There are events that change life, bring devastation and fear into it. A serious illness in a relative or the news of a serious illness becomes an unbearable burden. For what? How to continue to live? How to accept your illness or loved one? Are there any answers to these questions?

Stages of experience

Facing a severe illness activates various emotions. The process of experiencing has several stages, they were described by the doctor Kübler-Ross, who observed sick patients in the clinic for several years. The stages of experience are experienced not only by sick people, but also by their relatives. After all, the possibility of losing a loved one is equal to the loss of oneself. Many describe the condition as "cut off half of me, part of me". What are these stages?

Negation

A serious condition is frightening, a person cannot believe that he has been diagnosed with a fatal disease. At this stage, the patient can completely refute the diagnosis or start going to different doctors. This is a state of shock, severe stress, the inability to accept reality.

Protest

After awareness begins protest, aggression, anger. “Why did this happen to me?”, “Did I deserve this?”. At this stage, there is no need to prevent a person from speaking out, he needs to speak out, shout out his fears and grievances.

Bargain

The stage is characterized by hope, appeal to various spiritual instances, to God. A person tries to bargain for health from life, goes to church, does good deeds, believes in various signs. "If I do this, my life will be extended."

Oppression

This is the most depressing and the most difficult stage. The whole gravity of the situation is assessed, hands are thrown down, life is mourned. Relatives may experience a strong sense of guilt at this time. It is necessary to support a loved one psychologically, to force them to continue the struggle.

Humility

Depression is overcome, a person tries on his condition. The patient becomes calmer, can mobilize his efforts. Relatives should be helped to distract from the disease, show love and support. During this period, many find the meaning of life, re-evaluate it.

Stages may be out of order, change. The sick person may stop at one stage or return to the beginning. To help a loved one survive the illness, you need to understand what stages the patient goes through, what is happening in his soul.

How to cope?

How to cope with the disease? Are there any psychological methods? There is a special supportive medicine, with its help you can cope with the disease and experience it less traumatically.

Appropriate environment

Very often, a sick person is constantly in a confined space, for example, in a hospital room or in his room. It is important to create a comfortable environment around. Do not force all the corners with medicines, let your favorite and pleasant things be nearby. What will inspire the sick? Is there anything pleasing to the eye? The room should not resemble a sterile object with no signs of life.

Use of humor

This method was recommended by the eminent psychologist Viktor Frankl. He is famous for the fact that he survived in a concentration camp, he managed to find the meaning of life in unbearable conditions. He said that humor is a lifeline that will allow you to survive. Yes, it's hard to accept your illness for granted, there is nothing fun about it. But the use of laughter, humor can improve the physical and mental state. There is a science of gelotology, it scientifically substantiates the positive effect of laughter. Thanks to humor, breathing is activated, heart function improves, pain is relieved, and mood improves. No wonder today in all countries funny characters come to seriously ill children, holidays are arranged in hospitals, nursing homes.

What can be done? Give yourself the opportunity to laugh, smile at others, watch good old comedies, read the classics of the satirical genre.

Proximity

How to survive, for example, the illness of the mother? Often a sick person moves away from the family, does not want to become a burden, closes in on himself. How to help him? Do not think that the reason for isolation is directed against loved ones. This is one of the stages of experience. Let the stage of acceptance of the disease come, say that you will always be there, hug, but not expecting a response. You can contact the help group in your city, they can be searched on the Internet. Many people coped with the experience by uniting.

Little joys of life

When a person experiences joy, then his pain decreases. Where can a sick person look for joy? Joyful moments can be found in your favorite hobby, watching movies, reading good literature. I remember the story of a patient with cancer. Being in a difficult situation, she wrote down messages to the future for her daughter. She read poetry, talked about her life, spoke about her love for her. These records were filled with love and kindness, they helped to overcome the pain and fear of the unknown.

Watch the video: Psychologist's webinar “Acceptance of illness. What's the point?"

What else can be done?

If you can't handle the situation on your own, it's worth looking for a support group, people who are going through the same condition or have coped with their illness. Do not be afraid to give free rein to feelings, sometimes talking about your emotions helps to ease your soul and relax. Remember that life is worth living and appreciating every moment of it.

Psychologist Katerina Demina:

Child through the eyes of mom and dad

- How do women and men experience the illness of a child or the birth of a disabled child?

- Differently. A woman most often experiences the illness of a child as her own. She perceives the child not as a separate being, but as part of herself. This perception of the baby by the mother is normal, this is the key to his survival. The fact that the child is a separate creature from her, a woman understands by about his nine months - when the child begins to crawl, move independently. And the second important step is weaning.

In a man, acceptance of a child develops exactly the opposite. At first, a child is something foreign to him. And he becomes “one of his own” only when contact appears, when knowledge can be transferred to a child, “put yourself into it”. By the way, this is why, in some cases, it is psychologically easier for a man to accept his wife’s children from his first marriage: “Yes, he is not blood, but I talk to him and study; he is mine".

- But does this mean that the contact between the father and the child can be established only when the child has speech?

- Actually, yes. A breastfed baby is perceived by a man as part of his wife.

- How important is the idea for a man: “This is my continuation?”

- Very important. But the more a person, relatively speaking, is “spiritual”, the more important relationships and intimacy are for him, the longer he can endure that the child is “not like that”, that it is difficult to communicate with him.

Fathers who see in a child only an extension of themselves, a means to prove something to the world, a still unfinished version of themselves - refuse "defective" offspring, step back, try not to become attached.

Dads-businessmen have a very strong idea "so that there is someone to leave the business to." Such parents experience the birth of a disabled person especially acutely, and the chance that the family will break up, and the spouse (or even both) will go looking for an opportunity to give birth to healthy offspring, is especially great.

It is very dangerous for parents when a child is perceived not as a separate person given by God, a personality, a new soul, but when he is valuable as the embodiment of my dreams and fantasies, when “the child should achieve more for me” or “I will be the mother of a great person.”

- And how to correct this attitude?

— It could be an existential shake-up, an insight. When “and suddenly I saw a blissful fool on the street, looked at him and realized that he is just like my child – good.” Psychotherapy, if it is available, helps in awareness, in determining what is happening to me.

Women and men: marathon runners and sprinters

- What to do in this situation, when the parents do not coincide so much in the topics of experience?

- A bad option for a woman is to leave the child and stay with a man. By and large, this is advice that we have had for many years: "Leave this, you will give birth to a healthy one." Psychologically, this is experienced as a blocked grief that cannot be mourned. As a rule, such families still break up, guilt, grief and mutual accusation stand between the spouses.

A good option is not to close in, but to lean on your husband as much as possible, overcoming his shock. And look for help outside, that same "vest" and "shoulder" to cry.

Traditionally, in our culture, men are not trained to talk about feelings, much less accept someone else's grief. The most common reaction of our man to his wife’s grief is: “Let me do something!”

Men begin to “look for a way out”: “Let’s find doctors, find funds, a foreign clinic where he will be cured!” They try to overcome the child's disability in a sprint format. A woman is more tolerant, moreover, in the first months after the birth of a child, they are on a huge hormonal supply.

Men usually leave not at the first moment, but when they burn out. When they see: "I try so hard - but there is no result." Visible, tangible result: the child does not recover, he does not get better.

And, as a rule, men leave not from problems, but from a feeling of their own weakness, which is unbearable for them.

But if a woman manages to build a life in such a way that a lot depends on a man, they are grateful to him for this, and he sees the result - at least in the form of a wife’s smile, the family will survive. It is very important for a man to understand that he is well done, he did it.

And, leaving a man alone with his anxieties and his helplessness, a woman actually overturns him.

- But if dad went to the children's kitchen, got money, supported the child's complex schedule of procedures, and this did not change the child's condition, but at least somehow streamlined the surrounding chaos, then he is well done?

Yes, and it needs to be said. Both spouses need to learn to see how each one tries. A woman needs to delegate authority to her husband in the form of small intelligible assignments and be thanked for their implementation. A man - to participate in the life of the family through the implementation of such instructions.

Personal space for mom and dad

It is interesting that in simple families, where you can cry out loud, gather all your relatives around you and complain, openly talk about what happened with all your neighbors, grief is usually perceived more easily by a woman.

And in an intelligent society, aggression and anger are tabooed, and, holding back her emotions, a woman more often falls into depression.

But in the position of the mother of a disabled child, the worst thing is hopelessness, isolation. Therefore, it is much more useful for the mother, when the child grows up, to hire an assistant and find the opportunity to switch, to rest properly.

A normotypical child needs mother's round-the-clock care only in the first year of life. And then he learns to communicate with close relatives, he can go to kindergarten. The process of growing up is the gradual mastering of the skill of living away from parents.

Mom and dad should have some personal space. And in the case of a very difficult child, without the involvement of outside personnel, it is difficult to provide for him.

- Take care to stay a couple. Find childcare assistants who will allow you to be alone regularly.

- Talk to each other! Do not rely on your partner to recognize exactly what you need without words.

Sometimes a woman tries to do a favor to a man by not addressing him. Or does not share their anxieties, experiences, fears. She does what she would like to be done to her. For herself, she would not want an extra load, therefore, taking all the worries on herself, she thereby makes a sacrifice.

But a man at this time feels exactly the opposite - turned off, insignificant. And it turns out: you made a sacrifice - but no one noticed it. And all that was needed was to ask him for help.

- Thank each other! Everything that your partner does, he does of his own free will, so thanking him is very appropriate.

- It is very important for men to overpower themselves and ask their wife what needs to be done? Okay, you can't sort out her feelings - ask what to do. If she says: "Nothing!" - ask five times. In the end, a scout came up - some of his sister - but find out!

- Hug more often. The feeling of "all is lost!" it is very strongly expressed physically - the back, shoulders, lower back begin to hurt, knees hurt. The tension in this case can be relieved with the help of bodily contact, even simple hugs. Then, with these problems, you still need to go to the doctor, but first - “thaw out”.

- Arrange yourself a vacation separately from everyone else. Once a year, both a man and a woman need to be alone, relax. At the same time, it is ineffective to send a woman on vacation with a child. Of course, some of the everyday problems will be removed from her, but she will not be able to be alone. The man is also not iron - he also drags this whole situation on himself. So rest should be built on parity.

Trust your partner with your concerns.“No one can take care of a child the way I do” only means that dad will be able to take care of him in a different way, in his own different way. There are two options here: either he earns so much money that he can hire assistants, or he learns to do everything himself.

(I must say, when I left my three healthy children with my dad, I was also very worried about how they would cope. And nothing, upon returning everyone was alive, they just started the house a little, but this is relative to my high standards).

- Define the limit of your responsibility.

The birth of a child with a disability most destroys the illusion "I control my life." Even a healthy child does not live up to your expectations every day: you thought you were doing well, but you can’t put him to bed! You thought you were a pedagogical genius, and he doesn't want to play this game!

Being engaged in education, any parent checks the limits of their true capabilities every day. Children bring up tolerance and creativity in us: every day you invent some new scheme for the child and then pray that it will work.

In the most difficult moments of my life, I was saved by a request, an appeal to the top: “Lord, I did everything I could. It's your turn". It helps a lot in moments of despair, when it seems that there is no light. Ask for help, it may be very close.

Everything in the world is subject to change
Michel Montaigne

In the first days, when a person finds out the diagnosis and experiences a shock, he shares this news with his closest and dearest people. From the moment of diagnosis to the very completion of treatment, the patient urgently needs our participation and presence nearby, support, words of comfort. Relatives and friends of patients are often worried about the feeling of confusion, fear for a loved one, guilt, because every day, leaving for work or school, we are forced to leave our patient alone, alone with his illness or a dry hospital environment. “How to be, what to do, how to talk with a person, how to relieve depression, depression, panic attacks, I can’t be around all the time”? With such questions, people very often turn to the “hot line” of psychological assistance. In this regard, I would like to write a few words about these difficulties and how to deal with them.

It usually happens that in a normal environment, when a person is healthy, he plans his life in advance, i.e. there are some unconditional values ​​in his life, in connection with which he feels successful and strives to develop further along this path. The main life values ​​can be an active, active life, health, interesting work, material security, recognition, knowledge, self-development, attractive appearance, self-confidence, happy family life. All of these values ​​always come first in our lives, and when faced with a life-threatening illness, we see that some of our values ​​collapse or suddenly turn out to be not the most important. This situation just brings a person into a state of depression, and he feels like a "burden", and his previous life is wrong. This is especially acutely felt by people who have achieved a lot, for example, a woman who feels well-groomed and attractive to the point of illness, a mistress of the house, a good mother, loses self-confidence, and a man, the head of the family, the “provider”, feels helpless. How to be, how to assure a loved one that life is not over, how to cheer him up?

Often, when we all live together in a family, our care and participation does not need to be confirmed by words, but now it is necessary to say them: "I love you, I want to help, you are very important, I am ready to be there, you are not alone, we are together Let's do it, everything will be fine!" For a man, there can be a severe blow to self-esteem, feeling like the head of the family and the breadwinner. It is important to inspire him that he is loved not because he brings money, but because he is, what he is, that he is strong, caring, loving. Be sure to emphasize that, despite the changes in lifestyle and the difficulties ahead, the main priority for a person now is to fight for his life and overcome life's obstacle. After the end of treatment, a person will be able to return to a full life again. The topic of overcoming is something that you can talk about with a loved one; imagine that the current difficulties are a life test that needs to be experienced and left behind. Tell him that now you need to accept the changes, actively engage in the treatment process. Then he is more likely to return to his former way of life. The main goal is to fight for your life.

Redefining values ​​is a complex and in many ways painful process, so we should not expect our loved one to quickly and calmly accept these changes. But while this is happening, it is important to tirelessly support him and try to eliminate the fear of loneliness and rejection by loved ones. It may also make sense to support with a gesture, touch, shake hands, confirming the words. Convince a person that he (a) is the best, and it is very important for you that he (a) feel good, enjoy life with you; that under no circumstances will you leave him, you will not leave him alone. This support of you, as well as the support of other family members, is of great importance and will certainly help to relieve the severity of his condition. It has been absolutely proven that the participation of loved ones and positive emotions increase the body's resistance, increase the positive effect of treatment, practically "pulls" a person out of the disease, and vice versa, negative emotions and fears worsen the state of health. Remember if your relative or friend has a hobby, passion: it can be outdoor walks, embroidery, writing, cooking, reading, woodcarving, computer games, buying shoes after all! Be sure to use this resource - the joy of creativity will certainly help a person to escape from sad thoughts and prove to himself that he can still create something and make, for example, a gift to a loved one. In addition, it should at least partially relieve anxiety and depression while you are not at home or in the hospital. Making something with your own hands, bright colors, beautiful, elegant things, your favorite mug or clothes, new experiences, as a rule, bring joy and hope to life. With a man who felt like the head of the family, it is imperative to consult on all issues as before (for example, where to hang a shelf, how to plaster a wall, what kind of cord to buy) - it is very important that he feels needed and useful to the family. You can also use calm, relaxing music or works of an artist that the patient likes, this will also have a therapeutic effect. There are many relaxation techniques that allow you to relieve anxiety and depletion of mental strength, try using them together with your loved one - this should help both you and him.

Communicate with your loved one on topics that bother him: often people avoid taboo topics - fear of death, sexual relationships; in these aspects, a person should also feel supported if he is ready to talk about it.

Most importantly, remember that the mood of your loved one depends on your mood and feelings.. If you feel that you are not coping, you are losing hope, you can turn to other close people for help yourself or to our psychological service by phone 8-800 100-0191 .

Don't let your own resources run out, lest your efforts go to waste. I wish you strength and good luck!

Golinetskaya Vera, psychologist-consultant

A serious illness becomes a test for both the patient and his family. How to reconcile and accept the situation, how to find the strength to fight for recovery, how not to lose faith and how to gain it. This article contains a conversation with the psychologist of the Orthodox Crisis Center Inna Mirzoeva

When our loved one is going through severe suffering, much more intense than we ourselves have ever experienced, it can be difficult to find the right words and topics to talk with him. The question arises how to properly express your sympathy.

The answer is simple. The most important thing is sincerity, love and attention. Often it is enough to be near, to hold the hand, and no words are needed at the same time. Sometimes we are afraid to upset the patient - we try to transfer the conversation to extraneous topics. Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh wrote that these conversations are devastating, because they are a screen for us to protect ourselves from anxiety. But, at the same time, we defend ourselves against truth and veracity. And for patients, this is very dangerous, since gossip leads a person away from reality and deprives him of the strength to fight the disease.

While visiting the sick in the first Moscow hospice, which was created with the blessing of Vladyka Anthony, I read the instructions he had created for communicating with the sick. It contains these words:

“It is important for a person who cares for a seriously ill person to learn to be like a musical string, which in itself does not make a sound, but after the touch of a finger, it begins to sound.” All human relationships are based on this. The point is that the right words are always in the process of communication. The most important thing is that the person who is nearby simply feels our sincere sympathy. If we have it, then we will say everything correctly. We must move away from empty words.

- It happens that by our actions we encourage the patient's pity for himself. How to avoid it?

First of all, it is necessary to show utmost attention to the patient's condition. I'll give you an example. I was approached by an elderly woman undergoing chemotherapy. She is in stage four cancer. The condition is serious, but she is used to taking care of herself. For her, rest, lying in bed is tantamount to death. And she cries because her sister protects her from all worries. The sister forces the patient to lie down and does not allow anything to be done. This is a terrible situation. Pity and overprotection are not productive. It takes love and partnership. Everyone has their own internal resources. Thanks to these resources, a person fights. And if you take on all the duties and all the responsibility, you will deprive him of the opportunity to act independently, deprive him of the strength to fight. If you face the truth, then relatives who are too protective of the patient think more about themselves - how to do everything faster so that there is less hassle. And you need to think about a sick person - how he feels better.

There is another extreme. It happens that a seriously ill person goes through a stage of denial of the disease. He tries not to notice that his physical condition has changed, he lives the same life, taking on the same worries. And help is needed! And in front of my eyes, many tragedies connected with this unfolded. The man survived the most difficult treatment, weakened, but he gets up through force, walks a few steps and faints. And there are no relatives nearby ... because the patient himself did not ask for help in time. In such a situation, relatives themselves need to be very attentive, they need to analyze, draw their own conclusions and help in time.

- And if a person is embarrassed to accept help even from the closest people?

Indeed, there are many people who find it difficult to accept help. They are used to being patrons themselves. In psychology, there is such a thing - congruence. This is when our feelings and behavior coincide. If we are congruent, sincere, then the person will still accept our help. Any falseness is felt. If you really sincerely want to help, it is unlikely that your help will be rejected.

- Physically suffering people are characterized by mood swings that are difficult for loved ones to understand.

You need to know that a seriously ill patient goes through several stages in his psychological state. These stages - shock, aggression, depression and acceptance of the disease - are very well described by Andrey Vladimirovich Gnezdilov, psychotherapist, founder of the hospice in St. Petersburg. The sequence of stages may be different. Some of the patients can avoid aggression, while others may not accept their illness. But in general, the change of these psychological states is very characteristic.

The most dangerous stage is the shock stage.. In this state, suicide is possible. And the patient needs special attention and support. At the stage of aggression, a person pours out his feelings. And, if we are nearby, we must give the opportunity to pour out these feelings. Because the patient cannot keep them in himself. Otherwise, aggression can result in auto-aggression, a destructive state. I understand that families are having a hard time. But you need to be aware that the patient needs to go through this, and show sympathy and understanding.

Often, relatives begin to sound the alarm when the patient is overcome by depression. But we must remember that not always depression should be hammered with drugs. Pain must be endured, because through suffering guilt is redeemed, through suffering a person can come to God. When the onset of depression is "killed" with the help of antidepressants, pathological personality changes are possible. If a person does not survive depression, he may not come to realize his true state, he will not have the strength to fight.

It is better to find a qualified psychiatrist or clinical psychologist who will help you properly survive all stages of the disease.

Very often, patients complain: first, a relative plunges headlong into my problems, literally takes all the worries on himself. And then he overstrains, his strength dries up. As a result, the patient remains completely unattended. It must be remembered that, of course, if a loved one falls ill, we will need a lot of patience and work, but care should be reasonable. It is necessary for a person to see that we care about him with love and joy.

And we can survive the illness of a loved one only with God's help. You need to turn to God more, confess, take communion.

Often, Orthodox relatives of a non-church sick person really want him to receive the sacraments of confession, communion, unction, but the person himself is not ready for this. What is the best course of action to take in this case?

We need to pray for this person. Anthony of Surozhsky said this beautifully: “The imposition of God at the hour of death on a person, when he renounces God, is simply cruel. If he says that he does not believe in God, then you can say: “You do not believe, but I believe. I will talk with my God, and you listen to how we talk to each other.

If a person is ready for a dialogue about faith, then you can carefully tell him about your experience. Then we offered our patients books and CDs. And in my experience through books, including modern authors, people came to faith.

A few years ago, a man who had been practicing yoga for a long time approached us. When he became ill, he experienced severe depression. He was a highly educated and intelligent person who, in his spiritual search, reached a dead end. Illness led to faith. It happened literally in front of my eyes. He asked to be introduced to the priest, talked, read. At some point, I realized that I was leading people along the wrong path. Gathered his students and announced it to them. And before his death he took monasticism.

In a difficult situation, it is natural for a person to hope for a miracle. Were there people among your patients who were healed by faith?

I want to say that miracles really do happen and people need to talk about it. But we must remember that everything is God's providence. I have come across cases that can only be called miraculous. Once a young woman came to us in severe depression - her husband left her with a small child. She brought her aunt to the reception. My aunt has a cancerous tumor - melanoma. Doctors confirmed the diagnosis, the operation was scheduled for Monday. On Saturday we went to the temple. She confessed there, took communion. She stood at the icon for a long time, praying. In the evening, my colleague calls me and says: "They say that the tumor is decreasing." We didn't believe. But it turned out that this is indeed the case. The doctors were unable to explain what had happened. This woman, thank God, is now alive. She constantly calls us, thanks, but we say that we should not be thanked. She said that she prayed in desperation that day. She said that she didn’t even ask for herself: “Lord give me a little life to support my niece.” The disease did not return.

One more case. A man with kidney cancer was brought in for surgery, but there was no tumor. The professor cursed, suspected that they had mixed up the patients. And in a conversation with his wife, it turned out that right before the operation, a priest came and christened him.

Healings are happening. Each of us working with seriously ill people can remember them. An Orthodox person, if he falls ill, should receive a blessing, be treated, communicate with a confessor, pray, take communion. To believe is the most important thing. It's very difficult without it..

Anna Ushakova

Oncopsychologist, Clear Morning service for oncological patients.

How do you support someone who has just been diagnosed?

At the moment when a person is diagnosed, support and the presence of a loved one are important, so the first thing to do is to listen. But you need to listen sincerely, not formally. The main message: "I hear you, I understand that you are scared, I will help." Perhaps you just need to sit next to each other, hug, cry together, if appropriate - that is, share the excitement, let them speak out and not deny the person’s feelings.

It is very important not to overwhelm with advice: “I looked on the Internet”, “my friends told me”, “I urgently need to go to Germany”, and so on. This can be very annoying, so advice should be at the request of the person himself. The maximum that can be done in this sense is to offer to read something with the wording "if you are interested."

A person should feel that he has support, that they do not move away from him, they are not afraid to get infected through dishes, towels, clothes

When a person only learns about the diagnosis, he has a lot of things to deal with urgently: find a doctor, drugs, a place where he may be operated on. He may be depressed, and then he may need help just to go buy food. But you need to ask about this so as not to do a disservice and not be imposed.

As for information, it should be taken only from trusted sources. There are many different sites, tricks and lures from people who are incompetent in this. For example, healing, homeopathy and so on.

How to talk to a person who has cancer?

Each family has its own rules of communication, so much depends on the situation. I think that you need to start a conversation with yourself, talking about your feelings: “I feel that it’s hard for you. Can I help?" You should also try to maintain the same relationship that you had before the illness. A person should feel that he has support, that they do not move away from him, they are not afraid to get infected through dishes, towels, clothes.

How to deal with the illness of a loved one?

Almost every person whose relative is sick with oncology is very worried. Often he experiences even more than the patient himself, because he is in a certain vacuum.

We must immediately look at the resources of loved ones: if there is someone to talk to, share the burden, this is very good. We tell relatives that on the plane they are asked to put on a mask, first on themselves, and then on the person who is sitting next to them. If a relative who cares for a sick person is himself exhausted, he himself is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, then he will not be able to provide any quality assistance to a sick person. In general, you need to allow yourself to relax a little, be distracted, share feelings with another person.

Perhaps, by refusing treatment, a person wants to check how important he is for relatives, whether they are afraid of losing him

Next is psychological support. We urge you to call the support line, communicate with a psychologist, because the conversation itself is therapeutic. A person shares his pain, dumps emotions - like in a container. Also, a relative of a cancer patient can tell the psychologist about what is really forbidden - for example, he is angry with his mother because she is sick and dying, and this annoys him. In the family, this will be misunderstood, and the psychologist gives an invaluable perception of the situation and complete acceptance of a person who needs support and support. Also, a psychologist can give practical recommendations to reduce the level of anxiety and fear.

What to do if a person with cancer refuses to be treated?

Such cases are quite common - a lot depends on the person's psychotype and the support that they provide. If this happens, we advise relatives to tearfully beg the patient to continue treatment for them, and also to show how much they love him, how much they want to see him next to them and fight together.

Some patients give up because they understand that treatment is a long journey and there will be a lot of things along the way. Perhaps, by refusing treatment, a person wants to check how important he is for relatives, whether they are afraid of losing him. In this case, you need to turn to all your spiritual qualities and show the value of a person to him.

Behind the words "I will die soon" there are always some other words that a person would like to say to you.

You also need to figure out what is behind this - perhaps these are myths and fears. As a rule, patients have a sad experience of the death of loved ones under similar circumstances, and this should be carefully spoken out, convey information aimed at reducing these fears. Here, it is important to consult a psychologist who will help you look at the situation from different angles and work with those fears that prevent you from gaining confidence in your abilities and in treatment.

But still, a person’s life is in his hands, and the choice is always his. We can beg and plead for a long time, but if a person has made such a decision, we must sincerely listen to him and try to understand. In this case, it will be necessary to leave the share of responsibility on the patient himself.

How to talk about death?

The topic of death is often taboo. It's a subtle, intimate moment. Nowhere is it taught to talk about death, and much depends on how it was lived in the family when older relatives died.

Behind the words "I will die soon" there are always some other words that a person would like to tell you. Maybe he wants to ask for something - for example, help him do something unfinished. It is very important to listen to the person and understand what he really wants to convey. Perhaps he just wants to go to the sea and watch the seagulls fly. So do it! Keep the conversation going and don't close. It is very important.