Ecology of knowledge. Psychology: There is a little catch in the very word "self-esteem". After all, judging by the name, self-esteem is how we evaluate ourselves. But in fact, it is the sum of other people's attitudes towards us. How does a child know if he is good or not? By the reaction of his parents. This is how self-esteem is formed: we absorb the attitude of others around us, from which we draw a conclusion about what we are.

There is a small catch in the very word "self-esteem". After all, judging by the name, self-esteem is how we evaluate ourselves. But in fact, it is the sum of other people's attitudes towards us. How does a child know if he is good or not? By the reaction of his parents. This is how self-esteem is formed: we absorb the attitude of others around us, from which we draw a conclusion about what we are.

It happens that in different areas we do not feel the same. For example, a woman can easily be confident in herself as a specialist, and then the professional part of her self-esteem will be high. But this does not mean that she will be confident in herself as a woman.

Women's self-esteem is an internal feeling of their value and attractiveness for the opposite sex. A woman with adequate self-esteem is not afraid of male attention, feels worthy of love and respect. The attitude towards oneself as a woman is also strongly influenced by attitudes regarding love, relationships, female and male. For example, many people have the belief that "To love means to suffer and sacrifice." Is it possible to treat yourself with respect with such an attitude?

If we do not believe that we are worthy of male attention, that the woman of us is “not very good”, then we will behave accordingly. Listed below Five signs of a woman with low self-esteem:

1. Woman with low self esteem does not know how and cannot accept help, gifts and just male attention. Somewhere inside, she does not believe that she deserves to be loved just like that. Therefore, she is lost or looking for a catch when compliments are given to her or they try to get to know each other.

2. Low self-esteem keeps whispering to a woman that she is not very that you need to agree to the relationship that is offered to her. Who knows, maybe she won't be able to attract anyone else? And as long as she thinks so, that's exactly what she will get: few people are attracted to an insecure woman. As a result, she does not consider herself in the right to choose a man and often finds herself in relationships with those from whom it is better to stay away.

3. Another indicator of low self-esteem is inability to speak directly and aloud about their desires. And this applies not only to help or gifts. Even if a man honestly tries to make her feel good, asks what she wants, then such a woman speaks in riddles or avoids answering. The partner each time has to pull her desires out of her with claws, and sooner or later such games will tire any adequate man. But this state of affairs will completely suit someone who is not interested in her desires.

A woman with low self-esteem is afraid to "frighten off" a man, it seems to her that she will be loved only if she adapts to other people's desires, if she is comfortable and does not want something for herself. Unconsciously, she believes that love must be earned, and if she is herself, then she will be abandoned.

In a relationship, these attitudes force women to make any concessions, as long as the man is there. so that we don't get abandoned. And this is the best way to be where we are not appreciated and respected.

4. This implies another sign of low female self-esteem: she is not respected by those around her. The people around us reflect the level of our self-esteem. How you value yourself is how others will react to you.

Remember your feelings from different people: there are those who get nasty - well, the tongue does not turn. And there are those who are drawn to kick. What does it depend on? From self-esteem. If a person feels inner dignity, if he loves and respects himself, he will not allow himself to be rude. He will not associate with those who are disrespectful, will not tolerate this.

5. Our self-esteem is reflected in how we treat other women. A woman with low self-esteem compares herself to others all the time and often sees all around competitors. If deep down you know that no one else has such a set of qualities as you, then you will not compete.

You have your advantages, the other lady has hers. And each will be attractive to those who appreciate precisely its features. If you, for example, are tall, then those men who love tall people will be attracted to you. That's all.

But if a woman sees a rival in every other lady, this suggests that deep down she feels not unique and not valuable. She compares herself to others all the time. And it doesn't matter if it loses in comparison or wins. Indeed, in such a case her attitude towards herself constantly depends on those who were nearby.

What gets in the way of self-esteem? Fear of being bad, fear of being selfish, fear of being abandoned. We feel that if we love and respect ourselves, then someone may not like it, that they will stop loving us. I will not lie and say that everything will be fine.

Yes, indeed, there will be people who will not be satisfied with this. What does "egoist" mean? This is a person who is inconvenient to others. The one who thinks with his own head, the one who cannot be controlled. And for some people, this state of affairs will seem very disadvantageous. Do you need these people around you?

This will be of interest to you:

Many of us have a fear that if we begin to demand respect for ourselves, if we begin to love and protect ourselves, then we will become bad. As one great psychotherapist said: Defending your boundaries doesn't make you a bad person. You become an adult ». published

What is self-esteem? In short, this is a person's idea of ​​himself. Looking into psychological dictionaries, it will be possible to understand that this term also means a certain value that an individual endows both himself and the sides of his personality. In general, there is nothing complicated in the definition itself. But in the phenomenon that is meant by it, there are many interesting things.

Functions

What is self-esteem in simple words? Something that is characteristic of every person without exception. Personal characteristics, quality, one might say. And self-esteem has certain functions. There are three of them:

• Regulatory. The habit and ability of a person to evaluate himself makes it possible to change something in his character or lifestyle, to improve, to transform.
• Protective. A person who knows what he is, as a rule, is a relatively stable and autonomous person.
• Developing. Usually, people with healthy self-esteem strive for self-development and self-improvement.

It should be noted that the phenomenon under discussion is very dynamic. Self-esteem appears on the basis of the processes carried out by consciousness. They go through different stages. As a result, self-esteem is formed in the course of personality development. So, in the case of this phenomenon, there is no final stage. Personality develops constantly - self-esteem, respectively, too. Why? Because a person's ideas about himself most often change over the course of life. As well as the attitude towards his personality. Following this, the assessments also change.

Formation process

It's pretty complex. Psychologists assign the most important role in the formation of self-esteem to the comparison of the image of the real "I" with the ideal one. That is, with a person's idea of ​​what he would like to be. It is believed that self-esteem is higher when the gap between these two images is minimal.

Another important factor is related to such a concept as internalization. It means the formation of the internal structures of the psyche, which occurs as a result of a person gaining experience, the implementation of social activities, the formation of his development as a whole. In simple words, thanks to internalization, each of us has the opportunity to evaluate ourselves in the same way that others do it in relation to him.

The third most important factor that plays a role in the formation of a person's self-esteem is the real achievements of a person. As a rule, the more he has them, the higher his opinion of himself. Although there are exceptions, they will be discussed in detail.

Talking about what self-esteem is, it is important to make a reservation - this phenomenon is always subjective. This is a very personal education. Self-esteem reflects the features of the mental world of its owner. It's not always objective, but it doesn't have to be.

Low self-esteem: origins from childhood

Surely everyone is familiar with this phenomenon. Low self-esteem, as well as the reasons for its occurrence, either comes from childhood, or appears as a result of certain events that influenced the loss of self-confidence.

It is worth considering the first case. So, the child is born, and from that moment on, almost all the attention of the parents goes to him.

But most adults, unfortunately, influence children, guided by stereotypical or false views, values ​​and beliefs. They do not have their own principles and systems of education, they are simply not ready for this. As a result, parents begin to appear insecure, a feeling of inferiority, dependence on other people's opinions and advice. All this is transmitted to the child through their reactions and behavior. And he, too, eventually begins to feel unworthy, inferior, and even defective.

Problems in education

Often, parents do not hesitate to call the child bad once again for educational purposes, to compare it with someone, to compare. Naturally, he begins to believe that he really is not what he should be. Low self-esteem grows stronger. The child himself begins to compare himself with others, noticing that the rest are more talented, confident, smart, strong, popular, etc. As a result, a sense of his own inferiority and imaginary defects are formed.

Good parents will never let that happen. They will soften criticism and direct it not at the baby, but at his erroneous actions or deeds, having correctly explained everything to him.

Needless to say, the low self-esteem of the child is also formed due to ignoring his potential by parents. Many mothers and fathers dream that their child achieves what they did not succeed. And they completely forget that this is a separate person with his own desires. Naturally, the child does not want to do what he is forced to do, or he does it, but badly, and as a result, he again becomes bad for his parents.

Also, the characters of his mother and father lead to low self-esteem of the student. Children whose parents were overbearing, overprotective, or indulgent are more likely than others to grow up emotionally handicapped without the urge to face life's circumstances with confidence, firmness, and dignity. They just go with the flow.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

They can be seen in the process of communication. As a rule, a teenager’s low self-esteem endows him with the following qualities, which “migrate” into adulthood:

• Indecision.
• Inability to respond to a compliment and dodging praise.
• Pretense.
• A constant feeling of self-pity, a feeling of powerlessness.
• Concern about the opinions of others.
• Heightened, even paranoid vigilance.
• Unwillingness / inability to stand their ground, often lack of personal opinion. Such people, as a rule, are not able to refuse.
• The habit of humiliatingly asking for even something completely ordinary.
• Increased vulnerability.
• Lack of high goals or any aspirations in principle.
• Constantly comparing yourself to someone else.
• Self-denial of joys and pleasures.

Even by external signs, it can be determined that a person has low self-esteem. As a rule, such people are characterized by stiffness of movements, stoop, “closed” postures, averting their eyes, a quiet and uncertain manner of speech.

Influence of appearance

It is also worth noting attention, talking about what self-esteem is. Appearance plays an important role in its formation. And it comes, again, from childhood. Because children in schools tease everyone and everyone, coming up with offensive nicknames and touching the shortcomings of the one they want to offend. Some can stand up for themselves, while others begin to hate their external data. And slowly but surely this dislike migrates to an older age.

They say that you need to love yourself for who you are and accept yourself with all the advantages and disadvantages. Yes that's right. But there is something that cannot be fixed. And it remains only to accept, calling it its highlight (which most often, by the way, it is). But there are disadvantages that you can get rid of. And do it only with love for yourself.

For example, one of the common problems is being overweight. He can be dealt with! Establish a routine, go in for sports. It will be hard, but the final result will be worth all the hard work. In addition, self-esteem will increase not only due to acquired attractiveness. After all, a person realizes that he achieved the result himself, on his own, stubbornly moving towards the goal - which means that he is capable of much.

Inflated self-esteem: causes

Completely opposite to the previously described phenomenon. This term refers to the overestimation of a person's own potential.

Of course, there are more advantages than in the previous case. High self-esteem gives a person self-confidence. But if suddenly he fails or fails, then he is swallowed up by a depressive state. After all, a man considered himself the best - and people like him always win.

Where does the "crown on the head" come from? Again, from childhood. Most often, exorbitant HR is characteristic of people who were either first-born or only children in the family. From childhood, they feel in the center of attention and understand that they are subject to subordinate the interests of each family member.

The inflated self-esteem of a woman is usually associated with her external attractiveness or with the need to exist in the male world and seek her “place in the sun” in it.

In men, CSV, as a rule, manifests itself in an inadequate form. Those whose self-esteem is greatly inflated, in life and are unreasonably confident in their subjective rightness, no matter what the topic concerns.

Signs of high self-esteem

They number in tens. But here are some of the main ones:

• Self-righteousness, categorical to opposing opinions. Such a person will not even listen to them, he will not accept the very fact of their existence.
• Leaving the last word behind. In his opinion, it is he who should draw conclusions and decide how to proceed.
• Inability to ask for forgiveness. Moreover, people with inflated self-esteem and self-confidence believe that they have nothing to apologize for, even when they are really guilty.
• The habit of blaming other people or circumstances for your troubles. For success, on the contrary, he thanks only himself.
• Constant competition with others for the right to be called the best. Sometimes it even comes to the point of absurdity.
• Strive to be perfect and not make mistakes.
• The habit of expressing one's opinion, even if no one was interested in it. He is sure that everyone wants to know his thoughts and point of view.
• Disdain for criticism. He takes it as a sign of disrespect.
• Inadequate assessment of one's own strengths. Such a person does not calculate the risks - he always takes on difficult cases.
• The constant use of the pronoun "I", as well as derivatives - "me", "I", "myself", etc.
• Egocentrism.
• The tendency to interrupt and interrupt the interlocutor, since such a person prefers not to listen, but to speak.
• Arrogant, often irritable tone. This man does not ask - he orders. And such words as "thank you" and "please" are completely unfamiliar to him.

In general, a key feature of an inflated self-esteem personality is haughty and arrogant behavior. It catches the eye immediately, it cannot be confused with anything.

Adequate self-esteem

This is the golden mean between the two listed phenomena. It is not overestimated and not underestimated - adequate self-esteem is simply objective.

People to whom it is peculiar, realistically assess their capabilities and strengths in relation to the cause before them. They do not set unattainable goals, do not count on something unrealizable and unrealistic. These people are realists who look at things soberly. And this skill speaks of their maturity.

In general, what is the self-esteem of an adequate person can be described in other words. This is the ability to objectively realize one's place in the world and oneself. The ability to find some balance. Such people are aware of their merits, but they do not deceive themselves - they also know their shortcomings. They know when they do good and bad deeds, when they can count on approval or deserve punishment.

These people do not scold or blame themselves. They only correct their shortcomings and try to become better. They are not characterized by envy - it is easy for such people to be happy for others and learn from their success something useful for themselves personally.

What does self-esteem depend on?

There are many factors, and among them are not only upbringing and parents involved in it. It is believed that the formation of self-esteem also directly depends on:

• Status. If a person is high in the hierarchy of the surrounding people, then he will evaluate himself accordingly. It is difficult to argue with this - very rarely children from influential families have problems in this sense.
• Suggestions. If a person is constantly told that he is somehow not like that, then he himself begins to believe in it.
• Success. Often it determines self-esteem. And this is logical. How can a person with his own business, a loving soulmate and all kinds of benefits that he has achieved on his own, have low self-esteem?
• habits and stereotypes. If a person is used to seeing himself as the loser he once was, then there is a chance that his opinion will not change even if he succeeds. Not everyone manages to rebuild, and even then not immediately.
• Corporal corset of confidence. They say: “Do you want to be successful? Act like you're successful." A proud posture, a confident tone, an imperious gait, a firm look - by creating for yourself at least the image of a person with a good life and self-esteem, you can actually become one in the end.
• The physical state. Who will have better self-esteem - a positive, cheerful, strong and attractive person or a tired, lethargic and unkempt person?
• Attitude towards oneself. Self-digging is not an easy thing. If a person does not love himself for something and curses every day, then his self-esteem will be appropriate.
• Believe in yourself. In fact, the belief in success plays an important role. This is a great help for good self-esteem.

The last factor can be noted separately. This is a personal choice. A person's self-esteem depends on a lot of factors, but in the end it is he who decides whether something needs to be done with it or not.

Self-esteem plays one of the key roles in our lives. Confident people with high self-esteem always find it easier to achieve success in all areas of life. What do we mean by self-esteem? What's wrong with high self-esteem? How to raise your self-confidence? We will try to answer all these questions in this article.

What does it mean to be confident?

Self-esteem is a person's assessment of himself, his capabilities, qualities and place among other people. Self-esteem is a characteristic that can be controlled. Moreover, you can manage, and others can.

What depends on self-esteem:

• Relationships with others.
• Self-demanding.
• Attitude towards success and failure.

People with low self-esteem take even small setbacks very hard.

The formation of self-esteem begins in childhood and continues into adolescence.

Modern psychotherapists distinguish three types of self-esteem:

1. Positive self-esteem is formed if parents love, respect, appreciate the success of their child, encourage initiative.
2. negative self-esteem on the contrary, it is formed if the baby is in a dependent, subordinate position, he is constantly criticized.
3. In adolescence As a rule, all children feel the need for self-affirmation, the desire to find their place in life. It is very important to instill in your child adequate self-esteem, praise him and support his undertakings and successes.

Often there are people with high self-esteem. It would seem that confidence is at the highest level, what's wrong with that? But this gives a person a distorted concept of reality, which can eventually lead to negative consequences. The most harmless thing that can happen is that you will simply be ridiculed. It is important to adequately assess yourself so as not to end up in an awkward situation.

Adequate self-esteem is the ability of a person to assess his real merits. Sometimes it is very difficult to understand yourself and understand where is this golden mean in assessing your personality.

What to pay attention to?

What should be considered when analyzing self-assessment?

Praise and criticism of yourself. Pay attention to whether you praise or criticize yourself more. Be sure to praise yourself, even for insignificant merits.

Childhood: were your parents satisfied or dissatisfied with you? Our moms and dads can, without malicious intent, create insecurity in us with their criticism. In any case, you need to analyze your childhood and start working on your self-esteem on your own.

What human qualities in other people attract you? An example should always be taken from the best. If you find it difficult to understand yourself, pay attention to how confident people behave. Communicate with successful and confident, learn everything that you lack for confidence.

What is your reaction to insults and insults? A self-confident person will not pay attention to insults and remarks addressed to him. At most, he will answer with the same coin. Conversely, even a harmless remark can unsettle a woman with low self-esteem.

How is the process of falling asleep? If you fall asleep without problems, and nothing bothers you, then everything is clear here - everything is in order with self-esteem. But if you can’t fall asleep for a long time, you are engaged in introspection, then your self-confidence is clearly lame.

How to increase self-esteem?

Don't compare yourself to other people. And if you compare, then you need to equal the best.

Take care of yourself. A new hairstyle, a stylish wardrobe and a toned body will give you confidence in your attractiveness. And this is already half the battle.

Create uniqueness. Be unique. No need to copy anyone, create your own unique world. Radiate positivity.

Filter criticism. Don't take other people's opinions to heart. Often we just want to hurt and offend. Always stay confident.

Hang out with nice people. Surround yourself with positive people who charge you with good emotions. We humans are herd creatures and communication is very important to us. Be positive and then you will attract good people.

Engage in psychotechnics (self-hypnosis, meditation). It is no longer news that all life is built by the power of our thoughts. Work on your inner self. Let joy and confidence always reign inside, then your life will go as you wish.

Be sure to love and appreciate yourself. And then life in return will present you with gifts, and next to you will be the most worthy men and good friends.

Simply put self-esteem it is an attitude towards oneself. A person with high self-esteem is easier to achieve success in life. He treats himself with respect and knows that people treat him the same way. This means that he is always positive and confident. But everyone happens in life, but a person with high self-esteem does not struggle with problems, he solves them.

A person with low self-esteem always doubts the correctness of his decisions and often he transfers them to other shoulders. Jealousy is also one of the elements of low self-esteem. When a person is jealous, he considers himself worse than others.

Are you bad or good?

Usually people with low self-esteem are those who, having started doing something, have failed or failed, they give up, and the thought has been put in their minds that they will never succeed again. Or it comes from the past, when parents ridiculed, scolded or humiliated their child. Ultimately, a person grows up with low self-esteem.

Why do some kids get labeled "Bad kid?" It's simple, because from a very early age the child is taught that he is bad, parents, school, teachers, peers. In the end, the child begins to believe that no one needs him like that. Usually these labels are hung by parents for bringing a deuce, or for some kind of violation of family order.

A label weighs on him that he is bad, but he does not know how to get rid of this label, and even one cannot wait for help from his beloved parents. This state not only suppresses self-esteem child, but also causes him great mental trauma. He knows in his heart that he is good, he wants to be good, but people already see only his bad qualities in him, and they don’t even notice his good sides. Sometimes this can lead to suicide.

So, dear parents, if you have the same problems in raising children, and you are raising them in the grandfather way, “I was brought up like that and nothing is alive” then ask yourself a question, "What is my self-esteem?", “How do I feel about myself?”, “Do I love myself?”. And if the answer is negative, then start raising your self-esteem and the self-esteem of the child. Now there is a lot of literature on this subject.

Praise the child, find only positive aspects in him, tell him that he is good, he is waiting for this and you yourself will be surprised how unexpected the changes will be, you will have a child with high self-esteem. In order to increase your self-esteem, you need to change your attitude towards yourself, and this path lies through. As you know, the subconscious is the most mysterious part of the human essence, and it is here that you need to consolidate all your positive thoughts about yourself.

The subconscious mind does not reason, it only does. If you do not give your subconscious any instructions, then it will obey the instructions from the outside. If you do not maintain a high opinion of yourself, if you allow other people to inspire you that you are worth nothing, then you are unlikely to achieve anything in life.

To change the attitude towards yourself means to identify all negative thoughts about yourself and replace them with positive ones. This will help you, by repeated repetition.

"I will never succeed"

"This is not for me"

"I can not do that"

"I never get anything"

"I always lose"

If you think so about yourself, then you are who you are and you urgently need to increase self-esteem. Having such thoughts in his mind or similar to them, a person will never take up a new business, and if he does, he will definitely fail, and then he will say in his defense "Well, I told you it wouldn't work" and go back to the sofa to watch TV.

At first glance, it seems that everything is very simple, changed thoughts and order. But in order to at least change something in your mind and increase your self-esteem, you need to have a desire to change yourself, you need faith in yourself, you need to respect yourself, you need to perceive yourself as you are.

Take the free video course: « »

If you have any questions write, I look forward to your comments.

Wish you luck.

How self-esteem affects a person's life updated: May 17, 2016 by: Admin