VII. Princess Ekaterina Romanovna Dashkova (nee Countess Vorontsova) Without a doubt, most readers will remember a very common print depicting one remarkable woman of the 18th century in the form in which time has preserved her for us in the then

Portrait of Natalia Dolgorukova. Ser. XVIII century. GTG, Moscow

Natalya Borisovna was born in 1714 from Sheremetev's second marriage to Anna Petrovna Saltykova. To understand the spiritual and spiritual atmosphere in which Natasha and the other children of the count were brought up, one must remember that “Count Sheremetev’s house was a refuge for all the poor: everyone sat at his table, on which no less than fifty appliances were placed, even during camping time, invited and uninvited, familiar and unfamiliar, only with the condition not to show up to the owner. His dinners, prepared in the best way, never turned into noisy feasts: the field marshal hated excess and did not like conversations ... in which goblets of wine played a major role.

“Despite the little enlightenment of that time, young people considered it an honor and glory if they could get into the evening meetings of the field marshal. There was no man more polite and affectionate than he was in circulation ... He devoted the last years of his life to charity: poor families crowded around his house. Widows with children, deprived of hope of food, and weak old men who lost their sight, received all kinds of benefits from him. The hero was the father of orphans, he took them into his patronage ... ”(Bantysh-Kamensky D.N., Biographies of Russian generalissimos and field marshals. M., 1991, part 1, pp. 58,59).

B.P. Sheremetev died when his daughter Natasha was only 5 years old. Anna Petrovna, her mother, raised children, and she gave birth to five more) in that old, Russian spirit, which from below, from the depths, kept everything Russian among the people, resisting ... no, not new, it’s useless, it understands even the most ardent adherent of antiquity, but to that vile, dirty, vile thing that dragged the country and people into an immoral abyss, into the spiritual decay of the nation.

The author of these lines is not a fierce anti-monarchist and does not aim to defame and pour dirty words on the Romanov dynasty, which, no matter what they say about it, has fulfilled its historical destiny. Moreover, the author is sympathetic to all kinds of deviations in behavior and everyday life in the royal palaces. It is really difficult to have everything in unlimited quantities (money, jewelry, palaces, servants, forests, fields, rivers, seas, lakes, women, or men, if we are talking about reigning women, horses, dogs, guns ... and what is there kings and queens still need for a happy life), give up their happiness and sit day and night over state papers, go to meetings, decide something there, say - why all this troublesome, vain, when there are various experienced Ostermans, Birons, Minihi, or Sheremetevs, Menshikovs?! Yes, when you write smart books, then you need all this - dirty, immoral - to scold, stigmatize. And when you are an emperor (or empress), when any woman in the palace (any man) wants to sleep at least once with a special monarch and at the same time really like the emperor (or empress) ?! How difficult it is, really!

How difficult it is to give up the temptation to just dream if, say, you are not yet an emperor (or empress), and how difficult it is to give up this diabolical temptation when thousands, hundreds of thousands of compatriots (or compatriots), who are very pretty in appearance, dream of sleeping with you ! This is serious business. Especially in dissolute times, which the 18th century was.

And how truly great such Natasha Sheremetevs, married Dolgoruky, appear before the eyes of their descendants, who, having every opportunity to make family happiness for themselves in an easy way, refused it!

In the summer of 1728, Anna Petrovna, the mother of Natalia Sheremeteva, died.

Ivan Alekseevich Dolgorukov (1708-1739) - prince, courtier, favorite of Emperor Peter II; son of A. G. Dolgorukov, grandfather of I. M. Dolgorukov.

The engagement was luxurious. It took place at the very end of 1729. Prince Menshikov was still alive. The guests showered the young people with rich gifts. Walked on this occasion in a big way. The people gathered joyfully. The happiest couple in the life of the daughter of the great commander and politics began noisily. But it didn't last long!

In early January, Peter II fell ill and on January 19, on the day of two weddings (the Russian people would have walked for glory!) The fifteen-year-old emperor died, crushing the dreams of Dolgoruky and Natalia Sheremeteva.

Careless Ivan Alekseevich at a meeting of the "supreme leaders" proposed the candidacy of the bride of Peter II to the imperial throne. They even say that there was a forged will, signed by him for the king. The Golitsyns seized the initiative, Anna Ivanovna, as mentioned above, sat on the throne, and mortal danger hung over the Dolgoruky clan. Ivan's loud cry outlawed the clan. All those who knew about this, that is, all the "high leaders", understood this. Yes, and other high-ranking people who did not even hear the proposal of the best friend of the deceased emperor that the days of Dolgoruky were numbered.

The Sheremetevs knew about this. They persuaded young Natalya to refuse marriage to Ivan Alekseevich, they found her a new groom. They cared about her happiness and their well-being. In the “handwritten notes of Princess Natalya Borisovna Dolgoruky” the answer of the bride is recorded. It may seem too moralistic, but the author had every right to be!

“... Is it an honest conscience, when he was great, so I gladly went for him, and when he is unhappy, refuse him. I could not agree to such unscrupulous advice.”

And in April 1730, in Gorenki, the estate near Moscow of the princes Dolgoruky, they celebrated a wedding, which could well be called a commemoration of bygone happy times. They cried at the wedding, but not from joy, this sometimes happens with good people, but from a severe misfortune that was impending. Natalya Borisovna Dolgorukaya arrived in tears at the house of a mighty ancient clan, and three days later a new streak began in the life of a young family and an old family, a sad streak.

The Senate secretary appeared in Gorenki, read out Anna Ivanovna's decree: to send the whole family into exile, to Penza villages. The father and son were saddened, and the young wife, not understanding the formidable essence of what was happening, went to Moscow in the hope of finding out something. While wandering around acquaintances, now as if unfamiliar, another order came from the mistress: she gave three days in total for the training camp. Few!

The young soul did not believe that the world was so cruel and impetuous precisely in its cruelty, gathered somehow, did not take a lot of necessary things with her, from the money that her brother sent her, she took only a part, blundered, inexperienced. And as they gathered on a long journey, Natalya Borisovna became sad - none of the Sheremetev family came to say goodbye to her! She entered, got married, as befits the daughter of a great commander who never broke his hat to anyone, but, stupid, she did not know that the time of her father, Boris Petrovich Sheremetev, had irretrievably sunk into oblivion, that the time of spiritual exploits had gone for a long time, that ... there have never been such times in Russia and on the whole Earth that such feats were not praised by any of her relatives, from her contemporaries, well, perhaps the holy fool, and the holy fools were transferred to Russia, powerful ones, such that the king himself, and even to Grozny, they could tell the truth in the face.

The young soul knew nothing of this, and could not know. The road to the Penza villages was difficult, a lot of terrible things happened along the way - my husband almost died in a swamp. What about Penza! Near Moscow. They got to their villages, did not have time to rest, get used to it, as a new decree was sent by the daughter of the half-witted Ivan Alekseevich, and maybe not his daughter, but now the full-fledged sovereign of all Russia, Anna Ivanovna.

Back in the VI-V centuries BC. in many countries of the globe, the great sages of that remarkable era repeated the wonderful thought: “Do not do to another what you do not want to be done to you.”

A year has not passed since the death of Menshikov - after him, the Dolgoruky family went to the Berezovskaya exile, who did everything so that the closest associate of Peter I spent the rest of his days in the frozen North. As Natalya Borisovna found out about this, her strength left, she fell ill, they thought she would die. Her husband looked after her, went out, they arrived in Berezov, settled in the same place where Menshikov lived and lived, starved himself out of desperation.

Princess Praskovya Yurievna did not last long, she died. In 1734, her husband, Prince Alexei Grigorievich, could not stand the hardships of exile. But the kids held on. A person gets used to everything. Not quickly, not slowly time passed. They began to get used to Dolgoruky. The guards, violating the regime established by the decree, allowed the exiles to go from prison to the city. Better not be allowed!

A person can be checked in different ways and modes. Ivan Alekseevich Dolgoruky could not be allowed into the city, because he was born a braggart and talker, he could not keep great secrets in himself. Drinking with an officer, he gave vent to words, not understanding how this could end for him.

And then there was an “accident” with a local assistant, with Tishin. He liked, you know, the former royal bride, Princess Ekaterina Alekseevna Dolgorukaya, he began, in a drunken case, of course, to fawn over her. She balked, complained to officer Ovtsyn, who beat the loving clerk. He should have been killed, you nasty man, but Ovtsyn's hand did not rise. Tishin, out of resentment, reported to the Siberian governor about the violations of the regime of the exiles.

A cunning man was sent to Berezov on a cunning matter: he told everyone that Anna Ivanovna was interested in the situation of the exiles, wanted to improve it, entered into the confidence of many, and they foolishly told him the whole truth, confirming the denunciation of the unsatisfied sexually raising Tishin.

In her later "Notes" she tried to be honest and reasonable. “I was very happy with the suitors.” She wanted to become a deputy, but “didn’t have the habit of loving one today, another tomorrow,” refusing to seductive excessive festivities.

The princes Dolgoruky, who had become stronger after Menshikov's exile in Berezov, as well as their main opponent more recently, lost control of their ambitions and desires. And then the young Tsar Peter II pleased them, got engaged to the daughter of Alexei Dolgoruky, eighteen-year-old Princess Catherine. The wedding was scheduled for January 19, 1730.

Following the emperor, Ivan Alekseevich also became engaged to the charming Princess Natalya Borisovna Sheremeteva. The proposal of the son of Alexei Dolgoruky delighted both the future bride herself and all her relatives, but if they, rejoicing, dreamed of the next elevation of their kind, then Natalya, knowing about the love affairs of Ivan and Peter II, who plunged many respectable Russians into despondency, dreamed of happiness female, and soon this young soul will show the world her understanding of female happiness, surprise everyone.
Then a decree followed, they put Ivan in a dugout, supported him there a little, then another decree followed, and one night, in the late summer of 1738, Ivan Alekseevich, his two brothers, the governor, the governor of Berezovsky, Ovtsyn, and servants, and three priests, and some residents of Berezov were put on a ship and taken away to repair the investigation, that is, to torture them properly.

Of course, Tishin played a role in this matter, but not the main one, but Ivan Alekseevich, who is excessively talkative, must be blamed for everything. After what happened on the day of the death of Peter II, he and all the Dolgoruky had to either flee the country somewhere to America, or on the very first day of Anna Ivanovna's accession to fall at her feet, confess everything, ask for mercy ... Neither For various reasons, they could not do one or the other. Then at least they would keep their mouths shut, they would behave more modestly.

Silence cannot be blamed for the trouble of the Dolgoruky clan. He could have been sent to prison with a special assignment to anger the exiles. But only a madman could brag about himself, tell scenes from royal life, and call empresses and queens names.

As usual, the defendants were tortured well. Especially Ivana. For violating the regime, "for relaxing", Major Petrov was beheaded, the rest were beaten with a whip, recorded in the rank and file of the Siberian regiments. Ivan Alekseevich, to whom Natalya Borisovna gave birth to two sons, broke down under torture, some believe that he went crazy and in this restless state told the investigators the secret of a forged will.

Four representatives of the Dolgoruky family paid for this with their lives, including Ivan himself. It happened in 1739, in November. And two years and 17 days later, Elizaveta Petrovna ascended the Russian throne.

In 1741, Natalya Borisovna Dolgorukova was returned from exile and favored by the new empress. Probably, the daughter of Count Sheremetev could, if desired, make a career at the court of the daughter of Peter the Great, create a new family, give birth to other children. Nobody would blame her for it. But she raised her eldest son, left with her younger, mentally ill, to Kyiv. And when he died, Princess Dolgorukaya came to the banks of the Dnieper in a black robe, took off her wedding ring from her finger and threw it into the water, after which the daughter of B.P. Sheremetev accepted the schema.
Schema-nun Nectaria (Natalia Borisovna Dolgorukaya)

HANDWRITTEN NOTES BY PRINCESS NATALIA BORISOVNA DOLGORUKA, DAUGHTER OF G. FIELD MARSHAL COUNT BORIS PETROVICH SHEREMETEV

“Handwritten Notes” by N. B. Dolgorukaya are reproduced according to the most accurate edition, published in St. Petersburg in 1913 on the basis of an original manuscript that has not survived to our time. The text has been partially corrected in accordance with modern spelling and punctuation rules. .

TEXT

1767, January 12th.

How soon did you leave me 1 , I remained in solitude, despondency came over me, and my head was so burdened with restless thoughts, it seemed that I was bowing to the ground from that burden. I didn’t know how to break those restless thoughts. It came to my mind that you always asked me to leave a journal with you, what happened to me in my life worthy of memory and by what means I spent my life. Although she is very distressed even to this day, however, for your pleasure, I want to console you with this and fulfill your desire or curiosity, when it pleases God, and allow the weakness of my health. Although I cannot write much, your petition convinces me how much I can try to bring to memory all that happened to me in my life.

Nobly born people are not always happy, for the most part they are in the world from noble houses, those that happen are disastrous, and from meanness, birth comes into great people, they receive noble ranks and receive wealth. That is the definition of God. When I was born into the world, I hope that all my father's friends and those who know our house blessed my birthday, seeing my parents rejoicing and thanking God for the birth of their daughter. My father and mother had hope that I would be their joy in old age 2 . It would seem, and so on the limits of this world, there would be no shortage in anything. You yourself are not unknown about my parents, from whom you were born, and you know our house, which to this day is in every prosperity, my brothers and sisters live in the pleasure of this world, honored with honor, abundant in wealth. It seemed that I had no trace of my current state, for which reason I should not be as happy as my sisters. I still always thought of having advantages over them, because I was very loved by my mother and brought up excellently from them, and I am great to them. I hope that then everyone was talking about me: such is the daughter of a great master, nobility and wealth, in addition to natural virtues, to turn the eyes of all noble suitors on myself, and, according to human reasoning, I am completely determined to well-being; but God's judgment is not at all similar to a human definition: by his power, he assigned me a different life, which no one could ever think of, and neither I myself - I was very inclined to fun.

I remained a youngster after my father, no more than five years, but I grew up with my widowed mother in every contentment, who tried about my upbringing, so as not to miss anything in the sciences, and used every opportunity to increase my merits. I was very dear to her: she flattered me to have fun, imagined that when I came of age, I would be a good comrade in all cases, both in sorrow and joy, and so she supported me, as a noble girl should be, she loved me immensely, although I was unworthy. However, all my well-being ended: death separated me from her.

I stayed after my gracious mother for 14 years. This first trouble met me. No matter how much I cried, everything was still lacking, it seems, against her love for me, but she didn’t return with tears or sobs: I was left an orphan, with a big brother who had already become master of his house. 3 . Now my life has completely changed. Is it possible to describe all those sorrows that happened to me, one must be silent. Although I was flattered to continue to be happy, yet very often the springs poured from my eyes. The youth of several years helped to endure in anticipation of future happiness ahead. I thought that there would still be my time, I would have fun in the world, but I didn’t know that the highest power threatened me with troubles and that in the future hope was deceptive.

And so I lost all campaigns after my mother. Arrogance came upon me, I took it into my head to save myself from excessive festivities, so that I wouldn’t suffer what a reproachful word - then honor was greatly observed; and so I concluded myself. And it is true that at that time there was no such treatment: in the world, the actions of noble or young girls were very noticeable. Then it was impossible to mumble as in this century 4 . I am writing to you as if I were talking to you, and for this I lead my life to you from the beginning. You will see that even in my youth I did not live merrily and my heart never felt great pleasure. I captivated my youth with reason, kept my desires for a while in the argument that there would still be time for my pleasure, accustomed myself to boredom in advance. And so I lived after my mother for two years. My days passed inconsolation.

Then, as a rule, whenever they hear a rich bride, then the grooms are flattered. The time has come for me to begin that prosperous life that I was flattered by. I was very happy with the suitors; however, I’ll leave that, and I’ll write to you what happened in the case. It is true that the beginning was very great: I thought I was the first lucky woman in the world, because the first person in our state was my fiancé, with all his natural virtues, he had noble ranks at court and in the guard. I confess to you that I considered it a great prosperity, seeing him favorably; on the contrary, I answered him, I loved him very much, although I had no acquaintance before and I didn’t have a groom for me, but his true and sincere love for me persuaded me to do so. True, at first this one was very loud, everyone shouted: “Oh, how happy she is!” It was not disgusting to my ears to hear this echo, I did not know that this happiness would play with me, it showed me only so that I would know how people live in happiness whom God has blessed. However, then I did not understand anything, the youth of years did not allow me to talk about anything in the future, but rejoiced at those, seeing myself flourishing in such prosperity. Nothing seemed to be lacking. A sweet person in the eyes, in the reasoning that this union of love will be inseparable until death, and, moreover, natural honors, wealth; respect from all people, everyone seeks mercy, it is recommended under my patronage. Think about it, being so overjoyed at the age of a girl of fifteen, I only thought that the whole sphere of heaven had changed for me.

Meanwhile, preparations for our collusion began. I can tell the truth, it is rare for anyone to see such a noble meeting: the entire Imperial family was in our conspiracy, all foreign ministers, all our noble gentlemen, all the generals; in a word, there were as many guests as our house could accommodate both persons: there was not a single room where it was not full of people. Our betrothal was in the hall with clergymen, one bishop and two archimandrites. After the betrothal, all his relatives presented me with very rich gifts, diamond earrings, watches, snuff boxes and preparations, and all sorts of haberdashery. My hands would not be able to take everything if they did not help me to take ours. The rings were with which they were betrothed, his was twelve thousand, and mine was six thousand. On the contrary, my brother also gave my fiance: six pounds of silver, ancient great goblets and gilded flasks. It seemed to me then, in my youth, that all this was lasting and would be for my whole life, I did not know that in this world there is nothing lasting, but everything is for an hour. My collusion was at seven o'clock in the afternoon; it was already night, so they had to light the tar barrels for light, so that the departing guests could see it, there was a great crowd from the carriages. From that great fire it was clear, they say that there were so many people near the fence of our house that the whole street was locked, and the common people shouted: “Thank God that our father’s daughter is marrying a Great man, will restore her family and raise her brothers to father's degree." I hope you are quite well-known that my father was the first field marshal and that he was very loved by the people and is remembered to this day. I will keep silent about all other conspiracy ceremonies or fun: my current state and title are forbidden. In a word, to say: everything that you can think of, nothing was missed. This is my well-being and more fun, how long did it last? No more than from December 24 days to January 18 days. Here is my deceptive hope is over! It happened to me like it happened to the son of King David Nafean: I licked the honey, and it was about to die. So it happened to me: for 26 days of prosperous, or to say hospitable, 40 years of suffering to this day; for every day, two years will come almost; six more days must be subtracted. Yes who can know the future? Perhaps it will be supplemented when my compassionate life continues.

Now it is necessary to conceive another matter. The mind hesitates when I bring to mind that after all these joys befell me, which seemed to me to be indestructible for a century. To know that I didn’t have a friend then, who would teach me how to carefully walk along this path. My God, what a formidable storm has risen, troubles have come together from all over the world! Lord, give me the strength to explain my troubles so that I can describe them for the knowledge of those who wish and for the comfort of the sad, so that, remembering me, they will be comforted. And I was a man, I spent all the days of my life in troubles and tried everything: persecution, wandering, poverty, separation from the beloved, everything that a person can endure. I do not boast of my patience, but from the grace of God I will boast that He gave me so much strength that I endured and still bear it; it would be impossible for a mortal man to bear such blows, when the power of the Lord did not strengthen him from above. Take into account my upbringing and my present condition.

Here is the beginning of my trouble, which I never expected. Our sovereign ended his life more than my aspirations, which I never expected, there was a crown change. To know that it was pleasing to God to punish the people for their sins; they took away the gracious sovereign, and there was great lamentation among the people. All my relatives come, pity, cry for me, how can I announce this misfortune, and I usually slept for a long time, until nine o'clock, however, as soon as I woke up, I see that everyone had tears in their eyes, no matter how they guarded, it was only visible; although I knew that the sovereign was ill and very ill, however, I had great hope in God that He would not leave us orphans. However, to know, we were worthy of it, of necessity we were forced to declare. How soon this news reached my ears, what happened to me even then - I don’t remember. And when she came to her senses, she only repeated: “Ah, she disappeared, she disappeared!” Nothing else was heard from me that was gone; no matter how hard he tried to console me, they just could not stop my crying, nor persuade me. I knew enough the habit of my state that all the favorites after their sovereigns disappear, which was what I expected. It is true that I did not think so much badly, as happened to me, because although my fiancé was loved by the sovereign, and had noble ranks, and all sorts of state affairs were entrusted to him, his somewhat honest deeds reinforced me, knowing his innocence, that he he was not stagnant in any obscene deeds. It seemed to me that it was impossible without a trial to accuse a person and subject him to anger or take away honor or property. However, after I already found out that in case of an unfortunate event, the truth does not help. And so I wept inconsolably; relatives, having found means to console me, began to [persuade] me that I was still a young man, and so I recklessly crush myself; you can refuse this groom when he is in trouble; there will be other suitors who are no worse than his dignity, unless they will have such great ranks - and at that time it is true that the groom really wanted to take me, only I was steadfast in that, and my relatives all wanted to marry me to that groom . This proposal was so hard for me that I could not answer them. Enter into the discussion, what a consolation this is to me and whether this conscience is honest, when he was great, so I gladly went for him, and when he became unhappy, to refuse him. I could not agree to such unscrupulous advice, and so I put my intention, when I gave my heart to one, live or die together, and the other no longer participates in my love. I didn't have the habit of loving one today and another tomorrow. In the current century, such a fashion, and I proved to the world that I am faithful in love: in all misfortunes, I was a friend to my husband. I will now tell the very truth that, being in all troubles, I never repented why I went for him, I did not give God the madness in that; He is a witness to this, everything, loving him, endured as much as I could, and also reinforced him. My relatives had a different reasoning, they gave me such advice, or, perhaps, they pitied me. In the evening my fiancé came to me, complaining about his misfortune, moreover, he told about the death worthy of pity, how the Sovereign died, that everything was in his memory and said goodbye to him. And so saying, both wept and swore to each other that nothing would separate us except death. I was ready to go through all the earthly abysses with him.

And so it got worse from time to time. Where did the seekers and friends go, everyone hid, and my neighbors moved away from me, everyone left me to please new favorites, everyone they began to be afraid of me, so that I would not meet with anyone, everyone was suspicious. It would be better for that person not to be born in the world, who for a time be great, and then come into misfortune: everyone will begin to despise, no one wants to talk. One princess of the blood was chosen to the throne, who had no trace of the crown. Meanwhile, the funeral ceremonies were being prepared. That appointed unlucky day came. It was necessary to carry the sovereign's body past our house, where I was sitting under the window, looking at that deplorable ceremony. My God, how the spirit in me was kept! It began with spiritual persons, a multitude of hierarchs, archimandrites and all kinds of spiritual ranks; then, as usual, there are such highest burials, they carried state emblems, cavalry, various orders, crowns; including my fiancé walked in front of the coffin, they carried the cavalry on a pillow, and two assistants led by the arms. I could not see him from pity in such a state: epancha mourning she is long, the fleur on her hat reaches the ground, her hair is loose, she is so pale that there are no living creatures. Leveling against my windows, he looked with weeping eyes with that sign or mine: “Who are we burying! For the last, for the last time, I see you off!” I became so unconscious that I fell on the window, I could not sit from weakness. Then they bring the coffin. All my feelings had already receded from me for several minutes, and when I came to my senses, leaving all the ceremonies, I wept as much as my heart allowed, arguing with my mind what kind of treasure the earth accepts, on which, it seems, the sun shone with surprise: the mind was connected with courageous beauty, natural mercy, love for the subjects is not hypocritical. Oh, my God, let me generously bear this misfortune, the deprivation of this merciful monarch! Oh Lord, the Most High Creator, You can do everything, return at least for a single minute his spirit and open his eyes so that he sees his faithful servant walking before the tomb, having lost all hope to comfort and relieve his sorrow. And so the ceremony ended: many noble nobles following the coffin. It seemed to me that the sky was crying, and all the verses of heaven. I hope, in the meantime, there were those who rejoiced, tea in themselves from the new empress of mercy.

For several days after the burial, they prepared the solemn ascent of the new empress to the capital city, with a ringing, with cannon fire. On the appointed day, I also went to see her meetings, for that I was curious that I did not know her from birth in person who she was. In the palace, in one latrine room, I sat, where I saw the whole ceremony: she walked past those windows under which I was and here for the last time I saw how my fiancé commanded the guard; he was a major, he saluted her on horseback. Think how I feel to look at this disgrace. And since that time in my life I have not seen her: she was terrifying in her eyes, had a disgusting face, she was so great when she walks among gentlemen, her head is higher than everyone, and extremely fat. As I went home, it was necessary to go through all the regiments that were assembled in the ranks; I hurried home, they were not yet dismissed. My God! At that time I did not see the light and did not know from shame where they were taking me and where I was; some shout: “Our father’s bride”, run up to me: “Our mother, we have lost our sovereign”; others cry: "Your time has passed now, not the old time." She was forced to endure all this, she was glad that she had reached her court; brought God out of such a sodom.

As soon as she entered autocracy, she began to eradicate our surname. She would not have been so angry with us, but her favorite, who was always with her, he tried to exterminate our family, so that it would not exist in the world, because of that malice: when she was elected to the throne, it was written among other points that this favorite, who was a chamberlain with her, should not be imported into our state, because she lived in her possession, although she is our princess, but she was married, lived in her possession widowed, but leave him in her house so that he we were not in any business, to which she signed; however, the villainy of many ill-wishers to their fatherland changed all points, and they gave her free will in everything, and the popular desire was destroyed, and he was still admitted to her 5 . As he grew stronger, having taken noble ranks for himself, he first dealt with us and looked for ways to exterminate us from among the living. So he publicly said: “Yes, we will not leave that name.” That he did not say in vain, but also put into action. As he had already ascended to a great degree, he could no longer look at us with calm eyes, he was afraid of us and ashamed: he knew our last name, how many years the princes had been born, their possession, how many crowns all ancestors deserved. Our family was loved for faithful service to the fatherland, they did not spare their belly, how much they laid their heads in wars; for such noble services they were canceled from others, awarded with great ranks, cavalry; and in foreign states many did peace, where their name is glorious. And he was the meanest person, and he reached such a great degree, in a word, only one crown was missing, everyone was already kissing his hand, and what he wanted, he did, he was already titled “your highness”, and he is nothing else he was like a shoemaker, he sewed boots for my uncle, they say he was a great master, but his beauty brought him to such a great degree 6 . Being in such lofty thoughts, he thought that he would not succeed in bringing his intention to the end: he would not exterminate noble families. So he did it: not only our surname, but another equally noble surname crushed, ruined and exiled 7 . Everything has already been conquered by him, but I will be silent about that, so as not to push the limits. I intend to write my misfortune, and not expose other people's vices.

He did not know how to start, to exile us. First, he began to call everyone to himself from the same people who were our friends before, caressed them, asked how we lived and whether we had offended anyone, whether we had taken bribes. No, nobody said anything. He was dissatisfied with this. He ordered by decree to announce that everyone without danger would give petitions to the empress herself, if someone was offended by something, he did not receive that pleasure. Meanwhile, all kinds of news come to my ears; another will say; “They will send you into exile,” another will say: “The ranks and cavalry will be taken away.” Think how I felt then! Being at the age of 16, you don’t have a helping hand from anyone and there’s no one to consult about yourself, but you need to preserve your home, your duty, your honor and not destroy your loyalty. Great love for him will drive out all fear from the heart, and sometimes the tenderness of upbringing and nature will lead to such grief that all members will become numb from unbearable anguish. Where was that evil time! It seems to me that under the Antichrist it will be no worse than that. It seems that in those days the sun did not shine. My blood will boil when I remember what a vile soul it is, what pillars I have shaken, ruined to the ground, and to this day we cannot correct ourselves. As for me, she disappeared forever in this world.

And so my miserable condition lasted until the month of April. There was only consolation to me when I saw him; Let's cry together, and so we'll go home. Where all the fun had already gone, below the resemblance was that this groom was going to the bride. Well, meanwhile, how distressed were the household! God, let me forget everything! Finally, we must already end our unhappy marriage; although no matter how they put it off from day to day, but, seeing my indispensable intention, they are forced to agree. My brother was sick then, and the younger one, who loved me very much, lived in another house for the reason that he did not have smallpox then, and the big brother was sick with smallpox. Close relatives all backed down, distant and more than that had no reason, my grandmother died, and so I was left without charity. God Himself gave me in marriage, and no one else. It is impossible to describe all those riots that happened to me then. She has already appointed a day for the wedding: there is no one to see her off, none of the relatives are coming, and no one is to call. The Lord himself had mercy on the hearts of two old women, my own, who accompanied me, otherwise I would have been forced to go with work, but I had to go to a village 15 miles from the city, where our wedding was. In this village they always lived in the summer. The place is very cheerful and arranged, stone chambers, great ponds, greenhouses and a church. In the chambers after the death of his sovereign father, with all his surname, lived there. Their last name was scarlet; I despise everything, for all the fear: St. There was also a mother-in-law, three brothers, besides my husband, and three sisters. After all, it would be necessary to think about it, that I am the smallest of all and must please everyone; in everything I relied on the will of God: to know, fate has so determined me. It was already as I began to say goodbye to my brother and to all the household, it would seem, and the barbarian took pity on seeing my tears; it seems that the walls of my father's house helped me to cry. My brother and family wept so much that they let me out of my eyes with tears. What is the difference - a collusion wedding; there everyone shouted: “Oh, how happy she is,” but here they see her off and everyone is crying; know that I was sorry for everyone. My God, what a change! Since I left my father's house, since then I have been wandering for a century. They brought me to the house of my father-in-law, like a slave, all in tears, I don’t see the light in front of me. Think about it, and with a good order to get married, you need to think about the last happiness, not only in such a state as I went. I arrived in one carriage, and two widows were sitting with me, and all their relatives were invited; uncles, aunts, and I became more bitter. They brought me as the poorest orphan; compelled to demolish everything. Here we were married in the church 8 . At the end of the wedding ceremony, my escorts left me and went home. And so our marriage was crying more worthy than fun. On the third day, as usual, I began to make arrangements to go on visits to his close relatives and recommend myself to their mercy. It was always possible to go from that village to the city after dinner, they came home to spend the night. Instead of visits, beyond my expectations, they tell me that a secretary from the Senate has arrived; my father-in-law was to receive it; he announces to him: by decree, you are ordered, de, to go to distant villages and live there until the decree 9 . Oh, how I did not like these words; however, I strengthen myself, do not cry, but persuade my father-in-law and husband: how can I exile without guilt and without trial; I present to them: "Go yourself to the empress, justify yourself." The father-in-law, looking at me, is surprised at my youth and courage. No, I did not want to miss the wedding ceremony, not judging that it was already a disaster; knocked out her husband, persuaded him to go on a visit. We went to our uncle, whom we were met with: “Did you have a Senate secretary; I had one, and I was ordered to go to distant villages to live until the decree. Here other uncles came together, everyone also says. No, no, I see that there is no fix for this matter; These are my wedding sweets. Rather, we went home, and since then we have not seen each other, and no one said goodbye to anyone, did not give time.

I arrived home, they are already gathering with us: it was ordered at three days that there should not be in the city. Forced to obey fate. We have a time when, unfortunately, there is no longer any excuse, no better than the Turks: if they sent a noose, he should hang himself. Think about what it was like for me to see then: everyone is crying, fussing, gathering, and I'm fussing, where I'm going, I don't know, and where I'll live - I don't know, I just shed tears. I also didn’t get used to them to anyone: I was scared only to go to someone else’s house. How hard it is! They take me so far that I won’t see anyone of my own, but in reasoning for a dear person, everything must be endured.

I began to get ready for the road, but as I was very young, I didn’t go anywhere and, that it was necessary on the road, I didn’t know any circumstances that it could be, both of us and my husband were thirty-seven years old, he grew up in strangers, lived all at yard; he gave everything to my will, I didn’t know what to do, there was no one to teach. I thought that I would not need anything, and that they would return us very soon, although I see that my mother-in-law and sister-in-law take a lot with them from diamonds, from haberdashery, they hide everything in my pockets, I had no need before, I I just follow him so that I don’t go anywhere from my eyes, and I gathered myself so cleanly that I had gold and silver with me - I sent everything home to my brother for safekeeping; I want to explain to you enough for my stupid reason of that time: not only diamonds, what to keep for myself and all sorts of needs, every little thing, lace cuffs, stockings, silk scarves, how many there were dozens, I let go of everything, I thought, why should I go there, not to bring everything ; she took all the fur coats from him and sent them home, because they were all rich; she left one sheepskin coat for him and herself a fur coat and a black dress, in which she then went around the sovereign. My brother sent a thousand rubles for the journey; took out four hundred for the road, and then sent back; I think, what do I need to live on so much money, we will eat on the other side: mine is not separated from my father. After I already recognized my stupidity, but it was too late. Only as a consolation she left one golden snuffbox, and then for the fact that the royal favor. And so we, having gathered, went; We had 10 of our own people with us, and 5 of his favorite riding horses.

On the way, I already found out that I was going on my own bed, and not on the general one. We are going to an unknown place and the way to the flood itself, in the month of April, where all the meadows are flooded with water and small spills are lakes, and it is eight hundred miles to go to the village where we live. From my relatives, no one went to me to say goodbye - either they didn’t dare, or they didn’t want to, God will judge; but only with me went my madam, who lived with me; I was happy with that too. No matter how hard it was for me, however, I was forced to restrain my spirit and hide my grief for my dear husband; it is so hard for him that he himself suffers, and besides, he sees me that I am dying for his sake. I was not a participant in their joy, but in their sorrow a comrade, and even the least of all, it is necessary to please everyone, I hoped for my own temper that I would serve everyone. And so where we will arrive at the camp, we will send to buy hay, oats for horses. I have already begun to enter the economy: I see that a lot of money is coming. My husband will go to watch how the horses are given food, and I will go with him, out of boredom, what was there to do; Yes, these horses, right, and worth it to look after them: neither before nor after have I seen such beauties; if I were a painter, I would not be ashamed to paint their portraits.

Ninety miles from the city as we drove off, the first provincial city arrived; we happened to have lunch here. Suddenly, the captain of the guard appeared to us, announced to us a decree: “It is ordered, de, to remove the cavalry from you”; in the capital, to know, they were ashamed to rob so innocently, so sent to the road 10 . My God, what is their justice! We immediately gave it with joy to calm them down, we thought they would be happy with that: they were cursed, exiled. No, they don't have that in mind. We went on our way, having sent it, along impassable paths, no one knows the way; their horses are all heavy, the coachmen only know how to get around the city. The night has overtaken us; forced to stand in the field, but where - we don’t know whether they turned on the road or turned off, no one knows, because everyone went around the water, stopped here, put up a tent; you need to know that our tent will be set up far away, because the best place will be chosen by the father-in-law, next to the sisters-in-law nearby, and there the unmarried brothers, and we, as if of a different party, will be the last place for us. It happened in the swamp too: as soon as the bed was taken off, it was wet, sometimes the shoes were full of water. It is very memorable to me that the whole meadow was green, and there was no other grass, except for field garlic, and the spirit was so heavy that everyone had a headache. And when we had supper, we all saw that it had risen for two months: an ordinary large one, and another smaller one next to it, and we looked at them for a long time and left them like that, went to sleep. In the morning, as we got up, the light illuminated us; they themselves wondered where we were standing: in the swamp itself and not along the road. As God had mercy on us, that we didn’t get bogged down at night, so from there we forced ourselves out onto a straight road.

We had a little joy - dog hunting. The father-in-law was a great hunter; where some little forest will happen, the place will seem good for them, they will sit on horseback and ride, let the hounds go; only passing was time or, to say, boredom; and I will remain alone, I will console myself, I will give free rein to my eyes and weep as much as I want. One day it happened: my friend went on horseback, and I was left in tears. It was already very late, it was getting dark, and it was already much darker, I see two riders galloping against me, galloping to my carriage, shouting: “Stop!” I was surprised, I hear the voice of my husband and with my younger brother, which is all wet; my husband says to me: “Here he delivered me from death.” How scared I was! How, de, we drove away from you and everyone was talking and made a mistake from the road, we see, there is no one behind us, so we hit the horses, which is more likely to run over our own. We see that it’s late, we arrived at the stream, it seemed very shallow. So my husband wanted to go ahead to try out how deep it was, so he would certainly drown, because then the horse under him was not agile and he was in a fur coat; his brother held him back, saying: “Wait, your fur coat is heavy, and I am in one caftan, under me is a good horse, she will take me out, and then you will move.” As he said, he touched his horse, she stepped into the water with her front legs, but she didn’t have time with her hind legs, like a key to the bottom, the coast was so steep and deep that she could not cope with her hind legs, only her hat swam, but she managed very soon , the horse was agile, and he sat firmly on it, grabbed by the mane. Fortunately for them, a man ran over them, which lagged behind them. Seeing them in such trouble, he immediately took off his caftan, threw himself into the water - he knew how to swim - grabbed his hair and dragged him to the shore. And so God saved his stomach, and the horse swam out. So I was frightened, and I cry, and I tremble all over; swore I would never let him ride. We hurried to get to the place as soon as possible; they warmed him up by force, having arrived in the village.

After, a few days later, we arrived to spend the night in a small village, which is on the very bank of the river, and the river is very wide. We have just settled down, set up tents, a lot of men are coming towards us, the whole village, falling at their feet, crying, asking: “Save us, the brigands threw a letter to us, the robbers want to come to us, beat us all to death, and burn the village . Help us, you have a gun, save us from a needless death, we have nothing to defend ourselves with, we have nothing but axes. Here is a place for thieves: this week, here in the neighborhood, the village was completely ruined, the peasants fled, and the village was burned. Oh, my God, what fear came over me! I'm afraid to death of robbers; I ask to leave from there, no one listens to me. They did not sleep all night, poured bullets, loaded guns, and so they prepared for a fight; however, God delivered us from that trouble. Maybe they drove up with water, but they were afraid, seeing such a great convoy, or they weren’t. What did this night cost me! I don't know how I survived it; I am glad that I waited for the light, thank God, I left.

And so we got confused for three weeks and arrived at our villages, which were halfway along the road where we were determined to live. Having arrived, we settled down for some time to live, to rest us and the horses. I was very glad that they came to my village. My treasury has already become very thin; I thought that my expenses would change, I would not buy everything, at least I would not buy hay for the horses. However, I did not think long about it; we lived here no more than three weeks, moreover, our aspiration suddenly terrible something befell us.

We just had dinner - in this village there was a master's house, and the windows were on the main road - I looked out the window, I see great dust along the road, it can be seen from afar that a lot of people are traveling and running very soon. As they began to drive up, it was clear that all the carts were in pairs, the pose di carriage rest. All of our people rushed to look, they saw that they were going straight to our house: an officer of the guard was in a wheelchair, and 24 soldiers in carts. We immediately recognized our misfortune, that their malice towards us is not diminishing, but rather multiplies. Think those that I was then fell on a chair, and when I came to my senses, I saw a mansion full of soldiers. I don’t know anything anymore that they announced to my father-in-law, but I only remember that I grabbed hold of my husband and didn’t let go of me, I was afraid that they would not separate me from him 11 . Great lamentation has taken place in our house. Is it possible to describe that misfortune! I cannot interrogate anyone what will happen to us, whether they will separate us. There was great anxiety. The house was large, there were a lot of people, everyone was running from their apartments, crying, falling to their masters, everyone wants to be inseparable with them. Women, as there are weak hearts, they scream, cry. My God, what a horror! It would seem that the barbarian, looking at this miserable disgrace, had mercy.

They don't let us go to the apartment. As I wrote before, that we were standing in separate apartments everywhere, we couldn’t fit in one house. We were standing in the peasant's yard, and our bedroom was a barn where they lay hay. They posted guards at all the doors, fixing bayonets. My God, what a fear, I have never seen or heard anything like this! Our commanders ordered the carriage to lay; it is clear that they want to lead us, but we do not know where. I was so weak from fear that I could not stand on my feet. Enter my state, what I felt then. Only I was encouraged that he was with me, and everyone, seeing me in such a state, assures me that I will be inseparable from him. I would like to ask the officer himself, but he does not speak to me, it seems impregnable. He will come to my room where I am sitting, look at me, shrug his shoulders, sigh and go away, but I will not dare to ask him. By evening, he orders us to get into the carriages and go. I had already come to my senses and began to ask that they let me go to the apartment to get ready; officer allowed. As I went - and two soldiers behind me. I do not remember how my husband brought me to the shed where we were standing; I wanted to talk to him and find out what was happening to us, and the soldier is here, not an inch behind us. Think what a pitiful condition!

And so I don’t know what will happen to us next. My family has gathered, I don’t know anything anymore; and we got into the carriage and drove off; I'm glad that I'm alone with him, you can talk to me, but the soldiers all went after us. Here he already told me: “The officer announced that we were ordered to lead us under a cruel guard to a distant city, but we were not ordered to say where.” However, my father-in-law propitiated the officer and brought him to pity; said that they were taking us to an island, which consists of 4,000 miles or more from the capital, and there they would keep us under cruel guards, not let anyone in, nor us anywhere except the church, to have no correspondence with anyone, paper and ink for us don't give. Think how this news feels to me. First, I lost my home and left all my relatives, but I won’t even hear about them, how will they live without me. I had a younger brother, whom he loved me very much, the little sisters remained. Oh, my God, what this melancholy came, pity, affinity, the whole blood boiled from intolerance. I think I will not see anyone of my own, I will live on a journey. Who will help me in my misfortunes, when they will not even know about me, where I am, when I will not have correspondence with anyone, or correspondence; although I will not endure what need, no one will give me a helping hand; and perhaps they will be told there that I have already died, that I am not even in the world; they will only cry and say: “It is better for her to die, and not suffer for a whole century.” With these thoughts, she weakened, all my senses became numb, and then shed tears. My husband was very frightened and later regretted that he had told me the truth, he was afraid that I would not die.

His true love for me forced his spirit to constrain and conceal this melancholy and stop crying, and had to strengthen him further so that he would not crush himself: he was dearer to the whole world. This is what love has brought to: I have left everything, and honor, and wealth, and relatives, and I am wandering with him. The reason for this is all immaculate love, which I am not ashamed of either before God or before the whole world, because he alone was in my heart. It seemed to me that he was born for me and I for him, and we cannot live without each other. To this day I am in one reasoning and do not grieve that my age has disappeared, but I thank my God that He let me know such a person who was worth it, so that I could pay for my love with my life, wander for a whole century and endure all sorts of troubles. I can say - unparalleled misfortunes: after that you will hear, if the weakness of my health allows all my troubles to be described.

And so we were taken to the city. I was all in tears: my father-in-law was very frightened, seeing me in such a state, but it was impossible to speak, because the officer himself is here with us and the non-commissioned officer. We were already posted together, and not in different apartments, and sentries were posted at the doors, bayonets were attached. Here we lived from a week until they made a ship with which to guide us with water. For me, all this was terrible, it should have been covered with silence. My teacher, to whom I was entrusted from my mother, did not want to leave me, she went with me to the village; she thought that we would live an evil time there, but it did not happen as we thought, she was forced to leave me. She is a foreign person, she could not bear these severity, however, as much as she could, these days she tried, went on that unfortunate ship on which they would take us, she cleaned everything there, upholstered the walls so that the dampness did not pass through, so that I would not catch a cold, put up a pavilion, blocked a closet where we should have our stay, and mourned all that.

That sad day has come, how we need to go. We were given 10 people for services, and women for each person, one person, all 5 people. I wanted to take my girl with me, but my sisters-in-law dissuaded me, including their own for themselves, and they gave me a girl who was an assistant to the laundresses, she didn’t know how to do anything, as soon as washing dresses. I was forced to agree with them. My girl is crying, she doesn’t want to leave me behind, I already asked her not to miss me anymore. Let it be as fate has determined. And so I gathered well: I had less than my slave, not half a penny of money. How much money this teacher of mine had about herself, she gave it to me; the amount was not very large - 60 rubles, so I went. I no longer remember whether we walked to the ship or drove, the river was not far from our house. It has come for me to part with my people here, because it was allowed for them to see us off. I entered my cabin, saw how it was tidied up, helped my poor condition as much as possible. It suddenly came to me to thank her for her love and upbringing for me, and immediately say goodbye that I was already seeing her for the last time; we grabbed each other by the neck, and so my hands froze, and I don’t remember how they pulled me away from her. I came to my senses in a cabin or in a closet, I was lying on the bed, and my husband was standing over me, holding my hand, giving me alcohol to smell. I jumped out of bed, running upstairs, I still think hato ( So in the manuscript. (Note status)) once I see, below the place of that, to know - they sailed far away. Then I lost the pearl pearl that I had on my hand, you know, I lowered it into the water when I said goodbye to my people. Yes, I didn’t feel sorry anymore, not before him, life is wasted. So I was left alone, losing everything for one person. And so we sailed all that night.

The next day, the wind became great, a storm on the river, thunder, lightning, much louder on the water than on land, and I am afraid of thunder from nature. The ship rolls from side to side. As thunder strikes, so do people fall. The younger sister-in-law was very afraid, she cries and screams. I thought - the end of the world! They were forced to land on the shore. And so they spent the whole night in fear without sleep. As soon as it dawned, the weather calmed down, we sailed on our way. And so we traveled by water for three weeks. When the weather is calm, I then sit under the windows in my closet, when I cry, when I wash my scarves: the water is very close, and sometimes I will buy a sturgeon and for its rope; he swims next to me, so that I am not the only slave and the sturgeon is with me. And when the weather begins to shake the ship with the wind, then my head will ache and feel sick, then they will take me upstairs to the deck and lay me in the wind, and until then I lie unconscious until the weather calms down, and they cover me with a fur coat: the wind is very strong on the water. shrewd. Sometimes he sits next to me for the campaign. As soon as the weather passes, I will rest, but I could not eat anything, everything was sick.

One day what happened to us: the weather has risen cruelly, and there is no one who knows who knows where the depth is, where the shallows are and where you can land, no one knows anything, and so all the peasants are recruited from a plow, they swim where the wind blows, but it’s dark already becoming, the night is close, they can not land anywhere on the shore, the weather does not allow. The anchor was thrown in the middle of the river in the very depths, the anchor was torn off. My sympathizer did not let me go upstairs then: he was afraid that they would crush me in this assault. People and workers are all running around the ship, some pouring water, some tying the anchor, and so everything is at work. Suddenly, inadvertently, our ship was pulled into the bay. Didn't have time to do anything. I hear that there has been a great noise, but I do not know what. I got up to look: our ship stands as if in a box between two banks. I ask where we are; no one knows how to say, they themselves do not know. On one bank there is birch forest, just like a grove should be, not very dense. This land also began to subside with the forest, several fathoms sink into the river or into the bay where we are standing, and the forest will rustle so terribly under our very ship, and so it will lift us up and draw us into that damage. And so it was for a very long time. Everyone thought that we were lost, and our commanders were completely ready to save their lives on trays, and leave us to die. Finally, so much of this land was already torn off that water became visible behind the remaining small part of the earth itself; you have to think it's a lake. When this remnant was torn off, we would need to be in that lake. The wind was terrible then; I think that we would end then, if not the very mercy of God hastened. The wind began to subside and the earth stopped tearing, and we got rid of that misfortune, drove out into the world on our way, from this bay we set off into a large river. This waterway took away a lot of my stomach. However, I endured all sorts of fears, because there was still no end to my troubles, I was preparing for big ones, for this God supported me. We reached the city, where we need to unload ashore and go by land. I was glad, I thought I would not see such fears. Later I found out that there is no better place for me; not on that fate determined me to rest.

What is this road? 300 ver. I had to move by mountains, five versts up the mountain and down the mountain as well; they are as if strewn with wild stone, and the path is so narrow, only one horse is harnessed, which is called a goose, because there are ditches on both sides. If you harness two horses, then one will push the other into the ditch. These ditches are overgrown with forest; it is impossible to describe how high they are: as you climb to the very top of the mountain and look around - immeasurable depth, only the peaks of the forest are visible, all pine and oak. She has never seen such a tall and thick forest from her birth. This stone road, I thought that my heart would be torn off. A hundred times I asked: “Let me rest!” No one has pity, but our commanders hurry as much as possible to return home; but you have to travel all day long from morning to night, because there is no housing, and after forty miles small houses have been set up for shelter for passing people and for feeding horses. What happened: one day it rained all the time and soaked us so that as soon as we got out of the carriages, it flowed from head to toe, as if we had come out of the river. The carriages were small, the skins were all wet, there was nothing to cover with, and, having arrived at the apartment, there was nowhere to dry, because there was only one hut, and our family name is great, everyone wants peace. And then misfortune joked with me: the habit or habit of walking upright - they beat me boldly for that: “Walk straight!”, moreover, I was of considerable height, - as soon as I entered that hut, where we would spend the night, I only crossed through a vice, fell back, hit the mother - it was very low - so hard that I thought that my head was sleeping. My friend got scared, thought I was dead. However, the youth of my years helped me to endure all sorts of disastrous adventures. And my poor mother-in-law caught a cold from this sputum so much that both her arms and legs were taken away, and in two months she finished her stomach.

It is impossible to describe everything, how much I was worried on this road, what need I endured. Even if I was alone in suffering, I cannot see my comrade suffering innocently. I don't remember how many weeks we were on this road.

We arrived at the provincial town of the island where we are destined to live 12 . They told us that the way to that island was by water, and then there would be a change: the guards officer would go back, and we would be entrusted to the local garrison officer with a team of 24 soldiers. We lived here for a week, while they fixed the ship on which we were to go, and handed us over from hand to hand, like prisoners. It was somewhat pitiful that even the stony heart softened; the officer wept very much at parting and said: “Now you will suffer all sorts of grief; these people are extraordinary, they will treat you like vile ones, there will be no leniency from them.” And so we all cried, as if we were parting from our relatives, at least we got used to him: no matter how bad it was, but he knew us in prosperity, it was somewhat ashamed for him to act harshly with us.

As the ship was fixed, the new commander took us to the ship; there was a fair procession: a crowd of soldiers with a gun followed us, as if they were robbers; I was already walking, lowering my eyes, I did not look back; There are a lot of watchers along the street where they lead us. We came to the ship; I was horrified when I saw: a great difference with the former. From neglect they gave the most worthless, worst, so by our name and the ship, at least the next day the abyss. As we were then called the prisoners, there was no other name, which is already worse in the light of this title, such is our respect. The whole ship - the boards came out of the grooves, they glow through the holes, and although there is a little wind, the whole ship will begin to creak; it is black, sooty; as the workers laid fire in it, so it remained; the worst thing, no one would ride in it; it was retired, determined for firewood, but how very hurried, they didn’t dare to keep us for a long time, what happened, they gave it like that, or maybe they were purposely ordered to drown us. However, as not the will of God, they sailed to the place shown alive.

They were forced to submit to the new commander; all the ways were looking for how to caress him, they could not find; yes in whom and find? God forbid and endure grief, but with a smart person; what a stupid officer this was, from the peasants, but he deserved the rank of captain. He thought of himself that he was a very great man and that we should be kept cruelly as long as possible, like criminals; it seemed to him mean to talk to us, but with all his arrogance he went to dine with us. Depict this one thing, is it similar to an intelligent person? What he went around in: a soldier's coat for one shirt, and shoes on his bare feet, and so he sits with us. I was younger than everyone, and intemperate, I can not stand not to laugh, seeing such a ridiculous posture. He, seeing that I am laughing at him, or he managed to notice something, says, laughing: “Now you are happy that my books burned down, otherwise I would have talked to you.” No matter how bitter I was, only I tried to bring him into the conversation more, only he didn’t tell me anything more. Think about who our commander was and to whom we were entrusted, so that he could see when we intended to do what. What were they afraid of, so that we would not leave? Should he watch? We were not kept by their guard, but our innocence kept us. They thought that in time they would look around and return us to our first state. Moreover, the surname interfered a lot: it was great 13 . And so this stupid commander and I sailed for a whole month to the city where we live.

Lord Jesus Christ, my Savior, forgive my boldness, what I will say with Paul the Apostle: troubles in the mountains, troubles in dens, troubles from relatives, troubles from a robber, troubles from households! I thank my God for everything that did not allow me to taste the sweetness of this world. What is joy, I do not know it. My Heavenly Father foresaw in me that I was tempted to every evil, did not allow my soul to perish, humbled me in every way and cut off all my paths to sin, but I, accursed and sinful, did not accept with thanksgiving and grumbled at God in every possible way, did not impute in mercy, but in punishment, but He, like a merciful Father, endured my madness and did His will in me. May the name of the Lord be blessed from now on and forever! Most Holy Lady Theotokos, do not leave me at the terrible hour of death!

What kind of trouble in the world would have passed me or sadness, I don’t know. When I collect in memory all my life from infancy, I am surprised at myself how I survived all the troubles, did not die, did not lose my mind, all that was supported by the mercy of God and His guidance. From the age of four she became an orphan, from the age of 15 she was a slave, she was imprisoned in a small empty place where, with need, one can have food. How many fears I saw, how many needs I endured! While on the road, I happened to drive three hundred versts in mountains continuously, five versts from mountain to mountain. These same mountains are strewn with natural wild stone, and the path is so narrow that it is harnessed to one horse, and on both sides the ditches are deep and overgrown with forest, and you have to drive all day, from morning to night, because there is no housing, and after forty miles small courtyards for shelter and feed for horses. Even then I thought that they would not take me alive. Every time a wheel drives up and down a stone, this one will hit me in the carriage, it will shake me so painfully, it seems as if my heart has been torn off.

Meanwhile, one day it happened that the whole day it rained and soaked us so that as we got out of the carriages, it flowed from head to toe, as if we had left the river. The carriages were small, the skins were all wet, there was nothing to cover with, and, having arrived at the apartments, there was nowhere to dry, because there was only one hut, and our surname is great, everyone wants peace. It would be enough for me that I have disappeared and endure such a need, so, having forgotten myself, I feel sorry for my comrade, I cannot see him in such innocent suffering.

Our commanders decided to change our path and lead us with water, or so it was necessary. I was glad, I thought it would be easier for me, but I have never traveled on water since my birth and I have not seen large rivers, except for the Moscow River. First, as we then called the prisoners, this name is already the worst thing in the world. With carelessness, which happened, they gave us a bad ship, that all the boards from which it was made parted, because it was old. They put us in it, and gentlemen on guard officers, for their own salvation, did not take boats and lead them along. What kind of fear am I here! As soon as the wind turns our ship, it will begin to creak, all the boards will begin to move apart; and water will pour into the vessel; and they will lay me dead on the deck, upstairs; I lie silently, until it calms down and the waves stop rocking the ship, then they will bring me down. I was so strange, I didn’t have my own slave.

One day what happened: the weather has risen cruelly and is beating us cruelly, but there is no one who knows where the depth is, where to land, there is nothing, and all the peasants are swimming, where the wind is driving, but it is dark, it is already night, they can’t anywhere stick. The anchor was thrown in the middle of the river - it does not hold, the anchor was also torn off. Then my sympathizer did not let me upstairs, but laid me in a closet, which was made for us, fenced with planks, on a bed. I’m lying so dead, I suddenly hear how it pulled us, and everyone began to scream, the noise became great. What is this cry? Everyone got scared. Unintentionally, our ship was pulled or washed into the bay, and we stood between the shores, on which there is a forest, but more of a birch; suddenly this land began to subside a few fathoms and with trees, it would sink into the water, and the forest would rustle so terribly right under our ship, and so it would lift us up, and immediately drag us into that damage. And so it was for a very long time, and they thought that they were gone, and our commanders were completely ready to save their lives on boats, and leave us to die. Finally, it became clear how this land was being torn, that there was very little of it left, and behind it was water, you could not see either the shore or its width, but they thought that there should be a lake; when this remnant was torn off, then we would need to be in this lake. The wind is awful. Then I thought that the light of death, I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t lie down or sit, only the Lord, by His mercy, saved our stomach. The workers had an icon of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, which they carried out onto the deck and began to pray; that same hour the wind began to subside and the earth ceased to tear. And so God carried us.

From April to September were on the road; there was a lot of everything, great fears, thunders, lightnings, extraordinary winds. With such difficulty they brought us to a small town, which sits on an island; around the water; the inhabitants in it are the meanest people , eat raw fish, ride dogs, wear deer skins; as soon as they take it off without cutting the belly, they will put it on, the front leg is the place of the sleeves. The huts are cedar, the windows are icy instead of glass. Winters 10 months or 8 , unbearable frosts, nothing will be born, no bread, no fruit, cabbage below. Impenetrable forests and swamps; bread is brought by water for a thousand miles. We reached such a place that there was nothing to drink, eat, or wear; do not sell anything, below kalach. Then I cried, for which the rivers did not drown me. I thought it was impossible to live in such a bad place.

It is impossible to describe all my suffering and troubles, how much I endured them! That it was the most sickening thing of all, for whom it disappeared and carried all these misfortunes, and that everything in the world was sweeter, I was not consoled by that, and my joy was always mixed with sorrow: I was sick from unbearable troubles; the sources of his tears did not dry up, the pity of his heart ate, seeing me in such a pitiful state. His prayer before God was vigilant, fasting and abstinence was not hypocritical; almsgiving is everlasting: it never came from him begging either; he had a monastic rule, incessantly in the church, communed all the fasts of the Holy Mysteries and turned all his sorrow on God. He had no malice towards anyone, and did not remember evil to anyone, and all his miserable life He repeated Christianly and in the commandments of God, and did not ask God for anything in the world, as soon as the kingdom of heaven, of which I have no doubt.

I'm not ashamed to describe his virtues because I don't lie 14 . God forbid what to write unrighteously. I console myself with that when I remember all his noble deeds, and I consider myself happy that I lost him for my own sake, without coercion, out of my good will. I had everything in him: a gracious husband, and a father, and a teacher, and a prospector for my salvation; he taught me to pray to God, taught me to be merciful to the poor, forced me to give alms, I always read the Holy Scriptures so that I would know the Word of God, I always repeated about kindness, so that I would not remember evil to anyone. He is the fundator of all my blessings. to the current light: that is, my well-being, that I agree with the will of God in everything and bear all the current troubles with thanksgiving. He put in my heart for everything to thank God. He was born in nature inclined towards every virtue, although he lived in luxury, like a man, only he did no harm to anyone and did not offend anyone in any way, except perhaps by accident.