Why do we not achieve such success that would please and inspire us? Often the point is that we do not strive for what we really want, we choose goals and plans that the world around us and other people dictate to us, and not our own values, interests and desires. In Conquering Your Fear, Mandy Holgate provides an exercise to help you identify your true dreams and strategies for getting started on your path.

Do you want a Ferrari?

I often ask listeners: "Who in this room wants to have a Ferrari?" What response do you think I'm getting? Forest of hands? Several voices: "Yes, let's get her here!"? What answer do you expect?

In my practice, usually one or two people raise their hand. And then I ask these few daredevils who bravely wave their hand near their ear: “If you really want a Ferrari, then why are you so hesitant to admit it? Do not stretch your hand to the ceiling, do not jump on a chair, as in the first grade, when you know the answer and want the teacher to ask you specifically?

You see, when you really want a Ferrari, it's a real passion - an inner stimulus that you feel in every cell. Whenever you hear a coveted name or see a photo of your dream car, you are filled with excitement and curiosity.

But not once, when I gave this example, did I see such excitement, such passion, such tension of feelings in those who supposedly dream of a Ferrari, which does not allow them to sit still: “I will now burst from love at first sight, if I don’t allowed to speak in the same nanosecond!”

This is what true passion looks like. You need to understand what your goals and inner drives are and gain the confidence to be yourself without pretending. Find out what makes you feel so full of life that you, before reading this phrase, notice how your heart beats faster, your lips open in a smile, and you begin to fantasize about the results. Here is the passion. Here is the goal. But too often we hide what we really want and who we are for the sake of others. And therefore we achieve only those results that others want from us.

Author's exercise "My values"

One day in a coaching session, the client, after completing one of the exercises below, found out to her horror that her hobby was higher on her priority list than her husband. And it was not as clear cut as it seems. Together, we found out that she did nothing for the sake of what really mattered to her: she did not pay enough attention to this important hobby for herself, she constantly ignored and suppressed the internal stimuli that helped her to feel the fullness of life. But when she realized what values ​​​​are significant to her, she was able to change something - and noticed significant improvements in all areas of her life. She did not make a choice between her husband and her hobby. And of course, her priority list didn't mean she didn't love her husband. But it was important for her to realize the values ​​that make up her personality, and to understand: ignoring them, she does not feel happy, alive, and this, in turn, affects many other aspects of her life and work.

1. List everything that is important to you in life.

This list will not be shown to anyone. You don't have to explain your choice. If you include children in this list, but not a husband (or wife), that's your business, and no one will judge you for it. Then choose ten items from the written. Below I give my list - you can take it as a sample. Not necessarily your list will be similar - write about what you want.

For example, career, travel, family, success, friends, money, hobbies, culture, work, recreation, sports, health, physical activity, socialization, finance, writing, gardening, reading, music are important to me.

Draw such a sign and write your points in each line of the first column - in any order:

Table from the book

2. Compare these points with each other in pairs.

For example, if you had to choose, would you be able to do without family or vacation? If you could not give up the family, then the family scores one point and the rest scores zero. Could you do without family or entertainment? If you can't do without entertainment, then entertainment gets one point, and the family gets zero. This does not mean that something is wrong with your family or with yourself. Don't you dare blame yourself. This list will not need to be shown to anyone, you compile it for yourself and only for yourself in order to see what is important to you in life. If you give a family a zero point, it does not mean that it is unimportant to you. You simply determine what place it occupies in your system of priorities. So remember: no guilt, just honesty. Listen to your intuition and write the pure truth!

3. Work through the entire column in this way, comparing the first item with the third, fourth, and so on.

I compare family and entertainment, family and work, family and helping others, and you have your own list. Repeat for each item.

You will end up with a board that looks like this. Table from the book

4. Sum the scores for each item.

This information will help you understand what your priorities are. Let's say in our example the top values ​​are family, fun and helping others, because family scores nine points, entertainment scores eight, and helping others scores seven.

It's important to know your top ten values ​​in life, but it's even more important to identify the top three that have the most impact on your life. In our example, leisure and money each received four points, which means they are not as significant as the first three values. However, they are on the list, and this will help to consciously take them into account in life. You will certainly come across situations where these values ​​will have to be given their due: for example, I want to make a large purchase and I am ready to work hard for this. But let's not forget about the rest!

Yes, it's scary to admit: "These are my priorities." But you have to start somewhere, right? Have you noticed that some people walk around with dull eyes, as if a light bulb has burned out inside them, while others seem to glow from the inside, shine and are full of life? Often this exercise brings unexpected discoveries. A person discovers that what he considered the main value in his life is not so high on his list of priorities. Realizing this, you get the opportunity to live a fulfilling life.

motives

If you want to realize your wildest goals and dreams, learn to go against the flow. You will need to consider other people's opinions. In general, you will experience fear. But positive actions find a positive response. Only inertia and inaction allow fear to grow and worsen.

You must know your values, know what inspires you and why.

And yet, fear can be a decisive factor that prevents you from acting in order to get the desired result, which is internally valuable to you. To motivate yourself to take the necessary action, look at your motives. If you don't live up to your values, what are you agreeing to? Ask yourself these important questions:

• If I don't understand who I am and don't feel ready to stand up for it and be myself, then what am I agreeing to?
• If I deviate from my nature and from my values, what am I agreeing to in this case?

Remember the exercise "My Values". What values ​​are important to you? What are you willing to do without? What are you willing to sacrifice? Ask yourself:

• If I continue to deviate from my values, how will this affect my life?
• How will this affect my loved ones?

Yes, deciding to realize your potential can be scary. But isn't it scarier to hide your true nature? Remember how a person who really wants a Ferrari feels? That's what you should feel - the deepest inner need to know the answers to these questions.

Duality of desires (simultaneous coexistence in us of opposite - ambivalent - desires).

1. This is the norm.

People are not robots. They behave inconsistently. Evil, hurtful words (thoughts) and sincere affection, love towards the same person (watch yourself!). An absolutely sincere promise and "so prevailing" circumstances that the promise was not fulfilled.

No matter how we treat it from a moral point of view, the contradictory desires are a reality that is characteristic of all people. Ignoring this is like ignoring that the pan is hot. And you will get burned, and the cause of the burn is in you, and not in the pan.

1. As a rule, if you want something, you also have the opposite desire.

I want to sleep, how much I sleep - I want a stable job, salary and prospects

I want a strong man - I want freedom

I want the child to be healthy - I want him to need me, and we were closer

I want to spend money right now - I want to save.

I want to tell a lie - I want to respect myself for honesty (or not be afraid that they will expose).

I just want to be with him (her)! - And what, in my life there will be no one else?

I want to pay back! - I want to keep it!

I want to be slimmer - I want to eat what and how much I want (or - to calm down, or ...)

1. It can be perceived. Or (especially if it is considered bad, unacceptable) not allowed into consciousness. Regardless, it influences actions.

Always, if you want something, look for the opposite desire in yourself. Find.

I want to be rich - I want ... no, there is no poverty ... - DO NOT STRETCH! :) (That's 100%).

I want to be happy! - I want to be taken care of all my life, like a baby ... and for this, everything will somehow not work out for me ... well, have pity on me !!!

I want to be healthy! - See above ("I'm the sickest person in the world! Do you still have a jar of jam ?!").

I want a reliable (i.e. - predictable :)) person next to me - I want it to be boring - not to be ...

1. When we do not recognize the existence of some of our desires, because we consider them "bad", we lose control over them (we do not realize).

And then consciously we do one thing, and unconsciously just the opposite. Classic: do homework with the TV on (I want to concentrate - I want to relax).

Or: in the prime of life, work hard, but for a small salary (I want to earn money - I want to avoid responsibility, change and the risks associated with it). Here I do not mean a conscious choice related to vocation, family interests, etc.

Or - a person who does not allow the thought that he likes to be AND cruel (“I only want good for my child!”), May not be aware (and not control!!!) of the obvious excessiveness of his aggression with help in doing homework or in other educational situations.

A fighter for morality, who pursues depravity, heading the anti-pornography committee and in the sweat of his face 8 hours a day is forced to watch erotic films and magazines.

In a word, either 1) what happens anyway is what we REALLY want more (but at the same time we don’t control our lives, and often we don’t even give an account of what we really do),

or 2) “press on the gas and brake at the same time”! As a result, neither one nor the other desire is actually realized, and relationships “break”.

1. It is pointless to scold, condemn yourself for your desires. They are all human, inherent in all people. Any desire "wants" something good and important for you.

Cruelty - to achieve, laziness - to protect from overload, meanness - to achieve an important goal at ANY cost (for politicians, this is also called "pragmatism" :)).

It's not about justifying yourself for everything.

Exactly the opposite.

An adult person treats all his desires with attention and respect. Playing war with yourself is stupid and destructive.

An adult, respecting all his desires, CHOOSE.

1. The ideal choice, as a rule, does not exist. Any choice necessarily entails some "pluses" and some "minuses". RESPONSIBILITY means not “blaming” the negative consequences of your choice on anyone.

Do not look for the guilty, do not refer to the circumstances, but deal with the consequences. Analyzing the reasons to make the next choice is better.

GUILT is always a search for “who is bad?”.

RESPONSIBILITY is the question “what to do in this situation?”

So, a mature person KNOWS that both he and those around him have CONTRADICTORY DESIRES.

He is NOT AFRAID of any desires, treating them carefully and with respect.

He consciously CHOOSE as far as possible which of the conflicting desires to follow. Simply because a conscious choice is more often a reasonable one. And the habit of following a conscious choice allows you to more accurately achieve goals (the principle of Genghis Khan: “If you are afraid, don’t do it, if you do it, don’t be afraid!”). This is freedom.

A teenager often acts "FREE", and disentangles the consequences of MOM. This is what is called: “TEENAGE COMPLEX”: I don’t owe anything to anyone, but you, of course, owe me! :)

FREEDOM is where there is RESPONSIBILITY: understanding the inevitability of negative consequences of any choice and readiness to meet them. Without blaming anyone (including yourself), analyzing and drawing conclusions. Perhaps by asking for support, but INDEPENDENTLY resolving the negative consequences of his choice.

INDEPENDENCE - FREEDOM to make a CHOICE, i.e. make non-obvious decisions, and bear RESPONSIBILITY for their consequences.

We expect the baby to be obedient. We expect adults to be independent. A person cannot be obedient and independent at the same time.

Oh, as one smart client in his Serious Cabinet said to me quite unexpectedly at this point in the conversation: so you are talking against the state. I had to agree with him: well... perhaps, this is objectively against what is pouring out of our state TV... - About freedom, but about responsibility...

Everything goes on as usual: the plot is familiar, the roles are clear, the frame is replaced by a frame. But at some stage, the main character will definitely ask: “What do I want from life? Is this my role? Am I really happy? Such questions can change your whole life, and the search for answers can give you an invaluable experience. You can start right now by learning about the 6 steps to success. But first, it is advisable to familiarize yourself with the symptoms of an indefinite state.

Signs that a person does not know what he really wants:

• Questions “What will we order for breakfast?”, “Latte or americano?”, “By metro or on foot?” make them hesitate, changing solutions several times in 1 minute.
• There is a sharp desire to go somewhere (to the cinema, for example), but as soon as the film starts, the person realizes that he does not want to watch it.
• Periodically rolls sensations of emptiness or, leading to.
• There is nothing to do, to move in the usual rhythm.
• Sometimes you get the impression that you are watching yourself from the outside.
• Any pressure with requests to solve something drives into a "dead end" and causes irritation.

Now let's move on to solutions.

1. Where is "I" here?

Caring parents are accustomed to "themselves know what is best." They strive to solve all problematic issues for their children, to protect them from the "negative influence" of the outside world or financial difficulties. That is why the issue of graduates is not decided, but by their experienced relatives. “You will go to a lawyer,” says a knowledgeable father. “A teacher is a prestigious and stable job,” the grandmother intervenes. “Replace me in the accounting department, the place is already heated,” Mom turns on.

So it turns out that a talented artist, who could become a high-class designer in the future, succumbs to the persuasion of adults. He enters an unloved faculty, gets an unloved job and lives a life that is not his own. But you can at any moment. The main thing is to discard what is imposed by someone from the outside. The emergence of questions “Where is the real me in all this?” and “What do I want from life?” is not only a sign of maturity, but also a motivating pill for personal growth.

2. Put a dossier on yourself.

Devoting a lot of time to work, the problems of loved ones or other people's posts on social networks, we completely forget about ourselves. It's not about looks or entertainment, but about knowing yourself. Modern life is like a race, where in a hurry to "finish everything", you lose the main thing - understanding what you really want from life. A dossier compiled in a frank conversation with oneself will help to find it. To do this, you need to remember what you liked to do in childhood, what are your inclinations to, is it buried in the ground?

Children's photographs, letters or awards once received, as well as psychological research can become assistants in detective work. There are many on the Internet that help you to know yourself better, paying attention to qualities that may have remained in the shadows. Communication with psychologists, attending master classes or participating in webinars aimed at studying personality can be beneficial.

3. What is written with a pen ...

Thoughts and conversations are one thing, and writing on a piece of paper is a responsible step. Maybe such a statement sounds joking, but as soon as a person picks up a pen, he immediately finds a “stupor”. In order to write the first line, you need to at least concentrate, gather, concentrate. At this stage, it is advisable to perform several exercises.

• Write about your dreams and desires. The more specific they are formulated, the easier the subsequent work will be.
• Continue the sentences: "I want ...", "I don't want ...". It can be anything, but it is desirable that the number of offers in the total amount does not exceed 14 positions.
• Now it's time to become Aladdin, who was lucky enough to find a magic lamp with Genie. And then - everything is like in the famous story: Jin is ready to fulfill only three wishes. Damn, you can't change your mind! Having carefully re-read and considered all the points, we can safely distinguish three main “wants”. Even if the fairy-tale hero forgets about them, there will now be guidelines for what to strive for.

4. Looking to the future.

Many young people are used to living for today, forgetting to ask themselves: "to achieve in life?" But in vain. After all, it is this dialogue that determines the course of movement, the level of work on oneself and much more. To understand in which direction to go, it is enough to draw (does not matter verbally or in writing) yourself in 10, 20 and 30 years.

If the imagination has created, for example, a positive image of a successful doctor in his own car, then most likely you should try to get a quality education and good practice. But if the silhouette of a doctor seems unhappy, irritated or tired, then maybe the path chosen is wrong?

A person from the future is simply obliged to be smiling and happy, otherwise everything does not make sense.

You can figure out what I want to do and what to do by trial and error. There are many different ways in the world, trying something radically new. Perhaps sewing purses, filming documentaries, or blogging would be ideal. And ate not? This means that the experience gained will show the direction in which it is definitely not necessary to move. After all, understanding what I do not want skillfully separates the wheat from the chaff.

A happy person is distinguished by having a healthy appetite for life. He enjoys the process. If you look closely, it's not hard to see the recipe that all these people have in common: 1) they know exactly what they want and 2) they get it. How can I figure out what I really want?

I remember that day, about a year ago, when I suddenly clearly realized that the transformation that I had been striving for for so long had entered my life. Despite the fact that there were still many unresolved tasks and questions, there were doubts, fears and other companions of any changes - but one change did irrevocably happen: I knew exactly what I wanted. And in all spheres of life and at different intervals of time.

Wake me up in the middle of the night, demanding to list what I'm interested in in this life - I would blurt out without a shadow of a doubt where I'm going. And with a fair amount of specifics. Offer me to change these goals for others, no less attractive, I would refuse, because my scope already gives me enough space to spread my wings. If my life turned around before a choice - a loved one or these goals, I would choose the second. Since true love does not set such a condition, and everything else is a fake from dreams on the topic of saving love, which will make you happy for life and save you from the need to act. And for this illusion there is no more place in my life.

It's an interesting feeling to know what you want and where you're going, because it doesn't take away the freedom of choice and the ability to change your mind, but you know that your choice is made.

Absolute freedom does not exist, but there is freedom to make a decision, and after that you are bound by your choice.

P. Coelho, "Zaire"

Binding yourself with such a choice is a truly wise step, since it is concentration on a single vector that helps you go through stage after stage and feel the rhythm of life, giving rise to the joy of conscious movement forward. Including this is the only way to have what you want for those who are not afraid to dream big.

Simply put, the picture looks like this:

- To be inspired from movement to your desires, they must be large- that is, to have scope for the flight of your soul. Global goals give rise to the belief that our capabilities are much wider, thereby uncovering the internal potential and giving a surge of strength.

- Achieving big goals takes time., during which you will move in the selected direction without changing direction. Only a long movement in one direction can give a tangible result. You have the right to change the goal, change your mind, choose another - please. The divine right of free choice is always with you, as well as the law of cause and effect: every time you start another, you start a new path, and you also need to stay on it long enough without changing the sharpness of the focus.

In order not to succumb to the temptation of choice and not to change your direction, you need to decide exactly what you want. Therefore, it is reasonable at a certain point in life to decide exactly for yourself: “who am I?” and "Where am I going?" Otherwise, people often change their minds, try many directions at once, do not really succeed anywhere, and generally give up any attempts, thereby starting a smooth descent down the ladder of their prospects.

If you're ready, you don't need to get ready.

Once you have a direction in mind, it is easier to deal with doubts and tempting possibilities. It is easier not to be distracted from the essence and keep the focus on one thing. When this choice has not yet been made to the end and you continue to wait for a miracle (they say, somehow everything will work out by itself), then you swim where the wind blows. I think none of us would want to be on an unruly ship in the ocean or on a boat floating on a fast current without oars. So why do so many people like this dangerous approach: "to go with the flow of life without any goals", isn't it obvious that it carries on stones of helpless old age?

Now the World Championships in Athletics are taking place in Moscow - how interesting it is to watch some of the competitions. Look.

What is the essence of the victory of this or that athlete? Someone will say that in hard training, coupled with natural data, but still the root is deeper - in their choice to focus on exactly one particular sport that suits them best and improve in it.

Only long and technically correct training in one direction can give the desired result. But each of today's sports stars, having, in principle, a strong body and certain talents, could run from sprint to jump, from jump to marathon, from marathon to all-around, calling it self-discovery. Decide on a direction as early as possible- the most important decision in sports, and everyone knows about it, which is curious, but in life it is also the most important decision, however, much fewer people already take it into account.

To get what you want, you need to choose a single vector and move in its direction, constantly improving over a long time.

Hence the logical question: do you know what you want from your life? In all areas?

I didn't know for a long time. Rather, she misinterpreted her desires. For example, I sincerely wanted to live by the sea. And only after 2 years, tightly spent by the sea, I realized that I really want to regularly travel to the sea, and to the mountains, and to forests, and to the snow, of course, that is, to travel a lot around the world, and only in breaks between something more significant and creative, for example, the development of your project, and living by the sea is not at all necessary. A big city answers a lot more of my questions than an island isolated from the world. In my personal life, there were also dreams in the style of “maybe I will become an excellent hostess and keeper of the hearth and will not do anything,” which pretty much amused my own universe with the corresponding lessons.

For every talent we will be asked.

But every time, even when the next “I want” turned out to be more of my fantasy about a wonderful future, and not an adult decision, I continued to move forward. I wanted to live by the sea - I went there to live. I wanted a free schedule - I found a way to work as a freelancer. I realized that I had to return to Moscow, so I moved. I wanted an author's project - and here it is in front of you. It was this movement, and not reflection (!), that gave the skill to separate the grains of the true aspirations of the soul from the chaff of idle entertainment that lead nowhere. At some point, the real goals began to take on an increasingly clear form, leaving behind all the imposed husks.

This is an illustration of my favorite example of a long climb in the mountains - at first you don't even see the top, but as you get closer, with another observation deck, your view increases and at some point - the target becomes clear. But if you don’t get up from the couch and start this path of conscious movement along the edges of your “I want” and “I can”, then don’t even ask to the top.

Some tips on how to understand your true desires and find inspiring goals

0. Tip number "zero"- start a conscious movement, to begin with, to any immediate desire. You need to start moving uphill in order to continue to talk about where exactly my road is in all this splendor. If you plan to start and do something only when you find your Path or destination, you simply do not leave the threshold of your house. It's called couch searching for yourself, and it's funny.

1. Pay attention to your own desires

The presence of a large number of desires and ideas is a sign of high energy. Don't give up on your aspirations. And do not listen to those who say that desires are bad. Desires encourage us to move forward, grow and overcome ourselves, or rather, our own ideas about ourselves. Desires are catalysts for life energy. Another issue is that when the potential remains unrealized, it starts to press. That is why it is useful to fulfill desires in every sense.

The difference between a true dream or a “public” one, that is, an imposed one, is most often realized only in practice, and not in the mind. Get ready for trial and error phase, especially if you grew up in a very "blinded" environment, but this stage is also very productive.

Most often, I receive letters in the style of “how to make it so that everything changes, but not to be mistaken.” That's the point, no way. Yes, you may be mistaken, but even a mistake with a sincere intention to change for the better and realize your potential to the maximum will be beneficial, because it will remove another layer of blinders from your eyes, which you will never see if you don’t try.

A loser is one who, out of fear of failure, has not even tried.

It was the mistakes that brought me to that very observation deck, where I could clearly see what I want: who to be, what to have, where to go. And the bonus is the understanding that she no longer intends to endure.

2. Find the junction between desires and abilities

The single vector that was discussed is very often located at the junction of “I want” and “I can”. That is, these are not just your current abilities, but multiplied by great desires. What you have inclinations and talents for, but in the context of a big dream. This is the conscious development of one's abilities into mastery, which allows one to realize the most daring desires. As soon as you find this joint, give it priority. Nothing makes a person internally holistic and calm like a clear understanding of where he is going.

3. The biggest goal should always have points of contact with the moment now.

The goal differs from fantasy only by the presence of real steps already now in the chosen direction. In all other cases, if you want, but don’t do it, this is nothing more than a childhood dream that is unlikely to ever come true.

To get somewhere, you need to know the destination. This is primary. And the sooner you decide on it, the clearer everything that happens around you becomes. I wish you to realize it and choose from all the variety.

A happy person is distinguished by having a healthy appetite for life. He enjoys the process. If you look closely, it's not hard to see the recipe that all these people have in common: 1) they know exactly what they want and 2) they get it. How can I figure out what I really want?

I remember that day, about a year ago, when I suddenly clearly realized that the transformation that I had been striving for for so long had entered my life. Despite the fact that there were still many unresolved tasks and questions, there were doubts, fears and other companions of any changes - but one change did irrevocably happen: I knew exactly what I wanted. And in all spheres of life and at different intervals of time.

Wake me up in the middle of the night, demanding to list what I'm interested in in this life - I would blurt out without a shadow of a doubt where I'm going. And with a fair amount of specifics. Offer me to change these goals for others, no less attractive, I would refuse, because my scope already gives me enough space to spread my wings. If my life turned around before a choice - a loved one or these goals, I would choose the second. Since true love does not set such a condition, and everything else is a fake from dreams on the topic of saving love, which will make you happy for life and save you from the need to act. And for this illusion there is no more place in my life.

It's an interesting feeling to know what you want and where you're going, because it doesn't take away the freedom of choice and the ability to change your mind, but you know that your choice is made.

Absolute freedom does not exist, but there is freedom to make a decision, and after that you are bound by your choice.

P. Coelho, "Zaire"

Binding yourself with such a choice is a truly wise step, since it is concentration on a single vector that helps you go through stage after stage and feel the rhythm of life, giving rise to the joy of conscious movement forward. Including this is the only way to have what you want for those who are not afraid to dream big.

Simply put, the picture looks like this:

— To be inspired from moving towards your desires, they must be big.- that is, to have scope for the flight of your soul. Global goals give rise to the belief that our capabilities are much wider, thereby uncovering the internal potential and giving a surge of strength.

— Achieving big goals takes time., during which you will move in the selected direction without changing direction. Only a long movement in one direction can give a tangible result. You have the right to change the goal, change your mind, choose another - please. The divine right of free choice is always with you, as well as the law of cause and effect: every time you start another, you start a new path, and you also need to stay on it long enough without changing the sharpness of the focus.

- In order not to succumb to the temptation of choice and not to change your direction, you need to decide exactly what you want. Therefore, it is reasonable at a certain point in life to decide exactly for yourself: “who am I?” and "Where am I going?" Otherwise, people often change their minds, try many directions at once, do not really succeed anywhere, and generally give up any attempts, thereby starting a smooth descent down the ladder of their prospects.

If you're ready, you don't need to get ready.

Once you have a direction in mind, it is easier to deal with doubts and tempting possibilities. It is easier not to be distracted from the essence and keep the focus on one thing. When this choice has not yet been made to the end and you continue to wait for a miracle (they say, somehow everything will work out by itself), then you swim where the wind blows. I think none of us would want to be on an unruly ship in the ocean or on a boat floating on a fast current without oars. So why do so many people like this dangerous approach: "to go with the flow of life without any goals", isn't it obvious that it carries on stones of helpless old age?

Now the World Championships in Athletics are taking place in Moscow - how interesting it is to watch some of the competitions. Look.

What is the essence of the victory of this or that athlete? Someone will say that in hard training, coupled with natural data, but still the root is deeper - in their choice to focus on exactly one particular sport that suits them best and improve in it.

Only long and technically correct training in one direction can give the desired result. But each of today's sports stars, having, in principle, a strong body and certain talents, could run from sprint to jump, from jump to marathon, from marathon to all-around, calling it self-discovery. Decide on a direction as early as possible- the most important decision in sports, and everyone knows about it, which is curious, but in life it is also the most important decision, however, much fewer people already take it into account.

To get what you want, you need to choose a single vector and move in its direction, constantly improving over a long time.

Hence the logical question: do you know what you want from your life? In all areas?

I didn't know for a long time. Rather, she misinterpreted her desires. For example, I sincerely wanted to live by the sea. And only after 2 years, tightly spent by the sea, I realized that I really want to regularly travel to the sea, and to the mountains, and to forests, and to the snow, of course, that is, to travel a lot around the world, and only in breaks between something more significant and creative, for example, the development of your project, and living by the sea is not at all necessary. A big city answers a lot more of my questions than an island isolated from the world. In my personal life, there were also dreams in the style of “maybe I will become an excellent hostess and keeper of the hearth and will not do anything,” which pretty much amused my own universe with the corresponding lessons.

For every talent we will be asked.

But every time, even when the next “I want” turned out to be more of my fantasy about a wonderful future, and not an adult decision, I continued to move forward. I wanted to live by the sea - I went there to live. I wanted a free schedule - I found a way to work as a freelancer. I realized that I had to return to Moscow, so I moved. I wanted an author's project - and here it is in front of you. It was this movement, and not reflection (!), that gave the skill to separate the grains of the true aspirations of the soul from the chaff of idle entertainment that lead nowhere. At some point, the real goals began to take on an increasingly clear form, leaving behind all the imposed husks.

This is an illustration of my favorite example of a long climb in the mountains - at first you don't even see the top, but as you get closer, with another observation deck, your view increases and at some point - the target becomes clear. But if you don’t get up from the couch and start this path of conscious movement along the edges of your “I want” and “I can”, then don’t even ask to the top.

Some tips on how to understand your true desires and find inspiring goals

0. Tip number "zero"- start a conscious movement, to begin with, to any immediate desire. You need to start moving uphill in order to continue to talk about where exactly my road is in all this splendor. If you plan to start and do something only when you find your Path or destination, you simply do not leave the threshold of your house. It's called couch searching for yourself, and it's funny.

1. Pay attention to your own desires

The presence of a large number of desires and ideas is a sign of high energy. Don't give up on your aspirations. And do not listen to those who say that desires are bad. Desires encourage us to move forward, grow and overcome ourselves, or rather, our own ideas about ourselves. Desires are catalysts for life energy. Another issue is that when the potential remains unrealized, it starts to press. That is why it is useful to fulfill desires in every sense.

The difference between a true dream or a “public” one, that is, an imposed one, is most often realized only in practice, and not in the mind. Get ready for trial and error phase, especially if you grew up in a very "blinded" environment, but this stage is also very productive.

Most often, I receive letters in the style of “how to make it so that everything changes, but not to be mistaken.” That's the point, no way. Yes, you may be mistaken, but even a mistake with a sincere intention to change for the better and realize your potential to the maximum will be beneficial, because it will remove another layer of blinders from your eyes, which you will never see if you don’t try.

A loser is one who, out of fear of failure, has not even tried.

It was the mistakes that brought me to that very observation deck, where I could clearly see what I want: who to be, what to have, where to go. And the bonus is the understanding that she no longer intends to endure.

2. Find the junction between desires and abilities

The single vector that was discussed is very often located at the junction of “I want” and “I can”. That is, these are not just your current abilities, but multiplied by great desires. What you have inclinations and talents for, but in the context of a big dream. This is the conscious development of one's abilities into mastery, which allows one to realize the most daring desires. As soon as you find this joint, give it priority. Nothing makes a person internally holistic and calm like a clear understanding of where he is going.

The goal differs from fantasy only by the presence of real steps already now in the chosen direction. In all other cases, if you want, but don’t do it, this is nothing more than a childhood dream that is unlikely to ever come true.

To get somewhere, you need to know the destination. This is primary. And the sooner you decide on it, the clearer everything that happens around you becomes. I wish you to realize it and choose from all the variety.