In the environment of each person there are such people, communication with which is exhausting and deprives of energy. In dealing with such people, it is very important to develop the right tactics in order not to succumb to their attempts to manipulate. It is important to learn how to protect yourself from their negative influence and emotional toxicity. How to do it? Let's look at 10 secrets to dealing with negative people.
1. Practice failure.
There are people who often use their negative energy in order to persuade the people around them to do their will. It is very important to learn to recognize such attempts and refuse. Start practicing refusals in communication with such people, and after some time, your acquaintance will understand that his tactics do not work with you, and will fall behind you.
2. Be funny.
A sense of humor and its skillful use is a universal defense against all types of manipulators. Humor will help you keep your distance and get out of awkward situations that lie in wait for you in relationships with people. Make jokes whenever you encounter people like this and your relationship will work out just fine.
3. Don't be sorry.
There is a category of people who like to try on the image of the victim. Almost the whole world is unfair to them, they suffer from everything, and turn to you with a request, if not help, then at least sympathize. In no case should you feel sorry for such people! From the position of a defender and an understanding person, you will very quickly be transferred to the position of another aggressor. When the next chronic whiner comes to you, just point him to the cause of his suffering - that is, to himself.
4. Expose the manipulator.
In any situation, regardless of who is trying to manipulate you, and in what way, directly say so. Expose the manipulator's cunning scheme, and tell him that these tricks will not work with you. In 99% of cases, you will be offended and accused of cruelty, misunderstanding and other sins. Never mind - it's just a continuation of trying to manipulate you.
5. Ask questions.
Sometimes it is very easy to get rid of the attacks of negative people, leading them with leading questions to understand that they are behaving incorrectly. Of course, you should not do this in every contact with such people - it is enough to put a person in his place once. Most manipulators use toxic techniques unconsciously, or even automatically, because they have not been taught other methods of interaction. In this case, you can help such people get rid of toxic habits.
6. Point out the manifestations that you consider unacceptable.
In extreme cases, when a person does not respond to any other methods, one can resort to a sharp suppression of negative manifestations. In a conversation with a person directly, looking into his eyes, say which of his actions are unacceptable in a relationship with you. This method will help you save yourself from most of the unpleasant situations associated with such people.
7. Never show emotions!
Quite often, the purpose of the manipulator is to drive you into extreme emotions. It is fear, guilt, anger. They do this in order to seize control over you and take a psychologically superior position. Therefore, in dealing with such people, it is better not to give free rein to your emotions, so as not to give them the slightest chance to take control of you.
8. Be tolerant.
Accepting a person for who they are is one way to defeat negativity once and for all. Acceptance is something that the manipulator does not expect from you for any price. Show the person that you absolutely do not care how he behaves, and that no matter what, you still continue to treat him kindly. Often this disarms people, especially the aggressors.
9. Empathize.
For the most part, these people are deeply unhappy. Often the cause of their negative manifestations are childhood psychological trauma inflicted by parents and loved ones. Therefore, try to understand the wounded soul and show sympathy. This will help you to accept the actions of such people and respond to manifestations of their toxicity in a more positive way.
10. Suggest an alternative.
This trick is best used when someone is trying to manipulate or persuade you to do something. Just show the person that there is another way to solve the problem without resorting to using other people. For example, once again, when a friend comes to you to cry in a vest, give him a business card of a familiar psychotherapist.
How often do you encounter with people, after 10 minutes of communication with whom, you feel tired and squeezed out like a lemon? 🙁 What makes these people difficult to communicate with? Life, heredity, perhaps a difficult childhood or unresolved problems, and many more reasons. Of course, if the negative person is not a close friend of yours, you can simply stop talking to them. But what to do if nature endowed your relatives, friends and work colleagues with a difficult character, with whom you need to somehow survive? Let's discuss 4 easy ways to deal with negative and difficult people.
First, don't try to change people.
We often hope that a person will change. We naively believe that by our actions we will inspire him to positive changes. But the problem is that it is simply impossible to remake a person. (As well as remake your man, dear ladies 🙂). There is only one way out - to change your behavior and attitude towards the "problem" person. For example, the next time you meet a friend with a difficult temper, try the following behavior:
When a friend says something unpleasant, tell her: "Smile, let's talk about something nice, let's not talk about it." There is no point in swearing and telling her about how negative she is. Of course, we do not urge you not to listen to your friends in difficult times and not to provide support. We are talking about friends who perceive any situation in a negative, cloudless light, thereby sharing their bad mood with you.
- Gently stop the "negative" girlfriend as soon as you feel that she again intends to load you with negative emotions.
Try to agree with her. Say: “Yes, you are right, it may not really work, but let's look at the solution to the problem from the other side and find positive aspects.
Try to listen to her carefully. Very often, people just need to speak out without listening to the notation in response and intrusive advice. Let a loved one talk and, perhaps, in the process of presenting the problem, he himself will see its resolution and look at the situation from the other side.
Insist on self-respect
No matter how you try to help your loved one with a difficult character, do not forget about your own psychological health and peace of mind. Let your friend know that her negative moods are getting in the way of your friendship. This is especially helpful if your friend is trying to take her anger out on you.
Focus on your perception of the problem
Do not give in to the negative emotions that your girlfriend or friend is pessimistic to share with you. Remember that the problem is not with you and therefore you should not take to heart the attitude of other people towards this or that situation.
Remember that chronic negative perception of life can be the result of some mental health disorders. Therefore, if you have been noticing constant outbursts of anger in your loved one for a long time, a pessimistic attitude for every day of life, then it would be advisable to gently suggest that your friend seek professional help from a psychologist. Explain that there is nothing shameful or abnormal in contacting a specialist - it is simply necessary to improve the quality of his life.
Have a good mood and a pleasant environment in the coming spring! 🙂
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How to deal with negative people
What is the main determinant of happiness?
The answer to this question, as you probably already know, is not wealth, fame, beauty, or power. Our feeling of happiness is determined by how other people, especially our loved ones - friends, family members, colleagues - treat us. When your loved ones treat you well, you simply cannot help but feel happy, but if they treat you badly or avoid communication with you, you are doomed to misfortune.
The reason why our happiness depends so much on the quality of our relationships with others is that people are primarily social creatures. And if you look around, you can find a lot of evidence. It is very important for us to know what others think of us, and, as my own observations show, we are much more likely to agree to experience something unpleasant (for example, watching a bad movie) in the company of those who share our negative attitude towards it than to experience something pleasant. (for example, watching a good movie) in the company of people who disagree with us. Our social nature also explains why being in love with another person is the most precious experience of our lives and why isolation, whose extreme form is solitary confinement, is considered by those who have experienced it to be the most severe test.
All this explains why it is so excruciatingly difficult for us to communicate and interact with negative people - people who constantly spoil our mood with their pessimism, anxiety and distrust. Imagine that you are constantly being prevented from following your dreams because "few are successful at it." Or imagine being constantly discouraged from trying new things—like scuba diving or horseback riding—because it’s “too dangerous.” Imagine that you constantly hear negative comments about other people (for example, “I can’t believe you told your neighbors that you failed your driving test - now they will never respect you!”) If you are regularly exposed to such negative influences, this can significantly affect your stock of positivity, and this in turn will lead you to either join the ranks of negative people, or begin to show indifference or even rudeness towards negative people in your environment.
How should you deal with negative people?
One obvious solution is to simply not communicate with them. But this is easier said than done. We can always easily cut ourselves off from a grumpy bartender or an airline manager who is having a hard time managing his anger, but we can't just turn our backs and stop talking to our parents, siblings, spouses, co-workers, or friends.
A more practical approach to dealing with such people is to first try to understand the reasons for their negative attitude. In short, negative attitudes are almost always rooted in one of three deep-seated fears: fear of being disrespected by others, fear of being unloved, and fear that something bad might happen. These fears constantly feed each other, and as a result, a person seized by them comes to the conclusion that "the world around us is very dangerous, and most people are bad."
It is difficult for a person seized with such fears to believe in the need to follow his dream (because on this path he is guaranteed to fail) and take risks, even if this is necessary for personal growth and development. It is also easy to understand why it is very difficult for people who are in captivity of these fears to trust others.
The fears that underlie the negative worldview manifest themselves in a wide variety of forms:
Vulnerability or a tendency to be offended by other people's comments: for example, the phrase "you look great today" causes an extremely negative reaction: "So I looked bad yesterday?"
Categoricalness or a tendency to put negative motivation into completely innocent actions of other people: for example, guests who do not praise the hostess's treat are regarded as "uncouth rude people who do not deserve invitations in the future."
Self-doubt. We are talking about a feeling of helplessness, an inability to cope with the trials that we meet on the path of life, which leads to the emergence of severe anxiety in the event of a confrontation with such trials and to a feeling of shame and guilt if a person avoids these trials.
Demanding: Although negatively inclined people experience acute insecurity in their own abilities, they often persistently demand some special achievements from their loved ones so that “I can be proud of you.”
Pessimism or the tendency to believe that the future is bleak and hopeless. For example, negative people are much more likely to imagine how and why an important business visit can go wrong than vice versa.
Avoidance of risks, especially in matters of a social nature. This leads to a reluctance to disclose information that "could be used against me" and, as a result, boring conversations and superficial relationships.
. The desire to control the behavior of other people, especially loved ones. For example, negative people make strict demands on how their children should eat, what kind of car they should buy, and so on.
It is worth noting that all of the above manifestations of negativity have one thing in common, namely the tendency to blame external factors - other people, the environment, or "luck" - and not oneself and one's negative attitude towards the world. Negative people often think: “If only people knew what I am capable of, if people would be kinder to me, if the world was not full of dangers, and if my friends, colleagues and relatives treated me the way I I would like that, I would be happy!”
At first glance, it may seem rather paradoxical that negatively inclined people experience self-doubt and at the same time consider themselves entitled to demand respect and love from others. It may also seem rather paradoxical that negative people look pessimistically into their own future and at the same time demand success from others. However, in reality there is no paradox here. This happens because negative people do not feel respected and loved, they do not feel that they themselves are able to control their lives, and therefore they demand love and respect from others and strive to control everything around.
If you look at negative people from this point of view, it becomes clear that their negativity is almost an undisguised cry for help. Of course, these people do not help themselves in any way, demonstrating their plight and the desire to control everyone - they would have been much more successful in trying to win love, respect and the right to control if they realized that demonstrating distress and showing a desire to control everyone is doomed to failure. - but the fact remains: negatively minded people need help.
An obvious but ultimately counterproductive way to help these people is to give them the love, respect, and control they want. However, this can turn out to be a very slippery slope, because over time people adapt to new conditions, and soon those around them will be forced to show even more ardent love, respect and give these people even more control in order to make them happy. In other words, by fulfilling their wishes, you may be creating a Frankenstein who will return to haunt you with renewed vigor.
An alternative solution is to force negative people to find the sources of their negativity and understand that their negativity is more a reflection of their attitude to the world than the objective state of things. Meanwhile, as I wrote in my other article, people are rarely able to adequately respond to critical statements, and those who are negatively inclined are most likely not to listen to them at all, let alone take them into account.
Thus, you are left with only three options. First, you can bite the bullet, face that negativity and hope that the person in front of you will someday change. The second option is to try to find a professional consultant or intermediary (for example, a mutual friend) and hope that the opinion of a “third party” will help the person understand that his negativity does not benefit anyone.
However, these two options will most likely not be able to solve the main problem. In the first case, when you grit your teeth and hope that a negative person will eventually begin to perceive the world around him in a positive way, your passivity can serve as proof that his negativity is justified. Over time, this will lead to more and more demands on you and, if you are unable to meet these requirements, more complaints against you.
One of the arguments against the second option is that negative people often tend to evade the problem, hiding behind the indignation and alleged unfairness of the claims - "everyone around, even my best friends, are against me!" Even if a third party manages to show a negative person that his worldview is unproductive, this is unlikely to change the situation. This happens because acknowledging the problem alone is not enough to solve it: for this, it is necessary to change the subconscious thought patterns that underlie the negative worldview.
This brings us to the third and, from my point of view, the most reasonable option for behavior in a society of negatively minded people. In short, this option involves three elements: empathy for the negative person, taking responsibility for your own happiness regardless of the negative attitude of the loved one, and the maturity of your relationship with the negative person.
Empathy rarely, if ever, involves advising a negative person to change their behavior. It also completely excludes reading lectures about the sources of their negativity. As I wrote above, most of us are not ready to listen to negative and critical statements - especially negative people. It can be quite difficult for you not to react to such a person, especially if their negativity hurts you to the core. However, remember that if you tell him everything to his face, this will not help solve the problem, but only aggravate it. It is also worth remembering that while you have to deal with a negative person only occasionally, he has to deal with himself all the time! This thought can help you feel compassion for such a person.
The second element - taking responsibility for your own positive attitude - suggests that you must do everything possible to protect your own happiness. If you are unable to maintain a positive attitude and calmness, then all is lost. In one of my articles, I gave some advice on how you can take responsibility for your happiness. In short, this requires starting to think more positively about the world around you, but this may not be enough if you have to constantly deal with negative flows: you may need regular rest from and communication with a negative person in order to remain calm. Of course, if you want to regularly take a break from him, you will have to come up with a plausible explanation - you do not want the person close to you to think that you are avoiding him.
The third element, maturity, involves understanding that the most effective way to turn such a person into a positive mood is to become the embodiment of a positive attitude. For example, if you accuse a negative person of making you see the world around you in gloomy colors, this will not help. Imagine the irony of advising a person to "stop blaming others for your negative outlook" while blaming them for ruining your mood.
How can you show your positive attitude towards the world in such a way as to force a negatively inclined person to adopt it, without sinking to lectures and moralizing?
To do this, you need to learn - as much as possible - to behave like a person who is in absolute safety. That is, to behave like a person whom other people love and respect and who controls all important aspects of the life of others. This means: do not let the negativity of others interfere with your natural desire to make your dreams come true, do not be afraid to take justified risks, trust other people. However, you should not do all this just to annoy a negatively inclined person or prove to him that you are right. It is best to behave naturally, so that spontaneity, a positive attitude and trust in relation to other people become your integral features. Then, if a negative person allows himself to make a skeptical or cynical remark - and he certainly will - take the opportunity and explain to him why you are doing this and not otherwise.
For example, if such a person warns you about the futility of your pursuit of a dream, let him know that you perceive your chances of success differently, or tell him that you would rather try and fail than give up on your dream altogether. If a negative person warns you about the catastrophic consequences of what you consider a worthwhile risk, answer him calmly: "Well, we'll see what happens." Let's hope that as a result of this risky venture you will not incur any losses and gain new valuable experience. Over time, the negative person will have to admit that although you are much more risk-averse, you are still not reckless. Finally, if a negative person is chastising you for trusting people too much, ask them to remind you of times when others took advantage of your gullibility to your detriment. (Hopefully there were very few or none of these cases, because otherwise the negative person may be right in saying that you are overly trusting.) You can also safely point to research findings: to form strong and deep relationships , it is necessary to trust close people. (Hopefully, you can boast of a closer friendship than your interlocutor who perceives the world around him in a negative way.)
While it may take you a long time to see any results, sooner or later they will appear. Changes will come at an extremely slow pace, but if they happen, they will be fixed for a long time. The truth is that people like the company of positive people, so even a negative person will sooner or later appreciate your positive attitude towards the world. People also really like to experience positive emotions. Therefore, if a negative person absorbs your positivity in your presence, at some point he will begin to appreciate himself more, and this in turn will lead to the fact that he will begin to trust others more and look to the future with greater optimism.
As you have probably figured out by now, dealing with negative people requires humility. The fact that you find it difficult to overcome someone else's negativity proves that there are seeds of negativity in you yourself. If you didn't feel empty when faced with the negativity of others - if you were absolutely confident in yourself - you would not find the company of negative people so repulsive. Understanding that you need to work on yourself to deal with your own negativity while helping others in their struggle with a negative worldview will help you gain the capacity for empathy, positive thinking, and the maturity that is needed to carry out this difficult but difficult task. very necessary task.
There are 2 categories of people in the world. Some seem to be endowed with sunlight and glow from the inside, bringing joy and positive emotions to everyone around. It is easy and comfortable with such people, they are excellent interlocutors and quite democratic leaders. But there is another group. Many consider them to be energy vampires, in fact, these are individuals who suck life energy out of a person, after communicating with him, everyone feels depressed and oppressed. Here's how to communicate with the last category of people can be found in the material of the article.
Negatively minded people often use under their influence weak-willed people who find it more difficult to say no than to once again agree to a request. Therefore, the ability to refuse and show a certain selfishness of character in this case will not be superfluous. Having refused such an annoying manipulator a couple of times, it will be possible to show him his true place.
Save the world. And those people who are forced by any circumstances to communicate with negative people. If you feel pressure on the psycho-emotional level, you can simply laugh off the annoying provocateur. A couple of jokes addressed to him or about the current situation, in the end, will bring the aggressor out of himself and he will no longer want to mess with the joker.
There is a certain subcategory of people in this group who use self-pity as a way to manipulate others. It is impossible to feel sorry for such types in any case. Showing pity can destroy emotional defenses and make you vulnerable. If a person does not understand and still continues to try to put pressure on pity, you can slip him a psychotherapist's business card, thereby hinting at the true causes of negativity.
For those who are not afraid to speak the truth in the eye, one more good way can be advised. When trying or feeling pressure from the opponent, as well as splashing out negativity, you can expose the manipulator at all, pointing out his tactless behavior. The aggressors least expect such a rebuff and it is worth using this technique a couple of times, as a negative person will go looking for a new puppet.
It is sometimes worth communicating with people who radiate, like with children. Kids sometimes need to make it clear that they are wrong not with cries and scandals, but with leading questions. So it is with negative people. You can lead them to understand their wrong behavior by leading them to the right conclusions step by step with leading questions.
Emotions when communicating with you should be kept under special control. As soon as a psychological gap appears, a person will immediately feel it. After all, emotions can repel even the most negative attempts to influence, if they are skillfully disposed of. Restraint and chill in communication in this case will be the best weapon.
Tolerance is one of the possible options for turning an opponent into a comrade. After all, negative people most often expect that they will not be accepted and will be avoided in every possible way. But they hardly expect a reverse turn of events in the form of assistance of good will and psychological help.
Knowing these tips, you can attract more positive people to yourself and become more successful.
