important years. Why You Shouldn't Postpone Your Life

THE DEFINING

Why Your Twenties Matter – and How to Make the Most of Them Now

Published with permission from Meg Jay, c/o JANKLOW & NESBIT ASSOCIATES

Copyright © 2012 Meg Jay

© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2014

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.

© Electronic version of the book prepared by Litres (www.litres.ru)

This book is well complemented by:

Ken Robinson

Ken Robinson and Lou Aronica

Kelly McGonigal

M. J. Ryan

Brian Tracy

Les Hewitt

Les Hewitt, Andrew Hewitt and Luc d'Abadie

About the millennium

The Important Years is for those in their twenties. However, parents believe that this book is for them. Colleagues believe that I wrote it for psychotherapists and teachers. When twenty-year-old boys and girls ask me: “Who is this book for?” - they sincerely rejoice when they hear in response: “For you!”.

Many are struck by the fact that instead of talking about those who are over twenty, I prefer to communicate With them. Enough already of all these adults who only do what they discuss with the youth! People in their twenties are also adults, and they have earned the right to take part in the discussion of their own lives. Perhaps, under the influence of popular culture, we consider twenty-year-old boys and girls to be too cocky, ignorant, lazy or jaded to take part in such discussions - but in fact this is far from the case. In my private practice, as well as in college and graduate school, I have met many young people in their twenties who are in dire need of meaningful, sincere communication. In The Important Years, I use my research and clinical experience to debunk myths about ages twenty to thirty: thirty is the new twenty; we cannot choose our family; to do something later in life is to do it better. But the argument that young men and women over twenty lack the common sense to be interested in such information and understand that it can change their lives is perhaps the biggest misconception.

The generation of twenty-year-old boys and girls of the 21st century (the so-called millennium generation) is not like the post-war generation, whose representatives were very young when they created families and made a career. Those who are now in their twenties have the most unstable jobs, and in the evenings they come home, meeting there not loving relatives, but roommates from whom you can expect anything. The millennial generation is also different from generation X - young people who do not strive to get everything at once. From their Generation X siblings and colleagues, they know what it can be like to put off important life tasks until the age of thirty or forty. They see the stress many Gen Xers are under and want to find an alternative.

The pendulum has swung from “I settled too early” to “I started too late,” and millennials are trying to find the right path. However, all those high expectations on which this generation was brought up, collided with the realities of the global economic crisis, which is why the very “right path” turned out to be even more distant than ever before. However, instead of complaining about what the economy (or their parents) has done to them, young millennials are ready to move on and wait for someone to ask them, “What are you going to do with all this?”.

The Important Years was published in April 2012, so its largest and most appreciative audience is those who celebrated their 20th birthday at the turn of the millennium. I have received many touching letters from parents saying, "The only gift I would like to receive for Mother's Day this year is for my twenty-year-old son to read your book." People in their early thirties, on the other hand, write, "I wish there was this book when I was twenty." But the most numerous and emotional messages I receive are from young men and women in their twenties by mail, Facebook and Twitter, all of whom say how much it means to them that someone has reached out to them directly. But here's the question: Why hasn't anyone spoken to these young people before?

Perhaps the modern culture is to blame for this, preaching a condescending attitude towards young people, in which they are perceived more as descendants of baby boomers, and not as a new generation. But it's also because I got to see a side of twentysomething life that other people don't see.

My first psychotherapy session with a twenty-year-old client was in 1999, after which for ten years I mostly listened to the representatives of the millennial generation behind closed doors - every day, from morning to evening. Perhaps today's youth shares the details of their personal lives with someone, but on their blogs, on Facebook and on Twitter, they are much less frank than in my office. That is why I know about those who are over twenty, what others do not know about them. Moreover, I even know what they do not know about themselves.

Paradoxically, young people born at the turn of the millennium experience a sense of relief and even inspiration when they dare to discuss with someone those qualities and problems that they are afraid to talk about. I am convinced that my clients (and the readers of this book) are not intimidated by difficult questions; they are rather afraid that no one does not set. When young people in their twenties hear what I say to them, the most common reaction is not "I can't believe you're saying this" but "Why hasn't anyone told me about this before?"

Well, my dear readers, in this book you will find what you were looking for.

Age between twenty and thirty is extremely important. Eighty percent of fateful events occur in a person's life before the age of thirty-five. Two-thirds of income growth occurs in the first ten years of a career. By the age of thirty, more than half of people are married, dating or living with future life partners. The personality of a person changes most actively from twenty to thirty years, and not before or after this age. By the age of thirty, the human brain completes its development. The reproductive function of a woman reaches its peak at the age of twenty-eight.

Young millennials, as well as parents, leaders, teachers, and anyone interested in the subject, this book is for you.

Foreword

Defining decade

25.09.2017

The Important Years book in brief. Why You Shouldn't Postpone Your Life.

The author of the book Important Years Dr. Mag Jay is sure that the time between twenty and thirty years can be called the main decade of all life. The decisions made at this time determine the rest of a person's life.

Mag Jay - About the Author

PhD Mag Jay - American psychologist. Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Virginia. He is in private practice in Charlottesville. Dr. Jay received her PhD in Clinical Psychology and Gender Studies from the University of California, Berkeley.

Meg studies the development of young people in their twenties and thirties. At Berkeley, she worked on one of the longest-running studies on the stages of growth and development a woman's body goes through. Her research on women, depression and gender differences was commissioned by the National Institute of Mental Health. The results are published in the Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association. Mag Jay's work has been featured in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes, Psychology Today, and NPR.

Important Years - Summary Books

Mag Jay's book "Important Years" will help you not to escape from life, but to skillfully manage it:

Choose your business from the many opportunities that the world offers;
Do not be afraid to ask for help, make friends and build professional relationships;
Choose a partner and create a harmonious family;
Helps to recognize important stages in life;
Gain inner confidence and experience.

Identity capital and work

Identity Capital- a set of personal assets, a stock of individual resources that we accumulate over time. This is our investment in ourselves. What we do well enough or long enough to become a part of us:

Education, work experience, test scores;
our way of speaking, how we deal with issues;
how we look, how we treat other people.

Identity capital is how we create ourselves step by step. Young people who are able not only to explore this world, but also to make certain commitments, create a stronger identity. They have higher self-esteem, they are more persistent in achieving their goals, they perceive the world around them more realistically. This path to identity leads to a number of positive outcomes:

A clearer sense of one's own "I";
- higher life satisfaction;
- increased ability to cope with stress;
- resistance to conformity.

Advice to young people over twenty: try to choose an occupation that will allow you to accumulate the maximum capital of identity.

A successful career begins with the formation of a professional identity.

The first stage of formation is the determination of one's own interests and abilities.
The second stage is the compilation of a story that would be quite complex, coherent, and also different from other stories. Too simple a story can reveal a lack of experience, too complex - a certain internal disorganization of the candidate, which employers do not need at all

Weak Ties

Weak Ties- these are people with whom we meet in one way or another, maintain contacts, but do not know each other closely enough. Colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, old but long lost friends. These are former employers, teachers, other people who have not become our close friends.

Strong Ties- our family, close friends with whom we constantly keep in touch. The weakness of strong ties is that our close friends hold us back. Strong ties are convenient and familiar to us, but apart from support, they have nothing to offer. The people with whom we form close relationships are too similar to each other. And sometimes the whole close company stops at one level of development. Our close friends have the same job and relationship information as we do.

Weak ties encourage us to communicate with other people from a position of dissimilarity and to use extended language codes: we speak in more detail, completeness and thoughtfulness, and articulate our ideas much more clearly. Thus, weak ties activate, and sometimes even force a deliberate process of development and change.

The one who once did you good is more willing to help you again than the one whom you yourself helped.

When you ask people with whom you have weak connections to give you recommendations, make suggestions, etc., do the necessary preparatory work, realize what you really need and what you are striving for. And then politely ask for it.

How to make a choice

Young people are constantly told that there are an infinite number of alternatives before them. They are taught that they can do anything. It's like standing in front of twenty-four kinds of jam. But twenty-year-olds first of all need to realize that this table does not exist. It is a myth. There are no limitless possibilities, but there is a choice. In order to make this choice, you need to ask yourself questions: “What can I do well enough to provide the life I aspire to?”, “What activity can be so pleasant for me that I will be ready to do it all my life? ".

Confidence comes from experience

Researchers have found that people have two types of thinking:
Thinking is fixed;
Thinking is evolving.

Fixed-minded people are convinced that their worth or competence is a constant. That is, they unshakably believe that, for example, they have the ability or talent for this activity or they do not. And there is no way to change anything.
People with developing mindsets are convinced that a person can change and success is an achievable value. A person can learn and develop within certain limits. Such people perceive failures and misses as a chance for development and change.

A fixed mindset hinders success. Students with this mindset quickly lose self-confidence in the face of a difficult task, they abandon difficult projects, and experience mental anguish, shame, and frustration in relation to their studies.

In order for professional activity to increase self-confidence, it must be difficult and interesting.

Keep on living and moving on

Between the ages of twenty and thirty, a person's personality changes to a much greater extent than at any period before or after. Clinical psychologists have found that of all stages in the life journey, this is the best one to change. Young people are able to move from social anxiety to social confidence or overcome the consequences of an unhappy childhood in a relatively short period of time. Change happens the moment long-term career and relationship choices are made, and these young people's lives can be very different from that.

The age of twenty to thirty is not the time to analyze what happened, but the time to continue development and movement. At this time, we turn into people who are more satisfied with life and self-confident. And positive change comes from the ability to keep going and move on. Trying to avoid adulthood will not make you feel better; it can only happen through investment in adulthood. Greater love or work that you will be proud of - such a goal may seem elusive, but we become happier just moving in this direction.

Our goals show us who we are and who we want to become. They talk about how we organize our lives. Goals are the building blocks of adult personality: the goals you set for yourself now determine who you will be in your thirties and forties and beyond.

Conclusion

The most important events occur throughout a person's life, but those events that determine the future life fall on a period of twenty to thirty years. During this period, it is important for young people to accumulate identity capital - a stock of individual resources, the accumulation of knowledge and skills. What we do and know well enough: education, work experience, manner of speaking, solving problems, treating ourselves and others.

Weak and strong social ties. Weak ties - acquaintances, colleagues, distant friends, teachers, etc. - give us access to something new, promote job search and activate the processes of development and change. Strong ties - family and close friends - our support and support, a resource for recovery forces.

Be sure that you fulfill your desires and do not sacrifice your interests for outside judgments about how your life should be.
A successful career begins with the formation of a professional identity: identify your interests and abilities, write your story, which will clearly show how what you did before helps you now and what you intend to do in the future.

When choosing a partner, you need to understand that from now on all the events of your life will be intertwined. When living together for a long time, a couple may experience a "cohabitation effect" - a long-term relationship without obligations that does not lead to marriage. The way to protect yourself from this effect is to determine how serious your partner's intentions are before you start living with him.
The collapse of hopes and disappointments have an overwhelming effect on the personality. Success stories are transformative. Edit your stories with new positive conversations and events.

Our personality is made up of five factors: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and emotional instability. An analysis of one's own personality will help determine which segment of the range it falls into - upper, lower or in the middle - and which person should be nearby.
The human brain develops from the bottom up and from the back to the front. Our emotional brain is formed in childhood, while the frontal lobe, the thinking brain responsible for analysis, the ability to act in conditions of uncertainty, finishes developing by the age of thirty.

It is sometimes difficult for young people to cope with strong emotions and feelings; for this, they need to take control of their reactions with an effort of will and prevent negative emotions. People who are able to manage their emotions are more satisfied with their lives, optimistic and purposeful.
Self-confidence is a quality acquired with experience. It is based on memories of the successes achieved, if they were given at the cost of great efforts. Enduring confidence is the result of achieving success and overcoming failure.

Set goals and achieve them. Goals are structural elements of an adult's personality. The goals you set for yourself determine who you will be in your thirties to forties and beyond.
Don't forget that there is a time for everything. Late marriage is fraught with difficulties in conceiving and having children: the number of eggs decreases, sperm ages, and the likelihood of miscarriages increases.
Always remember the time. Life outside of time is unproductive and does not bring happiness. It is comparable to life in a cave, when you do not know what time it is, what to do and where to go.

TED talk by Meg Jay, author of Important Years

important years. Why You Shouldn't Postpone Your Life

THE DEFINING

Why Your Twenties Matter – and How to Make the Most of Them Now

Published with permission from Meg Jay, c/o JANKLOW & NESBIT ASSOCIATES

Copyright © 2012 Meg Jay

© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2014

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Vocation

Ken Robinson

Find your calling

Ken Robinson and Lou Aronica

Strength of will

Kelly McGonigal

This year I…

M. J. Ryan

Get out of your comfort zone

Brian Tracy

whole life

Les Hewitt

Whole life for students

Les Hewitt, Andrew Hewitt and Luc d'Abadie

About the millennium

The Important Years is for those in their twenties. However, parents believe that this book is for them. Colleagues believe that I wrote it for psychotherapists and teachers. When twenty-year-old boys and girls ask me: “Who is this book for?” - they sincerely rejoice when they hear in response: “For you!”.

Many are struck by the fact that instead of talking about those who are over twenty, I prefer to communicate With them. Enough already of all these adults who only do what they discuss with the youth! People in their twenties are also adults, and they have earned the right to take part in the discussion of their own lives. Perhaps, under the influence of popular culture, we consider twenty-year-old boys and girls to be too cocky, ignorant, lazy or jaded to take part in such discussions - but in fact this is far from the case. In my private practice, as well as in college and graduate school, I have met many young people in their twenties who are in dire need of meaningful, sincere communication. In The Important Years, I use my research and clinical experience to debunk myths about ages twenty to thirty: thirty is the new twenty; we cannot choose our family; to do something later in life is to do it better. But the argument that young men and women over twenty lack the common sense to be interested in such information and understand that it can change their lives is perhaps the biggest misconception.

The generation of twenty-year-old boys and girls of the 21st century (the so-called millennium generation) is not like the post-war generation, whose representatives were very young when they created families and made a career. Those who are now in their twenties have the most unstable jobs, and in the evenings they come home, meeting there not loving relatives, but roommates from whom you can expect anything. The millennial generation is also different from generation X - young people who do not strive to get everything at once. From their Generation X siblings and colleagues, they know what it can be like to put off important life tasks until the age of thirty or forty. They see the stress many Gen Xers are under and want to find an alternative.

The pendulum has swung from “I settled too early” to “I started too late,” and millennials are trying to find the right path. However, all those high expectations on which this generation was brought up, collided with the realities of the global economic crisis, which is why the very “right path” turned out to be even more distant than ever before. However, instead of complaining about what the economy (or their parents) has done to them, young millennials are ready to move on and wait for someone to ask them, “What are you going to do with all this?”.

The Important Years was published in April 2012, so its largest and most appreciative audience is those who celebrated their 20th birthday at the turn of the millennium. I have received many touching letters from parents saying, "The only gift I would like to receive for Mother's Day this year is for my twenty-year-old son to read your book." People in their early thirties, on the other hand, write, "I wish there was this book when I was twenty." But the most numerous and emotional messages I receive are from young men and women in their twenties by mail, Facebook and Twitter, all of whom say how much it means to them that someone has reached out to them directly. But here's the question: Why hasn't anyone spoken to these young people before?

Perhaps the modern culture is to blame for this, preaching a condescending attitude towards young people, in which they are perceived more as descendants of baby boomers, and not as a new generation. But it's also because I got to see a side of twentysomething life that other people don't see.

My first psychotherapy session with a twenty-year-old client was in 1999, after which for ten years I mostly listened to the representatives of the millennial generation behind closed doors - every day, from morning to evening. Perhaps today's youth shares the details of their personal lives with someone, but on their blogs, on Facebook and on Twitter, they are much less frank than in my office. That is why I know about those who are over twenty, what others do not know about them. Moreover, I even know what they do not know about themselves.

Paradoxically, young people born at the turn of the millennium experience a sense of relief and even inspiration when they dare to discuss with someone those qualities and problems that they are afraid to talk about. I am convinced that my clients (and the readers of this book) are not intimidated by difficult questions; they are rather afraid that no one does not set. When young people in their twenties hear what I say to them, the most common reaction is not "I can't believe you're saying this" but "Why hasn't anyone told me about this before?"

Well, my dear readers, in this book you will find what you were looking for.

Age between twenty and thirty is extremely important. Eighty percent of fateful events occur in a person's life before the age of thirty-five. Two-thirds of income growth occurs in the first ten years of a career. By the age of thirty, more than half of people are married, dating or living with future life partners. The personality of a person changes most actively from twenty to thirty years, and not before or after this age. By the age of thirty, the human brain completes its development. The reproductive function of a woman reaches its peak at the age of twenty-eight.

Young millennials, as well as parents, leaders, teachers, and anyone interested in the subject, this book is for you.

Foreword

Defining decade

In one of the few studies covering all periods of human life, employees of the Boston and Michigan universities analyzed dozens of stories written by prominent people at the end of their earthly journey. Researchers were interested in the so-called autobiographically significant milestones or circumstances and people who had a key impact on a person's later life. Important events took place from birth to death, but still that part of them, which determined the future life, fell on a period of twenty to thirty years.

It is logical that after we leave our parental home or graduate from university and become more independent, there comes a period of active self-development - a time when our actions determine our future. It may even seem that adulthood is one continuous period of autobiographically significant events and that the older we get, the more we control our lives. But it's not.

After thirty years, significant milestones in our lives are becoming less and less. The course has already ended or is close to completion. We have already devoted some time to a career or have decided not to do it. Perhaps we are starting a family. We have a home or other responsibilities that make it difficult for us to change something in our lives. Given that 80 percent of the most important events in our lives happen by the age of thirty-five, after thirty we tend to either continue what we started in the period of twenty to thirty years, or try to make adjustments to the steps taken during this time.

“Yes” is the word that will get you your first job, your next job, get married and have kids. And even if it causes anxiety, forces you to step out of your comfort zone - by saying yes, you will do something new, meet new people and change your life for the better. Eric Schmidt, Chairman of the Board of Directors of Google

Read .

“When we make a choice, we condemn ourselves to hard work, the possibility of failure and disappointment, so sometimes it’s easier to know nothing, choose nothing and do nothing.”

WORK

“Most young people in their twenties are smart enough not to compare their lives with what they see on celebrity microblogs. However, they still perceive images and Facebook posts as something real.

They don't understand that most people just hide their problems. This kind of self-deception leads social media users to constantly compare their social status to some higher standard. Eventually their not-so-perfect life looks like a failure against the backdrop of the wonderful life that the rest of them supposedly live. All this does not contribute to strengthening the self-esteem of such young people, ”

“He had a quality that is considered a typical sign of youth - the fear of doing what someone else has already done ... You can’t build a career on what you don’t want”

On young people saying "I have to": "Sometimes this tyranny of duty makes us act against our own interests."

“If we just wanted to be happy, it would be easy to achieve; but we want to be happier than other people, and this is almost impossible, because it always seems to us that others are happier than us.Charles de Montesquieu, writer and philosopher

"Weak ties are contacts with those people who will help you improve your life right now (and will do it again and again in the coming years), if you only take the liberty to figure out what you really want."

“Helping others is one of the essential elements of maturity”

“We believe that by avoiding making decisions in the moment, we are leaving opportunities open, but not making a choice is also a choice.”

LOVE

"Experts and parents are concerned that the institution of marriage is losing its appeal, courtship is a thing of the past, and casual relationships have become a new way to build relationships"

“The results of recent studies show that marriage after twenty does prevent divorce, but this only applies to the age up to twenty-five years. After twenty-five, predicting the likelihood of a divorce is almost unrealistic. This conclusion goes against the notion that it is better to marry as late as possible.”

“Although a long search does make it possible to find a more worthy partner, the number of unmarried men and unmarried women is declining over time”

“The words of the following client best describe this problem: In my twenties, dating someone was like playing musical chairs for me. Everyone was running around and having fun. But then I turned thirty, and I got the impression that the music ended and everyone rushed to take chairs. I didn't want to be the only one who didn't have enough space. Sometimes it seems to me that I married my husband only because he was the closest chair to me when I turned thirty. Sometimes I think that I should just wait for someone who would be the best life partner. Perhaps I really needed to do it, but I was afraid to take risks. What I really regret is that I didn't think about marriage before - say, in my early twenties."

“Good relationships will not come out of nowhere when we are ready for it. It may take a few meaningful attempts to build them before we really understand what love and commitment are.”

“A lot can change around us, but we start and end our lives with family.” Anthony Brandt, writer

“Jennifer was in that category. She believed that her marriage would be more successful if she did not rush into marriage and first lived with her lover. However, such couples are actually less happy with their marriage; in addition, in their case, the likelihood of divorce is greater than that of couples who did not live together before marriage. Sociologists call this phenomenon the cohabitation effect.

“When researchers ask young people in their twenties why they chose to live together, women are more likely to say that they need access to love, while men talk about easier access to sex. Most often, two partners have different unspoken (even subconsciously) goals for living together. However, both men and women unanimously declare that their standards in relation to roommates are much lower than those of spouses.

“Quite right. This whole period seems to be in a fog. This uncertainty turned out to be the most unpleasant thing that happened in that life. I felt like I was going through years of never-ending auditions for the role of his wife. This made me feel very insecure. There were a lot of verbal games and disputes between us. I always doubted that he was faithful to me. To be honest, I still don't think so."

“One of them is not to live together with a partner. But since this is not entirely alistic proposal, experts recommend another way - to determine how serious the partner's intentions are before starting to live with him. In addition, it would be useful to foresee and regularly evaluate those restrictions that may prevent you from leaving, even if you want to.”

“There is a stereotype that only childhood memories are important for psychologists. Childhood is a really important period, but I'm more interested in what happened to my patients in high school and college. High school and the age of twenty to thirty years is the only period during which most of the events that shape our personality take place. Numerous studies also show that the most important memories belong to this time.

“The power that unspoken personal stories have over us is that (as in the case of Cathy) they can silently spin in circles in our heads, but no one knows about them, sometimes even ourselves.”

“I told her about my concern that if she continued to date anyone, then after thirty she risked marrying the first comer.”

“Katie and I spent even more time making it possible for her to make the transition from the principle of “being desired” to the principle of “desiring”

"A happy marriage isn't about how compatible you are, it's about how you deal with your differences." Leo Tolstoy, writer

“There is an opinion that opposites attract. Perhaps this is true in relation to casual relationships. However, much more often the similarity between partners is the main element of their compatibility.

However, all the common traits of character lying on the surface will not help us find our soul mate. They may set us up with someone, but there is no guarantee that they will make us happy.

Personal qualities are not what we have done or even what we are, but how we interact with the world around us, and everything we do depends on it.

One of the simplest and most studied personality models is referred to as the Big Five, or Five Factor Personality Model. The Big Five are five factors that determine how people interact with the outside world: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism.

MIND AND BODY

“You can only understand life by looking back, and you can live it only by looking forward.” Søren Kierkegaard, philosopher

The speed and efficiency of thinking is the main result of the two most important periods of brain development, obtained at the cost of titanic efforts.

Of course, after thirty the brain remains plastic, but it will never again offer us such a huge number of new neural connections. We will never be able to learn something new so quickly again. It will never again be so easy for us to become what we hope to become. Therefore, inaction during this period is very dangerous.

Young people in their twenties are especially hard to perceive such moments. Compared to older people, they remember negative information (bad news) more than positive information (good news). Magnetic resonance imaging studies show that the brains of twenties and thirties simply react more strongly to negative information than the brains of older people. In young people, the amygdala is actively working - the part of the brain responsible for emotions.

When young people in their twenties receive criticism of their competence, they experience anxiety and anger. They have a desire to act.

William James, one of the founders of experimental psychology in the United States of America, said: "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what can be neglected."

If you suppress your feelings, the body and mind will always be in a state of stress, and this will lead to poor memory. Because of this, you will always be in a fog.

Research shows that people who are able to control their emotions tend to have higher life satisfaction, optimism, and purposefulness. In addition, they have better relationships with others.

In this way, she shifted all the work to the frontal lobe of her interlocutor. Sometimes such a need arises for each of us, but too often shifting our pain onto others, we will not learn to overcome difficulties on our own, to pull ourselves together when our brain is most ready to learn new skills. We will not learn to control ourselves, and this alone reduces our self-confidence

“Knowledge is not a skill. Skill is knowledge plus 10,000 repetitions." Shinichi Suzuki, music teacher

Self-confidence is not an innate quality, but a quality acquired with experience.

In order for professional activity to increase self-confidence, it must be difficult and interesting.

Clinical psychologists know that of all the stages in the life course, the age of twenty to thirty years is the best to change.

Trying to avoid adulthood will not make you feel better; this can only happen by investing in adulthood

The goals you set for yourself now determine who you will be in your thirties to forties and beyond.

Sustainable relationships reduce social anxiety and depression because they make us feel less alone and give us the opportunity to practice interpersonal skills.

The constant absence of a couple can have a detrimental effect on the lives of men, since those who lead a lonely lifestyle in their twenties, self-esteem drops significantly by the age of thirty.

One important point: caring for someone is one of their strongest qualities.

"To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and a lack of time." Leonard Bernstein, composer

However, twenties and thirties are especially prone to bias in favor of the present. Their brains are still in the process of forming forward thinking, which is necessary for anticipating the consequences and planning for the future. And when they nevertheless turn to close friends and older people with questions about life, they only slap them on the shoulder and utter routine phrases like: “Everything will work out. You still have plenty of time ahead of you."

THE FINAL

There is no formula for a good life, just as there is no right or wrong life. But there is a choice and its consequences, so it would be useful for twenty-year-old boys and girls to think about their future. This will make them feel better when that future arrives. If you pay enough attention to your life between the ages of twenty and thirty, wonderful days await you.

Read .

You can order this book at the lowest price directly from the publisher

Semyon Kibalo

Clinical psychologist and practice book Mag Jay " Important Years. Why you shouldn't put off life until later" reveals the theme of the crisis "quarters of life" and explains its importance for modern man.

Who is this book for?

According to the author, the book will be useful for everyone aged 14 to 30, as well as ... their parents. Many reviews on the Internet say that people who are closer to 30 years old and more regret that the book "Important Years" did not get to them at the age of 20.

This book is about a decade that determines the fate of man. Investments made during this period in your own development in all areas of life will bring the maximum return. Mag Jay explains why you shouldn't put off the start of adulthood until later, and tells you what to do at this time in a person's life.

What is the use of the book "Important Years"?

The book contains all the necessary tools for maximum effective use the most important 10 years of your life. The author shares what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists, economists and top managers involved in personnel policy know about the critical importance of this period.

What you do and don't do between your twenties and thirties can have a huge impact on your career, personal growth, brain development, your relationships, and the building of business and personal connections. This is a smart and constructive book. about years not to be wasted.

You should know it!

80% The most important events occur in our lives between twenty and thirty years. The paradox is that what happens to us in our twenties does not seem so important to us.

Research results suggest that if a person over just 9 months in a row busy in a job that does not match his qualifications, he may have a higher level of depression than even his peers who do not have a job at all.

About weak ties

Weak Ties- these are former employers, acquaintances and other people who have not become our close friends. They give us access to something new. They have experience that we don't. They know people we don't know.

Information and opportunities are transmitted over weak links.

Weak ties can be an excellent source useful ideas and allow you to become a more organized person. Do not be afraid to make weak acquaintances and ask for help from more experienced elders when needed. Just don't overdo it, otherwise your weak ties will turn into zero due to your overactivity.

First status in society - then love?

Most of today's 20-year-olds want to build a career first, and only then think about their personal life, family and - oh horror! - children. But the author of the book Important Years has the opposite position:

In itself, postponing marriage for later does not guarantee the strength of the union!

“Every time someone on Facebook changes their status to “engaged”, “married” or “married”, I start to panic. I believe that Facebook was invented to make lonely people regret that their life did not work out.

Essay on the book “Important years. Why You Shouldn't Postpone Life, Mag Jay