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Mental pain is emotional suffering, unpleasant and painful in its sensations for a person. Mental pain is also referred to as the pain of the soul body and reckoned with the loss of survival potential. Often it is much more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disturbances in the work of all internal organs and provokes malfunctions throughout the body.

How to deal with heartache

Emotional suffering develops when experiencing a life event or greatly worrying about a loved one. Mental pain is often inherent in a person when his personal ideas do not coincide with what is happening in reality. This is because significant experiences leading to are due to patterns formed in the human brain, and reality is not what the individual expects it to be. All these disappointments lead to emotional suffering.

Mental pain by a person can be experienced both explicitly and covertly, when a person suffers, but does not admit it to himself.

How to deal with mental pain? A person copes with mental pain in several ways. In one case, mental pain moves from a conscious sensation to the subconscious and the individual mistakenly believes that he is no longer suffering. In fact, what happens is that a person simply avoids pain, and transfers it to the subconscious.

If an individual is inclined to demonstrate his actions and feelings, then this means that he gives vent to his mental pain. A person in such cases begins to consult with friends, acquaintances, seeks salvation in eliminating the root of the problem.

For example, if relationships with parents cause mental pain, then a person is looking for all possible ways to find a common language with them.

If a person has chosen a method of avoidance, then this method is expressed in not recognizing the problem, often the individual says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself in personal experiences. In this case, mental pain persists, passing into an implicit, subconscious form. This state is very difficult to cope with, it is painful for a person, much more emotional than an open confession, as well as saying the problem out loud.

How to get rid of mental pain

It is very difficult to get rid of latent pain, it is characterized by a protracted (for years!) course. At the same time, a person's character, relationships with others change. A person with mental pain begins to attract negative people to himself, gradually changing the level of acquaintances, or completely abandons them, forever excluding communication with people.

Often, emotional suffering does not allow an individual to create, work, it torments him, and a person often does not understand what is happening to him. Separate situations are able to remind a person of those moments that caused pain in his soul many years ago. This is due to the fact that emotions were driven into the subconscious many years ago, so a person cries and worries, not fully understanding what is happening to him, for example, after watching a emotional scene from a movie. In cases where you cannot cope with mental pain on your own, you need the help of a specialist or a loved one who is ready to listen to you.

Heartache after a breakup

Psychological reactions to the end of a relationship with a loved one have much in common with the reaction to physical loss, namely, the death of a loved one. The emotional pain after parting with a loved one can drag on for many months and years. During this period, a person is acutely worried. Experiences include stages of resentment, denial and pain.

Initially, there is a stage of denial, which manifests itself in the subconscious refusal of a person to objectively relate to the breakup and be aware of the end of the relationship.

The pain after a breakup is aggravated by the realization that a loved one is no more, and will never be there again. The moment a person realizes and accepts reality, he will stop suffering. This understanding does not come overnight. The duration of this period depends on the continuation of contacts with the former lover. To make it easier and faster to go through this stage of mental suffering, psychologists advise to abandon all contacts, as well as get rid of all objects that remind of past relationships.

The period of denial is replaced by a period of resentment, which is characterized by accusations of the former lover of all sins and the desire of the offended to take revenge, especially if betrayal was the reason for the break.

Psychologically, this is understandable: blaming another person is much easier than admitting part of your guilt in a similar situation yourself. This stage is marked by the emergence of an emotional block: there is a loop on negative experiences, which significantly delays the period of psychological recovery. At the next stage of the life crisis, worries about lost time in relationships that were in vain develop. Such experiences are accompanied by a fear of loneliness, as well as the uncertainty of the future, the fear that it will not be possible to build new relationships.

Most psychologists are inclined to believe that tears, suffering and reflection in loneliness are an obligatory, as well as a necessary part in overcoming this life crisis. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cry. Allow yourself to suffer and cry - this will bring relief and lead to recovery.

If, nevertheless, a decision was made to break up, then the lost relationship should not be restored, and for this reason, indulge in sad memories, call, and also meet. This will only slow down and make it more difficult to overcome emotional suffering.

Women often need more time than men to forget about an ex-partner, because for women, loving a man is the most important part of life. For a man, the priority in life is often work, as well as a career. In addition, it is usually easier for men to find a new partner.

Psychologists advise, left alone, to do. If, nevertheless, for two years, mental pain after parting worries, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist who will help in solving this problem.

Severe mental pain

Edwin Shneidman American psychologist gave the following unique definition of mental pain. It is not like physical or bodily pain. Mental pain is manifested in experiences that are often caused by the grieving person himself.

Mental pain, filled with suffering, is an expression of the loss of the meaning of life. It is marked by torment, longing, confusion. This state gives rise to loneliness, grief, guilt, humiliation, shame, before the inevitability - aging, death, physical illness.

Eliminating the cause of suffering helps to get rid of severe mental pain. If the cause of emotional suffering is the negative behavior of a person regarding you, then in this case it is necessary to eliminate these causes, and not extinguish your emotions regarding this person. For example, if you are having trouble with your boss that provoked heartache, then you should work on your relationship with him, and not on your emotions and how you feel about it. You should find a common language or quit.

If emotional suffering is caused by an irreparable situation (illness or death), then you should work on the perception of reality and your emotions.

Mental pain lasts from six months to a year with the loss of a loved one. Only after this period of time, psychologists advise building new relationships in order not to repeat the same mistakes.

How to relieve mental pain? It is necessary to admit to yourself that an unpleasant situation has already occurred. This can alleviate your condition.

Second, go through the period of pain and come to your senses. Then we build a new future, but without these circumstances or this person. For example, without a favorite job or a loved one. Mentally build everything in detail, how you will live on. Often the real world becomes in a person the way he sees it in his imagination.

Often, severe mental pain is hidden under other masks and is confused with anger, disappointment, resentment.

How to deal with severe emotional pain? Find people who are worse off than you. Show them care. This way you will switch from your problem.

Master the system of correct breathing: with a long inhalation and a short exhalation. Proper breathing can help your body cells recover quickly, strengthen the nervous system.

Say something nice to people every day, positive emotions will also be transferred to you.

Follow the daily routine, get enough sleep, this will help restore nerve cells.

Take your mind off your worries by dancing, jogging, walking, push-ups, physical exercises. Sign up for a massage.

Avoid the return of intense mental suffering. Scientists are inclined to believe that a person stays in a state of depression for a quarter of an hour, and the rest of the time he himself creates mental suffering for himself, prolonging and aggravating them. Therefore, the ability not to return mental pain again, which is facilitated by situations from the past that provoked experiences, is of great importance.

Doctor of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMedoMed"

For most conscious people, the spiritual path is the path of exposing all the ideals and moral pillars of the personality, especially in the first years of their practices. This is the path of passing through repressed fears and painful tensions, this is the path of overcoming and winning over oneself. Sometimes people perceive pain as a burden, as something obligatory, something without which they cannot succeed. Sometimes they crowd it out with their reflections on the "importance and value" of the traumatic event. And in this lies self-deception, that if you treat yourself cruelly and ruthlessly, you will become better.

No matter how advanced, enlightened, mentally and spiritually developed we are, sooner or later a situation arises that hurts us or about which we get hurt. Emotionally, physically... Not the point. And this may be, in the opinion of other people, the most complete stupidity, not worth anything at all, but it hurts you. And it is not always possible to do something about the situation that has become a source of pain. And at such moments it is important not to bite yourself for the fact that it hurts you because of such a “trifle”, and that these experiences - so “childish”, so “wrong” - were seen by others. When it hurts and there is fear, but you can’t talk about it openly, then it hurts many times more. It is important for each of us to know what is happening to us. We make our lives easier this way.

Any pain can be overcome. But it is impossible to survive it alone. It is important to acknowledge that you are in pain - and to seek comfort if you cannot comfort yourself. And the consolation is not in “yes, it’s okay, it doesn’t hurt that much, it will heal before the wedding”, but in “alas, it happens, dude, and I really sympathize with you.” It is very difficult to sympathize with yourself - and with that little child in us who is now feeling bad ... Wrinkling your nose and turning away from yourself - so confused and "pathetic" - is as easy as shelling pears.

So a child, falling from a run to the ground, cries, and needs to be hugged and said: “Yes, it hurts and is unpleasant to fall from a run to the ground.” And if he stumbles upon the debriefing “where were you looking?” and “I told you to be careful!” - he will close, feel loneliness and fear. Refuses to act, to study this world. Before his experiences, he will give in, be nervous. Will be afraid of the manifestation of other people's emotions in any form, will not be able to listen to other people's experiences, falling into aggression or depression. Especially if the child had to listen to the emotions of his own mother (which is unbearable for a child of any gender). It will be difficult for him to experience the emotional manifestations of his own children. This causes simply unbearable pain, and I want to shut up the source of this pain at any cost.

Emotions are a kind of by-product of life, they should be lived and released, and not accumulated inside yourself.

Otherwise, minute irritability will become a constant aggressive background. What happens if you do not go to the toilet for a very long time for ethical reasons? Approximately, the same will happen with a person who cannot release "digested" emotions from his own heart.

It is important to learn to see the boundaries of your pain as a wound that hurts. At first, it seems that nothing can be done. Then, when time passes, if you give yourself such an opportunity, the wound slowly begins to heal. The scar remains, and at some point it will hurt just like on the first day. But we learn to live with pain, we know the scars on our bodies and in our souls. And every time we are thrown back, we already have experience of how we deal with it. It is very important that you have experience and have memories that you can handle it.

In order to develop harmoniously, inside it is necessary to free yourself from the burden of emotions in a timely manner, so it will be easier to move forward. Otherwise, emotions, like ballast, will prevent you from moving on. So that there is no feeling that this should not be felt, in this place feelings should only be like that, but this is generally prohibited. In order not to waste energy on pretending that you do not feel what you feel, or feel what you really do not feel. To be sincere with yourself and understand yourself.

People often go to psychologists for one purpose - to immediately drown out the pain. To stop feeling

Fast time. Quick change of feelings. There is no place for pain to live.

People often go to psychologists for one purpose - to immediately drown out the pain. To quickly stop feeling - and run again, into life, work, family. Like robots. To live and not worry. To live and not interfere with obsessive thoughts. To live and not feel.

Because pain is about feelings. This is an indicator. Where integrity is broken, it hurts. Where there is a wound, there it hurts. Where there is a wound, there cannot but hurt. If the body is alive, it reacts with pain to an injury, to a disease, to a malfunction.

There is a way out: to become a cyborg, then it will not hurt. Never ever. But then the sunset will not please, and the wine is not tasty, and the cat is not touching. It's also about feelings.

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The wound does not heal instantly. Let's anoint with an anesthetic ointment. Let's put on a bandage. But the wound will not heal before all the protective and restorative mechanisms work. Blood cannot be made to clot faster, and cells cannot be made to regenerate faster. Everything happens at its own pace and in its own time.

The same is with the psyche. She needs to be allowed to complete all the steps. Do not hold on purpose (do not pick open the wound), do not speed up (smear one remedy after another right there). You have to give yourself a break.

The loss hurts. Breakup hurts. A message with bad content hurts. An unanswered message hurts. A harsh word hurts. Hate hurts. Ignoring hurts. Jealousy hurts.

It is necessary not to run, not to be saved, but to live. Gotta hurt. As during the flu, you need to lie down in bed, drinking tea with lemon. We must accept this pain and this state. Recognize and name what you feel. "Yes I am jealous". "Yes, I'm afraid of losing her, I'm mortally afraid." And feel. Cry. Get angry. Pour out anger. Suffer looking at pictures. Write stupid letters. You can not send, but write. Dedicate some time to living through the pain of the situation. Stay in it. Not lubricating. Not switching. Not distracted. Set aside time to be mindful of the pain.

The psyche itself will turn on defense mechanisms. If you don't disturb her, she will. It will hurt - and apathy, indifference will come. Then a calm understanding of what happened will come. Then - acceptance of the situation and the desire to move on. This is what you wanted to get immediately, immediately, at the very beginning.

I know it's a strange recipe. But you yourself know: the effect of any painkiller ends, and the wound stops hurting only when it heals

heartache

03.08.2018

Pozharisky I.

Heartache is familiar to many people. Its occurrence, as a rule, is associated with the development of unpleasant events that destroy the habitual worldview of the individual, […]

Heartache is familiar to many people. Its occurrence, as a rule, is associated with the development of unpleasant events that destroy the habitual worldview of the individual, devastate its internal resource. During this period, nothing is cute, the usual things annoy, you don’t want to talk to anyone. Often this condition is caused by parting with a loved one. From numerous experiences, the nervous system simply cannot stand it: attacks of aggression begin, the voice trembles, in some cases fear haunts and obsessive states appear. All the unpleasant symptoms are quite understandable, so you should not be afraid of it.

Causes of mental pain

Nothing in the world just happens. In order for mental pain to manifest itself, good reasons are needed. Each person reacts to certain stimuli, to what is more significant specifically for him. Let us consider in more detail what factors cause malfunctions in the nervous system.

Disappointments in love

Heartache from love happens incredibly often. Falling in love with a certain person, we can never guess what a new acquaintance will result in, what it will lead to. Even if at first the individual made a good impression on us, this does not mean that this will continue in the future. People make mistakes, commit rash acts, offend each other. Experiencing another disappointment in love, a person often feels depressed, useless and lonely.

job loss

Unfortunately, the economic situation in the country and beyond cannot be called stable. Losing a job can even lead to depression if a person does not receive moral and financial support from friends and acquaintances in time. For almost all people, one of the most terrible incidents is the prospect of losing money. Many immediately begin to imagine the terrible consequences of such changes, and, above all, they relate to the external prosperous life. The loss of an influential position makes you feel humiliated, trampled and uninteresting. Even if a great potential is hidden inside the personality, but there is no opportunity to show it at least somehow, the person will feel his uselessness and is unlikely to quickly recover from the shock.

Loss of a loved one

Sometimes in life there are completely unforeseen events: the departure of a loved one, associated with divorce or death. In this case, mental pain becomes simply colossal and it is not so easy to get rid of it. In most cases, people try to fasten themselves, not to show their feelings in front of others. This is not very helpful, because true emotions are not expressed, but are suppressed under the weight of fear or shame. The loss of a loved one is always very painful. It seems that the world has ceased to exist, the brain refuses to accept terrifying information for a long time.

Manifestation of emotional pain

Recognizing it is quite easy. Any person who suffers cannot fail to notice this. Sometimes we very successfully disguise ourselves in front of others, but it is hardly possible to deceive ourselves. When thinking about how to cope with any shock, you should remain extremely frank with yourself.

Reluctance to leave home

After a lot of stress, sometimes you want to hide in some dark corner and not show any signs of your existence at all. The reluctance to leave the house is dictated by the fact that the individual does not expect anything good from the outside world. The stronger the stress experienced, the longer it may take to recover. Some individuals succumb to their desire and literally do not show their nose into the street. Sometimes additional help is not required, but this is only if the individual does not have a tendency to escape from reality.

Feelings of despair and longing

We all tend to be disappointed in what brought us mental discomfort or just scared. For example, after parting with a loved one, a feeling of catastrophic hopelessness may appear. It seems that life ends, and you can never feel better. In fact, everything is not so. It just takes more time before such an understanding comes to mind. The feeling of longing and despair is natural. Sometimes negative emotions are so overwhelming that you want to literally scream from injustice. During this period, both men and women are extremely susceptible to the destructive effects of depression. Many turn to alcohol and drugs in order to somehow free themselves from mental constraint.

Nervous consequences

A person who has suffered some kind of shock sometimes finds a characteristic rash on the body, various fears or disturbing thoughts. All these manifestations indicate that the situation was not comprehended and worked out. Often, the individual does not understand at all what is happening to him and tries with all his might to overcome unpleasant symptoms. Nervous consequences occur not only in advanced cases. Sometimes they accompany through life too impressionable persons who do not know how to work on themselves. Their state of mind can either worsen or improve again without additional external influences. Each person experiences grief, loss, or any other shock in their own way. Unfortunately, not everyone has the strength not to give up and go to the end.

How to get rid of mental pain

Severe mental pain needs correction. You can’t let the situation take its course and hope that everything will go away on its own, without any effort on your part. Taking into account the irreversible consequences of the psyche and various disorders, it is necessary to choose the right methods of influence and not neglect the appeal to a specialist. How to get rid with a sense of hopelessness and despair? Let's consider in more detail.

Opportunity to speak out

She must be. If you do not have such a person whom you could unconditionally trust, then you need to try to find him. The opportunity to speak out gives a lot: it relaxes the psyche, allows you to stop being ashamed of your problem. Sometimes it is enough to consult with a friend to make it easier. After all, if we keep everything in ourselves, it becomes generally difficult to manage our lives. The nervous system is subjected to a great load. The emotional pain of a girl often goes away after a nice friendly meeting, which is full of sincerity and mutual respect. No need to try with all your might to hide your feelings just so as not to seem to others as a weak and weak-willed person. Firstly, often people do not even think about judging you for something. Secondly, everyone at a certain time needs support, wants to be understood.

Relaxation practice

It works very well if you do the exercises regularly, without allowing yourself to shirk from classes. You can choose suitable melodies for yourself that will inspire new victories. It is very useful to use breathing practices. To be able to relax the body, thoughts is very important. Then any stress will bypass you and will not cause inconvenience. The beauty of relaxation practice is that you can devote as much time to it as you can spare. You can study every day if time permits, while knowing that you will definitely grow on your own problem. It is impossible to be strong all the time, you need to be able to relax.

Taking responsibility

This must be done mentally before taking the main steps to restore peace of mind. It must be remembered that the end result depends only on you. If you want to change yourself, then everything will work out. Acceptance of responsibility implies that a person gives up the idea of ​​blaming other people for their own failures. Sometimes people around you don't even know what you're experiencing. You can't blame relatives just because they don't listen to you well enough and don't perceive your words. You should not become a narcissistic egoist, to whom everyone around is indebted.

Working with a specialist

If you do not know how to relieve mental pain, and it continues for a long time, do not hesitate to seek help. Today, working with a psychologist is very valuable. That is why more and more people prefer not to be silent about their problems, but to speak out in time. You should not think that only those who are morally weak seek the advice of competent experts, in fact this is not the case. A person at any time may need participation and support. There is no need to limit yourself if you feel you need help. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in this. The main difficulty lies only in how to find a good worthy psychologist. After all, a lot in life will depend on the result obtained.

Thus, the inflicted mental pain is not yet a reason to become limp and stop believing in people. Believe me, bad things happen to everyone. The only difference is that some people are ready to fight with their inner state, while others plunge into the world of sadness and stay there for a long time. If you do not know how to solve the problem that worries you, feel free to contact the psychologist Irakli Pozharisky for advice. Together with a professional, you will come to an understanding of what is really happening to you, outline ways out of the impasse.