Every person experiences many different emotions every day. And if everything is very clear with positive ones, then it is sometimes very difficult for a person to deal with negative ones. That is why in this article I want to talk about how to cope with mental pain.
What it is
At the very beginning, it must be said that the very concept of "soul" is very abstract. This is a certain substance that has no color, no smell, no weight. However, it is she who is the whole basis of human life, the engine of the body, its leader. Here it must be said that such concepts as mental health, wound or mental pain are also very abstract. After all, that which does not even have a form cannot hurt. However, such feelings at least once in a lifetime experienced, probably, every person living on planet Earth. is a very complex and dangerous thing, because it is impossible to cope with it in a short time with the help of pills or special medical procedures (as in the case of physical pain). It takes time and a certain set of actions.
Ingredients of mental pain
I would also like to say that any emotional experiences (according to modern psychologists) consist of several simple elements:
- Emotions.
- Thoughts.
- Unpleasant sensations or discomfort in the body.
- Visual images (representations, some pictures before the eyes).
If a person's soul hurts, what to do? Often there is a logical question. After all, no one wants to suffer extra time and spend in heavy thoughts. The first piece of advice is: time heals. And that's right. This truth has been known since time immemorial. The ancient doctors treated all kinds of emotional experiences exclusively with time (well, with labor). A person needs some time to get enough of his experiences. At this hour, you need to think carefully about everything, to live past events again. You need to feel your pain again - the last one. Only then can there be a sense of completeness. Often after this, people already begin to let go of their problem, gradually saying goodbye to it. Time will pass, and there will be no trace left of the experience. This should always be remembered, looking to the future, not the past.
However, there is one “but” in this advice. When figuring out how to deal with mental pain, you can’t get too bogged down in your problem. After all, she can “drag” for a long time into her networks. If the condition does not improve within a week, then you need to seek outside help. After all, this way you can gradually drive yourself into a long-term depression, which is very, very difficult to cope with.
Soul hurts! What to do, how to help yourself? Why not seek outside help? In this case, there are several ways to get out of the negative state. The first and probably the most important is the help of a psychologist. Based on a couple of conversations, a specialist will be able to understand the problem of his patient and help him find a way out of this situation. Attention: you need to remember that no one will solve the problem better than its owner. There is no need to hope that the psychologist will solve all the questions that disturb the soul. Not at all, he will show the way out of the situation. Next, you will have to act independently. The next way out of a difficult emotional situation is the help of parents or others. It is worth remembering that no one, except for the most dear and dear people, can help better. Mom, dad, sister, brother, aunts and uncles are those individuals who sincerely worry and will try to do everything to help their relative. You should always seek help from relatives, because they often give very practical advice. And the last way to calm emotional experiences, feelings is to turn to friends for help. These are the people who, most likely, will not delve into the past, but will open their eyes to the present (especially when it comes to young people). Only good comrades can spin in the cycle of the day without giving their friend a moment's respite. Study, fun, self-discovery, cinema, exhibitions, discos… There simply won’t be time for self-flagellation and unnecessary worries. And there time will pass, and everything will gradually subside and be forgotten.
A few words about medicines
How else can you help yourself if your soul hurts, what to do in such a situation? So, sometimes you can hear simple advice: you need to take certain medications. These are the so-called antidepressants or simply sedative drugs. But this advice is very dangerous. The thing is that it is very, very dangerous to prescribe any medications on your own. This can have a very negative effect on health. Antidepressants should be prescribed exclusively by the attending physician after a certain examination and diagnosis of the disease. Here it is necessary to clarify: there are not so many such mental problems in which medicines help. You need to learn how to cope with everything on your own, without the influence of extraneous chemicals.
A few words about relaxing remedies
A lot of people can tell you how to get rid of mental pain. After all, the most commonly used method is the use of various relaxing agents. It can be alcohol, soft drugs. Undoubtedly, for a short period they can bring relief, clouding the mind. But this is by no means a way out of a difficult situation. After all, the next day the sensations return, and a difficult physical condition is also added to this. So it's doubly worse. In addition, taking the above-described means negatively affects a person, and in some cases leads to addictions that are oh so difficult to deal with.
If a person has a soul ache, what should be done to cope with this condition? So you need to talk about your problem. However, opening up to a person, albeit close ones, is far from always easy and simple. In this case, a diary is perfect. You need to try to pour out all your feelings and experiences on paper. You need to take notes at a time when it is very bad. You have to write for at least a week. Everything else will need to be read. Already after reading what has been written, a lot can become clear. Some things will seem ridiculous, but some things will already be possible to get rid of. It is worth remembering that by looking at the problem from the outside, you can better understand it and clarify some points for yourself.
How to calm down negative emotional feelings? You need to try to forget about the problem that worries you. This will take a little work. Namely, to get rid of everything that reminds of a difficult past. For example, if there was a breakup with a loved one, you will have to throw away or distribute all the gifts and destroy joint photos. Nothing should be left in the environment that can cause pain or memories.
The next tip on how to get rid of mental pain is to do what you love. You need to do everything to just not remember your problem. Creativity is the best way to do this. Embroidery, drawing, cycling, music - these are the things without which it is simply impossible to imagine a normal life. Taking your time completely, there is simply not enough time for negative thoughts and despondency.
If a person is tormented by various mental suffering, you can try to volunteer. In this case, you need to go to the nearest public organization and offer yourself as an assistant on a free basis. At the same time, you can talk about the reasons for such an act. In this case, a person can be sent to various meetings where people share their problems. After listening to the stories of others, he can draw a simple conclusion that his problem is not yet so terrible, that it can be dealt with. After all, there are more complex and terrible situations. At the same time, helping people, you can perfectly assert yourself, realizing that it is still very useful to society and other people. And such thoughts have a very positive effect on the process of recovery from mental suffering.
What to do if a person has a strong emotional wound? You can try to deal with it in a similar way. For example, if the cause of suffering is a breakup with a loved one, you need to start dating other people. If you were fired from your job or expelled from the institute, you can go to courses and learn a new profession. We must always remember what does not exist. Fate loves punchy and moderately arrogant, so you never need to lose heart and give up. After all, whoever knocks, they open it.
We must remember that life is one. It just won't work the second time around. Therefore, you need to try to do everything that you can at this very moment, here and now. As the saying goes, make the most of life. If you periodically return to the past, you can not keep up with the changes that are happening today. However, saying is not doing. Everything is much more complicated here. A simple tip on how not to think about what was: if such a desire arises, and thoughts come back, you just need to force yourself to visualize a different future. This is a great way to speed up your mental recovery. We must come up with a picture of a bright future and return to it every time. And if everything is done correctly, the invented world will soon become a reality, and life will again go on an ascending line.
Everyone knows the simple truth: you need to give more, not receive. After all, it brings great moral satisfaction. If the soul is bad, we must try to improve the life of everyone around. You can help mom do a spring cleaning, give dad a long-awaited spinning rod or take a walk with your sister's child. Thanks and encouragement from the outside perfectly improve mood and give only positive emotions. And it's much easier to deal with difficult memories.
Here we will not talk about selfishness, but about the fact that you need to give yourself the maximum of what can please. At this time, you can try to fulfill at least one cherished dream - to jump with a parachute, go to the sea or just go to the amusement park. The expectation of something beautiful and positive emotions are great for dealing with multiple mental problems.
Simple Conclusions
And so that various mental illnesses and problems do not arise, you should always try to think positively. After all, all those tests that fate sends should only make a person stronger. And besides, you should always remember that behind the dark life strip there will always be white. Expecting the beautiful, it will soon be possible to wait for it.
How to know when it's time to see a psychotherapist
Every year, about five thousand people who feel that something is wrong with them voluntarily apply to the regional psychoneurological dispensary. Psychiatrists offer drug treatment that brings relief, but does not eliminate the causes. Observations show that at least half of these patients would be better off going to psychotherapists.
There are quite a few signs by which an ordinary person can determine the need for cooperation with psychotherapists.
Unclear mental state
For example, a person always felt good, and suddenly there was some kind of anxiety, the causes of which are difficult to understand. Or, unexpectedly, he began to avoid something. That has changed, and it is felt. Such anxiety very often turns out to be in bodily sensations. Some vague somatic changes, when you feel either bad or just not right, and this worries. And doctors can not specify a specific disorder. The specialist sends to another specialist. None of them finds a specific pathology, but the state of health is still bad. It is not clear where - and sleep, and heart, and fatigue, and sex.
There is a distinct dissatisfaction with oneself and one's life
A person feels either the so-called “flaw of fate” (when some unpleasant things are repeated), or his own fatal unfulfillment - I can’t do anything, I’m inclined to what, although in general I’m normal, I could do much more, but for some reason I don’t it turns out. And in general - why is everything wrong.
Actually in such cases there is every reason to turn to a psychotherapist.
Psychotherapy teaches to love (including yourself) and surrender to the world. And this is a long and honest work on oneself. She cannot help those who for some reason do not want to change. It is also necessary to realize that psychotherapy is not a one-time miraculous session of magic that will disappoint or charm everyone. It requires mutual efforts.
What do psychotherapists do?
They practice rational psychotherapy, both dynamic, for children and adults, individual or group.
Individual psychotherapy sessions are primarily psychoanalysis, pronunciation of associations. Dynamic psychotherapy recognizes that, in addition to the mind, there are also indirect effects on the mind - movement, dance, photography, contact.
What is positive impact group therapy is that group members are in communication not only with the therapist, but also with other members of the group.
In psychodrama groups, participants stage their bad experiences. Gestalt therapy proves a negative symptom to the point of intolerability. Systemic family therapy tries to break the chain of mutual misunderstanding. Each method is good and has its practical benefits. It is only important not to mix them, holding on to one thing.
Although we can already find a therapist who will fit, the industry itself is in its infancy. This is due to the problem of special education and the legal status of psychotherapists in Ukraine.
In order to qualify for a therapeutic practice, you need to go a long way: graduate from a medical school, an internship in psychiatry and a specialization in psychotherapy in Lviv, Kharkov or Kyiv. Only then can you get a license from the Ministry of Health. Although all this science does not really give anything. Therefore, our psychotherapists are forced to study in schools that are implemented by international projects. But then they are forced to call themselves psychological consultants.
The cost of such systemic counseling is no more than an intensive hospital stay. A psychoanalytic one-hour session costs from 50 hryvnia. Sessions are held 2-3 times a week for several months. Group therapy is three times cheaper, and classes are held once a week. You can find out about the possibility of a consultant from the announcements on the fences, although the most reliable way is a word of mouth recommendation. The one who has experienced relief himself is the best propagandist for both the doctor, the method, and the principled appeal to psychotherapists.
Judging by the way we live with each other, what happens in each individual head, local psychotherapy was soon to cease to be some kind of exotic, turning into a common occurrence that should neither be feared nor ashamed.
heartache- this is emotional suffering, unpleasant and painful in its sensations for a person. Mental pain is also referred to as the pain of the soul body and reckoned with the loss of survival potential. Often it is much more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disturbances in the work of all internal organs and provokes malfunctions throughout the body.
How to deal with mental pain?
Emotional suffering develops when experiencing a life event or greatly worrying about a loved one. Mental pain is often inherent in a person when his personal ideas do not coincide with what is happening in reality. This is because significant experiences leading to are due to patterns formed in the human brain, and reality is not what the individual expects it to be. All these disappointments lead to emotional suffering.
Mental pain by a person can be experienced both explicitly and covertly, when a person suffers, but does not admit it to himself.
How to deal with mental pain? A person copes with mental pain in several ways. In one case, mental pain moves from a conscious sensation to the subconscious and the individual mistakenly believes that he is no longer suffering. In fact, what happens is that a person simply avoids pain, and transfers it to the subconscious.
If an individual is inclined to demonstrate his actions and feelings, then this means that he gives vent to his mental pain. A person in such cases begins to consult with friends, acquaintances, seeks salvation in eliminating the root of the problem.
For example, if relationships with parents cause mental pain, then a person is looking for all possible ways to find a common language with them.
If a person has chosen a method of avoidance, then this method is expressed in not recognizing the problem, often the individual says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself in personal experiences. In this case, mental pain persists, passing into an implicit, subconscious form. This state is very difficult to cope with, it is painful for a person, much more emotional than an open confession, as well as saying the problem out loud.
How to get rid of mental pain
It is very difficult to get rid of latent pain, it is characterized by a protracted (for years!) course. At the same time, a person's character, relationships with others change. A person with mental pain begins to attract negative people to himself, gradually changing the level of acquaintances, or completely abandons them, forever excluding communication with people.
Often, emotional suffering does not allow an individual to create, work, it torments him, and a person often does not understand what is happening to him. Separate situations are able to remind a person of those moments that caused pain in his soul many years ago. This is due to the fact that emotions were driven into the subconscious many years ago, so a person cries and worries, not fully understanding what is happening to him, for example, after watching a emotional scene from a movie. In cases where you cannot cope with mental pain on your own, you need the help of a specialist or a loved one who is ready to listen to you.
Heartache after a breakup
Psychological reactions to the end of a relationship with a loved one have much in common with the reaction to physical loss, namely, the death of a loved one. The emotional pain after parting with a loved one can drag on for many months and years. During this period, a person is acutely worried. Experiences include stages of resentment, denial and pain.
Initially, there is a stage of denial, which manifests itself in the subconscious refusal of a person to objectively relate to the breakup and be aware of the end of the relationship.
The pain after a breakup is aggravated by the realization that a loved one is no more, and will never be there again. The moment a person realizes and accepts reality, he will stop suffering. This understanding does not come overnight. The duration of this period depends on the continuation of contacts with the former lover. To make it easier and faster to go through this stage of mental suffering, psychologists advise to abandon all contacts, as well as get rid of all objects that remind of past relationships.
The period of denial is replaced by a period of resentment, which is characterized by accusations of the former lover of all sins and the desire of the offended to take revenge, especially if betrayal was the reason for the break.
Psychologically, this is understandable: blaming another person is much easier than admitting part of your guilt in a similar situation yourself. This stage is marked by the emergence of an emotional block: there is a loop on negative experiences, which significantly delays the period of psychological recovery. At the next stage of the life crisis, worries about lost time in relationships that were in vain develop. Such experiences are accompanied by a fear of loneliness, as well as the uncertainty of the future, the fear that it will not be possible to build new relationships.
Most psychologists are inclined to believe that tears, suffering and reflection in loneliness are an obligatory, as well as a necessary part in overcoming this life crisis. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cry. Allow yourself to suffer and cry - this will bring relief and lead to recovery.
If, nevertheless, a decision was made to break up, then the lost relationship should not be restored, and for this reason, indulge in sad memories, call, and also meet. This will only slow down and make it more difficult to overcome emotional suffering.
Women often need more time than men to forget about an ex-partner, because for women, loving a man is the most important part of life. For a man, the priority in life is often work, as well as a career. In addition, it is usually easier for men to find a new partner.
Psychologists advise, left alone, to do. If, nevertheless, for two years, mental pain after parting worries, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist who will help in solving this problem.
Severe mental pain
Edwin Shneidman American psychologist gave the following unique definition of mental pain. It is not like physical or bodily pain. Mental pain is manifested in experiences that are often caused by the grieving person himself.
Mental pain, filled with suffering, is an expression of the loss of the meaning of life. It is marked by torment, longing, confusion. This state gives rise to loneliness, grief, guilt, humiliation, shame, before the inevitability - aging, death, physical illness.
Eliminating the cause of suffering helps to get rid of severe mental pain. If the cause of emotional suffering is the negative behavior of a person regarding you, then in this case it is necessary to eliminate these causes, and not extinguish your emotions regarding this person. For example, if you are having trouble with your boss that provoked heartache, then you should work on your relationship with him, and not on your emotions and how you feel about it. You should find a common language or quit.
If emotional suffering is caused by an irreparable situation (illness or death), then you should work on the perception of reality and your emotions.
Mental pain lasts from six months to a year with the loss of a loved one. Only after this period of time, psychologists advise building new relationships in order not to repeat the same mistakes.
How to relieve mental pain? It is necessary to admit to yourself that an unpleasant situation has already occurred. This can alleviate your condition.
Second, go through the period of pain and come to your senses. Then we build a new future, but without these circumstances or this person. For example, without a favorite job or a loved one. Mentally build everything in detail, how you will live on. Often the real world becomes in a person the way he sees it in his imagination.
Often, severe mental pain is hidden under other masks and is confused with anger, disappointment, resentment.
How to deal with severe emotional pain? Find people who are worse off than you. Show them care. This way you will switch from your problem.
Master the system of correct breathing: with a long inhalation and a short exhalation. Proper breathing can help your body cells recover quickly, strengthen the nervous system.
Say something nice to people every day, positive emotions will also be transferred to you.
Follow the daily routine, get enough sleep, this will help restore nerve cells.
Take your mind off your worries by dancing, jogging, walking, push-ups, physical exercises. Sign up for a massage.
Avoid the return of intense mental suffering. Scientists are inclined to believe that a person stays in a state of depression for a quarter of an hour, and the rest of the time he himself creates mental suffering for himself, prolonging and aggravating them. Therefore, the ability not to return mental pain again, which is facilitated by situations from the past that provoked experiences, is of great importance.
Hello Alexandra. You don't have to blame yourself for what happened. Take it as an experience. Often, young girl friends train with each other in the skill of kissing (for future relationships with the opposite sex).
Hello Alexandra, if a girl kissed you, this does not mean that automatically, you have turned into the same as her. What happened to you is called temptation. In this or another sphere, it is inherent in people, as a sad result of the fall of man. You need to go to the temple, do not hesitate to go to confession. Look around in the temple, find a priest who would suit you, at least identify by appearance. Say do not be afraid of what your conscience reproaches you with. The result will be, believe me. After that, live on, and do not look back, you should not have anything to do with it. Date a guy, start a family, kids). Happiness to you.
I am 22 years old. I study in Yekaterinburg, I am a non-resident myself. Closer to the beginning of the new academic year, it turned out that I was not given a place in the hostel. There is no place to live, you have to study. I was rescued by a friend who offered to live in his one-room apartment. I agreed because I had no other choice. Everything went fine for the first couple of weeks, but then I realized that I liked my neighbor (although I already knew this), and later it turned into a severe form of falling in love. One-sided feelings are tearing me apart from the inside. I told a friend about my feelings, but nothing changed from this, except for the tension between us. I was trapped. I can't move out and try to stay away from him, because in that case I'll just end up on the street, and at the same time I can't overcome my feelings being around. What to do with it, I just have no idea. Can you help me please?
Hello Linaria. We recommend that you do not fight with your feelings inside yourself, if you resist them, it will only get worse in your soul. Try to switch to other guys, even if you don't feel like it. With a guy, don’t touch on the topic of feelings anymore and he will eventually decide that you have calmed down. Tension has arisen between you because the guy cannot reciprocate your feelings. Continue living in his apartment and focus on your studies (session coming soon).
Hello. I have such a situation. I had a relationship with a man for 12 years. She loved deeply, but he turned out to be a coward and does not want to admit it. When our relationship began to loosen, he began to demand back all the gifts, took everything down to underwear. Although he had no less gifts and equivalent ones. Insults began to pour in. Time has passed, and I have such an emptiness inside that no matter what I fill it with, I still return to the starting point. Travel, friends, hobbies, nothing helps. He stands before his eyes. And completely bewildered, how could he do this?
Hello Albina. We recommend that you switch to other men and stop worrying about unsuccessful past relationships. “He is in front of my eyes. And complete confusion, how could he do this? - He did what he usually does. Just for you, such qualities in character are not acceptable. You and your ex are different, so you should not feel sorry for him.
Hello, I would appreciate your help. We have been living together with my gr.husband for 3 years. At the time of our meeting, he was married, but divorced to be with me. He is the best person in the world in relation to me, I did not think that it was possible to love like that. And I also love him endlessly, but then one day he declares that he was disappointed in me, almost fell out of love, does not want to live with me, but immediately said that he does not drive, he lives with me out of pity. My husband is very wealthy, he fully supports me, and to my question, what are we going to do now, he said so and we will live on and the horror began. Yes, we live together, he also provides for me, we sleep in the same bed, but there is no intimate relationship, we don’t talk, only on domestic issues, although it happens that he himself speaks and laughs and seems to thaw. On my question, what is the reason for the disappointment, he did not answer. I'm just going quietly crazy. I love him, he is the dearest in life. What to do? How to build relationships? He has a child and I have from a previous marriage. He treated my child well, sincerely, and then he said that he did not want me to bring my daughter, because he only sees his on weekends. The child is with the grandmother and thank God that she does not see this nightmare. The situation has been dragging on for 2 months, we live like this. Help! How to save a family? For all my attempts to build relationships like a wall. He said he didn't want anything. This has never happened. He says that he does not want anything, that it is better to die, but many people will suffer. God, I'm just going crazy. Tell me, can a man live out of pity? In my opinion, this is simply absurd. And it lasts for a month. And I don't know how long it will last. I will endure everything, if only he thawed.
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Hello Natalia, the fact that he met you and got divorced does not allow him to live in peace. You must understand that at the beginning of your relationship there was passion, and mutual from both sides. Time passed, the man realized what he had done, because the family had collapsed. Perhaps he loved or still loves his family very much, so he feels a sense of regret. Do you have a schedule with him, or do you just live in a place? Let him go, this is the only chance to make amends for your and his family.
Hello Olesya, the fact that your husband has such a health problem is, of course, an unpleasant situation. Maybe you can try, take a baby from a baby house, or from an orphanage. How many kids are left without parental love. Find with your husband the strength to take and give at least one of them your love, support and protection. It is clear that this is a very responsible step, but if you don’t try, you will reproach yourself all your life that there was at least a small chance to experience maternal happiness, but you didn’t use it. The husband should try to explain that life is not eternal, he will grow old over time, his strength will leave him, and in his old age there will be no one to worry about him, to give a glass of water.
Olesya, if you are a believer, at least a little, come to the temple, sincerely pray from a pure heart to God to help you in your difficult task, and He will really help you and heartache will go back to where it came from.
I sincerely wish you to get rid of your spiritual burden, and feel that unique lightness of life to which we are called by God.
I have a second marriage. When she got married, she was happy and was waiting for a long-awaited pregnancy, but the pregnancy never came ... They lived together for 7 years. My husband has infertility, the chance for IVF is 20%. She categorically does not want a donor child. I'm exhausted, I really want a baby. (he also wants to, but he probably understands that it won’t work out and somehow resigned himself, but I can’t) I’m 37, in a couple of months 38 is already the limit, but I never gave birth. She began to treat her husband worse, began to eat herself, that she made the wrong choice and him, in turn, that she hid her infertility from me and constantly reassured me that he would soon undergo treatment and we would become pregnant.
I can't live with it... I'm tired. I'm afraid to break wood. I can not forgive him and be left without the desired baby. How to be!? Mental pain drowns consciousness, interferes with life.
Hello Olesya. The situation is difficult. Your desire to have a child is understandable. While there is still time, it is necessary to think how else to solve this problem. It makes sense to go to a family psychologist with your husband so that the specialist helps you and your husband sort out the problem (so that your husband finds out how important it is for you to have a child, that you are unhappy in a relationship due to the lack of the opportunity to realize yourself in motherhood) and contribute to making the right decision.
I am 35, in my childhood (5 years old) the older boys forced me to do something that I don’t say out loud all day. The parents found out, but chose not to make a fuss. Further substance abuse, psychotropics, criminal records, terms. In the direction to the hospital, the diagnosis was F 18-26. For a long time I was sure that I was communicating with aliens in my head.
When passing the commission in the military registration and enlistment office they gave a certificate: Limited capacity art. 117 B. I consider myself a spiritual cripple. Mental pain sometimes leads to bouts of deaf crying, resentment. And there is no one to talk to and talk about. I can't do this anymore. Help!
Look, it's really sad what happened to you. It's too bad there's no one to help you. Of course, you can't tell everyone about this. You turn to God, tell Him everything, all your pain, see how it becomes easier for you. Just shut yourself up in your room and talk. Even better, go to a church in your city, preferably an evangelical one, and talk to a minister or pastor. They will pray with you. Many have been healed and delivered this way. I wish you success!
God does not help anyone, why are you fooling a person, do you have a conscience?
Hello Sergey, did you establish this from your own experience, or did someone tell you?
Artemy hello, if you still want to chat write lukanovmg(dog)mail.ru
Hello! I am 29 years old. Went through a breakup with a boyfriend. They met for 6 years, it was going to the wedding, but the guy started endogenous depression. After six months of agony and fruitless attempts to help, I ended the relationship. Six months later, there were new short-term and unsuccessful relationships, where they already left me. Now another six months have passed and I have more or less accepted and experienced the past, but I am tormented by a strong pain of loneliness. In general, she torments me even after the first parting. At first, I had a fixed idea, to find compensatory relationships, which led to a disastrous result. Now I am delving into self-contemplation and self-development with varying degrees of success. I can work productively, but I understand that I can’t do anything about the pain of loneliness. I can get distracted, but sometimes I fall into despair. It is rare to be happy. There was a lack of self-confidence and distrust of people + fear that I would never be able to meet my man. The calm state is replaced by panic and it is impossible to control this process. Relationships have always been in the first place for me and I just can’t learn to appreciate what I have and enjoy an independent life. I would be grateful for any hints. Thank you!
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Thank you. In a difficult moment, such words are very helpful. The links are very handy, I saved them, I will re-read them in moments of crisis)
Hello Eugene. Read the book Five Masks, Five Injuries by Liz Burbo.
The factor in the appearance of mental pain and the ease of overcoming it does not depend on gender, and in this case, it is wrong to treat the situation stereotypically. Every person is unique and everyone has their own pain threshold. Not a single psychologist will give an exact recipe if he approaches the situations that occur in people in a stereotyped way. Yes, in many ways they are similar, but the manifestations and perception of the situation are individual for everyone. I will speak for myself, I did not manage to get rid of the mental pain and I have to somehow live with it. At times there comes a period of return of memories, which is given by pain on the physical level, it is quite felt. It is easy to understand the situation, to find the reason too, it is impossible to forgive a person if you are not to blame for anything, and he blames you for everything, although it is completely his fault. Of course, you can do something else, some other distracting things, without enthusiasm, but this does not save. Thoughts and memories always come back.
Probably, it was not your man, and this is your comfort. I have a similar situation, we broke up after 2 years of a stormy romance, mostly at a distance, he blames me for what didn’t happen, and I’m offended that he thinks so of me and I can’t prove anything. And is it necessary? For the second month after separation, I feel such longing and suffering, it seems that it will never end. But I console myself with the fact that it was still not my man. Those who truly love don't do that. You need more communication, I think so, it saves me, even all sorts of comments, communication in social networks. And you need to learn to control your thoughts, not to go deep into them and drive them away, try it. And it’s even better to get to know each other if a decent amount of time has passed since the breakup. Don't get hung up. Forgive and let go. Read other recommendations, for example, I found in Google 6 steps after breaking up. I wish you success! I hope I helped a little 🙂
Thanks Larisa. Only in my case it is unrealistic to forget. You can hate, but this pain will not go away, but on the contrary. I am forced to see my daughter at the former, they did not give her to me, and this pain is even stronger. I tried new relationships. It all comes down to the fact that there is no longer trust, and the relationship is falling apart at my request. I just live .. Come what may.
Hello Galina. The point is to seek explanations from a man if he has made a final decision for himself. Now you need to think about how to cope with this situation and recover mentally as quickly as possible. It is required for yourself to realize and accept his decision, mentally thank the Universe for those wonderful days that you were together and let him go. After all, all this could not be. Remember what Mark Twain wrote: “There are only two things we will regret on our deathbed – that we loved little and traveled little.” When you free yourself from these relationships, your heart will be free and wish for new relationships, you will definitely attract them with your desire.
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I am 54 years old. All my life I dream of love. But even in my youth, I could never talk to guys, let alone meet - as if it were shameful for me. And as if it would make people laugh. She married at the age of 28 to a man from a dating service. But he turned out to be a drinker, a year later I left him, because it was unbearable. She gave birth and raised a son. And I still can’t meet, fall in love - the reason is the same. I have never experienced a man's love for me. If sometimes one of the men says something good to me, I am sure that he is pretending or mocking me. From loneliness for 10-15 years there has been depression, I didn’t realize it right away, I just didn’t have the mood, I didn’t want anything, I didn’t want to see anyone, etc. Now depression makes itself felt with prolonged bouts of melancholy, anxiety. I can't feel joy. There is no feeling of pleasure. As if there is no strength. I drank rexetine four years ago and something else for sleep. I could not sleep for two days and did not even yawn. Then she fell, 2 operations on her knee, then her mother died. Life has become quite bleak. I went to psychologists, but depression does not go away. I don't know how to deal with it. What should I do, tell me?
Irina, I want to advise you the most wonderful diaries!!! Reread John of Kronstadt!!! (it was such a person who lived, he was numbered among the saints!) Believe me. I live with severe mental pain. Strongest!!! And I'm learning to enjoy it! Believe me. His diaries will make you brighter. Thank you for your attention.
The soul hurts differently than the body. Sometimes it is difficult to come to your senses after certain temptations. What do those who know by experience how to gain psychological health write?
Righteous John of Kronstadt (1829-1908)
The treatment of mental diseases (passions) is completely different from the treatment of bodily diseases. In bodily illnesses, one must stop at the illness, caress the sore spot with mild remedies, warm water, warm poultices, etc., but in mental illnesses it is not so: a disease has attacked you - do not dwell on it with attention, by no means caressing it, do not indulge it, do not warm her, but beat her, crucify her, do something completely contrary to what she asks.
Saint Silouan of Athos (1866-1938)
Good to learn to live according to the will of God. Then the soul abides unceasingly in God and is very calm.
Hieromonk Peter (Seregin) (1895-1982)
It often happens that even with good material security and good relations with our neighbors, our hearts are gnawed by sins and passions, like fierce snakes. And if we resort to spiritual and moral means, we get rid of pride and exaltation and are freed from vanity, envy and anger, displeasure and the lusts of the flesh that give rise to them; our inner life, under the influence of the grace of God, is cleansed of irritability, fear, and sinful anxiety, and the peace of God overshadows our soul; we feel joy in the Lord.
The chains of sin weaken, and some fall off completely, and we feel completely happy, in the fullness of life, despite various external material and other worldly conditions.
Holy Scripture is a spiritual pharmacy, in which the compassionate Heavenly Father hid various healings for us. We have various infirmities in our souls, ailments and illnesses, and therefore we demand various kinds of medicine, because we find everything in Holy Scripture. There, with the help of the Holy Spirit, who spoke through the prophets and apostles, everyone will find healing for their infirmities: the sad - consolation, the doubting - reason and affirmation, the ignorant - instruction and knowledge. There is hidden advice to those who are perplexed, and ignorant of reason, and consolation to the sad.
Elder Paisius Svyatogorets (1924-1994)
If a person has self-will, self-confidence and self-pleasing, then, even being smart even seven spans in his forehead, he will suffer constantly. He gets confused, ties himself hand and foot, he has problems. To find his way, he must open his heart to some confessor and humbly ask him for help. However, some go to a psychiatrist instead of a confessor. If the psychiatrist turns out to be a believer, he will lead them to a confessor. And the unbelieving psychiatrist will limit himself to giving them some pills. However, pills by themselves do not solve the problem.
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (1724-1783)
A beginner in faith can be likened to a weak person who, seeing his incurable illness, desires and seeks a skillful physician. Thus, a sinner, seeing through the law his sinful infirmity, from which he cannot be freed by his own strength, desires and seeks a doctor who could free him from that infirmity.
Schemamonk Zosima (XVII-XIX centuries)
Is anyone dead or godless or sinful, who can resurrect him? The Word of God, which is life. Has anyone gone astray in the darkness of heresy or in the path of a corrupt life, who can enlighten him or turn him to the path of salvation? The Word of God, which is light and truth. Is anyone sick in soul: the Word of God for healing. Is it hard of heart? The Word of God softens him. Is the despairing sinner? The Word of God draws him to repentance. Is it crushed by sorrows or temptations? The Word of God is his comfort and admonition and strengthening.
Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow (1783-1867)
Nothing is as important to a person as faith. On it depends not only the bliss of the future life, but also the well-being of the present life.
Doctor Sergey Apraksin (XIX-XX centuries)
Poor man! Instead of telling him: “think about the reasons for your nervousness, fill your spiritual emptiness with faith and hope in God, develop a different attitude to life with all its sorrows and joys”, they say to him: “you are sick, go and get treated”, and here the unfortunate one runs or goes to the doctors, they seek salvation from his mental illness.
Here the question is solved for the most part very simply: the word “neurasthenia” is pronounced, a comprehensive word, although it does not express anything definite (and the patient thinks that they have understood his illness), and the usual treatment begins ...
This usually goes on for several years (and sometimes the whole life), until, finally, the exhausted person realizes that the nervous “I can’t”, under the influence of various factors, easily turns into “I can” by the person himself ...
The most irritable person, caught during a family scene, for example, by an outsider, a little known person, quickly restrains himself, turns "I can't" into "I can." He who does not tolerate objections from his subordinates due to nervousness - pretends to be a meek lamb when his superiors sneak through him. In a word, various kinds of influence: shame in front of people, fear for one's official position, passionate love and other factors easily turn the nervous "I can't" into "I can".
This means that we ourselves always have that lever with which we are ready to turn ourselves over, we just need to want to use it and not let it out of our hands. And when a person, exhausted by eternal treatment and all other unpleasant consequences of his illness, understands this, understands that the remedy for nervousness is in himself, and not in those numerous vials that he previously emptied in abundance and without benefit, only then, having abandoned all treatment , he finally achieves, with the help of God, little by little either a complete, or at least a relative, but lasting recovery ...
The whole trouble is that we care too much about the development of external senses from sight to taste and too little about the development of speculation, which is called in the prayers “eyes of the mind”, “mind and eyes of the heart, even to salvation.” These "eyes" are given to man by God for the knowledge of great truths...
The fact that faith in us is very weak, that the attitude towards life is the most impossible, of course, is most of all to blame for our upbringing, but every adult person can re-educate himself and develop a correct Christian outlook on life if he uses the means indicated for this by the Church. Prayer is the most important of these means. There are few unbelievers at all, most of those of little faith, with this grain of faith, start praying, and you will soon feel that this grain will begin to break through, after a while it will already give a sprout, from which over time a mighty tree will grow. Under the canopy of this tree, it will be easy and pleasant to rest from the heavy heat of human passions and from the storm of worldly bad weather, and in due time you will reap the fruit.
Just start praying, and faith itself will come to you, and if it was weak, it will strengthen and little by little, your attitude to life will gradually change. Prayer will distract you at least for a while from ordinary worldly thoughts and interests, draw your mind to the heavenly, make you involuntarily think about what you hardly thought about before, make you feel a lot, and with the help of the grace of God, change your former way of thinking, root your faith. and striving for the Christian ideal. Healing from a grave and sad in its consequences spiritual ailment of lack of faith, prayer, combined with strict obedience to the church regime, can greatly help us with bodily ailments. We have seen how useful prayer is, combined with hope and faith in God, in certain nervous conditions, which are based on spiritual emptiness and weakness of will ...
Life shows us numerous examples where a nervous person, having been treated for several years without any result, quickly achieves a complete or at least relative, but lasting recovery after he turns to God and begins to live according to the rules of the Church. At least I know a few such examples, I think that everyone else knows a lot of them. And with other nervous ailments, the significance of the above factors is important. Take, for example, the notorious brain fatigue, which modern medicine assigns a prominent place among other causes of modern nervousness. It turns out that strenuous work in itself rarely causes a persistent nervous illness, but is dangerous only when combined with vice and human passions ...
Here is what Prof. Strumple: “... We see, therefore, that the exhaustion of the nervous system, which is the essence of neurasthenia, is mainly the mental work of people, accompanied by unrest of fear and hope, the mental tension of a politician who is constantly agitated by the passionate struggle of parties, and finally, the efforts of the mind of those artists and scientists, whose indefatigable ambition drives them to keep up with the competition.”
From this it follows that faith and the relation to life, to wealth, fame, ambition, and so on, which follows from it, is a powerful prophylactic agent here too ...
The best preventive measure is the upbringing of the younger generation on strictly religious and moral principles. The main task of upbringing (in the family and at school) should be the desire to instill in the soul of the child the fear of God and true love for God.
When the disease has developed, the best remedy is prayer. It is necessary to pray every day in the morning, in the evening, reading the morning and evening rule, at least in a somewhat abbreviated form, with attention, trying to delve into the meaning of each word.
In addition, to read every day those selected places from the Gospel and the Apostle, which are read on the corresponding day at the church service. Do not neglect public worship, but visit the temple of God, at least on holidays and Sundays (vespers and mass), while choosing the temple where the service is more magnificent, and most importantly, where they read legibly and serve without haste.
Go to bed at least once a year. Observe the fasts and all other decrees of the Church, remembering that they were created by great people who understood human nature much better than the most prominent contemporary sages. By all other means: by reflection, by a soul-saving conversation, by reading the works of the great Fathers of the Church, try to strengthen faith in yourself, educate in your soul the consciousness of all the beauty of the Christian ideal and develop a Christian attitude to life phenomena ...
Remember that at the first time of such a life, a second source of thought will certainly open in you with greater or lesser force, a thought that is bad, contradictory, seductive, creating a whole series of a certain kind of “temptations”. Do not give in to this, but pray persistently, with hope and patience, remembering the following words of the Savior from the parable of the unjust judge: “Hear what the unjust judge says. Will God not protect His chosen ones who cry out to Him day and night, although He is slow to defend them?
It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. How to live if the world will not be the same? How to ease the heartache, if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait?
The bad has already happened. The misfortune happened not in the movies, but in real life. ?
Time heals?
It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. The heart stores experiences from a joint move to a new apartment, the birth of children or walks in the park. You remember with what expression he rejoices, sad or grumbles. You know how many sugar cubes he likes to add to his tea. And suddenly the usual way is crossed out.
How to live if the world will not be the same? How to appease if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait? Training by Yuri Burlan "Systemic Vector Psychology" offers another way - to understand the causes of mental pain and with the help of psychoanalysis.
The word is first aid
Even years after the departure of a loved one, it can be painful to reread the letters addressed to you, in which he shared his innermost experiences. At best, the pain of separation - or betrayal, violence - dulls over the years. But liberation from emotional suffering does not have to wait passively. Just the opposite. For the treatment of pain from a spiritual wound, time is not worth wasting.
First aid for severe mental shock is to speak out.
There is an opinion that when a person has experienced stress, he should be left alone with his feelings and “not reopen the wound.” In fact, to cope with mental pain, you need to immediately start talking with a loved one about what happened. Do not close emotions in yourself, do not hold back tears, do not suppress painful experiences. And do not ignore any painful memory.
If emotional suffering is associated with the fact that a person can no longer be returned, it is advisable to discuss as many happy moments and feelings associated with him as possible. Talk about his achievements and virtues. Such memories will smooth out the bitterness of loss, making room for light sadness.
It is important to speak out as soon as possible after a traumatic event, otherwise negative experiences will be forced into the unconscious. If this happens, it will be more difficult to cope with mental pain later.
It is important to observe safety precautions. Approach with seriousness the choice of a person for a sincere conversation. Make sure that he takes care of your emotions, heartache.
This method can be regarded as first aid, like artificial respiration. When this tool from the psychological "first aid kit" has completed its task, a person needs a resource in order to live on.
How to live on?
People can experience a difficult situation in different ways, and the consequences of loss manifest themselves differently depending on the characteristics of the human psyche.
Emotional suffering
There are people for whom breaking an emotional connection is especially painful. System-vector psychology defines them as representatives.
Emotions are important for people with this type of psyche. In one hour, they can experience the whole gamut of experiences from fear to love. They seek to build emotional ties with people with whom they can exchange hidden feelings or give the warmth of the soul.
The loss of emotional connections makes their soul hurt. Due to unbearable suffering, visual people after an experienced trauma can close, avoid further expression of feelings. This is how they lead themselves into a trap. After all, then they do not fully realize the abilities inherent in nature, which means that they also lose the ability to experience the joy of life to a large extent.
It happens the other way around, when because of emotional pain it is difficult for them to cope with emotions. Hold back your feelings. Sobs roll over, the reality is hardly realized from emotional overexcitation. From such splashes, the hands are shaking, the head is broken. Instead, emptiness and longing come.
Such conditions may be the result of fear. It serves as the starting point of development for all people with a visual vector. Normally, in an adult, the emotion of fear is redirected into empathy, but in situations of severe stress, it happens that the usual response skills are washed away by a wave of a broken dam. Then the root fear of death can be exposed. It is not always realized and can be expressed at the level of psychosomatics, including panic attacks.
Guilt
This state is caused by the peculiarities of the psyche of the anal vector. Friendship and family for such people is sacred. If they are sure that they hurt a loved one, they reproach themselves greatly for it. Self-criticism is fueled by the innate tenacious memory of the anal vector. It firmly fixes the details of the past, even if you don’t want to remember them at all. What if there is no way to fix the past? A person can get stuck in a state of guilt for a long time and not know how to build his life further. The situation will change if you find a way to make amends by caring for those who need it.
Loneliness
Proofreader: Natalia Konovalova
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»