Psychologist at school

Fragments of the book Mlodik I.Yu. School and how to survive in it: the view of a humanistic psychologist. - M.: Genesis, 2011.

What should be the school? What needs to be done so that students consider education an interesting and important matter, leave the school ready for adult life: self-confident, sociable, active, creative, able to protect their psychological boundaries and respect the boundaries of other people? What is special about the modern school? What can teachers and parents do to keep children interested in learning? You will find answers to these and many other questions in this book.

Psychological problems at school

Everything I know about teaching I owe to bad students. John Hall

Not so long ago, people knew almost nothing about psychology as a science. It was believed that a Soviet citizen, and even more so a child, does not have any internal problems. If something doesn’t work out for him, his studies go wrong, his behavior changes, then this is due to laziness, promiscuity, poor education and lack of effort. The child, instead of receiving help, was subjected to evaluation and criticism. Needless to say, how ineffective such a strategy was.

Now, fortunately, many teachers and parents are ready to explain the difficulties that a child has at school by the presence of possible psychological problems. As a rule, it is. A child, like any person, strives to realize his own needs, wants to feel successful, needs security, love and recognition. But on his way there can be a variety of obstacles.

Now one of the most common problems that almost all teachers note: hyperactivity children. Indeed, this is a phenomenon of our time, the sources of which are not only psychological, but also social, political, and environmental. Let's try to consider the psychological ones, I personally had a chance to deal only with them.

First, children who are called hyperactive are very often just anxious children. Their anxiety is so high and constant that they themselves have long been no longer aware of what and why bothers them. Anxiety, like excessive excitement that cannot find a way out, makes them make many small movements, fuss. They fidget endlessly, drop something, break something, rustle something, tap, shake. It is difficult for them to sit still, sometimes they can jump up in the middle of the lesson. Their attention seems to be distracted. But not all of them are really unable to concentrate. Many students study well, especially in subjects that do not require accuracy, perseverance and the ability to concentrate well.

Children diagnosed with ADHD require more participation and are best served in smaller classes or groups where the teacher has more opportunity to give them personalized attention. In addition, in a large team, such a child is very distracting to other children .. On educational tasks, it can be very difficult for a teacher to maintain the concentration of a class in which there are several hyperactive students. Children who are prone to hyperactivity, but without an appropriate diagnosis, can study in any class, but on condition that the teacher does not increase their anxiety and does not constantly upset them. It is better to touch a hyperactive child, seating him in his place, than to point out a hundred times the obligation to be disciplined. It is better to let go to the toilet and back for three minutes from the lesson, or run up the stairs, than to call for attention and calmness. His poorly controlled motor excitation passes much easier when it is expressed in running, jumping, that is, in wide muscle movements, in active efforts. Therefore, a hyperactive child must definitely move well during the break (and sometimes, if possible, during the lesson) in order to remove this disturbing excitement.

It is important to understand that a hyperactive child does not intend to demonstrate such behavior "to spite" the teacher, that the sources of his actions are not at all promiscuity or bad manners. In fact, such a student simply finds it difficult to control his own arousal and anxiety, which usually disappears by adolescence.

A hyperactive child is also hypersensitive, he perceives too many signals at the same time. His abstract appearance, the wandering gaze of many is misleading: it seems that he is absent here and now, does not listen to the lesson, is not involved in the process. Very often this is not the case at all.

I'm in an English class and I'm sitting on the last desk with a guy whose hyperactivity teachers don't even complain about anymore, it's so obvious and tiring for them. Thin, very mobile, he instantly turns the desk into a bunch. The lesson has just begun, but he is already impatient, he begins to build something out of pencils and erasers. It seems that he is very passionate about this, but when the teacher asks him a question, he answers without hesitation, correctly and quickly.

At the call of the teacher to open workbooks, he only after a few minutes begins to look for what he needs. Break everything on his desk, he doesn't notice how the notebook falls. Leaning over to the neighbor's desk, he looks for her there, to the indignation of the girls sitting in front, then suddenly jumps up and rushes to his shelf, receiving a strict reprimand from the teacher. When he runs back, he still finds a fallen notebook. During all this time, the teacher gives a task that, as it seemed, the boy does not hear, because he is fascinated by the search. But, it turns out that he understood everything, because he quickly begins to write in a notebook, inserting the necessary English verbs. Having completed this in six seconds, he begins to play something on the desk, while the rest of the children are diligently and intently doing the exercise in complete silence, broken only by his endless bustle.

Next comes the oral test of the exercise, the children take turns reading sentences with inserted words. At this time, the boy is constantly falling something, is under the desk, then attached somewhere ... He does not follow the check at all and skips his turn. The teacher calls him by name, but my hero does not know what sentence to read. Neighbors tell him, he answers easily and correctly. And then he again plunges into his incredible construction of pencils and pens. It seems that his brain and body cannot stand rest, he just needs to engage in several processes at the same time, at the same time it is very tiring for him. And soon, in the strongest impatience, he jumps up from his seat:

- May I go out?

- No, there are only five minutes until the end of the lesson, sit down.

He sits down, but now he is definitely not here anymore, because the desk is shaking, and he is simply not able to hear and write down his homework, he frankly suffers frankly, it seems that he is counting the minutes until the bell rings. With the first trills, he breaks off and runs around the corridor like a catechumen throughout the whole change.

It is not so easy to cope with a child's hyperactivity even for a good psychologist, not like a teacher. Psychologists often work with the problems of anxiety and self-esteem of such a child, teach him to listen, better understand and control the signals of his body. They do a lot with fine motor skills, which often lag behind the rest of development, but by working on which, the child learns better to control his gross motor skills, that is, his larger movements. Hyperactive children are often gifted, capable and talented. They have a lively mind, they quickly process the information received, easily absorb new things. But in school (especially elementary school), such a child will be in a deliberately losing position due to difficulties in calligraphy, accuracy and obedience.

Hyperactive children are often helped by all kinds of modeling with clay and plasticine, playing with water, pebbles, sticks and other natural materials, all types of physical activity, but not sports, because it is important for them to make any muscle movement, and not just the right one. The development of the body and the ability to throw out excess excitement allow such a child to gradually enter his own boundaries, from which he always wanted to jump out before.

It has been noticed that hyperactive children absolutely need space for such a vain manifestation of themselves. If at home it is strictly forbidden, through constant pulling or other educational measures, to behave in this way, then they will be much more hyperactive at school. Conversely, if the school is strict with them, they will become extremely active at home. Therefore, parents and teachers should keep in mind that these children will still find a way out for their motor excitement and anxiety.

Another problem that is no less common in modern schools is unwillingness to learn or lack of motivation, as psychologists say. This, as a rule, matures in secondary school and by the beginning of the senior reaches its climax, then gradually, with the realization of the connection between the quality of knowledge and the picture of one's own future, it subsides.

The unwillingness of the child to learn, as a rule, is completely unrelated to the fact that he is “bad”. Each of these children has their own reasons for not wanting to learn. For example, early love, which takes all the attention and energy to experiences or dreams. It can also be problems in the family: conflicts, the imminent divorce of parents, the illness or death of loved ones, difficulties in relations with a brother or sister, the birth of a new child. Perhaps failures with friends, inadequate behavior of others, due to their personal or family crisis, are to blame. All this can take the energy and attention of the child. Since many troubles can turn out to be protracted, or half-concealed, and therefore impossible to constructively resolve, over time they devastate the child, lead to failures in school, as a result, even greater depression appears, and the circle closes. It is often difficult for parents to take responsibility for unresolved problems at home, and they take it out on the child, accusing him of laziness and unwillingness to learn, which, as a rule, only worsen the situation.

Perhaps the child does not want to learn and out of a sense of protest about how he is taught, who teaches him. He may unconsciously resist parents who force him to study, and because of poor grades he is limited in some way (they do not let him go for a walk, do not buy what they promised, deprive him of holidays, trips, meetings and entertainment). Parents and teachers often do not understand that even if there are compulsory universal education, knowledge can be obtained only voluntarily. As the proverb says, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. You can learn by force, but you can learn only if you want to. Pressure and punishment in this matter are much less effective than interesting and exciting training. Although, of course, it is easier to press and punish.

Another reason for the lack of motivation to acquire knowledge is low self-esteem of students. Constant criticism and fixation on failures does not help everyone move forward, learn effectively and grow. Too many people (depending on the psychotype and character) are deprived of energy by failures. Constant non-compliance with someone's requirements gives rise to total self-doubt, disbelief in one's own strengths, the inability to discover the resources, abilities and desire to achieve success in oneself. Such children can easily “give up” and come to terms with the stigma of a passive and incapable “C” student, whose motivation, of course, will be buried under the weight of failures, other people’s negative assessments and their own helplessness to change something. At the same time, it is quite obvious that there are no hopeless or absolutely hopeless children, everyone has their own resource, their own talent and a huge, but sometimes carefully concealed, need to be noticed.

Another reason children don't want to learn is the way they learn. Passive types of learning, when a student can only be a recipient, a listener, absorbing a certain amount of information, and then presenting it (not always learned) in test papers, reduce the child's own learning motivation. Lessons devoid of at least a fraction of interactivity are practically doomed to the passivity and lack of involvement of the majority of students. Information that has not become knowledge is forgotten within a few hours. Knowledge gained without involvement and interest is forgotten within a few weeks or months. Education that does not give the opportunity for personal participation, does not arouse personal interest, is doomed to meaninglessness and soon oblivion.

Most children find it difficult to have an equally keen interest in all school subjects. There are individual inclinations and predilections. Perhaps parents and teachers should not persist in the fact that the child joyfully, with great enthusiasm and, most importantly, success, studies, for example, the Russian language, although he has technical inclinations. Or, by all means, I got "five" in mathematics, being carried away by drawing and modeling.

A psychologist, together with a teacher and a parent, can help such an unmotivated student find his interest, deal with family difficulties, increase his self-esteem, resolve difficulties in relationships with others, become aware of his own resistance, discover talents, and begin to enjoy school.

Another problem that seriously complicates the life of almost any teacher is misbehavior of students. Many teachers complain about rudeness, rudeness, provocations, disruption of lessons. This is especially true in grades 7-9 and, of course, also has several reasons and reasons.

We talked about one of them - the inevitable, during the passage of the teenage crisis, the tendency to separate from the entire adult world, accompanied by manifestations of various forms of aggression. Teachers often take the students' hostile attacks very personally and, as they say, "close to the heart." Most of the teenage "frills" are aimed at the adult world as a whole, and are not aimed at a specific person.

Sometimes sudden comments in the lesson cause in the class a violent and not always necessary reaction for the teacher. This is a manifestation of the demonstrativeness of a teenager, the need to be in the center of attention all the time, which is explained by the characterological features of the child, which at a certain age have become accentuations (that is, very pronounced personality traits). And again, the behavior of such a demonstrative teenager is by no means aimed at destroying the authority of the teacher and is motivated not by the desire to offend or humiliate him, but by the need to satisfy his own need for attention. In such situations, they act differently: you can strictly put in place, ridiculing his desire to be an “upstart”, or vice versa, with humor, understanding, use the demonstrativeness of the student for peaceful purposes: in performances, projects, performances, shows. Satisfying the need to be the center of attention will interfere much less in the lesson.

Again, if in a family with a strict upbringing, the demonstrativeness of such a child is "in the pen", then the school will become the very place where this quality of character will inevitably manifest itself.

In some cases, the school is the place where the child realizes the accumulated aggression. As a rule, everyone: teachers, classmates, and the teenager himself - suffer from such unfair behavior. It can be quite difficult to figure this out if the child does not want to trust one of the adults, which happens infrequently, since aggression is an indicator of fear and distrust.

Sometimes a teacher is faced with an aggressive outburst in the classroom due to their own injustice, disrespect, incorrect comments addressed to students. The teacher, absorbed in the content of the lesson, and not noticing the processes taking place in the class (boredom, showdown, enthusiasm for a topic that is not related to the subject), will also not avoid an aggressive attack: for ignoring the needs of the class.

Children, as a rule, also test new teachers with a simple provocation for the stability of psychological boundaries. And it’s not at all because they are embittered “fiends of hell”, they need to understand who is in front of them and navigate in a situation of uncertainty. A teacher who reacts sharply to provocations with shouting, insults, insults will be subjected to aggression again and again until he can, with dignity and respect for himself and children, defend his borders.

As a rule, it is difficult for a teacher to help a teenager deal with inappropriate behavior, since he himself becomes a participant in what is happening. The resentment or anger of an adult prevents him from discovering and eliminating the causes of aggression. It is much easier for a psychologist to do this, since, firstly, he was not included in the incident, and secondly, he knows about the peculiarities and complexity of the personality of a teenager. The psychologist is able to build a non-judgmental, equal contact that will help the child to better understand the origins of his hostility, learn to control his own behavior and express his anger in acceptable circumstances and in an adequate form.

The problem for teachers can be strong emotional manifestations children: tears, fights, tantrums, fears. Often educators experience great confusion when faced with situations like this. In each case, there is, as a rule, its own background. Often only the tip of the iceberg is seen. Without knowing everything that is hidden under water, it is easy to make a mistake. In any case, without finding out all the causes of the incident, it is better to avoid any conclusions and assessments. This can hurt the student because of injustice, worsen his condition, deepen his psychological trauma.

The basis of such behavior can be the widest range of events: from purely personal and very dramatic, to illusory ones that take place only in the children's imagination. In order for these reasons to be voiced and eliminated, the child sometimes lacks trust and a sense of security.

If the teacher does not have a trusting relationship with a student who finds himself in a difficult situation, it is worth entrusting him to the adult with whom communication is most beneficial. A psychologist can also be such a person, because he does not participate in teacher-student relations, but, as a rule, he has important information about this child, knows how to establish contact, inspire confidence and get out of a difficult situation.

Another set of problems: learning difficulties. The inability of individual children to meet the requirements of the school curriculum can also be caused by various reasons: physiological, medical, social, psychological.

A student may have, for example, an individual pace of perception and processing of information. Often, inevitable at school, the average pace can prevent children from meeting the general requirements of the system. Guys with a phlegmatic temperament, for example, do everything slowly but thoroughly. Melancholic people sometimes fall behind because they are focused on their experiences and trying to do everything “super-excellent”. For choleric people, the pace may seem too slow, they inevitably begin to be distracted, wanting to save themselves from boredom, interfering with the rest of the children. Perhaps only sanguine people are most adapted to the average pace, provided that today is not the day of their energy decline. Changes in the weather, the quality of food, rest and sleep, physical well-being and past illnesses can also greatly affect a child's ability to comprehend material or respond to tests.

Some children are unable to concentrate in large classes. Some are knocked out of a state of psychological stability by the constant change of teachers, frequent changes in the schedule, continuous innovation and changes in requirements.

Psychological reasons also include: difficulties in communication, a difficult family situation, low self-esteem and lack of faith in oneself, high anxiety, strong dependence on external assessments, fear of possible mistakes, fear of losing the respect and love of parents or other significant adults. To neuropsychological: underdevelopment of certain areas of the brain and, as a result, a lag in the normal development of mental functions: attention, logic, perception, memory, imagination.

A school with a personal, personal approach to learning is able to organize assistance to a child with learning difficulties: conduct consultations and classes with certain specialists, vary the composition and number of students in the class, dividing them into mini-groups of a certain level, conduct individual lessons if necessary. All these activities provide an opportunity to cope with the tasks of the educational process, without feeling like a loser and an outsider, unable to follow everyone.

Psychologist at school

Psychology has a long past, but a short history. Herman Ebbinghaus

Psychology, as a helping profession, has long accompanied social life in many developed countries. In Russia, after a long break of seventy years, it has again become not only a subject of scientific interest, but also a separate service sector, capable of professionally and purposefully performing both diagnostic and psychotherapeutic functions. For a long time, the work of psychologists at school was carried out as best they could by teachers, doctors and administration. Many of them were rescued by intuition, universal wisdom, a great desire to help. Therefore, students, most often, were not left without participation and support. But in school life there have always been and will be certain problems and difficulties that are almost impossible to resolve without a professional psychologist.

Psychological assistance, as a service, had no place in the Soviet authoritarian state. The ideology, which considered a person not as a separate person with his own rights, characteristics, views of the world, but as a cog for certain functions of the state, did not need specialists and was afraid of them. Of all the methods, theories and practical approaches that have been used in the West for many years, only one was implemented in Russia: an activity approach aimed at treating any disorders and dysfunctions with work. Everything that was not corrected by labor, or did not fit into the ideological framework, was declared laziness, promiscuity, or the object of psychiatric treatment.

Gradually, the questions of the formation of a person's personality, morality, morality and value ideas became independent and very personal. And then psychology as a science was able to continue to study the personality and its manifestations widely, not limited to the activity approach, but as a service sector began to help people understand their own values, solve issues of their individual, unique being.

At the beginning of its journey through Russia, practical psychology was mystified, it was given, in my opinion, a shade of almost secret knowledge, capable of penetrating into the depths of the human soul in some special ways and exerting a dark or light effect on it. A psychologist was equated with a shaman or an esoteric, a magician, capable of mysterious manipulations to solve all problems and cope with the difficulties of life. Psychology seemed like an unknown land where anything could grow. And, perhaps, that is why she inspired such different feelings: from awe and unlimited faith in her abilities to distrust and declaring all psychologists sectarians and charlatans.

Now, in my opinion, psychology is gradually freeing itself from its mystical trail and becoming what it is called to be: a field of knowledge and a service sector, it inspires confidence and opens up opportunities to use scientific knowledge and methods in search of a better life.

Gradually, even at school, the psychologist ceased to be an unusual figure, a fashionable, piquant condiment for the learning process, as it had been a few years ago. He became what he should be: a professional providing services in accordance with the needs of this school.

From the experience of colleagues in different educational institutions, I know that these requests can be very diverse: conducting universal testing sometimes with unclear goals, compiling reports that help maintain the status of a single leader or institution, individual and group work with students, helping parents, training for teachers. In any case, a psychologist who comes to work at a school must understand what his activity is aimed at and meet the tasks set.

Some young psychologists come to school and immediately try to subordinate the established system to their psychological goals. Often their undertakings do not find the support of the administration and fail, which is quite natural. The school as a system and its individual parts are clients, objects of psychological services. If it is possible to clearly and accurately determine the needs of the customer, and this is, as a rule, the school administration or representatives of the teaching staff, then the psychologist has the opportunity to decide whether he can and wants to perform the proposed work.

Sometimes representatives of the school system cannot articulate their order clearly. Sometimes they don’t know what result can be obtained from the work of a psychological service, they don’t want to sort it out in an elementary way, they trust the psychologist to choose for himself where to apply his knowledge and skills. In this case, the school psychologist has to independently outline the terms of reference and responsibilities. With which most successfully cope. But, nevertheless, it seems to me very important to have periodic, or better, constant feedback from the administration and agree on the future direction of joint work.

Beginning psychologists like to go to work in schools, but to realize oneself here is not an easy task at all. A young specialist, as a rule, comes to a team where more mature people work, occupying a completely different professional niche. Teachers who have briefly studied psychology find it difficult, and for some impossible, to give a newly minted colleague the right to take an expert position in their specialty. Willy-nilly, such teachers begin to compete with psychologists not only on questions of a general nature, but also on highly specialized topics, on the study of which psychologists spend more than one year.

Another problem is that most psychologists do not teach lessons, and this activity is the main one at school. Many educators believe that a psychologist who is not involved in the educational process does not deserve encouragement, because he only engages in "nonsense talk." And this, of course, is unfair. First, the psychologist should not engage in training, if there is no special need for it, since the mixing of roles most often has a negative effect on building good psychotherapeutic, helping relationships. And secondly, verbal communication, colloquially speaking, is the main method of work of a psychologist, not counting games and art therapy methods (drawing, modeling, origami, etc.).

The next problem may be differences in professional position. The teaching system, adopted almost everywhere, still recognizes as effective unequal "I-Him" relationships, where there is an expert position of the teacher and an attentive position of the student. This type of relationship always builds a significant distance, it may not cause the most positive feelings for someone who is “from below”. And the “I-Thou” connection between the psychologist and those who turned to him for help is based on equality, mutual active participation and sharing of responsibility. Such equal relationships often evoke a positive response in children, a desire to communicate, gratitude, and sometimes affection. Often this gives rise to jealousy and suspicion of the teaching staff. Only a truly real Teacher succeeds in an equal position, which guarantees not only the constant interest of students in his subject, but also human closeness, deep respect, recognition.

Another difficulty arises from setting different goals. Dedicated to assisting the school and meeting its learning needs, a psychological service is often expected to provide immediate results or a final solution to all pending problems. But the psychologist works in a system where there are a lot of basic and additional variables (if you can call teachers, parents and other school employees that way). Very often, the efforts of one specialist or even the entire service cannot be crowned with success, since the participation of all parts of the system is required. The unwillingness of the parent to make changes in their own lives or the inability of the teacher to look at the problem of the child from a different angle can lead to the fact that the work of a psychologist will be ineffective.

For one child, a simple conversation or an opportunity to pour out accumulated feelings is enough; for another, it will take more than one year of weekly classes involving people from the system. Each problem is individual and does not accept typical solutions, no matter how obvious they may seem at first glance.

But all of the above issues become easily resolved if the psychologist and school representatives are in constant contact. If a psychologist is able to explain the specifics of his work, talk about its opportunities, difficulties and prospects, and teachers and administration are able to hear, take into account and establish interaction, then together they will be able to work towards common goals and do their work not only effectively, but also with pleasure, allowing students to receive not only education, but in a certain sense, care and participation.

Having received such an invitation, try to arrange a meeting as soon as possible: it is best to solve any problem that has arisen immediately, in hot pursuit.
In such a situation, parents often feel guilty, embarrassed. Here are some helpful tips for parents who find themselves in this situation.

Sometimes a child does not develop relationships with peers, and this problem greatly complicates his school life.

Relationships with peers

Sometimes in the school life of a child there are situations in which the intervention of parents is simply necessary. The most typical problem is that the child does not develop relationships with peers, he feels rejected.
If your child comes home from school in tears and complains that his peers are bullying him, you should not raise the alarm: at a certain age, all children quarrel and make up, and even the most inseparable friends can seriously quarrel. Reassure the child, assure him that very soon all his problems will be settled.
If you notice that your child feels like an outcast at school, show concern for his grief, show that you are also suffering with him. Your child should know that you will definitely help him find a way out of the difficult situation in which he finds himself. "Parents are on your side, they are always ready to help" - do not hesitate to tell the child.
Children, as a rule, reject from their environment those peers who are somehow different from them (appearance, demeanor, clothing, etc.), and in such a situation, both sides may show intolerance and aggression. Thus, parents and educators should first of all think about what measures of influence they should apply to the participants in the conflict.
Ask your child to describe the situation in detail. Call the teacher and arrange a meeting with him. If necessary, ask the school principal to be present during the conversation. Share with the teachers the facts your child has told you.
In the article "Parents' Meetings" we talked in detail about how communication between parents and teachers is organized at school. If you have accumulated enough information to think about, you can seek advice from your pediatrician. A doctor who is familiar with the physiology of your child will probably give you some good advice.

Conflicts with teachers and learning problems

Every child sometimes has certain problems with academic performance: he may not cope with one or another test, get a low mark in some subject. Individual sessions will help you solve the problem that has arisen. Work with your child, and if necessary, ask the teacher to help you.
Sometimes parents have concerns related to the method of work of the teacher himself. For example, you do not like the interior of the classroom, the very atmosphere that reigns in the classroom. Maybe you think that the teacher does not give your child the attention they deserve, or your child complained to you that the teacher publicly humiliates him.

In such a situation, first of all, you need to talk with the teacher. Explain to him what your child's problem is. Do not take on the role of an accuser, speak with restraint and calmly. Never use expressions such as "You're not doing your job!" or “How could you say that to my child!” Give the teacher the opportunity to calmly explain the situation, listen to all his considerations. If you are disappointed with the results of the conversation, and all the measures you have taken do not produce tangible results, contact the principal of the school for help. The director will probably invite you and your teacher to meet again in his office. The intervention of the headmaster in such situations brings tangible benefits.
The principal of the school is your faithful ally, so turn to him for help in any situation. Are you having problems with your school bus driver? Do you want to equip a playground in the school yard? The principal of the school will help you solve these problems. In some cases, it will be advisable for you to seek help from representatives of the school administration (teacher-consultant, school psychologist).
Do not rush things, let teachers act as they see fit. In such cases, both the child and the teacher need time, because the situation with academic performance cannot change in a matter of days. If the situation has not changed during the school year and your child has the same problems, contact higher organizations (in particular, the administration of your district). The district administration makes conceptual decisions concerning all educational institutions located on its territory. If necessary, you can also bring your problem to the school board.
When talking to high-ranking officials, state only the facts, and leave emotions for later. Maintain an even, friendly tone without deviating from the essence of the problem. With a sharp outburst of emotions, you can set the officials against you, and you will have to start all over again.
If you decide to take your problem to the very top of the bureaucratic ladder, seek help from your child's pediatrician: the doctor will surely give you some useful advice.

The problems of schoolchildren are a rather serious test, both for our children and for us, their parents, because each of us wants to see our child cheerful and happy. It’s one thing if the problematic issue is “homework” in English, and it’s completely different if the child doesn’t want to go to school at all, which becomes for him a symbol of trials, humiliation and a synonym for bad mood. What to do if parents realize that the child's attendance at an educational institution has turned into torture? Let's discuss and try to find a solution to the most important school problems in our material today.

Child being bullied by classmates

Unfortunately, in almost every children's team there is a child who, for one reason or another, plays the role of an "outcast". They offend him, laugh at him, mock him, at best, they simply do not make friends or collectively do not pay attention.

Often the reason for such an attitude of classmates becomes some very noticeable external feature of the child.

And often not all the guys in the class are opposed to the child. In such groups, it only takes a leader to dislike someone for one reason or another (even if the child is simply much smarter than the genius recognized by society), and he becomes an outsider.

Agree, it’s not very pleasant to feel in such a role, and the understanding that every day brings you another portion of bullying does not cause the slightest desire to cross the threshold of the class.

Often the child is even afraid to admit to himself in the fact that he found himself in such a dead-end situation from his point of view.

Because of this, he actively ignores the problem, and as a rule, if he complains, it is not about rejection by classmates, but that he cannot find a common language with or says that school is just boring.

However, every day it becomes more and more difficult to persuade a child to get out of bed in the morning. Often included in the work and: literally "out of the blue" the child may start to have a headache, stomach, the temperature rises.

What to do if your child is bullied by classmates

1. They suspected something was wrong - the main thing is not to interfere "directly".
   If you, in the heat of the moment, fly into the classroom in order to deal with the offenders of your son or daughter once and for all, the situation will only worsen.
   After all, you can’t always be with him, and as soon as you leave, they will tease him with a vengeance, now also because he is a “sissy” and “sneak”.
2. Of course, we all love to give each other advice, but our "cleverness" will not make it easier for a child. Adult advice is still completely ineffective for the simple reason that a 10-year-old person does not yet have our 30-year-old confidence and strength, as well as our ability, honed over the years, to fence off problems with a monolithic wall or ignore offenders with icy silence.
   If he could do this, he would not have any problems with feelings because of the attitude of his classmates.
3. The best thing to do is to give your child maximum support. Listen to him when he complains, say that you understand and love him.
   Perhaps this situation is temporary. In the role of an outcast, according to psychological research, every fourth child has been to one degree or another. And safely out of it!
   Therefore, do not deprive your son or daughter of a unique chance to gain valuable experience in overcoming the unfriendly attitude of others. This will definitely come in handy in life.
4. In parallel with parental understanding, try to increase the child's self-esteem. To do this, he needs to feel recognized and popular.
   And not only by parents, but by children like himself. You need to find a children's society , in which his individuality will be valued, not rejected.
   The theater studio will help to talk the silent and find a use for too chatterbox, the basketball section will show that growth is cool for a child who is a head taller than his peers, and a nerd and nerd, whose love for encyclopedias is laughed at in a regular school, will be an indispensable shot in a team of young intellectuals during the What? Where? When?".
5. Seeing that one can be proud of his peculiarity, he will be much less offended by the ridicule of his classmates, which, in fact, had to be achieved.
6. If the situation is not developing so rosy, and relations with classmates are getting worse and even reaching the point of assault, you should think about transferring the child to another school.
   In order not to step on the same "rake" again, it is better to first clarify whether the place of an outcast is occupied in the new class, and also to understand how strong the group is in the new children's team, aimed at studying, and not at persecuting objectionable children.

Child worries too much about bad grades

How long has it been since your child came home from school in tears or hid his diary from you, in fear that his parents would see his poor grade? Does he care about performance at all? Of course, slovenliness is also a form of protection from the outside world, but too strong worries about one's own academic performance are also a signal that not everything is going as it should.

What to do if your child is too worried about bad grades

In 99% of 100, this attitude of a child is a mirror of your adult subjectivism. After all, it is we, the parents, who categorically tell our children that it is necessary to study only “excellently”, we hint that “Helen has long mastered the tasks in physics” or we scare that in case of poor grades, the child will have a future janitor.

But, you see, it is not always possible to complete training tasks for the highest score. After all, you and I are also not always in “full combat readiness” at work.

Sometimes you want to relax, chat with a colleague, take a little longer walk at lunchtime or look at the Internet instead of filling out the ill-fated report for the authorities.

Is it true, after all, we allow ourselves such liberties at least from time to time? But our children, like steadfast tin soldiers, must always be “on top”.

Why are there tin - tin is a rather fusible metal, rather titanium .. Our children should be titans in the world of knowledge. Don't be distracted, don't be naughty, don't relax, complete tasks only "excellent"! And for non-compliance - severe punishment ...

Do you think the child is comfortable in such conditions? Can he fall in love with the learning process itself, if parental words “and just try to bring me a different assessment” sit in his head as an unbearable thorn in his head. Grade…

It is on her that all the attention of the child is focused. It should be the maximum, because otherwise he will face a harsh trial at home, cold contempt from a perfectionist mother or a scandal from a quick-tempered father.

But is it supposed to be like that? Parents are obliged to convey to the child the idea that yes, good grades are wonderful and very important, but much more important is interest in the subject and study in general. Praise the child for the efforts made and compare not with the excellent student Katenka, but with him only a year, a month, a day, a week ago. Emphasize that his handwriting has improved, that he is already able to read a poem with expression, to solve such a difficult problem (and he didn’t succeed in the last quarter!).

Psychologist Natalya Karabuta tells:

“Often, it is precisely such parents, who are fundamentally uncompromising in relation to the child’s grades, that grow out of those very children who themselves regularly received scolding for academic performance in childhood. Do you want your child to also be afraid of your righteous anger, and then, 30 years later, still shake the diary over the head of an unreasonable child, often not understanding why he is doing this? It is unlikely ... After all, this is how we deprive the child of the most important thing - the understanding that parents love them not for something, but just like that. That parental love is unnecessary to deserve - it is unconditional. And grades are, of course, important, but warm relations between daughter and mother, son and father are much more important. You, the parents, just have to believe it yourself.”

The child has no friends at school

Problems with relationships at school are not always related to the fact that someone offends the child - sometimes the surrounding guys simply ignore him. Most often, this problem is encountered in two cases:

• the child is quite modest, hardly enters into a conversation, does not initiate communication, in modern terms - an introvert;
• when the child was forced to change the school team and move to another class or school.

If a lively and sociable new student comes to a new group, it is often not difficult for him to make new friends. He just starts talking at once and with everyone. On various topics. Constantly. It works!

And if the newcomer stands and huddles quietly in a corner or shyly walks past the playing mess of classmates, although sincere interest in the process is read in his eyes, he is unlikely to be called. In such cases, it is important to take the initiative yourself. And if it is difficult to immediately enter into the thick of things, then at least speak in a friendly manner with a couple of the same quiet ones like him - a child can. It just needs to be set up for it.

What to do if the child does not have friends at school

To begin with, make sure that the child generally wants to make new friends. Of course, unsociable children are the exception to the rule, but this happens.

However, most children feel the need to be part of a team and communicate freely with classmates. And parents can help him with this. A few simple situations can help break the ice between your child and classmates.

Course for children.

Arrange some small fun event - a trip to nature, a master class, a picnic, a short hike, an excursion. Invite children from your child's class. Behind the walls of the school, in a situation where everyone is relaxed and resting, children are more inclined to contacts, so it will be a little easier for the child to establish communication.

We wish you fewer problems and more happy school days!

Excerpts from the essays of schoolchildren

1. The tractor raced across the field, smelling slightly ...
2. In the summer, the boys and I went on a camping trip with an overnight stay, and we took only the necessary things with us: potatoes, a tent and Maria Ivanovna.
3. M.Yu. Lermontov died in the Caucasus, but that's not why he loved him!
4. Plyushkin piled a whole pile in his corner and put it there every day.
5. Lensky entered the duel in pantaloons. They dispersed and a shot rang out.
6. Dantes was not worth a damn Pushkin.
7. Two horses entered the yard. These were the sons of Taras Bulba.
8. Onegin liked Byron, so he hung him over the bed.
9. Gerasim put a saucer on the floor, and began to poke his muzzle into it.
10. Onegin was hard inside, and he came to Tatyana to relieve himself.
11. Lermontov was born to his grandmother in the village, when his parents lived in St. Petersburg.
12. Chatsky went out through the anus and propped up the door with a stick.
13. Gerasim poured some cabbage soup for Mume.
14. Poor Liza tore flowers and fed her mother with this.
15. Khlestakov sat in the britzka and shouted: “Drive, my dear, to the airport!
16. Chatsky's father died in childhood.
17. Pierre was a man of the world and therefore urinated with perfume.
18. In his old age, he was bedridden with cancer.
19. Suddenly Herman heard the creak of springs. It was the old princess.
20. The boar found Katerina's soft spot and put pressure on him every day.
21. The Rostovs had three daughters: Natasha, Sonya and Nikolay.22. Taras got on his horse. The horse bent over, and then laughed.
23. Tatyana's soul is full of love and can't wait to pour it over someone
25. Onegin was a rich man: in the mornings he sat in the restroom, and then went to the circus.
26. Peter the Great jumped off the pedestal and ran after Eugene, loudly clattering his hooves.
28. Deaf-mute Gerasim did not like gossip and spoke only the truth.
29. Neither fathers nor children satisfy Turgenev.
30. Girls like Olga have long been tired of Onegin, and Pushkin too.
31. I met Mikhail Yurievich Lermontov in kindergarten.
32. Gerasim ate for four, and worked alone.
33. Pechorin kidnapped Bela in a fit of feelings and wanted through her love
get closer to the people. But he didn't succeed. He did not succeed with
Maksim Maksimych.
34. Chichikov has many positive features: he is always shaved and smells.
35. Pugachev helped Grinev not only in work, but also in love for Masha.
36. Silky, blond curls knocked out from under her lacy apron.
37. The sons came to Taras and began to get acquainted with him.
38. Famusov condemns his daughter for the fact that Sophia has been with a man since the very morning.
39. Thus, Pechorin took possession of Bela, and Kazbich - Karakez.
40. Natasha was a truly Russian nature, she loved nature very much and often went to the yard.
41. Gerasim left Tatyana and contacted Mumu.
42. Grushnitsky carefully aimed at the forehead, the bullet scratched the knee.
43. Poets of the 19th century were vulnerable people: they were often killed in duels.
44. Here he first learned colloquial Russian from his nanny Arina Rodionovna.
45. The first successes of Pierre Bezukhov in love were bad - he immediately got married.
46. ​​As a result, not a man grew out of Tikhon, but a real sheep.
47. Kirsanov was sitting in the bushes, but he saw everything that was not necessary.
48. At first, Tatyana passionately loved Onegin, but he did not see her in the eye. But when she got cold, Eugene decided to start all over again. Was late.
49. The chairman took the milkmaids to the quick so much that the milk yield immediately increased.
50. When I read Gorky's novel "Mother", I myself wanted to become a mother.
51. The groans of the wounded and the dead were heard on the field.
52. There was an extraordinary aroma in the forest, and I also stopped to stand.
53. Flying on crutches is not easy, but he learned. 54. The Decembrists accumulated great potency and poured it out on Senate Square.
55." A girl was sitting on the shore, a dog was sitting next to her, she was dressed in a blue dress and a polka dot scarf.
56. “No sooner had the collective farmer left the podium than the chairman of the collective farm climbed up on her”
57″The princess rode in a carriage with her butt raised up”
58″The boy in the boat quickly rowed the yokes”
59 "Natasha Rostova wanted to say something, but the door that opened closed her mouth"
60″ A Negro, ruddy from the frost, entered the room”
61 “The seal had fluff on its head and a small tail”
62 “Geese flew with bare legs”…
63 “Finally, the dream of a flower came true - it became blue” ...
64 “The coachman pushed the horse's backside.
65 Repin's painting “waiting” - the girls were sitting on the boat with the keel up
66 On the topic ‘my favorite teacher’ The teacher painted with lipstick and urinated with perfume.
67 “While Pavel Vlasov was spitting on the decaying corpse of tsarism in court, his mother was throwing leaflets at this corpse in the street.”
68 “Andrii! exclaimed Taras. “The way I gave birth to you, so I will kill you!”
69 “Dubrovsky had relations with Masha through a hollow.”
70″ The bull is swinging, cums on the go…”
71 ″ …….. Before us is Vasnetsov’s painting “Three heroes….” Looking at the horse of Dobrynya Nikitich, we see that he is from a rich family .. But the face of Alyosha Popovich's horse is not visible - he bent down ...
72 "Someone was walking in Dubrovsky's bottom!"
73 “The warriors of Alexander Nevsky fought the dog-knights with rubber swords.”
74 “Lenin arrived in Petrograd, delivered a speech from an armored car, then got on it and went to storm the Winter Palace.”
75 “In 1968, the peasants were given passports and they began to travel around the country.”
76 “The army of Ivan the Terrible approached Kazan and besieged it”
77 “In the cave of primitive man, everything was made of animal skins, even the curtains on the windows.”
78″…When gas was brought to our village, all residents were connected to the gas pipeline.”
79 "The girl ate the pie along with the dog that ran after her."
80 From an essay on Virgin Soil Upturned. -During the riot, women stole the entire seed fund of Davydov.
81 "The elk went out to the edge of the forest and howled in annoyance."
82 “Chelkash was walking along the road. From his torn trousers, his proletarian origin was visible.”
83 “Swallows flew across the sky and croaked loudly”
84 “Otel raged and killed Desdemona.”
85 “Dubrovsky stood near the window, his hands folded
87 “A milkmaid was speaking on the podium. Then the chairman climbed on it.”
88 “The Seven Dwarfs loved Snow White very much, because she was kind, clean and did not refuse anyone”
89 Raskolnikov woke up and sweetly reached for his axe. A corpse lay on the floor and barely breathed, the wife of the corpse sat next to it, and the brother of the corpse lay unconscious in another room. 90 On the bank of the river a milkmaid was milking a cow, but the opposite was reflected in the water.
91 Anna Karenina did not find a single real man and therefore lay down under the train.
92 The poem is written in rhyme, which is often observed in the poet.
93 Suvorov was a real man and slept with ordinary soldiers.
94 Pushkin was sensitive in many places.
95 The great Russian painter Levitan was born into a poor Jewish family.
96 Of all the feminine charms, Maria Bolkonskaya had only eyes.
97 Anna got along with Vronsky in a completely new way, unacceptable for the country.
98 “Pushkin did not have time to dodge and Dantes emptied the entire clip into him”
99 The bears saw that the cub's bed was wrinkled, and they understood: Masha was here.
100 It was quiet all around, as if everyone had died out… What a beauty!
101 The sundial ticked loudly in the room.
102 “Since Pechorin is an extra person, then writing about him is a waste of time”
103 “The train driver himself could not really explain how he ended up on Anna Karenina” 104 “The old prince Bolkonsky did not want his son to marry Natasha Rostova and gave him a year probation”
105 “I really like the heroine of Leo Tolstoy’s novel “War and Peace”, especially when she dances at the ball with Stirlitz”
106 “Chickens, ducks and other household utensils walked around the yard”
107 “Denis Davydov turned his back to the women and fired twice”
108 “When the Russian warriors entered the battlefield, the Mongol-Tatar yoke jumped out from behind the mound”
109 “Prince Oleg was predicted that he would die from a snake that would come out of his skull”
110 “Pierre Bezukhov wore pantaloons with a high frill”
111 “The rider spits the horse”
112 “Grandfather cured a hare and began to live with him”
113"His eyes looked at each other tenderly"
114 Papa Carlo knocked Pinocchio out”
115 “Gogol's work was characterized by triplicity. With one foot he stood in the past, with the other he stepped into the future, and in between he had a terrible reality ”
116 “My feathered friend, a hamster, is sitting in a cage”
117 “It was quiet in the forest, but wolves howled around the corner”
118 “Vasya got himself a dog when he was still a puppy”
119 “The eyes of the goalkeeper, like his legs, ran after the sword”
120 “The girls walked and crunched their feet together”
121 “Anna, sitting on a chair, slept, and casually ate a bun”
123 “A cow is a large animal with four legs at the corners”
124 Between his legs hung a saber.
125 We slept, but we couldn't sleep.
126 Arsenic is used as a good sedative.
127 At balls he courted the ladies, but soon he got tired of these jokes.
128 There were many pigeons on the roof. Forty man.
129 An ordinary head was dangling on a thin, sinewy neck.
130 There were scattered dirty footprints on the school floor
131 Our distant ancestors made the revolution naked, barefoot, in bast shoes.

Most people remember their school years with nostalgia, considering them the happiest and most carefree time in their lives. However, according to psychologists, schooling is the most difficult period of childhood, when the child not only receives a huge amount of knowledge, but also learns to live in a team, communicating with various people and asserting his place and his role in society. It is at this time that children often face various problems - academic failure, conflicts with teachers and misunderstanding of classmates.

Often the child's entry into school is very positive. Almost all children go to the first grade with pleasure. But after a while, the kids begin to complain to their parents about the difficulty in remembering the material, slowness and inability to concentrate. Further, everything depends only on the reaction of adults. If parents do not pay attention to the problem, attributing everything to the age and character of the child, the problems grow, leading the student into a vicious circle from which it can be difficult to get out. If parents take action in time, they can prevent all difficulties and avoid unpleasant situations for the child.

The problems of children at school can be conditionally divided into several groups:

• psychological unpreparedness of the child for school
• difficulties associated with the biological characteristics of the student
• insufficient
• problems of adaptation in the team

The psychological immaturity of the child is manifested in the fact that, in terms of their interests and behavior, the baby can be at the level of a preschooler. And while his classmates are enthusiastically learning letters and counting, the child is bored and more and more asserts in his opinion that school is a boring place from which you want to quickly escape. And all that parents had to do in order to radically change the situation was to leave their son or daughter for one more year in kindergarten. But moms and dads are always in a hurry somewhere, trying to send their children to school even ahead of time. Experienced teachers advise parents not to do this, and try to wait until the moment when their child is fully prepared for the new role of a student.

In addition to psychological unpreparedness, in pedagogy there is also such a thing as the volitional immaturity of a student. In this case, we are talking about the selective memorization of various information by the child. The kid can know by heart favorite fairy tales or easily name the brands of cars that he is fond of, but he has problems remembering the material of the school curriculum - letters, numbers, rules, etc. This situation also takes time. And of course, the support of parents is very important, which should help the child adapt to the learning process.

Problems of learning at school

Often the problems of children are associated with their biological characteristics. Earlier on Bambino Story, we talked about such a concept as, and discussed in detail the measures that parents can take to organize the education of their fidgets. Hyperactive children cannot sit in one place for a long time, and therefore for them a lesson of 45 minutes seems like an eternity. They are constantly distracted and therefore very quickly begin to lag behind the school curriculum. The task of parents is to constantly monitor the knowledge of the child, help in the assimilation of school material after school hours, as well as the development of perseverance.

By the way, most children face the problem of restlessness, and not just babies with hyperactivity syndrome. It is very rare to find a child who enjoys monotonous work. Therefore, without exception, parents should monitor the accurate completion of homework in copybooks and notebooks in mathematics. And do not forget, of course, to stimulate and encourage the efforts of your children. This will help them quickly adapt to school workloads.

Another possible cause of problems at school may be when the kid simply does not keep up with the pace of the teacher, falling further and further behind the program. And in this case, active extracurricular work can also help. In the first years of education, parents should help the student go through all the material at a pace convenient for him, as well as perform various exercises to activate his thought processes and concentrate his attention.

Often, problems at school arise in children who are not prepared for their studies properly. If parents did not pay enough attention to aspects such as, counting and reading, then the child will lag behind peers whose mothers were actively interested. Therefore, do not waste time, and start daily with your baby. Get into the preschool program well and do not forget about additional hobbies - music, dance or sports. A diversified and active child will be able to cope with any load, and learning will bring him only pleasure.

Adaptation of the child to school

The problem of adaptation in a new team is familiar to everyone, both children and adults. It's always emotionally very difficult. It is necessary not only to get used to a huge number of strangers, but it is also important to determine your position among them. And in this situation, all children manifest themselves in different ways. Some take on the role of leader, others prefer to remain in the background. But without exception, kids need respect and, unfortunately, they absolutely do not know how to respect the interests and feelings of others. This is what often becomes the reason, provoking a negative attitude of children towards school and unwillingness to learn.

Protecting children at school is the responsibility of teachers. But often teachers prefer not to interfere in minor school disassemblies, and parents have to take measures to resolve conflict situations on their own. In this case, psychologists advise adults to minimally participate in relationships between children, and give them the opportunity to find their own way of resolving conflicts. The best thing parents can do in this case is to talk to the child, help him deal with his feelings and believe in himself.

Parental support is very important for students. After all, they are taking the first steps in their independent life. And on what this first experience will be, the further formation of the child as a person depends. Try to do everything to ensure that your baby is self-confident, able to protect his interests and smart enough to respect the interests of others. And then his school years will be full of positive emotions and high achievements.