How to refuse a person so as not to offend. When and how polite opt-out forms are used

In today's world, the ability to refuse is valuable, as is the ability to come to the rescue. Having once agreed that it is unpleasant or undesirable to do, a person runs the risk that he will be bothered to fulfill this request repeatedly.

Those who are not ready to make a return gesture will seek help without remorse.

It happens that a person, having a trouble-free comrade nearby, constantly shifts part of his obligations to him. Not everyone can say “no” culturally and competently. Consider the basic phrases that help politely refuse a person without offending him:

outright refusal. The method will become an effective refusal of a request to an annoying friend. You should not look for excuses for not fulfilling the request - this will cause doubt in the asker.
Sympathetic rejection. This type is suitable for people seeking a feeling of regret with their requests. It would seem that it is impossible to get past the situation, but even here there will be an option to delicately reject the request, saying "I'm sorry, but I can't help."
Delayed Rejection. The option will come in handy for people who absolutely cannot say “no”. If for a person, refusal is considered a whole drama, we suggest postponing it for a while.
The answers “I need to consult”, “I will give an answer later, when I return from vacation” can be beautifully refused to arrogant interlocutors.
Reasonable Refusal. The essence of this method is to announce the real reason. For example, it is necessary to go to the cinema with the child, go to the country to the mother, attend a solemn event.
This type is suitable for refusing to meet, while for persuasiveness it is desirable to name 2-3 reasons.
Diplomatic refusal. The method is suitable for polite, reserved people who offer an alternative in return. Correctly refuse with the phrase "I can not help, but I have a friend who deals with this issue."
Compromise refusal. Suitable for people who always help those who ask. Properly offering a compromise, you can turn the situation in your favor.
If the interlocutor asks to sit with the child all day, answer: “I can sit with the baby, but only from 12 to 17 hours, due to the fact that I already have things planned.”

Know that you can't say no to everyone. There will always be people who need the help and location of outsiders. Therefore, it is important to distinguish between those who really need help and those who simply want to shift their circumstances onto the shoulders of another person.

Options for different situations

Quite often it happens that a person has to do what he does not want to do. Situations surround people all the time: colleagues, boss, relatives, children, friends. In such a case, it is important to show confidence, while remaining in a good relationship.

Note! The most common request is for money. Having loaned funds to a person once, you can expect that he will come with a request again.

Psychologists agree that constant reliability is fraught with stress, headaches, and insomnia. The main problem of such people is the reduction of time to satisfy their own needs, as well as the inability to live a personal life, to fulfill their dreams.

Askers appear from everywhere, they cannot be refused or offended, so you have to agree. Consider possible situations and their solutions.

Situation	Decision
Colleague asks for help	Explain to the obsessive employee that employees in the company have a range of their jobs, and doing other things will result in wasted time
Refusal to an unfamiliar person asking for a visit	Justify the refusal, in the absence of a priority of communication with a newly-made interlocutor, feel free to say a categorical “no”
Negative response to relatives	Explain to parents or other family members that your own life has needs
Refusal of requests to superiors	Refer to the employment contract if the assigned obligations exceed their due number
Asking for money	Explain the reason for the refusal, and also formulate the correct answer, for example: “I cannot borrow money because I plan to spend a lot of money”

Saying "no" to an obsessive stranger is easy - in this case, the need to value communication, authority or one's position disappears. Another thing is to give a negative answer to those with whom you don’t want discord in a relationship. When forming your opt-out, pay attention to the following undesirable actions:

Do not look at the interlocutor and speak incomprehensible phrases. Then the opponent will get the impression that the person refuses, looking for all sorts of excuses for refusal.
Constantly apologize. If, after a negative answer, remorse will torment you, you should not show this to your interlocutor. So you will contribute to his conclusions about guilt.
Talk too much. Such a move may arouse suspicion that a person is being deceived, trying to tell him a lie.
Operate with a large number of arguments. Maximum - 2 reasons for refusal, otherwise it will give the impression that other arguments were thought out on the go.
Promise too good an alternative. Rid your opponent of false hope. If a good alternative is not expected, it is better to refuse immediately.

There is always the option of partial refusal - a good way if you do not want to spoil your relationship with a person. It implies putting forward its own conditions, which the opponent must accept in order to reach a consensus.

Important! Do not promise a person golden options if you cannot fulfill the request - this will worsen your reputation, bring discord in communication, spoil your authority.

A correct, polite refusal is the key to a long-term calm relationship. Learn to do it right and only when you really can't help the person.

Useful video

Why it's so hard to say "no" to people - the main reasons

It is often more difficult to say “no” in family relationships. We are afraid that we will be considered too rude, we are afraid that a child or a close relative will stop communicating with you. These and many other fears push us to make concessions and agree to fulfill the request of our neighbor.
We are afraid of losing opportunities. Sometimes it seems to a person that if he says “no”, he will forever lose what he has. This fear is often present in the team. For example, if a guy wants to be transferred to another department, but he does not want to do this. He, of course, will agree for fear of being fired in the future. There are many similar examples, and each of us sooner or later encounters a similar one. In this regard, now many are concerned about the question of how to learn to say no.
Another reason for our frequent agreement is our kindness. Yes Yes! It is the constant desire to help everyone and everyone that makes us sympathize and agree to this or that request. It’s hard to get away from this, because real kindness is considered almost a treasure in our time, but few people understand how difficult it is for such people to live. If you are one of them, don't worry! We will tell you how to say no correctly without offending anyone.
Another cause of the problem is the fear of being alone. because you have a different opinion. This feeling drives us when, having our own opinion, we still join the majority. This entails an inevitable consent against our will.
In conditions of constant stress, modern people develop a fear of conflict. It means that we are afraid that if we refuse, the opponent will become angry. Of course, this is not always easy, but this is not a reason to agree with everything. You should always be able to defend your point of view and your opinion.
Neither of us wants to destroy relationships because of our refusal. even if they were friendly. Some people may perceive the word "no" as an absolute rejection, which often leads to the complete end of any relationship. You always need to be aware of how important this person is to you, and what exactly you are capable of doing for him. Perhaps, in such a situation, this will be the main factor influencing your consent or refusal.

Why does each of us need to learn how to refuse and say no?

However, before delving into the methods of dealing with this problem, everyone needs to understand why sometimes you have to give up.
In fact, not everyone understands that reliability can lead to negative results. The point is that more and more unfailing people are classified as weak-willed and all because they don't have the courage to say no. You must be aware that in this way you cannot win trust or respect. Most likely, the people around you will eventually begin to take advantage of your gentleness.
Despite the fact that there is now a lot of literature on the topic of how to learn to say no to people, not everyone wants to deal with it. And, if you still found the time to read this article, it means that you are already starting to deal with it! Of course, no one says that the word “no” should be used often, since we all understand that if you use it often, you can easily remain alone and unnecessary to anyone. Moreover, by saying a refusal, internally we are already preparing for a negative reaction from the opponent.
To feel like a whole person you need to find balance in your life . Everything should be in moderation so that neither your principles nor the principles of others suffer. Undoubtedly, you need to help, but you always need to analyze the situation and act according to the conclusions. Most likely, the common phrase: “Know how to say no!” familiar to all of us. These words sit in our memory, but they will not begin to work until we ourselves realize the need for this.
If we analyze our behavior and thoughts at the moment when a similar situation arises, then each of us will understand that before giving an answer to the interlocutor, we little weighing all the pros and cons . Sometimes we agree to this or that service contrary to ourselves and our plans. And as a result, only our interlocutor “wins”. Let's see why it is so difficult for us sometimes to provide.

7 Best Ways to Learn to Say No - So What's the Right Way to Say No?

Let's look at the main ways to learn to refuse people:

Each of us sets barriers for ourselves that prevent us from speaking directly. Most often, the asking person does not want to be deceived, he wants to hear a direct answer - yes or no. We can all understand how to say no to people, but this method is the simplest, most understandable and effective.

Now we are learning to say no together!

We all have times in our lives where we just need to say “no”. But for some reason, instead of refusing, we begin to wrinkle and pinch, and as a result, we say such a hated “OK, I’ll try.”

After this, endless worries and remorse begin, because it is often impossible to keep a promise, and you have to come up with more and more new excuses.

What's wrong

What happens to us at the moment when, during a conversation, the heart suddenly stops anxiously, and we do not dare to utter a simple short word, fearing to offend the interlocutor?

“The ability to say “no” is also a certain skill. If there are any problems, and a person cannot refuse, you need to figure it out and understand how this stopper arises, ”says Natalya Olentsova, image maker, head of the Academy of Successful Women.

Often we find ourselves in a situation where it seems that after the rejection they will think badly of us. Hence this self-doubt arises, the fear of seeming rude or unresponsive. But overcoming this problem is easy if you follow certain rules.

View from the outside

Let's try to look at the situation from the outside. Other people seem to find it easy to say “no” to us. It is to such interlocutors that you need to pay attention.

“Look how other people do it. They refuse you, explaining that it is inconvenient for them. But this does not mean at all that they do not want to help you, ”says Natalya Olentsova.

Imagination game

Let's play one simple game. Only now you need to imagine yourself in the place of a person who can easily refuse. We imagine that our character is all right with self-esteem. How would he act in this situation? How would he say no? We boldly reproduce what we have just “heard”.

Secret words

It would also be nice to have our own imaginary dictionary of the very expressions that we are going to refuse. We often get emotional and can either overreact or reluctantly agree. There are clear language that allows you to refuse gracefully.

“I would love to help you, but I can’t. I already have my own plans and things to do. It sounds quite soft and dignified, ”the image maker gives an example.

without haste

We are not in a hurry to answer sharply “no” until we have listened to the interlocutor. You should always watch yourself and be able to take breaks.

“Do not blurt out something right away, but understand what you feel, what you want to do in response to a request,” Natalya advises, “then remember that very worthy woman and refuse with dignity.”

Confident persistence

If we nevertheless decided and were able to refuse, it is likely that we will have to repeat our “no” again. The interlocutor can do all sorts of tricks and come up with new ways to convince us that we should help him. But the second time, as a rule, it is already easier to refuse. The main thing is not to make excuses, but to repeat the secret words firmly and confidently.

This article will tell you in an accessible form how decisively, but at the same time competently, accurately and politely refuse a person asking you for a favor...

Not so long ago I watched the movie with Jim Carrey "Yes Man" (2008 release). The plot revolved around the idea that you need to overpower yourself, say “Yes” to everyone, and everything will be like this -

But in practice, it seems to me, the problem is exactly the opposite - for many people, the mere thought that someone will have to REFUSE becomes uncomfortable. They constantly joke that, they say, “it’s easier to give up than to explain why“ no ”, etc.

In fact, this skill can be mastered. But even more than that, I’ll say that it IS NECESSARY to master it, because if you don’t know how to say “no”, then you will NEVER become a truly free person, fully realize yourself, do what YOU, AND NOT OTHERS, need. You will be doomed to do what DOES NOT concern you, while being angry at others and at yourself, repeating the cherished words of all the compromisers like a mantra: “well, this is definitely the last time ...”

So, let's stop being trouble-free "like a Mosin rifle of 1891" - here are 6 fairly simple ways to STRONGLY, CONvincingly and DEFINITELY, but at the same time POLITE, TACTICALLY, and WITHOUT VIOLENCE OVER YOURSELF, say "NO":

METHOD ONE - DIRECTLY "NO"

The first thing that comes to mind is to directly say “NO” to the interlocutor and explain the reason for the refusal.

In fact, "explaining" is not necessary at all. If you stand and come up with the “true reason for the refusal”, then this will be immediately obvious - your behavior will look insincere and far-fetched ...

Maybe it's better to just say "no", without writing and lying on the go? A direct, simple “no” is quite self-sufficient, convincing and understandable.

Try this recipe - just don't add anything to your rejection.

Of course, you don't have to be rude. You can use mild terms:

If this is not enough for your interlocutor, he begins to resort to various manipulations, tricks, then you can try to apply the so-called “DAMAGED RECORD TECHNIQUE”, the essence of which is to repeat the same phrase several times - in our case, a short refusal :

Under no circumstances should you respond to provocations! They must be patiently listened to and waited out. Even if one form of “persuasion” replaces another, you cannot ask questions, clarify or object to anything - just listen silently and repeat your “no!”

The considered technique is especially effective in relation to assertive and / or aggressive people, as it deprives them of the opportunity to apply their strength, and, consequently, the opportunity to persuade them further.

METHOD TWO - EMpathetic "NO"

Here is the “softest” answer to the question “ How to politely refuse a person?”, the main principle of which is thoughtful, attentive listening to the interlocutor. You need to show that you understand his problems with all your heart, you sympathize. But at the end - add your refusal to fulfill the request.

You can use the following opt-out options:

At the same time, the reason for the refusal can also be left out, especially if your compassion looks convincing enough.

This trick is especially effective with people who want to arouse pity, play on your feelings. And, of course, for those who just wanted attention, sympathy and support...

METHOD THREE - A REASONABLE "NO"

If there is a sufficiently weighty reason for your refusal, then, of course, you can voice it. In this case, you don’t need to be smart - just use this elementary formula: “I can’t do this, because ... (the reason is given below)”

You can also use special refusal methods, for example, the “three reasons” method. The formula of this rather weighty and convincing technique is: “Sorry, but I can’t do this for three reasons ... (these reasons are voiced further)”

The main thing in this technique is not to spray on unnecessary details. It is important that the interlocutor does not get lost in your arguments and captures the very essence of your message.

You can use this technique in both informal and formal settings. It will be especially appropriate in communication with your bosses, older people, etc.

METHOD FOUR - DELAYED "NO"

If the methods described above are too decisive for you, if you are used to automatically agreeing with everything and have completely forgotten how to refuse, the DELAY ANSWER method may suit you. So you will gain time, you can turn to other people for advice how to politely say no to someone etc.

This technique is also well suited for those who are heavily loaded with work (and, accordingly, cannot correctly assess their labor reserves), who doubt themselves excessively, their actions, as well as those who are accustomed to constantly and carefully analyze all their actions.

The essence of the technique is to ask for time to consider the request:

Thus, the soul will not have to bend. You just need to ask for some time out, which will protect you from a lot of rash decisions. Just try not to leave "opponent of maneuver" space for further discussion at this point in time!

Such techniques work great with persistent, assertive people who absolutely do not tolerate any objections.

FIFTH METHOD - "NO" BY 50% or COMPROMISE "NO"

Sometimes you would agree to help your interlocutor, but not 100%, right? Then you can offer him to negotiate the terms. But here it is important to be extremely precise - what you will do and what not:

In the event that your opponent is not satisfied with the conditions, then you can safely refuse to help!

METHOD SIX - "NO" IN SMALL OR DIPLOMATIC "NO"

Sometimes you just need to invite your interlocutor to the negotiations. Then it will be convenient to refuse him on certain positions, and it will be much easier to find a mutually acceptable option.

This technique is suitable when you do not have a ready-made solution to the problem, and you would like to find it together: “Come on, I will try to help you in a different way? How - I have not decided yet ... Let's think together?

You can also invite a third party (specialist, expert, your friend and ally) to cooperate ...

HOW TO LEARN THESE TECHNIQUES?

As you can see, if you need politely refuse a person- there are plenty to choose from. But just reading this material is not enough.

Therefore, put them into practice as often as possible so that these useful skills simply become a habit!

The Spanish philosopher Gracian Baltasar once said that "he who belongs to everyone cannot belong to himself."

Think about it. And understand that it is vital to develop the skill described above, since any request cannot be answered in the affirmative - because this WILL LEAD YOU TO A SITUATION in which WILL NOT BE SATISFIED WITH YOUR ACTIONS NONE ! Do you need it?

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