"The most important component in the formula for success is the ability to find a common language with people"
Theodore Roosevelt

We all know what role the ability to communicate with people plays in our daily life, how important it is to have effective communication skills in various situations and in establishing contact with different categories of people.

Any communication process includes a verbal and non-verbal component. In the first case, speech is used to communicate, and in the second, we are helped to communicate. Have you thought about what is the most significant difference between a person and other living beings? This is the ability to interact through verbal communication.

With such a richness as speech, yet most people have difficulty in establishing quality contact with other people. Social psychology and personality psychology have accumulated a huge knowledge base about styles, barriers, communication mechanisms, which became the basis for creating effective ways of communication. We learn how to successfully communicate with people with the help of effective exercises and the advice of a psychologist, which you will find in this article.

If you want to find a specific answer to the question of how to communicate with people, carefully study the advice of a psychologist below. They will help you understand how psychology offers to establish positive contact, as well as understand what mistakes you should not make in communication.

• Get over your subjectivity. It is important for you to realize that each of us has an individual picture of the world. It is formed under the influence of personal life experience, which we receive from the outside world with the help of the senses. Each of us interprets all events based on our own views and beliefs. Consider this fact in a conversation, try to consider the topic of conversation from different points of view.
• Talk less, listen more. Statistical studies show that most people like to talk much more with a person who pays more attention to the interlocutor, and not to himself. Showing a sincere interest in the thoughts and feelings of another in a conversation, you gain his favor. You can be sure that this person will show a reciprocal interest in you in the future.
• Ask open-ended questions. Try to ask more questions that do not require a simple one-word answer, but give the interlocutor the opportunity to express their opinion. For example, instead of asking "Do you like this movie?" ask "What movies do you like?". Open questions will help to establish contact with a stranger in situations where, for various reasons, it is difficult to find a “common language”.
• Show that you can be trusted. One of the most powerful rules for effective communication is to make eye contact during a conversation. Looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, you let him understand and feel your interest and honesty. If you avoid direct eye contact or constantly lower your eyes, then the person regards this as a signal of insecurity or lies.
• Favorite sound is the sound of one's own name. An important element of effective communication psychology calls addressing the interlocutor by name. The name carries a strong energy charge, is an element of self-identification. Addressing a person by name, you increase his self-esteem and dispose to a more trusting relationship. If appropriate, you can use the name in a diminutive form. It is much more pleasant to hear “Helen, do you know…?” instead of the usual "dry" question.
• Expand your horizons. A comprehensively developed person with a wide range of interests and deep knowledge in various fields is much easier to establish positive contact with people of different worldviews and professional orientations. This is especially true for people who, by virtue of their activities, face a large number of different people.
• Relax and trust the interlocutor. Many people are held back in building trust by constant self-control or the desire to impress. The well-known rule “be yourself” has not been canceled, so in the process of interacting with other people, try to switch your attention to the interlocutor and his thoughts.
• Concentrate on the conversation. During a conversation, do not perform any other actions in parallel: do not write in a notebook, do not watch TV. Your interlocutor will definitely notice this and think that he is indifferent to you and regard your behavior as a hint to end the conversation.

Exercise "Learning to mute projections"

Professional psychology uses the term "projection" when a person tries to attribute to other people the qualities inherent in himself. For example, you love the attention of other people, try to make a good impression. At the same time, you can consider that everyone is trying to do everything in order to "show off" in front of others.

All these are stereotypes that arise from the inability to consider the situation from different points of view and deeply understand other people.

Projections cannot be completely suppressed, but they can be muted. Every time you feel like you are "imposing" your point of view, or in your conclusions proceed only from your own vision, try to engage in a comprehensive analysis of the personality of another. This will help you better understand his motives and desires. We learn to analyze personality according to the following scheme:

Character:

• individual character traits, their manifestation;
• attitude to career, work and money;

Capabilities:

• Creative skills;
• intellectual level;
• technical ability;

Volitional qualities:

• persistence;
• purposefulness;
• feeling of inner freedom.

Interests:

• common interests;
• hobby;
• destructive tendencies.

Moral qualities:

• attitude towards other people;
• the ability to love and empathize;
• whether it contributes to society through its activities.

Exercise "Overcome Communication Barriers"

Often in communication we experience a sense of alienation and are faced with “stagnation”, when we simply do not know what to talk about with a particular person. All these troubles are often associated with a fear of communication. It is a product of the fear of being rejected and misunderstood.

Especially often this is faced by people who lead, and they need to communicate with different people every day. But the more you expand your circle of acquaintances, the faster the understanding comes that these are empty fears.

Set a goal during the day to communicate with 15 different people through different ways of communication:

• with 4 people - by phone;
• with 4 people - using Skype (with webcam);
• with 5 strangers - in a store or on the street;
• with 2 close people about something very important.

During this exercise, use the advice of a psychologist that you have already studied. This will help you realize that a common language can be found with any person if you master the principles of effective communication.

More tips for effective communication.

You will need

• 1. Own path from isolation to an active life position
• 2. Positive type of thinking
• 3. Formed life guidelines
• 4. Meeting people of different nationalities and religions
• 5. The ability to feel people from the first minutes of meeting

Instruction

The ability to find a common language with people who, as it seems to have nothing to do with us, is one given by nature, but this is an important skill for life. After all, you must admit that even our best friends once seemed to us to some extent strangers.

First, adopt a mindset that makes it easier to get along with other people. Be willing to focus on others, to be interested in their thoughts, needs, hopes, joys, sorrows, etc. In short, you need to get out of your world, be open and friendly.

Be ready to take the lead. Don't be afraid to meet people first. Do not expect that some conditions will be created for this to happen, but be able to create them yourself. Pay attention to how easy and at ease the children are with each other.

Learn to see the good in every person. Don't look at his skin color, social status, etc. The real treasure in any person is the possession of self-respect and high moral character.

Talk to the person about topics that can bring you together. So, people are often united by past experience or, conversely, a look at the future. In addition, you can always talk about sports, hometown, country, culture, customs, etc. People are also often united by work, hobbies, mutual friends.

In any situation, remain confident, calm, open. Be sure that any person will be glad to meet you. All people are different, but this difference can sometimes unite. Learn to feel other people, connect with them on an emotional level. It will also help you be confident in any situation.

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note

Don't cross the line between friendliness and flattery. Remember that it is impossible to please everyone. Maintain your dignity in any situation.

Helpful advice

Manage your thoughts. This is the first thing to learn. This skill will allow not only to easily find acquaintances, but also to live easily and joyfully.

Sources:

• The article talks about how to position a person towards yourself, how to address another person, what topics to discuss, etc.
• how to get along with people

In the world of people, relationships are sometimes very, very difficult. Constant communication with different people- pleasant and unpleasant for us - cause fatigue and stress. to get along with everyone without exception, so that interaction with society does not lead to nervous strain or depression, it is worth understanding for yourself as early as possible.

Instruction

Understand the reasons behind people's behavior. In other words, you should not draw certain conclusions about people based on how they behave in any particular situation. Maybe a person is rude because he grew up without parents and did not receive proper education, or he has a deep spiritual wound, or maybe problems. Do not take rudeness close to and do not respond to it with rudeness.

React calmly to people. To get along with people, you do not need to divide them into good and bad. We, everyone has their own habits, their own demeanor. Goodwill is what draws people to you. If, due to circumstances, you are forced to communicate with a person who is extremely unpleasant for you, regard this communication as a certain life stage that you need to go through. You can even wrap everything in a game for yourself. Think first of all about the results of this communication.

Watch your speech and your behavior. Often people's negative reactions are simply caused by your own behavior. Do not take out negative emotions and irritation on people. Watch how and what you say. Your speech must be motivated. Avoid swearing and raising your tone when speaking. You can get out of any conflict situation without shouting and. Instead of quarreling, you can agree. Look the person in the eye while talking. This is a good psychological technique when dealing with people, which disposes the interlocutor to you.

Know how to find good traits. Good qualities of character, as it is not surprising, are also in people who are extremely unpleasant for you. If there are such people in your environment, and at the same time communication with them is inevitable, think about what is good about them. Look at these people with different eyes. Surely, the qualities that annoy you so much in these people are in you to some extent. Sometimes we ourselves create a negative image in our imagination, although, in fact, it is far from reality.

Sources:

• Lots of helpful tips.

Why do some people have many friends while others have few? Because not all relationships develop into friendships, but only those based on sincerity, mutual respect, and the ability to help in difficult times. To have many friends, you need to be able to find common ground with people. language.

Instruction

Be sincere. Falsity and pretense will not endear you to people. Do not try to seem better to your friends than you really are. With closer communication, everything that you are trying to hide and embellish will come out. Sincerity and naturalness attracts people.

Don't envy your friends. Envy is a black feeling that corrodes a person from the inside. Very often envy arises regardless of your will. Get rid of it. Envying someone is pointless, especially friends. Every person has ups and downs. If you think about it carefully, then yours also has many beautiful and joyful moments that you can envy.

Show sincere interest in the life of a friend, be interested in his problems, the health of his loved ones. So the person will know that he is dear to you and interesting.

Show a new friend that you value friendship with him. It will be easy to find a common language if a potential friend sees what is important to you.

Look for common interests with friends, spend more time in their company. Then the friendship will be strong, and the problem of communication will disappear by itself.

A sociable person has an easier life than an individual who has difficulty communicating. If you want to be able to find contact with others, you should know a few tricks.

Be a good conversationalist

Make it easy to communicate with you. When talking, try not to deviate from the topic and state the essence first of all. Your habit of lengthy narratives can cause others to shun you, and here there can be no talk of any effective communications.

Be open and as honest as possible. Don't lie or make false promises. Otherwise, your insincerity and insecurity will alienate others. Remember that a benevolent person is more likely to win over others. Therefore, it is important to compliment others and smile more often.

Find an approach

To find the key to another person, it is important to have a sincere interest in him. To do this, find in your friend something good, outstanding, worthy of attention and admiration.

Learn to listen. Oddly enough, this quality is useful to someone who wants to establish contact with someone, more than the talent to speak beautifully. Keep eye contact while talking. But not too strong. Otherwise, a person may feel uncomfortable from your gaze. It is also not necessary to look away all the time, because this can offend an individual.

Use points of contact to evoke sympathy in a person. If you listened well to him, you could already determine what topic might become common to you. When you can’t immediately find a lead for a conversation, you can ask a few questions about the life of your interlocutor.

Be sensitive

Despite your possession of communication skills, a person may not make contact. You don't have to blame yourself for this. After all, humans are not robots. They are simply not in a position to communicate. In this case, it is important not to impose your communication. If you see that a person does not support the conversation and reluctantly answers your questions, leave him alone.

Perhaps your tact will cause respect from your new acquaintance, and your next meeting will be more effective. Understand that some individuals need more time to look closely at a person and make some kind of contact with him.

mirroring

The success of communication on a non-verbal level, that is, through posture, facial expressions and gestures, is also of great importance in the process of establishing contact. Learn to adapt to a person at the first stages of your acquaintance, and you will quickly find a common language with him.

Try to copy his pose a little, just make it not too noticeable. You can turn in the same direction or position the toes of your boots in the same way as your interlocutor. Try to match the pace of the individual's speech. If you speak as quickly or slowly as he does, the interlocutor will feel comfortable talking to you.

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Any person from time to time has to worry about how he looks in the eyes of others. Someone - fitting into a new company, others - joining the team or getting to know relatives of the second half.

First of all, when entering a new circle of people, do not worry too much. You should not set yourself up for a negative result in advance and think that everyone and everyone will examine you. After all, you still do not know how you will be received, so why expect a cold reception in advance? If you feel that you are not confident in yourself and are very worried, work on your self-esteem in advance.

Take care of the first impression. They meet, as you know, by clothes, which means that it is important to take this rule into account. If you are going to an interview, think about the dress code in advance. When you go out on your first day at work, also think about clothes: if the company where you got a job has a strict dress code, you will look defiant in jeans, and if, on the contrary, a free style and conducive to easy communication is adopted, defiant ones will already turn out to be your formal blouse or tight tie. The same should be taken into account for those who are worried before an important meeting with parents or friends of the second half.

Don't fit in with those around you. Having taken care of your appearance and that you are "accepted as one of your own", remember that you are a new person. You may not be accepted right away, and there is nothing wrong with that. You should not build yourself into your boyfriend or best friend of everyone around: this may seem strange. But after waiting for some time, you yourself will feel like your own person, to whom you are accustomed and whom you have accepted.

Choose a topic for conversation. Try to find out how your strangers feel about music, politics, cinema. What is better not to talk about, and what they consider inappropriate - the latter is especially important when you choose a topic for the first conversation.

Use the "echo" technique. Its essence is very simple - try to unobtrusively repeat the pose of the interlocutor, copy a couple of his gestures, just make sure that it does not look like you are trying to imitate the person with whom you are talking. Notice the speaker's key words and then use them to respond. This behavior is subconsciously endearing - you make it clear that you share the point of view of the person with whom you are talking.

Say nice things. No, fawning, of course, is not worth it. But if you liked your colleague's hairstyle or her manicure, and your future husband's mother cooks well, why not give a compliment? It costs you nothing, and your interlocutor will be pleased to hear sincere words.

Don't gossip. Even if it's accepted and you want to "fit in" - beware. It's better not to talk about people in the third person.

Expand your horizons. Make it a rule to learn something new every day, in the most unexpected areas. Even if it seems to you that this advice has nothing to do with your problem, try it anyway. By diversifying topics for conversation, in any case, you will only win.

Keep what you promise. So your word will gain weight, you will demonstrate that you are a reliable person who can be relied upon and trusted.

Be mindful of sign language. A stooped back, a “closed” posture, arms crossed on your chest - all this makes it clear that you are not confident in yourself, fenced off from the interlocutor, or even want to end the conversation at all. If you are afraid to look cheeky, rehearse in front of a mirror.

Finally, don't be afraid of trouble. This attitude can literally program yourself for failure. And then, instead of communicating with pleasure, you will have to think how to get rid of the negative program. We wish you good luck, mutual understanding, and don't forget to press the buttons and

I could never find a common language with my parents, and in general, to be honest, with people. Well, of course - you can talk about the weather with friends and with unfamiliar people. But when I start to decide something, even some trifle, especially with close people, everything goes awry. Either I speak incomprehensibly, or something ... Well, they don’t understand me. And it infuriates me - I just turn to screaming. And I understand that this is wrong. But I can't stop. And the nerves are on edge. Already the eye began to twitch. What to do? How to calm down and how to learn to easily find a common language, so that without psychos and nerves?

In your question, you very correctly placed the accents - indeed, the problem lies not in other people who do not respond to your words, but in ourselves. Because it is we who fail to convey our idea by formulating it correctly.

And a cry, an irritated conversation in raised tones is always a reaction not to your interlocutor, but to your own internal states. The most interesting thing is that screaming in this situation not only does not help, but on the contrary, exacerbates the problem. After all, shouting does not work to improve your condition, get rid of irritation, shortages, stress.

How to find a common language with people in life without shouting and swearing?

Think for yourself - if the other person does not understand the meaning of the words spoken in a calm voice, then it is unlikely that it will reach him if you shout the same thing. Yes, yelling is psychologically overwhelming, which can lead to the other person simply agreeing with you without even understanding what you are asking for. But there is a possibility that he will start shouting back, defending his innocence. In any of these cases, the cry does not help to find a common language with people, but on the contrary, it drives us into the abyss of misunderstanding and hostility. Relationships, as a rule, deteriorate after such communication, and it is very difficult to fix them.

The ability to find a common language with others is also a skill. And it can be learned. Almost every modern adult is capable of this. You have already taken the first step towards this - you have recognized that the problem is in you. This is a huge step that most of us do not overcome in a lifetime.

The ability to communicate properly with people is one of the key skills for a top manager. Most people who run successful companies are good speakers and good at leading people.

I think it's kind of like natural selection. Charismatic leaders know how to find words that resonate with the audience, ignite people - the mood rises, you want to be better and follow them.

There are many good communicators among both men and women. Women tend to be better listeners, while men sound more confident. But regardless of gender, innate abilities and status, each person has their own strengths and weaknesses in communication. Missing competencies can be developed. In addition, they are useful not only in business, but also in everyday life.

Listening skills

What makes up successful communication? In my opinion, the most important thing is the ability to listen. The key to the success of any customer service project is to understand the customer's initial need. Your interlocutor does not always know exactly what he wants. Moreover, he can articulate something quite different. And if you don't get to the bottom of it by asking the right questions, your brilliant solution may end up responding to a need that isn't what the customer really cares about.

You need to listen and hear. I learned this lesson very well at the beginning of my career. A senior partner took me to my first meeting with the CEO of a large company. I was very excited, getting ready to show our beautiful slides to a potential client and hear his opinion. But a colleague on the road turned my script upside down: now we are going not to talk, but to listen. In youth, this is more difficult - pauses during the meeting seem too uncomfortable, you want to fill the information space, express some smart ideas right away, make an impression. The ability to naturally create for the interlocutor the opportunity to speak freely comes with experience. I have noticed more than once that more self-confident people are ready for listening, for a dialogue based on monologues.

Ability to structure a problem

You can only move on to finding a solution after it becomes clear to both of you what problem you are trying to solve. Many mothers, by the way, hone this skill in communicating with children - they need to feel for what really bothers the child when he demands ice cream or something else. You can help a person understand what he really wants by formulating questions correctly.

An important point: when you, carefully listening to the interlocutor, found out his real task, you need to summarize the essence so that the interlocutor hears his thoughts in a structured way, passes it through himself. A good psychologist does not say what needs to be done, but through leading questions helps to understand the problem and realize it. It is the same in the client business - we do not bring a ready-made solution, we must develop it together with the company so that it can be implemented.

Ability to speak clearly

At one time, a video was popular on YouTube, where at a meeting one of the employees suggests how to improve sales, no one responds to it. The same ideas, but more confidently voiced by another person - and everyone applauds. You need to be able to speak so that you are heard. The ability to clearly and clearly express your thoughts will ensure 50% of your success, allowing you to convince others.

Ability to remain calm

Do not hurry. From the fact that you speak quickly, you will not have time to say more. Better slow down - this will give you the opportunity to find the right words and look more confident. Often, by the way, young employees who are rapidly advancing in their careers, at some point rest against the fact that they are not taken seriously. It seems to them that this is due to age, but it is rather a matter of behavior. When you twitch, fuss, feel insecure, it all gives the impression of inexperience.

Of course, it is important to find the key to the interlocutor so that he trusts you. But people are very different. No matter how professional you are, purely by temperament it will be easier to communicate with some client, with some - not so much. You may not be cheerful at a meeting, but it is important to be attentive to your interlocutor.

Ability to make contact

There are people who like to talk about life before they start talking about business. Others, on the contrary, will consider you a frivolous partner for lyrical digressions. Someone immediately needs an answer from you, and then the whole course of reasoning, while the other considers this a manifestation of arrogance. It is important at the first meeting not to get into trouble by guessing what type your interlocutor belongs to. There is only one piece of advice here - try to study its ecosystem. Some conclusions can definitely be drawn by noting how he behaves, what kind of office he has - laconic or filled with gizmos. Your task is to understand how this person prefers to communicate. And adapt to it in style (the junior adapts to the senior, not vice versa, and in the case of the service business, the client is always the senior). This does not mean at all that you have to agree with him in everything, but in any case, it is important for you to understand the point of view of the interlocutor and try to reasonably convey yours to him.

If the interlocutor insists on his point of view and does not hear yours, asking why he still thinks so helps - you give the person the opportunity, in the process of searching for arguments, to realize that there are other options. This kind of dialogue can be very effective.

Ability to be sincere

I am a supporter of the theory that a person cannot be strong in everything and you should not go against your nature, trying to develop everything at once. It is very important to know your natural strengths, which can compensate for your inherent weaknesses. If a person is an introvert, he does not need to try to be a "lighter". Perhaps you should choose a different conversation format - for example, one on one. You need to determine what you naturally do best and build the foundation of your communication with the client on this.

Ability to complete a meeting

Every meeting should have a sense of progress, of moving forward. Then you understand that there is a reason to continue to communicate. It is always necessary to give the meeting participants a clear understanding of what they have achieved, what will happen next, when, who will take responsibility. There should be a clear understanding not only of the space where we are now, but also of how this stage relates to the whole, where is the horizon for the end of further discussion. As soon as there is uncertainty about the progress of your joint process, there is a feeling of dissatisfaction after the meeting.

And finally, a topical tip for the success of any negotiations - leave your phone alone. Otherwise, the interlocutor will never feel that the conversation is important to you and that you are serious.