A person's self-esteem affects his life. It seems that you can not build on the assessment of yourself. However, it is precisely how a person perceives himself and what he believes that will determine his well-being and happiness. Low self-esteem with all its signs never gives happiness. The reasons for its occurrence are varied. However, it is their elimination that allows you to get rid of low self-esteem.

In another way, low self-esteem can be called like this: “feeling of your own insignificance” and “victim complex”. A person, for some objective or non-objective reasons, perceives himself negatively. He does not love himself, does not respect, does not appreciate. As for personal potential, it seems to a person that he does not have it at all.

Can a person with low self-esteem reach any heights? No. Even having some goals, he would rather turn them into dreams and desires than make efforts to realize them. A person who treats himself as a nonentity, unable to achieve and do anything, will not be able to jump above his head. He will think that other people are happier and more successful than he is. Although the difference will only be that others are trying to jump above the manifested capabilities, and a person with low self-esteem will draw conclusions without doing or doing anything.

Low self-esteem is in first place in terms of prevalence. Around everyone lives a lot of "victims" and "nobodies". Often these people only pretend to be such, but in fact they have inflated self-esteem. However, the position of the victim helps them achieve what they want. If there are achievements, then we are not talking about low self-esteem. This is the difference:

• With high self-esteem, a person achieves what he wants, even if he shows personality traits with low self-esteem.
• With low self-esteem, a person never achieves goals, constantly suffers and does not rejoice at anything.

What is low self-esteem?

What is low self-esteem? This is a person’s assessment of himself from the position of “I am nothing”, “I can’t do anything”, “I won’t succeed”, etc. This is a negative attitude towards myself in comparison with other people, which is expressed in the formula “I- , Other+".

Surrounding people seem to be more successful, smart, beautiful and worthy than a person thinks about himself. Low self-esteem originates from childhood, when parents are engaged in raising a person, and it can manifest itself at any age. The accompanying qualities that develop in a person with low self-esteem are:

1. Lack of self-confidence and personal potential.
2. embarrassment.
3. Fear of rejection.
4. Cowardice.
5. Fear of not being accepted in society.
6. Indecision.
7. Lack of faith in one's own attractiveness.
8. Shyness.
9. Excessive resentment.
10. Fear of being ridiculous.
11. Failure to protect yourself and your honor.
12. Disrespect and self-loathing.

It is not necessary to say that a person with low self-esteem will achieve success. That is why people with this quality dream of boosting their self-esteem. They say it's better to have high self-esteem than low self-esteem. Of course, none of the extremes gives happiness to a person, but inflated self-esteem has one advantage over low self-esteem - an arrogant person achieves success in at least something, while a person who considers himself worthless does not achieve any happiness.

Low self-esteem is the most common. This lies in the reasons that form it, as well as in the moral foundations of society that are promoted.

A common feature of high and low self-esteem is that a person does not look at himself realistically. A feature of low self-esteem is that a person notes mainly shortcomings in himself, while he sees only advantages in other people.

A person does not evaluate himself adequately when he sees his own strengths and weaknesses. With low self-esteem, he notices only his shortcomings, often exaggerating them and focusing on them. As for the merits, they, in the opinion of a person, may exist, but they are so insignificant that they should not be paid attention to.

Success cannot be achieved by noting only the shortcomings. That is why a person with low self-esteem does not achieve anything. Moreover, he is so fixated on his own flaws and weaknesses that he cultivates in himself. He does everything to make them even more manifest.

Causes of low self-esteem

The main causes of low self-esteem are:

1. Parental assessment of a person at the age when he was small.
2. Consent with the opinions of other people as the only truth.
3. Focusing on your own failures.
4. High level of claims.

Low self-esteem takes its origin from childhood, when the child is not able to evaluate himself adequately, therefore, he relies on the opinion of his parents. Significant people for him are Gods, whose opinion he fully trusts. If parents constantly criticize, compare the child with other children, point out his shortcomings, do not show love, talk about what he is bad at, then low self-esteem will certainly develop. The child begins to believe that constant criticism of him and finding shortcomings in him is the norm.

Parents often form low self-esteem when they build other people into an ideal that the child needs to match. The kid should behave like or be like some people pointed out by the parents. Since it is difficult even for an adult to be not himself, another person, a conflict arises between the desired and the actual. The child begins to criticize himself for his own inability to be different, not himself.

Focusing on the external defects or sickness of the child can also lead to a decrease in self-esteem. If parents teach a child to evaluate himself in terms of how beautiful he is, has a lot of toys, is healthy, strong, etc., then any inconsistency with ideals will lower the child's self-esteem.

All people at any age face criticism from others. If you take it on faith, as the truth and an irrefutable axiom, then self-esteem will certainly be low. Surrounding people are more accustomed to criticize than to admire each other. Therefore, often a person's self-esteem will depend on the opinions of others and most often be underestimated.

In the development of low self-esteem, a significant role is played by what a person focuses on. Everyone has setbacks and problems. However, those who focus on this, plunge into the abyss of despair and depression due to the failure that has arisen, low self-esteem is formed.

Moreover, it also leads to an overestimation of the requirements in relation to oneself. When a person wants to achieve high results in the shortest possible time, he will certainly encounter difficulties and difficulties, which in the end he is not able to solve and eliminate. Another failure leads to disappointment in oneself, because too high demands were set, beyond the strength of an ordinary person.

Signs of low self-esteem

People with low self-esteem are fairly easy to spot. They show certain signs of low self-esteem, which are:

• Negative attitude towards oneself: lack of love, respect, self-worth, etc.
• Choosing, surrounding yourself and establishing relationships with people who will treat a person according to his personal self-esteem: not love him, criticize, humiliate, etc.
• Constant complaints about circumstances, life, the inability to change anything.
• Calling yourself weak, unlucky, etc.
• Calling pity from others.
• Dependent behavior on the attitude of surrounding people. It can be hurt, offended, spoil the mood, etc.
• Remark in other shortcomings that he himself possesses.
• Blaming others for their own troubles in order to shift responsibility to them.
• The desire to be weak and sick in order to receive from people the attention and care that he does not receive when he is healthy.
• Untidy appearance. Posture and gestures are indecisive, withdrawn, closed.
• Constantly finding flaws in yourself.
• Attitude to extraneous criticism as proof of one's own inferiority, insult, emotional wound.
• Lack of friends.
• Familiar, boastful, demonstrative behavior in order to hide a negative attitude towards oneself.
• Inability to make a decision.
• Inability to perform a new action because there is a fear of making a mistake.

How to get rid of low self-esteem?

High and low self-esteem are extremes that people fall into. When faced with failure, inflated self-esteem instantly falls, and when success is achieved, a person suddenly begins to feel omnipotent. This indicates an instability of self-esteem, which will not allow a person to fully live. How to get rid of low self-esteem?

You can seek the help of a psychologist on the site site, or you can independently cope with the problem under consideration. Psychologists give such advice:

1. Start celebrating your strengths. Focus more on them. In order not to go to an overestimated self-esteem, you should see your strengths and weaknesses, treating both sides of your personality normally.
2. Please yourself. Finally start living for your own pleasure. You should not give up your duties and work, but you should not give up those hobbies that bring you happiness.
3. Love yourself. Love is about accepting yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. You are an ordinary person who may have flaws along with virtues.
4. Take care of your appearance. It is not necessary to make yourself a top model or go under the surgeon's scalpel. It is enough just to appreciate your natural, natural appearance and make it attractive.
5. Train willpower, which can be done through sports, self-control, etc.
6. Change your thinking to a positive one. Get less into bad thoughts. You may have them, but let good thoughts fill your head.

Outcome

Low self-esteem is not much better than high self-esteem. A person constantly lives in his own illusions, which prevent him from adequately seeing himself and evaluating the behavior of others. Often other people take advantage of this, which leads to a sad outcome when a person is again faced with disappointments. To prevent this from happening, you need to see yourself in a real light and evaluate your potential objectively, taking all your advantages and disadvantages on an equal footing.

The concept of " self-esteem Everyone knows, this word is on everyone's lips. And I often hear the phrase “low self-esteem” from my clients, girls and young people who come to me for psychological help. Let's try to figure out what kind of diagnosis such "low self-esteem" is, why it is dangerous and is it possible to somehow correct self-esteem?

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a person's idea of ​​himself, about his personal qualities and characteristics, this is how a person evaluates himself, his capabilities and abilities.. To analyze yourself, your actions, your personal characteristics is normal for every person. Moreover, it is simply necessary in order to integrate into society, take a certain place in it, and build relationships with people. Self-assessment is one of the necessary conditions for ensuring harmonious development of personality, directly reflected in human life. And on whether a person is able to objectively evaluate himself depends on how the surrounding people and society as a whole will perceive him.

How is self-esteem formed?

The formation of self-esteem begins in childhood. During preschool age, this process is influenced by parents to a greater extent. Low self-esteem can form in a child if his parents make excessive demands on him, constantly express dissatisfaction with his behavior or actions, often criticize him and practically do not give support, do not accept him. Various diseases and defects in appearance also affect the appearance of low self-esteem, as the child is faced with constant mockery and ridicule from the children around him.

Starting from primary school age, the figure of the teacher and how he evaluates his school success also becomes significant for the child. If the teacher speaks negatively about the child, gives him low marks, often scolds, shames or even humiliates him in front of the whole class, then the child's self-esteem is underestimated.

In adolescence, the formation of self-esteem continues, and here the opinion of peers about him, and what place he takes in the company of friends or the school team as a whole, is already decisive for a teenager. Bullying by classmates, insults and ridicule about appearance or the level of mental abilities, non-acceptance in a reference (significant) group greatly lowers a teenager's self-esteem, deprives him of confidence, and forms a negative image of himself and his appearance.

Thus, the formation of self-esteem is a long process, which initially depends on what kind of assessment a person is given by society, namely, significant people. The constant encounter with disapproval and humiliation, the rejection of others contributes to the formation of low self-esteem in a person.

Psychological features of a person with low self-esteem

So what distinguishes a person with low self-esteem? What difficulties does he face in life? What are the characteristics of his behavior and actions?

A person with low self-esteem is distinguished by self-doubt, isolation and indecision. He is focused on his shortcomings, well aware of his negative features, while he knows practically nothing about his positive qualities and merits. He constantly complains about life, feels helpless. On the one hand, he feels the impossibility of changing himself and his life for the better, and on the other hand, he is terribly afraid of any changes. A person with low self-esteem reacts inadequately to any criticism, feels humiliated or ashamed.

How a person treats himself, how he evaluates himself, largely depends on how other people treat him. A person feels that he is not good enough, and then, getting into a relationship, he is content with little, believes that he does not deserve something more, feels a strong dependence on a partner, and is not capable of building equal harmonious relations with other people. He is also inclined to justify other people, to forgive their mistakes, while being critical of his own failures, obsessed with his own shortcomings. A person with low self-esteem is prone to self-blame. He constantly criticizes himself, focuses on his defeats, blames himself for the mistakes of the past, cannot forgive himself (I wrote about guilt in the article« » ) .

People with low self-esteem are often lonely, feel alienated from society, self-doubt prevents them from building interpersonal relationships and making new acquaintances.

Correction of low self-esteem

Is it possible to independently overestimate your self-esteem, make it optimal? Yes, I think it's possible. The main thing is to realize how low self-esteem affects your life, how it limits you and interferes with normal, healthy life. Understanding the reasons that influenced the decline in your self-esteem is also important. But it is even more important to try to rebuild your habitual way of life, which has developed under the influence of a negative self-image. After all, the life of a person with adequate self-esteem is very different from the patterns (habitual ways) of behavior that you have.

6 main steps to correct low self-esteem

Comparison away

Try to compare yourself to other people as little as possible, or better yet, don't compare at all. All people are different, each has its own life, goals and values. It is impossible to be the first in everything! It is important to learn to appreciate what you already have today, not to depreciate your achievements. Compare yourself only with yourself yesterday, celebrate your development and changes in life, notice the moments in which you have “grown up”. And, most importantly, learn to appropriate your achievements and victories, even if they are insignificant. Do not forget to encourage yourself, praise for the slightest success!

Get rid of negative thoughts

Try to think positively about everything, reflect on the positive outcome of events, stop expecting failure all the time. To do this, you can use self-hypnosis formulas - short phrases that will help you feel more confident in yourself (for example, “I can do it!”, “I can handle it!”, Etc.)

Understand what you are aiming for

Think about what kind of person you would like to be, what qualities you would like to have. Are there people in your environment that you would like to be like? What exactly do you like about them, what are their peculiarities, strengths? Think about what specific steps you can take to get closer to your desired goal? Are there any obstacles in your way, how can you overcome them? Talk to the person you aspire to be like: ask him how he managed to achieve the result that he has (or read his interview if it's some kind of celebrity, movie star or popular musician. Stars willingly share recipes with fans your success).

Focus on your strengths

It is good to know your shortcomings, but it is equally important to understand, accept and show your strengths and positive qualities. Find them in yourself on your own or with the help of friends, parents or a psychologist. A look from the outside will help to discover something new and valuable in yourself. Feel free to ask your friends about what they value you for.

love yourself

Take care of yourself, do not spare time only for yourself, allow yourself to spend money on yourself, buy new clothes, watch your appearance. Accept your image in the mirror and love it. Listen to your desires, understand what you want (I wrote about this in the article« » ) Find something to your liking that will inspire you and bring pleasure and positive emotions.

Contact support

Share your experienceswithparents or friends, listen to their opinion, accept praise, do not devalue it. Learn to treat criticism as an opportunity to improve or change something in yourself, as advice or a recommendation. If you don't have someone in your life who can listen to you, or to whom you can open up yourself, start journaling. Write down in it the events taking place in your life and the feelings associated with them. This technique will help you reduce tension, realize and verbalize your experiences, understand the situation and get to know yourself better.

And remember, self-esteem is a variable. This means that you can change it. And it's up to you to decide which way.

Many of us are familiar with a disgusting condition called low self-esteem. I want to do something, achieve something, get approval and recognition - but everything shrinks inside, it seems that you are not worthy, it seems that nothing will work out. If it doesn’t work out, you begin to scold yourself, punish yourself. And even if they praise it, it seems that it is undeserved. I will try to explain what to do if you have discovered this in yourself and I OFFER a specific ACTION ALGORITHM.

But first, let me tell you how it works.

Low self-esteem: we fight and win

Self-evaluation is not an intellectual process, but a set of conditioned reflexes. This is a bad habit that is difficult to control, even if you know that it is bad for you. Habitual pejorative thoughts and self-blame arise automatically along with the automatic reaction of fear in almost any contact, when you need to present yourself, for example, or if you compare yourself with others.

And my explanations will have to be put into practice, and rebuilding your automatic reactions is a difficult task for any person. Therefore, even if you want to cope on your own, I highly, very, very recommend that you muster up the courage and go to a psychologist for at least 1-2-5 consultations. With the support of a specialist and independent work will go much better. Choose a specialist who knows how to work in short-term therapy and consultation mode. Gestalt, cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodrama, systemic family therapy are best suited for this.
If you are ready to go for a long time, you can go to any specialist, both a psychoanalyst and an art therapist, client-centered, existential, etc.

Now about independent work. You don't have to force yourself to do anything! You don't need to convince yourself that you are better than you are. The more you "inspire" what is not there, the stronger the elastic band of self-deception will be pulled, and the more self-esteem will then fall again.

I propose a paradoxical way of raising self-esteem, characteristic of Gestalt therapy.

1. First, simply SEPARATE YOUR OWN OPINION of yourself from OTHERS' opinions.
Suppose your mother criticized and scolded you as a child - but you are not a mother. How do you feel about yourself if you didn’t close the window, if you soiled your shirt, if you lost money? You may be an uncomfortable person for someone, but what matters most is how comfortable you are for yourself. You don't have to live up to the expectations of others, even those closest to you.

2. LEGALIZATION of their qualities. Recognize yourself as you are, and (if possible) spit on your imperfections, no matter what you and no matter who inspire.
Let's say you consider yourself a timid person - and fine. So be it. Accept this quality, calm down, stop biting yourself. Start respecting yourself and your timidity, for example, if someone demands something from you, then you can ask him to be more careful with you, because you are a timid person and are afraid of arrivals. As soon as you get used to your shyness and begin to treat yourself well - in such warm conditions, courage will automatically begin to increase.
If you sometimes get bad grades (criticism) - do not squeeze out of yourself an excellent student (an ideal employee or spouse). When you stop worrying about grades, life will become easier. Parents (boss, friends) may have a very bad attitude towards something, up to a phobia, but you do not have to satisfy their phobias at the expense of your comfort.
If you had an unpleasant relationship experience, you can feel sad about it, feel sorry for yourself. Yes, there was such a thing, what now - to imitate well-being or what? But if you treat yourself carefully, as a person who respects his spiritual wounds, a person who finds it difficult to make friends, it is difficult to manifest himself, then it will gradually become easier to manifest, it will become easier to establish relationships, make friends.
Etc.

3. BANK OF QUALITIES. In the process of legalizing your feelings and properties, do not forget to legalize your pluses. You understand something - also accept yourself as you are - try to be happy with them (for example, kindness, competent writing, you know how to embroider, or you have reached a high level in the game) everything that you like about yourself - accept and enjoy .

4. It is very important to learn to SEPARATE FACTS FROM THEIR INTERPRETATIONS. If you got a D, or even 8 Ds (lost money, got rejected, couldn't explain an important thing, etc.) - interpreting yourself generically as a fool (fool) is a logical fallacy. Self-deprecation is useless. Or if some relationship was painful for several years (too generalized description of a period of life, but let it be) - this is not a reason to wind up and consider yourself unhappy or unsuitable for a relationship.

NOW - HOW IT WORKS
1. You found yourself in a state of humiliation, self-criticism, or low self-esteem. (It happens to everyone)
2. Pause this dramatic automatic process. Stop grading.
3. Listen to your feelings - perhaps you are scared, or sad, or you are annoyed - allow yourself these feelings. Sad, so sad, scary so scary, angry so angry, worried, so worried. Accept that now you are captured by these feelings and allow yourself feelings (controlling actions, however, you don’t need to kill anyone, yourself too)
4. Try to understand how these feelings arose. If you reproduce someone else's attitude and assessment (moms and dads, for example) - look for your own, separate yourself from other opinions.
5. Look at the facts. If there are no real facts - it was a mirage, you can relax. If you messed up - look at the real size of the damage and do not wind up the blame more than it is.
6. Act with respect for yourself (always) and others (if they deserve it). Other people will take care of themselves, if anything, but if you do not respect yourself, no one will save you. If there is your fault - be sad, regret, think about how you can repair the damage, apologize, ask how you can correct the mistake, but do not engage in self-discipline - this is pointless. If there is a real threat - your fear is a healthy reaction, start protecting and protecting yourself. If you are sad, take care of yourself in your sadness. If you are angry with someone for the cause, present your claims and ask them to do otherwise.

Like any algorithm - it may seem cumbersome, but practice it for some time - and these initially strange actions will become automatic, bring pleasure and replace the old negative reactions of evaluating yourself. Self esteem will rise!

One of the most serious problems that prevents us from living a full life and achieving success in it in various matters is low self-esteem. This is a really serious problem, because a person with low self-esteem underestimates his capabilities - he does not believe in himself, in his strength, in his success, considering himself unworthy of him, he has very modest ambitions. But the problem of low self-esteem is an unnatural problem for us. We acquire this problem as our life in society develops. If the people around us treat us very well, and we feel close to them, like a fish in water, and have everything necessary for life, then we are satisfied with ourselves. Our own opinion of ourselves is formed from our satisfaction with our lives.

Thus, our self-esteem directly depends on what kind of people surround us, how they treat us, what opinion they impose on us about ourselves and about everything that surrounds us, and, of course, from our attitude to all this.

10 reasons for low self-esteem

Without other people, it is difficult for us to objectively evaluate ourselves, because without comparing ourselves with others, we may not think badly of ourselves at all. We shouldn't think badly of ourselves, it's not in our best interest, not to mention that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, because we are all different and, more importantly, unique! So, people, people and once again the people who surround us - that's who most influences our self-esteem. It is people who, by their attitude towards us, their behavior, their example, force us to evaluate ourselves in a certain way. That is, if we lived on a desert island, then our self-esteem would never be low. We would be preoccupied with the question of survival and would evaluate ourselves from this position. But we would evaluate ourselves without any emotions, but only from a practical point of view. But in human society, we tend to evaluate ourselves more emotionally than practically, so our environment is the soil in which we grow and mature in our self-esteem.

From the foregoing, we can draw a logical conclusion - if our self-esteem is underestimated, then our environment does not correspond to our interests. That is, we are surrounded by the wrong people who treat us wrong, not the way we need. And something needs to be done about it. Otherwise, our life will not be very good, not very pleasant. Think about whether we need low self-esteem, is there any benefit from it? It is clear that no, we do not need it and there is no benefit from it. The worse, the lower we evaluate ourselves, the less effective, less ambitious, less energetic, less happy we are. It is beneficial for us to think well of ourselves, very well, so that if we look for shortcomings in ourselves, then in a cheerful and energetic state, because only in such a state can we correct these shortcomings. But in a depressed and oppressed state, we will not be able to correct our shortcomings and will not do this, we will justify our inaction with them, and refer to them, engaging in self-flagellation. Not to mention the fact that a person with low self-esteem tends to be offended by everyone and everything, and this greatly prevents him from building constructive and lasting relationships with other people.

And what should we, or rather those of you who have low self-esteem, do with it? You will probably agree with me if I tell you that self-esteem needs to be raised if it is low. And even if it is not underestimated, it still needs to be increased, because the higher it is, the better. How to do it? Well, this can be done in two ways - you can pump yourself up in an appropriate way, influencing your emotional sphere, or you can, with the help of awareness, brush aside all bad thoughts about yourself and begin to evaluate yourself practically, without any emotions.

What method do you prefer? I prefer the latter. Therefore, we will talk about it in this article. I do not like all these psychological pumps, pumps, pumps, although I use them in my work with people in moderate doses, because it is not as practical and not as effective as understanding. What is the use of inflating a person like a balloon, pumping his psyche, if this balloon can descend, either with the help of other beliefs and suggestions, or with the help of appropriate circumstances? In a word, this is not very effective, and for a person who decides to raise his self-esteem seriously and for a long time, the option of pumping his psyche is not an option. But a complete understanding of yourself and your capabilities, and their skillful use - this is a really serious approach to business. When you understand the essence of the issue under consideration, you can generally evaluate yourself in the way that it is beneficial for you to evaluate yourself, regardless of the objective circumstances.

Do you think our self-esteem should reflect our real capabilities and life experience? Nothing like this. You can be a complete loser who has made a lot of mistakes in your life, and at the same time have a very high opinion of yourself. And contrary to the beliefs and statements of many people, including all kinds of specialists, this inflated opinion of yourself will be much more useful for you than the so-called objective self-esteem. Why? Yes, because for you it is much more important not who you were in the past and even who you are in the present, although it is certainly necessary to take this into account, but who you want to become. Do you want to be a failure, do you want to be a weakling, do you want to constantly make mistakes in your life? I'm sure not. But if your self-esteem is low, then you consider yourself worse than others in some ways, you are convinced that you are not capable of something, you are weak in some ways, and much of what you do is wrong. In general, you better know what you don't like about yourself. Well, perhaps, objectively, it is, and you need to be aware of your shortcomings and weaknesses in order to be able to work on them and correct them. But here lies the trap of the so-called objective self-assessment. It does not allow a person to start working on himself - he lacks self-confidence for this work, lacks energy, lacks faith in the best, and, ultimately, the desire to start changing something in himself. A person is not able to do even a “light cosmetic repair” of his psyche - considering himself an incorrigible loser. How many people do you know who, having low self-esteem, enthusiastically, overflowing with energy, worked to increase it? That's it. Therefore, many people do not need the truth about themselves, because it brings them nothing but frustration, depression, emptiness, despondency, sadness and similar negative emotions. And how can you work on yourself, how can you strive for more and better when your hands give up? There are, of course, very strong people who can face the truth and use this truth as a powerful incentive to work on themselves. But such people, as you understand, are few, very few.

When we struggle with low self-esteem, we primarily struggle with a person’s lack of faith in himself. We do not need any truth, we need a beautiful fairy tale about the future - about our bright future, so to speak, to which any self-respecting person should want to strive. And he must understand that this fairy tale is actually a fairy tale, but it can become a reality if you believe in it and start working on its implementation. We must all understand this. At such moments, a person realizes that he is the architect of his life, the architect of his destiny, the architect of his happiness. It doesn't matter who he was, and who he is now, what matters is who he can become. Do you understand? A person needs energy, energy, to increase his self-esteem, and then to make himself better, in order to objectively correspond to a high opinion of himself. We first invent ourselves, so to speak, design, and only then we make ourselves, and not vice versa. On the contrary, it is not effective. Give a man a lot of money - he will puff himself up and think he knows what. Take that money away from him and he will again be blown away, and again become an insecure loser. Why do we, why do you need such dependence on circumstances?

Therefore, when they say that a person's self-esteem should correspond to his real position in society and his real capabilities, do not take these words seriously. Let's say today you are a failure, and tomorrow, having taken certain actions, you can succeed in something, in some business that is important to you, and then one truth will be replaced by another truth. It is important to take these very actions, and in order to take them, you need to be of such an opinion about yourself that you have already achieved the success you need. Try to realize these words of mine, proven by the experience of many people, in full, and then you will think about yourself the way you need to think about yourself, and not how you are forced to think about yourself by circumstances and other people. And your self-esteem will be determined by you, depending on your interests and your desires, and nothing else.

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How to raise your self-esteem. How to deal with low self-esteem.

Every person has an emotional evaluation of himself. It is formed in early childhood as a result of the upbringing and communication of the child with the outside world. If a child was devalued and deprived of attention, or, conversely, praised without measure, then his self-esteem is unlikely to be adequate. There are also cases when an unexpected event deprives a person of the ground under his feet and self-confidence, if not forever, then for many years.

The level of self-esteem of a person is always associated with its claims and its capabilities and gives an idea of ​​whether the individual feels harmonious in this world. The perception of oneself can both coincide with who a person is in reality, and have large discrepancies.

How to deal with low self-esteem in men?

The latter is the problem of self-esteem.

Low self-esteem does not allow a person to claim what he actually deserves, makes him agree to less, makes him a fatalist and forces him to give up.

A person with low self-esteem tends to consider his achievements accidental, praise from others undeserved, and hopes for his own success - unrealizable. He feels superfluous, incompetent, and unloved in society because he has no compassion for himself and is busy evaluating himself all the time and collecting good marks. He is characterized by high suspiciousness: he immediately takes any chuckle behind his back at his own expense.

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If self-esteem is overestimated, a person is inclined to take on issues that are not within his competence, to show authoritarianism, egocentrism, intolerance to other people's opinions, to respond inadequately to criticism, to consider himself the center of the Universe, etc. Failure to adequately assess your potential can lead to a disastrous result: a lack of recognition and, as a result, depression. One of the extreme manifestations of inadequate self-esteem is narcissism.

Both underestimation and overestimation of self-esteem can lead to it.

It is difficult to say for whom the collision with reality is more painful. Yes, they cannot be painless, because behind inadequate self-esteem - both overestimated and underestimated - fear is hidden. Fear that a person will be seen for who he is - and not accepted. And as a result of fear - the desire to build a barrier between yourself and the world. In this case, both positions - "I am the worst" and "I am the best" - do not differ.

Can self-esteem be balanced? There are two ways.

The first is professional development or success in any hobbies. Real success, unlike the mechanical repetition of affirmations, does not cause a feeling of a gap between the real and the ideal "I". Achievements will inspire an insecure person and motivate for further development, too self-confident - they will force them to switch efforts to honing their skills, and, as you know, there is no limit to perfection. But this decision is not always relevant in case of differentiated self-esteem, when, for example, a person is confident in himself from a professional point of view, but at the same time experiences difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex.

The second and more effective is the consultation of a professional psychotherapist. The specialist will help to revise the system of criteria, get rid of the fear of rejection, form new attitudes and learn to perceive yourself as you are.

I am a professional psychologist with experience in solving problems related to self-esteem. You should not waste time trying to inspire yourself with false attitudes, getting rid of the old ones, it is better to contact a specialist. Book an individual consultation with me. I conduct consultations in a private office in the center of Moscow and online using Skype.

The problem with self-esteem can rarely be solved on its own, it will take years. In order not to waste them on a painful struggle with yourself, just contact a psychologist.

I am ready to help you. I conduct consultations in an office in the center of Moscow, and also, at your request, via Skype. The conversation will remain between us and the information will under no circumstances be passed on to third parties.

Psychologist Anton Zykov's prices

Face-to-face – one consultation (duration of appointment 50 minutes)

3000 rubles

Full-time - work with couples (duration of reception 90 minutes)

4000 rubles

Skype - one consultation (duration of reception 50 minutes)

2500 rubles

Skype – couples consultation (duration of appointment 90 minutes)

3500 rubles

Psychology of Personality. The concept of self-esteem

The most significant character trait of every successful person in network marketing is, first of all, a deep conviction in probably their own significance(source unknown) and values. When considering the concept of self-esteem, you need to know certain basic principles(source not specified), contributing to its strengthening.

Principle 1: Self-esteem, high or low, motivates your overall behavior, both positive and negative. In fact, there is nothing more important than self-esteem in determining your prospects.

How to Deal with the Difficulties of Low Self-Esteem

Try to please yourself a little, because you will have to spend the rest of your life with yourself.

Principle 2. The level of self-esteem depends on how consciousness can be one's own values(source not specified), and from self-confidence. Self-worth is just the joy that you are you, that you have your body, your soul, your mind, and so on. Self-confidence is an unshakable belief in your ability to be responsible for what happens to you in this unpredictable world.

Principle 3. No opinion or judgment should be as important to your growth and development as your own response to your conscience. The most important negotiations, presentations, speeches that will be in your life are your speeches to yourself.

Principle 4. Remember: no look in the world can assess your appearance as critically as your own look. Try to appreciate all the advantages of your appearance, try to please yourself. If you are not yet successful, then you should practice this.

Principle 5. You can be your best for sure friend(that's exactly what it was!) or your worst enemy! Understand once and for all that only you hold in your hands the keys to your own happiness!

Self-affirmation is a useful thing!

Below are 10 self-esteem boosting affirmations that you can use in both your daily life and business. They will help you build confidence in yourself and learn to trust yourself.

1. I am the master of my thoughts, emotions and actions, and I direct them to the good cause of strengthening, as it were, my health(see source), my relationships with people, my work and the improvement of my life.

2. I am a good and worthy person.

3. I am able to fully fulfill the goals and objectives that I have set for myself today.

4. I trust my abilities and my judgment in the trials of life designed to prove my worth, so I am fully aware of the consequences of my decisions.

5. I am responsible for my decisive life values .

6. I learn from my problems and mistakes, because it is probably thanks to im i can discover more for sure wide opportunities resolutely achieve success(that's exactly what it was!) and growth.]

7. My soul, mind and body are one powerful whole, leading me to success.

8. I am my best friend and coach. When I talk to myself, I encourage and support myself.

9. Every day enriches me most likely with new knowledge, I become more and more curious and learnable, caring, flexible, responsible and successful.

10. Regardless of the events taking place in my life, I decided to be happy.

Source

An inferiority complex is that barrier that prevents you from getting what you deserve from life, not to mention getting everything from life. In fact, the feeling of being inferior, not as it should be, worthless, sometimes occurs in everyone. But if you have this feeling in all metabolic processes in the body, in the bloodstream and in thinking, then this is a disaster.

You definitely won’t get a raise, the girl of your dreams definitely won’t confess her love, and you definitely get the most bumps about the boss when the whole work team screwes up. Checked. So let's fight.

Do you have it

We will not delve into where your low self-esteem and inferiority complex came from: all cases are individual and at the same time similar. In childhood and adolescence, when the psyche is weak and the herd instinct is strong, it is possible to sow the seeds of complexes even in the most beautiful, kind and intelligent child. For this, there are parents, other children, teachers, the school curriculum ... We can say that you have complexes if:

• You have constant experiences associated with the inability to realize yourself in life;
• You consistently feel like an insignificant person, or even worthless;
• You do not value your appearance and body, therefore you constantly find flaws in it: the size of the penis or chest, sparse hair, squeaky voice, etc.;
• Men with complexes are characterized by demonstratively cheeky and rude behavior, aggression and excessive assertiveness, or an attempt to assert themselves at the expense of a weak young man or a fragile woman;
• But girls go for plastic surgery, go in for sports and diets too intensively, experiment endlessly with hairstyles, clothes and makeup;
• People with complexes are often angry, do not accept anything that does not fit into their ideas about the world, envy and insult the object of envy;
• Often, complexes help to achieve something in work and not only, but such people are often unbearable and self-centered.

How to work with it

Before you get rid of the inferiority complex, learn two important things.

Humanity (morning mantra). How to deal with low self-esteem

There are no standards. Standards about how one should be, how one should live and what appearance one should have, people came up with. And most likely, these are people with complexes.

There are no concepts of good and bad either. Read Mayakovsky's work "What is good and what is bad" and you will understand this. All these concepts are a real warehouse of contradictions. Roughly speaking, if you were robbed by a gypsy, this is neither good nor bad. It all depends on how you call it. What's good here? Well, maybe you will drink less, and lose weight. Savings on transport and a diet on cereals will contribute to this. If the boss called you an egocentric or mediocrity, this is neither good nor bad. Perhaps he himself is like that, and that's projecting on you. By the way, in this case, you do not need to take it for the truth. Otherwise, you will be driven and manipulated. If a person has low self-esteem, it is very easy. And now practice.

1. Know yourself. For this there are trainings, psychological festivals and much more. Here you will not only be helped to understand yourself, but will also be allowed to open up. Also, look at yourself through the eyes of other people. Not those coma you are used to at school, work or at home, but completely different. Perhaps they can see with a clear eye how beautiful you are;
2. Focus on your best features. Write them down in a notebook and list them to yourself when they tell you how bad you are or are being manipulated by putting pressure on your low self-esteem. The list can and should be added to permanently. The same goes for all your achievements. You can make a list and remember everything. Feel free to post them on your page on the social network and let others envy. You will be surprised how much you have achieved. And you also need to notice when you are praised (and for what). Well, it’s right to respond to praise with compliments;
3. Get used to thinking about yourself in a positive way. As soon as a negative thought creeps in, change it with all the forces of your soul to a positive one (from a notebook) or a neutral one;
4. Learn to talk about what you don't like, don't like, or don't agree with.. You are worthy of your opinion and life by your own rules!
5. change and change. Change the way you live, open up to new experiences. Try new positions and new jobs if you are offered. Accept the courtship of a prince (handsome and rich), or respond to courtesies from the queen. Don't be afraid to change yourself and surprise everyone around you. Change your image, start an affair with someone who is many years younger than you, fight for a prestigious position. Firstly, you will be considered a brave person, and secondly, after the first success, self-esteem will definitely increase. And you will already be a different person;
6. Go to a psychotherapist. No, he should not lead you all your life or stroke your fur. But he will give you food for thought, smart exercises and new ways to solve the problem. Mutual understanding with such a person works wonders;
7. Stop talking to people who underestimate you. It is difficult if these are your relatives, but how to fight back is written above (notebook to help). But with a friend who is jealous and says that you have thin hair or crooked legs, you can contact less. And over time, there will be people who appreciate you;
8. Remember that there are no perfect people, so it is ridiculous to compare yourself with others. So, the neighbor's boy, who was set as an example for the author, became a drug addict in adulthood and flew off the roof of a nine-story building in a neighboring courtyard ... You have matured and it's time to look at things without childish or teenage maximalism. You may not have been appreciated or loved as a child, but that doesn't mean you're bad. These are their problems: parents, yard friends, teachers and classmates. And now is the time to accept yourself as you are and take criticism not as an insult, but as criticism or a subjective opinion;
9. Remember that you are beautiful by definition and that will never change. You are beautiful, period.

Everyone around you is telling you that you deserve better. A friend invites you to classes at a flamenco studio, your mother offers to change your wardrobe... You timidly agree, muttering indistinctly that yes, it would be nice, and you will definitely, next time... What prevents you from following these tips right now? Maybe it's self-doubt. It's time for you to learn what low self-esteem is and how to deal with it.

You need to figure out how to get rid of low self-esteem if unpleasant things often happen in your life:

You can’t say “no”, you are afraid that your refusal will offend someone, put them in an awkward position, upset them. At the same time, you are not at all happy to fulfill these requests, and sometimes you are very annoyed that you could not refuse. When a person does something of his own free will, he enjoys it and is pleased with the result.

You care too much about other people's opinions. You worry that someone will talk bad about you, and you are ready to constantly give up your desires for the sake of public opinion. Not believing in your abilities, you are afraid to make a choice, you try to shift the responsibility onto others, asking, “What would you do?” The reverse side of this tactic is criticism of others, because they made the wrong choice for you. But you yourself perceive any comments painfully and see them only as proof of your inferiority.

You really don't know how to take compliments. It is pleasant for you to receive gifts and hear beautiful words addressed to you, but at the same time you feel like an unworthy of praise "liar". You are more accustomed to being a Victim - whining and complaining, counting on sympathy, not admiration.

You are too critical of your appearance: the color of your eyes, hair, waist width, height - all this, in your opinion, is far from ideal. Very rarely do you like yourself in the mirror.

You are unhappy with your environment. Psychologists have long noted that subconsciously insecure people surround themselves with those who constantly confirm their low self-esteem. In the event that you emphasize other people's shortcomings in order to feel better than others, you do not have good friends: they are repelled by your harsh criticism, and often envy and boasting.

If you find signs of low self-esteem in your behavior, take immediate action!

Self-doubt makes you gloomy and irritable, it is dangerous and can ruin your life.

First of all, low self-esteem prevents you from building a successful career and healthy relationships with people. An insecure person often refuses a difficult, interesting job out of fear that he will not succeed. Sometimes it is worth risking your fear and embarking on an adventure, taking on a new task, otherwise you will always be ahead of less capable, but more confident people. If you constantly think that nothing will work out, and you will not succeed, then you will never be able to show your talents and succeed.

Due to low self-esteem, you are afraid of losing love or friendship, and you constantly give in, give up your desires for the sake of someone else's interests. Instead of going to a cafe with a friend, you go with your loved one to a horror movie that he has long wanted to see. Of course, you can't be selfish and think only of yourself, but compromise is a two-way street. Constantly obeying someone else's opinion, you risk losing the respect of loved ones. You are always tense, tormented by anxieties and doubts, you sleep badly. This is very dangerous - this is how neuroses develop, and here you will no longer be able to do without the help of a specialist. In some cases, self-doubt leads to various addictions that destroy health and the psyche in the literal sense.

Constant stress that you experience can cause serious illness.

How to increase self-esteem?

You have already taken the first steps: you have found the main problem and found out why low self-esteem is dangerous. It's time to take action. You will be helped by simple actions that will completely change your life.

Down with perfectionism!

You must understand that ideal people do not exist, and stop reproaching yourself that something is far from perfect. Perfectionism is the other side of self-doubt. Stop telling yourself that if you can’t do it perfectly, there’s no need to start, and remember that athletes train for a very long time and make mistakes before achieving a result.

Conquer your fear

Get rid of the fear of loneliness that affects your relationships with people. The most valuable resource in a person's life is time. Sometimes being alone is very useful: it is an opportunity to relax, calmly make plans for the future and think about ways to implement them, to see new perspectives. Make a list of things that are important to you and never have time for. Instead of going to a boring fashion show with your friends, sit at home with an interesting book. If you like to cook, then find a new recipe and cook it for yourself.

To live life wisely, you need to know a lot.
Two important rules to remember to get started:
You'd rather starve than eat anything
And it's better to be alone than with just anyone.

Omar Khayyam

Don't praise yourself...

When dealing with low self-esteem, it is useful to praise yourself for any, even minor success. Have you solved a difficult problem? Great, let yourself enjoy the feeling of victory. The usual tidying up of the house should be a reason for joy: calmly and slowly make a cup of tea or coffee and sit in a beautiful and cozy kitchen or room, slowly, feeling a sense of satisfaction from a job well done.

Accept compliments with dignity

Stop being embarrassed, mumble indistinctly that it somehow turned out that way, it’s better to calmly and with a smile thank you for the good words. You deserve them, no doubt about it! If you constantly deny your own successes out of false modesty, then they will simply cease to be noticed. When you begin to value yourself, your time and your work, the opinions of others will also change.

To build on your success in dealing with insecurities, find a job that you can do great.

You sang well as a child - try to go with your friends to a karaoke bar. If you like to draw, then sign up for an art studio. Perhaps you will surprise everyone with your talents, and in any case, you will enjoy and have many new experiences.

Be prepared for the fact that not everyone around you will support you in the fight against low self-esteem.

Perhaps your friend is used to being bright and witty against your background, and the boss is accustomed to loading the trouble-free "gray mouse" with additional work. Your man is sure that you are always waiting for him, and it does not matter that he is four hours late every time, because he decided to sit with friends, despite your plans for the evening. Such people can interfere with you on the way to your goal in many ways: having long conversations about your shortcomings, making critical remarks about your appearance, and sometimes reproaching you that “you used to be better.” That's a lie - you were just "easier to use". Such relationships should be broken off as quickly as possible without any regrets.

Toilet paper, pasta, canned food, soap are just some of the items that are rapidly disappearing from supermarket shelves in the midst of the coronavirus outbreak. Let's call a spade a spade: it's not buying out of necessity, but buying out of panic. And although this is a completely understandable reaction of people to an uncertain situation, it does not affect the lives of others in the best way.

The level of self-esteem in one way or another affects the actions of a person. A person constantly underestimates his capabilities, as a result, “life prizes” go to others. If your self-esteem is getting lower and lower, then the 20 tips in this article will help you. By starting to apply them in your life, you can increase your self-esteem and become a confident person.

Many will agree that, from time to time, they are overwhelmed by unwanted thoughts that cannot be rid of. They are so strong that even doing interesting things does not help at all. This is accompanied by negative emotions that add to the painful sensations. Sometimes it seems that it is not possible to defeat such thoughts, but if you consider the problem from different points of view, you can find the right solution.

We kill our happiness with our own hands. The negative that we carry in ourselves towards others, destructive thoughts, envy, anger, resentment - this list is endless. Review your life, let go of unpleasant memories, get rid of people, activities and things that poison the mind. Be good and positive. Do something nice, something that you have long dreamed of.

A person's life changes with age, desires and priorities change. This is a completely normal process, although each of us is individual. If you want to make the most of your life after 30, the following 9 tips will help you.

The fight against complexes is often very difficult due to lack of motivation. And in order to achieve the maximum effect in the fight against complexes, it is necessary to develop a tactic for finding the necessary motivation and further actions. It is on such joint work that the principle of working on oneself is built.

Happiness - no matter what anyone says, the goal of life of every person. But is it so difficult to achieve this goal? People strive to become happy, but they neglect simple joys, which together can give this feeling. Here are some ways to help you feel happier.

Do you want to become a healthy person? If you follow the advice given in this article, then we can say with full confidence that you will become healthier than you were before. At first glance, they seem simple, but start doing them and you will be amazed at the real changes in your health and condition.

Resentment is not an incorrigible, pathological character trait, it can and should be corrected. Resentment is a person's reaction to a discrepancy with his expectations. It can be anything: a word, an act, or a sharp glance. Frequent grievances lead to bodily illnesses, psychological problems and the inability to build harmonious relationships with others. Do you want to stop being offended and learn to understand your grievances? Then let's look at how this can be done.