Pirate Tales and Pirate Stories

M. Plyatskovsky

Various pirate stories

HISTORY ONE

One pirate accidentally escaped from his sinking ship. He swam and swam on a fragment of a mast across the ocean and sailed to a desert island.

When he woke up, he thought: "Whom to rob?" But apart from a lonely palm tree, there was no one to rob. Then he decided that he would still have to rob a palm tree so as not to lose his qualifications. And he began to climb the long hairy trunk for coconuts. But he didn’t reach the nuts, fell down and stuffed a big bump on his forehead. He rubbed the bump with his fist and swore: “I won’t rob anyone else on this island!”

But he still broke his oath when he was very hungry. What will you take from him? A pirate is a pirate!

STORY TWO

One pirate served as a boatswain on a ship. And dashing sailors respected him very much because he lost one of his eyes in battle, and kept the other intact.

On the boatswain's birthday, the team decided to buy a present.

Let's get binoculars!

But having thought together, the team realized that he did not need binoculars, and presented him with a large telescope. Looking into which, you still need to close one eye.

The boatswain liked the gift very much. And he always wore his spyglass behind his right ear.

STORY THREE

One pirate buried a hefty forged chest with golden piastres in a cave. He drew a plan of the place where the treasures were hidden on a piece of paper with a burnt firebrand, and took it to the ship. But the name of that island, damn it, he did not indicate for memory, because of his pirate illiteracy. And after a while - and completely forgot because of his pirate absent-mindedness. This is what happens if you are not literate. And so the chest with piastres disappeared. He lies somewhere in a cave on some island, but who knows on which one. And still can't find it...

STORY FOUR

One pirate fell overboard into the sea. And then a shark spotted him. She swam up and threatened: “Give me the vest, or I will immediately swallow you!” And she's terrible. And every tooth she has is no worse than a pirate knife. Maybe even sharper.

Only the pirate was not a timid ten. He showed her a fig: “I won’t give it back! Your vest is closer to the body! Greedy, so

Well, the shark didn’t chime with him and decided to swallow it along with the vest. But, when she swallowed it, the pirate caught on a shark's sharp tooth and neither here nor there. The shark suffered, suffered and spat it out, thinking: “Why do I need a holey vest? ..”

But this - as far as is known - was the first and last case when greed came to the rescue. So there is nothing to learn from this pirate.

STORY FIVE

One pirate was very fond of food. And he did not notice how he became a fat man. For which he was nicknamed on the ship - Puzdro. It was not an easy task for him to take off his boots, and not only to aim with a pistol there, or, what’s good, rush to boarding with a cry. And his delicious food brought him to the point that he completely lost his formidable appearance. Whoever looks at the puzatik - everyone laughs. He scares, for example, but no one is afraid.

The pirate Puzdro could not stand such disrespect for his profession, he spat on everything - and retired.

STORY SIX

One pirate decided to marry. And he got such a pirate as his wife that she forced him to wash, darn, scrub the deck and fry fish.

He thought of showing resistance, but she drove him into a corner of the cabin, cocked the trigger on the pistol and intimidates: “Choose one of two things: either you will follow my lead, or I will twist you, unkempt beard, into a ram’s horn!”

Here is a pirate with his shaggy hands and raised up:

I give up, my "helpless", unquestioningly, of the two - I choose the first.

So he was under her heel and remained until the end of his days. Took his love on board! And what a pirate! Wow! Or maybe even - wow! Oh-ho-ho-ho!

STORY SEVEN

One pirate wanted to go to school. The teacher asks this pirate at the lesson: “What is five five?” He didn’t even begin to think, he immediately answered: “Ninety!” The teacher heard this and fainted - bam!

Then another was sent. She, therefore, also threw a difficult question to the pirate: “How many months in a year?”

The pirate didn't raise an eyebrow. And he clearly rapped out: “A lot!” The new teacher is also out of the chair - bang!

The headmaster didn't want to risk any more and throw away his teachers. He showed the pirate to the door and shouted: “Out!”

Since that time, all pirates can smell any school a hundred miles away and swim away from it. They really need to get kicked out of there!

STORY EIGHT

One pirate ended up in prison for a fight. He sits behind bars and sings a song about the beautiful Mary. Day sings, five sings on the tenth - tired. And he became so sad that he began to gnaw iron bars with his teeth. Gnawing and thinking: “Why did I fight? Here I am sitting here, in a state-owned house, but I could plant flowers in my villa!

Out of nowhere, the mouse jumped out - and stared at the pirate. And he will bang on the floor with his knives, how he will bark at the top of his lungs: “Kyshshshsh!” The mouse suddenly says to him: “Fool! I know the secret passage! But now, since you're such a slut, I won't show you!" She squealed and ran away. The pirate grabbed his head and gnashed his teeth in anger at himself. And I realized that in vain there is nothing even to offend mice.

STORY NINE

One pirate captured the king.

The king begs him: "Let me go - I'll make you rich!" - “I really need your gold, when I have my own - in bulk!” he scolded the king like a boy. He reprimanded, so he thought to himself: “What if I change into a royal camisole and put a crown on his head? I’ll come to the palace, and everyone will take me there for the king, they will bow and feed me from a saucer!”

He pulled off the clothes from the king and onto himself, just in what he was, and put them on. He tied the captive and put him in the hold, where barrels of gunpowder were, and he himself went to the palace.

Knocked on the gate. The guards saw the familiar crown and gasped. Come in, your royal majesty!

Servants came running from all sides, grabbed them by the arms, brought them to the chambers and asked:

Would you like something, your royal highness?

It wouldn't hurt to eat! the pirate barked out of habit. - Yes, live, you razedakye herrings.

The servants were surprised: they had never heard a single rude word from their king. And here - here it is! But they didn't show it. Look - they are already carrying all sorts of food on carts, fried and steamed, sweet and salty, in general, such that you will lick your fingers. Silver spoons and cups are served, and earthenware plates: eat, drink, as much as you like! The pirate was exhausted from dinner, he was drawn to sleep. He began to peck his nose. And the courtiers are right here:

Would you like to go to bed?

I wish the devil take you! shouted the impostor.

The courtiers took off his crown, pulling off his camisole. They see: under him is a filthy vest, not washed for a hundred years.

Really, some kind of misunderstanding turns out, - they began to doubt. - His royal majesty never had vests, and earrings did not hang in his ears. And the personality seems to be not at all noble ...

They called the queen for identification: she'll figure it out for sure. She looked at the pirate's muzzle, pouted her lips and squeaked like a cut Whom do you show me when the beard is not royal and the mustache of others!

The guards came running, grabbed the pirate - and pushed him out of the palace. Yes, and that's right. Can you confuse a king with a pirate?

STORY TEN

One pirate never dreamed. Everyone dreamed of something, but he never did. Everyone told each other their dreams, but he was silent, because there was nothing to tell.

The pirate was very ashamed that he was not the same as the others, that he could not see a long interesting line, or even the most ordinary little dream. At night, he bit his pillow out of anger - so much so that only feathers flew from it. But that didn't help either. There were no dreams, even crack!

Their whole gang of robbers laughed at him:

Oh you insomniac!

The pirate is tired of this. And one day he came up with this. He went out on deck in the morning, when the sea wolves, his friends, therefore, exchanged their dreams like cards, and, stretching sweetly in such a way, he says, as if by chance:

Oh, and I had a dream at night - you will swing!

Everyone's faces stretched out and, like sunflowers, turned in his direction:

Well-u-u?

Here you are! I am walking, therefore, through the city of Baghdad. The people are full, everyone is pushing, yelling. Suddenly, someone grabbed my hand - tugged! I look: a dwarf. He offers me: "Pay a hundred piastres, and I'll sell you a magic ring." "What am I going to do with your ring?" - I ask. To which the dwarf replies: "Put it on your little finger - and you will become such a beautiful pirate, which has never been." I counted out a hundred gold pieces to him, and he gave me a ring... Well...

The pirate scratched his bald head and grinned:

Wow! At the most interesting point! the boatswain reproached.

The pirate, of course, did not dream of anything, as always. He just made up his dream. And he did it again and again with the same success. In the mornings, the whole team, in their free time from robbery, gathered on the deck and, with bated breath, waited for the cunning inventor to listen to his next fascinating dream, which always ended at the most interesting place.

It’s a pity that that pirate didn’t know the letter, otherwise he might have become a writer. Who knows…

STORY ELEVEN

One pirate knew how to embroider with satin stitch. First of all, of course, he loaded pistols with gunpowder, secondly, he shot and jumped like a cat at night, thirdly, he healed wounds, and already the fourth thing, he was engaged in embroidery.

To everyone who asked, this hefty small anchor embroidered on vests, trousers, and more often - on handkerchiefs, which pirates wear on their heads in their own way and tie with sea knots so that the wind does not blow it away.

He embroidered something, but he did not take a piastre, a doubloon, or a guinea from anyone for work.

Once, a newcomer was taken to the team, who had never seen a pirate embroider with satin stitch. The newcomer cackled and said:

Here's the weirdo! This is not a man's business - embroidery. It's disgusting to even look at!

Disgusting? OK! - the ship's embroiderer was offended and threw all the needles and threads overboard.

But when the vests, bloomers and handkerchiefs with embroidered anchors wore out, the pirates began to beg and persuade their skilled embroiderer to take up his fourth business again. Even the threads themselves and brand new needles were bought. And he - in any. Very offended.

And the pirates themselves had to prick anchors on their chest and arms with those needles. Some people even managed to stand on their feet - for originality.

Since then, this stupid fashion has gone on - there are no tattoos. Therefore, they did not believe the pirate, they thought: he is trembling. And the pirate was proud and very worried.

STORY TWELVE

One pirate was smoking a pipe. Fill it with strong Dutch tobacco and let's blow smoke rings into the sky. The whole day he didn’t take the pipe out of his mouth, all he did was puff.

The rings floated up one after another - and became clouds. Not simple clouds, but tobacco ones. And they swam after the ship, like white kites on strings.

And the pirate, you know, inhales smoke, closes his eyes, sucks his pipe. So it turned out that the clouds turned into black clouds. In black tobacco clouds. And then the pirate himself shouted at the top of his pirate throat:

Hey aft! Dive into the cabins! Now the tobacco rain will come!

STORY THIRTEEN

One pirate boasted that he could speak Chinese. He may have spoken, but no one on the ship understood Chinese anyway and could not check whether it was true or not. Therefore, they did not believe the pirate, they thought: he is trembling. And the pirate was proud and very worried.

And it was necessary for such a miracle to happen: in one port, a Chinese merchant came to their ship. Old man, but with glasses. I didn’t see, blindly, that there was a black flag with a skull and crossbones on the mast.

And the pirate was terribly delighted with the guest. Well, he thinks, I'll prove to the team that I'm not such and such a last-minute talker. And in front of everyone, he simply addresses him: “Ming-tsyn-fan, tsup-fip-man.” Or something like that. And the Chinese looks at him like a ram at a new gate and shakes his head: they say, don’t understand mine ...

The sailors laugh at the pirate:

Well, you're healthy to lie! There is a Chinese - and he didn’t understand a damn thing!

And the merchant, meanwhile, bows, bows, squints his eyes, and he himself backs away from harm to the ladder.

The boatswain caught up with him on the pier and in pure English asks:

And what, didn’t our bungler and you bubbling in your way, not in Chinese?

Ask something easier, - the merchant answers him in pure English. - I don't know Chinese, I was born in London...

The boatswain clutched his stomach like that, shaking with laughter:

Bad luck for our poor guy. Pulled the wrong ace from the deck! Here is cun-fen-man for you!

STORY FOURTEEN

One pirate was great at drawing cats. He also tried to portray someone else, all kinds of biting, bearding, pecking, all sorts of frightening, grasping, growling, but they were not like themselves. But the cats, these turned out to be one hundred percent. How alive. Togo and look snort and scratch!

And here, in the ship's hold, rats started up - frankly, unsympathetic and impudent to the point of impossibility. And they were so impudent that they even scraped around the cabins and roamed back and forth on the deck. And there was no control over them.

Then the captain calls this pirate who painted cats, or whoever he was in charge of them there, in general, Bulbul is a gloomy person with a bad temper. He calls, first of all, he sticks his hefty fist under his nose and asks:

Did you see it?

Saw! - without batting an eye, the pirate answers. - I myself - no worse. I...

Shut up! Bulbul interrupted. - Shut your mouth and listen when the authorities speak. So... I'm giving you a day's notice so that you draw three hundred cats all over the ship, otherwise, you understand, life is gone from these rats. But look, to be more terrible! Did you understand the assignment?

Do I look like a fool? - the pirate was indignant.

And who knows you! - the captain slammed his fist on the table, or whatever it is, in short, Bulbul. - It still needs to be proven. Take action!

The pirate was washed away by a storm. He grabbed brushes and paint - and well, paint cats: black, white, red and completely incomprehensible color. He tried all night and all day, and by evening he drew three hundred cats in different poses, moreover, in such a way that they differed from real ones only in that they did not meow.

The rats saw them, trembled and huddled in the dark corners, not even showing their noses anywhere. And in the very first port they fled from the ship - they were the only ones seen.

Perhaps you really are not a fool! - Captain Bulbul praised the pirate.

And you doubted in vain, cap! the pirate winked. We know our business!

STORY FIFTEEN

One pirate never shaved. And he grew such a long beard that the whole crew combed it on deck. And then she rolled it into a tube, pulled it together with a strong leather belt with a large copper buckle. So the pirate wore his beard on a leash.

There was no sense from her. One hassle. Try to wash and dry this beard. It is easier to wash and iron a hundred sheets.

Maybe a pirate beard wouldn't have been good for anything - but the opportunity presented itself. On the distant island of Makalyako, the world championship was held for the best bearded man. And the pirate assembly decided:

Let ours participate! Will we become famous?

No sooner said than done. They sailed to this Makalyako island, which the devil knows where to what distance it drifted, and they say:

No fluff or feathers for you! Don't shame the team!

And on the island of bearded men - a dime a dozen. They walk around with their beards, like sweeping the streets with brooms. Not a speck!

The pirate, of course, was worried, like the sea before a storm. Only in vain did he worry, because next to his beards all the others seemed to be beards.

So he became the world champion in beard. And thanks to him, his entire pirate team thundered all over the world

STORY SIXTEEN

One pirate always walked gloomy and gloomy. Well, just - a cloud of clouds. It’s even disgusting to look at, because whoever looks at it immediately frowns and becomes gloomy. Everyone is uncomfortable, but the pirate - at least henna!

He didn't understand jokes. The whole team sometimes laughs, and his face is stone. Nothing took him.

And let's tickle this stoerous club, - the boatswain Tumba suggested. - Maybe it will work?

Surrounded by a sailor pirate and let's tickle. Tickle, tickle, and he - zero attention. Then he got tired, and he confessed:

What are you? I'm not afraid of tickles.

Then Captain Bulbul commands:

Bring the mirror here!

They dragged the mirror as ordered. Bulbul and says to the pirate:

You just look at yourself. What's with your... face? Ugh! It just asks for a brick! And he does not even ask, but demands!

Ugh! - agreed the pirate, seeing himself in the mirror. - Well, erysipelas!

Now repeat: cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese!

It is possible, - agreed the pirate. - I love cheese. Why not repeat? Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese...

And when he uttered this word, his lips themselves stretched into a smile, revealing strong white teeth.

The pirate looked in the mirror and admired his teeth. And in general, he realized that a smile suits him very much, he was delighted like a child, and for the first time in his life he laughed. The team, together with the captain and the surprised boatswain, also laughed. And it seemed to everyone that even the seagulls that circled over the ship were laughing.

Gloomy and gloomy that pirate was never seen again, because in any, the most dull weather, he quietly whispered to himself: “Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese ...”

STORY SEVENTEEN

One pirate could easily squeeze out two barrels full of lead shot with his hands. And he could throw a gun and catch it on the fly. Why, he drove a nail into the board with his fist, and bent and unbent a copper coin with his fingers. He had the strength!

And he did such things that you wouldn’t believe it if you didn’t see it with your own eyes. For example, it cost him nothing without any help to move the ship from its place when it ran aground. A heavy iron anchor seemed lighter than a feather to a pirate. He, effortlessly, along with a twenty-pound chain, pulled it out of the water to the stern. You still need to look for another such strong kid!

This pirate once got to a circus performance, where one overseas strongman performed various tricks: he would unbend a horseshoe, then break a log about his knee. The pirate could not stand such a swindle and shouted to the whole circus:

Ugliness! So anyone can!

Any? - the circus performer was indignant. - Well, go try it!

A pirate entered the arena and showed a real powerhouse. The audience only gasped when he lifted this strong man, and all his weights, and a horse with a rider, and a clown with a drum, and a trainer with five curly poodles in her arms, like a feather, lifted - and smiled. He held it in the air for a while, and then lowered it and said:

I would still speak, but it’s time for me to go to sea ... To work ...

Stay! the audience screamed. - You are a strong man to all strong men!

Then children with flowers ran out into the arena and began to beg with tears:

Don't swim, uncle! We will go to the circus every day to look at you!

The pirate could not stand it and also shed a tear: he felt very sorry for the children. So he stayed in the circus. And the audience gave him so many bouquets that his apartment looked like a beautiful flower greenhouse all year round.

STORY EIGHTEEN

One pirate got into a fight with another pirate. One had a flashlight under his eye, and the other had a bruise in plain sight. The boatswain Tumba saw such a thing and began to shame:

Strangers are not enough for you, or what? I still lacked to beat my own!

One pirate points to another:

He started first!

The second pirate points his finger at the first:

He climbed first!

Hush! - the boatswain Tumba got angry. - If you don't make up, I'll hurt both of you. You know me!

We know! - muttered both pirates.

That's it! Cling with your little finger and swear like a pirate octopus strangles you!

Put up, put up - and don't fight anymore! - the first pirate backed down, shaking the second one with his little finger.

If you fight, I will bite! - the second pirate flashed his eyes, shaking the first one with his little finger.

So would immediately, break you thunder! - praised the boatswain Tumba. - You are all ready to bite, while your teeth are intact!

The pirates stood for a moment, were silent, shook their fists at each other from behind their backs and dispersed to their cabins.

It was a long time ago, and the pirate myrilochka is still alive:

Reconcile, reconcile -

And fight no more.

If you fight

I will bite!

STORY NINETEEN

One pirate was silent all the time. Silent in the morning, silent in the afternoon, silent in the evening. Everyone sang - he kept his mouth shut. All stories were poisoned - he is dumb like a fish. No one ever heard a single word from him, let alone a whole sentence.

It would seem that there is something wrong? Well, the pirate is silent. Well, he doesn't talk. So, it doesn't hurt anyone. But some of his silence angered. Someone was annoyed. Others were just simply annoyed.

What is he mumbling about? - shook their heads alone.

Maybe he doesn't consider us human? - others puffed out their cheeks.

Captain Bulbul summoned the silent man to a pirate court. And their gang gave him such an ultimatum:

Either you will show your speech, or we will write off to the shore!

Where can a pirate go alone against the whole watering can-gang! You don't get along with her very much. He opened his mouth, and from there - dydydy, bububu, ryryry! In general, such abuse rushed, such abuse fell down, that even the boatswain, who was considered a rude of rude people, had his lower jaw dropped.

And the pirate yelled so, yelled so much, bawled so much that the ears of sea robbers, accustomed to everything, began to wither like flowers in a drought.

Captain Bulbul regretted that the silent man spoke, but what's done is done.

The pirate had to listen to a new ultimatum:

Either you shut up your fountain, or we'll write off to the shore!

The pirate listened and was offended:

I didn't want to talk! You yourself ordered! Yah you!

Maybe he is right in his own way?

HISTORY TWENTIE

One pirate loved to ride whales. He liked it - and on dolphins. But more on whales. You sit on the smooth back of a giant, holding onto his whale whiskers with your hands so as not to fall into the sea, and above your head - a fountain murmurs and shimmers. Beauties! Is not it so?

One day other pirates say to him:

Here you are riding whales. Do you think we don't want to? And we, you know, also hunt!

What is there! - did not object to the whale rider. - We can ride together. I'm not sorry!

The pirates have jumped into the sea and are waiting. Didn't wait long. They look: a whale has appeared on the horizon. As soon as he swam up to them, then the whale rider immediately saddled him and grabbed his mustache with his hands. Keith slowed down. Well, the pirates climbed on his back with the whole crowd. They spurred the whale with bare heels - and he carried them along the waves so that the salty spray scatter around.

Pirates liked to ride on a whale. They cheered - and let's dance for joy. And the whale became ticklish, he launched his fountain higher - and washed all the dancers clean off his back. He waved his tail in farewell and dived into the depths. They just saw him!

HISTORY TWENTY-ONE

One pirate was strolling through the narrow streets of Ramsel on a hot summer day and wandered into the Quiet Cool tavern.

To his surprise, he saw that the visitors, sitting at round tables, were eating some kind of white balls with small spoons.

I've never eaten anything like this, thought the pirate. “Maybe I’ll try.” He went to the counter and said to the owner:

To me ... these ... balls!

How many servings? One or two? - the owner asked.

One and hurry! ordered the pirate.

The balls in the vase turned out to be cold as ice and sweet as honey. They quickly melted in the mouth, like spring icicles on the roofs. And the yummy was such that the pirate caught his breath and he shouted:

Hey master! Five more servings!

And when he put five more vases in front of him, the pirate asked:

What are these balls called?

Ice cream sundae, - the answer was heard.

As soon as five servings were finished, the pirate ordered ten more. And licking another ball from a spoon, he gently whispered the word he heard for the first time:

Plombir, Plombir, Plombir…

The sun was hot outside. And the magic cold balls came in very handy. I didn’t want to leave the tavern because of this fabulous delicious ice cream.

Only on the second day, boatswain Tumba found the missing pirate in the Quiet Coolness tavern.

I thought you were drinking rum, he chuckled contemptuously. - And you eat some rubbish, some balls!

This is ice cream… sundae…” the pirate wheezed with icy lips. - And I'm not going anywhere from here, I swear by all the seas!

... The pirate returned to the ship three years later, when he ate ice cream to the bone. But at night he dreamed of a distant tavern for a long time, and his soul became sweet and cool.

HISTORY TWENTY-TWO

One pirate got hold of a round geographic globe somewhere and, looking at it, suddenly discovered that all the seas, oceans and islands already have names.

Can not be! - the eccentric was indignant. - There is continuous water all around, and all the seas and oceans and even the islands have already been discovered by someone? Nonsense! I guess I didn't search well...

And he began to turn the globe in his hands again. But wherever he points his finger, everywhere is busy. And he twisted from left to right, and twisted from right to left, but there was no sense.

And then the pirate glued the globe with clean paper and began to draw his own seas, his islands and his oceans. Draws and says:

This is the Big Pirate Ocean, this is the Pirate Sea, and this is a small pirate island ...

He painted, painted the globe and did not notice how the night had come. The pirate wanted to sleep. But he fell asleep very satisfied and happy, because no one else has ever had, does not have and never will have such a wonderful globe as his.

STORY ABOUT PIRATES TWENTY-THREE

One pirate collected stones on the beaches of different countries. Among them were smooth and rough, dark and transparent, white and yellow, round and triangular. And all are very beautiful. How many of them he had - he himself did not know, but he guessed that there were many, since he even found a hundred or two hundred "chicken gods" - pebbles with holes through and through.

The pirate always wore his stones in his bosom. Just in case. I was afraid that it would be stolen. Already something, but there were enough thieves on a pirate ship.

Boatswain didn't like it. And he carefully warned the pirate:

Cudgel! You'll tear your vest!

Only the pirate waved it off. Stones for him were more expensive than a vest. But there were so many of them accumulated in it that when walking, he could barely move his legs. And once, when it was washed overboard by a wave during a storm, this poor fellow almost went to visit the fish. To the bottom, that is. It’s good that the boatswain noticed, managed to grab the heel and pull the vest so that the stones spilled out. Otherwise, it would be bad for the pirate.

They pulled it out of the water, pumped it out, dried it. The fat boatswain at the pirate in front of his nose waved his finger and said affectionately:

I warned you, two hundred jellyfish and one cuttlefish! There is no point in carrying stones in your bosom. It doesn't do anyone any good!

STORY TWENTY-FOUR

One pirate bought a parrot. Big, multi-colored and, in addition, speaking. In fact, it turned out that the parrot was not talking, but singing.

Every morning, hanging upside down in his cage, the parrot woke up the sleepy pirate with some song. He sang in a great burr, something like this:

Loved by all matrrros

Pineapples and coconuts.

Love all pirrrats

Tangerines and grrranaty.

At the first sound of the bird's voice, the pirate jumped up as if stung and shook his fist at the parrot. And the parrot, in turn, did not pay any attention to him. And the next morning everything was repeated again, and at the same time, like clockwork.

By the way, about the clock. Clocks were already on sale at that time - both pocket and wall clocks. But alarm clocks have not yet been invented. And so the parrot served as a pirate instead of an alarm clock. And the pirate woke up not by the alarm clock, but by his parrot, which, however, did not ring, but sang funny songs.

However, in imitation of the boatswain, who, putting four fingers in his mouth, whistled loudly, calling the crew on deck, the parrot also quickly learned this whistle and instead of songs began to wake the pirate with a mischievous deafening whistle. And since that time the parrot has become not speaking, not singing, but in general - whistling. And the pirate, until he got used to it, jumped awake to the very ceiling. And he stuffed big bumps on his forehead.

HISTORY TWENTY-FIVE

One pirate bought a black top hat and a cane at a cheap price in a port shop. Why the hell they surrendered to him - he himself did not know. But I bought it anyway. In addition, the seller gave him a black butterfly.

This is for you as a gift from the company, - he says, - for a complete set ...

No, not a living butterfly, but one in which all sorts of millionaires go to all sorts of receptions.

The pirate returned to the ship and thought:

“Once the money has been paid, it must be applied ...”

He put a top hat on his head. He took the cane in his hands. Butterfly on the background of the vest also looked good. In this form, the pirate went on deck: to look at others and show himself.

At the boatswain, the soles of his boots stuck to the deck boards from surprise, while others froze in place, as if frozen.

And the pirate keeps his mark, with such a parade it is somehow inconvenient for him to rush left and right with rude words. And he uttered a phrase that would never have occurred to him before, he uttered a phrase from which four robbers collapsed on the deck, as if knocked down. He said:

Good to see you, sirs!

On this ship, on this old but still strong vessel, no one had ever heard such expressions. And so they struck everyone, like a flash of lightning and a roll of thunder.

Crazy, right? - the boatswain came to his senses. Who do you take us for?

For decent sirs, - the pirate announced solemnly.

I'll show you such a sir now! the boatswain threatened with his fist. - Don't be happy!

Fi! What you, right, uneducated! - the pirate grimaced. "What disgusting manners you have!"

So you also decided to insult me, to call me “you”? - the boatswain was indignant. - Well, it doesn’t fit into any hold at all! Now I'll break your stick on your own hat, and set the butterfly free.

Firstly, not a stick, but a cane, and secondly, not a hat, but a top hat, - the pirate made a remark. - And thirdly, I just don’t want to talk to you in such a tone!

And he proudly left the deck to the whistling and hooting of the yelling brethren. He returned to the cabin, looked in the mirror, winked at himself and said:

Nothing, nothing. Next time I will buy each a top hat, a cane and a bow tie - and all of them will become like nice, polite sirs!

Pirate tales and stories

Tales of adventure

Artist Anatoly Reznikov

Hello Nicodemus!

Hello, Egor!

Where are you going from?

From the Kudykin mountains.

And how are you, Egor, doing?

They put an ax on their bare feet,

They mow the grass with a boot,

They carry water in a sieve.

Our sleigh

They go by themselves

And our horses - with mustaches,

Run underground for mice.

Yes, they are cats!

A mosquito is in your basket!

Our cats live in a nest

They fly everywhere.

Arrived in the yard

Started a conversation:

Kar! Kar!

Yes, they are crows!

Fly agaric boiled for you!

Our crow is big-eared

Often roams in the garden.

Skok yes skok

across the bridge,

White speck - tail.

Yes, it's a bunny!

A fir cone is in your nose!

Our hare

All animals are afraid.

Last winter in the bitter cold

The gray hare of the ram carried away.

Yes, it's a wolf!

Click on your forehead!

Haven't you ever heard

That our wolves are horned?

The wolf shakes his beard

I ate swan.

Yes, it's a goat!

A thousand clicks for you!

Our goat

Went under a snag

Tail moves,

It does not order to set up nets.

Yes, this is burbot!

No, we don't.

We are not talking about burbot.

Burbot Nicodemus

Proud of himself

Burbot Nicodemus

Wears a sable hat

Doesn't break it in front of anyone.

And he doesn't understand jokes either.

G. Sapgir "How the frog was sold"(fairy tale joke)

Frog -

Green back

Walked in the forest

Along the path.

Ripped boot.

And went to the market...

pulls up

To the vegetable tent.

From a boot

And on the counter.

A goofy miracle.

Everything is visible to the frog

Here comes the market

old lady,

Carries in a basket

Piglet.

Come on, hang on

This glorious cucumber!

Frog seller -

For the paw.

A frog

Jump - and on the grandmother.

Grandma jumped up

screamed,

Piglet

Dropped into a puddle.

screeched,

Piglet,

overturned

Empty keg.

The barrel rolled.

The turmoil has risen

On the market.

The barrel rolls

Piggy rushes,

And jumps after her

Ah, you fathers! -

The old woman screams.

– Hold up

My piggy!

Hey catch! -

The salesperson screams.

galloped away

My green cucumber

Go Go go!

Geese cackle.

Watermelons grunt

Here went such

turmoil,

What is hidden in the barrel

And jumped after her

Behind her is a salesperson.

And the old lady.

And after them -

watermelons, melons,

chickens, roosters,

Uncles, aunts,

Boys, girls...

The whole bazaar found itself

In a barrel.

Only heard from there

Go Go go!

Oink oink oink!

Qua-qua-qua!

L. Petrushevskaya. "The Cat Who Could Sing"

Once upon a time there was a cat who knew how to sing and sang in the evenings for his familiar cat.

But his familiar cat did not pay any attention to him and did not go out for a walk, but sat and watched TV for whole evenings.

Then the cat decided to sing on TV himself. He came to TV to sing, but he was told there:

We don't take tails.

Cat said:

This is a couple of rubbish.

He went around the corner, tied his tail to his belt and returned to television.

But there he was again told:

Why on earth do you have a striped face? On the screen, it will look strange - everyone will think that their TVs have deteriorated.

Cat said:

This is a couple of rubbish.

And he again went around the corner, rubbed himself against a white wall and became white as a wall.

But on television he was again told:

What kind of fur mittens do you have?

Then the cat got angry and said:

Fur mittens? But did you see this?

And stuck out his long sharp claws. He was told to:

Well, you know what, with such nails, we generally don’t take to sing on television. All the best to you!

The cat then said:

And I'll ruin all your TV then!

He climbed a television tower and began to shout from there:

Meow! Mrryau! Frryau! Psh-shh! Ku-ku! Do-re-myth-salt!

And all television programs began to get confused. But the audience patiently sat and watched.

And the cat screamed louder, because of this everything was even more confused, and the announcer was shown upside down.

But the audience patiently sat and watched, only their heads were turned so that the inverted image could be seen.

This was also done by a familiar cat.

And the cat jumped and ran along the television tower, and the transmissions from this became not only upside down, but also skewed.

And all the viewers, in response, skewed, so that it was more convenient to watch the skewed image.

And the cat's familiar cat is also all, poor, twisted.

But then the cat touched some intricacies on the tower with its paw, and the TVs deteriorated and went out.

And then everyone went outside for a walk.

And the familiar cat also went out for a walk with her skewed appearance.

The cat saw this from a height, jumped down, went up to his friend and said:

Are you walking?

And they began to walk together, and at that very moment the cat sang to her all the songs he wanted.

A. Mityaev "The Tale of the Three Pirates"

A family lived in the same house: mother, father and daughter. It was a day off. They had breakfast late and were going to wash the dishes in the kitchen. At this time, the neighbors knocked and invited everyone to see a thoroughbred puppy. It was more interesting than washing dishes, and everyone ran to the neighbors. They forgot to turn off the faucet over the sink. Needless to say, the tap must be turned off when you leave, otherwise there will be trouble.
The tap water ran in a steady stream. Suddenly the stream stopped. The crane sneezed loudly, and something jumped out of it with splashes, then something else, and something else. These three somethings were just three pirates: the Blue Nose Pirate, the Red Nose Pirate and the Hook Nose Pirate. They were knocked on the plates that were in the kitchen sink, water was poured on them, so they lay around for a while, at random, then began to come to their senses.
Pirate Blue Nose was the first to come to his senses. He sucked air into his nose, blue as a plum, and shouted:
- Thousand devils! Let the shark eat me if it's not a galley!
- Caboose! Caboose! yelled Red Nose and Hook Nose. - Excellent galley, admiral's galley. Well, let's drink here! Explore guys!
The pirates jumped out of the sink and ran around the kitchen.
Blue Nose rolled a jar of pepper, Red Nose dragged a waffle on his back, and Hook Nose dragged a spoon with the rest of the sour cream. The pirates smeared the waffle with sour cream, sprinkled it with pepper and began to eat it from three sides without breaking it. They ate terribly fast, in a moment the waffle disappeared in their stomachs, and they almost bit off each other's noses.
“And now,” said Crooked Nose, stroking his round belly, “follow me!” I found a weapons cache.
There were knives in the kitchen cabinet drawer. They were sharp and sparkling. Pirate Red Nose felt dizzy with happiness, and he fell into a chest of knives. However, pirate knives were heavy and large. The pirates are despondent. But then I got a knife from a meat grinder. They took him one by three and moved on.
While they are walking with a knife from a meat grinder, looking around, it's time to say the following about them.
They were terrible pirates. Once upon a time, they were feared on all the seas and oceans. Then they stopped being afraid, and from such a misfortune they became small. There was nothing for them to do in the vast sea. They made their way into the river. There they were sucked in by a water pipe. They followed her into the kitchen.
From the kitchen a corridor led to the hallway. The pirates very quickly reached the hallway. The first thing they saw was a hanger, not even the hanger itself, but the clothes on it.
- Inspect pockets! - Blue Nose gave the command. - Perhaps treasures of gold ducats are hidden there.
Red Nose grabbed the hem of the man's overcoat and dexterously, like a monkey, began to rise to his pocket. The Blue Nose got into the pocket of a woman's fur coat, and the Nose Hook into the pocket of a child's jacket.
"There's not a speck of dust in those fragrant sacks," Blue Nose grumbled as he rolled down the slippery fur to the floor.
From the pocket of the man's coat came snuffling, panting. Red Nose flew out of there, sneezing. With his foot hooked, he turned his pocket inside out, yellow dust pouring out of it. Blue Nose also began to sneeze, his nose turned purple.
- Thousand devils! It's tobacco! - Guessed Red and Blue Noses.
Hearing about tobacco, Hook Nose, who had not smoked for exactly thirty years, began to quickly descend the woolen thread sticking out of his jacket pocket. The thread kept getting longer. When the Crooked Nose went down almost to the floor, the thread was pulled tight, and a four-fingered glove fell out of the pocket - the fifth finger was all unraveled while the pirate was descending. Hook's nose also began to sneeze.
Having sneezed to their heart's content, the pirates took up further inspection. Their attention was stopped by galoshes.
- Let the sperm whale swallow me! - yelled Nose Hook. - These are excellent ships. Without a single crack, tarred as it should. Take one of the big ships. Let him have less speed, but he will lift more cargo.
The pirates clung to a large galosh and dragged it.
“By cuttlefish giblets,” shouted Blue Nose, “we are doing useless work!” Where are we taking the ship? Not one step further. We will upload it here. Everyone look for treasure!
The pirates rushed to the children's room. Blue Nose ran over to a leather chest with a large nickel-plated lock. Opening a lock is a piece of cake for a pirate. Soon Blue Nose hid in a leather chest.
Red Nose and Hook Nose attacked the dolls that were sitting in the corner. They took away kapron clothes from those and dumped them in a heap. Crocheted Nose put on a blue lace skirt. Red Nose put on a cap with a bow on his head. The pirates threatened the naked dolls with a knife from a meat grinder and stuffed them under the couch.
At this time, the Blue Nose crawled out of the leather chest. He had three daggers behind his belt - feathers, which he found in a pencil case. In his hands he clutched a fountain pen.
Blue Nose was terribly angry when he saw his friends in doll outfits: how dare they divide without him? He unscrewed the cap at the pen and, pressing the pump, opened fire. Blue Nose launched the first jet of ink into Red Nose's face, and his nose turned blue. The second jet hit Nose's face with a Hook. His nose is also blue.
- Let the octopus strangle me! - the gunslinger laughed. - We are all Blue Noses now - therefore, brothers! Let's reconcile.
The pirates embraced, then put a blouse on the real Blue Nose. Blue Nose presented them with daggers each and saluted at the wallpaper on the wall with several bursts from a fountain pen.
- And now, without delay, bring the goods to the ship! - ordered the real Blue Nose.
And just as he ordered, steps were heard outside the front door on the landing.
"By the lobster and the squid," whispered Hook Nose, "these are the enemy's marines!" Gotta get away!..
The pirates threw away the knife from the meat grinder and, tearing off the stolen clothes on the go, rushed to the kitchen. In a flash they climbed into the sink. Red Nose tried to climb into the faucet, but he was immediately thrown by a jet onto the dishes. He rubbed his back and, grimacing, grumbled:
- A very strong tide. We have to wait for the tide. Otherwise, you won't get into the pipe.
- Follow me immediately, lame mullets! yelled Blue Nose. "Or we're dead..."
He sucked in more air and dived into the hole in the sink. The Red Nose rushed after him - his nose was already red, washed off. The last to dive was Hook Nose. At the same time, he got entangled in a washcloth. She dragged herself after him and plugged the hole in the sink.
Door opened. Mom, dad and daughter entered the apartment.
- A good puppy! - said daughter.
Dad and mom wanted to say that they also liked the dog, that maybe you should get one, but they didn’t say anything. Dad tripped over a galosh, and mom got her foot in a stream that ran into the hallway from the kitchen. They just sighed and started cleaning up. Yes, those terrible pirates put them to work...

Literature

1. A. Volkov. The Wizard of Oz. – Khabarovsk; Khabarovsk book publishing house, 1991, 288s.

2. A book for reading in kindergarten and at home: 5-7 years: A guide for kindergarten teachers and parents / Comp. V.V. Gerbova and others - M .: "Onyx", 2008. - 352 p.

3. About a mouse that was a cat, a dog and a tiger. Retold for children by N. Hodza: ​​L, publishing house "Leningrad artist", 1958.

4. Reader for preschoolers 5-7 years old. /Comp. N.P. Ilchuk and others - 1st edition. M., AST, 1998. - 608s., Ill. /

5. Reader for children of senior preschool age. / Comp.: R.I. Zhukovskaya, L.A. Penevskaya. Ed. 3rd, revised. and additional M., "Enlightenment", 1976 - 415p.

6. Reader for children of senior preschool age. / Comp.: R.I. Zhukovskaya, L.A. Penevskaya. Ed. 4th, revised. and additional M., "Enlightenment", 1981 - 399 p.

7. Reader for children of senior preschool age. / Comp.: Z.Ya. Rez, L.M. Gurovich and others - M., "Enlightenment", 1990 - 431s

8. Magazine "Child in kindergarten": No. 2, 2003, No. 2, 2007,

9. Journal "Preschool education": No. 1, 2002; No. 5, 1993; No. 1, 1994; No. 2, 1994; No. 5, 1995; No. 9, 1995; No. 2, 1997; No. 5, 1998.

Source

1. Electronic library ModernLib.ru http://www.rvb.ru//

Everyone knows who the pirates are. Many boys often want to be like these brave sea robbers. They love pirate parties, ask their mother to read a fairy tale about pirates in the evenings, and dream of exciting adventures in a distant sea. But, as it turned out, sea pirates do not always enjoy their lives, as the kids think, but, on the contrary, dream of changing it. If not all, then the heroes of our history for sure.

Pirate Tale: Island Adventure

There lived three pirates. They sailed on a large ship on the sea and were very proud that everyone was afraid of them. After all, pirates are not just sea travelers, first of all they are villains and robbers who instill fear in everyone who has to face them.
Once, Joe, Fix and Jack, that was the name of our brave pirates, decided to take a walk on the island. They wanted to know how those who live on land spend their time, and are not all the time on the ship. Friends were very interested in this question, because they had never seen another life, since their parents were also pirates. They died in a shipwreck a few years ago, and since then the boys have had to fend for themselves.
Everything on the island was strange and incomprehensible to our heroes. Some people talked to themselves, while others stared at the small rectangles in their hands for a long time. The pirates decided to get acquainted with someone and ask about everything in detail, but bad luck, the kids playing nearby, seeing them, immediately ran away somewhere. When this happened several times, the pirates became very upset.

"Don't we like anyone?" Why doesn't anyone want to talk to us? Jack and Joe were surprised.
“Very evil people must live here. That's why they don't want to help. Fix suggested.
“With such success, you need to return to the ship, because you won’t be able to dine here. Joe said frustrated, feeling his stomach growl.
The pirates were going to do so, but suddenly they heard a quiet voice.
— Pirates! I see you are in trouble. If you promise not to touch me, I will help you. came from the bushes.
Friends were very surprised, why such promises? Yes, they often had to rob ships and attack travelers, but here it’s not the sea, but land. In addition, never knowing about another life, our pirates did not think that they were doing something bad. In fact, they were very kind. But they were eager to find out what was wrong with the locals, so they quickly promised the owner of the quiet voice full immunity.
As it turned out, a little boy was hiding in the bushes. He told our heroes that all the inhabitants of the island are very afraid of them, because they have heard more than once about how bravely and lightning fast pirates rob ships. They even show it on TV and talk about it on the radio.
Pirates for the first time were not pleased to hear about their achievements. They understood how much trouble and evil they bring. These are boys from distant lands who dream of being like them, and those who can directly suffer from such "bravery" are terribly afraid of them.

The pirates felt very ashamed and wanted to change their lives. Realizing that the people they were attacking were actually screaming and afraid, and not pretending, Joe, Jack and Fix decided never to return to piracy. They made peace with the inhabitants of the island, and began to live like ordinary people. They learned what phones and tablets were, so they were no longer surprised by them.
Some time passed, and the pirates realized that they did not like being on land. They decided to continue their sea voyage, because without a ship and waves, life seemed unusually boring to them. But they did not engage in robbery. Instead, they bought a video camera to shoot interesting videos about their journey and new discoveries. Very soon, Joe, Fix and Jack became YouTube stars and proved that a fairy tale about pirates for children can be not only exciting, but also kind.

You can watch a cartoon about pirates on Nochdovra right now! Enjoy watching and sweet dreams!

We have created more than 300 costless fairy tales on the Dobranich website. It is pragmatic to remake the splendid contribution to sleep at the homeland ritual, the recurrence of turbot and heat.Would you like to support our project? Let's be vigilant, with new strength we will continue to write for you!