In a broad sense, needs are defined as a source of activity and a form of communication between a living organism and the outside world.

The social needs of a person are the desires and aspirations inherent as a representative of the human race.

Humanity is a social system, outside of which the development of the individual is impossible. A person is always part of a community of people. Realizing social aspirations and desires, it develops and manifests itself as.

Belonging to a human society determines the emergence of human social needs. They are experienced as desires, drives, aspirations, brightly colored emotionally. They form the motives of activity and determine the direction of behavior, replace each other as some desires are realized and others are actualized.

Biological desires and the nature of people are expressed in the need to maintain vital activity and the optimal level of functioning of the body. This is achieved by satisfying the need for something. People, like animals, have a special form of satisfying all kinds of biological needs - unconscious instincts.

The question of the nature of needs remains debatable in the scientific community. Some scientists reject the social nature of desires and drives, others ignore the biological basis.

Types of social needs

Social aspirations, desires, inclinations are conditioned by people's belonging to society and are satisfied only in it.

1. "For oneself": self-identification, self-affirmation, power, recognition.
2. "For others": altruism, gratuitous help, protection, friendship, love.
3. "Together with others": peace on Earth, justice, rights and freedoms, independence.

• Self-identification consists in the desire to be similar, similar to a particular person, image or ideal. The child identifies with the parent of the same gender and is aware of being a boy/girl. The need for self-identification is periodically updated in the process of life, when a person becomes a schoolboy, student, specialist, parent, and so on.
• Self-affirmation is necessary, and it is expressed in the realization of potential, well-deserved respect among people and the affirmation of oneself as a professional in one's favorite business. Also, many people strive for power and vocation among people for their own personal purposes, for themselves.
• Altruism is gratuitous help, even to the detriment of one's own interests, prosocial behavior. A person cares about the other individual as about himself.
• Unfortunately, selfless friendship is a rarity these days. A true friend is valuable. Friendship should be disinterested, not for the sake of profit, but because of the mutual disposition towards each other.
• Love is the strongest desire of each of us. As a special feeling and type of interpersonal relationship, it is identified with happiness. It is difficult to overestimate her. This is the reason for the creation of families and the appearance of new people on Earth. The vast majority of psychological and physical problems from unsatisfied, unrequited, unhappy love. Each of us wants to love and be loved and have a family. Love is the most powerful stimulus for personal growth, it inspires and inspires. The love of children for parents and parents for children, love between a man and a woman, for one's business, work, city, country, for all people and the whole world, for life, for oneself is the foundation for the development of a harmonious, holistic personality. When a person loves and is loved, he becomes the creator of his life. Love fills it with meaning.

Each of us on Earth has universal human social desires. All people, regardless of nationality and religion, want peace, not war; respect for their rights and freedoms, not enslavement.

Justice, morality, independence, humanity are universal values. Everyone wants them for themselves, their loved ones, humanity as a whole.

While realizing your personal aspirations and desires, you must also remember about the people around you. By harming nature and society, people harm themselves.

Classification of social needs

In psychology, several dozens of different classifications of needs have been developed. The most general classification defines two types of desires:

1. Primary or congenital:

• biological or material needs (food, water, sleep, and others);
• existential (security and confidence in the future).

2. Secondary or acquired:

• social needs (for belonging, communication, interaction, love, and others);
• prestigious (respect, self-respect);
• spiritual (self-realization, self-expression, creative activity).

The most famous classification of social needs was developed by A. Maslow and is known as the "Pyramid of Needs".

This is a hierarchy of human aspirations from the lowest to the highest:

1. physiological (food, sleep, carnal and others);
2. need for security (housing, property, stability);
3. social (love, friendship, family, belonging);
4. respect and recognition of the individual (both by other people and by oneself);
5. self-actualization (self-realization, harmony, happiness).

As can be seen, these two classifications equally define social needs as desires for love and belonging.

The Importance of Social Needs

Natural physiological and material desires are always paramount, since the possibility of survival depends on them.

The social needs of a person are assigned a secondary role, they follow the physiological ones, but are more significant for the human personality.

Examples of such significance can be observed when a person is in need, giving preference to the satisfaction of a secondary need: a student, instead of sleeping, is preparing for an exam; the mother forgets to eat when caring for the baby; a man endures physical pain, wanting to impress a woman.

A person strives for activity in society, socially useful work, establishing positive interpersonal relationships, wants to be recognized and successful in the social environment. It is necessary to satisfy these desires for successful coexistence with other people in society.

Such social needs as friendship, love, and family are of unconditional importance.

On the example of the relationship between the social need of people in love with the physiological necessity of carnal relations and with the instinct of procreation, one can understand how interdependent and connected these attractions are.

The instinct of procreation is complemented by care, tenderness, respect, mutual understanding, common interests, love arises.

Personality is not formed outside of society, without communication and interaction with people, without meeting social needs.

Examples of children raised by animals (there have been several such incidents in the history of mankind) are a vivid confirmation of the importance of love, communication, and society. Such children, having got into the human community, could not become its full-fledged members. When a person experiences only primary attractions, he becomes like an animal and actually becomes one.

Well, that was inevitable.

I would have liked to get away from the conversation lightly and cheerfully, but then the blow hit the target.

Panic. Disappointment. Self loathing.

“Why did you say that? What should they think of you! You always say such stupid things. They will probably tell all their friends what an idiot you are!”

These horrific thoughts fill my heart as the joy I felt a moment ago slowly melts into a thick cloud of depression that looms over me.

In truth, no one but myself was to blame for my terrible insecurity. I kind of feed those thoughts, sending desperate messages apologizing for everything I've ever said. I was a toxic friend.

However, there was another moment in my life that contributed to the battle going on in my head.

Other toxic people I have allowed into my inner circle. Toxic people often attract toxic people!

The circle of my close people was full of those who fed all this negativity with their condemnation, pessimism and gossip. And I accepted it all.

I listened to their judgmental judgments, pessimistic views and gossip, and then lived in fear that one day I myself would become the main topic of such conversations.

My fear was so real that I could almost feel the condemnation in their eyes.

This is what happens when we surround ourselves with toxic people!

And it is true that one day those who bring gossip to you will spread gossip about you.

So, how do we know if we ourselves are toxic friends, or if we have such people in our social circle? Today I will share with you the signs of a toxic friendship.

9 Signs of a Toxic Friendship

1. Your friend demands your trust.

Simply put, trust cannot be demanded, regardless of position or rank. Trust must be earned. Someone can respect the position without respecting the person holding this position, but this respect does not require the presence of trust. Trust is earned based on a person's ability to be reliable, and a friend who demands your trust is not reliable. A healthy friend will never demand trust from you.

2. You don't feel supported or inspired.

Do meeting friends make you feel depressed, pessimistic, humiliated or inferior, aware that you are being used and need to defend yourself? How often do you notice that in this environment you are treated like a child? Healthy friendships should inspire and build us. The type of behavior that leaves you with negative feelings should be indicative of the need to impose certain restrictions, and this person should not be allowed into the social circle.

3. Your friend often makes fun of other people.

Taunting is a clear sign of toxicity. A person who makes fun of others is far from the best candidate for friends. Sometimes teasing isn't always easy to recognize, so pay attention to how your friend talks about other people. With respect, with reverence, or trying to belittle a person with small remarks, disrespect, ridicule? If so, then this person is not someone you can trust.

4. Your friend gossips.

Remember what has already been said about this? The one who gossips with you, over time, begins to gossip about you. Beware of a friendship that feeds on gossip, it will eventually collapse on its own. In addition, the Bible calls gossip an abomination. If your friend is treacherous in confidential conversations or shares information with you that you understand is not to be disclosed, you can be 100% sure that you have a toxic friend in front of you. A sane person is a fierce protector of all his friends... and you!

5. Your friend is jealous and controlling.

There is a category of people who want to direct your friendship only to themselves, because they are afraid that if you have other friends, you will certainly reject them. Usually, such fears lead them to jealousy and the desire to control the time you spend with other people. Even if at first jealousy may seem flattering to someone, it will flourish until it strangles you with its exclusive rights. Beware of the person who wants you to be his exclusive friend. A healthy person will encourage you to build friendships with others.

6. Your friend is on the defensive.

The Bible says that true friendship is like iron sharpening iron. This of course does not mean that friendship should be based on confrontation. This is an unhealthy relationship. But in every friendship, conflicts will arise over time, because we are not perfect. The blessings of friendly conflict are shown when a healthy friend opposes you with love, always in his heart wanting the best for you. If "truth spoken with love" meets a defensive attitude, and constantly, then this is an unhealthy friendship. A healthy person is one who is able to accept what is opposed to him and go through it, because he has enough humility to admit his imperfection. A toxic person is unwilling to honestly admit his mistakes when told about it.

There is an ambivalence here, it lies in the fact that often toxic people seem to reject themselves, they will joke about their own mistakes, because they are ready to make themselves a target for their jokes, but their toxicity becomes apparent when someone then the other points out their mistakes, and runs into a position of self-defence.

7. Your friend should always be right.

If your friend leaves no room for error, this is not the person you want to spend a lot of time around. We all know that no one can always be 100% right, but a toxic person leaves no room for error in their life because admitting they are wrong will require them to admit that someone else can be better than themselves. This is unacceptable because a toxic person must always be the best.

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8. Your friend is lying.

Obviously, you cannot trust someone who cheats. And if your friend is cheating, he is not trustworthy. A toxic person will often cheat in a way that does not show imperfection - as stated earlier, he must always be the best. Therefore, he will often cover up his mistakes with lies. This person has no place in your inner circle.

9. Your friend only talks about his own problems.

If your friend doesn't show interest in talking about you, or doesn't try to get to know you better, he's not the person you should invest in. A toxic person is always ready for those who invest in him, in his dreams, vision, ambitions, but when the time comes for a response, he suddenly withdraws. If your friend either neglects your interests or suspiciously disappears when the time comes to invest in you, your dreams, vision and ambitions, it's time to reconsider such friendship.

Human Needs Theory - Maslow's Pyramid of Human Needs

There are 5 basic human needs (according to the theory of A. Maslow):

• Physiological needs (food, water, warmth, shelter, sex, sleep, health, cleanliness).
• The need for security and protection (including stability).
• The need for belonging to a social group, belonging and support. In this case, we are talking about a partner, family, friends, intimacy and affection.
• The need for respect and recognition (self-respect, self-esteem, confidence, prestige, fame, recognition of merit).
• The need for self-expression (the realization of one's abilities and talents).

The pyramid of needs reflects one of the most popular and well-known theories of motivation - the theory of the hierarchy of needs.

Maslow distributed the needs in ascending order, explaining such a construction by the fact that a person cannot experience high-level needs while he needs more primitive things. At the base is physiology (satisfying hunger, thirst, sexual needs, etc.). A step higher is the need for security, above it is the need for affection and love, as well as for belonging to any social group. The next step is the need for respect and approval, over which Maslow placed cognitive needs (thirst for knowledge, desire to perceive as much information as possible). This is followed by the need for aesthetics (the desire to harmonize life, fill it with beauty, art). And finally, the last step of the pyramid, the highest, is the desire to reveal the inner potential (it is self-actualization). It is important to note that each of the needs does not have to be completely satisfied - partial saturation is enough to move to the next step.

As the lower needs are satisfied, the needs of a higher level become more and more urgent, but this does not mean at all that the place of the previous need is occupied by a new one only when the former is fully satisfied.

At the base of this pyramid are the so-called basic needs. These are physiological needs, and the need for security.

Physiological: need for food, water, sexual satisfaction, etc. If for some reason it is impossible to satisfy them, a person can no longer think about anything, cannot move on to satisfying other, higher needs in the hierarchy. Probably everyone has experienced a feeling of intense hunger that prevents them from doing or even thinking about anything else. V. Frankl described this very eloquently in his book “Say Yes to Life”. Psychologist in a concentration camp. About how people living in constant fear, anxiety for themselves and their loved ones, could not talk about anything other than food. They talked about food at any moment of the holiday, and the work was very hard, they described the dishes that they once cooked, talked about the restaurants they visited. One of the most important needs that guarantees life, the need for food, was not satisfied with them, and therefore it constantly declared itself.

When the physiological needs are satisfied, the person stops thinking about them, forgets for a while, until the body gives another sign. Then you can switch your attention to the satisfaction of other needs. Of course, we have learned to abstain, to endure for a while. But only for a while, until the discomfort becomes very strong.

The next level of needs is the need for security. It is very difficult to realize any of your plans, dreams, work, develop, without feeling safe. If this need is not satisfied, a person organizes all his activities (sometimes neglecting even physiological needs for a while) in order to make his life safer. Global cataclysms, war, disease, loss of property, housing, as well as the threat of dismissal from work can serve as a threat to security. It can be traced how during the period of social instability in the country, the level of general anxiety rises.

In order to maintain a sense of security, we are looking for some kind of guarantee: insurance, work with a guaranteed social package, a car with modern technologies that provide passenger protection, we study legislation, hoping to receive protection from the state, etc.

The third and fourth steps belong to the zone of psychological needs. If we are not worried about unmet basic needs, in other words, if we are not hungry, we are not tormented by thirst, we are not sick, we are not in a war zone and we have a roof over our heads, we strive to satisfy psychological needs. These include: feeling of importance, belonging to a particular social system(family, community, team, social ties, communication, affection, etc.), the need for respect, love. We create systems for this, communities without which we cannot survive. We strive for love, respect, friendship, we strive to be members of a group, a team.

When these needs are not met, we acutely experience the absence of friends, family, partner, children. We most of all do not want to be accepted, heard, understood. We are looking for how to fulfill such a need, neglecting, at times, basic needs, the torment of experiencing loneliness is so great.

Sects and criminal gangs often speculate on this need. Especially great is the desire to be in a group among teenagers. And therefore, a teenager, often without hesitation, obeys the rules and laws of the group, which he aspires to only in order not to be rejected by it.

The next step is the need for recognition, selfexpression, respect for others, recognition of one's own value, stable high self-esteem. It is important for us to occupy some significant social position. We want our merits to be recognized, our competence to be appreciated, our skill to be noticed. This may include the desire to have a good reputation, status, fame and glory, superiority, etc.

Yes, and sometimes we ourselves should think about how much these needs are satisfied in our life, for example, in percentage terms. And, if these figures are less than the average figures given by A. Maslow (85% are physiological, 70% are safe, 50% are in love, 40% are in respect and 10% are in self-actualization), then it is probably worth thinking about that we can change in our lives.

It is more convenient for us, as sales specialists, to use a different classification, with the help of which we will find out what needs potential customers experience.

There are several basic needs which each person seeks to satisfy throughout life. If one of the desires is satisfied, the person seeks to satisfy the next need.

Need for survival. The survival instinct is the most powerful instinct of a human being. Every person wants to save his life, to protect his family, friends, compatriots from danger. Only having received a guarantee of survival, a person begins to think about satisfying other desires.

The need for security. As soon as a person receives guarantees of survival, he begins to think about the safety of every aspect of his life.

financial security- every person is afraid of poverty and material losses and strives to overcome them. It is expressed in the desire to save and increase wealth.

Emotional Security needed to make a person feel comfortable.

Physical Security- each person needs food, warmth, shelter and clothing to a certain level.

The need for security does not mean that a person needs an armored door. He may well want to purchase high-quality wallpapers that will serve him for a long time.

The need for comfort. As soon as a person reaches the minimum level of security and safety, he begins to strive for comfort. He invests a huge amount of time and money to create a cozy home environment, strives to create comfortable conditions at work. A person strives for comfort in any situation and chooses products that are convenient and easy to use.

Need for an image. The client focuses on the attractiveness and prestige of the product.

Need for free time. People want to rest as much as possible and look for every opportunity to stop work and take a break. The focus of the bulk of the people are evenings, weekends and holidays. Leisure time activities play a central role in human behavior and decision making.

The need for love. People have an urgent need to build and maintain loving relationships. Everything that a person does is aimed either at achieving love, or at compensating for the lack of love. An adult personality is formed in conditions of love received or not received in childhood. The desire to create secure conditions for love is the main cause of human behavior.

The need for respect. A person strives to earn the respect of other people. This is the main part of human activity. Loss of respect can be a significant cause of dissatisfaction, and gaining a high position can be more motivating than money.

The need for self-realization. The highest desire of a person is the realization of the creative potential of the individual, his talents and abilities. Human motivation is directed towards achieving everything they are capable of achieving. Throughout his life, he strives to use the most talents and abilities. The need for self-realization may be stronger than all other motivations.

The need for recognition is an attempt to assert oneself and all one's own manifestations. It is expressed, in turn, in the need to have their own unconditional right to their actions, ideas, ideas, the way they are implemented.

I often found myself in situations where the deliberately erroneous opinion of others about the motives of my actions was overwhelming, strong, that I could not fight it. I tried in vain to defend my good intentions, but those around me did not even listen to me. And the more I defended the absence of evil intentions in my actions (justified), the more I fell into the category of “guilty”. Perhaps an inquisitive reader will have doubts about the adequacy of the assessment of current events. But, let's, first of all, agree on honesty - because otherwise it doesn't even make sense for me to write, and for you to read. And secondly, let's take as an axiom the assertion that no one knows your (or my) motives, feelings and desires better than you yourself (and, accordingly, I).

When there is malicious criticism, misunderstanding, unfair judgments and other unkind trends around - no matter what you answer, you will still be misunderstood. The very fact of having an incorrect and loud judgment of others speaks of their inability to understand and accept another person, his excellent point of view. It is pointless and useless for them to prove anything.

What are these situations in which a person is forced to defend something of his own or prove or justify himself? After all, no one should be accountable to anyone for their actions.

Some psychologists recommend turning to childhood in search of the causes of sick experiences. Somewhere out there, at that age, they paid the wrong attention to me. It was not so, as it is necessary for a child to form confidence in his own significance, importance, faith in himself, in his strength, in individuality, originality. My achievements were not noticed. They did not pay attention to my sorrows or joys. I didn't seem to live. Sometimes I even thought: “What if I die? Then everyone will notice me! They will at least grieve ... "

Someone will say that at this age the child really has not accomplished anything yet, has not achieved anything. And it is very small - nothing to even think about.

But I exist, and I am a person, I am worthy of respect, regardless of whether I “deserved” it or not! Why do I always “beg” someone for “permissions” for my thoughts, actions and deeds?! Any person is a person, not starting from a certain age (when he “earned respect”), but certainly from the moment of his birth. "The bearer of the individual principle" - that's what Wikipedia says. But does the individual principle require any external confirmation? It is with each of us. There will never be anyone like me or anyone like you.

A healthy sense of self-importance, importance should be from birth. From the very moment you knew (you should definitely know this!) that they are waiting for you and are very happy about your arrival. You are important to your parents. They hear you, give meaning to your feelings and experiences. They respect your creative and exploratory impulses.

Today is already 30, 40 or 50 years old. And you didn't become someone. You tried, you tried your best. He sincerely made every effort. But no one appreciated it. And you didn't appreciate it either. Yes, perhaps you, like everyone else, have children (or not), have a job, a house, an apartment, a car (or not - it doesn’t matter). And the important thing is that there is no the most important thing, to which you have been going so long and hard.

Everyone knows his own important, but unfulfilled life goals.

And now what? And now the hero, who has not taken place, who does not respect himself, splashing saliva, proves to others his opinion, value, and begs for the right to be.

Whoever you are, stop!

Give yourself all the rights to yourself. No need to try to be at the same time with others and with yourself - this is impossible. Stay alone for now. Because it is your relationship with yourself, not with others. And understand to the depths of your soul - as far as you can, a few simple truths that do not require any explanation or proof.

1. You have the right to life. You have been given this right by the very fact of having life. And no one is authorized to decide how you go through your life.

1. By the mere fact of your birth, you have the unconditional right to be yourself. You were already born yourself, therefore, you are designed to be like that. Is there any point in arguing with the idea of ​​nature or God?

1. Every person is entitled to their own opinion.

1. Each person decides for himself what to do. All your actions are justified by your views on life, needs, priorities, feelings, life experience.

1. You have the right to your own desires and even mistakes. These are your mistakes. And you are responsible for them. You do not have to answer to anyone for your actions (we are talking about legal actions, not unnatural behavior).

1. You are entitled to your own personal experience. To your decisions. On your life path, in the end. Because your life can only belong to you.

All this is your personal territory. Within its limits (without hurting the interests of other people) you have the right to anything.

However, having given yourself these rights, grant them to others as well. Within their own space, the other person has just as much right to everything of his own as you do.

This article is part of a series of articles on the series of books "People from the closet". The first part has already been published on the Internet (and there are seven in total). How to become a self-sufficient person? How to break away from society? How to stop depending on the attitude or judgment of other people? And how, finally, to learn to accept yourself in spite of even the hostile attitude of others? – All the answers are in the sounded books.

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