Useful tips for house cleaning and efficient storage
You can only be amazed how some of your acquaintances manage to easily maintain almost perfect order in the house, while cleaning in your house turns into a fight with windmills. Perhaps the fact is that you do not know how to properly organize the storage of your many things. The good news is that this can be learned.
1. Don't try to move all the mountains at once. If you pull out all your things from the numerous pantries, closets and mezzanines, you will lose enthusiasm much earlier than they return to their places. Sort storage locations in order and mood.
2. Not a single general cleaning is complete without getting rid of rubbish. If you can't seem to organize your things, develop complex storage schemes, use labeled boxes, but still fail, you may have too many things that you will have to get rid of.
3. It is not necessary to throw away good, but unnecessary things. They can be sold, donated or exchanged using thematic sites that you probably know. If you are determined to get rid of something, do not put the thing in the same pantry from which you got it. Get a special box for trash and keep it in the most visible place so that there is an incentive to get rid of the contents faster.
Start cleaning from the most inaccessible and dusty places, there is probably a lot of rubbish accumulated there, which you don’t even remember about.
4. Try to ensure that after your intervention, an empty space remains in each storage location, where some of the things from other pantries will migrate.
5. Do not expect that you will immediately be able to determine the right place for each thing, this takes time. Households will also periodically contribute, shifting things of common use to their liking, this will have to be reckoned with. But if the order is finally established, all household members must support it.
6. Teach children how to put their toys in their places as early as possible, because it is children's things that are the main source of confusion. Colorful boxes and baskets for toys will help in this matter. Be prepared for the fact that the child will want to store his toys in his own system, and not the way you want. Agree with the kids that they can sometimes make a mess, but only within their own room.
7. Keep organized online. It's a lot easier to spend 5 minutes cleaning your bathroom mirror right now than it is to spend a whole weekend cleaning.
8. Minimize the amount of bulky storage media in your home. Get a large external drive and place digital copies of important documents and sentimental junk on it. Go through your CDs more often, their contents are probably already outdated or will easily fit on the same external drive. If over time you come to the conclusion that e-books are much more convenient and cheaper than paper ones, there is nothing wrong with gradually getting rid of the contents of several bookcases.
9. As soon as possible, replace several old cabinets and chests of drawers with one roomy wardrobe from floor to ceiling.
How to organize a place in a wardrobe
Separately, I would like to dwell on storing things in a wardrobe, because with the wrong approach, it can turn into another cluttered closet, and your clothes will still lie on the chairs.
1. First, take everything out of the closet, otherwise cleaning will be ineffective. Get rid of the trash and enjoy unexpected finds.
2. Keep only clothes, shoes and accessories in the wardrobe. If the results of cleaning leave an empty place, you can treat yourself to a couple of new things.
Do not store shoes in boxes; it is better to install a capacious stand or shoe cabinet at the bottom of the cabinet.
3. Hang on hangers what is wrinkled, and put everything else on the shelves. For tops and t-shirts, use thin hangers that take up less space in your closet. Hook them together vertically (using soda can keys, for example) to fit twice as many clothes in the same space.
4. Do not put dirty and torn things in the closet. Stains and broken zippers on seasonal clothing are usually discovered when you have to run to work in it.
5. Small boxes for small items will help to better organize the space inside the closet, but there should not be too many of them. A pyramid of five boxes is unlikely to save you time searching if you need the lowest "tier".
6. Use the closet door to store belts, bags or jewelry by adding hooks to it.
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We all love to listen to music, I'm sure that you have headphones designed to listen to music on the way to work, school or during a weekend walk around the city. But sooner or later we need to take off the headphones, put them in a pocket or jacket and leave them there until the next session of immersion in music. But almost every time you take your earbuds out of your pocket, they somehow magically become entwined into a ball that can take up to 10 minutes to unravel. It's annoying.
However, there are some effective ways to neatly fold your headphones so that they never get tangled in your pocket and are ready to listen in a second.
I offer you several ways to tie your headphones so that they serve you for a long time, do not get tangled and are always ready to use.
1 way to fold the headphones: "Goat"
The first way to neatly fold the headphones can be called "Goat", because. we will use two protruding fingers to wind the headphone wire.
First we need to stick out the index finger and little finger, making the "Goat". Then put the headphones themselves on the index finger, and the wire on the little finger. After that, start winding the wire alternately around the index finger and little finger in a cross. As a result, you should get an eight. But do not rush to wind the wire to the end. When you have about 8-10 cm of unwound cable left, wrap it around the center of the figure-eight several times, and when about 1-2 cm remain, thread the jack into one of the loops formed.
That's it, now the headphone cable is properly tied, fixed and can be left in a drawer for long-term storage or put in a pocket.
2 way how to wind up the headphones: "Boy Scout"
In order to wrap the headphones in the Boy Scout way, we need to put together three fingers on one hand: index, middle and ring fingers. Press your thumb against your index finger and start winding the wire around them. As soon as about 10-15 cm remain to the end of the wire, you need to remove the wound wire from your fingers and wind the rest in the middle to fix the wire. When a couple of centimeters of cable remain, thread the jack through one of the loops and tighten slightly. That's all, the wire will be beautifully and securely wound, while to unwind it you need to make only one movement - release the jack from the loop and pull it.
3 way to tie headphones: "Credit card"
If you have an invalid credit card, or any other unnecessary plastic card, then you can cut out special notches on it and tie the headphone wire through them into a cross. At the very end, it is enough to pry the jack under the wire. This method is reliable and simple, but requires a card, which is not always convenient or possible. However, this way of tying the headphones is quite effective.
4 way how to twist headphones: "Cork"
If you have a wine cork at home, you can use it to securely roll up your headphones and wear them in such a way that they do not get tangled and are safe. This method is good because the cork is soft and does not have sharp ends. True, it is not convenient to carry headphones crowded in this way in a pocket; for a bag or backpack, the method is very suitable.
In the back of the cork, you need to make a small indentation in order to insert the headphone jack into it. The hole must be made narrow so that the jack enters it with resistance and stays inside. The rest of the wire just needs to be twisted onto a cork and that's it. Fast, convenient and aesthetic.
5 way how to properly fold the headphones: "Paperclip"
The fifth way to fold your headphones is perfect for those who work in an office and have access to large paper clips. The binder clip is a very handy headphone tool, you can easily wrap the headphone wire around it, inserting the jack in the end to secure it. An elegant and ingenious solution. This method is also not very convenient for carrying headphones in your pocket, but it’s perfect for storing in a bag or backpack. In addition, a paper clip-binder can always be used for something else.
6 way to fold earphones: "Player or phone"
One of the easiest and most obvious ways is to simply wrap them around your player or phone. Simply plug the jack into the audio jack and wind the remaining wire evenly around the player. This method is convenient if you need to hide the headphones and the player in your pocket for a short time; it is not very suitable for long-term storage, because. the wire folded in this way will eventually weaken and dangle. But in order to put it in your pocket for a couple of hours, it's perfect.
7 ways to neatly fold your headphones so that they do not get tangled: "Special Gadget"
You can buy a wide variety of headphone organizers online and in stores, which are great for wrapping the headphone wire neatly around them for storage and use. The advantage of such organizers is that they have wire holders and are suitable not only for storage, but also for use. For example, there is a headphone wire that is too long;
There are a huge number of such organizers in terms of shape, size, color, and the materials from which they are made.
So that
union; pronoun + conjunction
1. Union. Same as "in order to". Syntactic constructions that begin with the union "so that" are distinguished by punctuation marks (commas). In this case, the first punctuation mark is placed before the union (before the word "so"), and not between what parts.
According to my liveliness and irresistible, unaccountable desire to convey to others my impressions with accuracy and clarity of evidence, so that the listeners received the same idea of the objects described that I myself had about them - I began to mimic the crazy Ivan Borisych in his mutterings, grimaces and bows. S. Aksakov, Childhood years of Bagrov-grandson.
2. Pronoun + conjunction. Syntactic constructions with the union "to" are distinguished by punctuation marks (commas).
It is necessary to cultivate in oneself a constant readiness to act, to act, to behave with people so that First of all, take care of their convenience, and not your own. L. Kassil, Matter of taste.
Dictionary-reference book on punctuation. - M.: Reference and information Internet portal GRAMOTA.RU. V. V. Svintsov, V. M. Pakhomov, I. V. Filatova. 2010 .
Synonyms:See what "so that" is in other dictionaries:
so that- suggestion, number of synonyms: 9 in order to (10) in order to (11) then to (10) ... Synonym dictionary
So that- SO. Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov. S.I. Ozhegov, N.Yu. Shvedova. 1949 1992 ... Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov
so that it is useful- adverb, number of synonyms: 3 as it should (70) so that it is clear (5) plainly ... Synonym dictionary
so that it is clear- adverb, number of synonyms: 5 as it should (70) so that it would be useful (3) sensibly ... Synonym dictionary
so as to cross- adverb, number of synonyms: 1 across (11) ASIS Synonym Dictionary. V.N. Trishin. 2013 ... Synonym dictionary
so as to catch- adverb, number of synonyms: 1 intercepted (5) ASIS Synonym Dictionary. V.N. Trishin. 2013 ... Synonym dictionary
so that there is a sense- adverb, number of synonyms: 1 plainly (15) ASIS Synonym Dictionary. V.N. Trishin. 2013 ... Synonym dictionary
not so very- not too much, too little, little, not so much, not very much, not enough, not very Dictionary of Russian synonyms. not so much adverb, number of synonyms: 8 few (88) ... Synonym dictionary
Not So To.., A and Not So To.., A- union colloquial 1. Use. when connecting homogeneous members of the sentence, introducing a shade of uncertainty into the assessment of the attribute or state of the first part of the sentence; not so much .., but the Explanatory Dictionary of Efremova. T. F. Efremova. 2000...
Not so that .., But not so that .., But- union colloquial 1. Use. when connecting homogeneous members of the sentence, introducing a shade of uncertainty into the assessment of the attribute or state of the first part of the sentence; not so much .., but the Explanatory Dictionary of Efremova. T. F. Efremova. 2000... Modern explanatory dictionary of the Russian language Efremova
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Keep in mind that the method of logical consequences must be approached with extreme caution. The logical consequence may affect your child in such a way that it will become a severe punishment for him, and therefore will not bring the desired effect. But we often do this - we do not follow the choice of words in communication with the child, the tone in which they are pronounced, and also the facial expression we have. It is rather difficult to avoid this, because our actions are predetermined by the blind belief that until the child is hurt (punished), he will not learn anything. Perhaps this curious test of your way of thinking will clarify the essence of what has been said.
Father and son were in a car accident. The father died at the scene. The boy, who was seriously injured, was rushed to the hospital and prepared for surgery. The doctor comes into the operating room and says: “I can’t operate on this boy. He's my son".
Could this be? How do you explain it? If you thought that the doctor was the boy's stepfather, or perhaps his real father was a priest, then your inference will prevent you from finding the right solution to this problem. The answer to the test is quite simple - the boy's mother was the doctor. In this case, our subconscious belief comes into play, making us think that the doctor was a man. If I asked you: “Are you sure that all doctors are men?”, You would no doubt answer: “Of course not!”. But at the moment when this test was offered to you, your subconscious mind prevailed over common sense, which sometimes we lack so much in critical situations.
This also happens in those moments when we want to reason with our children, and this is where our prejudice comes into play - "a child must suffer in order to learn something."
A mother who enrolled her son in a summer camp asked me to make sure he washes his hands before eating. I planned to apply the method of logical consequence. Picking an opportune moment to talk, I said, “Tom, it's up to you whether you wash your hands or not, but when you come to the table with dirty hands, you become a carrier of germs. I don't want to get sick. So from now on, I will only serve those with clean hands.”
On the same day, Tom came to dinner with dirty hands. I calmly cleared his plate from the table. Do you know what this child did? He sat right in front of me and smiled the whole time we ate. Everything inside me boiled! It ended up that I told him in a sharp tone: “That's what, until the evening you will be hungry with me!”
God, how I managed to turn everything upside down! The consequence I intended became punishment. I myself dragged myself into the same conflict that he had with his parents. The most annoying thing was that I subconsciously believed that if Tom did not get hurt, he would not learn anything.
Fortunately, I remembered what Dreikurs had said on such occasions: “The trouble is not that you made a mistake. More important is what you do next to fix it.” And I decided to do things differently.
That evening, just as I expected. Tom sat down at the table with his hands dirty to the very elbows. Once again, I calmly cleared his plate off the table and then said, “Hey Tom, thank you for helping the girls set up the tent. And during this time I managed to wander through the forest in search of firewood. Gradually, we started a friendly conversation, and we moved on to reminiscing about how fun and exciting everyone spent yesterday, crossing the river on rafts.
After a while, Tom said, "I'm hungry." “I think we still have butter left,” I replied, “if you want, make yourself a sandwich.” He made a sandwich and ate it with gusto. I allowed him this: after all, he did not sit at the common table, and all his microbes remained with him! That is, my problem was not affected. He was pleased, and so am I. And nobody got hurt! The most pleasant part of this story is that the very next morning Tom came to the table with clean hands and then always washed them before eating. A positive result was achieved without punishment.
This example once again proves the effect that can be achieved by pointing out to children what they have already succeeded in. Sometimes it's given<; трудом, так как наша вера в необходимость наказания еще слишком крепка. Проявляйте чуткость друг к другу
In conflict situations, it is important to be able to move away from finding out who is right and who is wrong. After all, the main thing is what you and your “conditional opponent” feel. Too often we want to be right more than empathetic to our loved ones. When you are sympathetic to the feelings of another, he is more willing to meet you halfway. As a result, the entire accumulated charge of negative emotions dries up or loses its destructive power. Then, and only then, can you together come to a solution that will bring you both satisfaction and joy. So when you feel like you're starting to get pulled into a conflict, ask yourself, "Which is more important to me, being right or being empathetic?"
CONSECUTIVE STEPS LEADING TO THE RESOLUTION OF THE CONFLICT
The sequential steps in this section can be used whenever a conflict occurs. Subsequently, we use these steps in the method of logical consequences.
Problem: Three-year-old Joe comes into his mother's bed before going to sleep, and his mother is angry with him for disturbing her sleep.
Step 1: Ask your child for permission to work through a shared problem. ("Joe, I need to reflect on what's going on with you. I think now is the right time to do so.")
Step 2. State your problem as accessible and clear as possible, excluding all kinds of reproaches and exaggerations. (“When you come to my bed in the middle of the night, you disturb my sleep.”)
Step 5. Together with your child, write down on a piece of paper a list of your opinions about solving the problem.
♦ Generate ideas that satisfy both parties whenever possible.
♦ Do not limit your imagination to the rigid limits of reality, let it "run wild". Dreaming is never bad.
♦ The only rule is that you should not condemn or reject any of the ideas that are not yet on paper until you have prepared yourself for step 6. This is extremely important. If someone suddenly becomes unfriendly and begins to openly express their disagreement, the process will not become creative, and you are unlikely to come to a mutually beneficial solution. If someone does start to deny or criticize, politely say that a more positive solution can be offered. If this time he continues to disagree with you, then you should stop the whole process and later return to it again.
♦ Try to make the process as fun as possible.
♦ Encourage and inspire each other, such as “Great idea, I would never have thought of this myself” or “That gives me another idea!”
♦ Open access to a new way of thinking. Don't plan this activity as a hidden desire to do things your way. Let the decisions of each of you be sincere, then you will be able to develop ideas that the most violent imagination is sometimes not capable of.
Step 6. Give the list to the child, and let him cross off the list that does not suit him. It is important that the child is the first to receive this list in their hands. Then it's your turn to cross out the items you disagree with.
Step 7. Find one of the offers or a combination of offers in the list, that is, what remains not crossed out. This is the key to solving the problem.
Directions:
♦ Make sure both parties are satisfied with the decision.
♦ Don't back down from what you want. Do not agree to do something that does not suit you or makes you feel dissatisfied.
♦ Each of you has the right to "veto" any decision.
Step 8. Carry out the decision in the agreed time frame. If the solution doesn't work, go back to the beginning of the process. Take advantage of your mistakes and failures, and let them be your starting point on the path to success.
Directions:
♦ Decide together whether the decision you have made "works" or not.
♦ Don't blame each other and try not to use expressions like, "I told you so!"
♦ Evaluate what has been achieved, based on the positive feelings of everyone who initially participated in the joint negotiations.
♦ Let your failures contribute to the acquisition of useful life experience and become stepping stones leading to success.
♦ Don't stop! Don't deviate from your plans! Be confident!
If you do this exercise with the whole family, you can simultaneously play one wonderful game that will enliven the atmosphere of the whole process and inspire you to new non-standard solutions. Take out ten colored foam balls: five of one color, five of another. One color will be a conditional symbol of encouragement. Balls of this color are thrown to someone who has submitted some useful idea. Balls of a different color are for someone who will have a chilling effect on you. This exercise can be practiced during meetings in the team where you work. From my own experience, I know that adults also join this game with great enthusiasm!
Remember that if one of the parties is not satisfied with something, then the solution “does not work”! Sometimes a child agrees with you only for you to leave him alone. And sometimes you yourself do this, just wanting to quickly hush up the conflict. If you feel doubt about the sincerity of the child’s words, you can say to him: “It doesn’t look like you are happy with this! Let's better think with you what decision can be made so that you are really satisfied. Once children understand that you sincerely want to find a solution that will bring them satisfaction, and do not seek at all costs to "buy" their consent, they will become quite adept at finding solutions to the most difficult problems.
In our children's camp, the guys themselves choose what they will eat during the day. The decision is made only on the basis of general consensus. On the first day this practice was introduced, it took more than an hour to "deal" with just breakfast. But by the end of the week, the children were compiling a menu for the whole day within ten minutes. Here is a list of possible solutions to the problem that Mom and Joe compiled.
1. Mom lets Joe sleep in her bed.
2. Joe stays asleep in his bed.
3. Joe sleeps in his mother's bed twice a week.
4. Joe sleeps in a sleeping bag on the floor next to his mother's bed.
5. Joe sleeps with his beloved cat.
7. Mom sleeps in Joe's bed in his room.
8. Mom allows her younger brother to sleep in the room - Joe.
Joe crossed out all of the items except for the ones that said he would sleep in Mom's bed and in a sleeping bag on "the floor next to Mom's bed." The only item not crossed out was “Joe sleeps in a sleeping bag on the floor next to Mom’s bed.” However, Mom didn’t want her son to sleep in her room every day (she has the right to privacy!), So they agreed that Joe will sleep in his mother's room twice a week, and both parties are happy with this decision.
Over time, when this "technology" will be worked out, it is not necessary to write down all the ideas. The process will go smartly and without "paperwork". If the sequential steps we have discussed to resolve the conflict do not help and the child does not want to comply with the joint agreement, you may need to develop a method of logical consequences. Let's imagine that Joe enters his mother's bedroom with his sleeping bag for the third time a week. What could mother do in this case? The logical consequence could be such an act of the mother: she takes her son to his room and, if necessary, locks herself in her room. In order for the logical consequences to give the desired result, they must combine 4 principles.
1. Always and in everything show respect to the child, allowing him to participate as fully as possible in determining the logical consequences. Everything that makes him feel guilty or ashamed must be avoided in every possible way, otherwise he may regard the logical consequence as punishment.
2. Consequences must be reasonable in nature. Any too severe consequence the child will perceive as a punishment, and not as a way to correct his mistake.
3. The consequences must have a logical relationship with the child's mistake. If he keeps things in disorder, he must find time to tidy up and put them in order. If he hurt someone, he should try to relieve it. If he spoiled any thing, then he needs to fix it or compensate for the damage in another way.
4. Logical consequences should teach the child to take full responsibility for his actions, without forcing him to "pay" for this or that mistake.
Logical consequences can be used even in funny, playful forms, while maintaining their valuable cognitive properties.
During the conflict itself, don't try to develop logical consequences: you can only get logical punishments. It is best to forget about the conflict as soon as possible, wait until the passions subside, and calm down. Then take out a rough plan for the development of logical consequences and mentally go through all its points. This plan is suggested at the end of the section. It applies to any conflict situation that you and your child might find yourself in by chance. Note that its points are almost identical to the sequential steps leading to conflict resolution, with the exception of steps 2 and 7. Step 2 in developing logical consequences in this case is of paramount importance, because the actions that you have already taken to resolve the conflict, did not lead to a positive result, and you are seriously angry with your child. And anger, as you know, is the worst assistant in making positive decisions. The goal of step 2 (think of the three things you love about your child) is to change your attitude to what is happening so that you think only about the true consequences, completely eliminating thoughts of punishment.
EXAMPLE PLAN FOR DEVELOPING A LOGIC CONSEQUENCE
Step 1. Describe the specific behavior in your child that you would like to correct with a logical consequence.
Step 2 Think of three things you love about your child.
Step 3. Write down what you want to do in this situation and why.
Step 4 Write down what your child wants and why.
Step 5. On. On a separate piece of paper, together with your child, make a list of possible solutions to the problem.
Step 6. Based on it, develop a single solution. First, the child will cross out those proposals that do not suit him from the list, then you. Select one or more proposals by mutual agreement and write them down. It is necessary that everyone is satisfied, otherwise the solution “does not work”.
Step 7. Express gratitude to the child for participation and help: “Thank you for helping me solve this problem. What should I do if you suddenly forget? Now it's time to develop a logical consequence, which is born either on the basis of your proposal or at the initiative of the child. Immediately after you have discussed and agreed on a logical consequence, write it down.
Step 8. Using this logical consequence, ask yourself the questions: “Have I achieved the results that have benefited me and my child? Does this logical consequence need further improvement?
POSSIBLE CHILD RESPONSE OPTIONS
There are several possible ways in which the child may respond to the suggestion to develop logical consequences. The following is a list of these options and recommendations on how you should proceed.
Evasion
If the child, in response to your question about how he imagines a possible consequence, says: “I don’t know” or simply remains silent, respond to this as follows: “How would you look if I do this ... If you have there will be other ideas on this subject, let me know, and then together we will think about what can be done.”
Refinement
The child may come up with a reasonable solution or one that, with a little tweaking, will suit both you and him. If you agree with his suggestion, say, “OK, I will do that this week. Thanks for the help". Unacceptable offer
He may come up with a solution that you may not like. In this case, react something like this: “I don’t want to even try to do this. Maybe you have some other suggestions? If no other offers follow, proceed in the same way as in the case of evasion.
Choice of punishment
The child may suggest punishment. For example: "If I don't clean my room, you can spank me." In response, say, “I don’t want to hurt you because I love you. Just the thought of raising my hand to you makes me feel uncomfortable. What else can you offer me?" Do not think that if the child chooses the punishment, then so be it.
"Honestly"
He may say, "I won't do that again!" Answer him: “Thank you, that makes a big difference (make sure you thank the child for his promise). What should I do if you suddenly do not keep your word?
Take your time, think over a plan for developing a logical consequence to the smallest detail, and the only right decision will come to you. Be sure to write it down, and then the likelihood of ultimate success will increase significantly.
You can use the logical consequences immediately, without resorting to the preliminary help of successive steps. Below are two such examples.
Mom: "Sue. Do you have a free minute for me?"
Sue: "Of course, Mom."
Mom: “I want to consult with you, what should I do better. I noticed that lately I began to often shout at you, and it is probably unpleasant for you to listen to harsh remarks in your address?
Sue: "Yes."
Mom: “You probably understand that my harsh tone in a conversation with you is justified. When I see that the bin has not been removed for several days, it seems to me that all the housework lies only on my shoulders. What do you think I can do about it?"
Sue: "I don't know."
Mom: “Okay, but how do you look if I do this. I don't want to keep reminding you what to do. You can choose for yourself whether to take out the trash can or not. If the bucket isn't cleared out by 4 o'clock, instead of driving you to tennis practice, I'll take out the garbage myself. In other words, I will either be a driver or a scavenger, not both. Would such an offer suit you?"
Sue: "I'll take out the bucket, Mom."
Mom: “Thanks, that makes a difference. What if you forget? We all tend to forget sometimes.
Sue: Nothing.
Mom: “Look, I don’t want to do this myself. And yet we will try to do as I suggested. If you have other ideas about this, let me know, and then we will think together what else can be done.
One more example.
Diagnosed with hyperactivity, Tony, an 11-year-old boy, constantly fidgeted, touched things, jumped from place to place, could not focus his attention on what was being said to him. After two classes, I told him, “Tony, I've noticed that when you take on several tasks at once and jump from place to place, I think that you are not at all interested in what I am talking about. Then I start getting mad at you. I know that you can do several things at the same time, and I'm sure you're really interested in listening to me, and yet I don't like it when they treat me disrespectfully. What do you think I should do in this situation?” Tony replied, "I don't know." So I asked him, “How about if I see you doing something else, I immediately stop and wait until you finish?” Tony said, "Okay." During the next hour I had to take breaks six times, but in the next lesson I did it only three times.
So gradually Tony learned to look me in the eye when I said something, listen carefully and sit quietly throughout the session.
If you worked out a logical consequence and it "didn't work" but only aggravated the conflict, then you may not have used a logical consequence at all. In all likelihood, this was nothing more than a disguised punishment.
The most effective consequences are those that do not cause grief and pain to the child, but, on the contrary, bring him pleasure. First of all, this applies to children whose erroneous goals of behavior may be revenge or influence.
One evening we were talking to a family with four young children. When they were not in the room, mother and father expressed concern that they did not receive any help in household chores from them. Usually, mother and father begged, constantly reminded them of household duties, threatened with punishments and raised their voices at them, but everything turned out to be in vain. The children, as a rule, promised their parents that they would improve, but they immediately forgot about everything, did not pay attention to parental comments, refused their words or entered into an argument.
Then we proposed to apply the method of logical consequences. Parents were advised to tell their children the following: “We don't want to take all the homework on our shoulders. From now on, we would like you guys to clear the table, wash the dishes and keep the kitchen clean. We have no desire to constantly remind you of this and find fault. It starts to annoy you, and we all just get mad at each other. But we do not want to cook in a dirty and untidy kitchen. If there is no order in the kitchen by five o'clock, we will all leave the house and eat hamburgers in eateries. At first, parents strongly objected to such a proposal: “If children are taken out of the house to eat in eateries, they will surely like it. So they certainly will not restore order in the kitchen. However, we advised parents to do so for at least one week. It could not be worse, because the children still did not do their homework, and the parents, as they say, had nothing to lose.
Then I spoke to the children themselves. They were respectively 3.6, 8 and 10 years old. I explained what their parents were going to do. Their initial reaction was, “Oh, guys, hamburgers! We will never clean the kitchen. Well, except sometimes. But if we leave the house every day and eat hamburgers, then mom and dad will quickly run out of money. Yeah...maybe we'll clean up the kitchen after all, and go to the diners, just not very often!”
Parents were simply amazed by the result of this consequence. They underestimated children because they did not take into account a simple truth: when children are made responsible for what is happening, they very quickly become prudent. Four children began to do all the work in the kitchen without unnecessary reminders ...
LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES CAN BE APPLIED
An applied consequence always occurs where you take an action that logically relates to your child's prior behavior. If, for example, your child spills milk, you give him a rag.
One mom kept asking her kids to unroll their dirty socks before putting them in the laundry basket, but to no avail. And she decided to try the method of logical consequence. Socks that were twisted, she just stopped washing. Two weeks passed, all the rolled socks were still in the basket, but my mother did not say anything. A few days later, she noticed that someone had untwisted all the dirty socks in the basket. Since that time, the children began to diligently unroll their socks, and for this they did not need any reminders. The atmosphere of good relationships in the family was preserved. The children did not feel that their behavior was being “controlled” and, as a result, they willingly went to meet their mother.
And now I suggest that you familiarize yourself with the scheme of the main differences between natural, applied and logical consequences.
natural consequences suggest:
♦ natural course of events;
♦ an adult does not interfere in anything, does not agree on anything, and does not impose his services.
Applied Consequences suggest:
♦ Immediate decision making without prior consent or agreement;
♦ are not discussed with the child in advance;
♦ have a logical relationship to the child's prior behavior;
♦ one-time use of the methodology;
♦ the adult organizes them himself. Logical Consequences suggest:
♦ adult leadership and organization;
♦ your child himself participates in their discussion, reflection and agreement;
♦ close relationship with the child's behavior;
♦ apply when good relationships are established.
IF YOU HAVE TEEN IN YOUR FAMILY...
When developing logical consequences with teenagers, you need to consider the following.
1. If you say: "You decide for yourself," then you must follow exactly what was said. We often ruin relationships with them because we get angry or disappointed in their actions that do not correspond to our desires, despite the fact that we ourselves gave them the opportunity to choose.
2. Teenagers are very sensitive to double morality, such as: "Dad, if you drink, then why can't I?"
3. Adolescents often respond to questions from adults with statements such as "I don't know" or "I don't care." This is their usual way of settling scores with adults. If your teen responds this way, ask them what it is about your actions that offends them. Start repairing the relationship by encouraging him, or by doing something together that brings joy and pleasure.
We all know perfectly well that reading notations does not lead to anything good, but we just can’t refuse them: “You know, when I was your age, I not only had time to study, but already worked full time!”
You will get the best results by encouraging teenagers to think: “You once mentioned that you need more money. I have no desire to increase your pocket money. So think about how you yourself can solve this problem.
Advice given to a teenager without his request or consent, he most often passes on deaf ears. To draw his attention to what you want to advise, it is better to ask: “Do you want advice?” and if you hear a negative answer, accept it with honor.
You probably usually feel it yourself when something does not suit a teenager in a relationship with you. If you notice this, ask yourself the question: “Maybe I often try to take control of his actions, read too many lectures and moralizing?”
4. During adolescence, your child begins to gradually move out of parental care. The opinion of peers becomes just as important to him, or even more important than his parents. We are in danger of “losing” a son or daughter. Sometimes, sensing such danger, we begin to criticize his friends, but such tactics can only alienate you from a teenager. Remember that your parenting function is precisely to gradually lay down parental responsibilities, because your children are future parents. You better not criticize their need for freedom, but, on the contrary, recognize and approve of their independence.
5. It happens that teenagers are very negatively affected by your statement that you understand them and know in advance how they will behave in a given situation. And they “often don’t want to be understood, especially by adults, because teenagers see their problems as unique. They cautiously perceive any of your interference in the world of their feelings. This is due to their desire for freedom and self-assertion.
Here is an example of the imposition of parental will in relations with adolescents.
"Sarah. - the mother expresses her dissatisfaction with her daughter. “You stopped telling me all about your business.” I can't understand what's going on with you. When you were younger, you always shared everything with me.” “But I don’t need you to understand me,” the daughter replies.
If you feel that some tension is emerging in your relationship with teenagers, accept their desire to keep a distance from you as something inevitable and do not force events by imposing your will on them. Be respectful of their wishes.
By coincidence, we sometimes do it ourselves so that children from an early age stop trusting us, and then complain that they do not want to talk to us when they reach adolescence. Regrettably, sometimes the lack of mutual communication becomes an insurmountable obstacle in relations between adolescents and adults. During the formative period of an adolescent, the doors leading to mutual contact and communication should always be kept open. Much here depends on our ability to treat the child with respect, even in cases where his views on life differ from ours.
Logical consequences are an alternative to traditional educational methods of reward and punishment. Perhaps there will come a time (three or four generations from now!) when most parents will find the application of logical consequences quite natural, since this process will become an integral part of the way of life in which they themselves grew up and were brought up. In the meantime, the main task of the modern generation of parents, grandparents is the creative application and improvement of this method. If we have not been able to experience its effective effect on ourselves, we will provide such an opportunity at least for our children!
ANALYSIS OF THE RESULTS
It is important not only to properly educate the child, to accustom him to discipline and order, but also to monitor the effectiveness of certain educational methods. Here are some questions that are helpful to ask yourself after you have disciplined your child.
1. What happened to him after the application of the corrective measure? Did it piss him off or not? Did you notice signs of passive-aggressive behavior (did he take out his anger on younger siblings, pets, or settle scores in some other way)? Was he genuinely interested in correcting his negative behavior?
2. How did this educational measure affect his self-esteem? Has he fallen in his own eyes, or, on the contrary, has he risen?
3. Did the child feel complete confidence that he himself corrected the mistake for which he was subjected to a corrective measure?
4. How did the self-control factor affect the child? Was his subsequent behavior based on his inner desire, or did an external factor prevail? (Remember that the internal factor invariably leads to personal responsibility for one's actions, and the external one - to helplessness, lack of will, excessive compliance or, conversely, excessive stubbornness and inflexibility.)
5. What has changed in your relationship with your child? Has communication improved? Did he share his failures with you or was he afraid to do so? (His fear will manifest itself if he tries to deceive you or blame others for his mistakes.) Maybe you "won the battle" (got him to do what you wanted) while destroying your relationship?
6. Did your interaction improve his negotiating skills?
7. Has your child realized that his behavior is regulated by many alternatives, or does he feel that he has no choice at all?
Complete the Logic Consequence Development Plan. Once you've assigned the roles, act out the consequence with your partner or friend. Then ask him to switch roles to feel the feedback in communication.
