People fall for looks. Fall in love with energy

This question is often asked by people who become objects of non-reciprocal love. Many psychologists insist that a strong relationship begins with friendship, while a romance based only on mutual passion does not last long. So why not try to fall in love with someone who loves you, even if he only causes friendly sympathy?

Is the game worth the candle

In books and films, there are not only stories about how people also often become the basis for the plot, and such works often have a happy ending. Similar situations are quite common in real life. Should a person who has become the object of non-reciprocal love try to evoke feelings for the contender for his heart?

Why not, if a person dreams of creating a family, he understands that the one who seeks his attention suits him, causes affection. Friendly sympathy can always be reborn into something more, if you contribute to it correctly. How to do this is described below.

What if the company of someone who is in love is unpleasant for a person, causes only irritation and anxiety? In this case, you should hardly force yourself to spend time with him, trying to fall in love. The result of such efforts is most likely to be zero.

Where to begin

How to love a person who loves you? First you need to finally free yourself from relationships that are already in the past. It is especially important to pay attention to this issue if the separation has occurred recently. You can not count on a positive outcome of the case if a person has feelings for his former lover. Of course, it is difficult to get rid of the emotions associated with a previous relationship, but the process can always be accelerated.

So, before you try to love a good person, you need to force yourself to forget about the one with whom the relationship did not work out. To do this, you need to find yourself as many interesting activities as possible that will not leave time for sad thoughts and memories. Welcome to attend social events that will help unwind. You can also invent an exciting hobby for yourself, sign up for courses that promote personal growth, and so on.

If you need to love a person

Suppose that feelings for a former lover no longer poison life, do not prevent the start of a new relationship. How to love a person for whom the object feels only sympathy? It’s worth starting work on this by compiling a list of its advantages. It is possible that the applicant has many positive qualities that make him worthy of attention. You can note his mind, devotion, kindness, sense of humor and so on. The longer the list of benefits, the better.

It is wonderful if a person likes the appearance of the one who confesses his love to him. In this case, you should definitely place the photo of the chosen one in a conspicuous place in order to admire it as often as possible.

Avoid criticism

If you need to love a person, it is desirable to pay as little attention as possible to his shortcomings. All people from time to time do the wrong things, say the wrong words. It is necessary to be more tolerant of the mistakes that a potential lover makes, to concentrate on his positive, rather than negative features.

At this stage, conflicts and quarrels are most dangerous for the emerging relationship. You should not provoke them with criticism, even if some character traits of the candidate cause irritation, rejection. Of course, this does not apply to shortcomings that a person can never come to terms with. In this case, it is worth considering whether it is even advisable to try to evoke feelings in yourself.

Joint pastime

If a girl wants to fall in love with a young man, she needs to spend more time in his company. It is unlikely that you will be able to evoke feelings for a stranger, so you should try to get to know the candidate better. It's great if you can find common interests, start a joint hobby. Such a pastime will certainly lead to rapprochement, there will be more topics for conversation that are of interest to everyone. It is also useful to attend social events together, watch movies, performances, and so on.

Perhaps you should also decide on a joint vacation, especially if people have known each other for a long time. Seeing a lover outside of the usual circumstances, you can look at him in a new way, experience an interest that was not there before. Of course, a joint vacation in a romantic setting is welcome, which evokes the right emotions.

Signs of attention

An important point is the manifestation of attention to the chosen one. It is necessary to provide the applicant with support in difficult life situations, be interested in his problems and concerns, and show sympathy. Indifference does not contribute to the emergence of mutual feelings. Also, one cannot ignore the opinion that he holds on a particular issue. It is known that the more moral forces are invested in a person, the closer and more expensive he becomes.

Is it possible to love a person without paying attention to the good that he does for the object of his love? Gifts, compliments, manifestations of care - all this must be celebrated. Cultivating a sense of gratitude in yourself, speaking about it out loud, it is easier to get closer.

Of course, when showing attention to a potential partner, it is important not to forget and share with him your own experiences, thoughts, feelings. Stealth does not contribute to rapprochement, as well as the desire to solve all their problems on their own.

self-deception

Sincerely wanting to love someone who seeks attention, you can try to convince yourself that this has already happened. To do this, it is useful to behave the way lovers do, to be together more often, to strive for spiritual intimacy, to go on dates.

It is also helpful to tell the world about your feelings, even if they exist only in the storyteller's imagination. Let no one doubt that he sees a couple in love before him. The more people who know about the alleged romance, the better. Trying to convince others (friends, acquaintances, relatives) of your love, you can at one fine moment realize that it really arose.

Eyes to eyes

Is it possible to fall in love with a person over time? To do this, psychologists advise more often to look into the eyes of a potential lover. The eyes of a lover radiate with happiness and joy, they talk about his readiness for crazy deeds for the sake of the object of his passion. Such feelings are contagious, it is easy for people to feel sympathy for someone who is in love with them. Friendship can be followed by love.

Getting to know the parents

What else can be done to love a young man? This is facilitated by communication with those for whom it is the best. First of all, these are the parents of a potential partner, so you should not avoid communicating with them, flatly refuse to get to know them. In addition, it will help to better know the candidate for the role of the second half.

Of course, it is also useful to communicate with friends and acquaintances of a possible chosen one, who are also able to talk about his best qualities and help him demonstrate them.

Candor is important

Above it is said that it is necessary to refrain from criticism, try not to provoke quarrels. However, this does not mean that you need to be silent about everything that does not suit you in a relationship, especially when it comes to really important moments that can destroy them. A frank conversation helps to eliminate many problems if it is conducted in a calm and friendly tone. For example, you should not hide your preferences in bed from your partner, and also forget to be interested in his habits and desires.

About the benefits of parting

The above talks about how to love a person if such a desire arises. However, do not forget that everything needs a measure. Someone who literally forces himself to spend a lot of time in the company of a potential partner can easily become tired and irritated. If dating starts to seem like a chore, you should definitely hit pause, take a break from communication, and try to figure out your own feelings.

It is possible that separation will help to understand how important a person in love plays in the life of the object of his attention. Perhaps a simple interest has already managed to transform into a more serious feeling. If the desire to meet does not arise for a long time, you should not force yourself to resume dating. There is a high chance that nothing good will come of it.

How to correctly evaluate the result

So, the answer to the question of how to love a person is obvious. However, how do you know if you have achieved your goal? This is far from always easy, since love is a feeling that can manifest itself in different ways.

If doubts remain, you need to listen to your feelings, being next to a potential second half. It is wonderful if a person who until recently considered himself an object feels comfort, lightness, joy. Also, a hint of the emerging feeling can be the longing that appears during a long separation from a partner.

What if such emotions do not arise, although enough time has passed? This may indicate that a person in love is still the hero of someone else's novel. Therefore, it is better to tactfully part with him, trying not to hurt his feelings, and then start looking for a real second half, which is sure to be found.

Yes, everyone knows that guys are more pragmatic individuals who do not always express their feelings and emotions. They even hide their love for the forbidden fruit much more carefully than women. That is why, many girls involuntarily think about whether guys can love at all. And even more so, is a man capable of loving one woman all his life

Love is a feeling that absolutely all souls and hearts are subject to. Even those people who say that love does not exist, that it is a mental disorder or drug addiction, actually love or once loved. Simply, their love was unhappy or unrequited, and now the man is trying by all means to close himself from this feeling and hide his true emotions so as not to experience pain again.

Is there everlasting love? They say that there are monogamous people in the world who live all their lives for only one person. And among them there are not only women, but also men. Such people are extremely painful for breakups and unrequited love. They can stay alone for years, constantly think about a loved one, try to return him or win him. In fact, such sensuality is rather not a plus, but a minus. Only in films one can watch such suffering without stopping and admire the fidelity of love, especially when a man experiences this. But if everything happens in real life, there is little romance. In fact, it’s scary to watch a friend wither away and destroy himself because the object of his love is simply indifferent. If a person does not stop in time, he may simply begin to have mental problems. That is why, we can say that men have eternal unrequited love all their lives, but it is better to help him get rid of such love, because if this is not done, life can be noticeably shortened. And it's not just about suicide. Constant nervous tension and experiences have a very negative effect on the cardiovascular system and psyche. Therefore, if you don’t want a guy close to you to die of a heart attack or end up in a psychiatric hospital, it’s better to convince him by all real and unrealistic ways that love passes, comes again, and you need to put up with it. Of course, it will be painful and difficult for him, but without someone else's help, such feelings turn into a vicious circle that narrows, suffocates and simply destroys a person. In fact, love is eternal, but it changes forms. And if a person does not get hung up on one object, over time he can find a new form of manifestation of love. But, for this you need to look around. And unrequited lovers do not want to do this, and therefore suffer from their love for many years.

But, of course, not all people have to suffer from unrequited love. Is there mutual love for life? Can a man always be only with his lady of the heart and not pay attention to others?

Yes, it happens, but, in such cases, a lot depends on women. Ladies know how to kill love in their men. Unfortunately, this is true, no matter how we reject these theories. Tantrums, constant scandals and prohibitions, suspicion and jealousy, lack of interest in sex and many other factors lead to the fact that men begin to be disappointed in those they love. Over the years, disappointment accumulates and love can really pass when common interests and mutual understanding disappear.

But, if women and men know how to be wise, compromise and understand each other, in this case the man will really love his woman all his life. And here no one is talking about the passion and craving that exists between the couple in the early years. It's no secret that over time it passes, but something more remains. This is friendship, support, confidence in each other, affection. Love can be different, but from the fact that it changes its form, the essence still does not change. Some simply confuse passion, falling in love and love, which is why they are so sure that love can end. And in fact. true love simply takes on a higher form, to which not all couples reach. Agree, after all, there is no longer any passion between the old people who have lived together for fifty years, but in the way they support each other, in the way they hug, how they walk arm in arm through the autumn park, all those feelings that once arose passion in youth. And then they grew into friendship and affection, and now they have become simply an integral part of their souls. People do not think for a long time that they could not be together. They don't even know it's unrealistic. The perception of each other as part of oneself is a manifestation of love that cannot be broken and destroyed.

In fact, almost every man can love one woman all his life. But, not everyone meets those girls who can and should be loved forever. Unfortunately, not all couples are soulmates of each other. Sometimes people make mistakes, but they cannot admit their mistake, therefore, as a result, they suffer next to each other for a while and disperse.

Is it possible for a man to love one woman all his life? To this question, everyone gives his own answer, based on the experience and situations that happened to him in life. But, people who have found their true love will say that feelings do not disappear with time, but only change their form and grow into something, without which you feel empty, and your life is meaningless. All people are capable of love and it does not depend on whether you are a man or a woman. The only question is. Are there people on the path of life who are worthy of our love. If this is so, then any person will have feelings that he will carry until the last day of his life.


Is it possible to love one person all your life?

Is love everlasting...


Is there love for life? Without a doubt, there are countless definitions of love, and each of these definitions has its own meaning, which is different from others.

Probably, there is no person who imagines his life without this feeling. It happens that a person spends his whole life trying to find his ideal love. How many people, so many ideas about love and how it should be, but, probably, everyone wants this feeling to live in the heart forever.

But is there really love for life? Is it possible to love one person all your life? Is it possible to continue to love a person as if this feeling arose in the heart only yesterday?

Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer to this question! Likewise, there is no clear definition of what love is!

But still, psychologists assure that it is still possible to love one person all your life, it’s just that love is different: at first love is ardent, passionate, later respect, trust, friendship and many other views and concepts are added. and just here it all depends on how the person himself perceives such changes in relations!




Some go through all these stages and live together all their lives, while for others such sensations cease to seem like love, everything becomes a habit for them and over time such couples break up, and the argument, so to speak, "go-ahead", is that, they say, love passed, so what's the point of living together! Here is a phrase of one of my friends: “It is impossible to love the same person all your life, after a while, maybe it will happen in 10-20 years, but love will pass, and mutual understanding, respect, habit will remain ... this is what they confuse with love ..."



Such people say that the feeling of love cannot be maintained for a long time, because gradually addiction comes, and we just get used to the idea that we will always be next to the person who is now next to us.
It happens that this really happens, but it cannot be ruled out that people can carry the feeling of love through their whole lives if their feelings have a constant “feed”.

If people love each other, then they will sincerely want to please each other, arrange surprises, and this will strengthen their feelings. Agree, because we ourselves are the creators of our own destiny, and it is in our power to make sure that our feelings do not die for as long as possible.

Surely, every person had love, and it was so exciting that it is almost impossible to forget.

When we fall in love for the first time, it seems to us that we will love this person all our lives, and there is no such power that could change this. It often happens that the first love is not mutual, so over time it dulls

Xia, giving way to other feelings, people and events of our personal life. But do we forget this feeling forever? as a rule, no - they do not forget the first love and carry this feeling through their whole lives.
Repeatedly, we even compare our subsequent partners with the person we once loved (and maybe still love). Or maybe our first love is the love of a lifetime? This is a controversial issue, but it is clear that we are ready to carry the memory of this love through our whole lives.

How to ensure that love does not lose its unique freshness, if not for our entire life, then at least for a long time?
Of course, first of all, love cannot be imitated, but one must really love. If you truly love the person who is nearby, then you will not need to make an effort to keep your feelings for a long time. You just need to love each other and prove your love with actions and attitude. Indeed, over time, your deeds will speak of your love much more eloquently than beautiful words, and you should always remember this.
You need to prove your love to each other every day, every minute, and then you will be able to keep it for life.

So is it possible to love one person all your life?

Of course you can. And no one can stop it? Yes, and it happens. After all, love is a deeply personal and multifaceted feeling, its manifestations can be the most unexpected. What just does not happen, how many incredible and impressive examples from life there are.
People live for years, decades and keep this feeling in their souls.
It can be reflected in the way of life (for example, a complete rejection of close communication with the opposite sex, isolation, etc.), or it can be completely deep and hidden, invisible to others (the presence of a family with another person, children). What just does not happen!


How many people, so many opinions ... But no matter what anyone says, I believe that you can love one person all your life!
And when you go through trials and difficulties, this love intensifies.
When it’s hard for you and this person extends a helping hand to you, when he calms, comforts, then you understand - yes, I love him! I have been in love for 15 years. And I am sure that I will love him, although many are very critical of my opinion.

We are all so very different here, everyone has their own opinion ... it is very interesting to know your opinions: do you think it is possible to love the same man all your life?

I know for myself that you can love one person all your life. At least to experience some feelings such as tenderness, warmth, affection, care and all that and only to one person. There was such a person in my life and there is still, but it so happened that we are not together ... It's my fault ... But, through time and years, I still feel the same feelings for only one person. This does not prevent me from living on, but this love is one and forever.

Georgy Sergatsky

Cheat in love

(From the book “The reverse side of love, or the experience of trepanation of sin ...”)


Lust walked, dressed up in love clothes.
E. Evseev

“Whoever writes about it (life - G.S.) respectfully and according to all the rules, is silent about its greater half” (M. Montaigne).
“What is the history of orgasm? The history of the hidden body, the suppressed desires of the flesh, restrained by social prohibitions and the laws of morality ”(R. Mushemble). "The very fact of nature is felt as shameful." “Shame gradually weakens and, finally, is completely lost” (V. Solovyov). "This feeling inherent in a civilized society has a certain cultural function." In order to hide "certain corners of his life," man "throws a mysterious veil over even the most natural and most necessary purposes of nature." “Having turned the sacrament of sex into an inexhaustible spring of physiological and mental pleasure, people could not but understand the danger of this discovery for civilization. This pleasure could be fatal to a person. Its use should be controlled. Unlimited sexual stimulation could cause constant excitement in members of the opposite sex, lead to chaotic and hypertrophied sexual relations, and ultimately become fatal to people's health and destructive to the order and organization of society. The restriction of nudity among some peoples is extremely strict. In South India, for example, there has long been a tradition that women should always cover even their mouths. Such prohibitions are very severe for Muslim women” (Sexological Encyclopedia).
“With all the negative consequences for society, economic damage, the pleasures of both parties or the suffering and humiliation of one of them, the duality of the attitudes of men and women towards the opposite and their own sex is striking” (N. Uzlov). “... In love, two opposites meet, two worlds between which there are no bridges and never can be” (L. Andreas-Salome).
“The truth about love should be sought not in science, not in philosophy, but in poetry, or more precisely, among great poets, and even then not among all. Of the myriad of poets and novelists who have written about love, only a few can be found in a relatively true, sincere and somewhat sober attitude towards this passion. It would seem that it is not difficult to draw a true picture of a phenomenon so widespread, but all the genius of great artists, all the thirst for truth inherent in genius, is needed so as not to lie in this seductive case, not to embellish, not to exaggerate. Even the great artists, far from all possessed a conscience sufficient for this.
“To study love, one does not need to turn to many poets: it is enough to dwell on one great one. I will focus on Shakespeare, who, in the words of Pushkin, alone "gave us the whole of humanity."
“It should be noted that Shakespeare took his concept of love not from someone else's hands, as many poets do, but from nature itself, from his own heart bloodied with this passion. Between many hobbies, he, says Taine, “had one ... - an unfortunate, blind, despotic passion, the oppression and shame of which he himself felt and from which he still could not and did not want to free himself. There is nothing sadder than his confession, nothing more characterizing the madness of love and the feeling of human weakness: “When my beloved, says Shakespeare, swears that her love is true, I believe her, although I know that she is lying” (M. Menshikov).
“Love is the only feeling in which everything is true and everything is false” (N. Chamfort). “Your friendly words mean nothing if the body says something else” (D. Borg). “Love in the form in which it exists in society (light) is just a game of two whims and a mutual deception of imagination” (N. Chamfort). "Love is a game in which both players deceive each other." Here, “sin and shame follow each other as a cause and effect” (D. Defoe), and hypocrisy and decency are designed to hide the ugly essence of carnal pleasure. “Love begins with the fact that a person deceives himself, and ends with the fact that he deceives another” (O. Wilde). “Love is a game in which they always cheat” (O. Balzac). “Love lives on desire and feeds on deceit. It is simply incompatible with the truth ”(A. France). “Lies in love are necessary” (I. Huberman).
"No, he does not have a deceitful look,
His eyes don't lie.
They tell the truth
That their owner is a rogue” (R. Burns).
“No one wants to be himself” (M. Nordau). “Honesty is not characteristic of any person, it is an abiological process” (S. Savelyev). "Deceit is the worst vice." “Light and lust are mortal enemies” (W. Shakespeare).
“A lie has a hundred thousand guises and has no limits” (M. Montaigne). “The most cruel lies are often spoken in silence” (R. Stevenson).
The "great lie" (B. Shipov) of love begins with overcoming the shame of lust. “A heap of incompatibilities” (A. Sekatsky) dooms a person to “evil deceit” (Z. Gippius), to prudent cohabitation with sin. “Why do people tell the truth if it is much more profitable to lie” (L. Wittgenstein). And although, according to Ibsen, “it is pointless to lie to yourself,” it is necessary to cheat so as not to frighten the victim.
It is known that an anecdote is, if not an exposure, then a hint that allows one to draw conclusions.
Armenian radio was asked:
“What is an illusion?
It replied:
- "This is when a man fucks a woman and thinks that he is in seventh heaven, and he himself is two centimeters from w...".
Here, the Armenian radio only hints at the location of the offender, both in men, and first of all in them, and in women. We conclude that the offender is not ... but its owner, who uses it in sexual intercourse not for its intended purpose - for physical defecation - but as a means of arousing and maintaining an erection due to thoughts of defilement. Since sexual intercourse is nothing more than an exchange of "courtesies" of two crotches, where, in fact, the perpetrators of the crime (two women ...) gathered, then behind the evidence, that is, ... as the main argument of "love", it is not difficult to find and the customer, who catches the buzz from this. Thus, the hint of the Armenian radio can be quite interpreted as proof that the location of the f... in absolute proximity to the genitals is not accidental.
Everyone knows that he is deceiving the other, but pretends that he does not know about it, trying to deceive, first of all, himself. At the same time, he knows that the other knows about his vile thoughts in his address and again tries to convince himself that this other does not guess anything. “But if I know that you know, and you know that I know that you know, etc., then such a charade can no longer be supported” (S. Pinker). Thus, everyone is trying to deceive two witnesses to the crime - themselves, or rather their conscience, and a partner.
What do we see? And that's what!
“... The re-creation of the “crime, by inference based on the interpretation of the evidence, is not exclusively “rhetorical” - it exposes ... the truth ...” (S. Zizek). “Since there is no evidence, it is by no means impossible to demonstrate in practice that the individual is incorrigible” (M. Foucault). Your understanding of the essence of sexual love depends on who you consider to be ... and others like her - a witness or an accomplice in a crime. The strength of voluptuousness is directly proportional to the tightness of the client's (imagination) cooperation with the direct performers of the action, up to the interaction ... "with the most informative part of the body" (D. Simons) - with the human face as the embodiment of personality. As a result, those who copulate, making the gestures necessary to get pleasure from the humiliation of the object of "love", impersonate themselves as scoundrels.
Truthfulness in love would be an incident. “Women can freely enter into friendship with a man, but in order to maintain it, a small dose of physical antipathy must be involved for this” (F. Nietzsche). A woman derives pleasure mainly from the demonstration of a naked woman ..., enjoying the nudity of evidence. Otherwise, why does she need all this: “once having stopped blushing, she will never blush again” (D. Diderot). A similar pleasure is also not alien to men, which does not at all speak of the femininity of their nature.
“What kind of love if lust sits in me, which is nothing but the appetite of my crotch, eager to desecrate beauty? Sexual attractiveness has one measure - the strength of an erection, inspired by the pictures of my demoniac ass attempt on a beautiful, high, worthy ... Only my ass knows who I love. The feature of "French love" is the possibility of an outpouring of the "abyss of the soul" of the "courtesy" of shameful places in relation to the face of another. The crotch of my beloved is dear to me, but I do not forget about the filth that my imagination draws when, expressing my immense “love”, I show her mine” (Litmus test) 1.
The sexuality of a man and a woman, along with homo-... and others, in its hidden essence cannot be fundamentally different. “It should be clear ... that the “soul” ... has a feminine character in a man and a masculine character in a woman” (K. Jung). The gender separation is not absolute. "... Libido can be both feminine and masculine." “Moving the area of ​​the female genitals in a male manner clearly betrays the active quality of the feeling of satisfaction” (P. Federn). “The weaker partner can only become the obedient servant of the strongest, placing the genitals at his disposal” (S. Blackburn). At the same time, it is generally accepted that “a man is excited by what he does to a woman, and not by what she does to him; a woman is excited by what a man does to her, not by what she does to him” (E. Berne). However, female masochism due to physiology, in contrast to male aggressiveness and sadism, is harmless only outwardly. The range of associations she imagines for defiling the personality of a loved one differs as little from that of a man as the number of defecation orifices, whose fortunate arrangement we owe to orgasm, differs between the sexes. The default catch, associated with the shamefulness of anal-genital power over another, is inevitable and mutual in a full-fledged sexual intercourse. “What is striking when analyzing a feeling that many consider “love” is that it turns out to be self-deception and turns into hatred. And vice versa, especially for women, love means suffering, but sadistic motives are also hidden in this masochistic love ”(D. Reigold).
“Lust comes from the body, love comes from the mind. But people do not know their consciousness, and this misunderstanding goes on and on - their bodily lust is considered love ”(Osho). This means that the viciousness of mutual intentions and the immorality of what happens during “lovemaking” is not a secret for the majority, including women: “love is the strangest and most illogical thing in the world” (D. Smith) ; “sex is a dirty business, save it for the one you love” (E. Perel).
"Men underestimate women's aversion to sexual aggression" (Cats de Vries). “Persistent courtship is quickly replaced by sexual aggression and violence. Since any copulation is not a manifestation of love, then “the rapist is forced to keep quiet and gets used to cheating” (J. Bataille). The reason is that “at the basis of worship lies the whole horror of lust and lust. Men make women madonnas, but they cannot ignore their sexual needs. Accordingly, they inevitably desecrate the Garden of Eden ”(F. Tallis).
“... The presentation of feelings is natural for us, but concealment requires considerable effort” (L. Mlodinov). “Women deceive to hide their feelings, men - to show feelings that are not there” (A. de Monterlan). “Love ... on the one hand, bestiality, and on the other, ceremony” (P. Bruckner).
Obviously, intrigues with the aim of mastering another body are, first of all, a way of hiding shameful things. “The beast in us must be deceived. Morality is an inner lie without which he would have torn us to pieces” (F. Nietzsche). If “man is the quintessence of dust” (W. Shakespeare), then his sexual intercourse is the quintessence of meanness2; and, as we see, regardless of gender.
“A lie brings endless torment to the soul and body” (Sh. Rustaveli). “The theory of psychoanalysis discovers in every man a pig, a pig saddled with consciousness. A deplorable result: the pig is uncomfortable under this well-intentioned rider. But the rider is not better either: his task is not only to rule the pig, but also to make it invisible ”(S. Lem).
“The devil is infinitely inventive, and sex is his favorite topic. He is ready to catch you at every step, both through generous romance or tender motives, and through other baser animal instincts. He fools with "flattering sympathy, sweetly seasoned with sexual arousal" (D. Tolkien). “Be careful about who you want to appear to be. We are who we want to appear” (K. Vonnegut).
“I entered the forest and listened to the birds singing.
They do not have eternal delays, evasions, hooks and quotation marks.
They are not human, dear, no, they are not human” (W. Auden).
In a pastoral way. "Love... presupposes justice." “Human morality cannot rely only on utility, it must turn to justice. Justice, on the other hand, strives to recognize the non-consumer value of the individual: at this point, “justice” is especially clearly contraindicated in pure “utility”. Moreover, in the sexual sphere it is not enough to state that this way of behavior is “useful”, something else is important – is it “fair”?
“External manifestations of tenderness can create the appearance of love, which does not really exist. A seductive man, as a rule, resorts to various options for tenderness, just as a coquette woman tries to play on feelings, although in both cases there is no true love of the individual ”(John Paul II).
Scientifically. "Nowhere in the history of culture can we find, as such, naturalness in relation to the sexual sphere." “... It turns out to be completely unnatural for human beings to behave “naturally” in relation to their physical nature” (M. Jacobi). “A characteristic feature of erotic desire is the feeling of going beyond what is permitted, of overcoming the prohibition that is present in all sexual contacts, the prohibition that comes from the oedipal structure of sexual life. This feeling takes many forms, and the simplest and most universal of them is the violation of traditional social restrictions imposed by society on the open demonstration of intimate parts of the body and the feeling of sexual arousal ”(O. Kernberg).

People fall for looks. Fall in love with energy. And they love personality.

There are beautiful, attractive people, at the first meeting with whom you can be dumbfounded by beauty, or simply without even understanding what it is, think: I like the person. Later, trying to analyze what was hooked, we understand: appearance. They say, "do not drink water from your face." It is understood that you will not be full of beauty.

But we all know that you can admire your loved one for an infinitely long time. We know that it is possible to have a photo at hand and also admire it in the absence of the object of our feelings nearby at the moment. This is already falling in love, which has stepped over the stage of primary passion. And it does not arise because of external data.

In order to go beyond the first impression and go further in your feelings, you need to fall in love. We fall in love, in fact, not with appearance, but with the energy of a person. These are such things as calmness, a positive attitude towards life, peace in one's own soul, a feeling of joy and fullness of being .. All this creates a positive, bright aura around a person, which we feel as warmth emanating from a person.

If we feel that a person loves and accepts himself, the world around him and people, then it is very easy to fall in love with such a person. He is pleasant, open, cheerful.

Agree that it is much more difficult (if at all possible) to fall in love with a person who is negatively disposed towards the world around him, is dissatisfied with himself, and therefore shows signs of self-doubt and is angry at the whole world.

After all, as you know, the most sexual quality in a person is self-confidence. Not self-confidence, not intrusive flaunting, not noisiness and arrogance, but a calm, unshakable sense of one's own value and uniqueness. Which does not need to be proven to anyone and nothing.

It's about true self-confidence, love, and acceptance of who we are. It is this feeling that gives us the right to behave spontaneously, think, speak and do what we consider necessary, without looking back at the people around us every minute “Oh, what will they think about me, how will they appreciate me?”, “I’ll put it on today such a mask, play such and such a role - it usually helps me out.

Everyone has their own repertoire of roles. Instead of being himself, being spontaneous, a person can play the role of "nice", or the role of "nihilist, don't give a damn", or the role of "tough guy". The final is always the same - pretending to be not ourselves, but someone else, we always come to a standstill. Because we think that no one will notice our falsity. No matter how. People on a subconscious level are great at reading, especially in moments of life's trials, whether we are truthful, whether we are ourselves or play.

So, in the case of the game, the energy that we radiate suffers. Dependence on approval (which goes in a bouquet with self-doubt) is a bad adviser, and its roots are in a sense of one's worthlessness, when it is difficult for a person (or he simply does not know how) to love and accept himself as he is. And since the energy suffers, it is difficult for other people to fall in love with us in our current state.

And now we can approach the question of love. Love and falling in love are not the same thing. Love is much deeper, incomparably more durable and, as one of my clients said, “love is something sacred.” In order for a person not to fall in love, namely to love the Other, the Personality of the Other comes into play.

Personality, in short, is a system of values, attitudes and motives of a person. The human personality consists of answers to the questions: Why do I live, how do I live, what is important, valuable, expensive for me, what is good and what is bad for me. These questions are answered by the concept of "personality".

Personalities, as we know, are all sorts: high and low, wide and narrow. In the sense that a person can be guided in life by base instincts and motives, and can serve people and good, for example. Or some great and noble idea. A personality can be “narrow” - having few motives or one at all, or it can be “broad” - versatile, that is.