Once upon a time, etiquette, that is, the rules of behavior in society, was taught as a subject in schools. Children were taught this by meticulous tutors. Today this word has lost popularity, meanwhile, it does not bother anyone to learn at least the elementary rules of behavior at the table, in the theater, in society. In the end, by doing this, you will greatly facilitate the situation for yourself.

Some good manners

Let's look at some situations that will help you feel at ease.

1. Etiquette at the table

Having invited a lady to a restaurant (or other similar place), the gentleman takes care of her outerwear, helps to take off her coat, puts it in the wardrobe, keeps the number with him, and does not give it to the lady. (By the way, the same applies to a ticket at the theater, cinema, in transport. Having bought a ticket for a lady, for example, on a bus, a gentleman keeps it until the end of the trip and gives it to the lady only if he does not see her off to the end, but leaves earlier.)

If a table is not booked in advance, then all negotiations with the head waiter are conducted by a man. Having escorted the girl to the table, the man moves a chair for her, after which he takes his place. If the glasses are not filled by the waiter, then this is done by a man, after asking permission. When pouring wine, the bottle is turned so that the drops do not fall on the tablecloth.

If there are several people at the table, then the oldest of the women is poured the wine first. If they drink champagne, then the man pouring it starts with himself, pouring a few drops into his glass, then the oldest lady, then you can just walk in a circle, finishing with your glass.

If you are in a very fashionable restaurant that serves a lot of utensils, for example, there are several forks and knives near the plate, then you start with those that are farthest from the plate. If the purpose of some devices is not clear to you, then there is nothing wrong with asking the waiter.

If there are unfamiliar people at the table, then it is better to talk on general topics and not discuss mutual friends. It is not necessary to finish everything that is on the plate, just as it is not necessary to leave pieces. To show the waiter that the plate can be taken away, put the cutlery on the plate "at five o'clock", that is, approximately where the small hand on the dial is at five o'clock.

2. Etiquette in communication

When introducing yourself to a company, state your name clearly and distinctly if no one has introduced you. It is not necessary to shake hands if there are a lot of people, however, if you did one handshake, you will have to bypass all those present.

Only a woman can give a hand in a glove and only if the glove is thin, and not, for example, a knitted mitten.

It happens that a person’s hand is busy or, for example, smeared, if he was caught at work, and he holds it out in order to shake his wrist. This is actually unacceptable.

When greeting, the first to greet is the one who is younger. If we are talking about a man and a woman, then the man greets first. If you are greeted with the words "good afternoon", then it is ugly to answer with the word "good", you must answer with the full phrase "good afternoon".

Now let's imagine the following picture: a group of men is standing, a familiar (or unfamiliar) lady approaches them or (passes by). Who should greet first, men or women? The person who approaches is the first to say the words of greeting, regardless of whether it is one person or a group, a man or a woman. The one or those who are in place respond to the greeting.

"Hush!" James Tissot, 1875

3. The basics of good tone for every day

The rules of good manners in everyday life include the usual courtesy in communication, the absence of grumbling, endless complaints, the ability to say hello without unnecessary demonstrations, express sympathy, congratulate on the holiday, wish good health, thank and respond to gratitude.

Such rules assume that the incoming and outgoing holds the door, regardless of whether he goes alone or with someone. If a man follows a girl, then he always lets her go ahead, with the exception of exiting the elevator, descending the ladder from the ship, exiting the plane or public transport.

L. Afremov

Some prim manners have outlived their usefulness today. For example, it used to be considered right that a man, having put a woman in a car, closes the car door behind her, only after that he goes to his place. Arriving at the place, the driver gets up, walks around the car, opens the door, helps the lady out. In our time filled with cars and saturated with haste, it is difficult to imagine people who would be willing and able to fulfill these requirements.

4. How the rules of etiquette apply to children

A few years ago, parenting books taught young parents that children should not enter into conversations with adults without permission, should not interrupt, talk to guests until they are asked. Today, many educators believe that this hinders the development of the child as a person, that he has the same rights in conversation as an adult. This can be accepted if a child, even a small one, communicates like an adult. But if he whines, cries, tries to manipulate, then this is very annoying. Therefore, parents should limit - not so much the freedom of the child, but their own - taking care of their own child so that it is not a burden to others.

All this also applies to those moments when parents, together with their baby, visit restaurants, cafes, museums, use public transport. The ability to occupy your child in such a way that he feels good and at the same time does not bother the others is a good form, as opposed to trying to explain: "Well, this is a child, what can I do with him."

Should I comment on someone else's child? Not! If you are completely unbearable, then a remark in a very polite form can be made to the parents of the child. But at the same time, you must remember that it is not good form to make a remark.

And most importantly, do not forget that the child first of all sees and repeats the behavior of his parents. Don't forget the golden words "Thank you", "Please" and be polite!

Article added: 0000-00-00

"Greetings

Greeting is the most common custom in our daily life, requiring a great sense of tact, good manners and friendliness.

Any conversation begins with a greeting, there are many forms of greeting, and each form has its own origin.

How to greet?
Who greets first?
Who and where to greet?

The general rule of greeting at a meeting: the younger ones are the first to greet the elders, the men are the women, exceptions to this rule: the one who enters the room, be it a man or a woman, is the first to greet those present, the one who leaves is the first to say goodbye to those who remain.

In the case when there are several people in the room, they first greet the mistress of the house, then other women, then the owner and other men.

When greeting a man, a woman is the first to give a hand. If she is limited to a bow, then a man should not extend his hand to her. The same is true between older and younger men.

Men always get up (except for the very old and the sick, who find it difficult to get up), greeting both women and men.

A woman, greeting a man, does not get up; greeting the woman, he gets up. Exceptions: the mistress of the house, receiving guests, always gets up to greet them; women also stand up to greet very elderly men.

Having greeted his peer, a man can sit down. If he greets an older man or woman, then he should sit down only after they sit down, or with their permission. If the hostess of the house offers to sit down, but she herself continues to stand, you should not sit down.

It was not accepted (and even now most people continue to refrain from doing so) to greet and say goodbye across the threshold, across the table, through some kind of partition.

However, in recent years, even at the highest levels, leaders of countries or governments have shaken hands across a table or some kind of barrier. The chiefs of the protocol departments of the ministries of foreign affairs refrain from commenting on this matter.

Who greets whom first under "equal conditions" (age, gender, social status)? To answer this question, perhaps, we should recall the paragraph of the French military regulations, which states that of equal officers, the more educated is the first to greet when they meet. In fact, this is the only correct solution to the issue, not only for the military, but also for civilians.

Not to accept a hand extended to you means to inflict a grave insult on the one who gave it: this is done only in relation to persons who are considered either extremely unworthy or extremely hostile.

If you are wearing gloves, then, when greeting, you need to take off the glove, the exception is for women greeting men: they do not take off the glove.

Naturally, women in such cases do not kiss hands. The custom of kissing women's hands in the West is more common than ours. It is preserved in cases where, depending on certain circumstances (anniversaries, awards, etc.), they want to emphasize special respect and affection for a woman.

The kiss should be "symbolic", expressed in a completely light touch of the lips to the hand. A juicy "smack" is considered vulgar. Both in the West and in our country they do not kiss the hands of girls. It is also not customary to kiss the hand when meeting on the street. During receptions, guests kiss the hand only of the mistress of the house.

Introducing when meeting

As a rule, you should always introduce people you know to each other if they approach you while you are talking to someone and if those you are talking to do not know them.

Presentation order: first you call the youngest in age (at the same age - by position, with an equal position - approached), introducing him to the elder, and then introducing the elder to the younger.

If a man and a woman are introduced, they introduce the man first, then the woman. Doing the opposite is considered highly inappropriate.

Exception: if a young woman is introduced to a very old man, the woman is introduced first.

When presented, they are called: name, patronymic, surname, sometimes - if required - a brief indication of social status is added (engineer, doctor, teacher, etc.). Naturally, when meeting very famous people - writers, artists, scientists, etc. - this addition is omitted: it would show that you consider the person to whom you introduce the "celebrity" to be a very ignorant person.

If you want to meet someone present during meetings, exhibitions, or other ceremonies, it is better if you are introduced to this person by someone who knows both you and the person you want to meet. If there are no such people, then it is allowed to introduce yourself, but this can be done only in exceptional cases, the importance of which would justify such a deviation from etiquette, with the obligatory observance of the necessary "distances" (for example, it would be immodest for an ordinary engineer to introduce himself to the minister, etc. .), so as not to run the risk of encountering even very polite bewilderment.

However, self-representations are allowed in practice. In such cases, you should first apologize, then, identifying yourself, indicate your position or profession and, in the case of a favorable attitude towards you, briefly state the reason that made you ask for a few minutes for you.

When you are asked to introduce someone you know, in many cases (except for those in which you have absolutely no doubt) it is better to first find out the relationship of the person you want to meet with this proposed acquaintance, such a procedure will protect you from the possible reproaches and discontent of those who did not at all want to acquire these acquaintances.

You are visiting and you have guests

First of all, a general rule: people visit only by invitation, even if they say to you: "We are always glad to see you" or, moreover, "You are always a welcome guest", elementary courtesy requires that the day and hour of your visit to friends or friends were previously agreed with them, exceptions to this rule can be allowed only in relation to close relatives and very large "bosom" friends. But even in relation to them it is necessary to observe tact and, if a meeting is desirable or necessary, try to warn about it in advance.

Without prior agreement, you can also not bring your friends, acquaintances, children with you to visit. They do not take their "four-legged friends" with them to visit. The owners, in turn, should save guests from the presence of their pets - not everyone likes it when a dog sniffs or licks their hands or climbs onto their knees, on their shoulder a cat.

You need to come to visit as close as possible to the agreed time: come earlier - the hostess is not all ready, and she herself is not yet dressed for receiving guests, come later - everything can cool down, burn, etc., and her pleasure from the treat of the guests will be spoiled.

Guests do not bring their bad mood if you know that you are the only or most desired among other guests, and if you have some exceptional circumstances, anything can happen! - hopelessly depressed, bad mood - it is better to call or come to the invitees 15 minutes before the appointed time, explain the situation and apologize to those who invited for the inability to accept their invitation for that day. You will be understood, because most people, receiving guests or going to visit, expect and give preference not to a plentiful and tasty table, but are looking for an interesting conversation, a lively exchange of opinions, human warmth and friendship.

It is a good custom to bring flowers when visiting, which the hostess should put in a conspicuous place. Less often they bring small gifts - a book, a toy for children, etc.

The issue of children when receiving guests is very important. Bringing children with you to visit is possible only by agreement with the inviters. On the other hand, when receiving guests in the presence of your children, you need to be aware that your, perhaps legitimate, admiration for their talents should not necessarily be shared by the guests. Therefore - less stories about their abilities, even less - demonstrations of them.

If your child has become naughty or committed any offense in the presence of guests, do not punish him in front of them. Without noise and abuse, it must be removed, not including guests in the process of education (the latter is permissible only in cases of very close acquaintance and friendship between families).

Children should not be allowed to interfere in the conversation, interrupt the elders, whisper something "secretly" in your ear, pester the guests with questions or their stories, if they are not invited to this.

When you come to visit your children, do not let them run around the apartment without permission, climb on the sofa, armchairs (you need to wean this at home), open drawers, rearrange things, etc.

Other children should not be reprimanded in front of their parents.
A polite guest "does not notice" what may be unpleasant for him, what may seem wrong in the behavior of the hosts. He does not interfere in the differences that may arise between them, does not take the side of any of them. In turn, tactful, polite hosts do not invite guests to be arbitrators in their affairs.

Invitations to guests should be made at least a week before the meeting: everyone can be busy, everyone can have time “scheduled” for many days in advance, and you should not be offended if your invitation is politely answered that, “unfortunately”, for one reason or another, it cannot be accepted on the day you proposed.

Of course, you should not invite at the same time people about whom you know that they do not like each other. If you do not know about the nature of the relationship of those invited, it is better to inform each of them about who you are going to meet.

Verbal invitations (at work, at a meeting in the theater, etc.) should not be made in the presence of your other acquaintances, whom you do not invite. You should also not talk about the "wonderful evening" you spent with one of your mutual acquaintances, in the presence of those who also know the hosts of this "wonderful evening", but were not invited to it.

Conversations at the reception of guests should be tried to be made general, to maintain the atmosphere of participation in them of all those invited, however, no one should be forcibly "drawn" into the conversation.

The host needs to be prepared for the role of "chairman of the meeting": if you notice that among the invitees there is a danger of talking on a topic that is obviously undesirable for anyone, you need to try to give the conversation a different direction. Ready-made recipes cannot be given here - this is a matter of your tact and experience.

Unfavorable comments about missing mutual acquaintances should not be maintained and developed. You should try to stop such conversations at the very beginning of their occurrence with some kind of joke, a distracting remark.

With his wife in the presence of those invited - no disputes, no sugary tenderness. Do not exchange a "understanding" look with her in case of any awkwardness, oversight made by any of the invitees. Do not exchange remarks in a foreign language if the guest does not know it - this is especially insulting to him: everyone knows that "secular people" did this in front of their servants so as not to be understood by them.

GIFTS

The custom that is widespread all over the world - to give gifts to each other on various occasions - is beautiful in its human essence: to bring joy, pleasure to another, to bring him some benefit, help.

However, that is why the choice of gifts must be treated with great attention and tact, otherwise, instead of joy and pleasure, you can cause bewilderment or annoyance at best in the person who received a gift from you. After all, you need to remember that in most cases, gifts are symbolic or utilitarian, so if you give a woman a bottle of alcohol, and an old man - heavy dumbbells, then this will be perceived as a mockery. Of course, this is an extreme example of the faux pas of giving gifts, but remember if you have ever witnessed when the person who received the gift appears in bewilderment on the face, meaning: "What should I do with this?"

It is relatively easier to give gifts to people whose tastes, habits, inclinations, or needs you know well. In these cases, it is rarely possible to make a mistake, and the whole thing is only in your material capabilities. BUT how to guess the tastes, inclinations, needs of people unfamiliar to you? Here the main role should be played by your observation in relation to those to whom you want to give something. You need to take care in advance to draw a conclusion about their hobbies and lifestyle based on individual statements, comments. You can get some information about this from their good friends (of course, not by questioning, but by fragmentary remarks, remarks, etc.). You can not just ask those to whom the gift is intended, what they would like to receive. Such questions are allowed only in relation to children, and even then only of preschool age.

The most wrong thing when choosing a gift is to focus on your own taste: it can be very far from the taste of the one you want to please.

They say that unmistakably good gifts are books and flowers. However, when making these gifts, one must observe tact, be sure to take into account the age, gender, profession, etc. of the person who received the gifts. In the West (and in our country) a married man does not give flowers to a girl, a woman - to a man. As for books, we can advise: firstly, you should not give books whose contents you do not know, and secondly, the nature of the books also needs to be correlated with the individual data of the recipient of the gift (gender, age, interests, etc.).

Very expensive gifts should not be given to acquaintances - they put those who received them in an awkward position: after all, it is customary to respond to gifts among "simple acquaintances" in approximately the same way, and not everyone has the opportunity to bring an expensive gift.

From the gifts you bring, you should first remove (if possible) the price index - they are undesirable in all cases.

All gifts (with the exception of flowers) are given or sent unopened.

When a gift is given in person, the recipient must open it in the presence of the giver, unless there is someone present (not from the family members of the giver or recipient) who did not make the gift.

When receiving any gift, thank you for it, even in cases of disappointment or annoyance.

If the gift made to you is an everyday thing, in the future, do not miss the opportunity when meeting with the giver to show that you are using it: this will give him great pleasure, and this, in turn, is a good gift (which, however, does not exclude the expression and response real gratitude).

At the table

The ability to properly behave at the table, to eat beautifully has always been considered one of the criteria by which the general cultural level of a person was judged.

Over time, this etiquette of behavior at the table underwent certain changes: some rules died out, new ones appeared, but the basic norms that will be discussed remained unchanged.

Knowing these rules will help you navigate correctly in all situations related not only to being at a feast, but also participating in official and friendly receptions of various levels, as well as in your daily practice.

Often, especially now, when business relations with foreign firms and enterprises are developing, people have to deal with unfamiliar dishes, types of service, etc. After all, each country has its own culinary characteristics, its own methods of serving guests.

The most reliable recommendations in cases where you have to meet something hitherto unknown - take your time, carefully observe how your hosts or more experienced table neighbors "manage" this unknown. In doing so, you rarely make a mistake. But even if you made it, do not be overly upset: such mistakes of "beginners" are treated with due understanding.

In general, the basic rules of "table" etiquette in our country do not differ from those adopted in most countries of the world.

Sitting at the table, first of all, you should pay attention to your posture. No matter how beautifully the table is decorated and served, no matter how elegantly dressed those sitting at it, their careless, slovenly postures will too clearly violate the harmony of the overall picture.

If you sit upright, but not tense, leaning lightly on the back of a chair that is not so close to the table that you have an involuntary desire to put your elbows on the table, but also not so far away that you have to use all your dexterity, so as not to drop what should be in your mouth on the floor, you will feel how already from this alone your movements at the table will become natural and unconstrained and you will be easy and comfortable.

An exception to this rule can be made if you are talking to a person sitting opposite you and because of a loud orchestra or noise you cannot hear your interlocutor. In this case, leaning forward, you will rely on your elbows placed on the table. However, this is permissible only if the food has not yet been served.

If a woman is sitting next to you, you should help her sit down - pull out a chair, wait until she sits down (and she can sit down only after the mistress of the house sits down), until all the other women and the "chief guest" sit down (he is always on the right from the hostess), then sit down with other men present.

Napkin place. Very elderly people still remember the times when it was tucked into the collar of a shirt (hence the expression “to pawn behind a tie”, which meant a strong drink, came from). Now in our country and in the West, both women and men put a napkin on their knees, where it remains until the end of the ceremony. It is not customary to wipe lips tightly with a napkin. It is only lightly applied to them before drinking wine or water, so as not to leave greasy marks on the glass. Before leaving the table, the napkin should be placed on the right side of the plate, and if the plate is removed, then in the center. In this case, there is no need to carefully fold the napkin, it is enough to put it in such a way that it does not unfold and does not fall off the table.

Serving food begins with the lady sitting on the right hand of the owner. Meals and cigarettes are served from the left hand, soups and drinks from the right. They pick up napkins from the right.

When the food is served to all those present, the hostess, starting first, thereby shows that you can start eating. If there are many guests at the table, there is no need to wait until everyone bends over the plate. In this case, the dishes will cool down and lose their taste. Therefore, after three or four people have been served, the hostess invites them to start eating. If for some reason the hostess does not do this, then it will not be wrong if you, noticing that five or six people have been served, start eating. However, etiquette allows you to do this only after the women sitting next to you have begun to eat.

If you are served a national meal or a dish that you have never had to try, and you do not know which side to approach it, look at how the hostess copes with it. It will not be a violation of etiquette if you contact the hostess with a question about what this dish is made of and how to eat it correctly. It is possible that this dish was served specifically to acquaint guests with the peculiarities of the national cuisine. Your questions in this case will be very helpful.
If you drop your knife or fork, don't try to pick it up. Ask for another device. Not only in this case, but also in all others, when you make a mistake, do not apologize and do not try to correct it by attracting the attention of others.

If any of those present at the table make a mistake, try not to pay attention to it, and even more so do not try to "help" the guilty person by talking about how you or your friend once committed a misconduct that ended more sadly, since it was flooded not only the tablecloth, but also the dress of the hostess was damaged, and serious damage was done to the family service.

If minor offenses associated with awkward, careless movements can be forgiven, then actions that led, even through ignorance or forgetfulness, to violations of the basic rules of conduct at the table can cause the most serious complications.

So, it is not customary to smoke at the table until coffee is served. Many guests may find the smell of smoke unpleasant. In addition, smoking interferes with the perception of the full taste of the food served. Therefore, smoking at the table is considered a manifestation of disrespect for the owners, a demonstration of a dismissive attitude towards their efforts spent on preparing dinner.

A delicate reminder to guests that the hosts do not welcome smoking during dinner is the absence of ashtrays on the table before coffee is served.

The breakfast menu consists of one or two cold appetizer dishes, one hot fish dish, one hot meat dish, dessert, coffee or tea. For breakfast, as a rule, first courses (soups) are not served, but it would not be a mistake to include them in the menu. The lunch menu differs from the breakfast menu in that soup is served after cold starters.

The table is served accordingly. The fork to the left of the plate is intended for snacks, to the right of it, closer to the plate, there is a fork for fish dishes, and, finally, a fork for meat dishes is placed next to the plate. The soup spoon is to the right of the plate. To the left of it, in the same order as the forks, are placed, respectively, a snack knife, a knife for fish dishes and a knife for meat dishes. Knives are placed with the blade against the plate, which, they say, is associated with rather interesting historical traditions. In the era of feudalism, weapons were used easily and often. Therefore, in order not to overshadow the atmosphere of feasts, as a reminder of the need to restrain passions, as well as a symbol of peaceful intentions, the blades of the knives were turned not towards the neighbor, but the plates.

The forks are placed with the tip up, and the spoon with the bulge down, so that the tines of the fork and the sharp edges of the spoon do not spoil the tablecloth.

No more than three pairs of knives and forks are ever placed on the table. If necessary, some dishes are additionally served with knives, forks and other serving items. For example, for dishes of oysters and crabs, you will be served a special small fork, and for fruits - a fruit fork and a fruit knife. Directly behind the plate, parallel to the edge of the table, lies a dessert and a teaspoon.

If oil is served, then the knife for it lies on a small saucer for bread, which is placed on the left side of the plate. Appliances for salt and pepper are also placed on the left side of the plate, but a little closer to the center -

The napkin is placed on a plate. She can be placed next to her only if, even before the guests are seated at the table, it is necessary to put some food on the plate. If a napkin is placed next to a plate, then, according to etiquette experts, this will indicate a very immodest intention of the owners to demonstrate the beauty of the service, which can cause negative emotions in guests, equivalent to those that appear when they see a golden ring worn over a glove.

At official breakfasts and dinners, both here and in the West, it is customary to serve guests with second and third (and sometimes more) courses twice. This must be borne in mind in order to decide for oneself the question: is it possible to leave part of the meal half-eaten? If you liked it and would like to be offered it again, then, having finished with the first "portion", put the knife (on the right) and fork (on the left) with sharp ends into your plate: this is a sign to the attendants that in case of the second after this meal, it was again offered to you. If you did not like the dish or were satisfied with its quantity, then you should put the knife and fork together on the plate on the right - this means that you will not take this dish during the second run.

If you liked the dish, then at the second run-out, both here and in the West, for the most part, they do not hesitate to take "a little more."

It is considered extremely impolite to talk at the table about your tastes - what you like and what you don’t, and dietary prescriptions given to you by a doctor, about the impact on your health of certain food ingredients, etc.

"Don't be late for your meal!" - this old rule is very firmly adhered to, not only at official ceremonies. Mistresses all over the world really do not like it when guests are late for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Ask them - they will explain to you the reason for this. Late arrivals must not exceed the official protocol allowable limit of 15 minutes. After a half-hour wait, you have no right to be offended if they sit at the table without you or if they don’t offer you a dish that has already bypassed the guests: you violated the “conveyor line” along which the guests are served. The rule that the ancient Romans followed still remains in force: "Tarde venietibus ossa" ("Bone to latecomers!"). Yes, and the seat at the table assigned to you "by rank" can be occupied by another guest, and you should also take this without offense, as a fair punishment. In general, delays in such cases are regarded everywhere as signs of disorganization, lack of assembly of the person who allowed them and his disrespectful attitude towards people dealing with him.

Equally impolite is the arrival at the invitation of a predetermined date: not everything can be ready for the hostess, "there is a lot of trouble," and she has to receive guests, break away from unfinished business. For hostesses, this version of guest negligence is even worse than the first.

A conversation at the table should be conducted with both neighbors, without giving preference to one of them. If you happen to be near strangers, you can introduce yourself to them.

It is considered extremely impolite to consider whether plates, glasses, etc. are clean, and completely unacceptable to wipe them with a napkin or handkerchief. If the dishes seem to you (and even are in fact) not clean enough - endure, without grimacing and not showing the slightest sign of discontent, just draw the necessary conclusions for yourself in case of repeated invitations to this house.

The same stoic position should be taken if something inedible (a sliver, hair, etc.) comes across in your food, which, by the way, can happen even "in the best houses of Philadelphia" "in no case show even the slightest sign If you do not want to acquire an implacable enemy in the person of the hostess - move the "find" to the edge of the plate, cover with a side dish - and continue your meal as if nothing had happened.

The serving of alcoholic beverages is regulated by certain rules.

Cold appetizers are served with pre-chilled tinctures or vodka. As a rule, alcoholic drinks are not served with soup, however, an exception can be made for sherry. The fish dish is accompanied by chilled dry white wine, and the meat dish is accompanied by dry red wine at room temperature (15*-18* C). Chilled champagne or dessert wines are served with dessert, and cognac or liquor is served with coffee.

Thus, each dish is accompanied by a corresponding type of wine. It is unacceptable to demand that wines be served according to your personal taste. A person who violates this rule inevitably creates a reputation for himself as an uncultured, ill-mannered person.

If an informal lunch or breakfast is arranged, for example, in a restaurant where there are few guests, then the person who arranges it either makes the menu himself and pre-orders, or, at the request of those present, orders the dishes that they have chosen. In both cases, the number and range of dishes may not coincide with the menu of official lunches and breakfasts.

Before starting such a lunch or breakfast, its organizer may also ask those present what drinks they prefer. Expressing your personal opinion, you can refuse alcoholic beverages and ask for juice or mineral water. It will not be a violation of the rules of etiquette if you say that you prefer, for example, red wine, and throughout the dinner you will drink only it.

Excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages at all times was considered unworthy of a well-mannered person. Not without reason, even in the rules of conduct developed under Catherine II, it was emphasized that at the table one should "eat sweet and tasty, and drink with moderation, so that everyone could always find their feet when leaving the door."

A person who is familiar with the rules of etiquette will not strive to ensure that his guest, against his own will, drinks too much wine. If your neighbor does not drink this or that offered drink, you should not find out the reason for such behavior, offer to replace the drink, or look for disrespect for you or the owners personally in this.

One should not drink wine when the mouth is full of food.

Toasts at formal dinners or breakfasts are made only after dessert has been served, when champagne is poured.

At informal dinners, as well as at other receptions, toasts may be made more often, but, as a rule, not earlier than ten to fifteen minutes after the start of the reception. After pronouncing a toast, there is no need to drink all the wine poured into a glass. It is enough to raise the glass above the table, bring it to your mouth, sip a little or drink some wine from it.

It is not customary to clink glasses at formal dinners. In general, you should not abuse the chokan. The custom of clinking glasses arose in those distant times, when it was not considered a serious sin to pour poison into the glasses of guests or neighbors at the table. Therefore, in order to assure the guests of his peacefulness, the host not only poured some wine first into his glass and drank it, but during the feast all the guests repeatedly "exchanged wine", that is, they poured from their glass into the neighbor's glass, and then symbolically connected the glasses - clinked.

At the present time, the threat of poisoning is not so urgent, but the process of choking can complicate the course of the feast, especially if there is someone who wants to "connect" his glass with the glasses of all the numerous guests. In any case, while clinking glasses, do not stretch your hand far across the table. If after the toast they clink glasses, then the man should keep his glass lower than the woman's glass.

Wine, rum, cognac, liquor are drunk in small sips, slowly. Only vodka can be drunk immediately to the bottom.

When pouring drinks, the bottle is held with the whole hand at the level of the label so that the index finger is on the neck. When lifting the bottle, it needs to be turned a little so that the wine does not drip onto the tablecloth.

From a full bottle, first pour into your glass. At the reception, before pouring wine into the guests' glasses, one of the waiters pours some wine into the host's glass. After tasting the wine and coming to the conclusion that the quality of the wine is good, the owner gives permission to the waiters to pour the wine into the glasses of the guests.

Many overseas restaurants have a similar rule. Having opened the ordered bottle of wine and filled the glass, the waiter waits until the visitor tastes the wine and nods his head to indicate that he is satisfied with its quality. Otherwise, the waiter is obliged to replace the bottle.

Drinks are poured into a glass and glasses on the table. However, in some cases, for example in Japan, when offering a drink, they wait until the visitor or guest raises his glass, thereby confirming his desire to drink this or that drink. Refusing alcoholic beverages, you should not close the glass with your hand, with any object, or defiantly turn it over.

Glasses for drinks are placed on the right side of the plate in one line one after another, starting to the left of the largest in size. However, in order to make the table setting look more elegant, a free arrangement of glasses is more often used, in which the rule is observed: large glasses should not cover smaller ones. For example, a water glass will be located directly above the knives, a champagne glass at a short distance to the right of it, wine glasses will be located between these two glasses closer to the plate, a vodka glass will be directly above the soup spoon.

The stronger the drink, the smaller the glass or glass into which it is poured. Therefore, vodka and liqueurs are poured into small glasses. Cognac is usually poured little by little into large glasses, tapering upwards. In them, the aroma of the drink is better felt. For wines, tulip-shaped glasses are used, but unlike dessert wine glasses, dry wine glasses are larger, with a wider top and a longer stem.

For any wine, glasses of medium size, transparent, uncolored glass can also be used. Glasses made of colored glass are used only for white wine. A champagne glass can be of two types - either narrow and tall on a long stem, or a wide and low bowl.

Rules for handling knives, forks, spoons, etc. have been developed over many years, and their main purpose is not at all, as many believe, to entangle the process of eating with numerous stiff formalities. Compliance with these rules, and this is confirmed by practice, allows the most rational use of cutlery, as well as harmoniously distributing human movements when eating.

Let us dwell on the description of only the basic rules observed when eating.

Soups served in deep soup bowls. However, broth and puree soup are usually served in a cup with one or two handles. They begin to eat the broth and puree soup with a spoon, lightly holding the handle of the cup with their left hand. Once the soup has cooled down enough, you can lift the cup by the handle and drink the soup directly from the cup. When lifting a cup, do not stick your finger into the eye of the handle or stick out your little finger.

In order to cool the soup, do not blow into a bowl, cup or spoon. While gently stirring the soup with a spoon, wait until it cools down.

They try to prepare the soup in such a way that it does not contain ingredients that could not be put entirely in the mouth. However, if you still come across large pieces of vegetables, dumplings, dumplings, etc., they are carefully crushed with a spoon.

A little difficulty is usually encountered when a little soup remains in the bowl and each contact of the spoon with the plate begins to serve as a source of unpleasant sounds. How should you eat soup in such a situation? The most common answer, in a semi-joking manner, recommends tilting the plate away from you when you don't really care about maintaining the tablecloth, but treat your costume with extra attention. If the suit is less dear to you than the tablecloth, you tilt the plate towards you. In truth, the Solomonic solution is to leave the soup half-eaten.

It is hardly necessary to dramatize the consequences that the tilting of the plate can cause. Therefore, when there is not much soup left in the bowl, it is customary to slightly lift the plate with your left hand and tilt it away from you. In doing so, you will be able to continue to adhere to the rules for using a spoon without much difficulty, namely: to fill the spoon with soup with a movement from yourself.

Eat soup from the edge of the spoon, bringing it parallel to the mouth. Therefore, a soup spoon that is round in shape is most suitable for its purpose.

Meat dishes eat with a knife and fork.

Everyone knows that when eating, the fork should be held in the left hand, and the knife in the right. However, in everyday practice, we tend to neglect this rule, and therefore, when the need arises to use it, it turns out that lack of experience entails a number of errors.

One of the most common is the use of a knife to put food on a fork. With a knife, you can slightly tweak what you are going to take with a fork. You can not cut with a knife everything that is possible, and then use only a fork. Those meat dishes that can be easily dismembered with a fork are not customary to cut with a knife. Such dishes, for example, include meatballs, kebab, meatballs.

When eating food with a knife and fork, they are constantly held in the hands, even at the moment when only the fork is used. When cutting food, the fork and knife should be held at a slight inclination to the plate, and not vertically. The handles of the knife and fork should be in the palms of your hands.

There should be no doubt about which knife and fork to start eating with. No matter how many knives and forks are on the table, you should always start with the device farthest from the plate. As new dishes are served, the knives and forks used change.

Do not lean over your plate while eating. According to etiquette guides, in this position you will resemble a bird pecking at grains.

You should stay as straight as possible, only slightly leaning forward.
If the food you have tasted is very hot, drink some water. Any other action is not allowed. No matter how disappointed you are with the taste of the food, the piece that is in your mouth should be eaten. Only fish bones, as well as fruit seeds, can be taken out of the mouth.

Do not fill your mouth with large amounts of food.

When you need to take a glass or bread, the fork and knife are placed crosswise on the plate: the fork with the convex part up, and the knife with the tip to the left. You can put the fork and knife on the plate so that their handles rest on the table. However, in this case, you will need to exercise increased caution, since with an awkward movement, the knife or fork can slip off the plate and fall on the table.

If you want to show that you have finished eating, do not move your plate away from you, but put a knife and fork parallel to each other on it. In this case, their handles will be turned to the right. The fork should be tines up.

Dishes that need to be taken from the tray by the guests themselves are placed on plates with the help of dispensing forks and spoons. Meals are taken with a spoon, which is held with the left hand, while helping with the fork in the right hand. It is unacceptable to impose dishes from a common dish with cutlery served for one guest.

At the table, as far as possible, you should not take food with your hands.

Game(even the smallest birds) it is customary to eat with a knife and fork. With the help of a knife and fork, as much meat is separated from the bird as your skill and dexterity allow. If there are any difficulties, it is better to leave the food half-eaten.

Given the inevitability of such difficulties, the owners strive to cook and serve the game in such a way as to facilitate the process of cutting it on a plate as much as possible.

Fish dishes eaten with a special fish knife and fork. In this case, the fish is not cut with a knife.

The fish knife came into use relatively recently - during the reign of Queen Victoria in England, and therefore some jealous keepers of traditions, considering it as an "innovation", prefer to eat fish dishes with two forks.

Fish has always been considered a "difficult" food, as fish bones can cause a lot of trouble. A fish knife with a wide rounded end is mainly used to separate fish bones from meat.

If, nevertheless, it becomes necessary to remove fish bones from the mouth, then they should be put on a fork leaning against the lips, and from it on a plate.

Salads, served as accompaniments to roasts and game, they are taken from a large dish with the help of a spoon and fork served along with the dish and put on small plates from which they are eaten.

Before the advent of stainless steel knives, the use of lettuce and fruit knives was avoided, as this caused their surface to darken. Currently, there are no serious reasons not to use a lettuce knife. Besides, it's not so easy to eat a salad without resorting to the help of a knife.

Fish, meat, vegetable and other salads are put on your plate and eaten using a knife and fork.

Bread they take it by hand (not with a fork) from a common plate and put it on a plate specially designed for him. Bread is eaten by breaking off small pieces from it by hand, which can be eaten in one or two meals.

Butter is spread on a piece of bread, which is held with the fingers of the left hand on a plate. You should not butter a slice of bread while holding it on weight. If the cutlery does not include a knife specially designed for butter, any other knife can be used, but care must be taken to ensure that the remains of other foods are not transferred to the butter by this knife.

Jam, jam is first placed on a bread plate, and then put on slices of bread.

You should not crumble bread on a plate in order to pick up the remaining sauce there.

Sandwiches taken by hand if they are served with drinks before the start of dinner. At the table, sandwiches are eaten with a fork and knife.

Cheese is taken with a special fork and put on your plate, and from it on bread or thin dry cookies; melted cheese is spread on slices of bread with an ordinary knife used for butter.

sausage and ham served on the table sliced ​​and peeled, slices of sausage and ham are placed on a plate with a fork and eaten with a knife and fork.

Fruits eat with a fruit knife and fork. An apple and a pear are cut on a plate into four parts or eight slices, then the core is removed, the slices are peeled and eaten, taking them from the plate with their hands.

Break the plums in half with your fingers and remove the pit.

Cherry pits, as well as seeds and hard, grape skins are removed from the mouth as discreetly as possible on a spoon.

Watermelons and melons are served sliced ​​and eaten with a spoon or knife and fork.

Grapefruit is served cut in half, with the edible middle part peeled with a knife and sprinkled with powdered sugar. They eat with a spoon.

The orange is placed on a plate and, holding it with your left hand, the peel is cut with a knife from top to bottom into slices. The peeled orange is cut into slices with a knife. The bones are removed with a knife.

The peel of tangerines is easily removed, so they are peeled and divided into slices by hand without the help of a knife. Bones are removed in the same way as when eating cherries and grapes.

Berries, including strawberries, are sprinkled with sugar and served with whipped cream. They are eaten with a spoon.

A banana can be peeled to half and, holding it in your hand, eat, biting into pieces. However, it is preferable to peel a whole banana, put it on a plate, cut it into pieces and eat it with a fork.

Nowadays, not so often, but still you can see a table served with small cups of water for rinsing fingers, which may be stained with fruit juice. These cups are placed on the left side of the plates. Dip your fingertips in water and then wipe them on a paper towel.

At present, the use of a bowl for rinsing fingers is widespread in the countries of the East, where many dishes are eaten with the hands.

Tea and coffee. Probably the least problems arise when you drink tea or coffee. It is rare now to meet a person who would pour tea on a saucer, diligently blow into it, and then not even drink, but draw tea into himself with some special dashing whistle. So they drank tea at the dawn of the 17th century, when tea was brought to Europe from China. The first admirers of this drink used small cups without handles - a copy of Chinese ones.

However, mistakes are made in the handling of these drinks. After stirring tea or coffee with a spoon, leave it in a glass or cup, while it should be put on a saucer. They dip cookies in tea or coffee, and also drink tea or coffee when the mouth is full of food. Taking a cup, they put a finger into the eye of the handle and put aside the little finger.

Sugar in the absence of special tongs, they are taken by hand, and not with a spoon, and lowered into a cup.

Cake and biscuits are eaten with a dessert spoon.

Cookies are eaten by breaking off pieces.

A slice of lemon, taken with a special small fork, is placed in a glass of tea or a cup of coffee, the juice is squeezed out with a spoon, and the rest is taken out and placed on the edge of the saucer.

Lemon is served, as a rule, also with fish dishes and some meat dishes. In this case, the lemon is placed on the dish and, pressing on it with the convex side of the fork, squeeze out the juice.

Tea should be drunk slowly, especially not in one gulp, burning and puffing. But you shouldn't be too slow. Cold tea tastes bad. And besides, you will look ridiculous sipping tea when all the other guests have finished.

In many countries it is customary to invite guests "for coffee". This does not mean that you will only be served coffee. You can also be offered tea, as well as cookies, cake, nuts, and sometimes cognac or liqueurs. But you should not expect that you will be fed meat or fish. And you yourself, when inviting guests for coffee, should not force the table with all kinds of snacks or an abundance of wine bottles.

Putting a napkin on the table or getting up from the table, the hostess (or owner) shows that the dinner is over. Only after this sign, guests can also put down their napkins and get up.

At the end of dinner, getting up from the table, do not leave the chair set aside, but push it back to the table. A man helps his neighbor to her feet by pushing her chair back and then returning it to the table.

You can leave official ceremonies only after the "chief guest" in whose honor it was arranged has left. At friendly meetings, on the contrary, one should not wait for the departure of the one who can be considered the most welcome guest by the hosts, whom they would like to keep longer than others.

In such cases, follow the formula J.-J. Rousseau: "An intelligent person retires a minute before he would be superfluous." It does not interfere with recalling the oriental wisdom: "A guest is necessary for the host, like breathing for a person. But if the breath enters and does not go out, the person dies."

In behavior at the table, in handling cutlery, in the manner of eating, there can be many small details unfamiliar to us, especially in communicating with foreigners - after all, each country has its own specific rules, sometimes depending on the traditions of national cuisine. Therefore - once again: look closely at how the hostess, the owner and your table neighbors act, and do everything as they do - there will be no mistakes.

Modern rules of etiquette practically do not differ from the rules of etiquette of the past centuries. Some adjustments have made the pace and way of modern life.

Of the general rules, ten of the most relevant and necessary for observance by a decent person can be distinguished.

First rule of etiquette: courtesy

As the first rule, you can single out a polite attitude towards people around you. Acquaintances, the closest relatives and friends or complete strangers. And it does not matter where exactly the person is: in the store, public transport, on the street, at work, at home. Always and everywhere you need to be able to politely address others.

The second rule of etiquette: greeting

The second rule says that the person entering the room must greet first. Whoever it is: a boss, an academician, a president, a simple passer-by, a child. Words of greeting should sound exactly from the incoming.

It should be noted that if a companion greets a stranger, the couple should also say the words of greeting.

The third rule of etiquette: gratitude

People often forget to say words of gratitude to their relatives, relatives and friends. Taking everything that happens for granted. After all, their care and love is not forced, but from a pure heart. The third rule of modern etiquette is the word thank you.

The fourth rule of etiquette: decent behavior in public places

You shouldn't laugh too loudly in public places. Screaming and judging other people while pointing your finger.

Fifth rule of etiquette: for drivers

Very often, drivers forget about the rules of decent behavior on the road. You can not rush through puddles and mud, splashing pedestrians. Please slow down.

The sixth rule of etiquette: cleanliness and fashion

Being in public places, and even at home, a person should monitor personal hygiene. Dress in clean, neat clothes. Put on clean shoes. And don't blindly follow fashion. It is better to dress not only fashionably, but beautifully and neatly.

Seventh rule of etiquette: unexpected guests

You can't visit without an invitation. Be sure to give advance notice of your visit.

The eighth rule of etiquette: a smartphone and other people's SMS

When visiting, at a meeting, in a cafe or restaurant, in no case should you keep your smartphone on the table. This is a manifestation of complete disrespect for the interlocutor. And that means that virtual communication is more important than live.

Rummaging through someone else's phone or pockets in order to read SMS or simple correspondence is extremely impolite and ugly towards a person. This rule applies to both parents in relation to children and spouses.

The ninth rule of etiquette: response to an insult

Now everyone has a lot of problems and worries. People are trying to throw all their anger and hatred on others. Having met with rudeness and insult, you just need to smile and move away, leaving the offender with all his anger. Do not stoop to raising your voice and insulting in response.

Tenth rule of etiquette: the habit of knocking on a closed door

Parents, as soon as the baby begins to live in a separate room, need to develop the habit of knocking before entering the nursery. Then the children will knock on the door of their parents' bedroom.

This is not the whole list of rules of modern etiquette, but adhering to at least these ten, a person can win universal respect. And with dignity to be called a cultured and educated member of society.

They talk a lot about etiquette, important rules of conduct, often and very willingly. However, people usually lose sight of the most important point - why these very rules are necessary. This is what you should focus on as much as possible.

What are they for?

Any attitudes in society, order exist only because someone feels the need for them. The situation is exactly the same with etiquette: it does not complicate life, as it may seem, but makes it easier, makes it more orderly. "Old-fashioned courtesy" prevents a lot of unpleasant conflict situations. In society, etiquette sets clear and unambiguous "rules of the game" that contribute to the convenience and improvement of communication between people.

At first it may seem that it is very difficult to learn all the rules and apply them in a timely manner. However, it is only worth spending some time on it, showing willpower, as you will immediately understand - it is not difficult to fulfill the requirements. In your presence, others will feel freer and lighter, more liberated. At the same time, you do not have to constantly monitor yourself, think before each act or movement, whether this action is correct or not.

Kinds

The interaction of people in society is different, and the variety of norms and rights that apply to it is also great. In order to understand all this diversity, to avoid unnecessary difficulties, people began to form a kind of "codes" (if we draw an analogy with legislation) - certain types of etiquette. First of all, it is worth mentioning the following varieties of modern etiquette:

• state (formerly called court) - communication with heads of state;
• diplomatic - relating to the behavior of diplomats and persons equated to them;
• military - regulates the actions, speech of military personnel and persons equated to them (in various situations);
• religious - refers to the behavior of people in communication with clergy associated with any existing religion, with believers in the performance of rituals, on religious holidays, in temples and sacred places.

General civil etiquette includes rules and various traditions related to the communication of people in all other situations. However, the general civil code of rules is not as simple as it seems. Although it does not cover situations in which we can talk about political influence, international relations and the like, there is also a division here.

Some generally accepted norms set the standard for business communication, others form the requirements for all other types of communication in general. There are provisions related to the performance of various ceremonies (wedding, funeral and some others), rules when being at a common table, when talking on the phone or communicating via e-mail. General civil etiquette normalizes not only verbal interaction, but also gestures, touches, and to a certain extent even looks and gait.

Before talking about what is possible and impossible in a particular case, you need to find out what the basic requirements for each person are.

generally accepted norms

The basic obligatory norms of etiquette are designed to help a person make a good impression on others. Whether you are a middle-aged housewife, a fast-moving administrator, a sculptor in creative search - everyone should consider them. Any person purchases clothes, focusing on their financial capabilities, but as for the established traditional norms, we can say that they are mandatory for everyone. The following key requirements must be considered:

• cleanliness, aesthetics of clothing;
• compliance with the wardrobe of your figure and accessories;
• the compatibility of the elements of the outfit with each other, their correspondence to the specific situation.

Every piece of clothing that you wear should be kept clean, fastened, and ensure that everything is ironed. The system of etiquette requirements prescribes a strict division between festive, official (working), home, and evening wear. Compliance with the rules of good manners is also unthinkable without the implementation of hygiene procedures, full and proper nutrition, and a healthy lifestyle.

In any training course devoted to the basics of etiquette, sections such as presenting yourself to others, gait, posture, gestures and speech are always named.

Rules of conduct for men

A real man is not only a good professional in his field, a responsible person and a master of his word. There are a number of etiquette rules that strictly regulate how exactly he should act in a certain situation. Even if your acquaintances do not comply with these requirements, you will only benefit yourself if you do not follow their bad example.

Not a single man (except for a policeman on duty and a soldier who is obliged by the charter to salute) can normally walk to the right of a woman, only to the left. Of course, there are circumstances when this rule of etiquette can be violated - but only by learning to observe it, you will understand when you can deviate from the norm. . Stumbled and slipped women need to be supported by the elbow, and no one will see this as going beyond the bounds of decent behavior.

However, only the lady decides whether to take the hand of a representative of the stronger sex.

It is also forbidden to smoke near a woman without express permission. Everyone remembers, of course, that the appropriate behavior is to open the door at the entrance and exit, escorting the woman behind. But this norm, observed on any stairs, changes to the opposite when entering the elevator and when leaving the car. When a man personally drives a car, he is obliged to open the door and hold the women by the elbow when landing forward.

It is not customary to sit down in the presence of standing ladies, including on the bus; an exception is made only for trains and planes. Of course, responsible and adequate men always help their companions to carry heavy, bulky or uncomfortable things. Men's etiquette is also distinguished by such nuances:

• you can not put your hands on your chest when talking;
• you should not keep them in your pockets;
• you can twist any object in your hand only in order to better examine or use it, and not just like that.

Etiquette for women

Do not think that the requirements of etiquette for women are softer or stricter. They are exactly the same in severity, but different in content. Everyone can learn to behave correctly, again - this requires only consistency, determination and self-control. A common mistake is the opinion that today women's norms of behavior are limited to one politeness and correctness in speech. Of course, they are not the same as a hundred or two hundred years ago - and therefore it is impossible to learn the rules of etiquette, focusing on ancient literature.

Bad, "primitive" manners, which are often found in the behavior of modern women and girls, are primarily as follows:

• excessive curiosity about other people's secrets;
• spreading gossip;
• insulting other people and rudeness;
• vulgar behavior;
• bullying others, manipulating them;
• unscrupulous flirting.

Behavior in everyday life should be subordinated not to emotions and passions, but to reason. Yes, for women (and even for many men) it is very difficult. Yes, there are situations when it is extremely difficult not to be rude in response. You should always imagine how your behavior looks from the outside. At the same time, modesty should be remembered - both in the family circle and on the street, in a store, in a restaurant, at an exhibition and in other places.

You can not know the ready-made speech formulas of greeting and address too well, but at the same time have a reputation for being a polite, cultured person. The whole point is to convey your benevolence to the interlocutors, so that every detail emphasizes a positive attitude.

The stereotype that "a real girl is always late" is nothing more than a harmful myth, invented as an excuse for their own indiscipline and disrespect for others. Put him firmly and completely out of your head, do not allow yourself to do this with either acquaintances or strangers.

If you are unable to arrive on time, inform those who may be waiting for you immediately.

It is unacceptable at a party, at work, and in a hotel or official institution to rush to all things, check their cleanliness. In the presence of other people with whom you work together, study together, have a romantic relationship, it is undesirable to make phone calls, write SMS or emails. Even if communication at a particular moment is very important, you should report this and apologize, try not to interfere. It is advisable to explain to the subscriber or interlocutor that at the moment you will not be able to communicate.

Well-bred women and girls, in principle, do not allow themselves to wear clothes even in their own home (when there are no other people there):

• dirty;
• crumpled;
• torn;
• does not match the chosen style.

Believe me, if you do not make any exceptions and indulgences for yourself unless absolutely necessary, it will only be easier to follow the usual rules of etiquette. Quite rarely there are cases when a woman can afford not to work. The basic principle of official relations (both with management and with subordinates) should be strict correctness, following the rules of the organization and professional ethics. You should definitely be punctual, keep your word, clearly plan your working day. It is strictly forbidden:

How to teach a child good manners?

Children's spontaneity pleases and touches moms and dads, but from a very early age, the baby needs to be instilled with elementary norms of behavior - of course, this is primarily done by parents, and not by educators and teachers. You can forgive this or that transgression against the norms of etiquette; other people (even classmates or people you happen to meet on the street) may no longer understand him. And it will be easier for the child himself for the rest of his life, no matter how offended he is at first.

The paramount rule, often voiced by people, but not lost its relevance - the need in the family to always treat others politely. If you call children to correctness and even communicate with them in the right way, but be rude on the phone, quarrel with guests or raise your voice once again in the store, such an “educational work” will inevitably fail.

To get a well-mannered and cultured child, you need to demonstrate the rules of behavior during games to the baby from the earliest years. Let you be the standard, and the baby’s favorite toys play one role or another (you greet them, say goodbye, thank them for the gift they brought, and so on). At the same time, such urgent tasks as expanding vocabulary and improving sociability are being solved.

A very important point of education (especially after 5 years) will be the mandatory appeal to all unfamiliar and unfamiliar adults with “you” or by name and patronymic. Avoid interrupting adults and interfering in their conversations. Firmly and steadily remind the children of this, repeating the rule after each violation.

Watch yourself and your manners. Check what kind of children your child (and even teenager) gets acquainted with. This is important both in terms of bad influence on manners, and in the sense that your own peace of mind depends on it.

Always make sure that when your child sneezes:

• turned away from other people and from food;
• went as far away as possible;
• wiped his nose and contaminated objects;
• washed his hands after sneezing (before resuming the meal).

Voice communication

In Russia, there are mandatory norms that regulate human speech in various situations. It is far from always possible to confine oneself only to greetings and farewells, and in communication with officials (especially when the situation is solemn or ceremonial) there are unwritten canons. Moreover, they are typical for any organization, department or professional community.

The speech process is regulated by the norms of etiquette in many respects:

• lexical (phraseological) - how to address people, how to use set expressions, what words are appropriate or inappropriate in specific cases;
• grammatical - the use of the interrogative mood instead of the imperative;
• stylistic - correctness, accuracy and richness of speech;
• intonation - calmness and smoothness even when irritation and anger overwhelm you;
• orthoepic - the rejection of abbreviated forms of words in favor of complete ones (no matter how you hurry and no matter how close you are to a person).

Politeness is also manifested when a person does not interfere in other people's conversations. There is no need to object if you did not listen to the sentence or accusation to the end. The "salon" speech, and in everyday conversation, and even various jargons have their own etiquette formulas.

You need to be careful with who you communicate with. You have to be able to adapt. Polite communication implies that you can’t just say goodbye, even if the conversation has come to an end, and all the planned things have been completed. Some kind of transition is required, it is necessary to correctly lead to parting.

Non-verbal forms of interaction

By itself, this term seems somehow unnecessarily complex and "scientific". However, in reality, people deal with non-verbal communication much more often than it might seem. It is this “language” that is used in communication both with random people you meet and with people you have known for a long time, both at home and outside the walls of your home. Those who correctly understand non-verbal communication receive a triple benefit:

• expand the possibilities for expressing their thoughts, they can use gestures as an addition to words;
• capture what others really think;
• can control themselves and not betray their true thoughts to other observers.

The second two points are of interest not only to various manipulators. It is very important to predict the next action of a person, to understand his real mood and state (it is quite possible that he is trying to carefully hide it).

A lot of information circulates through non-verbal channels. By receiving it, you will be able to understand exactly how the interlocutor relates to others, what relationships are built between the boss and subordinates, and so on. Properly using such a means of communication, one can maintain an optimal relationship, agree or refuse some proposal without saying a word. You can simply reinforce what was said with additional energy.

Non-verbal communication cannot be reduced to gestures. It is also, for example, the emotional component of any conversation (except for those conducted by phone). The main part of such means of communication is innate, but this does not mean that they cannot be controlled in principle. A polite and cultured person, going to another country or before talking with foreigners, always finds out what meaning gestures and other non-verbal signals have, how they can be understood by interlocutors.

Any meeting (even if it does not imply negotiations or other important business) should begin with a greeting. Its importance should not be underestimated, since a show of respect always transcends personal ambitions and difficulties.

Etiquette requires everyone to stand at the moment of greeting, even women; an exception is made only for those who cannot get up for health reasons. Women are greeted earlier than men. Among people of the same sex, they try to give priority to older ones, and then to those with higher status. If you have just entered a room where others are already present, you should greet those already present first, no matter what.

It is important not only to observe the order, but also to properly show your respect. It used to be that shaking hands could emphasize a special location, but the modern approach suggests otherwise: everyone should shake hands with each other. You can not shake hands for more than three seconds. Very strong or relaxed handshakes can be allowed only with the closest people.

Non-verbal etiquette prescribes to supplement your words with certain actions. Before starting communication, immediately choose a suitable position that will be convenient for you - and at the same time will not cause negative emotions in other people.

It is unacceptable to sit too relaxed and recline in the presence of interlocutors. No matter how much you want to sit back and demonstrate your superiority, feel like the master (or mistress) of the situation, you can’t do that.

Make sure the pose is not closed: this immediately expresses distrust and a willingness to harshly criticize the other person, even if you don’t mean anything like that. It will be extremely difficult to explain the true meaning. Raising the shoulders, lowering the head are perceived as signals of excessive tension and isolation, incomprehensible fear or fear of defeat. By leaning towards the other person, you show interest in him and in his words. Just don't invade your personal space.

Posture is a very important part of non-verbal communication. A measure is needed here: the back should be straight, and the landing should be correct, but in both cases it is required not to overdo it, so that you are not considered overly proud and arrogant person. Take a close look at yourself in the mirror, or even ask others to rate your mannerisms. If even the slightest unnaturalness, artificiality and posturing is visible, it is better to reduce tension, not to constantly strive for a perfectly straight back.

As for gestures, you must first of all pay attention to those that show friendliness and benevolence. When talking at the table, the hands are held palms up, the hands are left relaxed. By tilting your head slightly to the right or left, you emphasize that you are attentively listening to the other person's speech.

When people get bored with the conversation (or the interlocutor hardly waits for the floor to be given to him), rubbing of the neck and earlobe begins. The sudden shifting of papers, other things means that the person is no longer going to talk - for whatever reason. Those who are about to leave direct their legs or even their entire body towards the exit. A “closed” position or a readiness for a hard rebuff is directly indicated by crossing the arms.

Getting up and starting to walk around the room, scratching their chin or touching their hair, people thereby set themselves up for making a decision, enter the decisive phase in a difficult choice. Inexperienced and ill-prepared deceivers rub their noses, fidget nervously in their chairs, and change positions every now and then. It is very difficult to lie without constantly looking away, without narrowing the pupils, without covering your mouth with your hand. If you believe that non-verbal etiquette is associated only with movements, gestures, this is an erroneous opinion. There is another important component: habits.

You can’t drink tea and eat sweets during a business conversation, as this is frankly impolite. A cultured person can afford a maximum glass of water.

You should not approach the interlocutor closer than at arm's length - if only possible. Of course, when you need to get close for business, this rule does not apply. A blunder is twirling something in your hands during a conversation, drawing on paper - and so on. This behavior immediately demonstrates:

• lack of self-confidence;
• weakening attention to the topic under discussion;
• disrespect for the interlocutor (who will have to endure such an annoying manner).

Many people smoke these days. If you are one of these people, try to refrain from bad habits during negotiations as much as possible. In extreme cases, you can afford to drag out when the contract has already been concluded, and it remains only to clarify some details and nuances. When talking at a less serious level, you can smoke, but try to blow the smoke up: this shows partners your positive attitude. When the rings or puffs of smoke point downwards, something is suspected.

If smoking is prohibited in a certain place or situation, this restriction must be strictly observed. Even when you know that there will be no fine (or it doesn’t matter to you), you can’t do this: this is an open and rude disrespect for the established rules and norms.

It is advisable to always ask permission to smoke when communicating with strangers and in an official setting.

An important point - separate aspects of speech are also part of etiquette:

• maintain confidence and firmness in your voice;
• speak clearly and separately;
• keep the same volume level (not too low and not too high);
• one should not rush, but also excessively slow speech can irritate listeners and interlocutors.

Certain traditions of non-verbal etiquette are associated with business, which are wider than those already mentioned. Certain brands of clothing and cars, watches and writing instruments are often used. The head of a successful company is usually fond of sports, is a member of private clubs and associations. These are not just some conventions and emphasizing their importance. Relationships and acquaintances are thus tied up more efficiently, and those that exist are easier to maintain.

It is advisable to choose traditional dress code colors, even if your company is very modern and associated with a high-tech field. Clothing should be calm, traditional, without bright colors and flashy tones. No more than five accessories may be worn, including mobile phones and bags. Under the ban for a business person, too strong a scent of perfume, wearing old, sloppy shoes definitely fall.

Behavior in public places

It doesn't matter if you are a successful businessman, a middle manager or some other field. You will still have to make contact with people in various public places. Such situations may occur rarely and not last too long, but etiquette strictly regulates this side of life. On the street, the norms of decency require:

• cleanliness and neatness of clothes and shoes;
• lack of bad smell from yourself;
• combing hair and wearing appropriate headgear;
• crossing the carriageway strictly in the places designated for this.

You must not interfere with other people (by pushing them, blocking the path, or preventing them from walking along the only safe or convenient route). If it suddenly happens that you push someone (even without malicious intent), you will need to apologize. Having received an answer to any question, be sure to thank, even if answering is a professional duty of a person. It is polite behavior when:

• do not hunch;
• do not wave their arms;
• do not keep them in their pockets (unless in extreme cold);
• refuse food and drink, smoking on the go;
• refuse to throw garbage.

You can go in a row with a maximum of three people. If the sidewalk is crowded, then two - no more. Bags, packages and everything else must be carried so that others, their things do not suffer. The umbrella is held vertically (unless it is folded or unfolded). Acquaintances should be greeted, but if you want to talk to someone, stand away from the road that other people are walking on.

Both on the street and in the park, at a concert, in the circus, the following are banned:

• cry;
• whistling;
• pointing at someone with a finger;
• obsessive surveillance of others.

Polite people will help you cross the street, open or hold a tight door, let a disabled person go ahead, avoid crowding traffic or drive too fast - no matter how fast they are. When elderly, passengers with children, disabled people or pregnant women are traveling with you, give them the front and closest seats to the exit in public transport. Do not put bags or packages on the seats, unless the vehicle is almost empty and the floor is dirty.

Signs of bad upbringing are also loud and intrusive conversations in transport, reading newspapers and magazines, attempts to consider what others are reading. If you are sick or there is an epidemic, it is advisable to refuse to visit public places or keep your stay there to a minimum. Modern etiquette implies that if you need to be among people in such a situation, you need to wear a gauze bandage, changing it regularly.

When traveling with children, make sure that they do not make noise, do not get up with their feet on the seats, do not touch others with their hands and feet. At the first request of controllers and conductors, you need to show tickets, pay fines, and give way.

If you are going to travel by rail, prepare all the things that you will use directly on the road. Going through them all the time is not only too tiring and inconvenient, but sometimes impolite - you can create inconvenience for others, damage some object. At the entrance to the compartment, they always say hello, but to introduce yourself or not is already optional. Even with a very long trip and a heart-to-heart conversation, one should not be interested in personal topics and beliefs, the views of fellow travelers.

When the train arrives at the station and before leaving it, it is quite possible to block the approach to the windows. It is not allowed to open or close the window without asking other passengers. Prepare for the exit in advance, ideally you should start packing your things an hour before arriving at the desired station. This is especially true in winter, when all passengers have to wear a lot of things. It is not recommended to do the following:

• put your feet on the seats, even your own;
• smoking and drinking alcohol;
• talking too loudly
• make phone calls at night or when other passengers are sleeping;
• going to the toilet stall too often unnecessarily;
• arbitrarily occupy a seat not indicated on your ticket;
• to fill the common table with your food when you do not use it for its intended purpose.

Etiquette also regulates air travel. You can not clearly demonstrate your fear, discuss incidents with aircraft. Any requests (except for the release of the exit from the internal seats) must be addressed to the airline personnel.

People visit administrative institutions much more often than the airport. It also has its own rules of etiquette. Already at the entrance you need to say hello to the watchmen, guards or on duty; prepare a pass or identity document in advance. Questions about the name and purpose of the visit should be answered immediately, calmly and without any impatience.

When a building has a wardrobe, all outer clothing must be left there, even if there are no formal rules. In such cases, you may not be required to do this directly, but you should still be aware of the rules. If there is a secretary or his substitute, you need to talk about appointments and negotiations.

You can not enter the office until the secretary makes sure that you are really expected. Knocking on the door of the administrative office is prohibited in any case. The only exception is when it is provided for by the rules or by the decision of the owners of the premises.

Regardless of whether the decision is favorable for you, you need to remain calm and businesslike. Only rude and uncultured people slam the door as they leave the administrative building. They allow themselves to stand in the corridor where they can interfere with other people.

The hotel is also a public place. It is recommended to book rooms in advance: this is not only more convenient for you, but also easier for employees who will not be faced with the need to urgently look for free places. Be patient when registering, remember that the employees themselves did not come up with the rules and requirements for documents.

Do not interfere with other people who live in the same room or neighboring rooms. Put things in cabinets and bedside tables. Keep things out of sight when not in use.

Gifts

Etiquette fully regulates everything that relates to gifts: it is obligatory for both giving people and recipients of presents. It should be noted that all gifts (with rare exceptions) are either strictly functional or symbolize some kind of wish or hint. You should not give something inappropriate: give alcohol to someone who does not drink it at all, or use as a gift something hinting at a physical disability, life difficulty or an unpleasant situation. There are also a few rules to keep in mind:

• do not give what a person does not need at all;
• do not give ugly, damaged or broken things;
• do not give something that has already been given to you - even if the person does not know about it;
• Don't gift something that you or someone else has used before (other than antiques, art, and other understandable exceptions);
• you need to carefully study the tastes and priorities, character and habits, material capabilities of a person.

The latter is especially important, although often overlooked: the unspoken general norm is that the gifts that the recipient will later present to you should be comparable in value and usefulness to your present. Close people, relatives, friends and work colleagues can be observed without any problems.

The needs and preferences of the rest need to be recognized indirectly - better some time before the holiday, a solemn occasion. Then there will be no obsession, and the effect of surprise is provided, and you yourself will have more time to select the appropriate option.

The principle "a book is the best gift" is still relevant today, but you need to take into account the characteristics of the character, the tastes of the person being presented. Carrying children's literature to reputable and respected people is sheer stupidity. Always carefully study the chosen book and its author, compare the information with the interests of the recipients. Always remove the price tag from a gift - if possible. Do not name a price, even indirectly or after a long time - unless it is asked directly.

Giving or sending gifts (except for flowers and cars) always involves packaging. When the gift is handed over in person, the recipients must open and acquaint themselves with the surprise in the presence of the givers. Polite and well-mannered people thank even for a frankly ridiculous or tasteless present.

Try in the future, at any opportunity, to demonstrate that you like the item - or even brought real benefit (of course, here you should be guided by what kind of thing it is, because you can be presented with an ordinary trinket).

How to behave at the table?

The behavior of a person at the table is a very important component of etiquette. It is at this moment that he is often evaluated by potential business partners, representatives of the opposite sex, and many other people. Think about the impression you will make on your co-workers and bosses. The easiest way is for those who, even at home, strictly observe the rules of decency. Here are a few of the main ones:

• always put a napkin on your knees (only it can be used to wipe your lips, fingers);
• after finishing the meal, put napkins at the plate; if they fall, take others or ask the waiter for new ones;
• if you drink wine, pour it only into glasses that you need to hold with three fingers - only by the leg, without touching the bowl;
• soup must be scooped from oneself, and not towards oneself, so as not to splatter clothes;
• try not to overfill plates, other containers - this is not only ugly, but also makes it difficult to move;

Etiquette changes as society itself changes. In the mid-50s, it was considered normal to talk about illnesses and complain about spouses at the festive table, but now such conversations are considered bad form. Yes, and the gender distinction of modern etiquette is erased. Thanks to feminism, by the way. For example, men used to be required to give up their seat on public transport to all women. According to the new rules of etiquette, pregnant, elderly and sick people can give way. And in Europe, they generally give way only when the standing person asks. And any initiative can be perceived as an insult. Conceded - do I look so bad?

Also, according to the old rules, a man was obliged to open doors in front of a woman and let her go ahead. Now the door is opened by the one who goes ahead or who is stronger if the door is heavy. No matter what gender you are, please hold the doors for people with limited mobility, and if this service was provided to you, be sure to thank.

Let's go over the basic rules of etiquette that we encounter every day.

Cinema, concert, theater

Being late is not recommended. But you can leave early, and it is advisable to do this during the intermission. You should dress at your own discretion, but if we are talking about the theater - a little smarter than usual. If someone alone bought tickets for the company, be sure to return the money to him. If you bought the tickets, feel free to ask: "Who has not paid for the tickets yet?"

Visiting

Etiquette does not advise to be late and bring someone without the consent of the owner / mistress of the house. Do not smoke without asking permission. Be respectful of furniture and other possessions (for example, do not place a wet glass or hot cup on a wooden surface if you are used to doing this at home).

Restaurant/cafe

No need to force someone who does not want to drink. If they beg you, be firm. You are not obliged to explain something, in extreme cases, say that “driving” or “the doctor forbade”.

It is considered bad manners to pester staff, even without bad intentions. A restaurant employee in response to your flirting, useless questions and aggression will not be able to answer you with dignity, otherwise he will be fired, and therefore will smile with a forced smile and experience psychological stress.

If you are miscalculated, do not raise a scandal. Especially if you want to please a business partner or a girl. Call the waiter and calmly hint more precisely to make up the bill. You can even specify what you need to pay attention to.

How to distribute expenses in a large company? If all guests are approximately equally financially secure, eat approximately equally, or the company regularly arranges joint dinners, it would be quite acceptable and correct to share all expenses equally. If your company is diverse in financial and taste terms, it is worth agreeing in advance on separate accounts. You can choose a responsible person who, after examining the account, will roughly estimate the expenses of each and collect money from everyone. Or the second option - pay for everyone and collect money from guests already outside the cafe / restaurant.

Other events

When you receive an invitation, study it carefully. Pay attention to the dress code and how you will be notified of your participation. Be sure to check whether you are invited alone or with your spouse. Some mistakenly believe that if the invitation lists one person, the spouse is automatically invited. This is fundamentally wrong. Problems may arise if you sit at a table with seating arrangements; additional tables and chairs are not placed at such events.

Arriving at the event, you should present an invitation and find the hosts to exchange a couple of phrases. It is not worth delaying the receiving party for a long time. The next step is to find your seat at the table.

Don't be put off by the large number of glasses - the attendants know the sequence of their use and know what drinks to pour into them. But the cutlery is worth paying attention to. If you see several spoons, forks and are afraid to get confused, follow a simple rule - use the cutlery in turn for each dish served, starting from the outside.

small talk

You don't have to be an excellent speaker, but you do need to be able to have a pleasant conversation. In a conversation, you should not “yak”, brag about yourself, your achievements, as well as your circle of acquaintances. Also, you should not belittle your own dignity, self-flagellate, complain about colleagues, relatives, health.

Etiquette (and, accordingly, the psychology of business communication) advises to avoid conversations that are unpleasant and incomprehensible to the interlocutor. To win over, choose topics that are interesting to others. There are many such topics, and it is better to speak on those in which you understand.

It is a mistake to discuss the appearance and mannerisms of other guests, even with interlocutors whom you know well. Remember how projection works? What you say is automatically projected onto you.

You should not speak with someone in a language that is incomprehensible to others, conduct meaningless conversations on the topic of dreams, premonitions, indulge in lengthy memories that are of interest only to you.

It is considered bad form to torture interlocutors on the topic of their earnings, marital status, as well as questions like: “Why are you not married?”, “Why are you not married?”, “When will you have a baby?”.

Jokes about someone else's surname, nationality, hair color, hairstyle, build, education and work experience are also unacceptable. As we all know, jokes of this kind are perceived by others as hidden aggression.

It is worth ending the conversation decisively and as politely as possible: “I was pleased to meet you”, “It was very pleasant to chat / talk with you”, “It will be necessary to discuss this somehow over a cup of coffee”, “It will be necessary to meet again” . If you need to move on to another person, you can say something like this: “Excuse me, I need to talk to that person over there. We will definitely come back to our conversation/discuss this a bit later.”