There is one skill that helps in all matters, increases productivity, and allows you to cope with the most difficult tasks and problems ...

Quit smoking. Lose weight. Learn a new language. Make a date. Write a difficult report.

Anything you want to do is not that hard. Collect information, write down a plan of action - and do it.

And despite this - we smoke every day, gain weight, and again put off what we want to do a long time ago. Every day we do exactly the opposite of what we plan to do.

We live in the Age of Information. To achieve any goal - often you just need to find information, write down the necessary steps - and follow them.
But we still don't do it.

What part of the equation are we missing?

This part is the area of ​​discomfort. This is our real enemy, and information cannot defeat him. It is a desire to avoid pain and fear, and we do not have the strength to cope with it.

We are too well trained to avoid this discomfort, we prefer to turn away from it.

It appears whether we like it or not. You may not think about it at all. But every day we make decisions based on our unwillingness to experience it.

There are millions of ways to avoid discomfort, millions of ways to deceive yourself and not do what you need to do. We have come up with hundreds of names for them: laziness, avoidance, and so on.

The only thing I can't stand is the discomfort. ~ Gloria Steinem

The main and most difficult skill that I have been learning for five years of blogging is a skill that helps in all matters, helps to cope with all complex tasks and problems:

Learn to be comfortable with discomfort.

To realize in time an attack of procrastination before a difficult task, to cope with an attack of a bad mood, to finish the necessary when you don’t feel like it, and then enjoy the results - in all this, the skill to calmly endure discomfort helps.

If you create it, you can learn anything. Defeat procrastination, regularly go to a fitness club, learn a new language, learn to dance, go through any trials and physically difficult events, perform from the stage. And this is just the beginning.

Unfortunately, most people avoid discomfort. I mean, they really avoid - at the first sign of discomfort, they run as quickly as possible in the other direction. It is this factor that prevents us from changing habits.

Just think: many people don't eat vegetables because they don't like the taste of them. We are not talking about some terrible excruciating pain. No, it's just that their taste is not what they are used to! And they eat it all sweet and fried and meaty and salty. And then they suffer from excess weight, and diabetes, and a bunch of other diseases, but they cannot change anything.

But if you learn to cope with discomfort, it turns out that a little discomfort is not so bad. In fact, you can get used to it, and even enjoy it, after a little practice.

The more we master this skill, the greater our ability to change anything. Become the master of the fear of discomfort - and you will become the master of your personal universe.

Avoiding discomfort

When people feel stressed, they tend to smoke, or eat, or go shopping, or drink, whatever, to get rid of the discomfort that this stress causes them.

2. Want to lose weight? Instead of blindly following the first impulse to eat (this is not even hunger, but the desire to chew something) - you calmly perceive the feeling of a little hunger. When necessary, slightly reduce your portion - and calmly gradually lose weight. You - it has become your friend and adviser.

3. You have a difficult conversation ahead, which you don't want to start? It could be a conversation with your boss about your salary or the number of responsibilities you have. With your family - about your grievances, or things that do not suit you and which it is high time to talk about.

It often happens like this: we want to talk about something important, but we put it off again and again. Until we simply no longer have the strength to remain silent - and then we break down and give out everything in full. In anger, we can say anything, but this does not allow us to discuss everything in a way that suits both parties.

What if you learned to deal with discomfort? It tells you - yes, it is not an easy task, you need to prepare. Gather the facts, find the right arguments. But having prepared everything you need - you do not put off the conversation again and again - but calmly and consciously start this important conversation. This way you can find a solution acceptable to all parties - without shouting, breaking dishes and breaking chairs.

4. Learn a new language (tool). Do you want to learn something new? It means doing something you're not used to, and often we quit before we're good at it. Hold on longer, take it easy that not everything works right away, and soon you will be able to enjoy a new skill.

I put off wanting to learn how to program for five years. But last year I decided to start. And now I just do not understand one thing: why did you have to wait so long? This is how discomfort under the guise of procrastination spoils our life in big and small.

5. Empty the inbox in the mail. Another form of procrastination is when you get some emails, look at them, but don't answer them right away. They accumulate... then look at these hundreds of letters with annoyance - and don't know what to do. When you learn to calmly endure a little discomfort and immediately answer letters, even when a little lazy, one problem in your life will become less.

All these examples are just the beginning. Take any business that you have long dreamed of, but could not start. Now that you are not afraid of discomfort - all this has become available to you.

The ability to calmly endure discomfort will be the key that will open a variety of doors for you.

". All of them are devoted to the comfort zone of a person - the conditions that are familiar and comfortable for him, the established pace and lifestyle, as well as why it is important to be able to get out of this zone, and how to do it.

But at the same time, we cannot consider this topic only from one side, because the zone of personal comfort is vital for each of us. It serves as a space where we can always retire, where we will always feel safe. And today we will consider the personal comfort zone from this point of view, and also tell you how to save your personal space from the encroachment of other people and the impact of negative external factors.

Personal comfort zone and its specifics

We all live in a society and we have to constantly interact with people. It is for this reason that each of us needs a certain space where we can always be alone with ourselves, where we will feel calm and as free as possible, where we will not be disturbed, where we will be outside of other people's manipulations. This space is called the zone of personal comfort, and it is a prerequisite for the harmonious life and natural functioning of the psyche of any person.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable in a crowd of people? Have you ever felt annoyed when someone came very close to you? Did you feel uncomfortable when someone took something from your things or, for example, took your workplace or favorite chair at home?

We think that most people are familiar with such situations. And if you noticed something similar in yourself, you should know that all this is completely natural, because the desire to keep a distance and protect your personal space is inherent in the very nature of man.

On an unconscious level, we strive to protect our Self from any intrusions, and what matters to us, for example, clothes, a phone, a computer or a car, is always perceived by us as a component of our individuality, which no one has the right to encroach on.

The readiness to share one's comfort zone with other people always depends on a person's lifestyle and his social status. We have some interesting data on this topic: the staff of the Research Center for Psychoanalysis at Moscow State University conducted research, as a result of which it turned out that the personal space of Muscovites is 5 times smaller than that of residents of provincial cities.

Psychologist Maya Lagutina says that residents of large cities have to pay for comfort with peace of mind. Not everyone is able to calmly perceive systematic violations of their comfort zone, which is why many begin to psychologically distance themselves from the people around.

Certain features of the perception of personal space are also found in people with different living conditions. For example, the personal space of people living in communal apartments is so small that they have practically no understanding of what this space can be at all. It is very comfortable for such people to stand in the same queues or ride buses, and the crowd of people is almost a guarantee of security for them.

Different nations also perceive space differently. For example, Europeans have an intimate zone of about 25 cm, Americans have 50 cm, and representatives of Eastern nations can comfortably communicate with strangers at such a distance, which is completely unacceptable for Europeans, including residents of Russia. These differences, by the way, often cause misunderstanding and even conflict situations between people of different nationalities.

However, let's move away from statistics and talk in more detail about what the boundaries of personal space are, because this is very important for understanding the psychology of protecting the personal comfort zone. But first, take a few minutes to watch this short video, where an etiquette specialist talks about personal space.

The boundaries of personal space

The personal space of each person includes two components - physical and psychological. If we say, then the boundaries of the personal comfort zone will be determined by the degree of familiarity with those with whom we communicate, and the level of trust in him. Based on this, there are several zones of personal space:

• Intimate area. It is approximately 15 to 45 cm (less than an outstretched arm). Designed to communicate with the closest people: relatives, friends. When this zone is violated by an outsider, anxiety and psychological discomfort often occur. The pressure may jump and the pulse quickens.
• Personal zone. It is approximately from 50 cm to 1.5 m. Designed for communication with familiar people: colleagues, partners, classmates, friends. Allows communication not only on the topic of affairs and tasks, but also about personal life.
• social zone. It is approximately from 1.5 to 4 m. Designed for contacts with strangers, contributes to a sense of psychological security. It is not recommended to break it, because. the reaction of other people to this can be very different - from misunderstanding to fear.
• public area. Is more than 4m. Designed for communication with numerous groups of people and audiences, suitable for business meetings, meetings, seminars, lectures, trainings, etc.

If it comes to the psychological component of the personal comfort zone, then it is a variable, and it is influenced by the individual characteristics of each individual person. Psychological boundaries can be affected by the following indicators:

• . As you know, there are extroverts and introverts. The former are open and can easily share their personal space with others, even strangers. Due to the peculiarities of their character, they themselves often violate the comfort zone of those with whom they communicate. Introverts, on the other hand, are more closed, and they are more comfortable keeping their distance from people. They do not like it when their personal space is violated, and they themselves do not invade the space of others.
• Self-confidence level. Confident people almost never violate other people's privacy (don't get too close, don't check texts and emails of husbands and wives, keep tact in communication, etc.). Insecure, on the contrary, more often violate the comfort zone of others, and also allow intrusion into their own zone, being unable to defend themselves psychologically.
• Location. People living in big cities and exposed to social stress (pressure of a large number of people) have narrower boundaries of personal space. In other words, in order to feel comfortable, they need more "free" space around them. And people living in small towns, where almost everyone knows each other, the boundaries of personal space are wider, and they perceive more calmly when someone is too close to them.
• Family. There are families where the concept of personal space is almost completely absent. Being brought up in such conditions, people get used to frank communication, as a result of which the boundaries of their personal space are wider. But in some cases, people who grew up in such families can casually invade the space of others, completely ignoring them. There are families where it is customary to observe etiquette and a sense of tact. Children from such families have narrower boundaries of the personal comfort zone, they will never “without demand” violate the personal space of others.
• culture. Cultural and national characteristics also seriously affect the boundaries of personal space. For example, in eastern and some Asian countries it is permissible to communicate, being almost close to the interlocutor. In European countries and, for example, in the USA, this will be considered the height of indecency, because. traditions and culture are completely different there.

It is important to note that the invasion of personal space is far from always an indicator that a psychological attack is being made on you. So, a person may be a representative of a different culture or simply have no idea what a personal comfort zone is. But there are also people who violate these boundaries intentionally, pursuing the goal of asserting themselves, suppressing, insulting, spoiling the mood, showing who is the “master” here, etc.

Violation of personal space can be expressed in different forms. Some come too close or start talking on inappropriate topics, others calmly take other people's things and litter someone else's workplace, others can grab their sleeves or put their hands on their shoulders, start waving their arms or hang menacingly over the table. Lots of options.

But it doesn’t matter if someone unknowingly violates your personal comfort zone or deliberately wants to piss you off or scare you, you must be able to protect yourself and your personal space. While most of the time you will be subconsciously striving to maintain boundaries, there are a few effective techniques that can help you do this more successfully.

How to prevent personal space being violated

The issue of defining and maintaining the boundaries of the personal comfort zone is of great importance, because. our psychological comfort and safety depend on it. The ability to provide such protection can not only give us peace of mind when we are riding with a stranger in an elevator or squeezed into a crowded subway car during rush hour, but also protect us from the "tricks" of pickpockets, "hypnotists", frotterists and other lovers of large crowds of people.

• If someone unfamiliar is trying to invade your personal or intimate area, take a defensive posture. Take a couple of steps back, cross your arms over your chest, push one leg forward. Your opponent will not only see, but also non-verbally feel that you do not want to let him close to you.
• When someone tries to put pressure on you, invading your personal space, you can use a counterattack. Come closer, put your hands on your hips or waist, tilt your body forward a little, confidently look your opponent in the eyes and ask what he needs. Most likely, the person himself will hasten to retreat.
• If someone at work tries to disturb your comfort zone by constantly putting something on your desk or sitting in your chair, create natural barriers. You can put folders around the edges of the table, put a few books and even hang a small poster on the wall. The more personalized your workplace is, the less willing other people will be to encroach on it.
• When you are in a crowd of people, never fuss or rush. Move away from the main flow, go a little slower or faster. If this is not possible, grab your things with both hands and carry them in front of you. This will allow you to get some extra space that no one can squeeze into.
• Do not forget what other people need, including even those closest to you. The word "no" automatically indicates that you have the right to make choices and decide what to accept and what not. And this in itself determines the boundaries of your personal space psychologically.
• Be mindful of your timing. You should always have at least a few hours a day where you do your hobbies and things that interest you. Self-realization is in your own power, and time “for yourself” allows you to streamline your thoughts. Invading the personal space of a confident person with order in his head is very difficult.
• If we are talking about family relationships, then be sure to create a corner in the house for yourself - where there will be something that belongs to you personally, and where no one but you has access. The psychological climate in the family and even harmony in relationships depend on the presence in the house of one's own physical space for oneself and household members.
• When you are interacting with someone and notice that the person is getting too close to you, tell them in plain text to keep their distance. Explain that you are uncomfortable when someone invades your personal comfort zone, and point out that the optimal distance contributes to a fruitful dialogue.
• Do not discuss personal problems with strangers. Confidential conversations can be conducted only with those whom you trust. Otherwise, the opponent can easily violate your personal space by using personal information against you - something that can hurt you and unsettle you.
• Some people violate the boundaries of personal space intentionally - to provoke. If you encounter this behavior, try not to respond to provocations. Strive to maintain calm and self-control, increase the distance, remain indifferent (as long as possible, at least).
• When you want to isolate yourself from people in public places, use a simple trick: take a book or newspaper (smartphone or tablet) and immerse yourself in reading. This will create both a visual and psychological barrier between you and those around you. This trick, by the way, is very convenient to use in public transport.
• When communicating with strangers, prevent the possibility of violating the boundaries of personal space in advance. Never shorten the physical and psychological distance before you get to know the person well enough. Otherwise, you risk being, firstly, misunderstood (your actions may be misinterpreted), and secondly, become a victim of violations of boundaries by the opponent.

And a few more recommendations of a psychological nature. Violation of the personal comfort zone often occurs through pressure on or pity, familiar communication or unreasonable criticism. To protect yourself from this, you need to be able to apply methods of psychological protection, such as:

• do not take on unnecessary responsibility;
• do not make unnecessary promises;
• do not let yourself be made a scapegoat;
• not try to be good to everyone and everyone;
• use .

However, in life it often happens that it simply does not work to stay away from people, and strangers literally invade our personal space with their views, conversations and bodies. But even here we can influence the situation - soften these intrusions and make them less annoying and unpleasant for ourselves. There are also several ways to do this:

• To protect yourself from others, you can set clear boundaries. For example, in the subway or bus, you can stand with your back - the most vulnerable part of the body - against the wall of the car, put a bag, backpack or umbrella between you and your fellow travelers. And if someone begins to stare at you, do not hesitate to look straight into his eyes for a few seconds, and then continue to go about your business.
• If people begin to restrict your freedom of movement or peace of mind (in the same transport or somewhere in a cinema or shopping center), put on headphones. It is desirable, however, that they be large, and not inconspicuous liners. In principle, you can not even turn on the player itself. The main thing is to create a visual obstacle to contact. If you want to abstract from what is happening as much as possible, feel free to turn on the music, but do not forget to remain attentive to what is happening around.
• When you notice that a person in a public place still continues to violate the boundaries of your personal space, you can use a book or newspaper in a more “radical” way - by placing an edge and resting between yourself and the violator of your boundaries. Similarly, it is easy to use a backpack, an umbrella, a bag. But make sure that no one tries to get into the pocket of a bag or backpack.
• Finally, if you have to make your way through a crowd of people, wrap your arms around the bottom of your bag or backpack in front of you and walk forward. This gesture will look quite natural, but at the same time, your elbows will be pointing forward, causing people to try to get out of your way. In extreme cases (if there is nothing at hand), you can cross your arms in front of you, which will act on others in much the same way.

These tips are enough to start mastering the techniques of maintaining the boundaries of personal space. Of course, there are many nuances here, especially those related to the protection of psychological boundaries, and in particular the preservation of personal space in the family and relationships, but we will consider these issues in one of the future articles.

In conclusion, we only add that you should not only be able to maintain your personal space, but also keep your distance yourself. Each person has his own personal comfort zone, and you can find out how big or small it is only by getting to know the person himself closer. Therefore, in communication, follow the golden rule: approaching people, both physically and psychologically, must be done step by step.

The closer you know someone, the warmer your relationship, the more you can close the distance. Remember that the zone of personal comfort is a zone of peace and security of the individual. Do not allow anyone to violate your boundaries, and do not violate others yourself. This will allow you to bring a little more harmony and understanding into life and communication.

Now take a break from reading and listen to what psychologist Olga Amelianenko says about personal space. We think that from this conversation you can also learn something interesting for yourself.

You have probably heard more than once that you need to get out of your comfort zone more often, because this is extremely useful for development. But what is a comfort zone and what do we really know about it, except for the following fact:

Caption: On the right is your comfort zone, and on the left is where miracles happen

So, what is a person's comfort zone and why should we get out of it?

In science, the "comfort zone" is defined through the concept of anxiety, namely: "The comfort zone is a type of behavior in which anxiety is kept at a consistently low level." Imagine that you are cooking dinner, driving to work or watching TV: these daily activities do not make you anxious or uncomfortable, you do them automatically, they are your comfort zone. This is what the comfort zone means in psychology.

Sometimes, when people talk about getting out of your comfort zone, they mean “try something new,” but in general, this applies to all situations in which you feel insecure or nervous. So, if you get stuck in a traffic jam on your way to work or you don’t like the fact that the train is crowded with people, then these familiar situations are no longer neutral for you, and you experience discomfort. In this case, why step out of your comfort zone, and what good is that?

While we all strive for pleasurable sensations, a certain level of discomfort can be surprisingly beneficial. Even the smallest inconvenience can push us to finish the work as soon as possible or improve the quality of its implementation.

A 1908 study showed that mice, when faced with very simple tasks, only increased their productivity when their anxiety level increased. When the task turned out to be difficult, the anxiety state helped only to a certain level - after reaching a certain threshold, the combination of complexity and anxiety led to a drop in performance.

The figure above shows that the growth zone is located outside the comfort zone, however, with a significant distance from it, excessive anxiety appears, which can lead to a panic state. This illustration clearly explains the results of the experiment with mice. It is worth thinking about how to get out of your comfort zone with benefit.

How do we behave in the face of uncertainty?

Uncertainty is often the cause of discomfort. You are calm when cooking dinner or driving a car, but only on the condition that you do it every day and know what to expect. However, if you decide to try out a new recipe, get behind the wheel for the first time, or maybe get another job or want to jump out of a parachute, you are provided with anxiety.

Uncertainty can also cause you to react more strongly to negative experiences. Studies have shown that when negative images were preceded by uncertainty, they produced a stronger negative effect than when participants were prepared and knew what to expect.

For the same reason, people tend to react negatively to any change, even if they end up making it themselves. What happens if you step too far out of your comfort zone? American researcher Brene Brown believes that uncertain social, political or economic conditions significantly narrow our comfort zone: the more scared we are, the less confident we are in ourselves and the future, and the more difficult it is to get rid of this state.

Thus, for the human psyche, striving for familiar and familiar things, any uncertainty is a reason to be wary. From an evolutionary point of view, this behavior is explained by considering familiar situations as safer: “Hey, we tried this and didn’t die. Probably if we try the same thing again, nothing bad will happen.”

Therefore, thinking about the unknown takes a lot of energy, and in case of fatigue or loss of strength, we would rather go the usual way than try something new.

Going beyond

So, how to leave the comfort zone and is it worth it? Is it really good for you? Scientists say yes, but up to certain limits. Like the mice in the experiment, don't stress yourself too much to avoid panicking.

Consider the main benefits of getting out of your comfort zone.

Self-development

A positive attitude and hope for success, combined with some anxiety and self-doubt, can lead you to personal growth. Therefore, sports such as rock climbing or skydiving are often recommended in lists of tips on how to take a person out of their comfort zone: you are nervous and worried, but at the end you have a huge sense of satisfaction that you have done it, and this increases your confidence in yourself.

Expanding your comfort zone

If you have a small comfort zone, that is, there is only a large number of things you can do without worry, you risk living your life in fear and missing out on a lot of interesting things. Getting out of your comfort zone more or less regularly, you will gradually increase the number of familiar and familiar situations for you.

In this way, you will be able to enjoy life much more, because well-known things are pleasant in themselves, even if at first we felt uncomfortable in mastering them.

Novelty motivates us and helps us learn

A new experience leads to an increase in the level of dopamine in the brain, which is part of the "reward system". This hormone makes us look for rewards, and new situations increase this craving. Novelty has also been shown to improve our memory and learning abilities by making our brains more flexible.

Daniel H. Pink, author of work on motivation and workflow, in his book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Makes Us Take Action, says that we all strive for some ideal level of discomfort in which we can to be as productive as possible.

This golden mean, when discomfort does not allow you to unnecessarily relax and tones up, without depriving you of the desire or opportunity to work, is what you should strive for. By getting used to a little inconvenience, you will successfully expand your comfort zone. Now you know what it means to step out of your comfort zone and how to do it.

How far are you willing to go beyond the usual boundaries? It's up to you. Perhaps, after reading this article, you will decide to try something fundamentally new in life. The most important thing is to maintain a healthy balance between safety and comfort, and then you are guaranteed the pleasure of life's experiments.

Concept. It means a certain living space in which a person does not experience any strong emotions, feels calm and relaxed - a suspended state when nothing disturbs and peace of mind is maintained. And it turns out that way because in the comfort zone, familiar, one might even say predictable things happen to us. These are our daily habitual actions, rituals and habits. In general, everything that does not go beyond the ordinary.

Life goes on as usual, and our consciousness perceives its measured course as stable and prosperous.

In connection with the concept of a comfort zone, I have associations with my “happy Soviet childhood”, when everything was stable and as predictable as possible: they have to study, adults have to work. and dad went to work, received an average salary, which was enough to have everything you need.

The young are dear everywhere, the old people are honored. It was possible to worry too much about how life would turn out, because everything was predetermined from the very beginning and for us. And, in my opinion, everyone around lived the same way and were happy and satisfied with their lives. It's great, isn't it? It is so good to be in a state of complete comfort and spiritual harmony!

But why then has it now become so relevant about leaving the comfort zone? I often hear: this is a comfort zone - a nightmare! You need to get out of it as soon as possible, otherwise it will be bad ... But it would be quite logical, on the contrary, to strive to get into it, since everything is so good and comfortable there ?!

Let's see what's wrong here, shall we? Where is the "dog rummaged" here?

The main danger of the comfort zone lies precisely in its stability, because stability in itself is just a myth. Remember, in one of my articles I wrote that there is no static in the world - either development or degradation? There is no third. Where development ends, decay begins.
The same thing happens with the comfort zone: its imaginary stability and security can cause stagnation and degradation of a person's personality. But more on that later…

How does the comfort zone work?

Since everything in this world is in constant motion, the comfort zone itself is also not a static formation and it usually moves in one of two directions - either it expands or narrows.

Expansion of the comfort zone is a process necessary for personal growth and self-development. The main thing is that this process takes place harmoniously. The bottom line is that we are constantly striving to bring some changes to our “stable” life, we take some “risks”. In other words, you need to do something that is unusual for you and you have not done it before. For example, allowing yourself to spend more than usual, or accepting an invitation that has always been refused, or enrolling in some classes, dancing, or unexpectedly taking a vacation and traveling. Note that “risks” here does not mean activities or activities that could be harmful or dangerous. No. It's just something that we've never done before. The point is to try something new, and if this new one turns out to be attractive, leave it, “accept” it into your comfort zone, thereby expanding it.

I think that happy and cheerful people just do not face the problem of "imprisonment in a comfort zone" for this very reason. They expand it unconsciously, naturally attracting new circumstances, events and impressions into their lives, thereby increasing their happiness and getting more and more joy from life.

Another "direction" in which the comfort zone can move is its narrowing. This happens when a person avoids development and movement forward. This may be a conscious avoidance, or an unconscious one. It doesn't matter. It is important that by narrowing the comfort zone, we not only limit ourselves in personal growth, deprive ourselves of the fullness of life and a lot of pleasant activities, but also refuse those joys that we had. This is how people lose friends, abandon their hobbies and hobbies, give up their goals, desires and dreams, preferring to lead a monotonous but stable life.

Usually, the narrowing of the comfort zone occurs when a person “flexes” under the pressure of external circumstances and “transfers” control over his life to the outside world. Such people often say: “I don’t have such an opportunity”, “circumstances do not allow”, “I can’t do it”, “I’m already too old for this”, and the like. That is, the thoughts of such people are aimed precisely at finding reasons why they cannot do this, and not at finding opportunities.

Well, okay! - maybe someone will say. What's wrong here? A stable and measured course of life is not so bad, and maybe even better than doing through force what you don’t really want. Everything would be fine, of course, if it were not for irritability, increased anxiety, nervousness, constant dissatisfaction with "everyone and everything", and then all sorts of bad habits! Yes, yes, both alcoholism and drug addiction are also consequences of narrowing the comfort zone. Because if the comfort zone began to narrow, it will continue to do so and, in the end, turn into a “conclusion zone”.

Here I am writing this article, and a story from practice in a crisis center for women - victims of domestic violence and tyranny - is spinning in my head. I’ll tell you, perhaps, it’s just about how the comfort zone is not only addictive, but also how a person can become a submissive prisoner, or, if you like, a prisoner in a “high security zone” cell.

Just imagine, a woman who has been (not for the first time) bullied by her husband gets to the center. She is covered in bruises, tears and other traces of beatings. And now psychologists begin to work with her, who relieve stress and be sure to talk about how you can get out of this situation. I should note that such centers always have the necessary information, and specialists from various fields are involved in cooperation - lawyers, social workers, doctors. A woman agrees with everything - and that it is impossible to live like this any longer, and that her husband is a tyrant, and that a decision must be made, and so on. But now she is told that in order to “start” this process, she needs to write a statement so that measures can be taken. And the woman also seems to agree with this. But what do you think, how do such stories end in 90% of cases? Several days pass, the marks of beatings heal, women calm down and ... return to their tyrant husbands! Moreover, some behave guilty, try to somehow justify themselves - they say, where am I without him ..., some kind, but his own ..., and he doesn’t always beat me, but sometimes ... But there are also such , which even demonstrate some aggression - it’s good for you to speak here, but how can I live without him, you thought?

What is this if not an ominous comfort zone?! A person prefers to stay with something bad, but familiar, than to face something different and perhaps better, but unknown.

How to determine that comfort is no longer comfort, but the “well-being zone” has become a “confinement zone”? Only our feelings and emotions can help us in this. If suddenly you feel that you have ceased to enjoy life, that you lack new experiences, that instead of inspiration you are increasingly feeling tired, that life for you is not an interesting adventure, but an ordinary routine is a signal that it is time for something change. Your comfort zone is “working” against you and something needs to be done about it…

Continue reading in the thread

Everyone, being born, leaves their primary comfort zone - the womb. The little man grows, develops, socializes, tries to find friends, achieve success in various directions, create, be loved and love himself. None of this is possible if you don't feel safe. This is the same basic need as satisfaction of hunger or thirst. Few people want to sit in cold houses, experience the pangs of hunger, thirst and enjoy spiritual food in the form of a Schubert or Goethe concerto in the original.

Human instincts, which are basic needs, have not changed since the advent of Homo sapiens. More advanced societies try to suppress the primal instincts and instill rules of conduct that proclaim high goals and ideals. And looking into the tribes lost in the depths of the continent, you find a simple way of life.

Men do their part, women do theirs, old people have their place, children have theirs. Life and death are accepted as they are. Without coloring in either light or dark colors, these inevitable events. The brain "not inherited" by civilization is set to continue its life by searching for food and building a shelter for itself and the family.

The development of our modern, technogenic civilization has put the comfort zone in a rather ephemeral framework. Satisfaction, what needs make up this zone, and are characteristic of the majority:

• Hunger
• Feelings of thirst
• Sleep and rest
• Security
• sexual satisfaction
• The need for comfortable living conditions
• Need for a routine, predictable flow of events

and higher level needs:

• Love
• Respect
• Understanding and acceptance of personality by the surrounding world
• Self-realization
• Development and knowledge of the spiritual world

Criteria of physical comfort change in the course of life. Children usually eat little, but move a lot. Adults, on the other hand, create a cult of food, make money on it, go too far with feasts and diets and pay with health, quality and quantity of life.
Security, a subtle criterion that a person creates himself in his head. After birth, small children continue to create the conditions in which they grew and developed for 9 months by swaddling, canopies are hung on the beds. By limiting the space of children, parents gradually introduce into this vast world how limited freedom is a priority in the development of the child. Permissiveness and lack of framework leads to the destruction of an unripe personality.

There are 2 views of the comfort zone. When a person is constantly in comfortable conditions and sensations, his brain, body, consciousness is in stagnation. And nature is such that if there is no progress, then a regressive state sets in. This is how the physical and spiritual components of a person are arranged. Children have a constant thirst for knowledge. They taste the world, taste the color, fall, make mistakes, and then rise and continue to assert themselves and look for their place.

Gradually, with the help of parents, schools and the whole world around them acquire clichés, well-known rules, and thus enter adulthood. Compliance with these rules is necessary for security and adequate living in society, and on the other hand, they prevent us from understanding our nature and creating a unique comfortable life for ourselves. There is a rather limited set of templates for how a person and his life should be in order to achieve happiness and success. A mentally healthy person decides for himself whether to join the ranks of economists or sew his favorite toys, start a family and run away from this happiness on business trips, or enjoy solitude in the mountains.

With age and with the advent of worries and responsibilities, the craving for self-knowledge and spiritual development becomes dull. The same, Maslow's basic pyramid is in solidarity with Russian folk tales: first feed the young man, drink him, and then love him. Most people are in pursuit of creating a stable life, that same comfort zone. It could be your favorite shirt that won the chess tournament, and now it will help create a psychological background for the interview. Or a cup of cappuccino at the end of a hard day, as a reward for a lot of work.

A person is rarely in a neutral state. Either he is now working to achieve comfort, peace and pleasure, or he is already enjoying the state he has received. Destructive personalities (drug or alcohol addicts, gamers), leaving the state of euphoria, try in every possible way to return to it. Ordinary mentally healthy people will not destroy what has already been achieved in order to motivate themselves to develop in any way. Rather, on the basis of the formed positive experience, it will be easier to achieve your goals. When feelings and sensations are dulled, then the search and knowledge of oneself and one's strengths begins. Overcoming fears, complexes, own stereotypes, a person discovers in himself the limitless possibilities of all, even the most incredible goals. It happens that a child has some kind of fantastic dream, and then, after years, it comes true. This is not a miracle, but a personality untouched by stereotypes did not cling to "this is unreal", worked to achieve the goal.

For normal development, the comfort zone should be a transit point. Man is always in competition with himself. Can I quit smoking? I can - adjusts their psychological processes on their own or turns to a specialist for help. And he achieves success, a comfortable state for himself, plus a bonus - in the form of restoration of physical condition. Fear of heights - climbs a bridge, a skyscraper and convinces himself that this is the most magnificent sight (20 times the brain will believe you). Fear of public speaking is cured by public speaking courses and the practice of communicating with strangers.

Life is a long marathon, with stops and starts and stops. I rested longer and missed something, or maybe I ran too fast and did not notice. The main thing is to sit in a comfortable "armchair" of consciousness ON TIME, and to get up ON TIME to continue the race.