The ability to forgive and do it easily, even if the person is really guilty before you - that's the real power of a spiritual person! Being offended is always painful and harmful, including for health. - always pleasant, though not always easy. This means freeing your heart from the stone of resentment and energy destructive to the soul, to be above selfish and petty weaknesses, primitive selfishness, which are the real cause of 99% of all resentment.

How to forgive an offense? Before answering this question, read the basic definitions and find out. Forgiving is not always easy, especially if there is no “vaccination” against resentment and the skill of forgiveness. Of course, you need to practice and of course not everything can work out right away. But I am sure that with the step-by-step algorithm below, with quality work on yourself, you will be able to clear your heart of any burden of resentment.

So how do you forgive an offense? 10 main steps

1. The first thing a person must learn is that resentment is evil. Resentment destroys both body and soul, if it is not destroyed. The biggest stupidity that a person can do is to warm up, feed and increase resentment in his heart, winding himself up. For example:“Well, I’m right (or right), but he’s not, he didn’t act fairly (acted) and I have every reason to be offended.” Yes, maybe you have, but who will be worse off from this? First of all, you yourself, because resentment will corrode, destroy and kill you, because it is you who carry it in yourself.

If you want to cope with an insult, make a responsible decision to destroy it completely, never justify insults again and learn to forgive, as well as fairly and impartially punish the offender (if this is within your competence).

2. A big force that will help you is negative motivation. Admit to yourself honestly - what will happen if you do not cope with resentment, what will your life be like?

• A lump of pain and poison will always live and grow in your heart, corroding it, getting stuck in your throat and making you suffer.
• With each passing year, resentment will accumulate more and more. Yes, if a person has not learned to cope with them, they will only increase, and believe me, this will not make it easier for you.
• Resentment leads to cancer, touchy people do not live long. I often get sick and suffer a lot before they die.
• Resentment is always conflicts in relationships, a touchy person is actually always a cross on a happy personal life.
• Resentment is a negative energy that destroys all the bright feelings that live in your heart. Resentment kills, faith, love, gratitude, respect. Resentment kills loyalty, and this is fatal for any, even the strongest union. If you love, but have not learned to cope with resentment, be sure that your love will die soon.
• Resentment is the main motive for revenge, it pushes a person to unforgivable fatal mistakes that destroy the fate of a person. Resentment, when it took possession of a person, can very quickly destroy and derail his fate.

So decide for yourself - resentment is your adviser or enemy!

3. Even more strength is positive motivation! Try to see clearly- what will happen if you learn to quickly and easily destroy any offense, to forgive the offender. I will not list all the benefits that you will receive. The main ones are:

• You will become free from resentment and pain, independent of the negative actions of people towards you. It will no longer torment you, because you will not be able to be hooked, pissed off.
• From now on, your heart will be filled with joy, high energy and positive feelings. With such feelings, life is much more pleasant, isn't it.
• You can easily build relationships with different people, without resentment. Resentment overshadows the mind and deprives of adequacy, when there is no resentment - a person looks with clear eyes and is much less mistaken in people.
• In general, you can easily experience a state of happiness, freedom and love for life, happiness from communicating with people.
• To be more attractive to people, because people love the strong and independent, those who are not subject to negative emotions and petty addictions.
• Success will be a companion of those who have learned to forgive and freed themselves from resentment, because the percentage of correct decisions for such people is much higher than for people struck by resentment.

Continue this list yourself.

4. Find a weakness in yourself that attracted resentment and eliminate it! If you are offended, shift your gaze from the external offender into yourself and ask yourself: “Why are you offended?”, “What hooked you, what is your weakness?”. Be extremely honest with yourself! This may be a wounded conceit, or some illusions created by you that are far from reality, etc.

BUT). Write out in writing- the root cause of resentment (why were you offended?) and decide what it (reason, weakness) should be replaced with, so that it will never hurt or hurt you again. Describe how you will now relate to the situation, to what is happening, so as not to experience pain (resentment), but only draw positive strength and experience from what is happening.

Or AT). Write - why, in your opinion, did you find yourself in this situation, how did you attract it? What does fate want from you? What weaknesses is it time to remove, what strengths to awaken in yourself, to reveal your virtues, what to learn?

10. Living examples of the Worthy - always help! Find for yourself an inclusive image, an authority on this issue, someone who can be the best example of how not to be offended. Imagine what your character would do in the situation you are in. What would Jesus Christ or Buddha or the Dalai Lama do? How would they react? What did they say? How did you react to what happened? Strive to do what the best of people would do! It is worthy of respect.

A live example, a virtual teacher or a real one is very important. It is important that there is a positive example in front of your eyes and your mind sees how to act in a situation in which all other people are offended and nervous. Consciousness is programmed by images and specific behaviors that we have endowed with sufficient status.

Good luck in your fight against resentment!

Of course, resentment, most often, does not go away right away, but you need to be ready to destroy resentment every time it is born. Over time, “not being offended” and forgiving the offender with a light heart will become a good habit for you, which will make you invulnerable to the insults and provocations of evil people.

How to forgive someone who does not ask for forgiveness

Forgiving someone is mostly not about that other person. When we forgive people, it is still for our own sake and our own peace of mind.

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“Sorry, forget it. Put up with the shortcomings of others the way you want them to put up with yours.

Phillips Brooks

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Forgiving someone is mostly not about that other person. When we forgive people, it is still for our own sake and our own peace of mind. . “Whether you realize it or not, if you hold on to your grudges, you are living in the past. When we are fully present here and now, there is no future or past. And no one makes us feel bad.” says self-confidence coach and journalist Susie Moore.

When we forgive someone, it is most often because they have already asked for our forgiveness. But what about those times when you don't get an apology? What about those who still hesitate to say: "Forgive me!"? Most people think that they are not worthy of forgiveness and continue to “nurture” this pain inside themselves. But we still need to take steps to forgive them. Not only for their benefit, but for our own.

HERE ARE 6 WAYS TO FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.

…. FOCUS ON YOURSELF, NOT OTHERS.

Forgiveness is, as is commonly believed, the release of another from responsibility for his transgressions. However, when we switch from looking at other people to looking at ourselves, we can learn to heal ourselves from within. By allowing yourself to focus on yourself, how you feel and what is best for you, you will be able to forgive much more easily.

“Once you decide to forgive someone, you automatically free yourself from resentment, no matter who hurt you. It's a decision to learn from the betrayal, see your role in it (if there is one), and move on once you've analyzed your feelings enough." says Dr. Amy Wood.

It's only our habit of holding onto grudges that hurts. And resentment against those who do not even think to ask for forgiveness is usually the deepest. You are the only person you should care about when it comes to what and whom you need to control.

….TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS.

Other people have so much tangible power over us. But, despite the fact that their words and actions may affect us, we ourselves still have control over our feelings and behavior. By taking responsibility for our own feelings, we stop blaming others for how bad we feel and move on, moving away from negative emotions. When we stop feeling pain “through the fault of others”, we are immediately freed from both accusations and condemnation, which keep us in the trap of resentment.

“By changing the way you choose to look at other people’s influence on you… You will see a new world of limitless potential for yourself… You will immediately know how to forgive and let go of anything.” - Says Dr. Vane W Daer.

Realize that you are the only person who has complete control over your feelings. And, realizing this, get rid of everything negative.

Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.

…. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY .

Not everything is so one-sided. Since we can only see from our own point of view, we often find others wrong and guilty. We do not see that sometimes it was we who could do something that provoked the manifestations of their cold-blooded personality. By taking responsibility for your part of the fight, you will learn to let go of the other person's hurtful behavior much faster. So you may even be able to put up with the problem. And, accepting responsibility for your mistakes, incline the other party to the conflict to reconcile too.

…. STOP LIVING IN THE PAST .

If you refuse to let go of past hurts or anger, you cannot live fully in the present. You can easily find yourself thinking for a long time about the people who neglected you and caused you to feel bad now. When you keep thinking about things like that and keep reliving the emotions of the past, you deprive attention of those moments of your present life that need it.

“Research also shows that people who hold on to chronic unforgiveness experience long-term stress, which affects the immune system, making it difficult to resist disease. Harmful thoughts have specific health consequences. Forgiveness gives you the opportunity to let go, not take everything to heart and know true acceptance even at the peak of chaos. says divorce attorney Lori S. Rubinstein, JD, PCC.

So take a deep breath and start living for today. Once you find peace in your present, you will be able to forgive insults and even those who do not ask for forgiveness much easier.

….DO NOT TRY TO FEEL LIKE YOU ARE NEGLECTED.

Sometimes we deliberately look for reasons to be offended. Righteous anger feels very good, and there are people who yearn to feel it again and again. But in the same vein, as you go through life looking for the feeling of being neglected, you may find yourself picking up resentments and never live to apologize. Let go of these grievances, and you will be able to forgive much easier and faster.

….LOOK AT LIFE THROUGH THE PRISM OF LOVE.

This does not mean that you have to look at everything bad with love, but it is better to accept everything negative that happens in your life and learn from it. Something to learn.

The late Professor Lewis B. Smeds once said: “Forgiveness does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted one. On the contrary, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We exchange the memory of the past for the hope of a new future."

Based on this, if someone harms you, do not be offended, look at what happened and learn from the experience. What do you need: to be less tolerant of those who step over you? Or learn to accept people for who they are? Whatever the lesson, learn it so you can move on with your life.

Finally: Forgiveness should not be freeing the other person from guilt at the expense of your own emotions. Rather, forgiveness should be something that helps you heal from the past and move on. When you forgive someone who is not going to apologize, you heal your mind and soul. It is “…a delightful way to honor yourself. It confirms to the universe that you deserve to be happy,” says marriage and family therapist

Andrea Brandt.

Who among us has not been offended in life? They criticized, did not appreciate, did not understand, did not hear ... And then there is an insult that sits in the heart like a splinter. How to get rid of it? How to forgive an offense? How to forget caustic words addressed to you? How to survive the betrayal of a friend? This article will teach you.

Resentment as a means of manipulation

Some psychologists say that resentment is a way to get what you want. This is especially true for close relatives. The wife, trying to teach a lesson to her late husband, pouts her lips and "takes a vow of silence." The husband accuses his wife of being unable to manage the household, hinting at constant meetings with girlfriends. Why do adults have such a need to offend? loved one for private purposes?

Psychologists say that all this comes from childhood. A child who likes a toy cries and begs for it from their parents. The little manipulator knows it's bad. Parents also know this, but they still buy the 25th doll or car. It is impossible to look at the tears of your baby without pity. We often use this method of manipulating others later in adult life. True, he works more often with close relationships.

Why does a person offend another?

What is the main reason why one individual offends another? We are often offended and do not think about it at all. But humiliation and verbal insults against us are often a disguised compliment on the part of our opponents.

Envy, unfortunately, is inherent in many people. Not many will praise a person who has achieved any heights. But there will always be those who will scold him and blaspheme. By doing his vile deed against us, the offender gains a sense of his own importance. He "grows" in his own eyes. Moreover, the more his words affect us, the more joy and satisfaction it will bring to him. So why indulge him? Let's smile back at him and say nice words. We are concerned about the question of how to forgive an offense? Sometimes, in order to do this, it is enough to understand why we are humiliated and insulted.

Consequences of resentment

Perhaps many people find it difficult at times to forgive their enemies. Many people think: “Why should I forget the offense? My enemy will be happy if he does not suffer the deserved punishment for this. Learning to forgive is necessary for oneself, to preserve one's health. To understand this, just look at the following list of potential problems that can arise if you constantly replay an unpleasant situation in your head:

Decreased immunity;

thyroid problems;

Depression;

Diseases of the heart vascular system;

Oncology;

Mental disorders;

Migraines, headaches.

At first glance, the connection between the occurrence of these ailments and the mood of a person seems unrealistic. But it is worth imagining what is happening inside the offended person in order to understand this. For example, a person was rude on the bus, fired from work for no reason, insulted ... What do most of us do in this case? Some are taken to take revenge, someone - to drink "bitter", someone becomes isolated in himself. But many of us will swallow the hurt and move on with our lives. Only here is the insult, the tension from it has not gone away. Negativity accumulates in our body. This will continue until the negative energy finds an outlet. And the way out here can be severe depression, and a nervous breakdown, and a complex illness, and so on. So why accumulate resentment in yourself? We need to learn how to neutralize them. How to forgive an offense and let it go will be discussed later.

How to remain calm in response to criticism?

A person sometimes with indignation perceives teachings from another person. And what can we say about the offensive words that he hears from others? Remaining calm in response to criticism is often very difficult. Of course, it is good to remain cool and unflappable in any situation. But how to curb your emotions when necessary? There are a few tips to help you do this:

Don't answer the offender right away. In anger, you can say a lot of things that you will later regret.

And then the question of how to save the situation, and not how to forgive insults, will come to the fore for you. The past cannot be returned. An unpleasant aftertaste from a quarrel will remain not only with your opponent, but also with you. Cool down and analyze the opponent's words. And only then parry.

Deceive the offender in his expectations. Konstantin Kushner, a Russian historian and educator, said: "If you are offended, the enemy has succeeded." Know that the main goal of the opponent is to hurt you to the quick. So why should he give this pleasure? Smile and forgive him.

During an argument, ask the abuser, "What can I do to make things right?" Is he confused and unable to answer? So he has personal reasons to talk bad about you. Such criticism cannot be fair.

The genius Erian Schultz said: “To be offended by bad words addressed to you is to agree with them.” This simple phrase explains everything. Do you consider yourself to be what your enemies are trying to make you look like? Of course not. But there is no point in proving them otherwise. It is better to step aside, leaving their words unheeded.

Do you want to know how to learn to forgive insults? Justify your opponents. Try to put yourself in their place and understand why they do it. Everything is simpler than it seems at first glance. Nature created one so angry, the second was offended today, and he shouted at you in the heat of the moment, the third has an unlucky day today, everything falls out of his hands, and he decided to “send everything to hell”, having quarreled with everyone, including you . Justified? Has it become easier? All that remained in my heart was pity for these poor fellows.

Live in the present. You need to forgive the offense in time, let go of the past and continue to go on your way. Focusing on quarrels with others will not lead to good.

The main thing is the inner core!

Only strong-willed people can remain calm in response to criticism and not be offended by insults and slander. Often we worry about the bad things we hear about ourselves. It doesn't matter if they said them to our eyes or behind our backs. But if we know that we have done nothing wrong, then why are we worried? The main thing is the confidence that we are right, that we are doing the right thing, that the truth is on our side. This conviction gives us calmness, firmness, determination. The inner core will not allow us to bend before offensive insults and slander. And we will not have questions about how to forgive an offense and let go of the past, how to forget insults addressed to us, how to improve relations after a quarrel.

Exercise number 1 - revenge on the offender

Learning to forgive is not easy. Getting over yourself is sometimes difficult. Special exercises will help to do this, for example, such as "imaginary revenge on the offender." It consists in the following:

Exercise number 2 - forgiveness

Psychologists say that thoughts and words are material. By managing them, you can easily change your life both positively and negatively. And if positive thoughts and words carry a creative energy, then negative ones produce a destructive effect. This knowledge will help us answer the main question that concerns us: "How to forgive an offense, finding peace and joy?" It is recommended to perform this exercise for 5-15 minutes a day. It is best to do this with a partner, but you can do it alone. It consists in the following:

1. Take a comfortable position.
2. Loudly and emotionally repeat several times, mentally addressing your offender: “You are good, cheerful, kind ... I forgive you for the fact that ...”.
3. After releasing the resentment, tell yourself this: "I forgive myself for ...".

Three ways not to be offended

1. Only truly strong and great people have self-control. Anyone can be offended, but only a select few can forgive. No wonder Socrates said: "To be offended is beneath the dignity of a person." And why are we worse than a great philosopher? Let's learn to forgive.
2. Let's replace resentment with pity. For example, our soulmate spoke sharply about some of our personal qualities: the husband said that his wife was a bad cook, the wife "broke her husband's brain" about small earnings, and so on. Now we are overwhelmed by the thought of how to forgive an offense to a loved one. Let's just take pity on the poor guy. After all, a person offends when he is in a state of anger, frustration or a bad mood. And all this adversely affects his health. It's already not easy for the offender.
3. You can try to find out why people offend us. A heart-to-heart conversation will help resolve an unpleasant situation.

The main thing is not to keep

Not everyone understands why we should learn how to forget the offense and forgive. But, as we have already found out, experiencing negative emotions is unhealthy. And resentment, anger, grief - these are perhaps the most negatively colored feelings. In our civilized society, it is not customary to openly express your emotions, especially negative ones. Therefore, many people, swallowing resentment, try to pretend that nothing happened. But experiences do not give them rest. Over time, the unpleasant situation is erased from memory, but the sediment on the soul from it still remains.

What to do in this case? Release negative emotions out in time so that they do not have time to harm our physical and mental health. You need to do this when you are at home alone. Otherwise, you can unpleasantly shock your household. You can break several plates on the floor, knock your fists on the pillow, imagining your offender in its place. You can just scream loudly at home when you are alone. It takes only a few minutes. But you will see how easy it will be for you after that. The world will no longer seem so dark and cruel, the offender - rude and heartless, and those around you - indifferent and ruthless.

Religion for Forgiveness

There are words in the Bible about loving your enemies and thanking them for the evil deeds they do. Christian preachers teach that the one who strikes on the cheek should also offer the other cheek for the blow, and the one who takes away the outer clothing should also give the shirt. At first glance it seems that these sayings are reckless. How can one not resist blows and thank one's enemies for beatings? But it seems nonsense only at first glance. It is important for a person to learn to forgive others in order to preserve their own health. An offended, upset, angry person is in a state of tension, constantly scrolling in his head the details of the quarrel and possible ways of revenge. Negative thoughts deprive him of the joy of being. Having forgiven his offenders, he finds peace and tranquility. No more pain and suffering. You can move on and do good deeds. Life is already too short to waste it on such trifles as scandals and quarrels.

Why think about how to forgive an offense? Mother and father should not be offended at all. These are the people whose love for children is immeasurable. As for the enemies, here many people may have such questions: “Why should I forgive my enemy? Why do him good? Because he doesn't deserve it." There is a wonderful passage in the Bible that says, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, then give him a drink: for by doing this you are heaping burning coals on his head.” These words have a deep meaning. You cannot defeat evil with evil. Bad things can only be eradicated with good. And then, who knows, maybe your worst enemy will become your best friend. No wonder they say: "From hate to love - only one step." The Bible will tell you the answer to the question of how to learn to forgive offenses. Try to be a true Christian and follow all the commandments set forth in it. Then in your life there will be no place for resentment, hatred, revenge.

Prayer for forgiveness of enemies

When it becomes especially difficult for us, we turn to God for help. And it is not at all necessary to know certain prayers here. You can express in your own words what lies like a stone on our soul, and ask the Almighty for salvation. The answer to the question of how to forgive and let go is clear. We need to open and read the Bible more often, follow the commandments given in it. The Lord teaches us that we need to love our neighbor as ourselves, no matter what, that we should forgive our enemies, no matter what offense they may inflict on us. This is necessary, first of all, to the most offended.

And a prayer with which you can turn to God can be like this:

“Lord, our father, I ask you, give me the strength to forgive the people who offended me. You, the Merciful, taught us: “Love your enemies. Bless all who curse you. Do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who offend and persecute you." Give me the strength of my soul to forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. Help me to reconcile with those who offended me in my soul. Let me find the joy of forgiveness."

You need to repeat this every day. And then you will no longer have questions about how to forgive the offense. Prayer saves from empty experiences and anxiety.

How to forgive a loved one and let go?

How many tears are shed when love leaves! It is very difficult after this to forget the betrayal of the second half and start life anew. It is especially hard for women in such situations.

These tips will teach them how to forgive a man for an offense, let him go and start life from scratch:

Give him all his things, remove all joint photos so that nothing reminds you of him;

Take a two-week vacation and fly to warm countries to relax;

Try not to isolate yourself, go to the cinema, cafes, clubs, somewhere where there are a lot of people, where life is in full swing;

Call your best friend for help, talk to her, cry, you will immediately feel better;

Write on a piece of paper all the shortcomings of your former lover, remembering all the bad things that are associated with him, tear the sheet and mentally say goodbye to this "scoundrel".

Aphorisms of famous people about forgiveness

To be offended is common to all people. It is curious what famous people say about this negative feeling.

Oscar Wilde: "The best way to piss off your enemies is to forgive them."

Thomas Szas: "A stupid person does not forget and does not forgive, a naive person both forgets and forgives, a smart person forgives, but does not forget."

William Blake: "It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend."

Johann Schiller: "Forgiveness is stronger than all victories."

Gilbert Chesterton: "A haughty apology is another insult."

Henri de Monterlant: “There are people to whom we forgive everything, and there are people to whom we do not forgive anything. Those to whom we do not forgive anything are our friends.”

Jean Paul: "A person is beautiful when he forgives himself or asks for forgiveness from another."

George Halifax: "Conscience and memory always diverge as to whether wrongs should be forgiven."

We found out the reasons why some people try to humiliate and insult others, and also looked at several ways to forgive an insult.

How to find the strength in yourself to forgive an insult.

We offend, offend us, it happens. But how to forgive an offense, and is it necessary to do it? Sometimes, it is unbearably difficult not only to forgive, but also to restrain oneself, so as not to offend in return the one who did not take pity on you.

Sometimes we are offended in such a way that the inflicted offense “settles” in the soul for a long time, constantly reminding us of ourselves, depriving us of peace and sleep. Psychologists say that if you do not “let go” of resentment, it can slowly, day after day, destroy a person from the inside. People are so arranged by nature that hatred and anger kill, because this is an unbearable burden that must be carried in oneself every day.

Forgiving the offender does not cancel the evil that he delivered to you, it frees you from an exorbitant burden, because an unforgiven offense is a stressful state in which you have to stay constantly. Probably, in order to forgive the one who hurt you, you need to remember something good that happened between you, that connected you. You need it, not him. If you constantly wind yourself up, remembering the pain of resentment over and over again, then you can forever stop smiling and enjoy the world around you. You can even ruin your own health by spending all the resources of your own psyche on experiences.

Try to analyze your own thoughts and feelings. Think about whether the person who offended you is worried. It may happen that he doesn’t care, he doesn’t even remember that he offended you, and you think about him all day, maybe even look for excuses for him. Is the offender worthy of thinking about him? Probably not. Therefore, find the strength in yourself to forget, not to forgive, namely to forget about this person, convincing yourself that he is not worthy of your attention and your thoughts about him.

Naturally, the question of how to forgive an insult should be considered from a different angle when it was inflicted by one of the relatives. In this case, the issue requires an immediate solution - it is impossible to fence off from those who are constantly nearby, they cannot be deleted from life. A heart-to-heart conversation can be considered a good solution, when the causes of the conflict are calmly clarified. It often happens that we ourselves provoke the creation of a situation, as a result of which offensive words are spoken to us. If this is so, then you need to find strength in yourself and, no matter how deep the offense is, apologize yourself. Of course, admitting one's own wrong is difficult, but one must be able to do it.

There is a special category of people, especially women who are offended by any trifle. They say about them: she came up with it herself - she was offended. It is important that at the same time, worst of all for themselves, often those whom they consider their offenders are not even aware of their misconduct.

To maintain mental health and peace of mind, you need to give yourself a mindset: never take offense at anything for nothing. It is recommended to perform the following exercise: every day, in the evening, already falling asleep, remember the one who offended you very much. Mentally imagine him, and say that you no longer hold evil, forgive, and let him go. If you do this constantly, then there will definitely come a moment - the pain will pass, you will be able to let go of the situation.

Even if it seems that the offense is “mortal” and it is impossible to forgive, remember that you cannot be offended forever - time will take its toll, because it is the best healer of offenses. Although, he needs a little help, and you can do it.

Summary

It is very easy to give advice on how to forgive an offense that does not want to leave the heart. Let everyone decide this issue for himself, fight pain and, perhaps, in time, forgive the offender, or forget about him forever. About him, and the hurt he caused. Most likely, this person is not worth thinking about for so long. Good luck.