In the life of a modern person there are many stressful situations. It is believed that the ability in any situation, even under difficult stress, and rational perception is a real art. In emotional situations, not every person is able to cope with their feelings and take a sober look at the world. So what is self-mastery and how can it affect your life?
What is self-control
Under the term "self-control" it is customary to take a collective image that includes some character traits. They include endurance, determination, responsibility and courage. A prerequisite for self-control is the effort of a person who is aware of the need for decisive action.
It is closely related to the control of one's own observation of him and the tracking of feelings. Taking emotions under control is a rather complex process and is included in spite of the simplicity of limiting their manifestation at first glance. This requires a large amount of additional energy for the conscious prohibition of any intuitive action.
When self-control is needed
Spiritual self-control
Self-improvement is a very important and serious step in the life of any person. But in order to follow this path, it is worth overcoming many barriers. First of all, you need to admit your own shortcomings, and on an emotional level it is very difficult. Only inner and perseverance will help to find the truth and develop spiritually. Therefore, every person who decides to improve himself not only physically, but also spiritually, needs to know what spiritual self-control is.
The art of self-control
Own ego makes a person many obstacles in all spheres of his life. Any new decision in life leads to excitability of the nervous system and a vulnerable state. For example, if a person has his own mode of life, and he decides to correct it a little, to add a new activity to his daily life, then at the moment of this time the ego will actively resist. This will manifest itself in the desire to do any action, just to delay the start of a new lesson.
The manifestation of self-doubt is also a serious problem on the path of a person. Fear of failure leads to laziness and anxiety. In order to overcome oneself and complete the planned action, a person has to make tremendous efforts to combat imaginary and real fears. As you can see, the importance of self-control for a person is great and undeniable.
The temptation to say “yes” to all your desires prevents a person from achieving certain goals. That is, for example, a person decided to lose weight and go on a diet. And he is offered to go on a visit and eat a cake or visit a cafe where they cook delicious food. A person without self-control will retreat from his intention and violate the conditions of the diet, willpower will allow him to cope with this temptation in another situation.
Development of self-control
To develop self-control, you need to take many steps and serious actions. This skill will help you achieve even the most unrealistic goals faster and easier and feel more confident in any stressful situation. and the desire for self-improvement are the main factors that will help you understand what self-control is and develop it.
Skill Development Exercises
First, you need to accept your feelings. To overcome your own weaknesses, it is important to recognize their presence. A person cannot have only good qualities, but he is able to develop them. Running away and not acknowledging the presence of negative emotions is the same as making them your weak point. Rest, yoga and keeping your body in good shape will help you cope. If a person is not able to relax, he will not be able to control his feelings. Secondly, you should try meditation. This is a great way to restore your strength, balance your inner state and improve your mood. Being in constant stress without rest and inner balance, it is very difficult to achieve your goals.
And most importantly, what is needed for self-control is obtaining maximum information. While preparing for a stressful moment, a person accepts it and calms down, this allows you to increase faith in yourself and your own strengths. When cause-and-effect mechanisms become clear, the body accepts something new in our life as already tested and familiar. This is the main thing that allows you to get rid of worries and fears. Only control of emotions and one's own behavior can allow one to achieve new goals, develop and move forward. It is important to control oneself, without self-control a person stands still and is rejected by society, which subsequently causes somatic and mental illnesses.
Every person who understands that he can develop any ability in himself has his own list of future qualities. If self-control is not on your list, perhaps this article will help you not only realize the importance of this ability, but also help you develop it.
Although self-control has always been considered a truly masculine quality, it is useful for women to develop it too. A woman who has lost her self-control evokes compassion and even love, while a man loses all respect. Sometimes the loss of self-control is manipulation, it depends on what deep motives. Nevertheless, women should develop this quality in themselves, if only because the frequent loss of self-control is fraught with huge problems with. You can explain everything to the choleric and continue to kill yourself, but there are better options.
A nervous breakdown is a ticking time bomb, so let's see what it will cost you. It is worth mentioning that although the loss of self-control does not at all mean a nervous breakdown, the frequent loss of oneself shakes the psyche so much that with each new time you become closer to a nervous breakdown, and then you will experience it every time. With or without reason.
Self-control and its loss
self-control- this is a person's ability to maintain inner peace, not to betray his inner in the most difficult emotional and critical situations. To lose self-control means to succumb to emotions, expose a bare nerve and betray your inner self. If you ask the question of why to keep your composure, the answer is to enumerate the negative points that follow the loss of his composure:
- Feelings of guilt or shame
- Loss of masculinity if you are a man
- Nervous breakdown, hysteria
- The lower the level of the irritating factor, the stronger the dismay of people who witnessed a nervous breakdown.
- Loss of self-control can be expressed in a complete stupor. The man looks calm on the outside. This is the most dangerous type of nervous breakdown.
- Severance of relations with a person, a damaged thing, burning of all bridges at work and social life, a moral decline in the face of witnesses of a breakdown
- With frequent repetition, a heart attack or loosening of the nervous system is possible
Loss of self-control usually does not happen in a short time. This is a long process of accumulation of actions of irritating factors. A person who cultivates self-control has the ability to dissolve in himself the first signs of the first stimulus. In order to learn how to dissolve an irritant in yourself, you must first recognize it. The trouble with many people is that during the day they accumulate a lot of negative situations that they don’t even notice anymore - they are automatically credited to your negative emotional account.
Those who have lost their temper describe this feeling as a red veil before their eyes. There is a complete loss of control over the whole body, consciousness, as it were, is watching the body from the side. In a person, guilt and shame are mixed with bewilderment, he does not understand what happened. Awareness comes later.
Are there any downsides to developing self-control? Of course, if you still don’t understand what it is and think that you can’t endure anything for a long time. Self-control is the constant zeroing of irritants so that they do not accumulate. Nobody advises you to endure humiliation and bullying, just a nervous breakdown is the worst way to have a dialogue and solve problems. Yes, and just irritation in any dialogue does not allow you to follow even the progress of the conversation. By losing your temper, you can even win the battle, but not the war. No one else will do business with you.
Benefits of developing self-control
By developing self-control, you will not only control your emotions, but also control the emotions of people close to you, inspire them with confidence and not let them lose face. People really appreciate this quality.
While we all love to be emotional, there are plenty of situations where you need to have a cold calculation and a steady hand. Emotions have their time. Just because people pay more attention to hyper-emotional people doesn't mean they appreciate them.
You gain power over other people. In any difficult emotional situation, when many are prone to panic, people instinctively look around and note the calmest person. Evolution tells them - follow him, he knows what to do. Even when a person is simply confused, he will notice your calmness and listen to you.
A person who has developed self-control is able to plan his actions in a difficult situation. At a time when others lose face, this person gives an account of each action and knows what steps and words will be next. He remains himself in every situation.
How to develop your self-control
Meditation
This is always and everywhere. But what to do if it is really universal when it comes to any emotions. It will allow you to recognize, understand and feel your emotions. You will finally be able to wonder, “Oh, I am grateful. What a nice feeling, never paid attention." Negative emotions are much more difficult, but by putting in 20 minutes a day, you save a huge amount of money and time later on. In the end, you will simply be surprised that you are able to experience several dozen emotions in one minute and how it harms a clear mind.
Relaxation
If at first it is difficult for you not to think about anything and sit with your eyes closed, just lie down, turn on your favorite music and lie down. Twice 10 minutes a day is enough to bring emotions back to normal.
love people
More than half of the irritants arise from the fact that people make you angry and annoyed. You can spend your whole life trying to re-educate them, or you can find the best in every person and be sincerely interested in them. Look at the person who always annoys you and ask a simple question "Why?". Once you get the answer, ask the same question four more times. Surprisingly, most likely in the end you will find out that the reason for your irritation with this person is in yourself, in something that is easy to eliminate if you constantly remind yourself of that very last answer. It is not your unlucky relative that annoys you, but the fact that you cannot help him get on his feet. He will still be your relative and you love him sincerely, the fact is that you do not know how to help him. Perhaps you never even thought about it, he just annoyed you with the fact that he could not get settled in life. Get to the bottom of the true, not superficial, cause of irritation.
Ignore external stimuli
A phone call annoys you not because it distracts you from work, but because you need to answer. You automatically pick up the phone just because someone called you. In many cases, this call will not change your life. If annoying, do not pick up the phone, call the person back when you realize that you need it.
So it is worth doing with many other stimuli, if you finally think that you can not react to them or minimize their impact. Headphones will help you focus on reading (music without words), reading annoying news stops annoying you in an amazing way when you stop reading it.
Nullification of the stimulus
As already mentioned, the main reason for the loss of self-control is that irritants accumulate and there is a certain threshold, beyond which you get a nervous breakdown. Therefore, if an event unpleasant for your nervous system occurred in the morning, do not ignore it (it has already penetrated inside), but work with it. Do not solve important issues when you are something. Think about how to get rid of irritation, and only then move on.
Pull back reaction time
If an irritant occurs, do not react automatically. This is especially important during. Count to ten or take a couple of deep breaths in and out. Only lower microorganisms instantly react to irritants.
Always remember that the loss of self-control is a definite evil. If you are engaged, all this does not make sense if you do not know how to control your feelings and do not follow your emotions. Self-development is, first of all, peace of mind, and it is in this state that one can achieve great success in all endeavors.
Leave your comments and give examples of how the loss of self-control can ruin a life.
Endurance and self-control are integral components of success in any field of activity. If a person does not know how to manage his emotions, it will be difficult for him to achieve significant results in life. Self-control is such a characteristic feature of a person that allows him to overcome obstacles and obstacles on the way to his own goal. If people could learn to trust themselves more, they would be more willing to make plans and look more confidently into the future. This article reveals the essence of self-control, allows you to see what it consists of and how it should be developed.
Concept definition
Self-control is a personality trait that develops as a result of fruitful work on oneself. No one is born so strong and rational as to be able to immediately conquer their own emotions. However, this can and should be learned.
Self-control is to some extent a condition for seeing one's own prospects. Those who are so insecure that they cannot determine their individual values and dreams are unable to manage their emotional state.
Ability to be honest
Why is sincerity so important here? Oddly enough, it matters how open a person can be both to himself and to the people around him. The most important thing is to learn not to deceive yourself, not to try to justify yourself in some difficult situations. He who is honest with himself has great endurance and a sound mind. Sincerity is also good for building self-control. After all, if we are aware of everything that happens to us, then it becomes much easier to work with our feelings, to develop strengths. In this case, self-control is as important as the ability to admit one's own mistakes.
Responsible approach
The feeling of reliability is as important for the formation of personality as the knowledge of the rules of etiquette and behavior in a certain situation. Responsibility is precisely formed from an inner vision that everything will be fine. Few, unfortunately, are able to feel such strength in themselves. When a person takes responsibility for everything that happens to him, then in case of failure, he does not look for the guilty, does not try to shift his tasks to someone who need to be solved.
Responsibility implies a conscious intention to take active steps to achieve a specific result. Self-control helps a person cope with excitement, pull himself together, overcome some fears, doubts. Most people at the right time, taking will into a fist, act, despite any difficulties.
Strength of character
Great success is achieved not by the one who is very lucky, but by the patient and persistent. The ability to act through defeat and anxiety is worth a lot of work. Self-control is in psychology the education of the corresponding qualities of character necessary for self-realization. The ability to be persistent, purposeful is born from within and comes to a person at the right time. That is, when he feels the need to show firmness, to control the situation.
Losing self-control is always very unpleasant and fraught with many consequences. First of all, the person loses contact with himself, the ability to control his own emotions. Character must be worked on daily in order to achieve concrete results. Try not to run away from the problems that arise, but to solve them. In order to simplify your task, you can break one big difficulty into several small components.
Desire to overcome difficulties
Unfortunately, not every person has such a need. Some of us, finding ourselves in a difficult or unfamiliar situation, are lost, do not know what to do. Instead of a decisive step, a person suddenly begins to take a set of chaotic, unrelated actions. This behavior is called escape from reality, when the problem remains unresolved for quite a long time. Many people choose this line of behavior, preferring an escape from complexity to a constructive approach. Of course, it is much easier to go with the flow than to set realistic goals and try to solve them.
The desire to overcome difficulties is dictated by the maturity of the personality, the maturation of its motivational sphere. When a person clearly knows why he needs this or that achievement, as a rule, there are no unnecessary questions. In a state of readiness come the forces for action. Such a concept as "self-control" necessarily correlates with the intention to go to the end, to be true to one's desires.
Flexibility of mind
In life, external conditions often change. And it's completely natural. While we tune in to the same wave, the situation can change dramatically. In this case, most people are lost, they lose their strength and motivation for action, some openly give up their positions. Only able to go through significant obstacles and not regret the choice made. Self-control helps not to stop halfway, but to complete the work begun. How to grow it in yourself? You need to work very hard, be prepared for the fact that it will be painful and difficult. Nor should one perceive a particular situation as immutable. Realize that every problem has a solution.
It is necessary to learn to accept current events as life lessons and treat them positively. Don't beat yourself up for the mistakes you made in the past, it doesn't make any sense. Look ahead in order to find a significant goal in the future that you would like to get closer to.
Deliberate Action
Everyone knows that the right decisions are made not in a fever, not under the influence of strong emotions, but with a cold head. Do not rush into an important transaction. It is necessary to turn on your discretion as much as possible and carefully analyze the available details. Be fair to yourself, try to adequately assess your own perspectives. To do this, think: what prevents you in some cases from feeling more calm and purposeful?
Self-control is when, instead of taking a bunch of unnecessary actions, you choose and do only one, but one that will be useful both to yourself and others. People actually quickly get used to someone sacrificing their time or valuables for their good, but are not always ready to do so in return.
Self-confidence
Whatever business a person undertakes, he always needs to feel additional strength in himself to carry out his intention. Otherwise, he will abandon his plan even at the stage of building intentions. Insecure people often doubt their abilities, are critical of their own thoughts and ideas. They need help, someone stronger to lead them, make them believe that any achievement does not come by itself, but is the result of systematic actions.
Losing self-control means losing a sense of confidence that a difficult situation will be resolved favorably. Without faith in one's own prospects, it is impossible to fully live and interact harmoniously with others.
Thus, self-control performs the function of a protective reaction of the individual, allows her to independently realize which decision will be beneficial and useful for her.
Self-mastery is the ability to control momentary impulses and reactions. Another name for this quality is self-discipline. This type of behavior is not as restrictive in a negative sense as it might seem at first. When used wisely, self-control becomes one of the most important tools for success and personal development. On the way to the desired goals, there are often many life obstacles. To overcome them, it is necessary to act with perseverance, and this, of course, requires a high level of self-control.
In addition, this quality is critical for working through fears, obsessions, and addictions. Self-discipline helps a person gain control over his own life, behavior and reactions. It improves relationships, helps develop patience, achieve happiness and contentment.
On the other hand, insufficiently developed self-control often leads to failures in work and personal life, overeating and other bad habits, and health problems.
In what specific ways does self-control help in everyday life?
- The developed quality of self-discipline allows you to notice manifestations of self-destructive, dependent or obsessive behavior in time;
- Gives a sense of power over your life, brings balance and harmony;
- Helps keep overly emotional reactions normal;
- Develops emotional and mental independence from surrounding people and circumstances, which significantly affects the subjective feeling of peace and tranquility;
- Helps overcome feelings of helplessness;
- Self-control allows you to gain self-confidence, high self-esteem, inner strength;
- Makes a person responsible and trustworthy.
Obstacles to developing self-discipline:
- Lack of knowledge, understanding of what self-control really is;
- Strong and uncontrollable emotional reactions;
- The speed and immediacy of these reactions to stimuli of the outside world, thoughtlessness of actions;
- Weak desire to change, to become better;
- Insufficiently developed willpower;
- A subjective view of the development of self-control as an unpleasant and boring activity; the conviction that in the life of a disciplined person there is no place for entertainment;
- Lack of faith in yourself and your abilities.
How to develop self-control? Brief algorithm of actions
So, what is the general algorithm that allows you to gain control over yourself and develop the much-needed willpower?- First, you need to identify those areas of life where you lack this quality. For example, it can be shopping, overeating, smoking, workaholism, drinking, obsessions.
- Next, you need to identify those emotions in relation to which the application of self-discipline is required. Perhaps it is anger, regret, resentment or indignation, fear.
- The next step is to identify the thoughts and beliefs that drive uncontrollable behavior.
- Several times a day, especially at those moments when the need for self-control is greatest, it is necessary to repeat various affirmations. These can be such phrases:
- Next, you need to visualize your own behavior within the framework of self-control and self-restraint. It is necessary to consider a life situation in which you lack discipline, and imagine that you are reacting calmly.
- The most important step is doing exercises to develop willpower.
On this topic:
Practical Steps for Developing the Will
- Train willpower with small actions. Many modern researchers, including the author of the famous publication "Willpower" Kelly McGonigal, compare the development of the ability to self-control with ordinary muscle training. In order to use the "volitional muscle", it must first be activated, and then gradually trained. Since, like physical muscles, willpower is subject to depletion, exercise should be gradual but regular. In addition, volitional potential usually ends by the end of the day. Therefore, it is recommended to perform unpleasant or uninteresting activities and activities in the morning.
Willpower training can include activities such as gradually cleaning the apartment, using the non-dominant hand for routine procedures, developing the habit of meditating every day. You can also try to keep your back straight throughout the day, refrain from the Internet or TV for a day or two, impose a ban on obscene language for yourself. The fact that these quests seem ordinary, in fact, only enhances their effect. By doing them, you teach the brain not to give in to impulses, to pave a pause between emotion and action.
- Reduce stress levels. Chronic stress is the main enemy of self-control. Why are there so many gluttons, alcoholics and gamers among people who live in big cities of wealthy, economically developed countries? The reason for everything is chronic stress that accumulates throughout life. Difficulties at work and in personal life, disturbing news on television, the uncertainty of the future - all this, in the end, does its job. From a successful member of the middle class, a person can quickly turn into a complete loser. The fact is that human will resources, unfortunately, are exhaustible.
To develop willpower, try to minimize stress in your life as much as possible. After all, if you deplete your volitional resources in one vital area, then they simply will not be enough for the development of another. - Choose your ideal. Finding yourself in difficult circumstances and losing faith in your own strength, it can be very difficult to continue to pursue goals once set. Nowadays, the role of "idols" is often performed by singers or actors, Hollywood stars. However, often their biographies not only do not give faith in human capabilities, but are also a negative example of what human life can be. Indeed, among modern stars there are also many people with alcohol, drug addiction, or simply unhappy personal lives. Therefore, the choice of a role model must be approached carefully.
Meanwhile, the world provides a huge number of samples of strong-willed human behavior. The ideal that allows you to draw confidence in the possibilities of the human spirit can be friends or relatives, heroes of films, books, politicians.
- Declare war on laziness. The reluctance to take on cases that do not arouse interest is one of the indicators of underdeveloped willpower. Laziness can be combated in several ways: making a to-do list, prioritizing, using the “carrot and stick” method. These methods should be used simultaneously. A to-do list needs to be constantly compiled - this way you train yourself to meet the deadline.
If there are a lot of cases, you can not do without ranking them by importance. You don't have to do everything at once, you can start small. After that, it will be much easier to get involved in the work. And finally, you need to reward yourself for achievements and punish yourself for not doing what was planned. After all, our brain, despite the ability to think logically and other achievements of evolution, still has the properties of the brain of Pavlov's dog.
Well-developed self-control gives strength to firmly follow one's decisions. It is a mandatory requirement to achieve the goals.
One of the most important and fundamental traits for a person striving to become a leader is the ability to cope with the external expression of emotions, remain calm in an extreme situation, not respond to stimuli and maintain inner peace. Here are some of the few components included in the concept of 'self-control'.
An excellent and precise definition of self-control as a leadership quality was given by Evgeny Pavlovich Ilyin, Doctor of Psychology, Professor of the Russian State Pedagogical University named after I.I. A.I. Gertsena, Honored Worker of Science of the Russian Federation:
« self-control is a collective volitional characteristic, which includes endurance, courage and partly decisiveness, i.e. those volitional qualities that are associated with the suppression of negative emotions that cause urges that are undesirable for a person. Self-control is associated with self-control and self-regulation of emotional behavior, with self-limitation of emotional response and depends on the relationship between affect and intellect.
Source: www.elitarium.ru
- Self-control is a confident look and a steady hand
- Self-control is stability in any situation
- Self-control is quick calculation and precise reaction
- Self-control is not only control over your own, but also over other people's emotions.
- Self-control is patience, tolerance and tact
Benefits of self-control
- Self-control gives a person the opportunity to act not emotionally, but rationally.
- Self-control gives power not only over oneself, but also over others.
- Self-control contributes to making the right decisions, especially in extreme situations.
- Self-control helps to see the world through the prism of calmness and self-confidence.
- Self-control helps out in cases that unrestrained people later regret.
Manifestations of self-control in everyday life
- Excerpt. The ability to suppress strong cravings and desires, for example, to smoke when it is impossible, or to eat what doctors forbid.
- Restraint. The ability to control emotional impulses. It is especially pronounced when a conflict arises.
- Courage. The ability to control one's behavior in situations where fear arises. natural biological defense reaction.
- Determination. It is reflected in the time spent on making a decision both in an extreme and in a normal situation.
How to develop self-control
To begin with, let's recall in which cases it would not hurt us to be able to possess ourselves. Each case may have its own. We will take just a few as examples:
- Anger is able to take over us, often it happens quite unexpectedly.
- Many things can upset us, even the smallest things.
- Fear is a natural biological defense reaction, it does not need to be fought, it must be conquered.
- Greed and gambling are vices to which we may also sometimes succumb.
- All these states, as well as inner restlessness or spontaneous excitement, are almost always the result of an overreaction to alarm signals.
Igor Dobrotvorsky - a psychologist, business coach, consultant - offers several completely elementary and feasible "first aid tools" for developing self-control.
- IGNORE EXTERNAL IRRITATIONS. For training, you can choose a phone call when it rings at the wrong time. You don't have to pick up the phone at all. You're just trying to stop paying attention to him. Gradually, you will be able to disengage from other stimuli that have always pissed you off.
- TRY TO DELAY THE REACTION TIME. For example, count to ten, perhaps the reaction will disappear altogether. This is a very useful skill in conflict situations. During this time, you can try to think about what spontaneous actions caused by certain stimuli can lead to.
- RELAX . Excessive fatigue, tension, stress cause a number of chemical reactions in the body that can affect your behavior. Not only our body, but also the psyche needs rest and relaxation. Mentally create some place for yourself that you can “go away” to when you feel overwhelmed. It can be a room with a cozy armchair, or a beach with palm trees and gentle surf, or an autumn park strewn with yellow leaves - everything that will bring you into a state of peace and create comfort. Find in yourself that center, a reference point that will help replenish your vital energy.
Golden mean
Incontinence, imbalance
self-control
Callousness, unemotionality
