The last Russian empress called her lady-in-waiting "my big baby" and "dear martyr." Anna Vyrubova was Alexandra Feodorovna's main friend in life.

courtly simplicity

Anna Vyrubova (maiden name Taneeva) was the great-great-great-granddaughter of Mikhail Illarionovich Kutuzov. Her father for 20 years held the responsible post of secretary of state and chief administrator of His Imperial Majesty's Chancellery. The same post was held by his father and grandfather under Alexander I, Nicholas I, Alexander II and Alexander III.

At the same time, the opinion about Anna Vyrubova was fixed in the public mind that she was a commoner. This is at least not true. Even ceasing to be a lady-in-waiting due to her marriage, Anna Vyrubova remained, in fact, the main friend of the Empress. Alexandra Fedorovna called her "big baby". The "little baby" was the Empress's son - Tsarevich Alexei.

Thrice resurrected

Alexandra Fedorovna, having arrived in Russia, converted to Orthodoxy and treated this with all responsibility. However, the people around her were not so zealous in the ministry and rather loved to talk about God than to lead a God-pleasing life. Everyone except Anna Vyrubova is the Empress's lady-in-waiting, and then her faithful friend.

The Empress called Anna "my dear martyr." And this was not an exaggeration. The whole life of Anna Vyrubova is a series of trials that she accepted with truly Christian humility.

At 18, she contracted typhus. She was saved from death, as she herself believed, by the spiritual intercession of John of Kronstadt.

After 11 years, Anna Vyrubova got into a railway accident and Grigory Rasputin “revived” her, lying unconscious, with multiple fractures. Finally, in 1918, when a Red Army soldier led her to be shot, Anna saw a woman in the crowd, with whom she often prayed in the monastery on Karpovka, where the relics of St. John of Kronstadt are buried. “Do not fall into the hands of enemies,” she said. - Go, I pray. Father John will save you.” Anna Vyrubova managed to get lost in the crowd. And then another acquaintance I met, whom Vyrubova once helped, gave her 500 rubles.

"Bo don't know what they're doing"

There was, perhaps, no woman in Russian history, on whose name so many forces would be thrown to slander. Rumors about the vicious life of Anna Vyrubova circulated among the people even before the revolution. They said about her that it was she who introduced Tsar Rasputin into the environment, that she and Rasputin himself participated in various atrocities, that she allegedly seduced the Empress herself.

Vyrubova in her book told how such rumors appeared in pre-revolutionary Russia.

She wrote from the words of her sister: “In the morning, Mrs. Derfelden flew in to me with the words: “Today we are spreading rumors in the factories that the Empress is making the Sovereign drunk, and everyone believes it.”

And everyone really believed it. Everyone who did not know Vyrubova personally. Meeting her changed people. Investigator Rudnev recalled how he went to interrogate Vyrubova and had a negative attitude towards her - having heard a lot of everything that was told about her. He writes: “When Mrs. Vyrubova entered, I was immediately struck by the special expression of her eyes: this expression was full of unearthly meekness, this first favorable impression was fully confirmed in my further conversations with her.”

Vyrubova was imprisoned five times. Both under Kerensky and under the Bolsheviks. She was tortured. Once in prison, a pockmarked soldier, one of Anna's most malicious persecutors, suddenly changed dramatically. While visiting his brother, he saw a photo of Anna on the wall. He said: "For a whole year in the hospital, she was like a mother to me." Since then, the soldier did his best to help the best Vyrubova.

The already mentioned investigator Rudnev recalled that he learned not from Vyrubova herself, but from her mother, that Anna was subjected to bullying in prison. During the interrogation, Anna only meekly confirmed this and said: "They are not to blame, they do not know what they are doing."

Philanthropist

In 1915, as compensation from the railway for the injuries received during the accident, Anna received huge money for those times - 80 thousand rubles. Anna was bedridden for six months. All this time, the Empress visited the maid of honor every day. Then Anna Alexandrovna moved around in a wheelchair, and later on crutches or with a stick. The former maid of honor spent all the money on the creation of a hospital for war invalids, where they would be taught a trade so that they could feed themselves in the future. Another 20 thousand rubles were added by Nicholas II. Up to 100 people were in the hospital at the same time. Anna Vyrubova, together with the Empress and her daughters, served there and in other hospitals as sisters of mercy.

Elder and Anna

Contrary to common misconception, it was not Anna Vyrubova who brought Rasputin into the house of the Empress, but Alexandra Feodorovna introduced her lady-in-waiting to the “Siberian elder”. At the very first meeting, the elder promised that Anna’s desire “to devote her whole life to the service of Their Majesty” would come true. Later, he predicts that the maid of honor will marry, but will not be happy.

And so it happened. In 1907, Anna Taneeva married, but divorced a year later.

Rasputin played a huge role in Vyrubova's life. It was he, as she believed, who saved her after a railway accident in 1915, but it was the rumors about their relationship that made Vyrubova "handshake" with a significant part of the emigrants.

The last Russian empress called her lady-in-waiting "my big baby" and "dear martyr." Anna Vyrubova was Alexandra Feodorovna's main friend in life.

courtly simplicity

Anna Vyrubova (maiden name Taneeva) was the great-great-great-granddaughter of Mikhail Illarionovich Kutuzov. Her father for 20 years held the responsible post of secretary of state and chief administrator of His Imperial Majesty's Chancellery. The same post was held by his father and grandfather under Alexander I, Nicholas I, Alexander II and Alexander III.
At the same time, the opinion about Anna Vyrubova was fixed in the public mind that she was a commoner. This is at least not true. Even ceasing to be a lady-in-waiting due to her marriage, Anna Vyrubova remained, in fact, the main friend of the Empress. Alexandra Fedorovna called her "big baby". The "little baby" was the Empress's son - Tsarevich Alexei.

Thrice resurrected

Alexandra Fedorovna, having arrived in Russia, converted to Orthodoxy and treated this with all responsibility. However, the people around her were not so zealous in the ministry and rather loved to talk about God than to lead a God-pleasing life. Everyone except Anna Vyrubova is the Empress's lady-in-waiting, and then her faithful friend.

The Empress called Anna "my dear martyr." And this was not an exaggeration. The whole life of Anna Vyrubova is a series of trials that she accepted with truly Christian humility.

At 18, she contracted typhus. She was saved from death, as she herself believed, by the spiritual intercession of John of Kronstadt.

After 11 years, Anna Vyrubova got into a railway accident and Grigory Rasputin “revived” her, lying unconscious, with multiple fractures. Finally, in 1918, when a Red Army soldier led her to be shot, Anna saw a woman in the crowd, with whom she often prayed in the monastery on Karpovka, where the relics of St. John of Kronstadt are buried. “Do not fall into the hands of enemies,” she said. - Go, I pray. Father John will save you.” Anna Vyrubova managed to get lost in the crowd. And then another acquaintance I met, whom Vyrubova once helped, gave her 500 rubles.

"Bo don't know what they're doing"

There was, perhaps, no woman in Russian history, on whose name so many forces would be thrown to slander. Rumors about the vicious life of Anna Vyrubova circulated among the people even before the revolution. They said about her that it was she who introduced Tsar Rasputin into the environment, that she and Rasputin himself participated in various atrocities, that she allegedly seduced the Empress herself.

Vyrubova in her book told how such rumors appeared in pre-revolutionary Russia.

She wrote from the words of her sister: “In the morning, Mrs. Derfelden flew in to me with the words: “Today we are spreading rumors in the factories that the Empress is making the Sovereign drunk, and everyone believes it.”

And everyone really believed it. Everyone who did not know Vyrubova personally. Meeting her changed people. Investigator Rudnev recalled how he went to interrogate Vyrubova and had a negative attitude towards her - having heard a lot of everything that was told about her. He writes: “When Mrs. Vyrubova entered, I was immediately struck by the special expression of her eyes: this expression was full of unearthly meekness, this first favorable impression was fully confirmed in my further conversations with her.”

Vyrubova was imprisoned five times. Both under Kerensky and under the Bolsheviks. She was tortured. Once in prison, a pockmarked soldier, one of Anna's most malicious persecutors, suddenly changed dramatically. While visiting his brother, he saw a photo of Anna on the wall. He said: "For a whole year in the hospital, she was like a mother to me." Since then, the soldier did his best to help the best Vyrubova.

The already mentioned investigator Rudnev recalled that he learned not from Vyrubova herself, but from her mother, that Anna was subjected to bullying in prison. During the interrogation, Anna only meekly confirmed this and said: "They are not to blame, they do not know what they are doing."

Philanthropist

In 1915, as compensation from the railway for the injuries received during the accident, Anna received huge money for those times - 80 thousand rubles. Anna was bedridden for six months. All this time, the Empress visited the maid of honor every day. Then Anna Alexandrovna moved around in a wheelchair, and later on crutches or with a stick. The former maid of honor spent all the money on the creation of a hospital for war invalids, where they would be taught a trade so that they could feed themselves in the future. Another 20 thousand rubles were added by Nicholas II. Up to 100 people were in the hospital at the same time. Anna Vyrubova, together with the Empress and her daughters, served there and in other hospitals as sisters of mercy.

Elder and Anna

Contrary to common misconception, it was not Anna Vyrubova who brought Rasputin into the house of the Empress, but Alexandra Feodorovna introduced her lady-in-waiting to the “Siberian elder”. At the very first meeting, the elder promised that Anna’s desire “to devote her whole life to the service of Their Majesty” would come true. Later, he predicts that the maid of honor will marry, but will not be happy.

And so it happened. In 1907, Anna Taneeva married, but divorced a year later.

Rasputin played a huge role in Vyrubova's life. It was he, as she believed, who saved her after a railway accident in 1915, but it was the rumors about their relationship that made Vyrubova "handshake" with a significant part of the emigrants.

All the talk of alleged atrocities in which she participated with Rasputin is refuted by one simple fact: a medical examination in 1918 established that Vyrubova was a virgin.

"Vyrubova's Diary"

In December 1920, together with her mother, Vyrubova fled from Petrograd across the ice of the Gulf of Finland abroad.

In 1923, on Valaam in the Smolensk Skete, Anna took monastic vows with the name Maria, but for health reasons she did not enter any monastery and remained a secret nun in the world.
Under her maiden name, she lived in Finland for more than four decades. She died in 1964 at the age of 80.

In exile, Anna Taneeva wrote an autobiographical book, Pages of My Life. In 1922 it was published in Paris. In the Soviet Union, apparently, they decided that such an idea of ​​the royal family could ideologically harm and published the so-called "Vyrubova's Diary", a hoax, where the entire royal entourage and the tsar himself are presented in the worst possible light.

Despite the fact that today the falsity of the Diary has already been proven, excerpts from it can still be found in the scientific community. The most likely authors of Vyrubova's Diary are Soviet writer Alexei Tolstoy and professor of history, an expert on the end of the 19th century, Pavel Shchegolev.

A close friend, beloved maid of honor of the murdered Empress Alexandra Feodorovna, Anna Vyrubova incredibly quickly managed to win the trust of the sovereigns and easily enter the royal chambers. She, like no one else, knew all the secrets of the court, all the pain points of each member of the ruling family. Participation in royal orgies, criminal connection with Rasputin, conspiracy, espionage - these are just a small part of the sins attributed to her by her contemporaries. Who really was the favorite of Their Majesties? What role did she play in the life of the Romanovs, and perhaps in the fate of the state?

“Be kind to my queen, my hope is to the Theotokos ... the patroness of the offended, see my misfortune, see my sorrow. Help me, as if I am weak ...

After praying, the doctor got up from his knees and looked out the window. The Parisian autumn has blossomed. Loaded with rain. Three days later, he is expected at a meeting of the Society of Russian Doctors, and after that he promised to visit Merezhkovsky, who fell ill.

“Monsieur Manukhin, you have a letter from Russia,” the maid put a plump envelope in front of the doctor: “Dear Ivan,” wrote an old friend and colleague, “I hasten to inquire how your health is? I am sending you the magazine "Past Years". I am sure that one of the publications posted in this issue will arouse considerable interest in you ... "

The doctor put on his pince-nez and began leafing through the magazine he had sent him. What should this article be? It didn't take long to guess. On the third page, in large print, was the title: “Her Majesty's Lady-in-Waiting. The intimate diary of Anna Vyrubova.

Ivan Ivanovich Manukhin remembered well how in 1917, at the invitation of the Provisional Government, he set foot on the ground of the Trubetskoy bastion of the Peter and Paul Fortress. His duties were to observe, as well as draw up medical reports on the physical and mental health of prisoners. On one of the cold March days, the doctor heard the rattle of the wrought-iron gate and the rude shouts of the convoy. A full-bodied prisoner with an exhausted face entered the yard, leaning on crutches.

- Who is this woman? Ivan Ivanovich asked his assistant.
- The same Vyrubova. Approximate empress. A slutty, slutty woman. She left not far from the queen and the king. What, really, doctor, don't you know? All of Russia is talking about palace atrocities.

Dr. Serebrennikov was appointed as the attending physician of the maid of honor. Only later did Ivan Manukhin learn that, despite the severe injuries that Anna received during one of her travels by rail, she was kept in terrible conditions. The soldiers guarding the prisoner treated her with particular cruelty: they beat her, spit in the slop intended for Vyrubova, gossip about her many intimate adventures. Serebrennikov encouraged bullying. In front of the convoy, he stripped Anna naked and, shouting that she had become stupefied from debauchery, lashed her on the cheeks. From the dampness in the cell, the maid of honor caught pneumonia. Hungry and feverish, Vyrubova lost consciousness almost every morning. For daring to get sick, she was deprived of walks and rare meetings with loved ones. The interrogations lasted four hours. Approximate of Her Majesties was charged with espionage, interaction with dark forces, participation in orgies with Rasputin and royal people. Over time, the commission of inquiry replaced the quick-tempered and scandalous Serebrennikov with another doctor. They became Ivan Manukhin. When he first examined Anna, there was no living place on her body.

The doctor remembered it now, sitting in his Paris apartment and greedily swallowing the words printed on the pages of the Diary of a Maid of Honor opened before him. Strange, but so far Ivan Ivanovich has not heard anything about this document.

From the diary:

“My father, Alexander Sergeevich Taneyev, held the prominent post of Secretary of State and Chief Executive of His Imperial Majesty’s Chancellery for 20 years. The same post was held by his grandfather and father under Alexander I, Nicholas I, Alexander II and Alexander III. My family and I spent six months of the year at our family estate near Moscow. Neighbors were relatives - the princes Golitsyn and the Grand Duke Sergei Alexandrovich. From early childhood, we, children, adored the Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna (the elder sister of the Empress Empress Alexandra Feodorovna). Once, having arrived from Moscow, the Grand Duchess invited us to tea, when suddenly it was reported that the Empress Alexandra Feodorovna had arrived "...

“Already the origin of Anna Taneeva (Vyrubova) determined her further fate,” the editor of the diary wrote in the preface. - She was among those who "wrote history." A 19-year-old girl, in January 1903, Anna Taneeva (Vyrubova) received a code - i.e. was appointed city maid of honor, temporarily replacing the sick maid of honor Sophia Dzhambakur-Orbeliani. Cunning and smart, Anna quickly gained the confidence of the Empress Alexandra Feodorovna, and she, in spite of general discontent, appointed Anna Taneeva (Vyrubova) as her full-time maid of honor.

The doctor remembered: the rumor did not spare either the Empress or her new entourage. Even at the Imperial Military Medical Academy, where Ivan Manukhin studied, they gossiped about how the court nobility disliked the young Taneeva. Empress Alexandra Fedorovna was blamed for her ignorance of etiquette: “Only bearers of certain surnames can be brought closer to the court. All others, even members of the tribal nobility, have no rights.” “She has the right only because she is my friend,” Alexandra Feodorovna snapped, defending Taneeva. “Now I know that at least one person serves me for me, but not for the sake of reward.” From that time on, Anna Vyrubova followed the tsarina everywhere.

From the diary:

“How, in fact, everything is terrible! I was drawn into their lives! If I had a daughter, I would give her my notebooks to read in order to save her from the opportunity or desire to get close to the kings. It's such a horror, it's like being buried alive. All desires, all feelings, all joys - all this does not belong to you anymore.

Dr. Manukhin could not believe his eyes. She couldn't write it! The “diary” published in this newspaper did not even remotely resemble the official memoirs of Anna Alexandrovna published in Paris in 1923 either in style or in tone.

When Taneeva was 22 years old, Empress Alexandra helped her friend find, as it seemed to her, a worthy party - naval lieutenant Alexander Vasilyevich Vyrubov. Vyrubov was one of those who took part in the attempt to break through the blocked harbor of Port Arthur. The battleship "Petropavlovsk", on which Vyrubov and his comrades were, was blown up by a mine and sank in a matter of seconds. Of the 750 crew members, only 83 managed to escape. Among the survivors was the future husband of Anna Taneeva. In April 1907, the marriage of the maid of honor Anna Alexandrovna and Alexander Vasilyevich took place. The wedding was attended by Nicholas II and Alexandra Feodorovna. They also blessed the young with an icon. On the sidelines of the royal palace and beyond, new gossip was born: “Have you heard? Empress Alexandra Feodorovna sobbed as if she were marrying off her own daughter. Why would you? From now on, Anna Alexandrovna could not be a maid of honor, since only unmarried girls could apply for this position.

From the diary:

“I don’t need caresses from him, it’s disgusting to me. Everyone says: “The Pope (Nicholas II. - Approx. Author) comes to you for a reason. After his caresses, I can't move for two days. No one knows how wild and fetid he is. I think if he wasn't a king... no woman would give herself to him for love. When he visits me, he says: “I loved one, I really caressed one - my canary” (as he calls Kshesinskaya). What about others? They kick like bitches."

Anna Vyrubova could not have written this Diary! All of it was saturated with rudeness and cynicism that were not characteristic of her. Or has he, Ivan Manukhin, gone mad? Or wrong about it? "She's been in Nikolai's bed too," the doctor remembered the words of the prison assistant.

A year after the Vyrubovs' wedding, rumors spread that Anna and Alexander Vasilyevich's life did not work out and they broke up. How did the "Diary ..." explain this? Dr. Manukhin began frantically flipping through the pages again until he reached the right place.

From the diary:

“He (Orlov. - Approx. Author) was a widower, I was an adult girl. What happiness seized us, but the first days of happiness had not yet passed, when Mama saw him on the mountain (Empress Alexandra Feodorovna. - Approx. Author) and fell in love with him. She took my dear from me. And when the Nightingale (Orlov. - Approx. Author) was with Mom, she offered me to marry Vyrubov. My house has become a meeting place for Mom and Nightingale. When the Nightingale forgot his glove here, my husband, knowing about my secret love, beat me severely.

Dr. Manukhin thought: Vyrubov does not write about any secret love in his official memoirs. He did not hear a word or a hint about Orlov from her even during personal meetings. But the doctor almost by heart remembered all their conversations in the cell.

Exhausted, black from the beatings, Vyrubova frankly told him about her life:
- When in 1903 I temporarily replaced the former, ill maid of honor, the royal people invited me to a joint vacation. We had children with us. Together with the Empress, we walked, picked blueberries, mushrooms, studied the paths. It was then that we became very good friends with Alexandra Fedorovna. When we said goodbye, she told me that she was grateful to God that she had a friend. I also became attached to her and loved her with all my heart. In 1907 I married Vyrubov. This marriage brought me nothing but grief. Probably, the state of my husband's nerves was reflected in all the horrors experienced when the Petropavlovsk was sinking. Shortly after the wedding, I found out about my husband's impotence, he showed signs of a severe mental illness. I carefully concealed my husband's problems from others, especially from my mother. We broke up after one day, in a fit of rage, Vyrubov undressed me, threw me to the floor and began to beat me. My husband was declared insane and placed in a medical institution in Switzerland.

And here is how Pierre Gilliard, the mentor of the children of Nicholas I and Alexandra Feodorovna, spoke about Anna Alexandrovna’s husband: “Vyrubova’s husband was a scoundrel and a drunkard. The young wife hated him, and they parted.

And again the bee hive buzzed, again the poison of court gossip spread by the "mob" spread. “The Empress Alexandra Feodorovna invited her friend to settle as close as possible to the royal people.” “Despite the family drama (was the marriage a cover for royal pleasures?), Vyrubova agreed to go on another voyage with the Empress and slept with the Empress in the same cabin.” “The empress visits the false maid of honor every day, and determined her friend’s allowance.”

Only the lazy did not talk about the lesbian inclinations of Alexandra Fedorovna and Anna Vyrubova. Firewood was actively thrown into the fire of gossip by the camera-frau of the Empress Alexandra Feodorovna Zinotti and the valet of Nicholas I Radzig. The latter drew attention to the fact that "Nikolai goes to the office in the evening to study, and they (the Empress and Vyrubova - Author's note) go to the bedroom."

“I did not have and do not have any doubts about the purity and impeccability of these relations. I officially declare this as a former confessor of the empress,” said Father Feofan.

“I know who started the gossip. Chairman of the Council of Ministers P.A. For Stolypin, who does not want to lose his influence, it is beneficial to expose the Empress, and most importantly, her entourage, in a bad light, Count A.A. wrote in his diary. Bobrinsky, well aware of the deeds of Stolypin. “In fact, they say that the lesbian relationship between Empress Alexandra Feodorovna and Anna Vyrubova is greatly exaggerated.”

Going through in his memory fragments of conversations he had once heard, Dr. Ivan Manukhin again and again revived Anna Alexandrovna's direct speech:
- After I got a divorce, I did not have an official position. I lived with the queen as an unofficial maid of honor and was her personal friend. For the first two years, the Empress escorted me into the office through the servants' room, like contraband, so that I would not meet with her full-time ladies-in-waiting and would not arouse their envy. We whiled away the time reading, needlework, talking. The secrecy of these meetings gave rise to even more gossip.

“After a failed marriage to Vyrubov, Anna Aleksandrovna found solace in religion,” Pierre Gilliard recalled. She was sentimental and inclined towards mysticism. Not possessing special intelligence and insight, she relied solely on emotions. Vyrubova acted not in selfish interests, but out of sincere devotion to the imperial family, out of a desire to help her.

It was said in the world that Rasputin had "infected" Vyrubova with a passion for debauchery. Anna, in turn, tied the queen to her even more tightly. Close to "Mama" in body and soul, Anna Alexandrovna could inspire her with any thought, inspire her to any deed. This allegedly used the elder Rasputin. By manipulating Vyrubova, he controlled the empress herself, and consequently, the sovereign himself.

Former maids of honor, courtiers willingly shared with others information about how the false maid of honor "kissed with the old man, and he patted her on the hips, pressed her to him, licked and pinched, as if calming a playful horse."

The fact that now Rasputin, Vyrubova-Taneeva and Empress Alexandra began to meet in the house of Anna Alexandrovna three of them did not escape the gaze of the courtiers.

From the diary:

“I said to Mom: “He is extraordinary. Everything is open to him. He will help Little (Tsesarevich Alexei. - Approx. Author). We must call him. And Mom said: - Anya, let him come. It's...God's will be done!"

If you believe not the Diary, but the memoirs published by Vyrubova herself, everything was different:
“The webs were spun by those courtiers who sought to gain favors from Their Majesties, through me or otherwise. When they did not succeed, envy and anger were born, after that - idle talk. When the persecution of Rasputin began, society began to resent his imaginary influence, everyone disowned me and shouted that I had introduced him to Their Majesties. It was easy to put the blame on a defenseless woman who did not dare and could not express displeasure. They, the powers that be, hid behind the back of this woman, closing their eyes and ears to the fact that not I, but the Grand Dukes with their wives, brought a Siberian wanderer to the palace. A month before my wedding, Her Majesty asked Grand Duchess Milica Nikolaevna to introduce me to Rasputin. Grigory Yefimovich entered, thin, with a pale, haggard face. The Grand Duchess told me, "Ask him to pray for something in particular." I asked him to pray that I could devote my whole life to the service of Their Majesties. “So be it,” he replied, and I went home. A month later, I wrote to the Grand Duchess, asking Rasputin to ask about my wedding. She replied that Rasputin said: I will get married, but there will be no happiness in my life.

From the diary:

“Then, when he (Rasputin. - Approx. Author) came and began to quietly stroke my hand like that, I felt a shiver. “And you, Annushka, do not shy away from me. That's because when we met, and our paths have long intertwined.

- For the sake of historical truth, I must say: Rasputin was a simple wanderer, of which there are many in Russia. Their Majesties belonged to the category of people who believed in the power of the prayer of such "wanderers". Rasputin visited Their Majesties once or twice a year. He was used as an excuse to destroy all the old foundations. He became a symbol of the hatred of all: the poor and the rich, the wise and the stupid. But the aristocracy and the Grand Dukes shouted the loudest. They cut the branch on which they themselves sat, - she told the doctor, and later wrote in the official memoirs of the maid of honor of Their Majesties.

After the revolution, Anna Alexandrovna was repeatedly arrested and interrogated. In the summer of 1917, the Medical Commission of the Provisional Government, headed by Ivan Ivanovich Manukhin, established that Anna Vyrubova had never had an intimate relationship with any man. In the absence of corpus delicti, the empress's beloved lady-in-waiting was set free. Fearing to be arrested again, she wandered around the apartments of her friends for a long time. In 1920, together with her mother, Anna Vyrubova illegally moved to Finland, where she was tonsured in the Smolensk Skete of the Valaam Monastery. In 1923 she published a book of memoirs in Russian (the book was published in Paris). The authenticity of the Diary of a Maid of Honor, published in the journal Past Years in 1927-1928 and sent to Dr. Manukhin in Paris, has been questioned by many critics and scholars. Presumably, the "Diary ..." was a social order of the new government, carried out by the writer Alexei Tolstoy and the historian Pavel Shchegolev. Vyrubova herself publicly denied her involvement in the Diary. The maid of honor of Their Majesties died at the age of 80 in Helsinki. With her death, disputes about the role of Anna Taneeva (Vyrubova) in Russian history did not stop.

Biography and episodes of life Anna Vyrubova. When born and died Anna Vyrubova, memorable places and dates of important events in her life. maid of honor quotes, Photo and video.

Years of life of Anna Vyrubova:

born July 16, 1884, died July 20, 1964

Epitaph

“Faithful to God, the Tsar and the Fatherland. Anna Alexandrovna Taneeva (Vyrubova) - nun Maria.
From the book of Anna Vyrubova "Pages of my life"

Biography

Once Anna Alexandrovna Taneeva received an invitation from Her Majesty Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova to accompany her on a family trip. It so happened that one of the ladies-in-waiting of the Empress fell ill, and therefore she needed a replacement. As a result, Anna Alexandrovna fell in love with the Empress and the entire royal family so much that their fates were no longer divided until her death. “I thank God that I have a friend,” Romanova recalled about her acquaintance with the maid of honor Anna.

Some time later, when Anna Alexandrovna finally gained a foothold at court, the empress decided to find a good match for her friend. The choice fell on naval officer Alexander Vyrubov, who distinguished himself in an attempt to break through the blocked harbor of Port Arthur. The young people got married, but the marriage broke up after a year and a half. It turned out that Vyrubov could not survive the horrors of the war and was sent to Switzerland for treatment with severe psychosis.

Further more. In 1915, a turning point occurred in Vyrubova's biography. Leaving Tsarskoye Selo for Petrograd, the girl got into a railway accident and only miraculously survived. From the resulting injuries, Anna lost the ability to move independently, and only a few years later she managed to start walking, leaning on a stick. Empress Alexandra Feodorovna carefully looked after the sick maid of honor all the time of her illness.

However, the real horrors in Vyrubova's life began with the February Revolution. One of the first tasks of the Provisional Government was to discredit the royal family in order to strengthen their own image. And to accomplish this task, the staff of a specially created emergency commission did not stop at nothing. In particular, the imperial family, including all courtiers, was subjected to unprecedented slander, accusations of debauchery, betrayal, etc. Anna Vyrubova was arrested and, despite her disability, imprisoned in the Peter and Paul Fortress. There is evidence that, while under arrest, the maid of honor was repeatedly subjected to bullying, up to and including physical beating. In the end, Vyrubova was released due to the lack of corpus delicti. But the persecution didn't end.

Finally, after three years of repression, Anna Vyrubova found a way to escape to Finland. There she fulfilled her long-standing promise before God, saying that if I manage to leave Russia, I will devote the rest of my life to serving the Lord. Vyrubova did take the tonsure, but she was never accepted into any monastery community for health reasons. The rest of the days Vyrubova lived as a lay nun, surrounding herself with harsh austerities.

Vyrubova's death occurred on July 20, 1964, which was a few days after her birthday. The last month of Vyrubova's life was spent in illness, but meanwhile the old lady-in-waiting managed to say goodbye to a few friends, confess and take communion. After the death of Anna Vyrubova, it turned out that she, the daughter of a noble family, the maid of honor of Her Majesty, hardly had enough money for a coffin. And yet, thanks to the efforts of well-wishers, the funeral of Anna Vyrubova took place at the Orthodox cemetery in Helsinki. The monument on the grave of Vyrubova was erected by the church community of the Helsingfort parish.

life line

July 16, 1884 Date of birth of Anna Vyrubova.
1902 The maid of honor takes the exam for the title of home teacher at the St. Petersburg educational district.
1904 Anna Vyrubova "receives the cipher" of the city's maid of honor and becomes a close friend of the imperial family.
1907 Anna marries officer Alexander Vyrubov, but their union soon breaks up.
1915 Vyrubova gets into a railway accident and, as a result, becomes a cripple.
1917 Anna Vyrubova is arrested by the Provisional Government on suspicion of espionage and treason.
1920 Anna Vyrubova illegally leaves Russia and flees to Finland, where she takes the veil as a nun.
1922 In Paris, the memoirs of the maid of honor "Pages from my life" are published, which have become the subject of gross falsifications by the Provisional Government.
July 20, 1964 Date of death of Anna Alexandrovna Vyrubova.

Memorable places

1. The village of Rozhdestveno near Moscow, where Anna Vyrubova spent her childhood.
2. Tsarskoe Selo (now the city of Pushkin), where Anna Alexandrovna's dacha was located.
3. Peter and Paul Fortress in St. Petersburg, where Vyrubova was kept under arrest.
4. The city of Terijoki, where Vyrubova's family dacha was located.
5. Vyrubova's house in Vyborg, where the maid of honor lived with her mother in the 1930s.
6. Orthodox cemetery in Helsinki, where Vyrubova is buried.

Episodes of life

Having moved to Finland, the maid of honor Anna set to work on her diaries. As a result, in 1922, the first edition of the memoirs "Pages from my life" was published in Paris. Since the topics about the life of the royal family were very hot and relevant at that time, Vyrubova even managed to make some money on the book. True, all the money went to the maintenance of herself and her old mother, who lived with Anna in Helsinki. After the release of the memoirs, even during Vyrubova's lifetime, attempts were made to make literary forgeries under her authorship. Until now, some of these fakes are in "scientific circulation".

While Anna Vyrubova was under arrest, the hot-tempered and scandalous Dr. Serebrennikov was appointed as her attending physician. He unconditionally encouraged all kinds of bullying of the prisoner and himself repeatedly took part in her beatings and humiliations. In front of the convoy, he could strip the maid of honor naked and, yelling that she had become stupefied with debauchery, whip her on the cheeks. Note that Vyrubova was accused of espionage, interaction with dark forces, orgies with Rasputin and the royal family. At the same time, the results of the medical examination repeatedly confirmed the chastity of the lady-in-waiting.

Testaments

“I am sure that in the future, historical newspapers will be researched and written a lot about the life of the Family of the Last Tsar - and I feel that it is my duty to describe and preserve for history those circumstances, among which, keeping pace with the life of the Royal Family, I had to fight for a life. The memories will stay with me forever."

“Both my mother and I had a soul full of inexplicable suffering: if it was hard in our dear Motherland, now it is sometimes lonely and difficult without a home, without money. But we, with all the exiled and remaining sufferers, in the tenderness of our hearts, appealed to the merciful God for the salvation of our dear Fatherland. The Lord is my Helper, and I will not be afraid of what man does to me.”

The plot about Anna Vyrubova from the series of programs "Women in Russian History"

condolences

“The life of A. A. Vyrubova was truly the life of a martyr, and one needs to know at least one page of this life in order to understand the psychology of her deep faith in God and why A. A. Vyrubova found the meaning and content of her deeply unhappy life. And when I hear the condemnation of A. A. Vyrubova from those who, not knowing her, repeat the vile slander created not even by her personal enemies, but by the enemies of Russia and Christianity, the best representative of which was A. A. Vyrubova, then I am surprised not so much to human malice, but to human thoughtlessness ... "
Nikolai Zhevakhov, statesman and religious figure

“An example of the most rigorous life was one of the closest admirers of Rasputin, a friend of the Empress Anna Vyrubova. She devoted her life to serving the royal family and Rasputin. She did not have a personal life. A healthy, beautiful woman completely obeyed the most stringent monastic requirements. In fact, she turned her life into a monastic ministry ... "
Oleg Platonov, historian

“Vyrubova is a gentle, kind person with a childlike soul, faithful to her empress, not only in joy, but also in grief, ready to link her fate with her forever. For that alone, she deserves full respect."
Elsa Brandstrom, writer

pages of my life. Anna Taneeva (Vyrubova)

Coming with prayer and a feeling of deep reverence to the story of my sacred friendship with the Empress Alexandra Feodorovna, I want to say briefly - who am I, and how could I, brought up in a close family circle, approach my Empress.

My father, Alexander Sergeevich Taneyev, held the prominent post of Secretary of State and Chief Executive of His Imperial Majesty's Chancellery for twenty years. By a strange coincidence, the same post was held by his grandfather and father under Alexander I, Nicholas I, Alexander II and Alexander III.

My grandfather, General Tolstoy, was the aide-de-camp of Emperor Alexander II, and his great-grandfather was the famous Field Marshal Kutuzov. Mother's great-grandfather was Count Kutaisov, a friend of Emperor Paul I.

Despite the high position of my father, our family life was simple and modest. In addition to official duties, all his vital interest was focused on his family and his favorite music - he occupied a prominent place among Russian composers. I remember quiet evenings at home: my brother, sister and I, seated at a round table, prepared our lessons, my mother worked, while my father, sitting at the piano, studied composition. I thank God for a happy childhood, in which I drew strength for the difficult experiences of the following years.

***
We girls were educated at home and passed the exam for the title of teacher in the district. Sometimes, through our father, we sent our drawings and works to the Empress, who praised us, but at the same time told her father that she was amazed that Russian young ladies did not know either housekeeping or needlework and were not interested in anything other than officers.

Brought up in England and Germany, the Empress did not like the empty atmosphere of St. Petersburg society, and she kept hoping to instill a taste for work. To this end, she founded the "Needlework Society", whose members, ladies and young ladies, were required to work at least three things a year for the poor. At first everyone began to work, but soon, as with everything, our ladies cooled off, and no one could work even three things a year.

***
Life at the Court at that time was cheerful and carefree. At the age of 17, I was first introduced to the Empress Mother in Peterhof in her palace. At first, I was terribly shy, but I soon got used to it and had a lot of fun. During this first winter, I managed to attend 22 balls, not counting various other amusements. Probably. Overfatigue had an effect on my health - and in the summer, having received typhoid fever, I was 3 months near death. My brother and I were ill at the same time, but his illness was normal, and after 6 weeks he recovered; I got inflammation of the lungs, kidneys and brain, I lost my tongue, and I lost my hearing. During long painful nights, I once saw in a dream Fr. John of Kronstadt, who told me that it would be better soon.

As a child, Fr. John of Kronstadt visited us 3 times and with his blessed presence left a deep impression in my soul, and now it seemed to me that he could help more than the doctors and sisters who looked after me. I somehow managed to explain my request: to call Fr. John, - and his father immediately sent him a telegram, which, however, he did not immediately receive, since he was in his homeland. Half-forgotten, I felt that Fr. John is coming to us, and was not surprised when he entered my room. He served a prayer service, placing the stole on my head. At the end of the prayer service, he took a glass of water, blessed it and poured it over me, to the horror of the sister and the doctor, who rushed to dry me. I immediately fell asleep, and the next day the fever subsided, my hearing returned, and I began to recover.

The Grand Duchess Elizaveta Feodorovna visited me three times, and the Empress sent wonderful flowers, which were placed in my hands while I was unconscious.

***
At the end of February 1905, my mother received a telegram from her Serene Highness Princess Golitsyna, the Empress' chamberlain, who asked me to be released on duty - to replace the sick maid of honor, Princess Orbeliani. I immediately went with my mother to Tsarskoye Selo. They gave me an apartment in the museum - small gloomy rooms overlooking the Church of the Sign. If the apartment were more friendly, still I could hardly [could] overcome the feeling of loneliness in myself, being for the first time in my life away from my relatives, surrounded by a court atmosphere alien to me.

Besides, the Court was in mourning. On February 4 (hereinafter all dates are given according to the old style. - Ed.) Grand Duke Sergei Alexandrovich, the Moscow governor-general, was brutally murdered. According to rumors, he was not liked in Moscow, where a serious revolutionary movement had begun, and the Grand Duke was in daily danger.

The Grand Duchess, despite the difficult nature of the Grand Duke, was infinitely devoted to him and was afraid to let him go alone. But on that fateful day, he left without her knowledge. Hearing a terrible explosion, she exclaimed: "It is Serge." She hurriedly ran out of the palace, and a terrifying picture presented itself to her eyes: the body of the Grand Duke, torn into hundreds of pieces.

The sad mood at the Court lay heavily on the soul of a lonely girl. They made me a mourning black dress, and I wore a long crepe veil, like the rest of the ladies-in-waiting.

At the wish of the Empress, my main duty was to spend time with the sick lady-in-waiting, Princess Orbellani, who suffered from progressive paralysis. Due to her illness, her character was very difficult. The rest of the court ladies were also not distinguished by courtesy, I suffered from their frequent ridicule - they especially made fun of my French.

There was a fast, and on Wednesdays and Fridays, presanctified liturgies for the Empress were served in the field church of the Alexander Palace. I asked and received permission to attend these services. My friend was Princess Shakhovskaya, the lady-in-waiting of the Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna, who had just been orphaned. Always kind and affectionate, she was the first to give me religious books to read.

Holy Week approached, and they announced to me that my duty was over. The Empress called me to the nursery to say goodbye. I found her in the corner playroom surrounded by children, she had the Heir in her arms. I was amazed by his beauty - he looked so much like a cherub: his whole head was in golden curls, huge blue eyes, a white lace dress. The Empress gave me to hold him in my arms and immediately gave me a medallion (a gray heart-shaped stone surrounded by diamonds) as a memento of my first duty, and said goodbye to me.

***
Simple, friendly relations were established between me and the Empress, and I prayed to God that He would help me to devote my whole life to the service of Their Majesties. Soon I learned that Her Majesty also wanted to bring me closer to her.

We started playing with the Empress in 4 hands. I didn't play badly and was used to sorting out the notes, but I lost my place with excitement, and my fingers froze. We played Beethoven, Tchaikovsky and other composers. I remember our first conversations at the piano and sometimes before sleep. I remember how little by little she opened her soul to me, telling how from the first days of her arrival in Russia she felt that she was not loved, and it was doubly hard for her, since she married the Sovereign only because she loved him , and, loving the Sovereign, she hoped that their mutual happiness would bring the hearts of their subjects closer to them.

Not all at once, but little by little, the Empress told me about her youth. These conversations brought us closer... and I remained a friend with her, not a lady-in-waiting, not a court lady, but simply a friend of the Empress Empress Alexandra Feodorovna.

***
In the family circle, they often said that it was time for me to get married. Among others, naval officer Alexander Vyrubov often visited us. In December, he proposed to me. My wedding was on April 30, 1907 in the church of the Grand Palace of Tsarskoye Selo. I did not sleep all night and got up in the morning with a heavy feeling in my soul. The whole day passed like a dream… During the wedding, I felt like a stranger near my fiancé… It is hard for a woman to talk about a marriage that turned out to be unsuccessful from the very beginning, and I will only say that my poor husband suffered from a hereditary disease. Her husband's nervous system was severely shaken after the Japanese war - at Tsushima; there were moments when he could not control himself; I lay in bed all day without talking to anyone. After a year of hard feelings and humiliation, our unhappy marriage was annulled. I stayed in a tiny house in Tsarskoye Selo that my husband and I had rented; the room was very cold, as there was no foundation and in winter it blew from the floor. The Empress gave me for the wedding 6 chairs, with her own embroidery, watercolors and a lovely tea table. I was very comfortable. When Their Majesties came in the evening for tea, the Empress brought fruits and sweets in her pocket, the Sovereign - “cherry brandy”. We then sat with our feet on chairs so that our feet would not freeze. Their Majesties were amused by the simple surroundings. They drank tea with dryers by the fireplace.

***
In the autumn of 1909, for the first time, I was in Livadia, the favorite place of residence of Their Majesties on the Black Sea coast ... Life in Livadia was simple. We walked, rode, swam in the sea. The sovereign adored nature, he was completely reborn; we walked for hours in the mountains, in the forest. We took tea with us and fried the mushrooms we collected on the fire. The sovereign rode horseback and played tennis daily; I have always been his partner, while the Grand Duchesses were still small ... In the fall, the Heir fell ill. Everyone in the palace was overwhelmed by the suffering of the poor boy. Nothing helped him except the care and concern of his mother. The people around prayed in a small palace church. Sometimes we sang during the Vespers and Liturgy: Her Majesty, the senior Grand Duchesses, myself and two choristers from the court chapel. By Christmas we returned to Tsarskoye Selo. Before his departure, the Tsar walked several times in a soldier's marching uniform, wanting to experience the burden of ammunition on himself. There were several curious cases when sentries, not recognizing the Sovereign, did not want to let him back into Livadia.

Describing life in the Crimea, I must say what an ardent participation the Empress took in the fate of tuberculosis patients who came to Crimea for treatment. Sanatoriums in the Crimea were of the old type. After examining them all in Yalta, the Empress immediately decided to build sanatoriums on their estates with all the improvements at her own expense, which was done.

For hours, I traveled around the hospitals on the orders of the Empress, asking the patients on behalf of the Empress about all their needs. How much money I carried from Her Majesty to pay for the treatment of the poor! If I found any egregious case of a lonely dying patient, the Empress immediately ordered a car and went with me personally, bringing money, flowers, fruits, and most importantly, the charm that she always knew how to inspire in such cases, bringing the dying person with her into the room. so much kindness and vivacity. How many tears of gratitude I have seen! But no one knew about it - the Empress forbade me to talk about it.

On the day of the “white flower”, the Empress went to Yalta in a chaise with baskets of white flowers; the children accompanied her on foot. The enthusiasm of the people knew no bounds. The people, at that time untouched by revolutionary propaganda, adored Their Majesties, and this cannot be forgotten.

***
I remember our trips to the church in winter for Vespers. The empress slowly kissed the icons, put a candle with a trembling hand, and prayed on her knees; but then the watchman found out - he was running to the altar, the priest was alarmed; run after the singers, illuminate the dark temple. The empress is in despair and, turning to me, whispers that she wants to leave. What to do? The sleigh has been sent. In the meantime, children and various aunts run into the church, who try, pushing each other, to pass by the Empress and light a candle by the icon at which she stood up, forgetting why they came; lighting candles, they turn to look at her, and she is no longer able to pray, she gets nervous… How many churches have we traveled around like that! There were happy days when no one recognized us, and the Empress prayed - departing with her soul from earthly vanity, kneeling on the stone floor, unnoticed by anyone in the corner of the dark temple. Returning to her royal chambers, she came to dinner ruddy from the frosty air, with slightly tearful eyes, calm, leaving her worries and sorrows in the hands of the Almighty God.

Brought up in a small Court, the Empress knew the value of money and was therefore thrifty. Dresses and shoes passed from the older Grand Duchesses to the younger ones. When she chose gifts for relatives or friends, she always took into account the prices.

I personally did not receive any money from the Empress and was often in a difficult situation. I received 400 rubles a month from my parents. They paid 2,000 rubles a year for the dacha. I had to pay the servants' wages and dress properly at Court, so I never had any money. Retinue maids of honor of Her Majesty received 4 thousand a year for everything ready. I remember how the brother of the Empress, the Grand Duke of Hesse, told the Empress that they should give me an official place at the Court: then the conversations would stop, and it would be easier for me. But the Empress refused, saying: “Does the All-Russian Empress really have no right to have a friend! After all, the Empress Mother had a friend - Princess A. A. Obolenskaya, and Empress Maria Alexandrovna was friends with Mrs. Maltseva.

Subsequently, the Minister of the Court, Count Frederiks, spoke many times with Her Majesty about my plight. First, the Empress began to give me dresses and materials for the holidays; finally, somehow calling me, she said that she wanted to talk to me about the money question. She asked me how much I spend a month, but I couldn't give an exact figure; then, taking a pencil and paper, she began to calculate with me: salary, kitchen, kerosene, etc. It came out 270 rubles a month. Her Majesty wrote to Count Frederiks to have this amount sent to her from the Ministry of the Court, which she gave me every first day. After the revolution, during a search, they found these envelopes with the inscription "270 rubles" and 25 rubles in cash. After all the talk, how amazed were the members of the Investigative Commission. Searched all banks and found nothing! Her Majesty has been paying 2,000 for my dacha in recent years. The only money I had was the 100,000 rubles that I received for my injury from the railway. I built an infirmary on them. Everyone thought that I was rich, and what tears it cost me to refuse a request for financial assistance - no one believed that I had nothing.

***
The year 1914 began peacefully and calmly for everyone, which became fatal for our poor Motherland and almost for the whole world. But personally I had a lot of hard experiences; The Empress, without any reason, began to be very jealous of the Sovereign.

Considering herself offended in her dearest feelings, the Empress, apparently, could not resist pouring out her bitterness in letters to her relatives, drawing in these letters my personality in far from attractive colors.

But, thank God, our friendship, my boundless love and devotion to Their Majesties triumphantly withstood the test and, as everyone can see from the later letters of the Empress in the same edition, and even more from those appended to this book, “the misunderstanding did not last long, and then without a trace disappeared,” and in the future, the deeply friendly relations between me and the Empress grew to the point of complete indestructibility, so that no subsequent trials, not even death itself, are able to separate us from each other.

***
The days before the declaration of war were terrible; I saw and felt how the Sovereign was being persuaded to take a dangerous step; war seemed inevitable. The Empress tried with all her might to keep him, but all her reasonable persuasion and requests led to nothing. I played tennis with the children every day; returning, she found the Sovereign pale and upset. From conversations with him, I saw that he, too, considered war inevitable, but he consoled himself with the fact that war strengthens national and monarchical feelings, that Russia after the war will become even more powerful, that this is not the first war, etc.

We moved to Tsarskoye Selo, where the Empress organized a special evacuation point, which included about 85 infirmaries in Tsarskoye Selo, Pavlovsk, Peterhof, Luga, Sablin and other places. These infirmaries served about 10 ambulance trains named after her and the children. In order to better manage the activities of the infirmaries, the Empress decided to personally take a course of wartime sisters of mercy with two senior Grand Duchesses and with me. The Empress chose Princess Gedroits, a woman surgeon who was in charge of the Palace Hospital, as a teacher... Standing behind the surgeon, the Empress, like every operating nurse, handed sterilized instruments, cotton wool and bandages, carried away amputated legs and arms, bandaged gangrenous wounds, not shunning anything and steadfastly enduring odors and gruesome pictures of a military hospital during the war.

Having passed the exam, the Empress and the children, along with other sisters who completed the course, received red crosses and certificates for the title of sisters of mercy in wartime ... A terribly difficult and tiring time began ... At 9 o'clock in the morning, the Empress stopped every day at the Church of the Sign, to the miraculous image and from there we went to work in the infirmary. Having had a quick breakfast, the Empress devoted the whole day to inspecting other hospitals.

***
Shortly after the events I have related, there was a railroad accident on January 2, 1915. I left the Empress at 5 o'clock and went to the city with the 5.20 train ... Not reaching 6 versts to St. Petersburg, suddenly there was a terrible roar, and I felt that I was falling head down somewhere and hitting the ground; my legs got tangled, probably in the heating pipes, and I felt how they broke. For a minute I lost consciousness. When I came to my senses, there was silence and darkness around. Then the screams and groans of the wounded and dying crushed under the ruins of the wagons were heard. I myself could neither move nor scream; I had a huge iron bar on my head and blood flowed from my throat. I prayed that I would die soon, because I suffered unbearably ... For four hours I lay on the floor without any help. The doctor who arrived, approached me, said: “She is dying, she should not be touched!” A soldier of the railway regiment, sitting on the floor, put my broken legs on his knees, covered me with his overcoat (it was 20 degrees below zero), since my fur coat was torn to pieces.

I remember how they carried me through the crowd of people in Tsarskoye Selo, and I saw the Empress and all the Grand Duchesses in tears. I was transferred to an ambulance, and the Empress immediately jumped into it; sitting down on the floor, she held my head in her lap and encouraged me; I whispered to her that I was dying. For the next six weeks, I was tormented day and night by inhuman suffering.

***
The railway gave me 100,000 rubles for the injury. With this money I founded an infirmary for disabled soldiers, where they learned every trade; started with 60 people, and then expanded to 100. Having experienced how hard it is to be a cripple, I wanted to make life a little easier for them in the future. After all, upon arrival home, families would look at them as if they were an extra mouth! A year later, we produced 200 artisans, shoemakers, bookbinders. This infirmary immediately went amazingly ... later, maybe more than once, my dear invalids saved my life during the revolution. Still, there are people who remember the good.

***
It is difficult and disgusting to talk about Petrograd society, which, despite the war, had fun and reveled all day long. Restaurants and theaters flourished. According to the stories of one French dressmaker, in no season were so many suits ordered as in the winter of 1915-1916, and so many diamonds were not bought: the war seemed to not exist.

In addition to revelry, society was entertained by a new and very interesting activity - dissolving all kinds of gossip about the Empress Alexandra Feodorovna. A typical case was told to me by my sister. One morning Mrs. Derfelden flew in to her with the words: “Today we are spreading rumors in the factories that the Empress is drinking the Sovereign, and everyone believes it.” I am talking about this typical case, since this lady was very close to the grand princely circle, which overthrew Their Majesties from the throne and unexpectedly themselves.

The atmosphere in the city thickened, rumors and slander against the Empress began to take on monstrous proportions, but Their Majesties, and especially the Sovereign, continued to pay no attention to them and treated these rumors with complete contempt, not noticing the impending danger.

How often I saw in the eyes of courtiers and various high-ranking faces malice and malevolence. I always noticed all these views and realized that it could not be otherwise after the persecution and slander that had been launched, which blackened the Empress through me.

***
We went to Headquarters to visit the Sovereign. Probably all these eminent foreigners who lived in Headquarters worked in the same way with Sir Buchanan (Ambassador of England. - Ed.). There were many of them: General Williams with headquarters from England, General Janin from France, General Rickel - Belgian, as well as Italian, Serbian and Japanese generals and officers. One day, after breakfast, all of them and our generals and staff officers were crowding in the garden while Their Majesties were talking to the guests. Behind me, foreign officers, speaking loudly, called the Empress insulting words and made comments in public... I moved away, I almost felt sick.

The Grand Dukes and officials of the staff were invited to breakfast, but the Grand Dukes often "got sick" and did not appear for breakfast during the arrival of Her Majesty; General Alekseev (chief of staff. - Ed.) also "fell ill". The sovereign did not want to notice their absence. The empress was tormented, not knowing what to do. I personally constantly guessed various insults, both in the looks and in the “amiable” handshakes, and I understood that this anger was directed through me at the Empress.

Among untruth, intrigue and malice, however, there was one bright place in Mogilev, where I brought my sick soul and tears. It was the Brotherhood Monastery. Behind a high stone wall on the main street is a lonely white temple, where two or three monks celebrated their service, spending a life of poverty and deprivation. There was a miraculous icon of the Mogilev Mother of God, whose good face shone in the twilight of the poor stone church. Every day I snatched a minute to go and venerate the icon. Having heard about the icon, the Empress also went twice to the monastery. There was also the Sovereign, but in our absence. In one of the most difficult moments of spiritual anguish, when an imminent catastrophe seemed close to me, I remember taking my diamond earrings to the Mother of God. By a strange coincidence, the only small icon that I was later allowed to have in the fortress was the icon of the Mother of God of Mogilev - having taken away all the others, the soldiers threw it on my knees. Hundreds of times a day and during terrible nights, I pressed her to my chest.

The soul became heavier and heavier; General Voeikov complained that the Grand Dukes sometimes ordered trains for themselves an hour before the Sovereign's departure, regardless of him, and if the general refused, they built all sorts of intrigues and intrigues against him.

***
I received daily dirty anonymous letters threatening me with murder, etc. The Empress, who understood these circumstances better than all of us, as I already wrote, immediately ordered me to move to the palace, and I sadly left my house, not knowing that I will never return there. By order of Their Majesties, from that day on, my every step was guarded. When I went to the infirmary, the orderly Zhuk always accompanied me; I was not even allowed to walk around the palace alone.

Little by little, life in the palace got back to normal. The emperor read aloud to us in the evenings. At Christmas (1917. - Ed.) There were ordinary Christmas trees in the palace and in the infirmaries; Their Majesties gave gifts to the surrounding retinue and servants; but they did not send gifts to the Grand Dukes this year. Despite the holiday, Their Majesties were very sad: they experienced deep disappointment in relatives and relatives whom they had previously trusted and whom they loved, and it seems that the Sovereign and Empress of All Russia have never been so alone as they are now. Betrayed by their own relatives, slandered by people who in the eyes of the whole world were called representatives of Russia, Their Majesties had around them only a few devoted friends and ministers appointed by them, who were all condemned by public opinion ... The sovereign is constantly reproached for not knowing how to choose themselves ministers. At the beginning of his reign, he took people who were trusted by his late father, Emperor Alexander III. Then take your choice. Unfortunately, the war and revolution did not give Russia a single name that posterity could proudly repeat ... we Russians too often blame others for our misfortune, not wanting to understand that our situation is the work of our own hands, we are all to blame, especially the upper classes are to blame. Few do their duty in the name of duty and Russia. A sense of duty was not inspired from childhood; in families, children were not brought up in love for the Motherland, and only the greatest suffering and the blood of innocent victims can wash away our sins and the sins of entire generations.

***
Sovereign Nicholas II was accessible, of course, as a man to all human weaknesses and sorrows, but in this difficult moment (abdication from the throne - Ed.) of deep resentment and humiliation, I still could not convince myself that his enemies would triumph; I could not believe that the Sovereign, the most generous and honest of the entire Romanov Family, would be condemned to become an innocent victim of his relatives and subjects. But the tsar, with a perfectly calm expression of his eyes, confirmed all this, adding that "if all Russia had begged him on her knees to return to the throne, he would never have returned." Tears sounded in his voice when he spoke about his friends and relatives, whom he trusted most of all and who were accomplices in overthrowing him from the throne. He showed me the telegrams of Brusilov, Alekseev and other generals, from members of his family, including Nikolai Nikolaevich: everyone asked His Majesty on their knees to abdicate the throne to save Russia. But abdicate in favor of whom? In favor of the weak and indifferent Duma! No, in their own favor, so that, using the name and prestige of Alexei Nikolaevich, the rule and enrichment of the regency chosen by them! ..

I realized that everything is over for Russia now. The army has disintegrated, the people have completely fallen morally, and the horrors that awaited us all were already presented to my eyes.

***
(Trubetskoy bastion of the Peter and Paul Fortress)

Anyone who experienced the first moment of imprisonment will understand what I experienced: black, hopeless grief and despair. From weakness I fell on the iron bed; around on the stone floor - puddles of water, water flowed over the glass, darkness and cold; a tiny window near the ceiling did not let in any light or air, it smelled of dampness and mustiness. In the corner there is a closet and a sink. An iron table and a bed are attached to the wall. The bed had a thin hairy mattress and two dirty pillows. A few minutes later I heard the keys being turned in the double or triple locks of a huge iron door, and some terrible man with a black beard, dirty hands and an evil, criminal face, surrounded by a crowd of impudent disgusting soldiers, entered. On his orders, the soldiers tore the mattress off the bed, removed the second pillow, and then began to tear off my icons, gold rings. This individual told me that he was here instead of the Minister of Justice and it depended on him to establish a regime for the prisoners. Subsequently, he gave his last name - Kuzmin, a former convict who spent 15 years in hard labor in Siberia.

I was literally starving. Twice a day they brought half a bowl of some kind of slop, like soup, into which the soldiers often spat, put glass. It often stank of rotten fish, so I plugged my nose, swallowing a little, so as not to starve to death ... Not once in all these months was I allowed to bring food from home.

Our life was a slow death penalty. Every day we were taken out for 10 minutes to a small courtyard with several trees; in the middle of the yard stood a bathhouse. Six armed soldiers took out all the prisoners in turn. On the first morning, when I came out of the cold and the smell of the grave into the fresh air even for these 10 minutes, I came to my senses, feeling that I was still alive, and somehow it became easier ... I think no other garden in the world has brought so much joy to anyone like our wretched garden in the fortress. I breathed God's air, looked at the sky, carefully watched every cloud, peering into every grass, every leaf on the bushes.

I never undressed; I had two woolen handkerchiefs; I put one on my head, the other on my shoulders: I covered myself with my coat. It was cold from the wet floor and walls. I slept for 4 hours. Waking up, I warmed myself in the only warm corner of the cell, where there was an oven outside: I stood idle for hours on my crutches, leaning against a dry wall.

Now we need to talk about the main tormentor, the doctor of the Trubetskoy bastion - Serebryannikov. He appeared already on the first day of detention and then went around the cells almost every day. Fat, with an evil face and a huge red bow on his chest. He tore off my shirt in front of the soldiers, arrogantly and rudely mocking.

These days I could not pray and only repeated the words of the Savior: “God, my God, you have left me!”

A week after we had been in custody, we were told that guards from the women's prison would be on duty with us. The first warden was a lively young lady who flirted with all the soldiers and did not pay much attention to us; the second is older, with meek, sad eyes. From the first minute she understood the depth of my suffering and was our support and guardian angel. Truly there are saints on earth, and she was holy. I do not want to name her, but I will speak of her as our angel. Everything that was in her power to alleviate our miserable existence, she did everything. Never in my life will I be able to thank her. Seeing that we were literally dying of hunger, she used her meager funds to buy either a little sausage, or a piece of cheese or chocolate, etc. She was not allowed to enter alone, but, leaving after the soldiers, the last one out of the cell, she managed to throw a parcel in a corner near the closet, and I rushed like a hungry animal on a bag, ate in this corner, picked up and threw away all the crumbs.

She brought me the first joy by giving me a red egg for Easter.

I do not know how to describe this bright holiday in prison. I felt forgotten by God and people. On the Bright Night, she woke up from the ringing of bells and sat up in bed, shedding tears. Several drunken soldiers burst in, with the words "Christ is Risen!" christened. In their hands were plates with Easter cake and pieces of Easter cake; but they got me. “She needs to be tortured more, as close to the Romanovs,” they said. The priest asked permission from the government to walk around the prisoners with a cross, but he was refused. On Good Friday we were all confessed and communed with the Holy Mysteries; they took us in turn to one of the cells, a soldier was standing at the entrance. The priest wept with me in confession. I will never forget the affectionate father of John Rudnev; he has gone to a better world. He took our unreasonable grief to his heart so deeply that he fell ill after these confessions.

It was Easter, and in my miserable surroundings I sang Easter songs, sitting on a bunk. The soldiers thought that I had lost my mind, and when they entered, they threatened to beat me and demanded that I be silent. Laying my head on the dirty pillow, I began to cry... But suddenly I felt something strong under the pillow and, putting my hand in, felt the egg. I didn't dare to believe my joy. In fact, under a dirty pillow stuffed with straw, lay a red testicle, laid by the kind hand of my only friend now, our matron. I think not a single red testicle brought so much joy that day: I pressed it to my heart, kissed it and thanked God.

***
On April 23, on the name day of the Empress, when I was especially desperate and sad, Dr. Manukhin, an infinitely kind and wonderful person, walked around our cells for the first time. With his arrival, we felt that there is a God in heaven and we are not forgotten by him. For him, we were all patients, not prisoners. He demanded to be shown our food, and ordered each to be given a bottle of milk and two eggs a day. How he succeeded, I don’t know, but he had an iron will, and although at first the soldiers wanted to raise him with bayonets several times, they eventually submitted to him, and he, despite the rudeness and troubles, forgetting himself, his health and strength, in the name of love for suffering humanity, he did everything to save us.

The interrogations of Rudnev continued all the time. I once asked Dr. Manukhin: why are they torturing me for so long? He reassured me, saying that they would sort it out, but he warned me that an even worse interrogation awaited me.

A few days later he came to me alone, closed the door, saying that the Commission had instructed him to talk to me face to face, and therefore this time the soldiers did not accompany him. The Extraordinary Commission, he said, had almost finished examining my case and came to the conclusion that the accusations were groundless, but that I needed to go through this “doctoral” interrogation in order to rehabilitate myself, and that I should agree to this! .. When the “interrogation ” ended, I lay broken and tired on the bed, covering my face with my hands. From that moment, Dr. Manukhin became my friend - he understood the deep, hopeless grief of the undeserved slander that I had been carrying for so many years.

***
(Arrest House, Furshtadtskaya 40)

The month that I spent in the Arrestny Dom was relatively calm and happy, although sometimes it was terrifying, since at that time there was the first attempt of the Bolsheviks to stand at the head of the government.

The commandant, having learned that I had a camp church in the infirmary, turned to me with a request if I would not allow me to serve mass for all the prisoners. Since the greatest desire of the officers was to partake of the Holy Mysteries. This Mass coincided with my birthday on July 16th. This service was touching: all these unfortunate people, tortured in prisons, stood on their knees all the mass; many wept uncontrollably, and I also wept, standing in a corner, listening, after inexplicable torments, to this first Mass.

At the Arrest House, I began to get better. All day I sat at the open window and could not stop looking at the greenery in the garden and at the little church of Cosmas and Damian. But most of all it gave pleasure - to look at the passing and passing people. The color of the face turned from earthy to normal, but for a long time I could not get used to talking, and it terribly tired me. By evening, I was nervous: it always seemed to me that arrows from the fortress would come for me.

***
On July 24, a telegram arrived from the prosecutor's office asking one of my relatives to come to get a paper for my release.

Of course, she did not dare to go to Tsarskoye. I learned from my faithful Berchik how my house was searched, how the Provisional Government offered him 10 thousand rubles, if only he would slander me and the Empress; but he, having served 45 years in our family, refused, and he was sent to prison, where he spent a whole month. During the first search, they tore off the carpets in my room, raised the floor, looking for the “underground passage to the palace” and secret telegraph wires to Berlin. They searched for Vyrubova's office, finding nothing, and were terribly annoyed. But the main thing they were looking for was wine cellars, and they could not believe that I did not have wine.

***
On the evening of August 24, as soon as I went to bed, at 11 o'clock the commissar from Kerensky appeared with two "adjutants" and they said that I, as a counter-revolutionary, would be sent abroad at 24 o'clock. The morning of the 26th was cold and rainy, my heart was inexpressibly heavy. We drove to the station in two cars... dear parents were allowed to accompany me to Terioki. Our car was the first from the locomotive. At 7 o'clock in the morning the train started moving - I burst into tears. My uncle jokingly called me an immigrant. Despite all the torment that I have undergone in recent months, the "emigrant" was killed at the thought of leaving the Motherland.

Approaching Riihimaki, I saw a crowd of several thousand soldiers on the platform; all of them, apparently, were waiting for our train and, with wild cries, surrounded our car. In one minute they unhooked him from the locomotive and burst in, demanding that we be handed over to be torn to pieces. “Give us the Grand Dukes. Let's go to General Gurko…” A full carriage burst into them. I thought it was all over, I sat holding the sister of mercy by the hand. “Here he is, General Gurko,” they shouted, running up to me. In vain my sister assured me that I was a sick woman - they did not believe, they demanded that I be undressed, assuring me that I was Gurko in disguise. Probably, we would all have been torn to pieces on the spot, if not for two delegate sailors from Helsingfors, who arrived by car: they flew into the car, pushed out half of the soldiers, and one of them was tall, thin, with a pale, kind face (Antonov) - addressed a thunderous speech to the thousandth crowd, urging them to calm down and not commit lynching, as this is a shame. He managed to influence them, so that the soldiers calmed down a bit and allowed the car to be attached to the locomotive for further transportation to Helsingfors.

We ended up on the yacht "Polar Star", with which I have so many dear memories of sailing - on the same waters with Their Majesties. The yacht passed, like all the property of the Sovereign, into the hands of the Provisional Government. Now it was attended by "Centrobalt". It was impossible to recognize in the spitting, filthy and smoky cabin the wonderful dining room of Their Majesties. A hundred "rulers" - dirty brutalized sailors - were sitting at the same tables. There was a meeting at which questions and the fate of the devastated fleet and poor Russia were decided.

There was some kind of "Congress of Soviets" in Petrograd and a change of government was expected. In the event of Kerensky leaving, the sailors decided to let us go... the question of us was decided positively by the Regional Committee... Trotsky stood at the head of the Petrograd Soviet, to whom we are being escorted.

At 9 o'clock in the morning we arrived in Petrograd ... in Smolny. We found ourselves in a huge corridor along which soldiers roamed. I was happy to hug dear mother, who ran in with other relatives. Soon Kamenev and his wife arrived; greeted all of us, said that we were probably hungry, ordered everyone to bring dinner. They decided to call someone from the commission of inquiry by phone, but they could not find anyone, since it was Sunday and the Feast of the Intercession (I always hoped that on this day the Mother of God would protect us). Kamenev, on the other hand, said that he personally lets us go to all four directions ... The next day, all the newspapers were full of us ... Entire articles were devoted to me and Kameneva: there were legends that ended with stories that I was sitting at the Smolny, that they saw me there "with their own eyes" that I ride with Kollontai and hide Trotsky, etc.

***
Oddly enough, but the winter of 1917 - 1918. and the summer of 1918, when I was hiding in my small apartment on the 6th floor in Petrograd, were relatively calm, although the capital was in the hands of the Bolsheviks, and I knew that no life was safe. Food was scarce, prices were high, and the general situation grew worse and worse.

I believed, hoped and prayed that the terrible situation in Russia was temporary, and that soon there would be a reaction, and the Russian people would understand their mistake and sin in relation to the dear prisoners in Tobolsk. The same opinion, it seemed to me, was also expressed by the writer Gorky, who probably wanted to see me for the sake of curiosity... Gorky treated me kindly and sympathetically. He told me that I had a responsible task to write the truth about Their Majesties "for the reconciliation of the king with the people." I was advised to live quieter, not reminding myself. I saw him two more times and showed him several pages of my memoirs, but it was impossible to write in Russia.

***
At the end of the summer of 1918, life in Russia took on a chaotic character: despite the fact that the shops were closed, it was possible to purchase some provisions in the markets. The prices were already prohibitive then. A pound of bread cost several hundred rubles, and oil - several thousand ... I remember a hard day when I had only five kopecks left in my pocket; I sat on a bench in the Tauride Garden and cried. When I returned home, my mother, who had been sick in bed all summer, told me that a friend had just come and brought us 20,000 rubles after learning about our poverty. After that, he disappeared, and we never found out what became of him. Thanks to his help, I managed to send the necessary things and clothes to the royal family.

On the night of October 7, mother and I were awakened by strong knocks at the door, and 8 armed soldiers from Gorokhovaya burst into our room to conduct a search, and also to arrest me and the sister of mercy ... Ten minutes later we arrived at Gorokhovaya ... When it began to dawn, the arrested began to rise; a soldier with a gun led parties to a dirty lavatory. They washed their faces under the tap. The woman who was the most in the Cheka was chosen as the head of the arrested women. Not knowing what I was accused of, I lived from hour to hour in constant fear, like everyone else, however ... Often at night, when we were tired, we fell asleep, we were awakened by an electric light, and the soldiers called one of the women: frightened, she got up, collecting their belongings, some returned, others disappeared ... and no one knew what awaited everyone. Shouting out my last name, they added: "to the Vyborg prison." They took me down to the street. I had some more money, so I asked the soldier to take a cab and let me see my mother on the way. It was already evening, the trams were not running. It was raining. We hired a cab driver for 60 rubles to the Vyborg prison; gave all the remaining money to the soldier, and he agreed to stop near our house.

How many interrogated and tortured me, inventing all kinds of accusations! By October 25, the Bolshevik holiday, many of us were released ... But the amnesty did not concern the "political". On November 10, in the evening, the assistant warden called me, saying that an order had come from Gorokhova to immediately escort me there ... Almost immediately they summoned me for interrogation ... for about an hour they shouted at me with terrible anger, assuring me that I was a member of a German organization, that me some plans against the Cheka, that I was a dangerous counter-revolutionary and that I would certainly be shot, like all the "bourgeois", since their policy, the Bolsheviks, was the "destruction" of the intelligentsia, etc. I tried not to lose my composure, seeing that before me are the mentally ill ... Returning, I fell on a dirty bed; The interrogation lasted three hours... A painful hour passed. The soldier appeared again and shouted: “Taneyev! With things to freedom "...

Trouble awaited me at home: a sister of mercy, whom I had known since 1905, who served in my infirmary and, after my imprisonment, settled with me and my mother, stole all my remaining gold things.

***
The winter of 1919 was spent quietly. But I was very nervous: I found peace only in churches. I often went to the Lavra, to the grave of my father: I was constantly at Karpovka near Fr. John. Occasionally saw some friends; many kind people did not leave me and my mother, they brought us bread and food. You weigh their names, Lord!

Summer has come, hot, as in the previous year. The mother developed severe dysentery. Saved her, as in the past year, dear Dr. Manukhin. Indiscriminate searches began in all districts of the city. Cars with soldiers and women drove around for whole nights, and entire companies were arrested. Usually this summer the electricity was extinguished at 7 pm, but when it was lit again in the evening, the townsfolk knew that a search was expected, and they were shaking. These gentlemen visited us seven times, but behaved decently. At the end of July, I was arrested again.

Arriving at the headquarters of the Petrograd defense on Malaya Morskaya, they put me on a leather sofa in the office while they had a “meeting” about me. “How long will they keep me here?” I asked. “They don’t keep anyone here - they shoot or let them go!..” Instead of asking about weapons and bombs, they brought an album of my photographs taken in Mogilev and taken from me ... they demanded an explanation from me for each photograph, and also posed the same questions about the royal family ... "Look, look how cute they are," they said, looking at the photographs of the Grand Duchesses. Then they announced to me that they were letting me go home. (The interrogation took place right after the execution of the royal family, so this is especially cynical: “Look, look how cute they are.” - Ed.)

***
A month later, the offensive of the White Army on Petrograd began. The city was declared under martial law, searches and arrests doubled. The government was nervous. Everywhere soldiers studied, airplanes flew. Since the summer, cards have also been introduced, according to which the unfortunate population received less and less food. Epidemics began to rage. The intelligentsia starved most of all, receiving in public canteens two spoons of water with potatoes instead of soup, and a spoonful of porridge ... On the eve of the Exaltation, I was at a night prayer in the Lavra; started at 11 o'clock. evenings. Vespers, Midnight Office, General Unction and Early Liturgy. The cathedral was so crowded that, as they say, the apple had nowhere to fall. Before dinner, there was a general confession, which was conducted by the priest Vvedensky. Metropolitan Veniamin read the permissive prayer. For more than an hour we approached the Holy Mysteries: we had to move crushed among the crowd, so that it was even impossible to raise our hand to cross ourselves. The sun shone brightly, when at 8 o'clock in the morning a joyful crowd came out of the gates of the Lavra, no one even felt particularly tired. In churches, people sought solace from the bitter experiences and losses of this terrible time.

On September 22, in the evening, I went to a lecture in one of the remote churches and stayed overnight with friends, since going home in the evening was both far and dangerous. All the last time longing and eternal fear did not leave me; that night I saw Fr. John of Kronstadt in a dream. He told me: "Don't be afraid, I'm with you all the time!" I decided to go straight from my friends to the early Mass at Karpovka, and having communed the Holy Mysteries, I returned home. She was surprised to find the back door locked. When I called, my mother opened the door to me, all in tears, and with her two soldiers who had come to take me to Gorokhovaya... Our room was full; next to me was a fair-haired Finnish lady who had been arrested for trying to leave for Finland. She now served as a typist in the emergency department and worked at night: she compiled lists of those arrested and therefore knew in advance about the fate of many. In addition, the chief commissioner, an Estonian, looked after this young lady. Returning from her service at night, she in an undertone conveyed to her friend, the tall red-haired Georgian woman Menabda, exactly who would be taken to Kronstadt to be shot. I realized that the worst was in store for me, and I went cold all over... “Leave Menabde, Vyrubova to Moscow,” shouted the head of the commissars as he entered our cell on the morning of October 7th. During the night I bled profusely; the headman and the doctor tried to protest against the order, but he repeated: "If she doesn't come, take her by force." Two soldiers came in and grabbed me. But I asked them to leave me, and after tying my bundle, I opened my little Gospel. The eye fell on verse 6 of chapter 3 of Luke: "And all flesh shall see the salvation of God." A ray of hope sparkled in a tormented heart. They hurried me, they said that they would first take me to Shpalernaya, then to Vologda. But I knew where I was being led. "We can't mess with her," said the commissar to the elder.

And here happened what the reader can call what he wants. But what do I call a miracle. The tram, which we were supposed to transfer to, was delayed somewhere and a large crowd of people was waiting. I was also standing with my soldier, but after a few minutes he got tired of waiting and, saying to wait one minute while he looked where our tram was, he ran off to the right. At that moment, an officer of the Sapper Regiment, whom I once helped, first approached me, asked if I recognized him, and, taking out 500 rubles, put it in my hand, saying that the money might come in handy ... At that time, she quickly approached me steps one of the women with whom I often prayed together on Karpovka: she was one of Fr. John of Kronstadt. “Do not fall into the hands of enemies,” she said, “go, I pray. Father John will save you.” It's like someone pushed me; hobbling with my wand, I walked along Mikhailovskaya Street (my bundle remained with the soldier), straining my last strength and loudly crying out: “Lord, save me! Father John, save me!” I got to Nevsky: there are no trams. Should I run into the chapel? I don't dare. She crossed the street and walked along the Perinnaya line, looking around. I see a soldier running after me. Well, I think it's over. I leaned against the house, waiting. The soldier, having run, turned onto the Catherine's Canal. Whether it was this one or the other, I don't know. I went along Chernyshev Lane. My strength began to weaken, it seemed to me that a little more, and I would fall. The cap fell off my head, my hair fell, passers-by looked at me, probably taking me for a madman. I reached Zagorodny. There was a cab driver on the corner. I ran up to him, but he shook his head. "Busy". Then I showed him a 500-ruble note, which I held in my left hand. "Sit down," he called. I gave the address of friends beyond Petrograd.

***
How can I describe my wanderings in the following months. Like a hunted animal, I hid first in one dark corner, then in another.

It was 1920. The Lord, through kind people, did not leave me... Letters began to arrive from abroad from my mother's sister, who urged us to agree to go to her... But how to leave the Motherland? I knew that God is so great that if He wants to keep, then always and everywhere His hand is over us. And why is there more security abroad? God, what did this step cost me! ..

We set off: I was barefoot, in a tattered coat. We met with my mother at the railway station and, having passed several stations, got off. Darkness. We were ordered to follow the boy with the sack of potatoes, but we lost him in the dark. We are standing in the middle of a village street: mother with a single bag, me with my stick. Shouldn't you go back? Suddenly, a girl in a scarf emerged from the darkness, explained that she was the boy's sister, and ordered to follow her into the hut. The Finns hesitated, not daring to go, as a dance was taking place nearby. At 2 o'clock in the morning they whispered to us: to pack up. They walked out onto the porch without noise. A large Finnish sleigh was hidden in the yard. They drove away just as silently. Almost all the time we walked along the bay: there was a thaw, and huge cracks in the ice. One of the Finns walked ahead, measuring with an iron stick. Every now and then they stopped and listened. To the left, close, the lights of Kronstadt seemed to flicker. Hearing a steady knock, they turned around with the words "chase", but later we learned that this sound was produced by the icebreaker "Ermak", which was moving, cutting through the ice behind us. We passed last. It was almost daylight when we ran up to the Finnish coast and rushed along the roundabout roads to the Finns' house, afraid to fall into the hands of the Finnish police here. Stiff, tired, thinking little, mother and I came to quarantine, where they kept all the Russian refugees ... We were washed, fed and gradually dressed. What a strange feeling it was to put on boots.

Both my mother and I had a soul full of inexplicable suffering: if it was hard in our dear Motherland, now it is sometimes lonely and difficult without a home, without money ... But we, with all the exiled and remaining sufferers, in the tenderness of our hearts, appealed to the merciful God about salvation dear Fatherland.

"The Lord is my helper, and I will not be afraid of what man does to me."

(Fragments of the book are printed according to the text prepared by Y. Rassulin for the Blago publishing house in 2000)