Psychological protection- these are unconscious processes occurring in the psyche, aimed at minimizing the impact of negative experiences. Protective tools are the basis of resistance processes. Psychological defense, as a concept, was first voiced by Freud, who initially meant by it, first of all, repression (active, motivated elimination of something from consciousness).

The functions of psychological defenses are to reduce the confrontation that occurs within the personality, relieve tension due to the confrontation of the impulses of the unconscious and the accepted requirements of the environment that arise as a result of social interaction. By minimizing such conflict, safety mechanisms regulate human behavior, increasing its adaptive capacity.

What is psychological protection?

The human psyche is characterized by the ability to protect itself from negative surroundings around or internal influences.

The psychological defense of the individual is present in every human subject, but varies in intensity.

Psychological protection guards the mental health of people, protects their "I" from the impact of stressful influences, increased anxiety, negative, destructive thoughts, from confrontations leading to poor health.

Psychological defense as a concept appeared in 1894 thanks to the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who came to the conclusion that the subject can show two different response impulses to unpleasant situations. He can either keep them in a conscious state, or distort such circumstances in order to reduce their scope or deflect them in a different direction.

All protective mechanisms are characterized by two features that connect them. First of all, they are unconscious. activates protection spontaneously, not understanding what he is doing. Secondly, the main task of protective tools is the maximum possible distortion of reality or its absolute denial, so that the subject ceases to perceive it as disturbing or unsafe. It should be emphasized that often human individuals use several protection mechanisms simultaneously to protect their own person from unpleasant, threatening events. However, such a distortion cannot be considered deliberate or exaggerated.

At the same time, despite the fact that all available protective acts are aimed at protecting the human psyche, preventing it from falling into, helping to endure stressful effects, they often cause harm. The human subject cannot constantly exist in a state of renunciation or blaming others for their own troubles, replacing reality with a distorted picture that has fallen out of.

Psychological protection, in addition, can interfere with the development of a person. It can become an obstacle on the path of success.

The negative consequences of the phenomenon under consideration occur with a steady repetition of a certain defense mechanism in similar situations of being, however, individual events, although similar to those that initially provoked the activation of the defense, do not need to be covered, since the subject himself can consciously find a solution to the problem that has arisen.

Also, defense mechanisms turn into a destructive force when a person uses several of them at the same time. A subject who often resorts to defense mechanisms is doomed to be a loser.

Psychological defense of the individual is not an innate skill. It is acquired during the passage of the baby. The main source of the formation of internal protection mechanisms and examples of their application are parents who “infect” their own children with their example of using protection.

Personal psychological defense mechanisms

A special system of personality regulation, aimed at protecting against negative, traumatic, unpleasant experiences caused by contradictions, anxiety and a state of discomfort, is called psychological protection, the functional purpose of which is to minimize intrapersonal confrontation, reduce tension, and relieve anxiety. Weakening internal contradictions, psychological hidden "safeties" regulate the behavioral reactions of the individual, increasing its adaptive ability and balancing the psyche.

Freud had previously outlined the theories of the conscious, the unconscious and the concept of the subconscious, where he emphasized that internal defense mechanisms are an integral part of the unconscious. He argued that the human subject often encounters unpleasant stimuli that are threatening and can cause stress or lead to a breakdown. Without internal "safeties", the ego of the personality will undergo disintegration, which will make it impossible to make decisions in everyday life. Psychological protection acts as a shock absorber. It helps individuals cope with negativity and pain.

Modern psychological science distinguishes 10 mechanisms of internal protection, which are classified according to the degree of maturity into defensive (for example, isolation, rationalization, intellectualization) and projective (denial, repression). The first ones are more mature. They allow negative or traumatic information to enter their consciousness, but interpret it for themselves in a “painless” way. The second ones are more primitive, since traumatic information is not allowed into consciousness.

Today, psychological "safeties" are considered reactions that the individual resorts to using unconsciously in order to protect their own internal mental components, the "Ego" from anxiety, confrontation, feelings, guilt, feelings.

The underlying mechanisms of psychological defense are differentiated according to such parameters as the level of conflict processing inside, the reception of reality distortion, the level of the amount of energy expended to maintain a certain mechanism, the level of the individual and the type of mental disorder that appears as a result of addiction to a certain defense mechanism.

Freud, using his own three-component model of the structure of the psyche, suggested that individual mechanisms arise even at the childhood age stage.

Psychological defense examples of it in life are found all the time. Often a person, in order not to pour out anger on the boss, pours out flows of negative information on employees, since they are less significant objects for him.

It often happens that the safety mechanisms start to work incorrectly. The reason for this failure is the individual's desire for peace. Hence, when the desire for psychological comfort begins to prevail over the desire to comprehend the world, minimizing the risk of going beyond the boundaries of the usual, well-established defense mechanisms cease to function adequately, which leads to.

Protective protective mechanisms constitute the security complex of the personality, but at the same time they can lead to its disintegration. Each individual has his favorite defense variation.

Psychological defense is an example of this desire to find a reasonable explanation for even the most ridiculous behavior. This is how rationalization tends to be.

However, there is a fine line that lies between the adequate use of the preferred mechanism and the violation of the equivalent balance in their functioning. Trouble arises in individuals when the chosen "fuse" is absolutely not suitable for the situation.

Types of psychological protection

Among the scientifically recognized and frequently encountered internal "shields" there are about 50 types of psychological protection. Below are the main methods of protection used.

First of all, we can single out sublimation, the concept of which was defined by Freud. He considered it a process of transforming libido into a lofty aspiration and socially necessary activity. According to Freud's concept, this is the main effective protective mechanism during the maturation of the personality. The preference for sublimation as the main strategy speaks of the mental maturation and formation of the personality.

There are 2 key variations of sublimation: primary and secondary. In the first case, the original task to which the personality is directed is preserved, which is expressed relatively directly, for example, barren parents decide to adopt. In the second case, individuals abandon the initial task and choose another task, which can be achieved at a higher level of mental activity, as a result of which sublimation is of an indirect nature.

An individual who has not been able to adapt with the help of the primary form of the defense mechanism may step over to the secondary form.

The next frequently used technique is, which is found in the involuntary movement of unacceptable impulses or thoughts into the unconscious. Simply put, repression is motivated forgetting. When the function of this mechanism is insufficient to reduce anxiety, other methods of protection are involved that contribute to the repressed information to appear in a distorted light.

Regression is an unconscious "descent" to an early stage of adaptation, allowing you to satisfy desires. It can be symbolic, partial or complete. Many problems of emotional orientation have regressive signs. In its normal manifestation, regression can be detected in gaming processes, in illnesses (for example, a sick individual requires more attention and increased care).

Projection is a mechanism for assigning desires, feelings, thoughts to another individual or object, which the subject consciously rejects in himself. Separate variations of the projection are easily found in everyday life. Most human subjects are completely uncritical about personal shortcomings, but they easily notice them in the environment. People tend to blame the surrounding society for their sorrows. In this case, the projection can be harmful, since it often causes an erroneous interpretation of reality. This mechanism mainly works in vulnerable individuals and immature personalities.

The opposite of the above technique is introjection or inclusion of oneself. In early personal maturation, it plays an important role, since parental values ​​are comprehended on its basis. The mechanism is updated due to the loss of the next of kin. With the help of introjection, the differences between one's own person and the object of love are eliminated. Sometimes, or towards someone, negative impulses are transformed into depreciation of oneself and self-criticism, due to the introjection of such a subject.

Rationalization is a mechanism that justifies the behavioral response of individuals, their thoughts, feelings, which are actually unacceptable. This technique is considered the most common psychological defense mechanism.

Human behavior is determined by many factors. When an individual explains behavioral reactions in the most acceptable way for his own personality, then rationalization occurs. An unconscious rationalization technique should not be confused with conscious lying or deliberate deception. Rationalization contributes to the preservation of self-esteem, avoidance of responsibility and guilt. In every rationalization there is some truth, but there is more self-deception in it. This makes her unsafe.

Intellectualization involves the exaggerated use of intellectual potential in order to eliminate emotional experiences. This technique is characterized by a close relationship with rationalization. It replaces the direct experience of feelings with thoughts about them.

Compensation is an unconscious attempt to overcome real or imagined defects. The mechanism under consideration is considered universal, because the acquisition of status is the most important need of almost every individual. Compensation can be socially acceptable (for example, a blind person becomes a famous musician) and unacceptable (for example, disability compensation is transformed into conflict and aggression). They also distinguish between direct compensation (in an obviously unprofitable area, the individual is striving for success) and indirect (the tendency to establish his own person in another area).

Reaction formation is a mechanism that replaces unacceptable impulses for awareness with exorbitant, opposite tendencies. This technique is characterized by two stages. In the first turn, an unacceptable desire is forced out, after which its antithesis increases. For example, overprotection may hide feelings of rejection.

The mechanism of denial is the rejection of thoughts, feelings, urges, needs, or reality that are unacceptable at the level of consciousness. The individual behaves as if the problem situation does not exist. The primitive way of denial is inherent in children. Adults are more likely to use the described method in situations of serious crisis.

Displacement is the redirection of emotional responses from one object to an acceptable replacement. For example, instead of the employer, subjects take out aggressive feelings on the family.

Methods and techniques of psychological protection

Many eminent psychologists argue that the ability to protect oneself from negative emotional reactions of envious people and ill-wishers, the ability to maintain spiritual harmony in all sorts of unpleasant circumstances and not respond to annoying, insulting attacks, is a characteristic feature of a mature personality, an emotionally developed and intellectually formed individual. This is a guarantee of health and the main difference between a successful individual. This is the positive side of the function of psychological defenses. Therefore, subjects experiencing pressure from society and taking on negative psychological attacks of spiteful critics need to learn adequate methods of protection from negative influences.

First of all, you need to realize that an irritated and emotionally depressed individual cannot restrain emotional outbursts and adequately respond to criticism.

Methods of psychological defense that help to cope with aggressive manifestations are given below.

One of the techniques that contribute to the repulsion of negative emotions is the “wind of change”. You need to remember all the words and intonations that cause the most painful intonation, to understand what can be guaranteed to knock the ground out, unbalance or plunge you into depression. It is recommended to remember and vividly imagine the circumstances when the ill-wisher tries to annoy with the help of certain words, intonation or facial expressions. You should also say inside yourself the words that hurt the most. You can visualize the facial expressions of an opponent uttering offensive words.

This state of powerless anger or, on the contrary, loss, must be felt inside, disassembled by individual sensations. You need to be aware of your own feelings and changes occurring in the body (for example, your heartbeat may become more frequent, anxiety will appear, your legs will “weep”) and remember them. Then you should imagine yourself standing in a strong wind that blows away all the negativity, offensive words and attacks of the ill-wisher, as well as reciprocal negative emotions.

The described exercise is recommended to be done several times in a quiet room. It will help you later be much calmer about aggressive attacks. Faced in reality with a situation where someone is trying to offend, humiliate, you should imagine yourself being in the wind. Then the words of the spiteful critic will sink into oblivion without reaching the goal.

The next method of psychological defense is called the "absurd situation." Here, a person is advised not to wait for aggression, a splash of offensive words, ridicule. It is necessary to adopt the well-known phraseological unit "to make an elephant out of a fly." In other words, it is necessary to bring any problem to the point of absurdity with the help of exaggeration. Feeling ridicule or insult from the opponent, one should exaggerate this situation in such a way that the words that follow this give rise to only laughter and frivolity. With this method of psychological defense, you can easily disarm the interlocutor and for a long time discourage him from offending other people.

You can also imagine opponents as three-year-old crumbs. This will help you learn to treat their attacks less painfully. You need to imagine yourself as a teacher, and opponents as a kindergarten kid who runs, jumps, screams. Gets angry and fussy. Is it really possible to be seriously angry at a three-year-old unintelligent baby?!

The next method is called "ocean". The water spaces, which occupy a huge part of the land, constantly take in the seething streams of the rivers, but this cannot disturb their majestic steadfastness and tranquility. Also, a person can take an example from the ocean, remaining confident and calm, even when the streams of abuse pour out.

The technique of psychological defense called "aquarium" consists in imagining oneself behind the thick edges of the aquarium while feeling the attempts of the environment to unbalance. It is necessary to look at the opponent pouring out a sea of ​​negativity and endlessly pouring offensive words from behind the thick walls of the aquarium, imagining his physiognomy distorted by anger, but not feeling the words, because the water absorbs them. Consequently, negative attacks will not reach the goal, the person will remain balanced, which will further disperse the opponent and make him lose his balance.

• "The wind of change"
• "Mine doesn't understand yours"
• "I didn't really want to"
• "Ocean"
• "Apotheosis of the Absurd"
• "The whole world is a theater"

One of the important properties of a mature person with high level development of intellect, emotional sphere and other important qualities of a successful personality - the ability to defend against psychological attacks of ill-wishers. The balance of emotions is an important defensive fortress that an envious person or competitor seeks to destroy. After all, it is worth taking a person out of himself - he immediately loses the ability to think logically, make informed decisions, and see the dirty tricks in the actions of other people.

Offensive words, reproaches, nagging, spreading gossip and other methods of psychological attack act like bee venom - if a person is stung by one or more bees, then nothing bad will happen to him. But if a whole swarm attacks him, the attacked one may even die. It is the same with the emotional attacks of enemies - one injection may not piss off the opponent, but if you annoy him over and over again, the baiting tactics will bear fruit. The stronger the psychological sphere is protected, the more “bee stings” a person can withstand. But there are those who are similar to allergy sufferers - even one serving of poison completely unsettles them and even endangers their lives, they are so not protected from external attacks.

They can remain hothouse flowers for life and protect themselves from contact with aggressive personalities, or they can learn the necessary psychological defense techniques and become stronger opponents in this bloodless war.

Most prestigious and highly paid professions involve working with people, so encounters with hostile and even inadequate characters are inevitable. If you have chosen the path through thorns to the stars of high achievements, then you should take the utmost care to strengthen the approaches to your nerves. Otherwise, they will be ruffled by all and sundry.

A strong psyche depends on the innate qualities of a person, his upbringing, worldview, understanding of the psychology of other people, attentiveness, ability to analyze the behavior and motives of opponents.

First of all, it is necessary to learn to understand that a person goes on a psychological attack when he has no other way to prove his case, such as facts, evidence, legal norms. When the opponent cannot do anything in more effective and obvious ways, he uses the only remaining opportunity - to drive the opponent out of himself so that he surrenders under the pressure of emotional attacks. Therefore, you need to have a stable position, be aware of your rightness from a moral and legal point of view, have a firm confidence in the steadfastness of your opinion and understand that the enemy will not be able to get you in any other way than psychological harassment. So, it is necessary to be ready for this and perceive attacks as a dishonest game of a weak person - after all, a strong and fair person will not stoop to such a level. Such an attitude puts you in the position of an elephant, at which the importunate Pug barks - it barks, but cannot do anything.

And to make it easier to cope with aggressive ill-wishers, use the following methods of psychological defense, which have been tested in psychological training and have shown their effectiveness in real life.

"The wind of change"

Remember which words, facial expressions or intonations are the most painful for you, how you can be guaranteed to get angry or depressed. Recall and vividly imagine a situation where the offender is trying to anger you with such tricks. Speak to yourself the most offensive words that can hurt you, visualize the expression on your opponent's face, which drives you crazy.

Feel this state of anger or, on the contrary, confusion that such behavior causes in you. Feel it inside yourself, disassemble it into separate emotions and sensations. What do you feel? It may be a rapid heartbeat, you are thrown into a fever, or maybe your legs are taken away, thoughts are confused, tears come to your eyes. Remember these feelings well. Now imagine that you are standing in a strong wind, and it blows away both the words of the offender and the negative emotions in response. You see how he screams and swears, but all this is useless, because his cry and your reaction to his anger flies away with the wind.

Do this exercise in a quiet environment several times, and you will feel that you are already more calm about such attacks in your direction. And when faced with this situation in real life, again imagine that you are standing in a strong wind and the words of the offender, along with your emotions, fly off to the side without causing harm.

"Mine doesn't understand yours"

If you are in an unpleasant situation, shouting at you, cursing and throwing insults at you, then imagine that you are deaf or you have loud music on your headphones. Imagine that you do not hear this person at all, he opens his mouth, waves his arms, his face is distorted by a grimace of anger, and calm water surrounds you, in which you sway peacefully, like algae, and do not react to external stimuli. Words cannot affect you, they do not penetrate your consciousness, because you do not hear them. Observing such calmness, the enemy will quickly run out of steam, and you will be able to turn the tide in your favor.

"Kindergarten, nursery group"

If you imagine that your enemies are three-year-old unintelligent kids, then you can learn not to treat their attacks so painfully. Imagine that you are a teacher and your opponents are kindergarten children. They run, scream, act up, get indignant ... But how can you be offended by them?

Detail the situation, imagine how the enemies fall awkwardly, angrily tear toys, babble their childish curses, whimper. You must be calm and balanced, because at the moment you are the only adequate person among those present. Thinking in this way, it is impossible to take attempts to offend or humiliate seriously - they will only cause mild irony.

"I didn't really want to"

In this method, it is proposed to put oneself in the place of the fox from the fable "The Fox and the Grapes" - having failed to get what she wanted, the animal simply convinced itself of its unimportance so as not to be upset. In a situation where a friend or just a good acquaintance suddenly finds himself in the camp of the enemy, it is better to simply convince yourself that his opinion is not so important, his support is not so necessary, and his attacks are acid and unripe grapes, due to which you still don't want to see him among your friends. It is known that the most painful blow to us is dealt by those whom we trust. If this happened, it’s better not to take it as a tragedy, but to act like a fox, saying: “He was not such a close friend to me.”

"Ocean"

Seas and oceans take in the waters of turbulent rivers, but at the same time remain majestically calm. In the same way, in any situation, you are able, like the ocean, to remain calm even during the outpouring of stormy streams of abuse on you.

"Apotheosis of the Absurd"

This method of psychological defense is that the situation must be brought to the point of absurdity, after which it cannot be taken seriously either by the instigators of the conflict or its alleged victim. Most often, the aggressor starts from afar - hints, makes cautious attacks, watching the person's reaction. In this case, it is necessary to immediately exaggerate the situation to such a degree of delusion that it turns out to be bizarrely and unnaturally inflated, and any attacks in this direction arouse only laughter and irony.

"The whole world is a theater"

There are always people around us against whom we are emotionally unstable. Gather them on one stage of an imaginary puppet theater and play a funny performance in your head with the participation of these people. Bring to the fore their most stupid, funny and ridiculous characteristics - greed, slovenliness, arrogance, vanity. Make them victims of your shortcomings. Make you do funny things and look comical. The main thing is that they start to make you laugh. Then, when you meet them, you will no longer be embarrassed and afraid to fight back.

These methods and techniques of psychological defense help you learn how to stop the emotional attacks of opponents, so as not to be a hostage to your own psychological weakness and instability against aggressive and hostile people.

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It often happens that you find yourself among people who are hostile to you. This causes significant inconvenience, makes it difficult to concentrate on business. In this case, you need to establish a psychological barrier between you and the negativity coming from the interlocutor.

There are several techniques to protect against hostility. They are especially useful when you cannot cut off communication with such a person. For example, this is an employee who works in the same room as you. Or a close relative who, for some reason, perceives you negatively.

The essence of such techniques is that you selectively perceive only the information that relates to the issue under discussion. And do not react in any way to all the attacks against your personality. Please note that in such cases, an opponent who does not know how to control himself, enraged by your inattention to his "shots" may threaten your physical safety. Be careful and take action in advance.

To create a psychological barrier to protect against negativity, you must resort to the possibilities of your imagination.

Technique 1. Dome

Mentally create an energy fence around you - a transparent dome that protects you from the negative energy of the interlocutor. This protection should not be "deaf", but should only prevent a specific person from affecting you at a specific point in time.

When you hear that the interlocutor has launched an attack on your personality, trying to lower your self-esteem, or intersperses his speech with curses, you must stop this negative energy with the help of your “dome”.

In the event of an increase in the pressure of negativity, mentally move the wall of the dome a little further away from you and closer to the interlocutor in order to create a large safe zone around and prevent psychological intrusion. This will make you feel more comfortable and confident and will be able to respond more balanced to the current situation.

Technique 2. Arrow catcher

Imagine that all the negative words spoken to you are arrows sent at you by the interlocutor. He directs these arrows at you to hurt you, hurting your feelings and your pride.

Now imagine that you have a large, thick pillow in your hands. Mentally keep it between you and your opponent. This pillow tends to hold arrows (no, it does not push them back, but absorbs them), but let positive and constructive information through.

Move this pillow in front of you, absorbing all arrow replicas. Be careful about the selection of neutralized information so that you do not miss important information or reconciling information in its flow.

Technique 3. Self-observation, or the Second Pair of Eyes

The technique is built on your sense of duality. With one part of yourself you interact with the interlocutor. The other part is an observer - impartial and objective.

With the help of the Second pair of eyes, you kind of see yourself from the outside and try to figure out your own reactions: to understand how they appear and what emotional reactions appear to the various methods of conversation used by the opponent.

At this moment, it is best not only to observe your reactions and fix them in your mind, but also to critically notice all your “successes” and “defeats”; note all that is subject to further correction.

For example: “This client is very complex. How do I behave? I am calm and attentive. But I'm talking too loud and fast. So, you need to speak more slowly and quietly ... Now it's good!

Technique 4. Analysis of the interlocutor

This technique is again associated with "bifurcation". Part of your consciousness is involved in the conversation. And the other part does not interact with the interlocutor, but is engaged in observing him from the side.

What can you analyze at this moment? Literally everything: the appearance of the interlocutor, his manner of speaking, moving; gestures, facial expressions, eye movements, breathing, turns of speech, etc.

Pay attention to the person's eyes, the expressiveness of his mouth. Listen to the voice - skipping negative words past you. Evaluate pronunciation, speech defects, or, conversely, interesting phrases. You can, depending on the duration of the unpleasant communication, take any starting point of observation and any direction.

You can also compare the various characteristics of a person you see with those of your acquaintances.

Draw your own conclusions at this moment about his habits, material and social situation, strengths and weaknesses of his personality. Try to fix stereotypes of your opponent's behavior in different situations and take note of them. This "exercise" can also be useful later in working on yourself and in further interaction with this person.

Technique 5. Someone else's role

It is somewhat similar to the previous two and can be used in combination with them. During the execution of this technique, you begin to perceive yourself as your interlocutor, looking at the situation and yourself through his eyes.

At this moment, try to predict its further behavior in the next moment. Compare with what happened. Evaluate the degree of convergence with your assumptions and think about why, after all, the behavior of the interlocutor differed in some cases from what you imagined.
This technique will help you to be more attentive to people and learn to distinguish the slightest nuances of their behavior.

All these techniques are based on changing one's own reaction in a conflict situation. Thanks to this, you will not “plunge headlong” into the conflict, but will be able to think about and resolve a difficult situation.

Of course, not everything will work out right away. To use these techniques, you need to practice. But each time, it will be easier for you to abstract from the conflict and maintain composure. The main thing is not to use these techniques when interacting with pleasant interlocutors. You don't want to create artificial barriers when communicating with them, do you?

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Sat, February 23, 2019 - 10:30

Psychological defense techniques - the ability to ward off and neutralize the aggression against you of another person or group of persons. With the help of these techniques, you will learn to let past all the negative information.

Psychological defense is the use by the subject of psychological means of eliminating or mitigating the damage that threatens him from another subject.

The most ancient method of defense, apparently, must be recognized as flight, followed by freezing and hiding (going to cover) and only then - a counter attack on the aggressor or the desire to influence his behavior. At least, they can be observed in almost all animal species (the latter, for example, is expressed in special signals of submission or in the use different kind tricks).

We find the same methods in the history of human relations: in the martial arts of warriors, in the military actions of squads and states. Here we find complete analogues of the already indicated defenses: 1) flight and its various weakened forms - retreat, evasion, delays; 2) disguise as an analogue of fading - the desire to become invisible to the enemy; 3) the use of natural and the creation of artificial barriers and shelters in the form of walls, ditches (directly borrowing ideas from landscape features: a dense wooden palisade, “transferring” a river or ravine to the walls of your city, etc.), and as a lightweight modification - the use of portable barriers : shields, chain mail, armor, etc.; 4) an attack by an aggressor is an active defense, the essence of which is fixed in the truism "the best way to defend is an attack"; 5) control of the behavior and / or intentions of the actual or potential aggressor - appeasing, using tricks and other tricks.

The predominance of passive forms of protection may be explained by the fact that active protection in both animals and humans occurs only in cases where the danger comes from another subject (human or animal), while passive protection is also applied in relation to the elements. and other factors of non-subjective origin.

So, we have five initial forms of protection: flight, hiding (going to cover), freezing (camouflage), attack (destruction, expulsion) and control (management). At the same time, the possibility of pairwise correlation of active and passive forms of protective actions, which together form independent variables of the protective process, is obvious. Thus, a flight-attack pair can be combined according to the achieved result - an increase in the intersubjective distance to safe boundaries. The difference lies in the means by which it is achieved. In flight, the removal of oneself occurs, and in the attack (which is understood as the desire to expel or destroy) - the removal of the aggressor. The shelter-control pair correlates with the change in the impact parameters: shelter activates barriers that hinder the influence of the aggressor, and control, on the contrary, removes obstacles for the opposite influence - already on the aggressor.

Without a couple, fading remains. However, if we determine the variable to which this action corresponds, namely, the cessation of the flow of information about oneself to the aggressor, then it is not difficult to restore the second member of the pair - ignoring, which stops the flow of information about the aggressor and the threat. The seeming absurdity of this tactic is relative. Its use is justified if the information itself is dangerous (for example, accusations, rumors, difficult prophecies) or when other forms of protection for some reason are not involved and adaptation to the stimulus occurs. The selective ban on the transfer of information is one of the most important laws of intrasystem interaction - from the transfer of genetic information to religious sacraments).

Thus, we got six prototype actions, united in complementary pairs: run away - expel, hide - take possession, hide - ignore. Each pair sets its own parameter of the defense process: distancing from the aggressor, control of the impact flow, control of the information channel. These actions are given the status of basic protective settings.

1. Leaving - increasing the distance, interrupting contact, putting oneself beyond the reach of the aggressor's influence. Manifestations of this type of protection: changing the topic of conversation to a safe one, unwillingness to aggravate relations (bypassing sharp corners), the desire to avoid meeting with someone who is a source of unpleasant experiences; avoiding traumatic situations, interrupting a conversation under a plausible pretext, etc. The ultimate expression of this tendency can be complete isolation, alienation, refusal to contact people.

2. Exile - increasing the distance, removing the aggressor. Variations of manifestations: kicked out of the house, fired from work, sent somewhere under an acceptable pretext, condemnation, ridicule, humiliation, caustic remarks. The ultimate expression of this trend is murder - aggression by origin defensive, brought to its logical conclusion. Since we have already accepted the multiple nature of the personality as a model representation, it becomes easy to explain the attribution of condemnation and ridicule to the strategy of exile - this is a partial murder, the destruction of some part of the other: character traits, habits, actions, intentions, inclinations, etc.

3. Blocking - control of the impact that reaches the subject of protection, setting up obstacles in its path. Variations: semantic and semantic barriers (“it’s hard for me to understand what is at stake”), role-playing (“I’m at work”), “mask”, “persona” (Jung), etc., which take on the main "blow" ("it's not me - it's my character"). Ultimate expression: self-protection, complete self-isolation through defense in depth.

4. Management - control of the impact coming from the aggressor, the impact on its characteristics: crying (the desire to pity) and its weakened types - complaints, aching intonations, sighs; bribery or the desire to propitiate; attempts to make friends or become members of the same community (“they don’t beat their own”); weaken or destabilize activity, completely inactivate; provoke the desired behavior, etc. This also includes manipulation that is protective in origin. The ultimate expression is the subjugation of the other, pushing him around.

5. Fading - control of information about the subject of protection itself, its distortion or reduction in supply. Manifestations: disguise, deceit, concealment of feelings, refusal to act in order not to show oneself (not to bring trouble). The extreme form is stupor, anxious depression.

6. Ignoring - control of information about the aggressor, the presence or nature of the threat on his part, limitation in volume or distorted perception. For example, stereotyping (“yes, he’s just a hooligan”), belittling the degree of threat, explaining with positive intentions (“she wishes me well”). The ultimate manifestation is a critical distortion, loss of adequacy of perception, illusion.

As is often the case with all typologies, when confronted with reality, it turns out that many intermediate or combined cases can be found. In relation to defenses, this circumstance is not a disadvantage. Knowing the basic settings, we can distinguish compositions from two or more trends, better understanding their internal structure. For example, such a well-known technique as “leaving by slamming the door” contains, in addition to the main realized installation - the departure itself - additionally features of disguising flight with anger and attempts to influence the aggressor - to intimidate with their “terribility”. In the “I don’t want to talk to you” technique, avoidance of traumatic contact, expulsion (rejection) of the opponent and the desire to make him more manageable are combined.

Basic defensive attitudes give rise to a wide variety of interpersonal defensive actions, playing the role of guiding tendencies that are relevant to the key variables of the defense function: distancing, control of the flow of influence and information. The sources of variability of behavioral manifestations are, firstly, in changes in the intensity of a particular trend, secondly, in a combination of attitudes, their joint manifestation, and thirdly, in plastic modifications that take into account the specifics of the situation, the conditions for the course of activity. The result of these influences, as well as other related ones, is a specific behavioral act, sometimes very non-trivial, despite the fact that it is formed from a very limited set of primary elements.

The initiator of manipulation (as well as any hidden control) certainly has considerable advantages, if only because he has the opportunity to prepare and he owns the first move. However, for a potential “victim” of manipulation, who has the ability to recognize a threat in time, these advantages - surprise, high pace, planned advantageous distribution of positions - are quite easy to neutralize. After all, an act of hidden control, which has an effect that was precisely planned and preserved for a sufficient time, is a work of art - the art of influencing people. In this performance, the most diverse elements are subtly balanced, sometimes in a rather bizarre combination. In most cases, it is not difficult to destroy such an artificial (however skillful) structure, while it is more difficult to invent and successfully implement hidden control than to defend against it. Therefore, protection against covert control is largely a technique. And as you know, technology (as well as craft) is easier to master than art. Therefore, the study of hidden control gives more advantages to those who defend against it, and not to the attacking side.

Not every influence requires protection from it. There are many examples of hidden control that benefits the recipient. We must be able to defend ourselves against manipulation.

With all the huge variety of types of influence, the protection scheme is built according to one universal model of counteracting influence. Knowing it allows you to build a reliable defense against any act of influence. You can implement protection by following the universal block diagram below:

1. Do not give information about yourself
2. Realize that you are being controlled
2.1. Passive Defense
2.2. Active protection
2.3 Countermanipulation

It is desirable to oppose the technological tricks of the manipulator with special techniques of passive defense, specially oriented towards repelling the manipulative psychological impact. They allow you to build more reliable barriers and obstacles in the way of manipulative intrusion. Such special techniques of passive protection include the following.

Concealment by the addressee of the manipulation of his situationally experienced emotions and feelings. Such concealment will not allow the manipulator to "discover" the true emotions and feelings of the recipient of the manipulation and exert a psychological impact on them. The emotional "disguise" of the addressee throughout the entire period of business communication, the tight control of the situational feelings experienced by him will serve as a kind of barrier to manipulative intrusion.

Distancing the addressee of the manipulation from the manipulator. The maximum possible increase in the personal zone of communication with the manipulator within a given business situation allows the addressee to avoid manipulation of the significant influence of the psychological space of the manipulator and the activated mental complexes included in it, aggression and forceful pressure.

Building semantic and semantic barriers with a manipulator when discussing options for solving a business problem. The addressee of the manipulation refers to the “difficulties” in perceiving the meaning of the information transmitted by the manipulator and the terminology he uses (for example: “The solution you proposed requires additional study and reflection”; “The interpretation of the terms you use is too controversial and incorrect”).

Avoiding psychological contact with the manipulator. Avoiding "small conversation" with the manipulator. The "verbal intelligence" of the manipulator, undertaken by him in order to establish psychological contact, is ignored by the addressee of the manipulation. The call of the manipulator to build a trusting relationship on the terms proposed by him, the addressee of the manipulation "does not notice" and essentially ignores.

Identification of metacommunications - hidden meanings, motives, assumptions, preferences, interpretations in the communicative flow of information transmitted by the manipulator. The “transparency” of the verbal messages of the manipulator can be established by the addressee by posing a whole series of open, clarifying and clarifying questions (for example: “What do you really mean by offering this solution to the problem?”, “Under what conditions do you want to achieve such efficiency? problem solving?").

Careful tracking by the addressee of the manipulator's answers to the questions posed and registration of the possible occurrence of reservations and slips in these answers will help him establish some hidden meaning in the solution of the business problem proposed by the manipulator.

Application of status and role protection. The addressee of the manipulation, using logical arguments and argumentation, makes references to the need to strictly follow his status, his official powers and the professional role he performs, which “do not allow” him to fully accept the option of solving the business problem proposed by the manipulator.

Behavioral and operational blocking of manipulator actions. The manifestation on the part of the addressee of deliberate absent-mindedness and inattention to the technological tricks of the manipulator, deliberate slowness in response mental reactions and behavioral actions contributes to blocking the actions of the manipulator.

"Escape" from predictability in behavioral reactions and actions. To specially built communicative requests of the manipulator, who expects to receive stereotyped responses and behavioral actions, the addressee of the manipulation implements an operational delay of such reactions and actions, if they occur to him. This delay can be expressed both in a temporary delay in the response of the addressee, and in deliberately demonstrated by him indecisiveness and caution. For example, in response to a solution of a business problem proposed by the manipulator, it would seem very attractive and beneficial for the addressee of the manipulation, he may hesitate and express doubts about the possibility of implementing such a solution. At the same time, the unpredictability of the mental response and response behavioral actions of the addressee of the manipulation plays an important role. “If the addressee behaves in such a way that it cannot be “calculated”, then the manipulator will have nothing to adapt to.

Focusing the attention of the manipulator on the most important tasks for solving the business problem. The manipulator tries in every possible way to divert the attention of the addressee of the manipulation from these tasks, to switch him to secondary goals that obscure circumstances that are really important for making a decision from him. Tracking by the addressee the meaningful significance of the issues under discussion for solving a business problem is undoubtedly a reliable operational method of protection against manipulative psychological influence.

Temporary interruption by the addressee of the manipulation of business contact with the manipulator. The need for such an interruption may be dictated by the emergence of a tense emotional background of business communication, aggression or intense psychological pressure of the manipulator. At the same time, quite “obvious reasons” (to fulfill an “urgent order” of a high-status manager, or, on the contrary, give the performer an “urgent order”, make an “urgent call”) can serve as a verbally voiced pretext for such an interruption of business contact.

The considered special techniques of passive protection against manipulative intrusion have varying degrees of effectiveness, and their use in the technological process of business communication is largely dictated by the given parameters of the business situation and the type of technology used by the manipulator.

The use of psychotechnical methods of active defense
Along with passive defense techniques, the recipient of manipulation can also use active defense techniques in business communication. The main goal of these techniques is to destabilize the activity of the manipulator in such a way that he completely abandons his manipulative intentions.

The essential difference between active defense techniques is not only in their total opposition to manipulative intrusion, but also in their counter-influence on the manipulator. The most used techniques of active anti-manipulative protection in business communication technologies are:

1. Purposeful psychological attack on the manipulator carried out by the addressee of the manipulation. The use by the addressee of sharp criticisms, assessments, condemnation, ridicule in relation to the manipulative signals and behavioral actions of the manipulator destabilizes the psyche of the latter and forces him to spend a significant part of the energy resources of his information and power supply on protecting his own personal structures. This, in turn, leads to a weakening of the manipulative intrusion;

2. Transformation by the addressee of verbal and non-verbal signals received from the manipulator, taking into account their own interests in solving a business problem. Such a transformation at the initial stage involves the selective selection by the addressee of the manipulation of the most significant supporting discourses for him in the communicative flow of information broadcast by the manipulator. Then, on the basis of selective selection, the addressee of the manipulation carries out the transformation of the supporting discourses, taking into account their own interests. While emphasizing verbally the significance of “accepting” the variant of solving the business problem proposed by the manipulator, the addressee at the same time offers his own scenario for solving it, which takes into account not only the interests of the manipulator, but also his own interests;

3. The use by the partner-addressee of psychotechnical methods of counter manipulation - countermanipulative defense. The peculiarity of this technique of active defense is its access to the level of equal power struggle with the manipulator. In essence, counter-manipulation as the most powerful method of defense is a response manipulation, which uses the circumstances created by the initial manipulative influence of the attacking subject. Since any manipulation is unthinkable without a hidden psychological impact, the psychotechnical methods of counter manipulation are built with this in mind. Having recognized the manipulative intrusion, the addressee of the manipulation carries out his own hidden search for targets of psychological influence in the mental structure of the manipulator, establishing its “weak points” and “pain points”. Influencing them, the addressee can seize the initiative of manipulative control, for example, bring to the forefront of a business conversation questions that are of paramount importance for solving a business problem, instead of secondary topics, the discussion of which the manipulator is trying to impose on him. And therefore, the next main task of the addressee is to “impose” on the manipulator his own criteria for choosing options for solving a business problem and his own model for evaluating this choice by initiating them and providing motivational support.

Here, one should keep in mind some instrumental features of counter manipulation.

First, countermanipulative techniques of the partner-addressee will be undertaken until the manipulator completely abandons his intentions.

Secondly, while carrying out counter manipulation, the addressee must simultaneously build in his personal structure a kind of anti-manipulative "shields" that prevent manipulative intrusion.

Thirdly, the goals of the counter manipulation undertaken by the addressee are not only to “neutralize” the manipulator, but also to achieve a solution to the business problem taking into account their own interests.

countermanipulation
Counter-manipulation - the most powerful of the defenses - is a response manipulation on the part of the addressee, which uses the circumstances created by the initial manipulative influence of the initiator.

Execution of countermanipulation: pretend not to understand that they are trying to manipulate you, start a counter game and end it with a sudden turn of the situation, showing the manipulator your psychological advantage - a psychological blow, leading to the defeat of the manipulator.

Protection from psychological pressure

Everyone knows well how bad it is to be the object of pressure from someone else. A little confused - and you begin to act like an automaton, performing one of the children's programs: to flee, to fight, etc. How to get out of the usual rut?

The first thing to do in preparation for the defense is to stop your impulsive reaction and begin research work.

This can be done in different ways. Sometimes they recommend: count to ten. However, this is weak. They also advise: carefully consider the person with whom you communicate, find some details that characterize him. For example, the features of clothing, facial expressions, gestures, or, say, the features of his workplace. It helps better.

Even more effective is to start tracking all the changes in the partner's state that occur in the course of his actions. Try to catch your eye: where does it go? Match the content of the words with hand movements or facial expressions. For example, it may turn out that the interlocutor does not look into your eyes, but somewhere on top of you or to the side, or maybe down (is he uncomfortable for himself?). It happens that formidable words contrast with the fuss of hands: he pulls a button, thoughtlessly shifts something on the table, etc. All this information allows you to make assumptions about the state, motives, intentions of the partner.

Once you have managed to get yourself into the explorer state, you can begin to figure out what kind of pressure you are experiencing. If it is pressure or humiliation that is recognized fairly quickly, then you can immediately begin to defend against it.

Protection against psychological pressure
So, you are under pressure: you are experiencing a clear compulsion. For example:

You are asked for something that you would really not like to do, but it is difficult to refuse, since you are dependent on the asker.

You are offered to do something, you refuse, but they try to pressure you with something.

It is worth recalling that pressure can be applied using rumors, petty nitpicks, veiled threats, hints, and the like.

1. Buy time by asking questions. Based on the examples given, in the first case it would be good to ask: “Can I disagree?” If the partner said that you are free to choose, then you can refer to this statement and refuse. If a suggestion has been made that you are addicted, try asking if there will be any repercussions from your refusal.

It is essential for you that the relationship between request and dependency be made clear and distinct. As a general rule, the aggressor wants to avoid looking like an aggressor (especially in the presence of witnesses), and it may be that he prefers to refuse further pressure.

If this relationship was clearly indicated from the very beginning, then the point of the inquiries will mainly be to buy time to think through further tactics.

In the second case, the pressure from the interlocutor can be weakened by a series of clarifying questions:

What led you to think that I refuse to take responsibility? What am I not responsible for? To whom will I answer? Responsibility must be balanced by the granting of power, how will it be expressed?

Why do you think that I'm afraid? What could I be afraid of here? Do you find any other explanation for my refusal?

What are your suspicions based on? Why did you make this assumption? How can you verify your information? Have you checked this information?

The main point of these questions is to find out exactly the reasons why your partner has a power advantage. That is, you should:

2. Set the type of power that the opponent uses. You really need to identify the source of his power over you. Then you can more accurately organize a rebuff.

Maybe he only counts on a shout - it will be wise not to give in, but to wait until his noisy supply runs out, when he starts to scroll the same tricks a second time. Then the third... Or, perhaps, the pressure is organized through those present: "Just look...", "Well, tell me...", "It's clear to everyone that...". Do not hesitate, carefully study the reactions of those to whom these phrases seem to be addressed. The mere fact that you are looking at these people compels them to give you some kind of signal. Very rarely is there complete unanimity of observers. It may turn out that there is someone who will come to your defense. And, at least, you can always turn the silence of those present to your advantage.

The main thing - do not let yourself break, object calmly and slowly. Look for an opportunity to question the identified type of power or weaken it in some other way.

For example, there is a reference to authority - we weaken either the authority or the scope of applicability of the judgment: they say, for this case it is not suitable, or it is only partially suitable. If your partner focuses on your age - find arguments in favor of your age as well.

Don't belittle his arguments per se (keep the perspective of cooperation), but limit their applicability to some objective considerations. For example, a partner is counting on a previous good relationship with you or past services. Without diminishing the importance of those, show how difficult it is for you to do what is expected of you. Explain in detail the essence of your problems, show why they outweigh the strength of previous services. Of course, all this must be true.

If a partner is trying to influence you through a high rate of communication (attack), come up with a reason to stop: say that you need to call, turn off the kettle, leave - everything that can serve as a convenient excuse and allow you to interrupt the onslaught. Then set a slower pace of conversation that is comfortable for you. And every time he starts to rush you, ask again about any detail, "study the problem." The reception, of course, is bureaucratic, but if the partner can use an “unclean” method, then it is not always necessary to resist “cleanly”. But this must be done just enough to stop the partner. You should refuse the reception as soon as it begins to destroy your relationship.

3. Find a new kind of strength in which you are stronger. This could be: someone's support, past relationships, your role as a moneymaker or order organizer for the firm, etc.

For the sake of preserving the prospect of cooperation, it is better to avoid using retaliatory pressure in an explicit form. It is best if your arguments relate to any previous agreements. It’s good if you can turn the logic of the questions in such a way that circumstances or objective requirements suggest a different solution - great if it suits both parties (the strength of your ability to analyze the problem is added to the strength of objective circumstances).

Make sure not to get carried away in carrying out attacks on a partner, not to revel in your qualifications as a debater. After all, you just need to balance the balance of power. Once you have completed the task of neutralizing the pressure, look for an opportunity to agree on how the problem can be solved, what needs to be done for this. You can then discuss how you will interact in similar situations in the future. I.e:

4. Offer cooperation. Offer it by the very style of behavior, the nature of the agreements. The main protective effect will be that you have found ways to weaken (destroy) the pressure from the partner and oppose your own strength. And there is also a promising result: you accustom your partner to the fact that it is useless to put pressure on you.

As part of the cooperation orientation, the struggle for future relationships is more important than for near gains (note that the struggle, but not with a partner, but for relationships). Therefore, even if you lose in this situation and you have to give in, it would be useful to somehow indicate the prospect of development. There is no point in blaming or trying to infringe on the offender, it is better to leave something (perhaps only as if) unfinished, unclear in order to keep the opportunity to return to this problem. Yes, you submit, yield, but you do not agree with this outcome, and expect to change something else.

Avoid threats. The return to the problem is the analysis of it. It will not be difficult for your partner to admit the incorrectness of his behavior after he has achieved his goal. While he is "kind", utter this confession from him. Later, the mere reminder of this conversation will become an obstacle to the repetition of psychological abuse. And even if the partner manages to overcome such an obstacle then, the next portion of your influence will be attached to the previous one. Gradually, you will “set up” your partner in a more peaceful way.

So, pressure protection is as follows:

Start asking questions to gain time, control yourself, tune in to the organization of defense.

Find out what kind of force (advantage, leverage) the partner uses.

Find the kind of power you're strongest at and start using it.

To catch the moment when the balance of power has leveled off: there is no one who is stronger.

Go to cooperation: start solving problems together, agree on what to do next.

Ability to take a hit

If you get stung by one or even several bees, it can be good for your health. But if you are attacked by a swarm of wasps or you find yourself a victim of a bite of a poisonous snake, then you will not do well. Your competitors, ill-wishers or enemies are capable of inflicting no less harm on you, just by using words that hurt your soul as a psychological weapon. And the longer you worry about this, the more likely you are to be in the camp of the losers.

“If a person shows that he is irritated and unable to control his emotions, he needs to do something else, and not work with people,” the Frenchman Michel Fadoul, who has achieved brilliant success in business at the world level, confidently stated.

Psychological security is a property of a mature personality. It consists of a whole complex of such characteristics as the level of intelligence, worldview attitudes, attentiveness, a tendency to analyze and reflect, critical thinking, and emotional stability.

Ask yourself and others magical questions more often: what, where, when, how, why and why? Try to imagine the whole panorama and dynamics of the event, to see the whole picture as a whole and note the contradictions, inconsistencies and white spots, carefully consider the details. They are the necessary material for assessing the reliability of information.

There are many methods of psychological protection. Here are some of the most available methods:

Reception "Fan". Analyze what you react to most painfully. What annoys you? What infuriates or discourages you? Remember the specific words, intonations, gestures of your opponents or offenders.

Close your eyes and remember again all the most offensive, biting, burning words that make you feel confused and worthless or powerful outbursts of aggression.

Now imagine that you are sitting opposite the person who inflicts these psychological blows on you. It is he who speaks cruel, hurtful words to you. And you feel like you are already starting to “wind up”. Bring on the feeling of being hit. What part of your body reacts to it? What is happening: is there a heat in the whole body, or is something shrinking inside, or maybe just breathing is interrupted? What exactly is happening to you?

Use the emotional ventilation technique. Imagine that between you and the offender there is a powerful fan, which immediately takes his words to the side, their sharp arrows do not reach you.

And further. Make a figure with your right hand and cover it with the palm of your left hand. Mentally direct it to the person who is trying to throw you off balance. Remember how the same fig helped you "revenge" the offender as a child.

Open your eyes, and you will surely feel that you are now able to withstand such a psychological blow.

Reception "Aquarium". If, when dealing with people who are negatively disposed towards you, you continue to react painfully to their attacks, use this technique. Imagine that between you and your offender there is a thick glass wall of an aquarium. He says something unpleasant to you, but you only see him, but you don’t hear the words, they are absorbed by the water and only bubble with foam on the surface. That's why they don't work for you. And you, without losing self-control and peace of mind, do not succumb to provocation, do not react to offensive words. And thanks to this, you turn the situation in your favor.

Disneyland welcome. The morbidity of a psychological blow can be mitigated, if not completely eliminated, by treating all people as if they were small children. You do not take offense at unintelligent children?

Imagine that you are alone against a whole group of people who are negative towards you. The preponderance of forces is on their side. And you have only one chance to turn the tide: imagine them as a group of children on the playground. They get angry, act up, scream, wave their arms, throw toys on the floor, trample them with their feet. In general, they try their best to piss you off. But you, as an adult, wise person, treat their antics like childish pranks and continue to maintain imperturbable calm until they run out of steam. You do not perceive their words as insults, do not react to their attacks. It's funny for you to watch all this as an adult ...

Reception "Fox and grapes". If there were cases in your past when someone managed to annoy you so that the experience of defeat is still there, use the technique of rationalization, removing negative "anchors". Remember the fable "The Fox and the Grapes": not reaching for the bunch of grapes, the fox said that she did not really want grapes - they are sour and green.

Reception "Ocean of Tranquility". Imagine yourself as the main character of the parable: “The ocean receives the waters of many turbulent rivers, while itself remains motionless. He, into whom all thoughts and emotions also flow, remains impassive at rest.

Reception "Theater of the Absurd". You can use such a technique of psychological defense as bringing the situation to the point of absurdity. This is basically the same thing as making an elephant out of a fly. That is, to exaggerate out loud beyond recognition what someone is only hinting at, and thus unexpectedly knock psychological weapons out of the hands of their enemies or ill-wishers. Your goal is to make sure that any attacks of the ill-wisher no longer cause anything but laughter. This is the solution to the problem of how to protect yourself from a psychological attack.

Reception "Puppet Theatre". If you find it difficult to communicate with people who are emotionally significant to you, use this technique. Imagine that they are just caricatured characters from the TV show "Dolls". And let them say stupid things while talking to each other. And you just observe it from the outside and make your assessments. Like, this smart guy is pretending to be a superman, and the other is playing a strong personality, a professional, and he is a weakling, just bluffing. Play this show until you laugh. Your laughter is an indicator that the technique has worked.

Techniques for neutralizing annoying remarks and objections

Where to start when the interlocutor makes a remark to us or raises an objection? How to behave in such cases? First, we will try to understand the meaning of the remark, by asking questions, we will lead the interlocutor to the fact that he himself answers the remark he made or refuses it. Let's acknowledge his correctness and continue our speech, especially if the remarks are made to the point (professional remarks). Let's try to turn the remark into an incentive for further speech (“any fabric has two sides”), give examples from real life that refute the remark made. However, we must strongly oppose incorrect or derogatory remarks (if our organization or enterprise, our state or our personality is underestimated).

From this strategy, over time, several technical methods for neutralizing (refuting) remarks have been developed, some of them are of a universal nature. Let us dwell on them in a concise form and with the most necessary comments, and the order of enumeration does not depend on the effectiveness of the method.

2. Boomerang method. Many remarks, contrary to the wishes of our interlocutor, in fact speak directly or indirectly about the advantages of the draft solution we have described, and we can use them as a starting point for our argument.

3. "Compression" of several remarks. The impact of several remarks and objections is significantly mitigated if they are answered "in one fell swoop", that is, in one phrase, concentrating everything essential in it and avoiding endless discussions.

4. Approval and destruction. This method is applied against objective and correct remarks and objections. We first accept these comments and objections, and then neutralize their meaning, again explaining to the interlocutor the meaning / advantages and features of the solution we proposed. Sometimes it can be considered a success that we manage to at least localize and limit the practical significance of the objection.

5. Paraphrasing. This method consists in repeating and at the same time softening the remark of the interlocutor, to which we can give a satisfactory answer or simply paraphrase it.

6. Conditional agreement consists in the fact that we first recognize the correctness of the interlocutor (often with minor remarks), and then gradually pull him over to our side. Such actions make it possible to establish and maintain contact with the interlocutor even when, at first glance, a positive result of the conversation has no prospects.

7. "Elastic defense" is used in cases where our interlocutor mechanically bombards us with comments and objections in an irritated and dissatisfied tone. In such a situation, it is better not to directly respond to comments, but to ensure that the thread of the conversation does not break. When the interlocutor later returns to his remarks, and this will definitely happen, he will already lose in strength.

8. The assumptions accepted are mainly subjective remarks that are very difficult to answer, and therefore we can afford to refuse the interlocutor an answer and simply accept his remark if it does not significantly affect the essence of the conversation.

9. Comparison. It often happens that the easiest way to neutralize a remark is with the help of analogies, instead of directly responding to it. Comparisons can be made from the area that our interlocutor knows, or you can draw a parallel from your own experience.

10. Interrogation method. This method protects as much as possible from the risk of being in the turbulent waters of an unpleasant discussion. It is based on the fact that we do not answer the interlocutor to his comments, but we ourselves ask him, and we construct questions in such a way that he himself answers his comments. The disadvantage of this method is its vastness.

11. The “yes... but...” method consists in the fact that we agree with the interlocutor up to a certain point in order to reduce his desire to contradict us and prepare him for counter-argumentation. Example: “You are absolutely right. But did you consider that...?” Over time, due to frequent use, this very “but” may depreciate somewhat. In addition, this "but" to some extent acts as a warning signal ("and now, finally, he will say what he wanted to say"). Therefore, we can recommend the method "yes ... and ..." and the method "yes ...?", which is only a modification of the method "yes ... but ...". In that case, the above example would look like this: “You are absolutely right. Have you considered that...?”

12. A protective measure simply means that we build our speech in such a way that the interlocutor does not have any comments at all, since we do not give him a reason for this. Many potential remarks can be dispelled in advance if the main arguments are broken down into a large number of partial arguments, which can also be expressed in the form of questions. It is recommended that after uttering each partial argument with the help of sub-questions, check whether it is accepted by the interlocutor.

13. Warning. An unpleasant remark, which is certainly to be expected from an interlocutor, is easy to soften if you first include it in your speech. This also determines the moment of the response. And this is definitely an advantage.

14. Proof of meaninglessness. If all of our responses to a remark of the interlocutor point to its inconsistency, we can push the interlocutor to admit the meaninglessness of his remark. But this must be done with maximum tact and only if it is really necessary, adhering to the well-known folk wisdom "according to Senka and a hat."

15. Postponement. Practice shows that the remark loses its meaning as the conversation moves away from the moment when it was expressed. But along with this, you need to be very careful with the wording: “Let me return to this issue later. In such-and-such a place we will touch upon this problem again. Do you agree with this proposal? This method is used only when the remark made greatly interferes with the further conduct of the conversation or completely blocks it. In any case, if we use this method, it is certainly necessary to dwell on this remark until the end of the conversation, that is, at such a moment as we consider favorable for us. After all, it is known that delayed and uncoordinated remarks always reappear during subsequent contacts and conversations.

16. Reaction control. When neutralizing remarks, it is very useful to check the reaction of the interlocutor. The easiest way to do this is with intermediate questions. We calmly ask the interlocutor whether he is satisfied with the answer. If not, we suggest that he take up this issue in more detail. It is especially important to carefully observe the interlocutor, since his answer should be in accordance with the internal state. This, however, may not be, which is relatively easy to notice from external manifestations (impatience, disapproving attitude, increased tone).

17. Prevention of superiority. If, almost without hesitation, we successfully parry each remark, our interlocutor will gradually develop the impression that he is sitting in front of a “professor” with sophisticated experience, against whom there is no chance to fight. Therefore, at the first opportunity, he will again try to launch a counterattack. Concerning:

not to counter every objection

we need to show that we are not alien to human weaknesses

it is especially important to avoid an immediate response to each remark, because by doing this we indirectly underestimate the interlocutor: what torments him for many days or weeks, we solve in a couple of seconds. Admit it, you probably wouldn't want to be in that situation yourself.

18. Preparation for the neutralization of comments. For this phase, as well as for the whole conversation as a whole, thorough preparation is necessary. You should become as familiar as possible with the topic and content of the conversation and with supporting information and information. You need to think in advance about the personality of your interlocutor, collect information about him, his reactions and habits. You should prepare in advance for possible comments and objections that you can expect in the course of the conversation.

It remains to determine what moment is the most favorable for neutralizing the comments. It is very important to understand that choosing the right moment to respond to a remark is much more important than is commonly believed, and often this is as important as the content of the answer itself. When you should respond to comments made, you can offer the following options: before the comment is made; immediately after it is done; later; never.
Let's see now when and what needs to be decided.

Before. If it is known that the interlocutor will sooner or later make a certain remark, it is recommended that you pay attention to it yourself and explain to him what the consequences may be. Advantages:

we will avoid contradictions with the interlocutor and thereby reduce the risk of a quarrel in a conversation, we have the opportunity to choose the wording of the remark ourselves, due to which we will reduce, as far as possible, the severity of the remark;

we have the opportunity to choose the most appropriate moment of the conversation to respond to such a remark and provide ourselves with the time necessary to think about the answer;

trust will be strengthened between us and our interlocutor, as he will see that we are not trying to circle him around a finger, but on the contrary, we clearly state all the pros and cons.

Straightaway. This is the most accepted method for answering and should be used in all normal situations.

Later. Postponing the answer to a later moment makes sense if a suitable answer cannot be found at the same moment and if an immediate answer could jeopardize the normal course of the conversation. In accordance with this, we must in any case secure the right to independently decide at what point we will answer the interlocutor. And especially if there is no desire to directly contradict him, so the answer is postponed until a moment more convenient from a tactical and psychological point of view. It is also resorted to when they want to reduce the value of a remark, since it loses its value as the conversation continues. It is important to remember that, due to the delay, the need to respond to any remarks may disappear altogether: the answer arises by itself after a certain time. It may also happen that the remark of the interlocutor is completely outside the scope of our conversation.

Never. Certain types of remarks, excuses, especially hostile remarks, and above all those that constitute a general hindrance to a conversation, especially at its beginning, should be completely ignored as far as possible. The same applies to excuses, tactical maneuvers, as well as to remarks that do not affect the essence of a business conversation. And also in cases where it is possible without prejudice to recognize the correctness of the interlocutor.

Reliable protection from offensive words

Hurtful words lie in wait for us every day - often when we are least ready for it. And, it seems, everywhere: on the road during rush hours, when people show their worst qualities; in lines when we run out of patience; at work and at the festive table, where people consider rudeness almost permissible.

Critical attacks are so varied that they defy classification. Here are “light”, everyday injections (congratulations, finally!), And those when it gets dark in the eyes from resentment (“I see you are busy doing what you do best - eat again”).

Sometimes words just betray insensitivity. Gathering his courage, the son told his mother that his wife had left him, and in response he heard: “She was going for a long time.”

It is believed that in the family we can hide from the world. But in fact, relatives say things to each other that they would never say to an outsider, often adding in justification: “You know, I say this because I love you.”

One woman recalls how one day, when she was 12 years old, she was standing in front of a mirror and her mother suddenly said: “Don't worry, dear. If the nose still grows, it will be possible to do the operation.” Until that day, the girl had no idea that she did not have a perfect nose.

Particularly "good" are the veiled insults, which are called "constructive criticism", although they have nothing to do with it. They are easily recognizable by their accompanying phrases such as "I hope I can speak frankly with you" or "I'm telling you this for your own good". It turns out that you have to almost admire the open-heartedness of the critic and appreciate his concern, while you hardly come to your senses after a breath blow.

When defending against insults, it's easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of punches and counterstrikes. Fortunately, there are ways to repel the attack of the offender without dropping your own dignity. The next time you become the object of criticism, try to use our tips.

1. Try to understand. The one who criticizes others is often filled with resentment himself. If you can't figure out what the person who offended you is really worried about, ask them about it. Remember: resentment is not always meant for you personally. Take a look
on the situation from the outside and look for the cause.

The waitress is rude to you not because she didn’t like you for some reason - just the day before her beloved left her. The driver, "cutting" you, does not want to annoy you - he is in a hurry to the sick child. Pass it forward, support it. Trying to understand those whose words hurt you, you can more easily endure the offense.

2. Analyze what was said. In her book The Subtle Art of Verbal Self-Defence, Suzette Hayden Elgin suggests breaking down an offending remark into pieces and responding to an unspoken rebuke without playing the victim. For example, if you hear “if you loved me, you would lose weight,” you can answer like this: “And how long ago did you decide that I don’t love you?”

3. Turn to face the offender. It is not easy to resist insults. Helps, in particular, directness. Remove the negative charge, for example, with such a question: “Do you need to offend me for some reason?” or “Do you understand how such words can be perceived?”

You can also ask the person to clarify the meaning of the remark: “What do you mean?” or “I want to check if I understood you correctly?” As soon as your critic feels that his game has been figured out, he will leave you alone. After all, when you were caught red-handed, it's very embarrassing.

4. Use humor. My friend somehow had to hear: “Do you have a new skirt? In my opinion, chairs are upholstered with such fabric. She was not at a loss and answered: "Well, sit down on my knees."

The mother of my friend all her life zealously monitored the cleanliness of the house. One day she found a cobweb in her daughter and asked: “What is this?” "I'm doing a scientific experiment," retorted the daughter. The best weapon against offensive criticism is laughter. A witty response will help you deal with almost any offender.

5. Come up with a symbol. One woman told me that her husband always criticized her in public. Then she began to carry a small towel with her and whenever her husband said something offensive to her, she covered her head with a towel. He was so ashamed that he got rid of his bad habit.

6. Don't mind. Agree with everything. If your wife says, "I think you've put on ten pounds, dear," answer, "Twelve, to be exact." If she doesn’t back down: “Well, what are you going to do with the extra weight?” - try this: “Nothing, probably. I'll just be fat for a while." A hurtful remark is only as powerful as you empower it. By agreeing with criticism, you disarm the critic.

7. Ignore the injection. Listen to the remark, tell yourself that it is in the wrong place, and forget it. The ability to forgive is one of the most important abilities that help us live and that we can develop in ourselves.

If you are not quite ready to forgive yet, let the speaker know that his remark was heard, but there will be no answer. The next time you get taunted, wipe the imaginary stain off your shirt. When the person who hit you asks what you're doing, say, "I thought something hit me, but I must have been wrong." When the abuser knows that you know too, he becomes much more careful. Or pretend like you're not interested. Blink, yawn, and look away as if to say, “Who cares?” People can't stand being considered boring.

8. Add 10 percent. You will never be able to completely protect yourself from offensive remarks. Try to perceive some of them as natural manifestations of irritation that happen to everyone. Most of us try not to offend others, but sometimes we make mistakes. So get defensive when you feel it's necessary, but also consider the "10 percent rule":

in 10 percent of cases, it turns out that the item you bought is cheaper elsewhere.

10 percent of the time, the item you loaned to someone is returned to you damaged.

10 percent of the time, even your best friend can say something without thinking and then regret it.

In other words, grow thicker skin. It is usually easiest to assume that people are trying to do the best they can, and many simply do not realize how their behavior affects others.

Constantly defending yourself, proving your case and controlling the situation is too expensive. Try to forgive and in return you will get much less resentment and trouble than these notorious 10 percent.

When a man insulted the Buddha, he said, "My son, if anyone refuses to accept a gift, to whom does it then belong?" “To the one who gives,” the man replied. “So,” continued the Buddha, “I refuse to accept your insulting words.

The world is full of people who humiliate others in order to assert themselves. Do not accept insults, even when they are showered upon you, as gifts of love. By ignoring them, you will relieve tension, strengthen your relationships with others, and make your life more joyful.

Laws of psychological security

Law one: For the best reflection of blows, security should be excessive, and protection should be adequate. In order to live without unbearable problems and resiliently fend off threats on the street, rudeness at work and ridicule at home, both security and protection are required. If a person's psychological arsenal contains many sophisticated psychotechniques, but his overall security, that is, the supply of vitality, is at zero, then we have a type of informed impotent. If a person is strong and self-confident, but at the same time does not know a single technique and reacts to all blows in only one way: he does not notice them, then we have a type of brute strongman, a kind of psychological rhinoceros. Both are undesirable extremes. A healthy balance is needed between strength and skill.

Why should the power of protection be redundant? Because in this case it plays not only a reflective, but also a preventive role. If a person squirts with strength and self-confidence, then who wants to attack him? The victory is half won even before the battle, which in the East is considered the highest aerobatics of the art of battle. And even when the attack happened, and the blow fell on an excessively powerful aura, the collision quickly stops.

Excessive protection enables a person to spend a minimum of voltage and energy on repelling blows - after all, even according to the laws of physics, an increase in power reduces the voltage strength.

Why should defense be adequate to strike or attack? Firstly, because usually a blow or attack is a one-time, quickly passing character, and you should not strain in response as if you were dealing with constant military operations. Secondly, do not shoot cannons at sparrows. Why specifically strain yourself beyond measure when you still have a bulletproof vest of general security in stock?

Law Two: Standing up for yourself prevents most attacks. Attack prevention is still an art of a higher order than the ability to competently conduct psychological warfare. Of course, the price we pay for peace is always important. If, in order to avoid an unpleasant feeling of struggle for ourselves, we now and then conclude with every boor and manipulator an unfavorable “Brest peace” for ourselves, then this does not solve the problem. By definition, it is impossible to appease an aggressor, and we inflict unnecessary injuries on ourselves with such unnecessary compromises. Therefore, a peaceful strategy of behavior must have the connotation of force. We must learn to communicate with people in such a way that they feel our strength and understand that they are not dealing with toothless pacifists, but with strong and confident people who are able to stand up for themselves.

What is such a protected force that diverts conflicts? It is an alloy of wisdom that anticipates the possibility of an attack and takes action in advance, charm that creates such an atmosphere around a person that one does not want to attack him, and confident power, which includes a will that fends off attacks, a fairly high self-esteem that is not amenable to direct influence, the ability not to go into your pocket for a word, a good sense of humor both in relation to other people and in relation to yourself. A person who radiates such power very far removes many types of conflicts and attacks from himself. Fighting as a kind of brute aggressive energy bypasses him even on a subtle level.

Law Three: In conflicts, it is not so much direct blows that are terrible, but their chronic consequences. A hard psychological blow, even if it is strong and unexpected, can seriously damage our personality and worsen the condition, but it rarely breaks the inner core of a person at one time. If he is a one-time phenomenon, then the traces left by him are gradually tightened. But if you received several strong blows in a row, or if you were subjected to petty but persistent bullying, provocation, manipulation for a long time, then the resulting mental wound begins to bleed constantly. There is a psychological trauma that is guessed by other people and periodically provokes them to aggression, ridicule, rudeness, clicks on this particular weak spot. The wound does not heal, on the one hand, because of these external influences, and on the other hand, because of the depressive experiences of a person, which corrode his mental tissue from the inside and increase the trauma. Many psychological problems experienced by a person are a kind of blows stretched out over time, or, in medical terms, a chronicle that is more difficult to treat than acute illnesses. Therefore, without serious work to get rid of mental trauma, you will never be able to find true security.

Fourth Law: A person can be psychologically "pierced", but it is impossible to break completely without his consent. Each of us can receive an unexpected blow or simply meet an aggressive and at the same time stronger person than we are. It is possible that the trials that fall to our lot will be more difficult than we can bear. They pierce our personality and aura. However, the core of a person cannot be broken suddenly and at one time - it is too deep. To break a human personality requires the consent of the person, even if it is unconscious. If you defend yourself and your dignity, it is impossible to break you to the end. As Hemingway famously said on this subject: "Man can be destroyed, but he cannot be defeated." Therefore, if you want to preserve the integrity of your personality in critical and extreme situations, learn to stand to the end and not agree to defeat and concession, even at an unconscious level.

Law five: The internal psychological support is always stronger than any external support. When you are often attacked and you start to lack strength, you usually lose your balance and try to look outside for support and support. For a while you succeed, but then, for one reason or another, the external support stops, and the person loses his balance again. The best option for support and protection will be the internal support of a person, which involves turning to serious psychological and spiritual goals and values ​​​​at a difficult moment. The external support of a person undergoing blows and attacks can be very effective and impressive, but it is fragile, and the internal support, with all the external fragility and unpresentability, turns out to be very real and strong.

Law six: It is not weakness and insecurity that is terrible, but the unwillingness to defeat it. You can be a very weak person and have a fragile, sickly psyche, but if you consciously work on yourself, it will be less dangerous for you than if you are a strong and confident being who has stopped working on yourself. By applying diligence, energy and will, one can forge strength out of weakness, but if one does not apply any force, one can lose natural data.

Law seven: In the process of real life, incomplete openness does not give a person true security. If you have turned your life into a continuous defense, there is nothing good in this - you stop the healthy exchange of energy and information, turn into an eternally backward retrograde, robbing yourself, and deprived of living experience. If you have accepted the idea, fashionable among pseudo-esotericists and bioenergetics, that with a pure heart there is no need to defend at all, then you have become an open platform for all the winds and influences of life. Are you really sure that your heart is so pure and your mind so wise that you voluntarily abolished all immunity in your body? Then your actions are reminiscent of the behavior of some fantastic state that has disbanded its border troops and eliminated borders and customs. What do you think, in this case, first of all, good people will pour across the border? No, the myth that it is harmful to defend yourself is itself very harmful.

One can partly agree with those people who argue that permanent protection is not needed, if we understand it as a special technique that erects a permanent shield around the person, blocking access to unwanted information. However, the shield of constant protection as a natural psychological immunity from aggression and evil is very necessary. And special techniques are useful only in specific situations.

So, constant security is always needed. This means that a person's personality must be integral, the aura dense and strong, culminating in a protective network that tightly protects a person from blows and attacks, like a state border. But the methods of protection can and should change periodically and alternate depending on who the person is dealing with. With close friends, it is enough just to be a strong, protected, but open person who does not use any special methods of protection. When dealing with enemies, both security and protection are needed, based on the alternation of different methods, that is, on the principle of complete closeness. In general, life needs a reasonable balance between closeness and openness.

Features and qualities of a protected personality
A truly protected person cannot be a self-centered egocentric, a terry egoist, a closed introvert. He has a healthy openness to the world and is able to easily establish relationships with the outside world, with people and with his immediate environment. Contact, openness, goodwill in communication help him to freely attract more and more new friends who protect him in difficult times.

A protected person has managed to curb deep aggressiveness in himself, and therefore, in relations with people, he is not inclined to make sudden movements and strike rash blows, which inevitably cause responses. He transformed his innate aggressiveness into firmness and the will to achieve. He is good-natured and condescending, but behind these properties he has a powerful core somewhere in the depths, an inner strength that comes to the surface only if there is a real danger.

A protected person relies not so much on the attitude of other people towards himself, but on how he himself relates to his own personality and behavior. He is self-sufficient or strives to be so, and in the course of communication he knows how to rely on himself, without looking for constant support from outside. He is not afraid to express his point of view, even if it differs from the opinion of the majority. He knows how to defend his own interests, relying on a code of honor. He is able to make decisions and bear reasonable responsibility for them.

A truly protected person is not prone to painful introspection and mental analysis of other people's opinions about his own person. He is a holistic person, for whom thought and action are inseparable. He may seriously think for some time whether he should take this or that action or not, but if the decision is made, he will no longer hesitate and will be able to cast aside all doubts. In most situations, for him, the matter is more important than the nuances of relationships, although he knows how to insist on his point of view and his own decision, without offending other people and correctly explaining to them the motives of his personal choice. If he is naturally too sensitive and thin-skinned, he gradually forms in himself a kind of corset of security that softens the blows.

A protected person is a purposeful person. In any situation, he knows well and remembers what he ultimately wants. He does not wander along the winding paths of life, but tries to choose the path that leads him to the goal in the shortest way.

A protected person is a person with the right attitude to time. He always manages to do the main things of his life on time and by this alone he protects himself from possible reproaches, discontent and high expectations. He lives a full life in the present and at the same time always aims for the future. He was able to learn from the past, taking into account all the useful things that he met in life, and at the same time coped with most of the psychological trauma. When faced with situations similar to the previous ones that caused injuries, he does not shrink, like a rabbit freezing in dumb horror before a boa constrictor, he remains calm and confident that he will be able to pass this situation with dignity. He remembers that in the end, as Solomon said: "This too shall pass!"

A protected person in his life adheres to a certain order, clarity and system. In his daily existence there is no place for chaos and confusion that interferes with the successful achievement of goals. As a result, his actions acquire such a successful rhythm that carries a protective force and absorbs many blows. People feel this rhythm, involuntarily imbued with its strength and begin to adapt to it, and they do not have an impulse to aggression.

A protected person has the quality of healthy self-confidence and self-respect, which radiates from his aura and creates a special atmosphere around him that he does not want to be disturbed by dissonant actions. People are automatically imbued with this atmosphere of self-respect that this person carries in himself, and then they can no longer rebuild themselves on a different wave. The energy of self-respect is contagious in the good sense of the word.

A protected person responds correctly to obstacles. Obstacles not only do not suppress him, but, on the contrary, inspire him to new efforts and accomplishments. Such a person only gets excited at the sight of new obstacles and is always determined to overcome them. He is protected from depression and doubt, even if such a significant obstacle has arisen on his way, which is commonly called insurmountable. But even in this case, he will find a way out: either he will retreat, accumulate strength and inflict a direct crushing blow on the obstacle, breaking his defense, or he will find workarounds, or he will wait until the obstacle naturally weakens and clears the way for him. Even if an obstacle, from an external point of view, is insurmountable in principle, he will still storm it, if only in order to harden himself internally and practice on overcoming it. Only in this way can you develop your strength and patience.

In case of failures, intractable problems or mistakes made, a protected person knows how to use an excellent method of protection, which instantly devalues ​​the threat, reducing its strength - humor. He uses this medicine not only in relation to the direct opponent or other people involved in the conflict, but also to the whole situation, being able to look at it as if from the side and laugh at it. He is supremely capable of laughing at himself, both in private and in front of other people, which is very good at disarming attackers who expect him to suffer from victim syndrome, always reacting to a threat with excessive seriousness and internal clamps. The humor of a protected person, on the one hand, can be considered as a manifestation of his excess vitality and ingenuity, the ability to always find an unexpected way out of a dead end or offer a look at it from an unusual point of view and laugh at an imaginary dead end, and on the other hand, it is a manifestation of a person’s deep wisdom who is well aware that nothing lasts forever under the moon, and therefore it is not worth taking many problems, threats and psychological blows so seriously and to heart. Such humor involves the ability of a person to instantly find words and resourcefully respond to any blow or attack against him.

A protected person is a balanced person who can calmly perceive vicious attacks, outbursts of irritation and threats. He is in harmony with himself, knows how to accept himself as he is, as a starting point for further improvement and improvement, and has a close connection with the center of himself, with his own soul and spirit. He values ​​his state of emotional balance more than the benefit or desire to annoy another person and therefore does not agree to easily and thoughtlessly exchange it for the dubious pleasure of anger or irritation, a concession to which will not bring the desired result anyway. He consciously maintains stability and calmness within himself and tries to bring these qualities into his behavior, which is regarded by other people as restraint and good breeding.

A protected person must have a considerable supply of vitality and health in order to energetically repel any attack blows. This also applies to cases of passive reflection, when a person silently and calmly listens to threats, attacks or tantrums, but does not break down internally and maintains a stable sense of self, and to cases of active reflection of aggression, when you have to conduct a tough dialogue, gives out biting answers, fends off accusations with counter-accusations or irony.

The protective power of the image
A protected person cannot help but think about the impression that he makes on the world around him, which consists not only of friends and neutral people, but also of ill-wishers, and even enemies. This is not only about a rather rare breed of consistent personal lifelong enemies, but also about much more common situational enemies, or, more precisely, opponents that arise when our interests suddenly and quite seriously intersect with the interests of other people. Then these people instantly become our enemies. In order to have fewer such opponents, we need to take care of our image created in the outside world, or, as they say now, our image. A protected person, depending on the characteristics of his character, can choose several types of image that play the role of protection:

a modest person who keeps a low profile, and at the same time a strong, self-confident professional who is busy with his own business (they are attacked extremely rarely);

a powerful armored tank, a man with elephantine psychological skin, who is so confident and calm that it is impossible to hurt him;

a charming and benevolent person who is so pleasant in personal communication and is able to radiate warmth that somehow one does not want to hurt and attack him;

a wit-mockery who does not go into his pocket for a word and who does not cost anything, in the language of the Shukshin hero, to “cut off” anyone who dares to offend him;

an unpredictable person who is better not to touch, because in response he can do anything;

a person with great connections, behind whom there are serious forces, and therefore it is better not to mess with him.

Image, even in one of the listed options, is not one isolated property of a person, but an alloy of many properties that manifest themselves in the form of a person’s role behavior and an image of himself, which he must remember and which must constantly manifest.

Cultivating the right qualities
These and many other properties form the basis of the personality and behavior of a protected person. The question arises, how should he acquire them if he does not possess them at all or possesses them, but in an embryonic degree?

The acquisition of properties that protect a person cannot occur instantly at his capricious desire. One of the most excellent instructors of such education is an interesting, difficult life full of various trials. It hardens a person, forming a powerful armor of character and spirit from the jelly-like amorphous material of the psyche. However, the art of living such a life could educate us into a person who is able to stand up for himself, and therefore for others, who are weaker. And such art is not given into the hands of a lazy or soulless person. If you start teaching a person to swim by throwing him out of a boat into deep water, he may drown. How many people thrown into the sea of ​​life, without prior preparation, supervision and support, drowned or broke - the pressure was too strong. Therefore, the life trials that are inevitable on the path of any purposeful person, especially those who are trying to educate themselves into a more perfect being, must be supplemented by a system of self-education and conscious efforts to acquire these qualities.

Many psychological defense mechanisms have been described. Let us briefly describe the main ones:

1. Repression. It is the process of involuntary removal into the unconscious of unacceptable thoughts, urges or feelings. Freud described in detail the defense mechanism of motivated forgetting. It plays a significant role in the formation of symptoms. When the effect of this mechanism to reduce anxiety is insufficient, other protective mechanisms are activated, allowing the repressed material to be realized in a distorted form. Two combinations of defense mechanisms are most widely known: a) repression + displacement. This combination contributes to the occurrence of phobic reactions. For example, the mother's obsessive fear that her little daughter will fall ill with a serious illness is a defense against hostility to the child, combining the mechanisms of repression and displacement; b) repression + conversion (somatic symbolization). This combination forms the basis of hysterical reactions.

2. Regression. Through this mechanism, an unconscious descent to an earlier level of adaptation is carried out, which allows satisfying desires. Regression can be partial, complete or symbolic. Most emotional problems have regressive features. Normally, regression manifests itself in games, in reactions to unpleasant events (for example, at the birth of a second child, the first-born baby stops using the toilet, starts asking for a pacifier, etc.), in situations of increased responsibility, in diseases (sick requires more attention and care). In pathological forms, regression is manifested in mental illness, especially in schizophrenia.

3. Projection. This is a mechanism for referring to another person or object of thoughts, feelings, motives and desires that the individual rejects on a conscious level. Fuzzy forms of projection appear in everyday life. Many of us are completely uncritical about our shortcomings and easily notice them only in others. We tend to blame others for our own problems. Projection can also be harmful because it leads to an erroneous interpretation of reality. This mechanism often works in immature and vulnerable individuals. In pathological cases, the projection leads to hallucinations and delusions, when the ability to distinguish fantasy from reality is lost.

4. Introjection. It is the symbolic internalization (inclusion in oneself) of a person or object. The action of the mechanism is opposite to the projection. Introjection plays a very important role in the early development of the personality, since on its basis parental values ​​and ideals are assimilated. The mechanism is updated during mourning, with the loss of a loved one. With the help of introjection, the differences between the objects of love and one's own personality are eliminated. Sometimes, instead of anger or aggression towards other people, derogatory impulses turn into self-criticism, self-depreciation, because the accused has been introjected. This is common in depression.

5. Rationalization. It is a defense mechanism that justifies thoughts, feelings, behaviors that are actually unacceptable. Rationalization is the most common psychological defense mechanism, because our behavior is determined by many factors, and when we explain it with the most acceptable motives for ourselves, we rationalize. The unconscious mechanism of rationalization should not be confused with deliberate lies, deceit or pretense. Rationalization helps to maintain self-respect, avoid responsibility and guilt. Every rationalization has at least a minimal amount of truth, but it contains more self-deception, which is why it is dangerous.

6. Intellectualization. This defense mechanism involves an exaggerated use of intellectual resources in order to eliminate emotional experiences and feelings. Intellectualization is closely related to rationalization and replaces the experience of feelings by thinking about them (for example, instead of real love, talking about love).

7. Compensation. It is an unconscious attempt to overcome real and imagined shortcomings. Compensatory behavior is universal, since the achievement of status is an important need for almost all people. Compensation can be socially acceptable (a blind person becomes a famous musician) and unacceptable (compensation for short stature - by the desire for power and aggressiveness; compensation for disability - by rudeness and conflict). They also distinguish direct compensation (the desire to succeed in a deliberately losing area) and indirect compensation (the desire to establish oneself in another area).

8. Jet formation. This defense mechanism replaces urges that are unacceptable for awareness with hypertrophied, opposite tendencies. The protection is two-stage. First, the unacceptable desire is repressed, and then its antithesis is intensified. For example, exaggerated protectiveness may mask feelings of rejection, exaggerated sugary and polite behavior may mask hostility, and so on.

9. Denial. It is a mechanism for rejecting thoughts, feelings, desires, needs, or reality that are unacceptable on a conscious level. Behavior is as if the problem does not exist. The primitive mechanism of denial is more characteristic of children (if you hide your head under a blanket, then reality will cease to exist). Adults often use denial in cases of crisis situations (terminal illness, approaching death, loss of a loved one, etc.).

10. Offset. It is a mechanism for channeling emotions from one object to a more acceptable substitute. For example, the shift of aggressive feelings from the employer to family members or other objects. The displacement manifests itself in phobic reactions, when anxiety from a conflict hidden in the unconscious is transferred to an external object.

The content of the article:

Psychological protection is a reflex inherent in every person, which helps him to put a saving block for himself in a crisis situation for him. The resistance of human nature to negative external influences is quite natural. However, not every person understands the mechanisms and methods of setting up such a barrier between themselves and stress.

What is psychological protection

This process has long been of interest to humanity, but became known after it was voiced by Sigmund Freud. At the end of the 19th century (in 1894), the famous researcher of human souls for the first time began to analyze all the ways of psychological protection of subjects from negative factors.

He based his conclusions on methods of struggle (in the form of repression) against affect and painful visions that arise in the mind of a person. At first, he described the symptoms of anxiety rather narrowly and in a categorical form, although it is not necessary to look for a clear formulation of psychological protection in his writings. A little later (in 1926), Sigmund did not make the very concept of “repression” the main dogma when voicing the concept that interested him.

His youngest daughter, Anna Freud, followed in the footsteps of a great father and, becoming the founder of child psychoanalysis, in her writings studied in detail all aspects of a person's reaction to certain circumstances. In her opinion, the concept of psychological protection of people consists of ten of its components. In the studies of this analyst, faith in the strength and capabilities of the personality of any subject is clearly observed.

The vast majority of specialists to this day use this term, which was introduced into practice by Sigmund Freud. The basis of modern methods of psychological defense is its comprehension as a process of setting a block at an unconscious level between the inner world of a person and dangerous manifestations of society.

The mechanism of action of psychological protection

Usually, specialists voice the primary and secondary mechanisms for setting up a block between themselves and a stressful situation. However, they still distinguish the main varieties of this condition:

• crowding out. Sometimes this concept is replaced by the term "motivated forgetting", in which there is a transition of memories of tragic events from consciousness to the subconscious. However, such a process does not at all indicate that the existing problem has been completely solved. It should be noted that quite often this type of psychological defense becomes the foundation for the development of all other mechanisms.
• Regression. Hysterical and infantile persons always try with the help of her to avoid responsibility for making important decisions in their lives. Psychiatrists in some particularly severe cases consider regression to be fertile ground for the development of schizophrenia.
• Projection. Few of us like to see flaws in ourselves, but a large number of unscrupulous people quite often delve into the dirty linen of other people. At the same time, a log in their own eye does not bother them at all, because they are actively looking for a mote in it from their immediate environment. With this exciting activity for them, they mask their hidden complexes by criticizing strangers.
• Reaction formation. Usually, the voiced process is realized in the form of a desire to compensate for one's own, both contrived and existing shortcomings. At the same time, such people form a vision of the world in black and white. Can be in this case position yourself as a strong person who, with a gentle nature, will try to crush everything around, but not give a weak point. Not because she is evil, but because she is afraid of the pain that they can inflict on her. A weak personality, in turn, uses bravado in the form of psychological protection, hiding behind imaginary influential friends.
• Negation. This phenomenon has much in common with the repression of unpleasant or tragic events from consciousness. However, in case of denial, a person not only forgets about what happened for a reason, but is also unlikely to remember what happened to him. If you tell him about the past, then he will consider it a stupid invention of ill-wishers.
• substitution. In this case, a person will strive to shift his attention from more complex goals to solving easy problems. Such people rarely appear in places with increased danger, but visit establishments with a calm atmosphere.
• Sublimation. Unwanted impulses are directed by adequate personalities in the right direction. They are ready to remove the same sexual, but unrealized tension with the help of sports, tourism and outdoor activities. If there is no desire for such a positive release of energy, then we can already talk about sadists and even maniacs. The sublimation mechanism is quite often turned on precisely with problems of an intimate plan. However, in the absence of obvious deviations in the psyche, a person compensates for this shortcoming with an achievement in science, technology and art. Due to high intelligence, such persons block their unhealthy fantasies, sublimating them in fruitful activities that benefit society.
• Rationalization. Quite often, the loser devalues ​​the desired goal in the event of the failure of the proposed enterprise. At the same time, he makes a spectacular pose with a bad game, arguing to others that he didn’t really want to make the same career. Going to the other extreme, the voiced persons overestimate the value of the prize received, although initially they did not really need it.
• Identification. In some cases, people believe that they have the qualities of a lucky person they know. Being the opposite of projection, such identification implies a desire to disguise one's own inferiority in some way by identifying with the achievements of a positive subject.
• Insulation. Each of us has both positive character traits and negative manifestations of personality, because ideal people do not exist. In isolation, a person abstracts from his own impartial actions, not considering himself to be guilty of anything.
• fantasizing. Many people, being in a difficult financial situation, dream of finding a wallet full of dollars on their way somewhere. They also agree to purchase in the form of a gold jewelry lost by someone. Over time, this form of defense against reality can become an obsession. If this does not happen, then no one is forbidden to fantasize.

Sometimes people use not one, but several defense mechanisms. They often do this unconsciously in order to protect themselves to the maximum from factors that traumatize their psyche.

The main methods of psychological protection

In an attempt to avoid the consequences of an anxious situation, people may behave in the following ways:

1. Self-accusation. Such a classic version of personal protection is quite common among the townsfolk. It is in this way that they calm down and consider themselves competent persons in assessing life situations. Some people use this strange and self-destructive way to try to prove their worth, waiting for flattering assessments from their inner circle.
2. Blaming other people. It is easier to shift the blame for your own misdeeds onto another person than to admit them yourself. Often, when something went wrong, you can hear from such persons phrases like “you said by my hand” or “you shouldn’t have stood above my soul.”
3. addictive behavior. Waking nightmares are quite common for those who are simply afraid of life. Among alcoholics and drug addicts, the overwhelming majority are subjects with addictive behavior. As a result, they have a distortion of consciousness, when a person is not able to adequately perceive reality.

The voiced methods of psychological protection are often extremes in people's behavior. The line between the desire to protect oneself and inadequacy is sometimes very arbitrary.

When does psychological protection work?

It is difficult to understand any problem if you do not consider it in detail in practice. Psychological defense mechanisms usually work when the following situations occur:

• Replenishment in the family. The first-born in very rare cases is an unwanted child. The growing baby gets used to being the center of the universe for the whole family. At the birth of a brother or sister, a young egoist then has a regression effect. Psychological trauma of this kind causes the child to behave not in accordance with his age. Trying to attract the attention of his parents, he begins to be as capricious as his little rival.
• . Usually our fears are formed in childhood. The once cult film It, based on the work of Stephen King, horrified a whole generation of young fans to tickle their nerves. The famous actor Johnny Depp still suffers from coulrophobia (fear of clowns) to this day. In this case, one of the mechanisms of a person's psychological defense is triggered in the form of an attempt to isolate the affect and completely oust it from consciousness, which is not always possible in practice. The same kid, damaging any valuable thing, will completely deny his involvement in the deed. Such behavior does not always indicate a child's tendency to deceive. It's just that at the thought of being punished by his parents, the instinct of self-preservation is triggered, and his memory obligingly erases any memory of the damaged thing.
• The behavior of a rejected gentleman or lady. Trying to protect their pride, would-be fans begin to look for all sorts of flaws in the insidious person. In this case, we are talking about rationalization, which helps a person survive the defeat on the love front. If the rejected person behaves worthily in this situation (begins to write poetry and engages in self-education), then we will talk about sublimation.
• Self-defense of a victim of violence. With the help of an internal block in the form of a complete denial of the events that happened to them or ousting them from consciousness, people in a similar way try to get rid of the shock. This is especially true for survivors of sexual violence. Some adults believe that if their child has suffered at the hands of a pervert, then with age he will forget about everything. Experts do not advise fathers and mothers of a small victim to relax like that, because the subconscious will signal to her about the danger that may come from adults.
• Behavior of a patient with a serious pathology. With the help of one of the types of psychological defense in the form of denial, a person tries to convince himself that nothing terrible is happening to him. He will refuse the proposed treatment, considering it a waste of money with a far-fetched problem.
• Outburst of emotions on loved ones. Quite often, family members get it when their boss yelled at their relative at work. Constant nagging from the leadership triggers a replacement mechanism when anger spills out on the immediate environment. In Japan (to avoid such behavior), dolls with the appearance of a boss are allowed to be butchered with a bat after a stressful day.
• Student Behavior. Young people in most cases delay the preparation for exams to the last or completely ignore it. Justifying their own irresponsibility, they then blame everyone from the non-professional professor to the Minister of Education. The projection becomes for them the main way to whitewash themselves in the eyes of the public.
• Fear of air travel. One of the examples of psychological defense of a person can be called aerophobia. In this case, we will talk about substitution, when instead of an airliner, people prefer to travel by safer, from their point of view, transport.
• Imitation of idols. Typically, this manifestation of identification is characteristic of children. It is during the period of maturation, dreaming of standing out among their peers, that they begin to see the abilities of blockbuster superheroes in themselves.
• Buying a new pet. Again, we will talk about substitution, when, having taken the death of a cat or dog hard, people try to acquire an animal similar to them. They will try to call him exactly the same, which, in principle, will only aggravate the bitterness of the loss.

What is psychological protection - look at the video:

The functions of psychological defense can be considered from different points of view, but it is still based on the instinct of self-preservation. On the one hand, it can be called a positive phenomenon. However, with the same anger and fear, excess energy should find its natural outlet, and not be blocked in the depths of consciousness. The sounded process then becomes a destructive distortion of reality and can end with the same neurosis, stomach ulcers and cardiovascular diseases.