and decided to turn this parable into a coaching exercise for couples.

To begin with, by and large, exercises that relate to family well-being are still more designed for women. There are several reasons for this. First, for a woman, family and home are life priorities. For a man, the priority is to ensure this very hearth. That is, if there is nothing to provide, then, alas, the keeper is responsible for this.

Secondly, women are always more loyal to numerous exercises, tests, and studies on the topic of personal life. After all, give men training in the field of business and success. Again, this is explained above.

And thirdly, dear ladies, let's admit to ourselves that most often it is we who are unhappy with our personal relationships, our man and everything around. This is also due to hormonal fluctuations, which entails more frequent mood changes than in men; and because women are more courageous in expressing their emotions (especially negative ones). We are not accustomed to "experiencing in ourselves", we were taught to express emotions. From this, women began to be called harmful. Boys are taught from childhood to hide their tears, because "men don't cry"; hide other emotions so as not to suddenly seem like a loser, etc.

Therefore, I still dedicate this article to women who value relationships with their man. I recommend doing it in cases where you are very angry with your spouse, once again consider him a “brainless blockhead”, and the well-known feeling “ not for you my mother raised a flower like me»…

• Read also:

So, you are in the “right” mood: you want to scold your husband, divorce him, and maybe even kill him. Then urgently grab a larger piece of paper, a pen and sit comfortably at your desk. Miracles of awareness and transformation will begin now.

Divide a sheet of paper into two parts: left and right columns.

Label the left column “What annoys/ pisses me off/ kills me about my husband.” And start writing this column about everything sore with an enviable sweep. Write about how he doesn't clean up after himself; does not notice when you feel bad; does not help you with some household chores; does not give you flowers / expensive gifts / iPhones; does not love your mother and has not walked with the child for a long time; often wastes time on his stupid business, although he could devote it to you, etc. Spare neither paper nor ink. Now you definitely have something to remember and something to write about. Throw it all out on paper (fortunately, humanity has come up with such wonderful tools as paper and a pen!).

Firstly, when you write all this, it will already become a little easier for you, because you will blow off steam. And secondly, we need to take the second, right, column of our page.

In the right column, we will not describe what is good about your husband. You already know this very well, because 3-5 points are much easier to remember than the thirty-five that you just wrote in the left column. In the right column, you will now describe what YOUR reaction is to the behavior of the husband described in the left column. Let's name the column "My Behavior".

This is where I had to think. And what happens in this column: you pout at your husband; do not consider him worthy and successful; you often take offense at him and do not want to talk to him (at best), or even sleep in the same bed; you defiantly call your mother / girlfriend and complain about what an “inferior man” you have, etc. Write-write. Pour on paper all your actions, emotions and behavior.

The final stage of the exercise is to tear the sheet into two halves, and THROW THE LEFT INTO THE GARBAGE! Now look what you're left with! Here, dear ladies, we will work with you in order not to start running around in a vicious circle of "hopeless situations" in the family.

Remember the beginning of the article? Family, our priority, dear women! So we will have to start working for the good of the family! And the first steps are work ON YOURSELF! After all, by and large, we cannot change another person. But we can change ourselves and change our attitude to the situation.

Do the exercise and describe in the comments what emotions did you experience at the end of the exercise? What was the most important thing you learned from doing this exercise?

What has changed in your family since you did this exercise?

Theoretical knowledge is useless when you do not put it into practice in your life. Therefore, reading books, articles with useful and valuable information can be called a waste of time if you do not use new knowledge.

Trust me and the many couples I have given these family coaching recommendations to.

"What do you want?"

First exercise is necessary in order to always have a clear idea of ​​whether your partner is satisfied with the relationship or not. At first glance, such a statement sounds rude, a direct clarification of this issue rarely leads a couple to a constructive conversation and a solution to the problem. In most marriages, everything is perceived by the spouses as a claim of one against the other.

But not in this case. So your actions are:

1. Write yourself and ask your partner to do the same: what do you lack in him / her, and in the relationship in general.

2. Ask him what YOU can do to make him/her fit your desires, what you expect from him/her and the relationship.

Example: I asked my spouse to be more emotional, sensitive and gentle. Then I asked him what I could do about it. He replied: "Be calmer and less grumbling, then I will have a desire to show more affection and care."

Once was enough for us not to return to such issues and not to feel dissatisfied with each other.

You're doing fine

Second exercise gives you and your loved one a sense of acceptance that so many people miss in marriage.

Your actions:

1. Create a calm, cozy atmosphere. It is important to be alone and in a good mood. You can open a bottle of wine or champagne on this occasion.

2. Praise each other in turn, pointing out five points each. For example:

HE: I praise you for always looking after yourself and looking beautiful

SHE: I praise you for being such a sensitive, sincere and very responsive person.

and so four more times.

You will feel the result in the same evening.

I'm like this

Third exercise will help the couple to keep track of the changes that occur in each other. This is very important in order to remain close in spirit, way of thinking, outlook on life, desires and goals.

Your actions:

1. Answer both of the following questions:

♣ What events in your life made you experience various unpleasant emotions: fear, resentment, disappointment, pain?

♣ How do you think it is necessary to express love, friendship, respect?

♣ What kind of person would you like to remain in the memory of other people?

♣ What do you strive for, what do you want to achieve, how do you see your life in 5-7 years?

3. Do this exercise at least once every six months and you will feel an incredible rapprochement, harmony, and strengthening of your feelings.

Now I have a question for you, dear readers: HOW should you show love, respect and friendship in a relationship with a loved one? How do YOU ​​do it? - Discuss in the comments

6 chose

Even in strong relationships, problems sometimes arise: minor grievances and discontent accumulate, conflicts occur. To minimize them, relationships need to be worked on: discussing problems, making compromises ... or playing games. There are psychological games for two that help to achieve greater mutual understanding in a couple.

Top down

When communicating with people, we always choose one of the positions: communication on an equal footing, from top to bottom (the bossy position, as parents often communicate with the child) or from the bottom up (dependent position). This is expressed both in our position in space and in intonation. Moreover, we ourselves may not notice that we are talking from one of these positions. But the “lower” in such a conversation usually closes off from the “upper”, does not listen and does not hear him. A common example of such an interaction is a mother lecturing a child, and he looks around with an absent look.

But often we communicate this way not only with children, but also with peers, including close people. A wife can say something to her husband from the top position, and then be surprised that he completely ignored her fiery speech. To better understand this situation, you can play it. Chat on some neutral topic in this position: one is sitting on the floor, the other is standing, as if hanging over him. Then switch places, and at the end take an equal position opposite each other. Usually, the "bottom" is uncomfortable discussing even the simplest issues. Much nicer to talk on the same level. So why not communicate like this in real life?

I look at you like in a mirror...

Another psychological game is called "Mirror". Husband and wife sit face to face and in turn begin to "mirror" each other: repeat facial expressions and gestures. You can record all these funny antics on a video camera and compare the results - who did better. By playing this game, spouses learn to focus on each other, to think first of all not about themselves, but about their partner. And it will come in handy in any relationship.

Behind you - even to the ends of the world

Psychologists are very fond of trust games. The idea of ​​​​falling back into the arms of a partner is what they came up with. A safer game from this series is "Guide". One participant is blindfolded and the other must lead him around the obstacle room, guiding only with his voice. Then the spouses switch roles. During the game, they find out for themselves how much they trust each other, and at the same time learn to listen to each other's advice.

What are you thinking about?

Funny psychological game - "Telepathy". The rules are very simple: the spouses sit face to face and one tries to convey some kind of mental image to the other without words. The second monitors the eyes and facial expression of the interlocutor and tries to "read" his thoughts. At the end of such a session, the readings are verified. Practice shows that it is often possible to guess, if not the hidden object itself, then the emotional background associated with it. What causes thoughts about him: joy or sadness, fear or peace? Such a game will teach you to be more attentive to each other and understand the emotions of a partner without words.

Only good

This is not even quite a game, rather, a tradition useful for any couple. Arrange a positive session during which you will tell why you love your husband, what delights you in him. After all, we often voice claims and negative emotions, but somehow forget about the good. And, by the way, in vain! After all, when we talk about love, we feel it much more strongly. So tire yourself more often sessions of mutual love confessions.

This game is aimed at improving mutual understanding with a loved one, whether it is a spouse or a young man.

The essence of the game is as follows:

Everyone answers the questions below, first on their own, expressing their impressions, sensations, ideas, then trying to imagine how the partner would answer. All answers (both for yourself and the partner's supposed answers) can be written down on a piece of paper. Then everyone reads out his answer and how he thinks the partner would answer. Then the partner reads out his version and talks about his guesses about your answer. Who begins to answer first is either determined by agreement, or you can cast lots. And you can exchange sheets of paper and discuss the answers.

Meaning games not in finding out who knows whom better, but in order to get closer, try to get involved in the perception of the relationship by the partner and at the same time convey your vision. The game allows you to become closer to each other and is accompanied by insights, insights, "aha" states.

Terms and rules of the game: do not blame your partner for his answers. Be prepared to hear honest answers, no matter how unpleasant they may seem to you. Be honest yourself and ask your partner to be honest. You do this not to annoy each other or to convict of something, but to reveal vulnerabilities in your relationship and open up resources to improve them. Thank each other for being honest.

So the questions are:

1. The most pleasant gift from you is..........

2. The most pleasant memory of a relationship is ........

3. The nicest thing you can give/do to me is........

4. Most often we quarrel because of ........

5. When you say that ........ , I get very worried.

6. Most of all I am offended when you..........

7. I want more from you....... and less........

8. The most beautiful moments in a relationship are when........

9. What upsets me most is when things happen in a relationship........

10. When we spend free time together, I would like to.....

11. What I want most is........

12. The most difficult thing for us to agree on .......

13. I get angry when you..........

14. If you ask, I'm ready ........

15. I imagine our future relationship like this.......

16. To make you feel good with me, I need to.......

16. I am ready (a) for joint happiness to do ........

17. I find it hard to talk about my feelings because.......

18. When you act like this........., I get scared.

19. The best qualities that I like in you are ....

20. Most of all I appreciate the moments when ......

21. It seems to me that you want me to love (a) you, show (a) my love in such a way..........

22. To make our relationship more trusting, I need to do......

23. I want to do for you.......

24. How do I cope with my role as a loving person.......

25. I am grateful to you for .....

26. I want to be with you because........

The game allows not only to better understand your partner, to know his thoughts, to be imbued with his feelings and experiences, but also to better understand yourself.

Interesting game for you!

Touch is often the most persuasive means of conveying emotional information between two people. Our most direct contact with the world has been through the touch of human hands, and touch remains the most trusted way of communication between people.

People will believe your touch more than your words. Intimate relationships become more or less intense depending on how the man and woman perceive each other's touch.

Think about how many different things you can do with your hands: lift, pet, hold, spank, balance and more...

Each touch has a certain feeling associated with it:

• love,
• confidence,
• fear,
• weakness,
• excitement or boredom.

You may begin to become aware of what your touch is like for the other person. One way you can do this is to ask a question:

“What does it feel like when I touch you like this?”

We have hardly been taught to recognize what sensation our touch evokes.
Some people may find this question awkward, despite the benefits it brings. It's also helpful to be able to tell the other person how it feels to be touched.

Pair exercises for couples (man and woman)

a) To do this exercise, sit at a distance where you can touch your partner and look into each other's eyes for one minute. Then hold hands and close your eyes. Slowly explore your partner's hands. Notice their shape, temperature, how they feel. Pay attention to any feelings or sensations you have as you explore your partner's hands. Feel what sensation you get when you touch these hands and when these
hands touch you. Notice the pulsation in your fingertips.

b) After about two minutes, open your eyes and continue
touch your partner while looking at him. Notice what happens. Does anything change when you look at your partner?

c) After about 30 seconds, close your eyes and continue to touch your partner, noticing any changes. After a minute, gently separate your hands, but do not push your partner's hand away. Sit up straight and let yourself enjoy your impressions of this experience. Open your eyes and
share your thoughts and feelings with your partner.

d) After that, let your partner close his eyes, and at this time you
you will gently run your hand over his face, fully concentrating on the touch. Then switch roles and share your experiences with each other.

It is important to know how your touch is perceived because people experience touch differently. If you wanted to gently touch your partner, and he took it as a sharp touch, this is important information.

The prohibition on touching is to some extent the cause of dissatisfaction in many sexual relationships. When spouses gradually begin to enjoy touch, their relationship generally improves.