Hello dear readers! Want to know how your self-esteem is doing? Is it normal or does it need some work? Check yourself or a loved one? This is not difficult, because it is enough to know the signs of low self-esteem, and then see if you have them too.

This is necessary in order to urgently take action in case of a positive answer and make your self-esteem as high as possible.

Agree, a lot depends on self-esteem. Yes, there is a lot, everything depends on it. The more insecure a person is, the easier it is to exploit him. There is no need to talk about simple human happiness at all. Personal life, work or even relationships with relatives cannot be made harmonious if a feeling of inferiority constantly arises.

Where it comes from, as well as how to deal with it, perhaps only professional psychologists can tell. There are really many reasons, because you can offend a person by shaking his faith in himself with any careless word or action. Let's try to figure out exactly what habits and behavior of a person can tell about his self-doubt.

It is possible that there are many more, but only a specialist can identify this. By the way, if you have found one or more signs in yourself, this may not yet be a reason to sound the alarm. Maybe this is a difficult period in life or fatigue. Do not forget that duration and persistence are important factors for low self-esteem. So, the main manifestations of poor self-esteem are:

• negative speech;
• permanent depression;
• unhealthy craving for perfection;
• closeness;
• timidity;
• lack of initiative;
• constant complaints and condemnations.

negative speech

Have you ever noticed when talking to a person how he just constantly uses various negative words? No, it's not just about swearing, but rather about words with the prefix "not". I can’t, I don’t know how, it won’t work out ... You can also include the word “maybe” here.

If these words are heard too often, then it may be time to think about why a person is so insecure. This may be due to some past unsuccessful attempts to do something. On the other hand, it is simply beneficial for many to tell everyone that they are not capable of anything.

Depression

This word has long been part of our everyday life and has become familiar. In the West, this disease is taken quite seriously. The fact is that the consequences of depression can be very different, and some cannot get out of this state on their own. So it should be understood that depression is not just a bad mood.

Dissatisfaction with life usually lasts a long time and a person simply does not have the strength to fight failures or to feel joy. It is not necessary to constantly be in a disgusting mood, but if even a minor failure causes a storm of negative emotions and tears, then you should think about where the positive has gone from your life.

Striving for excellence

This sign of inferiority is most common in women. Remember, dear ladies, how many times some obstacles on the way made you urgently take care of yourself? And every failure seems to say that you definitely need to look even better. Even a banal trip to the store can make a person not leave the mirror for several hours in order to slay all passers-by on the spot.

The other side of the coin can be slovenliness or neglect. Some stop taking care of themselves, finding a variety of excuses for this. In general, this applies not only to appearance. In men, such perfectionism can manifest itself in work. In fact, all this only says that a person subconsciously tries to hide his individuality.

closeness

Man is a social being, which means that he cannot live without society. Even progress and modern technologies cannot replace live communication. Therefore, if an open and sociable person suddenly begins to contact other people only in case of emergency, then this is not a very good sign. There are many reasons for this, but loneliness is still a conscious choice. Another “bell” worth paying attention to is the lack of close friends. Superficial relationships are usually maintained by those who are not sure that it is even possible to be friends with him for real.

Timidity

This sign of low self-esteem can also be called the fear of taking risks and leaving your comfort zone. Think about how often you try to hide in a safe place, for example, behind the walls of your apartment? How scary it can be to leave an unloved job, part with a person or move to another city, right?

Change is the worst nightmare of an insecure person. After all, this threatens with huge problems, for example, meeting new people or unforeseen circumstances. It is important to remember that everyone is actually afraid and worried. But a harmonious person with normal self-esteem, with all experiences, has a genuine interest in all the changes in his life.

Guilt

It is quite easy to identify this sign - a person constantly apologizes. Sometimes even for not doing it. In especially severe cases, the feeling of guilt is permanent, and the person takes responsibility for everything that happens around him. He also writes off all his failures to his own account, even if what happened was due to the fault of another.

Domestic troubles, being late for work and any other unpredictable situations - everything always happens solely through his fault. In more severe cases, a person may develop a feeling of constant bad luck. And of course, he is unlucky because he is to blame. Unfortunately, only an experienced psychologist can deal with this. The only thing that is important to know for both the most “always guilty” and people who are not indifferent to him is that such responsible people are very easy to use.

Lack of initiative

This may apply exclusively to work, when a person is simply not able to take the initiative and lead other people. All his duties, requiring responsibility and new decisions, he will shift to other people. It is useless to argue with such an employee - he will agree with any, even absurd, arguments.

If the work does not require initiative, then this sign of low self-esteem in a person can manifest itself in other areas of life. This is evidenced by the long absence of a serious relationship, unwillingness to start a family, etc.

Complaints

It is believed that complaints are a way to attract attention to yourself. Indeed, everyone has a friend or relative with whom it is simply impossible to talk. All he says is complaints and regrets about his life. In addition, there may also be accusations against someone else. Specially gifted subjects manage to take this skill to the next level by judging other people.

They think that criticism is great as a means of self-affirmation. People who do this should not forget that usually a person sees his own shortcomings in others. Therefore, if you find this habit in yourself, then try to get rid of it as soon as possible.

These are not all signs of low self-esteem. In fact, there are many more. In addition, many of them have become a habit almost from childhood, when a vulnerable child simply cannot fight back the negative influence of others.

We see some of these habits in ourselves, some in our loved ones. We do not notice, we justify, we close our eyes. We attribute everything to difficulties and difficult times, but in fact, self-esteem and self-love are almost the same thing.

A person who suffers every day from his own insecurities, in most cases fictitious, does not live fully and does not hope for a happy future. And this, to put it mildly, is wrong. Therefore, it is necessary to grab such a sufferer, even if it is you yourself, and urgently correct the situation.

But to do it yourself or with the help of a specialist, it's up to you. Although in practice you have to do a lot to believe in yourself and in your strength again.

We hope this article was read by you not in vain and was useful.

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A person's self-esteem affects his life. It seems that you can not build on the assessment of yourself. However, it is precisely how a person perceives himself and what he believes that will determine his well-being and happiness. Low self-esteem with all its signs never gives happiness. The reasons for its occurrence are varied. However, it is their elimination that allows you to get rid of low self-esteem.

In another way, low self-esteem can be called like this: “feeling of your own insignificance” and “victim complex”. A person, for some objective or non-objective reasons, perceives himself negatively. He does not love himself, does not respect, does not appreciate. As for personal potential, it seems to a person that he does not have it at all.

Can a person with low self-esteem reach any heights? No. Even having some goals, he would rather turn them into dreams and desires than make efforts to realize them. A person who treats himself as a nonentity, unable to achieve and do anything, will not be able to jump above his head. He will think that other people are happier and more successful than he is. Although the difference will only be that others are trying to jump above the manifested capabilities, and a person with low self-esteem will draw conclusions without doing or doing anything.

Low self-esteem is in first place in terms of prevalence. Around everyone lives a lot of "victims" and "nobodies". Often these people only pretend to be such, but in fact they have inflated self-esteem. However, the position of the victim helps them achieve what they want. If there are achievements, then we are not talking about low self-esteem. This is the difference:

• With high self-esteem, a person achieves what he wants, even if he shows personality traits with low self-esteem.
• With low self-esteem, a person never achieves goals, constantly suffers and does not rejoice at anything.

What is low self-esteem?

What is low self-esteem? This is a person’s assessment of himself from the position of “I am nothing”, “I can’t do anything”, “I won’t succeed”, etc. This is a negative attitude towards myself in comparison with other people, which is expressed in the formula “I- , Other+".

Surrounding people seem to be more successful, smart, beautiful and worthy than a person thinks about himself. Low self-esteem originates from childhood, when parents are engaged in raising a person, and it can manifest itself at any age. The accompanying qualities that develop in a person with low self-esteem are:

1. Lack of self-confidence and personal potential.
2. embarrassment.
3. Fear of rejection.
4. Cowardice.
5. Fear of not being accepted in society.
6. Indecision.
7. Lack of faith in one's own attractiveness.
8. Shyness.
9. Excessive resentment.
10. Fear of being ridiculous.
11. Failure to protect yourself and your honor.
12. Disrespect and self-loathing.

It is not necessary to say that a person with low self-esteem will achieve success. That is why people with this quality dream of boosting their self-esteem. They say it's better to have high self-esteem than low self-esteem. Of course, none of the extremes gives happiness to a person, but inflated self-esteem has one advantage over low self-esteem - an arrogant person achieves success in at least something, while a person who considers himself worthless does not achieve any happiness.

Low self-esteem is the most common. This lies in the reasons that form it, as well as in the moral foundations of society that are promoted.

A common feature of high and low self-esteem is that a person does not look at himself realistically. A feature of low self-esteem is that a person notes mainly shortcomings in himself, while he sees only advantages in other people.

A person does not evaluate himself adequately when he sees his own strengths and weaknesses. With low self-esteem, he notices only his shortcomings, often exaggerating them and focusing on them. As for the merits, they, in the opinion of a person, may exist, but they are so insignificant that they should not be paid attention to.

Success cannot be achieved by noting only the shortcomings. That is why a person with low self-esteem does not achieve anything. Moreover, he is so fixated on his own flaws and weaknesses that he cultivates in himself. He does everything to make them even more manifest.

Causes of low self-esteem

The main causes of low self-esteem are:

1. Parental assessment of a person at the age when he was small.
2. Consent with the opinions of other people as the only truth.
3. Focusing on your own failures.
4. High level of claims.

Low self-esteem takes its origin from childhood, when the child is not able to evaluate himself adequately, therefore, he relies on the opinion of his parents. Significant people for him are Gods, whose opinion he fully trusts. If parents constantly criticize, compare the child with other children, point out his shortcomings, do not show love, talk about what he is bad at, then low self-esteem will certainly develop. The child begins to believe that constant criticism of him and finding shortcomings in him is the norm.

Parents often form low self-esteem when they build other people into an ideal that the child needs to match. The kid should behave like or be like some people pointed out by the parents. Since it is difficult even for an adult to be not himself, another person, a conflict arises between the desired and the actual. The child begins to criticize himself for his own inability to be different, not himself.

Focusing on the external defects or sickness of the child can also lead to a decrease in self-esteem. If parents teach a child to evaluate himself in terms of how beautiful he is, has a lot of toys, is healthy, strong, etc., then any inconsistency with ideals will lower the child's self-esteem.

All people at any age face criticism from others. If you take it on faith, as the truth and an irrefutable axiom, then self-esteem will certainly be low. Surrounding people are more accustomed to criticize than to admire each other. Therefore, often a person's self-esteem will depend on the opinions of others and most often be underestimated.

In the development of low self-esteem, a significant role is played by what a person focuses on. Everyone has setbacks and problems. However, those who focus on this, plunge into the abyss of despair and depression due to the failure that has arisen, low self-esteem is formed.

Moreover, it also leads to an overestimation of the requirements in relation to oneself. When a person wants to achieve high results in the shortest possible time, he will certainly encounter difficulties and difficulties, which in the end he is not able to solve and eliminate. Another failure leads to disappointment in oneself, because too high demands were set, beyond the strength of an ordinary person.

Signs of low self-esteem

People with low self-esteem are fairly easy to spot. They show certain signs of low self-esteem, which are:

• Negative attitude towards oneself: lack of love, respect, self-worth, etc.
• Choosing, surrounding yourself and establishing relationships with people who will treat a person according to his personal self-esteem: not love him, criticize, humiliate, etc.
• Constant complaints about circumstances, life, the inability to change anything.
• Calling yourself weak, unlucky, etc.
• Calling pity from others.
• Dependent behavior on the attitude of surrounding people. It can be hurt, offended, spoil the mood, etc.
• Remark in other shortcomings that he himself possesses.
• Blaming others for their own troubles in order to shift responsibility to them.
• The desire to be weak and sick in order to receive from people the attention and care that he does not receive when he is healthy.
• Untidy appearance. Posture and gestures are indecisive, withdrawn, closed.
• Constantly finding flaws in yourself.
• Attitude to extraneous criticism as proof of one's own inferiority, insult, emotional wound.
• Lack of friends.
• Familiar, boastful, demonstrative behavior in order to hide a negative attitude towards oneself.
• Inability to make a decision.
• Inability to perform a new action because there is a fear of making a mistake.

How to get rid of low self-esteem?

High and low self-esteem are extremes that people fall into. When faced with failure, inflated self-esteem instantly falls, and when success is achieved, a person suddenly begins to feel omnipotent. This indicates an instability of self-esteem, which will not allow a person to fully live. How to get rid of low self-esteem?

You can seek the help of a psychologist on the site site, or you can independently cope with the problem under consideration. Psychologists give such advice:

1. Start celebrating your strengths. Focus more on them. In order not to go to an overestimated self-esteem, you should see your strengths and weaknesses, treating both sides of your personality normally.
2. Please yourself. Finally start living for your own pleasure. You should not give up your duties and work, but you should not give up those hobbies that bring you happiness.
3. Love yourself. Love is about accepting yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. You are an ordinary person who may have flaws along with virtues.
4. Take care of your appearance. It is not necessary to make yourself a top model or go under the surgeon's scalpel. It is enough just to appreciate your natural, natural appearance and make it attractive.
5. Train willpower, which can be done through sports, self-control, etc.
6. Change your thinking to a positive one. Get less into bad thoughts. You may have them, but let good thoughts fill your head.

Outcome

Low self-esteem is not much better than high self-esteem. A person constantly lives in his own illusions, which prevent him from adequately seeing himself and evaluating the behavior of others. Often other people take advantage of this, which leads to a sad outcome when a person is again faced with disappointments. To prevent this from happening, you need to see yourself in a real light and evaluate your potential objectively, taking all your advantages and disadvantages on an equal footing.

Low self-esteem is an inadequate perception of oneself as a person, a conscious or subconscious belittling of one's abilities, virtues and talents. The main manifestations of such a psychological problem include: increased anxiety, heightened vulnerability, fear of a negative opinion, hypersensitivity to criticism. Underestimation of oneself and one's usefulness leads to the development of an inferiority complex, a decrease in social activity, persistent self-doubt, refusal of initiative and indifference.

People suffering from this syndrome are constantly afraid of every undertaking, exaggerate the significance of failures, doubt their abilities and set goals that are obviously below their capabilities. Undeserved humiliation of oneself in one's own eyes deprives a person of vital energy, entails a number of problems in his personal life, and leads to loneliness. That is why getting rid of such a syndrome is simply vital. To understand how to deal with low self-esteem, you need to determine the causes of its formation and reassess them. Only after that will it be possible to change the beliefs, values ​​and worldviews that have developed over the years.

Causes

Like most psychological problems, low self-esteem has its roots in childhood. Pressure on the child, hanging requirements, reproaches and criticism against the background of the lack of praise and affection - these are the main reasons for the formation of a misperception of oneself.

Young children are not able to objectively assess their actions, so they absorb this assessment from their parents and others. The suggestion of personal insufficiency and constant criticism from significant figures for the child lead to the development of an inferiority complex. Over time, a child exposed to excessive criticism begins to take negative evaluation for granted. Therefore, in the future, he will no longer demand a better attitude towards himself.

Another reason for low self-esteem is an acute lack of praise in childhood. Its absence in childhood develops into a serious problem in adulthood. Those people who were little and sparingly praised in childhood lose the ability to adequately perceive compliments addressed to them. They develop a subconscious belief that they are not worthy of laudatory words, and that people who say something good about them are hypocrites, pursuing some kind of their own goals.

Childhood diseases and physical defects also play an important role in the formation of self-esteem. Sick children or those with external defects feel different from those around them. And if, due to the presence of such features, the child regularly becomes the object of peer ridicule, then low self-esteem is an inevitable consequence.

Failure to meet parental expectations creates feelings of inferiority. The high demands of parents often lead to the fact that any positive results in something begin to be assessed by the child by adult standards and cease to satisfy him, causing worries and disappointment in himself. This reduces self-esteem and self-confidence, and also increases the likelihood that the child will begin to perceive himself as a failure.

Fighting methods

If a person asked himself the question: “How to overcome low self-esteem?”, Then we can safely assume that the start has already been made, since quite often this syndrome is simply not recognized by the individual. Awareness of the problem is the first step to success. But it is worth noting that there is no universal remedy that helps to momentarily raise self-esteem. Normalization of self-perception is a painstaking work that requires an integrated approach. To achieve the desired results, you will have to work hard on yourself.

The following methods will help you become more confident:

Self acceptance. How to get rid of low self-esteem? The first step is to love yourself with all your imperfections. You need to learn to feel your uniqueness, value and exclusivity in this world. It is important to understand that there are no people who are completely made up of faults. Every person has good and bad.

Overcoming fears. Our fears act as a stopper in many undertakings, they give rise to doubts, self-doubt and fear, they must be disposed of. Therefore, overcoming oneself should begin with doing things that cause fear. Of course, in words, it seems easy, but there is no need to “dive into icy water with a run” - you can gradually enter the situation, starting with the simplest and most elementary tasks.

Doing what you love. You need to allow yourself the luxury of doing what you love. A favorite activity helps not to get hung up on problems, relieves depression and many nervous disorders, and also strengthens a person’s self-esteem.

How to deal with low self-esteem? The answer to this question lies in a good attitude towards others and love for one's neighbor. Do not avoid asking for help if you can help. This gives significance, both in their own eyes and in the eyes of others.

One of the most serious problems that prevents us from living a full life and achieving success in it in various matters is low self-esteem. This is a really serious problem, because a person with low self-esteem underestimates his capabilities - he does not believe in himself, in his strength, in his success, considering himself unworthy of him, he has very modest ambitions. But the problem of low self-esteem is an unnatural problem for us. We acquire this problem as our life in society develops. If the people around us treat us very well, and we feel close to them, like a fish in water, and have everything necessary for life, then we are satisfied with ourselves. Our own opinion of ourselves is formed from our satisfaction with our lives.

Thus, our self-esteem directly depends on what kind of people surround us, how they treat us, what opinion they impose on us about ourselves and about everything that surrounds us, and, of course, from our attitude to all this. Without other people, it is difficult for us to objectively evaluate ourselves, because without comparing ourselves with others, we may not think badly of ourselves at all. We shouldn't think badly of ourselves, it's not in our best interest, not to mention that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, because we are all different and, more importantly, unique! So, people, people and once again the people who surround us - that's who most influences our self-esteem. It is people who, by their attitude towards us, their behavior, their example, force us to evaluate ourselves in a certain way. That is, if we lived on a desert island, then our self-esteem would never be low. We would be preoccupied with the question of survival and would evaluate ourselves from this position. But we would evaluate ourselves without any emotions, but only from a practical point of view. But in human society, we tend to evaluate ourselves more emotionally than practically, so our environment is the soil in which we grow and mature in our self-esteem.

From the foregoing, we can draw a logical conclusion - if our self-esteem is underestimated, then our environment does not correspond to our interests. That is, we are surrounded by the wrong people who treat us wrong, not the way we need. And something needs to be done about it. Otherwise, our life will not be very good, not very pleasant. Think about whether we need low self-esteem, is there any benefit from it? It is clear that no, we do not need it and there is no benefit from it. The worse, the lower we evaluate ourselves, the less effective, less ambitious, less energetic, less happy we are. It is beneficial for us to think well of ourselves, very well, so that if we look for shortcomings in ourselves, then in a cheerful and energetic state, because only in such a state can we correct these shortcomings. But in a depressed and oppressed state, we will not be able to correct our shortcomings and will not do this, we will justify our inaction with them, and refer to them, engaging in self-flagellation. Not to mention the fact that a person with low self-esteem tends to be offended by everyone and everything, and this greatly prevents him from building constructive and lasting relationships with other people.

And what should we, or rather those of you who have low self-esteem, do with it? You will probably agree with me if I tell you that self-esteem needs to be raised if it is low. And even if it is not underestimated, it still needs to be increased, because the higher it is, the better. How to do it? Well, this can be done in two ways - you can pump yourself up in an appropriate way, influencing your emotional sphere, or you can, with the help of awareness, brush aside all bad thoughts about yourself and begin to evaluate yourself practically, without any emotions. What method do you prefer? I prefer the latter. Therefore, we will talk about it in this article. I do not like all these psychological pumps, pumps, pumps, although I use them in my work with people in moderate doses, because it is not as practical and not as effective as understanding. What is the use of inflating a person like a balloon, pumping his psyche, if this balloon can descend, either with the help of other beliefs and suggestions, or with the help of appropriate circumstances? In a word, this is not very effective, and for a person who decides to raise his self-esteem seriously and for a long time, the option of pumping his psyche is not an option. But a complete understanding of yourself and your capabilities, and their skillful use - this is a really serious approach to business. When you understand the essence of the issue under consideration, you can generally evaluate yourself in the way that it is beneficial for you to evaluate yourself, regardless of the objective circumstances.

Do you think our self-esteem should reflect our real capabilities and life experience? Nothing like this. You can be a complete loser who has made a lot of mistakes in your life, and at the same time have a very high opinion of yourself. And contrary to the beliefs and statements of many people, including all kinds of specialists, this inflated opinion of yourself will be much more useful for you than the so-called objective self-esteem. Why? Yes, because it is much more important for you not who you were in the past and even who you are in the present, although it is certainly necessary to take this into account, but who you want to become. Do you want to be a failure, do you want to be a weakling, do you want to constantly make mistakes in your life? I'm sure not. But if your self-esteem is low, then you consider yourself worse than others in some ways, you are convinced that you are not capable of something, you are weak in some ways, and much of what you do is wrong. In general, you better know what you don't like about yourself. Well, perhaps, objectively, it is, and you need to be aware of your shortcomings and weaknesses in order to be able to work on them and correct them. But here lies the trap of the so-called objective self-assessment. It does not allow a person to start working on himself - he lacks self-confidence for this work, lacks energy, lacks faith in the best, and, ultimately, the desire to start changing something in himself. A person is not able to do even a “light cosmetic repair” of his psyche - considering himself an incorrigible loser. How many people do you know who, having low self-esteem, enthusiastically, overflowing with energy, worked to increase it? That's it. Therefore, many people do not need the truth about themselves, because it brings them nothing but frustration, depression, emptiness, despondency, sadness and similar negative emotions. And how can you work on yourself, how can you strive for more and better when your hands give up? There are, of course, very strong people who can face the truth and use this truth as a powerful incentive to work on themselves. But such people, as you understand, are few, very few.

When we struggle with low self-esteem, we primarily struggle with a person’s lack of faith in himself. We don’t need any truth, we need a beautiful fairy tale about the future - about our bright future, so to speak, to which any self-respecting person should want to strive. And he must understand that this fairy tale is actually a fairy tale, but it can become a reality if you believe in it and start working on its implementation. We must all understand this. At such moments, a person realizes that he is the architect of his life, the architect of his destiny, the architect of his happiness. It doesn't matter who he was, and who he is now, what matters is who he can become. Do you understand? A person needs energy, energy, to increase his self-esteem, and then to make himself better, in order to objectively correspond to a high opinion of himself. We first invent ourselves, so to speak, design, and only then we make ourselves, and not vice versa. On the contrary, it is not effective. Give a man a lot of money - he will pout and think of himself as God knows what. Take that money away from him and he will again be blown away, and again become an insecure loser. Why do we, why do you need such dependence on circumstances?

Therefore, when they say that a person's self-esteem should correspond to his real position in society and his real capabilities, do not take these words seriously. Let's say today you are a failure, and tomorrow, having taken certain actions, you can succeed in something, in some business that is important to you, and then one truth will be replaced by another truth. It is important to take these very actions, and in order to take them, you need to be of such an opinion about yourself that you have already achieved the success you need. Try to realize these words of mine, proven by the experience of many people, in full, and then you will think about yourself the way you need to think about yourself, and not how you are forced to think about yourself by circumstances and other people. And your self-esteem will be determined by you, depending on your interests and your desires, and nothing else.

The very word “self-esteem” already has its meaning. This is how we imagine and evaluate ourselves, our qualities and capabilities, our place among other people. That is, self-esteem is our subjective opinion about one's own personality. And unfortunately, this opinion is often wrong.

But the level of self-esteem directly affects the relationship of a person with others, as well as his exactingness towards himself and his attitude to his own achievements and failures. Adequate perception of oneself is the key to harmony and success in life. Whereas low self-esteem often becomes an insurmountable obstacle to a person's happiness. Indeed, how can you achieve something - be it professional or personal life, if you yourself do not believe in your own strength, consider yourself unworthy of the gifts of fate? ..

But even having reached certain heights, an insecure person can subconsciously destroy all this, believing that he simply does not deserve any life blessings. Thus, once again, and even with some sophisticated satisfaction, he is strengthened in a negative opinion about his own person.

Shyness, shyness, resentment, heightened self-esteem, jealousy, envy, lack of confidence in one's own attractiveness, fear of rejection or seeming ridiculous - all these are companions of low self-esteem. Now you understand why it is so important to increase it? We will talk about this. But first, let's figure out where this common problem "legs grow".

The main reasons for low self-esteem

There are three of them. First comes from childhood, like many of our personal problems. Young children are very suggestible, besides, they still do not know how to evaluate their own behavior. Therefore, they get an idea of ​​themselves mainly from the immediate environment, significant people for them. Mainly - through the reaction of parents to their actions. And if a child in childhood was constantly criticized (“sloppy”, “blunder”, “stupid”), pulled up, laughed at any manifestations of awkwardness, compared not in his favor with other children, the child willy-nilly imbued with a sense of guilt and believe that that he is bad. And having matured, he will already take on the role of his own critic, he will constantly scold himself and look for various shortcomings, most of them imaginary.

Another common parental mistake is the so-called tyranny of duties, when the child is persistently instilled, for example, "you must study only excellently", "you must unquestioningly obey adults." As a result, he develops a sense of hyper-responsibility, develops a model of a certain standard of behavior, in the embodiment of which the child will be good. But having entered adulthood and realizing that it is impossible to implement this model in life, a person begins to think in terms of “since I cannot be perfect, then I am nothing.”

You can't blame your parents for your own problems for the rest of your life. A much more constructive approach is to prevent similar behavior with your own children. And this, believe me, will require a lot of effort from you, because the type of interaction "parent-child" is also formed in childhood, like self-esteem.

Second The reason is a midlife crisis. In the life of every adult, there inevitably comes a period when he begins to comprehend his life, to draw some conclusions. And if he finds them unsatisfactory, his self-esteem is subjected to a great test. In especially sensitive natures, it literally crumbles to smithereens. What is the reason for such a fatal midlife crisis? According to the American psychologist James Hollis, at this time a person reconciles existing goals with those goals that he would really like to achieve. And it often turns out that the whole previous life was “not real”, that is, it passed under the pressure of stereotypes imposed from the outside - by parents or the environment. And in order to achieve harmony with oneself, a person must radically change the course of life.

And finally third the reason is the onset of the so-called black streak in life. A chain of failures and misfortunes (illness, divorce or parting with a loved one, dismissal or demotion, loss of loved ones) can plunge even the most positive and stress-resistant person into depression and, as a result, reduce self-confidence to the level “below the plinth”.

Self defense methods

Low self-esteem is not a sentence, it is not an innate, but an acquired and aggravated quality. It can and must be fought. The main thing is to realize that problems with self-esteem are just a way of thinking that has become a habit. You just got used to thinking negatively about yourself: “I won’t succeed”, “I don’t deserve it” ...

Meanwhile The quality of our life depends on the quality of our thoughts. Therefore, we need to radically change our own thinking. Somewhere I came across an ingenious phrase: “A diamond can think anything about itself, but this will not stop being a diamond. But if he thinks positively of himself, he will turn into a diamond.” To the very point.

Here are some tips for dealing with low self-esteem.

RECEPTION 1. Accept and love yourself for who you are.

When a person values ​​himself - this is the norm. It is out of love and respect for ourselves that our love for others and, on the contrary, those around us is born. Accept all your flaws and flaws (mostly far-fetched, I'm sure) as harmonious components of your personality.

And also realize the simple truth - there are no perfect people. It is a myth. So allow yourself to be imperfect. No one expects, and has no right to expect perfection from you in everything.

TAKE 2. Praise yourself

If you succeeded, do not write it off as luck, the good location of the stars, or a combination of circumstances. This is entirely your merit.

Therefore, find any, even a small reason and praise yourself, as your mother praised you in childhood for any trifle. You can even pat yourself on the head if no one is watching. Did you submit your work on time? Well done! Have you done homework with your child? Good girl! Did you have time to bake charlotte in the evening? Just perfection!

And how often does it happen? A woman outlines a list of ten cases for herself, she redid eight, and did not have time to do two. And he begins to engage in self-criticism, scolding himself for what the world is worth.

TAKE 3: Stop comparing yourself to other people

There will always be those who have more incomes, more caring husbands, more capable children, longer legs, etc. But believe me, there are also plenty of people who have achieved much less than you. And we must not forget that our vision of the success and dignity of other people is just ... our vision. The object of your envy may assess what is happening in his life in a completely different way.

It is much more useful to compare yourself yesterday with yourself today. And if the comparison is in favor of the latter, then the process of self-improvement is obvious.

TAKE 4. Allow yourself to be wrong

Stop sawing yourself for every mistake, and even more so to draw global conclusions from it about your own person, such as: “I just can’t fill out a declaration - I’m a useless worker”, “Burned cutlets - I’m a bad housewife.” Such an illogical generalization hits hard on self-confidence - the psyche feels an unfair attitude towards itself and is oppressed even more. In the end, if it suddenly gets colder in July, you don’t conclude that autumn has come ...

Not mistaken, as you know, the one who does nothing. Well, or a robot. Any miscalculation is an invaluable experience and a kind of springboard for subsequent achievements. We must not lament over our worthlessness, but analyze the mistakes made in order to try not to make them in the future.

RECEPTION 5. Do not depend on the opinions of others

What other people say or think about you, of course, plays some role, but their opinion does not define your essence, does not decide who you really are.

A person with adequate self-esteem perceives the opinions of others only as an additional factor, by no means the most significant. And he considers this opinion in the totality and time perspective. That is, he does not draw far-reaching conclusions from one carelessly spoken phrase, but collects information from several sources and for a certain period of time.

Learn to take criticism calmly, learning from it, learning from it, but strongly rejecting unwarranted generalizations or negative labels. If you cannot influence an overly critical person, then it may be worth considering limiting or even completely stopping communication with him. At least for a while.

TAKE 6. Learn to accept compliments

No need to respond to a compliment in the spirit of “yes, nothing special, just washed my hair” or “this dress is already a hundred years old.” By doing so, you kind of reject it and at the same time send yourself a message that you do not deserve praise. Therefore, worthily accept all the good that is said in your address. Remember how in the movie "Office Romance": "Lyudmila Prokofievna, you look great today!" “This is how I will always look now!”

TAKE 7. Get rid of the habit of scolding yourself

Think and talk about yourself as positively as possible. And for phrases like “here I am stupid (fat, ugly, etc.)”, pay yourself a fine, 100 rubles each. Then buy yourself some kind of outfit.

TAKE 8. Don't Complain About Life

Eternally whining people evoke pity in others at best, and contempt at worst. In addition, whining scares away not only people, but also luck.

TAKE 9. Help others

Without good deeds, a person fades away, he has nowhere to draw energy from. And nothing boosts self-esteem like a belief in one's own need. And it is not only and not so much about financial assistance. Look around, there are many people who need basic compassion. Just having a heart-to-heart talk with a friend who is having a hard time right now is already a big deal.

TAKE 10. Don't make excuses

Otherwise, you give the impression of a victim. If you are wrong about something, you can simply apologize, and then, if you see fit. But you do not need to explain the motives of your words or actions, if you are not asked about it.

Seraphim of Sarov said that “self-humiliation is more than pride,” in other words, low self-esteem is no less a sin, and perhaps even greater, than pride. If I am not the greatest, not the most intelligent, not the richest, then at least I will be the most stupid, the most insignificant. The main thing is that all the same "the most"! Agree, not the most attractive picture.

Therefore, make a list (at least mentally) of your merits and constantly replenish it with new items. And remember: a person who does not see and does not recognize his own merits is doomed, he has nothing to rely on in life, he has no respect for himself, he will not retain anything worthy. Such people are sure within themselves that their fate is to suffer, and not to be happy. You are not one of them, are you?