If you don't know what you want. option: magic list

If you have ever been interested in the topic of fulfilling your desires, then you probably already know that the bulk of trainings, various tips and methods are guided by a ready-made clear picture. It is assumed that you know very well what you want. But what to do if the desire is still too vague, “not ripe”, you don’t want to give it up, but there is no clarity?

Don't worry if you're imagining a direction but not seeing the end result, that's no reason to abandon your path. Nature itself is ready to take care of you and bring clarity to your thoughts. Let's see how this can happen with a simple example.

Imagine that you are going to the store with the intention of buying yourself a new thing. While you have no idea what exactly you want and spend a lot of time among a variety of things, look at the price tags, try on something, or just walk among the colorful windows. There is no clarity. Finally, the forces leave you, and you leave with nothing. Before going to bed, you close your eyes, and before your mind's eye, hangers with clothes again float, things that you tried on or that you only lightly touched. Now you mentally apply a variety of styles to yourself, one thing replaces another, your thoughts flow smoothly, slowly, you imagine yourself in a variety of outfits, nothing limits you. And suddenly... Stop! Here it is! Yours! You recognized him. So here's what you want! Everything is clear and understandable. The dream vanished. There was a joyful excitement inside. More like morning! Yes! I want it!

How did you get it? What prompted you? Of course, this is your wise and caring unconscious. As soon as you relax, let go of thoughts, and it immediately came to your aid. While the conscious mind is sleeping, the unconscious can give you the best solution. By willpower, by reason, you can only find a rational, practical option, but it will not bring you the expected joy.

Returning to our example, you can imagine the consequences of an exclusively "reasonable approach". Many women at least once, but faced with a situation where their conscious arguments, in the end, turned into disappointment and the question - "why did I buy this." It all starts with the thought - “there is nothing to wear, I need to buy something”, in the fitting room she struggles with doubts: “it seems to be nothing, but ... the price”, or “it seems to be so-so, but the price”, “and where you’ll find better”, “nothing, I’ll cut it, I’ll shorten it”. Finally, the purchase is "forced"! Goal achieved! You bring home the purchased item. There is no strength, the mood is depressed. Something inside is resisting. You put on your new thing and immediately realize that the style is not the same, the color is not yours, the price is not at all pleasing, and, in general, this is not at all what you wanted. And imagine what the consequences would be if you bought a house or planned a move.

Therefore, when making decisions, making choices, deciding on desires, it is necessary to take into account not only conscious arguments, but also consult with your intuition. You cannot deceive yourself, your body. Your true desires will always find an opportunity to break through. Your task is to hear and receive this signal. By the way, if we are talking about shopping, then you can do a little research right now and find out how strong your connection with the unconscious is. Remember how many things you bought, and then realized that you do not want to wear or use it. The more “unnecessary things” accumulated in your house, the weaker your relationship with intuition. However, this applies not only to shopping, so you can appreciate any area of your life.

To make communication with the unconscious more manageable and predictable, there are special techniques. Of course, skills are required to obtain a more effective result. But do not deny yourself the opportunity to learn a little more about this world, remember, academics also once could not read. You can learn everything, feel free to take your first step.

This technique is based on visualization and assumes the presence of at least the primary skills of entering a trance. If you don’t own them yet, then be sure to find an opportunity to learn this, but for now ...

Decide on a question. What desire would you like to clarify for yourself? What exactly do you not know what you want?
Relax, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and exhale. Leave the fuss, worries and problems in the outside world.
Determine the starting point. From it you will repel. Provide an approximate image of what you want. If you are looking for where to go on vacation, then imagine a city or area, if you want to buy a thing, then without effort on yourself, just let the first thought come and leave this image as a starting point.
Let the image "spin", transform, flow from one to another. Your eyes will still be closed. Dream. No conscious effort is needed, let your images and thoughts flow at your own pace.
Wait until something from the stream of images stabilizes, stops changing. You will have a desire to slow down, there will be a feeling of joy and confidence that this is really "it". A warm wave can run through the body. You will feel emotional uplift, delight, inspiration. Pay special attention to bodily reactions. If even the slightest doubt arises, you feel tension, then do not stop, continue to follow the flow of images. When you find "your own", you will have no doubts, you will bathe in positive emotions.
When you receive an answer, thank yourself and the unconscious for help and support. This will help you to strengthen your further relationship with your inner self and will help you gain communication skills faster.

Over time, with regular training, you will learn to easily understand your unconscious and you will receive answers much faster and more accurately, and sometimes right in the process of action related to your intention. Perhaps some of the answers will surprise you. But keep in mind that the unconscious is guided not only by your desires, but also has access to information not available to most people. His answer will be dictated, first of all, by the desire for your well-being, even if it seems to you that this is not quite what you expected. Learn to trust yourself, and you will have at your disposal a round-the-clock opportunity to live a happy and joyful life!

Maddy called to book a few sessions, saying she needed to "understand how it all works." I asked her to think in advance what exactly she would like to focus on. I explained that people usually come to me with a specific goal - they want to change something or determine what is most important to them in life, work or relationships.

A week later, Maddie burst into the office like a whirlwind, kicked off her shoes and sat on the floor. I joined her. She unfolded a large sheet of paper and showed the collage she had made the day before to visualize her current life.

She's just crazy, unpredictable. And no one seems to like it but me. Everyone around me is telling me that it's time to settle down, become more reasonable and flexible, - she explained.

Maddy said that she does not stay long at any job, because she does not like being managed and controlled at her every step, she hates the routine and the system. From some positions she herself left, but from somewhere (and this happened more than once) she was asked to leave.

I was always told that I did not fit the position. I really can't stand bureaucracy. I guess I'm a bit of a "white crow," she admitted.

I noticed that Maddy smiled, saying "white crow."

The thirst for independence often means that we are not at all able to rely on others.

So, who specifically says that you should become more accommodating? I asked.

My partner wants me to take our relationship more seriously. For him, that means we should buy a house and get married,” Maddie said, and I saw her shiver. - I'm happy with what I have now. We see each other several times a week. I do not want to live with him together, under the same roof, and he is counting on more.

I suggested that Maddie ask herself before our next meeting: What could change her sense of “I should” become more responsible in a relationship to “I want” to become more responsible? I also asked Maddie to make a new collage and use it to show where she would like to be in three years.

Second meeting: What does she really want?

I reviewed Maddie's history with my supervisor. I realized that such a desperate desire for independence often means that we are not at all able to rely on others, and this translates into distrust of people and avoidance of closeness. But at the same time, she did not understand how to help a young woman feel responsible for the relationship.

She realized that she was striving for freedom and creativity more than for stability and security.

The supervisor, however, simply reminded me that people who fiercely defend their independence often break all our ideas, they think and live in a completely special way, and this saves them.

I realized that I had almost made a mistake by projecting concepts and meanings that were meaningful to me onto Maddie. But I couldn't tell if she wanted to change her behavior herself, or if she just thought she had to change for the sake of those around her.

Third Encounter: Admit the Truth

Maddie happily presented me with a collage of her ideal future. It was all bright pictures of distant lands, dolphins, deserts, books, caravans, motorcycles and tents. She told me with great enthusiasm about her dreams for the next three years: about travel, adventures, about her blog, from which a book about how to live creatively will later grow.

She truly realized that she longed for freedom and creativity more than for stability and security. Neither the employer, nor the house, nor the partner fit into this picture of the future.

Yes, it is, she said. - I thought about your question and realized that I was trying to meet the expectations of other people. I decided to focus on what gives me pleasure and brings meaning. Mortgages and children are not included in this picture. I really realized that I longed for freedom and creativity more than for stability and security.

Maddie already told her partner she was leaving. We did not meet again, because she immediately booked an air ticket to the place where her journey began. A year later, I received a letter from her. Maddy asked me to write a foreword for her book, which was already ready for publication. In her letter was the phrase: "I live my dream, not someone else's."

Effective exercises for independent work

If you don't know where to go next and want to set goals for the future, try getting creative with this task: draw a map of your life. Take a large sheet of paper and divide it into three parts. Complete the map in the following order:

In the first part, paint a picture of your current life. Instead of drawing, you can create a collage using pictures and/or words cut from newspapers and magazines.

In the third part, imagine a picture of the life you would like to see in two years. Again, use paint, any stock images and/or words.

In the central part, draw a picture that explains what is preventing you from moving from the first section to the third.

In conclusion, make a path from the first section to the third so that it necessarily passes through the middle part. Pave this road with words and pictures that will help you overcome difficulties and make your way.

Livecompletelife

We feel fully satisfied and fulfilled when we see meaning in our activities, which bring joy and allow us to use our strengths. To see how fulfilling your life is today, ask yourself:

What are my strengths?
What gives meaning to my life?
What gives me pleasure?
To what extent does the current situation allow my strengths to manifest, bring meaning and joy?
What could I change to live an even more fulfilling and creative life?

Check how addicted you are

If you find yourself refusing to accept other people's help, it's worth checking out the reasons for your desperate desire for independence. Ask yourself the following questions:

How do I feel when I depend on someone else?
How do I feel when someone depends on me?
In what situations do I avoid dependence on others?
In what situations do I allow myself to depend on someone?
What do these situations teach me?
How can I benefit from my independence?
What exactly scares me in addiction?

about the author

Psychotherapist and coach, director of Barefoot Coaching.

If you have ever been interested in the topic of the realization of your desires, then you probably already know that the bulk of trainings, various tips and methods are guided by a ready-made clear picture. It is assumed that you know very well what you want.

But what to do if the desire is still too vague, “not ripe”, you don’t want to give it up, but there is no clarity? Don't worry if you're imagining a direction but not seeing the end result, that's no reason to abandon your path. Nature itself is ready to take care of you and bring clarity to your thoughts.

Let's see how this can happen with a simple example. Imagine that you are going to the store with the intention of buying yourself a new thing. While you have no idea what exactly you want, and spend a lot of time among a variety of things, look at the price tags, try on something, or just walk among the colorful windows. There is no clarity. Finally, the forces leave you, and you leave with nothing.

Before going to sleep, you close your eyes, and hangers with clothes float before your mind's eye, things that you tried on or that you only lightly touched. Now you mentally apply a variety of styles to yourself, one thing replaces another, your thoughts flow smoothly, slowly, you imagine yourself in a variety of outfits, nothing limits you. And suddenly…

Stop! Here it is! Yours! You recognized him. So that's what you want! Everything is clear and understandable. The dream vanished. There was a joyful excitement inside. More like morning! Yes! I want it! How did you get it? What prompted you? Of course, this is your wise and caring unconscious. As soon as you relax, let go of thoughts - and it immediately came to your aid. While the conscious mind is sleeping, the unconscious can suggest the best solution.

By willpower, by reason, you can only find a rational, practical option, but it will not bring you the expected joy. Returning to our example, you can imagine the consequences of an exclusively "reasonable approach."

Many women at least once, but faced with a situation where their conscious arguments, in the end, turned into disappointment and the question "why did I buy this." It all starts with the thought “I have nothing to wear, I need to buy something”, in the fitting room she struggles with doubts: “it seems to be nothing, but ... the price” or “it seems to be so-so, but the price”, “where can you find better "," Nothing, I'll cut it, I'll shorten it.

Finally, the purchase is "forced out"! Goal achieved! You bring home the purchased item. There is no strength, the mood is depressed. Something inside is resisting. You put on your new thing and immediately understand: the style is not the same, the color is not yours, the price is not at all pleasing, and in general this is not at all what you wanted. And imagine what the consequences would be if you bought a house or planned a move.

By the way, if we are talking about shopping, then you can do a little research right now and find out how strong your connection with the unconscious is. Remember how many things you bought, and then realized that you do not want to wear or use it. The more “unnecessary things” accumulated in your house, the weaker your relationship with intuition. However, this applies not only to shopping, so you can appreciate any area of your life.

But, as mentioned above, the clues of the unconscious most often come chaotically, before going to bed or during a light daytime nap. This is not very convenient, especially when you need to get an answer to a burning question. To make communication with the unconscious more manageable and predictable, there are special techniques.

Of course, skills are required to obtain a more effective result. But do not deny yourself the opportunity to learn a little more about this world, remember, academics also once could not read. You can learn everything, feel free to take your first step. This technique is based on visualization and assumes the presence of at least the primary skills of entering a trance. If you don’t own them yet, then be sure to find an opportunity to learn this, but for now ...

1. Decide on a question. What desire would you like to clarify for yourself? You don't know what you want?

2. Relax, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and exhale. Leave the fuss, worries and problems in the outside world.

3. Define a starting point. From it you will repel. Provide an approximate image of what you want. If you are looking for where to go on vacation, then imagine a city or locality; if you want to buy a thing, then without effort on yourself, just let the first thought come and leave this image as a starting point.

4. Allow the image to "spin", transform, flow from one to another. Your eyes will still be closed. Dream. No conscious effort is needed, let your images and thoughts flow at your own pace.

5. Wait until something from the stream of images stabilizes, stops changing. You will have a desire to slow down, there will be a feeling of joy and confidence that this is really “it”. A warm wave can run through the body. You will feel emotional uplift, delight, inspiration. Pay special attention to bodily reactions. If even the slightest doubt arises, you feel tension, then do not stop, continue to follow the flow of images. When you find "your own", you will have no doubts, you will bathe in positive emotions.

6. After receiving the answer, thank yourself and the unconscious for help and support. This will help you strengthen your further relationship with your inner self and will help you gain communication skills faster.

But keep in mind that the unconscious is guided not only by your desires, but also has access to information that is not available to most people. His answer will be dictated, first of all, by the desire for your well-being, even if it seems to you that this is not quite what you expected. Learn to trust yourself, and you will have at your disposal a round-the-clock opportunity to live a happy and joyful life!

Hello, I have very low self-esteem and high levels of anxiety. In this regard, I do not know what I really want. I take on one thing, quit, start a new one and never come to one solution. Please tell me how you can understand what you want?

TheSolution psychologist's answer:

It is advisable for you to check the level of maturity of your personality on the test. If the overall indicator is less than 40 percent or if the indicators on individual scales are less than 40 percent, this is a neurotic level of personality development. It would be desirable for you to be checked up for presence of a neurosis (cognitive disturbances).

Please read the articles on our site dedicated to and. Please note that a high level of anxiety, coupled with low self-esteem, is very typical for the anxiety-phobic type of neurosis.

Neurosis is a cognitive impairment

You take on one thing, then drop it and start a new one, because you have a pathological "don't finish" driver. This driver is your unfavorable psychological legacy from your parents or others involved in your upbringing. The bottom line is that your parents gave you the wrong attitudes (advice) for life, they didn’t teach you to think logically, they didn’t teach you how to react emotionally and achieve goals. We can say that you were taught how to play out the loser scenario correctly (1,2, 3 degrees - yet to be found out), but you were not taught how to build your life effectively. Your problem may be the lack of elementary psychological skills necessary to build a harmonious life.

Perhaps you have not been taught to plan your life systematically. Perhaps your dreams, intentions and actions are very different. Perhaps your emotional-volitional activity is very low, and it’s just very difficult for you to act when you need to, and not when emotions overwhelmed you. When a person follows ridiculous and contradictory advice in life, thinks with errors of logic, reacts with pathological emotional patterns, does not have elementary psychological skills for life - this is a cognitive impairment (neurosis). That is, biologically a person is healthy, but he was not taught how to build his life correctly. He does not even realize that it is not good to think, feel and act like he is used to.

You could have been taught how to be a comfortable and good girl

A problem like "I don't know how to figure out what I want" is a neurotic problem. This kind of difficulty arises in a person who has been taught to be obedient, to please, to do everything for the sake of praise and approval. "Good girl" or "good boy" syndrome.

The habit of refusing to be aware of one's desires and pleasing the desires of other people for the sake of praise gradually develops into such a character trait as conformism (adaptation). We can say that this is such a state when you give up your real self, your goals, your desires, your vocation, so that the other person (parent) does not get upset, does not get angry. And in order to realize your desires, you will have to do a lot of work, learn to be aware of your real self.

In order to learn to understand what you really want, it is advisable to become yourself.

This means - to increase the level of development of your personality according to the parameter. Get rid of codependency and learn to distinguish your own motives from the motives of other people. Learn to distinguish your true emotions from insincere emotions that show on the face out of fear of not getting approval or out of fear of "What other people will think of me?". Then learn to distinguish your thoughts and beliefs from the thoughts and beliefs of other people in order to be protected from all sorts of manipulations. This is a long systematic work of psychological training, which will take you several years. Too many gaps to fill, too many topics to learn, and too many skills to develop.

If you raise your level of personality development to at least 60 percent, you will no longer have such problems that you complain about. Both fearfulness (anxiety) and low ability to take action will pass.

Treat psychotherapy like a psychological gym that you go to to improve your personal skills.

If you consistently work through negative parenting programs, codependency, self-esteem, personal boundaries, emotion management skills, communication skills, and systematic lifestyle planning skills, you will know exactly what you want to do in this life. And more than that, you will become able to actively act towards your goals. At a neurotic level of personality development, it is very difficult to understand one's true desires, due to the persistent habit of doing everything for approval and out of fear of being scolded.

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What do you do if you don't know what you want? 6 ways to understand

I don't know if I want to write this article or not, but I will anyway. Sometimes I just feel what exactly I want: sleep, read, hug a child, write a book, go to St. Petersburg, create a shelter for homeless animals. And sometimes ... To be honest, I'm lying! 🙂 I know what I want almost always (with the possible exception of choosing this or that yogurt in the supermarket). I don't know what I want - it's not about me.

But before it was different. I remember that in childhood there were such moments when I felt that I was bored, but did not know what to do with myself, what would be interesting to do. I sat and thought: “What do I want? Well, what do I want? And often the answer to herself was: “I don’t know…”. Then, tired of being bored, I ran to adults and asked: “What can I do now?”. They offered options, and sometimes I really started to engage in the proposed activity (drawing, walking, embroidering, reading), and sometimes I was childishly offended and upset because they offered “not that”.

Yes, sometimes I didn't know what I wanted. But in one case, the advice of adults could interest me (that is, subconsciously I wanted to do something specific, but I could not understand it, to understand myself). In another case, the proposed classes were absolutely not interesting to me, and I rejected them, still not knowing what I wanted. But: I already knew what I didn’t want at that moment. So what do you do if you don't know what you want? How to understand what you really want?

In fact, all our "wants" have a different weight category. Well, a well-known example: married or sunflower seeds. Therefore, when asking yourself the agonizing question posed in the title of the article, be aware of the global nature of "Wishlist" or "Wishlist". We will specify them, this will facilitate our task. You don't know what you want. Is it related to today, its events? Or it has to do with more distant goals (for example, getting married or not getting married, going to "med" or "ped", moving to another city). Or is there an even more global perspective, caused by an existential crisis? Move on?

Option 1: let's go from the opposite ...

If it is difficult to understand what you want, maybe it will be easier to determine what exactly you do not want? This fleshes out the remaining options available and makes it easier to choose from. For example, today I definitely do not want to go anywhere. This means that I want to spend the day at home - for a start it’s already good, it remains to find what I want in the framework of homework. Or: I definitely do not want to enter a university for a technical and economic specialty. Now, there are fewer options, but they are much more specific!

Option 2: Imagine, Imagine...

If you don’t know what you want, here’s what you can do: sit comfortably (lie down if possible), close your eyes, pay attention to your breathing, inhale and slowly exhale slowly (repeat several times). Now, start slowly counting "vice versa", starting, for example, from fifty. After that, do not rush to open your eyes - stay a little more in this state, most likely, your thoughts and desires will clear up or you will have an image of what you want.

Option 3: in a dream and in reality

In the evening, before falling asleep, try to "catch" the moment between sleep and wakefulness, and make a request to your own subconscious. You fall asleep, and it will give you an answer, for example, in a dream, or a thought will appear immediately after waking up. In the morning, too, try to stay "between the worlds" of morning slumber and awakening for some time. Perhaps in this state you will come to an understanding of what you want for today, for the next year or ten years. Use this technique, it works well not only for solving the problem we are talking about today.

Option 4: magic list

Make a list of your desires (what you want), but do not be modest, allow yourself to wish plenty! How? - you ask. "I don't know what I want, do I?" Use the "on the contrary" technique, enter point by point. Imagine that you ask Santa Claus or a Golden fish for something and you will have it. So it's easier? Now look at what happened. Do you want that? If not, correct or clarify, this is very important, because if you want “not that”, you can get “not that”.

Option 5: paper will endure everything

It helps a lot to understand yourself, in your desires, keeping records. It is not necessary to write on a large scale, but still prepare several sheets of paper. Pour the stream of consciousness onto paper, write everything that comes to mind, no matter how “nonsense” it may seem to you. If you don’t know where to start, start with the main thing: I don’t know what I want and what I should do. Develop your thought and see where the current has taken you. Surprised?

Option 6: I want to talk about it

If nothing helps you figure out what you want and the situation is more serious than choosing new shoes, contact a psychologist. The specialist will help you not only understand the desires and their causes, but also recommend where to start to translate the finally found “I want” into concrete actions.

While I was writing the article, I realized what I want:

hug a child;
go out into the fresh air;
strawberries;
read, read and read again;
I won't tell you anymore! 🙂

I don't know what I want - it's not about me!

If you really want to find out what you want and improve your life, then I invite you to view the options. You will definitely find a lot of new, interesting and really useful for yourself!

I want to get the information I need right now!

Do you want to get everything from life without painful choices and unnecessary sacrifices? Take away!

If you liked this article and found it useful, do a good deed by clicking on the social media buttons below. Thank you!

Natalia Reutova.

Portal for the student. Self-training