Good afternoon..
One of my problems, and perhaps the main one, is that I perceive this world as very hostile, and even with exceptional pessimism (although at times I can look quite cheerful and even joke) ... And in this world I am probably the weakest link , and this probably can be cited as an example of me, talking about natural selection, because the world, literally from childhood in every possible way, almost always pushes me overboard, if not to hell at all ..
... And if we take this analogy with life, as with a trap on my leg, then the more I try to remove my trap, the more it bends, and bending, it hurts me even more .. And sometimes it even seems to me that I'm so used to it that life without a trap may seem quite uncomfortable to me ..
The question is, is it possible to stop being afraid to live, or is it like a disability from childhood, very difficult to fix?
On this score, I even received psychosomatics, I was very attached to my mother all my life, my mother, in fact, protected me as best she could all her life, and tried to solve my problems somehow, but she gave birth to me late and left early ... And so I was left alone on one with a terrible world and an alcoholic father (who also, by the way, had already died), and literally burying her mother, after a few days she got severe pain in her legs ... For a long time I did not connect one with the other, then I read from Luza Hay that pain in the legs and joints is the fear of life, the fear of moving and moving forward through life (and probably as I understand it to make decisions and be responsible), and yes, that’s exactly how it is ... All my life I was afraid of just this, that my mother would die, and I I won’t be able to survive without her (I had such a symbiosis with my mother that now sometimes it seems to me that she died and took me partly with her, and now I seem to have not lived almost since then .. I exist .. I survive .. I live out .. Fuck knows what word is better) ... And to this fear of life, it’s also added there was pain .. Which also does not allow you to fully live ... And here's how to learn to live well when everything is so difficult, in your head and in life? How to stop being afraid of everything around, expecting only the worst from everything? How to learn to enjoy life, or live in joy? And a bunch of other problems and problems that may or may not be tied to this one ...
madam
Hello) I am very glad to talk with you)
One of my problems, and perhaps the most important, is that I perceive this world as very hostile, and even with exceptional pessimism.
Click to reveal...
You lack a basic sense of security. Parents either give it to us in childhood, or we learn to overcome anxiety on our own. Organics also have a place to be, it can lead to anxiety literally out of the blue.
What was your mom like? Can you describe it?
Hello, I'd love to chat too.
Exactly, I almost don’t even know what a sense of security is (except for moments when, for example, you sit in a closet and it seems that no one will find you and get you now, although in fact no one is going to look for it) ...
... I am 4 years old, my father beats my older half-sister from her first marriage, she is about 20 years old, he is drunk.. He was almost always drunk, he hits hard enough so that she falls to the floor.. Then he kicks lying down, she rolls on the floor, trying to dodge the blows .. Mom is not at home at this time, and I freeze like a frightened animal that presses into the floor, pretending to be dead, trying not to move .. Maybe they won’t notice you and won’t beat me the same way... But the strange thing is that he never beat me... Never... Not at all... But it was enough for me to see it...
And then, about a year later, my sister went to the seaside with her boyfriend and never returned. therefore, I am caution itself .. And probably this caution is already in me even at the animal level, although not always ..
Therefore, the mother that I remember, I remember unhappy .. At first she cried a lot and talked little with me, at a time when I was little (now I understand why, I understand about depression due to loss and all that, but then ... I just don’t remember her .. I don’t remember anything about her until the age of 12, except maybe some moments ..)
And from the age of 12 I remember that we walked a lot, around the city, in museums, in the cinema, and wherever possible .. We talked a lot about everything, my mother read a lot, and I read a lot then (she always bought me a lot of books and paints to draw) but still she was unhappy. not always ... And at night I sat and listened to his drunken stories and songs so that I could sleep .. We lived in a one-room apartment and if my father got drunk, he did not sleep until the morning and made noise all night ... And also, when he had visions, it was usually in the middle of the night .. We went outside to wait out .. We sat on a bench at the entrance, hiding in the front door, when we saw some men, and in the very morning we were already walking in the park for some reason ..
This is probably the main thing - she was always unhappy with him, but she almost didn’t say anything to him (this is because her first marriage was generally terrible, her first husband beat her terribly, and even beat her unconscious once, turned on the gas and left, closing on the key to the apartment .. Mom was saved by a neighbor when she heard the smell of gas ... And my father only beat my sister, so he put her off .. Well, in the sense that he arranged that she probably didn’t beat her .. Well, I don’t know if she knew it everything about my sister).. And she always looked unhappy and tired... Then and always it seemed to me that she lives more and more by me.. Because we could walk everywhere together and laugh together... (at the same time, when I really needed her help, for example, when other children offended me, or another half-sister, she simply waved me off, and if I tried to insist on help, she even shouted angrily at me, and so I eventually stopped asking this very help)
It’s strange, it seems to be a simple question, to describe my mother, but for some reason it’s difficult for me to do it .. She said more about something else than specifically about her ... But she was stronger than me ... I still think so ... She also she didn’t take care of herself .. Almost completely, she wore old shabby dresses, didn’t do her hair, didn’t make up .. Although, of course, she was already quite a few years old at that time, but still ...
And my father was younger ... Much, by 12 years ... So I'm drawn to the young ones .. And of course, they are somewhat similar to my father .. But that's a completely different story ...
madam
Your childhood really played a role. It's completely natural that you're worried.
Do you know where anxiety lives in your body? And what does she look like?
When anxious, he squeezes his temples .. Feeling dizzy, maybe even to a faint or semi-conscious state, shrinks in the stomach, sometimes to slight nausea, it's hard and difficult to breathe, I feel trembling and weakness in my legs, and for some reason I squeeze and tighten my toes ..
What does my anxiety look like? It’s difficult here, perhaps like a thick, viscous fog that is piling up outside. now you can't see it...
madam
dizzy
Click to reveal...
"I can't figure it out, put it in my mind. Can't think about it. I'm losing control."
maybe even to the point of fainting or semi-consciousness
Click to reveal...
“I can’t be in this. I want to avoid this situation, if this is not possible, then I will turn off my consciousness so that I can’t be in this anyway. Because I can’t stand it”
sometimes to mild nausea
Click to reveal...
"I can't stomach this situation. I can't accept"
it's hard to breathe and it's hard to breathe
Click to reveal...
"This situation suffocates me, it weighs heavily on me and does not give me space to live"
What do you feel while reading this?
But closer - I lose control of the situation, it becomes too complicated, and it threatens me, I do not know how to deal with it, so I'd better switch off (and as an added bonus, in some cases, everything will switch from the problem to my condition)
madam
(and as an added bonus, in some cases, everything switches from a problem to my condition)
Click to reveal...
Yes, and in this you will receive that consolation and attention that you lacked in childhood.
What are your feelings now?
Not exactly, just as a child, when I was sick, my mother hovered over me every minute, and looked after me in every possible way, and probably now, when I feel bad, I really want the same participation, but it shows exactly the same to me only my young man, and also my son, was very worried about me in childhood ... Now he is either used to this already, or he doesn’t show me his feelings ..
Well, or people on the street can start helping if I faint .. But in general, I learned to control it, and if I feel an attack, and it can be in a day or two, after strong feelings, or maybe immediately cover. .. Either I sit down or lie down, so I don’t lose consciousness ... And therefore, actually, fainting is a rare phenomenon, but there is always a near-fainting state when I am very nervous, yes .. I can only cope with bubbling, I can’t control this state of health by an effort of will .. There will be nerves - that's all there will be ...
Now it seems to me that I write too often, and divert your attention all the time to myself, and take it from others .. And I feel uncomfortable .. It seems that I don’t deserve so much attention .. I feel confused, I want to crawl under the bed and hide like a child...
madam
Now it seems to me that I write too often, and divert your attention all the time to myself, and take it from others .. And I feel uncomfortable .. It seems that I don’t deserve so much attention .. I feel confused, I want to crawl under the bed and hide like a child...
Click to reveal...
How do you think I feel?
I don’t even know .. Perhaps interest, perhaps bewilderment, perhaps sympathy, perhaps a desire to understand or understand, or reassure ..
It is difficult to understand your feelings out of context and without seeing your reaction and emotions to my words..
madam
Your reaction is based on the fact that you have some assumption about me.
So what can I think and feel like you want
crawl under the bed and hide like a child...
Click to reveal...
Disappointment... Disappointment in me..
And when I think about it, I already want to not just hide under the bed ... I just want to fall through the ground .. Disappear ... And immediately feel dizzy, ashamed and scared ...
The second half-sister by father, she is also older than me .. Ten years .. She came to us almost every day, and being alone with me told me how cool she is, but I'm not ..
I said, I’m beautiful, but you’re not, I run fast, and you’re a mess ... I’m smart and think quickly, but you are dumb all the time ... And so on and so forth ...
And then, when I was only five years old, my father and I went to her boarding school, he, of course, was drunk .. It was already dark, she went out into the street and told him, because she pointed her finger at me, - "until this one is here, I won't go out," and my father took me outside the gate to the street ... And here I am standing behind the fence by the road, with all my strength I press the doll to me, and I don't understand why I'm so bad that they abandoned me here by the road .. Or maybe they left it for good? Or maybe now someone will pick me up and steal me, take me away with them, or maybe now he won’t even take me home ...
Probably it seemed to my father that I was not far away, in sight and everything was under control ... But it seemed to me that there was an abyss between us in space and eternity in time ...
And then this stigma remained on me for the rest of my life - I am so worthless that I have no right to claim anything .. Neither attention, nor interest in myself ... Not a good attitude ...
You "re lost, little girl, Jim Morrison has such a song .. Lost (lost) little girl ... Sometimes I seem to be still there, standing outside the gate by the road and hugging the doll with all my might, and I don’t know how to fix it so that everything is different ..
It's later, a little older, I will start in front of him, my father, to do anything to attract his attention, I will dance, sing, run faster than anyone and jump high, I'm not a mess .. No, no .. I will talk about politics, about space and about quantum particles... I will write poetry and draw pictures, I will be able to talk about everything, I'm not stupid, no.. No... I will dye my hair pink, or make some kind of mohawk on my head, and sew fashionable dresses of lace... I'm beautiful... But he will devalue everything... Almost everything... I’m more desirable... And attracting attention to myself in all these ways will become my trick... But they will still depreciate, and therefore I will still feel like a nonentity... Especially with the slightest disappointment...
And disappointment for me is equal to contempt for some reason ... Although I probably know why ...
madam
And immediately dizzy, ashamed and scared ...
Click to reveal...
If there is shame, then there is guilt. What do you think, what is your fault in front of me? Don't think, feel. Write the first thing that comes to your mind.
And I want to justify myself, like the cat Matroskin in the cartoon, that I can embroider on a typewriter in general, and I can do anything else too .. I want to prove that I'm not bad, and not boring .. But this is in principle, and in particular I want to run away. .. Because, what if it becomes clear further that I don’t even know about myself ..
First of all, I always expect people to reject me (like sooner or later they will see that I'm not right anyway ...) and from situations I expect only the worst from situations, and I can inflate this bad to terrible limits ... Moreover, many are even surprised how I can concoct a problem out of nothing, not noticing other aspects of the situation at all ..
And I also want to cry now .. Because usually no one is interested in what exactly I feel, and I usually take on the role of a kind of clown, trying to entertain people to the maximum in order to please everyone, but somehow it still doesn’t work out. And in principle, I can talk on almost any topic, and not only I can, it’s interesting to me myself ... But nevertheless, I don’t have friends .. I have acquaintances, not even bad acquaintances, but alas, I don’t have friends .. .
madam
I think maybe you wanted an interesting conversation about something, about something else, and then I started whining about what an unfortunate girl I am .. And I didn’t live up to expectations, and now I’m ashamed again ..
Click to reveal...
As a matter of fact it is your projection of relations with parents. You had the feeling that you were not living up to their expectations.
And you are experiencing it again in this situation. Because you want to get over it.
This feeling is unusual for me, because I cannot stay calm for a long time, I often experience unreasonable fear and the feeling that I will have to pay for my safety later. I subconsciously walk away from this feeling. In my opinion, the feeling of safety is well promoted by the environment of people close to me when I receive support and help from them in difficult situations. But often it is difficult for me to share my difficulties with someone, to ask for help. And it’s easier for me to isolate myself from others and solve problems alone than to trust someone and experience a sense of security. I would really like not to run away from this feeling and not replace it with anything else, but to learn to live it without fear.
A sense of security comes when I feel light and comfortable, when there is no fear and anxiety.
In my opinion, this is one of the basic human needs, like sleep and food, and naturally I want to feel safe. But sometimes, my illness does not allow me to feel safe, because I am used to feelings such as anxiety and fear. I rarely manage to track my own security and this I would like to learn.
Feeling safe, I arrive in a good mood. But it seems to me that this feeling can dull my vigilance. I want to somehow learn to control it so that it does not completely turn my head and does not bring me to the wrong steppe. I do not hide or suppress the feeling of security, but on the contrary, I rejoice in it and share it with my loved ones.
Human. “The problem of a lack of a sense of security is insoluble until a person realizes that he is not grounded enough. He may believe that he is safe because he gets money, has a family and position in society. But if he is not grounded, he will suffer from a lack of inner security,” writes Alexander Lowen in The Psychology of the Body. The inner sense of security is based on the feeling of contact of the body with the support, with the ground. Through this feeling of the ground underfoot, a basic model of human interaction with the world is built. According to Eastern medicine, in the middle of the feet there are yongquan points, which are considered "gates" through which the vital energy of the body can be replenished and regulated by the energy of the Earth. Yongquan is the first point of the kidney channel. And the kidneys in the system of Chinese medicine are associated with the emotion of fear, as well as with the will. 
When we say that a person is well grounded, or that he is firmly on the ground, this means that a person is aware of himself and his surroundings. To be grounded, according to Alexander Lowen, means to be connected with the basic realities of life with the body, sexuality, people around, etc. We are connected to them in the same way that we are connected to the earth.
In traditional Eastern practices (qigong, aiki do, etc.), a person's legs are compared to the roots of a tree. Through the legs, the human body is fed by the primary energy of the earth. And normally this resource is available to a person all the time. Taoist Han Xuecu said: "The feet breathe constantly and continuously, moving gently." In this case, "breathing" refers to the energy exchange between the body and the earth. “However, some of these sensations are so weak that they do not reach consciousness, since they do not concentrate attention on their body. Lowen notes. - When we say about someone that he "has his head in the clouds", we mean that a person pays most of his attention to his thoughts or his dreams, and not to the sensations in his feet. The quality of a person's grounding reflects his inner sense of security. When a person is well grounded, he feels confident on his feet and is sure that he has ground under his feet. It does not depend on the strength of the legs, but only on how much we feel them. … we can be aware of both what is in the mind and what is happening in the body at the same time. I have developed this habit in myself and during lectures I often pause to control the state of tension in my body and breath, and also to feel how my feet touch the floor. My listeners take these short pauses with pleasure, because at this time they can rest, and I can concentrate. The success of my lecture is directly proportional to the degree of my contact with the body and the senses. The success of this practice depends on the presence in the body of a strong energy pulsation that unites the two poles of the body. When this connection is interrupted, the person loses grounding, which causes a breakdown in communication between the speaker and listeners. I have been working with my body for a long time to develop good grounding.”
There are many ways to bring sensation back to your feet and check your grounding level. Here is one that I suggest to my clients: close your eyes, freely lower your arms along the body, lift (low) one leg and stand in this position for as long as you can. Condition - do not open your eyes. Change the leg - there may be different results and sensations. In any case, you will get distinct sensations in your feet.
When working with the body, the main thing is to it and the sensations in the body. Standing like this on one leg, when the eyes do not help balance (oh, how familiar it is to cling to the outside), you will be able to observe the internal process of self-adjustment and balancing that takes place in the body to restore balance. When I work with a client, he himself experiences and puts his experiences into words (ie, realizes) this process. This is the most important thing for self-regulation and development - to receive and realize your own experience, and not to hear how it can or should be. But, here I will make a reservation: you can feel how the strength / energy or your will rushes down, rushing to your feet. The shoulder girdle naturally straightens and relaxes, and the center of gravity of the body, the center of balance, is formed in the lower abdomen. In general, a good result is standing on one leg with closed eyes for more than 1 minute. If you managed to hold out for about 15 seconds, . then it's time to take seriously not only grounding, but also health.
Channels of the six most important internal organs pass through the soles of our feet, when you try to balance on one leg, weakened channels may even start to hurt, but at the same time they will train, which in turn will have a beneficial effect on the organ to which the channel belongs, and on that part of the body in which this organ manifests itself. This exercise is called "Golden Rooster Standing on One Leg", used in Chinese medicine in particular to strengthen the kidney channel. 
In accordance with the canons of Chinese medicine, the kidneys are responsible for: reproductive function, excretory function (urine and feces), seed storage, growth and development, retention of qi energy in the organs, sexual energy, water in the body. The kidneys store the quintessence of Jing, the state of which determines the state of the vital spirit Shen. The state of other channels, as well as the active longevity of a person, depend on the tone of the kidney channel. Weaken the kidneys anxiety and fear. Unaccountable fear, longing, feelings of hopelessness are a sign of weakened kidneys.
You can check the strength of your kidneys, as well as the level of general vital energy, as follows: find the Yongquan point on the sole - 1/3 of the distance from the point between the base of the 2nd and 3rd toes to the end of the heel. 
The point is determined in a sitting or lying position with bent toes (in the center of the formed fold). With the pad of your thumb or index finger, press moderately hard on the points for 3 minutes. Normally, the Yongquan points are moderately sensitive (painful) when pressed and elastic (at the point of pressure, the fossa disappears immediately after the massage). For preventive strengthening, it is recommended to push the points daily. Chinese doctors claim that punching Yongquan, the first point of the kidney channel, helps relieve anxiety and fear. After a month of this simple practice, you will notice that the skin on the feet has become more elastic, the hole does not form, no matter how much pressure. This means that qi has entered this area. In fact, if the Yun Quan points are activated, then we pass the entire kidney channel. This is a simple and effective way to strengthen the kidneys. It is also recommended to steam your legs in the evenings. All these methods are aimed at causing blood and qi to flow into the region of the lower extremities, to return to the source.
If a hole remains in the place of punching, this is an indicator of weakness of the kidneys, a lack of energy in the body. In this case, it is not worth stimulating the Yongquan point. First you need to make the blood and qi rush to the legs. For example, do the exercise “Golden Rooster stands on one leg” several times a day. When doing the exercise, focus on the midfoot point of the Yong Quan of the leg you are standing on. This will train your will. According to the Imperial Medicine, the will is also related to the kidney channel. If you can, spread your attention between the yongquan points and the area 4 fingers below the navel. In aikido, this point is called ki, concentration on which gives not only psychological, but also physical stability. The rule of Koichi Tohei, a 10th dan Aikido master: “If you concentrate on one point in the lower abdomen, the mind automatically concentrates on a point known as the third eye (called tentei in Japan) and which is located on the forehead - between the eyes. … If you have a still mind, you will have a still body. If you fall from a slight push, then your mind is in motion. He is not at rest." Thus, in aikido, one enters the state of unification of mind and body in living peace. This state of relaxation is a stable, most resourceful and powerful state.
This mind-body training will allow you to learn to concentrate and help you maintain balance. When performing the exercise, keep your spine straight, as if you were tied by a rope to the ceiling by the top of your head. After you gain confidence in this exercise, you can return to pushing the Yun Quan point.
It happens that the massage points are very painful. This means that the blood and qi are stagnant in some other points of the kidney channel, and the stagnation is quite severe. In this case, a person can hardly perform the exercise "The golden rooster stands on one leg." It is necessary to push through the kidney channel, find painful points - places of clamps. It is necessary to massage painful points, make the channel passable and free from congestion. After that, massage the Yun Quan points again - they will no longer be so painful. To get the blood flowing to your legs so you can do Golden Rooster Standing on One Leg, start with the kneeling exercise:
1. Lay a mat for yourself - this exercise must be done on a soft floor.
2. Get on your knees and on your fists. You can stand by the sofa, resting your elbows on it, unload your knees and transfer part of the body weight to the shoulder girdle and arms.
3. Start moving carefully. If you are at the sofa, then with small side steps. If on the floor, then move slowly forward or just in place, waddling from side to side, slightly raising one knee. Try to find a position so that there is no sharp pain.
4. If there is no pain in the knees or tolerable, then you can not use your fists, straighten your back and walk around on your knees.
5. It is recommended to warm up the knees before the exercise with camphor oil or something else, but without a burning effect.
6. Start doing this exercise from 1-2 minutes (according to your own pain), then bring it up to 5 minutes.
7. Do kneeling 2-3 times a day, preferably once in the morning.
By the way, walking on your knees is shown to everyone who experiences pain in the knee joints. In this case, your diagnosis is not important: whether you have an inflammatory process or a joint injury.
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A sense of security (personal psychological security) arises when a person consciously and, while maintaining responsibility, influences the circumstances of life in order to provide conditions for his mental balance and harmonious development.
What is security? This is a state of protection of the vital interests (needs) of the individual from internal and external threats.
According to E. Schomburg, the basic needs of life are:
- Security;
- self respect;
- Recognition, approval, feeling of success;
- Experience positive memories.
Social security is a state of social relations in which a person can independently, without outside interference and pressure, freely choose and implement his strategy of behavior, spiritual, social, economic and political development.
The psychological security of a person is the security of the psyche of each individual, his mental health, spiritual world. Violation of any of these components leads to destabilization of the internal state of mind of a person. The reasons for destabilization can be:
- Psychological trauma and catastrophes.
- A sharp change in values and moral principles as a result of some circumstances.
These situations can lead to:
- Loss of an active life position.
In this case, a person seeks to provide a state of security with special “defense mechanisms”: subconscious, conscious and supraconscious psychological defenses (more on defense mechanisms. These mechanisms are designed to “anesthetize” negative emotions, primarily fear, but at the same time they are able to veil or distort reality. In this case, the feeling of fear is replaced by a feeling of inexplicable anxiety.
Feelings that enslave us, make us passive are unacceptable: binding sadness, despair, fear, anger, superstition. The joy from the thirst for freedom, which makes us become stronger and more perfect through the satisfaction of our desires, gives us confidence that even being chained, we will be free and powerful if we do not stop thinking. Benedict Spinoza.
A conscious and responsible influence on the circumstances of one's life in order to provide conditions for one's mental balance and development suggests that a person is ready for any external changes, including the fact that changes may turn out to be unforeseen, and the combination of circumstances may be unfavorable. He sees the cause and effect and is aware of his participation in the current situation (high level of subjective control), understands his thoughts and feelings, is aware of his attitude to certain events. Social security implies that a person does not have fears about the people around him, there is no impression that there are any threats from them, and there are no assumptions that such threats may appear in the future. A person is open to contacts, he trusts people and expects the same from them.
The state of security, peace of mind for the future is largely ensured by the disclosure and realization of one's capabilities. Creative activity begins with what makes sense for the creator himself, and only later does the product of creativity acquire meaning for other people. Such success practically provides a person with self-esteem and self-confidence. According to some experts, the highest level of human development begins when creative activity is directed at the person himself - the personality creates itself. A self-made man is a person who has made himself in the deepest sense of the word; he is an autonomous, well-organized, self-regulating person. The psychological safety of a person who owns his inner world, in this case, is considered absolute.
The feeling and state of security is achieved in two ways - the above is the “path in spite of”, i.e. becoming a Self-made man in spite of weaknesses, obstacles, difficulties, victory over oneself.
The second way - no less, and perhaps more effective - is the “path in the name”. It gives not just a sense of security, but also a state of inner harmony, the right to be yourself, to follow your own life path.
You are already familiar with its components. Firstly, it is trust in yourself, in your thoughts, feelings and actions, complete self-acceptance. And as a result, trust in the world.
Unconditional acceptance and self-love gives you a sense of security, the freedom to express yourself, to feel, to act as you see fit for yourself and appropriate in the situation.
Self-trust, self-acceptance, self-love bring the understanding that you are always responsible for your actions, while no one should be responsible for you, and you are not obliged to be responsible for the behavior, thoughts and feelings of other people.
Having an independent choice, a conscious attitude to one's actions, behavior in the name of success and happiness, and not because of avoiding a threat (psychological or physical) - all this gives a sense of security, security.
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The system of natural restrictions. First sense of security
The primitive flock of early people was the first stage in the process of building social ties, where consistently, for 50 thousand years, until the transition to a new phase of development, people worked out their specific roles and life scenarios.
Early man was in many ways still a pack animal, differing from the ordinary animal in essence by the presence of additional desires. But he was driven, like an animal, by a feeling of hunger. Hunger forced people to exist in groups for successful hunting, obtaining food and repelling threats. This happened in the first - muscular phase of human development. An individual without a group could not survive in the savannah. We did not feel our I at the muscular stage of development. There was no sensation of “I” so familiar to us today, i.e. myself. There was a merged feeling of "We", i.e. "I" was included in this "We". "I am a part" was completely dependent on the group. This muscular association based on the basic human needs - to eat, drink, sleep, breathe - is the first, fundamental, imprinted in our unconscious.
Man was not created alone, he was created within a flock of his own kind. It was impossible to survive alone in the primeval savanna - a person is too weak and vulnerable, even to get his own food. The safety of each individual is guaranteed only in a ranked pack, only in a group.
In primitive times, a person had one single desire - to fill the emptiness of the stomach. The skin measure manifested itself in early humans in the form of a desire to get as much food as possible, and at the same time, an internal need to solve the problem of how not to eat everything in one go in order to preserve the “added value of the mammoth”, i.e. in limiting overconsumption.
As soon as the additional desire for food was limited, we immediately got enmity towards one's neighbor, thereby feeling it. It was the feeling of our neighbor through hostility due to skin limitation that separated us by 1/8 from the animal.
That is why the first and most sincere feeling of a person towards his neighbor is hostility. Only a person is able to rejoice when another is bad.
How then could a person survive, how did people not kill each other? Thanks to the skin measure that regulates all relationships in the flock.
The skin measure divided the world into a cave and a savannah. We have not lived in caves for a long time, but two states are still imprinted in the unconscious - “peace” and “war”. Peace is in the cave, war is in the savanna.
In the savannah - in the outer, dangerous world - people went hunting.
- skin law in a state of "peace"(in a cave): you can't take someone else's, you can't kill, sexual relations are regulated - you can't take someone else's or an immature woman.
- a on the "war" - in the savannah there are no such restrictions.
All other laws of the modern world originate from the skin restrictions in the state of "peace". In a state of war (in a shroud, on a hunt), a person is not limited by law. Therefore, we kill an external enemy easily and receive honors for such a murder. Killed in the war - a medal. Killed in a cave - prison.
In addition to this, there is visual culture - a secondary ban on primary urges: the ban on ritual cannibalism inside the cave initiated the development of culture and limited our mutual dislike. Further developments in visual culture led to the creation of morality and ethics.
Thus, in the cave, I am provided with a sense of security due to the observance of the system of restrictions by all members of the pack and strong social ties between people.
Friendly - for a flock, scattered - from a madman.
Threats from the outside world (the enemy of the people, natural disasters) are repulsed by people in a crowd - they unite against a common enemy in order to maintain their integrity together.
People behave differently when internal threats: cases of pedophilia, terrorism, rape, serial murders, unmotivated murders, as in the case of the execution of colleagues by Dmitry Vinogradov.
The internal enemy gives rise to the unconscious fear, divides, makes people suspicious, raises in them a feeling of hatred, which leads to the destruction of social ties between people.
When the cultural restriction flies, people express dislike more easily, more often get annoyed. They are more willing to go to conflict, it's a relief to express hostility, discontent. In word or deed, it doesn't matter. People who are teetering on the brink of losing urge restraint are losing them.
Any breakthrough of the primitive systems of limitations threatens our integrity. A person may not be directly threatened, but the very fact of a breakthrough of law or culture revolts the desires of the animal sense, the most ancient - to survive. The loss of a sense of security unconsciously pushes us to save ourselves, our body, not paying attention to the natural prohibitions in society: do not kill.
Unpredictable anal-sound terrorism can deprive large groups of people of their sense of security and sow real panic, and even revenge.
The consequences of the September 11th terrorist attack in America were such that within a year after the attacks, the number of crimes committed on the basis of racial hostility increased by 1600%. All crimes on ethnic grounds are committed by people with an anal vector. With what pride they "carried out the sentence" - restored justice. And one can imagine their bewilderment when, instead of medals, they were given long terms of imprisonment in prison cells.
Collective fear is easily created and multiplied by the media. For example, fear of kidnapping, fear of organized crime - after high-profile cases of murder and violence against children, terrorist acts.
News about tragic deaths, serial killings, outbreaks of aggression is quickly spread through the media, and this increases the expression of hostility and hatred among people. This arouses primal fear in people, increases the feeling of their own vulnerability and distrust of people, which means there is a growing desire for disunity, individual preservation of integrity.
A sense of safety and security gives us a connection with the outside - with the environment, with people. Realization, full socialization and contact with other people - this is the sense of security provided to us is equilibrium with the environment.
And we are losing it, and this shows us that our social ties are on the verge of disintegration.
Only internal consolidation in society, strong social ties are able to maintain a sense of security among people today. No armament of everyone, and the association "against" is not able to do this. It's all a fight with yourself.
While we do not understand or are afraid to admit to ourselves that our every action has a consequence for everyone, we blame everyone around us - society, relatives, the state, circumstances, twists of fate, and do not make the necessary contribution to the development of the Whole.
If we want to live in a different society, more harmonious and kind, in which everyone would think about all of humanity, we need to start with ourselves: at least not to multiply hostility, as a maximum - to deeply understand the secrets of the human soul.
Gradually, it will be so, we will come to understand that there is no security for one single person. Many people already understand this!
Everything is in our heads. All the danger for people is in their heads, so said Carl Jung, who predicted the future problems of mankind. So says Yuri Burlan, accurately describing the causes and trends of modern social phenomena and problems.
We need to fight with our heads through the awareness of the hidden beast within us, through the collective awareness of the dangers that await humanity in the event of the loss of cultural restrictions.
Today's expression of hostility and hatred is an indication that our social ties are in a catastrophic state. And their disintegration with the loss of a sense of security will mean inhibition of the development of the entire human body.
Photo source: http://www.photodom.com/, http://35photo.ru/
The article was written based on the materials of the training on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.
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