good and friendly relations with colleagues is that delicate and unreliable path that you need to learn in order to make your life and work as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.

Need to know

Renowned world-famous psychologists still tend to think that the ability to get along well with people is a special gift that you can develop on your own, and your future career, and, consequently, fate may well depend on this.

However, many people think that relationships at work with colleagues should be built in such a way as to avoid any tense topics, and skillfully maneuver between icebergs of human misunderstanding, or even worse, but such an opinion is erroneous. The thing is that sometimes sorting out relationships, and maybe working moments, simply requires conflict, and avoiding it is not at all a way out of a predicament. It is extremely important to be able to distinguish the situation when it is worth avoiding a quarrel, and when it is possible and even necessary to enter into a confrontation with colleagues and colleagues.

This is precisely the whole solution to the problem, and it is worthwhile to understand that your attitude towards a person should be clearly distinguished and determined whether it is destructive or constructive. If you are angry at the wrong hair color, nationality, age, nose length or leg size, then you should realize that your claims have no basis in reality.

At work, you are not required to communicate with anyone, for any reason, except for work matters, so this is just the first thing you should understand for yourself. You definitely don’t owe anything to anyone, but your colleagues also have exactly the same rights so that you don’t dictate your own opinions, worldviews to them, and in general, they also don’t have to smile at you. Particularly detrimental effects of quarrels can cause conflict at work between women , after all, just no one expects serious problems from them, and reconciling angry women is much more difficult than men.

First things first: how to avoid conflict at work with colleagues

Doctors can confirm that it is much easier to take preventive measures and prevent a disease than to treat it later, and the psychology of team relations is also a branch of medicine. Therefore, the optimal solution for any person would be such a model of behavior at work, when conflicts can be avoided as much as possible. And there is nothing overly complicated about this at all, so let's figure out how to avoid conflicts at work and make your life much easier and more enjoyable.

• It is worth making sure that you really like the work, bring joy and satisfaction. Often quarrels and swearing occur exactly where people are simply busy with their own business, they may not be satisfied with the lack of career growth, unsatisfactory wages, and so on. Therefore, even at the stage of employment, you need to find out all the details, and besides, it will not hurt to get acquainted with future colleagues.
• In no case should you think that the only true point of view is your own. Even if you are definitely a highly professional specialist, and you know exactly what's what, be prepared to listen to various points of view, perhaps they will find a rational grain worthy of undoubted attention. This is especially true when the opinion of colleagues is fundamentally different from yours. If at work there is a conflict with a colleague on professional issues, then it can be perceived as a working dispute and the search for optimal solutions, nothing more.
• It is imperative to understand thoroughly the scope of your duties, which the job description dictates to you. True, it is not at all excluded that you will have to help someone in something, or follow the personal directives of the boss, but you will not be allowed to sit on your head at all.
• When demanding something from people, do not forget that you yourself must meet your own high standards. That is, in no case can problems with a colleague at work be solved by rudeness, rudeness, nit-picking, and so on.
• There is one more rule, which we announced last here, but it is very important, so you cannot lose sight of it. Idle gossip, slander and talking behind your back - this is exactly what you should never take part in. Immediately put in place everyone who is trying to unsettle you by telling fables about colleagues, and then this problem will be removed by itself, or rather, simply will not arise.

What to do, if at work there is a conflict with a colleague: a conspiracy or paranoia

It is clear that it also happens that conflict and tense situations simply cannot be avoided, and sometimes we simply look for help already when the quarrel is ripe and is about to crack or grow to the scale of a thermonuclear attack. To understand how to get out of a conflict at work in such a situation, you should think ten times, because it’s very easy to ruin everything, and whether something can be restored later is not at all known. Often the conflict ends with a simple alienation and reduction of communication to the solution of purely business issues, and this is the most optimal way out. But in the most serious situations, they may begin to be rude and even set you up, and then you will definitely have to do something to get out of the problem with honor.

1. Never and under no circumstances, problems with colleagues at work can not be solved by swearing, shouting and rudeness in response to such behavior. Do not get involved in a quarrel, yell and wave your arms. A cold and detached response will be enough, and you will not lose face, and your offender will most likely be stumped, because all his behavior is aimed at causing you an emotional outburst.

• If it was not possible to avoid a frank quarrel in public, then it is strictly not recommended to “suck” the details after the fact with colleagues. This long washing of the bones is not needed, since it will not benefit anyone at all.
• Do not be afraid to talk about the current situation with direct guidance. However, this is a way out of the most difficult conflicts, when you are openly framed, mocked, and so on.

Worth remembering

For those who work in large companies, you need to know that specifically for resolving conflicts in a team, there is a special service called compliance. Just find out if there is something similar at your work and feel free to contact there.

Lessons from professionals: how to survive in a team and be yourself

However, it also happens that conflict situations can arise not only with colleagues. It is much more difficult to understand how to resolve a conflict at work if your opponent is also a boss or a direct supervisor. The situation is aggravated by the fact that your personal career, professional growth, and so on may depend on this person. First of all, you should understand that it is impossible to shout back, throw accusations in the face and swear.

Silently listen to the tirade to the end, and then quietly leave, closing the door behind you. Left alone, it is worth considering whether the accusations of the leader are groundless? Maybe you really should reconsider your own attitude to work? Before figuring out how to resolve a conflict at work with superiors, you need to think ten times who is right and who is wrong. Signs of a constructive conflict will not be difficult to distinguish, yet what goes beyond is already nit-picking.

• Only your professional activity can be discussed, and not appearance, moral character, marital status, nationality, and so on.
• If you repeatedly received comments on the same subject, then there is a rational grain in this, isn't it?
• Other colleagues often express dissatisfaction with your work, skills, actions.
• The boss prefers to scold and chastise for misconduct in a closed office, and not in front of all his colleagues.
• The leader frankly indicates that your actions or decisions and actions negatively affect the activities of the entire company or enterprise.

How to resolve conflict at work with direct guidance

If, upon closer examination and analysis of the situation with your superiors, you realized that, by and large, there is still at least a share of the blame on you, then you should think about correcting your own mistakes as soon as possible. However, it happens that the director simply did not like you, and he begins to find fault. Then it will be very difficult to get out alive and healthy, of course, figuratively speaking, and it will be very difficult to get by with a little blood. How to understand that you are being “persecuted” intentionally and not deservedly?

• Constant destructive criticism is subjected not only to your professional activities, but also to your personal qualities, appearance, nationality, age, gender, and so on.
• You regularly hear reproaches and reproaches, and on the most insignificant, and generally not related to work issues.
• If the leader raises his voice, not at all embarrassed by the presence of other colleagues.
• When you ask to point out mistakes, but you never get a specific wording.

Getting out of such a situation with honor can be unbearably difficult, and it may well happen that you simply have to go in search of a new job. This option cannot be discounted, but you should not endure endless nit-picking and undeserved accusations for the sake of a decent salary, otherwise life can turn into a real hell, and this is not an option at all.

Never yell back, your aggression will cause a response explosion of emotions, even more powerful and destructive. Finally, I would like to repeat the words of one famous cartoon character who believed that the most important thing is calmness, and only calmness! Never lose face, this is important, both for your relationships at work, and for your own psychological, and mental, along with it, health.

A conflict with your boss is a death sentence for an employee. You will no longer be able to work in the same place, and, as a rule, in the same company. And it doesn’t matter for what reason the relationship with didn’t work out, you are the last one anyway. Because the law of corporate life says: whoever is higher is right. Is there a way out?

Corporate life is not sugar, everything happens: insults, misunderstandings, and quarrels ... It will only be better if all these things happen with your colleagues, and not with your own boss. Because if you don’t have a relationship with the leader, you have only one way - get out of the company. And you do not have to disagree on professional issues, there are many other, somewhat unpredictable reasons for hostility - personal relationships. You may simply not like it, choose the wrong tone, say something at the wrong time, or, on the contrary, remain silent. And that's it. Your fate is sealed: quickly or slowly, yours will get rid of you. Why does he need discomfort in the department?

What should an employee do in this situation? At first glance, the answer is obvious: do not quarrel with superiors. But alas, the simple formula “do not mind, agree and say only what they want to hear” does not always work. If only because not all bosses prefer it and often offer subordinates a different, more trusting style of communication, but even so, the opportunity to make a fatal mistake always remains. Even if we do not take into account the deliberate provocation and creation of an open conflict situation, for example, the struggle for informal leadership in a team, there are still a lot of nuances that you can get burned on.

We are often unable to explain even to ourselves sudden likes and dislikes, but there are many more cases when we clearly understand the reason for dislike, but for various reasons we cannot voice it out loud. However, it still provokes a conflict in which one side is obviously weaker than the other. But is this true, because employees are different and some are more valuable to the company than other managers...

Employee and boss. How to resolve the conflict between them?

Galina Dmitrieva, Marketing Director of Ventra Employment: “Now key figures are strongly involved in the company's business, its development plans are often tied to them, and a smart boss will never oppress the goose that lays golden eggs. He, of course, will try not to lose his authority and significance, but at the same time he will not infringe on the "star". All this applies to key, business-relevant employees, who are very difficult to replace without loss to the company. With regard to ordinary personnel, the usual scheme works: if an employee could not establish relations with the manager, he, as a rule,. We often come across candidates who were forced to leave the company only because they did not find a common language with the management.”

However, before moving on to hostilities and extreme measures, experts advise both sides to try to resolve the conflict peacefully. The main thing is to stop in time, and it is the boss who should be the first to take a step towards, because the risks for him are increasing every day. Do not console yourself with the hope that the conflict between two employees will be ignored by the rest. The entire department will immediately be divided into two camps, and the atmosphere in the team will become such that it will be possible to forget about the normal work of the unit. But the leader will be responsible for the results, because this is his main responsibility. Therefore, the conflict must be "strangled" in the bud.

How? Nadezhda Lyakhovskaya, head of the PR department of the AVANTA Personnel recruiting agency (part of the Adecco Group): “Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, the head of the department must take the most neutral position, look for ways out of the current situation, be ready to compromises. His confrontation with one of the members of the collective inevitably becomes obvious to everyone else. Preservation of authority can be achieved not by directive measures, but by wise moves. Emotions will have to be contained, even if it is obvious that the other is wrong. In general, shifting the conflict from an emotional to a professional plane can be one of the ways out.”

It is clear that conflict resolution is hard work, and often the boss has no desire to do it. He is also a person and cannot always step over insults and personal hostility and be the first to make rapprochement. Plus, a psychological element is superimposed on this: he is the boss, the most important, and suddenly go back down and put up?! He - with outstretched hand, sort of admitting defeat? Never. Yes, it is better to fire the employee and forget about the conflict. But there are exceptions.

Olga Ivanova, Manager of Financial Recruitment at Antal Russia, notes: “If an employee is truly valuable, the company will try to do everything possible to resolve the conflict and retain the specialist. If the company's capabilities allow, then he can be transferred to another division.

By the way, there is one curious moment regarding layoffs. According to experts, Russian employers in such situations dismiss employees immediately, without caring about ethics or compliance with laws. And in Western companies, the situation is developing somewhat differently. Galina Dmitrieva says: “I have an example from my life. In a Western company, as a result of a conflict with the authorities, a talented head of the internal recruitment department was fired, who was excellent at solving recruitment issues, including rare ones. In this case, his immediate supervisor waited for some kind of puncture and then fired the unpleasant employee, paying all the compensation, that is, he tried to give everything a legal order.

However, the dismissal of an employee can go sideways and the boss. First, who will carry out the duties of the departed? It will be necessary to redistribute cases, look for a new person, bring him up to date ... It's very troublesome. But another moment is much more unpleasant. Nadezhda Lyakhovskaya warns: “The dismissal of an employee who provokes a conflict should be a last resort, as it can lead to irreparable consequences: from reducing your authority to leaving the rest of your team members after their leader.” All employees observe the development of the conflict and draw conclusions. If a colleague is fired in such a situation, the conclusions will be very unpleasant for the boss.

Be that as it may, the employee lost outright. The troubles that a leader will have can only bring moral satisfaction to a dismissed person. If there is a conflict with the boss, there is only one way - leaving the company. Or is it still not? But what if you try to outplay the leader and quietly get rid of him?

However, Olga Ivanova does not advise doing this: “If you are a smart person, then it is better not to do this. In large companies, there is usually an unspoken rule: whoever has a higher position is right. And even if the "star" goes to complain about the leader, then sideways it can still come out to her. After all, the boss also knows a lot and knows how and takes his place for a reason, and when considering a controversial situation, his position will be stronger.

Does the employee really have no choice at all: either put up with the authorities, and if this is impossible (and often not on their own initiative), then leave? What can you really do to resolve the situation and not hurt yourself?

Experts advise you to have a frank conversation with your superiors or HR. You don't need to be afraid, you just need to do it right. Remember: you are not going to complain, but to solve a problem, you care about the efficiency of the department, and not just about yourself. And in no case do not ask to fire the boss, ask for your own transfer to another unit. Well, if you can immediately offer an acceptable option.

Olga Ivanova gives advice on how to behave in such a situation: “You should not give in to emotions and go upstairs immediately after a quarrel or a stormy conversation. You need to calm down, pick up facts and arguments and operate only with them, clearly setting out your position, but in no case setting ultimatums. You have come to find a constructive solution that will help everyone. It’s worth starting with the words: “I want to stay with the company ... I need advice ...”

Such a statement of the question will win over the interlocutor to you, because this contains a small psychological trick: if you ask for advice, then, firstly, you recognize that your counterpart is wiser, and secondly, let him know that he is needed, irreplaceable. And this is very nice to hear for any boss, so your chances of happily getting rid of an unpleasant boss, but at the same time staying in good company, increase.

Although in order not to have to get out of such a delicate situation, it is better not to get into it. Therefore, extinguish conflicts with superiors in the bud.

09:50 14.12.2015

Any conflict at work can be neutralized with the help of certain speech techniques that will not only extinguish the negative, but also lead to fruitful cooperation. Psychologist Marina Prepotenskaya offers techniques for resolving conflict situations.

Life without conflicts, alas, is impossible: in the business sphere, in everyday life, in personal relationships. Conflict (translated from Latin - "collision") is almost inevitable between people and its cause is often mutually opposite, incompatible needs, goals, attitudes, values ​​...

Someone passionately gets involved in a communication war and tries with all his might to prove the case and win the conflict. Someone tries to bypass sharp corners and sincerely wonders why the conflict does not go out. And someone calmly neutralizes the problem without aggravating it and without wasting energy, strength, health.

We should take it for granted that conflicts have been, are and will be, but either they control us or we control them.

Otherwise, even an insignificant situational conflict can develop into a protracted war that poisons life every day ... Most often, the conflict manifests itself in verbal aggression, since experiences and emotions are always a strong muscle clamp, and especially in the larynx.

As a result - a cry, an inadequate reaction, severe stress, emotional involvement in the conflict of an increasing number of people.

Learn to resolve conflicts with simple situational speech techniques. In relation to the boss and a colleague of the same rank, strategies are chosen differently, but you need to act only according to the situation. Remember the suggested methods.

Neutralize!

• Awareness of the conflict:the first and most important stage of neutralization. Learn to rationally assess the situation. At the moment when you realize that it is precisely the conflict that is brewing, in no case do not connect emotions, leave the line of attack. If the situation allows, leave the premises for a while, even if you are in the boss's office. If etiquette allows, you can calmly add: “Sorry, I don’t talk in that tone” or “We’ll talk when you calm down, sorry.” Walk along the corridor, if possible, wash yourself with cold water - to neutralize the aggression inside you, switch to a number of abstract physical actions for at least a couple of minutes.

​​

• Pattern break: eIf a colleague or boss shows aggression towards you, use a simple touch-switch manipulation. "Accidentally" drop your pen, cough, you can say something completely abstract, for example: "It's so stuffy in our room ..." So aggression does not reach the goal.
• Agree and ... attack with questions! This is one of the ways to break the conflict pattern, when accusations are poured into your address from the lips of the authorities, and, alas, not without reason. Agree on all counts (here it is important not to overplay and control your emotions). And then… ask for help. Say: “It’s hard for me because…”, “I’m very worried, tell me what I need to fix”, “give advice”, etc. Ask clarifying open questions that require a detailed answer - they save the situation.
• Complimentary works wonders. Is the person against you for one reason or another? Consult with him on work issues, appealing to his competence, professionalism (look for all his strengths). It is possible that the incident will be over very soon.
• Sniper technique:pretend that you didn't hear and indifferently ask again. Use inin the event that one of your colleagues deliberately provokes you and frankly offends you with some phrases. As a rule, a person starts to get lost. Say: "You see, you can't even clearly formulate your claims, explain. When you find the words, then we'll talk face-to-face."
• Time to drink tea! Really,many conflicts can indeed be brought to naught with the help of a conversation over a cup of tea. With a colleague who you think has a dislike for you, the best thing to do is to talk frankly and ask a series of questions. For example: "What annoys you about me? Voice? Manner of speech? Clothes? Weight? Let'slet's figure it out. "So the conflict is translated into a constructive channel and, according to psychologists, this is the most civilized way of behavior. In that situation, if we feel that they have hostility towards us, it is useful to find a convenient moment and talk heart to heart. Most often, conflicts are completely exhaust themselves, and in some cases we also learn to analyze our mistakes.

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• Beat the enemy with his own weapon.You can explode in response and win a visible victory. But the result will be the same: instead of neutralization - a chronic protracted war: it is hardly worth spending time and effort on this. They can be used to resolve the conflict.

Do not provoke and warn!

It is no secret that often we ourselves are to blame for conflicts. For example, you did not have time to submit an important report on time. In this case, it is best to approach the boss at the beginning of the day and say: "I understand that there may be a conflict, but such and such a situation happened to me." And explain the reasons.

Such rhetoric can prevent the start of a "war". Since the cause of each conflict is some kind of incident or annoying factor, try to figure out what is happening, and in any situations (whether it be relationships with management, "ordinary" employees or subordinates) adhere to the golden rule of conflictology "I-statement".

• Instead of blaming, communicate your feelings. For example, say: "I feel uncomfortable" instead of: "You find fault with me, you disturb me, you gossip, etc."
• If this is a showdown, say: "I'm worried, it's difficult for me", "I feel discomfort", "I want to understand the situation", "I want to know".
• It is very important to adjust to the experience of the person who initiates the conflict. If this is the boss, say the phrases: "Yes, I understand you", "This is a common problem", "Yes, this upsets me too", "Yes, unfortunately, this is a mistake, I think so too."

It is extremely important to be able to listen and put yourself in the place of a person, to hear not so much what a person says, but to think why he says it that way.

In a boss-subordinate situation, a person can be brought to a rational level of communication by clarifying questions. This is what you need to do if you're being nagged too much.

Are you unfairly accused of being a bad worker? Confidently start attacking with questions: "If I am a bad worker, why are you telling me about this right now?", "Why am I a bad worker, explain to me."

They tell you that you did a bad job - ask what exactly you did not do, specify: "What exactly did I not do, I want to figure it out, I ask you: answer my question." Remember that the one who asks the questions controls the conflict.

Complementing the image

Remember the main thing: in any conflict situation, you must radiate calmness. This will help you:

• confident intonation; avoid notes of arrogance and irritation in your voice - such intonation in itself is conflictogenic. With those colleagues with whom you do not maintain friendly relations for one reason or another, choose a neutral-distance method of communication and a cold tone without false sincerity (and without a challenge);
• the moderate rate of speech and the low timbre of the voice are most pleasing to the ear. In the event that you are talking with a person who does not have sympathy for you, make adjustments to his intonation and manner of speaking - this disposes and neutralizes the desire to conflict;
• a look into the brow zone in a conflict situation discourages the “attacker”. This optical focus suppresses aggression;
• a straight (but not tense) back always sets in a positive mood, gives confidence. Psychologists say that straight posture increases self-esteem!

... It's no secret that conflict can be provoked by behavior, manner of speaking, dressing, lifestyle - the list can be continued indefinitely. All this depends on the worldview, upbringing of a person, his tastes, attitudes and ... internal problems.

In addition, there are words and topics that can ignite a chronic conflict: politics, social status, religion, nationality, even age ... Try not to touch on "hot" topics on fertile conflict ground. For example, in a society of women with problems in their personal lives, it is desirable to boast less of an ideal husband ...

You can make a list of warnings yourself, carefully assessing the atmosphere in the team. By the way, if you hear harsh phrases in relation to yourself, put your emotions aside, do not connect to the energy of the aggressor - simply ignore him.

Do you hear outright rudeness? Leave or neutralize, breaking the pattern.

Criticism on the case? Join, say words of support, if the situation allows, switch to complimentary.

Excessive quibbles? Go on the attack with clarifying open questions.

But most importantly, seek inner peace. And, of course, never let yourself be drawn into "friendship against someone." Demonstrate confidence, increase self-esteem, work on yourself - and you will be able to neutralize any negative directed at yourself. And, moreover, you will be able to get daily pleasure from your work!

Read at your leisure

• Anatoly Nekrasov "Egregors"
• Eric Byrne "Games People Play"
• Victor Sheinov "Conflicts in our life and their resolution"
• Valentina Sergeecheva "Verbal karate. Strategy and tactics of communication"
• Lillian Glass "Verbal self-defense step by step"

Photo in text: Depositphotos.com