School is a new period of growing up a student. At the age of 6-7 years, the leading activity of young students changes, they gradually begin to delve into the rules of the adult world, when you need to do not what you want, but what you need. Gradually, the leading game activity is replaced by training. But not everyone has a smooth process. What should parents do if they notice a teacher's bad attitude towards a child?

It is not easy for first-graders coming to school. They must adjust to the learning process as soon as possible, which means that they need to leave their toys, sit still for more than 30 minutes and try to understand what exactly the teacher wants to convey. Here another difficulty arises - the teacher's perception of schoolchildren and vice versa.

The younger student has to get used to the fact that some strange aunt (no longer mom or dad) dictates completely different rules of behavior. It’s good if this aunt immediately perceived all the children equally, but what if, for no reason, the teacher’s prejudiced attitude towards the child arose? Let us consider below the reasons for such a perception of the student and ways to resolve the growing conflict.

Possible causes of conflicts with the teacher

The interpersonal relationship of children with the teacher is important throughout the entire educational process. Moreover, the success of a child largely depends on them. What are the reasons for the teacher's bad attitude towards the student?

• Inconsistency of student behavior with the requirements of the teacher

Not every preschooler immediately comes to school to gain knowledge. "Little movers" in elementary school do not realize why they need to memorize and learn everything. This is normal, since voluntary attention and memory (when a person consciously strives to remember) at the age of 6-7 years is not yet fully formed.

The teacher, as quickly as possible, seeks to remake the preschooler who has come into an exemplary student. If the child is not amenable to "training", the teacher experiences dissatisfaction, and sometimes helplessness. To drown out these feelings in himself, he shows with his prejudiced attitude that the situation is under his control. Most often, such students eventually become "outcasts" from the teacher.

• Difficult assimilation of the material by the child

Each person is unique, has his own inclinations, abilities and talents. The school averages everyone a little so that it is convenient to present material for learning. It depends on the teacher what the student will remember after submitting the information.

The class gathers students with different levels of preparation and motivation for learning, as well as characterological features. Of course, it is easy for a teacher to work where capable children sit, ready to absorb, like a sponge, everything said by the teacher. But in any class there are a couple of people who find it difficult to perceive the subject being taught.

In the course of joint work, an evaluative attitude of the teacher towards children arises. Assessing knowledge, the teacher sometimes begins to evaluate the child, his personal characteristics. And this already negatively affects the student's self-esteem and his perception of the surrounding school team.

• Personal qualities of a teacher

In our country, dissatisfied teachers with the conditions of their work and their pay are increasing. But in no case should this affect their attitude towards children. Unfortunately, not all teachers understand this, they take it out on the students and the negative attitude of the teacher is formed towards their children.

It is difficult for a child to understand what he was guilty of, and he is prone to frustration, disappointment because of such adult behavior.

Sometimes teachers are not able to ignore their own problems, or their personal qualities are manifested, which are not acceptable in the implementation of the educational process. After all, teachers are also people, but they, like no one else, must control their irritability, vindictiveness, rudeness, complacency and other manifestations of character.

How to build a relationship with a teacher?

If the conflict between the teacher and the student grows, parents sometimes need to urgently intervene so as not to harm their child. In elementary school, such unpleasant situations practically do not occur, since the child's attitude towards the first teacher is respectful, he idealizes the adult.

If the teacher has not compromised himself, the child will respect him all his life. Older children can already appreciate the behavior and competence of teachers. They know what a teacher should not do in relation to children. And when they see a discrepancy between their knowledge and the behavior of a teacher, his authority drops sharply. How do you build a relationship with your child's teacher?

1. Intimate talk. A parent should be attentive to changing the behavior of his student. If a child becomes withdrawn, protests against the school and does not want to go there, at the mention of the teacher he falls silent or speaks sharply negatively about him - this is an occasion to talk heart to heart. Do not ask direct questions, the student may be afraid of them and close even more. Ask about what new he learned in the lesson from a particular teacher (if it is already a high school), what was the atmosphere in the class. During the conversation, pay attention to the child’s statements like: “I did ..”, “I thought ...”, “the teacher told me ...”, “he looked at me ...” and other phrases relating to the interaction between the teacher and the student.
2. Communication with the teacher. If in a conflict situation the teacher showed an incorrect attitude towards the child, especially in front of classmates, this fact cannot be ignored. The parent needs to communicate with the teacher. This communication should be in the nature of cooperation, but not a complaint (if there is no direct threat to the health or life of the child). Try to find out from the teacher what caused the conflict, negative attitude. Outline the principles of your family and try to correlate them with the requirements of the educational process.
3. Again a heart-to-heart talk. Speaking about communication between a parent and a student, it is worth noting that it should not happen only when a problem is brewing. The child must have a trusting relationship with mom and dad - this is the main condition for resolving conflict situations at school. Explain to your child that all people make mistakes and the teacher is no exception. Try not to set him up negatively towards the teacher. After analyzing the conflict situation, it is worth working on the formation of the right motivation for learning.

For successful education of the student, the parent must be in constant communication with the teacher and the child. Only in such a triad of relationships is it possible to constructively resolve conflicts, overcome personal problems and build friendly relations between the student and the teacher.

Lyudmila Redkina, psychologist, specially for the site

Useful video

There is a three-ruble note, rooms of 10 squares, 14 and 19. And children 1 year old, 12 years old - girls, 14 years old boy. Now older children have a room, and parents with a baby in a large one. She planned to move the baby to the middle one at the age of 2, but unexpectedly her daughter said that she did not need her there. And I can’t figure out what to do with the baby now.
And how do your children live if you can’t get a room for each?

517

Galina

Good afternoon! A side view is needed.
My husband and I and our two children aged 10 and 7 live in an apartment owned by my father-in-law. We are building a house and are going to move there in the summer, the children will just go to a new school (the youngest is in the 1st grade, the eldest is finishing primary). Our father-in-laws live in this house, we asked them to move closer to us to help with the children, since I went to work when the youngest was 1 year old. When we invited our parents to move into our house, we discussed that we would not live together and that when the children grew up we would move into the house, and the parents would move to their apartment where we now live, i.e. exchange will take place. Before moving to our house, they lived all their lives in the village in their house with a garden and other joys of village life, i.e. never lived in the city in an apartment. Then they sold their house, they gave us some money for construction, part of it to the second son, I don’t know the rest. They are in their 6th year of living in our house and everyone is happy with everything except me, since I want to move and live without my parents, and everyone else seems to want to live together. Yesterday my husband and I had a conversation on the topic of getting ready to move and we should talk to our parents on this topic, and my husband suddenly tells me that he does not want to ask his parents to move because he feels guilty in front of them in this situation. In addition, they will help with the children after school, since we both work, and in addition I go on business trips. I am very saddened by this situation because I absolutely want to live with my family and in this situation I think that my interests are infringed. I am very worried about the possible deterioration of relations with my mother-in-law and thus with my husband, it is not easy for me to endure her obsession in terms of everyday life, since she is a very active person and considers it necessary to express her opinion on any occasion and in any situation. They are very good people and help us in many ways, but I am afraid that our relations will deteriorate due to the joint residence of two generations in the same territory. Question: insist on your own and lose goodies in the form of help with children or try to establish a joint life?
Thanks in advance for the substantive replies.

277

Svetlana Karetkina

I want to consult. My second mother-in-law is generally a nice woman, but she seems to have some kind of mental disorder. She has not worked for a long time, she once worked as a nurse in purulent surgery (her father-in-law earns more than enough), she sits at home all day and does cleanliness. their apartment shines from top to bottom, I have never seen such cleanliness in the operating room as in her bathroom, kitchen and toilet. she has special rags and detergents and disinfectants for everything, imported and expensive. All this would not care, but sometimes we are forced to visit them. It's like in the movies about the Ebola virus.

In the common corridor with the neighbors (there is also cleanliness and sterility, the neighbors are trained and change their shoes outside), they take off our shoes and undress our outer clothes. Special plastic bags are issued for shoes. We are given slippers, which, after our departure, are treated with steam from the steamer and a special agent. our outer clothes are put into covers and put out on the balcony together with shoes. So far, nothing has bothered me. But further worse.

In the room next to the hallway, we are given home clothes to change into. Our jeans and blouses, in which we came, the girls' sundress dresses - everything is put away in bags. We put on everything clean, which, after our departure, everything is washed and processed with a steamer. My husband even changes his socks. Well, at least you can leave the underpants in which we came.

Then we all walk in single file to the bathroom. There are handwashing facilities. With a disinfectant, some special ones with which surgeons wash their hands before operations. Mine with means and with brushes. Then we wash up! My face, ears. Only after that, after wiping with clean towels, which are immediately thrown into the dirty basket after wiping, we substitute our cheeks for kisses.

The guest toilet is separate. You can’t go to the Svekrovsky either small or large. I once went at the dawn of our acquaintance a few years ago, so my mother-in-law spent the whole evening right in front of me scrubbing the entire toilet with bleach, I even washed the ceilings.

Father-in-law is used to all this. husband too. She says that before she was not so crazy, although she always adored cleanliness, but this intensifies with age (she is 62 years old). The girls seem to be fine too. giggle. And all this infuriates me to the point of impossibility. I try to send mine to visit without me, my husband and two younger ones (the eldest from a previous marriage, her mother-in-law is also not eager to see her once again). But it doesn't always work. We have not met at all in neutral territory for the last three years, the mother-in-law does not like to leave the house without a spacesuit. Cafes and restaurants are generally horror and death from infections in agony. She cooks everything only with super-thermal treatment, everything is boiled and steamed to kill the whole infection, God forbid, fresh fruits and vegetables, never! In short, it is very difficult to eat. But my father-in-law and my husband wink at me and persuade me not to offend the hostess, and they force the girls.

Once I foolishly decided to go on a trip with my father-in-law, I had never been abroad, and then they offered me to the UAE. It was terrible, everything was treated with sterile wipes with an antiseptic, even the dishes from which we ate, and she wiped the girls every five minutes, the middle one (the youngest was not there yet) was allergic to the antiseptic, in general, I try not to remember this trip.

And that's what I'm writing for. I learned that the last few times when the girls stayed overnight with their mother-in-laws on the weekend, the mother-in-law of the girls again treated the girls with a disinfectant solution, from which the middle one again had red spots on her face, neck and along the hairline (she didn’t wash their head with this solution or something I know?!), all things smell like hell of bleach, especially the shoes inside. I can not take it anymore. She's gone crazy, I think. I can’t stop girls from going there, I can only leave the eldest at home, and then there won’t be any scandal. And if I don’t give the younger ones, then there will be an apocalypse. But every time she wipes them with this infernal shit! I tried to give my lotions with me so that she would wipe her skin with them, but she says that it all does not work from a street infection, and you can even bring tetanus and anthrax from the street. What to do, tell me, I'm already tired and I feel sorry for the girls. I already took a certificate from a dermatologist, they wrote - eczema of some unspecified genesis code 10, exclude detergents containing such and such substances (and there is a list of chemical names), but my mother-in-law said that the eczema of the youngest is not from them, but this is because I during pregnancy did not observe hygiene ((((

160 117

Enter e-mail address:

Children can express quite harsh criticism. In their eyes, teachers are either too difficult or too simple, too evil or too kind, too accommodating or too unyielding. If your child, for some reason, did not get along with his teacher, it is your approach that can play a huge role in resolving the issue. Here are some steps you can take to help make the school year more bearable for both you and your child.

Get involved. Volunteering in your child's classroom or accompanying the children on a field trip can secure you a front row seat in the "auditorium" where you can see for yourself what's really going on. Attend parent meetings, use every opportunity to build a good relationship with the teacher before you have to deal with complaints.

Be a role model. No matter how frustrated and overwhelmed you feel when dealing with a difficult teacher, stay calm and be mature. Development in childhood is a time when, in interaction with others, children learn to cope with difficult people, learn to effectively express their feelings. It all starts with the modeling of certain behavior by parents. The way to resolve the conflict will show the child the right approach regarding conflicts with an authoritative person.

Don't play savior. It's tempting to save the situation, and therefore the whole day, but if you are a superhero all the time, it will not reflect well on your child's development. Try to take a step back, step back a little, give him some space so he can handle the situation on his own. If he cannot improve his relationship with the teacher on his own, then you will know for sure that he really needs your help.

Take the child's side... first. When your child first approaches you with a problem, listen and be empathetic. Let him tell his side of the story. This is the best way to get as much information as possible from your child. Later, you can ask questions that interest you in order to understand the situation in more detail.

Define the problem. If your child complains about a teacher, it will take time to figure out exactly what he means and what is really behind his words. For example, if your child says "she doesn't love me," it could actually mean something more specific, such as "she gets mad when I'm slow." The problem may be in something you can't even imagine. Perhaps your child thinks he is smarter than his teacher and challenges him with his complaint, or perhaps he is having difficulty learning a certain topic and, blaming the teacher, simply takes the easier path.

Listen to the teacher. Seeing a teacher for the first time can be awkward and uncomfortable. But you approach the conversation from the position that you are just trying to figure out the situation and would like to resolve it both in favor of the teacher and in favor of your child. Respect his point of view, listen carefully, and then focus together on a conversation about how your child still needs to be taught. Avoid personal criticism at all costs.

Keep the child's mind in perspective. Perhaps your child feels that the teacher is ruining his life. Your task as a parent is to help him return to reality. Remind your child that he has limited time in this difficult teacher's class. Once the school year is over, it is very likely that your child will never have to see that teacher again. The end is already in sight!

Focus it on learning. Your child may never like this teacher, but it is important that you make sure that he understands that he is still responsible for his own actions. Emphasize the importance of being welcoming in the classroom and excelling in good homework. A teacher may not be loved, but consistent efforts to be a good student, respectful attitude and actions towards teachers and peers are of great importance.

Consider this as a life lesson. Your child's interaction with a teacher who is not enjoyable to interact with is a learning opportunity. You must show the child that in life there will be other people with different personal characteristics, different characters, temperaments and communication styles, and he will have to learn how to communicate with them respectfully. Then in the long run, your child will be better able to manage their emotions and deal with interpersonal relationships.

Climb up the hierarchy. If this problem has already caused your child to be afraid of school or hate learning, you may need to go further than just meeting with the teacher. Find out the school's policy regarding parent-teacher disputes, such as whether you need to file a formal complaint. Most likely, you will need to talk to the principal of the school or even higher.

Thank the teacher. If you see that the teacher is making every effort to resolve the conflict, even if the problem is not resolved, by all means express your gratitude to him. Thank him on occasion for taking the time to work with you and your child.

No one promises that school will be easy and simple for children, the learning process is even more difficult, and in general raising children is a difficult task - but using empathy, mutual understanding and cooperation, you can make life easier for everyone around you.

When seating students in the classroom, the teacher guides different criteria. The physique is of some importance - after all, if a student who is much taller than him sits in front of a child of small stature, the schoolchild will not be able to see the blackboard well. In some cases, the decisive factor is the state of health - a visually impaired child has to be placed closer to the blackboard. But in most cases, the teacher relies on the psychological characteristics of children.

Leading eye and leading ear

One of the individual characteristics of a person is associated with the asymmetry of the cerebral hemispheres. Some people have the right hemisphere, while others have the left. Not always a person with a dominant right hemisphere is left-handed, but in most cases, the dominant hemisphere determines the dominant eye and dominant ear.

A psychologically competent teacher always takes into account such characteristics of children when seating them on their desks, especially when it comes to first graders. After all, seven-year-old children have not yet formed voluntary attention, and if you put a child with the leading left eye at the window located to his left, he will look not at the blackboard, but out the window. A first-grader with a leading right ear, sitting at the wall located on the right, will listen more to what is happening behind it than to the words of the teacher.

Children should be seated so that the leading senses are facing the teacher and the blackboard. Boys are guided mainly by the leading eye, and girls - by the leading ear.

The teacher can diagnose these features with the help of simple tests that he offers children in the form of a game: “look through a telescope”, “put a clock on the desk and listen to how it ticks”. Children involuntarily “bring” an imaginary spyglass to the leading eye, and tilt the leading ear to an imaginary or real clock.

Other Features

In the process of classes, other psychological traits of children become obvious, which also have to be taken into account.
Restless students, who tend to be constantly distracted, teachers put closer to their table, so that it is more convenient to control them. Mischievous people who like to attract classmates with defiant behavior are put in the back desk, thereby depriving them of the opportunity to "play in front of the audience."

Many teachers put choleric children at the same desk with phlegmatic or melancholic people: the presence of a calm, pacifying effect on an overly excitable child.

A good option is to seat friends at the same desk, but if they talk to each other more in class, they have to be seated.

Often teachers take into account the factor of academic achievement. The lagging behind are planted next to the excellent students so that the strong students help the weak ones. True, in this case, the teacher must be sure that it will be help, and not cheating, that will take place.

Sources:

• Evgrafova T. How to seat children at their desks
• Features of selecting a school desk and seating children

Sometimes attending school becomes a heavy duty, because the relationship with the teacher of one of the subjects does not add up. The easiest way, of course, is to make the teacher guilty: he deliberately finds fault, undeservedly puts low marks. So the subject becomes uninteresting, and the lesson drags on for a long time. But still it is desirable to find a way out and smooth out the conflict.

Instruction

Answer (only candidly) the following questions:
- Is the student doing all the tasks?
Do you bring all school supplies to class?
- listens attentively to the explanation of the teacher,
- tries to understand the material,
- is the child distracted during (playing on the phone, chatting with a neighbor on the desk),
- whether the student intentionally conflicts with the teacher.

Answering these questions, draw a conclusion about what or who is the source of the conflict. If the answer to the first 3-4 questions is "no", then the reason is most likely in the child. If you answered “yes” to the first four questions, and “no” to the last questions, then the cause of the conflict is.

Understand that the teacher, as a rule, is a normal, adequate person, he is able to accept the fact that not all of his students can easily master the educational material in the subject.

Therefore, it is worth contacting him for help, he will help or explain the material again, tell you what and how to do. But if a student deliberately comes into conflict with the teacher, earning cheap authority in the eyes of classmates, lessons, then the teacher is forced to defend his honor and defend his own. The correct way out in such a situation is to admit your mistakes and change your behavior.

Let's take it one by one: is the teacher really to blame or are you behaving not quite right?

Answer the following questions. Just answer honestly.

• Are you doing all your homework?
• Are you preparing for the lesson and do you have everything you need with you: a notebook, a textbook, a notebook for independent assignments?
• Are you trying to understand a new topic and understand what and how?
• Do you play with your desk mate, chat on the phone and paint your nails during class?
• Do you twirl, crow and bark around the class for the amusement of your classmates?

If you answered "no" to the first three questions and "yes" to the rest, then the problem of a bad relationship with a teacher is only in you. It is clear that just like that a person will not climb under the desks - most likely you simply do not understand what they are telling you about, but studying is your job. And if you can’t understand everything in 45 minutes, then you just need to come up and talk to the teacher, ask for help - this is not so difficult as it seems. The teacher is a normal person, he is able to accept the fact that not all students can easily master his subject and will definitely help you or tell you what to do. If you just “work out” and earn points in the eyes of classmates, disrupting lessons, then do not be offended - you chose this path yourself and the teacher defends himself as best he can, even when he makes you look like a fool to the whole class. Draw conclusions and change tactics of behavior.

If you answered “yes” to the first three questions and “no” to questions 4 and 5, then the problem is more likely not with you, but with the teacher. It happens that sometimes you just don't like it. And you need to learn to live with this - in the end, the teacher is not mom and dad, he is not obliged to love you. But here is respect - must. If you understand that you cannot talk to the teacher and find out the relationship, you are afraid or do not believe in the result, ask your parents to help you sort out the situation. But information must be presented objectively so as not to heat up an already difficult relationship. Show your parents the assignments you think are low grades. Or tell us how and when the teacher allowed himself hard-hitting remarks. Parents need to be aware of what is happening in order to find the right solution in this situation.

If, after talking with parents, the situation has not changed for the better, you need to just stop paying attention to replicas. Here are some tips on how to deal with this situation:

After that, go calmly to the lesson, when the teacher questions on the merits, answer, looking directly into the eyes, confidently and firmly. Do not pay attention to offensive remarks and underestimations - it's a shame, of course, but they are not worth your tears. And remember: “Everything that does not kill us makes us stronger,” said the German philosopher Nietzsche, and he got it from teachers and other people in his life.

In general, you will have to temper the character. And a person with a strong will and self-confidence is always respected even by teachers who do not like him.

We hope this article will help you build relationships with teachers.