Many articles, magazines, books on psychology have been written on how to raise self-esteem and self-confidence. But still, many novice entrepreneurs (and not only) are concerned about this issue. Therefore, at the request of our website readers, we decided to write this detailed article about self-esteem without water and in fact. So let's go!

The old misconceptions that in order to be happy you need to:

• believe and obey your parents;
• dance around the fire and worship the gods;
• build communism;
• and so on and in the same spirit (underline as appropriate).

With the development of psychological science, only one thing becomes obvious - only man himself can make himself happy except, of course, for force majeure.

So, from this article you will learn:

1. What is self-esteem and what functions does it have, etc.;
2. How to love yourself and increase your self-esteem - advice from psychologists and experts;
3. How to become self-confident and satisfied with your life;
4. Reasons for low self-esteem, tests, videos, etc.

The article tells how to increase self-esteem, what ways to raise it exist, why people have low self-esteem, etc.

The correctness of self-assessment is a rather complicated thing. This is the one ship's waterline on the high seas, which should not nor rise above, nor go below. Before embarking on a long voyage, it is necessary to understand that nothing will come of it without adequate self-esteem. How does this happen?

The human subconscious builds itself based on many factors. from the first minutes of life.

In order to understand the mechanism of self-esteem formation, it is necessary to understand that:

• one is never alone- he is a herd animal and must be in society (sociopaths are a deviation, a disease);
• every word and deed of others in relation to the individual automatically influences it, forcing one way or another to evaluate oneself;
• for the most part people and builds an opinion about himself, perceiving himself "through the eyes of others", not having the opportunity and desire to analyze their actions on their own and give them a final assessment.

As a result, it turns out that self-esteem – this is combined information about all self-assessments of your personality or on the basis of another opinion, which forms your idea of ​​\u200b\u200btheir qualities and shortcomings.

This can also be stated in another way: self-esteem – this is the definition of one's place in the ranking of all people in the world, which is based on one's own and imposed priorities. It looks different for every person.

For example, a blonde who has not read the primer in her life may have high self-esteem, since her society tells her only positive information about her personality, her virtues coincide with those that are in use among her environment and she looks like from her society demands it. That is, it is surrounded on all sides positive and a small share negative she just doesn't notice/ignores.

On the other hand maybe yesterday's student engineer, who graduated from the university with an average, got a job and, out of fright, already made a couple of minor mistakes, which were treated quite loyally.

It will seem to him that, compared with more experienced colleagues, he is a nonentity, he will never succeed. Here, mom also says that he is a mediocre son, because he forgot to take out the trash in the morning, dad assures that instead of higher education, he just had to go to the mine, because there “normal money is paid, and you don’t need to think with a stupid head.” To all this is added the standard appearance and the dream of the girls from the TV.

All this a typical example of low self-esteem that is shaped by the environment. The young man himself has nothing to do with it - rather, he simply moves with the flow that forms his environment.

Without changing anything in his life, he is unlikely to achieve anything in it.

If you do not pull yourself together, he will face such problems:

• failures at work due to constant nervous tension and self-flagellation from the series “I won’t succeed, others will do it better”;
• lack of career growth due to fear of responsibility, thoughts similar to “I can’t do it, it’s not for me, I’m not capable of it”;
• constant fear of losing a job, a feeling of fatigue, depression, possibly alcoholism, the desire to escape reality into an illusory comfortable world;
• the impossibility of adequate relationships with girls, since stiffness and complexes will manifest themselves here too, there will be thoughts from the series “she is too beautiful, I don’t earn so much, I’m ugly, I don’t deserve her.”

This is not a complete list of those trouble and life problems that are born from poor self-esteem, the inability to work with it.

At an older age, it may be problems with raising children, communicating with them. There may also be significant troubles with self-realization, the desire to open your own business and all in the same spirit.

The young man mentioned is just an example, everyone has a reason to think badly about themselves - no one is perfect. It is important to adequately assess your personality as a whole and build connections with the outside world from this.

It must also be understood that it is not only money and career.

A person with low self-esteem cannot initially be happy for the following reasons:

• constant fear;
• persistent nervous tension;
• periodic depression;
• aggravated stress when exposed to adverse factors;
• impossibility of self-realization;
• constant stiffness, up to physical movements;
• lack of self-righteousness;
• compliance with the outside world, weakness of character;
• inability to start something new;
• closed, shy speech;
• constant self-digging.

All these are signs that you do not have happy future, because no one will come and change your life by magic.

In order to look confidently into the future, you need to work on yourself and not be afraid to change. Without this, everything will remain in place, and dreams will turn into collapse.

Basic functions of self-assessment

Exists three main functions that make adequate self-assessment so necessary:

• Protective - solid self-esteem will allow you to be confident in what you think and do, it ensures the stability of your opinion about yourself, and therefore an even emotional background, less exposure to stress;
• Regulatory - helps to make the most correct and timely choice regarding your personality;
• Developing - the correct assessment of one's personality gives a strong impetus to its development.

The situation is considered ideal when a person absolutely independently evaluates his qualities and capabilities and adequately understands what he is good at and what he is bad at. From this he plans his life - what he will do, what he will study, and so on. Of course, such impossible .

From early childhood to late old age, everything around is trying to influence us, our self-esteem. At the very beginning, we are characterized parents, after peers and friends, then add to this teachers and professors, colleagues, bosses and so on.

As a result, we do not even evaluate ourselves, but compare the opinion of others about ourselves with the ideals imposed by society. Where can we get to adequate self-esteem, some of the information received does not apply to reality at all!

But only by correctly evaluating your abilities, you can understand in which direction you need to develop and what you are like in general.

In this situation, bad any deviation. An inflated opinion of yourself will lead to many painful mistakes in life, although it is more rare. Much more common low self-esteem which destroys people's lives, does not allow to open up, to show the maximum of their capabilities. The neglected form of this problem leads to an inferiority complex, and hence the destruction of the personality.

Essentially, this one of the main reasons that a person cannot earn money. Not confident in himself, he rushes from corner to corner, afraid to take a step that is risky in his opinion or the thoughts of those around him, eventually despairs and continues to live from one meager salary to another.

Moreover, in such cases, one cannot open one’s own business, because the qualities necessary for this are: activity, readiness to risk and accept decisions are taken from true, adequate self-esteem.

Lack of self-confidence takes the energy of the individual, fetters his actions, which leads to a terrible state when a person is only able to think or dream about action, and not resolutely take up the realization of his desires.

2. How to love yourself and what will happen if this is not done 💋

love yourself does not mean become narcissistic. In fact, it has to do with self-esteem. Only the person who is able to evaluate himself, highlight all his advantages and disadvantages, can really honestly and fairly treat his personality.

How to learn to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman and a man

So, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem?

Having low self-esteem, you will only see everything negative in yourself, which of course will not lead to anything good.

Justified self-love based on your virtues and constant work above the shortcomings there is a guarantee that others will treat you well.

It's really hard to love someone who do not appreciate and does not respect myself. It's more of a pity than anything else. Being competitive in business or choosing a spouse or many other things is only possible if you have high self-esteem and right attitude towards yourself . repressed and downtrodden personality cannot be realized in the modern world.

It is a big mistake to constantly look for flaws in yourself. The more you do this, the more difficult it will be for you to make any, even the most insignificant decision.

self-criticism- this is excellent, but it must be harmoniously balanced with praise, forgiveness and respect for one's own personality.

Our psyche has enough specific defense mechanisms against pain, discomfort and various threats. Our consciousness is only the visible part of a huge iceberg, which hides the subconscious. It is also not homogeneous and consists of various personalities "coexisting in one body." Each of them affects the consciousness, the body constantly expressing its desires and needs.

Suppressing the natural desire to be happy, developing an inferiority complex, you make it possible to crawl out the most dark corners of your psyche.

This can lead to various psychological deviations of varying severity. A calm person will be doomed to eternal depression(read the article - ""), and in a sensitive nature, signs of schizophrenia, various manias and other extremely serious diseases. Of course, these are very rare cases, but the risk exists.

3. How to determine that you have low self-esteem?

Here is a list of signs by which you can determine whether a person has low self-esteem:

• a large amount of criticism addressed to you, both on the case and out of the blue;
• dissatisfaction with any of their actions and results;
• too strong a reaction to extraneous criticism;
• a painful reaction to an opinion expressed about oneself, even a positive one;
• fear of doing something wrong;
• indecisiveness required for a long time for reflection before doing anything;
• unhealthy jealousy;
• strong envy, especially when others have achieved something;
• an obsessive desire to please, literally creep in front of others;
• hatred of one's environment, unreasonable anger at others;
• constant excuses;
• the desire to protect yourself from everything in the world;
• enduring pessimism;
• lots of negativity all over the place.

Low self-esteem makes a person suffer much more from failure. Any problem is temporary, especially if you start solving it in time.

If a person is insecure, then she will aggravate the trouble until she becomes insoluble, eventually drop his hands and leave everything on gravity that will bring problems in all areas of life.

Such an approach on an ongoing basis will aggravate self-esteem, make you feel worthless, as a result hate yourself.

Society is very sensitive to this, and as soon as your negative attitude towards yourself becomes noticeable, others will begin to treat you worse. The further, the more that eventually ends in alienation and reclusion, a deeply unhappy existence, lack of money and personal life, psycho-emotional disorders.

There is an absolute pattern: respect yourself and others will respect you .

Success factors are self-confidence and high self-esteem

4. Inflated self-esteem and self-confidence 👍 are the most important success factors

Self love- this is not a flaw, not arrogance, and so on. It is worth distinguishing between narcissism and a healthy respect for one's personality.

The most important - Reconcile your opinion with reality. If you are really good at carving wood, love yourself for it, be proud of it, even brag about it.

If you have just started doing this - appreciate yourself for striving for something new, desire to do something. In each action, one can find positive parties and negative . Love yourself for the first and adequately treat the second.

Only in this case, the people who surround you will see your positive aspects, start you value and respect. If everything is the other way around, and you look for more and more flaws in your work, others will do the same. And believe me, they will find them.

The more you will confident the more people will reach out to you. And those who have a level of self-esteem higher than yours, and those who have it lower. They will want to communicate closer, start cooperation, just talk with an interesting, confident person who is not afraid and does not hesitate to tell what he sees fit or to do what he thinks is right.

The strength of the spirit attracts everyone- from small to large, which will make you not only popular, but also more satisfied with your life.

Signs of good, high self-esteem:

• the physical body is not a burdensome ugly shell, but a given from nature;
• self-confidence, their actions and words;
• mistakes are not obstacles on the way, but a way to learn more;
• criticism is useful information that does not affect self-esteem;
• compliments are pleasant and do not cause strong emotions;
• speak calmly with all people, do not feel awkward when communicating with strangers;
• each opinion expressed is valuable, but does not fundamentally affect the opinion of the person himself;
• take care of the condition of the body;
• worry about their emotional balance, correct it if necessary;
• constantly harmonious development, without jumps and unrealistic tasks;
• they finish what they started, achieve success in this and are not afraid of it.

Believe in yourself, respect your own self- this is the basis for achieving any goal, including the fundamental one - be happy. This will help you grow above yourself today, forget about those troubles and disgusting feelings that you experienced at the bottom of your own self-esteem.

In the territory of the former Soviet Union, many members of the older generation have big problems with self-esteem. At that time, it was extremely unpopular, since the general good was the leading one, and not the happiness of everyone. Next generation 90s also did not receive enough adequate positive information about themselves from the world due to the difficult situation in the country, lack of money, dangerous criminal situation.

At this time, it's time to forget about it and think about own well-being. In order to change your self-esteem, you need to work on your personality.

This will be the very qualitative change in life that you have dreamed of so much.

The main reasons for low self-esteem

5. Low self-esteem - 5 main causes of self-doubt 📑

The mouse race, in which a person participates from birth, forces him to form a certain opinion about himself. As a result, by the beginning of a conscious life, we often get unhappy and sad a young man who perfectly understands that ahead of him and his complexes there is a lot of trouble and the need to work. Why is it so?

Reason #1. A family

If you ask yourself where a person gets their opinion of themselves, the first correct answer is family. We receive most of our psychological attitudes at a very young age. This is due to the fact that during physiological development, emotional formation also occurs.

In other words, while we are growing up, our parents and environment are laying down the brick-by-brick foundation of our future personality.

It is logical to assume that the opinion created in childhood about ourselves will remain with us for many years, and maybe for life. It is good if parents understand this and are responsible for what they say to the child and how they do it. However, this does not always happen.

For example, according to parents, a child from kindergarten constantly makes mistakes. The progress of parental humiliation looks like this:

• Built a beautiful house from the designer? And who will clean it up?
• Did you beat the guys from the neighboring yard in the game of snowballs? Yes, you’re all wet, you’ll get sick, but we don’t have any money anyway!
• Got an 5 in Physical Education? Where's the math, stupid?
• What do you mean you like this girl? Her father is a gardener, and this is not prestigious!

So, day after day, parents impose on the child that he cannot do anything right. The kid stops believing that he is able to do something with his hands, have fun, choose a partner, company, and so on.

Against this background, self-love cannot arise in any way, who can respect and appreciate such an awkward creature? Then, about twenty years later, parents are surprised to discover that their child is a loser, has not achieved anything in life, is lonely and sad and blames him for this ... himself, because they put so much effort into him, and he, ungrateful... and all in the same vein.

What should a person do in this situation? Of course, work on yourself, increase self-esteem and strive for happiness. Everything is possible, the main thing is to want.

Parents should remember that criticism is a dangerous tool of education that can lead to painful consequences. It is worth knowing that you are raising a separate person who must be confident in his decisions and actions, have his own opinion, be able to make decisions, and not limply follow you as an extension of your body and mind.

The best situation for a baby is kind and affectionate mother who always calm and happy. The father, on the other hand, must be demanding, have serious authority and, most importantly, treat the child fairly at any age.

It is also worth paying attention to every baby in the family, even if there are a lot of them. So-called " little brother syndrome", when the younger is reproached for the success of the elder - worse What can you think of to build a healthy self-esteem.

Because family for a child- the center of the universe, you should carefully consider his ego. If you feel that your self-esteem is falling, raise it.

It doesn't take much to do this - just give him fair praise a few times a day and he'll go to bed happier. Encourage him to do what he does best and gently point out flaws rather than criticize. So the self-esteem of the child will inevitably rise and ensure his stability in life and a happy future.

Reason number 2. Failure at an early age

From early childhood on our way there are failures. This is inevitable for every person, because we live in a far from ideal world. An adult with a stable psyche is usually quite calm about failures, can overcome them and extract useful information from them, but this is not always the case with children.

At a very early age, even if you don’t remember the failure, it is possible that it is in the depths of your subconscious and whispers all the time: “ do nothing, it won't work anyway, I'm always behind you". This must be fought.

Over time, if you work on your personality, these memories will come up, they will be very painful and unpleasant, but having analyzed them in detail and realizing that your mistake is completely insignificant and should not affect you in any way later, you will get rid of a significant burden on your heart.

Starting from the time you remember well all your troubles, it is much easier to work with this. Rummaging through the mind, you are sure to find a couple dozens moments that have haunted you since high school. Refusal of a roommate, teacher's bad expression, father's rude comment, failure in competition, double in physics are all examples of a heavy load that lowers your self-esteem and takes away positive energy for eternal torment over long-experienced problems.

All this from youth forms the consciousness of a loser who simply cannot achieve something in life, and this is a lie - after all, everyone is capable of it.

Reason number 3. Life passivity

The formation of personality begins in childhood and in the early stages does not require any effort from us. However, the older we get, the more this situation changes.

To 15 years old our personality will not move forward an inch if we do not try for it. That is, over time, more and more willpower will be required from each person in order to at least remain at the original level, for development it will be necessary to do more and more.

If from childhood a child is depressed, not used to working on himself and developing, in adulthood he will relate to the so-called gray mass.

This substance in society is characterized by the fact that its unit:

• does not want to develop;
• constantly putting off important things for later (procrastinates). About that, read in one of our articles;
• does not dream of more;
• does not take personal responsibility for himself or his family;
• accustomed to poverty/small prosperity;
• does not take care of himself, his appearance;
• believes that everything new is terrible and superfluous in his life;
• does not know how to be satisfied or dissatisfied - emotions are absolutely inert.

There is a famous physicist saying that a person without willpower is just a vertical puddle. The gray mass consists of such individuals. This is not an example of poor self-esteem, but of its complete absence.

No aspirations, no wishes, eternal lack of money and lack of any bright impressions that can dispel the gray reality.

This is a rather sad sight that destroys thousands of lives, including those children who grow up in such families. Raise self-esteem in such a case it is vital for women and men.

If this is not done, a happy, bright, full of emotions life will pass by, leaving fragments of poverty and an eternally depressive mood.

Reason number 4. Environment

We are all surrounded by a large number of people. Some of them are successful, others not so much, and others do not want to be so. If you decide to take everything from life, to make yourself a happy, self-confident person, you should acquire the appropriate environment.

Signs of an unhealthy society:

• constant groundless philosophizing, verbiage;
• criticism of everything in the world, from the government to neighbors, especially groundless or meaningless;
• inertia and lack of initiative, for example, if you cannot persuade your friends to go to a concert or a movie;
• constant gossip, condemnation of others behind their backs;
• planning to get rich quick without any action or effort;
• a large amount of alcohol, cigarettes and other bad habits.

The lack of desire to develop, work and generally try in life is quite contagious. In such a company, you feel no worse than anyone, but it relaxes, requires a lot of time and emotions, pulls you to the bottom. it energy vampirism which is difficult, even impossible, to fight. If you can, leave such a company or environment completely, if not, just minimize communication.

The best society for those who strive to develop is people who have already achieved. Don't know how to meet them? Try going to places you haven't been before. Usually this libraries, book the shops, theaters, thematic establishments, seminars, trainings and so on.

Reason number 5. Appearance problems

A strong factor, especially in adolescence, is appearance. If she has some defects, then even with the right approach of relatives to education, low self-esteem can be formed on the basis of the opinions of peers, teachers, and so on.

The most common example in this case is excess weight. Offensive nicknames, the lack of attention of girls / boys, the contemptuous attitude of some adults - all this naturally affects the personality of the child.

If this manifested itself in adulthood, then the person will demonstrate his resentment not so clearly, but the pain will not decrease from this.

In order to change this, you can try to fix the defect. For example, if this is a diet, then the whole family should sit on it so that the child does not feel disadvantaged. If change is not possible, the child needs to be helped to come to terms with this situation and develop in a different direction.

There are many charismatic and attractive fat men in the world and thin people who are absolutely not interesting to anyone.

7 Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem and Become Self-Confident

6. How to increase self-esteem and confidence - 7 ways 📚

Having figured out what self-esteem is, why it is needed and what affects it on its formation, you can proceed to how to work with it, namely how to raise it.

It’s not enough just to realize that you don’t evaluate yourself correctly, you also need to be able to change the situation. Below are some interesting and effective ways to increase self-esteem and confidence.

Method number 1. Environment

The society you move in defines who you are. It is important for everyone not to be the last. In a company where no one has achieved anything, you feel comfortable because everyone is just like you.

Now imagine that you find yourself in a social circle where one bought a new car yesterday, the second opened a new branch of his store, the third recently graduated from university. At the same time, you hardly graduated from technical school, and can't get a job anywhere.

What will your feelings be? Certainly unpleasant. In addition, you will receive a powerful, powerful impetus to development, a desire to do something significant for your life and career. At first you will feel awkward, but over time you will realize that you are changing for the better with this company.

In addition, you will get rid of the eternally depressing social circle that pulls you to the bottom and ridicules all your timid undertakings.

A strong and successful person will never, laughs at those who are just trying their hand. On the contrary, he will help and prompt, even support, if necessary.

Look for the right social circle that will make you work on yourself.

Method number 2. Literature, trainings, films

Having dealt with the environment, proceed to decisive steps, namely, take up reading books on working on yourself, increasing self-esteem. This list will help you:

• Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
• Sharon Wegshida-Kroes “How much are you worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself”;
• "The Charm of the Feminine" by Helen Andelin;
• Louise Hay Heal Your Life.

Next stage - attending seminars and practices . People who want to change and coaches who are able to give it to them gather here. Thus, you change the environment and get the desired information. This is an effective way that allows you to kill two birds with one stone.

Method number 3. The comfort zone is actually the enemy

No matter how strange it may sound, but for now you comfortable and calmly in the world in which you exist is very bad for your personality. The established rules of life will make you ossify and freeze at one place. Only by doing something new can you develop.

In fact, it only seems to you that you already have all the best. There, outside your invisible cage, lives and rages wonderful and amusing a world that is filled not with difficulties and troubles, but with incredible adventures, new stories and acquaintances.

As soon as you throw your fears into the furnace, it will open up to you, instill a sense of self-confidence and show many of the brightest events that you could not even think about.

What do you need to do to leave your "comfort zone"? Analyze where your time is going. How many hours a week do you watch TV, how much do you drink, how much do you play games, and so on. Reduce this time by three hours in seven days and devote them to something new. For what you've always wanted: sculpt from clay, sew a new dress, plant a flower, go to the circus / cinema / theater. The more active the better. Over time, a bright life will suck you in, and you will forget about the mediocre chatty box and other garbage items.

Method number 4. Down with self-criticism!

If you stop eating yourself alive superfluous self-criticism , you can immediately complete three extremely important tasks, which in other ways will take you a lot of time and effort.

Firstly, you will get a lot of free energy. All those forces that you spent on self-criticism and the search for reasons for it can be directed to actions that are more pleasant and useful. For example, reading exciting books with a relaxing plot or writing poetry, knitting, planting flowers, and so on.

Secondly, you will begin to perceive yourself as a holistic person who has his own personality. Yes, you do not look like Vasya, Einstein or Alain Delon. And it is not necessary! Be yourself, and do not participate in the eternal, someone else's competition in which someone has already taken first place.

Thirdly, you will begin to notice in yourself not only the negative, but also the positive aspects. Everyone has something good, something that he knows how to do. Discover it, isolate and educate, improve, nurture, without wasting time and effort. This is the best investment in yourself!

Whatever painful mistakes you encounter, don't let yourself grieve over them for more than an hour. After suffering a little, force yourself to be happy again, and take failure as an experience.

Method number 5. Physical exercise

So unloved by many, physical activity greatly affects our emotional state. To boost self-esteem, buying a gym membership can do more than a lot of training.

This happens because:

• during sports, a wonderful hormone dopamine is released in a person, which excites our brain and gives a pleasant encouragement, in common parlance it is also called the hormone of joy;
• you bring your body, and hence your appearance, into perfect order, so that over time you can be proud of it and respect yourself for the work done;
• even the classes themselves are important without results, because in the process of performing each exercise you overcome laziness, complexes and other troubles;
• improving well-being gives and develops confidence in yourself and your actions, in every step - it is easier for you to move and feel, it is easier to persuade yourself to start doing something.

This is a great way to improve the quality of life for people with a sedentary lifestyle and the same work. All day, after spending in a stuffy office, it is worth unwinding, but not going to drink beer in a bar. It's more likely to have a detrimental effect on you, and sport on the contrary, it will update and make it more cheerful.

A heavy-lifting person, with a heavy and unattractive body, cannot feel good in the company of slender and healthy people. This is fertile ground for the development of complexes, lowering self-esteem and other troubles.

Among other things, sports will help to start New acquaintances with purposeful people who can teach and show by your own example, that any changes are possible, which also has a beneficial effect on your psyche.

Method number 6. Subconscious programming

You can also influence your consciousness with the help of another, no less interesting and effective tool - programming. In psychology, this is called affirmations. Consider your computer. You give it a command, it processes it and takes the requested action. It's the same with our subconscious, only a little more complicated. You can't just say, "make me happy and confident."

The code, the command is memorized or recorded on the recorder. It should sound like a solid, realized fact. For example, "I am confident", " girls like me», « I can have what I want without much effort» and all in the same spirit. There should not be many such phrases, they should be repeated in the playlist or just to yourself for about two minutes.

These affirmations and they will be the very installation in the subconscious, the command for the computer, which will convince your subconscious of what you need. Do you want to be confident- please convince the hidden parts of your brain of this and it will independently remake the entire conscious part so that you become completely independent and can easily make decisions.

There is one rule here - you need to do this regularly, even after you feel the changes. Continue until you are surprised to find that the affirmations you are listening to are already a fact.

Remember that these words should have an extremely positive effect on your personality, not form ambiguities and not be in doubt. What you convince yourself of should have only benefits, without negative effects, because it will not be easy to “persuade” the subconscious mind back.

Method number 7. Remember your victories

Never neglect what has already been done. This is important for your consciousness, and for the subconscious and for a good mood. There is always something to praise yourself for, and if this is not enough, you will begin to subconsciously strive to do something good for the sake of it. Even if you praise yourself.

To operate this mechanism, start a notebook of victories. In it you need to write down everything that you consider a good deed, a useful action, and so on. Any little things or minor victories - all this is very important for your self-esteem, a sense of being needed in the world.

It might look like this, for example:

• had breakfast on time;
• took the linen from the laundry;
• bought some roses for his beloved wife;
• pleased his daughter with a game of tag;
• earned an award for a well-written report;
• went to the gym three times a week;
• lost 300 grams.

As you can see, achievements can be anything as long as they brought joy to someone or moral satisfaction to you. In a few months, you can collect an impressive collection that will warm your soul on cold evenings.

Write it down in your personal notebook and in difficult times when you cannot find strength in yourself do some difficult task or go up to an extracurricular meeting at work, reread a few pages of the diary.

Your mood is guaranteed to rise, you will remember how many positive emotions your efforts brought to you and your loved ones, and this is a powerful impetus to defeat all the troubles in the world.

The use of these ways to increase self-esteem requires regularity and mindfulness. Carefully monitor your state and thoughts, try to highlight the most successful of them, watch how you change.

This will help you get to know yourself better, learn to communicate with your inner self, and control your life.

Coaching to develop and increase self-confidence - by overcoming public opinion

7. Self-confidence training - overcoming the opinions of society 📝

The society that surrounds us, as we have already understood, seriously affects our self-esteem. If you attach too much importance to it, then it is quite capable of destroying the personality.

Of course, criticism is important. Our loved ones point out our mistakes to us, show us the moments in which, in their opinion, we did wrong and this is good. It is called healthy relationships .

However, let it completely define your personality poorly. Each person must independently decide what is good in his life and what is not, and how in the end he will act in a given situation.

Don't worry about what others will say about you first. First, decide what you think about it, and try to perceive the rest of the information as a background, secondarily.

Try to make sure that the opinion of society depends on yours, and not vice versa. There are several interesting exercises for this.

A little circus. This is just a physical exercise that will require serious psychological strength from you. Look in the closet for something ridiculous - an old long tie, funny pants, anything that seems funny to you. Now put it on and boldly head out into the street. Go shopping, go to the movies and so on. It's not worth doing this at work.- may be misunderstood, otherwise - complete expanse. However, do not overdo it, first take less provocative things and eventually put on something more fun so as not to immediately injure your psyche.

This exercise works like this. Your subconscious retains a lot of complexes that are associated with its appearance. The more you go out of your comfort zone, that is, dress inappropriately, the more your subconscious mind will independently destroy established complexes and make your consciousness, and therefore life, freer.

More public. This exercise is simple. The more you speak in public, the more honed this skill will become. Speaking in front of a large number of people requires composure, high-quality preparation, and an effort of will.

This will help you learn to concentrate and complete the task quickly, while being responsible for the result. In addition, it will elevate you in the eyes of your superiors, and will recommend you well among a large audience.

Do these two exercises and be firm in your opinion.

8. How to find yourself and learn how to manage your self-esteem 📋

Much has been said about self-esteem. It may be difficult for you to immediately perceive and implement the entire situation.

For this there is 5 golden rules to print out and hang on the fridge. Constantly reminding and reading them will do the job for you. On a subconscious level, your brain will perceive them as instructions for action and will facilitate the period of transformation into a successful person.

• No need to compare yourself and others!
• No need to beat yourself up for mistakes!
• Surround yourself with positivity!
• Learn to love what you do!
• Prefer action over passivity!

Everyone unique and worthy happiness. It is imperative to unleash your unlimited potential in order to get everything out of life.

This requires constant work on yourself and a mandatory increase in self-esteem. But the results will not be long in coming, which will benefit both you and your environment.

9. Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today 📄

The first practical task on the way to increase self-esteem is to determine its level. To do this, there is a very simple self-esteem test of a dozen questions.

It is very easy to pass it - read each item and answer " Yes" or " No" . Every time you answer " Yes"Remember.

1. Do you sharply criticize yourself when you make a mistake?
2. Gossip is one of your favorite activities?
3. You do not have clear guidelines?
4. Are you not physically active?
5. Do you often worry about the little things?
6. In an unfamiliar society, do you prefer not to be noticed?
7. Does criticism make you feel stressed?
8. Envy and criticism of others often happens?
9. The opposite sex remains a mystery, scares you?
10. Can an inadvertently thrown word offend you?

Now you need to remember how many "Yes" you said. If less three Your self-esteem is at a normal level. If more three- you need work on it.

10. Conclusion + related video

With a sincere desire to change and change your life, you can achieve a lot. Raising, normalizing self-esteem, this is one of the first, fairly simple steps, which ultimately allows you to achieve success, happiness and of money.

Do not spare your strength, do not take care of yourself until better times. Develop now, get invaluable experience and build your future on a new level!

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Women with low self-esteem suffer from insecurity, are afraid of criticism and do not know how to accept compliments. The usual role of the victim does not allow you to perceive life in all colors and boldly look into the future. Learn not to be manipulated.

As you know, self-esteem is how a person evaluates himself, his personal qualities and capabilities in comparison with other people, what place he assigns to himself in society. Self-esteem is not inherited - it is formed at preschool age under the influence of the people closest to the child - the parents. It is on them that it primarily depends on whether the baby will have adequate self-esteem, overestimated or underestimated. And how his future life will turn out, how successful it will be, whether he will be able to set goals and achieve them, or whether he will constantly doubt his abilities and come to terms with the stigma of a loser - it all depends on the level of his self-esteem.

It is not easy to live next to people who have high self-esteem, because they are convinced that they are always right, do not see their own shortcomings and do not admit their mistakes. They believe that they have the right to control others, strive to be the center of attention and show aggression if someone disagrees with them. “You are the best,” they were told as children. “You are a queen!” Dad repeated to a familiar girl. He believed that, feeling like a queen, she would make everyone around her believe in it. But for some reason, those around her did not want to play the role of her subjects, and there were fewer and fewer people who wanted to be friends with her.

Life is not easy for those whose. For some reason they can understand, the parents humiliate the child, showing their power over him, break him, making him obedient, and eventually turn him into an infantile, weak-willed creature, on which all and sundry wipe their feet.

“The horror of what you have done, you can’t be entrusted with anything!”, “You only spoil everything - it’s better to leave”, “Look at Anya, she’s a girl like a girl, and you are disheveled and slovenly”, “Now you will get me, such an infection !" - criticism, threats, comparison with other children, unwillingness to take into account the opinion of the child and see him as a person, talking with him in an orderly tone reduces his self-esteem and self-esteem. His own life attitudes have not yet been formed, and he considers parental beliefs to be an indisputable truth. Psychologists call this direct suggestion, and children at an early age are very suggestible.

If mom and dad call a child a fool and a nonentity, then this is how he will perceive himself. As the proverb says: "Tell a man a hundred times that he is a pig, and on the hundred and first he grunts." Others will perceive it the same way.

Another test for a child's self-esteem is adolescence. At this time, he is very vulnerable and painfully perceives criticism. If you repeat to him that nothing good will come of him and that he has only one road - to prison or to the panel, then you should not be surprised that this will happen.

In the end, people with low self-esteem justify all those nicknames and epithets that they were awarded in childhood. They really become losers, losers, outsiders. They lose, sometimes without even joining the game, because they are indecisive and do not believe in themselves. “I am not worthy,” they explain their loss.

Women with low self-esteem - which men choose them?

Women with low self-esteem, just like men with the same character, do not achieve significant success in life, because they "know their place." However, psychologists have noticed that they, in addition, attract men of a certain type - domineering, authoritarian and selfish. It is beneficial for them to have such a woman at their side, because she is not demanding and it is easy for her to manage. It is easy to convince her that her main task is to create comfortable conditions for her husband, to raise children, and she has no right to demand more than he can give her.

A woman with low self-esteem is also convenient in that she does not need to be jealous - she is grateful to her husband for marrying her, and does not look at anyone else. And even if she looks, she believes that she herself does not deserve the attention of men. The husband, on the other hand, can relax, because if he were married to a woman with adequate or high self-esteem, he would have to strain to match. And so much is forgiven him - both pettiness, and rudeness, and slovenliness, because a woman believes that she does not deserve better.

A woman with low self-esteem is treated not only by her husband, but also by those around her. Knowing that she cannot refuse, they sometimes sit on her head, hanging their problems on her and shifting their responsibilities onto her. Moreover, women with low self-esteem are often perfectionists who strive to do everything in the best possible way.

It is especially easy for them, instilling in them a sense of guilt. In an effort to make amends for this really non-existent guilt, they try even harder to please in order to earn praise.

What are they - women with low self-esteem?

Many women do not realize that all their depressions and failures are associated with low self-esteem. They think: this is how life turned out, the unfavorable circumstances that prevented them from becoming happy, successful and loved are to blame. “You can’t escape fate!”, they resign themselves instead of working on personal settings with which you can change your attitude towards yourself - love yourself. Are we not worthy of this love? “I am alone at home,” says psychologist Ekaterina Mikhailova, who wrote a book under the same title. If we want to be understood, appreciated and loved by others, we must learn to understand, appreciate and love ourselves.

Do these women remind us of anyone? They are:

1. Reliable

But not because they are compassionate and feel satisfaction from fulfilling other people's requests. On the contrary, they scold themselves for not being able to refuse, get angry and annoyed. But they can’t say “no”: suddenly the one who asks will be offended or think badly about them, and someone else’s opinion is very important for them, and it must certainly be positive;

2. Painfully tolerate criticism

Women with adequate self-esteem also adequately perceive criticism: they accept it or not, without falling into hysterics. If you say that she is wrong, a woman with low self-esteem, for her it will be almost a tragedy. Resentment, tears and indignation will follow, because she perceives criticism as an insult and humiliation, hints at her inferiority. After all, as you know, people with low self-esteem want everyone to like and be good for everyone;

3. Overly critical of their appearance

They do not tolerate criticism from others, but they themselves are never satisfied with themselves and their appearance, therefore they strive not to stand out, to be in the shadows. They don't like their figure, face, body, hair - nothing. At the same time, they often engage in public self-criticism, apparently subconsciously expecting that others will begin to dissuade them, assure them of the opposite and make compliments;

4. They don't know how to accept compliments.

They love them, but they don't know how to accept them. It is possible that in response to praise that she looks great today, a woman with low self-esteem will fuss and say something like: “Yes, I washed my hair today” or “Oh, this is an old dress, so you can’t see what I am in it became a cow";

5. Feel like a victim

Their vulnerable psyche reacts painfully to every sideways glance and crooked word. They exaggerate their importance in the lives of other people, it seems to them that others only think about how to offend them. They often feel sorry for themselves, repeating in case of failure: “Well, not with my happiness”;

6. Give up on their own desires

They have their own dreams and desires, but they are driven somewhere so deep that they no longer remind of themselves. And all because women with low self-esteem live on other people's desires. Waiting for the weekend to take a walk with her husband in the park? But he said: "We're going to the dacha to clean the garden, weed the garden." Tired and want to take a break? “What a vacation! Look, my old mother is working, and you will unwind?!”. “Tomorrow my friends will come to visit. Do not want? Can't be. Run to the kitchen, to the stove!

They do not know how to refuse, because it means disappointing others, not justifying their hopes, which women with low self-esteem cannot allow;

7. Not able to make choices and take responsibility

Too often they say the words: "I can't," "I can't do it," "I have no right to decide." It is not surprising that making a decision for them is an incredible burden, because you can make a mistake and earn disapproval, get a negative assessment. Therefore, they hesitate for a long time and, if possible, shift this task to others: “What do you advise? I will do as you say";

8. Dissatisfied with their surroundings

They often complain to colleagues and girlfriends that their husband suppresses them, their mother-in-law finds fault, and their relatives do not appreciate them. At home, they cry that the boss does not take into account their point of view, and the employees offend. Psychologists say that subconsciously, women with low self-esteem themselves attract people who do not put them in anything, and thus they are further affirmed in the opinion that they are worthless losers.

We increase our self-esteem

Women who are tired of being a puppet and an object of manipulation, who want to live their own lives and not depend on the opinions of others, can correct their character. It's easy - you just need to want to change.

1. Minimize or stop interacting with people around whom self-esteem decreases

We doubt, constantly seek advice, show insecurity, show how someone’s remark hurts us, make excuses all the time and easily take the blame - and in the end we become our own whipping boy, an eternal scapegoat that no one takes seriously and which is not taken into account. People easily figure out someone who can be treated condescendingly, haughtily, and begin to manipulate him.

To a greater extent, we ourselves are to blame for the current situation: they say that they treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

But if we are no longer satisfied with this state of affairs, we must "show our teeth" - of course, not with the help of tantrums. We control our reactions, not giving a reason to consider us a spineless mumbler.

Changing the attitude of those who are already accustomed to our “toothlessness” is more difficult than starting to build relationships from scratch, but it is possible. However, if others stubbornly continue to assert themselves at our expense, then we do not need such communication. We will spend time with those with whom we become better and gain confidence in our abilities.

2. Love yourself

There is a lot of talk and writing about the need to love yourself now. Loving yourself does not mean giving a damn about the rest and rushing about with yourself, your beloved, as with a hand-written sack. This means understanding yourself, learning to live in harmony with yourself and with the world, respecting yourself and not engaging in self-flagellation and self-blame.

Louise Hay, a well-known American psychologist and author of several books on psychological self-help, suggests going to the mirror in the morning and, looking at your reflection, say: “I love you. What can I do for you today to make you joyful and happy? At first, some internal protest will interfere with this phrase, but soon it will sound natural and free.

As the same Louise Hay writes, “I am not trying to fix the problem. I am correcting my thoughts. And then the problem fixes itself."

3. We set ourselves positive attitudes

We do this with the help of visualizations. The above phrase by Louise Hay about loving yourself is one of the possible affirmations. Some complain that affirmations don't work for them. “I repeat the same thing ten times a day, but nothing changes,” they say.

Louise Hay compares affirmations to a grain or a seed - it is not enough to plant it, it needs to be watered, it needs to be looked after. Having planted, for example, a tomato, we do not expect that we will get fruits tomorrow, do we? The same can be said about affirmations and visualizations - they stimulate us and keep us on track, but for them to work, we must take real steps.

4. Meditate

For example: we relax, close our eyes and mentally transport ourselves to some wonderful place where we once were and where we felt good. We will feel it very clearly - sounds, smells. Then imagine a wizard-wanderer who tells us: “My dear, you are beautiful and unique. You have the right to your opinion, you can not know something or be wrong. You can judge for yourself what is good and what is bad, and take responsibility when you wish. You have the right to decide what and when you do. You have the right to be who you are! You came to this world, to this planet for your own sake!”

The wizard smiles at us and says goodbye to us, and we take a breath, open our eyes and return to reality.

5. We do not save on ourselves

Remarque wrote that "A woman who saves on herself arouses in a man the only desire - to save on her."

Nothing raises a woman's self-esteem like the confidence that she is good and desirable. (Obviously, this is why some men are satisfied with an unpretentious and undemanding wife, next to whom you can not strain yourself, without fear that she will leave or be taken away.)

A gym, a swimming pool, a beauty salon, a SPA-salon, etc. - this is not only external beauty, but also health, and above all mental health.

By applying at least some of the tips and getting even a slight increase in your self-confidence and self-esteem, you will significantly make your life easier, increase your income, improve your well-being and the quality of your life in general! You can actually achieve this quite quickly and easily.

Why is it important? Or what is self-confidence?

Your success in life = Your Professionalism/Skills , multiplied by Self-confidence and self-esteem. Which means that you cannot compensate with new knowledge and professionalism for a lack of confidence and self-esteem. If you want to live better and earn more, develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Have you noticed that there are not very smart, but successful people, self-confident, perhaps arrogant, boorish, rod forward like an innocent bulldozer and, oddly enough, “for some reason”, achieve what they want?

And vice versa, there are very smart, kind people, perhaps with 2-3 higher educations, but unsuccessful, because they are insecure and with low self-esteem? And no matter what they do, somehow everything does not work out very well, it falls out of hand. It's not about professional knowledge, besides them you still need courage, pressure, determination.

This is what it means to have or lack self-confidence and good self-esteem. You cannot compensate for them by getting another university degree or an MBA, reading another hundred books.

I know excellent, kind, beautiful people, with 3 higher educations, living in cities, who can hardly earn their own food, because they have a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Having even a small grain of self-confidence, you will be able to “move mountains” of cases. And it's really easy to implement, develop in yourself.

Tip 1: Insecurity and low self-esteem - no need to be ashamed.

We live in a very difficult time and go through several structural crises at once. We were not prepared in school for such difficult times and rapid changes. Therefore, economic crises are called depressions.

They hurt the self-esteem and self-confidence of almost all people. Even businessmen can't stand it. Stress, chronic fatigue and burnout are the main diseases that lead to heart disease, cancer and even death.

Shame - pushes the problem out of consciousness. In other words, what you are ashamed of - you try not to notice, not to talk about it and not pay attention to it. The problem will remain, only you will not notice it and will not know what you are suffering from. For example, I spent 10 years to understand what was the matter - I was ashamed. During this time, you could become dozens of times more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem. And forget about it.

Living with low self-esteem creates a risk to health and life in modern conditions. Therefore, it is vital to figure out how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Fear, shame and laziness have big eyes. Everything is much simpler than it seems, the road will be mastered by the walking one, and luck is a reward for courage.

Tip 2: Perfectionism or learn to live with self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Even many celebrities - admit that they consider themselves not very confident people. That doesn't stop them from being successful. There is no limit to perfection. There is no limit to self-confidence. The theme is natural for everyone - it's just that everyone has their own level.

Some lack the confidence and self-esteem to find a decent job. Others, in order to raise their business to a new level, earn another million, implement a grandiose project.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem will always bother you a little - this is normal. We are all living people. As soon as you reach your current goal, you will want more and again you will lack self-esteem and self-confidence for a new goal.

Learn not to give a damn about insecurities and learn to keep moving forward in a state of low self-esteem! Ideal conditions do not exist, and they are not needed. You will go through the next step and you won’t even notice how confidence and self-esteem have pulled themselves up.

Tip 3: Why most training doesn't work? The psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem are very deep subconscious a habit that you developed and, alas, consolidated for decades. And then, through negative experience and stress, they literally “concreted” in subconscious. We are controlled by the subconscious and habits - you need to change them first of all.

The work on changes must be carried out at two levels - at the conscious and subconscious levels. On a conscious level, for example, with the help of self-hypnosis, a quick effect is obtained, but short, and one has to constantly do self-hypnosis exercises or others. Only on a subconscious level can you develop deep changes and fix the result forever.

Most of the trainings that I have seen do not work on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence on subconscious level. Coaches just don't know how to work with the subconscious mind. Well, or they are too lazy to bother. And the practice is somehow more like self-hypnosis - self-esteem "bursts" like a soap bubble from the first difficulty.

It's much easier to create a short-term boost of confidence in one day - to quickly get great video reviews. The student will leave happy, but after 2 days, confidence and self-esteem fall below the plinth. The trainer does not care about this anymore - the feedback has been received and will be used to sell the course to other similar people.

Attempts to contact the coach again may end with a hint “that you are a fool”, “do more exercises”, pay again. This may be repeated several times. The student, having wasted money, remains in the cold and continues to soar over the same situations, but with ineffective exercises.

Tip 4: What should be the training? Secrets of the psychology of confidence and self-esteem.

A training that truly teaches how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence and leads to long-term and profound changes:

1. It lasts from 1 month to form the habit of thinking in a new way, the skills to stop doubting and being afraid.
2. It contains meditation exercises to form changes and consolidate the skill of “stop being afraid”, doubt at the level of consciousness and subconsciousness.
3. It has exercises that let go of previous negative experiences and doubts that concrete self-esteem below the plinth.
4. Improves life for literally a month, and even increase the income of the participant.
5. Tips and exercises should be simple. So that even the most insecure get the result, stupidly doing the exercises. The number of exercises performed turn into quality - the skills of inner confidence and strong self-esteem are formed.
6. Should not take a lot of time and a lot of effort. They simply do not exist in modern man. Approximately 1 hour a day no more.
7. "Shell" of tension- released? (“Shell” of tension - constantly tense muscles on the body on the lower back, shoulders, neck, hips, face - everyone has it, but not everyone feels it) If not, then this is not personal growth training, but nonsense, with a loss time and money. The effect will be short-term - a few days or weeks, a maximum of a month.

1. Qualitatively form new behavioral skills at the subconscious level - through simple exercises.

Exercise 1: You as an asset. How to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem based on previous experience.

The title suggests the solution. People with low self-esteem and self-doubt do not value themselves, their experience, their knowledge, their past achievements, their skills. They say -

“Well, it happened by chance, I was just lucky”, “oh yes, this is nonsense.” Just remember that accidents are not accidental.

If you yourself do not appreciate yourself and your achievements, who else will appreciate you? First you learn to appreciate yourself, and then others around you will catch up.

Get a notebook that will be your "diary of success." There is something magical about keeping your diary - just by keeping a diary, you can achieve sustainable personal growth, develop the skill of analyzing situations, changing yourself, and forming the desired character traits.

Remember your past experience and life stages: work, youth, studying at a university, school in different classes.

What successes, successes, victories, awards, achievements, skills, positive personal qualities did you have? What obstacles did you overcome to get them? Write it all down with your progress in your diary.

• What did you do well?
• What did you do on your own, “did your hands do it yourself”?
• What could you do for free?
• What activities do you lose track of time?
• What got you excited?
• Why did your eyes burn in childhood or youth, and your heart began to beat in pleasant excitement?

Write down everything you remember in your notebook. Consciousness is able to displace (forget) insignificant events. And such events are clearly underestimated in you. You will need several attempts to remember everything and do not require yourself to remember everything now. Just do this exercise for a few days. When you remember something, write it down.

Exercise - Daily experience.

People tend to pay more attention to negative events and forget, belittle their dignity. It is recommended that every day, mentally go through the events of the day, remember what you did today. Remember your small daily victories that you did not notice during the day, good luck, new opportunities, qualities.

Do the exercise for several weeks or even months until you have a stable habit, a new habit of noticing and appreciating any of your small achievements, noticing even small opportunities.

You will be surprised how effective this will be for you. It is from such “small” achievements that strong self-confidence is formed, stable high self-esteem and a successful life are developed.

Exercise 2: Subconscious changes or how to gain self-confidence and raise self-esteem from deep within.

Do you have grievances, doubts? For example, I considered myself not a touchy person. But everything turned out to be exactly the opposite. I was very touchy and actually took offense even at the smallest matter. Gradually, the understanding came that this was not normal and that it was only me. Gradually began to let go of resentment.

Remember the movie "Gentlemen of Fortune"? One of the main characters was constantly offended by the other: "I tell him - I have the flu, and he: - Get into the water, get into the water!" Because of this resentment, he forgot that he was forced to climb into the water to hide that very golden helmet. Which they could not remember where they hid and find, the whole movie.

It's the same in life because of resentment, we concentrate on the bad, and lose sight of the opportunities. And over time, it hurts self-esteem.

First, I wrote down in my diary all the grievances that bothered me at the moment, and what I could remember. There were 10-30 grievances. Then he released everything on the list. Then he wrote it down again and again, and let go until he let go of everything. Now a strong skill has been formed and I need exactly a couple of seconds to let go of resentment.

How much easier it became to live and communicate with other people.

The times when I was offended - I remember with horror. Letting go of resentment is an indescribable relief. Take a diary, write down 10-30+ grievances, start letting them go from the easiest to the most difficult. With each resentment released, you can gain a drop of self-confidence and slightly raise self-esteem.

“Only the weak can be offended.

Is it possible to offend a strong, confident person with strong self-esteem? It turns out that any offense initially positions you in weakness, vulnerability, in touch. Letting go of resentment means regaining your strength, self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence that you can handle it. How nice it is to be strong from the inside and gain self-confidence and well-deserved self-esteem.

- All grievances are such trifles - complete nonsense.

Stop acting like a sissy - you are much stronger than you seem. Life can give you a beating and kicks, so what? Is it worth it to be offended on every occasion? A kick in the ass means a step forward. A kick is not as terrible as our consciousness paints it. Discomfort from some situations is greatly exaggerated by our consciousness.

And do not waste precious energy on them - offended. Start letting go of resentment, and you will see how you will become much stronger than yourself. Let go of resentment for yourself, not for someone else. You need it first. Others do not care about your grievances - they carry water on the offended. Do the exercise, get rid of resentment and “they will stop carrying water” on your back.

You will gain your strength, become self-confident with strong self-esteem.

Exercise 3: Mistakes in life or how to be self-confident, increase self-esteem and love yourself despite past experiences.

Folk wisdom says:

• no bad without good
• not flour, but science in advance
• there would be no happiness, but misfortune helped.

The list of such proverbs could go on and on. The world is so arranged that everything is known in comparison. Achievements and victories are therefore valuable, because losses can be painful. Only good things would be like butter, cloyingly sweet.

Again, we are not taught and prepared for a real and tough life. Yes, it is a beautiful world - but it is full of dangers. Society is the same jungle with the struggle for survival, only tougher. And all life is a struggle: with sleep, with your weaknesses, with challenges, and with anything else ...

If you succeeded in something, then you received some benefit or reward. If you made a mistake and made a mistake, then you have learned a life lesson. If you want to achieve a lot in life, you need to increase the number of mistakes. Without mistakes, you cannot be successful.

Exercise: Write down the mistakes that bother you.

What lesson did you learn from this mistake? Yes, it may have been painful - accept the lesson and let go of resentment, at the situation, at yourself or others for what happened. This is a stage in life that you need to go through. Take the lesson and move on.

Everyone is wrong. But not everyone gets hung up on mistakes. Rejecting the painful "lesson" - you will attract similar situations to yourself again and again. By accepting the lesson, you return your strength, self-esteem, self-confidence that you can achieve what you want and reach a new level. By accepting the situation, you recognize that you are stronger than you thought about yourself. The way it is.

All your mistakes - dust, nonsense raised to a power - are not worth even one of your gray hairs. This is a fly turned into an elephant due to resentment. Let go and move on to new heights. This is exactly how strength, strong life skills are acquired, this is how self-confidence and iron self-esteem are forged and tempered.

Exercise 4: The roles you play. How to become a confident person and increase self-esteem.

We all play some role. For example, I played a role for a long time, a pretty guy, a shirt-guy, a cheerful perky guy. Still - it's so liked by others. Others play roles - I don't care, I don't need anything, I'm the most important, I'm cool / cool. All these roles are not yours and are imposed in the process of socialization.

Externally, they can manifest themselves in the choice of clothing, gait, gestures, facial expressions, and behavior.

Naturally, the role interferes with being yourself. By itself - to show their strength. For example, playing the role of a good guy, I could not say "no" - I'm a good guy - I was used accordingly. Playing some roles creates the illusion, security, that everything is in order.

In fact, playing a role creates a rejection of a part of yourself, naturally this leads to an underestimation of self-esteem and self-confidence. Embarrassment and embarrassment from oneself. Renouncing the role - you return yourself to yourself, find yourself, your strength, self-confidence. You allow yourself to claim what you really want in the depths of your soul!

Look into your past. What roles have you played or are you currently playing? Why do you think you are playing this role? What are you running from hiding in this role? What do you give up in yourself playing this role? What are you afraid of and hiding behind this role? Write down how you should behave in such situations in order to be yourself?

Write it down in your diary. Get yourself in the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you wrote down in your notebook. And you will become more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem at the deepest subconscious level.

Exercise 5: How to become self-confident, love yourself and increase self-esteem?

In general, there are no special differences for men or for women how to become confident in themselves, love themselves and increase self-esteem. There are male troubles, patterns of behavior, roles, weaknesses, prejudices of expectation or suppression of oneself. And there are women. Therefore, in this section we will talk about gender patterns of behavior.

Letting go of men's troubles as a way to build self-esteem and self-confidence.

For example, I had a pattern of behavior - unwillingness to cook, clean the apartment - this is not a man's business, but I'm a man! As a result, often trying to cook something, I unconsciously did something wrong, either the food burned out, or something else. It was a kind of unconscious protest that I lived alone. How would he complicate his life in order to “kick” himself for living alone.

Doing cleaning - I was very annoyed, angry with myself - this is not a man's business. Trying to jump out of your pants to make yourself a "real man". Well, and other male troubles that really interfere with life. After letting them go, for example, I realized that I really like to cook and I'm great at it.

And having accepted the fact that cleaning the apartment is a matter for both men and women, the perception has changed - I began to see in women precisely femininity, and not the cleaner of the apartment. By the way, women began to feel more comfortable next to me. And now we do the cleaning together, quickly, dividing duties and helping each other.

Letting go of women's troubles - the psychology of real femininity.

Naturally, these gender troubles interfere with life, interfere with being yourself. Similarly, there are female troubles. For example, for many women, femininity and weakness are synonymous. And in an attempt to "strengthen" their femininity, some women make themselves not just weak, but infirm.

I saw one like that - she could hardly carry a folder with documents, and at the same time she was very angry that she had to endure such a horror-horror weight of 1 kg so feminine. Well, how can a weak woman be confident or have strong self-esteem? Yes, no way. Best the enemy of the good. No one is forcing you to carry heavy things, just don't make yourself weak.

Another example of a female template is to live for others: for children, for a husband, for someone else. Which means the very suppression of oneself, the sacrifice of oneself in the name of "good" goals.

Such people are unpleasant and cause rejection, hostility. Get rid of this "tuning". Think - what female / male roles do you play? What gender pattern do you have. Why are you actually playing this role or trouble? What are you protesting against? Or what are you trying to prove? Did playing this role help you?

Discard this template - it is probably already very outdated and has become ineffective. What new behavior would be more adequate for you in the current conditions? Write it down in a diary and set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way and will no longer sweat because of these troubles.

Exercise 6: Unfinished business. Performance. Imitation of violent activity.

Unfinished business drains you of strength, health and reduces your productivity. It is impossible to deceive yourself or your subconscious - the subconscious or some inner part of yourself always knows who you really are.

If you are trying to get some new contract, customer or job, but at the same time you have a lot of unfinished business behind you, then your subconscious mind will slow you down. As if hinting - well, where do you need a new business, if you have not finished the old one yet? You won't make it. And it will start to fill you with doubts.

Unfinished situations keep you in the past and do not let you live. Incomplete relationships - interfere with personal life and are not allowed to create new relationships. Not letting go of unnecessary people from you - you do not let the right people into your life. All this lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of something or someone.

I remember I could not let go of some situation and addressed this to my teacher. He listened and asked - do I know how monkeys are caught in India? They eat there. I answered no. Hindus tie a glass jar and put a banana inside. The monkey sees a banana and sticks his hand, but the hand does not pass with the banana through the neck of the jar.

The monkey is unable to open his fist and release the banana, so he loses his life. My teacher looked at me and added - Let go of the "banana", don't be a monkey. Let go of the situation - do not waste your health and strength on it.

Do the exercise as quickly as possible: write down in your diary what unfinished business, relationships, situations do you have? Think about how you could finish them in order to free yourself? Write down your new steps in order to complete the situations. Start taking action immediately. Release those who need to be released.

You are doing this for yourself first of all, and not for someone else. Set yourself up for the future, that you will finish situations, projects, work. Stick to this new rule. Remember - you have no limits, except those. What you have created for yourself. You are the person who is holding you back the most.

Exercise 7: How self-doubt and low self-esteem affect health.

People with low self-esteem and self-doubt tend to relate to themselves, to their lives. Health is disdainful, disregard. Low self-esteem and self-doubt create a state of apathy. They discourage the desire to do something for themselves. Includes self-ignoring.

Even some revenge is possible. For example, one of my acquaintances, in moments of hopelessness, could drink, and then get behind the wheel and drive around the city “dizzy”. Well, this is her form of self-blame, self-punishment of herself for the fact that something in life does not work out. There are other forms which I will not describe.

Remember that you need to take care of your health. Neglecting your health is tantamount to neglecting yourself. If you don't value yourself, who will value you? And at the same time, appreciating yourself and your health is almost the same thing. Be sure to take care of your health - do regular exercises - it's not difficult.

In a healthy body healthy mind. A healthy mind means healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. Take care of your health and do not wait for better times - start taking care of yourself today and every day.

Exercise 8: Letting go of self-pity or how to become self-confident, love yourself and raise self-esteem.

There is such a pattern in behavior - poor baby, self-pity. Oh, the pain of self-pity. When you feel sorry for yourself, some muscles on your head tense up and cause incredible pain! Self-pity literally blocks your progress, ramming your self-confidence and self-esteem into the dirt.

Self-pity is very stressful to those around you. It's incredibly difficult to communicate with them. Therefore, people subconsciously avoid those who feel sorry for themselves, they subconsciously want to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Run away further. Surprisingly, people do not like to be miserable, but often fall into self-pity, they want to be pitied.

Which means they'll look pathetic, though logically few people can relate that. Get rid of this relic, hard times. With the help of pity, the maximum that you get is a handout in the form of a “crust of bread”. If you really want to succeed, you can't do it with handouts. Success must be taken by force, firmness, character.

By letting go of self-pity, you regain your strength, restore and strengthen your self-confidence, increase your self-esteem.

Write down in your notebook why you feel sorry for yourself? And start to paint why do you really feel sorry for yourself? Let go of pity until a strong skill is formed. Over time, you will be able to let go of pity in a few seconds. And there will be a habit to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Exercise 9: Look fear in the eye or the psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

All people have fears and are afraid of something. Again, everyone has their own level. We need fear to survive - it is a harbinger of danger. But when emotions are added to fear, then "the fly turns into an elephant." People say fear has big eyes. Because rational in your fear is no more than 1-3 percent.

And everything else that you are afraid of is dust, nothing. The other 97% of your fear is an exaggeration. Fear binds and hinders action. What can be self-esteem if there are fears? Fear is deposited on the body - a thick layer of tension. Letting go of fear releases tension in the body.

Castaneda (the most quoted mystic of the 20th century) argued that fear is our first enemy to be conquered. But if you lose to fear, then the loss will be for life. I met a girl who lost the battle to her fear. Those. she could not let go of some fear at the right moment.

Her fear turned into paranoia. She was afraid of everything. Most of her fears were contrived by her fertile imagination. For example, she was afraid to stand with her feet on a chair 30-40 cm high. How can you let go of fear? Look deep into fear. Figure out what you're really afraid of. Write it down in detail in your diary.

Imagine what would happen if something happened that you are afraid of? Is it really as terrible as the fear makes it out to be? Do you really not survive this? Keep looking "in the face" of fear and try to understand, to feel what you are really afraid of. Write down all your thoughts.

Before my final battle with fear, I tuned in for several hours.

I was shaking with fear, like a perch in the wind. But I gathered my courage, mentally tuned in, prepared to look him in the face - to sort out this fear. Everything turned out to be so banal. It was some kind of utter nonsense, which he himself came up with.

Let go and feel better. As if a great weight had fallen off the shoulders - the muscles of the shoulders and near the neck relaxed. Then I let go of many more fears. How many there were. And how they interfered with life. Has the fear disappeared completely? No, it is still there, just a little, 100 times less than it was.

So much should remain. Fear - as a harbinger of danger, which without fear we will not notice. Does it prevent you from living, acting, reaching new levels? No.

Exercise 10: Letting go of guilt or how to gain self-confidence, increase self-esteem and love yourself.

As Confucius said: The one who imposes on you a sense of guilt wants to command you. Feelings of guilt literally hammer self-esteem and self-confidence into the ground. Trying to gain self-confidence and self-esteem while feeling guilty is like trying to fill a sieve with water.

When you have a feeling of guilt, ropes can be twisted out of you. And the worst thing is that there will always be people who will do it. First, a person is accused of omissions, negligence, mistakes, and half of them are invented, and the rest is exaggerated. And then they allegedly do a favor and forgive, but in fact they plow on free work, obligations, etc.

Feelings of guilt are released, like resentment, only more difficult. Guilt is such a big offense at yourself. I recommend letting go of a few dozen grievances first in order to gain experience before taking on letting go of feelings of guilt. The moment when the feeling of guilt was released - you will not confuse it with anything.

This is the moment of the strongest relief, liberation, as if a heavy burden was removed from the soul. The biggest difficulty in letting go of guilt is that people really believe that they deserve it, that they themselves are to blame and should be punished.

You will be surprised, but you have no reason to feel guilty, even if you made some mistake.

And if you let go of guilt, this does not mean that you will make mistakes more often, it does not mean that you will go into all serious trouble and become without a tower. Rather, the feeling of guilt attracts mistakes and problems like a magnet.

Feel free to get rid of guilt - remember no one owes anything to anyone. Just as you don't owe anything, so do you. If you feel guilty, then you have loaded yourself with something superfluous. This kind of ego, look what a cool anti-hero I am, I was able to ruin the lives of so many people. But deep down, I'm good, so I'm tormenting myself with guilt.

You cannot be held responsible when you feel guilty. Guilt replaces responsibility. You will act extremely irresponsibly, people will be angry with you, offended, but your conscience will torment you. It's not conscience - it's irresponsibility that torments you. Do you want to be responsible? Let go of guilt towards others.

Exercise 11: Self-deceptions and delusions. Self-hypnosis of negativity or who are you really trying to deceive?

I remember how in the very beginning, when I was just starting to work on my self-esteem and self-confidence, my teacher carefully caught me in self-deception. For me it was like a bolt from the blue. "How? Am I fooling myself? It can't be like that."

In the future, of course, many self-deceptions were revealed and released. Each time it brought incredible relief and gave a drop of self-respect and strength. If you think that you are not deceiving yourself, then this is your first self-deception! Nothing human is alien to you. Actually, like any other people.

You don't have to blame yourself for it. We are all like that, to one degree or another. Such are people, and you are the same - also, first of all - a person. Think about situations in which you have deceived yourself. Think about why this happened? Write down in your diary the reasons for self-deception in more detail. Don't be afraid to tell yourself the truth.

Remember or find in the situation the moment when you made the Choice in favor of self-deception. Mentally replay the situation. Imagine that you acted differently - as you should have. And set yourself the mood that next time in a new situation you will act differently - without self-deception.

Your environment pulls you in. If they are higher than you, they will pull you up. If it is lower than you, then they will accordingly be pulled down, and your confidence and self-esteem will fall. You can also choose a circle of like-minded people - those people who strive for more and really work on themselves - you will also grow with such people.

There is a category of people from whom you need to run away - it is impossible to help them. You will not have enough strength, health, or life to help them get out of the pit into which they stubbornly plunge themselves. This is not bad. This does not characterize you as bad. Save yourself and thousands around you will be saved. If you try to save someone around you, you will not save anyone, including yourself.

I am not saying not to help others. You can help if they help themselves. What if they drown themselves? Wouldn't it turn out that the drowning man would drag the rescuer along with him, i.e. You? There are some things life has to explain. And if people harm themselves so much, then only life can make them change their attitude towards themselves in order to start digging out of the hole.

There is nothing shameful in choosing the right social circle for yourself, refusing to communicate with those who drown themselves and drown others. Who will you hang out with...

Exercise 13: A mess in the head leads to low self-esteem and interferes with the development of self-confidence.

There is such a law of nature - what is outside, so is inside. (maybe someday I will describe all the laws of nature in interpersonal relationships in a separate article.) If a person has a mess around, then there is also a mess in his head. Excuse me. Living in a mess is hard. And by the way, putting and maintaining order around you leads to order in your head.

I know people who have a complete mess everywhere: at the desk, garbage in the car, dislike for cleaning the house. And, "oddly enough", in personal relationships, in business relationships, in friendships, with children and even with parents - also a complete mess. Without translucent. It's a pity for children - they can follow in the footsteps of a parent.

Well, I understand that unwritten rules must be broken if you want to achieve something. Serious projects cannot be realized in a perfectly ordered office. Working for the result implies some mess. And I'm not going to dispute it. But only a working mess, as a result of a working or creative process. And not a household mess, as a result of a mess in the head.

I urge you to fight against the domestic mess.

We worked - remove the excess, put things in order as much as possible. Similarly, at home - put things in order in the rooms, in the cabinets where your things are stored, in personal documents, in your car, in the tools of men or in cosmetics for women, in the kitchen among dishes and utensils.

Don't stress if you need help - find and watch a few video tutorials, there are a lot of them now. Buy accessories for this: different hangers, drawers, folders, shelves are now full of them for all occasions - everything you need to restore at least some order.

Start striving for order. It can be difficult at first, then it will be natural. Learn to put the used item back immediately after use. This will take 3 seconds maximum. Take off your clothes - put them in your place straightaway or in a laundry basket. No need to accumulate it on chairs in order to collect everything later.

Put things in order in your apartment, in closets, on your desk, in things. Throw out the junk.

When you use a tool or accessory, put it right away. Used dishes - put immediately in the dishwasher - do not put them in the sink first, because it is faster for a second, so that later you can put everything separately in the dishwasher. By adhering to this rule, you will have order, cleanliness and you will be able to do much more. A lot more.

And I guarantee you that you will respect yourself more, find yourself, become more confident, self-esteem will increase - after you put things in order around you and when you strive for order. You will gain inner strength. Self-respect is the foundation of self-esteem and confidence.

Exercise 14: Comparing yourself to others or how self-doubt and low self-esteem are developed.

Probably one of the most damaging habits for self-esteem and self-confidence is comparing yourself to others. This habit feeds and concretes your self-doubt and low self-esteem. One way or another, everyone has this habit. Some have more, some have less.

If you take a closer look at this habit, you will notice features. Usually the comparison takes place selectively, with those who are more advanced, with those who are more successful, who are at a higher level, and without noticing the shortcomings of the object of comparison. In themselves, on the contrary, flaws are looked out under a microscope when compared.

If the object of comparison is not cool enough, then consciousness quickly finds another, more advanced object for comparison. It turns out a priori without a winning option, lowering self-esteem and self-confidence lower and lower than the plinth. This unconscious self-torture, framed in a "sweet" BDSM habit.

Naturally, such a comparison discourages, demotivates, prevents you from acting, improving your life, and can drive you into hopelessness, depression. To realize and get rid of such a habit - take a diary and for a while observe how you compare yourself with someone.

• How do you choose an object for comparison?
• How do you choose what to compare with what?
• What details do you pay attention to?
• What advantages do you not see?
• What flaws do you see in others?

You need to notice, realize in habit - everything that is described above. After you have painted the details, try to do exactly the opposite: look for your own advantages, and the object of comparison for shortcomings. You'd be surprised how much of both.

Tell yourself honestly - what are you better than, with whom you compare yourself?

I am almost sure that you will find virtues in yourself, qualities that you have underestimated in yourself until now. Keep looking for your virtues and write in your diary. Do this every time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone.

Having done this exercise several times, first in writing, then it will be enough orally - you will begin to notice more advantages in yourself, while others have more shortcomings and, in principle, you will get tired of comparing yourself with someone, this is an empty thing. You will just know that you are okay. You will succeed.

form an internal ban on the use of their strengths, qualities and advantages. Over time, you stop noticing them at all. You need to bring this quality back - to notice what you are superior to others. With practice, your mindset will change and the skill will develop.

You must learn to notice the weaknesses of your competitors.

Your mind and thinking must be sharpened to identify them. And develop this skill to the smallest detail. And somewhere in the background in the subconscious, your powers of observation should constantly work to identify your advantages over others.

I am sure that you have incredibly many advantages, you just do not notice them and forbid yourself to use them. And it has become a deep subconscious habit. Start changing your mindset. Find your strengths and other people's weaknesses. Allow yourself to use it for business, in order to win this competition.

Compare yourself today with yourself yesterday. This is necessary for a guide, so that you can see that you are growing, that you are advancing. Do something every day to be better than yesterday. And with these small steps you will gradually, but ironically increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. You will be surprised how fast you will move forward and up.

Exercise 15: Excessive modesty, shyness, honesty, truthfulness - or how they hide in themselves.

Many people overestimate modesty. Modesty is considered too strongly, as a benefactor, almost in the last instance. But in the current world, it is impossible to succeed with excessive modesty.

I want to warn you right away - I do not call for abandoning modesty in general. There is some benefit to it. But too much modesty is extremely harmful in modern society. I urge to refuse only "excessive modesty". And I really hope that you are smart enough to distinguish between "modesty" and "excessive modesty", because there are huge differences between them.

Excessive modesty, i.e. when there is a lot of modesty - this is nothing more than - suppression of oneself, an internal barrier, self-deception, when a flaw hiding under modesty in the form of low self-esteem and self-doubt is presented as a virtue.

A complete lack of modesty is bad, too much modesty is also bad.

There must be some golden mean, neither more nor less. And so part of the modesty you need to let go. Well, you are your own judge and are free to choose how much modesty to leave, and how much to let go - it depends on the life you want to live.

Recall situations in which you were too modest and missed something. Write them down in a notebook, then analyze each one in detail. Find the line when modesty was too much and it began to harm. Think about how you should behave differently so that you might not be missed?

Write down in a notebook, a new model of behavior. Set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you yourself have chosen.

All of the above applies to shyness, honesty, truthfulness - there should be neither too many nor too few of them. Who speaks a lot of truth is a truth-teller. Who is too honest - holier than the "Pope".

If you tell only the truth for at least 1 day and not lie, then by the evening you can become divorced, unemployed, without friends, beaten with broken bones in intensive care. Yes, I know we are taught to be too honest from the very childhood, and then such “too honest” - they cannot get along with anyone, because of their “too honesty”.

Busting with honesty, shyness, modesty - disguised self-repression, elevated to benefactors, which they are mistakenly proud of. There should be neither too many nor too few. Do an exercise with all the situations when you were too honest and shy - find an acceptable middle ground.

Exercise 16: Criticism - how to benefit and ignore bias?

A wise man was asked:
- Who was your teacher?
It's easier to answer who they were not,
the sage replied.

Everyone needs feedback and it looks like nothing but criticism. On the other hand, criticism can be unpleasant, annoying, painful, demotivating, hurts self-esteem and lowers confidence. Criticism can be helpful or useless, or it can be revealing.

The worst and most offensive criticism is its complete absence., which means that you swim too shallow and you are of no interest to anyone. It’s better to let it be non-constructive, negative, useless - anyway, at least some benefit can be extracted from it.

It follows that any criticism you receive is of HUGE value. As your self-esteem and self-confidence increase, you will be able to take harsher criticism more easily and get more out of it.

The most dangerous criticism is only positive feedback or praise. If you are not criticized negatively, then you are too authoritarian, suppress people or they are afraid of you, so they prefer to keep quiet, away from sin. Only positive feedback means that you are being deceived, possibly robbed, and you are missing something.

Criticism comes in several forms:

• Constructive criticism or feedback.

  Very valuable criticism, when useful - well contributing to the correction of errors. Available to fairly advanced people who respect you. It requires incredible efforts, life experience and wisdom to say exactly on target and without transitions to personalities and emotions. It can often take time to think about a topic and give accurate advice.

If you have found a person who can give you constructive and useful criticism, feedback - hold on to him, hands, feet, teeth, money, gifts. This is the kind of criticism that is worth and must be paid for, because it pays off with interest.

Often, the majority forgets to pay for such criticism, and this is very, very stupid - such people also need to eat something, and even they are not fed for free. If you want more such criticism, which is essentially support - pay!

If the criticism is constructive and useless, biased, it means that you are being discredited by a professional. You may be facing a serious challenge. Which reveals that big interests or money are at stake. You have grown up, you have been noticed, perhaps you are biting off someone else's piece or someone wants to bite off yours.

• emotional criticism.

  With transitions to personality, with some displacement of discontent. The most common criticism Most people have no other way to express their thoughts. You shouldn't be angry with them. Although this is the most offensive, demotivating criticism. Develop detachment.

  And it is certainly difficult to criticize without emotions for everyone - this is not taught at school, this requires a subtle mind, education, and life experience. A person who criticizes like this is touchy, full of discontent, does not quite understand what he wants to say, and he also has little experience, education, and patience.

It may be significant in this criticism that this person does not quite respect you, otherwise he would choose words. Perhaps you do not respect yourself if you allow such an attitude towards yourself.

• Unconstructive criticism.

Over which you need to think, meditate in order to figure out what the critic wants to convey. It can be useful when the critic cannot express his thoughts accurately and does not fully understand what he wants to say.
Often useless: someone wanted to be clever or pursues some other interests - it is difficult to remain silent when no one asks. Learn to completely ignore useless criticism: The dog barks, the caravan moves on.

• Biased criticism, accusations, insults.

  Very revealing situations. When you are subjected to such criticism, you are trivially deceived, discredited or want to use. You are either not there, or have seriously crossed someone's path, you have been noticed and they are trying to eliminate you by dishonest methods. Well, or you stepped on someone's tail hard and painfully.

  Oddly enough, but it can be useful. Perhaps you accidentally hooked someone to the living and the person broke through. It's pretty hard to get anything useful out of this. Rather, such criticism is indicative - in, than it is indicative - you need to figure it out yourself. If there is no benefit, feel free to ignore it 100%, as if it does not exist.

  The presence of such criticism from enemies and serious competitors means a big fat plus for you. And vice versa, the presence of praise from competitors means a big fat minus - you are missing something, making mistakes or doing it wrong.

• Trolls.

  Mostly online. You are envied. Someone takes out their dissatisfaction on you. Perhaps you have gathered the wrong audience, they have nothing to do, they have a lot of time, little money and are too lazy to think - people are having fun, stupid, mischievous.

  This is a telling criticism. Starting from some level of popularity, trolls are a must, otherwise your popularity is a myth. Completely ignore what they say, write. But watch out for the numbers - it's indicative. If there are no trolls, then you are still of little interest to anyone. Change your strategy - start doing more confident actions.

Too much negative and emotional criticism, which a person does not have time to realize and let go, can make a person neurotic by leaps and bounds, drives into apathy, depression. However, we are not taught in school or universities how to benefit from different types of criticism. It's a pity.

In fact, it means that education and upbringing does not teach how to live. This can only be taught by parents if they have such skills or in training. And first of all, it is your task to independently form the skills you need for a successful life. Remember - no one owes you anything, not even your parents.

Good feedback and soft constructive criticism - on the contrary, moves forward by leaps and bounds. Do not spare money for such criticism - pay, you will avoid many mistakes that will cost you ten times more.

There are people who are completely closed from criticism.

And therefore, for years, banging their heads into the same situations in which they periodically find themselves, like kicking on cow cakes. If a person is closed, then he is closed. To criticize such a person is to make an enemy. If you perceive criticism painfully, it seems to you that everyone bothers you - perhaps you are also closed to criticism. Do the exercise and begin to gradually open up.

It is vital for you to be able to be open and take advantage of criticism, and include detachment. Psychological armor "like in a tank", from incorrect criticism - let them beat their heads. Learn to distinguish one criticism from another. To do this, periodically analyze the situations and context of criticism in which you find yourself.

Recall now one situation when you were criticized. It is very revealing why it really hooked you? Do not think about what the person said - think about why it really hooked you, offended you? Very often, during painful criticism, I caught myself thinking that I myself also consider it horror and condemn myself for it.

I don’t change anything, I pretend that everything is in order - that’s why the criticism was so catchy. Think about what mistakes you actually made? What should you do differently to avoid such situations in the future?

For example, I had a conflict with an employee of the rank below.

Formally, I was right - in "everything for a common cause", but only formally. He spoke very badly about me and constantly created problems for me, the work was done terribly, they even almost got into a fight. After meditating on situations, I realized that I was behaving arrogantly, overly demanding, in relation to him.

Having removed my arrogance towards him, the situation “itself” was exhausted in 5 seconds. We began to understand each other from half a word and implemented a large number of cases together, which was almost impossible before. We both forgot about the situation and only after 1.5 years I accidentally remembered that we once had a conflict.

To some extent, every person who criticizes you is your teacher.

Exercise 17: Responsibility = control = result = confidence = self-esteem.

We live in a very, very difficult time. We were not prepared for this. Now several crises have coincided in time: structural economic crisis, cultural, civilizational, demographic, religious, informational and others. It's not that we weren't prepared for this - we were created all these difficulties, one way or another, on purpose or not on purpose - it doesn't matter.

But you are still stronger than external shocks and problems. You have been given a LOT of strength from within to cope with all the difficulties. There are still incredibly many opportunities to succeed even in this time of crisis. Raise your confidence and increase your self-esteem - you will see for yourself.

And it doesn't take much time. And in order for everything to become accessible to you, you need to take responsibility for your life, for the position in which you are.

You need to firmly tell yourself that you are the only one responsible for the troubles and victories that happened to you. Neither victory nor achievement was an accident. Your current position is the result of decisions you made earlier, or inaction, the result of your earlier choices. Only in some cases it led to victories, and in others to mistakes.

If you are not involved in your mistakes, then you are not involved in your victories either.

By accepting your involvement in your mistakes, you thereby unlock your inner strength. If you made a mistake, then it was you who also made the victory, and not someone or something. And this is not an accident. And, therefore, if you could win then, then you can win now and in the future!

Just keep in mind - DO NOT beat yourself up, condemn yourself for mistakes. One must accept oneself, although it can be difficult - otherwise it is not acceptance, but rejection of oneself. Acceptance is when you accepted a mistake, do not condemn yourself for it, you are not ashamed to say to yourself - yes, I made a mistake, I am, first of all, a person.

By accepting responsibility for what is happening to you, you can change. As Karen Horney, a world-famous psychologist, said: External problems are nothing if you are strong from the inside.

Take responsibility for what is happening - start doing these exercises, and your life is guaranteed to begin to improve by leaps and bounds.

Did I do all these exercises myself?

Yes, I have done them dozens of times, each. And I know many such people. And by the way, not only these - I did many times more exercises. I have painted for you only the most necessary and effective. Their lives have changed drastically.

And the period of my life, my youth, which should be the most beautiful part of life, is now remembered as a nightmare - because of all these stupid and petty mistakes. Like a headbutt against a wall. Like a lot of mistakes, a lot of noise, disappointments and few results.

With each exercise performed, life became better and better. I keep doing them - life keeps getting better. And oh, how nice! And I am sure that you can significantly improve your life with the help of these exercises! And is there anything more important than that?

Performing such an exercise means to truly appreciate yourself and your life. It means self-respect, self-care. Getting rid of these petty troubles means loving yourself, finding yourself, returning yourself - squeezing a slave out of yourself drop by drop. The unwillingness to change, to take care of your health is indicative: subconsciously (unconsciously) you do not value yourself and your life.

A person who does not do such exercises is simply deceiving himself. I hope this is clear to you. I hope it is clear to you that a nightmare life and old age awaits you if you leave all these small bad habits?

How to perform these exercises quickly and accelerate your progress? Self-confidence training.

Now it is not enough to practice the right exercises. Life is changing too fast, getting more complicated. People are overloaded with work, household chores, and there is little time left for practice, as well as strength. It is vital to achieve quick results.

1. An environment that motivates change or practice in the company of like-minded people.

“It’s bad for a person when he is alone.
Woe to one, one is not a warrior"
V. Mayakovsky.

Internal changes are easier and faster when you are in the right environment set up for the same changes as you. In such places, a chain reaction occurs when group members help and stimulate each other.

While your current environment will demotivate, discredit what you do. On the other hand, it is very difficult to admit to someone that you are working on self-esteem - only very strong people are able to understand what you mean and appreciate.

95% of people do not learn and do not want to change. I don't know how they will survive in 5-10 years and I think that the most serious problems await them. Look for like-minded people and an environment in which you can open up, and which will pull you towards changes and finding yourself.

One of the possible options for joint practice and work on oneself is my “Inner Circle” - the participants in my self-confidence trainings.

2. Meditations: Engine and fuel to move forward.

Any change needs energy. And where to get it, when all the forces go to work and life? Answer: meditation to accumulate energy. Yes, it is with meditation that the speed of changing oneself increases tenfold and the practice turns into an easy pleasant process.

Thanks to meditation, you can learn to let go of some grievances, feelings of guilt in just a few seconds, according to the principle of remembering and letting go.

Teaching meditation through an article is like learning to swim while sitting in the office. At the initial stage, meditation is practiced with a leader, and then independently.

Having mastered meditation once, you can then use it for the rest of your life. Meditation you can master at the training "Doubling self-confidence in 5 sessions"

3. Intensive start with self-confidence training.

I hope you enjoyed this article and exercises, and you received an exhaustive, understandable, constructive answer to the question: how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence?

• Do you agree that by applying at least half - your self-confidence will increase significantly?
• Do you agree that by practicing these exercises on a regular basis for another year, your self-confidence will increase significantly? Namely, 2 - 3 - 10 or more times?
• Do you agree that by doing at least part of the exercise, your life will improve significantly? Will you be less nervous, tired, make mistakes?

The only thing left is to start doing these exercises and get the result. The bad news is that by postponing it now for later, you will return back to your reality and forget in 1-2 days not only about the exercises described above, but also about the article in general.

You and your life will remain without the changes you desire. Perhaps you will not be able to achieve your goals and dreams - because you did not have enough self-confidence. In order to change something - you need to act!

And the best time to act is now. In six months or a year, you will greatly regret that you did not start doing the exercises today. Follow the link and register for the training.

This training is the best way to start improving your life. Register now and see you at the training!

Change, i.e. Only active actions - doing exercises - can improve your life. Do the exercises regularly - and then the result is guaranteed to come to you, you won't even notice it. Follow the link above, register for the training and start practicing today!

PS2

To be continued. Subscribe to my newsletter. And you will be aware of my new articles, new trainings, free classes.

Raising self-esteem

How to raise self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know how to act?

Hello dear reader! In this article I will give the first recommendations on how to raise self-esteem. In other articles on the site you will find even more information on this topic.

What is self-esteem and how important it is for a person - it’s not worth saying, this is already clear. And what do you need to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent of external factors, in particular, people.

Firstly, a real desire (not just a "wishlist", but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do something worthwhile in life.

It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach, you can make it faster but that doesn't mean fast.

Although there is a quick way. It " miracle", which can happen to you, or which you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then already to form yourself, your views and your self-esteem anew, unless the memory returns to you again.

Honestly, I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. miracle". In addition, self-esteem is not so difficult to change, there are much more difficult things in life, for example, finding and achieving your goal.

How to raise our self-esteem? How to become more confident?

The first thing is important to keep in mind.

Self-esteem may change not only during life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood at the moment. I think many of you noticed behind you - how until recently you felt good and confident, it seemed to you that you can do everything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone said something to you), you were upset, and immediately manifested inner emptiness or even depression.

And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not of an acute (painful) nature, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their opinion.

Many are sure that you can always be on top, you can always be stably confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you can't always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!

We have different periods: moments of decline and recovery, sadness and joy, calm and excitement; only in some it happens less frequently, in others it happens more often and in sharp, sharp jumps.

Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any moment, for example, when your plan didn’t work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances for yourself, this is a reality that makes no sense to resist.

Causes of tension, weakness and a constant drop in self-esteem

When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not feel like that internally, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he drives himself into the framework and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, as he believes, one should strive to maintain his status, and he simply cannot relax.

And if suddenly something doesn’t turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if he, in his opinion, shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then voluntarily or involuntarily gets upset, angry and criticizes himself. This takes a lot of energy, his vitality and immediately reduces self-esteem.

Therefore, for starters, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem, this is normal, just today was not your day. We all have days that we don't want to remember.

And it’s important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), at your best, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you can experience not the best mood and allow yourself to be insecure.

This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.

Fact and awareness of this already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in action.

There is another very important point, similar to what is written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, "hit" or about you, maybe they forgot (ignored), treated you disrespectfully - and you expected something else and for this reason experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem dropped , besides, you might think that it is you who are to blame, you are somehow not like that - do not engage in self-digging and destructive analysis.

The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is so, then you will not achieve anything good, except for pain, by self-digging.

What's happening? Self-esteem has fallen, you are upset and, against the background of this bad mood, you are trying to understand why it happened, what you did or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem due to such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more. Think about it, this happens a lot.

In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is just a seeming impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.

Here you just need to internally completely reconcile with what happened, leave all introspection and boldly move on.

And one of the main reasons why, in principle, you should never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging - this does not reinforce your confidence in any way, but, on the contrary, only aggravates your situation and general condition. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.

As for the experience that is important to draw from situations, this should be done calm cold introspection, without criticizing, scolding yourself and leaving an imprint of your entire past.

Such introspection is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation with a sober look. After all, only with a cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm environment, you can draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.

It's even better to do it on paper. So the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (more clearly) what is important to you and what is just harmful nonsense.

From the whole analysis, only the very essence is taken, that is, a piece of real experience, a short (laconic) conclusion without any anger and criticism in your address, you find and extract a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real introspection and useful, constructive, light criticism.

Many condemn themselves so ruthlessly that there is no way to come to inner peace, confidence and self-love. But is it possible through violence and guilt to come to spiritual harmony? How to raise self-esteem here? Think for yourself.

And yet, I know very well how it pulls, despite all the warnings, to continue introspection and introspection while remaining emotionally shattered, because I want to quickly find a logical solution to calm myself, but very often, this does not give anything good, just keep in mind.

Conclusion:

Never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging;

Do introspection when you are calm and better on paper;

Temporary insecurity and a decline in self-esteem is normal, it happens to everyone, just take it easy.

Self-Esteem and the Influence of People

It is always important to remember that no evaluations of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can cause something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of the water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. Whatever anyone tells you, learn to treat it detachedly, without unnecessary emotions.

If you did or said something wrong and you think that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on it, you have already done it, and there is nothing to return. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks of you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.

Exactly what we ourselves think about yourself, the most important thing , therefore, self-esteem is called self-esteem, and not mom-evaluation, dad-evaluation, colleagues-evaluation, etc., let the rest think what they want, it is their legal right and their problems to think about something there.

By the way, most people themselves are obsessed with what others think of them - how they look, how they are looked at, how they are treated, they think about controlling their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in fact, they do not really care to you, so worry less.

1) Your thoughts and words to yourself

Talk to yourself, your thoughts - your friends, your thoughts should to help you to act, not harm. And I only mean sound thoughts, and not everything that can come to mind.

We cannot believe everything that we consciously and unconsciously think about. Some of our thoughts depend on many circumstances: on mood, general tone and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and are useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.

The way you talk to yourself is very important.

Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself like a friend(do not be afraid, this is a non-excuse :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is first and foremost attitude towards oneself. Treating yourself well no matter what you do, no matter how badly you acted regarding morality and the opinions of others.

What words do you say to yourself? What do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?

If you say to yourself: " I can't do anything", " I can't, I can't", "yes where do I go before", "I won’t go to meet, suddenly she doesn’t like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm somehow not like that"- these thoughts are the way innowhere. You won't achieve anything with them.

The reality is that if you think you can't do it, it's doesn't mean at all that you really won’t succeed, it only says that it may not work out, but it can also work out if you pull yourself together and try hard.

And if it seems to you that they will not understand you, they will not appreciate you, and they will laugh at you, this does not mean at all that it will be so.

Courage and deeds are greatly appreciated by others, even if they are unsuccessful. Intelligent people will see that you are one of those who are able to act!

2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.

Trite, but true, although many do not succeed. Failure happens to everyone. Don't get hung up on a thought like this when you're about to do something: " I may not be able to". If you think like that, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.

Thoughts of failure are blocks that arise in our head as protection against a miss.

But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to respond to such harmful "thought blocks" correctly - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that happens around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).

A simple word or a few words spoken to oneself helps a lot. For example, this unpleasant thought came to me: BUT all of a sudden i can't do anything", answer yourself: " I can, I will do it, and let it be what it is"Next, don't have a pointless conversation that deprives you of confidence. Just do it and see the result.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Only he who pleases everyone or does nothing does not make mistakes. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience in order to correct actions in the future and do something better. We must be afraid not of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of our own (desires).

As they say: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and success cannot be achieved without making mistakes.

3) Never blame yourself. I repeat, it is important to get rid of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.

If you have been constantly blaming yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your subconscious).

And it starts to work as a background, on the machine. You yourself do not notice how suddenly you begin to feel guilty, sometimes doing absolutely nothing wrong.

For example, in your direction could any suspicions arise surrounding, and you about it just thought a little , a sense of guilt could immediately arise inside.

Whatever you did wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but do not blame yourself.

4) Don't make excuses. Justification in itself causes negative emotions. Making excuses, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you may be to blame.

But even if you prove something, the sediment on your soul will still remain, and justification, no matter how you look at it, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it’s better to just apologize if you are really guilty, and that’s it.

5) Fear. Good protective reaction of the body. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural feeling of self-defense. But if fear completely takes possession of a person, then expect trouble.

6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, are embarrassed to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not pride, pride in oneself, one's successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It nourishes you, and you may unwisely resist it. And if you are praised, then you deserve it, you need to adequately accept it.

By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously believe that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from the inside, you reinforce this unnecessary stiffness and shyness in yourself.

The next time you are praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, it may be unusual for you, but still learn to adequately accept gratitude.

As for modesty, not bad when she is on business and alternates with good impudence.

Praise yourself to your loved one - this is the name of a small, but very useful practice that is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful deeds.

Made (a) dinner - excellent, I did well, however, the chicken was burnt - nothing, next time it will turn out better. Washed (a) shorts - great, but I'm just super.

7) If you are always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinion of friends and relatives, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on yourself.

Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.

And by shifting decisions to others, you relieve yourself of responsibility for the possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure, you will have someone to shove and "get rid of", but in case of success, you will not be able to feel a "winner" inside yourself (which you YOURSELF COULD), which means you will not increase your self-confidence!

Just try to make not too important decisions to begin with, most importantly, without regard to others.

We thought it over, firmly decided, period. Even if it's the wrong decision. Just try not to harm the people around you. There is a fine line here, but it is necessary to do this in order to feel in yourself that you too can make a decision, and you have your own real opinion.

8) The level of claims also affects self-esteem. If you put yourself in front too much lofty goals that cannot be realized in a relatively short time, prolonged unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, disappoint and lower your self-esteem.

Set high goals and go for them, but they should be realistically achievable in the near future..

Plan your goals, share parts, do one, move on to another. Having achieved your goal and internally becoming more confident and strong, set yourself a more significant goal.

9) How to raise self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.

True, this exercise is not suitable for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this will continue every time for 3-4 days, leave it, it's just not for you right now. Here a different approach will be needed.

It all depends on the perception of the person and some points that I will not describe here.

When doing the practice, address yourself as your whole "I", do not focus only on appearance, individual features, some thoughts or internal state. You are all together, one whole, so you need to approach it.

Exercise can help a lot, but it takes time, because here you are programming yourself, your subconscious, and this is not so simple.

It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through your teeth, to say: "I love myself and".

You must say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if there is something you don't like about your appearance.

At the mirror, repeat these words for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not fully awake, not loaded with thoughts and still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.

Smiling slightly, say to yourself: " I love and respect myself in my successes and failures. I love myself in sickness and in health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that I have. I respect and love myself. I am a unique person, and I have my own strengths and talents, and there is no one completely similar to me externally and internally. I respect and love myself regardless of my "flaws". I appreciate and love the way I am".

Here it is very important to just calmly say this to yourself, and not to look closely at every little thing that you like or dislike, not to be drawn into all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to say it to yourself and go.

10) Make a list of what you are good at and what you are good at. .

Write everything that is and is true. Describe in detail your positive qualities (everyone has them), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it aloud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If at the end of reading you felt pleasant emotions, then everything worked out, and you should strive for this.

You can spend 2-3 minutes on this at least once a day. Take one skill of yours and describe it, then read it. The next day (or the day after) describe something else.

11) Take small steps towards what you want. Excessive tension, exhaustion is completely useless. You feel that now you don’t want to do anything at all, you want to relax, relax, gain strength and energy.

How to raise self-esteem. Important point!

Don't wait until your self-esteem is strong to make a decision. act little by little already right now.

The more you do something, the more you decide on steps that are significant for you, the faster you will feel confident, and at the same time, everything will work out better and calmer for you.

Nothing raises self-esteem (confidence) like - cessation of self-blame and new actions!

Try to do more of what you enjoy. If now you have to go to a job you hate, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing this, because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate a value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise unloved work will in itself reduce your significance and self-esteem.

If you don't like the job, don't need a drastic change, keep working, but start looking for something that will be more to your taste than what you would like to do. Favorite business (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!

I draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on oneself, pendulums can arise - this is when everything was fine, and then it suddenly became bad. Treat such moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during such periods!

The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to unfold, new perspectives open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.

Finally: how to raise self-esteem?

You can experience anxiety in any place where there are people without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others might think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.

Therefore, a small but important tip - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others. In comparison, you still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.

Do not judge others, because when you judge, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that you will always feel inside yourself that you are being evaluated.

This is manifested in the so-called "mind reading" phenomenon of the psyche, when you think that you know what other people think of you. Moreover, what you think about yourself, you kind of "transfer" into their head, and it seems to you that this is what they think about you.

By and large, all people have different thinking, and we cannot know what others think of us, we can only assume. But what does it matter if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he will not care.

The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot in any way affect your success, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you wind yourself up with some then thoughts. Only you, with your thinking, can bring yourself to emotional tension, stress and bad mood. Remember this.

When you stop judging people, the anxiety that is formed on judging and evaluating will become weaker and weaker, and there will be less and less such thoughts.