I read the story and was dumbfounded. It was transparent, cast prose. Everything became convex, clear. There was no shadow left of the former crumpledness and verbal confusion. At the same time, not a single word was really thrown out or added ...
- It's a miracle! - I said. - How did you do that?
- Yes, I just put all the punctuation marks ... I especially carefully put the points. And paragraphs. This is a great thing, my dear. Pushkin also spoke about punctuation marks. They exist to highlight the thought, to bring the words into the right ratio and to give the phrase lightness and the right sound. Punctuation marks are like musical notation. They firmly hold the text and do not allow it to crumble ...
Konstantin Paustovsky (about how his first text changed after the editor's edit)
spaces
They are a stumbling block for so many authors. Remember once and for all the following.
A space is never placed before: colon, ellipsis, comma, full stop, semicolon, exclamation point, or question mark. I would like to highlight hyphen- it is not separated by spaces at all (except for one rare case that has nothing to do with this topic).
A space is always placed: before dashes, opening brackets and opening quotes; after dash, colon, ellipsis, comma, full stop, semicolon, exclamation point, or question mark. In the case of quotation marks and brackets, after closing them, a space is placed only when the text continues without any punctuation marks. In all other cases (period, comma, some sign, etc.), a space is not needed.
Correct option: I love you, daughter, and will always be with you soul. Be happy. Your dad. May 15.
But why? What happened to you, Elena?
Correct option:- But why? What happened to you, Elena?
No ... no, this is a dream, - flying up to the mirror above the chest of drawers, I was surprised to examine straight hair, a pendant with vervain and a blue nightgown with elephants.
Correct option:- No ... no, this is a dream, - flying up to the mirror above the chest of drawers, I was surprised to examine straight hair, a pendant with vervain and a blue nightgown with elephants.
Comma
With commas, many are much more at odds than with spaces ... But this is one of the most important punctuation marks.
I see no reason to publish excerpts from textbooks on punctuation in this post. For those who are interested, read about the rules for using a comma, or in more detail. Now I will list the main errors that occur in the admin panel.
Comma when referring. For some reason, many people forget that any appeals, be it names, nicknames, etc., are separated by commas. For example:
Elena, everything is fine.
You're insufferable, Damon Salvatore!
Of course, friend, what are we talking about.
Well, beauty, let's take a walk?
Comma at turnovers. Remember: participles phrases are always separated by commas, no matter what part of the sentence they are in. For example:
The older Salvatore sat on the couch, drinking a bottle of whiskey.
Standing under streams of hot water, the girl dreamed of how chic tonight would be.
To properly place commas in participial turnover, you need to know the word being defined. If the turnover is after this word, it is separated by commas on both sides. If before - commas are not put. For example:
Jeans, indecently low on the hips, strove to slide even lower at any second.
The word being defined is jeans. If we rearrange the turnover before the word being defined, we get the following:
Jeans set indecently low on the hips strove to slide even lower at any second.
If the word being defined is expressed by a personal pronoun, then the turnover before it is still separated by a comma:
Selfish in his passion, Damon dreamed of possessing Elena alone.
Comma in complex sentences. Very simple and accessible everything is said. From myself I want to add: learn to quickly divide complex sentences into simple ones. If you combine several simple sentences, each of which has a subject and a predicate, then by all means use the correct punctuation marks. In most cases, a comma is sufficient.
The full moon will come in just some seventeen hours, and this meager time is all they have left.
As you can see, there are two different sentences, so a comma is placed between them.
Damon gave me a contemptuous look and, without answering, went to his room.
Here, there are just two predicates and a participial turnover. If there were no turnover, commas would not be required, because both predicates refer to the same subject.
Examples of your mistakes (taken at random from several fics hanging on moderation):
Once again a princess. I must hear these words clearly.
Correct option:- Once again, princess. I must hear these words clearly.
Well, you know the sun, you don't come to me, and I decided to come to you.
Correct option:- Well, you know, the sun, you yourself do not come to me, and I decided to come to you.
Yes Dey, I have no doubt that you will not miss your chance!
Correct option:- Yes, Dey, I have no doubt that you will not miss your chance!
Damon froze for a second, and coming closer to the girl, he removed a strand of her hair behind her ear.
Correct option: Damon froze for a second and stepped closer to the girl, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.
Elena had just finished decorating and was about to call Kar when the phone rang on its own.
Correct option: Elena had just finished decorating and was about to call Kara when the phone rang on its own.
With difficulty, getting out of bed, the girl left the room, went down the stairs, and saw Damon, lounging in an armchair, sipping whiskey.
Correct option: With difficulty getting out of bed, the girl left the room, went down the stairs and saw Damon, lounging in an armchair, sipping whiskey.
Formatting dialogues and direct speech
Here we come to the main problem of every second author. Frankly, what surprises me most of all is the fact that such mistakes are repeated in broken fics and, in general, in pretty good works. Don't you, dear authors, read literature at all? In this case, open any book and see HOW the dialogues of the characters are designed!
The rules for the design of dialogues and direct speech are almost identical. The only difference is that direct speech occurs directly in the text and is highlighted with quotation marks (for example, the thoughts of the hero); in dialogues, quotation marks are not put, and the replicas of the characters are separated by paragraphs.
It is said in an accessible and simple way about punctuation marks during the dialogue, the rules of direct speech are.
Many of you like to write like this:
Sofia. She replied without taking her eyes off the man.
Correct option:"Sofia," she answered without taking her eyes off the man.
Yes. Damon nodded.
Correct option:"Yes," Damon nodded.
Oh, but what about my things? I have nothing. Elena gasped and glared at Damon.
Correct option:- Oh, but what about my things? I don't have anything." Elena gasped and stared at Damon.
Using the example of the last sentence, I will show you options for the design of direct speech during a dialogue:
I have nothing, - groaned Elena.
- I have nothing! Elena gasped.
- I have nothing ... - Elena gasped.
- I have nothing? Elena asked.
If you want to continue Elena's remark further, then the following options are possible:
I have nothing, - Elena gasped, - even handbags.
- I have nothing! Elena gasped. After a moment's thought, she added, "I don't know what to do."
- I have nothing ... - Elena groaned and added: - Except for the handbag.
- I have nothing? Elena asked. - Are you sure?
Forgive me for the very strange options for proposals, I have to improvise. Let's try to schematically analyze the most popular options for writing dialogues. "P"- this is direct speech, the words of the hero. "BUT"- your, author's words, which are almost always written with a small letter. At the end of the last replica of the hero (before the enter) there may be a dot, an ellipsis, an exclamation mark or a question mark. For convenience, I use the dot all the time.
P, a.
"Hey," Elena smiled.
P? - a.
- Would you like some coffee? Damon asked.
P! - a.
- Hi! Elena smiled.
P ... - a.
- I do not know ... - the girl answered.
P, - a, - p.
- Hello, - Elena smiled, - glad to see you.
P, a. - P.
"Hey," Elena smiled. - It's good that you came.
P? - a. - P.
- Sure? Damon asked. “There won't be a second chance.
P! - a. - P.
- You're lying! Damon snapped. - First of all, to myself.
P ... - a, - p.
- He ... - the girl hesitated, - he confessed his love to me.
P ... - a. - P.
- I ... - the girl hesitated. “I don't think that's a good idea, Damon.
P, a. A: - P.
"I agree," Elena nodded. Taking a couple of steps towards Damon, she added with a smile, “I think we’ll have a great time.”
P, a. A. - P.
"I agree," Elena nodded. Surprise showed on Damon's face - he clearly did not expect such an answer. - I think we'll have a great time.
P? - a. A: - P.
- Sure? Damon asked. For several minutes he stared at Elena, then warned: - There will be no second chance.
P? - a. A. - P.
- Agree? Elena was surprised. Hearing the tone of her voice, Damon turned away. - I don't think it's a good idea.
P! - a. A: - P.
- Excellent! The vampire grinned. Carefully examining Elena from head to toe, he concluded: - Now you need to buy a new dress.
P! - a. A. - P.
- Wow! - the girl was delighted. Damon, seeing her reaction, smiled. “In that case, I want the shoes too.”
P ... - a. A: - P.
“Hmm…” the vampire feigned surprise. After a minute of thinking, he agreed: - Yours took, Elena.
P ... - a. BUT? - P.
- Coffee ... - Elena was confused. What kind of coffee could there be if she was scared to be alone with Damon? - I think no.
In fact, there are many more options in which some punctuation marks replace others. The main thing is to know the basic rules of writing, and this: the words of the author are written after a comma / ellipsis / question mark / exclamation mark with a small letter!
Examples of your mistakes (taken at random from several fics hanging on moderation):
That's agreed. Klaus smiled happily.
Correct option:- That's agreed, - Klaus smiled contentedly.
Errors: no space after the first dash, a dot instead of a comma after the replica.
You will see in both your beautiful eyes when the time comes. The girl smiled and repeated. - When the time comes.
Correct option:- You will see in both your beautiful eyes when the time comes, - the girl smiled, and repeated: - When the time comes.
Errors: the absence of a space after the first dash, a dot instead of a comma after a replica, a dot instead of a qualifying colon after the words of the author.
No. - Cut blue-eyed. - Too light.
Correct option:“No,” said the blue-eyed one. - Too light.
Errors: no space after the first dash, a dot instead of a comma after the replica, the words of the author are capitalized.
Elena, - Mom knocked on the door. - Finish packing or you'll miss the bus.
Correct option:“Elena,” Mom knocked on the door, “finish getting ready, or you’ll miss the bus.”
Errors: the author's words are capitalized. In addition, the words of the author share one sentence, and not two different ones, therefore it is more correct to write the second part of the remark with a small letter, and put a comma after the words of the author.
And after all, dear authors, it is not at all necessary to study Russian language textbooks in order to write correctly. It is enough to read, and not just online stories, although sometimes their level is quite high, but books. It is they who will enrich your vocabulary, help you navigate in such a “great and powerful” language as Russian, and teach you how to correctly punctuate. See examples of honored authors and design your text the same way!
Separately, I want to turn to betas: of course, you are not required to correct all punctuation for the author. Rewriting the text is not included in the task of the beta. But this does not mean that you can afford not to pay attention to such errors. After all, your name is listed above the text of the work! Demand literacy from the author, explain to him what mistakes he makes and how to avoid it. Otherwise, just don't work with it.
'The Departed' Oscar winner William Monahan talks about the art of writing good dialogue.
I don't want to be created by the environment. I want to create this environment myself. - Francis "Frank" Costello (actor Jack Nicholson), Renegades.
It happens that the American Film Academy gives an Oscar to the silent film "The Artist", but this is an exception to the rule - like one of Naseem Taleb's black swans. The importance of what the characters say cannot be overstated. Let's talk about this in more detail.
Dialogue is the essence of any film. And it is desirable that they be strong, because. you still have a lot of work to do. Dialogue should be believable, it should reveal the characters (not directly, of course), and it should complement the plot. Ideally, the dialogue should be interesting, with catchy lines that get better each time. Seems like a pretty daunting task, but it's something that writer/director William Monahan does very well.
Monahan's screenplay, written for the 2006 film The Departed, is a foul-mouthed concerto in E minor, a Molotov cocktail of tension that is littered with quotations throughout the film. He helped the film's director Martin Scorsese win his first Oscar, and the screenwriter himself won another one for Best Adapted Screenplay. Since then, William has worked on screenplays for Body of Lies, Retribution, Oblivion and The Gambler, and for the first time he also took on the role of director with The Bodyguard. Between projects, William Monahan agreed to teach us a lesson in dialogue writing.
Listen to everything around you
Listen to people very carefully. Listen with equal interest to what they say and what they don't say. A few weeks ago, I overheard a very stupid man who was being counseled on marriage by a hippie, an even bigger idiot. Their conversation is pure gold, and I know that I will definitely apply it somewhere in my work. That's why you have to live in the city. To listen.
Dialogue reveals what the characters are hiding
I find it extremely interesting what the characters are hiding, what people are trying to hide. Everyone is trying to hide something, and you can talk about it through dialogue. It's not just politicians, advertisers or lawyers who are spreading fog and keeping secret plans to themselves - this applies to absolutely everyone.
Pretty decent people often don't realize that their talk is not about truth or information sharing, but about spreading their own "mythology". Take a close look at what people are trying to hide and you will understand it. You can often see a funny situation: if you sit down in a restaurant, then the couple sitting at the next table will probably have a first date after online dating, and neither of them will tell the truth, even if they wanted to.
Natural dialogues are boring
Your task is to create something fundamentally unnatural. Shakespeare has the most natural dialogue, but he is the best dialogue writer ever written. No one wants to listen to people's everyday conversations. Here, listen to me now. I do not speak pompously and do not utter the phrases of Augustine. I'm just mumbling something. And that's how most people talk. Unless, of course, you are Christopher Hitchens, who speaks in whole paragraphs (God bless him). You are most likely mumbling something under your breath. In writing a dramatic work, you must move away from this.
Writing dialogue is improvisation
There is no formula for matching certain character details to get a proven quality hero. The character is your own vinaigrette. You gradually become the character you write about. Each character is you. Either it was always you, or it was a part of you, as in my case, a part of my heroes is me. Like an actor who reincarnates as a character, you reincarnate as a writer.
Those who are good at improvising are usually soaking, soaking, soaking all the time ... And then all of a sudden he gets up and hits everyone. Soak up information from everywhere, because you never know where it might come in handy.
It's probably not a joke that Shakespeare was an actor, because actors are always writers. The writer in his head and in his work must play all his people. And he has to do it really well, otherwise the actors won't get involved, they won't want to play these people, and the movie won't end up being made. So essentially, in your room and in your head, you're playing a theatrical performance, but you're only projecting it in a text document into an imaginary movie, playing each character.
Writing dialogues is at the subconscious level
So, you have lost the thread, have reached a dead end. Like most creative people, sometimes your muse leaves you and you don't have a workflow. It happens. Whatever the reason, whatever wall stands in your way, if you break through it, you are no longer able to look at things materially, and you do this subconsciously.
It is interesting to watch the musicians who appeared on the covers of newspapers and whose songs you sing with falseness. Or you get in the mood, you sit down at your desk, and the Day of Illumination begins in your life. You don't even know how and why inspiration came to you. In the Middle Ages, an art or craft was called a "sacrament", and with good reason.
In adaptations, write dialogue from scratch
The Departed originally came as 70-80 pages of extremely poor English translation, a sort of transcription. It is curious that at that time I was already thinking about some story from Boston, Boston of the period of my youth. About the duplicity of the bigwigs of Boston, about Boston as the only city in the United States that had a pronounced diaspora class system. Suddenly, what I wanted to do came in the form of an opportunity to create an adaptation.
The original story had a terrible plot structure. And in our film, people are real Bostonians, true inhabitants of their planet.
The people in your life are colloquial patterns
My father has been dead for 20 years, but he has appeared in my feature films twice. The protagonist of the film "Retribution" made everyone who knew my father smile. He is my connection to Boston. This city has its own culture, a peculiar way of speaking, and this is reflected in me when I communicate with them. A typical situation in Massachusetts is that during a typical day of walking, depending on who you communicate with, your accent also changes. My father is a typical Boston Irish. If you hinted at something, he is already against it: “I don’t want to deal with this.”
In The Departed, I tried to hide the biographical details of DiCaprio's character by naming him Billy. When I was 20, I was very similar to this character.
Dialogue changes on set
Working with actors is one of the most fun things. You both basically do the same things. For a year I was the same as an actor should be. I'm curious to know his thoughts on this, and I hope he wants to hear me too. As a director, I constantly made some changes. I thought about the scene, stood up and said, "Try it better like this." When you work in dynamics, you will have these thoughts.
Sometimes the dialogue on the set also changes. In the movie The Departed, pay attention to a couple of scenes involving Jack Nicholson. There is one natural ending to the scene, and then something is added. In the bar scene, he stops and asks another, “How is your mother? - She's about to collapse. "We're all going to die sometime." According to the script, he just goes out of the frame and that's it. But Jack wanted to contribute something of his own. Of course, I wanted to see what he came up with (everyone would like to see it).
Reading scripts with actors will reveal a lot about both the actor and the character.
In some crappy script books, I sometimes see "Read the scripts out loud." But I don't have to do that if I already know him. If you succeed, then you hear it in your head when you write. Better take the actors and read your script with them sitting at the table. After that, make the necessary notes and correct the text in accordance with the requirements for the actor or depending on the nature of the character.
Do not write for a specific actor unnecessarily
I doubt that any actor would approve of the fact that the script is being written for him. They always want to play someone else, for this they are invited. In the old days, it was popular among stars to always play the same character in every movie. But you remember Michael Caine, who could take any story, no matter who wrote it, no matter who it was written about, and he turned it into a story with Michael Caine. He is a perfect example in terms of dialogue writing and the level of dialogue delivery. He is the first actor to break through the transatlantic curtain who solved the problem with pronunciation. Listen to his speech, he breaks sentences into pieces of 2-3 words and speaks them very slowly. He is probably the only Englishman who is understandable to the American audience.
Mix the smart and the unpretentious
Sometimes a film can be criticized at the script level, sometimes at the editing level. You don't understand what movies are sold in India. We need a single copy for the whole world. The digital copy is then distributed to different countries without any adjustments. Therefore, sometimes films are purged. Some abstruse remarks are removed in the erroneous opinion that the viewer will not understand them, that this is not true. I think The Departed is a good example of a mix of high and low that works well for a mainstream audience. And this is better than lowering the level of perception to the lowest denominator, which most films sin.
Do your homework. And work. Like damn
And most importantly - read the real, great writers of the dialogues and set the bar high for yourself. You can't set yourself a high bar if you're not up to date with the highest standards in dramaturgy, which also means a high level of literacy. This refers to literary literacy, not film literacy.
Whether it is hereditary or whether my natural interest has led to my ability, I cannot say, but I know that I have worked as a miner for more than thirty years, and that I have sacrificed a great deal. I had to completely give up my youth in order to become what I became by the age of 35 - a screenwriter. My commitment to the craft of screenwriting is similar to being an eye surgeon, with no public understanding that it can pay off. I know I had some knack, ability, but I continued to work harder than anyone I knew and I took a lot of risks.
Dialogue is an integral part of any story, and writers tend to aim for dialogue in stories, books, plays, and films to sound natural, as if the conversation is taking place in real life. Writers often use dialogue to convey information to readers in a way that is interesting and engaging to them. Write dialogue with your characters in mind, keeping it simple and clear, and read it aloud to make sure the dialogue sounds natural.
Steps
Part 1
Learning Dialogue-
Pay attention to real conversations. Listen to how people talk to each other and use it in your dialogue, then it will sound real. You will certainly notice that we all communicate differently with different people, and this point should be taken into account when you sit down to work.
- Do not use those parts of the conversation that will be difficult to translate. For example, "hello" and "goodbye" do not need to be written constantly. Some dialogues can be started in the middle of a conversation.
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Read good, high-quality dialogues. To develop a sense of language in general and dialogue in particular, you need to read books and watch movies that have really good dialogue. Read, analyze and draw conclusions.
- Look for the works of those authors who were recognized as masters of dialogue, under whose pen realistic, multifaceted and vivid dialogues were born and are being born.
- It will not be superfluous to work with scripts and plays, which is understandable - all this is literally tied up, mixed up in dialogues. Some writers did just that!
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Fully expand your characters. What needs to be done before you put words into the mouths of heroes? That's right, understand them inside and out. You, the author, need to know the way the character talks, as well as all the features that come with it.
- Age, gender, education, religion, tone of voice all have an impact on speech. You understand, a girl from a small monotown, lost in Siberia, will speak completely differently from, say, the son of a prominent party leader.
- Give each of the characters a distinctive voice. Not all of your characters will speak using the same words and speech techniques. Let each (at least each important) character sound in his own way!
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Learn to avoid writing implausible dialogue. They, of course, will not “kill” your story, but they can also push the reader away. You, as a writer, strive to produce a radically different effect on the reader, don't you? Yes, we will not argue, sometimes even implausible dialogues are needed - but very, very rarely.
- What is, if in general, this very “implausible dialogue”? It's simple: a dialogue built from formulaic phrases according to obvious patterns. Here's an example: "Hi Masha, you look sad," Vanya said. "Yes, Vanya, I'm sad today. Do you want to know, Vanya, why I'm sad?" "Yes, Masha, I would like to know why you are sad today." "I'm sad because my dog got sick, which reminds me that my father died under mysterious circumstances two years ago."
- Terrible, isn't it? And how to fix it? Yes, at least like this: "Mash, did something happen?" Vanya asked. Masha shrugged her shoulders, never taking her eyes off the window. "My dog is sick. No one knows what's wrong with him." "I sympathize, of course, but ... Mash, the dog is already old. Maybe age?" Masha clasped her hands. "You know... just... the doctors would say." "Vets?" Vanya corrected her. "Yes. Something like that."
- Why is the second option better than the first? He doesn't take the reader directly to Masha's thoughts about the late father, he allows the story to unfold gradually, which is especially noticeable at the time of Masha's slip about veterinarians.
- Where, you ask, improbable dialogues are appropriate? Oh, the answer will surprise you. In Lord of the Rings. Yes, the dialogues there are sometimes very realistic - especially in those moments when the hobbits speak, however, if by and large, the dialogues there sound very lofty and implausible. What is the secret of success (very, by the way, in the opinion of many people controversial)? The fact that such a manner of narration is typical for the old epics that underlie English culture - like the same Beowulf.
Part 2
Writing a dialogue-
Keep your dialogue simple. Use "he said" or "she answered" instead of high-flown phrases such as "he objected" or "she exclaimed". You don't want your characters to communicate using unusual words and phrases, do you? The format “she/she said/a” also does not distract the reader from the text.
- Of course, there is nothing wrong with changing those verbs from time to time for more appropriate ones - “interrupted”, “shouted”, “whispered”, and so on. But, we emphasize, only from time to time and to the place.
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Develop the plot using dialogue. It must convey information to the reader or viewer. Actually, dialogue is a wonderful tool that allows the author to convey the development of the character's character or some information about the hero that would otherwise go unnoticed by readers.
- Don't pay too much attention to small dialogues on trifling topics like the weather, even if in real life we have them quite often. This kind of dialogue is appropriate in one case - when you need to increase the tension in the scene. For example, the first character needs specific information from the second character, but the second character insists on formalities and slowly asks the first character about the weather, health, business, peculiarities of planting potatoes in loamy soils and gasoline prices. In general, it makes your readers tense up in anticipation of the most interesting.
- The dialogue must have a goal, otherwise it is impossible. Always ask yourself why you are writing the dialogue, what it will add to the story, what the reader will learn from it. If you do not have the answer to these questions, then you do not need this dialogue.
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Do not turn dialogue into a dump of information. By the way, this is a common problem. It may seem to you that there is no better way to convey this or that information to the reader than to dump it on him in a dialogue in one piece at once. It only seems to you, believe me! Background information should appear in the text from time to time!
- Here is an example of how not to write: Masha turned to Vanya and said, “Oh, Vanya, do you remember that when my father died a mysterious death, my whole family was kicked out of the house by my evil aunt Agatha?” "I remember this, Masha! You were only 12 years old, and you had to leave school to help the family make ends meet."
- How can this be fixed? Well, at least this way: Masha turned to Vanya, there was a gloomy grimace on her face. "Aunt Agatha called today." Vanya was surprised. "Is this the one who kicked you out of your own house? And what did she want?" "Here, no idea. True, she muttered something about the death of my father..." "Something?" Vanya raised an eyebrow. "She feels like her father... was helped to die."
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Don't forget context. Conversations, especially in fiction, are multi-faceted (or multi-layered, depending on how you look at it). Since more than one event happens at the same time, you need to reflect all of this.
- There are several ways at your service. Let's say your character wants to say something like "I need you". Try to get your hero to say it... but not directly. For example: Vanya went to his car. Masha touched his shoulder, she nervously bit her lip. "Vanya, I... you... are you sure it's time already?" she asked, removing her hand. "We still haven't figured out what we're going to do."
- Don't force your characters to say whatever they think or feel. This will be a bust that leaves no room for a subtle psychological game.
-
And now - to business! Do you want your dialogue to be interesting and exciting? Then skip the background dialogues (say, where people at the bus stop are discussing the weather) and go straight to the point (that is, in fact, to the confrontation between Masha and the insidious aunt Agatha).
- Let your characters argue, let them say the unexpected - but only as long as it fits their behavior pattern. The dialogue should be interesting, and if everyone just agrees, nods and answers the simplest questions, then hardly anyone will find this reading fascinating.
- It is necessary to saturate the dialogue with action, do not forget about it. Communicating, people twirl something in their hands, laugh, wash dishes, bypass potholes on the roads, and so on. Add it all to the dialogue, bring it to life!
- Example: “Well, you don’t think that a healthy man like your father can just get sick and die like that?” Aunt Agatha said, coughing dryly. Masha, not without difficulty restraining herself so as not to break loose, answered "Sometimes people get sick." "Yeah, and sometimes well-wishers help them." Her aunt's voice sounded so self-satisfied that Masha wanted to reach out and strangle her aunt with a telephone cord. "Are you saying that father was killed? And do you even know who?" "I have some ideas about this. But you'd better think for yourself what and how."
Part 3
Checking the dialogue-
Read the dialogue aloud. This will give you a chance to hear how it sounds. You can make changes based on what you hear and read. The main thing is to put the text aside for some time before checking it, otherwise you simply won’t be able to notice the mistakes that you got used to while working on the dialogue.
- Have a trusted friend or relative read your dialogue - a fresh look at the problem, so to speak, will help you identify weaknesses in the text.
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Put the punctuation marks correctly. Few things irritate readers (and publishers and literary agents, and even these especially) more than lame punctuation, especially in dialogue.
- Check with a Russian textbook for how direct speech is written in writing.
- Let's say you break up a character's speech with a descriptive phrase inserted in the middle of the utterance. Will the second half of the sentence begin with a capital letter? Depends on punctuation, and after that - welcome to the Russian language textbook.
- If the statement of the hero and the action taken by the hero are two different sentences, then separate them with a period. Example: "Goodbye, Agatha." Masha threw down the telephone receiver with such force that it crunched.
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Delete words or phrases that are not necessary for the conversation or story. Let your characters speak less, but there will be depth in their words.
- For example, you should not write something like "I can't believe that it was Uncle Evlampy who killed my father by pouring poison into his cocktail!" Masha said. Write easier - "Believe me, I can't believe that Uncle Evlampy poisoned my father!"
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Choose your dialect carefully. Each character should have their own sound and voice, but everything is good in moderation, so too much accent can annoy readers. Again, don't use a dialect you don't know personally - the stereotypes you use can be extremely offensive to readers who speak either dialect.
- You can use other methods to show where your character is from. For example, terms like "soda" and "soda" will show what area your character comes from. Of course, if you resort to this method, then you will have to continue to follow the speech of the hero, saturating it with local words and slang.
Dialogue is one of the most problematic places in the manuscripts of novice writers. As always, the most common mistake is redundancy: unnecessary descriptions, unnecessary retorts, unnecessary embellishments. In dialogues, it is especially important to observe the principle "Brevity is the sister of talent." Remember that a few extra words can make the characters' conversation languid or ridiculously pretentious.
Consider typical mistakes:
TIGHTNESS
Continuous dialogue should not be too long, otherwise it slows down the dynamics of the piece. The conversation of the characters implies a real flow of time, while in general the plot develops much faster.
If a long dialogue is still necessary, then it should be diluted - for example, with a description of the actions, emotions of the hero, etc. A brilliant example of a well-written dialogue is the dinner scene between Professor Preobrazhensky and Dr. Bormental in Bulgakov's Heart of a Dog.
Another way to brighten up a long dialogue is to retell its individual parts:
For the sake of boredom, the duma nobleman Endogurov told what the boyars in the sovereign Duma are talking about - they make a helpless gesture, the poor: the tsar and his advisers in Voronezh know only one thing - money and money. He picked up advisers - ours and foreign merchants, and people without a clan, tribe, but carpenters, blacksmiths, sailors, such young people - only that their nostrils were not torn out by an executioner. The king listens to their thieves' advice.
A. Tolstoy "Peter I"
In one paragraph fit what would have been displayed in direct speech on the whole page.
Dialogue slows down the pace of the plot and, therefore, focuses attention on this part of the novel. The longer the dialogue, the more attention it claims. Therefore, it is extremely important not to litter it with phrases that do not carry useful information.
The girls said goodbye
Goodbye!
Good luck!
I was very glad to see you!
Come to visit us!
We will definitely come. We really liked it last time.
Well, really, it's not worth it. Well, goodbye!
It could be limited to one phrase: "The girls said goodbye."
A similar problem - repetitions of the same thought:
Is that what she said, go away?
Yes exactly.
I can not belive it.
I swear! I gave you everything word for word. So she said, go away.
I don't believe. You must have confused something.
Exceptions to this rule, of course, can be, but still it should be remembered that empty dialogue is boring, and the reader skips boring.
UNNATURAL
Dialogue should sound natural. You should not use in the conversation of heroes compound sentences for five lines or expressions that are not used in colloquial speech.
You need to water the sprouts regularly, because otherwise they will have nowhere to get the moisture that is so necessary for their nutrition and full development.
This is not the way to say it. The sentence is better rephrased:
Do not forget to water the sprouts, otherwise they will dry out.
Another problem: copying obsolete expressions. As a child, the author read Dumas and it stuck in his subcortex that "this is how you can and should write." The result is the following:
Thousand devils! - exclaimed the office manager, turning off the computer. "Ah, I'll be damned if I don't get my revenge on those rascals!"
To check the dialogue for natural sounding, read it aloud. Pretentious words will cut the ear.
INCONSISTENCY OF THE DIALOGUE TO THE SITUATION OR CHARACTER OF THE HEROES
In the novels of beginners, scenes are often found when villains in the heat of battle talk with heroes about good and evil: long sentences with participial turns. If you think this is normal, try bashing a pillow for five minutes while retelling the story of the bun. Did you get something connected? Taking off my hat.
It would seem elementary: a runner immediately after a marathon cannot give lengthy interviews, a fireman in a burning building cannot ask: “Vasily Ivanovich, give me a fire hose, please!”... Nevertheless, such mistakes are among the most common .
BUZZING WITH ATTRIBUTION
Ivan looked into Masha's face.
What a fine fellow you are, he said.
If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been able to do anything," she said.
Come on, it's not worth it, - Ivan said.
We remove “he said”, “she responded”, “Ivan said” - and the meaning will not be lost. The reader is absolutely clear who said what.
A similar problem is extra adverbs and other "clarifications".
It's not fair! the girl whimpered.
In this case, the adverb duplicates the meaning of the verb. "Sobbing" is enough.
Stamps look even worse:
Now I will deal with you! The Emperor grinned ominously.
I beg you, let me go! - the girl screamed heartbreakingly, wringing her hands.
"SPEAKING" VERBS AND LABELS
If possible, try not to supply the characters' lines with unnecessarily "speaking" attributive verbs. Emotions should be conveyed by the very essence of the scene, and not by glued labels.
There are writers who try to get around the adverb exclusion rule by pumping attributive verbs up to their ears with steroids:
Drop the gun, Utterson! Jekyll rasped.
Kiss me, kiss me! Shaina gasped.
You are teasing me! Bill pulled back.
S. King "How to write books"
You should also not constantly remind the reader: this hero is a scoundrel, but this one is a handsome prince. When the scoundrels "grin maliciously" and the princes "raise their eyebrows contemptuously" - this is a sure sign that the author wrote, "arrogantly ignoring common sense." Again - to characterize the character should be his words and deeds.
LONG SHORT SENTENCE DIALOGUE
Where are you going?
To the village.
And what's in there?
What for?
Tired.
You will not understand.
Such a dialogue turns off figurative thinking. The reader begins to see not a mental picture, but letters. If a monosyllabic throwing of words is absolutely necessary for the plot, then it must be diluted with descriptions.
ACCENT AND SPEECH DISTORTION
With the transfer of accent and speech distortion, you must be very careful. If the reader, even for a moment, has difficulty in reading phrases like “’evolution is cool”, then the literal transfer of the accent should be refrained from. Suffice it to mention that the hero burrs.
SINGLE ATRIBUTION
I went to the store, - said Masha.
Don't forget to buy dryers, - said the grandmother, counting out the money to her.
And me candy! Dad said from behind the door.
You should not repeat the same attributive verbs over and over again, otherwise the reader's attention will be fixed precisely on these words. If it is difficult for you to choose an attributive verb, insert a phrase that will describe the action of the hero, and then - his remark.
I went to the store, - said Masha.
Grandmother counted her money.
Don't forget to buy sushki.
It is absolutely clear to the reader that “do not forget to buy dryers,” said the grandmother. The rearranged phrase "daddy's voice was heard from behind the door" also avoids the next "said."
FAILED FOCAL CHARACTER RENAME
If you have already mentioned your character's name and that he is the focal character, do not label him with words indicating gender, age, profession, social class, position and appearance. For example: "boy", "accountant", "countess", "beggar", "slob". The reader looks at the world you have created through the eyes of a focal character, and accordingly, he cannot “call himself” an old man or a hunter. These are definitions for other people, for those with whom the focal character communicates.
Petya, holding his breath, looked at Masha. He remembered everything - a trip to the country, and a bike ride, and swimming in the pond.
Have you been here for a long time? - he asked.
Masha shrugged.
Let's see. We must wait for the father - he will decide.
"Young Man" knocks the reader out of the image of Petya. To make the scene look organic, it is necessary to name people and objects as the focal character himself would do. Obviously, he can only call himself by his first name, last name, or nickname that he likes.
NAME USE IN DIALOGUE
Hello Masha!
Hello Petya! I'm so glad to see you!
What's wrong? During a conversation, we almost never call people by name. Therefore, this dialogue sounds false.
THIRD PERSON REPRESENTATION
I met Masha. She said: “Petya, why do you come to visit me?” “Because I don’t have time,” I replied.
Try either to avoid direct speech altogether in direct speech, or to convey the words of a third person as they sound in a normal conversation. For example:
Today I met Masha: she asks where I have disappeared. I lied that I didn't have time.
TALKING WHAT THE HEROES KNOW
You know, a couple of years ago orcs attacked our northern borders and burned down five cities. And then King Sigismund the Fifteenth singled out three hundred thousand warriors on fighting dragons...
Yes, this battle went down in history for a reason. Do you remember how they captured the Magic Stone of Omniscience?
Of course I remember.
INCORRECT USE OF FOREIGN EXPRESSIONS
Foreigners in novels of beginners often speak their native language with wild mistakes. If you are not sure how to spell a phrase, consult a highly professional translator or native speaker.
BUSTING WITH SLANG AND OBSTRUCTION
If your hero "boats" exclusively "on the hair dryer", the reader may "not catch up" with him. And if the hero “bottles” for more than a paragraph, the reader may close your book and never return to it again.
Mat in the literature is permissible only in small doses and only to the point. Exceptions are avant-garde novels published in semi-underground publishing houses with a circulation of 500 copies.
What properties should a well-written dialogue have?
1. It must be absolutely necessary, i.e. without it, the development of the plot or the disclosure of the personality of a particular hero is impossible.
Example: a conversation between Scarlett and Ashley in the library (M. Mitchell "Gone with the Wind")
2. Each of the characters must speak their own language. He must be endowed with his favorite words, think in advance how he will build phrases, what is his vocabulary, what level of literacy, etc. The same goes for favorite gestures and postures. This technique will allow not only to speak the information necessary for the plot, but also to create a reliable image.
- "Nymph", there it in the swing, does the product give? - vaguely said the coffin master. - Can she satisfy the buyer? The coffin - he needs as much as one forest ...
What? asked Ippolit Matveyevich.
Yes, here is the "Nymph" ... Their three families live with one merchant. Already they have the wrong material, and the finish is worse, and the brush is liquid, there it swings. And I'm an old company. Founded in one thousand nine hundred and seven. I have a coffin - a cucumber, selected, amateur ...
I. Ilf and E. Petrov "The Twelve Chairs"
At the same time, it should be remembered that the heroes cannot behave the same way with everyone and talk in the same manner with both the queen and the port loader.
3. The reader must clearly imagine where and at what time of day the characters are. It is necessary to create a living world around them - with smells, sounds, atmosphere, weather, lighting, etc. But it is also not worth getting too carried away with descriptions. Use "keys": there are a number of images, the mention of which immediately sets the reader in a certain way. For example, a roll of thunder is an alarm and a sign of change; birdsong - serenity; candles - comfort, intimate atmosphere (in some cases - loneliness), etc.
Evening at the end of June. The samovar has not yet been removed from the table on the terrace. The hostess cleans the berries for jam. A friend of her husband, who has come to visit the dacha for a few days, smokes and looks at her well-groomed round hands, bare to the elbows. (A connoisseur and collector of ancient Russian icons, a graceful and dry-built man with a small trimmed mustache, with a lively look, dressed as for tennis.) Looks and says:
Kuma, can I kiss your hand? I can't watch calmly.
Hands in juice, - substitutes a shiny elbow. Lightly touching his lips, he says with a stutter:
What, cum?
You know what a story: one man's heart went out of hand and he said to his mind: goodbye!
How did this heart get out of hand?
This is from Saadi, godfather. There was such a Persian poet.
I. Bunin "Kuma"
4. For a clearer visualization of the action, show the reader that the hero not only speaks, but also gesticulates, moves, makes faces, etc.
Oh no no no! - the artist exclaimed, - did they really think that these were real pieces of paper? I do not admit the thought that they did it consciously.
The barman looked around in a wry and wistful way, but said nothing.
Are they scammers? - the magician asked the guest anxiously, - are there really swindlers among the Muscovites?
In response, the barman smiled so bitterly that all doubts disappeared: yes, there are swindlers among Muscovites.
M. Bulgakov "The Master and Margarita"
If the character is experiencing strong emotions, do not tell, but show it.
You will never be an astronaut! Ivan exclaimed angrily.
The same can be written like this:
Ivan's face turned purple, his fists clenched.
You will never be an astronaut!
Feel the difference?
5. Carefully make sure that the speech of the characters corresponds to the place, time, mood and individual characteristics of the characters. If a person woke up with a hangover, he is unlikely to be able to joke with girls; if a sledgehammer fell on a lumberjack's leg, he would not exclaim: "Oh, how it hurts!"
6. The length of the sentences in the dialogues should correlate with the speed of events. In crisis situations, a person speaks briefly; at home by the fireplace can afford flowery phrases and poetic comparisons.
And write direct speech with a capital letter. At the end of direct speech with a question or exclamation point, quotation marks are placed after it, and in narrative, quotation marks are closed and a period is put.
Examples: Andrey said: "I will play now."
Example. He muttered, "I'm very sleepy," and immediately fell asleep.
Example. The captain said: “The breeze would blow now ...” - and fixed his eyes on the sea.
The dialogue can be designed in one of the following ways: All remarks are written in one line, the author's words between them are missing. A dash separates each replica enclosed in quotation marks.
Example. For several minutes they walked in silence. Elizabeth asked, "How long will you be away?" - "Two months". - "Will you call me or write to me?" - "Oh sure!"
Each subsequent replica is written on a new line, preceded by a dash. Quotation marks are not used in this case.
Are you cold, Ekaterina? asked Ivan Petrovich.
Let's go to a cafe.
Formatting quotes:
The quotation is written according to one of the methods of direct speech.
Example. Belinsky believed: "Literature is the consciousness of the people, the color and fruit of its spiritual life."
Part of the quotation is not given, and its omission is marked with an ellipsis.
Example. Goncharov wrote: "All the words of Chatsky will spread ... and produce a storm."
Example. Belinsky notes that Pushkin has an amazing ability to "make the most prosaic objects poetic."
The verse text should be quoted without quotation marks, observing the lines and stanzas.
Sources:
- how is direct speech
- Basic Rules for Writing Dialogues
Indirect sentences help convey other people's thoughts on their own behalf. They contain the main essence of the words said by someone, easier in construction and punctuation. When replacing direct speech with indirect speech, it is important to pay attention to the purpose of conveying thoughts (message, question or motivation), use the appropriate means of connecting parts of the sentence, and follow the exact forms of using some words.
Instruction
In our language, other people's words can be transmitted in several ways. For this purpose, direct and indirect speech are most often used. Keeping the essence, these syntactic constructions express the content in different ways, are pronounced and written in writing.
When conveying thoughts through direct speech, all the features of the utterance are preserved: the content remains unchanged, the intonation is preserved in oral speech, which is shown in writing by the necessary punctuation marks. This is the most accurate way to convey other people's words.
Indirect speech, as a rule, contains the main essence of other people's thoughts, is reported not on behalf of the author, but the speaker without preserving intonational features. In written speech, it is drawn up without quotes in the form of a complex sentence.
When replacing direct speech with indirect speech, follow the main rules for constructing sentences, accurately use the forms of individual words. Sentences with someone else's speech represent two parts: the author and the transmitted speech. In sentences with direct speech, the place of the words of the author is inconsistent: in front, in the middle or after the utterance. Indirect, as a rule, takes a position after the author's words and is a subordinate clause. To properly cope with the task of replacing such syntactic constructions, proceed according to a certain order.
First, determine the boundaries of the parts of the sentence with direct speech. The words of the author in a sentence with indirect speech almost always remain unchanged, they will represent the main part of a complex sentence.
Next, pay attention to the view of the purpose of the utterance of the sentence that is part of direct speech (it will be subordinate). If you have a declarative sentence in front of you, then the unions “what”, “as if” will be the means of communication with the main one. For example, “Eyewitnesses claimed that (allegedly)
