Dad brings up his daughter: “Lying is bad! Always tell the truth!"

A little later, he scolds the girl: “Why did you tell your grandmother that the pie was tasteless? I could praise her, she tried for you!

We learn early to lie, to confuse our tracks. However, our lies are not always dangerous and immoral.

How often do we tell lies?

In the late 90s, a group of American scientists led by Bella de Paulo conducted an experiment. Participants—normal, respectable college students—were asked to keep a diary for a week and detail all social interactions lasting more than 10 minutes.

It turned out that the guys lied on average twice a day, in every fourth (!) case of full-fledged communication. In seven days, they lied at least once to thirty-four percent of the people with whom they had close contact. Emotionally close interlocutors - friends, relatives - had to listen to a lie much less often than outsiders, but there were two exceptions. The participants in the experiment very often, in every tenth interaction, deceived their spouses and in almost half of the situations of communication - mothers.

If you think about it, frequent lies seem natural. One can imagine dozens of situations in which hiding the truth would be seen as socially acceptable worldly wisdom.

For example, a rare employee will say that it is not good to embellish one's merits in employment or to hide from the employer the intention to go on maternity leave.

Routine reasons for cheating

A.D. Shorkin in the article “Cultural Studies of Lies” (“Scientific Notes of the Tauride National University named after V.I. Vernadsky, V.25 (64), No. 1-2, Simferopol, 2012) argues:

Recently, a video was broadcast on television, where it was filmed how a magpie drives away a cat: how lethargic, miserable and weak he pretended to be, until he weakened the guard of the bird and grabbed the offender in the teeth with a sudden powerful jump! And what tricks and tricks in relation to tourists in the current resorts resort to to achieve their goal monkeys!

Even plants can deceive in their own way. Ophrysspeculum orchids attract male wasps by giving them the illusion of sexual contact. The center of the flower looks like a female wasp, and the long hairs in it resemble the fluff on the abdomen of females.

For a person, a lie was originally about the same as for other living beings - a way to satisfy vital needs.

The tribesmen respected the man for the ability to outwit prey or the enemy - Shorkin calls this "pre-socially rooted hunting cunning."

Trying to get a job by hiding slippery facts is very similar to throwing twigs in a hole dug for the soul of a mammoth.

Such different faces of lies

People lie to get benefits or vice versa to avoid punishment.

For modern man, a lie is one of the means distancing(cm. ). It is important for each of us to maintain a protective "bubble" - not to let outsiders know too much about our personal. If you are asked how much your salary is, how would you answer? Many will probably confine themselves to half-truths: “no more than all ordinary people”, “a penny”, “I would like to get more”.

About social deception is a lie to maintain good relations with friends - I already mentioned at the beginning. To praise the wife’s unsuccessful hairstyle, to explain the refusal of the corporate party as a headache, and not as a desire to avoid communicating with an unsympathetic colleague - all these are everyday things, and sometimes obvious to both parties.

Sometimes people even want their lies to be noticed - for example, to hear inspiring reassurance.

D. Morris (“Body Language Bible” 76: Eksmo; Moscow; 2010) writes:

If an orphaned mother successfully hides her grief, she will be accused of being insensitive. On the contrary, if she grieves too much, it will be said that she lacks fortitude and self-control. The "Mask of Calm" is thus an example of pseudo-deception, in which the deceiver is glad that the deception is exposed.

Society is lenient on lies to the rescue or for the red word. Frankly "bad" is considered only manipulative lies.

The talent to compose and not blush

Since lying is an art, not all of us have the same talent for it.

Extroverts it is hypothetically easier to circle someone around your finger than it is for introverts. introverted people often give out their insincerity, getting lost in speech (see Aldert Fry, "Lies. Three Ways to Detect", St. Petersburg, "Prime-Eurosign", 2006).

The chances of becoming a successful liar are increased by belonging to certain psychotypes.

N. Chernetskaya and N. Terentyeva (“Why do people lie” “Innovative projects and programs in education”, No. 3, 2008) note:

Tantrums lie best of all. They know how to lie easily and with inspiration, without blushing, they are able to talk superbly about anything.

But schizoids and asthenics must make very significant efforts to hide lies.

Just do not rush to conclude that all tantrums lie recklessly, and all asthenics are honest goodies. Ultimately, the success of any liar depends on the frequency and complexity of training. In order to fence with three boxes and look honest, you need to learn how to control yourself impeccably, and at the same time

Sometimes in life there are people who constantly lie. Sometimes for no reason. And sometimes, for some, as it seems to us, weighty reasons, we time ourselves. How do psychologists explain lies? We all come from a cloudless childhood. The answer to the question why people lie is to be found there. After all, we take many complexes into adulthood from wonderful childhood.

Why do people lie to each other

Human psychology has a survival instinct, so we always try to survive at any cost, get out of any situation, stay alive, save our property, etc. That is why people lie - in a global sense. And it begins more and more often from childhood, when the child is afraid of punishment or displeasure of the parents.

Why do kids lie? The first reason may be the desire of the child to conform to the ideals of the parents. Then, on a subconscious level, he begins to exaggerate his successes, the process of constant deception is not noticeable. So this habit begins to accompany a person throughout his life. Then he deceives not only his parents, but everyone who is nearby.

The second reason comes from childhood - this is the encouragement by parents of children's fantasies. From the beginning, it seems that all this is innocent, but it is not noticeable that such favor of parents to children's fairy tales blurs the line with adult life. Fantasies become deceit, people lie from childhood, out of habit, to embellish the facts.

There is another option from childhood - copying the behavior of parents. Adults do not notice themselves when they tell a lie to neighbors, relatives, relatives, and at the same time children are present. And kids like a blueprint absorb the behavior of adults. At the same time, they think that if adults can deceive, then why can't we.

Sometimes a person begins to deceive people as an adult. If a child simply fantasized, initially without any benefit for himself, then an adult is always engaged in deception for his own benefit.

Man lies at work. Often, many employees of a bank, various financial institutions, firms have to deceive customers so that the company can earn more money. People lie because they have to. This is how their teachers teach them. For example, managers who issue loans, or often promote not very good products, with dubious composition. Top management does not think that a family that has taken a loan at crazy interest will have nothing to pay it off and there will be no money left for food.

A person begins to lie in order to seem more attractive to everyone. He says that he has the most expensive things and all the best and highest quality. When the truth is revealed, it is unpleasant. With such a pathological liar, any desire to communicate disappears.

Lies saving in good intentions. Sometimes people lie because in some rare cases it is better not to tell the truth. For example: if such a truth can cause irreparable harm to someone. To do this, you need to think through the pros and cons if it comes out. Sometimes you have to resort to deception in order to help someone in something.

Why do men lie to women

Women, girls, probably, will be able to come up with many versions on this topic “why people lie”, however, this question is still asked very often. Consider the most common versions from the point of view of psychology.

Men lie to look better. First of all, they do this in order to show themselves from the best side than they really are.

They want to act in front of women in the role of "ideal", kind, courageous, affectionate, always able to come to the aid of the weaker sex. But this is how it all looks only before marriage, when they want to please their chosen one.

And it should be noted that such embellishment of oneself still works. Probably, many faced a situation where before the wedding he said that he loves children very much, he is ready to play with them all the time, and after it turns out that he does not need children at all and even interferes. But he won your attention and love in this way.

Then the men begin to lie to hide their affections on the side. It is inconvenient for him to tell his soul mate, with whom he is legally married, that he has fallen out of love with her, or maybe he just lacks violent emotions, and he is looking for them on the side. In such a situation, a man should not deceive and betray his family, but simply muster up the courage and talk with his soulmate.

Sometimes people lie in order to avoid conflict. Sometimes it is useful to tell a lie and this will not lead to a conflict situation. In some cases, the truth can "kill" and nullify all relationships. Lies in the name of peace can be justified, so men lie for the sake of peace.

Why do men lie about buying accessories for their hobby? Yes, because we females do not always approve of it. It is sometimes difficult for a woman to allocate a certain amount of money from the family budget for hunting or fishing accessories. And men are children. But the older they get, the more expensive the toys they buy. They want to buy this or that thing, but they are forced to hide it from the woman.

A habit from childhood that has passed into adulthood. Parents all the time inspired the boy that he should be the best in everything, and in response he learned to deceive them, telling lies about his successes.

The problem of the question of why people lie must be seen in the relationship of the sexes, and first of all, to figure out what exactly prompted the man to deceive. Every woman is able to make the relationship pure and honest by understanding her man. There is no need to put the stronger sex in an uncomfortable position, and then he will not begin to lie and invent "fairy tales" for the female.

Hearing a lie is always very unpleasant, especially when you know that you are being lied to. Let's take a closer look at how girls lie.

Why girls and women lie

Almost all women think that with their sexuality they can distract a man from anything and from anyone. So be on the alert, if your lover is trying to move the topic in a different direction and at the same time shows her sexuality to everyone, then it is quite possible that she is lying to you.

The girl does not want to accept gifts from you, what can this mean? Either she no longer feels anything for you, or she did something very bad and that is why she is uncomfortable taking and accepting gifts from you. This happens because she feels guilty towards you, because you treat her so well.

If your chosen one starts to get angry just because you ask her about something, then the matter is definitely unclean and the woman is lying. After all, you are really very dear to her, then she definitely does not want you to worry and worry once again. But if your girlfriend is angry just because you ask her questions, then you should consider whether she is lying to you at the moment.

Coughing, hesitations may also indicate that the girl is lying to you. No, of course, hesitation during a conversation does not mean anything, but if her tone of voice suddenly starts to change, then the matter is apparently not clean.

A woman's lips can also serve as a barometer of lies for you. If you ask her a question, and in response to your question, she presses her lips into a tube, as if she wants to kiss you, then you should not rejoice at this. Indeed, in fact, this may indicate that the woman is lying and your questions make her very nervous. In this case, you do not need to stop the conversation, continue, and maybe you will be able to bring her to clean water very soon.

Eyes, they say, they are the mirror of the soul, and this is true, because it is in the eyes of your beloved that you can understand whether she is lying to you or not. If during your conversation her eyes are running around, she is trying not to look you straight in the eyes, then she is ashamed of her act or she is hiding something from you. You can also understand that a girl (woman) is lying by her gestures, if she begins to carefully rub her eyes, then she is definitely trying to get away from the answer, and this conversation is not pleasant for her.

Experts have found that there are no people who would not lie, and why they do it, psychology will help to understand this: Lie- this is how ordinary, familiar to many a phenomenon that many do not even think about why they do it. There are no areas of activity where there is no deception.

There are many reasons why many people lie. Consider 8 reasons why people lie.

1. Lies act as. In this case, why a person is lying, there are such reasons:

Fear. For some reason, a person is afraid to tell the truth, so he finds an easier way to solve problems for himself.
Desire to avoid a possible emotionally unpleasant situation. A person lies because he is able to foresee the reaction of people to his actions or actions. And since each person has his own ideas about morality, goodness, justice, morality, the world, a more flexible person tries to adapt to the norms of another, while not accepting them, but finding a way out in not informing him of all his actions.

2. Lies in the form of a bad habit. Any habit of a person, as well as the fact that a person deceives, is formed under the influence of various external factors, internal positive sensations. When a person deceives for the first time and the surrounding people express disapproval or approval regarding his act, then the first lie approved by relatives will be followed by the second, since in the end the person will learn a certain lesson.

3. Lies as a manifestation of character accentuation. It is worth noting that there are several accentuations of a person’s character, for which a lie is an indicative moment. When a person feels a lack of attention to himself, he tries to achieve this at any cost. A person lies, since a lie is often the most accessible means in order to capture the attention of those around him.

4. Lies as a cultural and national-psychological feature. Some researchers have come to the conclusion that lies act as a national trait of individual peoples. If we talk about the cultural and socio-psychological prerequisites for dishonest behavior, then among many peoples one can see that cheating, cunning, deceit are sung in many folk tales, and quite often lies are encouraged in view of the fact that it is considered as a positive quality of the hero.

5. Lies as a manifestation of the imperfection of the individual. A person lies and in every possible way tries to mislead the society around him regarding his personality, attributing to himself a number of qualities that he does not possess at all. To become someone in life, you need to work hard on yourself and improve. But there is also another way, when a person deceives others and himself in relation to his abilities and abilities.

6. Lies as a means to achieve some material goal. Many people desire to possess a certain good or object. Lies help speed up this process. So, for example, in order to occupy a certain position, a person lies, attributing to himself a number of qualities that he does not possess at all, exaggerating his own merits, and belittling the significance of others.

7. The 8 reasons why a person lies include lies that happen to save time. This kind of lie could well be equated with an innocent type of lie. Since when a person deceives, he does not pursue any moral and material benefits. He just doesn't want to bother with any truthful explanations. Perhaps this is due to the fact that he has absolutely no time for this, or it may well be that he thinks that the interlocutor will not understand his explanations at all.

8. Lying as a symptom of a mental disorder. Lies in psychotherapy and psychology are considered by most authors as an indicator of a psychological disorder.

In this article, we tried to consider what psychology is: 8 reasons why a person lies.

Few people like it when others lie to them. At the same time, a rare person himself manages to avoid a lie, whether for salvation or with the intent of personal gain. So why do people lie and how to recognize a lie?

Fear of humiliation and criticism

Surely each of us remembers many cases when we involuntarily or deliberately had to lie because of the fear of being humiliated.

Men lie about failed sex with a new colleague; women - about the reasons for divorce from her husband due to his slovenliness; a student lies to his parents about an unsatisfactory mark for an unlearned lesson. Everyone has their own complexes, which people try to cover up with lies or at least embellish with harmless fiction.

Fear of punishment

As a rule, this kind of lie applies to young children. Children lie about not touching a vase that broke; about not participating in decorating the freshly hung wallpaper in the parents' bedroom; come up with stories about the fabulous Carlson, who ate half a jar of jam hidden in the kitchen.

This little white lie is made from a sense of fear for the alleged punishment: so as not to be put in a corner, not deprived of sweets, etc. Such behavior is a completely natural reaction of the child's psyche, which rarely has negative consequences in the absence of abuse.

Desire to achieve

Very often lie to each other to achieve the desired result. An employee pretends to be sick so as not to be on duty on New Year's Eve; child - not to go to kindergarten; the husband lies that he is urgently leaving for a sick aunt in Saratov and will stay there for a couple of days - only to go fishing with his comrades.

Most often, such a lie arises from a strong feeling of getting what you want and does not indicate negative traits of a person’s character. However, at the same time, it can seriously undermine the trust of a loved one who accidentally managed to expose a liar.

Fear of offending others

This category can also include cases when people lie “for good”, for the sake of “sweet lies”: when a mother hides the location of her son, who is wanted by the military commissar; when a doctor tells a terminally ill patient that he will "live another 100 years"; when a student, in order not to betray a friend, admits that it was he who smoked in the toilet of the institute; when a husband tells his overweight pregnant wife about how beautiful she is.

It is hardly possible to condemn a person in any of these situations, because sometimes someone's self-esteem or someone's life depends on how skillful a lie turns out to be.

The desire to please

Very often people lie about their achievements: some are limited only to stories about fictitious successes at work, others do not hesitate to write fables about how they conquered Everest and took Berlin. At the same time, the liar is often so confident in his words that it is quite difficult to doubt their authenticity.

And since such lies most often cannot do harm, such "dreamers" should be treated with understanding.

Pathological deceit

It also happens that a lie is a special mental state of a person, arising in various situations spontaneously, unintentionally. In psychiatry, the tendency to constantly lie is considered either the result of low self-esteem (when a person systematically lies about their status and opportunities), or a consequence of mental illness.

The main difference between a pathological liar and other liars is that he is absolutely sure that he is right and it is impossible to convince him.

How to recognize a liar?

Many people have heard the phrase that “The eyes are the mirror of the soul”, but not everyone knows that you can “read” a person not only by their eyes, but also by their gestures, facial expressions and gait.

By the way, it is much easier for the female half of humanity to “bite through” a negligent liar. Unlike men, who delve only into the meaning of what was said, a woman carefully analyzes both the tone of the interlocutor and the expression on his face.

So, what changes in behavior can give out a liar "with giblets"?

Eyes

A person who tells a lie more often tries to look away, as if to “hide” it from being exposed by the interlocutor. Thinking up a lie on the go, the liar looks in the upper left corner, blinking involuntarily. It happens that a liar, on the contrary, directs his gaze depicting sincerity into the face of the interlocutor in order to check how reliable his lie sounds.

Gestures

Insincerity can be detected by monotonous, repetitive movements with one arm, leg, shoulder, etc. A step back taken during a conversation may indicate a lie. Crossed arms or legs can also indicate the speaker is secretive.

Slow speech and characteristic movements, controlled by a potential liar, will help an observant person quickly “crack through” a lie.

Scratching the neck and holding the throat with the hand, “locking” the fingers and rubbing the nose and ears will also tell about lies.

facial expressions

If the corners of the mouth of the interlocutor expressing sympathy for you treacherously tremble - do not rush to believe him. The same effect will be produced by a smile, as they say, with only lips, while the look remains impenetrable. You can also identify a liar by asymmetry in his facial expression, for example, a wry smile.

Speech

Emotions and spoken words of an insincere person do not fit in time: for example, a liar can laugh only a few seconds after he told a funny story. Inconsistent speech, unnecessary details accompanying what was said, slurred answers to questions, the desire to change the subject of communication - all this often helps to catch a liar in a lie.

How to avoid lying?

No matter how pleasant a lie is, its consequences can sometimes be dangerous not only for others. To protect yourself from lies from society, you should follow some rules:

• learn to avoid lying in communication yourself, no matter what the “bright” goal is;
• do not throw out criticism in response to the truth;
• bring to the attention of the interlocutor about his preference to hear the truth and thank the person who dares to utter it.

The psychology of people is such that we subconsciously do not want to hear the truth, preferring sweet lies to bitter truth. And if so, then there is no reason to be offended by the incessant stream of lies emanating from the environment.

We continue the theme and lies.

Researchers have spent a lot of time trying to unravel the mystery and the reasons behind the lies. Here are some of the possible reasons why people lie all the time, although some do it for no reason.

Lies in general can be divided into 25 different types; the most common of these are bluff, exaggeration, playful lies, polite lies, perjury, trade lies, noble lies, and more.

Lies are immoral. But, unfortunately, it is quite ordinary and natural for a person. Deception always has serious consequences.

Fear is one of the most famous reasons why people lie.

In addition to fear avoidance of punishment is one of the most common reasons. When a person realizes that he will be punished for his act, he usually lies. It is a natural, reflective human reaction to the consequences of wrongdoing. This is usually found in children who want to get out of trouble.

Another common reason why people indulge in lies is improving one's image or maintaining credibility. Such people constantly want to present themselves to society as good, polite, successful people.

Exaggeration and bluffing are the main ways to impress or mislead others. Although we all know that relationships based on trust and fairness are the strongest. By misleading someone we love, we commit an unforgivable crime.

People in a relationship want to impress their partner. There may be other harmful motives for deceit - a playful type of lying.

Passing on information without full knowledge (gossip) is also a form of lying.

Sometimes people don't want to accept that they don't know the truth, and therefore they lie.

The social causes of people lying arise when we want to look nice in society, maintain good relations and avoid disagreements with others. This lie is known as the "white lie". People tend to lie more when they are in company.

People lie to protect your privacy, as well as to maintain self-esteem and self-respect .

Lying is not considered harmful and deceptive if it does not cause others to feel hurt.

"Lying through inaction" is now considered an integral part of business when a salesperson purposefully creates a misconception omitting some facts.

In business, it may be necessary to lie in order to maintain a good relationship or even sell products. This refers to the harmful types of lies.

On the other hand, the doctor does not tell the truth about the suspicion of a serious illness during the examination of his patients, so as not to scare relatives and friends, or the policeman lies in order to avoid panic. This is a noble lie.

How to stop lying? Understand the reasons why you are lying. Get rid of your bad qualities. Make yourself a decent person.