Psychologist Liz Burbo in one of her books (“Five Traumas That Prevent You from Being Yourself”) describes five major mental traumas that a person experiences in his life, and which can lead him not only to psycho-emotional suffering, but also negatively affect his condition. physical health.

Mental trauma is the consequences of painful childhood experiences that affect a person's life and largely determine his ability to overcome difficulties.

Since a person receives these mental traumas starting from early childhood, Liz Burbo considers them in chronological order:

• "rejected"
• "left"
• "humiliated"
• "betrayed"
• "were unfair."

Along with an explanation of these injuries, the psychologist invites the reader to get acquainted with the so-called masks that a person is forced to create in order to protect himself from the experienced mental pain.

These masks are designed to cover up injuries throughout life, so each injury has its own mask: the injury “rejected” - the mask of “fugitive”, “left” - “addicted”, “humiliated” - “masochist”, “betrayed” - “ controlling", "were unfair" - "rigid (hard)".

Let us consider these injuries and masks in more detail in order to “know them by sight”, since they can be behind certain psychosomatic ailments.

Injury "rejected" - mask "fugitive"

Injury of the rejected (fugitive physique)

According to Liz Burbo, this injury is very deep, as it appears at the age of up to a year. The rejected feels this trauma as a rejection of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist.

Vivid examples are situations such as an unwanted child, a child of the wrong sex.

It should be noted that the psychologist shares two different concepts: - a person suffering from a rejected complex. « Fugitive Mask" - the character of a person, developing as a means of evading the suffering of the rejected. That is, a mask is needed in order not to be yourself.

If we talk about a runaway man, then, Liz Burbo, based on her practice, revealed typical signs of his physique. The very body of such a person has an “escaping”, “running away” form: it does not take up much space and space, that is, a small, narrow, thin body (“skin and bones”), similar to an incorporeal sign (as if a hint that a person has not even fully incarnated, as he doubts his right to exist). Often the body of the rejected person appears deformed (asymmetrical, twisted, incompletely "staffed" with a small face and eyes full of fear).

Characteristics of injury

A child who feels rejected and creates a mask of a fugitive lives in his own imaginary world. In this regard, according to Liz Burbo, he is smart, prudent, quiet and does not create problems. He feels good in his own world, he can even come up with a comforting story that his parents are not real, that they just mixed up in the hospital and took the wrong one. He is characterized by a desire to run away from home for any reason (for example, they have a pronounced desire to go to school, although they also feel rejected there).

On the other hand, the psychologist notes, the rejected child wants his parents to notice him (he is sick, gets seriously injured, hides in the closet and waits to be found, etc.)

Since such a child, as a rule, is smaller than average in body, parents can begin to patronize him a lot, because of which he begins to think that he is again not accepted as he is.

The rejected often asks himself: what is he doing on this planet? He is attracted by everything that is connected with the spirit and intellect, and he looks down on the material, as it were. This same position can explain such consequences as difficulties in sexual life.

The fugitive as a person does not believe in his value and does not put himself in anything, therefore, he strives to be perfect in order to gain this value. As Liz Burbo writes, the characteristic words of such a person are "no one", "nothing", "does not exist", "disappear", etc.

Such a person usually seeks loneliness and solitude, as he is afraid of others because he does not know how to behave in front of them. He has few friends, both at school and at work, and speaks little. In turn, he is considered withdrawn and left alone, and this makes him even more lonely.

Runaways often have problems with their skin so that they do not touch it: since the skin is a contact organ, its diseases become an unconscious way to protect themselves from being touched.

Liz Burbo claims that the trauma of rejection is experienced with a same-sex parent. However, it is not necessary that the parent has the intention to reject the child. The fact is that this is a personal feeling of the child: the child, for certain reasons (which are related to the life lessons that his soul came to go through) does not feel acceptance or goodwill from a parent of the same sex with him. He wants to win the love of this parent, but at the same time is very sensitive to the comments from this parent, and is always ready to decide that he is rejected.

In such a situation, bitterness and anger can develop in the child, often turning into hatred (like a strong but disappointed love, so great is his suffering).

As noted by Liz Burbo, the child easily panics and becomes numb with fear in the presence of a parent or other people of the same sex. The word "panic" often appears in his vocabulary. Fear of his own panic leads to the fact that the fugitive loses his memory at a crucial moment.

As for the parent of the opposite sex, then, as the psychologist writes, the fugitive himself is afraid to reject him and in every possible way restrains himself in his actions and statements in relation to him.

If the fugitive experiences the feeling of being rejected by the parent of the opposite sex, then he blames himself for this and rejects himself.

Liz Bourbo found that trauma also affects eating habits. So, the fugitive prefers small portions, and when he experiences bouts of fear, he often loses his appetite. Sometimes he is prone to anorexia, because he believes that he is too big and plump, although this is not so (recall the physique of the rejected).

According to Liz Burbo, runaways have a weakness for sweets, and they may also be attracted to alcoholic beverages or drugs.

• diarrhea,
• arrhythmia,
• allergy,
• vomit,
• dizziness,
• fainting,
• agoraphobia (fear of open spaces),
• hypoglycemia or diabetes

Also, such a person may develop a depressive or manic-depressive state, the consequence of which may be the idea of ​​​​suicide. Sometimes psychosis can develop due to the adoration of one's idol.

Injury "left" - mask "addict"

Abandoned Trauma (Physique Addict)

To leave means to leave a person, to retire temporarily or permanently. If the rejected person experiences his trauma at the level of “to be”, then the abandoned person experiences his trauma at the level of “have” and “do”. This injury usually occurs between one and three years of age.

Feeling abandoned can develop in the following situations:

• mother's employment in connection with the appearance of a new child;
• constant employment of parents at work and, in connection with this, a short pastime with the child;
• hospitalization of one child, without parents (the child cannot understand why the parents are not with him);
• leaving a child with grandmothers during the holidays;
• the child is left to himself (mom is sick, dad works), lack of emotional and physical nutrition, etc.

As Liz Bourbo writes, the physique of the addict is characterized by a lack of tone in the body: a long, thin, sagging body, the muscular system is underdeveloped and sluggish, large sad eyes, weak legs and long arms, sometimes the back is twisted, some parts of the body are located below normal, some parts of the body also look hanging (shoulders, cheeks, stomach, etc.).

Characteristics of injury

According to Liz Burbo, the trauma of the abandoned is inflicted by the parent of the opposite sex. She also found that often the trauma of the abandoned is combined with the trauma of the rejected. A person with abandonment trauma is constantly emotionally hungry.

Trying to hide his injury from himself, a person creates for himself the mask of an addict. The addict is sure that he is not able to achieve anything on his own, that he needs support. Such a person tends to become a victim, and there is a high probability that his parent (or both parents) were also victims.

Here the psychologist explains that the victim in this case means a person who is always inclined to create problems for himself in order to attract attention, and basically, these are health problems. This is due to the need of the addict, as it seems to him that he is being given too little attention.

Such a person overdramatizes everything, creating many problems for himself, since the role of the victim allows him to receive much-needed attention.

In studying this mask, Liz Bourbeau found that the addict often willingly plays the role of rescuer - a subtle way to get attention. But this role negatively affects his back health, as he takes on other people's duties.

The addict has periods of ups and downs (feeling happy alternates with feeling miserable). He feels an urgent need for support from other people, hardly accepts a refusal to his request for help, does not like to act alone.

The addict's biggest fear is being alone, which is why he clings to others. Such a person, according to the psychologist, has the most powerful ability not to see problems in his partner, because he does not want to be abandoned. In this regard, he does not like the word "leave".

The strongest emotion an addict experiences is sadness. In order not to feel it, the addict seeks the company of other people. In moments of crisis, such a person can reach the thought of suicide and tell everyone about it. Although the first attempt will be unsuccessful, but in the absence of empathy, it can really do it.

At the same time, the addict thinks that he is not worthy of the attention of another person. He is afraid of all bosses and powerful people, as they seem to him cold and indifferent.

According to the observations of Liz Burbo, an addicted person is prone to bulimia: she can eat a lot without gaining weight. This is due to the fact that such a person is internally tuned to the fact that he always lacks everything.

Addicts often get sick, especially in childhood, they are weak and frail in body. Among the frequent ailments of such people, the psychologist identifies asthma, diseases of the bronchi, pancreas and adrenal glands, myopia, hysteria, depression, migraines, as well as rare and incurable diseases.

Injury "humiliated" - mask "masochist"

Humiliated Trauma (Masochist physique)

Humiliation is an insult, a blow to the dignity of a person, which is felt by him as oppression, shame and disgrace.

This trauma, according to Liz Burbo, awakens at the age of one to three years, during the child's awareness of the functions of his physical body: the child learns to eat independently, go to the toilet, talk and listen to what adults say to him, etc.

The moment of awakening of the trauma are situations when the child feels that the parent is ashamed of him because the child did something, spoiled it, often in front of others (dirty, peed, etc.).

The trauma of the humiliated is most often experienced with the mother.

According to Liz Burbo, the humiliated person creates for himself the mask of a masochist - a person who experiences satisfaction, pleasure from suffering and unconsciously seeks humiliation.

The humiliated has a large and thick body, which, as it were, reflects his beliefs about himself as low, unclean.

He has a barrel-shaped body due to excess fat. If the injury is shallow, then only some parts of the body (stomach, buttocks, chest) will be rounded. The physique of a masochist is also distinguished by a short waist, a thick swollen neck, a round face with wide innocent eyes.

Characteristics of injury

The masochist seeks to prove his reliability and diligence, so he takes on a lot of work and responsibilities. As Liz Burbo writes, such a person has the gift of being drawn into situations in which he must deal with someone, help someone, patronize someone, gradually forgetting about himself. At the same time, the more he takes on himself, the more his weight becomes.

The weight and dimensions of the masochist's body grow and take up more and more space due to the fact that he himself wants to take a place in life. Therefore, interfering in the lives of loved ones, he does everything for them, not realizing that by doing so he humiliates them.

Liz Burbo argues that it is difficult for a masochist to express his true needs and feelings because from early childhood he is afraid to speak, because he is afraid of experiencing shame (or causing others to feel shame). As a rule, such a person is hypersensitive, and any trifle can hurt him. At the same time, he is ready to make others laugh by exposing himself as an object of ridicule.

The masochist perceives criticism with a sense of humiliation and his own worthlessness. But he himself considers himself much more worthless and insignificant and worthless than he really is (hence, the favorite words “a little”, “little”). Therefore, he likes small houses, cars, objects, etc.

Such a person tends to punish himself. As confirmation of this, he even likes to take the blame of others on himself and apologize.

The biggest fear for such a person is freedom, therefore he always unconsciously arranges so as not to be free.

The main ailments of the masochist Liz Burbo include back pain, a feeling of heaviness on the shoulders, respiratory diseases, problems with the legs and feet (varicose veins, sprains, fractures), liver problems, sore throats, tonsillitis and laryngitis, thyroid disease, skin itching and scabies, diseases of the pancreas, heart disease. Soda, on the other hand, should attribute surgical intervention as a consequence of his conviction in the inevitability of suffering.

Injury "betrayed" - mask "controlling"

Devotee trauma (controller's physique)

To betray means to cease to be faithful. Betrayal is associated with the inability to trust and rely.

According to Liz Burbo, this trauma awakens between the ages of two and four, when sexual energy develops and the so-called oedipus complex arises (when an unconscious or conscious attraction to a parent of the opposite sex arises). Hence, the trauma is experienced only with a parent (or with another person acting as that parent) of the opposite sex.

The psychologist found that those who suffer from the trauma of betrayal did not resolve the Oedipus complex in childhood: their attachment to the parent of the opposite sex remained too strong, which in adulthood began to affect relationships with the opposite sex. Such people constantly compare their partners with their parent and expect the same from them that this parent could not give them.

A devoted child tends to feel needed, especially he wants the parent of the opposite sex to be well.

Liz Bourbo lists situations that evoke betrayal trauma: if a parent of the opposite sex does not keep their promise or abuses the trust of such a child, the child feels betrayed by this parent. A sense of betrayal in a child also appears when a parent of the same sex is betrayed by a parent of the opposite sex, as well as in a situation where the father removes his little daughter from himself because a new child was born - a boy.

A child who has begun to experience such trauma creates a mask of "controller" for himself in order to ensure the fulfillment of tasks undertaken, to remain faithful, to justify responsibility, or to demand all this from others.

According to Liz Burbo, the controller creates a body that is distinguished by strength and power, as if saying: "I am responsible for everything, you can trust me." So, a controlling man is distinguished by beautiful broad shoulders, and a controlling woman is distinguished by width and “voluminousness” in the abdomen, buttocks, and hips.

Characteristics of injury

The gaze of the controller is fixed, so such a person grasps the situation very quickly. His gaze keeps the enemy at a distance, and the weak probes, intimidates. But this is just a way to hide your weakness and vulnerability.

According to Liz Burbo, controllers do everything in their power to be strong, responsible, special and significant people. In this way, they satisfy their ego, which does not want to see how many times he betrays himself or others.

The controller has the highest expectations, because he likes to anticipate and control everything in order to check whether others are doing well, what they should do and whether they can be relied upon.

The psychologist describes the controller as a strong personality. Such a person actively affirms what he believes and expects others to fully accept his beliefs. He is firmly convinced that he is right and expresses his opinion in a categorical tone.

At the same time, the controller avoids conflict situations for fear of losing control. He is afraid of commitment because of the fear of default (because he sees the rejection of his obligations as a betrayal he experienced in childhood from his parent of the opposite sex, who did not fulfill his obligations in accordance with his expectations).

He often has mood swings. He is impatient with slow people, as he loves speed and speed of action (including eating quickly). Such a person does not like to be late, does not like to delegate things to others, because of this you can lose control. He is more demanding of others than of himself. Reputation for him is above all, even above the happiness of his children.

The controller does not like to be controlled or corrected after him, because he likes to do everything in his own way.

Such a person is prone to "futurization": he is constantly busy planning the near future, therefore he is practically unaware of the essence of the present.

It is very important for the controller to show his strength and courage to others, but he can hardly trust another because of the fear that his information can be used against him. He is very sensitive, but it is almost impossible to notice.

The strongest fear of the controller is associated with disintegration, separation, breakup (divorce), as well as with renunciation (understands as betrayal).

Such a person has particular difficulty in choosing, because it seems to him that due to the wrong choice, he can lose control.

Injury "were unfair" - mask "rigid (hard)"

Injury of injustice (rigid physique)

Liz Burbo explains injustice as a lack of justice and honesty. A person feels a sense of injustice when he does not see recognition of his dignity, when it seems to him that he does not receive what he deserves.

According to the psychologist, this trauma awakens at the age of three to five years, during the period of development of the child's individuality, when he realizes that he is a human being, a separate whole entity with its own characteristics. The child feels as an injustice that he cannot be whole and inviolable, cannot express himself and be himself.

The trauma of injustice is experienced, as a rule, with the parent of the same sex: the child suffers from his coldness (as it seems to the child), authority, severity, from his constant remarks.

Liz Bourbo argues that a child with such an injury creates a mask of rigidity for himself in order to isolate himself from the experiences he is experiencing, thus protecting himself. But the fact that he cuts himself off from experiences does not mean that he does not feel anything. On the contrary, such a person is very sensitive, but he develops in himself the ability not to feel his sensitivity and not show it to others. Therefore, a rigid person looks cold and insensitive.

The psychologist characterizes such a person as distinguished by a straight, rigid, and often perfect body. The physique is proportional, the shoulders are straight and the width is the same as the hips. Rigid people tend to be more afraid of weight gain than others. They are characterized by dynamic, but not flexible enough movements, clenched jaws, a proudly erect neck, clean skin and a clear look.

Rigid women are characterized by small stature. Such individuals love tight belts and clothes that highlight the waist. This is due to the fact that by pinching their waist (solar plexus area), they will feel less.

Characteristics of injury

According to Liz Burbo, already in childhood, a rigid person notices (or thinks so) that he is valued for what he does, and not for what he is. Therefore, he becomes industrious, executive, gets used to independently get out of difficult situations.

A characteristic gesture inherent in rigid personalities is crossing the arms over the chest as a symbol of blocking the solar plexus area (so as not to feel). For the same purpose, such individuals like to wear black clothes.

As Liz Burbo writes, a rigid person seeks correctness and justice at any cost, he himself also strives to be perfect in everything and fair. He is most inclined to envy, especially those who, in his opinion, deserve less, but receive more.

The psychologist notes that to deserve, on merit, on merit are the key concepts of a rigid person, since he likes to seek justice. And it is very important for him to make sure that what he receives, he deserves (otherwise he may refuse the award). In this regard, the rigid does not like to accept gifts.

However, rigid tend to exaggerate. So, they like to use the words "never", "always", "very" ("you are always gone").

To hide their sensitivity and emotions, rigid people resort to laughter. For the same reason, when asked about business, he always answers “Fine!” (even if it isn't).

The biggest fear of the rigid is the fear of making mistakes, as they are always preoccupied with perfection. Perhaps that is why they suffer from occupational exhaustion more often than others. Another big fear is the fear of coldness.

And the most painful injustice, says Liz Burbo, is experienced by the rigid from themselves, as they often blame themselves (that they buy something for themselves, that they rest, etc.).

Most often, rigid people experience the emotion of anger (especially towards themselves).

Among the main ailments of rigid Liz Burbo highlights the inflexibility and tension of the upper back, neck, knees, elbows, and other flexible areas of the body. This list includes diseases ending in -itis, as well as nervous exhaustion, nervousness, insomnia, constipation, hemorrhoids, spasms, convulsions, circulatory problems and varicose veins, skin problems (dryness, acne, psoriasis), liver disorders, visual impairment.

Healing Paths

Earlier we wrote that the injuries considered can negatively affect both the mental and physical health of a person. The key word here is "may", which means that under certain conditions, this can be avoided. What are these conditions? They just echo the ways of healing psychosomatic ailments.

1. In order to begin the path of healing, a person needs to see his problem (in this case, trauma). Why this moment should be emphasized: because many do not want to see or are so fused with the trauma that they really do not see it.

Observing and analyzing the events and people in your life will help you see the problem. Liz Bourbo emphasizes the following pattern: the deeper the trauma of a person, the more he attracts circumstances in which he is rejected (betrayed, humiliated, etc.) or rejected (betrays, humiliates, etc.) himself. And the more he does this in relation to himself, the stronger his fear of being rejected, betrayed, humiliated, etc.

We blame others for what we don't want to see in ourselves. Therefore, a person attracts the appropriate people or situations: in order to see through them what is in him.

1. Recognize and accept trauma: understand its essence and accept that it is in you (many people usually deny their trauma).

Since, according to the theory of Liz Burbo, wherever a person with a mental trauma comes, wherever he tries to hide from situations reminiscent of his trauma, this suffering will haunt him only for one simple reason - the trauma sits in him, in his inner world, in his soul.

From here, healing will begin to occur only when a person stops running away from himself, from his mental pain, when he realizes that the people around him are not to blame for anything, just like himself. He just came to this Earth to go through this experience and, being healed, to be freed.

What needs to be done for successful healing? The answer lies in the cause of the injury. As Liz Bourbo points out, the main cause of any injury is the inability to forgive oneself for a wound inflicted on oneself or other people.

So, the first and most important thing is to forgive yourself and others. In fact, it is easy to do this if you know the essence of your trauma and accept that “Yes, it so happened that I wanted to go through this experience, so I attracted the relevant circumstances of my life (parents, loved ones, events) to show me that it is inside me. This means that there is no one to blame, since all of them, including myself, played their roles in this play (called Life). I understand that all this was done not from evil, but for the benefit of my soul, my development. Therefore, I easily forgive myself and others for the pain (as a signal that something was wrong) that was part of this experience and caused suffering to everyone who participated in this play. I THANK myself and everyone for this experience that has made me wiser.”

I would like to recall one parable about how the souls agreed on the upcoming life lesson.

One strong Soul wanted to know what forgiveness is and what it means to forgive. Other Souls at first dissuaded her, then out of love for her, agreed to help. One Soul said that only because of her great love for her, she agreed to incarnate as her parent and would constantly humiliate and scold her so that she would understand what forgiveness is and what it is to forgive. Another Soul also agreed to help and said that she would incarnate as her husband and would beat, offend and change, so that she would understand what forgiveness is and what it means to forgive. This Soul said that she would do it only because she loved her very much. And other Souls flew up to her and said that only because of love for her they were ready to go with her to Earth as her future disobedient children, betraying friends and other relatives who brought her suffering. Only for her sake. When they all incarnated on Earth, they forgot about the contract. The Soul that wanted to go through the experience of forgiveness also forgot, for the sake of which all other Souls did what they promised: they came into her life and began to help her see the experience she had chosen.

Is it possible to seriously blame or hate someone after that?

I wish you to see your (chosen by you) experience and go through it with an understanding of the essence and gratitude to all the actors (including yourself).

We are talking about five traumas, namely the trauma of the rejected, abandoned, humiliated, betrayal and injustice. We are all born with several traumas, but they are experienced in different ways, with different intensities.

Shot from Ashes and Snow, © Gregory Colbert

We are talking about five traumas, namely the trauma of the rejected, abandoned, humiliated, betrayal and injustice. We are all born with several traumas, but they are experienced in different ways, with different intensities. Injuries originated in a previous life and are present in our new life because we have not learned to heal and accept them.

So, we can conclude that, for example, the trauma of the rejected originates in a situation where a person rejects another person and does not accept himself in this situation. This experience of rejection is associated with rejection of oneself, which becomes a vicious circle: I reject myself, I reject others, and others also reject me .... All of this is to help me realize that I am denying myself. And so it is for every trauma of the soul. Trauma occurs immediately as soon as a person ceases to accept himself, just as many wounds, injuries or diseases can suddenly appear in the human body. If a person does not deal with the healing of this injury, it becomes more and more dangerous and, at the slightest touch, it will hurt more and more. Therefore, only we ourselves should personally realize the importance of healing our own soul traumas in order to create a completely different quality of our life.

All the troubles, problems, stresses that happen to us can be associated with one of the traumas of the soul. Difficulties can be mental (anxiety, fears, etc.), emotional (guilt, emotion, anger, etc.) or physical (illness, illness, accidents, etc.).

From the moment a child is conceived, traumas begin to be activated by the parents or those who have played the role of parents. So it's important to remember that we don't suffer trauma because of our parents, but rather because we needed these parents, with their own traumas, so that we could recognize our own traumas and begin the process of healing them.

As soon as one of the five traumas is active and we do not accept it, our reactions are instantaneous. It looks like someone is touching an open wound on your body, it gives you pain and you overreact to the touch. Your reaction depends on how serious your wound is. The more painful the wound, the sharper and faster your reaction. Speaking of trauma, I refer to these reactions as "mask-wearing." Why? Because we are in pain, and if we do not understand our responsibility, we blame other people for hurting us (or we blame ourselves for feeling pain), and we cease to be ourselves. To take responsibility is to feel the pain and injury and to realize that the other person did not hurt us, but that the suffering arose because we had not yet dealt with the healing of the injury.

For example, someone steps on your injured and swollen toe. Of course, you react: you are more likely to say something unpleasant, push the person away, or even hurt him yourself. Of course, this reaction is natural. But think about it: if your toe was healthy and someone stepped on your foot, you probably wouldn't have this reaction. And this means that if we react too sharply to some events or people, we cease to be ourselves. And that's why we call reactions masks. Each injury has its own mask and its own reactions.

You can read a full description of the five traumas of the soul and the masks associated with them in the book Five Traumas That Prevent You from Being Yourself. Recognizing masks and injuries is not difficult if you just look closely at the structure of your body. The more characteristics of a particular injury present in your body, the stronger that particular injury of yours.

How to heal from traumas of the soul?

The first step in healing from trauma is to accept and observe yourself when your trauma is active and you feel pain. You may feel rejected, for example, or abandoned, but not wearing an appropriate mask. At such moments, all you need to do is tell yourself that you are feeling rejected right now, and observe your thoughts, feelings, and the location of pain in the physical body. You will see how wonderfully simple self-observation works! Just watching is enough to ease the pain and make you feel much better. Your breathing becomes even and the pain goes away. This observation technique is also called acceptance.

Another step in healing from trauma is accepting that ALL people, without exception, are born with trauma. The more you give yourself permission to experience trauma, the more compassion and tolerance you will have for other people. You will not be acutely aware of the moments when other people put on masks or react emotionally. So, the more you watch yourself, the easier it will be for you to watch others, without judgment or blame.

A great effective way to heal from soul trauma is to be very mindful of your relationships with other people. As soon as you find yourself reacting to other people in pain, out of trauma, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “if I listened to my needs, what would I do now?”.

Take, for example, a woman who is tired after a day's work. She sees that her son (or husband) wants her attention. She would like to be alone and rest. However, due to the trauma of the abandoned one, she fears that if she does so, her son or husband will feel abandoned. Most likely, she will not tell anyone about her desire, and will make every effort to give due attention. If so, then her injury won, and she herself put on a mask.

Gradually, as you heal from trauma, you will become who and what you want to be: the fugitive will learn to assert himself and take his rightful place; the addict will be happy to be alone, will be able to ask for help only if necessary, and not in order to attract attention; the masochist will manifest his sensuality without guilt or shame, listening and satisfying his needs before others. The controller will remain a leader and leader, but will not seek to control and suppress everyone, using lies and manipulation; the rigid one will find his natural sensuality and give himself the right to be imperfect.

And this is only a small part of the wonderful changes that you will see in your life as you begin to heal from soul traumas. And your surroundings will also be pleasantly surprised as you begin to change before our eyes! There is only one thing left for you now: to make the decision to start healing from soul traumas right now, without waiting for other people to change instead of you. Only in this way can you get a better quality of life, and this will only happen thanks to a unique tool - acceptance that heals everything!

CHAPTER 7

* U fugitive voice weak, powerless.
* U dependent- a childish voice with a touch of complaint.
* Masochist often decorates his voice with feigned intonations, portraying an interested person.
* U rigid speech is somewhat mechanical and reserved.
*controlling has a loud, booming voice.

Each type has its own dance style:

* Fugitive dislikes dancing. If he dances, then his movements are minimal and inexpressive, he does not want to be noticed. It looks like it says on it: "Don't look at me for long".

* Dependent prefers contact dances, in which it is possible to snuggle up to a partner. Sometimes it seems that he hangs on a partner. His whole being radiates: "Look how my partner loves me".

* Masochist always dances willingly and a lot, taking the opportunity to express his sensuality. He dances for the pure pleasure of dancing. His whole appearance says: "Look how sensual I can be".

* Controller need a lot of space. He loves to dance and uses it to seduce. But above all, this is an opportunity for him to show himself. From him comes the call: "Look at me".

* Rigid dances very well, feels the rhythm, despite some stiffness, inflexibility of the legs. He is very attentive, tries not to lose the rhythm. More often than others, she attends dance courses. The most rigid ones stand out with seriousness, hold themselves very straight and seem to count their steps in the dance. They seem to say with their appearance: "Look how well I dance".

What car do you prefer? The following characteristics will tell you which of your subpersonalities determines the choice:

* Fugitive likes inconspicuous cars of a soft color.
*Dependent prefers cars that are comfortable and not the same as everyone else.
* Masochist chooses a small, cramped car, where it barely fits.
* controlling buys a powerful, conspicuous car.
* Rigid he prefers a classic, working, hardy car - he wants to get the full value of his money.
You can apply these characteristics to other purchases as well as to the way you dress.

The way a person sits shows what happens in his soul when he speaks or listens:

* Fugitive shrinks, trying to take up as little space as possible in the chair. He likes to tuck his legs under him very much: when he is not connected to the ground, it is easier to run away.

* Dependent crawls in an armchair or leans on a support - on the armrest or on the back of an adjacent chair. The upper part of the body is tilted forward.

* Masochist sits with legs spread. In most cases, he chooses a place that is not suitable for him, so he feels uncomfortable.

* controlling sits with his whole body leaning back and arms folded as he listens. Having taken the floor, he leans forward to look more convincing in the eyes of the interlocutor.

* Rigid sits perfectly straight. At the same time, he can move his legs and position his entire body strictly symmetrically, which further emphasizes his rigid posture. Sometimes he crosses his legs or arms - when he does not want to feel what is happening.

Many times during conversations, I noticed how my guest changes posture depending on what is going on in his mind. I will describe for example a person with traumas of injustice and abandoned. When he tells me about his life problems, his body relaxes, his shoulders sag slightly, he is experiencing his trauma of abandonment. A few minutes later, when I ask a question about a topic he doesn't want to touch, his body straightens up, his whole body becomes rigid, and he tells me that this part of him is all right. The same thing happens with his speech - the manner of speaking can change several times during the conversation.

Any number of such examples can be cited. I am sure that in a few months you yourself, observing your own behavior and physical signs, will easily recognize which mask and at what moment you put on, what fear is hidden behind this mask. It will be just as easy for you to recognize and decipher the masks of those around you.

I discovered another very interesting fact related to fears. You have already noticed that I indicate everywhere the strongest fear inherent in each type of character. So, I was convinced that each wearer of a certain mask is not aware of his fear, but those around him can easily see what exactly he seeks to avoid at any cost.

* Fugitive fears the most panic. He can't really realize it because he hides, disappears as soon as he starts to panic, or even before it starts. Others see panic without difficulty - his eyes almost always betray him.

* Biggest fear dependent inspires loneliness. He does not see this, because he always arranges himself in such a way as to be in someone's company. If, nevertheless, he finds himself alone, then, of course, he admits that he is alone; but at the same time he does not notice how feverishly he is looking for something to do, something to fill his time. When there is no physical partner, the phone and TV replace him with company. It is much easier for his relatives to notice, to feel this great fear of loneliness, even when surrounded by people. He also has sad eyes.

* Masochist fears the most freedom. He does not consider and does not feel free because of the many restrictions and obligations that he himself came up with. On the other hand, he seems completely free to those around him, because he usually finds the means and time to do what he decided to do. He does not look back at others when making a decision. Even if what he decides binds him, in the eyes of other people he has complete freedom to change his mind, if he only wants to. His eyes, wide open to the world, show a great interest in everything and a desire to experience as many different experiences as possible.

* controlling scare the most disconnection and renunciation. He does not notice how intensely he himself creates problems and conflict situations, as a result of which he excludes further communication with individual people. Creating, attracting to himself situations in which he renounces someone every time, he at the same time does not see that he is afraid of these situations. Rather, on the contrary, he assures himself that these breaks and renunciations are beneficial for him. He thinks that in this way he does not allow himself to be fooled or used. His sociability and readiness for new acquaintances prevent him from realizing how many people he has deleted from his life. Others see it much better. And his eyes betray him too. When he is angry, they become tough and even inspire fear, which can alienate many from him.

* Rigid fears the most coldness. It is difficult for him to recognize coldness, because he considers himself a sincere, warm person who does everything to ensure that harmony and justice reign around him. As a rule, he is loyal to his friends. But people around him often notice his own coldness, not so much in his eyes, but in his dry, hard demeanor, especially when he believes he is being unfairly accused of something.

The first step to healing trauma is RECOGNIZING and ACCEPTING it; this, however, does not at all mean approval and consent to its existence. To accept means to look at it, to observe it, not forgetting at the same time that a person lives for this, in order to settle problems that have not yet been resolved.

If something hurts you, it does not mean that you are a bad person.

When you managed to create a mask so as not to suffer, it was a heroic act, a feat of self-love. This mask helped you survive and adjust to the family environment that you yourself chose before incarnating.

The real reason we are born into a certain family, or drawn to people with the same trauma as us, is that from the very beginning we like it when others are like us. That is, we are no worse than others. But time passes, and we begin to notice the shortcomings of others, we no longer accept them as they are. And we try to change them, not realizing that what we do not accept from others is part of ourselves, only we do not want to see it, because we are afraid of the need for change. We think we should change themselves, when in reality they should heal myself.

This is why knowing your own traumas is so beneficial: it allows you to focus on healing them rather than trying to change yourself.

Remember, in addition, that each of these traumas is the result of the accumulation of experience from many previous lives, so it is not surprising that it is not easy for you to face your trauma in this particular life. In previous lives you did not succeed, so you should not expect that the problem will be easily settled with a simple wish: "I want to get well". Moreover, the will and determination to heal one's injuries are only the first steps towards compassion, patience and tolerance towards oneself.

In doing so, you will develop the same attitude towards other people; these will be the main fruits of your healing work. I know that in reading the previous chapters you have discovered the corresponding traumas in your loved ones; it probably helped you better understand their behavior and therefore be more tolerant of them.

As I have already warned, one should not cling too much to the words used in the definition of injuries or masks. You may, for example, experience the trauma of being rejected and feel betrayed, abandoned, humiliated, or a victim of injustice. Someone can treat you unfairly and it will make you feel rejected, humiliated, betrayed or abandoned. As you see, what matters is not the experience itself, but how you feel the experience. That is why, when it is necessary to accurately define trauma, one should refer to the description of the characteristics of the physical body before studying the behavioral characteristics. The body never lies. It reflects what is happening on the emotional and mental planes.

I know that many people are increasingly resorting to aesthetic surgery, seeking to correct certain features of their physical body. In my opinion, they are playing a cruel joke on themselves: if the injury cannot be detected by physical signs, then this does not mean that it has been cured. Many of those who used the services of aesthetic surgery were very disappointed when, two or three years later, what they so wanted to remove or hide appeared again. By the way, it is for this reason that aesthetic surgeons never give a lifetime guarantee on their work. On the other hand, if you truly love yourself and put your body in order by surgical means, while at the same time not stopping the emotional, mental and spiritual work on your injuries, then it is very likely that your body will better accept surgical care and it will will be beneficial to him.

Many people play cruel jokes with their physical body, but even more of those who do themselves a disservice at the level of behavior and internal attitudes. In my "Characters and Traumas" seminar, the following episodes recur regularly: I describe traumas in great detail, some participants clearly see one of the injuries in themselves, and their body equally clearly shows the other.

For example, I remember a young man (about thirty years old) who told me that from the earliest childhood he had experienced the trauma of a rejected person. He suffered from a lack of consistent, secure relationships, which he believed was due to the many times he was rejected. Meanwhile, his physical body showed no signs of being rejected. Finally I asked him: “Are you sure that you are experiencing the suffering of the rejected, and not a sense of injustice?” I then explained to him that his body was most likely evidence of the trauma of injustice. He was very surprised. I suggested that he take his time and think about it for a while. When I met him a week later, he enthusiastically told me that much had been cleared up during that time, and now he realized that, of course, he was suffering from the trauma of injustice.

This example is typical. Ego does everything he can to keep us from seeing our true injuries. It is convinced that by touching these injuries, we will not be able to control the pain associated with them. It also persuaded us to create masks for ourselves to help avoid this pain.

The ego always thinks it has found the best
easy way, but in fact it is only
makes life difficult for us. When life
controls awareness, then at first it
requires some effort from us
seems difficult, but really
mindfulness drastically simplifies our lives.

The longer we delay healing our injuries, the deeper they become. Each time we experience a situation that awakens and reopens our wound, we add a new patch to that wound. The wound grows; the more serious it is, the stronger the fear of touching it. A vicious cycle develops, which can turn into an obsessive state: it seems to us that everyone is trying to cause us suffering. The rigid one, for example, sees injustice at every turn, and his reaction is an obsession with perfection. A pronounced fugitive feels rejected by everyone and convinces himself that no one else will ever love him, etc.

Acknowledging our own traumas has an important advantage: we finally begin to look in the right direction. Prior to this, 1 our actions resembled the behavior of a patient who is looking for a good cardiologist, when in fact he has impaired liver function. So the young man who considers himself rejected may for years unsuccessfully try to heal the trauma of the rejected; and only by touching his true trauma, he gets the opportunity to identify his problem and begin to treat the real disease.

I want to emphasize here that wearing the mask of an addict and suffering from an emotional addiction are not the same thing. Individuals with the trauma of the abandoned and, consequently, the mask of the addict do not necessarily suffer from emotional hunger. Why is that? Because we become emotionally dependent when we suffer from emotional hunger, and we become emotionally hungry when we don't love ourselves enough. And in this case, we are looking for the love of other people in order to convince ourselves that we are worthy of love, that we can be loved. Any mask appears precisely in order to show us that we prevent ourselves from being ourselves, because we do not love ourselves enough. Do not forget that any behavior associated with this or that mask means a reaction, and not self-love.

* THE TRAUMA OF THE REJECTED IS EXPERIENCED WITH THE PARENT OF THE SAME GENDER. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by persons of the same sex as himself. He accuses them of rejecting him and is more angry with them than with himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case, his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left him.

* THE TRAUMA OF THE ABANDONED IS EXPERIENCED WITH A PARENT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. That is, the dependent is inclined to believe that he will be abandoned by persons of the opposite sex, and to blame them more than himself. If he experiences the experience of being abandoned with a person of the same sex, then he blames himself, because he believes that he did not pay enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that a given person of his gender has abandoned him, but in fact it has rejected him.

* THE TRAUMA OF HIGHLIGHT IS USUALLY EXPERIENCED WITH THE MOTHER, regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist tends to experience humiliation from females. He usually blames them. If he experiences the trauma of humiliation with a male person, then he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude towards this person. He can also experience this trauma with his father, if he is engaged in his physical education, teaches the child to keep clean, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then you just have to apply what was said to the male or female version.

* THE TRAUMA OF BETRAYAL IS EXPERIENCED WITH A PARENT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. That is, the controller usually believes that he was betrayed by persons of the opposite sex, and is inclined to blame them for his suffering or emotions. If he experiences the trauma of betrayal with a person of the same sex, then he mainly blames himself and is angry with himself for not being able to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner. It is highly likely that what he perceives as betrayal by those of his gender is in fact an experience that has activated his trauma of injustice.

* THE TRAUMA OF INJUSTICE IS EXPERIENCED WITH A PARENT OF THE SAME GENDER. That is, a rigid person suffers from injustice on the part of people of his own sex and accuses them of injustice to him. If he experiences a situation that he considers unfair with a person of the opposite sex, then he accuses not this person, but rather himself - of injustice or incorrectness. It is very likely that this experience of injustice with a member of the opposite sex is actually caused by betrayal. Intense suffering can even drive him to a destructive rage.

The more suffering these injuries cause, the more justified and human is anger at the parent we hold responsible for them. Later, we transfer this bitterness and hatred to those of the same sex as the parent we blame for our suffering. It is quite natural, for example, that a boy hates his father if he constantly feels that he is rejected by him. Then he will transfer this hatred to other men or to his own son - and will feel that he is also rejected by him.

We are angry at this parent - unconsciously - also because he has the same trauma that we have. That is, he becomes in our eyes a model, a model of a person with this injury, thereby obliging us to look at ourselves. And we, generally speaking, would like to see a different model, although we usually do not realize this either. This explains our desire not to be like our parents in any way. We hate to see ourselves reflected in them. Injuries cannot be healed except through true forgiveness of one's parents and oneself.

On the other hand, when any of the five
trauma experienced with the faces of another
gender than the parent we believe
responsible for our injury, then we
angry at ourselves. It is in such
periods we tend to punish ourselves,
using for this accident
or any other means of physical
damage.

It is human nature to believe in punishment as a means of expiation. In reality, the spiritual law of love says just the opposite. The more guilty we consider ourselves, the more we punish ourselves - and the more inevitably we attract the same situation to ourselves. In other words, the more self-blame, the more likely you are to re-experience the same suffering. This feeling of guilt prevents a person from forgiving himself and thereby taking a decisive step towards healing.

In addition to guilt, we very often experience shame - when we blame ourselves for hurting someone, or when others blame us for causing them suffering. I talked more about shame in the chapter on the trauma of humiliation, since shame is most pronounced in the masochist. However, every person in a given situation has to experience a sense of shame. This feeling is especially intense when we do not want to admit that we are causing others suffering that we ourselves would not want to experience.

In cases where a serious crime or violence is committed, it must be remembered that the offender has his own injuries that cause him such pain from which he loses control of himself. That's why I often repeat: There are no evil people in this world, there are only those who suffer. This is not a question of forgiving such people, but one must learn to sympathize with them. Blame and punishment will not help them. Even while remaining in our opinion, we can sympathize with them. This makes it easier for us to become aware of our own traumas and the traumas of others.

According to my observations, cases where a person suffers from only one injury are quite rare. As for me, I have already mentioned that I have two main injuries that I must heal in this life - injustice and betrayal. I experience the trauma of injustice with members of my gender and the trauma of betrayal with members of the opposite sex. Since the injustice was experienced with my mother, I notice that when I experience this emotion in connection with a particular female, I accuse her of injustice. When injustice comes from a male, I tend to be more self-blaming and angry at myself. Sometimes I'm even ashamed. It also happens to me to perceive injustice on the part of a man as a betrayal.

And in my body, as in the body of everyone who suffers from these two injuries, you can see the masks of the controller and the rigid.

I also noticed that many people have a combination of two other traumas - abandoned and rejected. They wear, respectively, the masks of the addict and the fugitive. Sometimes the upper body shows signs of one injury, while the lower body shows signs of another. In children, there is a difference between the right and left sides. Practice makes it easier to identify eye masks over time. When we trust our own intuition, our "inner eye" distinguishes them instantly.

When a person's body matches the mask of the controller, but at the same time slightly sags and seems loose, or you notice the eyes of the addict, you can consider that he suffers from the traumas of the betrayed and abandoned.
Of course, other combinations are possible. Someone can be distinguished by the bulky body of a masochist and at the same time by the straight, rigid posture of a rigid one. This indicates two traumas - humiliation and injustice.
People with the big body of a masochist and the small legs and ankles of a fugitive suffer the trauma of being humiliated and rejected.

Three, four, and even all five injuries are possible in one person. In this case, usually one of the injuries dominates, while others are less noticeable, but they can be minor and that's it. If one of the masks dominates, then the person uses it for protection more often than others. If the mask appears occasionally and for a short time, this means that the person feels the trauma associated with it weakly. If a mask dominates, then it does not follow that it reflects the most important of injuries.

Indeed, we always try to hide those injuries that cause us the most severe suffering. I have said in previous chapters that we create the mask of rigidity (injustice) and the mask of control (betrayal) as masks of control and power to cover up the traumas of the rejected, abandoned, or humiliated. This power allows you to hide what causes the most excruciating pain. That's why so often one of these injuries only shows up with age: control has its limits. The mask of the rigid, due to its controlling nature, is more than others capable of covering up other trauma. Masochist-rigid, for example, can control his weight for a long time; when the strength to control runs out, he will begin to gain weight.

The soul that came to Earth to heal the trauma of betrayal is looking for a parent of the opposite sex who is strong, strong, able to take his place, not losing control and not too emotional. At the same time, the controller wants this parent to be sensitive and understanding, so that he can be trusted, so that he meets all expectations - then he, the controller, will not feel abandoned and betrayed. If now this parent shows indifference, the child will feel abandoned; if the parent shows weakness in something or cannot be trusted, the child will perceive this as a betrayal. If the parent of the opposite sex is too bossy, aggressive or rude, between them (during the child's adolescence) most often a relationship is established from a position of strength, which feeds the trauma of betrayal in both.

Man is a great expert at finding good reasons and explanations when his body begins to change. He can be understood - he is not ready and does not want to look at himself, and it is especially difficult for him to come to terms with the idea that the human body has such wisdom. He does not want to agree that every - even barely noticeable - change in the physical body is a signal that draws his attention to something that is happening in his soul, but which he does not want to see at this moment. If only a person would understand that when the body decides to draw his attention to one of the internal processes, it means that in fact it is his inner GOD who decided to use the physical body to help him realize that he already has everything he needs to resist what he is so afraid! And yet we are afraid to open our wounds and continue to wear masks to cover them, preferring to believe that these wounds will someday disappear on their own.

Comments

Remember, we only put on our masks when we are afraid of suffering, afraid of opening up the wound we think the mask is protecting. All the behaviors described in the previous chapters are only used in situations where we are wearing masks. Once the mask is put on, we are no longer ourselves. We learn the behavior that matches the mask we put on. The ideal would be to learn to quickly recognize the mask being put on so that we can immediately identify the trauma we are trying to hide, and at the same time not criticize or judge ourselves. Perhaps you change your mask one or more times during the day, or you may not remove it for several months or even years before another injury resurfaces.

The moment you realize this, be happy that your injury was noticed, and be thankful for the chance or the person who touched the wound, for this touch allows you to see that the wound has not yet healed. But at least you already know about it. And by doing so, you give yourself the right to be a human being. It is especially important to give yourself time - to give yourself right to time needed for healing. When you can regularly say to yourself: “Well, I put on such and such a mask, and therefore I react in such and such a way” then your healing will be in full swing.

I repeat, I have never met a person who had all the listed signs of a particular injury. A full description of each character is provided to help you identify yourself with some of the behaviors associated with your injury.

Now I will briefly remind How can you tell if you (or someone else) is wearing a mask?.

* When your REJECTED trauma activates, you put on a mask fugitive. This mask makes you want to get away from situations or people that you think will make you reject; you are afraid of panic and feelings of powerlessness. This mask can also convince you to become as invisible as possible, withdraw into yourself and not say or do anything that would encourage others to reject you. This mask makes you believe that you are not important enough to take the place that you occupy, that you have no right to exist in the fullness in which others exist.

* When your LEAVED injury activates, you put on a mask dependent. It makes you like a little child who seeks and demands attention - you cry, complain and obey everything and everyone, because you do not believe that you are able to act on your own. This mask forces you to resort to various tricks so that you are not left alone or that they pay more attention to you. She may even convince you to fall ill or become a victim of some circumstance, just to get the support and help that you so crave.

* When the trauma of HUMILATION activates, you put on a mask masochist. It allows you to forget your own needs and think only of others in order to become a good, generous person, always ready to provide services, even beyond your capabilities. You also manage to take on your back the affairs and duties of those who usually neglect them, and you do this even before they ask you about it. You do everything to be useful, not to feel humiliated. Thus you manage to never be free - it is very important for you. Whenever your behavior or your actions are motivated by fear of shame for yourself or fear of humiliation, this is a sign for you that you have put on the mask of a masochist.

* Experiencing the trauma of BETRAYAL, you put on a mask controlling, which makes you distrustful, skeptical, cautious, domineering and intolerant - all this is related to your expectations. You do everything to show that you are a strong person, and you won’t let it be so easy to fool or use you, and even more so to decide for you - rather, everything will be the other way around. This mask makes you cunning, even lying, so as not to lose your reputation as a strong one. You forget your own needs and make every effort to ensure that others think that you are a reliable person and can be trusted. In addition, this mask requires maintaining an ostentatious self-confidence, even when you do not trust yourself and doubt your own decisions and actions.

* When your INJUSTICE injury activates, you put on a mask rigid, which informs your movements and tone of voice coldness, sharpness, dryness. The body also becomes as rigid, rigid as the behavior. This mask makes you strive for perfection everywhere, and in connection with this you often experience anger, impatience, criticize and reproach yourself. You are overly demanding and do not consider your own limitations. Whenever you control yourself, hold back, even show cruelty to yourself, this should be a sign that you put on your mask of the rigid.

We put on a mask not only when we are afraid to experience trauma in connection with someone, or afraid to see that we ourselves are causing someone to experience trauma. We always do it either out of a desire to be loved or out of fear of losing someone's love. We adopt behavior that doesn't fit with who we are. We become someone else. Since the behavior dictated by the mask requires some effort from us, we accordingly have expectations regarding other people.

The source of our well-being must
to be what we ourselves are and what
do, not praise, thanks,
appreciation and support
from other people.

Don't forget, though, what tricks the ego can do when it distracts you from the awareness of your injuries. The ego is convinced that if you become aware of them and eliminate them, you will remain defenseless and suffer. Each of the five characters in their own way allows themselves to be fooled by their own ego:

* Fugitive convinces himself that he is seriously concerned with himself and other people - so as not to constantly feel like he is rejected.

* Dependent he likes to portray an independent and tell everyone who wants to listen to him that he is very good alone and that he does not need anyone else.

* Masochist convinces himself that everything he does for others gives him the greatest pleasure and that in this way he truly satisfies his own needs. He is incomparable in his ability to say and think that everything is going great, and to find any explanation and apology for people and situations that have humiliated him.

* controlling I am sure that he never lies, that he always keeps his word and that he is not afraid of anyone or anything.

* Rigid loves to tell everyone and everyone how fair he is and how bright and trouble-free his life is; he wants to believe that he has many friends who love him for who he is.

Mental injuries have to be treated, just like physical injuries. Have you ever had to fiddle with a hated pimple on your face in the hope of getting rid of it as soon as possible? And what is the result? And the fact that the pimple, thanks to your efforts, lived much longer than it should have. This always happens when we do not trust the healing powers of our own body. In order for a problem to disappear (whatever kind it may be), it must first be accepted and given unconditional love, and not driven out of the doorway. Your deep spiritual traumas also need to be recognized, loved and accepted by you.

I will remind you what to love
unconditionally means accepting
even if you don't agree, even if you don't
understand the reasons.

To love injuries, to love pimples on one's own face, is therefore to accept that you have created them yourself, and not by chance, but to help yourself. Instead of eradicating acne, you should use it to become aware of some part of yourself that you don't want to see. After all, in fact, these pimples are trying to attract your attention, to make you understand, among other things, that at present you are apparently afraid of “losing face” in some situation and that this prevents you from being yourself.

If you learn this new internal attitude, you will look at your acne in a completely different way, won't you? You may even feel gratitude towards them. By making this decision, choosing to experience a new mental set, you can be sure that acne will disappear faster, because they will receive love and appreciation for their useful mission.

What should be accepted? First of all, the fact that everything that you fear from others or reproach them with, you yourself inflict on others, and especially on yourself.

Here are examples of how sometimes you can hurt yourself.
*Suffering from trauma rejected reinforces this trauma whenever he calls himself a nonentity, when he believes that he does not mean anything in the lives of other people, when he avoids a certain situation.

*Suffering from trauma abandoned He exacerbates this trauma whenever he abandons an important task for him, when he allows himself to fall, when he does not take care of himself enough and does not give himself the attention he needs. He frightens others by clinging too intensely to them, and thus causes them to leave, and he is left alone again. He causes a lot of suffering to his body, giving rise to diseases in it to attract attention.

*Suffering from trauma humiliation intensifies this trauma whenever he humiliates himself, when he compares himself with others and downplays his merits, when he accuses himself of rudeness, malevolence, lack of will, opportunism, etc. He humiliates himself with clothes that do not suit him and which he always wears. soils. He makes his body suffer by giving it so much food that it cannot be digested and assimilated. He causes himself suffering, taking on someone else's responsibility and depriving himself of freedom and necessary personal time.

* Suffering from trauma betrayal increases this trauma every time he lies to himself, when he inspires himself with false truths, when he violates obligations towards himself. He punishes himself when he does all the work himself: he does not dare to entrust this work to others, because he does not trust them. He is so busy controlling and checking what others are doing that he has no time for himself.

* Suffering from trauma injustice reinforces this trauma by excessive demands on oneself. He does not consider his limitations and often creates stressful situations for himself. He is unfair to himself, because he is too self-critical and hardly notices his positive qualities and the results of his work. He suffers when he sees only what has not been done or the shortcomings of what has been done. He suffers because he does not know how to please himself.

I talked earlier about the importance of accepting your traumas unconditionally. It is equally important to accept the masks that you have allowed your ego to create to cover these injuries and reduce suffering.

To love and accept a trauma means to recognize it, to understand that you came to Earth in order to heal this particular trauma, and to accept your ego's attempt to protect you.

Finally, thank yourself also for the courage with which you created and maintained the mask that helped you survive.

But today this mask is already harming you rather than helping you. It's time to decide that you can survive even with an injury. You are no longer the little child who was unable to bandage his wound. You are now an adult, you have experience and your own mature vision of life, and from now on you intend to love yourself more.
In the first chapter, I mentioned that when we create trauma for ourselves, we go through four stages.

At the first stage, we are ourselves.
The second stage is the feeling of pain when we discover that we cannot be ourselves, because this does not suit the adults around us. Unfortunately, adults do not understand that the child is trying to discover himself, to find out who he is, and instead of letting him be himself, they mainly inspire him to be what he should be.

The third stage is rebellion against the suffering experienced. At this stage, the child begins crises, resistance to parents.
The last stage is surrender, surrender of positions: a decision is made to create a mask for yourself so as not to disappoint others, and most importantly, so as not to experience again and again the suffering that arises from the fact that you are not accepted as you are.

Healing will take place when you go through all four stages in reverse order, starting with the fourth and ending with the first, where you again become yourself. And the first step in this return journey is to become aware of the mask you are wearing. The five previous chapters will help you to realize it, each of which is devoted to a separate trauma.

The second stage is the feeling of indignation, rebellion when reading these chapters, unwillingness to admit one's responsibility, the desire to blame others for one's suffering. Tell yourself in this case that it is quite a human property to resist when you discover something in yourself that you do not like. Everyone experiences this stage in their own way. For some, rebellion and resistance take distinct, vivid forms, while others endure it more calmly. The intensity of resentment and rebellion depends on your openness, readiness for acceptance, as well as on the depth of the trauma at the time when you begin to realize everything that is happening in you.

In the third stage, you must give yourself the right to experience the suffering and bitterness towards one or both parents. Experiencing again the suffering you experienced in childhood, you will be imbued with the greater sympathy and compassion for the child in you, the deeper and more seriously you go through this stage. At this stage, you must leave your anger at your parents and gain empathy for their suffering.

Finally, at the fourth stage, you become yourself and stop believing that you still need your protective masks. You take for granted that your life will be filled with experiences that serve to know what is beneficial for you and what is harmful. This is LOVE FOR YOURSELF. Since love has great healing and inspiring power, get ready for a variety of changes in your life - both at the level of relationships with other people, and at the level of your physical body.

Remember: loving yourself means giving yourself the right to be who you are at the moment. To love yourself means to accept yourself, even if you do to others what you reproach them for. Love has nothing to do with what you do or what you have.

Being yourself is an experience
Thus, loving yourself means giving yourself the right to sometimes hurt others by rejecting them, leaving them, humiliating them, betraying them, or doing them unfairly against your own will. This is the first and most important step on the path to healing your injuries.

In order to overcome this stage faster, I advise you to do an analysis every evening of everything that happened during the day. Ask yourself which mask took over and made you react in such and such a situation, dictating you such and such behavior towards others or towards yourself. Take some time to write down your observations; especially don't forget to mention how you felt. In the end, forgive yourself and give yourself the right to use this mask: because at that moment you sincerely believed that it was your only means of protection. I remind you that blaming and punishing yourself is the best way to reinforce your reaction and repeat it every time in similar situations.

No transformation can
come true without acceptance.

How can you know that you are fully experiencing this acceptance? Only one: when you see that your behavior that hurts others or yourself is part of a human being, and when you agree to accept all its consequences, whatever they may be. This understanding of responsibility is the main thing you need to truly accept yourself. Since you are a human being, to the extent that you cannot be liked by everyone, and to that extent you have the right to certain human reactions that you may not like. At the same time, you should neither judge nor criticize yourself.

Acceptance is thus
starting mechanism from which
the healing process begins.

To your great amazement, you will find that, in fact, the more you allow yourself to betray, reject, leave, humiliate and be unfair, the less you do! Isn't that paradoxical? However, if you have been following my work for some time, this should not surprise you. In any case, I do not require you to believe and understand, because these concepts cannot be obtained intellectually. They must be obtained by one's own experience.
I repeat this great spiritual law of love in all my books, seminars and conferences because it has to be heard many times before it can be truly learned. If you give yourself the right to inflict on others what you yourself are so afraid of that you create a protective mask for yourself, then it will be much easier for you to give the right to others to act in the same way and sometimes do things that open up your wounds.

Take, for example, a father who decided to leave one of his daughters without an inheritance because she resolutely rebelled against him. She did not want to study diligently and "go out into the world", as her father counted on, knowing her abilities. She may perceive his decision as a betrayal, humiliation, injustice, etc. - depending on what kind of trauma she came to Earth to heal.

I knew one young woman who had this experience; she took it as a betrayal, because she never thought that her father would come to such a decision. She still hoped that her father would come to terms with her choice and give her the right to solve her own life problems.

The only way for her to heal this trauma and stop attracting situations in which she experiences betrayal from close men is, first of all, to understand that her father also experiences her behavior as a betrayal. The fact that his daughter does not live up to his expectations looks like a kind of betrayal to him. He probably tells himself that after everything he has done for her, the daughter should be grateful, should become a decent young woman of whom he would be proud. He probably hopes that the day will come when she will return to him, say that he was right, and sincerely ask his forgiveness. Everything that happens between this father and his daughter shows us that he experienced the same trauma of betrayal with his own mother, and she, in turn, also experienced it with him.

When one can check what our parents experienced at an early age, it turns out that history repeats itself from generation to generation; it will continue to be repeated until true forgiveness is accomplished. This helps us gain more understanding and compassion for our parents. When you open your wounds, I strongly recommend that you ask your parents if they had the same experience? Remember that their experience was not necessarily the same as yours; but they felt the same wounds as you, and accused their parents of the same things that you accused them of.

Our road becomes easier when we stop blaming ourselves for the actions that were dictated by our traumas, and when we recognize that this is our human nature. Then we do not feel such embarrassment in conversations with parents, we are not afraid of accusations from their side, and this helps them to open up without fear of our condemnation. By talking to your parents, you will help them get on the path to forgive their parents. You will help them feel like people who have a right to their wounds and certain reactions and actions dictated by them, sometimes directly opposite to their intentions.

When you talk to a parent who has been traumatized, I encourage you to ask them if they have been traumatized with you. For example, if you are a woman and tell your mother how you experienced the suffering of a child she rejected as a child, ask her if she, too, had to feel that you rejected her. This will help her release long-held and often unconscious emotions. Thanks to you, your mother can become aware of them. Then you can talk to her and about her relationship with her mother. (This example fully applies to the man and his father as well.) You can read more about true forgiveness in my other books*. * "Listen to your body" (K., "Sofia"); the Emotions, Feelings, and Forgiveness pamphlet series; and Your Body Tells You: Love Yourself! (K., "Sofia").

I want to remind you that if you have idealized a parent with whom you experienced trauma, and even more so if you adore and deify him, then it is quite natural that it will not be easy for you to give yourself the right to be offended or angry with him. Tell yourself in this case that if this parent has a halo of a saint in your eyes, then he probably had a trauma of injustice, but he learned to control himself quite reliably and not show his feelings to anyone. Personalities of the masochistic type often seem to be saints due to their selflessness.

Here are the most important signs that your injuries are healing.

* Your trauma of REJECTED is close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space if you begin to assert yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not there, it does not unsettle you. There are fewer and fewer situations in which you are afraid to panic.

* Your ABANDONED injury is close to healing if you feel good even when you are alone and if you need less attention from others. Life doesn't seem so dramatic anymore. You increasingly have a desire to start various projects, and even if others do not help you, you are able to continue the work yourself.

* Your HUMILATED injury is close to healing if you give yourself time to consider whether it meets your needs before you say yes to someone. You already take less on your shoulders and feel more free. You stop creating limits for yourself. You are able to make requests and demands without feeling annoying and unnecessary.

* Your trauma of BETRAYAL is close to healing if you don't already experience such violent emotions when someone or something frustrates your plans. You loosen your grip more easily. Let me remind you: loosening your grip means loosening your attachment to the result, getting rid of the desire for everything to go only according to your plan. You no longer try to be the center of attraction. When you are proud of the work done, you feel good even when others do not notice or do not recognize your merits.

*Your INJUSTICE injury is close to healing if you allow yourself to be less than perfect, to make mistakes, without falling into a rage and without criticizing yourself. You can afford to show your sensitivity, you can cry in front of others without being afraid of their judgment and without being ashamed of temporarily losing control.

One of the main benefits of healing from mental trauma is that we get rid of emotional dependence, we become independent. Emotional independence is the ability to understand what you want and take all the actions necessary to realize your desire; and if you need help, you know how to ask for it without reducing your request to a single and irreplaceable person. An independent person will not say: How can I be alone now? when someone disappears from his life. It hurts him, but deep down he knows that he can live alone.

I hope that discovering your traumas will bring you true compassion for yourself and that it will help you find great inner peace, experience less anger, shame and malice. I understand that it is not so easy to come face to face with the cause of our pain. Human beings have invented many ways to suppress their painful memories, and it is very difficult to resist the temptation to resort to one of these methods.

But the more we suppress our painful memories, the deeper they become embedded in the subconscious. And there comes a day when our ability to control dries up, memories float to the surface, and then the pain is even more difficult to relieve. If you truly take on your injuries and heal them, then all the energy that was spent masking your pain will be released, and you can use it for more productive tasks - you will build the life you aspire to, while remaining yourself.

Do not forget that we are all on this planet in order to remember who we are: we are all GOD, experiencing the experiences of earthly existence. Unfortunately, we have forgotten about this on our long journey, in the string of countless incarnations since the beginning of time.

To remember who we are, we need to recognize who we are not. For example, we are not our injuries. Whenever we suffer, it is because we think we are something we are not. When you suffer from guilt because you have treated someone unfairly or betrayed someone, you feel like a source of injustice or betrayal. But you are not experience; you are GOD having an experience on a material planet.

Another example: when your body is sick, you are not the disease; you are a person experiencing an energy blockage in some part of the body. We call this experience a disease.

LIFE IS WONDERFUL AND PERFECT.

It is an uninterrupted sequence of processes leading us to the only meaning of our being, namely:
MAN SHOULD REMEMBER THAT HE IS GOD.

I repeat: the creation of masks is our greatest betrayal-forgetfulness of our own DIVINITY.

I will end this book with a poem by the Swedish poet Hjalmar Soderberg:

We all want to be loved
And if not, then they admired us,
And if not, then they were horrified,
And if not, they hated and despised us.
We strive to awaken feelings in the soul of our neighbor - no matter
what kind.
The soul trembles before the emptiness
And at any cost looking for contact.

Let's look in the dictionaries what the words "reject", "rejected" mean. Dictionaries give several synonymous definitions: push away; remove, refuse; not tolerate; to not allow; expose.

Often people find it difficult to grasp the difference between the two concepts - "reject" and "leave". To leave someone means to move away from him for the sake of someone or something else. To reject means to push away, not to want to see next to you and in your life. The rejecter uses the expression: "I don't want" and the one who leaves says: "I cant".

Being rejected is a very deep trauma; the rejected feels it as a renunciation of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist. Of all five traumas, the feeling of being rejected appears first, which means that the cause of such a trauma in the life of a person appears earlier than others. The soul that has returned to Earth to heal this trauma is rejected from the very moment of birth, and in many cases even earlier.

A suitable example is an unwanted child who was born “by chance”. If the soul of this infant has not coped with the experience of being rejected, that is, if it has not managed to remain itself and be in prosperity, despite rejection, then it will inevitably experience the state of being rejected. A striking case is a child of the wrong sex. There are many other reasons why a parent rejects their child; it is very important for us here to understand that only those souls who need to experience the rejected experience are attracted to a parent or parents of a certain type: these parents will inevitably reject their child.

It often happens that the parent has no intention of rejecting the child, nevertheless, the child feels rejected for every, even petty, reason - after an offensive remark, or when one of the parents experiences anger, impatience, etc. If the wound not healed, it is very easy to stir it up. A person who feels rejected is biased. He interprets all events through the filters of his trauma, and the feeling of being rejected only intensifies, although perhaps not true.

From the day the baby feels rejected, it begins to develop a mask Fugitive. I had to observe and treat regressions to the embryonic state many times, and I became convinced that a person with the trauma of being rejected while still in the womb feels very small, tries to take up as little space as possible, and also constantly has a feeling of darkness, gloom. This confirmed my hunch that the fugitive mask may begin to form even before birth.

I ask you to note that from now until the end of the book I will use the term "fugitive" to refer to a person suffering from a rejection complex. The mask of the fugitive is another, new personality, a character that develops as a means of evading the suffering of the rejected.

This mask manifests itself physically in the form of an elusive physique, that is, a body (or body part) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, compressed, it seems to be specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, take up less space, not be visible among others. This body does not want to take up much space, it takes the form of running away, escaping, and all its life it strives to take up as little space as possible. When one sees a person who looks like an incorporeal ghost - "skin and bones" - one can expect with a high degree of certainty that he is suffering from a deep trauma of a rejected being.

A fugitive is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that it is not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of an unfinished, incomplete, consisting of fragments poorly fitted to each other. The left side of the face, for example, may differ markedly from the right, and this can be seen with the naked eye, there is no need to check with a ruler. Remember, by the way, how many people have you seen with perfectly symmetrical sides of the body?

When I talk about an “incomplete” body, I mean those parts of the body where whole pieces seem to be missing (buttocks, chest, chin, ankles are much smaller than calves, hollows in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. ).

Seeing how such a person holds himself (shoulders are shifted forward, hands are usually pressed to the body, etc.), we say that his body is twisted. It seems that something is blocking the growth of the body or its individual parts; or as if some parts of the body differ from others in age; and some people even look like adults in a child's body.
A deformed body that evokes pity speaks eloquently of the fact that this person carries within himself the trauma of the rejected. Before being born, his soul chose this body of its own to place itself in a situation conducive to overcoming this trauma.

A characteristic feature of the fugitive is a small face and eyes. The eyes appear empty or absent because the person with this injury tends to retreat to his own world or "fly to the moon" (astral plane) at every opportunity. Often these eyes are filled with fear. Watching the face of a fugitive, you can literally feel the mask on him, especially in front of his eyes. He himself often imagines that he is looking at the world through a mask. Some fugitives confessed to me that the feeling of a mask on their face sometimes does not go away for a whole day, while for others it lasts for several minutes. It doesn't really matter how long it lasts; the important thing is that this is their way of not being present in what is happening around. Not to be present, so as not to suffer.

The presence of all these signs indicates that the trauma of the rejected is very deep, much deeper than in a person with a single sign - for example, only the eyes of a fugitive. If the body has, say, half of the signs of a fugitive, then we can assume that this person wears a protective mask not all the time, but about half. This may refer, for example, to a person with a fairly large body but a small face and small eyes of a fugitive, or to a person with a large body and very short ankles. If not all the signs of the rejected are observed, then the trauma is not so deep.

Wearing a mask is not being yourself. Even in childhood, we develop a behavior that is not our own, believing that it will protect us. The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is a desire to run away, slip away, disappear. The child who feels rejected and creates a runaway mask usually lives in an imaginary world. For this reason, he is most often intelligent, prudent, quiet and does not cause problems.

Alone, he amuses himself with his imaginary world and builds castles in the air. He may even believe that his parents are not real, that they mixed up newborns in the hospital. Such children invent many ways to run away from home; one of them is an expressed desire to go to school. However, having come to school and feeling rejected there too (or rejecting themselves), they go to their own world, "to the moon." One woman told me that she felt like a “tourist” at school.

On the other hand, a child of such a warehouse wants to be noticed, although he is not sure of his right to exist. I remember one girl who hid behind a closet at the very moment when her parents were meeting guests at the doorstep of the house. When they noticed that the child was gone, everyone rushed to look for her. She did not leave her shelter, although she heard well how the anxiety of adults was growing. She said to herself: “I want them to find me. I want them to understand that I exist." This girl was so unsure of her right to exist that she arranged situations that could confirm this right.

Since the size of the body of such a child is less than average and it often resembles a doll or some kind of fragile and defenseless creature, the mother takes care of him unnecessarily; and he gets used to the fact that everyone constantly says: he is too small for this, he is too weak for that, etc. The child begins to believe in this so much that his body really becomes small. For this reason, "to be loved" means something suffocating to him.

Afterwards, when someone loves him, his first impulse will be to reject this love or run away, because the fear of suffocation will still nest in him. An overprotective child feels rejected, feels that he is not accepted for who he is. Trying to somehow compensate for his smallness and fragility, relatives try to do everything and even think for him; but even then, instead of feeling loved, the child feels rejected in his abilities.

The fugitive prefers not to be attached to material things, because they can prevent him from running away when and where he pleases. It seems as if he really looks at everything material from the top down. He asks himself what he is doing on this planet; it is very hard for him to believe that he can be happy here. He is especially attracted to everything that is connected with the spirit, as well as the intellectual world. He rarely uses material things for pleasure, believing such pleasure to be superficial. One young woman told me that she didn't like going to the shops. She does it just to feel alive. The fugitive admits that money is needed, but it does not bring him joy.

The detachment of the fugitive from material things causes difficulties in his sexual life. He is ready to believe that sexuality is contrary to spirituality. Many runaway women have told me that they consider sex to be unspiritual, especially after they become mothers. Some even managed to set the spouse in such a way that he did not want physical intimacy with them throughout the entire period of pregnancy.

It can be very difficult for fugitives to understand that they can and have the same sexual needs as any normal person. They gravitate towards situations in which they find themselves rejected sexually - or deny themselves a sexual life.

The trauma of rejection is experienced with a same-sex parent.

If you recognize yourself in the description of a person who feels rejected, it means that you experienced the same feeling towards a parent of the same sex as you. It is this parent who is the first to open an already existing wound. And then rejection and dislike towards this parent, up to hatred, become quite normal and human.

The role of a parent of the same gender

is to teach us

love - love yourself and give love.

The parent of the opposite sex must

learn to love yourself and

accept love.

By not accepting the parent, we just as naturally decide not to use it as a model. If you see that this is also your injury, then know that it is precisely this rejection that explains your difficulties: being of the same sex with an unloved parent, you cannot accept yourself and love yourself.

The fugitive does not believe in his worth, he does not put himself in anything. And for this reason, he uses all means to become perfect and acquire value both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others. The word "NOBODY" is a favorite in his vocabulary, and he applies it with equal success to himself and to others:

* "My boss said I was nobody, I had to leave."
* "In economic matters, my mother is nobody."
* “My dad is just a nobody in a relationship with my mom. So was my husband; I don't blame him for leaving me."
In Quebec, the word "NOTHING" is preferred:
* "I know that I am nothing, others are more interesting than me."
* "No matter what I do, it does not give anything, anyway, every time I have to start over."
* "I'm nothing, nothing ... do as you want."

One runaway male confessed at a seminar that he felt like a nonentity and a bum in front of his father. “When he talks to me, I get crushed. If he is able to think, then only about how to escape from him; where do all my arguments and self-control go. His mere presence depresses me.". A runaway woman told me how, at the age of sixteen, she decided that from now on her mother was nothing to her - after her mother said that it would be better if she did not have such a daughter, it would be better if she disappeared, even if she died. Avoiding suffering, the daughter has since withdrawn completely from her mother.

It is interesting to note that the flight of a child who feels rejected is predominantly encouraged by a parent of the same sex with him. Most often in stories about the departure of children from home, I hear the phrase of a parent: “Are you leaving? Very good, it will be freer here.”. The child, of course, feels his rejection even more painfully and is even more angry with the parent. This kind of situation easily arises with a parent who himself suffers from the same trauma. He encourages withdrawal, because this means is familiar to him, even if he does not realize it.
A prominent place in the dictionary of the fugitive is also occupied by the words "does not exist", "non-existent". For example, to questions: "How are you with sex" or “What kind of relationship do you have with such and such a person?” he answers: "They don't exist", while most people will simply answer that things are not going well or that the relationship is not working out.

The fugitive also likes the words to disappear, disappear. He can say: "My father treats my mother like a prostitute ... I would like to disappear" or “I wish my parents were gone!”

The fugitive seeks loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave at the same time, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. And in the family, and in any group of people, he is stewed. He believes that he must endure the most unpleasant situations to the end, as if he has no right to fight back; in any case, he sees no options for salvation. Here is an example: a girl asks her mother to help her with the lessons and hears in response: "Go to dad. Can't you see that I'm busy and he has nothing to do? The first reaction of the rejected child will be the thought: “Well, again, I was not courteous enough, and therefore my mother refused to help me,” and then the girl will go looking for a quiet corner where she can hide from everyone.

The fugitive usually has very few friends at school, and subsequently at work. He is considered closed and left alone. The more he isolates himself, the more invisible he seems. He falls into a vicious circle: feeling rejected, he puts on a fugitive mask so as not to suffer; he is so obscured that others stop noticing him; he becomes increasingly lonely, which gives him even more reason to feel rejected.

And now I will describe to you a situation that was repeated many times at the very end of my seminars, at the moment when everyone tells how the seminar helped him. With great surprise, I discover the presence of a personality that I did not notice during the two-day seminar! I ask myself "But where has she been hiding all this time?" Then I see that she has the body of a fugitive, that she has arranged herself so as not to speak or ask questions during the entire seminar, and that she has been sitting behind the others all the time, trying not to be seen. When I tell such participants that they are overly shy, they almost invariably reply that they have nothing interesting to say, so they didn't speak.

Indeed, the fugitive usually says little. Sometimes he can talk, and talks a lot - he tries to assert his importance; in this case, others see pride in his statements.

The fugitive often develops a SKIN PROBLEM to not be touched. The skin is a contact organ, its appearance can attract or repel another person. Skin disease is an unconscious way to protect yourself from being touched, especially in those places that are associated with the problem. More than once I heard from fugitives: “When they touch me, I have the impression that I am being pulled out of my cocoon.” The wound of the rejected hurts and makes him eventually believe that if he goes to his own world, he will no longer suffer, because he himself will not reject himself, and others will not be able to reject him. Therefore, he often evades participation in group work, stews. He hides in his cocoon.

Therefore, the fugitive easily and willingly goes on astral journeys: unfortunately, these journeys are more often made unconsciously. He may even think that this is a common occurrence and that others are there as often as he is. In thoughts and ideas the fugitive is constantly scattered; sometimes you can hear from him: "I need to collect myself"- it seems to him that he consists of separate pieces. This impression is especially characteristic of those whose body resembles a construction of disparate parts. More than once I heard from the fugitives: “I feel like I'm cut off from other people. It's like I'm not here". Some have told me that they sometimes distinctly feel their body split in half - as if an invisible thread were cutting through it at the waist. At one of my acquaintances, this thread divided her body at chest level. As a result of the release technique I teach in one of my workshops, she felt her upper and lower body connect and was very surprised by the new sensation. This helped her understand that she had not truly been in her body since childhood. She never knew what "being tied to the ground" meant.

In seminars, I notice runaways, mostly women, who like to sit cross-legged in a chair; they seem to be more comfortable sitting on the ground. But, since they hardly touch the ground, it is not difficult for them to slip away. But they pay money to attend our classes, and this fact confirms their intention - or at least the desire of some of them - to be here, although it is very difficult for them to concentrate, "collect themselves". So I tell them that they have a choice - go to the astral plane and miss what's happening here, or stay tied to their place and be present in the present.

As I said above, the fugitive does not feel any acceptance or goodwill from the parent of the same sex with him. This does not necessarily mean that the parent rejects it. This is his, the fugitive, a personal feeling. The same soul could come to Earth in order to overcome the trauma of humiliation, and incarnate with the same parents with exactly the same attitude towards their child. On the other hand, it goes without saying that the fugitive tends to experience the rejection experience more than any other person - say a brother or sister - who does not have this trauma.

A person experiencing the suffering of a rejected person is constantly looking for the love of a parent of the same sex with him; he may also transfer his search to other persons of the same sex. He will consider himself an incomplete being until he wins the love of a parent. He is very sensitive to the slightest remarks from this parent and is always ready to decide that he is rejected. Bitterness and anger gradually develop in him, often turning into hatred, so great is his suffering. Don't forget that it takes a lot of love to hate. Hate is a strong but disappointed love. The wound of the rejected is so deep that of all five characters, the runaway is the most prone to hatred. He easily bypasses the stage of great love in order to give himself up to great hatred. This is an indicator of the strongest internal suffering.

As for the parent of the opposite sex, the fugitive himself is afraid to reject him and in every possible way restrains himself in his actions and statements in relation to him. Due to his injury, he cannot be himself. He resorts to various tricks and precautions so as not to reject this parent - he does not want to be accused of rejecting anyone himself. On the other hand, he wants the parent of the same sex to curry favor with him - this allows him not to feel his rejection so sharply. He does not want to see that his suffering of the rejected is due to internal unresolved trauma, and the parent has nothing to do with it. If the fugitive experiences the experience of being rejected by the parent (or other person) of the opposite sex, then he blames himself for this and rejects himself.

If you see the trauma of being rejected in yourself, then for you, even if your parent really rejects you, it is very important to understand and accept the following thought: “it is precisely because your trauma is not healed that you attract a certain type of situation and a certain parent to you”. As long as you believe that all your misfortunes are the fault of other people, your injury cannot be healed. As a consequence of your reaction to your own parents, it will be very easy for you to feel rejected by other people of your gender, and you will always be afraid of rejecting a person of the opposite sex yourself.

The deeper the trauma of the rejected, the
pulls him closer
the circumstances in which it is
rejected or rejects.

The more the fugitive rejects himself, the greater his fear of rejection. He constantly humiliates and underestimates himself. He often compares himself to those who are stronger than him in some way, and thus develops a belief in his own inferiority. He does not notice that in some areas he can surpass other people. He will not believe in any way that someone would like to make friends with him, that someone sees him as a spouse, that they can truly love him. One mother told me about her children: they tell her that they love her, but she does not understand why they love her!

Everything develops in such a way that the fugitive constantly lives in an uncertain state: if he is elected, he does not believe in it and rejects himself - sometimes to such an extent that, in fact, he provokes the situation; if he is not elected, he feels rejected by others. One young man from a large family told me that his father never entrusted him with anything, from which the child made a categorical conclusion that all other children are better than him. And it is not surprising that now the father always chooses one of them. A vicious circle has formed.

The fugitive often says (or thinks) that all his deeds and thoughts are worthless. When attention is paid to him, he gets lost, he begins to think that he takes up too much space. If it takes up a lot of space, it seems to him that he is disturbing someone, which means that he will be rejected by those who are disturbed. Even in the womb, the fugitive does not take up extra space. He is doomed to keep quiet until his injury is healed.

When he is talking and someone interrupts him, he instantly takes it as proof that he is not worth listening to, and habitually falls silent. A person who is not weighed down by the trauma of the rejected person, in this case, also concludes that his statement turned out to be uninteresting - but not himself! It is equally difficult for a fugitive to express his opinion when he is not asked: it seems to him that the interlocutors will see this as a confrontation and reject him.

If he has a question or a request for someone, but this person is busy, then he will not say anything. He knows what he wants, but he does not dare to ask for it, believing that it is not important enough to bother others.

Many women say that even in adolescence they stopped trusting their mother for fear of not being understood. They believe that to be understood is to be loved. Meanwhile, one has nothing to do with the other. To love is to accept another, even if you do not understand him. Because of this belief, they become evasive in conversation. And it turns out that they are always trying to get away from the subject of discussion, but are afraid to start another. Of course, they behave this way not only with their mother, but also with other women. If the fugitive is a man, then his relationship with his father and other men is exactly the same.

Another distinguishing feature of the fugitive is the desire for perfection in everything that he does: he believes that if he makes a mistake, he will be condemned, and to be condemned for him is the same as being rejected. Since he does not believe in his own perfection, he tries to compensate for this by the perfection of what he does. He, unfortunately, confuses "to be" and "to do." The search for perfection can reach the point of obsession with him. He so passionately desires to do everything flawlessly that any work takes him an unreasonably long time. And in the end, it is because of this that he is rejected.

Reaching its limit, the fugitive's fear turns into panic. At the mere thought of the possibility of panic, he first of all looks for where to hide, run away, disappear. He would rather disappear, because he knows that in a state of panic he will not budge at all. He believes that by hiding somewhere, he will avoid trouble. He is so convinced of his inability to deal with panic that he eventually succumbs to it very easily, even when there is no reason for it. The desire to hide, to disappear is deeply characteristic of fugitives; I have often seen cases of regression to the embryonic state. Such people said that they wanted to hide in their mother's stomach - another indication of how early this begins.

By attracting to himself, like a magnet, people and situations that he is afraid of, the fugitive in the same way provokes circumstances in which he has a panic. His fear, of course, further dramatizes what is happening. He always finds any explanation for his flight or evasion.

The fugitive is especially easy to panic and numb with fear in the presence of a parent or other people of the same sex (especially if they somehow resemble this parent). With a parent and with other people of the opposite sex, he does not experience this fear, it is much easier for him to communicate with them. I also noticed that in the vocabulary of the fugitive the word "panic" occurs quite often. He might say, for example, "I get panicky at the thought of quitting smoking." Usually a person will simply say that it is difficult for him to quit smoking.

Our ego does everything it can to keep us from noticing our injuries. Why? Because we ourselves gave him this mandate. Unconsciously. We are so afraid to relive the pain associated with each injury that we use all means to avoid admitting to ourselves that we are experiencing the suffering of a rejected being because of the fact that we reject ourselves. And those who reject us have come into our lives to show us how much we reject ourselves.

Fear of his own panic in many situations leads the fugitive to the fact that he loses his memory. He may even think that he has a memory problem, but in fact he has a problem with fear. During the seminars on the course “Become a mass entertainer”, I have repeatedly observed the following picture: one of the participants, a fugitive, must speak to the others and tell something or hold a mini-conference; but even when he is well prepared and knows his material, fear at the last minute builds up to such a level that everything flies out of the speaker's head. Sometimes he just leaves his body, and it freezes in front of us, like a paralyzed one, like a sleepwalker. Fortunately, this problem is gradually being solved as he gets over his rejection trauma.

It is interesting to see how our traumas affect our relationship with food. A person feeds his physical body in the same way as the mental and emotional. The fugitive prefers small portions; he often loses his appetite when he experiences bouts of fear or other strong emotions. Of all the listed types, the runaway is the most prone to anorexia: he almost completely refuses food, because he seems to himself too big and plump, although in reality the opposite is true. Weight loss below normal, exhaustion - this is his attempt to disappear. Sometimes appetite wins, and then the fugitive greedily pounces on food - this is also an attempt to disappear, to dissolve in food. However, this method is rarely used by fugitives; more often they are attracted to alcohol or drugs.

Runaways have a weakness for sweets, especially when they are overcome by intense fear. Since fear robs a person of energy, it is natural to assume that introducing sugar into the body can make up for the loss. Indeed, sugar gives energy, but, unfortunately, not for long, so you have to replenish it in this way too often.

Our traumas keep us from being ourselves; Because of this, blocks occur in the body and, as a result, diseases. Each type of character has its own special ailments and illnesses, determined by its internal mental structure.

Here are some typical illnesses and ailments for a fugitive.

* He often suffers from DIARRHEA - he rejects, throws away food before the body has time to assimilate the nutrients, just like he rejects a situation that could be beneficial for him.

* Many suffer from ARRYTHMIA - an irregular heart rhythm. When the heart begins to beat like crazy, they have a feeling that it wants to escape from the chest, to fly away; this is another form of wanting to avoid a painful situation.

* I have said before that the wound of the rejected is so painful that the runaway quite logically develops hatred for the parent of the same sex, whom he, as a child, condemned for causing him suffering.

However, the fugitive cannot forgive himself for hating his parent and prefers not to think and not to know about the existence of this hatred. Not giving himself the right to hate the parent of the same sex, he can bring himself to the disease of CANCER: this disease is associated with bitterness, anger, hatred - with mental pain experienced in loneliness. If a person manages to come to a confession that he hated or hates a parent, there will be no cancer.

He may develop an acute illness if he continues to harbor designs hostile to that parent, but it will not be cancer. Cancer manifests itself most often in someone who has suffered a lot, but blames only himself for this. To agree that you hate your father or mother is really difficult, because it means admitting that you are evil and heartless; it also means admitting that you are rejecting the parent you yourself accuse of rejecting you. The fugitive does not give himself the right to be a child. He forces maturation believing that this way he will suffer less from his trauma. For this reason, his body (or some part of it) resembles the body of a child. Cancer disease indicates that he did not give the child in himself the right to suffer. He did not accept what is humanly fair - to hate the parent, whom you consider the culprit of your suffering.

* Among other diseases characteristic of the fugitive, we also see disturbances in the RESPIRATORY FUNCTIONS, especially during panic.

* The fugitive is ALLERGIC - this is a reflection of the aversion that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.

* He may also choose to vomit as an indicator of his disgust for a particular person or situation. I even heard such statements from teenagers: “I want to vomit my mother (or father).” It is not uncommon for a fugitive to want to "vomit up" a situation or a hateful person, and may express their feelings by saying, "That person is sickening" or "Changing your conversations makes you sick." All of these are ways to express your desire to reject someone or something.

* VERTIGO or FAINTENANCE are also suitable remedies if you really want to avoid a situation or a person.

* In serious cases, the fugitive is saved by COMA.

* A fugitive with AGORAPHOBIA uses this disorder when he wants to avoid certain situations and people that can cause him to panic (more on this behavioral disorder will be discussed in chapter 3).

* If a fugitive abuses sugar, he can provoke such diseases of the pancreas as HYPOGLYCEMIA or DIABETES.

* If he has accumulated too much hatred for the parent as a result of the suffering experienced and experienced by him as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop a DEPRESSIVE or MANIC-DEPRESSIVE state. If he contemplates suicide, he does not speak of it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides for everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and are usually mistaken when moving into action belong rather to the category of the abandoned; he will be a speech in the next chapter.

* Since childhood, it is difficult for a fugitive to recognize himself as a full-fledged human being, therefore he strives to be like a hero or heroine he adores, he is ready to get lost, to dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl longs to be Marilyn Monroe; this lasts until she decides to be someone else. The danger of such a deviation in behavior lies in the fact that over time it can turn into PSYCHOSIS.

The illnesses and ailments listed above are possible in people with other types of trauma, but still most common in those who feel rejected.

If you find yourself traumatized by being rejected, it is more than likely that your same-sex parent also feels rejected by their same-sex parent; moreover, it is very likely that he feels rejected by you as well. This may not be realized by either side, but it is nevertheless true and confirmed by thousands of fugitives.

Remember: the main reason for the existence of any injury is the inability to forgive yourself for the wound inflicted on yourself or other people. Forgiving ourselves is very difficult because, as a rule, we do not even know that we are judging ourselves. The deeper your rejection wound is, the more unmistakably it indicates that you are rejecting yourself - or rejecting other people, situations and projects.

We blame others for what we don't want
see in ourselves.

That is why we attract those people who show us how we behave with others or with ourselves.