Narcissism is a character trait that manifests itself as excessive self-confidence and excessive narcissism, which does not correspond to the real state of affairs. The concept comes from the ancient Greek myth of a handsome young man named Narcissus, who admired his own reflection in the water instead of reciprocating the feelings of the nymph Echo. The gods punished him, subjected him to eternal love only for himself, and turned him into a flower named after him.

In modern psychology and psychiatry, narcissism is considered as an accentuation of character, and in extreme manifestations, as a mental disorder. Usually, narcissistic people have a whole bunch of shortcomings: vanity and pride, excessive selfishness, self-obsession, up to adoration. Often this type of personality is found among elite groups that are indifferent to the fate of others.

Narcissism in the works of foreign psychologists

The famous founder of the psychoanalytic trend, Sigmund Freud, introduced the term "narcissism" to psychology. He believed that self-love, in a certain sense, an innate quality of any person, just becomes pathological in some.

Psychoanalyst Karen Horney has explored this phenomenon as a nervous condition based on basal anxiety. She studied narcissism in connection with those phenomena that do not allow the personality to develop and achieve self-realization.

Andrew P. Morrison has written about the positive role of moderate narcissism in the mature person. This allows him to harmonize his desires and reduce the susceptibility of their assessments from others.

Otto Kenberg dwelled in particular detail on the disclosure of the pathological type. In total, he singled out 3 types of narcissism:

• normal infantile;
• normal mature;
• pathological.

The latter, according to Kenberg, appears due to the fact that a person overestimates himself, idealizes his I. These people are arrogant towards others, constantly and by all means show that they are better and more important, others do not arouse any interest in them.

Manfred Kets de Vries found that narcissism is usually characteristic of men in high management positions.

The well-known philosopher, psychoanalyst, researcher of the concept of "freedom" Erich Fromm, paid special attention to the negative examples of narcissism. In his work on the soul, its capacity for good and evil, he called this phenomenon part of the "disintegration syndrome". Moreover, he singled out not only a special case, but also considered public narcissism.

Features of the disorder

Narcissism as a mental disorder is a phenomenon in which a person is convinced of his uniqueness, special purpose, the need for a privileged position and attitude. Such people have an overestimated opinion of their successes, talent. They attribute to themselves achievements that do not exist, they demand excessive attention and reverence, exaltation above all. The constant search for approval and praise from others confirms their uniqueness. At the same time, narcissists do not know how to support someone, to sympathize. They should be given complete freedom of action and their own rules. For such individuals, the positive opinion of others about themselves is important, although those around them are nothing. Other people's ideals, values ​​- nothing is important, it does not matter, only if it does not affect them personally.

According to McWilliams, a narcissistic personality is a person whose activities are aimed solely at obtaining praise. His self-esteem is maintained at a high level due to actions organized in a certain way, which will certainly cause approval. This individual is not only sensitive to criticism, but in the absence of third-party positive reinforcement, he feels a deep disappointment in himself and life, a feeling of rejection and abandonment. It is emphasized that pathology for a narcissist is a condition in which past failures in relationships with people are compensated, not necessarily associated with childhood experiences or the loss of "rose-colored glasses".

The life experience of such people is full of fears, disappointments, feelings of shame. The narcissist thinks that he is hopeless, the environment considers him not good enough. That is, they have no reason to think so, they do not analyze their actions, dividing them into “bad” and “good”. Narcissistic personalities tend to place responsibility on others. He is ashamed of himself, believing that others do not like him. Feelings of inferiority, insecurity, make the narcissist control and monitor other people's assessments of their actions.

For an individual with narcissism, there are ideals that he follows. However, at any moment he is able to change the object of admiration, if circumstances so require, and his status in the team depends on this. And, since the narcissist seeks only support and praise from others, he does not know how to feel real affection for someone. The narcissistic personality earnestly wants to be loved, but is unable to give in return.

Due to the fact that the narcissist tends to hide his true qualities and intentions, he creates a "false self" around him. Such a person, naturally, does not want to lose positive reinforcement from loved ones, therefore he plays a certain role, portraying love and gratitude, but not actually experiencing them.

Kernberg believes that the traits of a narcissistic personality are similar to the hysterical psychotype. If the nature of the hysteroid becomes heavier, then the signs of both types alternate with each other.

The narcissist does not know what he wants to achieve, what he ideally wants to become. The only thing that drives him is the acquisition of a certain status, weight in society.

A narcissistic personality is hard to converge with people for closer communication - friendship, love. He is looking for a partner only to reflect his own best qualities. Not jealous and not imbued with a deep feeling.

Female narcissism is worse than male narcissism, but less common. The mother passes on her behavior to the child, she is emotionally cold and does not know how to teach a different model, as a result of which the children grow up exactly the same. Pathology continues its way from generation to generation.

Men with narcissism direct their efforts towards achieving a specific goal - to achieve career heights, become independent and dominant. They also accumulate material goods in order to appear more significant and raise their social status. When ambition finds its satisfaction, narcissists do not experience much joy. They are devastated and do not know what to achieve next.

Until the age of 35, male narcissists rarely think about something. They make their way, accumulate money, build a career, acquire a circle of business acquaintances. They have many tasks, and men actively carry them out. But gradually he begins to miss building a family, reliable friends nearby, a beloved woman. Therefore, a narcissist can become an aggressive man, or even a domestic tyrant.

Reasons for the development of narcissism

Narcissism develops for three main reasons:

• anatomical;
• psychological;
• due to childhood traumas and neuroses, parental upbringing.

The first group implies the presence of brain changes, which can be diagnosed using an MRI procedure. There are violations:

• decreased activity in the area that is responsible for compassion, human emotions;
• sealing the outer shell;
• thickening of the cerebral cortex;
• decrease in the amount of gray matter.

The second group is psychological reasons. It includes:

• past mental trauma;
• other concomitant mental disorders;
• low self-esteem, self-doubt;
• on the contrary, an excessive sense of uniqueness and superiority;
• the desire to imitate the idol, to achieve the ideal;
• unstable value system;
• excessive reliance on other people's opinions;
• parental style of education - overprotection.

The third group directly links narcissism in adulthood with the upbringing received in childhood:

• there was no distinction between what was possible and what was not;
• exaggerated demands of parents to children, punishment for non-fulfillment;
• promiscuity, the child is left to himself;
• excessive praise - children must deserve and have an idea for what they are praised for, for what actions;
• distortion by parents of the rules and norms of behavior in a civilized society. Forcing the situation or, on the contrary, a “pink”, cloudless world.

signs

This disorder is established using diagnostic methods used for any other mental disorders. But there are also some peculiarities:

• all-encompassing pomposity (in behavior and violent fantasies);
• need for praise
• lack or insufficiently developed empathy for the other.

These signs distinguish narcissism from other disorders. There are other criteria inherent in this phenomenon:

1. Colossal ego.
2. Continuous dreams about your beauty, building ideal relationships, achieving unlimited power and success.
3. Belief in his elitism and in the fact that only a narrow category of people is worthy to surround him. These are gifted or exceptionally rich, successful individuals.
4. Constant need for praise.
5. Feels like everyone around him owes him.
6. Low level of empathy.
7. He believes that he is surrounded by envious people.
8. Does not hide the arrogant attitude towards others, demonstrates superiority.

The disorder has a number of symptoms:

First group. Severe changes in personality functioning.

A) Violations in the personal plan: identity and self-reliance.

Identity problems - the inability to self-assess oneself, control one's own self-confidence. The narcissist is overly dependent on the opinions of others. It fluctuates even in polar opposite decisions. Emotions are unstable.

The second type of violation is the inability to set a goal without positive reinforcement from the outside. A person does not realize what he is striving for and what he wants. Self-esteem is too high and expectations, respectively, too. Or underestimated if it does not get its results.

B) Violations in interpersonal relationships.

Empathy Problems - Not only does the narcissist not feel empathy for the other person, but they are also unable to recognize that they may have needs, interests, and needs that are different from their own. Evaluates others, only on the basis of their attitude towards him.

Problems with establishing close, trusting relationships - sometimes there is a sincere interest in the other, on which mutual sympathy is built, but the desire to use a person for personal purposes prevails.

C) Pathological development, if:

• Egocentrism is pronounced.
• A tendency to outrageous, exalted acts caused by the desire to be in the spotlight.
• Violations in the integrity of the personality do not go away with time, but are of a regular nature.
• The disorder of narcissism prevents a person from establishing relations in society, mastering the cultural environment, rules and norms.
• Dysfunction of individual qualities of a person does not depend on the use of medicines, the presence of injuries.

In order to accurately identify the symptoms, a special examination is carried out. For the diagnostician, an important point in establishing a specific disorder will be the exclusion of other behavioral complexes similar in characteristics:

• borderline states - panic attacks, increased anxiety, suicidal thoughts and attempts;
• asocial - a tendency to systematic violations of the rules and laws established in society, alcohol or drug abuse;
• hysterical - manipulating people, frequent mood swings, excessive emotionality.

Therapy for narcissism

Psychoanalysis, as a method of treatment, is a rather difficult process. But it is psychotherapy that will help correct the behavior of the narcissist.

The main goal of therapy is to achieve the patient's awareness of his problem and frank conversations about his disorder. It is important for such a person to understand what is the origin of the disease, how it manifests itself, how to cope. In the first phase of therapy, the narcissist will have to openly communicate how he is accustomed to getting his way. Narcissistic people usually experience a sense of shame, and it is difficult for them to admit that something is wrong with them, they immediately feel their inferiority.

However, if a person in everyday life does not know how to ask for help, then it is extremely difficult for another to guess what he needs. And then the narcissist is offended, humiliated. And in a therapy session, a narcissistic sufferer will certainly accuse his surroundings of inattention, insensitivity to him. The therapist finds out what the needs and desires of the patient are, he learns to pronounce and highlight them. Looks at your failures in communication from a different angle.

narcissistic trauma

Sigmund Freud introduced the concept of "narcissistic trauma". It appears when a person with narcissism feels that his hidden, hidden personality, motives, have been discovered. This occurs when interpersonal communication is unsuccessfully built, when the narcissist is belittled, put in his place. He has a reaction of narcissistic rage or anger in response to a stressful situation, which will definitely lead a person to lower self-esteem, sometimes to antisocial behavior. The narcissist, using destructive methods that destroy his personality, will thereby seek to get rid of the anger that suffocates him.

Narcissistic rage can manifest itself in a mild form: demonstrations of indifference, irritability, annoyance. And in a more severe one: physical violence, and sometimes murder. In addition, the personality is accompanied by depressive states, catatonic syndrome or paranoid delusions. An angry narcissist is able to direct aggression either against himself or against another.

Freud developed the concept of "early trauma of self-esteem", narcissistic trauma, where he connected it with the concept of neurosis. In the future, this theory continued to be studied and supplemented by his other fellow psychoanalysts. K.A. Maslow discovered the relationship between childhood experience of lack of praise and depression in adulthood. Otto Fenichel also noted the dependence of childhood mental trauma, and depression with the development of borderline disorders in a mature person.

Kohut came to the conclusion in his research on aggression that narcissists have a disturbed perception of their personality, so narcissistic anger does not give them any additional confidence. Their rage is based on real or contrived reasons due to the increased sensitivity of these people.

Narcissistic trauma occurs when the narcissist strives to control his environment with a system of punishing his representatives for "offenses". That is, a person of this type quite consciously decides to correct injustice, eliminate shortcomings for those who are guilty of them. The narcissist is vindictive. He becomes angry because of inaction, wants to punish another, inflict pain, just to restore his self-esteem. This is actually the wrong way. The narcissist defends himself with the help of an emerging mask of rage, which maintains in him a sense of power, strength. And it grows if the narcissistic personality continues to get rid of those who interfere with experiencing this experience along the way.

According to Kohut, narcissistic anger is an attempt to hide from shame.

Narcissism and perfectionism

The narcissist is a false perfectionist. You can consider him an ubiquitous, zealous activist striving to realize cherished goals and dreams, but this is not so. The narcissistic person only pretends and creates such an image around himself. He is entirely subordinated to one task - to please people.

An individual with narcissism improves, develops interests, expands the circle of acquaintances only in order to increase his self-esteem, having received approving reviews from relatives for his alleged efforts. If the expectations are not justified, a sense of guilt and shame develops, increased anxiety and fear that otherwise they will not deserve the attention of others, and without this the narcissist does not see the meaning of life.

The narcissist's perfectionism focuses on avoiding traumatic situations that affect self-esteem.

Man looking at reflection in mirror

Therapy for Narcissistic Trauma

Therapy is aimed at re-experiencing the situation that brought the narcissistic trauma. For example, the new alienation of the child (who has now become an adult) from the parents. The psychotherapist, in the course of such an experiment, experiences discomfort with the patient and directs him in the right direction, helps to reduce the degree of harm and pain from the loss.

General treatment for narcissism

In addition to individual therapy, there is a group form. It aims to teach the patient to soberly assess himself and his abilities, to recognize the abilities, opinions of other people. Deal with criticism and do without frequent praise. The therapist teaches the group to have empathy for each other. In this version, the doctor is not perceived as a strict, authoritarian person who needs to be resisted, and the patient is more liberated in the society of the same as he is.

Prevention of Narcissistic Disorder

In order for the symptoms of narcissism not to appear in adulthood, it is necessary to carry out prevention in childhood. Parents should follow:

• Principles of respect for the wishes of the child, his opinion. He must be able to express and formulate his thoughts, and not just use yours. And get answers to those questions that he has in the process of knowing this world.
• Children need to distinguish between what is permitted and forbidden, to adhere to their own rules, even if they are naughty and cry.
• Be sure to express your love.
• Praise good behavior.
• Do not brag about the success of your child with him.
• Do not quarrel in front of children.
• Both parents must adhere to the same rules and parenting model.
• Raise children in a tolerant attitude towards others, not indifferent to the misfortune of another.

Narcissism is not a definitive diagnosis or an irreparable disease. It is overcome and corrected. Psychotherapists will help to cope with the disorder, diagnose, outline the path of treatment. The main thing is your desire to change, to live fully, to build harmonious relationships with others and loved ones.

In ordinary consciousness, a narcissist is a person who is in love with himself. A kind of egocentric who does not see anyone and nothing and is only busy praising himself. People imagine that a narcissist is a person who looks at himself in a mirror, considers himself irresistible and great in every way.

How do psychologists view narcissists?

To begin with, it is worth noting that normal narcissism is not a disease. This is the personality structure. That is, it's just a way of building the psyche. It is determined by the main, central conflict within a person. This conflict is basic. It is he who is the starting point for the formation of all other character traits and behaviors.

Another important point. Talk about a narcissistic component. This implies that this component, generally speaking, is present in all of us. It is simply expressed in varying degrees and plays a greater or lesser role in the overall structure of the character.

I mentioned the internal conflict that is central to the narcissist. What is this conflict?

The central drama of Narcissus

In short, the problem is self-identification. The key question, the question of the whole life of a narcissist, is "What am I?"

Imagine a situation. You woke up one morning and you are doing everything as usual. But suddenly all the people around you tell you that you have changed a lot in appearance. You have a different face and body. What will be your first impulse and strongest desire?

Find a mirror! See what's wrong with me? Find out "Who am I?" To rejoice, to be upset or to accept is the tenth thing. First you need to know, see, study, form an idea.

Now imagine that there is no way to do this. Mirrors do not reflect you, photo and video cameras do not shoot, and you yourself do not see your body.

This is roughly the state that a narcissist experiences throughout his life. The eternal search for the answer to the question "What am I?" and the inability to get a reliable answer.

Of course, the narcissist has some knowledge about himself, ideas. He collects feedback from the world and sees the results of his activities. He can rely on something. But all the same - the general picture "I am such and such" - is not going to.

This is the center. This is the key to understanding daffodils of all kinds and colors. Everything else is already "implementation details".

Another feature of the narcissist is the eternal doubt in assessments and characteristics. Even when receiving an answer to the question "What am I?", the narcissist is always in doubt and thus does not allow himself to appropriate the answer. Even if it is purely "positive". The inability to fully appropriate this feedback is a characteristic of narcissists.

Idealization - devaluation

These are characteristic defense mechanisms that narcissists often resort to. It is clear that the narcissist will seek to idealize the person who gives him what he needs and devalue the other. Another type of narcissist will idealize their false self-image and devalue everything else, including their real manifestations. For example, he can devalue his real fears, depriving them of meaning, annoyed that they even exist.

Idealization and devaluation touch everything that fills the life of a narcissist. With a borderline personality, the whole world of the narcissist is likely to be divided into ideal and insignificant.

At the same time, as we understand, the ideal does not exist. So the eternal companion of the narcissist will be disappointment. It will come every time the illusion of an ideal object collapses. More often than not, to avoid this disappointment and the accompanying experience, the narcissist will devalue what they previously idealized, as well as the entire experience of interacting with this object.

Compensation and benefits of the narcissistic nature

This same addiction causes narcissists to be envious. And envy, with a constructive approach, is the strongest motivation for one's own achievements. Often productive narcissists reach great heights. Significantly, heights are usually determined socially. That is, if the rejection of material values ​​is considered valuable in society, then the narcissist will be a legendary poor man. Since the narcissist is aimed at the approval of society, he tends to take values ​​from it.

Narcissists can be quite open, as they are prone to psychological exhibitionism.

The narcissist may develop the ability to quickly approach others. At the heart of this ability is the desire for security. The consideration is: "If you and I are very close and understand each other well, if we let each other close and become vulnerable to each other, then the likelihood that one of us will hurt the other decreases." Since the narcissist is not initially set up to hurt another, but rather is set to get his approval, intimacy becomes an opportunity to somehow secure the narcissist himself. If this dynamic is present, it allows the narcissist to very quickly enter into trusting contact with different people, understand them well and establish long-term close relationships.

Since the main question is "What am I?", a narcissist can often have good abilities for reflection and introspection.

Article Limitations

In this article, I have tried to briefly describe the narcissistic dynamics of a predominantly healthy narcissist. Or rather, neurotic. It is worth considering that there are no completely healthy people in the psychological sense. And the degree of neuroticism can vary.

A neurotic disorder can also be found in people with a borderline or psychotic personality structure. In these cases, it acquires individual characteristics and is tolerated, respectively, worse, causing more suffering both to the narcissist himself and to people in contact with him. At the same time, the overall dynamics and drama is preserved.

little daffodil

This article aims to give a deeper understanding of the narcissistic personality structure and make it more voluminous, different from the simple "Narcissistic type".

As I said above, one speaks not only of the narcissistic structure of the personality, but also of the narcissistic component. The fact is that this component is somehow represented in each of us. In everyone there is a small daffodil that may show more or less.

When you comb your hair or choose an outfit that suits you better. When you strive for the best result. Or, for example, feel shame when your clothes are dirty. When you want your work and you to be noticed and appreciated and complain when this does not happen.

It's all your little narcissist.

• Narcissistic personality disorder is a single diagnosis, but it combines three varieties of narcissism.
• People with these disorders are categorized based on how they interact and treat other people.
• Some experts believe that identifying a person's type of narcissism makes a relationship possible, while others believe it's the best way to keep the relationship clear.

To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, a person must display at least five of the nine special characteristics. People with these disorders are characterized by low levels of empathy, an exaggerated idea of ​​their own personality, and a need for admiration.

Many narcissists live by similar patterns of behavior, such as flattery, manipulativeness, and rejection of people who do not benefit them, but at the same time, they can behave very differently.

Many psychotherapists and therapists divide narcissists into three different categories based on three types of actions: openness, closeness, and toxicity.

According to Elinor Greenberg, the therapist who wrote the book Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Need for Love, Admiration, and Security, the form of human narcissism is largely dependent on upbringing.

Open daffodils are a stereotype

For example, open-minded (or pretentious) narcissists have the “look at me” mindset that children often have.

Children don't immediately get the hang of understanding their parents' problems, "so they lack empathy in that regard," says Greenberg. “If you outgrow this life stage with a normal level of attention, then you can overcome this barrier.”

But some people, she says, grow up in families where children are raised in a narcissistic manner—for example, their family members may position them as special and claim that they deserve success because “it’s in their blood.”

An open narcissist is a stereotypical image of a narcissist, says Shannon Thomas, a licensed clinical social worker who wrote the book Treatment for Hidden Offenses.

“They think they are incredible – they find themselves smarter, more attractive and stronger than other people and truly believe in it,” she told Business Insider. “Even in the company of friends or close colleagues, they put themselves one step higher.”

Open daffodils are not defenseless, says Thomas. If they do not praise themselves, then they try to humiliate someone else. Often they are rude, inconsiderate and angry towards other people. They choose to ignore or even not notice how others react to their actions.”

Closed narcissists have different personality traits

Some people with narcissistic personality disorder grow up as such in families where they had to constantly compete for love or in families where they were constantly hindered, says Greenberg, in such cases people receive approval only when they themselves bow down.

Closed (or hidden) narcissists want to be special, but this causes them internal conflict. Like open narcissists, closed narcissists also consider themselves incredibly standout, but they are much more defenseless.

"Closed narcissists don't directly say they're special," Greenberg says. "They choose someone else—a person, a religion, a book, a fashion designer—who they think is special, and then they start to feel special when interacting with them."

She also added: “When someone feels special because of the designer things on themselves, then others define it as an associative feature. Closed narcissists are often insecure, so they look for someone they can idealize."

Their behavior can often be described as passive-aggressive. For example, they try to keep their love partners in constant disappointment. They may promise something and then fail to do so in order to enjoy the reaction of others.

“They do what they want, when they want,” says Thomas, “and then they try to make themselves the victim.”

Constantly saying one thing and doing something completely different, people with a closed type of narcissism bring people close to them to insanity, forcing them to doubt the reality of what is happening and their own adequacy. Closed narcissists may blame their partners for things they never did, but partners can easily believe their words, as their own reality begins to distort.

While open narcissists are quite consistent in their actions, closed narcissists can exhibit different personality traits. In certain situations, they can behave differently - in public they can present themselves as charismatic and sweet, and in relationships with their own partners - cruel and evil, which causes them even more uncertainty.

Toxic narcissists crave chaos and destruction

Toxic (or spiteful) narcissists go up another notch. They not only crave attention to their own person, but also want others to feel in submission. They tend to be sadistic and enjoy the pain of others.

"Toxic daffodils are like the Ice Queen from Snow White," Greenberg says. "When the mirror says that Snow White is prettier than her, the Ice Queen decides to kill Snow White and hide her heart in a box."

Toxic narcissists find it incredibly exciting to inspire people and then watch them fail. Thomas calls this behavior an additional layer of sadistic behavior.

"This type of narcissism borders on antisocial personality disorder," she says. "People who enjoy ruining other people's careers feel great about ruining other people emotionally, physically, or spiritually."

Toxic narcissists tend to have a lot of chaos around them, says Thomas, so they enjoy bringing chaos into other people's lives.

“Harmony is not their goal,” she says. “We are very worried about its abundance, but, on the contrary, they receive energy during its deficiency. That is why such people often themselves provoke problems and dramas in the lives of others. They always say they hate drama, but they always end up in the middle of it."

Relationships with narcissists can be risky

People with narcissistic personality disorder suffer from a lack of consistency. This means that, for example, when they show anger towards their partner, they do not see it in the context of the relationship and continue to show hatred or desire to hurt their partner.

This leads to relationships with narcissists—whether romantic, familial, or professional—becoming very draining.

Greenberg argues that it is possible to build relationships with narcissists if you identify their type of narcissism and understand how it functions. Many relationship experts, one way or another, argue that it's best to stay away from narcissists.

However, this is entirely your decision, so it's worth researching what you're getting into first.

businessinsider.com, translation: Artemy Kaidash