You have changed, Alyosha. Gray is rubbish. Before, you were like a house with all the doors and windows open, but now this house is boarded up.

V. Azhaev. Far from Moscow

Closure as a quality of personality - a tendency to block one's mind, feelings and mind from third-party influence, to show isolation from communication, to move away from interaction with others .

The word "isolation" in an abstract sense was introduced into the Russian dictionary by the critic V.G. Belinsky. In relation to the human character, it received a specific metaphorical reflection from I.S. Turgenev in The Diary of a Superfluous Man: “... I am generally not stupid; Thoughts sometimes even come into my head, rather amusing, not quite ordinary; but since I am an extra person and with lock inside, then it’s terrifying for me to express my thought, especially since I know in advance that I will express it badly. It even sometimes seems strange to me how people talk, and so simply, freely ... What a agility, think about it. That is, to confess to say, and I have, despite my lock, often itched tongue; but I really uttered the words only in my youth, and in my more mature years, almost every time I managed to break myself. I’ll say, sometimes, in an undertone: “But we’d better keep quiet for a while,” and calm down. We are all ready for silence ... "

Insularity can become a conscious choice of a life path that meets the natural manifestations of human nature. Many introverts, by the nature of their nature, simply do not like public hustle and bustle, they do not want to be public, in front of everyone and on hearing. They find a comfortable, quiet haven in their inner world. They are not bored by themselves. You can’t blame them for weakness, insecurity or fear. Such people simply do not need an environment that steals their precious time in empty conversations. A vivid example of this is Isaac Newton, who was locked up for everyone. He didn't have any friends. What kind of communication to talk about if a scientist forgot to sleep and eat? During his work, Newton was able to completely disconnect from the life around him. They say that once he was found in the kitchen in front of a pot of boiling water, where the clock was being cooked, while Newton himself was intently looking at the egg clutched in his hand. From the outside, the great scientist looked closed in on himself. In fact, behind his reticence was an incredible concentration of thought on the object under study. The best connoisseur of Newton's biography, Richard Westfall, wrote: “The more I study him, the more Newton moves away from me. I have been fortunate at various times to have known many brilliant people whose intellectual superiority I have no hesitation in acknowledging. But I have not yet met anyone with whom I could not measure myself - you can always say: I am equal to his half, or his third, or a quarter, but some fraction will always come out. My research on Newton finally convinced me that it is useless to measure anyone with him. For me, he became an absolute Other, one of a tiny handful of higher geniuses who gave meaning to the concept of human intelligence; a person irreducible to the criteria by which we evaluate our own kind.

Closure is a defensive line of the human psyche from the harmful influences of the outside world. As a rule, a closed person is hard to get along with people, does not get along in a team, is distrustful, extremely selective in friendship and friendship, pessimistic and gloomy. A number of reasons make a person closed: the fear of being rejected, misunderstood or ridiculed, fear of condemnation, previous derogatory statements addressed to him, low self-esteem, the inability or unwillingness to look at the situation that has arisen optimistically, in a new way. Often a person shows isolation in order to be with himself or to protect himself from the harmful influence of the outside world. Sometimes a person, having been burned by betrayal, treason, hangs a “barn lock” on the door of “Openness”. Forgetting about forgiveness, he cultivates resentment and rancor. In contrast to lack of sociability, which boils down to a lack of disposition to communicate, to the formation of emotional ties, both in one's own group and outside it, isolation can also manifest itself in other areas of life besides communication: in words, deeds, in the way of life in general.

Closure is a shutter from the outside world. Outwardly, a person can demonstrate sociability, but at the same time keep the interlocutor at a distance. As he does not seek to reduce the distance, he constantly runs into "anti-tank hedgehogs" of verbal and non-verbal signals about remoteness, coldness and inaccessibility. The entrance to the personal space of a closed person is securely closed. About others ad infinitum, but not a word about myself. A peculiar, I must say, openness. You will talk with such a person for a couple of hours, and then you will be surprised to realize that you know nothing about him. One girl writes that R Previously, isolation prevented her from living: “And now I accept myself as I am. Now I am a rather sociable person, but I still live in my own world, into which I do not let anyone in. In general, I feel more comfortable alone than in the company, even if they are my closest friends. But really, sometimes you have to deal with very personal issues. I'm not lying, I'm just answering correctly that I don't intend to tell anything, and I don't want to talk about it. Friends used to take offense at me because of this, they took it personally, but over time they got used to it.

From the point of view of the development of the mind, men have a more closed, static nature than women. The male mind says, "I know how to live." It is difficult for a man to redirect according to fate, to reach out to his mind. It is no coincidence that the vast majority of audiences engaged in learning how to live the right way are women. Possessing high sensitivity, sparkling mobility and maneuverability of the mind, they willingly listen to advice, easily make changes in life, and make decisions quickly. One good lecture can turn the mind of a woman, radically change her life position. With a man, such a number will not work. He needs time to carefully understand everything and move his psyche from its familiar place. A man is reluctant to listen to other people's opinions. Closing in his inner world, he feels comfortable in union with his straightforward, ossified mind. Therefore, women should take into account such a feature of the male psyche as a certain isolation of the mind and not blame their husbands for a slow response to the challenges of life. Under no circumstances should you mock a man, demanding that he quickly overcome the isolation of his mind and begin to act. It is necessary, without obtrusiveness, to inspire the husband to a different understanding of things. Moreover, this must be done delicately and tactfully, so that he gets the impression that he himself came to this idea. The finale of the action, when he says: "Yes, I have known this for a long time."

The manifested personality traits are directly related to diseases. So, isolation leads to chronic inflammatory processes in the kidneys. Internal stiffness and tension caused by isolation causes spasms of the kidney vessels. As a result, the adrenal glands are overexcited. In addition, isolation is the cause of increased intracranial pressure. In other words, it “gives” a person hypertension.

Petr Kovalev 2013

Hello dear blog readers! Today we will talk about those people who closed in on themselves and directed all their attention to their inner world, without the risk of opening outward. They are called differently, introverts, schizoids, or simply - a closed person.

Characteristic

Closeness has such signs as the inability to establish not only close relationships, but in general, contact with others. If someone pays attention and turns to such a person, it will cause him a lot of tension, anxiety and sometimes even fear. If these are innate character traits that symbolize closeness, then he does not know how to establish affection and is next to another person, receiving his support and attention. Because there is a subconscious fear that his personality will be swallowed up and destroyed, and he will cease to exist as separate and unique.

If he acquired during his life, being subjected to a series of disappointments or betrayals, or becoming a participant in a traumatic situation, he will simply be afraid to open up to the world again. By avoiding relationships, he will avoid pain. Because there is an illusion that life becomes easier this way. But human psychology is such that he is a social being and simply needs intimacy and communication. I recommend reading the article.

In communicating with introverts and schizoids, you will be able to track that they rarely look into your eyes, being afraid to "clash with eyes." After all, this threatens that they will have to experience some feelings that, for various reasons, do not want to feel. For example, out of inability to handle them, or out of unwillingness to feel them again. And sometimes, so that you do not notice what they are currently experiencing.

When you try to speak sincerely and "heart to heart" you run the risk of running into a wall of intellectualization. After all, it helps a lot not to feel, as a result of which the conversation does not arouse interest and desire to continue it further. Lethargy is another sign that helps answer the question: “how to recognize a closed person?”. Yes, it is inhibition, because the inner world is so captivating that it is not always possible to switch quickly, and most often you don’t want to. In the company, he will be isolated, somewhere nearby, watching the rest, as if “looking closely” at them.

Causes

1. Remember, I said that there are different types of temperament? If not, take a look . Now, a child is born with a certain type, usually phlegmatic or melancholic. It’s just that since childhood it’s been much more interesting for him to be with himself, his inner world is much more captivating than the outer one, so you shouldn’t sound the alarm and try to change it.
2. Why does a person become closed? Yes, because in adolescence he did not cope with the task of development due to conflict situations or misunderstandings with peers. As a result, having experienced a lot of feelings and not finding support, he decided to become invisible so that everything would not happen again. Shame literally paralyzes in attempts to behave at ease in the company of strangers.
3. If parents in childhood do not pay due attention and care, the child, not feeling support, can become a deviant, or vice versa, closes in on himself, since adults ignore his problems, he decides that others will not need him either. What does the word "deviant" mean, you can see the article.
4. The negative experience of being born in an aggressive family where every move is devalued and punished. Everything that a child doesn't do is disliked. Over time, every attempt to stand out and show up will be accompanied by guilt, shame, horror, fear, and other feelings. This usually happens in families where one of the parents, more often the father, has an alcohol addiction and every time he drinks, he becomes violent.
5. As I said at the beginning, a person often becomes closed due to a traumatic situation. For example, if a husband cheated or a girlfriend betrayed, the psyche may not withstand the stress, and in order to preserve the personality, create such a protective mechanism by directing attention deep into oneself. Such a person may well deceive himself, believing that there is simply no need for others anymore. In fact, it is the pain that speaks in him, which is covered with indifference and pomposity. After all, it is much easier to devalue the importance of others than to admit that you began to shun them out of fear and a sense of vulnerability.

If there is a loved one in your environment who has such a closed character due to the type of temperament, do not put pressure on him. Do not create unnecessary stress by forcing you to go to a noisy company, trying to introduce someone and so on. By these actions, which look violent for him, you will only increase resistance and the desire to hide even deeper as soon as possible so that they don’t get it.

2. Do not hold back emotions

Over time, this will lead not only to various diseases, but also complicate communication with others. Learn to pause and notice why you don't like someone or why you're angry at them and don't want to cross paths.

Awareness of the root cause will help in the future to get rid of the accumulated negativity and establish contact, and, importantly, the perception of other people. Have you noticed that, for example, feeling lonely, you envied a happy colleague, and did not understand, why does she annoy you so much?

3.Give yourself a chance

How to stop being closed after the betrayal of a loved one? Yes, just give yourself a chance to live a full life, sometimes it is important to be able to let go of resentment and disappointment, although they are painful, they are useful, because they give you the opportunity to reevaluate your life, to realize yourself, your resources and limitations. And it is very important to take a step towards development, no matter how difficult it is, but to feel even negative is much better than insensitivity.

Believe me, because in insensitivity you deprive yourself of joy, happiness, pleasure ... And this will eventually lead to deep depression, which often ends in suicide. Here's how to deal with depression.

4.Comfort zone

If you feel that you have become not as sociable as before, try to leave your comfort zone, and still, by force, go to the company, to parties where there will be a lot of intersections. Over time, your tension will begin to weaken with each acquaintance, because everything we do turns into a skill. And in order to find out how to discover the talent of an outgoing personality in yourself, I recommend reading.

5.Self-esteem

And do not forget to work on your self-esteem, because lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities often prevents you from taking a risk and taking the first step by meeting a girl you like or talking to your boss about a promotion. Having learned to accept yourself as you are, having initially got to know yourself, realizing your actions, reactions and character traits, it will be much easier for you to defend your interests, communicate freely and enjoy it.

Conclusion

Introverted people lose enough pleasure and joy in their lives, they have fewer discoveries and a feeling that they are significant and needed, so look around, not all people are terrible, looking closer, suddenly you will find interest in them and realize that you can trust again. That's all for today, take care of yourself and your loved ones!

In itself

Usually people withdraw into themselves because of the fear of hearing criticism in their address, fear of looking stupid in the eyes of others, exposing themselves to ridicule, and so on. In other words, it is easier for such individuals to remain on the sidelines than to once again attract attention to themselves. Suddenly the reaction will be negative.

Social phobes live with the constant feeling that those around them will reject them.

Some fear not so much the reaction to their actions as the fact that people will notice the inner excitement. So some bad thoughts cause even more negative emotions. It turns out a vicious circle.

In a number of special cases, shy individuals are afraid to speak in front of the public, eat in public places, walk down the street when they are being watched, and so on. Often, such a psychological disorder is associated with problems with self-esteem and a pessimistic view of reality. Hence the distorted idea of ​​oneself, society, life in general and one's place in this world.

Perhaps the roots of the problem should be sought in childhood experiences - constant criticism from parents, friends or relatives.

There is an exit

To combat self-isolation, many psychologists recommend the use of cognitive behavioral therapy. It is important to evaluate not what is happening around, but your reaction to it.

Sometimes bad thoughts are poorly realized, and sometimes they are denied.

During therapy, you need to track all your negative emotions and try to replace them with positive ones in the future. Based on this, it is necessary to develop new standards of behavior and, in accordance with them, begin to act.

In addition, it must be remembered that thought is material. If you think you are a bore, people will see you as a bore. If you think that you are an interesting conversationalist, others will also notice a similar quality in you.

On the other hand, you can try to pull yourself together. Write down, in descending order, what scares you the most. Next, start facing your fears head-on, moving from the least to the most powerful.

Also learn to accept yourself as you are, attend group trainings to improve self-esteem, think only about the good, smile more often. Still, the existence of problems in the past does not mean that it will always be so.

If you cannot cope on your own, you should make an appointment with a psychologist. However, treatment most often involves solely therapy without prescribing drugs.

If isolation prevents you from having an interesting life, going to parties and having fun, meeting new people, it's time to get rid of it. It is difficult to do this, but it is possible. Only he can be successful who was able to overcome problems and step over his fears. It's time to go public! But what is the best way to do it? How to prepare yourself?

Reasons for isolation

A closed person sometimes does not even realize why it is so difficult for him to communicate with other people. And the reasons mainly come from childhood: all situations of unpleasant and unsuccessful communication are recorded by the subconscious and then, at similar moments, reproduce memories. Also, the causes of isolation are self-doubt, fear and constant excitement.

How to overcome isolation?

Start doing things that make you excited and afraid. Think carefully and write down on a piece of paper all the situations that make you uncomfortable. Then, every day, consciously get into such situations, for example, try to get to know or, talk to a stranger on the street, compliment your boss, etc.

Do a new little deed every day. And over time, you will notice that these situations no longer scare you.

Try to track your thoughts. After each unpleasant situation, it is imperative to write down all the feelings, sensations and emotions that you experienced at that moment. When you re-read them after some time, you will definitely understand the main reasons for your worries. After analyzing them, you can easily cope with the excitement in similar situations.

Sign up for mental training. Experienced psychologists will teach you not to be afraid of communication and strangers. Usually such classes are held in groups where you can meet and communicate with the same closed people.

A friendly atmosphere, a playful form, the absence of negativity will help overcome stiffness and tightness. After such preparation, going out to people will not be so scary.

Learn to love yourself. Think only good things. After each unpleasant situation, do not blame yourself, but try to figure out what provoked your behavior. Do not compare yourself to anyone, because you are an individual person. Surely there are situations that you cope with easily and quickly, despite the isolation. A smile on your face is a sign of self-confidence. Smile more often, even when no one is watching. Just smile in the mirror to yourself, over time this skill will be fixed.

As soon as you start working hard on yourself and overcome isolation, communication problems will gradually disappear, and soon you will be able to go out without much hesitation. But this requires active actions and a great desire.

Whatever our first impression, we always feel what kind of person is with us, closed or his soul is open to us!

We can feel the closeness of the interlocutor, even if the person talks and smiles a lot. We feel the closeness of a person, even if formal communication takes place and the conversation lasts continuously, without any awkward pauses and hitches.

Closed people may not know that they are perceived as such by other people! That is, they may experience difficulty in communicating with people, but not understand what is the reason. Such people, as a rule, are very selective in letting people into their inner circle.

WHY DO PEOPLE CLOSED AND IS IT POSSIBLE TO HIDDEN THIS STATE FROM PEOPLE?

I would single out 2 main reasons due to which a person closes.

1. Lack of need for numerous acquaintances and contacts with people.

Such people, in psychology, are called introverts. These are people for whom it is enough to have a small circle of close friends or good acquaintances with whom you can chat when the desire arises. Introverts can read books all day, cuddle with their gadgets, and feel great.
Introverts can be the soul of the company among their close people, with whom it is interesting and warm. They can dance in discotheques without being embarrassed by other people's opinions. But they have no need to communicate with everyone they see, or with whom they were at the same table. That is, chatter, for the sake of chatter, is not about introverts.

But there is a second reason for the closeness, which I want to pay more attention to.

2. Vulnerability. A person closes and does not enter into full contact with people, because of the fear of opening up and experiencing mental pain.

As a rule, everything that has ever hurt us causes a defensive reaction in us. We may not even be aware of all these internal processes, but not consciously be safe from unwanted feelings and experiences. Moreover, these processes can occur without our conscious desire.

In this case, a person consciously wants to communicate and make friends, but unconsciously puts a barrier, which, unequivocally, will be read by other people. Any of our internal clamps or protections are visible to the people around us.

A defensive reaction can manifest itself in very different reactions. It can be ignoring other people, shyness, aggression, skepticism, ridicule of others, arrogance, defiant behavior, rudeness, or, conversely, excessive flattery.

Perhaps some of the listed reactions may be unexpected, but the protective mechanisms may be varied.

Closeness is manifested not only in silence and modesty. A person may not consciously try to get ahead of the illusory aggression of other people by attacking first. Or unnecessarily adapt to other people, agreeing with everything, being afraid to speak sincerely about your opinion.

To summarize, a vulnerable person can unconsciously close himself off from other people, using 3 main mechanisms:

Avoiding people (ignoring, silence);

Attack on people (aggression, rudeness, ridicule, arrogance);

Adjustment to people (excessive flattery, not sincerity, agreement with everything, even with what the person does not agree with).

This information will help you see between the lines and not judge people by their actions or their reactions.

At the same time, a person who is characterized by these reactions will be able to understand himself better, and along with the realization of what is happening and why, a choice will appear: work with his vulnerability and stop being a hostage to his defense mechanisms, or leave everything as it is. .

“... I treat people positively; I always try to find something positive in them. Such a feeling immediately awakens a sense of kinship, a sense of some connection. Perhaps this is partly due to the fact that I am not shy and not afraid that people will somehow not appreciate my words and actions, lose respect for me or consider me strange. The absence of fear and apprehension breeds openness.”

P.S. Love, kindness and inspiring awareness.

Sincerely, psychologist Olesya Bagmut (Piskunova)

In dealing with the outside world, people are very different. Someone vividly reacts to current events and can talk for hours about everything in the world, while someone is stingy with emotions and rarely knows what and when to say.

How to define closedness

Open, sociable people are called extroverts, their opposite is introverts. The latter often live in harmony with themselves and do not worry because of their isolation - they are comfortable in solitude. But this is far from always the case: the peculiarities of behavior and character bring unsociable people a lot of inconvenience. If a person is uncomfortable being the way he is, psychological problems appear. To get rid of them, serious work is required on oneself.

How does closure manifest itself? Uncommunicative person:

• has difficulty expressing feelings and thoughts;
• does not know how to defend his point of view;
• has difficulty understanding others and empathizing with them;
• does not know how to make new acquaintances;
• afraid to offend the interlocutor or be misunderstood.

Difficulties interacting with others

Closed people often do not make the impression they expect. This makes it inconvenient when interviewing for a job and meeting new people. Lack of a smile and monosyllabic answers are perceived as unwillingness to communicate, while often it is a question of inability. A quiet, uncommunicative person would like to show himself on the other side, but he does not have the necessary skills: he does not know how to talk about trifles, does not have time to respond to a joke, or does not understand at all that the interlocutor is ironic.

Unsociable people find it difficult to make friends. It's good to have a childhood friend who accepts you for who you are. But making new friends becomes difficult: how do you open up to strangers if you're not used to it? In a new company, introverts are silent, afraid to say something inappropriate or fear that their story will seem uninteresting.

People who experience communication difficulties find it difficult to find their soul mate. Everyone around meets, falls in love and gets married, and you are left alone? Modesty, secrecy, inability to win over the one you like makes you literally invisible to the object of adoration. You can convince yourself for a long time of the need to take the first step, but still do not dare to take it - because of the fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, etc.

These situations bring a lot of frustration and pain. It is not your fault that you were born or became like this - isolation and lack of sociability have a lot of reasons.

Reasons for isolation

Many people ask themselves: “Why am I a closed and uncommunicative person?”. Here are just a few of the most common reasons:

• heredity: self-doubt is transmitted at the genetic level. If one of the closest relatives is distinguished by isolation and unsociableness, you could inherit these qualities from them;
• upbringing in childhood: parents make mistakes that leave a deep imprint in the mind of a person even in adulthood. Constant prohibitions, refusals, pulling lead to the fact that the child begins to be embarrassed by the manifestations of his personality and hides his individuality deep inside. And vice versa: excessive praise of the child and statements that he is the very best lead him to conflict with the outside world in the future: he sees that many do something better than him, and because of this he withdraws into himself;
• social environment: at an early age, the child may suffer from the ridicule of other children, inappropriate remarks from educators or teachers; young consciousness is vulnerable, and even a trifle deprives a person of self-confidence. As adults, we experience constant pressure from society to tell us what to do and how to do it. Relatives, employers and other people often crush our interests, aspirations and views for themselves. Feeling like “something not like that,” a person closes, becomes quiet and humble;
• bad relationship experience: if the first love ended in a difficult breakup, if the chosen one acted ugly with you or did not reciprocate your feelings at all, self-esteem is under attack.

I am a professional psychologist with experience in solving problems related to personal growth. If you're struggling to become more outgoing and can't get over your introversion, I can help. . I conduct consultations in a private office in the center of Moscow and online with the help of. Anonymous and confidential

Resentment, fear, self-doubt, arrogance - all these are reasons for isolation. We are talking about a conflict with the outside world, about a feeling of inconsistency with him. Psychology highlights the media as another factor influencing the lack of sociability. A constant stream of information - both positive and negative - dissolves in itself. Reading the blogs of popular people and seeing how bright they live, you begin to be too critical of your own life and, as a result, seem uninteresting and useless to yourself. And the abundance of information about terrorist attacks, wars, environmental disasters and other difficult events leads to a depressed, quiet, intimidated state. Feeling weak and helpless, a person closes in on himself. You can become a victim of mass communications even in adulthood.

To cope with isolation, people buy thematic books, attend group trainings, practice auto-training, try to communicate more and more often. But lack of communication is a symptom, while its causes are many. You cannot remove the symptom without addressing the cause. Looking for an answer, a person may mistakenly think that he has found the very problem. If it turns out not to be her, he will lose a lot of time and will never cope with the complexes.

Help from a psychologist

How to deal with isolation if you want to let new people into your life? Sometimes your own efforts are not enough, and the attempts made are ineffective, which worsens the situation. In this case, the help of a psychologist is required. The specialist will ask about everything that worries you, listen to your fears and concerns. Together with a psychotherapist, you will see the reason for failures in communication with people. Sometimes one consultation is enough to understand how to behave in order to stop being withdrawn and uncommunicative. If the situation is difficult, more meetings will be required.

As a professional, I am ready to deal with the situation with you and help you learn to communicate with people easily and with pleasure. Communication brings happiness, it is an indispensable element of social life - let's take a step towards it together!