Sergei Alexandrovich Mayorov

Editor Sergei Alexandrovich Mayorov

© Sergey Alexandrovich Mayorov, 2017

ISBN 978-5-4483-8335-9

Created with the intelligent publishing system Ridero

Everyone feels a certain amount of pressure these days. We are in a hurry at work, we are in a hurry at home, there are always a lot of things that we need to do. Stress and anxiety have become an integral part of our lives. But how can we deal with it? Most people don't. Stress causes chaos in our body. Release that rage and you won't even realize how stress will make you sick.

The statistics are staggering. One in eight Russians aged 18 to 54 suffers from an anxiety disorder. That's over 19 million people! A study by the National Institute of Mental Health found that anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness, surpassing even depression. Women suffer from this almost twice as often as men, and it is the number one mental health problem of the fairer sex. Men are not as impressionable, however, male anxiety disorders are second only to alcohol and drug abuse.

Anxiety takes not only our health, but also our money, in the amount of 460 billion rubles annually. Patients with anxiety disorder, on average, go through five doctors before they receive the correct diagnosis.

Stress and anxiety always go hand in hand. One of the main symptoms of stress is anxiety. And stress is the cause of 80% of diseases, directly or indirectly.

Stress is much more dangerous than originally thought. You probably already know that it can lead to high blood pressure, increasing the chance of a stroke. It is claimed that 90 percent of emergency calls were due to stress-related disorders.

The Journal of Health Psychology reports that chronic stress can interfere with the normal function of the body's immune system. Studies have shown that people who are often exposed to stress have an increased vulnerability to viral diseases and are more susceptible to allergic, autoimmune and cardiovascular diseases. Doctors believe that during times of chronic stress, bodily functions that are not essential for survival, such as the digestive and immune systems, are severely suppressed. Stress makes us sick.

In addition, stress often prompts people to respond in unhealthy ways, such as smoking, drinking alcohol, unhealthy eating habits, or reduced physical activity. In addition to the wear and tear from the stress itself, it still further damages the body.

You can't completely turn off stress, it's part of our lives. However, you can control it. The difference is how we react to it. In this book, you will get methods to help you control stress so that you can stay healthy and happy.

I have suffered from stress-induced anxiety disorders for many years. I learned ways to deal with stress and some of the mechanisms that helped me manage it. This book is a combination of my personal experience and expert advice. I will give you tools that you can use when you are in a stressful situation.

I have also outlined different ways to deal with situations if you are experiencing anxiety and panic attacks. Plus, I will share with you some amazing information that just turned my life around. In general, let's act. Let's start removing the consequences of stress and anxiety from your life!

Why are we so stressed out?

We live in very difficult and challenging times. Technology and progress have made many things more difficult than the simple life of our ancestors. Sometimes our lives can be terribly sick and unfair. Why do some people manage to get through this easier than others? They have the best skills and tools.

Society as a whole is always under stress. Millions of people are in record levels of debt. Many are losing their homes, jobs, health, and sometimes even sanity. Anxiety, depression and anxiety seem to have become a way of life.

It seems that we have entered the Age of Anxiety. In fact, the Times magazine once proclaimed it in one of its articles. The constant stress and uncertainty of life in the twenty-first century has certainly taken its toll. As a result, nowadays many people live in a state of constant fear and anxiety.

Modern terrorist attacks also add fuel to the fire. Many people report being scared by terrorist threats every day. They fear that something big will happen and affect them or their loved ones.

Turn on the news or open a newspaper and you'll be immediately bombarded with disturbing images and stories. When you are somewhere safe, you start to wonder. The information age gives us access to endless data. But most of it is media-covered disturbing news.

When there are many women around at work, this also leads to stress. Many women feel the need to be everything to everyone – a breadwinner, housewife, mother, wife, daughter and sister. Trying to squeeze it all into your life and do it well is a huge stressor. Women are so busy that if they do something for themselves, they feel guilty about it. Such a position is a loser in advance, and it raises the level of stress to sky-high heights.

Even children can feel the pressure of stress and anxiety. Teenagers studying at universities and colleges feel pressure to pass the exam and get a scholarship. They have to work part-time to earn additional services that their parents can no longer afford to pay for. Add in peer pressure and you have a real pressure cooker!

We feel pressure because we think we should do all these things, not because we want to do them. It's hard for people to just say "No." When you can't say that one little word, you start to build up unnecessary expectations and obligations that end up making you feel anxious.

Each of us constantly goes through situations that can lead to stress or anxiety. The reasons are endless, but here are a few common causes that commonly cause stress: property purchases, career pressure, guests overstaying, intimidation by someone else, exams, childcare, financial management, relationship problems, death, illness, and even travel. Stress is a “normal” function of everyday life. And it only becomes a problem when it starts to take over your life.

Everyone reacts to stressful situations differently. As a rule, extreme stress is caused by situations in which we feel hopeless, when we begin to lose control over the situation. Take back control and you will get rid of stress.

You have everything you need inside of you to overcome stress and anxiety. You can deal with stress.

Let's first take a look at the barriers that prevent you from getting rid of stress and being healthy.

There are three kinds of compulsive habits that interfere with the healing process and keep you from enjoying life. The first step towards getting rid of problems is acknowledging them.

The first barrier is negative thinking. When you have a tendency to negative thinking, you begin to notice and emphasize everything around you that you do not like - in people, places, situations and events in your life. Is your glass half full or half empty? I believe it is half full, and you may be too.

If your inner voice tells you something like: "You can't do this!" or "No one understands you!" or "Nothing works!", you are sending yourself negative signals. You may be doing this unconsciously, so you need to listen to that voice. It can hold you back from knowing how to look at life positively and enjoy the beauty in yourself and in those around you. There is a whole world around you ... happiness and positive thinking!

The next barrier is obsessive perfectionism. With such a barrier inside, you are preoccupied with doing all things to the point where you are already getting yourself into an anxious state. You may find yourself making statements such as "I have to do it right or I'll fail" or "If I don't do it perfectly people will get mad at me and they won't like it." Again, this behavior can be completely hidden from your consciousness, but this interferes greatly with your ability to enjoy life without feeling stressed and anxious.

→ Life without stress

“The emotional state of a person affects the physical well-being of the body, causing illness, or vice versa – curing it. Desires, anger and fears influence our lives so strongly that they literally determine the physical plane of the existence of a person.

A study published in the journal Circulation shows that emotional stress leads to long-term endothelial dysfunction. (Endothelium is a layer of cells lining the inner surfaces of blood and lymphatic vessels, heart cavities). And this leads to ischemia, cardiac arrhythmias and increased blood clots. But that's not all! Acute emotional stress leads to an increase in blood pressure and heart rate.

It has been established that the influence of one outburst of anger affects the endothelium for 72 hours! It's just one outburst of anger! For comparison: after smoking one cigarette, endothelial dysfunction lasts about 40 minutes.

But everyone around is talking about the fact that smoking is harmful, and no one is talking about the fact that it is extremely dangerous to get angry, swear and get angry! We somehow agreed that stress is an inevitable attribute of our daily life. So we live in a state of constant, so-called stress, because we get angry, swear and get angry, unfortunately, not once every three days, but much more often.

The more cases of anger, the more heart attacks. The more anxiety, the more often heart attacks, because our astral body instantly transfers the emotions that have arisen in it to the physical level. Today, more than 90% of diseases are associated with stress and are psychosomatic in nature.

From the book Tikhoplav V.Yu., Tikhoplav T.S.

ADVICE OF THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST
Ten tips from Dr. Girish Patel, a famous Indian teacher and psychotherapist, author of many training courses and trainings. Dr. Patel, Secretary of the Brahma Kumaris Medical Wing of the World Spiritual University (Mount Abu, India), lives and works in Bombay and lectures in many countries around the world. In May 2010, Dr. Patel held a meeting and training with medical students of Novgorod State University named after. Yaroslav the Wise.

Dr. Patel says: “The 17th century is sometimes described as the age of faith. The 18th century was considered the age of reason; at that time the emphasis was on logic and rationalism. The 19th century can be characterized as the century of industrial and scientific and technological progress. What became the distinctive feature of the 20th century? Someone, probably, will name information technologies. But I would say that the 20th century is the age of stress. Now even small children say: "I'm stressed." And what will become typical in this century? Increasingly, there is an assertion that the 21st century may become a century of panic. Projections say that by 2020, depression will become the second most common disease after cardiovascular disease. That is why it is extremely important to understand some simple laws that will help you effectively cope with stressful situations and significantly improve the quality of life.

TIP ONE
The cornerstone of stress management: a problematic situation is not yet stressful. The situation is lifeless; we breathe life into it by our attitude towards it. Not long ago, I spoke with a well-known Indian doctor who is now successfully working in the United States. He said a characteristic thing: “I became a good doctor because my parents were poor. If they were rich, I would not be interested in studying, but in completely different things. The moral is: it's not what you have or what happens to you that matters. What matters is what you do with it.

The situation can be perceived negatively, as a threat, but it can also be perceived positively, as a challenge or an opportunity. Let's say you have an exam. Or you will be working with a difficult patient. Think like this: “For me, this is an opportunity to fulfill my potential, to show my strengths, to learn new things.” Some visual reminder symbol will be a good practical help. It can be a drawing, a quatrain, a short and capacious motto. Let them be in front of your eyes as often as possible - on the wall in your room, under the glass of your desktop.

TIP TWO
We tend to complain about your difficulties. We complain a lot and do little. We believe that very little is under our control. If you want to effectively cope with stress and develop even in the most difficult circumstances, learn to see those things that are still in your power. For me, a very clear example of this is Professor Stephen Hawking*, a theoretical physicist at the University of Cambridge.

For many years he has been suffering from an illness that has left his entire body paralyzed. And yet he continues to work on what is in his power. Fortunately, his brain is not affected by the disease, and the fingers on his right hand move. And he, practically immobilized, is actively working, exploring black holes and other mysteries of the Universe, without leaving his office. Today he is world famous. What is the reason for his success? He did not complain about illness or fate. He asked himself the question: “What is in my hands now?” - and maximized the opportunities he had. So, even in the most difficult situations, do not lose heart, but ask yourself the same question: “What is in my hands now?”.

* A small digression, in no way detracting from Dr. Patel's excellent advice.

“The pitiful remnant of a once cheerful person, chained to an electric wheelchair, unable to pronounce the simplest word and therefore forced to communicate with people through a computer and a speech synthesizer, is Hawking. Brilliant mind and world-renowned researcher, who strictly adheres to the working regime, lectures around the world and maintains an extensive correspondence, loving husband and millionaire - this is also Hawking.

More than thirty years ago, Hawking, who was then about 27 years old, was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (the same disease that N. Ostrovsky had). According to doctors, he had two or three years to live, no more. However, he showed a colossal will to live in the physical world, did not want to get rid of his sick, dilapidated physical body and turn into the “head of Professor Dowell” or go to the Subtle World, where we will never be late anyway. In 1979, after graduating summa cum laude from Oxford University, Hawking took over as Lucasian professor of mathematics at Cambridge, the position first held by the great Sir Newton in 1663.

"My greatest achievement is that I'm still alive," said Hawking, the Nobel laureate and deservedly considered a modern genius, in one of his last lectures on the origin of the universe. It took place in one of the Chicago theaters and gathered several thousand listeners.

Where does this person get the amazing strength to resist all the misfortunes that have been tormenting his physical body for several decades? It turns out that a person comes to the aid of his third incarnation - "Extra-I", his Spirit!

They say: “A healthy mind in a healthy body!”. But Hawking has a healthy Spirit in a sick and helpless physical body. But this body ensures his stay on Earth. And a person is not defeated until his “Spirit is broken”, until he himself admits his defeat.

It is worth noting that Stephen Hawking is an "ardent" supporter of the creation of "man-machine systems", the design of more advanced individuals based on genetic engineering, transplantology, and the enhancement of their physical and intellectual abilities by implanting microchips. Apparently it would be easier for him if people physically represented something like himself.

The well-known Soviet geneticist V. Efroimson warned that over 1.5 million years of human evolution, all “excess” had already been removed. He wrote: “It is naive to think that someone with a pipette, a screwdriver and a microchip will replace some block in a living organism, pull something out, and insert something, and, by radically changing the situation, will solve the problems of our time.”

* Tikhoplav V.Yu., Tikhoplav T.S.

TIP THREE
If today you do not find a place for yourself because of the upcoming exam in ten days, if you suffer from insomnia today, it is easy to understand that this will negatively affect the quality of preparation and assessment. As a rule, we live either in the past or in the future. So, for example, we feel guilty about our past mistakes or worry about the future. But yesterday, just like tomorrow, is not in our power. Focus on the present. Treat it like a gift. Be grateful for the present moment - because in the present you have no stress.

TIP FOUR
Our system of views and beliefs is important. All of you are doctors or future doctors. If you consider that you have acquired a noble profession, that you have got the opportunity to help people, and not just make money, work will be a joy to you. If you perceive your work solely as a means of earning money, you may have problems, because sometimes doctors have to work hard, day and night, at any time of the day. At the same time, financial rewards are not always adequate. If you are convinced that the blessings of your patients are your most important asset, you will never be disappointed or stressed.

TIP FIVE
Stress management requires you to be able to work with your thoughts and emotions. It is very useful in this regard to maintain a table of four columns. In the first column, give the difficult situations that you had to face during the day. In the second, describe how you felt in those situations, such as being upset or angry or nervous or tired. In the third column, write down the thought that caused these unpleasant emotions in you. And in the fourth - the thought that, from your point of view, would be correct in this situation. Already at the very moment when you record it, you will feel that something is changing. And decide for yourself: “In the future, faced with a similar situation, I will think this way.” Only six to eight weeks of such work on yourself will give amazing results.

TIP SIX
We have some goals in life, and some problems that hinder the achievement of these goals. Perhaps your goal is to graduate with honors and become the best doctor in Veliky Novgorod. But there are also problems, for example, a difficult curriculum, lack of time, family situation or something else. If you focus on problems, then problems press on the goal, as a result of which the goal “shrinks”, and the problems, on the contrary, increase. The opposite should happen: with determination, focus on the goal. Say to yourself: “I will fulfill my dream at all costs!”. If you focus on the goal with determination, a miracle will happen: you will find that your goal begins to ... squeeze out problems.

The simplest and clearest example: on the eve of the exam, you are so absorbed in your goal (successfully pass it) that problems in the form of laziness, desire to sleep, computer games, etc., recede; not a trace remains of them, although only a month ago they seemed insurmountable. Treat any life goals with the seriousness with which you treat the exam on the day before it.

TIP SEVEN
Remember: when one door closes for you, another one is sure to open somewhere. You need to stand and look at the locked door. Find the one that opened at the same time, and you will discover new horizons for yourself. Does closing the door hurt? Maybe. But when we dispassionately evaluate our past, we see that if we have learned something valuable in our lives, then - in the vast majority of cases - we have learned through pain. None of us learned anything from enjoyment. Let's say someone criticizes you and you get upset. Change your approach, tell yourself: "I will learn from this criticism." Thousands and millions of people in the world turn to psychologists and psychotherapists because they want to identify their weaknesses. The therapist will ask them hundreds of questions, and then say: "You have such and such a weakness, you need to get rid of it in such and such a way." And very often for this one phrase of a specialist you have to lay out a tidy sum. But after all, your critics do exactly the same thing for you: they conscientiously reveal your weaknesses, your shortcomings. And they don't charge any fees for their services! Be thankful for them - and develop.

TIP EIGHT
Our words are very important, the language in which we formulate our thoughts. Compare two phrases. First: "I failed four times." Second: "I'm a loser." Same? Not at all! Even if you have failed four times, you are not yet a failure. The fifth time you can succeed. But when you think, "I'm a loser," that's really the end.

TIP NINE
Stock up on patience. No wonder they say: if God hesitates, this does not mean that He refuses you.

TIP TEN
Try to find time every day to be alone with yourself. When you are in silence, you get the opportunity to dive deep into yourself, and yet your real resources are right there, your real power is there. You have something imperishable, eternal inside you, whether we call this "something" life energy, soul, consciousness or in any other way. And one more thing: in silence we hear God. Why is it so important? If we just learned to cope with stress, this is, of course, good, but this is not enough. After all, this only means that we have come from a stressful state to a neutral state. But we want not just a neutral, but a positive state!

What is the purpose of the healthcare system? This goal is to ensure that people not only do not get sick, but are healthy. And the absence of disease is not health. And in the same way, the absence of stress is not life. Life is joy, it is love, it is pleasure. And in order to feel the fullness of life, it is absolutely necessary for us to move away from ordinary, everyday consciousness from time to time. As it is natural for water to be cool, so it is natural for the soul to be in a state of peace, love, and mercy. Feeling your real “I” in silence, you immediately touch these wonderful qualities of the soul. And then they will help you all day long.

You ask me whether it is necessary to turn to God in this case. In principle, sometimes it is enough to work on yourself independently or, for example, communicate with a person who understands you. But if you believe in God, this is an additional plus for you. When we are young, we tend to think that everything is in our hands, under our control. As we gain life experience, we increasingly understand the limits of our capabilities. One surgeon said: "I just bandage the wounds, and God heals." Many modern doctors, very professional and experienced, put such words on their business cards. I don't think it's a coincidence.

Laura Horne is Program Manager at Active Minds, the first national non-profit dedicated to student mental health education. Prior to joining Active Minds, she led community initiatives at the National Association of County and City Health Workers and at Tulane University. She received her Master of Public Health from Tulane University. Certified by the National Commission for Certification in Health Education as a Health Education Specialist.

Number of sources used in this article: . You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Stress, also known as the fight-or-flight response, helps you avoid danger. At the same time, an excessive amount of stress leads to health problems and can negatively affect other aspects of life. Learn to understand the causes of stress in order to improve your well-being.

Steps

Daily stress management

Control your stress levels. It is important to assess your stress levels in order to make changes and reduce your overall stress levels, as well as to deal with stress effectively. Monitor your stress levels over time and record how often you feel stressed throughout the week. Of course, the amount of stress will vary depending on the events in life, but such an initial assessment will allow you to start solving the problem.

Identify stress triggers. After monitoring and evaluating your stress levels, try to identify specific causes of stress. There are many sources of stress. What causes you stress? Work? Relations? Financial condition? Children? Trying to determine the exact cause will be the first step towards solving the problem.

Consider strategies for eliminating triggers. Once you know the sources of your stress, start problem solving. Determine which aspects of the event or trigger are within your control so you can focus on the things you can influence. A common cause of stress is the simple accumulation of responsibilities and tasks that take away time for rest and relaxation.

Start scheduling your time well. Along with reducing the number of obligations, you should plan your time effectively and find gaps in which you do not have to go somewhere and do something. So you can clearly understand how you are willing to spend your time, which will help you in all aspects of life. Don't be afraid to delegate or put off things that don't need to be resolved urgently.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you suffer from stress and anxiety, then you should not feel that you have to deal with problems on your own. Reach out to a close friend or relative and talk about your feelings. Communication plays an important role and helps relieve stress. It is not necessary to have overly serious conversations and share your deep secrets.

Realize that there is no easy solution. Managing your stress levels, identifying triggers, and developing a strategy will help you gradually reduce your stress levels. However, it is important to understand that there is no instant miracle solution to the problem of a stressful lifestyle. You need to use the suggested methods and perceive the problems and hardships of life in the modern world with a sense of humor. The ability to see the funny in everyday things will help you deal with inevitable difficulties more easily.

Physical activity

1. Exercise regularly. Scientists suggest that physical activity helps fight stress, mild depression and anxiety through chemical changes in the brain that can improve mood. Regular exercise also improves overall health through self-control and increased self-esteem.

   Find time for activities that bring you pleasure. In addition to regular physical education, you also need to please yourself with other things. For example, go to the cinema, meet friends at a cafe, or play with your dog. Such activities will help you escape from stressful situations and relax.

   • Having the right balance in your life can help reduce your stress levels significantly.
   • The golden mean between work and personal life reduces stress and increases efficiency.
   • If you forget about friends, over time, stress will only increase.

   ADVICE OF THE SPECIALIST

   Laura Horne is Program Manager at Active Minds, the first national non-profit dedicated to student mental health education. Prior to joining Active Minds, she led community initiatives at the National Association of County and City Health Workers and at Tulane University. She received her Master of Public Health from Tulane University. Certified by the National Commission for Certification in Health Education as a Health Education Specialist.

   health education specialist

   You should take care of yourself regularly. Health educator Laura Horn says, “Self-care enhances our ability to live fulfilling lives. It also reminds you and those around you that your needs are important.”

   Take up yoga. In addition to the usual pleasant activities, strive to find new hobbies and hobbies. Yoga is a good option as it combines physical activity, relaxation techniques, and peace and quiet. Yoga has been proven to reduce stress and anxiety.

Proper nutrition and a healthy lifestyle

Start eating right. Like regular exercise, a well-balanced diet leads to a healthier lifestyle. Healthy and positive dietary changes will make you stronger physically and emotionally. Active self-care will increase self-esteem, energize and control the body better, while a healthy diet will ensure that the body works efficiently.

Follow a healthy sleep pattern. The average adult needs 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night. Lack of sleep increases stress, and chronic sleep deprivation can impair judgment, reason, appearance, libido, and performance at work and school. The following ways can help you get more sleep:

• develop and maintain a regular sleep schedule;
• before going to bed, do relaxing activities (reading, breathing exercises);
• turn off electronic devices;
• go to bed in comfortable conditions;
• cut out caffeine and alcohol, which disrupt sleep.

1. Drink less alcohol. Stay within the recommended drinking limits to take care of your emotional health. Men are often advised not to drink more than three to four servings per day. Women should limit themselves to two to three servings. Such a temptation often occurs in tense situations, but in fact, alcohol enhances feelings, makes a person angry and aggressive.

   • One serving of alcohol corresponds to about 25 milliliters of a 40% ABV drink, 150 milliliters of 5-6% ABV beer, or half a standard (175 milliliters) glass of 12% ABV wine.
   • There are special apps that help you keep track of your alcohol consumption.
   • If drinking alcohol has become a problem, you should consult a doctor.

2. Quit smoking. If you smoke, try smoking less or quitting to ease tension and anxiety and see life in a positive light. In addition to the obvious physical health benefits, quitting smoking will also benefit your mental health. You should not believe the myths that smoking helps to relax. In fact, smoking increases anxiety and stress.

Helpful relaxation techniques

1. Take up meditation. In addition to making lifestyle changes and cutting back on unnecessary commitments to free up time for yourself, try a variety of relaxation techniques to help relieve stress. Meditation is an ancient practice that helps to calm the mind and live at peace with oneself. Try to sit still and focus on your breathing.

   • If thoughts arise in your head, return to concentration on measured breathing.
   • You can also focus on an object in front of you or visualize a calm place like the seashore.
   • It may be difficult at first, but your mediation skills will improve over time.

1. Do not take what is happening to heart. Life is a mixture of good and bad. If something bad happens to you - in the past, present or future - accept it as part of life.

This is not a consequence of malicious intent directed against you, and not God's punishment sent down on you - it's just that life is multicolored and varied. If only good things happened to us, we would not learn anything, and our life would be boring. We all get in trouble from time to time. And we all need to deal with it and learn from it.

2. Everything changes. Whatever your current situation is, everything will change. There is nothing you can do about it, you just have to accept that change is inevitable. When we are afraid of change, we try to avoid it, our thinking slows down, the feeling of anxiety prevents us from adequately responding to what is happening around. If we accept that change is inevitable, we can respond to it as something exciting, and then our thought process remains pure, clear, and light.

3. Stop trying to be perfect. Much more conducive to relaxation and beneficial acceptance of the fact that we are all not devoid of certain weaknesses and shortcomings. Stop seeing yourself as a flawed being. If you get rid of everything that you evaluate as bad, you will lose your individuality. It is very good to improve yourself, but it is useless to try to become perfect.

4. Take the lead. It's nobody's fault that you are who you are. If in a critical situation you will be passive and will only blame everyone and everything, then this will not change anything. Take the initiative, take positive steps - and you will be able to change the situation for the better. Do not cling to the past - it cannot be changed; think about the future - you can influence it.

5. Stop demanding. Let circumstances guide you instead of trying to control them. Change what you can and don't waste your energy on the rest.

6. Where are you rushing? Think of life as a journey. Enjoy it. Take a look around. Try to analyze what life has given you. Enjoy every episode. And from time to time, allow yourself to do nothing, just watch how things unfold.

7. Pay attention to the work of your body. Our body is in great need of care and support. Without good sleep, quality food, and regular exercise, it starts to falter early. Listen to his work and fix "problems" without waiting for the whole system to fail. Taking care of your body is not selfish or a waste of time, but a vital necessity.

8. Don't bang your head against the wall. If this or that situation makes you very depressed and unable to change anything, perhaps you should avoid it or react to it differently. Instead of seeing this situation as a source of frustration, see it as a challenge. You don't have a problem; you have experience through which you learn. You do not have disappointments, you have unique opportunities to improve your skills and abilities. We all get frustrated at times—when we can't get what we want or make things the way we want them to be. However, good mental relaxation can help us deal with disappointment by developing the right attitude towards the situation - that is, accepting it calmly, as an inevitability.

9. Learn to laugh more, laughter helps you recover faster, allows you to better cope with life's dramas and generally improves health. Pay attention to how often you laugh - not just smile or smirk, but laugh heartily, literally to tears. Do this often, there is no need to be too serious.

10. Express your feelings. Learn to talk more about how you feel. Be honest with other people when it comes to your feelings. Do not try to protect others from them. This applies to both positive and negative emotions. If you feel irritated, talk about it. If you feel happy, don't hide it. Be persistent when you don't want to do something or when you feel that the situation is hurting you.

11. Know what you want. Look ahead and plan what you want to do. Give your life direction. Think about yourself, about what is good for you, and try to achieve this. However, do not wish for too much, be realistic and flexible, and make adjustments to your actions if necessary. Make both long-term and short-term plans.

12. Manage your relationships. If you don't put some of your time and effort into relationships, they will decline and fall apart. You need to work in this direction. Take care of your relationships - not only with your loved one, but also with friends, work colleagues, acquaintances, family members, relatives, neighbors. At the same time, do not demand too much attention from them. If the relationship is at an impasse, break it off.

13. Use your time effectively. Leave time for leisure, family, love, entertainment, work, travel, study, in order to be alone. Make room in your schedule for all of these areas of life, and also leave some time to make plans for the future and to check how effectively you use your time.

14. Look for choices. There are always at least two ways to influence a situation. When there is a choice, there is a feeling of freedom. Consider your options in every situation. Nothing in life is unshakable - there is always an alternative. It may not be very pleasant or even unacceptable, and we can discard it, but at least we will be aware that we have taken advantage of the choice, and this gives confidence.

15. Don't be afraid of novelty. You are changing all the time. Acquire new interests, new friends. If the current situation does not satisfy you, move on. Always be ready to explore, to experience new things, to be in new situations. Learn, try new things, improve your education, read more. Be flexible in your thinking. Don't get stuck in daily routines and habits. The more we experiment, strive for novelty, the more we grow intellectually.

16. Set intellectual and moral standards for yourself. This does not contradict the advice to have a flexible, not rigid mindset. We need this kind of criteria. In the intellectual sphere, there should be a desire to deepen knowledge and acquire new ones, then you will always remain interesting people. Set high moral standards for yourself, so that there are reasons to value you as a person. In a word, you should always focus on the best.

17. Comprehensively develop. We all need to be able to express our emotions and have a lot of them; we also need to take care of our health, develop our mental activity. In addition, there must be a spiritual component in our life, which does not mean belonging to any religious denomination at all - it can be, for example, simply enjoying the beauty of the surrounding world.

18. Know your limits. Don't take on too much. Be prepared to experience failure from time to time. Forgive yourself when something doesn't work out for you. Laugh at yourself more often. Stop making excuses.

19. Take a critical look at yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror, think about what stage of life you are at. How old are you? What does this mean? How relaxed are you? How many positive emotions do you get? Are you overworked? What are your relationships with those around you? Do you like yourself? Are you satisfied with your sex life? What are you afraid of?

20. Treat yourself well. Take time for yourself from time to time. Reward yourself, you deserve it. Treat yourself, you've earned it. Give yourself pleasure, you need it. Don't wait for others to praise you, praise yourself. Don't wait for others to love you, love yourself. Don't wait for others to take you somewhere to have fun, go and have fun yourself. Have more fun. The more relaxed we are, both mentally and physically, the better company we become for those around us, the better we can cope with life, and the more we can help others. The better we feel about ourselves, the more likely we are to want to treat others well. When we are relaxed and welcoming, those around us will have a greater desire to be around us.

Stress falls literally like snow on the head. It is impossible to foresee it and prepare in advance.

You walk calmly down the street, you see how a cute old woman's handbag falls, pick it up, give it back. And she suddenly grabs your hand and yells in an inhuman voice: “Stop the thief!” Another example: at a parent-teacher meeting they suddenly announce: “Your child has not been going to school for 3 weeks. Did not know? Very bad!" Or you return after a vacation, and the bosses have changed at work, and the entire office is moving to Ulaanbaatar.

Reaction
Feelings in such moments are very strong. Women, once in a stressful situation, usually act quite stereotypically: tears, screams, manifestations of aggression or absolute confusion.

Heart palpitations, shortness of breath, cutting pains in the stomach - these are the typical reactions of the body in response to our hurricane of emotions. All this, to put it mildly, is not useful, here it is not far from chronic diseases.

Exit
Leave "from the battlefield" at least a few meters. Literally. Get out the door or outside. Take a breath and honestly admit to yourself that you are experiencing a real nervous shock. Listen to the sensations and reactions of the body - wet hands, fog in the head, cottony legs, a lump in the throat, tears in the eyes, etc.

Now try to focus on one point for 1-2 minutes (tree, toes of shoes, etc.), then stretch from the heart (as after sleep) and take a pose characteristic of a calm state. For example, sit down, stretch your legs and throw your hands behind your head (this way you can relax several muscle groups at once). These simple and accessible ways in almost any situation will help you calm down and soberly analyze what happened to you.

If you can’t calm your nerves or are overwhelmed by disturbing thoughts, do yoga. Stand in a pose and breathe deeply.

Note

Sudden stress can be caught in a situation that requires full concentration (for example, driving). In this case, it is best to play ahead of the game. Tell yourself something like, “This is a big shock. Your hands are about to begin to tremble, and tears seem to be already rolling down your cheeks. Surprisingly, this will lead to the opposite result, because the brain will actively resist the imposed actions. But if you convince yourself to remain calm, then the body and thoughts will definitely get out of control.

Men have the ability to “postpone” the effects of sudden stress, so they appear to be more resilient. This quality is innate, but it can be learned. Imagine that now around you is a dense protective shell that does not let anything in from the outside. wait outside until you finish important business. Such a delay will also reduce the degree of anxiety and help to survive the trouble with minimal losses.

✓ Stress by situation

A wedding, a divorce, a new job, a move, a lawsuit, a big win - any change makes us worry and worry. Stress in this case manifests itself as a general tension (it is impossible to relax) and a persistent feeling of fatigue. We do not attach importance to these symptoms, and sometimes even rejoice at such immersion in business. Coffee is brewed stronger, sedatives become stronger, and the need for them arises more and more. “Well, it’s all right, everything will be over soon, then I’ll rest,” we think. And we're wrong.

Reaction
Being at the epicenter of events, a person usually does not notice that it is becoming increasingly difficult for the body to cope with emotional overload. The negative impact of stress (, migraines, changing mood, exacerbation of chronic diseases) will fully manifest itself later, when the “project” is completed.

Exit
Give up the tactics of "did the job - walk boldly." You should always walk, even when it seems that there is absolutely no time for it. Of course, you don’t need to quit everything, but being distracted and giving yourself a rest is simply necessary. Go to the theater, to the cinema, to exhibitions, have parties and be sure to play sports. Even if you don’t feel like it and “now it’s definitely not up to it.”

The level of stress reaction to significant events according to the scale of social adaptation of Holmes - Ray (calculated in points 1–100):

73 - divorce
50 - wedding
47 - dismissal
39 - starting a new job

Note

Positive events are also stressful. After all, by and large, the body doesn’t care what happened to us - it doesn’t have to spend energy. So the distraction method helps in this case too. Find an activity that evokes completely different emotions in you (preferably contrasting ones). In joy, mourn a little (for example, review a good melodrama). Add peace to unbridled delight. This will help to avoid emotional overload and other consequences of stress.

Do you want to know how stress resistant you are? Take the test - answer the questions and calculate the scores

By the way

Sudden joy simply requires a physical expression of feelings! What do you want: to jump for happiness, to hug the whole world, to fly, to shout all over the street? So ! Hug, of course, is better than just one - relatives and friends, and you can “fly” on a swing.

✓ Constant stress

Sometimes circumstances are beyond our control, it remains only to come to terms with them. In the representatives of the weaker sex, the threshold of patience is higher than in men, and therefore this type of stress is more common in us. So, for example, a woman can live for years in a permanent situation. It's tense, insulting, annoying, but ... "she's his mother." The same goes for a dysfunctional marriage or an unloved job. Emotional outbursts happen less and less over time. A special way of responding is formed: not to listen, to minimize communication, to fulfill one's duties automatically.

Reaction
Essentially, outward calmness is a way to avoid painful moments, which, in turn, leads to a decrease in emotionality in general. People for whom stress has become a part of life experience neither great joy, nor delight, nor surprise. The body learns to live in energy-saving mode. Over time, this becomes a character trait that changes everything: attitude to the world, appearance, level of claims. A person living under stress is constrained in movements, his neck and back often hurt. He can't rest even on a long vacation.

Exit
Even if you know that it will not be possible to change the situation in the foreseeable future, imagine that it is temporary. What a bad trip. One day it will end, leaving only memories. So let them shine! Look at reality as history. This will help prevent emotional burnout and see what is happening from the outside. Psychologists highly recommend writing down your feelings. For example, start a blog and write there stories from the series “Me and this terrible life” (that's right - not “mine”, but “this one”).

Note

More often than others, people who have low self-esteem have formed since childhood experience stress. Those whom parents often praised precisely (and mainly) for their patience. Try to change the course of history! Be a good parent to yourself. Remember your childhood, look at old photographs and praise the baby depicted there (that is, yourself) for everything in the world and wish him happiness. It will definitely come! To you!

Some choose books as an outlet and plunge into a reading binge. This helps to distract, but it prevents you from tuning in to your problems and finally starting to solve them. Be careful!

✓ Stress deep inside

It happens that there are no obvious reasons for stress, but it ... still exists. At the same time, the sensations are blurry, unclear and disturbing: “Everything seems to be fine, but something is not right.” This state can last for years, sometimes smoothing out, sometimes, on the contrary, growing to panic or hysteria. “It's just nerves,” we think and continue to assert that there are no real reasons for such a state.

Reaction
This is an insidious stress - day after day it loosens and weakens the nervous system. The body receives conflicting commands: the consciousness says that everything is fine and there is nothing to worry about, and the subconscious constantly signals danger. As a result, the work of internal organs is disrupted, and nervous breakdowns become more frequent. A person begins to get sick often and regularly gets into unpleasant situations: he gets burned, then he cuts himself, then he loses money. At the same time, it is impossible to formulate a specific problem, it just seems that, which will pass by itself.

Exit
Keep track of what exactly causes you excitement and negative reactions, how your body behaves in certain situations. Fears after reading the news? Jealousy when a partner turns away while reading a message? Envy of those who are more successful? Try not to hide your head in the sand, but call a spade a spade, analyzing in detail what is happening (you can do it aloud). And then, without delay, decide what to do with it. Avoid negative emotions. On the contrary, find time to sit and calmly suffer - this will help to make unclear experiences as conscious as possible, and therefore practically safe. After all, when you know the enemy by sight, it is much easier to fight him.

About 70% of people constantly experience stress

Note

Often we know the true cause of anxieties and worries from the very beginning. But we hide it even from ourselves, being sure that “what you are afraid of will come true” and “you need to think about the good.” In fact, positive thinking is the willingness to accept any conditions and respond flexibly to them.

The representatives of the stronger sex tend to close their eyes to negative moments, they manage to drive unpleasant thoughts away from themselves. Therefore, men are more likely to suffer from hidden stress. But the reasons for their experiences are the same as ours: uncertainty about the future, suspicions of treason and loss of love.

4 anti-stress tricks from a professional

Irina Kuzmina, psychologist

✓ Psychologists are specifically taught not to let their clients' problems pass through them. Try to take care of yourself and leave everything "foreign" outside your home.

✓ Move! You can simply monotonously and rhythmically tap your fingers on the table or sway in different directions. It's calming.

✓ Switch your attention. Start counting crows in the literal sense or draw scribbles.

✓ Are you constantly stressed? Go to a specialist, it will help to find and eliminate the cause. As psychologists, this is exactly what we do.