All point. You feel pity for this guy, irritation, friendly sympathy, but not love. It is not clear where everything has disappeared, but there is no more strength to stay with him. How to leave a guy? If you don’t want to turn the farewell into a loud scandal, you need to properly organize the last meeting. Would you like to get away with a phone call or a text message? This is a way out for a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl, and not for a girl who already knows how to take responsibility for her actions.
The shorter the relationship, the easier it is to end it.
If you started dating recently, but have already realized that you do not like spending time with him, you can solve the problem by constantly postponing dates, not getting in touch for a long time. The guy himself will understand that he is not interested in you and will fall behind. But if you have not just had a couple of dates, but have already managed to start living together, it will be more difficult to leave.
Fast or slow?
You can end the relationship by going to a decisive conversation. In this case, side effects are possible in the form of an increase in the temperature of communication, scandals, tantrums on both sides, and a severe “withdrawal” syndrome that can lead both you and him into a prolonged depression.
It is better to do it a little differently - gradually lower the degree of communication. Keep it low, keep it short, avoid kissing and touching, refer to tiredness, PMS, etc. when a guy wants to be intimate. It is unlikely that you will come across a completely dull representative of the opposite sex who does not want to see the obvious.
Over time, he will get tired of such disrespect for his own desires and he himself will come out to a frank conversation. Then it will be possible to calmly explain that you no longer love him and cannot deceive yourself. Say that parting is inevitable, if he wants, you will communicate like good friends, but no more. You don't see him as a partner. No more explanation is needed. Do not shift the responsibility for the breakup to him, blaming him for all the sins, because it was you who initiated it.
Life without a boyfriend
Before putting an end to your love story, think about what you value most in a relationship. Now imagine that when the guy is not around, you will lose it. If you are not ready to say goodbye to this, it is too early to think about going free swimming. You do not feel absolutely anything, but with the departure you gain more than you lose? Don't delay more than a minute. Wanting to smooth the blow as much as possible, you essentially deprive yourself of the right to be happy. Well, let him soon have a birthday or pass a session, get rid of guilt and pangs of conscience: once you decide to quit, it's time to quit.
I can't live like this anymore! This is not life, but suffering. Is it right? I deserve more! I don't want to wake up and see his face, his smell is disgusting. How to leave a man you no longer love?
The habits, habits, intonations of the voice, the sounds that the man I used to make, have become unbearable. Many times I played the scenario of the last day, when, finally, I will leave forever. I will have the best and most beautiful dress on, I will not shed a tear, I will leave with dignity!
Why does a woman decide to leave the man she once loved forever?
The reason is not in a man and not even in treason. There is no violence either mental or physical. He says he loves, sees the future only with me. What then is the contradiction, what is wrong in these relations?
It’s about me: next to him I don’t feel safe, there is no attraction, no love - only anxiety and animal fear. He showed his weaknesses, in a critical situation he made it clear that every man is for himself. I perceive him as an unworthy weakling. It's better to be alone than to live with such a man. Therefore, I again ask the search engine - how to get away from a man?
But is it right? And how to end a relationship with a man beautifully, with dignity and painlessly?
Beautiful love? Favorite habit? Pity or... fear?
There are women who cannot leave a man for years, even if the relationship is exhausted. One claims that this is beautiful and sacrificial love, the second lives out of habit, the third pities the man, believes that it is so right. Love is to love, not to endure, habit is to brush your teeth twice a day - an automatic action devoid of pleasure, and pity does not make anyone happy.All these are beautiful rational forms of the visual woman's unconscious fear. This is a special type of psyche. Its distinguishing features are a high emotional amplitude and a rapid change in emotional states. These women are able to love in such a way that it is not scary to die. Likewise, fear to death.
Fear is associated with the loss of the basic necessary sense of security and safety. In childhood, the girl receives it from her parents, and when she enters adulthood, from her beloved man. As soon as a woman ceases to feel confident in the future, fear arises that kills love. The attraction to a man goes away, in some cases the ability to conceive is lost. Life becomes bleak, vital energy dries up, the question arises how to painlessly leave a man forever.
The right and worthy plan of action
If your decision to leave a man forever is final, then you need to do it right. So that the separation was painless. If you are tormented by doubts - to leave or stay - try to understand yourself better, to understand correctly what caused the desire to leave the man forever.In both cases, a correct understanding of the psyche, one's own and the partner's, is necessary. The hidden unconscious is fully revealed at the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. As a result of the training you will be able to:
- better understand your feelings;
- realize your psyche, true desires, abilities, talents;
- forever free from fears, phobias, panic attacks and other psychological trauma;
- understand better the mental partner and leave him painlessly;
- worthy to realize oneself, to find happiness, to live beautifully with pleasure and pleasure.
They took the right step and forever changed their life scenario, returned love, happiness and joy of life.
“... With every letter I drive in, something expands in my soul; it is impossible to burst from love, it only becomes more concentrated and pours from all pores. What I feel now, I have never experienced before. I am writing and I myself do not fully understand what it means to live without a single gram of pain from the memory of a failed relationship. Only LOVE… Thanks to Yuri for every word about how an emotional connection is built. If not for this, the series of events that led me to this breakthrough in feelings would not have happened ... ”
Eva B., linguist, Marmaris, Turkey
Yuri Burlan's free online training "Systemic Vector Psychology" is starting soon. This is your chance to get to know your own unconscious and get to know your dear self better. Come and make your life better. Forever and ever!
The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online training "System-Vector Psychology"
Leave the man you love- sounds incredible! However, in life there are many situations when you have to leave your beloved man.
Reasons why women leave their beloved men
· Away match. You have been seeking this particular man for a long time, although he met with another woman. And having achieved, it turns out that everything is not so simple. His heart is still not yours. There is no reciprocity, as well as certainty in your relationship. Time passes, the situation is aggravated by quarrels and empty dialogues and the fear of touching on a burning topic. And one day there comes a moment when you tell yourself that perhaps you have had enough. It's better to let him go than to suffer next to him.
· Favorite person is married. Your feelings are mutual, but he has a wife, a child, or even more than one, which imposes certain moral obligations. He claims that he loves only you, and you will definitely be together, as soon as the child grows up, his wife goes to work, a new apartment appears ... Time passes, the child has grown up, a new apartment has been bought, but the situation does not change. The role of a mistress has firmly stuck to you, only she has ceased to suit you.
· Reluctance to have a child. The natural desire of a woman to have a child from her beloved. But men are not always ready to shoulder the burden of parental responsibilities. The apartment has not yet been bought, the dissertation has not been completed, and the material base has not been prepared. The process drags on for many years, or even decades. And you realize with horror that a little more, and you will be left without a family and children, because everything suits him.
· Drug addiction and alcoholism. It wasn't obvious when you were dating. Maybe you noticed something, but did not attach importance to it. When they began to live together, the picture appeared in all its ugliness. Beloved, it turns out, likes to cheer himself up with alcohol or drugs. Over time, the realization comes that in a protracted struggle with vice you are hopelessly losing.
Regularly, a man makes a promise to start a new life, but habits are not so easy to eradicate. Life becomes cyclical - from a bright, hopeful period to a gloomy state of binge and vice versa. If you are not ready to devote your life to the dubious cause of saving a weak-willed man, then the best way out of this situation is to part with him.
· total domination. Beloved man is trying to control your every step. He knows better where you work, with whom to communicate, how to spend your free time, what to wear. At first, you may even like such control, because your man is the most intelligent, responsible and prudent.
But over time, a sharp narrowing of the zone of personal space begins to annoy, there is a desire to free oneself from excessive control. You are a full-fledged formed person who has the right to independently solve their problems. And, if the beloved man categorically does not want to understand you, then it is better to part with him so as not to completely lose yourself as a person.
How to make a man leave?
If you love a man, then you perfectly understand how difficult it will be for you after parting. For most women, the option of leaving a man is preferable to leaving on her own. The burden of responsibility for the decision taken is, as it were, redistributed between the two main characters of the everyday drama. Yes, and most women do not want to injure the psyche of a loved one in the final of a relationship.
If you, having weighed all for and against, they decided to leave their beloved man, to make scandals and tantrums goodbye senselessly and futilely. It is much more effective to explain in a calm atmosphere that you do not see the point in continuing the relationship.
The man I love may understand your position, or may reject your arguments as irrelevant. In this case, consistent actions to force him out of your life are effective. You find yourself new hobbies, spend time with friends, refuse marital intimacy, do not wash or iron his clothes. The plot of actions is built as if it is no longer in your life.
The hardest and most annoying plot development option- put a suitcase with things out the door with words; "Everything is cute, this is the finale!". But such an ending is fraught with negative consequences and is suitable in the case when the beloved desperately clings to the comfort and financial well-being provided to him in cohabitation. This problem is especially relevant when a loved one turned out to be an alcoholic or drug addict.
How to get away from your beloved man and forget him?
leave hard enough, but even harder to forget. Again, it's all about the sequence of steps taken.
No need to blame yourself for decision! If a solution appeared, it means that there were preconditions for that.
Get by with parting without high-profile scandals, showdowns and mutual reproaches is quite difficult, but quite possible. It is very important to choose the right moment for a decisive explanation. A beloved man is also a living person with his own problems and feelings. Like anyone else in his life, a black streak can come - he had an accident, they did not pay the promised money. You should not aggravate the situation by talking about a breakup, he will endure it much harder than in other periods of life.
Also not worth it darken the joy from the successes achieved, for example, received a long-awaited promotion or signed a lucrative contract. The final conversation in calm tones is best done in a pleasant environment. A decent cafe is ideal. Insults and claims are not needed, so many things connected you with this person.
If you are loved floodplains yet, that is, a chance to remain on friendly terms. If he turned out to be impenetrable and wants to leave everything in the same positions, then the chances of a good relationship after parting are reduced to zero. In this case, having gathered your will into a fist, you need to leave without looking back.
No matter how hard it was after parting, life gets better over time and can throw a lot of pleasant surprises. You should not just throw yourself into a new relationship out of desperation in order to quickly oust the image of your loved one. This is fraught with new problems that you do not need.
Confidence in the decision made is the main thing that is necessary for parting with the least losses.
Breakups rarely go smoothly. It would seem that the real problem if they left you is the aggravation of all conceivable complexes, and the sea of tears of loneliness, and the feeling of abandonment. But the truth is that the “thrower” side is not easy either, and can experience equally painful feelings, backed up by complex doubts and tossing. Moreover, it is these feelings and doubts that can keep a couple in a painful, useless and often long-dead relationship for months and years. Just think about it - months and years of life in torment! What is the most beautiful and least painful way for everyone to leave a once significant relationship?
"CUT WITHOUT WAIT FOR PERITONITIS!"
The breakup formula is simple: if you finally decide to leave, you must calmly inform your partner about your decision. At first glance, this advice is from the category of "Captain Obvious". But in fact, every word in it is mega-important, and problems arise if and only if at least one part of this thesis is underestimated. Let's go through them.
1. "Finally decided" - this is fundamental. If you still doubt, hesitate, weigh the arguments, are ready to change your mind at any moment - you should not start such a conversation. First, accurately determine your desires, and only then raise the issue.
I'm not talking now about situations where the only purpose of the conversation is manipulation. In order to achieve what you want from your partner with the threat of leaving, to find out the relationship, to escalate the situation, to draw attention to yourself, but at the same time not to part. This is different! We are talking only about those circumstances when the relationship is not satisfactory, and you understand that you just want to leave. And if you have already decided, then neither pangs of conscience, nor promises to love to the grave, nor a sense of duty, nor the opinion of your mother and friends should outweigh your decision to live the way you think is right for yourself, your desire to be happy and end painful relationships. Listen carefully to everyone, thank you - and do what you think is right for yourself. In the vast majority of cases, this is the right decision for you and your entire system of relationships at this stage of life.
Remember that no matter what your life together, there will always be arguments in favor of not changing anything. I have seen client husbands dunk their child's head in the toilet as punishment, cheat on a weekly basis, beat the woman herself, or use hard drugs - and even in these situations, women managed to doubt the need for a breakup and experienced the pangs of choice.
I deliberately dwell on the first key words of the thesis for so long. Confidence in the decision made is the main thing in order for the parting to happen with the least losses.
Long painful conversations, tears, hesitation, returns and useless going back and forth - all this is the result of your internal vibrations.
DECIDED - EVERYTHING!
2. "Calmly report" - that's right. Do not ask, do not apologize, do not make excuses, do not beg, do not be offended, do not blame, do not scandalize, do not throw a tantrum for persuasiveness. Do not mumble guilty. Do not blame for all mortal sins.
Sometimes it is worth reporting in writing (if the partner is a threat to you, he is unstable or has avoided the meeting many times).
Better - in conversation. Yes, it is always very difficult. And, like any difficult conversation, you need to prepare for this.
First of all, emotionally. Second, content.
Here are some markers emotional readiness. Calm confidence deep inside, even if there is a superficial jitters. Associated feelings. Face it: Yes, you can feel regret. Of course, it is a pity plans, dreams, expectations. And breaking attachments hurts. Sadness. Accept this: if the relationship is valuable and it was good in them, it is sad to leave. But even such relationships sometimes end. Feeling relieved and right about what you are about to do.
Now oh content readiness.
Knowledge of manipulation hooks. You should have a rough idea of what your partner can put pressure on and what weaknesses you have. Consider your reaction. Protect yourself. If necessary, consult with a lawyer to understand the consequences of the breakup. Sobriety and common sense will help you. Important: fear of loneliness, self-pity, guilt, etc. should not prevent you from moving on. If they block the path to a calm exit from oppressive relationships - go to a psychologist. Work with fears and complexes.
3. "Partner" is another keyword in the message. It is very important to realize and at the stage of breakup constantly remember that you lived and are now parting with an adult, equal sexually mature partner who is fully responsible for your life and partially responsible for what happened to the relationship.
"He'll be lost without me"- so a nursing mother can talk about a baby.
"He has nowhere to live"- another phrase from the mother's vocabulary.
"I swore to him at the altar"- we are all blinded by hormones in the first months of a relationship and are not able to think soberly, and in later life, alas, anything happens.
"He is so good"- Well, you'll be friends.
"I will break his heart"- as a rule, people cope with breakups. They rarely commit suicide or end up in a psychiatric hospital after this. Don't underestimate your partner's resilience. And if there are serious reasons to doubt it, contact a specialist.
And it is also important to understand: how a partner will cope with the situation, how quickly he will find a girlfriend, how he will live later and what to do without you - does not concern you. This is his life. His part of the situation. Yes, often this is a big mental problem and difficulty. But they meet on the path of an adult, including for overcoming and growth. It is much worse to be stuck in infantile interdependence and regret your indecision all your life.
I think you have already understood the importance of a calm attitude to the situation and a sober look at your partner. It is they who will play a major role in the finale of your story, and in the decisive conversation you will broadcast a thousand subtle signals: "goodbye" or "oh, I don't know!"
A breakup is a very emotional and painful stage in a relationship. No matter how hard you try, emotions will still roll over and affect you and your behavior. Therefore, it is so important to keep them under control, calm down, tune in, prepare, understand why and what to say. Remember that gratitude, a sense of kinship, sadness are also not uncommon ... But even they should not be bogged down for a long time, indulging in memories of joint joys, if you really want a break. Thank your partner for everything. Wish you happiness. And move on.
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