In youth, people do not often think about how to change their character. As a rule, this thought comes with growing up and the desire to fully communicate with others. A person realizes that everyone around is not obliged to love him, if he is not himself, constantly whines and complains about life, is angry or lazy.
The moment you realize that your character is the cause of difficult relationships in the family or at work, you need to urgently take action to correct the situation.
First step: positive thinking
In fact, a bad character is like a bad habit, only it is more difficult to get rid of it than, for example, to quit smoking. If you can control yourself and not buy a pack of cigarettes, then there will be nothing to smoke, but unnecessary thoughts are harder to throw out of your head.
Remember, your character is your idea of life. What you think about yourself will grow and develop within you. So always imagine what kind of person you want to become.
If you are in the habit of constantly regretting something and telling how unlucky you are in life, think about what you have. Every person has something to be grateful for: health, children, work, appearance. If you think that there is nothing, this is your chance to start everything from scratch. The first thing to do before changing character is to learn to think positively.
There is an interesting technique that can help you with this. Take a simple rubber band for money and put it on your hand. As soon as a negative thought creeps into your head, immediately pull off the elastic band and “click” - remember that everything is fine, and it will be even better. The habit of controlling your thoughts and not letting yourself slide into a swamp of envy, resentment, scandals will make you an optimist, and happiness without optimism is impossible. In turn, a happy person is confident in himself, he rejoices for himself and for others, gives a good mood to others.
Step two: love yourself
The second thing without which it will not be possible to change your character is self-love. Every morning, waking up and stretching sweetly, go to the mirror, smile and say: “I love you.” Repeat to yourself as often as possible that every minute you become better, kinder, more self-confident.
Such auto-training will set the right mood for the whole day, and having received the right setting, you will follow it automatically.
Not loving yourself because you don't like your character is pointless. Until you accept yourself as you are, you will be filled with negativity towards yourself, and this only destroys. You, on the contrary, need to learn how to create - to create a new person who will correspond to your ideas.
Step Three: Behavior Analysis
Character - a set of habits to respond in any way to emerging situations. Given that life consists of repetitive moments, learn to analyze your behavior. It's a good idea to start journaling. Describe what happened to you during the day, how you behaved and how you should have acted.
For example, you want to, and today your boss offered to fill out a vacation schedule. Of course, you modestly kept silent, although you dreamed of going on vacation in August. Describe the current situation and the reasons for your timidity, make up an exemplary dialogue with your boss that could take place. The next day, with this conversation plan, go ahead and boldly explain to your superiors that August is perfect for your vacation. A few of these situations, and soon you will be able to fend for yourself.
Before you change your character, think about whether you really need it. If you do not feel discomfort in communicating with other people and live in harmony with yourself, you may not need change. You should not be guided by the opinion of one person who does not like something about you.
Regardless of which character trait you decide to fight, you will need to follow a simple plan. First, determine what exactly is behind this problem, what caused it, and what you want to replace it with. For example, if you want to stop getting angry over something stupid, start smiling. Studies have shown that a habit is formed within 30 days. This means that if you control your emotions for a month, then after this time the changes will be obvious. If the list of what you want to change is quite extensive, highlight the main points (1-2) that you will work on first.
Thinking about how you can change your character, you should understand that reflections alone are not enough, serious work on yourself will be required. When a person is not satisfied with his body, he goes on a diet and goes to the gym. Action is always needed to get results. Therefore, having made a decision to change, act, because the quality of your life depends on it.
Anna, Taganrog
Psychologist's comment:
Character is a set of stable mental properties and habitual standard ways of behavior. Very often, character is described through a set of “character traits”. Is it possible to change character at all? The answer is yes, although it is not an easy task. Character is a secondary education, depends on personal development. A personality can, in its development, overcome those features that are unacceptable for it, for example, as the author of the article writes, when "character is the cause of difficult relationships in the family or at work." Pay attention to the fact that there is a difference between personality, what a person lives for (what is important to him, what is indifferent to him) and character, which determines how exactly the process of interaction with the world is implemented. There is even an expression: "A good man with a bad character."
Why does a person need character? It is necessary to preserve the personality itself and those motives that drive a person, i.e. it has a protective function. In order to systematize and simplify life in society, a person accumulates a set of habits - stereotypical ways of behavior (in order not to constantly encounter a situation of uncertainty and not to solve constant intrapersonal problems in everyday life).
Remember the beginning of the well-known proverb: "If you sow an act, you will reap a habit ...". Character begins with an act in an uncertain situation. “Essentially, a bad character is like a bad habit,” in principle, this is true. But we must remember that the character begins to build from childhood around the innate properties of a person: the type of nervous system, temperament.
The author of the article points out that the desire to change the character comes, as a rule, in adulthood with the emergence of problems in communication, when “a person realizes that everyone around is not obliged to love him if he does not love himself, constantly whines and complains about life, gets angry or lazy." The main reason why a person wants to change is to receive love, respect, recognition from other people. What lies even deeper? It can be difficult to get to the bottom of this on your own. Perhaps it is a fear of being alone or an emotional dependence on another person who wants you to change. Here there is a danger to please others, to ignore one's own needs, interests, even fears, i.e. Actually, don't love yourself.
Even if you, having independently analyzed the causes and consequences of your behavior, got to the bottom of the truth, it can be difficult to implement changes in your life. The psychologist will spot the pitfalls, create a favorable environment for you to try out new ways of behaving, gaining new experiences in a safe but meaningful environment.
What problems can a person who decides to change his character on his own face? On his way, he is likely to face relapses, a return to the old, with a sense of guilt about this, and as a result, a decrease in mood and motivation for change, he may experience intrapersonal conflicts, a “rebellion” against the demanding “inner parent” and he will also find that self-hypnosis works for a limited time. And another important point - there will be other unexpected changes that will take your attention and time (changing an element of the system, we affect the entire system as a whole). Remember that you need to give yourself time so that the changes have time to integrate into life.
Now let's look at a few individual features that the author proposes to work on. If a person is “angry”, then it is possible that this is a signal that the situation does not suit him (he wants changes and even has energy for this), perhaps he is pulling an unbearable load, overstraining, or those around him do not hear him.
It is also necessary to understand what it means when a person is “lazy” in each specific case and the reasons for laziness. It can be both chronic fatigue and burnout syndrome. Laziness can be the cause of intrapersonal conflict, when, for example, there are arguments for doing something, but there are arguments against resistance. Maybe an inner sense of the senselessness of any action and at the same time hope for a miracle.
It may turn out that a person has a weak type of nervous system, he needs more rest (others see him as a lazy person), and this is an innate feature. It is necessary to take into account your own characteristics in the formation of your individual style (then you can compensate for the innate qualities of the nervous system, such as fatigue, excitability, etc.). And here there are already other tasks - to accept yourself, adapt and explain to others that everything is fine with you - you are just like that by nature. Try to declare love to yourself! Here a string of new problems and situations may arise when others do not allow you to be the way you are. A person learns his character, as well as his changes, through other people. In terms of "serious work on oneself" one can fully agree with the author. And sometimes it may turn out that a person wants to change the environment, and not change his character.
The author of the article highlights a sequence of three steps for changing character - self-love and behavior analysis. By themselves, positive thinking and self-love, the achievement of these states is already a goal and a great value. Here we can already talk about a change in character. “Your character is your idea of life. What you think about yourself will grow and develop in you.” I would say the first step is raising awareness. It is necessary to change the character by changing the attitude towards the world, towards oneself (I agree with the author), if this takes root, then we can assume that the character has changed.
We can agree with the phrase that “a happy person is confident in himself, he rejoices for himself and for others, gives a good mood to others.” And a happy person knows his own characteristics, strengths and weaknesses, accepts himself. Here and self-sufficiency and completeness. Other people have a great sense of our mood, what can be expected from you, and try to be closer.
In conclusion, I would like to add that a person grows, changes - this is normal and natural. You can change spontaneously under the influence of the environment (opinions of other people, society, circumstances), or you can cultivate what you think is important to develop or keep in yourself. Train your skill like a muscle! Therefore, it is important to discuss with other people and experiment. The most effective way to do this is with a professional psychologist.
Psychologist-consultant Natalia Sushinina
Despite the simplicity of the question, it is actually insanely complex and individual. After all, for everyone, the best side looks different, and the ways to achieve perfection always border on difficulties. In this article we will try to give you the main ways to change yourself (your character, behavior, outlook on life, etc.). We cannot guarantee your changes only after reading our article, however, if you complete most of the proposed points, you can be sure that you will not recognize yourself at all!7 steps to change yourself for the better
- Start the fight against bad habits! You won't get better if you have bad habits. The fact is that they will interfere every time: either you will be constantly scolded for them, or you yourself will be tormented by thoughts about your shortcomings. They will stop you from progressing in life. Everyone understands perfectly well that it is impossible to get rid of bad habits quickly, but for this you just need to start. Let it be a decrease in the dose of nicotine or alcohol, but you will start to somehow move in a positive direction. You can read more detailed instructions on how to get rid of bad habits in one of our next articles on the online magazine site, so subscribe to updates!
- Make a plan for the next five years! It is unrealistic to become better in one day, it is also difficult to become better in a year, but in five years it is more than possible, and you can change in such a way that you simply do not recognize yourself. Your plan should be 100% realistic (whatever happens) and also very detailed. You must know what you will be doing in any of the months of your life. Also make a system to help you keep track of how far you have deviated from your plan. It is quite simple to create such a system - write in front of each month of the future what results you should achieve. We remind you that goals should not be sky-high, especially if it concerns your weight, then you will not lose 20 kilograms in 1 month, no matter how much you would like to. And if it concerns money, then they should also be according to the plan as much as you can really get. It is better to overfulfill your plan than not reach the minimum mark.
- Do good deeds. A good person is easy enough to distinguish - he always does good deeds! Doing good is not only useful, but also pleasant. After all, think how easy it is to help an elderly woman carry bags or fix a broken fence in the country. It is easy for a child to get a kitten from a tree, and for a young mother to lower the stroller from the floor to the street. Such actions require a minimum of time and effort from you, but at the same time you get an incredibly positive attitude, words of gratitude and not only your personal opinion of yourself, but also the opinion of others grows. You don't need to refuse help, especially if it costs nothing for you, you shouldn't turn a blind eye to injustice, you don't need to be indifferent - and then you can change yourself for the better!
- Be honest with yourself and those around you. Another feature that distinguishes a positive person from a bad one is the ability to always be honest. It is always easier to lie than to tell a person the truth in the face. There are so many brazen lies around us that sometimes it even becomes bad. And everyone lies - acquaintances, friends and even close people. No, lying for good is one thing, but lying for selfish purposes is a completely different situation. There are few honest people on earth, but they exist! Do you want to be one of the few?! Being honest is difficult not only with the people around you, but also with yourself. After all, remember how often we deceive ourselves ?! Example: got nasty in the store?! And we walk along the road and think that it's my own fault, crawled under a hot hand or at an unnecessary moment. Cut wages? It's just that the boss is a bastard, and that's it?! ... But in fact, everything is the other way around than in the previously described situations. The rudeness was not your fault, but the cut salary was due to your mistakes.
- Keep your word. Several centuries ago, honor was not just an empty phrase, people died for it and were afraid to miss it all their lives. One of the main points of honor was the ability to keep one's word. Do you want to change yourself?! Learn to keep all the promises you have made. Do not dare to say out loud what you cannot achieve, and if you have already mentioned it, then if you please, do what has been said, no matter what it costs you. Those who keep their word are respected and listened to in any society, as they always know that the words spoken by this person are not an empty phrase, but the truth that cannot be disputed. It is very difficult to keep the promised word, even not everyone can do it, but it is definitely worth learning!
- Build strong relationships with your significant other. You will not be able to become better without having love in your heart that could warm you at any moment of your life. Man is a creature that cannot live without love, he will always strive to find a person with whom he would like to spend the rest of his life. Therefore, if you are not in search of your love, you will never be able to achieve perfection. After all, it was not in vain that all high-ranking officials had second halves. After all, it is also an indicator that a person knows how to create a family, values it and tries in every possible way to teach others about it. It is unlikely that anyone will take an example from you if you are lonely and unhappy.
- Create your appearance the way you like it. It is not enough just to change ourselves inside, because we all evaluate ourselves not only by personal qualities, but also by external ones. Here you need to learn to stop being afraid of experiments - to try yourself in various "roles". This is especially important and necessary for women. It is not enough to change the style of clothing. After all, you must change your hairstyle, make-up, manner of movement, gait, etc. After all, only in this way you will believe in your changes. Come up with for yourself the image that would be interesting to you, which you would like to imitate and who to be like. Yes, we agree that there are no ideal women, and making an idol for yourself is not right! However, you can take from every famous woman for yourself only those criteria that you like exclusively!
Change takes a long time to take effect, many will take years to change themselves into the person they like. However, it is better to spend a few years on your positive changes than to live a life that you would not like at all!
I have always wondered how character affects a person's life. Many acquaintances are lucky in life, they are well arranged, they stand firmly on their feet: they have a job, a family, and children make them happy. And others are simply unlucky: they cannot find a job, and something is not going well in the family. Everyone has their own character, their own destiny - I understood this for sure. And everyone in his life achieves in different ways: someone is persistent, someone is unobtrusive, and someone is generally indifferent to absolutely everything.
I can not say that there are ideal people. Perhaps I am both a skeptic and a pessimist, but I see negative aspects in people, and if they are close or relatives, then often I make comments to them. I also have my negative sides, but if you look at things realistically, then this is all from the fact that in addition to joy and happy moments, there is a lot of negativity in my life.
What is character
It's no secret to me that the quality of a person's life, his happiness and success depends entirely on his character. After all, as I said earlier, fate develops in different ways. Even people with the same abilities end up with different results. What am I leading to? To the fact that people, thanks to their ambitions and character, achieve different things.
We know from the school textbook that the term "character" has many definitions. In my understanding, character is a certain combination of different qualities of a person, which are manifested in communication in society, family, in different life situations. These qualities determine the attitude to other people, to life, to oneself. And judging by this attitude, we determine what kind of character a person has. Of course, I'm not a psychologist, but this is my understanding of the term "character".
Change of character
I have always been interested in psychology. During my school years, I got to know her seriously. However, psychology and psychological situations have always been present in my life. Everything went well, both academically and in my career. And personal life did not stick. For some reason, I always felt guilty: if the guys left, then it was my fault; if the girlfriends weren't friends, it's my fault. Then I got tired of it all, and as it turned out, I just came across the “wrong” people. But I was not convinced of this right away.
I strove for improvement, I wanted to change my character, because I believed that I and my character were to blame for everything. Yes, I will not hide, I wanted to change my life for the better, change some qualities, turn shortcomings into virtues. Life for me became not the same as I imagined it before, I realized that I myself am the blacksmith of my own happiness, and it is I who should create it, and not someone else. 
My steps towards character change
I decided to get serious about myself. I strongly wanted something new: achievements, success, good luck, new people and good acquaintances. Here are my steps:
Qualities I don't like about myself and need to change.
Yes, it’s not easy to delve into yourself, but still I drew a sheet of paper into 3 columns and wrote my shortcomings in the first of them. I have this: a tendency to depression, isolation, not a sense of purpose.
Transformation into merit.
This is the second column. I need to bring my shortcomings to the dignity and understand this issue. It is important to accept your shortcomings as part of yourself, not to be dissatisfied with yourself, but only to figure out why. I am prone to depression for many reasons. In our family, everything is not always cloudless, and often I am in a depressed state.
Solutions.
I imagine what I want to be and how I can become one. The opposite of my propensity for depression is the ability to enjoy life, every little thing, and every manifestation of it. I visualize not only joyful moments, but also their perception. After all, you can also rejoice in different ways. I began to keep a diary in which my plans for life appeared. She also started a notebook in which she wrote down well-known poems and poems of her own composition.
The opposite of my isolation, I wrote sociability and openness. I began to trust my husband more and felt the same in return. I began to talk to him more about my problems, but here the nuance is that I do not complain, but I share, I say, and together we are looking for a possible way out of problems.
findings
I imagined various life situations, and the correct way out of them. Having changed my character in this way, it became easier for me not only to communicate with people, but simply easier to feel myself. I have become more relaxed and confident about everything. I hope my system will help you.
And what are your methods to change the character?
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How to change your character?
- As a rule, new character traits are most quickly and fully manifested in a person if they are similar to existing ones. After the age of thirty, cardinal changes in character occur extremely rarely. Yet it is never too late to change.
A person can always change character traits that he does not like. There are many methods for this, but they are all based on one thing: the desire to change must be internal and conscious.
A good helper in changing character will be a systematic approach. Write down on a separate sheet of character traits that you want to get rid of. Next to each trait, write how it manifests itself. Knowing this, it will be easier for you to control yourself and prevent actions that are unpleasant for you. The character of a person is created for a long time, it is difficult to get rid of unpleasant features, this requires painstaking and long work. But this is not impossible, and literally the first week is a particular difficulty. When control over the manifestation of the dark side of your character becomes a habit, it will become much easier to monitor your behavior. And very soon, what you did not like in your character will no longer complicate your life and communication with loved ones.
Also good results in changing your character gives a role model. Having chosen some sample (it can be either a real or a fictional person), you begin to equal him. And ask yourself what he would do in your place. By copying the desired behavior, you will also develop the right habits for yourself and minimize the manifestation of negative character traits. Here MirSovetov will make only such a remark: do not try to copy someone's behavior exactly as it is, superficially. Yes, and you probably won't. You need to understand that you are individual in your own way, and therefore some feature will appear with its own shade peculiar only to you. - Life itself will change it for you over time.
- Know yourself and you will know the world. There is such folk wisdom. Knowing yourself, your character, you can know another person. Knowing the nature of a person allows you to anticipate his behavior and correct his actions and deeds. And, therefore, be more effective in making decisions and interacting with other people.
On the one hand, life casts a person's character, and on the other hand, character leaves a seal on all a person's actions, his thoughts and feelings. Of course, a cowardly person can take a decisive action, and a polite person can break into rudeness. But still, we call decisive or rude only that person for whom such behavior is the norm, who almost always acts in this way.
But you can not only study your character, but also actively change it. The impact on other people will be as effective as possible only if you yourself meet the requirements that you place on others.
Let's explore our character a little.
In the system of relations, four groups of character traits are distinguished:
1. Character traits that indicate a person’s attitude to work (industriousness, laziness, initiative)
2. Character traits that indicate a person’s attitude to the team and society (sociability, sensitivity, callousness, rudeness)
3. Character traits that indicate a person’s attitude towards himself (modesty, vanity, self-criticism)
4. Character traits indicating a person’s attitude to things (neatness, thrift)
ATTENTION! Currently, experts have more than 15 thousand names of personality traits. They can also be character traits if they are clearly manifested in activity.
Let's write down the character traits you know in alphabetical order together.
For example:
A - ambition, altruism
B - thrift. Dishonesty Continue to the letter Y yourself.
Well, how does it work out? Look how many components. But! It is important to manage all this so that your weaknesses are not leading in your life.
Character is formed in behavior. And the motives of behavior are fixed in character. Therefore, the path of character formation lies through the formation of proper motives for behavior. And the same act can have several different motives.
You are doing a foreign language exercise. The goal is to memorize a certain number of words. What about motives?
Children answer: get a good mark, earn the teacher's approval, prepare for exams. It is the motives of activity that determine the program, productivity and character of a person. Therefore, if you want to influence your character, analyze it in terms of motives. Learn to properly evaluate your actions - learn to manage your behavior. In order for a person to have sufficient control over his behavior, he must have a developed will.
Will - the ability to overcome difficulties, perseverance in achieving the goal. The development of the will begins with the formation of strong-willed habits. After all, it is not for nothing that Eastern wisdom says: You sow an act - you reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; you sow a character, you reap a destiny. We've gone through this a thousand times already.
Consolidation.
Exercises for the development of will and character.
Walk. Leave the house and return exactly after a certain time. Permissible errors - 2 min.
Charger. Start charging
Every person who experiences dissatisfaction or a need for development is thinking.
Many scientists consider character as a set of personality traits. Psychologists believe that character affects behavior, communication features, abilities and success in their implementation. It is noticed that the character manifests itself in different ways in the conflict.
Everyday psychology pays attention to how the character of people manifests itself in life, everyday life, and at work. Obviously, there are people who have a bad, unbearable character. And vice versa, there are kind people: they have a good, flexible character.
It happens that in paired relationships people do not understand each other, they say about them: "They did not agree on the characters."
And what does modern science say about the possibility of changing character?
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains how and where the character of each person arises, whether it is necessary to change one's character, what are the characteristics of different people, and how they can be influenced.
We are different and at the same time the same. We want happiness and we don't want suffering.
As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says, the whole variety of our characters is made up of eight vectors. Each vector reflects the characteristics of the psyche and shows what the character of a person is.
What kind of character do people with a skin vector have?
In a developed and realized state, they are flexible, easy-going, active people striving for change. They bring new technologies, new types of business, new laws to the world.
And in bad states - traitors, prone to theft, drink too much quickly.
Why do they get into bad states? Most often due to overstress: it is difficult for them to endure material losses or loss. They also react painfully to the lack of opportunities for success and career opportunities. Then the character fails, and a person born to win, due to failure, does not show himself in the best way. Is it possible in such a situation to understand how to change your character?
At the training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, the mechanism for forming a life scenario for failure and how to change such a scenario for a more successful one is explained.
And what are people with an anal vector by their nature?
In good mental states, they are reliable, caring people, good parents and specialists, professionals in their field, and owners of a phenomenal memory.
And in the bad - stubborn, touchy, aggressive, postponing their affairs and life itself for later. They can not be argued, they believe that they are always right.
Where do bad states come from, and how do they affect character?
Sometimes it’s because they can’t reorganize themselves in the face of unexpected turns in their own life scenarios, for example, they were looking for a pure, holy, decent woman, but found - not very much. So dissatisfaction with oneself is growing, but more often with other people.
Many problems are rooted in childhood. When parents, especially a mother, could not give the necessary attention to a small diligent child with an anal vector: they hurried, did not praise, scolded or ignored his merits, he had resentment.
Because of a bad experience, a person makes a transfer to other people: “All people are their own ...” - and cannot take place in society. With age, resentment increases in people with an anal vector, and the character deteriorates even more because of this.
Is it possible to change the character after the training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan? Of course, there are a lot of reviews about this from people who have completed the training and found their happiness, who have changed their attitude towards themselves and their lives.
“... Before joining the training in Systemic Vector Psychology, I could not have imagined that in just a couple of lectures my life and perception of myself and people would begin to change so dramatically.
A couple of lectures against 9 years of active spiritual searches! Having received such simple and natural knowledge lying on the surface, I noticed that interaction with people has changed by 180 degrees. Hostility gave way to compassion, arrogance to empathy, selfishness to concern for another person ... "
Anastasia, Cyprus
“... I lived through a difficult life stage, it seemed that everything was collapsing and there was nothing to cling to. Although it didn’t seem, it really collapsed: relations with her husband, joint business, misunderstanding with children.
The very first, even during the training, a stone fell from my heart - the resentment towards my mother dissolved, which did not allow me to fully enjoy every moment of our communication.
My results are many. In everyday life, this is a pleasant ease in communicating with people, they are interested in me, and me with them. I don’t seem to be doing anything special, but they are people, even little acquaintances, for some reason set themselves the task of doing pleasant things for me, they constantly make me happy ... "
Evgenia, Oktobe
It also happens that we want to change the character of other people! We are trying to make a similar person out of our child or partner, not distinguishing the mentality of either our own or the child.
We seem to forget that an orange will not grow from an apple seed, but, as the people say, "neither this nor that."
To find out for sure what to develop, and to understand how the character changes along with development, as well as to change your character for the better, come to Yuri Burlan's free online training on system-vector psychology. Register via the link.
The article was written using materials from online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
