I looked at my friend and closed my eyes. “God, what kind of nonsense is this person talking ... Signs of depression, pills, some kind of incomprehensible specialist ... Who does he even take me for?”

1. Decreased self-esteem, feeling of despair, anxiety, constant fatigue.
2. Complete loss of interest in everything that used to bring pleasure, lethargy, apathy.
3. The desire to limit oneself from contacts with other people, the desire to "lock oneself in four walls."
4. The emergence of cravings for alcohol and drugs.
5. Fixation on the negative aspects of life, a feeling of worthlessness and uselessness, suicidal thoughts.
6. Violation of sleep and wakefulness, insomnia, loss of interest in sexual life.

"Go see a specialist. I know one good one. He will prescribe you pills, and you will feel better!”- advised my friend, patting me on the shoulder.

I looked at my friend and closed my eyes. “God, what kind of nonsense is this person talking ... Signs of depression, pills, some kind of incomprehensible specialist ... Who does he even take me for?”

For some reason, modern society is arranged in such a way that if you are suddenly dissatisfied with the reality around you, then you are probably infinitely ill. After all, everything around is so wonderful! No wars, no hunger. Everyone works, buys expensive cars, uses sophisticated smartphones. They strive for something, they run somewhere. They graduate from universities, climb up the career ladder. Live, eat, sleep. And if you think that all of them are a stupid herd, striving for some kind of false values ​​dictated to you from a zombie, then you are probably completely an ass. Or psycho. And you definitely need to go to the shrink so that your wrong brains will finally be corrected for you. Swallow the wheel and rejoice with everyone like a fool. And do not spoil the mood of everyone else with your sad face and your sad mood.

It remains only to lock yourself up where annoying little people with annoying advice will not reach you. “You have signs of hidden depression!” This must be said. Wherever you spit, everywhere are psychologists and philosophers who know more than you how to live right. For example, you live wrong, because you sat at home like a stump and ask too many unnecessary questions: why and why.

But really ... Why? What is the meaning of all this incomprehensible running around, fuss, noise? Home - work - home - work. Is this what they call life?

I have absolutely nothing to strive for, because I do not feel any desire, any joy from those things that the majority prays for. They tell me: "And you try!" But I give up immediately at the start, because I see no reason to start. I must be really weird. Extra. Hopeless.

And if these are signs of deep depression, then this very depression lasts for me all my life. Starting from the mother, whose favorite phrase is: “I wish I had an abortion!” Indeed, it would have been better. I did not ask me to give birth in this world where no one needs me - even my own parents, who consider me almost the biggest mistake of their whole life.

Man comes into this world alone. And he leaves just as lonely. What is our life compared to eternity? What does my life mean in this world? What difference does it make to the universe whether I exist or not? Probably, if someone is up there - some kind of bearded god, then he obviously laughed a lot when he created me in his image and likeness. A tree is known by its fruits. And if I'm the fruit of a tree called God, then... God is probably a very, very stupid and unlucky person. Actually, who else could create this unfinished world, completely devoid of meaning? As if a child molded a whole city out of plasticine, but forgot to put it in a box. This is how plasticine men live, thinking that they are fulfilling some special purpose. And it (this purpose) never existed. They are just garbage, biomass. Dumb, thoughtless.

And if this biomass knew what it is like to feel like the only sentient being in a big madhouse, they would once and for all lag behind me with their attempts to "treat" me and look for the first signs of depression, with their eternal desire to pull me out of the shell, “make a normal person”, like everyone else. Cheerful, cheerful, overflowing with aspirations and desires.

It got to the point that one very smart aunt said that all my signs of severe depression are congenital. That I am so sad because my body does not produce the necessary hormones of joy. Therefore, I am destined to suffer. Or live all your life on pills that help the body make up for the lack of that same hormone. Only now I did not feel happiness from such “wheels”. Just a feeling of dullness and emptiness. If this is happiness, then I'd rather sit quietly in depression.

I feel bad. I really feel bad. I want silence, I want to fall asleep and never wake up again. So that in the end some meteorite would fall to Earth and this unbearable human hive would calm down and freeze.

And if you, the person who reads this, feel the same way, then ... now look with all your eyes and listen with all your ears.

A long time has passed since my friend puzzled me by looking for signs of depression. I thought a lot, searched a lot, stuck my forehead against the walls, passed all kinds of tests to determine the signs of depression, even went to that very “specialist”, but it was all in vain. As I said, these shrinks can’t advise anything better than “pills” ... Oh, yes, I forgot - “Communicate with people more often, try to write down joyful events during the day, get creative ...” In a word, the same crap and water that, I'm sure you've heard it many times. And then… I guess I was really, really lucky. The universe finally heard me and sent an answer. As .

I certainly didn't have any hopes. I can say that by that moment I was completely desperate. But curiosity took over. And it was the best decision of my whole life.

Over time, I realized that I was not worthless and unnecessary, and that I was not at all doomed by my birth to suffering. That existence has a meaning... Every existence has it! Another thing is how accurately and penetratingly Yuri Burlan was able to convey all the nuances of my states - as if he himself felt it all. At that moment, I thought: “God, this man is retelling my whole life!”

Each person has a special mental warehouse. For example, people like me - those for whom the question of the meaning of being and existence is especially acute - are called the owners of the sound vector. The goal of a person is to understand the metaphysical world, to unravel how this life works, to understand oneself through others and others through oneself. And if we do not find answers to the questions that concern us, do not satisfy our desires, emptiness and black holes grow inside us. Then all these signs of prolonged depression appear, a feeling of the meaninglessness of life and a desire to die right now.

I was not born to suffer, but I was tormented by the fact that I could not fulfill my species role, I could not find answers to all my countless questions. And there was no one to help me. And the desires grew, accumulated and exhausted me, either with insomnia, or with suicidal thoughts, or with apathy. And the more I immersed myself in myself and in my states, the worse and worse I got. Do you know why?

Because there are no answers inside. Inside there are only gaping voids and darkness. In order to get rid of bad conditions, which people with a light hand call signs of depression, you need to “go outside”, notice other people and learn to understand them. Find your place not behind a locked door, but in society. “But how do you find all this? How to understand? - you will ask irritably. - What kind of vicious circle?

The circle is really closed if you don't know where to look for answers. With the training “System-Vector Psychology”, my picture of the world finally took shape from millions of tiny puzzles into a coherent and understandable system. And I am one of those irreplaceable pieces that has finally found its place. It is too difficult to explain on the go, on the fingers. You need to hear it with your own ears, pass it through yourself, test it in your life. And everything will definitely fall into place.

I seriously thought this was the end. That sooner or later I'll just jump out the window or hang up in a noose. But it turned out that this was the beginning. The beginning of a long and meaningful life, filled with new colors, sounds, joy, in the end. Joy from knowledge and awareness, from opening doors and revealing secrets.

How does this happen? One understanding that you are a sound engineer changes everything in principle. The world turns upside down, and thoughts go in a completely different direction. I no longer want to silence myself, try to “not think”, because there are no answers to internal questions. You start to think exactly what, you try to concentrate, a lot of questions arise in your head. It is clearly seen that there are not all sound engineers around, but how do they differ?

What is material and what is hidden? Sound ideas rule the world. System vector psychology is the best food for any lost sound guy. And there are no others in the modern world, whether we realize it or not.

Proofreader: Natalia Konovalova

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

With the onset of autumn, a decrease in daylight hours and the onset of cold weather, many are faced with depression, and sometimes it is not at all seasonal. Depression saps vitality, making it difficult to take action to help you feel better. Overcoming the disease takes time and effort, but it is not impossible. We'll tell you how to deal with it.

Dealing with depression requires action, but taking action once it has already consumed you can be difficult. Sometimes even the thought of going for a walk or exercising can be exhausting. However, the most difficult at first glance actions are those that really help. The first step is always the most difficult, but it is the basis of the second, third and all subsequent steps. Your energy reserves are enough to go out for this very walk or just pick up the phone and call your loved one. By taking the following positive steps every day, you will very soon come out of depression and feel stronger and happier.

Get out and stay connected

It is important to get support from friends and family. But the very nature of depression makes it difficult to accept help, you isolate yourself from society, being “in yourself”. You feel too exhausted to speak and may even be ashamed of your situation and feel guilty. But it's just depression. Communication with other people and attending various events can bring you out of this state, make your own world more diverse.

Depression is not a sign of weakness. It does not mean that you are a heavy burden for those around you. Your loved ones care about you and want to help. Remember that we all experience depression from time to time. If you feel like you have no one to turn to, it's never too late to start a new friendship.

Look for support from people who make you feel safe. The person you are talking to should be a good listener, not an adviser. You need to speak out so that you are not judged or given advice. During the conversation, you yourself will feel an improvement and, most likely, will find a way out of your condition. What is important is the act of communicating with another person so that you do not speak into the void.

Try to stay close to like-minded people, even if you don't feel like it right now. Yes, you are comfortable being in thoughts, thoughts, and so on, and sometimes it really benefits and enriches you, but not when you take a wrong turn and dig in yourself.

It is also good to give support to other people. Research shows that your mood is even more elevated when you help someone. Helping makes you feel needed. You can be a listener, help people in different situations, and even take care of animals. Everything will go well.

10 tips for the first step:

1. Talk to a loved one about your feelings

2. Offer to help someone in a similar situation

3. Have lunch with a friend

4. Invite a loved one over and start a tradition of doing it once a week.

5. Take your friends to a concert, movie or event

6. Email a friend who lives far away

7. Go to a workout with a friend

8. Think and write down plans for the week ahead

9. Help strangers, join a club or society

10. Chat with a spiritual teacher, a person you respect, or a sports coach

Do what makes you feel good

To overcome depression, you must do things that relax and energize you. This includes following a healthy lifestyle, learning something, hobbies, hobbies. Try to attend some fun or original event that you would not go to in your life. You will definitely have something to discuss with your friends.

Although it's hard for you to force yourself to have fun right now, you need to do something, even if you don't like it. You will be surprised at how much better you feel being here in the world. Gradually, you will become more energetic and optimistic. Express yourself creatively through music, art or writing, get back into a sport you used to love or try a new one, meet up with friends, visit museums, go to the mountains. Do what you like.

Get enough sleep and stay healthy. If you sleep too little or too much, then your mood suffers. Track your stress. Figure out what's bothering you and get rid of it. Make it a habit to practice relaxation. Try yoga, breathing practices, relaxation and meditation.

Come up with a list of things that could improve your mood and try to implement them. If nothing comes to mind, try something from our list:

1. Spend time in nature, have a picnic in the forest or on the lake

2. Make a list of the things you like about yourself.

3. Read a good book

4. Watch a comedy or TV show

5. Sit in a warm bubble bath with essential oils

6. Groom your pets, bathe them, comb them, take them to the vet for a checkup

7. Listen to music

8. Spontaneously meet up with a friend or spontaneously go to an event

Get moving

When depressed, you may have difficulty getting out of bed, let alone exercising. But physical activity is a powerful depression fighter and one of the most effective recovery tools. Research shows that regular exercise can be just as effective as medication for relieving symptoms of depression. They also help prevent relapse after you have recovered.

Practice at least 30 minutes a day. Start with a 10-minute walk, and then build up. Your fatigue will go away, your energy levels will improve and you will feel less tired. Find what you like and do it. The choice is great: walking, dancing, strength training, swimming, martial arts, yoga. The main thing is to move.

Add an element of mindfulness to your activities, especially if your depression is rooted in an unresolved problem or psychological trauma. Focus on how your body feels, watch the sensations in your legs, arms, and respiratory organs.

Eat healthy food

What you eat has a direct impact on how you feel. Cut down on food that can negatively impact your brain and mood, including caffeine, alcohol, trans fats, and foods high in chemical preservatives and hormones.

Don't skip meals. Long breaks between meals make you feel irritable and tired. Minimize the sugar and refined carbohydrates found in sugary snacks, baked goods, pasta, and french fries, which can quickly lead to mood swings and low energy levels.

Include foods rich in B vitamins in your diet. Take a course of supplements or eat more citrus fruits, leafy greens, and beans.

Get your daily dose of sunlight

The sun increases serotonin levels and improves mood. Go outside during the day and walk at least 15 minutes a day. Even if you can't see the sun behind the clouds, the light is still good for you.

Go for walks during your lunch break, take a thermos of tea and drink it outside, have picnics if weather permits, walk your dog more than twice a day. Try hiking in the woods, playing outside with friends or kids. No matter what it will be, the main thing is to receive sunlight. Increase the amount of natural light at home and at work, remove blinds or curtains, organize a workplace near the window.

Some people are depressed by the shortened daylight hours in autumn and winter. This is called seasonal affective disorder, which makes you feel like a completely different person. However, there are many things you can do during the cold season that will make you feel better.

Challenge negative thinking

Are you powerless and weak? Can't deal with something that doesn't seem to be your fault? Do you feel hopeless? Depression negatively affects everything, including how you see yourself and your future.

When these thoughts overwhelm you, it's important to remember that this is a symptom of your depression, and these irrational, pessimistic views, known as cognitive biases, are not realistic. You cannot break out of this pessimistic mind by telling yourself, "Just think positively." It is often part of life thinking that has become so automatic that you are not even fully aware of it. The trick is to identify the type of negative thoughts that are fueling your depression and replace them with more balanced thinking.

Become an outside observer of your thoughts. Ask yourself questions:

What is the evidence that this thought is true?

What will I say to a friend who has such thoughts?

Is there another way to look at the situation or an alternative explanation for it?

How do I look at the situation when I do not have depression?

When you reshape your negative thoughts, you may be surprised at how quickly they crumble. In this process, you will develop a more balanced perspective and help you come out of depression.

Get professional help

If you have taken self-help steps and made positive lifestyle changes and still feel like your depression is getting worse, seek professional help. This will not mean that you are weak. Sometimes negative thinking in depression can make you feel lost, but depression can be treated and you will feel better.

However, don't forget about these self-help tips. They can be part of your treatment, speeding up your recovery and preventing depression from returning.

Ekaterina Romanova

... Insomnia, despair, loneliness, guilt ... You are immersed in this swamp. Attempts to drown out fear with alcohol, suppress obsessive thoughts with revelry, try to cure insomnia with coffee and cigarette diets - only worsen the situation. Where to look for a way out?

An attempt to overcome loneliness pushes for risky acquaintances, which in turn cause new trauma. And often the sufferer feels that the more he tries to get out of this state, the deeper he is sucked. Often this leads to despair or even unwillingness to live. Why is this happening?

Actually, the solution is obvious - when you want to get out of the swamp, you need to lean on something solid and reliable. And just pulling out one or the other leg without a fulcrum is pointless.

Finding a firm and reliable foothold means not being completely saved yet, but this is the first real step towards salvation. Without support, salvation is generally impossible.

There are many such points of support, but in this article I want to talk about only one of them, the effectiveness of which I and my fellow psychologists in my work were convinced hundreds of times. And I have never met a single person who would lean on this point and then regret it. Everyone can find this point and you can always rely on it. What is this?

Good deeds and charity

When trouble comes, a person often begins to lose his sense of self-respect. In fact, it’s not so bad if we learn to humble ourselves and reasonably reduce the level of claims, evaluating ourselves realistically. But we do not know how, and therefore the loss of self-esteem leads us to despair.

Many women's magazines, as well as some unfortunate psychologists, give irresponsible advice in this case, which leads to an even worse condition and dire consequences.

Tips are like this:

“Forget the psychotrauma (of a person, a situation, etc.).” And how to forget her? Psychotrauma constantly drills into the brain, is present with obsessive thoughts and requires an emotional response, while depleting psychological resources. Naturally, one desire is not enough to forget her. She won't let go so easily.

But you can switch yourself to help other people, think about them, sympathize with them. Firstly, in this case, helping others takes time away from one's own suffering and the tedious “chewing” of the loss. Secondly, a phenomenon takes place here, which is formulated in the proverb “The wedge is knocked out with a wedge.” Only in this case, the wedge stuck in your heart and mind, you will be able to knock out the wedge of compassion and real help to other people. Look around! A lot of people coped with their difficulties ONLY by helping others.

"Have fun, relax." This is just as crazy and ineffective advice as it is common. In another way, this advice can be formulated as follows: "Forget it, get away temporarily from reality." And then what? Still comes back to reality. And this return is even more acutely experienced. I would liken this return to reality to a hangover. A person, having returned to a normal state, understands that an attempt to escape from reality was futile. The problem hasn't gone away, but besides, he's wasted his time.

How to distract yourself from the painful reality, but with meaning? Again, do good deeds! I affirm that not a single person can say that he wasted his time selflessly helping others, unlike the one who simply made an attempt to temporarily escape from himself by listening to stupid advice (and gained nothing, and sometimes even lost).

"Raise your self-esteem." It is suggested to stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself how wonderful, beautiful, smart and successful you are. That is, artificially suggest it to yourself. Indeed, many get up and inspire. And it turns out! And what does this lead to? And this leads to the fact that self-esteem (often unreasonably) rises, the level of claims grows, but in reality nothing changes in relation to a person. That is, the bar was raised, but they did not jump higher because of this. Temporarily, maybe it helped, but really it will not save. On the contrary, having convinced yourself that you are so wonderful, it will be even more difficult for yourself to answer the question: “If I am so wonderful, the best, then why did they hurt me? Why wasn't I appreciated? Why doesn't everyone immediately rush to me with apologies and marriage proposals? There is a big discrepancy between the level of claims and reality. The crisis is getting worse.

Another piece of advice that cannot help in principle, but can only temporarily alleviate the symptom of a crisis, is this:

"Get a new haircut, change your image, give yourself joy." I have nothing against such activities, but they cannot fundamentally solve the situation. Here again we are talking about increasing self-esteem, only from the other side. But another question arises: “And who will appreciate me in a new image? I also need to appreciate HE, and not every counter-transverse! But HE still does not evaluate! The effect doesn't work. Or, on the contrary, it turns out, but with the opposite sign. After so much has been done for one's own adornment, the creation of a new image, the one for whom it is done will not appreciate these works. Perhaps this becomes pleasant for oneself, but in principle it does not contribute to overcoming the crisis. This is a superficial measure that can only bring temporary relief.

How to raise self-esteem and at the same time get help for yourself?

You just need not to artificially inflate this balloon of self-esteem, but to get real, justified, respect from other people.

It is not difficult to do this. There are always people around us who need help. These may be the elderly, the sick, children, families with many children, etc. These may be people who find themselves in even more difficult situations than we ourselves are. Help can be different: gratuitous help to others, prayer for others, consolation to those who feel bad, help can also be work in organizations and foundations that provide assistance to the disadvantaged and needy, feasible targeted material assistance to projects and specific people.

Good deeds should be done regularly, they should be done without the desire to receive gratitude in return, with the consciousness of how little we are doing. After all, it is known that these people will live without us, but it will be very bad for us without the opportunity to help them. It is also very good if for the sake of a good deed you take something away from yourself or make an effort on yourself. For example, donate the money that you planned to use for yourself, or overcome your squeamishness or overcome your “I can’t” and start doing something that you didn’t want to, didn’t know how to do before. Do not deceive yourself: giving clothes that you wanted to throw away to an orphanage, or giving 10 rubles to a beggar - these are not at all the good deeds that we are talking about.

By participating in good deeds, you will certainly receive gratitude and respect. And it will be REAL gratitude and REAL respect. Even if no one tells you about it, you will still know that you did a good, noble, really necessary thing. This will inevitably increase your true self-esteem, and much better and more thoroughly than following the tips that I wrote about above. I would like to say that you should not help others only for the purpose of getting something for yourself. Try to help others just for their sake. Do good for the sake of good!

Perhaps you can also receive support and sympathy, understanding and care from the people you help. Because no one can understand a suffering person like a person who himself suffers or suffered. This person is truly able to empathize in your grief and joy, unlike many of our false friends who cannot understand us in misfortune, who are with us in joy, and disappear in grief, finding various explanations for this. Even if you yourself do not see the people you help, but you know that you are doing it for them, then in this case you will feel their gratitude. Good is metaphysical. It returns when you do not expect it, and in a completely surprising way, from where you cannot expect it. Good does not disappear and does not disappear. When you give it away, it comes to you. By doing good, we incomprehensibly become kinder ourselves.

It is clear that gratitude from those whom you have helped is important, but still you want to receive gratitude and recognition from HIM (HER). How to deal with it?

Very simple. After you help, you will most likely feel that sincere gratitude from the disadvantaged is more significant for you than insincere gratitude from HIM (HER). I have seen it hundreds of times and continue to see it every day. A person, seeing that there are people who are even worse than him, often rethinks his situation, a real understanding of his own situation comes, and not an exaggerated increase in self-esteem for narcissists. In addition, having risen above the situation, a person can often see effective ways to overcome it. And helping others helps us to look at the situation from the outside, forcing us to be distracted from our “I”

Everyone also knows that very often, a person going through a crisis begins to distrust other people. It `s naturally. If we get injured, then the fear of getting it again makes us become very cautious, then caution develops into total distrust, and distrust, in turn, deprives us of communication, attention, the opportunity to create new relationships, etc. Moreover, after an injury, it is very difficult for us to learn to trust people, we are very afraid of getting a new injury from them.

And here again our sacrifice, the creation of alms, good deeds help us. In this case, they help us because we ourselves choose the object of mercy, we do not demand anything in return, we sincerely help, we do not feel threatened by these people to get hurt. People, in the overwhelming majority (even if they do not tell us this), feel gratitude and appreciation for us. And we feel it well. At the same time, this melts the ice of distrust in the world in us, and we quickly heal from the trauma.

After a person leans with one foot on the firm ground of mercy, pain immediately begins to go away, life is restored, understanding and confidence come. Usually a person who helps others is included in a new social circle that has different, true values ​​based on mutual support, sympathy and help. Look at the volunteer groups! What kind of people are there! They are fundamentally different from the average teams, they usually have a true, vibrant life, there are real values, there is sincere communication and friendship, there are really necessary things.

Getting into this team, you can find real, reliable support for yourself. In the event that you do not participate in a group of volunteers, but do a good deed alone, then the awareness of the benefits, your own need, a sense of compassion confidently replaces the painful symptoms associated with the crisis in you.

I would like to say about one more positive phenomenon that occurs in this case. It is no secret that after a difficult breakup, after other severe crises, a person feels empty inside. This emptiness makes life completely unbearable. And there is nothing to fill the void, inside the vacuum, which simply sucks. So, good deeds, mercy, the creation of alms is the best way to fill the void. Moreover, the contents of the new, the best quality.

In addition, I emphasize it again, you are standing on solid ground, climbing out of the fetid swamp of the crisis. Having put one foot on the firm foundation of mercy and goodness, you have where to stretch the other. This is indeed not a shaky, but an exceptionally good basis for overcoming the crisis.

I am absolutely convinced that this step is one of the simplest, easiest and most effective to get out of the crisis.

My personal observations (and those of my other colleagues working in our Center) show that people experiencing a crisis in family relations, who have begun to help others in one way or another, get out of this crisis about four times faster. Sometimes the way out of the crisis is so fast that you are even amazed by it!

Of course, some may think that right now they themselves are not in a position to help others. But that would be a sly excuse. After all, a drowning person cannot tell the rescuer that now he is not in a condition to be saved. It's stupid. To be saved, you simply MUST make an effort to save yourself.

Many of those reading this article are now standing on a scorched field, not knowing what to do next and what to do. Everyone wants this field to come to life, bear fruit, please the eye and heart. The simplest thing to do is to take the seeds of goodness within you and sow them in this field. There can be no shoots without seeds, there can be no love without goodness, there can be no happiness without labors of the heart...

I want to note that by following the path of mercy, helping others, compassion, you do not lose anything, do not risk anything. A new positive experience is always a gain, not a loss.

A few typical stories

A young woman who had been abandoned by her husband turned to me for help. She was in a very difficult, depressed state. She could not eat normally (there was no appetite), she did not sleep well, she developed critically high blood pressure due to stress, chronic psoriasis worsened. She endlessly replayed the situation that caused their relationship to fall apart (especially since she herself was very much to blame for this). Constant obsessive thoughts did not allow her to relax. She also had suicidal intent. She didn't see the exit. She believed that apart from resuming relations with her husband, nothing would save her. But there was no chance of that. And she understood this very well.

I suggested that she take a little break from her misfortune and go help to the family where there was a child with cancer. Under my pressure, she agreed with difficulty. She went there 4 times. The fifth visit coincided with the funeral of this child. After that, she understood a lot, began to support the parents of that child in grief, and ... everything went away for her. Mental anguish receded, and even psoriasis went into remission. Her mental state became normal. We canceled the consultations, we just started calling her, tk. She no longer needed psychological help. In her free time, she began to do volunteer work, and ... a month later, her husband returned, although, I confess, even I did not believe in the possibility of this.

Another woman abandoned by her husband , came to a consultation with one of my colleagues in a state of severe depression. She didn't see a way out. The situation was aggravated by the fact that she was already 42 years old, there were no children. With the departure of her husband, her last hope was also gone. When she came to the second psychotherapeutic consultation, she met another woman at the Center, whose child is very seriously ill. They talked, and the first woman, imbued with compassion, began to help the second. She began to come home to a sick child, to help her (she had material opportunities). The fourth consultation was no longer needed. After she began to help this family, her depression abruptly began to disappear (And the depression was severe. They wanted to consult a psychiatrist for her)

Now she actively helps families of cancer patients. Created a fund under its commercial structure.

Another a young man with a good, well-paid job was in a state of prolonged depression . His wife left him for his best friend. He could not survive it and began to drink alcohol. This, of course, did not help him, because alcohol itself is a depressant (it has antidepressant properties for a very short time at the very beginning of systematic use). He completely fenced himself off from friends (he was ashamed that his wife left him), he stopped living a busy life, he did not at all try to build other relationships.

After six months of such a life, alcoholism developed. At the same time, although he went to work every day, performing his duties with high quality, he stopped seeing the point in this work and making money. A miracle helped. He was asked to help financially in one charity work for specific sick people. He helped reluctantly, but he was interested in what his money went for. When he saw the real results of helping people with his money, he suddenly saw the meaning of his work. He wanted to help more, and for this it was necessary to take additional work!

When he took on extra work, it turned out that it was incompatible with alcohol. Alcohol has been abandoned. He gave, of course, only a part of the money from his earnings, but even this was enough to see the fruits of his help. He felt his need for others, and began to come out of depression. Six months later, he created a new and strong family. Recently, a daughter was born in their family. Until now, he actively helps the charity project that so miraculously relieved him of his depression. This is truly a miracle, since he, if this had not happened, most likely would have become an ordinary alcoholic. In any case, he is sure that if he had not undertaken to help in a good deed, then this would inevitably have happened. Unfortunately, there are plenty of examples of such a ending.

Maria told us this story. I know one person who could help old, sick people or abandoned children with money, but flatly refused to communicate with them . Like, I don’t have enough patience, mental strength, and I don’t like children at all. And they seem to feel it, and it will be worse for them. Once his acquaintances dragged him to an orphanage, and it was precisely when he himself had problems. And here he stands in his bad mood among the children whom he "does not love" and who huddle with "Aunt Katya", "Uncle Roma", and feels like a bastard. And then all the "aunts" and "uncles" began to deal with the children, paste over the folders with colored paper. And our hero is all so miserable from his "badness" and his problems. He stood and stood, looking - there are few “aunts” and “uncles”, but there are many children, and they themselves do not know how, everything must be shown, they just fight for attention. That's when pity overcame all his thoughts about his imperfections, he spat on them and went to help the children. How they sat on him, what an op stood, how those three hours flew by!

So what? I never even remembered that he doesn’t like children, he never lost his temper - well, how can you be angry with them, they don’t see any worries anyway, they go around uncombed and in torn slippers, the teachers only yell commands. And when it was time to leave, the children not only to aunts Katya, Ksyusha, uncle Roma, but also rushed to him, as if to his own, to hug him goodbye. It was then that he realized that it was not he who loved here, and it was not his love that was important, and not his state of mind. He is loved! Za just came and gave them a bit of his time. So this feeling warmed him on the way home! It is needed, whatever it is. Since then, and goes there, rarely, but regularly. It thaws the soul and warms the children.

Man is driven by two driving forces: the desire for pleasure and the flight from pain and fear.

How do people understand what to do and what to avoid? What goals to strive to embody, and what to refuse?

A person is driven by two driving forces: desire for pleasure and flight from pain and fear. Everything we do is aligned with these two aspirations. But due to the fact that mankind many centuries ago chose difficult lessons for itself, got confused in them, lost the technology of restoring itself as a spiritual being, and the body as a tool for survival on this earth, people often confuse these concepts. Men and women do things that are stupid or obviously not profitable, but they do not understand the logic of such actions.

From here people who are rarely happy are harmful themselves and their families, fall into apathy and neuroses.

I will give examples of behavior that is strange from the point of view of rationality and survival:

Maria got a job after five years of unemployment. A woman needs money and useful employment. But Maria does not know how to communicate, does not build the right relationships with colleagues, is late for work - as a result, she is fined and reprimanded. This makes her nervous and lashes out at home, and also causes chronic tonsillitis and high blood pressure.

Eugene is a knowledgeable programmer, he is appreciated at work. But, coming home, a man loses confidence in himself. His wife constantly breaks down on him, the children do not obey, the mother-in-law takes out the brain, and the cat shits in slippers.

But Eugene was brought up by a good family man, so he endures, only he also acquires chronic diseases: an ulcer, angina pectoris, oncology ...

Why do people want one thing and do another?

One of the answers lies in childhood. When a child comes into this world, he is able to rejoice and achieve goals. The ability to rejoice is given at birth.

Mom smiles at the baby and tries to exude tenderness, but her dad just offended her and suffering is broadcast along with tenderness. The baby has no experience of good and bad yet In this life. He gets this experience for the first time.

He has a difficult task - to remember the wavelength of emotion, correlate it with facial expressions, associate it with the name, and learn how to reproduce it. After all, physical survival is taught to the child by the immediate environment - the parents, or those who replace the parents.

And the emotions are mixed. Joy against the background of suffering, tenderness against the background of hatred, happiness against the background of envy or annoyance ... Until school age, the child copies without thinking.

And now, by the age of two, when the baby experiences joy, suffering is mixed with joy, and this is reflected on the face. But parents do not know these mechanisms, are not accustomed to observe, or are simply confused - what to do with it. Now the child is already copying the confusion. Etc.

As a result, in adulthood, when the experience of defeat and failure in life is already noticeable, people lose that modest joy that they mastered in childhood, but increase suffering, annoyance, envy, grief, etc. And even the desired goals are painted black for us, but we are not aware of this every time.

What to do?

One of the exits take the time to clear emotions and restoring their "monochrome". Those. we remember or create anew the desired states: joy, happiness, enthusiasm, lightness, etc.

I do it myself and offer my clients and patients the following techniques:

1.Remember when you felt joy.

2.Consider if you like experience what you experienced. Is everything good, pleasant, in your memory. Would you like to see this state repeated in your life? Would you like your child to have such a state (emotion) more often? How does your body feel with this emotion? Does it feel healthier and lighter than usual?

If you did not answer “yes” to any of these questions, then you need to consider it in more detail. What was wrong? What emotion was mixed with joy? Is there someone who has devalued your joy?

3. Again remember the case you have chosen. look, Is there more joy there? How do you perceive everything now? Do you feel that you have increased strength in this episode? If yes, then go to the next point. If not, repeat step #2.

4.Start amplify that emotion like you're turning a volume knob. Make all sensations brighter. If at some point negative is mixed in again - fatigue, thoughts “I’m tired”, “why is this necessary”, “it’s so good”, “I have a lot to do”, etc., then we go back to point 2 and sequentially we are working on all issues. And then we go point by point.

5. If everything is good with joy and it increases, then let the body feel and pass it through each cell.

Every emotion has its own wavelength. Our body understands the difference between them, even if the person is silent and we do not see his facial expression. With the body you know that he is pleased, or upset, or alarmed ...

6.Let the body gradually gets used to ever more intense streams of joy through itself. This needs to be trained, because the energy channels in the body are the same pipes, and if the flow increases too much, the pipe may burst, and you will get an undesirable state.

Imagine a situation in which you would like experience intense joy. Now scroll through this situation like a movie, and with your body generate the emotion that you just worked out. Do this several times. Create a concept that you accept this state of affairs, this development. What you like this emotion.

As you can see, by this stage the emotion should be well cleared and fully desired.

7. Slightly reduce the intensity of emotion to a level where you can go about your normal activities.

Look around, slightly distracted so that the body regulates its flows.

8. Finish the exercise, thanking the body.

You can do this technique once a day, or several times a day, or once a week. The speed of your internal changes depends on this. I do it myself every 2-3 days. My patients have tried different schemes, the technique works, i.e. gives a cumulative positive effect, even if you do it 1 time in two weeks.

What will we get if we regularly perform this exercise?

Excellent health during the day!

Tonus and desire to work or perform another selected activity.

Reducing the number of chronic diseases.

Relationship Improvement with family and at work.

Improving the quality of your work or business.

you restore your ability to achieve goals because now they will delight you.

You will good example for children and parents.

All actions will acquire a reasonable meaning, and some you will simply stop doing, because the meaning in them will not be found.

There are two important points in human cultivation. Us it is necessary to clear the blockages of errors and negativity,to which we have accumulated over a long time, but and learn to be positive- train expectant emotions and energies. Only by engaging in these areas in the aggregate, it is possible to harmoniously change life for the better.

Be healthy and happy!

When the world turns gray and indifference overshadows all feelings, the surest way out is to find something to your liking.

Why does the desire to dream and create suddenly disappear?

Joy inspires and gives a sense of the fullness of life. But suddenly something breaks - and she leaves. Do you know the feeling of hopelessness and apathy? To deal with it, you need to understand its true cause.

Fatigue – the simplest and most common reason why the world around us ceases to be enjoyable. Feelings are dulled, everything seems gray and monotonous. And the only recipe in this case is how to relax.

Sometimes we think that we live very boringly. “The artists (showmen, politicians, journalists…) have an interesting and eventful life, not like mine,” we think. The paradox is that writers, artists, actors, and pop stars are all equally tired of what they do every day. Whoever you are, from time to time you need to break out of everyday reality and change the picture. Take a vacation and go away - to another city, another country. Free yourself from your usual routine. Breathe in the air of freedom. Learn new things. Often this step is able to restore strength and bring back the joy of each day.

But it happens that the blues becomes chronic. Complete disappointment, unwillingness to do anything, awareness of the meaninglessness of life - these are the symptoms of this state. “We lose joy in one case: when we cannot use life to satisfy our needs,” says psychoanalytic therapist Eduard Livinsky. - A person perceives the world through the prism of what he can influence. And if he satisfies other people's desires and sacrifices his own, he feels frustration. And that's how we're raised! You go to work where no one is going to think about your personal needs. You live in a society that is focused on the accumulation of capital, and if you have other values, you have to break yourself. Joy is always the joy of one's own doing, activity for oneself among like-minded people.

6 ways to shake things up and want to live

If everyday life has become insipid, you need to look for a way to diversify them. Just do not sit back: apathy does not go away on its own!

Go on a trip. Change of environment and new experiences expand the boundaries of perception. All sensations become several times sharper. And there is time to think about what, in fact, is important to you.

Get a pet. Caring for a small defenseless creature - even a turtle - gives each of us the necessary feeling of being needed. The animal depends entirely on the owner: you will begin to receive joy when you feed it, stroke it, communicate with it.

Go to church for a service. Even if you are not a religious person, try to stand the service, listen to prayers and understand yourself better. People often find peace and harmony after attending church. It's not even about the ceremony, but about returning to yourself.

Think of a new hobby. Ask yourself: what is important for you, what have you always wanted to do and what have you denied yourself? And take this step: sign up for a dance or theater studio, start learning professional photography. There is nowhere else to put it off.

Start a mini-repair at home. At least rearrange the furniture and re-paste the wallpaper. Firstly, you will undoubtedly be distracted, and secondly, transforming and renewing your home, you yourself will want to renew yourself internally.

Help someone who is in trouble. When we do good, we always feel joy. We are changing, becoming cleaner and brighter. A visit to a sick friend, helping her mother, a few kind words to a neighbor ... And, maybe, volunteer work.

Pamper the body - thaw the soul

Bodily pleasures can be excellent therapy for apathy. To do this, turn ordinary procedures into a pleasant ritual. The simplest things that we often do in a hurry can give moments of genuine joy. For example, peeling: there is so much bliss and sensuality in the treatment of the body with a fragrant scrub! The same can be said about Ayurveda's favorite oiling ritual, for which any slightly warmed oil will do (you can take olive oil and add a few drops of essential oil to your taste). It makes sense to take a course of oil massage or several sessions of stone therapy - massage with heated stones. During such procedures, we focus on our sensations and learn to enjoy touch and tactile contact. The body relaxes, unnecessary thoughts go away along with tension. We take care of ourselves - and this gives us confidence!

With a taste of sadness

There are times when sadness just rolls over. Psychologists advise not to hide from her under fake fun, but to fully experience emotions.

• LISTEN TO YOURSELF. If at this moment you feel sadness and longing, surrender to these difficult feelings in full. You are entitled to them.
• FIND THE RIGHT JOB. Maybe it's time to watch a sentimental movie or flip through your ten-year-old diary. Or just cry into your pillow. By the way, tears act cleansing.
• THINK THAT IT WILL PASS. No matter how bad it is, you should always look for a thread that you can cling to. This thread is our hope for tomorrow, that everything will change for the better and we will be in great shape. Think about the good even in the most difficult periods - and it will certainly happen to you!

Pick up a brush

Express your feelings in creativity and understand the essence of the problem that worries you, enables art therapy (“healing by art”), a method of psychotherapy that has become popular in recent years. Spleen, apathy, lack of interest in life are direct indications for her. The simplest technique is to try to express your emotions in a drawing.

Depict, for example, your anguish, and then your joy - and compare these two pictures, mentally transferring yourself to the field of joy. If you are overwhelmed with negative emotions, you can even create a sculpture from paper, old newspapers, pieces of wallpaper, and then paint it in sunny colors - try to transform the negative into a positive. How good is art therapy? Firstly, you express your emotions, which means that they do not accumulate inside you. Secondly, you pull the problem out and distance yourself from it. And thirdly, the creative process itself is healing, which will capture you entirely! In addition to isotherapy, there are many other techniques: music, dance, fairy tale, photo, game, drama and even sand therapy.

sitting at home

After a difficult operation, I lost faith in myself and in life.

One day, my mother brought a set for creating figures from beads. Without inspiration, I started making a heron. But the whole process took over. Soon I ordered books on beading on the Internet and now I create wonderful things. No time to grieve. Stranger Yoli

Where to look for life energy

To return the world of color, you need to start doing something. Not for anyone, for yourself. Find the area where your efforts will be fruitless. Seeing the result of your work, you will want to live again!

The work that does not bring joy and serves only to earn money, relationships in which the sharpness of feelings has long been dulled, constant employment and haste, many small household chores ... How to break this vicious circle? You need to find an area where you can fully realize your abilities, and the perception of life will change.

the main task any of us - to allow our "I" to do something valuable for itself. Therefore, any activity that brings you pleasure can get rid of the blues! The most difficult thing remains: to find something for the soul. The trouble is that often we deactivate our own "I" so much that it loses the ability to create desires. Psychologists recommend in this case to remember what brought you joy in childhood. Sewing outfits for dolls, creating collages, sculpting, drawing - after all, it was definitely an exciting activity. And then cast aside doubts and false shame (say, I'm no longer a child) and indulge in your favorite business! Even if you don't feel inspired at first.

Very important don't lock yourself in. Find people with similar problems so that you have someone to talk to. Search for those who share your hobbies, since now it is easy to do using the Internet. But communication should not be limited to the virtual world: it is imperative to go out into reality!

Each of us needs for his work to be appreciated and accepted by others. Therefore, find an opportunity to participate in those collective events where your activity will be welcomed! “A single person can go on a group tour of the city: a friendly atmosphere, an exchange of opinions - and now you are no longer alone! It is enough for a young mother, who thinks that life is passing her by, to organize a holiday at home, invite friends with children - and she will perk up, advises Eduard Livinsky. “A life without meaning is a sure road to depression.”

Set goals for yourself and reach them, and this activity will bring you out of an emotional stupor. Write down five goals focused on your own needs - what you will do for the soul and good mood.

IMPORTANT!

Any communication with children will bring you pleasure and sincere joy if you put aside all business and completely devote some time to the child. Teach him something, discover a new meaning for his favorite activities. Nothing makes us more happy than the success of our children.

Give children joy

The most common cause of apathy and depression is infantilism. A person expects that life will give him all the joys, not wanting to act on his own. Meanwhile, life requires effort, otherwise it turns into a swamp. Look for new meanings of existence for yourself. One of them may be caring for children who have no parents. If you are single and not too happy right now, give some warmth to those who really need it! Coming to the nearest orphanage on a weekend and reading a fairy tale to the kids, talking to older children - this will not require any special costs. But the return can be very strong. You will feel that someone needs you, that someone is happy for you, someone is waiting for you. So, there is a meaning to life!

The Art of Gratitude

Any person feels happy when his efforts are accepted, whether at work, in the family.

Imagine that you cooked a delicious dinner, having spent the whole day at the stove, and your relatives ate it with lean faces and did not even thank you - where can you rejoice? Therefore, at home - in our microcosm, where we ourselves establish orders - we need to cultivate a culture of gratitude.

Teach your children, your husband, and learn to appreciate what you have done for yourself. Say "thank you!" Feeling this warm feeling inside of you. And thank life for what it gives you.

Experience difficulties. And with honor to overcome!

Everything is fine, but everything is tired - the spleen of satiety, you can’t say otherwise. She is being treated!

Live in extreme conditions. For example, go camping with tents. The world will turn upside down. You will start to notice things that you didn't notice before. And many problems will be unimportant.

Start running. At least 3 km per day. It is not easy to break away from the TV - the favorite pastime of all the blues. But what joy you will feel every time after the end of the run! Including the fact that while running, endorphins are released into the bloodstream.

My niece brought me out of apathy

Two years ago Diana from Poltava (26 years old) was in a serious depression. She, pregnant, was left by a loved one. She lost her child from frustration. And these were not all the trials that fell to her lot!

At first everything went great. Upon learning that I was expecting a child, Denis proposed to me. We had already invited guests to the wedding, when suddenly at night we quarreled over a trifle. And Denis ... disappeared. And I soon ended up in the hospital. The baby was not saved.

I hated men. She lived in chronic apathy. Nothing made me happy. I went to work only because I had to live on something. One day I was walking home tired and thought: “I want to go to the hospital with a sore throat.” Our negative attitudes come true: I slipped unsuccessfully and ended up in intensive care. I was paralyzed, the doctors said that now I will lie down. But a miracle happened: I got to my feet. I was discharged from the hospital, knowing that for three years I could not become pregnant.

My sister just had a daughter. And she called me to her place in Kyiv.

She offered to change her life and stay with her, help with Karina. At first I refused, and six months later I quit my job and moved in with my sister. At first I was afraid to touch the baby. But soon she easily changed her diapers and could stay with her for the whole day. Communication with this sun energized me. We walked with her for a long time, played, I read books to her. Somehow I caught myself thinking that I want the same miracle! Karina taught me to smile again. The depression has passed. Now I am looking for a job in the capital and I hope to arrange a personal life.

Caring, we find harmony

Caring for plants and animals is a guaranteed way to love the world again. In Haruki Murakami's acclaimed book Norwegian Forest, the main character Naoko, years after losing a loved one, finds herself in a closed medical institution in the mountains. People who have lost their taste for life - people like her - are treated there not with medicines, but with simple activities: growing vegetables, floriculture and poultry farming.

Working near the earth, in contact with its creations, watching how sprouts break through, how fruits ripen, a person draws strength and is charged with vital energy, forgetting about his mental traumas. This "primitive" activity, despite all the achievements of scientific and technological progress, remains the most natural for us. But where can a city dweller look for a vegetable garden or a farm? A good way out is the cultivation of flowers. This hobby does not require a lot of money, but allows you to fully experience the joy of communicating with nature. Flowers are beautiful, they awaken in us a sense of beauty. Caring for them, we free our heads from annoying thoughts, relax and rest from the hustle and bustle.

Your sources of inspiration

We are sad when we lack something. And we rejoice when we feel connected with the world and other people. And for this you need not to engage in self-digging, but to strive to learn new things, to see the world in all its colors. And feel that you are alive!

nature observation brings joy because it is alive. And depression is nothing more than a loss of life dynamics. Therefore, the contemplation of nature restores. You watch how the trees bloom, clouds float, insects swarm, and you understand: life flows regardless of our petty everyday misfortunes. Against this bewitching background, their problems seem insignificant. And nature also instills faith that you can do something as important and natural as a blossoming flower or a bee carrying nectar.

Art inspires and demonstrates the diversity of life, showing that not everything around us is gray and monotonous. It also “allows” us to have our own emotions, pushing us to feel, experience, ignite. Indeed, in essence, art is emotions poured into sounds, colors, movements. Depression always starts with fear of your feelings.

Books and films with a positive story, dedicated to overcoming obstacles, inspire confidence in their own strength. If the hero coped with the difficulties, then you can do it too! Joy goes away because we cannot process the situation, we get stuck in it. And someone else's example shows: there is a way out, you have to look for it! And the only question is how to do it. If you can’t find a way out yourself, you should talk with a friend, a psychologist, any person who will help you look at the problem from the outside. And make sure: there is something to rejoice in life!

Beautiful landscapes cause unconscious joy, so use every opportunity to be in nature. Alternate active rest with meditation or contemplation of awakening nature. Rejoice in spring!

4 books that will set you up for positive

Osho. Hsin Hsin Ming: The Book of Nothing

Our mind creates dreams. To wake up and experience true joy, you need to go beyond the mind. Osho tells how to "turn off" the stereotypes imposed by culture, free yourself from the need for choice and begin to live an authentic life.

Anna Gavalda. Just together

A kind, wise and life-affirming novel about love and how to find joy in everyday life. All the characters, at first lonely, find their happiness at the end of the story. And one of its important components is to help another in difficult times.

Sue Townsend. The Diaries of Adrian Mole

Incredibly funny book, not leaving the bestseller list, about the adventures of an English teenager prone to blues and who considers himself an intellectual and a talented poet. Sparkling!

Viktor Frankl. Man in search of meaning

An Austrian psychiatrist describes his personal experience of surviving in a concentration camp and shows that even in the most terrible conditions, one can find an incentive to continue life. A serious book that can turn your worldview upside down.