In everyday life between people, due to the difference in temperaments, conflict situations often occur. This is due, first of all, to the excessive emotionality of a person and the lack of self-control. emotions? How to "take over" your own feelings and thoughts during a conflict? Psychology provides answers to these questions.

What is self-control for?

Restraint and self-control is something that many people lack. This comes with time, constantly training and improving skills. Self-control helps to achieve a lot, and the least of this list is inner peace of mind. How to learn to control your emotions, and at the same time prevent intrapersonal conflict? Understand that it is necessary and find agreement with your own "I".

Control over emotions does not allow aggravation of the conflict situation, allows you to find with completely opposite personalities. To a greater extent, self-control is necessary for building relationships with people, whether business partners or relatives, children, lovers.

The impact of negative emotions on life

Disruptions and scandals, in which negative energy is released, adversely affect not only the people around, but also the instigator of conflict situations. How to learn to control your negative emotions? Try to avoid conflicts and not succumb to provocations from other people.

Negative emotions destroy harmonious relationships in the family, hinder the normal development of the individual and career growth. After all, few people want to cooperate / communicate / live with a person who does not control himself and, at every opportunity, starts a large-scale scandal. For example, if a woman cannot control herself and constantly finds fault with her man, which leads to serious quarrels, then soon he will leave her.

In raising children, it is also important to restrain yourself and not give vent to negative emotions. The child will feel every word spoken by the parent in the heat of anger, and subsequently remember this moment for the rest of his life. Psychology helps to understand how to learn to restrain emotions and prevent their manifestation in communication with children and loved ones.

Negative emotions also have a big impact on business and work activities. The team always consists of people of different temperaments, therefore self-control plays an important role here: negativity can spill out at any moment when a person is put under pressure, they are required to do overwhelming work. And instead of the usual dialogue, where the parties can reach a consensus, a scandal develops. How to learn to restrain emotions in the workplace? Do not respond to the provocations of employees, try to start a casual conversation, agree with the authorities in everything, even if the tasks set are difficult to accomplish.

Suppression of emotions

Constantly holding yourself back within certain limits and preventing the release of negativity is not a panacea. Suppressing accumulates negativity in itself, and therefore, the risk of developing psychological diseases increases. It is necessary to “splash out” the negative from time to time somewhere, but in such a way that the feelings of other people do not suffer. How to learn to restrain emotions, but without harm to the inner world? Go in for sports, because during training a person spends all his internal resources, and the negative quickly disappears.

For the release of negative energy, wrestling, boxing, hand-to-hand combat are suitable. It is important here that a person mentally wants to give vent to his emotions, then he will feel relieved and he will not want to take it out on anyone. However, it should be borne in mind that everything should be in moderation, and overwork during training can provoke a new influx of negativity.

Two ways to keep your emotions in check:

• Do you dislike a person so much that you are ready to destroy him? Do it, but, of course, not in the truest sense of the word. At that moment, when you become uncomfortable from communicating with him, do mentally with this person whatever you want.
• Draw a person you hate and write down on a piece of paper next to the image the problems that appeared in your life thanks to him. Burn the leaf and mentally put an end to your relationship with this person.

Prevention

How to learn to restrain emotions? Psychology gives such an answer to this question: in order to control one's feelings and emotions, prevention is necessary, in other words, emotional hygiene. Like the human body, his soul also needs hygiene and disease prevention. To do this, you need to protect yourself from communicating with people who cause hostility, and also, if possible, avoid conflicts.

Prevention is the most gentle and optimal way to control emotions. It does not require additional training of a person and the intervention of a specialist. Preventive measures allow you to protect yourself from negativity and nervous breakdowns for a long time.

The main thing that helps to get the better of your emotions - over your own life. When a person is satisfied with everything in his home, work, relationships, and he understands that at any moment he can influence and adjust all this for himself, then it is easier for him to restrain the manifestation of negative emotions. There are a number of preventive rules that help manage your own feelings and thoughts. How to learn to control your emotions and manage yourself? Follow simple rules.

Unfinished business and debt

Complete all the planned tasks in a short time, do not leave the work unfinished - this can cause a delay in deadlines, provoking negative emotions. Also, "tails" can be reproached, point out your incompetence.

In financial terms, try to avoid delays in payments and debts - this is exhausting and prevents you from reaching your goal. Understanding that you have not repaid a debt to someone causes negativity, helplessness in the face of the circumstances.

The absence of debts, both financial and other, allows you to fully spend your own energy resources and forces, directing them to the realization of desires. A sense of duty, on the other hand, is a hindrance to mastering self-control and achieving success. How to learn to restrain emotions and control yourself? Eliminate debts in a timely manner.

Cosiness

Create a comfortable workplace for yourself, equip your home according to your own taste. Both at work and at home, with your family, you should be comfortable - nothing should cause irritation or any other negative emotions.

Time planning

Try to competently make plans for the day, strive to ensure that you have both time and resources for the implementation of the tasks set a little more than you need. This will avoid the negative associated with the constant lack of time and worries about the lack of finances, energy and strength for work.

Communication and workflow

Avoid contact with unpleasant people who waste your personal time. In particular, with individuals who are called "energy vampires" - they take not only time, but also your strength. If possible, try not to intersect with overly temperamental people, as any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to control your emotions in relationships with other people? Be polite, do not exceed your authority, do not overreact to criticism.

If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your place of work. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of peace of mind.

Border marking

Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line beyond which no one, even the closest person, should cross. Make a set of rules that restrict people from interacting with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who oppose the settings should not be in your environment. To communicate with outsiders, develop a special system that will avoid violation of your boundaries and the formation of conflict situations.

Physical activity and introspection

Playing sports will bring not only physical health, but also mental balance. Give sports from 30 minutes to 1 hour a day, and your body will quickly cope with negative emotions.

At the same time, analyze everything that happens to you during the day. Ask yourself questions about whether you did the right thing in this or that situation, whether you communicated with the right people, whether there was enough time to complete the work. This will help not only to understand yourself, but also in the future to eradicate communication with unnecessary people that cause negativity. own emotions, thoughts and goals allows you to fully develop self-control.

Positive emotions and prioritization

Develop the ability to switch from negative to positive emotions, try to see the positive side in any situation. How to learn to control emotions in relationships with relatives and strangers? Be positive, and this will help you defeat your own temper.

A well-chosen goal is a great help in achieving self-control. When you are on the verge of a surge of negative emotions, imagine that as soon as you stop being nervous and paying attention to provocations, your dreams will begin to come true. Choose only realistic, achievable goals.

Environment

Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit in talking to them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious, you urgently need to change your social circle, switch to people who bring positive emotions. Of course, it is unrealistic to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the workspace.

In addition to changing the environment, expanding the circle of friends will help to achieve the development of self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.

You can not hold back emotions, get angry, scream, laugh, cry out loud and resent loudly. Do you think anyone likes such sincerity? Only your enemies enjoy watching this spectacle. Learning to manage emotions!

Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing ourselves to be led by false feelings, we do things that we later regret. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control of ourselves, so emotions have taken over the mind. That is, we did not control emotions, but they controlled us.

Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the absence of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain self-control and subordinate feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.

They are not thinking about tomorrow, and their expenses often far exceed their income.

Unrestrained people flare up like a match in any quarrel, unable to stop in time and compromise, which deserves a reputation as a conflict person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors say that many diseases are directly related to such negative emotions as anger, etc. People who value their own peace and nerves prefer to avoid them.

People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much of their free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can keep them. It is not surprising that in whatever area they work, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for everything is the lack of self-control.

A developed sense of self-control allows you to keep a cool head in any situation, sober thoughts and an understanding that feelings can turn out to be false and lead to a dead end.

There are situations when we need to hide our emotions in our own interests. “Sometimes I am a fox, sometimes I am a lion,” said the French commander. “The secret… is to know when to be one, when to be different!”

Self-controlled people deserve respect and enjoy authority. On the other hand, they seem to many to be callous, heartless, "insensitive chumps" and ... incomprehensible. Much clearer to us are those who from time to time "indulge in all serious", "breaks down", loses control over themselves and commits unpredictable acts! Looking at them, and we seem to ourselves not so weak. Moreover, it is not so easy to become restrained and strong-willed. So we reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason, and not by feelings, is bleak, and therefore unhappy.

The fact that this is not so is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist momentary temptation are more successful and happy than those who are not able to cope with emotions.

The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist at Stanford University. He is also known as the "marshmallow test" because one of his main "heroes" is an ordinary marshmallow.

In an experiment conducted in the 60s of the last century, 653 children of 4 years of age participated. They were led in turn into a room where one marshmallow lay on the table in a plate. Each child was told that he could eat it right now, but if he waited 15 minutes, he would get another one, and then he could eat both. Michelle Walter left the child alone for a few minutes and then returned. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before his return, and only 30 waited for him and got the second one. It is curious that the same percentage was observed during a similar experiment in two other countries where it was conducted.

Michel Walter followed the fate of his wards and after 15 years came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get “everything and now”, but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more teachable and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves the quality of human life.

Itzhak Pintosevich, who is called the "coach of success", argues that those who are not in control of themselves and their actions should forever forget about efficiency.

How to learn to manage yourself

1. Recall the “marshmallow test”

30% of 4-year-olds already knew how. This trait of character was inherited by them "by nature" or this skill was brought up in them by their parents.

Someone said: “Don't raise your children, they will still look like you. Educate yourself." Indeed, we want to see our children restrained, but we ourselves arrange tantrums in front of their eyes. We tell them that they must cultivate willpower in themselves, but we ourselves show weakness of character. We remind you that they must be punctual, and every morning we are late for work.

Therefore, we begin to learn to control ourselves by carefully analyzing our behavior and identifying "weak spots" - where exactly we allow ourselves to "bloom".

2. Components of control

The aforementioned Yitzhak Pintosevich believes that in order for control to be effective, it must include 3 components:

1. Be honest with yourself and have no illusions about yourself;
2. You should control yourself systematically, and not from case to case;
3. Control should be not only internal (when we control ourselves), but also external. For example, we promised to solve the problem in such and such a time. And, in order not to leave ourselves a loophole for retreat, we announce this in the circle of colleagues. If we do not meet the announced time, we pay them a fine. The danger of losing a decent amount will serve as a good incentive in order not to be distracted by extraneous matters.

3. We write down on the sheet the main goals facing us, and put (or hang) it in a prominent place

Every day we monitor how we managed to move towards their implementation.

4. Get your finances in order

We keep loans under control, remember if we have debts that urgently need to be paid off, and reduce the debit to the loan. Our emotional state is quite dependent on the state of our finances. Therefore, the less confusion and problems in this area, the less we will have reasons to "lose our temper."

5. We observe our reaction to events that cause strong emotions in us, and analyze whether they are worth our experiences

We imagine the worst option and understand that it is not as terrible as the consequences of our inadequate and thoughtless behavior.

6. Doing the opposite

We are angry with a colleague, and we are tempted to say “a couple of kind words” to him. Instead, we smile affably and say a compliment. If we felt offended that another employee was sent to the conference instead of us, we don’t get angry, but we rejoice for him and wish him a happy journey.

From the very morning we were overcome by laziness, and - turn on the music, and take up some business. In a word, we act contrary to what our emotions tell us.

7. A famous phrase says: we cannot change circumstances, but we can change our attitude towards them.

We are surrounded by different people, and not all of them are friendly and fair to us. We cannot be upset and indignant every time we meet someone else's envy, anger, rudeness. We must come to terms with what we cannot influence.

8. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation

As physical exercise develops the body, so meditation trains the mind. Through daily meditation sessions, one can learn to avoid negative emotions, not to succumb to passions that interfere with a sober look at circumstances and can destroy life. With the help of meditation, a person plunges into a state of calm and achieves harmony with himself.

Each person is unique, and, accordingly, his character, temperament, habits are unique. People who have heightened emotionality cannot hide their feelings, and sometimes this leads to undesirable consequences. This can cause quarrels with friends, a break with a loved one, problems in the family and at work. Such people are often aware of their problem and understand that they should not give vent to their emotions, but they cannot stop in time. So how to learn to hide emotions or at least suppress them, if necessary? And is it possible?

How to learn to hide your emotions and feelings

The answer is yes. You just need to follow some fairly simple recommendations that will greatly facilitate your life and help you build relationships with people around you.

You need to create a mental setting for yourself that only insecure, notorious people with low self-esteem go on about emotions. You need to clearly understand that a strong person will always be able to convince the interlocutor that he is right calmly, without screaming and excessive displays of emotion.

You need to try to improve your self-esteem. To do this, you need to carefully analyze all your strengths and weaknesses, as well as achievements and failures. Do not forget about impartiality and objectivity. In addition, you will be given self-confidence by the goals that you intend to achieve both in the near and in the distant future.

To learn how to hide emotions, try to treat the events happening to you with humor. The ability to find something funny in the most ordinary situation will help you a lot, as well as the ability to sometimes laugh at yourself. No one will argue with the fact that laughing is much better than making a scandal.

Learn to look at yourself to some extent "from the outside." Pay attention to the behavior of people who react just as violently as you do to events happening to them. Believe that you look no better in such situations.

Surely, if people thought about how unpresentable they look in moments of anger, they would try to restrain their emotions. This is especially true for women, because it is unlikely that any representative of the fair sex will want to look unsightly in the eyes of others.

We told you how to learn to hide your emotions. We sincerely hope that our advice will help you achieve true harmony both in your own inner world and in relationships with people around you.

How to suppress your emotions and not show

If emotions overtake you spontaneously, remember that in a situation of excessive emotional stress, you can not make any decisions (except in emergencies when it comes to your life). Most of the recommendations on how to learn to hide emotions in this case are as follows:

• collect your thoughts and slowly count to ten;
• normalize your breathing, for which slowly inhale through the nose and hold your breath for a while, then also slowly exhale through the nose. During such breathing, concentrate on your inner sensations;
• if the situation requires it, then apologize and leave the room to be alone;
• cold water will help to recover - moisten your forehead, hands and temples;
• you can move away from experiences by looking at surrounding objects, trees or the sky, and if at the same time describe their appearance to yourself, then very soon you will be able to switch from your emotions to the environment;
• Drink a glass of water very slowly and with concentration, concentrating on your sensations.

Remember about the prevention of excessive tension, walks in the fresh air, creative activities, clubs of interest will help you prevent emotional overstrain.

How to Suppress Emotions When You Need It

“We had to not get excited, restrain ourselves, and then express our opinion” - we often use this phrase after a violent manifestation of emotions, both negative in quarrels and positive in joy for something. This tip of our mind is what we often call "hindsight." And as life experience shows, reason is right. But why does this happen after emotional outbursts? And how to overcome emotions that often complicate our relationship with society.

Psychologists are of the opinion that the expression of emotions is necessary. But for the sake of maintaining a relationship with someone, it is often more profitable for us to suppress emotions than to express them.

In everyday life, our wisdom is limited to advice that is aimed at combating emotional extremes. We often hear:

• in grief - "do not kill yourself like that, everything will pass",
• in joy - “do not rejoice if you did not have to cry”, with whims - “do not be picky”,
• during apathy - "well, shake it up!"

And how can we learn to hide emotions and maintain complete control over a surge of emotions, if in the first place we lose the ability to control our current state? Trying to cope with their emotional world, people delved into the mechanism of experiences and tried to use it more intelligently than nature. One of the systems aimed at regulating emotions is yoga gymnastics. Yogis have developed a series of breathing and physical exercises, which allowed to get rid of emotional stress and partially from experiences.

If you want to learn how to suppress emotions, you need to turn to yoga. Some elements of the yogi system were used in the creation of the autogenic training method. Psychologists are sure that auto-training is one of the techniques that allow you to suppress emotions. Auto-training techniques are not as primitive as advice to keep yourself within the bounds of decency when you are ready to explode from the surging emotions. The famous phrase: “I am calm, I am completely calm” is practically a balm for your nerves stretched like a string.

Another available method to suppress emotions is laughter therapy. When a person laughs, three times more air enters the lungs, which contributes to an increase in the amount of oxygen entering the blood, blood circulation improves, blood pressure decreases by calming the heart rhythm. During laughter, the production of endomorphin increases ( anti-stress substance), which leads to the release of the body from adrenaline (stress hormone).

Dancing and listening to music have a similar mechanism of action on the body. And you can easily “defuse” the situation with a cheerful smile or a sparkling joke.

We try so hard to hide everything we really feel from those who should probably know our true feelings the most. Alas, any of us from time to time tries to hide our emotions from those around us. Although we may not realize it, along with such secrecy, we begin to gradually change our behavioral patterns.

1. You start caring about others.

When you feel depressed and overwhelmed, you may find it easier to deal with other people's problems than with your own. Unfortunately, this makes you feel even more exhausted and tired.

2. You disappear from the lives of people you love.

You do fall out of their sight for long periods of time. You stop keeping in touch with them and withdraw into your little world. Instead of speaking out, you prefer to hide everything.

3. You are constantly busy with something

You may find that you are more emotional when you have nothing to do. This may encourage you to engage in constant frantic activity. Not having a single free moment for yourself, you try to ignore the emotions you hide.

4. "I'm fine"

This soothing phrase comes out of your mouth more and more often as you suppress your emotions. In the end, if everyone thinks that everything is fine with you, then you yourself begin to think that this is almost so. However, this does not solve the problem.

5. Anxiety builds up in you.

If people constantly suppress sadness, anger or pain, not allowing them to come out, there is an internal anxiety that "dangerous emotions are about to break through." Therefore, even if you pretend to ignore them, you are still afraid of giving yourself away and try to avoid people.

6. You start feeling false positives.

Inside you feel very bad, and outwardly you mask your condition with caustic humor and false positive. On the one hand, the most insightful loved ones can immediately recognize your pretense, and on the other hand, such an “acting game” exhausts you.

7. You have a need to control everything.

You plan everything in advance so that every second of the day is under your control. You don't leave time for surprise or spontaneity because it can make you think about the feelings and emotions you're holding in.

8. You risk falling into a bad relationship.

These relationships may not necessarily be toxic, but rather inappropriate and untimely. With a new person in your life, it's easier for you to hide everything and keep your emotions under tight lock. In this way, you are trying to change your external environment in order to counter the internal sensations.

9. You make a joke of everything

Even if it seems to you that you are drowning in your sadness, you try to turn it into a joke. Laughing at your pain becomes a way to get rid of it. It's a defense mechanism that allows you to keep your emotions in check, as well as keep people at arm's length to help you.

10. Unfortunately, your positive emotions also suffer.

When you lock up your feelings, positive emotions are locked up along with them. If you do not allow yourself to express sadness or grief, you may find that you can no longer express joy.