Once in the life of every person, there comes a time of reassessment of values, when you can already look back and see your mistakes, wrong decisions, analyze the results of your efforts, and draw conclusions about your achievements. Very often, pragmatic and self-critical people in modern society do not have enough self-confidence and strength to accept their own shortcomings, come to terms with the mistakes made in their lives, try to correct the situation and change life for the better. Not many people have enough faith in themselves to simply start over from scratch. And then somewhere in the depths of the soul a person has a feeling of confusion, depression and hopelessness, which is replaced by despair. Depression sets in, which is called a midlife crisis.

Each person finds his own reason for worrying. Some people, having reached unprecedented peaks in their careers, realize that they completely forgot about the family and missed the most important and reverent moments of growing up their own children, and some sadly think that they never had a real family. Someone gets tired of a rented apartment, uninteresting work and a constant lack of money, and someone, having their own business, suddenly experiences a betrayal of a partner and the collapse of the company. One person cannot accept the fact that all his friends have achieved some success, and only he will not find a normal job, and the other has grown up the career ladder so much that he no longer sees prospects for further development. Thoughts are different for everyone, but every person one day begins to understand how his dreams diverge from reality. And time is running out and there are fewer and fewer opportunities to realize your plans and achieve your goals.

How long does a midlife crisis last?

The midlife crisis begins at 30-45 years and lasts 2-3 years. For everyone, this time is different. But the most critical age for women is the period of 30-35 years. In men, the crisis begins later, at the age of 40-45 years.

The reason for the early onset of a midlife crisis in women is:

1. The responsibility that is placed on women for the birth and upbringing of children, as well as the age limits imposed by society. Having a first child after 30-35 years is not accepted, but meanwhile, many women, because of the desire to get a decent education and find a good job, are in no hurry to start a family.
2. The first signs of the withering of the female body, when wrinkles begin to appear on the face at the age of 30-35, the figure changes after the birth of children, and there is practically no time left for oneself. Men, on the other hand, may not pay much attention to appearance and have the opportunity to concentrate on work, which women simply cannot afford.
3. A drop in strength, when it is no longer possible, as in youth, not to sleep at night and in the most intense schedule to find time to meet with friends.
4. Difficulty interacting with the opposite sex. If a woman over 30 is still single, it is much more difficult for her to find a life partner for herself. Since she already subconsciously does not put sexuality in the first place, which all young people possess. For her, personal qualities become important. And if men do not fit all the criteria, a woman has a feeling of hopelessness and doomed to loneliness.
5. The impossibility of realizing one's own goals and desires. Those girls who live with their parents for a long time, listen to their advice and do not have the opportunity to realize their own ideas and desires, are most acutely experiencing a midlife crisis.

midlife crisis in women manifests itself in irritability and nervousness. A depressed state is accompanied by apathy, laziness, one does not want to do even elementary familiar things. A woman has sudden mood swings, optimism and enthusiasm are suddenly replaced by disappointment and helplessness. Satisfaction from work disappears, the family does not please, you generally want to turn off the phone so as not to hear the cheerful and cheerful voices of friends. Another invariable “attribute” of the midlife crisis is thoughts about death, which more and more often begin to arise in the oppressed mind of a person.

When a midlife crisis sets in, women very often leave their husbands in search of a more affluent partner, change their style of dress and hair, or start looking for new entertainment, often abusing alcohol.

How to overcome a midlife crisis

If you do not know how to survive a midlife crisis, try to relax, rest more often, find a new hobby for yourself that will help you recharge with positive.

Calmly analyze whether you like the work. Don't be afraid to take a step forward and send at least ten of your resumes to companies where you really want to work.

If your loved ones annoy you, try to restrain yourself so as not to make fatal mistakes. They are certainly not to blame for your problems.

Despite the apparent drama of the situation, a midlife crisis always ends with the formation of new goals and attitudes. A person realizes that his time is limited, and begins to appreciate every minute of his life. A woman begins to take care of the feelings of her children and spouse. She begins to find pleasant moments in her family life, to notice the good that she had not paid attention to before.

The life of a person who has survived a midlife crisis becomes more stable. It is no longer governed by spontaneous decisions and violent emotions, but by wisdom, mutual respect and compromise.

A woman after 35 becomes a more holistic and harmonious personality. All those ideals and values ​​between which a young and insecure girl rushed about in her teens fade into the background. Now a woman already has her life experience, her knowledge, and she is able to choose her own path. And the midlife crisis is precisely the crossroads at which every person stops one day. But since ancient times, philosophers have said: do not be afraid of crossroads, even if you can go only one of the roads. Where the paths diverge, there is a great power that empowers the wanderer with energy and helps to make the right choice.

"Midlife is a period of profound psychological transformation" M. Stein.

The main developmental dilemma for the middle-aged adult, according to Erik Erikson, is the dilemma of restlessness. Restlessness in Erickson's theory is a very broad concept, covering both parental relationships - the birth of children and their upbringing, and most of what is meant by talking about "productivity" or "creativity" - competence in one area or another, ability to contribute to it. Restlessness is thus a concept close to self-actualization, which Abraham Maslow defines as a person's striving to become the best possible. In their chosen profession, people strive to do their best and improve themselves so as to reach the highest level of competence that they are capable of. People aspire to be loyal friends, concerned citizens, worthy partners. They work to develop their strengths and, if possible, eliminate their weaknesses in order to become as perfect as possible. Also, the concept of restlessness is closely intertwined with the archetype of "self", which was introduced by Carl Jung. And it is precisely the restlessness of a person as a result of the inability to achieve "selfhood" and self-actualization that is a manifestation of a midlife crisis. According to M. Stein, such fundamental problems of individual development and personal reflection as the feeling of attachment to other people, the experience of their loss, a sense of self-identity, hope and despair make themselves felt most persistently during this period. The fundamental integrity of a person is often tested almost to the point of breaking. The one who survived this difficult journey and went out into the calm sea never remains the same. Some mid-life crisis breaks, others makes complete. Out of the crisis, a deeper form of wholeness is born than could be imagined.

Erickson's theory focuses on childhood stages of development; the discussion of middle age it contains is brief and formulated in very general terms. Theorists who have focused on middle age have tried to work out some of the problems of this age by describing more important issues and identifying more stages. It is important to note that these stages were developed almost exclusively from the study of middle-class whites. A classic example of this is the periodization of Levinson's life. Moreover, I would like to note that the vast majority of works devoted to the midlife crisis are devoted to the consideration of this problem in men. Apparently, this is due to the fact that it was men who in the past were engaged in a career, provided for loved ones, spent more time in the company of other people and, accordingly, the manifestations of a midlife crisis were noticed and described precisely on their example. Whereas women, being often limited in communication to a rather narrow circle of people and not showing their mental suffering in front of strangers, did not attract such close attention of researchers of the problem we are considering. But the female mid-life crisis is no less, and sometimes more acute problem that requires long, careful and attentive work, both by the psychologist and the client herself.

However, before turning to the problem of the midlife crisis in women in more detail, let us consider the manifestations of this problem, which are almost the same in people of both sexes. The most important moment of psychic development, concerning the mid-life crisis, is associated with a fundamental change in attitude - from the identity of the Ego to the identity of the Self. If this transformation fails, the second half of life will be permeated with feelings of dissatisfaction and bitterness, a sense of the death of the inner meaning (neurosis). A positive outcome of the mid-life crisis promises good prospects for the growth of creativity, gaining wisdom, correct and holistic understanding of oneself in old age. Psychologists describe the way out of the midlife crisis in different ways, but in general, many agree with the periodization of this crisis proposed by Stein. He identifies three stages in the mid-life transformation process:

1. The first stage is associated with irretrievable loss and requires parting with the past - past dreams, myths, ideals, illusions. They should be mourned and buried.
2. After that, there comes a period of "suspension", uncertainty: many questions arise, the main of which is the question of one's former identity and understanding of oneself. This critical stage is called liminality. It is important to note that the liminality period does not end soon. An attempt to prematurely end this period leads to the cessation of the realization of creative potential, endangers its existence and the transition to the next life stage. During this period, a new world is being formed, and this takes time.
3. And finally, at the third stage, a new personality is born, and it also takes time for it to show its features and gain a stable position in life. I would like to note that it is not possible to accurately distinguish the boundaries of these stages, one smoothly passes into another, and in some cases there is a repeated passage through them with incomplete or ineffective living through the midlife crisis.

In the period between thirty and forty years (it should be noted right away that this gradation by age is rather conditional and inaccurate, and according to domestic psychologists, for residents of Russia, the figures are even more different) many come to reassess their previous choices of spouse, career, life goals. Sometimes it comes to divorce and change of profession. Also, the first years after thirty are usually a time of getting used to new or reaffirmed choices and life goals. The most visible and potentially valuable symptom in middle age is internal conflict. "Absolutely unbearable internal discord Jung writes, is proof of your true life. Life without internal contradictions is either only half of life, or life in the Beyond, which only angels live". Transformation in mid-life is a key moment in the transition from the first half of life to the second. It reflects not only the crisis of the Ego, but also the possibility of the emergence of a self-sufficient personality, the birth of a new personal center in consciousness - the Self. What takes root in this period in personal history will give its psychological fruits throughout the subsequent life of the individual.

There are several fairly typical descriptions of the problems collected by the researchers of the described problem, which are given by people during the midlife crisis:

1. A person understands that he has already achieved what he wanted, that this is the maximum, there is nothing more to strive for;
2. Instead of the reached peak, a person finds a plateau, where only part of the plan turned out to be realized. For example, a career, a smart child, and a divorced husband / wife. Or, husband/wife, children, an interesting job where you are valued, but a rented apartment and constantly barely enough money to pay. Or money, a career, an ideal marriage, but no children, and there is no health to give birth;
3. It happens that a midlife crisis begins when something happens in life. For example, instead of a high position, which he aspired for a long time - the collapse of a career or an irreparable and untimely loss.
4. It may be that, postponing everything for later, a person notices that others have long overtaken him, and he is unlikely to have time to make up for the lost time of his life.

This period of life is also referred to as the "decade of doom" and "mid-life crisis". Its main characteristic is the awareness of the discrepancy between the dreams and life goals of a person and the reality of his existence. Since human dreams almost always have some unrealistic features, sometimes even fantastic ones, the assessment of their divergence from reality during this period is painted, as a rule, in negative and emotionally painful tones. Time is running out to show the gap between dreams and reality quite brightly, sharply and painfully for a person. Quite often during this period, a person feels a feeling of emptiness and lack of meaning in life. Most scholars note some characteristic features of this period:

• prolonged moods of apathy and depression, feelings of disillusionment and disappointment, either in life in general or in certain people that were previously idealized;
• the dreams of youth disappear or are rudely destroyed;
• anxiety about death creeps into the soul, and people often say that their life will end before they can "really live."

Disillusionment, which is not unusual for 35 or 40 years old, can be threatening to the individual. Dante described his own turmoil at the start of the doomsday decade: "Having passed my earthly life to half, I found myself in a gloomy forest, having lost the right path in the darkness of the valley."

Often these changes relate to the intensity of work: for example, brilliant impulsiveness and creativity gushing out with new ideas give way to a more mature and sometimes quite conservative approach to business. Often this is due to the decrease in the physical strength of a person at this age, the restructuring of the hormonal system and the consequent demand of the body for a more careful attitude towards itself and a correct assessment of its physical and emotional resources. Indeed, one of the reasons for the mid-life crisis is that the "impulsive brilliance" of youth requires great vitality. At least in part, these are physical forces, but no one can keep them indefinitely. At 35 or 40 years old, leading a stressful life, a person must change the pace of his life and do not "give all the best." Thus, the problem of decreasing physical forces inevitably arises in the life of a person of any profession.

Main problems

Decreased physical strength and attractiveness- one of the many problems that a person faces during the years of the midlife crisis and after it. For those who relied on their physical qualities when they were younger, middle age can be a period of severe depression. Stories of handsome men and charming women struggling with the ravages of time have become commonplace. The natural disaster of falling physical forces strikes people from an unexpectedly wide range of professions. A lot of people recall with regret their ability to go several days without sleep during their student years if an important matter required it. Many people simply complain that they get tired too often. While a well-thought-out daily exercise program and appropriate diet work, most middle-aged people begin to rely more and more on "brains" rather than "muscles." They find new advantages in knowledge accumulating life experience; they acquire wisdom.

The second main question of middle age is sexuality. The average person shows some deviations in interests, abilities and opportunities, especially as children grow older. Many people are amazed at how much of a role sexuality played in their relationships with people when they were younger. On the other hand, we can see many examples of how a middle-aged man or woman continues to consider each person of the opposite sex as a potential sexual partner, interacting with him only in one dimension - "attraction-repulsion", and people of the same sex are considered as "rivals". In more successful cases of maturity, other people are accepted as individuals, as potential friends. "Socialization" replaces "sexualization" in relationships with people, and these relationships often take on "that depth of mutual understanding that the former, more egocentric sexual attitude blocked to a certain extent"(Pitch).

Consent in middle age requires considerable flexibility. One important kind of flexibility includes "the ability to change emotional input from person to person and from activity to activity". Emotional flexibility is necessary, of course, at any age, but in middle age it becomes especially important as parents die, children grow up and leave the house. The inability to give emotionally to new people and new activities leads to the kind of stagnation that Erickson described. By stagnation, Erickson understood the state when a person ceases to grow and enrich himself, accepts the current reality as a given, which cannot be changed. In its most severe forms, stagnation manifests itself not only in humility before reality, but also in constant self-indulgence in everything. A person perceives himself as a small child who needs to be constantly pampered and comes to a feeling of complete inner emptiness.

Another kind of flexibility, which is also necessary for the successful attainment of maturity, is "spiritual flexibility." There is a well-known tendency among people of mature age to become increasingly rigid in their views and actions, to close their minds to new ideas. This mental rigidity must be overcome or it will grow into intolerance or bigotry. In addition, rigid attitudes lead to errors and an inability to perceive creative solutions to problems.

Stabilization

Successful resolution of a midlife crisis usually involves reframing goals in a more realistic and restrained way, recognizing the limited life span of every human being. Spouse, friends and children are becoming increasingly important, while the self is increasingly deprived of its exclusive position (Gould). There is a growing tendency to be content with what we have and think less about things that will most likely never be achieved. There is a distinct tendency to feel one's own situation quite satisfactory. All these changes mark the next stage of personality development, the period of "new stability" (Gould). The period of destructuring and parting was left behind: the general disintegration of the Person and identity, consciously supported and approved value priorities, self-images, dreams of the future, ideals. All this is put aside, and the release of the soul that inhabited them opens the gate to the realm of psychological "swimming". Now an unknown, unclear path opens before a person: he can no longer be guided by collective values, ideals of youth, former habits; he is seized by a disturbing sense of uncertainty in which direction he should go. A person in confusion and anxiety stands at some internal crossroads. Psychological functions and attitudes that could guide in the past now seem unconvincing.

For many, the renewal process that begins when they face their illusions and physical decline eventually leads them to a more peaceful and even happier life. Very interesting and at the same time accurately and briefly defined the need for such an update, D. Hollis: "If the development of a person is hindered by the previous system of values, which deprives him of his strength, then this value system should suffer, include it in your conscious choice and live."

Now let's turn directly to the issue of the midlife crisis in women (the definition was introduced into psychology by Eliot Jacques). Consider the most common manifestations of this period of life among the fair sex.

midlife crisis in women

It turns out that for men and for women the concept of "middle age" in relation to the crisis familiar to us can be different. For women, the most critical age moment comes at about 30-35 years old, and for men - at 40-45. Therefore, sometimes scientists distinguish two midlife crises - thirty and forty - the first can occur in men, but is more common in women, and the second, on the contrary, is more characteristic of men, but can also be found in women.

The reasons for such an age difference between the sexes lie in the biological differences between the male and female bodies, and, accordingly, the social norms formed on this basis.

1. The reproductive age of a woman is much shorter than that of a man. For this reason, both hormonal changes in the body and the social structure contribute to the treasury of psychological states. You need to get married and give birth to the first child before 30, and plan the second - before 40 years. For a man, this kind of framework is not physiologically determined and is not tied to social norms.
2. At the age of 30-35, a woman can feel the withering of her youth, attractiveness, beauty. A man, on the contrary, is able to feel the flowering of his masculine strength, masculinity and attractiveness.

There are women who are more family-oriented, and there are those who, like men, have a career as the main thing, and family is important, but in second place after work.

For women who are busy with their husband and children, as a rule, the family is a meaningful element; through children, they find the meaning of their lives. To put it simply, they have no time and no reason to set goals and objectives. Collecting for school, teaching, marrying, raising grandchildren - tasks and goals find them themselves, and they pass unnoticed by the midlife crisis. But now, if such a woman is taken away from her children and her husband (children grew up and left, divorce from her husband, untimely death of a child or husband), then the crisis passes like a difficult process of mourning, and often without the help of a specialist one cannot go through it. For example, a woman who was initially career-oriented in her character and life aspirations, but was unable to realize herself due to the birth and upbringing of children, begins to experience problems with self-esteem, comparing herself with her friends who were able to make a career and realize themselves in a professional plan. Seeing that by their early 30s, her peers hold important positions, lead an intense life, go on vacation abroad, they have a certain reputation, they see them as someone more than just a woman.

With this version of the crisis, it is necessary to help a woman think about changing her life, deciding to change. Children have already become a little more independent (at least they went to school), which means you can devote time to your personal growth. Find a job, enroll in refresher courses, start learning a foreign language. Setting new goals is the best way out of the crisis.

If both work and family are important for a woman, then such a woman evaluates herself in the middle of her life in two ways, and of course, she is more critical of herself, because. it is difficult to be equally a good specialist and a good mother and wife. Such a woman has a higher bar that she sets for herself, which is why she experiences a midlife crisis violently and painfully.

The most difficult version of the midlife crisis is usually experienced by women who do not have children. Children, especially for women, are an important confirmation that you have not lived your life in vain. Children can also justify some "flaws", for example, did not graduate from the institute, because. a child appeared, recovered after childbirth, etc. If there are no children, then the question always arises: for what did she live half her life, and for what to live on? So, a business woman who fought all her youth on corporate fronts, built her career, achieved professional victories, pushed the issue of having a child into the background. And for such a woman, the crisis is expressed in the fact that she begins to compare herself with her peers, who have already realized themselves in motherhood. By the age of 33-35, many women have already given birth to one, or even two, or three children. And the awakened maternal instinct, the desire to give birth to a woman who was enthusiastically engaged only in a career, becomes the cause of serious mental discord. She begins to understand that the years go by, but there is no child. And for a woman, this is the most important thing.

In this case, nature itself reminds her of the natural process for her - the birth of a child. By switching her life to solving this issue, becoming a mother, a woman will be able to overcome her personality crisis.

Rarely, but there is another option. There are women in whom the maternal instinct has not been identified, and at the same time they have devoted themselves entirely to work and career. In this case, their midlife crisis differs little from that of men. Unless they embark on dizzying sprees, as men do because they see the main reason for their failures - a loved one, a wife.

Here, the psychologist recommends trying to diversify your life, acquiring new hobbies - yoga, dancing, a macrame circle - anything, the main thing is that they help you get distracted and make it easier to endure the crisis. Also, you should not cool your working ardor, because it is at this age that appointments to important posts and positions most often occur. And don't forget to have a positive attitude.

Let's sum up. Which women are experiencing the most acute midlife crisis?

• Women who don't have children.
• Women who have lost their children or husband untimely.
• Self-critical, self-demanding women.
• Single women, because We find meaning in our lives through other people. Not in other people, no, but through other people. Lonely people find themselves without support during times of crisis.
• Those of the women who separated from their parents late, survived the teenage crisis late and did not have time to realize their own goals and dreams.

• A woman suddenly becomes too irritable, starts doing the opposite, stops listening to relatives and friends, neglects relationships with friends;
• A woman who led an active lifestyle suddenly becomes depressed, she manifests apathy, laziness. She ceases to do elementary and familiar things;
• There are severe mood swings. Disappointment suddenly comes to replace energy and vivacity;
• A woman has a feeling that she has little time left, that she has lived more than she has left to live. A woman begins to evaluate her goals and achievements, life plans;
• A woman becomes dissatisfied, she ceases to like her work, she is annoyed by her family and partner;
• A woman can leave her partner for a wealthier man in order to feel social and moral stability;
• A woman wants to feel younger, so she starts wearing youth clothes, makes a youth haircut, starts having fun like a youth, her habits and tastes can change;
• The woman begins to feel that her attractiveness is fading and her sexual activity changes;
• During this period, problems with alcohol may arise.

1. In the first place, according to many psychologists, is the advice not to bring yourself to the syndrome of chronic fatigue and overwork, since in this state you certainly cannot avoid a midlife crisis. After all, often his companions are irritability and fatigue. Therefore, you should try to rest and relax more often. It is better if it is with the help of active recreation. Trips to nature with the whole family or hiking, etc.
2. The second recommendation is if you still do not have any hobby, find it. Meet new people with whom you have similar interests, spend more time with friends, do what you love. Try changing your lifestyle.
3. Third - analyze your attitude to work. Do you like what you have to do? Do you get a return on your work, both in material terms and in moral satisfaction. Does your work benefit anyone? How well do you cope with the tasks? If the answers are mostly negative, think about it, maybe it's time to find a more suitable option for yourself?
4. Another recommendation is to try not to spoil relations with your loved ones, family. After all, only they can always support in a difficult situation. Build trusting relationships with children, devote more time to your spouse, take care of your parents.
5. Another tip - do not idealize yourself, you need to look at things realistically. It helps a person to understand himself faster. According to psychologists, it is better to admit to yourself some mistakes and mistakes that were made in the process of life, to try to correct them, than to keep silent about these situations and pretend that everything is fine.

Often a midlife crisis is accompanied by a fear of imminent old age, a fear of becoming weak and useless. In this case, it is worth recalling famous people who, at a rather advanced age, continued their active work, wrote books, paintings, etc. So life goes on, don't be afraid!

Erofeevskaya Natalya

In conversations about the role of the main characters, men are invariably present. However, psychologists have long believed, and this is proved by millions of everyday examples, that a mid-life female crisis is a natural psychological state of the weak half of humanity that occurs between thirty and forty years. Such time frames of the “crisis” age are conditional and inaccurate and vary depending on the social status, standard of living, character and even education.

A crisis of any age is characterized by clear criteria by which it is easy to identify. At such moments, a person (a toddler, a rebel teenager, or an adult 35-40 years old) understands that life is not on the track and urgently needs to be corrected.

The conditional concept of a crisis in women sometimes tends to result in life cataclysms. And if someone cries a couple of times at the mirror, and the crisis is over, then some are covered in full - dissatisfaction with one's own life and oneself accumulates in drops, so that later the suspecting environment erupts in a powerful avalanche.

The midlife crisis of a woman, in a nutshell, consists in reassessing her previous decisions: building a career, setting life goals, raising children, etc. At this time, divorce proceedings and a change of profession or the acquisition of an original hobby are so frequent. Internal conflict marks a time of reconciling old habits with new choices and newly emerging inner life positions.

Life, consisting of internal contradictions, is proof of your presence on this planet.

Summing up the preliminary results

Not only men, but also women are prone to some summing up of the preliminary results of their life path. But for men, this is usually a career, material wealth, success on the love front, and for women - self-digging in their emotional state, assessment of appearance, satisfaction with personal and family life.

Childless women understand that they are approaching the threshold of the possibility of childbearing and they have literally two or three years to experience the happiness of long-awaited motherhood, and those who have children passionately want to give birth to another child in order to regain their bright, once experienced sensations.

The female midlife crisis is not always a psychological attack, the underlying reason for it can be natural hormonal changes.

For a business woman, everything is much more complicated: purely masculine problems and experiences are added to women's problems - career success and material wealth. And so, summing up the preliminary results, such a woman is forced to be torn between two opposite hypostases created by herself, trying to combine a successful (male) career and a happy (female) family life. Contradictory assessments and progress in one area, entailing a "subsidence" in another, give unsuccessful attempts to embrace the immensity and depressive failures.

Midlife crisis in women: symptoms

The female crisis period has very specific symptoms. If one of them is really present in life, there is a reason to be wary and try to do something, and if they are chasing their owner in droves, then the crisis is obvious and urgent measures are needed to swim out of the depressive addictive "swamp":

1. A feeling of complete hopelessness and joylessness of life passing by. Anxiety and self-doubt form a clear idea that life is over and all the best is behind. Relations with a spouse leave much to be desired, children have matured and no longer need a mother so much, parties with friends do not please and do not light up like in the good old days, they bring only bitterness and emptiness.

The loss of familiar landmarks does not allow a woman to push off from them for a new dizzying turn. The worst thing you can do is to passively continue to sit still, honing to the ideal the memories of bygone days. All unfulfilled hopes, dreams, myths, illusions and ideals must be mourned and buried: irretrievably parting with the past is one of the most important stages in overcoming the crisis.

At this stage, you should listen to your already screaming intuition and take action. Interesting and exciting activities - fitness, yoga, art and creative workshops, swimming pool, Chinese language courses: anything that gives new, interesting communication and fresh strong emotions. For women who have the desire and inclinations for a professional career, it's time to try to fulfill themselves in a suitable area - yes, it can be very difficult, but it will mobilize all the forces of the body and raise the sense of self to a new level of life.

2. Constant irritability and suspiciousness, sudden and inexplicable tears, completely unbearable internal discord.

Before trying to radically break something in life, it’s worth considering: how ready I am to part with my husband, who only causes dissatisfaction, to give up a job that was once interesting and sit on unemployment benefits, to break off relations with friends, understanding at the same time that the same Faithful and necessary now and in the afternoon with fire you will not find?

Regrets about unfulfilled hopes and dreams should not allow an unsuccessful experience to put an end to subsequent movements forward: new sources of inspiration and creation of interesting areas of self-development should be found.

3. Catastrophic dissatisfaction with one's own appearance and utter despondency at the sight of one's reflection in the mirror: cellulite on the thighs immediately becomes visible, which has not shown itself for the past 10 years; overweight; literally turning into an old woman; hair - not hair, but a washcloth, and even with gray hair, etc.

By nature, women experience external age-related changes more seriously and sharply than men.

During this period, the main thing is to take the fact of natural changes for granted and make them less noticeable: fitness, a good diet, normal sleep, turned shoulders and a proud posture, effective cosmetic procedures will help improve the appearance and change the rejection of one's own appearance. A global change in hair and wardrobe is also a kind of way to resolve crisis symptoms of this type.

It is worth realizing that a woman does not have to be a classic perfection in order to be loved - it is enough to be an interesting person, have a normal self-esteem and not underestimate her own merits. And gray hair ... - so what? Many self-confident women do not paint over it at all, finding in this a special charm and individual style.

Do not overestimate the physical resources of your own body: two-core, three-core and n-core are not for women. It is important to remember that youth can really be extended, one has only to establish a healthy regimen and overcome laziness - cheerful and energetic women with an active position always look younger than their peers, dull and crushed by life's problems.

4. Evaluation of one's own success in various areas of life is far from the highest. Self-digging is characteristic of complex natures, housewives and women who lack new sensations, discoveries, and the external environment. For the household option, abilities and zeal can be realized only in pies and raising children, but a woman is a versatile nature, and if employment is unattractive for a number of reasons, then her own small business will help to plan the working day correctly, leaving room for the family, both for children and for hobbies. Success in one or more endeavors will instantly raise self-esteem, which is so necessary to overcome crisis phenomena.

But for single women who have built a successful career, it's time to think about creating a family and having a child - the ability to make the right decisions, consistency and consistency in actions will allow you to become an affectionate and caring mother. Age is not a hindrance: medicine has moved far ahead and will help if necessary during pregnancy, and the little man will become that necessary new life guide that will help build a life different from the past.

Sometimes it is useful to reconsider the circle of your acquaintances. Spending time with people who are pleasant to the heart is expensive, but you must definitely get rid of envious people, gossips and competitors - not literally (slam and bury), but limit contact with them to the maximum: communication with such people during a crisis period requires additional mental effort, which are useful for other tasks.

5. The last vivid symptom will be the constant understanding: “Everything is tired, I can’t do this anymore ...”

It is recommended to switch the focus of attention from constant internal whispers about one's own imperfection and weakness, learn to take compliments and admiring glances for granted - after all, all this is true, and you should not question the obvious. You should not try to prove anything to anyone: “I am well done and smart!” — this is the slogan of the crisis period.

So, come and be recognized by a woman as a fact. You should not ignore this state and try to push away unpleasant thoughts and feelings: if you don’t dare to face problems and find a solution, or at least a rational compromise, crisis phenomena can grow like a snowball and bring many even greater complications in a woman’s life.

A protracted midlife crisis can cause serious diseases of the cardiovascular, nervous and digestive systems.

Is it possible for women to avoid this beast that suddenly attacked - a midlife crisis? Alas, this confusion is difficult to avoid: sooner or later - it comes to everyone, but success in resolving it depends on the particular woman, her views on life, and an adequate assessment of her actions and deeds.

How to survive a midlife crisis with minimal losses?

The midlife crisis in women, whose symptoms after 40 years of age do not differ much from 30 or 35 years, with the difference that the woman gets older, is quite surmountable. The main thing is to use crisis doubts and reassessment as a chance, a push (or even a kick) and bring healthy, vital changes into the existence that has become commonplace.

How to make a midlife crisis in women fleeting and safe? So that this period unsuccessfully experienced does not lead to a complete loss of oneself as a person and to a negative perception of life in old age? Basic recommendations come down to a few simple theses:

Treat what is happening with a natural degree of optimism: you should not exaggerate existing and emerging problems, but you should not turn a blind eye to their presence in life either.
Hobbies and profession, profession and hobbies - choose new activities that you like. They will brighten up the usual life, give new sensations, acquaintances, positive emotions and impressions.
Love yourself any: talented and not very talented, with or without makeup, with a fashionable haircut or shaggy, but at the same time do not forget to maintain a healthy lifestyle and take care of the attractiveness of appearance.
Praise yourself for small successes and, even more so, for major achievements.
You should not withdraw into yourself, break the circle of habitual communication and stop appearing in public.

You should definitely learn one indisputable truth: the quality of life often does not depend on age at all.

The duration and severity of the crisis period depends on factors that may not be directly related to each other, but overlapping each other, can lead to positive and negative dynamics of the process. But if we consider the crisis as an incentive to a new stage in the life of a mature and wise person full of bright events, a new step in personal growth, then let it only benefit! Let the midlife crisis provide a reason to distract from the daily hustle and bustle and allow true desires to come true.

One more piece of advice: if the wave of the crisis has covered so much that it is not possible to swim out on your own, you should contact a professional psychologist - in some severe cases, such help is extremely necessary.

December 30, 2013, 09:57

- a transitional period of mental development, manifested by a reassessment of social roles, achievements, rethinking of family relationships. Occurs between 30 and 50 years, lasts from 6 months to 2-3 years. The main symptoms: dissatisfaction with the current situation (work, lifestyle, spouse, children), desire for change, emotional instability, irritability, the emergence of new hobbies. The psychologist deals with the diagnosis of the crisis, the study is carried out by the method of conversation. For easier and faster survival of the crisis, it is recommended to seek advice from a specialist.

Women who took care of the family and did not pay due attention to their careers begin to work hard, improve their qualifications or receive education, for which there was not enough time in their youth. Those who have achieved certain heights in the professional field suddenly leave their position, go into creativity, into organizations that allow them to show spiritual qualities - kindness, compassion, care. Often, in order to cope with emotional instability, a feeling of emptiness, women resort to religion, esoteric teachings, and unusual creative hobbies.

Complications

A protracted crisis in women is complicated by depression. The absence of positive changes provokes a feeling of longing, hopelessness, meaninglessness of life. Sleep is disturbed (insomnia, excessive drowsiness), appetite, anxiety and irritability increase, a stable feeling of guilt and worthlessness is formed. A woman loses interest in activities that used to bring pleasure, including hobbies and sex. Menopausal symptoms are worse tolerated, headaches, digestive problems, sweating, shortness of breath are observed. In severe cases, there are thoughts of suicide, suicidal attempts are made.

Diagnostics

In most cases, the crisis passes without the participation of doctors and psychologists, the need for qualified assistance appears with the development of complications - depression, a persistent deterioration in well-being. To identify a crisis state, the method of clinical conversation is used. In a conversation with a psychologist, women note the instability of emotions, irritability, a sense of the meaninglessness of ongoing events, dissatisfaction with marriage, family relationships, and the content of professional activities. With complaints characteristic of depression and other neurotic disorders, a comprehensive study of the emotional and personal sphere is carried out using questionnaires and projective tests (Standardized multifactorial personality research method L. N. Sobchik, drawing of a person, "House-tree-man", thematic apperceptive test , the Beck depression scale, etc.).

When a crisis occurs, it is important not to panic, not to be afraid of change. Changes during this period are natural and inevitable, their adoption allows you to live the second half of your life more meaningfully and effectively. Self-help should be focused on working with emotions, thoughts and actions. The recommendations of psychologists are as follows:

• Health care. Positive attention to changes in your body allows you to save strength and energy longer. Women need to accept the fact that the aging process is natural, to shift the focus of efforts from external beauty to maintaining health. Attractiveness should be understood through harmony in appearance, emotions and actions.
• Showing love and care. During a crisis, you should not focus on your own experiences, you need to maintain active and open relationships with family members, friends, and colleagues. With an increase in irritation, discontent, resentment, it is worthwhile to understand that the reason lies in internal personal changes, to find a way to develop and show love.
• Conscious experience. One should not deny the existence of a crisis and the unpleasant emotions, actions, thoughts caused by it. In order to survive this state as quickly as possible, it is recommended to objectify the negative - to cry, write about your experiences, draw them, sort out destructive ideas and desires (to quit, get divorced, leave home), evaluate their consequences. At the second stage, you need to focus on the positive aspects - existing skills, strong personal qualities, achieved goals. Planning for the future is an effective development tool.
• Healthy egocentrism. There are many techniques for knowing yourself. The crisis is the time for new explorations of personal desires, aspirations, beauty, skills. It is necessary to shift attention from the negative moments of life to the positive ones - to do what brings pleasure, joy, pleasant excitement, a sense of satisfaction and happiness (dancing, hiking in nature, drawing, cooking, meeting friends).

Forecast and prevention

The midlife crisis is experienced by most women. The prognosis is often favorable - the transitional stage ends with the formation of a new attitude towards others and oneself, the development of a high level of care, acceptance, and love. In the absence of understanding of the crisis period, isolation, obsession with destructive experiences, the process is delayed, provokes the formation of depression, deterioration of health. In order to productively resolve conflicts, you need to understand the temporality and naturalness of the ongoing changes, if necessary, seek professional help from psychologists, psychotherapists.

A midlife crisis can happen to both men and women. In women, it occurs between the ages of 40 and 55. At this time, women undergo physiological changes associated with the premenopausal period or menopause. It lasts a long time and is accompanied by depression, sadness, despair, low self-esteem and other negative experiences, but?

1. Midlife crisis in women symptoms

It all piles up together: the body begins to age, the age in the passport, children who have grown up, elderly parents (and perhaps they have already died), a society that glorifies youth and success, a decrease in physical capabilities. A woman begins to understand that old age is approaching, her life has already been lived and she has not had time to do much. There is a reassessment of one's existence and oneself. The overestimation is not going well. Panic and fear of the future set in - I didn’t have time to do a lot, but I want everything. Physiological and psychological problems can undermine health.
For women, this is the most difficult period. In addition to the fact that a woman undergoes hormonal changes in her body, a woman also changes outwardly - she noticeably ages, her energy goes out. The appearance changes, less strength is produced, sexuality disappears. It is very difficult to come to terms with this, especially in a society where there is a cult of youth and perfect beauty. In addition, in our society there is a negative attitude towards old age. And if in youth old age seems to be something distant, you don’t want to think about it, then in adulthood each person measures it for himself. The woman is under stress.
During such a period, many women try to drown out this inner pain from the struggle with old age. Each one does it differently. Some immerse themselves completely in work, others go into religion. The third go on a spree. All these methods bring a therapeutic effect - abstraction and change of thinking, aimed at how to survive a midlife crisis in women.
The reasons for the midlife crisis can be unresolved problematic issues of adolescence, temporarily “asleep” and, it seems, abandoned in the past, right at this time they fall again on a person. Most of the "mutinies of the forties" are nothing more than responses to unfinished adolescent rebellion. If a person in his teenage years did not feel, he suddenly realizes that he still exists and functions according to extraneous rules, and it's time to be independent. From here comes the thirst to find yourself and your personal path. The turning point of half of life pushes for a change in attitude to the importance of things, another name for it is an identity crisis.

2. When a woman has a midlife crisis

A turning point may come as a consequence of success. By the age of 40, people, in general, reach the established heights in the profession, make a career. And then a person has natural questions: how to live further? If this is the apogee, then now only down? How to gain a foothold on this peak, if the youth is already pushing from behind? Can change the type of activity? Often a woman also suffers from the fact that it seems to her that she has not achieved anything in life, and there is no time for new achievements. This is also facilitated by the rapid rise in valuation in our environment of ostentatious wealth and success. Under all these circumstances, how to survive a midlife crisis in women?
In the middle of life's path, the social role of men and women changes. In the family, he or she first becomes a father and mother, and then a grandfather and grandmother, at work from an inexperienced trainee to an experienced mentor. Parents grow old, demanding care and support. Still, not everyone is disposed to such a drastic change of roles, to circumstances when they have to rely only on personal strength, to be fully responsible not only for themselves, but also for other people. In the end, comes the understanding of fleeting being. A person realizes that the world no longer gives credit for his future, and much is no longer feasible.
A significant risk factor leading to the onset of the crisis is an ostentatious concentration on successes, from which not only financial well-being is expected, but also love and happiness. But the final categories are rather the result of interest in oneself and in people, relationships, love, for which careerists most often do not have enough time. Another threat is obsession with one's physical condition, appearance, well-being. In this case, the main fear is to lose beauty, youth, and with them the love of loved ones and enjoyment of life.

3. Signs of a midlife crisis in women

• everything does not suit, there is irritability, neglect of established relationships;
• a woman who is active in life sharply falls into depression, apathy, laziness, sloppiness in appearance appear;
• mood changes frequently
• a woman has a feeling of the end of her life, she begins to take stock of her existence and evaluate herself and her achievements;
• there is dissatisfaction with work, family and men;
• search for material well-being;
• a change in behavior, entertainment and clothing for a youth style - like a desire to look younger;
• abrupt change in sexual behavior;

4. Midlife crisis in women what to do?

With certain things beyond our control, you just need to take it for granted. Separate - to reconsider. But, most importantly, in order to answer the question, it is necessary to find something that is not subject to time and conditions in oneself inside.

1. First, comprehend and accept, as an inevitable fact, the onset of this middle age. A middle-aged woman dressed as a teenage girl looks very funny. After all, the charm and charm of every woman is to look natural. But openness is a very seductive quality.
2. It is necessary to protect yourself, adored, in everything, starting with a reduction in working hours and good rest (full sleep, being in nature, dosed physical activity). Chronic exhaustion inevitably leads to irritability and nervousness.
3. You need to transform your look to any work performed in the office, at work or at home. If you do not get satisfaction from it or it weighs you down, then something needs to be changed.
4. Find a hobby if you don't already have one. Connect with co-workers who share your passion. This will help expand your circle of friends and acquaintances, while spending more time for your own benefit. Change your habitual lifestyle.
5. If you have difficult relationships in the family, this can only speak of the ignorance of you or your loved ones. Close people are relatives to help in difficult times. Build trusting relationships in the family, talk about your problems, ask for help.
6. There is no need to be afraid of retirement, because this is the stage of life when you will have the opportunity to do what you love, travel more and live the way you want. You will also have the opportunity to show your creative talents.
7. Look at everything that happens to you with real eyes, try to understand what is happening to you. Analyze your life objectively. Contact a psychologist who will help you find a way out of your crisis and answer the question how to survive a midlife crisis in women.

5. How to overcome the midlife crisis in women

The turning point of middle age makes it possible to exist the way you want, and not your family and friends. After all, we are taught a lot from childhood. The kid, who idolizes his parents, trusts them boundlessly and copies his being from them, copying and obeying. The family forms its opinion about life through all generations. This can be compared with glasses through which we look at the environment and which are inherited - the perception of the environment. A person, growing up, takes the path made by ancestors and society: study, work, marriage or marriage, the achievement of all material benefits, the birth of children, building a career - and then everything necessary for life will be. People dutifully study, work, they have children, I win my place under the sun. And then the road ended, but they didn’t reach the goal: where is the happiness? Most people treat life like a story. We calmly turn over one page after another, waiting for the creator on the very last page to finally reveal to us the whole meaning of the work. But we don't find it. A person begins to rush about in search of a way out and "promised happiness."
The break of half of life can easily be the beginning of a fresh upsurge. It should not be forgotten that just such a period contributed to the development of many famous personalities. However, answering the question how to survive a midlife crisis in women, it is absolutely not necessary to decisively change your life - you can continue to follow the same path. But at the same time to analyze the past years, to realize what we need and what is not. The most important thing is to accept your life path, but already consciously, and continue to multiply what you have achieved. Try not only to add years to life, but also life to years. Be yourself and be proud of your achievements for the passed stage of life.