To begin with, understand and accept one thing: even though you have known each other for a long time and you know the person as flaky, now this does not mean at all that his behavior will meet your expectations. “There are certain general stages of grief. You can fully focus on them, remembering, of course, that each of us still needs an individual approach, ”explains psychologist Marianna Volkova.

Our experts:

Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist at the Nina Rubshtein Gestalt Center

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

How to support a person if he is in shock

Stage #1: usually a person is in complete shock, confusion and simply cannot believe in the reality of what is happening.

What to say. If you are really close friends, it is best for you to be there without relying on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people, tactile contact is very important, the ability to see the interlocutor in front of you live. “At this time, conversations and attempts to express condolences are not needed,” Marianna Volkova is sure. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to be around and at the same time refuses to communicate, do not try to talk to him. Contrary to your expectations, it will not get easier for him. It is worth talking about what happened only when the loved one is ready for it. In the meantime, you can hug, sit next to me, hold your hand, stroke your head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly on business or on abstract topics.

What to do. The loss of a loved one, sudden terrible illnesses and other blows of fate require not only reflection, but also many worries. Don't think that giving this kind of help is easy. It requires a lot of emotional return and is very exhausting. How to support a person in such a situation? First, ask how you can be of help. A lot depends on what state your friend is in. You may have to take on organizational issues: call, find out, negotiate. Or give the unfortunate a sedative. Or wait with him in the doctor's waiting room. But, as a rule, it is enough to at least deal with everyday issues: put things in order, wash the dishes, cook food.

How to support a person if he is acutely worried

Stage #2: accompanied by acute feelings, resentment, misunderstanding and even aggression.

What to do. It is clear that it is difficult to communicate at this moment. But right now, a friend needs attention and support. Try to come more often, be in touch if he is left alone. You can invite him to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are mentally ready for this.

Words of condolence

“Most people, when expressing condolences, use conventional phrases that do not carry any meaning. Actually, this is a courtesy and nothing more. But when it comes to a loved one, you need something more than a formality. There is, of course, no one-size-fits-all template. But there are things that definitely shouldn’t be said,” says Marianna Volkova.

1. If you don't know what to say, shut up. Better hug once again, show that you are there and ready to help at any moment.
2. Avoid expressions like “everything will be fine”, “everything will pass” and “life goes on”. You seem to promise good things, but only in the future, not now. Such conversations are annoying.
3. Try not to ask unnecessary questions. The only appropriate in this situation: "How can I help?" Everything else will have to wait.
4. Never say words that might devalue what happened. “And someone can’t walk at all!” - this is not a consolation, but a mockery for a person who has lost, say, an arm.
5. If your goal is to give moral support to a friend, first of all you yourself must be stoic. Sobbing, lamenting and talking about the injustice of life is unlikely to calm.

How to support a person if he is depressed

Stage #3: at this time, a realization of what happened comes to a person. Expect depression and depression from a friend. But there is good news: he begins to understand that he needs to somehow move on.

What to say. We are all different, so the best thing you can do is ask what exactly a loved one expects from you.

1. Some people need to talk about what happened.“There are people who, in a difficult situation, it is vital to speak out loud their emotions, fears and experiences. A friend does not need condolences, your task is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but it’s not worth giving advice and putting in your five cents in every possible way, ”advises Marianna Volkova.
2. Some people need a distraction to get over grief. You are required to talk on extraneous topics, to involve a person in solving some issues. Invent urgent matters that require full concentration of attention and constant employment. Do everything so that your friend has no time to think about what he is trying to escape from.
3. There are people who, in difficult life situations, prefer loneliness - it is easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that they don't want any contact yet, the worst thing you can do is try to get into his soul with the best of intentions. Simply put, forcibly "do good." Leave the person alone, but be sure to make it clear that you are there and ready to provide all possible assistance at any time.

What to do.

1. In the first case, help of a domestic nature is often required, especially if your loved one is not one of those who easily negotiates, communicates and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
2. You have to help your friend step back a little from what happened. If you are connected by work issues, you can carry out distracting maneuvers in this direction. A good option is sports. The main thing is not to torture yourself and his grueling workouts, but choose what you like. You can go to the pool, to the court or to yoga together. The goal is to try to have fun.
3. In the third case, you only need what you are asked for. Don't insist on anything. Invite “to go out and unwind” (what if he agrees?), but always leave the choice to the person and do not be intrusive.

How to support a person when he has already experienced grief

Stage #4: This is a period of adaptation. You could say rehab.

What to say. It was at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communication with others gradually takes on its usual form. Now a friend may need parties, travel, and other trappings of a mourning-free life.

What to do. “If your friend is quite ready to communicate, you don’t need to try to somehow “correctly” behave in his company. Do not try to forcefully cheer, shake and bring to life. At the same time, you can not avoid direct looks, sit with a sour face. The more habitually you adjust the atmosphere, the easier it will be for a person,” Marianna Volkova is sure.

Visit to a psychologist

Whatever stage a person is in, friends sometimes try to provide help they don't need. For example, forcibly send to a psychologist. Here you have to be especially careful, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.

“Experiencing trouble, sadness is a natural process that, as a rule, does not need professional help,” says psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. – There is even a term “work of grief”, the healing effect of which is possible provided that a person allows himself to go through all the stages. However, this is precisely what becomes a problem for many: to allow yourself to feel, to meet experiences. If we try to “run away” from strong, unpleasant emotions, to ignore them, the “work of grief” is disrupted, “getting stuck” at any of the stages can occur. That’s when the help of a psychologist is really needed.”

Support cons

The tragedy experienced sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. This, of course, is not about the first, most difficult period. But you may be required to be present for long periods of time. Your personal life, work, desires will not be taken into account. Let's say you invited a friend to stay with you for a while - a fairly common practice. But all the agreed terms have long passed, and the person continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impolite to talk about inconveniences, but spoiled relationships will be a natural result.

Equally important is the financial issue. It happens that time passes, everything that was needed is done, but the need for investment does not disappear. And you, by inertia, continue to give money, afraid to refuse. " I noticed that you are starting to sacrifice yourself and your interests, which means there is a reason to talk and clarify the situation,” recalls Anna Shishkovskaya. - Otherwise, the accumulated resentment and indignation will one day provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be nice not to lead to a scandal, but to mark the boundaries in time.

Personal dramas are just one of those troubles in which friends are known. And your behavior during this period will certainly affect your relationship in one way or another. Therefore, it is worth rushing to help only if you sincerely want it.

Even the strongest of us often need words of encouragement. Everyone has times when friendly participation is needed. This article contains words and ideas that will become an impulse to help you evaluate the current circumstances from a different point of view.

Unfortunately, we do not know how to speak words of support. Most of us exist in the fantasy worlds of social media or television series, where everything is fine, cloudless, and without fail with a happy ending. But real life is far from ideal worlds.

If you need to support a person struggling with an illness, avoid worn out clichés. They are deprived of the human warmth that your counterpart needs so much.

So, words of support for the sick:

• You can always count on me.
• I'm sorry about what happened. I'm here to help.
• I just want to remind you how strong/strong you are.
• I believe in you.
• Listen to the advice of doctors and take care of yourself.
• I have always admired/admired your talent for overcoming adversity with grace and humor.
• All that we have left in the past, and what awaits us in the future - all this is immeasurably small compared to what is contained in the present ( Ralph Waldo Emerson).
• What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the creator calls the butterfly ( Richard Bach).
• The soul would not have a rainbow if the eyes did not have tears ( Beth Mende Connie).
• Stars can only be seen when it's dark enough around Ralph Waldo Emerson).
• Sleep, wealth and health must be interrupted so that we can truly enjoy them ( Johann Pavel Friedrich Richter).
• With our grief and anxiety, we deprive our tomorrow of any opportunity to be. We just don't have the strength for him Corrie Ten Boom).
• Your illness is just one chapter, but not the whole story.

Phrases and words to cheer up a man, a guy: a list

When communicating with a man, do not forget to add sugar to everything you say. And take the salt out of everything he tells you.

Try the following affirmations:

• I love you today more than ever before.
• Your decisions, hard work, loving and generous heart fill me with pride.
• Even if we are not together, we will always be one team.
• I'm happy that I have you.
• You do so much for my happiness, let me support you.
• I'll always be with you. And I'll go where you lead me.
• Being next to you is an honor for me.
• I have learned a lot from you.
• No matter what happens, I want to grow old by your side.
• I think fate has big plans for me. That's why she gave me you.
• Hard times don't matter as long as we're together.
• Everything will be as it should be. Even if it's different.
• Each finish is the start for something completely new.

Phrases and words to cheer up a girl, a woman: a list

Women are more emotional and more likely to need support. It is not necessary at this moment to criticize her or her actions.

Try to return the woman's wings:

• If my every thought about you turned into a flower, you would be in the Garden of Eden.
• You can't even imagine how much I appreciate you.
• You are not alone, even when you think you are.
• Thank you for being around.
• I admire your talent to paint life with bright colors.
• I admire the selfless love you give to the world.
• You are the sunshine in my life.
• Next to you, I feel loved, protected and understood. Thank you for this.
• Fate knew that I would need support and support in this life and sent me you.
• Your attitude towards me makes me become better than I am.

Phrases and words to cheer yourself up: a list

• I am alone/on my own.
• I am free / free to make decisions.
• Any “minus” can always be turned into a “plus”.
• I am the architect of my life. I lay the foundation and choose the filling.
• I am above negative thoughts and low actions.
• Everything that is happening to me now is happening for my ultimate benefit.
• Although this period of my life is not the easiest, it is only a short segment of my life path.
• The sun will rise tomorrow too. Despite everything.
• Even in trouble, there is always something useful and important for you.

How to cheer up a man, a guy, a person with words who works hard and is tired at work?

Gender roles in the family are changing. Nevertheless, we live in a rather patriarchal society, where the man remains the main breadwinner in the family.

• The basis, which is quite enough for happiness: sunlight, water, rest, air, physical activity. And it doesn't cost a dime. Think about it. Take a break. Be happy.
• The world can wait. Do not rush. Recover.
• Your hard work, loving and generous heart fills me with gratitude.
• I don't think we would like to do much if we weren't tired ( Clive Staples Lewis).
• Life is complicated. First you get tired of work, and then from the fact that it is not.
• The road will be mastered by the walking one. We will walk our path together.
• I really appreciate what you do for me (us).

How to cheer up a man, guy, person, girl in depression with words?

Depression is difficult to deal with alone. Simple but sincere words can change a lot. But there should be no pity in these words. Only love, support and understanding.

• Most likely, the problem will not disappear in 24 hours. But in 24 hours your attitude to this problem can change. Let's change this together. You can always count on my help.
• The most painful blows are dealt to us by life. That is why you need to learn to take a hit. I will study with you. Let's think about where we start.
• My words may not lighten your burden, but I am here and you are not alone.
• You are stronger and braver than you think, and more loved than you can imagine.
• The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of others, but those who win battles we know nothing about.
• No one is ever too old, too bad, too sick or too stupid to start over (Bikram Chowdhury).
• Even if you stumbled and fell, you still moved forward.
• No one can go back in time and rewrite the beginning of history. But anyone can change the current moment and change the final part of the story.

How to cheer up a man, a guy, a person, a girl during an illness with words?

• I can't imagine what your next days (months) will be like, but I intend to be by your side all this time.
• There is nothing wrong with being afraid. Being scared means you're ready to do something really brave - win.

At the beginning of the article you will find more affirmations on this topic.

If a person is upset: how to cheer him up? How to cheer up a friend with words?

• I can't go through this for you. But I can live it with you. And together we can do everything.
• Chaos and trouble precede great change.
• Recall any unpleasant story that has bothered you recently. Does she still bother you?
• Build a solid foundation of stones that throw ill-wishers at you.

Above in the text you will find many other interesting quotes, aphorisms and affirmations.

Video: How to help a friend if he is depressed? #6 // Psychology What?

It is impossible to remain indifferent during a difficult period in the life of a loved one. Anyone can be in a prolonged depression, it is important to become support in time and provide all kinds of help. Methods must be effective, and words must be convincing, only then the result will be maximum. What to do if you can’t find words and fall into a stupor at the sight of a suffering person? Do not panic and read the instructions carefully.

8 effective methods of supporting a person in difficult times

Being nearby
Stay in sight, keep your phone on, and be there for a friend 24 hours a day. Stay overnight, if necessary, devote all your free time to a loved one. Show the skills of Sherlock Holmes and identify the true cause of the experience, and then try to eradicate it.

Do not say memorized phrases that only make it worse: “you can handle it,” “time will put everything in its place,” and the like. Make it clear that you are support and support, so you will provide comprehensive assistance.

Distracting maneuvers
Distract the person in every possible way, even if you have to stand on your head or dance on the table. Now it is important to eradicate grief, which soon threatens to develop into a prolonged depression. Contribute to the return of a friend or relative to normal life at least for a few hours a day. Take a trip to a park, a movie theater, a photo exhibition, or a place where there are no people at all.

An excellent option would be home gatherings with pizza or rolls, another option for dishes is possible. Turn on modern comedy, but not with the effect of melodrama, turn up the volume and delve into it. Try to comment on the actions of the characters and change them in your own way. Be tactful, it would be inappropriate to invite to a nightclub where everyone around is drinking and having fun. Although you know better the preferences of a loved one.

Expression of emotions
You can't deal with strong emotions by keeping them deep inside. It is important to throw out all the pain, and you, as a friend, must help in this. Provide an opportunity to show the despair, resentment, disappointment and sadness that hurts the heart.

An improvement in the general condition, both physical and psychological, will occur only after the expression of a storm of feelings. There are times when in such situations a person closes. Provoke him with an appropriate conversation, but watch the reaction and don't overdo it.

Desire to speak out
The ability to listen is valued in the same way as the art of speaking. Listen to all the words of your opponent, do not interrupt. The story can be long and repeated several times, that's okay. Do not make remarks “You already told (a)” or “Stop repeating!”. If a friend does this, then it is necessary.

Take for granted everything that is said and happening, provide support, assent, if necessary. You don't have to sit and ponder who did the right thing and who didn't, or why it happened the way it did. Limit yourself to the use of monosyllabic phrases “yes, of course”, “of course”, “I understand”, “exactly noticed”.

Useful advice
After going through an emotional discharge and many hours of monologue, it is your time to speak. At this stage, share your own thoughts on this or that matter, be persuasive and do not question your words. Give similar examples from your life and tell how you coped with grief (if similar happened before).

Simulate the situation by putting yourself in the position of a friend. Being of sound mind, you have an undeniable advantage to use. Show concern and genuine concern for your emotional state. Perhaps the time has come to gently reason with the person about his erroneous actions and assumptions (if so).

Help
Offer to help around the apartment, do the cleaning and laundry. Pick up the kids from school, go to the store, pay the bills. Prepare or order a delicious dinner by buying a bottle of good wine. Surely you have an idea about the taste preferences of a loved one, play on it.

Of course, it will not be possible to restore the former balance in an instant, but you will clearly ease the situation. Help until the condition returns to normal and life returns to normal. It will take time, as always. This method is considered the most effective among all tested.

Assessment of the situation
It is important to understand the gravity of the situation, not to condemn or reproach. Perhaps a loved one will have unreasonable outbursts of anger, do not answer back. A mental storm makes people look at things differently, show indulgence and patience.

Do you see the absurdity of what is happening? Keep quiet, wait for a convenient moment to report it. Constant irritability is also common, take emotions with humor, turning everything into a joke. If you notice that you yourself are already on the verge, take a walk and gather your thoughts together.

A few steps ahead
Listen to your intuition, watch the reaction to actions and words. Judge by the situation and you will see progress. Do not use template methods, tears do not flow according to schedule. Be two steps ahead of a friend/relative, be always ready.

Man is a purely individual person. What works with one will fail with another. Empathy, constant attention, care - that's what really matters!

Everyone needs a solid shoulder of relatives during an illness. There are a number of recommendations developed specifically for this purpose.

1. Show love and make it clear that you value the person.
2. Prove that the disease did not affect your plans in any way, even if this is not true. It is important to show all the love and care, to make the patient feel needed.
3. Make plans to implement together after discharge. Arrange to go to the movies or visit your favorite bar, work out several options for spending time together.
4. For those who are not seriously ill, buy an interesting present in a comic form, hinting at a speedy recovery.
5. If you are colleagues, repeat more often about boring workdays without your buddy. Share funny stories that happened during your absence.
6. Come to the hospital as often as possible. Share news, contact the patient for advice / help, ask for an opinion.
7. Bring backgammon, checkers or poker to the clinic, borrow a friend. Everyone knows how boring bed rest can be. Have fun together and play pranks on each other if the ailment is not serious.
8. Create a normal room from the ward (as far as possible). Bring personal items from home, place a vase of flowers, or set up the kitchen table with a tablecloth and normal cutlery. If there are no contraindications, order your favorite food, as it is a source of good mood. Who doesn't love delicious food?
9. Download some movies to your laptop or purchase an e-book to brighten up the patient's gray days when he is alone.
10. The above methods are mostly effective for people with mild illnesses, but how to support someone who is seriously ill?

Be there every day, put aside all your affairs and make it clear that now only the health of your loved one is important to you. Buy nice little things, make gifts with your own hands and reveal secrets. Ask for advice, cheer up and do not let the patient lose heart. If he wants to talk about an illness, keep the conversation going and be gentle.

Your loved ones need you in times of despair, grief and emotional distress. Rely solely on intuition, act according to the situation and show indulgence. Look for the right words of support, provide comprehensive assistance, use effective methods of distraction. Show all the love and care you can, be around as often as you can. You know your loved ones well, help them and goodness will return a hundredfold!

Video: words of support in difficult times

Words of support are not just sympathy, thanks to them you express your participation in the problems, troubles and grief of another person. Of course, there are no standard blank phrases that will be correct in a certain situation, suitable for a man or a woman, a grandmother or a young man. It is very important that the words come from the heart, are permeated with your feelings, but you should not forget about some human factors either.

For example, be prepared that a person who is alarmed by something may not react to your words in the usual way, be more quick-tempered, not compromise, etc. In addition, words that will calm a woman’s nervous system may not be correctly perceived by a man and vice versa. Therefore, it is necessary to observe not only tolerance, correctness and subordination, but also take into account the peculiarities of this situation.

Your soulmate should always feel your support, because you are a support for her in a difficult situation, a vest in grief and a person with whom they share happiness. Be sure to say again about your feelings, repeat that there are two of you, and it is easier to overcome any difficulties together.

Be sure to express your feelings:

• "It hurts me to see you upset"
• "I'm just as worried as you are."

This wording brings you closer, makes the conversation more frank and creates a trusting atmosphere. And if you can’t find the right words or you see that words are superfluous now, just stay close. Sometimes no words can replace the presence of a loved one.

Words to a man in difficult times

Men react much more sharply to life's troubles, believing that they are responsible for everything, because they have been taught this way since childhood. But in fact, there are situations when the man’s fault is not in what happened, but he still reproaches himself. In this case, you need to be as gentle as possible, not persistently and not aggressively (after all, we remember that upset people are prone to unexpected reactions to any of our words), to convince the man that you do not need to blame yourself.

Suitable phrases:

• "Your fault in this case is not,"
• “This is a combination of circumstances independent of you,” etc.

It is important to help a man stop self-flagellation and start looking for a solution to the problem.

Never express your sympathy through the adjectives "poor", "unfortunate", do not say that you are so sorry for him. On the contrary, you need to encourage him with phrases about how strong he is in spirit, that his vital energy is enough to cope with more difficult tasks. If you say that a man is very smart and will find a way out of this situation, then his ambitions simply will not let him sit in one place with a sad expression on his face. To confirm your words, the man will begin to act.

Woman - support in your own words

A woman, on the contrary, must first be reassured, perhaps later you won’t have to look for solutions to problems, everything can go away with hysteria. Finding words of support is very important in such a situation. For example, if the reason for a bad mood is a break with a man, then compliment her on her attractive appearance, say that she is a good housewife and is still quite young.

Well, if the situation allows you to be distracted and do other things, walking, entertainment, cooking new dishes - all this can distract a woman from sad thoughts.

Girl - words in difficult times

Young girls in stressful situations can make extremely rash acts. Therefore, it is important not only to calm them down and distract them from the problem, but also to isolate them from important matters and tasks as much as possible. Try to dip the young lady in a sea of ​​positive emotions, avoid the standard phrases: “Everything will be fine”, “Everything will pass”, “I sympathize”, etc. They will only aggravate the situation.

Be sure to try to talk to the girl about how she feels, help release all her negative emotions, and then set her up in a positive way or help find a way out of a difficult problem for her.

A friend in a difficult situation

To whom, if not the best friend, will a girl turn in a difficult situation? Of course, initially you need to listen to your girlfriend, especially if you see that a person wants to speak out. The presentation of the problem relieves the soul and helps to look at the problem from the outside. Words of consolation, advice - what the girl obviously wants to hear in response, so do not hesitate to express your constructive thought, just remember that in this situation you need to present your position gently and not persistently.

SMS to a person in difficult times

If you suddenly found out about the problem of a close person you just know, and there is no way to be near him, then you can always send a short message with words of support. No need for long epithets about your sympathy.

Sometimes just texting is enough:

• “I know what happened. You can always count on my help."

These two sentences are rather short, but their meaning will be clear immediately. Don't expect an immediate response, it may take a certain amount of time for a person to decide to ask you for support or just talk about their problem. But when your loved one knows that you are ready to share the burden of the situation with him, immediately the world will seem a little rosier to him.

Words of support in prose

Even if you send a message with words of support on a social network or by phone, let them be better in prose. So, you express your words sincerely and in an accessible way. Otherwise, the recipient may get the impression that instead of a call or a personal visit, you searched for a rhyme on the Internet, and then simply copied it and sent it. This will spoil the impression of even the most sincere empathy.

Be close to a loved one during his joy and share the burden of trouble with him. After all, together you are stronger! And find for him exactly those words that convey your true feelings.

Acknowledge whatever he feels without trying to change it. Just let him experience what he is experiencing and stay with him. If it's hard for him, then it's hard. It hurts - it hurts. Don't discount what he's going through by making sense of it from the outside, comparing it to others or himself, or trying to change it. Just be close to what is. Carefully respond to his request for support and the required form. The metaphor is: "you decide to stay - I'll stay by your side, you decide to leave - I'll drive the car."

It seems to me that the words are very true from a psychological point of view. And yes - the most important thing is not to depreciate, because. most friends/relatives, etc. reassure with something like "Come on, everyone goes through this", Or "n days have passed, it's time to pull yourself together", etc.

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What is the support? Attention. :-)) All you have to do is pay attention to the person. Try to feel intuitively. If a person does not want to talk about something, then it is better to switch the conversation to another topic. Let the person know that if something happens, then you are nearby and he can rely on you / count on you. You can just write it like this.

Depends on the current situation. I always tell a person only the truth, I never promise him that everything will be fine.
If a person is strong in spirit, then tell him so. What is happening now only hardens him, and it will be easier in the future. You just need to pull yourself together, survive what happened, get sick, and then take a deep breath and get back on your feet with renewed vigor. Say that life is huge, abstract, bright, and she herself will show the way, lead away from trouble. Not now, later. Right now, this very moment must be experienced. Remember that a person is given as many trials as he can overcome.

As soon as you tell a person "Everything will be fine", you let him know that now everything is bad with him. By saying "You will overcome this," you place on him the obligation to overcome and the fear of not being overcome. Saying "There are others who are even worse" you generally plunge him into a complete logical stupor: because it is not clear how you can compare different problems of different people.

In short, any verbal support only confuses and makes it worse. This is especially noticeable in connection with serious problems, such as the loss of loved ones, because difficult emotions in such situations make it impossible to perceive words.

Therefore, the only effective way is presence: voice, warmth of the hand, emotional contact. And if the conversation, then on abstract topics. At a distance, of course, this is more difficult to implement, but a sincere and interested call or e-mail will always come in handy.

An internally strong person will never demonstrate his weakness to everyone around him, he is unlikely to "limp" in front of you, unless you are really close. However, his face and behavior will clearly show the burden of sadness that he put on his shoulders, no matter how much he wanted to hide it. Therefore, in such cases, I personally need only one thing: to feel that there is a person nearby who mentally (!!!) shares it with you. Just mentally. I can't stand this imaginary sympathy when they say: "Hey, everything will be fine!" or "Share with me, take the weight off your shoulders." Never insist that a person tell you everything, if he wants it - he will do it. And so it's more like a desire to "cash in" on someone else's misfortune: either get a chance to show how attentive you are, or just find a great reason for gossip.

The most valuable thing is when a person comes up to you at a difficult moment, takes your hand and starts talking about all sorts of nonsense, just to distract you from all sorts of bad thoughts. And in the end it works. Perhaps now, having felt that you support him, the person himself will tell you his story. Never lie to him at such moments. Do not try to prove to him that he will find a new hamster and calm down, or that he will soon forget everything. Better plunge with him into wonderful memories of what tricks this hamster did, and tell me what is the same - alas! - no longer. The main thing is really, as mentioned below, always be on his side. And then your support will be very helpful.

There are several types of people who discuss their problems with you. The former tell you about their problems and expect some advice from you, perhaps even a solution. The second just needs to speak out, they do not wait for decisions, they just need someone to listen to them and, most likely, regret it. This classification is not necessarily correct, I tell on the example of my own friends, because among them there are bright representatives of both of these categories.

So what to do? Determine which category your friend belongs to.

If you are looking for solutions, then everything is clear. Try to enter into a position, imagine how you would act in the place of a friend in this situation. Why not, because if you are close friends, your opinion matters a lot.

If the person is looking for sympathy, just listen. Say that you are sorry that this happened and that his problem is really significant (even if it is not so for you). In no case do not say that this is all nonsense and about starving children in Africa, and that it could be worse. All that is required of you at such a moment is support. We are all different, we look at different situations in our own way, and what is a trifle for one is a disaster for another.