There are situations when it is imperative to reduce emotional pain, for example, if it is too strong. In addition, emotional pain can cause dangerous situations for a person experiencing strong emotions (for example, he may harm himself or take a dangerous drug). It may come at the wrong time (for example, at work, school, or some other place where you feel unsafe), or in a situation where the person feels uncomfortable if they are genuinely expressing their emotions (for example, if they are in company of people to whom he does not want to reveal his feelings). If you want to learn how to control your emotions, this article is for you. After reading it, you will learn how to control emotions, while taking into account your needs and desires. In addition, this article describes psychological techniques, by practicing which you can learn to control your emotions, and, if necessary, turn them off.

Steps

Control your feelings

Try to find the cause of the strong emotional reaction. If you want to learn how to turn off emotions, try to understand what is the reason for the emotional outburst at one time or another. Perhaps this is due to the following reasons:

• you are a very sensitive person;
• the situation reminded you of painful events in the past;
• you feel that you are losing control of the situation, which can lead to anger and irritation.

1. There is a difference between healthy emotional detachment and its painful form. From time to time, we all experience situations where we want to turn off our emotions, especially if they are associated with pain or seem overwhelming to us at the moment. However, extreme emotional detachment from others is associated with psychopathy, in which a person commits a crime without feeling remorse. In addition, such behavior can also indicate that a person is experiencing severe trauma.

   • If you sometimes want to turn off strong emotions, there is nothing wrong with that. We are not always able to deal with our emotions. However, make sure that your condition does not become chronic. If you isolate yourself from others or become unemotional, you will have more serious psychological problems.
   • Some of the signs that may indicate a person needs treatment are social isolation, refusal to attend social events, intense fear of rejection, depressed mood or anxiety, difficulty performing and completing a given task (school or work duties), and frequent social conflicts or fights with other people.

2. Accept the emotional state. Paradoxical as it may seem, but by accepting and acknowledging our emotions, we are able to quickly take them under control when we need it. Often we want to become unemotional people because it is difficult for us to experience emotions. Nevertheless, these emotions give us valuable information about the situation we are in and about our perception of this situation. Like physical pain, negative feelings and emotions (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress) indicate that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

   Express your feelings in a safe place. In case emotions overwhelm you, set aside a cozy, safe place where you can accept your emotions and take control of them. Make it a rule to analyze your emotions at the same time every day.

   • Cry when you are alone. Tears in front of a person who insults you will provoke him to mock you or offend you further. Taking deep breaths and thinking about something else unrelated to this situation will help you not focus on hurtful words. You probably won't want to cry after that. Thus, you suppress resentment in yourself. However, this is not very good. Holding negative emotions in ourselves, we harm our body. Try your best to contain your emotions until the situation is over, so that the person who caused your strong emotions leaves the room. Now you can let your tears flow.

3. Write down your feelings and thoughts. As we mentioned above, tears cannot be held back. The same principle can be applied to anger, embarrassment and other negative emotions - do not suppress these feelings in yourself. Try to express your feelings and thoughts on paper. This will help you analyze and deal with difficult emotions so that you can detach from them when you need to. You can also use the electronic device you are using to express your feelings.

   • Put your feelings into words and write them down in your secret diary.
   • In order not to dwell on negative thoughts, try to look at the current situation in a different way. For example, you think about someone: "This person is such a jerk!" In this situation, try to look at the situation from a different angle. Say to yourself, “This person must have had a difficult life, and this is how they deal with anger and sadness.” Empathy will help you deal with sadness and anger. Show empathy and it will be easier for you to deal with difficult people and situations.

4. Try to relax. Think of something else. Don't try to just ignore the feeling or situation. If a person tries not to think about something, they end up thinking more about it. The harder he tries to suppress the thought, the surer it ricochets back. In one study, participants were asked to think about anything but polar bears. And what do you think they were thinking about all the time? About polar bears, of course. Instead of forcing yourself not to think about what causes negative emotions in you, try to just think about something else.

   Engage in physical activity. Take a walk, ride a bike, or engage in any other vigorous activity that promotes good cardiovascular function. Aerobic exercise increases the level of endorphins in the blood. This will help you control and change your reaction to people who provoke you to negative emotions. Physical exercise or grounding techniques will help you get over your emotions.

   • Think of the following activities: hiking, rowing, kayaking, gardening, cleaning, jumping rope, dancing, kickboxing, yoga, pilates, zumba, push-ups, sit-ups, running, and walking.

Focus on yourself

1. Engage in self-reflection. One way to take control of your emotions is to look at yourself from the outside. Try to look at yourself through someone else's eyes and see yourself from the outside.

   • When you are alone, analyze your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Ask yourself: What am I thinking about today? What emotions do I feel?
   • Also observe how you behave in society. Pay attention to what you say, how you act, and how you express emotions.

2. assert yourself. Self-affirmation is an important step if you want to learn how to turn off your emotions. Self-affirmation allows you to confirm to yourself that your actions and emotions are reasonable.

   • Talk to yourself in a positive way. Say to yourself, “There is nothing wrong with my feelings. Even if I don't want to show my feelings to others, I have the right to feel them."

3. Set limits on emotions. Thanks to this, you will first of all think about your needs. Decide for yourself what will be the extreme point that you can no longer tolerate when others hurt you emotionally. If possible, cut off all contact with people who annoy or upset you, such as co-workers or neighbors.

   • Try to set boundaries by directly telling the person about your current emotions and what you expect them to do. For example, if your brother is teasing you, tell him, “I get very annoyed when you tease me. I'll be grateful if you stop doing this." In addition, you can mention the consequences that can be if a person crosses the line you set: “If you don’t stop behaving like that, I won’t communicate with you.” This is an example of a situation where you were able to express your annoyance without losing control of your emotions.

Use techniques to help you turn off your emotions

1. Use your wise mind. According to Dialectical Behavior Therapy, all individuals have two minds - two different thinking abilities: the rational one, which comes from the mind, and the emotional one. Our wise mind is a combination of emotional and rational thinking. If you are trying to ignore emotional pain, use your wise mind to find the perfect balance between the rational and emotional components of your brain. Instead of reacting only emotionally, try to think rationally, evaluating the situation objectively.

   • Acknowledge your feelings, say to yourself: “Emotions are quite natural for a person. Over time, all emotions pass, even the strongest. I can understand why I reacted the way I did when I calm down.”
   • Ask yourself: “Will this matter to me in a year, 5 years, 10 years? How much will this person or situation affect my life?”
   When you're stressed, your body naturally tenses up and your thoughts run at a frantic pace. Breathe slowly and deeply to avoid lack of oxygen, which can exacerbate the problem.
   • Get into a comfortable position and breathe deeply, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Focus on your breath, on how you feel with each inhalation and exhalation. Breathe diaphragmatically; this means that you need to breathe in the stomach. Imagine that you are inflating a balloon, take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do this exercise for 5 minutes.

2. Learn grounding techniques. Through these techniques, you can step back from your emotional pain and turn off your emotions.

   • Try the following exercises: silently count up to 100, count the sheep, count the number of objects in the room, list all the cities of the Central Federal District of Russia or the names of all kinds of colors. Use everything logical and non-emotional that can distract you from the situation.

3. Make it your habit. Eventually, your mind will learn to remove unpleasant memories, and you will naturally begin to think logically and unemotionally in any unpleasant situation. Practice will help you achieve your goal faster. You can turn off emotions when necessary.

Our emotions often behave like separate beings from us, presenting strange surprises. For example, a loved one says something pleasant, but at that moment we feel indifference, although, it would seem, we should have experienced joy. It’s not always possible to simply “wait out” negative feelings like a hurricane - they still find us and make us regret what we said or did. The good news is that everyone can deal with negative emotions - you just need to start treating them a little differently.

Where do negative emotions come from?

Any negative emotions arise when our expectations collide with reality. The obstacles that we encounter in the outside world can be roughly divided into three types:

• Uncontrollable Circumstances Create Fear, Anger, and Sadness

Example: you are in a traffic jam in a car when suddenly a giant icicle/tree/beautiful stranger (underline as appropriate) falls on the windshield with a crash, scaring you half to death. When you return home, you find that ants have taken over the bathroom, cockroaches have taken over the kitchen, and aliens have taken over the living room.

• Metamorphoses of one's own body give rise to shame and guilt

Example: an hour later, a date, and you can’t fit into your favorite black rag under the bold name “cocktail dress”, bruises under the eyes can argue with the color of the panda, and incomprehensible spots appeared on the skin after a beauty procedure on the advice of a “good friend”.

• The desires of others give rise to anger, guilt and irritation

Example: right at the moment when you are set to calmly sunbathe by the pool, lazily sipping a mojito, the children demand to jump into the water with them with a “bomb”, the husband dreams of a heel massage, and the boss cuts off the phone with another urgent task.

What to do with negative emotions?

In his lectures on negative emotions, Ruslan Narushevich, an expert in the field of interpersonal relations, notes that one of the most common and wrong ways to resolve an internal conflict is to suppress surging feelings. Often, when faced with obstacles, we begin to deny ourselves our most natural emotional needs: we think that we are too picky or touchy, we constantly cling to trifles. This attitude towards yourself only complicates the situation - your emotion will not actually disappear from rationalization. You have already experienced it! Your expectation no longer coincided with reality. And if you accuse yourself of captiousness and pettiness, negative feelings will only intensify. So what to do?

#one. Awareness

Take the role of an outside observer. The point of the exercise is to mentally name the emotion that you are experiencing, instead of plunging into it with your head. If you learn to recognize your emotions before they overwhelm your consciousness, you will have a chance to hear the voice of reason and not succumb to it. Perhaps next time, instead of wishing a painful death to the guard who did not let you into the parking lot, you will be able to mentally step aside and understand that the situation is absolutely not worth your nerves. In addition, the question “how do I feel right now?” helps to notice unpleasant little things that surreptitiously poison existence: cold, uncomfortable posture, a boring movie... These kinds of details can usually be eliminated very simply: close the window, sit back, turn off the TV. You just need to be able to notice it and realize it!

Andy Puddicombe, a former Buddhist monk and author of the world-beating meditation app Headspace, likens thoughts to cars moving in heavy traffic. Instead of standing on the side of the road and watching the traffic, we often rush after one or the other car, in the end, not moving anywhere. Fussy running around takes time and effort, when you can just step aside and calmly figure out where and why to go.

• This is also true for our emotions: we can get so carried away by our own feelings of guilt for eating a chocolate bar, unwillingness to go to the gym and resentment towards a husband who is late, that we will simply be unable to get out of the vicious circle of the same experiences. In this case, meditation, even if it is very short and spontaneous, is a great way to develop the habit of being aware of the emotional state so that you don’t experience anything like that again.
• Can't or don't know how to meditate? Get an emotion tracking app that asks you about your mood on a regular basis (Stop, Breathe & Think, How Are You, Moodnotes, MoodTools, etc.) Most of them will likely offer simple breathing exercises, short meditation tracks and tips to try. about how to calm down.
• Another way to keep track of your mood is with the Morning Pages. Author Julia Cameron details this practice in The Artist's Way. Every morning you should start with three pages of text, and you need to write by hand everything that comes to mind, without filtering thoughts at all. Thus, you unload your mind from experiences and let go of many obsessive ideas.

#2. Adoption

The second step is developing a positive attitude towards negative feelings. Even from hard experiences you can benefit! Any emotions that we experience are a signal for action: fear, guilt, irritation, anger are messages from our subconscious mind that help us better understand ourselves. If you regularly listen to your own feelings, you can find many patterns in yourself that work without our knowledge. For example, you may notice that you are often suspicious when you interact with men: your basic program is not to trust them. If you notice this and assume that men are, in principle, good guys, then perhaps gradually you will learn to simply accept attention and love, not suspecting malicious intent, and you will begin to experience joy more often. Treat negative emotions as sources of information about yourself!

#3. Expression

Expressing negative emotions is the most difficult and important step on which your relationships with other people depend. Therefore, it is important to remember a few simple rules:

• Do not take it out on others before you have time to realize what is happening to you. If you still decide to complain to someone, give yourself time to calm down a little and choose your words carefully. That is, not “you ruined my whole life!”, But “darling, I would be so pleased if you cleaned up after our cat today!”
• Do not share negative emotions with those for whom you are responsible, in the first place - with children and subordinates. They rely on a sense of security nearby. You need to share the accumulated fatigue and sadness with equals or with “seniors” - friends, loved ones, parents. Children do not need to know how much you hate the "Krivorukov D" who laid this tile in the yard, just as you certainly could do without your husband's lamentations that no one at work listened to him again, but "he spoke" .
• Separate emotions from problems and talk about one thing: about problems - without emotions, and about emotions - without connection with specific problems.
• Allow yourself to experience irrational emotions, but try to monitor them and speak openly about their irrationality. If you feel that today you are in a bad mood and you will find fault with everyone in a row, just announce to others: “Today I am angry. Don't take my words to heart!"
• Don't put off showing your emotions. If something hurts you, give yourself time to calm down, but talk about it as soon as possible: “I'm not pleased that you are now comparing me to your ex. You better not do that." The accumulated claims will take much more nerves and strength.

#4. Ambulance

If you still understand that emotions are stronger than you, and you feel very bad, try to reduce the emotional intensity:

• Breathe deeply. During times of stress, breathing is often confused - close your eyes, focus and try to inhale and exhale as slowly as possible.
• Take a cool shower, directing the jet of water at the back of your head or the bridge of your nose. Or put something cold on your temples.
• Go for a run or a walk. The more movement in the body and the more active the brain receives oxygen, the easier it will be to calm down and reconsider your views.
• Change the position of your body in space. Sometimes even a simple change of position or getting out of immobility helps to interrupt a protracted negative state and shake things up.
• Cry! The physical release of emotions helps clear the mind. When you come to your senses, you will be able to soberly assess the state of things and decide how to proceed with the experience that you experienced.
• Take more responsibility for your own well-being: if you once and for all accept the idea that everything around you is mobile and changeable, and in the end only you yourself are responsible for happiness, life will become easier and more pleasant!

Text: Maria Malenkova.

The word "insensitive" usually has a negative connotation, but it's not always bad. Periodically, feelings and emotions want to be turned off forever or at least for a while, as they cause too much pain or trouble in everyday life. Let's figure out what is needed for this, and whether such power over one's excessive impressionability is available to everyone.

Man is a complex device, with a lot of settings, some of which can be done by hand. Only now you need to act wisely so as not to make things worse. This also applies to the moment that interests us: let's say, and not their complete suppression. That is, you will not become a stone wall, but you can reduce your own sensitivity if necessary. And since this is a skill, it will not work to turn off feelings once and for all, at first emotions can only be pushed back for a while. Therefore, choose one of the proposed methods and start training.

1. suspension. Often a situation excites only because of our involvement. Take a look at what happened from the outside, will it cause the same anger and resentment if it becomes someone else's problem?
2. Looking for reasons. Try to find out where the roots of what is happening, what caused the sharp attack of another person in your direction. Switching to a logical layout will help reduce your emotionality and find the best solution to complexities.
3. substitution. The office, the boss pretends to be a howler monkey, colleagues blend into the wallpaper and shift responsibility onto each other, and you don't care. Because the sea is in front of you, the recently risen sun gives pleasant warmth, on the pier, well-fed gulls and well-fed cats are waiting for the return of the fishermen to receive some of the sea gifts. Come up with a picture of your own that will please you, and imagine it whenever emotions start to get out of control. It is important not just to draw the desired picture, but to feel like a participant in it. Therefore, it will be useful to practice at your leisure, so that later you can enter the desired state without problems.
4. Yoga. Whoever knows everything about controlling their own body and feelings is those who strive for samadhi (a special state of internal and external) yoga. It does not matter if you have never come across this teaching, you can still borrow the practice. For example, a fairly popular breathing technique that can reduce the degree of emotions. To do this, you need to take a comfortable position, concentrate on the depth and uniformity of breathing, then try to take a deep breath, hold the air in the lungs, and then exhale slowly.

Favorite music and aromas can also help in eliminating unwanted emotions, they will not have an instant effect, but if there is time, then this is a great option.

But whatever method you choose, remember that it is only needed to temporarily eliminate the emotions that interfere with you at some point. Suppressing them constantly will make you a desirable client of a psychotherapist. Therefore, it is imperative to take the time to fully accept your feelings, because it is completely normal to experience them.

Man is a unique creature that is able to experience a whole galaxy of feelings and emotions that are inaccessible to other creatures living on our planet.

Of course, animals are also subject to some feelings, such as fear and hunger, but the process of their occurrence and analysis is significantly different.

After all, the human consciousness is able to control these processes, while in animals the manifestation of feelings is an unconditional phenomenon. The question arises: why are we granted such advantages?

How to use them in everyday life? We will talk about this in our new material.

What are feelings and emotions?

As mentioned earlier, the process of the emergence of feelings in animals is unconditional.

This means that their source is instincts fixed at the genetic level in the process of evolution.

In the human mind, such mechanisms are also present, but in addition to them, we managed to acquire a huge number of other feelings.

Does a wolf know the feeling of shame when he kills defenseless herbivores?

Does he feel anger and resentment when his victim manages to slip away?

Everyone dreams of being calm and balanced.

Oh no, such experiences are available only to man - the crown of evolution, according to scientists and researchers.

Tip: Emotions and feelings are not identical concepts. Emotions have a subjective (individual) binding and reflect a person's internal attitude to the situation, while feelings have an objective orientation. "I'm afraid to be in the dark" is a feeling. "I'm scared" is an emotion.

Interestingly, scientists have not been able to prove or disprove the fact that animals have an emotional background.

This is impossible, because a person cannot determine whether our smaller brothers can evaluate this or that situation subjectively, individually.

But in the case of our species, there can be no doubt - each of us has a unique and complex set of neuropsychic regulators that allow us to react in our own way in each individual case.

This is our strength and this is our weakness.

A person is able to control his feelings and emotions, but too often the opposite happens.

We become slaves of internal experiences, losing the ability to adequately respond to certain situations.

Why turn off your feelings and emotions?

Surely, each of us had situations when we made decisions based on fleeting feelings and emotions.

At the moment of committing a rash act, it seems to us that this is the only right way.

This sense of self-righteousness is so strong that it overshadows any rational thought.

The feeling of shame is just as strong when, after some time, a sober clarity comes to the head, instead of emotions.

Emotions and feelings make us vulnerable, and people around us are certainly ready to take advantage of this.

It can be about work relationships or family conflicts, about relationships between friends and relatives.

In all aspects of human life, there is rivalry between people, in which our internal state plays an important role.

Moreover, feelings and emotions can directly affect our mental condition.

For example, people who let their anger out too often become more irritable and angry.

For those who too often indulge in despondency, the world around them becomes gray, devoid of positive and colors.

At the same time, there may not be any reason for anger or sadness, or it may not be so serious as to deserve such strong emotional experiences.

Tip: emotions and feelings can destroy our psyche and directly affect our lives.

At the same time, a person can experience a whole galaxy of positive internal sensations.

Love, joy and other positive feelings and emotions fill us from the inside and give strength.

It is necessary to think about whether it is necessary to permanently turn them off, depriving oneself of simple human qualities.

It is these feelings that make us people capable of empathy, compassion, love and enjoy life.

Control of emotions and feelings

It is possible to turn off emotions and feelings, although only a few manage to do this for a long time.

In most cases, a person does not turn off, but suppresses his inner experiences, further aggravating the situation.

An abnormal perception of one's inner world leads to the fact that fears and complexes begin to arise in it, which sooner or later emerge and make their carrier unhappy.

Do not fool yourself into believing that you have managed to turn off your emotions and feelings, because in reality this is impossible.

A person cannot go against nature, and it is she who prescribes a model of behavior containing such psychophysical reactions to him.

But nature has endowed us with another powerful tool - consciousness. It is able to subjugate most of the processes occurring in our souls and bodies.

Tip: Instead of trying to suppress and turn off your feelings and emotions, learn to control them. By gaining inner discipline, you will be one step closer to happiness and understanding of this world.

The strength of human consciousness lies in the fact that it can understand the root of most problems, which means that it can learn to control them, to subordinate them to its will.

Although this is not as easy to do as it is said, because most people are used to nourishing their inner weaknesses, giving vent to both positive and negative experiences.

Learning to cope with your inner world is not so easy.

You must adhere to clear rules:

1. Do not abuse alcohol and other substances that affect your consciousness. There is nothing worse than a person who becomes a slave to his harmful addictions.
2. Constantly practice mental exercises. Simply put, you should pay attention to meditation as the main method of achieving inner balance.
3. Eat right and take care of your health. The use of semi-finished products and other harmful products is no less evil than addiction to alcohol.
4. Adhere to elementary moral principles. Doing bad deeds corrupts the human essence. As a result, we lose control over ourselves, which means we become unhappy.

The power of consciousness lies in the fact that a person can understand the root of problems

The secret lies in the fact that a person must learn to restrain not only bad, but also good experiences.

You should not take everything to heart, burning in the power of emotions, albeit positive ones. Thus, a person is also able to lose control over the situation.

In fact, strong emotional disturbances and experiences can use up all your internal energy, forming a vacuum.

Meditation as the main way to gain control over feelings and emotions

Meditation is an ancient practice found in many religious and spiritual teachings.

Its goal is to find inner balance, mental balance, which is so lacking in modern man.

This is a great way to look inside yourself in search of the true causes of certain experiences.

There are many benefits that can be achieved through meditation, including:

1. Finding inner peace and balance
2. tranquility
3. The ability to control your mind, concentrating it on resolving really important issues
4. Development of self-discipline

Tip: The lessons learned in the process of meditation should be applied in everyday life. Try to remain calm even in emergency situations.

To meditate, it is not necessary to have excellent physical fitness or have an innate gift.

The keys to solving your inner problems are hidden within you, however, not everyone is able to listen to their inner voice.

We suppress it every day for the sake of our base desires, whether it be money, power, fame or other things that please our pride.

But a person cannot afford to run away from himself forever, and sooner or later each of us runs the risk of facing the darkest sides of our inner world.

Meditation is aimed at sowing the seed of peace and balance instead of chaos reigning in thoughts.

When this happens, all feelings and emotions, previously unbridled and inexplicable, become just another tool that you can easily subdue.

Sometimes something goes wrong in life, a lot of negative emotions arise: anger, irritation, resentment… This method will help restore peace of mind and improve interpersonal relationships!

How to remove resentment and other negative emotions?

There are many esoteric, psychological, energy techniques¹ for working through negative emotions or the consequences of any traumas of past relationships, but most of them have one big minus - the difficulty of execution.

In this article, you will find a fairly simple, and most importantly, a very effective way to get rid of resentment² and unwanted emotions.

An effective technique for getting rid of resentment

1. The person performing the technique sits on a chair. The back must be straight, legs touch the floor, hands lie on their knees with palms up. For tuning, you can take 3 breaths through the nose and 3 exhalations through the mouth.

2. Then the practitioner releases all tension and relaxes from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

3. When the state of relaxation is achieved, the practitioner begins to “take root”, that is, imagine how the energy body lengthens through the legs and stretches down to the very center of the earth.

4. At the same time, the practitioner imagines how a stream of bright light is pouring from above from space.

5. Gradually, the practitioner feels how his soul (subtle body) is separated from the physical and rises higher and higher. The practitioner "sees" his room, his house, roof, city, planet.

6. Then he gets into some other dimension - the practitioner begins to feel differently, sees an unusual light or color.

7. In this dimension, the practitioner imagines that a rope is wrapped around his waist, its end goes to the side, and a person is tied to it.

8. Looking at him, the practitioner notices that this person causes resentment, annoyance or other negative feelings.

9. Then the practitioner sees or feels that many such ropes are coming off him, and a person is attached to each, with whom unpleasant emotions are associated. These ropes pull in different directions, literally pulling all the forces.

10. At the moment when the practitioner realizes this, he needs to carefully look at these people - who are they? Perhaps their faces will be blurred - it's not scary.

11. Next, the practitioner needs to get rid of these energy connections, for this he picks up imaginary scissors and cuts all the ropes. To make the process easier, you can ask your angel or Higher Powers for help.

12. Cutting each rope, the practitioner should look at the person with whom he is connected, and mentally say: “With gratitude and love, I forgive and let go.” So you need to say to everyone with whom you exist!

13. After all the ropes have been cut, the practitioner thanks his assistants and returns to his body.

If the technique is carried out correctly, then after its completion a feeling of inner lightness and liberation will come. Grudges, even those you don't remember, will go away.

This technique does not require any special magical skills, just your sincere desire to forgive and let go of resentment forever.

Pelenchuk Inna

Notes and feature articles for a deeper understanding of the material

¹ Some of the energy clearing methods can be found in the article:

² Resentment is a person’s reaction to what is perceived as unfairly caused grief, insult, as well as the negatively colored emotions caused by this (