Strangers are present in our dreams quite often, and, of course, in the morning we are very interested in why we dreamed of an unfamiliar man or person? Where did he come from in our dream?

What is the dream of an unfamiliar man - Miller's dream book

According to Miller's dream book, dreams in which a handsome young man meets promise favorable changes in life and business. If the appearance of a stranger is unpleasant and repulsive, and his face and body are ugly, then such dreams warn of future troubles and disappointments.

A dream about a stranger - Vanga's dream book

To dream about a stranger - to unexpected news. To see an unfamiliar man on the threshold of your own house means that in reality you will have to meet unexpected guests. Talking with a stranger - to intrigue and romantic adventures. If a stranger attacks you, expect imminent changes in your personal life.

An unfamiliar man in a dream - the dream book of Nostradamus

A complete stranger is dreaming of a man who calls you somewhere - to deception or loss. If a stranger in a dream is aggressive and armed, it means that you have enemies that you have no idea about.

A young stranger in a dream portends a new successful undertaking, and an elderly and gray-haired stranger - gaining wisdom and well-deserved respect. Finding yourself in a crowd of unfamiliar men is an auspicious dream, which means that you are under protection and will be able to reach heights in your career.

What is the dream of an unfamiliar man according to Freud's dream book

A man who sees a stranger in a dream projects the image of his sexual rival, the object of suspicion and envy, into dreams. Also, such dreams speak of a subconscious fear of being defeated in bed.

Women dream of unfamiliar men who reflect their ideas about the ideal spouse or lover. The features and characteristics of a stranger in a dream can tell you which of the environment you should pay attention to when choosing a partner.

To see an unfamiliar man in a dream - Loff's dream book

In the images of strangers, the hidden characteristics of a person and his subconscious, the inner essence of the dreamer, appear.

Women who dream of unfamiliar men see in their images the masculine side of their own personality, its specific features and behavioral motives. Whether this image is frightening or conducive to friendship depends on how one’s own “I” is perceived and how the sleeping person treats himself.

Strangers showing emotions - fear, rage, anger - indicate that in reality these feelings are suppressed by consciousness, as they are condemned by society.

A dream about an unfamiliar man - the dream book of Simon Kananit

If a woman dreams of a man whom she does not know, this is for a long life and excellent health. An obese man in a dream is a harbinger of the fact that in the near future you will have a pleasant pastime and an interesting company. Young unfamiliar young men dream of anxieties, worries and anxieties.

Why see an unfamiliar man in a dream - the dream book of the healer Evdokia

What is the dream of an unfamiliar man in the dream book of a famous healer? An unfamiliar man seen in a dream can portend an unexpected pregnancy to girls and women. A dream about a fight with a stranger warns against participating in dubious affairs and risky activities.

Meeting with unfamiliar men can be interpreted as a sign of positive change, if they are beautiful and well-groomed young people, and trouble when they are hostile and ready to attack. It is uncomfortable to feel among strangers and strangers - to get into a series of strange events and troubles.

What is the dream of an unfamiliar man - N. Grishina's dream book

To meet a fat unfamiliar man - to joyful events, fun and holidays. Worst - to grief, loss and frustration. A gloomy stranger predicts sadness and despondency. Joyful - good luck and luck.

The concept of "love" is one of the few words that expresses an almost absolute abstraction. The fact that people put different meanings into the concept of “love” is beyond doubt. Love is the most alluring of all feelings, but also the most disappointing. It gives the strongest pleasure and the strongest pain, the sharpest happiness and the heaviest anguish. Its advantages and contrasts merge into a mass of unique combinations, and which of these combinations will fall out to a person, this is how he sees love. This feeling is so thousand-sided that no one has yet been able to catch it in the network of conceptual logic.

However, "individual" love has the right to exist, just as various psychophysical substances called man have the right to life. Of particular note is such a feature of love as its universality: each person finds his own love, and each is or will eventually become an object of love. The reason for this is simple: love is the main and accessible to everyone way of self-affirmation and rooting in life, which without love is incomplete and incomplete. A rarity is a man in years who claims that he never loved or even fell in love with anyone. Many people want to love, but everyone wants to be loved themselves.

Throughout his life, the average person has several milestones that delimit himself into “before” and “after” meeting this person, with love, with fate, with life and death. Love, no matter what is hidden behind it, is a significant event, state, process for people included in its field. According to the descriptions of eyewitnesses and participants, interested and rejecting, love for a person brings an impossible in another place and time, the possibility of both endless bliss and happiness, and inexhaustible melancholy, inexorable pain and indefatigable torment. A person seeks love and runs away from it at the same time.

In real life, love is a litmus test of the essential qualities of a person. Apparently, love, being one of the key self-expressions of life, reveals to a person his essence, which distinguishes him from others. So, apparently, love reveals to a person his essence, which distinguishes him from others. Each person loves in his own way, and perhaps it is the ability to love that makes a person a person, and a person different from other people.

Scientific knowledge has long been interested in "love"; do not count the pages devoted to love, but this did not stop it from being a mystery. Love is one, but there are thousands of fakes for it. Love remains a revelation for every person today, as it was thousands of years ago.

The basis of all types of human love, as it were, the deepest axis of its feelings, is the attitude towards another person as towards oneself: a state of mind when everything in it is as dear to the subconscious as you are.

Modern concepts that explain the mechanisms of the emergence of love take physiological attraction as the starting point. Romantic love is interpreted as a strong excitement, which can be the result of anything, but often coexists with danger, death, fear. The tendency to interpret may be greater than the excitement itself.

Romantic love is fickle and unstable, as 1) the causes of excitement in everyday situations quickly disappear; 2) associated with the constant experience of strong (both positive and negative) emotions, from which they quickly get tired; 3) is focused on a stable idealization of a partner, in which a real person becomes a phantom. A statistically normal outcome of family relationships built on romantic love is disintegration.

In love, in addition to emotional interpretation, the level of self-acceptance is important. In favorable situations, the level of self-acceptance rises, in decay, it decreases.

An important source of the formation of the image of love in a person is the experience gained in the parental home, the influence of the behavior of the father and mother, since the image of love is not limited to ideas about how to behave during sexual intercourse, but is largely determined by the learned way of communicating in life together with others. people. A person who grew up in an atmosphere of authoritarianism and despotism will seek the sexual precisely with these traumatic traits. On the contrary, excessive guardianship of parents will form the future infantile man and woman.

In love, the diversity of its types and forms is especially striking. Attempts to build theoretical models of love are marked by a claim to greater globality, but paradoxically simplify the phenomenon. Researchers talk about love for oneself, love for man and God, love for life and for the motherland, love for truth and goodness, love for freedom and power, etc. Allocate love romantic, knightly, platonic, brotherly, erotic, charismatic, etc. There is love-passion and love-pity, love-need and love-gift, love for the neighbor and love for the absent, love of a man and love of a woman.

The differences between the models of love are based on the evaluation parameter: optimism-pessimism. The pessimistic model postulates the weakness and imperfection of man, while the optimistic model postulates the constructive power of love.

Pessimistic model. There are three reasons that make a person fall in love: 1) the need for recognition; 2) satisfaction of sexual needs; 3) conformist reaction (so accepted). Love is a fusion of a set of emotions, among which the leading role is played by the fear of losing the source of satisfaction of one's needs. Being in love, constructed by the constant fear of losing him, makes a person unfree, dependent and interferes with personal development. The positive emotional state of a lover is associated with a person's gratitude for meeting his needs. Therefore, a free person does not experience love.

Optimistic model. According to this model, love is characterized by the removal of anxiety, a sense of complete security and psychological comfort, satisfaction with the psychological and sexual side of relationships, which grows over the years, and the interest of loving people in each other is constantly increasing. During their life together, the partners get to know each other well, the real assessment of the spouse is combined with his complete acceptance. The constructive power of love is associated with the connection of the sexual sphere with the emotional, which contributes to the fidelity of partners and the maintenance of equal relations.

In one of the schemes, the system-forming factors are power and status. Power is defined as the ability to get someone to do something.

Status is understood as the desire of an individual to meet the requirements of a partner through positive emotional relationships.

Depending on whether the level of power and status is high or low, seven types of love are distinguished, which can be represented in the following ways:

1. Variant of parent-child relationship. The parent has great power and the child has high status.

2. Variant of romantic love. Individuals have great (equal) power over each other and have a high status. Both partners strive to meet each other halfway, and at the same time, each of them can deprive the other of manifestations of their love.

3. Love is worship. The individual has no power over the other, but the status of the other in the eyes is inaccessible. This is a variant of the worship of a literary or other hero, with whom there is no real contact and who has no power, but a high status, and his admirer has neither power nor status.

4. Treason in the Dyad. The 1st partner has a high status and has power over the second, which has lost its real status. This option takes place in a situation of adultery, when both spouses retain power over each other, but one of them no longer causes a desire to go towards the other.

5. Variant of unrequited love. One has a high status in the eyes of the other and real power over him. The other has nothing. Such a state of falling in love happens in the case of one-sided, unrequited love.

In addition, it is still possible to highlight;

* brotherly love, in which both members of the couple have little power over each other, but willingly go towards each other;

* charismatic love that takes place, for example, in a teacher-student pair.

This interesting typology of love, distinguished by its simplicity and clarity, is nevertheless abstract and clearly incomplete, two elementary factors, power and status, are obviously insufficient to identify and distinguish between all those diverse relationships that are covered by the general word love. The pair "power - status" very approximately characterizes the relationship of love, and sometimes even identifies it with some other relationship between people.

Erich Fromm identifies 5 types of love; brotherly, motherly, erotic, self-love and God-love. He highlights in love: care, responsibility, respect for each other, knowledge of the characteristics of the other, an indispensable feeling of pleasure and joy for love.

R. Hatiss highlights in love respect, positive feelings for a partner, erotic feelings, the need for positive feelings of a partner, a sense of intimacy and intimacy. He also includes here the feeling of hostility, which stems from too short a distance between partners and emotional closeness.

According to Z. Rubin, love contains affection, care and intimacy.

A.A. Ivin gives the concept of nine steps or forms of love. The author presents love in the form of steps or "circles". Each of the circles includes somewhat close types of love, and the movement from the core to the periphery is subject to certain principles.

1. In the first "circle" he includes erotic or sexual love and self-love. Human love necessarily begins with selfishness, self-love, and carnal love. A person's love for himself is a prerequisite for his existence as a person and, therefore, a condition for all his love. Self love is the primary school of love. He who neglects himself is incapable of either loving or appreciating another. One must learn to understand oneself in order to gain the ability to understand others, and at the same time, without understanding others, it is impossible to understand oneself.

2. The second circle of love is love for your neighbor. It includes love for children, for parents, for brothers and sisters, for family members, and so on. The principle “love your neighbor as yourself” speaks of justice, mutual respect for the rights and interests of loved ones. Love for one's neighbor is the best test of love for a person. In love for one's neighbor, parental love and the love of children for their parents occupy a special place. Fromm's idea is interesting that in every person there is both a paternal and a maternal conscience - a voice that commands to fulfill a duty, and a voice that commands to love and forgive other people and ourselves.

3. The third "circle" of love is love for a person, about which it was said in ancient times that it can only be big, there is no small love. It is love for every other person, regardless of any further definitions of it. This, in particular, is love for future generations and the responsibility to them associated with it. The guiding principle of such love is simple - the needs of future people are just as important as the needs of today.

4. In the fourth "circle" of love, Ivin highlights love for the motherland, love for life, love for God, etc.

5. In the fifth "circle" - love for nature, in particular "cosmic love." Ivin understands by cosmic love a feeling directed at the world as a whole, it speaks of the unity of man and the world, of their fusion and even mutual influence.

6. The sixth circle is the love of truth, the love of goodness, the love of beauty, the love of justice.

7. The seventh circle is the love of freedom, the love of creativity, the love of glory, the love of power, the love of one's work, the love of wealth.

8. The eighth circle is the love of the game, the love of communication, the love of gathering, the love of entertainment, the constant novelty.

9. The ninth "circle" - what is no longer love, rather addiction - love for food, alcohol, drugs.

In this movement from the first "circle" of love to its last "circle", from its center to the periphery, some direction is quite clearly detected. First of all, as you move away from the center, the emotional component of love, the immediacy and concreteness of this feeling, decreases. From the “circle” to the “circle”, the intensity of love, its coverage of the whole soul of a person, also decreases. Erotic love and love for children can fill the whole emotional life of an individual. The love of creativity or the love of fame most often makes up only a part of such a life. Decreases from the "circle" to the circle and the amount of love covered by it many people. Erotic love captures everyone, or almost everyone. Not everyone loves God, truth or justice anymore. With the decrease in the immediacy and concreteness of love, the social component of this feeling grows. It is present both in love for oneself and in love for children, but it is much more noticeable in love for power, love for freedom or wealth.

The Russian philosopher Frank Semyon Ludwigovich writes about the idea of ​​a certain path of love, for which each specific type of love is only a stepping stone. Love is very heterogeneous, it includes not only different types and their subtypes, but also what can be called forms of love and its modes. Types of love are, for example, love of neighbor and erotic love. The forms of manifestation of love for one's neighbor are love for children, love for parents, brotherly love, etc. The modes are the love of a man and the love of a woman, the love of a northerner and the love of a southerner, medieval love and modern love.

Questions about the mutual relations of types of love are no simpler than the question about its meaning. Many have tried to answer these questions about the types and essence of love in a clear form in antiquity. But there are no generally accepted and universally recognized answers, which connects extremely heterogeneous passions, inclinations, attachments, etc. into the unity called "love" no.

Introduction

Classification of forms of love

Origins and evolution of the concept of love

The meaning of love

Love according to Fromm

1 Love is the answer to the problem of human existence

2 Love between parents and children

3 Love objects

Bibliography

Introduction

What is love?

Love is a feeling inherent in a person, a deep affection for another person or object, a feeling of deep sympathy.

Love is one of the fundamental and common themes in world culture and art. Discussions about love and its analysis as a phenomenon go back to the most ancient philosophical systems and literary monuments known to people.

Love is also considered as a philosophical category, in the form of a subjective relationship, an intimate selective feeling directed at the object of love.

The ability to love in higher animals can manifest itself in the form of attachment, complex relationships of a social type within the group, but in full it is controversial and has not yet been confirmed.

Etymology

Russian "love" ascends through other Russian. love to praslav. (same root as the verb "to love"). This word, as well as "blood", "mother-in-law" and many others, belonged to the type of declension na. Already in the Old Russian language, this type fell apart, the lexemes related to it passed into more productive types, at the same time the nominative case was supplanted by the original form of the accusative case love (Pra-Slav.). There is also a hypothesis about the borrowed nature of this word in Russian.

Fundamentals of understanding love Terminology

The complexity and dialectical diversity of love has given rise to a significant number of interpretations of the phenomenon in various languages ​​and cultures throughout the history of human society.

The distinction between individual types of love can already be seen in the ancient Greek language: "eros" (other) - spontaneous, enthusiastic love, in the form of reverence directed at the object of love "from the bottom up" and leaving no room for pity or indulgence.

§ "Filia" (ancient Greek) - love-friendship or love-affection, due to social ties and personal choice;

§ "storge" (ancient Greek) - love-tenderness, especially family;

§ "agape" (ancient Greek) - sacrificial love, unconditional love, in Christianity - the love of God for man.

Also, the Greeks distinguished 3 more varieties:

§ "Ludus" is a love game until the first manifestations of boredom, based on sexual desire and aimed at obtaining pleasure.

§ "Mania" (from the Greek "mania" - painful passion) - love-obsession, the basis of which is passion and jealousy. The ancient Greeks called mania "madness from the gods."

§ "Pragma" - rational love, when the experience of this feeling in a person is prompted not by heartfelt affection, but only in selfish interests in order to derive benefits and conveniences.

Subsequently, a number of classifications were developed on this basis, including the concept of six love styles proposed by the Canadian sociologist J.A. Lee: three main styles - eros, storge and ludus, love-game, in their mixtures they give another tri-agape, love mania and rational love-pragma. Vladimir Sergeevich Solovyov defines love as the attraction of one animate being to another in order to connect with him and mutually replenish life, and distinguishes three of its types:

.Love that gives more than it receives, or descending love (lat.amor descendens) - he refers to this type of love parental love, mainly maternal love for children. In a person, this love, or the care of the elders for the younger, the protection of the weak by the strong, creates a fatherland and is gradually organized into a national-state way of life.

.Love that receives more than it gives, or ascending love (Latin amor ascendens) - he refers to this type of love the love of children for their parents, as well as the affection of animals for their patrons, especially the devotion of pets to humans. In a person, in his opinion, this love can also extend to deceased ancestors, and then to more general and distant causes of being (before universal providence, the one Heavenly Father), and is the root of all religious development of mankind.

.Love that gives and receives equally, or sexual love (Latin amor aequalis) - he refers to this type of love the love of spouses for each other, as well as a stable relationship between parents in other species of animals (birds, some animals, etc.). ). In a person, this love can reach the form of perfect fullness of vital reciprocity and through this become the highest symbol of the ideal relationship between the personal principle and the social whole.

Solovyov emphasizes that in the Bible the relationship between God (including in the person of Christ and the Church) and the people he has chosen is depicted mainly as a marital union, from which he concludes that the ideal beginning of social relations, according to Christianity, is not power, but love. . Solovyov also writes that from the point of view of ethics, love is a complex phenomenon, consisting of:

.The pity that prevails in parental love;

.Reverence (pietas), which prevails in the love of children for their parents and the religious love that follows from it;

.Feelings of shame, combined with the first two elements, form the human form of sexual or conjugal love.

2. Origins and evolution of the concept of love

In the history of religions, love has twice taken precedence: as a wild elemental force of sexual desire - in pagan phallism (still preserved in some places in the form of organized religious communities, such as, for example, Indian Saktists with their sacred pornographic writings, tantras), and then, in contrast to this, as the ideal beginning of spiritual and social unity - in Christian agape.

Naturally, in the history of philosophy, too, the concept has occupied a prominent place in various systems. For Empedocles, love (Greek) was one of the two principles of the universe, namely the principle of universal unity and wholeness (integration), the metaphysical law of gravity and centripetal motion. For Plato, love is the demonic (connecting the earthly world with the divine) striving of a finite being for the perfect fullness of being and the resulting “creativity in beauty” (see Platonism). This aesthetic meaning of love was left unattended in patriotic and scholastic philosophy. Plato, in his treatise "Feast", introduces a significant formulation about the connection between love and knowledge. Love is a process of continuous movement. Platonic eros is the eros of knowledge.

According to Aristotle, the purpose of love is friendship, not sensual attraction. Aristotle proposed to define the concept of love in this way: “to love means to wish someone what you consider good, for his sake [that is, this other person], and not for your own sake, and try to deliver these benefits to him as much as possible”

In the Middle Ages, we find a peculiar fusion of Christian and Platonic ideas on this subject in Dante. In general, in the Middle Ages, love was the subject of religious mysticism, on the one hand (Victorines, Bernard of Clairvaux, and especially Bonaventure in his works "Stimulus amoris", "Incendium amoris", "Amatorium"), and a special kind of poetry on the other; this poetry, which spread throughout Europe from southern France, was dedicated to the cult of a woman and idealized sexual love in the sense of a harmonious combination of all three of its elements: reverence, pity and shame.

In the Renaissance, through the works of Marsilio Ficino, Francesco Cattani, Giordano Bruno and others, the course of Neoplatonism begins to develop. At the heart of this love philosophy is the doctrine of beauty. The nature of love is the desire for beauty. This concept links ethics and aesthetics and has a significant impact on the art of the Renaissance.

In the Baroque era, Benedict Spinoza gave the following definition: “Love is pleasure accompanied by the idea of ​​an external cause” (lat. Amor est Laetitia concomitante idea causae externae) Spinoza identifies love with absolute knowledge (amor Dei intellectualis) and argued that philosophizing is nothing else how to love God.

In the new philosophy, one should note Schopenhauer's theory of sexual love ("Metaphysik der Liebe" in Parerga u. Paral.). Schopenhauer explains the individualization of this passion in man by the fact that the will of life (German Wille zum Leben) strives here not only to perpetuate the genus (as in animals), but also to produce the most perfect specimens of the genus; Thus, if this man passionately loves this particular woman (and vice versa), then it means that it is with her that he can produce the best offspring under the given conditions.

In the 20th century, the relationship between love and sexuality formed the basis of the work of Sigmund Freud. According to Freud, love is an irrational concept, from which the spiritual principle is excluded. Love in the theory of sublimation developed by Freud is reduced to primitive sexuality, which is one of the main stimuli for human development.

Subsequently, attempts were made to develop Freud's theory and move from a pure biological description to a social and cultural component as the basis of the phenomenon. This new direction, born in the United States, was called neo-Freudianism. One of the leaders of neo-Freudianism is the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm.

In January 2009, scientists from the Stony Brook Institute (New York, USA) summed up the scientific basis for the existence of “eternal love”: they came to the conclusion that the level of dopamine (the hormone of pleasure in life) is the same for old-timers of love and those who have just fallen in love. However, they did not take into account the level of oxytocin, which is responsible for attachment and its level changes over time.

3. The meaning of love

Erich Fromm, in his writings, suggested saving the word "love" only for a special kind of unity between people, which, in his opinion, "has an ideal value in all the great humanistic religions and philosophical systems of the past four millennia of the history of the West and East", unity, which he considers the mature (the only reasonable and satisfactory) "answer to the problem of human existence". Fromm distinguishes such love from other forms of love, which, in his opinion, are immature.

Human consciousness can give rise to dichotomies. The main existential dichotomy is the problem of existence: a person realizes that he is mortal, so is it worth living, and if living, then how? The history of religion and philosophy is the history of the search for answers to this question. A mature and fruitful answer to this question is love.

Such names of teachers of humanity as Buddha, Moses (Musa), Jesus Christ (Isa) and many others have forever entered the history of religion. In philosophy, such names as Hegel, Marx, Tolstoy, Lenin and many others are widely known.

L.N. Tolstoy believed that "Love is the only reasonable human activity" and warned:

This love, in which there is only life, manifests itself in the soul of a person, like a barely noticeable, tender sprout among the coarse sprouts of weeds similar to it, various lusts of a person, which we call love. At first, it seems to people and to the person himself that this sprout - the one from which the tree in which the birds will hide - and all other sprouts are all one and the same. People even prefer weeds first, which grow faster, and the only sprout of life dies and dies; but what is even worse is that it happens even more often: people have heard that among these shoots there is one real, vital, called love, and instead of it, trampling on it, they begin to nurture another sprout of weed grass, calling it love. But what is even worse: people seize the very sprout with rough hands and shout: “here it is, we have found it, we now know it, we will grow it. Love! Love! the highest feeling, here it is! ”, And people begin to transplant it, correct it and seize it, crush it so that the sprout dies without blooming, and the same or other people say: all this is nonsense, trifles, sentimentality. The sprout of love, in its manifestation tender, not enduring touch, is powerful only in its growth. Everything that people will do to him will only make it worse for him. He needs one thing - that nothing should hide from him the sun of reason, which alone brings him back.

4. Love according to Fromm

love sexuality sublimation freud

Erich Fromm in his works compares two opposite forms of love: love on the principle of being or fruitful love, and love on the principle of possession or unfruitful love. The first “involves the manifestation of interest and care, knowledge, emotional response, expression of feelings, pleasure and can be directed to a person, a tree, a picture, an idea. It excites and enhances the feeling of fullness of life. It is a process of self-renewal and self-enrichment.” The second means depriving the object of his "love" of freedom and keeping him under control. “Such love does not bestow life, but suppresses, destroys, stifles, kills it.” He also talks about the profound difference between mature love and its immature forms and comprehensively explores the subject of love.

"If a person loves only one person and is indifferent to all others, his love is not love, but a symbiotic attachment, or extended selfishness."

Fruitful love involves care, responsibility, respect and knowledge, as well as a desire for the other person to grow and develop. It is an activity, not a passion.

4.1 Love is the answer to the problem of human existence

Man is a self-conscious life, for which the experience of alienation from nature, from other people is unbearable. Therefore, the deepest, core need of a person is the desire to leave the prison of his loneliness, the desire to find unity with other people. "The history of religion and philosophy is the history of the search for answers to this question."

“In contrast to a symbiotic union, love is unity, subject to the preservation of one's own integrity, individuality. Love is an active force in man, a force that breaks down the walls separating man from his fellow men; which unites him with others. Love helps him overcome feelings of isolation and loneliness, while allowing him to be himself and maintain his integrity. There is a paradox in love: two beings become one and remain two at the same time. "It has been established that the frustration of the need for love leads to a deterioration in somatic and mental states."

4.2 Love between parents and children

The newborn perceives the mother as a source of warmth and food, he is in a euphoric state of satisfaction and security, in a state of narcissism. Later, he experiences "guaranteed" mother's love "I am loved because I am". If there is maternal love, then it is "equal to bliss, but if it is not there, it is the same as if all the beautiful things had gone out of life - and nothing can be done to artificially create this love." Time passes and the child comes to the feeling of being able to arouse love with his own activity. “For the first time in his life, the idea of ​​love goes from wanting to be loved to wanting to love, to creating love.” Many years will pass from this first step to mature love. In the end, the child, perhaps already at adolescence, will have to overcome his egocentrism, seeing in another person not only a means to satisfy his own desires, but a valuable being in itself. The needs and goals of the other person will become just as, if not more important than your own. Giving, giving will be much more pleasant and joyful than receiving; to love is even more precious than to be loved. By loving, a person leaves the prison of his loneliness and isolation, which are formed by a state of narcissism and self-centeredness. A person experiences the happiness of unity, fusion. Moreover, he feels that he is able to cause love with his love - and he puts this opportunity above that when he is loved. Children's love follows the principle "I love because I am loved", mature - "I am loved because I love." Immature love screams, "I love you because I need you." Mature love says "I need you because I love you"

In the parental love of every adult there is a maternal and paternal beginning. Mother's love (mother's principle) is unconditional, and father's love (father's principle) is conditional. “... a mature person combines maternal and paternal feelings in his love, despite the fact that they seem to be opposite to each other. If he had only paternal feeling, he would be evil and inhuman. If he had only the maternal, he would be prone to losing his sanity, preventing himself and others from developing. And one beginning is not enough for the normal development of personality.

4.3 Love objects

The ability to love is closely related to a person's attitude to the world in general, and not just to one "object" of love. Therefore, love is an attitude, an orientation of character. However, most people are sure that love does not depend on one's own ability to love, but on the properties of the object of love. “They are even convinced that, since they do not love anyone but “beloved of a person, this proves the strength of their love, ”however, this is not love, but a symbiotic union.

Thus, love is an orientation that is directed towards everything, and not towards just one thing. However, there are differences between different types of love, depending on the types of the object of love.

Bibliography

1. Bologne Jean-Claude The history of love victories from antiquity to the present day. M., Text, 2010. ISBN 5-7516-0803-3

Vysheslavtsev B.P. Ethics of the transfigured Eros. Problems of Law and Grace. M.: Republic. - 1994. - 368 p.

Ilyin E.P. Emotions and feelings. - St. Petersburg: Peter, 2001. - 752 p.

Karpov M. M. What is love? Feature article. - Rostov n/a. 2005. - 76 p.

Plan 1. Love and its types. 2. Sources and styles of love. 3. Love is a normal feeling of an adequate personality. 4. Causes of a negative attitude towards oneself and family life. 5. Causes of family conflicts. 6. Prevention of conflicts between wife and husband.

LOVE AND ITS TYPES The concept of "love" is one of the few words that express an almost absolute abstraction (along with "truth", "god", etc.). The fact that people put different meanings into the concept of "love" is beyond doubt. Many people want to love, but everyone wants to be loved themselves.

Psychology has long been interested in "love", do not count the pages devoted to love, but this did not stop it from being a mystery. Love is one, but there are thousands of fakes for it. Love remains a revelation for every person today, as it was thousands of years ago.

Modern concepts that explain the mechanisms of the emergence of love take physiological attraction as the starting point. Romantic love is interpreted as a strong excitement, which can be the result of anything, but often coexists with danger, death, fear. The tendency to interpret may be greater than the excitement itself.

Romantic love is fickle and unstable, because: 1) the causes of excitement in everyday situations quickly disappear; 2) associated with the constant experience of strong (both positive and negative) emotions, from which they quickly get tired; 3) is focused on a stable idealization of a partner, in which a real person becomes a phantom. The statistically normal outcome of a family relationship built on romantic love is breakup. In love, in addition to emotional interpretation, the level of self-acceptance is important. In favorable situations, the level of self-acceptance rises, in decay, it decreases.

An important source of the formation of the image of love in a person is the experience gained in the parental home, the influence of the behavior of the father and mother.

Pessimistic model of building love according to L. Kasler: 1) the need for recognition; 2) satisfaction of sexual needs; 3) conformist reaction (so accepted). According to Kasler, love is an alloy of a set of emotions, among which the fear of losing the source of satisfaction of one's needs plays a leading role. Being in love, constructed by the constant fear of losing him, makes a person unfree, dependent and interferes with personal development. He connects the positive emotional state of a lover with a person's gratitude for satisfying his needs. Consequently, L. Kasler concludes, a free person does not experience love.

The optimistic model of love was proposed by A. Maslow. According to this model, love is characterized by the removal of anxiety, a sense of complete security and psychological comfort, satisfaction with the psychological and sexual side of relationships, which grows over the years, and the interest of loving people in each other is constantly increasing. During their life together, the partners get to know each other well, the real assessment of the spouse is combined with his complete acceptance. Maslow associates the constructive power of love with the connection of the sexual sphere with the emotional, which contributes to the fidelity of partners and the maintenance of equal relations.

Fromm distinguishes in love: - care, - responsibility, - respect for each other, - knowledge of the characteristics of the other, - a feeling of pleasure and joy.

SOURCES AND STYLES OF LOVE Love as a reflection of personal inadequacy. Z. Freud and W. Reik considered "love" as a reflected perception of their own unattained ideals in a partner. Peel draws a parallel between drug use and love (addiction to satisfaction contributes to low self-esteem). According to Kesler, "love" is a sign of a need in a healthy person, and according to Freud and Reik, "love" is not a pathology, but characterizes a neurotic personality.

There are three types of love: Eros - love according to the principle of opposites. It occurs most often, unfortunately, the strong side of the other does not add strength to the weak side. Love - envy - hate. Philia is love based on the principle of identity. Kindred souls, recognizing a friend, eventually find themselves in front of their reflection in the mirror. Static, boring. Agape is love-evolution, moving partners from opposite to identity. A fruitful, real "formula of love" leads to the harmonization of the personalities of those who love.

LOVE IS A NORMAL FEELING OF ADEQUATE PERSONALITY Studies have shown that there are three stages of "love":

J. Lee's theory of love (styles and colors of love). John Alan Lee developed his theory of "love", which is largely devoted to only sexual relationships. The most important problem for everyone, according to the author, is a meeting with a partner who would share our ideas, our opinions, our views on life. To make the right choice, the author advises to study "love", its styles-colors. Styles of love (inherent in each person's views on love) are not like the zodiac, they can change.

Having determined his style (out of eight given by the author), a person can choose the appropriate style for his partner. Matching styles ensures effective partner relationships.

RJ Sternberg's theory of love (triangular love) Robert J. Sternberg proposed his theory of love - triangular.

If we analyze all possible combinations of the above components, we get 8 subgroups that form the classification of love according to R. J. Sternberg: sympathy (only intimacy); one of the partners has only one intimate component in the absence of passion and decision/commitment; reckless love (only passion); love is an "obsession", the object of love, as a rule, is idealized; all-consuming love (time, energy, impulses are subject to passion); "... this love, to a greater extent, is a projection of the needs of the lover, and not a genuine interest"; usually asymmetrical; empty love (only a decision/commitment component); the relationship is based on the decision to love and the obligation to a loved one, in the absence of passion and intimacy; possible in the last stages in long-term relationships and in societies where marriages are ordered by tradition (the asymmetry is exacerbated by guilt); romantic love (intimacy and passion); lovers are connected by physical and sexual attraction, but there are no obligations to each other (partners rely on chance); marriage is unlikely; love in marriage (intimacy and decision/commitment); long-term friendship (some spouses look for hobbies on the side); meaningless love (passion and commitment); "extremely susceptible to destruction", passion fades, and obligations are shallow; perfect love (intimacy, passion and commitment); "Achieving perfect love can be difficult, but keeping it is even harder"; dislike (absence of all components); business relationship.

R. May's theory of love. R. May points out that in the West there are traditionally 4 types of love:

CAUSES OF NEGATIVE ATTITUDE TO SELF AND TO FAMILY LIFE David Burns gives the reasons for a negative attitude towards oneself and life, which are "destroyers" of emotional relationships. The most common among them are: 1) thinking in categories of black and white extremes; 2) a tendency to a high level of generalizations ("this always happens", "you always pester", "I will never be able to do this"); 3) the use of a negative filter, focusing on failures, mistakes and misses, constant criticism; 4) downplaying positive factors, discarding any positive; 5) the habit of making hasty conclusions, negatively interpreting events and phenomena on the basis of "mind reading" ("he definitely wanted to say by this that I was not suitable for anything . . . ") and "negative clairvoyance" ("probably nothing of this it won't work and it will get worse"); 6) application of the "inverted telescope" method: the close and accessible is underestimated, and the unattainable and distant is exaggerated; 7) perception of the world exclusively through emotions; 8) excessive enthusiasm for the words "I must" and "I must", which completely displace "I want", "I need", "I like"; 9) posting "labels" as generalized assessments of one's own or someone else's behavior, personal qualities, abilities, etc.; 10) the habit of taking responsibility for events and situations (especially those relating to loved ones) that are beyond their control.

CAUSES OF FAMILY CONFLICTS Small, often repeated quarrels are extremely dangerous for marriage. They gradually but steadily lead to a mental alienation between spouses, because as a result of the numerous critical remarks that fall on each other, each of them loses self-esteem.

The well-being of marriage largely depends on the preparedness of the spouses for it. Willingness should include not so much sex education and housekeeping skills (although both are necessary), as the ability to communicate, show delicacy, a sense of tact, a desire to listen to the interests and needs of others. Otherwise, family life has an unfavorable prognosis. As you know, a happy family life is based on the mutual love of spouses. This condition is indeed necessary, but not sufficient.

Jealousy should be mentioned as one of the causes of family conflict. Although it is considered a relic and condemned, it can nevertheless poison life greatly with jealousy.

An ideal home This is a flexible formation, like an organism, in which a reasonable balance of isolation from the world and openness to the world and people is maintained.

PREVENTION OF CONFLICTS BETWEEN SPOUSES For young wives Many sorrows and even suffering in family life are connected with the fact that the husband does not correspond to the ideal nurtured in his soul. In accordance with established ideas, most women value reliability in a man, the ability to make a decision in a difficult situation, and independence. These wonderful qualities can be identified and enhanced in any man. The strength of a woman is manifested in selflessness, dedication. Especially carefully maintain in your husband a sense of self-confidence and your indispensability in the family and at work during periods of decline and failure. In difficult times, it is harmful to focus on past miscalculations and mistakes. Only the unshakable faith of family members in the success of its head awakens the inner strength he needs to bring his undertakings to a successful end. The feeling of psychological security is determined by the constant, stable support from loved ones. Therefore, one must try courageously and cheerfully to meet various difficulties, including financial ones, without criticizing her husband for his mistakes and without comparing him with more successful men.

For young husbands This situation is very typical for men. After breaking up with their first love, they easily fall in love "rebound". When the image of the first love is destroyed, an emptiness and a large charge of emotions remain in their psyche, striving for immediate compensation. Women intuitively consider the main advantage of men to be their intelligence, logic and reliability, and men, also intuitively, are most of all fascinated by the external beauty of women. Therefore, they say that men and women love differently, men with their eyes, and women with their ears. Speaking about the causes of misunderstanding in the family, first of all, we must remember the different dominance of men and women. Studies have shown that among men, persons with the left dominant hemisphere are more common, and among women - with the right. Not understanding the behavior of women, men are convinced that "women's logic" is the absence of any logic! However, this is simply more the logic of feelings and relationships.

Useful Links Prose: Pierre de Chardin "The Phenomenon of Man" Chekhov A.P. "Darling" Daninos "Mr. Blo" Paisia: Yevgeny Baratynsky "Love" Fedor Tyutchev "I love your eyes, my friend ..." Mikhail Lermontov "First Love" Vladimir Benediktov “I love you” Alexey Apukhtin “Love” Innokenty Annensky “Two loves” Fyodor Sologub “Your love is that magic circle”, “Love is an irresistible force ...” Zinaida Gippius “Love”, “Love is one” Konstantin Balmont “First love”, “She surrendered herself without reproach” Alexander Blok “Love” Andrey Belykh “Declaration of love” Elena Tikhopoy “You deserve my love ...”. Painting: Hanna Nagel "Love" Paolo Veronese "Mars and Venus in Love" Marc Chagall "The Lovers" Edward Burne-Jones "The Tree of Forgiveness" Edward Henry Corboult "The Lovers" Jacques-Louis David "Cupid and Psyche" Francois Boucher "Callisto and Jupiter" , "Hercules and Omphala" John William Harvard "Loves, does not love" Andreotti F. "Love letter" Tulmush O. "Note" Svedomsky P. A. "Messalina"

Prepared by a student of the Faculty of Preschool Education and Practical Psychology Department of Practical Psychology Group 3 PP Redko Ksenia Sergeevna G. Slavyansk 2014

The concept of "love" is one of the few words that express an almost absolute abstraction (along with "truth", "god", etc.). A person seeks love and runs away from it at the same time. So, apparently, love reveals to a person his essence, which distinguishes him from others.

Each person loves in his own way, and perhaps it is the ability to love that makes a person a person and a person different from other people.

The basis of all types of human love, as if the deepest axis of its feelings, is the attitude towards another person as towards oneself: a state of mind when everything in it is as dear to the subconscious as he is.

Modern concepts that explain the mechanisms of the emergence of love take physiological attraction as the starting point. Romantic love is interpreted as a strong excitement, which can be the result of anything, but often coexists with danger, death, fear. The tendency to interpret may be greater than the excitement itself. Romantic love is fickle and unstable, as 1) the causes of excitement in everyday situations quickly disappear; 2) associated with the constant experience of strong (both positive and negative) emotions, from which they quickly get tired; 3) is focused on a stable idealization of a partner, in which a real person becomes a phantom.

In love, in addition to emotional interpretation, the level of self-acceptance is important. In favorable situations, the level of self-acceptance rises, in decay, it decreases.

An important source of the formation of the image of love in a person is the experience gained in the parental home, the influence of the behavior of the father and mother, since the image of love is not limited to ideas about how to behave during sexual intercourse, but is largely determined by the learned way of communicating in life together with others. people. A person who grew up in an atmosphere of authoritarianism and despotism will seek the sexual precisely with these traumatic traits. On the contrary, excessive guardianship of parents will form the future infantile man and woman.

The pessimistic model was proposed by L. Kasler. He identifies three reasons that make a person fall in love: 1) the need for recognition; 2) satisfaction of sexual needs; 3) conformist reaction (so accepted). According to Kasler, love is an alloy of a set of emotions, among which the leading role is played by the fear of losing the source of satisfaction of one's needs. Being in love, constructed by the constant fear of losing him, makes a person unfree, dependent and interferes with personal development. He connects the positive emotional state of a lover with a person's gratitude for satisfying his needs. Consequently, L. Kasler concludes, a free person does not experience love.

The optimistic model of love was proposed by A. Maslow. According to this model, love is characterized by the removal of anxiety, a sense of complete security and psychological comfort, satisfaction with the psychological and sexual side of relationships, which grows over the years, and the interest of loving people in each other is constantly increasing. During their life together, the partners get to know each other well, the real assessment of the spouse is combined with his complete acceptance. Maslow associates the constructive power of love with the connection of the sexual sphere with the emotional, which contributes to the fidelity of partners and the maintenance of equal relations.

J. S. Kon gives a typology of love by D. A. Lee, the experimental justification of which was carried out by K. Hendrik:

1. eros - passionate love-hobby;

2. ludus - hedonistic love-game with betrayals;

3. storge - love-friendship;

4. mania - love-obsession with uncertainty and dependence;

6. agape - selfless love-self-giving.

E. Fromm distinguishes 5 types of love: brotherly, maternal, erotic, love for oneself and love for God. He highlights in love: care, responsibility, respect for each other, knowledge of the characteristics of the other, an indispensable feeling of pleasure and joy for love.

R. Hatiss highlights in love respect, positive feelings for a partner, erotic feelings, the need for positive feelings of a partner, a sense of intimacy and intimacy. He also includes here the feeling of hostility, which stems from too short a distance between partners and emotional closeness.

According to Z. Rubin, love contains affection, care and intimacy.

V. Solovyov describes love descending, ascending and equal. He sees the grounds for such a representation in the ratio of the contributions of each partner to emotional relationships. Equal love implies the equality of the emotional contribution to that which comes in return. Sources and styles of love

Love as a reflection of personal inadequacy. So, some authors (Kesler, Freud, Martinson, Reik) have tried to describe the need for love as a sign of inadequacy. Z. Freud and W. Reik considered "love" as a reflected perception of their own unattained ideals in a partner. Peel draws a parallel between drug use and love (addiction to satisfaction contributes to low self-esteem). According to Kesler, "love" is a sign of a need in a healthy person, and according to Freud and Reik, "love" is not a pathology, but characterizes a neurotic personality. Thus, the dependence of clients of psychotherapists on their partners shows that "inadequate personalities are more dependent on love in order to survive psychologically."

Theory of love A. Afanasyev. "Love" is a special state of euphoria, caused by the illusion of finding "happiness" in a pair with a subject endowed sufficiently with those mental properties that are lacking. The author substantiated his idea of ​​the internal architecture of a person, consisting of four mental modules or functions: Emotions (“soul”), Logic (“mind”), Physics (“body”) and Will (“spirit”). This set of functions is inherent in all people, but it forms a hierarchy in the personality, which determines the difference between people.

There are three types of love:

Eros is love based on the principle of opposites. It occurs most often, unfortunately, the strong side of the other does not add strength to the weak side. Love - envy - hate.

Philia is love based on the principle of identity. Kindred souls, recognizing each other, eventually find themselves in front of their reflection in the mirror. Static, boring.

Agape is love-evolution, moving partners from opposite to identity. A fruitful, real "formula of love" leads to the harmonization of the personalities of those who love.

Love is a normal feeling of an adequate personality. However, for most psychologists, "love" is a completely normal feeling of an adequate personality. Winch attributes this phenomenon to upbringing. Greenfield believes that "love" is "a behavioral complex whose function is to control individuals" in society, to fulfill a certain social role ("husband-father", "wife-mother"). According to Walster, "love" is explained by strong physiological arousal. Love can also come from non-sexual stimuli (darkness, danger, etc.).

Theory of love by V. I. Mustein. According to V. I. Mustein, the concept of “love” includes many characteristics, such as altruism, intimacy, admiration, respect, participation, trust, consent, pride. Each characteristic can also be classified according to the way of expression: a) feeling, b) attitude, c) behavior, d) common sense. However, none of them is the leading criterion for the definition of "love". According to V. I. Mustein, the studies carried out speak of three stages of “love”: a) passionate love; b) romantic; c) conjugal love.

J. Lee's theory of love (styles and colors of love). John Alan Lee developed his theory of "love", which is largely devoted only to sexual relations. The most important problem for everyone, according to the author, is a meeting with a partner who would share our ideas, our opinions, our views on life. To make the right choice, the author advises to study "love", its styles and colors. Styles of love (inherent in each person's views on love) are not like the zodiac, they can change. Let us dwell on the characteristics of each style separately.

Eros. Erotic style always starts with a strong physical attraction. The lover perceives the partner as ideal and does not notice his shortcomings. It is the adherents of this style who fall in love at first sight.

Storge. This style of love arises among people living in the neighborhood, then they sympathize with each other and decide not to part and start a family. Such lovers do not spend much time looking into each other's eyes, and it is difficult for them to say without embarrassment: "I love you."

Ludus. Adherents of this style of love do not dedicate their lives to one partner. They are vagabonds, collectors of love experiences. Humanistic love is love without promises.

However, the main styles, combined with each other, give secondary colors of love:

Mania. This is a very controversial love, which is formed as a result of the combination of Eros and Ludus. A lover of this style is more likely to be loved or demand love from a partner than love himself. He is often dependent on the object of his affection, lacks self-confidence and therefore has a weak position. Some call this style "crazy love."

Pragma. It is rather a conscious love that is formed in the combination of Ludus and Storge. A partner of this style chooses a beloved of one religion, social origin, even taking into account a hobby. The search for such a partner is a kind of sorting. The quality of a partner is thought through in advance, then a candidate is selected for these qualities and evaluated with incredible care. The pragmatic lover often discusses his choice with his parents or friends.

Agape or caritas is the selfless love of a person who is ready for self-sacrifice. This style is a combination of Eros and Storge. Such a lover feels an obligation to take care of his beloved, but his relationship is similar to that of a person who needs something. If such a lover decides that his partner will be better off with another, even with a rival, he or she refuses to love.

human eros. Lovers of this style are satisfied with life and confidently cope with problems, do not want love experiences, do not have deep feelings, but are able to help their partner enjoy love and end the relationship if they do not experience pleasure.

Storgic people. Lovers of this style see their lives as a long list of love stories; usually have a spouse; prudent, restrained, do not express their feelings and emotions, are not dreamy; spend time with a partner without disturbing the normal course of life, if the relationship is mutually convenient; do not tolerate scenes of jealousy.

R. J. Sternberg's theory of love (triangular love). The three tops are:

intimate component (having a close relationship): a desire to improve the well-being of a loved one, a feeling of happiness with a loved one, deep respect for a loved one, the ability to count on a loved one when necessary, mutual understanding, the ability to share one's property with a loved one, receiving and giving spiritual support , sexual relations, the significance of a loved one in life;