K A L E Y D O S C O P

Ray Bradbury
(1949)

The first powerful blow ripped open the side of the rocket like a huge can opener. The people thrown out by the explosion turned into a dozen silvery fish, helplessly struggling on the shore. They were scattered in the darkness, and the ship, which fell apart, continued on its way with a million fragments, a swarm of meteorites, rushing in search of the hopelessly lost Sun.

Woody! Woody!

Captain!

Hollis, Hollis, it's me, Stone!

Stone, I'm Hollis! Where are you?

I do not know. How should I know? Where is the top? Where is the bottom? I'm falling... My God, I'm falling!

They fell. They fell like pebbles into a well. A handful of pebbles thrown into the air by someone's hand. There were no people - there were only voices. Disembodied voices, frightened, full of horror... Submission...

We fly into different sides!

So it was. Hollis, somersaulting in the void, also realized that it was so. Understood and stupidly reconciled with it. They fly apart, everyone has their own way, and nothing will ever connect them again. Frightened, pale faces covered with transparent helmets... Although everyone was wearing hermetic spacesuits, no one had enough time to put on a rocket-powered satchel. Had at least someone behind him, he would immediately become a small lifeboat and could save himself and come to the aid of others. Then they could, having found each other, get together, turning into a living island, and they would probably come up with something. But now they were just scattered meteorites, each rushing blindly towards its inevitable fate.

It must have been about ten minutes before the first attack of horror subsided, and now they all seemed to have sunk into a stupor. The void all around was a huge loom weaving strange threads, voices converged, diverged, crisscrossed, folding into their final pattern.

Hollis, I'm Stone. How long do you think we can talk on the radio?

It depends on how fast we fly.

Probably about an hour.

What happened? he asked a minute later.

Our rocket exploded, that's all. It happens with missiles.

In which direction are you moving?

Looks like I'm going to hit the moon.

And I'm in the Earth. Rushing towards Mother Earth at ten thousand miles an hour. I'll burn like a match! Hollis thought about it with startling detachment. He seemed to be looking from the side at his own body falling into the void, looking indifferently, as once, in his distant childhood, in winter, he watched the first falling snowflakes.

The rest were silent, trying in vain to comprehend what had happened to them, and fell, fell, unable to do anything about it. The captain was also silent, not finding the right team, the necessary plan of action that would help to bring everyone together again.

Oh, how long we fall! How long to fall, long, long, - someone's voice suddenly rang out. - I don’t want to die like this, I don’t want to die, how long, how long to fall ...

Who is it?

Do not know.

Probably Stimpson. Is that you, Stimpson?

Long, long, - I don't want that! Oh my god, I don't want that!

Stimpson, this is Hollis. Stimpson, can you hear me?

Silence... They fall one by one, somewhere...

Stimson!

Yes? - responds, finally, Stimpson.

Control yourself, Stimpson. We all got stuck in the same way.

But I don't like it. I want to get out of here.

Maybe they will find us.

Let them find me, let them find me, yelled Stimson. - This can't be, I don't believe that this could happen...

Well, of course, all this is just a bad dream, - someone quipped.

Shut up! Hollis called out to him.

And you try, plug my throat, - the same voice responded. It was Applegate. He laughed. Fun, as if nothing had happened: "Do you hear me? Come here and shut my throat!

And for the first time, Hollis truly felt helpless. Blind rage filled him, more than anything he wanted to get to Applegate right now. For years, he wanted to get to him, and now - now it's too late ... Now Applegate is nothing more than an unattainable voice that sounds in his headset.

You fall, you fall, you fall...

And suddenly, as if the whole horror of what had happened had just now been revealed to them, two of those falling into the abyss burst into desperate cries. As if in a nightmare, Hollis saw one of them swimming very close by. He yelled and yelled...

Stop!

It was possible to reach the hand flying by. Having lost his mind, he came out with an insane, inhuman scream. He will never stop screaming! This scream will be heard for millions of miles, and as long as the power of the transmitter is enough, it will drive everyone crazy, because of it they will not be able to talk to each other.

Hollis made a desperate effort. There was no other way out. A little more, and he managed to get closer to the screamer. Grabbing his ankle, he pulled himself closer. Now the face of the madman, distorted by the cry, was very close. He yelled, clutching Hollis with his hands senselessly and wildly, as if he were drowning. His insane scream filled the entire universe.

One way or another, Hollis thought. - All the same, the Moon, the Earth, or meteorites will kill him ... One way or another ... "

He brought down his iron fist on the poor man's transparent helmet. The howl broke off. Hollis pushed off the corpse, and it whirled away in its endless fall.

And he, Hollis, was also falling, falling into the void, and everyone else was also spinning in this endless whirlwind of silent falling.

Hollis, are you still alive?

Hollis didn't answer, but his face seemed to heat up.

It's me again, Applegate.

I'm listening.

Let's talk. Anyway, there's nothing to do.

Stop talking! “We need to think about what to do next,” the captain’s voice interrupted their conversation.

Shut up you! Applegate cut him off.

What did you say?!
“You heard me perfectly, Captain. I don't give a damn about your ranks and ranks, you are now ten thousand miles away from me, and there's nothing to play the fool with! As Stimson puts it, we still have so much to fall...

Listen, Applegate!

Get off! I'm starting a riot. I have nothing to lose, damn me! Your ship was a lousy ship and you were its lousy captain. And now, son of a bitch, I want you to crash into the moon and break your neck.

I order you to be quiet!

Come on, give orders. From ten thousand miles away, Applegate chuckled. The captain was silent.
“So what were we talking about, Hollis?” Applegate continued imperturbably, “Oh yes, I remember. I hate you too. You yourself know this very well. You've known for a long time...

Hollis clenched his fists helplessly.

Now I'll tell you something. I'll make you happy a little. You know, I was the one who blew you when you applied for a position at the Rocket Company five years ago.

A meteorite flashed nearby. Hollis looked down - his left hand had been cut off like a knife. Blood was gushing from the suit. The air was rapidly escaping along with it. Holding his breath, with his right hand, he tightly tightened the clasp at the elbow with his left, intercepted the sleeve and restored the tightness. It all happened so fast that he didn't even have time to be surprised. Now nothing could surprise him. The leak was stopped, the suit was filled with air again. Hollis pulled the sleeve even tighter, like a tourniquet, and the blood that had just been pumping like a hose stopped.

During these terrible seconds, he did not make a sound. The rest were talking to each other. One of them - Lesper - chatted incessantly. He boasted that he had one wife on Mars, another on Venus, and another on Jupiter - and they all adore him. And, in general, he had great fun in his lifetime - he drank, played, lived for his own pleasure, and he always had money - “the chickens didn’t peck”!
They kept falling and falling, and he talked and talked. Irresistibly fell into the arms of death, while bathing in sweet memories of his past happy days.

It was all so strange... Emptiness, thousands of miles of emptiness, and voices tremble in this emptiness. Around - not a soul - only the sounds carried by radio waves tremble, oscillate, trying with all their might to excite those who hear them.

Are you mad, Hollis?

He really wasn't angry. Indifference again took possession of him, he was again an insensitive stone falling into nowhere.

You've been trying to get ahead all your life, Hollis. And, probably, did not understand why you are always unlucky. And you were unlucky all the time because I tripped you up before I got kicked out the door myself.

I don't care, Hollis said.

He really didn't care. Everything is left behind. The whole life lived on the verge of its completion resembles a bright film that flashed on the screen - all its victories, passions and disappointments flash for a moment before your eyes, and you don’t have time to shout - this day was happy, but that one was unhappy, now - a sweet face, but a hateful one, as if the film had already ended, and the screen went out.

Life was already behind, and, looking back at it, he regretted only one thing - he wanted to live more and more ... Is it really so for everyone before death - it's time to die, but it seems as if he hadn't lived yet? Is it really true, life is so short - I didn’t have time to breathe, but it’s all over? Interestingly, it seems to everyone so unfairly short - or only to him, here, in the void, when there are only a few hours left to comprehend all this?

And Lespere, meanwhile, continued to chatter:

Believe it or not, I lived to the fullest: my wife is on Mars, my wife is on Venus, and on Jupiter... And all of them are beauties, they all cherished and cherished me. I drank as much as I wanted, and once I squandered twenty thousand in a casino ...

Now you're in trouble, Hollis thought. - I didn't have any of that. I used to envy you, Lesper. While I had something ahead, I envied your love affairs and your fun life. I was afraid of women and, probably, because of this, I went into space, but even here I thought about them all the time and envied that you have a lot of women and a lot of money, and you live carefree and fun. And now, when everything is over, and we are falling, each on its own, I no longer envy you, because now everything is over for you, as if nothing had happened.

Hollis gathered his strength and shouted into the microphone:

It's over, Lesper!

Silence.

Or maybe there was nothing, but Lesper?

It's me, Hollis.

He acted meanly. He felt it, but was impending death any less vile and senseless? Applegate had hurt him, and now he wanted to hurt someone else. In retaliation to Applegate and this ruthless emptiness around.

You're in trouble, like the rest of us, Lespire. Its end. Like there was no life, right?

It is not true!

If it's all over, it's like nothing ever happened. How is your life better than mine now? Now, at this moment? Are you better now than me? It is better?

Yes, better.

The fact that I have something to remember! - Angrily shouted from afar Lesper, with the last of his strength with both hands clinging to memories dear to his heart.

And he was right. Hollis, as if icy water was doused - he realized: Lesper was right. Memories and dreams are not the same thing. He always only dreamed, only wanted everything that Lespir had achieved and what he now remembers... Yes, that's right... This thought tormented Hollis slowly, mercilessly, burning in the most painful place.

Well, now, now, what do you want from all this? he called to Lesper. - If everything is over and over, what joy does it bring? You are no better now than me.

I'm leaving calmly, - said Lespir. - I am happy with my life. And I did not become a scoundrel before death, like you.

Scoundrel? Hollis repeated, tasting the word.

For as long as he could remember, he had never in his life done something mean. He didn't dare. It must be that everything vile and low accumulated in him for the future for such an hour. "Scoundrel" ... - He shoved this word into the farthest corner of his consciousness. Tears welled up in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Someone must have heard him sob.

Don't be upset, Hollis.

Of course it's funny. Just a few minutes ago he had been giving advice to others, reassuring Stimpson - he considered himself a real brave man, but in fact - it was not courage at all - he was just numb, as happens from a strong shock, from shock. And now he is trying to squeeze into the short remaining minutes everything that he has suppressed in himself all his life.

I understand how you feel, Hollis, Lesper's fading voice came to him, now twenty thousand miles separated them. - I'm not angry with you.

“Aren't Lesper and me the same? Hollis asked himself. - Here, now - don't we have one destiny? Everything is over, everything is over once and for all - what is the use of all this, since we are all now dying. But in the depths of his consciousness, he understood the whole pointlessness of such reasoning, similar to an attempt to determine the difference between a living person and a corpse. In the first there is some kind of spark, something mysterious and elusive, but in the other - no.

And Lesper is not at all the same as him: Lesper lived in awe, and now he is completely different, and he, Hollis, has been dead for many years. They went to death by different roads. Death is not the same for everyone - his death and Lesper's death are as different from each other as day and night. It turns out that you can die, just like you live, in a thousand ways, and if you have already died once, what new can you expect from the last and final death.

A second later, his right foot was torn off. He almost burst out laughing. All the air was out of the suit again. Hollis leaned over quickly, blood gushing out as another meteor cut off his leg and suit to the ankle. Yes, this is a funny thing - death in interplanetary space. She, like a real butcher, cuts you into pieces. Hollis twisted the flap tightly around his knee. The pain made him dizzy, he struggled not to lose consciousness; finally, the valve is turned to the full, the blood stopped, the air filled the suit again; and he falls again, falls, the only thing left for him is to fall ...

Hey Hollis?

Hollis nodded sleepily, tired of waiting for death.

It's me again, Applegate," said the same voice.

I had time to think. I heard your conversation with Lesper. All this is not good... We become cruel. It's not good to die like that. Taking your anger out on others... Are you listening to me, Hollis?

What I told you is not true! I didn't fail you. I don't know why I blurted it out. Probably to annoy you. We didn't get along very well before. Looks like I'm aging so fast, so I hasten to repent. You spoke badly with Lesper - and you know, it seems that I felt ashamed too ... In general, all this is nonsense, but you know - I also played the fool. Everything I told you is a complete lie. And... Go to hell!

Hollis felt his heart flutter. For those long five minutes it did not beat at all, and now the blood ran through the veins again. The first shock was over, and now the waves of anger, horror, loneliness were rolling back ... As if you had come out from under a cold shower in the morning and, having had breakfast, are ready to start your new day.

Thanks Applegate.

Stone, are you? Hollis yelled across the universe. Stone was of all - his one true friend!

I was thrown into a meteor swarm - there is a great pile of small asteroids.

What are these meteorites?

It seems to me that this is a group of Myrmidons - they pass by Mars, heading towards Earth once every five years. I landed right in the middle. It's like a huge kaleidoscope. Weird shards. All multi-colored, the most different shapes and sizes. God! How beautiful is that!

Looks like I'm flying with them. I fell into their attraction. Damn me!

He laughed.

No matter how hard Hollis strained his eyes, he couldn't see anything. Only huge rubies and sapphires of stars, emerald nebulae and black velvet of emptiness, and among the crystal spheres the voice of God is heard. How strange, amazing it is - here Stone flies with a meteorite swarm into the cold darkness, beyond the orbit of Mars, in order to return to the Earth every five years - to flash on the earth's sky and disappear again, and so for hundreds and millions of years. From century to century, Stone, together with a swarm of Myrmidons, will fly, forming more and more new patterns, like colored glass in a kaleidoscope, through which you looked at the sun as a boy, shaking the cardboard tube again and again.

Goodbye, Hollis, came Stone's barely audible voice. - See you later!

Good luck to you! Hollis called back from thirty thousand miles away.

Don't make me laugh, - Stone chuckled and disappeared. The stars closed in around.

See you later!

Do not remember dashingly!

Last goodbyes. More and more ... Short, without further ado. A huge brain, lost in the boundless space, fell apart. And these parts of it, which worked so beautifully and harmoniously together until they were united by the skull of a rocket penetrating space, are now dying one by one, destroying the meaning of their common existence. And just as a living being dies when the brain fails, so now the very spirit of the ship was dying, the memory of those long days lived side by side was dying. Applegate is now just a finger torn from the body, there is no need to despise, hate him. The brain exploded, and senseless, useless debris scattered in all directions. The voices died, the space became numb. Hollins stayed with him one-on-one. He falls...

The crew is no more. All voices vanished, as if God had dropped a few words, and a short echo faltered and was lost in the starry abyss. The captain is carried away to the moon, Stone is carried away by a swarm of meteorites. Stimson... Applegate rushing towards Pluto... Smith... Turner... Underwood and all the rest, kaleidoscope pieces of glass, diligently folded into a changeable thinking pattern, now, crumbling, scatter in different directions.

And I? - Hollens thought - what should I do? How can you justify your meaningless, worthless life? What kind of good deed can atone for my meanness, which has been accumulating in me for so many years? Now there is no one around, I am alone - what good can you do when you are all alone? Nothing! Tomorrow evening I will crash into the earth's atmosphere and burn up, scattering ashes over all continents. That's all there is to me. Not much, of course, but still - dust is dust, and it will unite with the Earth.

He fell swiftly, like a bullet, like a stone - calm, completely calm, feeling neither sadness nor joy - nothing ... He wanted only one thing: to do something good now that everything is over, to do at least something good and know that he did it...

"When I hit the air, I'll flare up like a meteor."

I wonder, - he said aloud, - will anyone see me?

A little boy on a country road raised his head and shouted:

Mom, mom, look! Shooting star!

A dazzlingly bright star streaked the sky and sank into twilight somewhere over Illinois.

Make a wish, his mother whispered. - Make a wish now!

MAY-JUNE 2017

Close a window

I lay in bed and was sick from morning to evening. Terribly boring.

In the evening, dad came home from work and brought me a gift - a kaleidoscope. Dad will always bring something like that ... Well, why do I need a kaleidoscope, what am I, a little one?

“Here, brother,” beaming, dad handed me a package with a gift. - Can you use it?

Dad calls me like a man "brother", and gives me all kinds of baby mura.

“Thank you, dad,” I said, pretending to be terribly glad. — Oh, what a thing!

Dad patted my head and explained:

“This, brother, is a kaleidoscope. When I was sick as a child, I always looked into a kaleidoscope so that it would not be sad. You look into the eye. There are beautiful glass patterns.

I looked, what do I feel sorry for, or what? There were no glasses. Clearly, dad was sold a defective item. Normally. Instead of colored glass, I saw in the peephole my own old wallpaper on the wall, faded, with ducklings in the reeds.

- What do you see? Dad asked and smiled broadly.

“Beautiful patterns,” I said, so as not to upset my father.

- Well done! Dad complimented me. - And if you turn the kaleidoscope, the picture will change. This, brother, is a magical thing!

Then mom called dad into the kitchen, and he went out.

“If you turn, the picture will change,” I mimicked dad out of annoyance and put the gift on the bedside table, next to the medicines. I have nothing to do, only look into a useless kaleidoscope, which, moreover, is without glass.

Mom and dad were fighting again in the kitchen.

- And why are you giving him all sorts of nonsense? - quietly angry mother under the menacing hiss of cutlets in a frying pan. - Bring something useful, some book.

- I brought my son a gift from the heart! Papa answered, also quietly, but also angrily. - He's bored! He wants a holiday, bright, colorful, fun! If I sat with him at home, he would not be bored!

- And I have to iron the linen! .. And cook dinner! .. And to the shops! And for an apartment! .. To the clinic! ..

The kettle whistled.

The next day I was again lying and sick. And in the yard there was noise and din. Opposite our windows was a kindergarten. Slides, houses, horses, swings ... And children. Why are they so pissed off? Much louder than usual. But usually they yell so much that you can’t hear car alarms ... Curious, why such a pig squeal?

I crawled out from under the covers and padded to the window, stepping on the ends of the woolen scarf. It is not clear what happened to them there. Everyone crowded in the corner of the site and clamored. Some binoculars would be nice... Such a thing is useful, but we don't have it! It would be better if dad bought binoculars instead of a kaleidoscope yesterday.

I went back to the nightstand and took my dad's gift. Still, the useless kaleidoscope has a peephole, maybe it will be better seen through it.

He sat down on a chair by the window and aimed the blue cylinder at the platform. Wow! Yes, they have fun! One small one climbed a birch and cries, the second crawled towards him and caught something on a branch, neither here nor there. The rest are waving their hands. In, the teacher is running ...

I automatically turned the blue barrel to sharpen it. I forgot that these are not binoculars. Then the blockhead from the upper branch swayed and jumped onto the neighboring maple. Well, just a flying squirrel! Hey class! He grabbed the top of the maple and roared so that I covered the window.

The teacher spread her arms, trying to catch her cheburashkas from the birch and from the maple at the same time. She shouted, too, be-here. I think I know her. Our neighbor, right?

I again mechanically turned the blue tube, without looking up from the peephole. The teacher jumped up like a kangaroo and pulled off the stuck on a birch! In gives! Panther, not a teacher!

In surprise, I spun the kaleidoscope, and the teacher jumped on the maple after another client and threw him onto a rope net, stretched for some reason on the site in the manner of a trampoline. The "flying squirrel" jumped twice and fell silent in the net. Others wishing to jump climbed up to him.

I twisted the kaleidoscope a little more. The super-educator climbed higher on the maple tree, settled herself in the branches like a mermaid, and whimpered, wiping her tears with her fist ...

And then I guessed ... I understood everything! What did dad say? “And if you turn the kaleidoscope, the picture will change. This, brother, is a magical thing! Also, what a magical ... Wow ... My temperature even rose with delight. Wow, toys began to be made ... Yes, with such a kaleidoscope, this can be done! You just have to be careful turning. What else to check?

I climbed back into bed and aimed the blue cylinder of the kaleidoscope at the opposite wall. Turned ... The picture has changed! Through the glass peephole, I saw how the old wallpaper was repainted. Faded ducklings were replaced with cool sailboats, cannons, anchors, rope bays and old maps. This is the only wallpaper I would choose!

I lowered my kaleidoscope hand and stared at the wall. Among the tired ducklings in the pond, a chic sailboat really swam! So…

After half an hour of hard work, I replaced the wallpaper in the entire room. There was no marriage. Sometimes I twisted the tube too sharply, and then it turned out not a sailboat, but a crocodile. And if you turn 180 degrees, then instead of a pond and ducklings in the reeds there will be a desert and camels. So above my table a camel was melancholy chewing on an old map, and a crocodile was at anchor by the closet. But nothing, even cool. I admired my new wallpaper and, like a sick man, fell asleep.

- I told you - auto-mat! - Mom was indignant in syllables. - And you bought things for children! And I need it for a washing machine!

“But this one won’t fit the car, or what?” Dad immediately got angry. - Isn't that washing powder? Well, not cocoa! Why are they so different?

- Yes, they are different, since it is written - for children's things or for a machine gun! Mom scolded. - They won't write in vain!

I quietly got out of bed and walked out into the hallway. In my hand was my precious blue kaleidoscope.

I took aim, aimed a peephole at my mom and dad, and slightly turned the receiver. I tried to act very carefully, I didn’t want to get two crocodiles or camels instead of my parents ...

- And you ... - Mom turned to dad, - ... you are also tired, probably. Excuse me for asking you to come in for this powder. It’s her own fault, I had to run to the store when Vitalik fell asleep, and that’s all ...

“Forgive me,” dad smiled and hugged mom. - I was in a hurry, did not look at the box, grabbed the first one that came across. I hurried home after work. To you.

Mom smiled too. And I plugged the glass eye with my finger so that the picture would not change accidentally, and quietly returned to the room.

I lived happily ever after! The next day, when my sore throat really got to me, I pointed the kaleidoscope at my own neck and slightly turned the tube. The pain is gone.

- Tra-la-la! I sang with joy. - Tra-la-la-la!

Mom came into the room and stared at me.

- What happened to you?

Mom, my throat doesn't hurt! I exclaimed and brought out a whole roulade with my voice.

- Wait, it hurts - it doesn’t hurt ... - my mother looked at me as if I had dyed my hair. Are you singing right now?

- And then who! I agreed cheerfully and sang out with alacrity: “And who, who, who, if not me, if not me!”

“Lemeshev,” my mother said. — Caruso. Robertino Loretti.

She kissed me on the forehead and ran to call her dad.

Since I was no longer sick, I had to go to school. But with my school kaleidoscope, I was no longer afraid.

“And here is the work of Vitaly Karavaev,” said Olga Valeryevna, and with hostility took my dictation from the table. So many mistakes, so many missing commas and unfinished letters! It is necessary to write like this: “The swallow hurt her snout on a thorn bush!” Olga Valerievna waited until the laughter subsided. “You have to re-read what you write, Vitaly. It is, of course, "two" ...

I deftly aimed my miracle kaleidoscope at Olga Valeryevna under the desk and began to turn. - ... it would be, - continued Olga Valerievna. - Yes, it would probably be "two" if Vitalik had not been ill for several days. Of course, he is slightly behind, but he will catch up, he is such a capable boy! I gave you four, Vitalik, - smiled Olga Valeryevna and put my work on my desk. Under the dictation, a fat four flaunted.

Eh! Slightly up to five did not trust! We still need to practice, work, experiment. Magic things - they are, they do not like the lazy.

At recess, I finally decided to sort out my personal life. Looked around. Masha and Polina sat at the first desk. I considered the options and quickly found the right solution.

- Pauline! I wasted no time asking the prettiest girl in the whole class, or even the whole school. - Do you love me?

- Are you crazy, Karavaev? Polina looked at me in surprise and added after a second: “Of course I do.” Is it incomprehensible?

In front of the astonished classmates, she kissed me on the cheek, then on the other, then sat down on my knees and tightly hugged my neck, almost strangled me! There was dead silence in the classroom, and someone could be heard dropping a textbook. I, perhaps, twisted it ... I barely escaped! Leaving the class, I noticed how stunned Masha was. Of course.

Pashka Rublev, of course, was waiting for me behind the school. Just Polina and I went out together. Polina wanted to walk me home, wrap me in a warm blanket and drink rosehip syrup. And here is Pasha! I thought so. They, together with Polina, have already gone to the cinema twice ...

Of course, Pashka was not alone. With two friends from parallel. They saw me - they immediately made a stand. Okay, now the picture will change ...

“Wait for me, please, on the swing, I’ll be quick,” I ordered Polina. She obediently sat down on the seat, excitedly whispered quite a suitable text: “Don’t go, Vitalik, I’m afraid,” and I dropped my backpack so as not to interfere, squeezed a kaleidoscope in my fist and went to sort it out.

About three meters before them, I pointed my weapon, looked through the peephole and immediately turned 180 degrees, why stand on ceremony.

- Go, go, why get up! Pashka was about to yell, taking a step towards me, and the other two also came off the wall and moved towards me. - Go, there is a conversation ...

Here his friends interrupted him. One pushed Pashka in the chest, the other drove the backpack on the back, so Pashka did not fall, but only straightened up, solemnly held out his hand to me and said:

- I'm waiting for you to say an important thing. Let's be friends with you, Vital! You are awesome person!

"I'll think about it," I answered importantly. - I'll look at your behavior.

I looked sternly at the friends, they stretched out along the line, as in physical education. Okay, enough of them. I covered the eye with my finger, put the kaleidoscope in my pocket, and went to the swing.

I have chocolate, would you like it? Pashka called pleadingly after him.

"I'll eat tomorrow," I promised, looking around.

Pashka nodded happily. Polina fell off the swing.

My mother decided to enroll me in the boys' choir. Actually, I wanted to take karate, but we'll figure it out on the spot. Now it costs nothing for me to make a sports section from the choir studio!

Polina follows me like a sewn on! She invited me to the cinema, promised to buy popcorn and cola herself. He asks me what kind of films I like. And I think that I will deal with the film in the hall. If you don't like a cartoon, I'll change it to a comedy or an action movie. The picture is changing!

The weather is bad, the rain is pouring, and the wind, and Polina invited me to the amusement park ... So, now we'll fix it. Now let's wind up a cloudless sky and plus twenty ...

- Mother! I ran out of the room. - Mom, when you did the cleaning, didn’t you see my kaleidoscope ?!

Mom froze for a second with the iron raised, and then slowly shook her head.

- I didn’t see ... What a kaleidoscope?

— Yes, the one that my father gave me last week! I yelled and grabbed my head.

- Vitalechka, I haven’t seen it ... Don’t worry so much, we’ll buy another one ...

But I was already poking at the buttons, typing dad.

“Dad…pick up, dad…dad!” I yelled into the phone. — Have you seen my kaleidoscope?.. Your gift?.. How?! Why did you throw it away?.. No glass pieces... And when?! In the morning… and took out the bucket… Ah… okay, nothing… thank you, dad, no need for another one… Bye, dad.

I went outside and opened my umbrella. There was no janitor, of course, and the door to the trash can was locked. And how would I find it there? Who would let me dig in the garbage?

Complete hopelessness. Gray, wet yard, and this picture will not change. I wandered through the puddles. How to live now? What will I do without my kaleidoscope...

What will i do? Here mom and dad fight - so what? "Never mind! Someone suddenly thought in my head. - Reconcile them. They love each other, so they can be reconciled!” Okay, what about in class? “What about the lessons? Think big deal! You will check yourself, re-read the dictation, learn the paragraph, decide the example yourself. Nonsense! Well, after all, I studied before! ” And the choir? What am I going to do there, it’s singing to the lantern for me! I don't want to sing! “Well, don’t sing, go straight to karate! And you will not interfere with others to sing. And what about Polina? “Do you need her so much, or what, this Polina the peacock? You are bored with her. And anyway, you always really liked Masha, remember? You dreamed of going mountain tourism with her ... There she goes, by the way ... "

Masha really walked towards me across the yard! She saw me and smiled. Blimey! And the rain stopped, and the puddles became blue and sunny! Life is beautiful, no hopelessness! Wow, everything is wonderful, bright! This kaleidoscope completely confused me, turned me into a crook, into a fool! Enough! I myself will live without pictures! I've got it all turned out great. Here comes Masha. And my pocket money turned out to be very handy in my jacket pocket, enough for two movie tickets, and maybe even for popcorn! I waved my hand to Masha, I deftly jumped over the puddle, I straightened my shoulders and closed the useless umbrella, I…

I noticed it by accident. On the playground, on a hill, stood a little boy and looked into a green plastic tube. He stared at me with a glass eye and twisted the green cylinder. He changed the picture ... Then he closed the glass eye with his finger, lowered his hand and smiled from the top of his head.

Green kaleidoscope. Not blue. So not mine. Another kaleidoscope bought from a simple toy store.

- Hey! Masha rejoiced at me. - It's great, we met, it's necessary! Do you live here?

“Yeah…” I answered with difficulty, following the boy. - Great ... Mash, I'm here now ... I urgently need to go to the store, my mother asked ... I'll tell you later ... Well, bye!

I ran into a toy store and almost ran over my aunt with a huge package coming out. There was no time to apologize.

- Kaley ... plank ... py ... is there? I sighed heavily at the counter.

“There are a few,” the saleswoman said.

— Can I... can I first... look into them?

“The goods are packed,” the saleswoman answered gloomily, looking at her watch.

- I ... for everything ... everything, - I decided, pulling money out of my pocket. Rolled coins jingled.

But what if?..

© Nora Gal, translation into Russian, 2012

© Eksmo Publishing LLC, 2012

* * *

The rocket jolted and ripped open like a gigantic can opener had ripped open its side. The people thrown outside were fighting in the void with a dozen silvery fish. They were scattered in the sea of ​​darkness, and the ship, shattered to smithereens, continued on its way - a million fragments, a flock of meteorites, rushing in search of the irretrievably lost Sun.

– Wood! Wood!

– Captain!

“Hollis, Hollis, it's me, Stone!”

"Stone, it's me, Hollis!" Where are you?

- I do not know. How should I know? Where is the top, where is the bottom? I'm falling. Dear God, I'm falling!

They fell. They fell like pebbles into a well. As if they were swept away by one powerful throw. They were no longer people, only voices - very different voices, disembodied, trembling, full of horror or resignation.

We are flying in different directions!

Yes, truth. Hollis, somersaulting through the void, realized it was true. Understood and somehow stupefied reconciled. They part, each has his own way, and nothing will ever unite them again. All of them are in hermetic suits, their pale faces are covered with transparent helmets, but no one has had time to put on a power device. With an energy device behind them, everyone would become a small lifeboat in space, then one could save oneself and come to the aid of others, get together, find each other; they would become a human island and come up with something. And so they are just meteorites, and each senselessly rushes towards its inevitable fate.

It must have been about ten minutes before the first attack of horror subsided and everyone was seized by a numb calm. The void - a huge dark loom - began to weave strange threads, voices converged, diverged, crossed, a clear pattern was determined.

An explosion with a huge can opener ripped open the body of the rocket. People were thrown into space like a dozen fluttering silvery fish. They were scattered in the black ocean, and the ship, disintegrating into a million fragments, flew on, like a swarm of meteors in search of the lost Sun.

Berkeley, Berkeley, where are you?

Wood, Wood!

Captain!

Hollis, Hollis, I'm Stone.

Stone, I'm Hollis. Where are you?

Do not know. Can you understand here? Where is the top? I'm falling. You know, I'm falling.

They fell, fell, like stones fall into a well. They were swept away like twelve sticks thrown up by gigantic force. And now only voices remained from people - dissimilar voices, disembodied and frenzied, expressing varying degrees of horror and despair.

It takes us apart.

And so it was. Hollis, spinning slowly, realized this. Understood and to some extent reconciled. They parted to go their separate ways, and nothing could unite them. Each was protected by a pressurized suit and a glass helmet that draped his pale face, but they hadn't had time to put on their power packs. With small engines, they would be like rescue boats in space, they could save themselves, save others, get together, finding one, the other, the third, and now an island of people has turned out, and some plan has been devised ... And without a power mounted on the shoulder, they are inanimate meteors, and each has its own separate inevitable fate.

About ten minutes passed before the first fright was replaced by a metallic calmness. And so the cosmos began to intertwine unusual voices on a huge black loom; they crossed, scurried, creating a farewell pattern.

Hollis, I'm Stone. How long can we still talk to each other?

It depends on the speed with which you fly away from me, and I away from you.

Something about an hour.

Yes, something like that,” Hollis replied thoughtfully and calmly.

But what happened anyway? he asked after a minute.

The rocket exploded, that's all. It happens with missiles.

Which direction are you flying?

Looks like I'm going to fall on the moon.

And I'm flying to Earth. Home to the old Earth at a speed of sixteen thousand kilometers per hour. I'll burn like a match.

Hollis thought about it with a strange detachment. It was as if he saw himself from the side and watched him fall, fall in space, watched as impassively as the fall of the first snowflakes in winter, a long time ago.

The rest were silent, thinking about the fate that brought them this: you fall, you fall, and nothing can be changed. Even the captain was silent, because he could not give any order, could not come up with any plan to make everything the same.

Oh, how long to fly down. Oh, how long to fly, how long, long, long to fly down, - someone's voice said. -I don't want to die, I don't want to die, fly down for a long time...

Who is it?

Do not know.

Must be Stimson. Stimson, is that you?

How long, how long, no strength. Lord, no strength.

Stimson, I'm Hollis. Stimson, can you hear me?

A pause, and everyone falls, and all apart.

Stimson.

Yes. - Finally answered.

Stimson, pull yourself together, it's hard for all of us.

I don't want to be here. Anywhere but here.

We can still be found.

They must find me, they must find me,” said Stimson. - This is not true, what is happening now is not true.

Bad dream, someone said.

Shut up!” shouted Hollis.

And for the first time Hollis felt the unbearability of his situation. He choked with rage, because at that moment he wanted more than anything in the world to get even with Applegate. He's dreamed of getting even for years, and now it's too late, Applegate is just a voice in headphones.

They fell, fell, fell...

Two of them began to scream, as if only now they realized the whole horror, the whole nightmare of what was happening. Hollis saw one of them: he swam past him, very close, without ceasing to scream, scream ...

Stop it!

Very close, you can reach out with your hand, and everything screams. He won't shut up. He will scream for a million kilometers while the radio is working, he will poison everyone's soul, he will not let them talk to each other.

Hollis held out his hand. It will be better this way. He tensed and reached for it. He grabbed his ankle and began to pull himself along the body until he reached the head. The cosmonaut was screaming and feverishly paddling with his arms, as if he were drowning. The scream filled the entire universe.

One way or another, Hollis thought. Either the Moon or the Earth or the meteors will kill him, why wait?

He shattered his glass helmet with his iron fist. The scream choked. Hollis pushed off the body, letting it tumble further, fall further down its path.

Falling, falling, falling into space, Hollis and everyone else gave themselves up to a long, endless spin and fall through the silence.

Hollis, are you still alive?

Hollis didn't say anything, but felt his face heat up.

It's Applegate again.

What about you, Applegate?

Let's talk, shall we? There's nothing else to do anyway.

The captain intervened.

Enough. We must think of some way out.

Hey, captain, would you be silent, huh? Applegate said.

What I heard. I didn’t give a damn about your rank, you are now sixteen thousand kilometers away, and let’s not make a laughing stock of ourselves. As Stimson said: we still have a long way to go down.

Applegate!

Ah, shut up. I declare a one-man revolt. I have nothing to lose, not a damn thing. Your ship was crappy and you were a bad captain, and I hope you break your neck when you hit the moon.

I command you to shut up!

Come on, come on, give orders. Applegate smiled sixteen thousand miles away. The captain is silent. Applegate continued, "So where did we stop, Hollis?" Ah, I remembered. I can't stand you either. Yes, you yourself know about it. You've known for a long time.

Hollis clenched his fists helplessly.

Listen to what I say, - Applegate did not let up. - I will please you. I arranged it so that you weren't hired by the Rocket Company five years ago.

A meteor flashed by. Hollis looked down: his left hand was gone. Blood spattered. Instantly, all the air was expelled from the suit. But there was still a reserve in his lungs, and Hollis managed to turn the lever at the left elbow with his right hand; cuff shrunk and closed the hole. It all happened so fast that he didn't have time to be surprised. As soon as the leak stopped, the air in the suit returned to normal. And the blood that gushed out so violently stopped when he turned the lever even more strongly - it turned out to be a tourniquet.

All this took place in the midst of oppressive silence. The rest chatted. One of them, Lesper, you know, was talking about his wife on Mars, his wife on Venus, his wife on Jupiter, about his money, adventures, drinking, games and happy times. Chattered endlessly as they continued to fall. Flying towards death, he reminisced and was happy.

How strange it all is. Space, thousands of space kilometers - and voices vibrate in space. No one is visible, only radio waves pulsate, excite people.

Are you mad, Hollis?

He didn't really get angry. The detachment returned, and he became an insensitive block of concrete, forever falling into nowhere.

You've been climbing all your life, Hollis. And he couldn't understand what happened. And it was me who put the foot on you just before they kicked me out myself.

It doesn't matter, Hollis replied.

Quite right. All this has passed. When life has passed, it is like a flash of a movie frame, one moment on the screen; for a moment all passions and prejudices condensed and formed a projection onto the cosmos, but before you had time to exclaim: “That day is happy, and that unfortunate one, this is an evil face, and that is kind,” the tape turned to ashes, and the screen went out.

Finding himself at the extreme boundary of his life and looking back, he regretted only one thing: he just wanted to live more. Maybe all the dying / feel like they never lived? We didn’t have time to breathe properly, as everything has already flown by, the end? Does life seem so unbearably fleeting to everyone - or only to him, here, now, when there is only an hour or two left for reflection and reflection?

Well, I lived to my heart's content. One wife on Mars, the second on Venus, the third on Jupiter. Everyone with money, everyone groomed me. He drank as much as he liked, once he lost twenty thousand dollars.

"But now you're here," thought Hollis. space, but he dreamed about them and envied you with your women, money and wild joys.And now, when everything is behind and I'm falling down, I don't envy you in anything, because everything has passed, for you, for me, Now it's like nothing ever happened." Bowing his head, Hollis shouted into the microphone:

It's all gone, Lesper!

Silence.

As if there was nothing, Lesper!

He's a scoundrel. Meanness entered his soul, the senseless meanness of a dying man. Applegate hurt him, now he's trying to hurt someone himself. Applegate and the cosmos both hurt him.

Now you're here, Lesper. Everything is gone. And there was absolutely nothing, right?

When it's all gone, it's like it never happened. How is your life better than mine now? Now, that's what's important. Are you better than me? Well?

Yes, better!

What is this?

I have my memories, I remember! Lesper cried out somewhere far, far away, indignantly clutching his precious memories with both hands to his chest.

And he's right. Hollis felt as if he had been doused with cold water. Lesper is right. Memories and desires are not the same thing. He only has dreams of what he would like to do, Lesper has memories of what has been fulfilled and accomplished. The consciousness of this turned into a slow, subtle torture, tormented Hollis mercilessly, inexorably.

And what do you get from this? he called to Lesper. - Now then? What is the joy of what was and what was overgrown? You are in the same position as me.

I have peace of mind,” said Lesper. - I took mine. And did not hit the end in meanness, like you.

meanness? Hollis turned the word over on his tongue.

For as long as he could remember, he had never been mean, never dared to be mean. Not otherwise, saving up all these years for such an occasion. "Meanness". He pressed the word into the depths of his consciousness. He felt tears well up in his eyes and roll down his cheeks. Someone heard his voice intercepted.

Don't freak out, Hollis.

Actually, it's funny. I had just given advice to others, to Stimson, I felt courage in myself, taking it at face value, and this was just a shock and - the detachment that is possible with shock. Now he was trying to cram into a few minutes the feelings he had suppressed for a lifetime.

I understand, Hollis, what's on your mind, - sounded the fading voice of Lesper, to which now it was already thirty thousand kilometers. - I'm not offenced.

“But aren’t we equal, Lesper and I?” he wondered. “Here, now? However, he knew that he was simplifying: it was like trying to tell the difference between a living person and a corpse. The first has a spark that the second does not have, an emanation, something elusive.

So it is with Lesper: Lesper lived a full-blooded life, but he, Hollis, did not live for many years. They came to death by different paths, and if death is of different kinds, then their deaths, in all probability, will differ from each other, like day and night. Death, like life, has many different facets, and if you have already died once, why do you need the final death, once and for all, what kind of death awaits him now?

A second later, he discovered that his right foot had been cut clean off. Just laugh right now. All the air was out of the suit again. He quickly bent down: well, of course, blood, a meteor cut off his leg to the ankle. You can't say anything, this cosmic death has its own idea of ​​humor. Cuts you apart like an invisible black butcher. The pain swirled his head like a whirlwind, and, trying not to lose consciousness, he tightened the lever on his knee, stopped the bleeding, restored air pressure, straightened up and continued to fall, fall - there was nothing else left.

He nodded sleepily, weary of waiting for death.

I thought. Heard what you said. It doesn't fit like that. What are we turning ourselves into? An unworthy death is obtained. We pour all the bile on each other. Are you listening, Hollis?

I lied. Just. Lied. I didn't give you a leg up. I don't know why I said that. Apparently, he wanted to hurt you. Exactly you. You and I have always competed. You see - as life is coming to an end, you are in a hurry to repent. It is evident that your evil caused me shame. Either way, I want you to know that I've been acting stupid too. In what I told you, not a penny of truth, And go to hell.

Hollis felt his heartbeat again. For five minutes it seemed to not work, but now the limbs began to come to life, to warm up. The shock passed, the attacks of rage, horror, loneliness also passed. As if he had just taken a cold shower, breakfast and a new day are ahead.

Thanks Applegate.

Not worth it. Keep your head up, you old rascal.

Hey, Stone entered.

What do you want? Hollis called across the vastness of space; Stone was his best friend on the ship.

Caught in a meteor swarm, such nice little asteroids.

Meteors?

These are probably Myrmidons, they fly past Mars to Earth once every five years. It got me into the thick of it. Around like a huge kaleidoscope ... Here you have all the colors, sizes, shapes. Wow, what a beauty, this metal!

I'm flying with them, - Stone spoke again. - They captured me. What the hell!

He laughed.

Hollis strained his eyes, but saw nothing. Only large diamonds and sapphires, emerald nebulae and velvet ink of the cosmos, and the voice of the Almighty resounds between the crystal reflections. This is fabulous, amazing: together with a stream of meteors, Stone will rush somewhere behind Mars for many years and return to Earth every fifth year, for a million centuries it will either appear in the field of view of the planet, then disappear again. Stone and Myrmidons, eternal and imperishable, changeable and impermanent, like colors in a kaleidoscope - a long tube that you pointed at the sun and twisted as a child.

Happily! Hollis called after fifty thousand miles.

Don't be ridiculous, - said Stone and disappeared.

The stars are getting closer.

Cheer up.

Goodbye Hollis. - This is Applegate.

Numerous: "Goodbye." Jerky:

"Goodbye". The big brain was falling apart. Pieces of the brain that worked so wonderfully in the cranium of a rocketship hurtling through space were dying one by one; exhausted the meaning of their coexistence. And just as the body dies when the brain ceases to function, so does the spirit of the ship, and the weeks and months spent together, and everything that they meant to each other, all came to an end. Applegate was now nothing more than a torn finger; cannot be succumbed, cannot be despised. The brain exploded, and the dead worthless fragments were scattered, you can’t collect it. The voices are silent, the whole cosmos is silent. Hollis fell alone.

They all found themselves alone. Their voices died, like an echo of the words of the Almighty, spoken and resounded in the starry abyss. There the captain flew to the moon, there the meteor swarm carried off Stone, there Stimson, there Applegate on the way to Pluto, there Smith, Turner, Underwood and all the rest; the glass pieces of the kaleidoscope, which had been an animated pattern for so long, were scattered in all directions.

And me, thought Hollis. What can I do? Is there anything else I can do to make up for the terrifying emptiness of my life? With one good deed, to make amends for the meanness that I have accumulated for so many years, not suspecting that it lives in me! But because there is no one here but me, and is it possible to do a good deed alone? It is impossible. Tomorrow evening I will enter the Earth's atmosphere.

"I will burn," he thought, "and crumble into dust over all the continents. I will be useful. A little bit, but dust is dust, more land will be added."

He fell quickly, like a bullet, like a stone, like an iron weight, renounced everything, completely renounced. No sadness, no joy in the soul, nothing, only the desire to do a good deed now that everything is over, a good deed that he alone will know about.

When I enter the atmosphere, Hollis thought, I'll burn up like a meteor.

I wish I knew, he said, will anyone see me?

The boy on the country road raised his head and exclaimed:

Look mom, look! The star is falling!

A bright white star flew in the twilight sky of Illinois.

Make a wish, his mother said. - Make a wish.

The rocket jolted and ripped open like a gigantic can opener had ripped open its side. The people thrown outside were fighting in the void with a dozen silvery fish. They were scattered in the sea of ​​darkness, and the ship, smashed to smithereens, continued on its way - a million fragments, a flock of meteorites, rushing in search of the irretrievably lost Sun.

Wood! Wood!

Captain!

Hollis, Hollis, it's me, Stone!

Stone, it's me, Hollis! Where are you?

Do not know. How should I know? Where is the top, where is the bottom? I'm falling. Dear God, I'm falling!

They fell. They fell like pebbles into a well. As if they were swept away by one powerful throw. They were no longer people, only voices - very different voices, disembodied, tremulous, full of horror or resignation.

We are flying in different directions.

Yes, truth. Hollis, somersaulting through the void, realized it was true. Understood and somehow stupefied reconciled. They part, each has his own way, and nothing will ever unite them again. All of them are in airtight spacesuits, their pale faces are covered with transparent helmets, but no one has had time to put on a power device. With an energy device behind them, everyone would become a small lifeboat in space, then one could save oneself and come to the aid of others, get together, find each other; they would become a human island and come up with something. And so they are just meteorites, and each senselessly rushes towards its inevitable fate. It must have been about ten minutes before the first attack of horror subsided and everyone was seized by a numb calm. Emptiness - a huge gloomy loom - began to weave strange threads, voices converged, diverged, crossed, a clear pattern was determined.

Hollis, I'm Stone. How long can we talk on the radio?

It depends on how fast you fly in your direction, and I - in mine.

I think another hour.

Yes, perhaps, - Hollis replied dispassionately, detachedly.

What happened? he asked a minute later.

Our rocket exploded, that's all. It happens with missiles.

Which direction are you flying?

Looks like I'm going to hit the moon.

And I'm in the Earth. Returning to Mother Earth at ten thousand miles an hour. I'll burn like a match.

Hollis thought about it with startling detachment. It was as if he separated from his own body and watched how it falls, falls in the void, looked indifferently, from the side, as once, in time immemorial, in winter, at the first falling snowflakes.

The rest were silent and thought about what happened to them, and fell, fell, and could not change anything. Even the captain fell silent, because he did not know such a command, such a plan of action that could correct what had happened.

Oh, how far to fall! How far to fall, far, far, - someone's voice was heard. - I don't want to die, I don't want to die, how far to fall...

Who is it?

Do not know.

Probably Stimson. Stimson, are you?

Far, far away, I don't want to. Oh my God, I don't want that!

Stimson, it's me, Hollis. Stimson, can you hear me? Silence, they fall one by one, who goes where.

Stimson!

Yes? - finally responded.

Don't be upset, Stimson. We all got stuck in the same way.

I don't like it here. I want to get out of here.

Maybe they'll find us.

Let them find me, let them find me,” said Stimson. - Not true, I do not believe it could not happen.

Well, yes, it's just a bad dream, someone put in.

Shut up! Hollis said.

Come here and shut my throat,” the same voice suggested. It was Applegate. He laughed - even cheerfully, as if nothing had happened: - Go and shut my throat!

And Hollis felt for the first time how unimaginably powerless he was. Blind rage filled him, more than anything he wanted to get to Applegate. For many years I dreamed of getting to him, and now it's too late. Now Applegate is just a voice in a headset.

You fall, you fall, you fall...

And suddenly, as if only now the full horror of what had happened was revealed to them, two of those who were being carried away into space burst into a desperate scream. As in a nightmare, Hollis saw: one swims very close and yells, yells ...

Stop!

It seemed that the screaming one could be reached by hand, it came out with an insane, inhuman scream. He will never stop. This cry will be heard for millions of miles, as far as radio waves reach, and it will exhaust the soul of everyone, and they will not be able to talk to each other.

Hollis held out his hands. It will be better this way. One more effort and he touched the screaming one. Grabbed by the ankle, pulled himself up, now they are face to face. He screams, clings to him senselessly and wildly, like a drowning man. An insane scream fills the universe.

“Is it so, is it,” Hollis thinks, “The moon, or the Earth, or meteorites will kill him anyway, so why not now?”

He brought down an iron fist on the transparent helmet of the madman. The howl broke off. Hollis pushes away from the corpse - and he, circling, flies away and falls.

And Hollis falls, falls into the void, and the others are also carried away in a long whirlwind of an endless, silent fall.

Hollis, are you still alive?

Hollis doesn't respond, but his face heats up.

It's me again, Applegate.

Let's talk. There's nothing to do anyway.

The captain interrupts him:

Enough chatting. We need to think about how to proceed.

Would you shut up, Captain? Applegate asks.

You heard me perfectly, captain. Do not frighten me with your rank and rank, you are now ten thousand miles from me, and there is nothing to break a comedy. As Stimson puts it, we have a long way to fall.

Listen, Applegate!

Get off you. I'm starting a riot. I have nothing to lose, damn it. Your ship was useless, and you were a useless captain, and I wish you crash into the moon and break your neck.

I command you to shut up!

Go ahead and order. From ten thousand miles away, Applegate chuckled. The captain was silent. "What the hell were we talking about, Hollis?" Applegate continued. - Oh, yes, I remember. I hate you too. Yes, you know it yourself. You've known for a long time.

Hollis clenched his fists helplessly.

Now I'll tell you something. You can rejoice. I was the one who blew you when you applied for a position at the Rocket Company five years ago.

A meteorite flashed nearby. Hollis lowered his eyes - his left hand was cut off like a knife. Gushing blood. The air immediately escaped from the suit. But, holding his breath, he tightened the clasp at the elbow with his left hand, intercepted the sleeve and restored the tightness. Everything happened instantly, he did not have time to be surprised. Nothing could surprise him anymore. The leak was stopped, the spacesuit was immediately filled with air again. Hollis pulled the sleeve even tighter, like a tourniquet, and the blood that had just gushed out, as if from a hose, stopped.

During those terrible seconds, not a sound escaped his lips. The rest were talking all the time. One - Lespir - chatted incessantly: he, they say, has a wife on Mars, and another on Venus, and also a wife on Jupiter, and chickens do not peck money, and he had a lot of fun in his lifetime - he drank, played, lived for his own pleasure . They fell, and he kept cracking and cracking his tongue. He fell to his death and indulged in memories of past happy days.

Everything is so strange. Emptiness, thousands of miles of emptiness, and in the very core of it voices tremble. Not a soul is visible, only radio waves tremble, oscillate, trying to excite people as well.

Are you mad, Hollis?

In fact, he wasn't angry. Indifference again took possession of him, he was like an insensible stone, endlessly falling into nothingness.

You've been trying to get ahead all your life, Hollis. And I didn't understand why you're always unlucky. It was I who blacklisted you before I got kicked out the door myself.

It doesn't matter, Hollis said.

He really didn't care. All this is behind. When life is over, it is like a bright film that flashed on the screen - all prejudices, all passions flashed for a moment before your eyes, and before you have time to shout - that was a happy day, but an unhappy one, that's a sweet face, but a hated one - like a film already burned to the ground and the screen went out.

Life was left behind, and, looking back, he regretted only one thing - he still wanted to live and live. Is it really like this with everyone before death - you die, but it seems as if you did not live? Is life really so short - I didn’t have time to breathe, but it’s all over? Does it really seem so unthinkably short to everyone - or just eat here, in the void, when a few hours are left for that. in order to think and comprehend everything?

And Lespir, you know, was talking his own:

Well, I lived well: a wife on Mars, and a wife on Venus, and Jupiter. And all of them - they had money and they all pleased me so much. I drank as much as I wanted, and once I lost twenty thousand dollars in cards

“And now you're in trouble,” thought Hollis. “I didn't have any of that. While I was alive, I envied you, Lespir. While I had something ahead, I envied your love affairs and fun life. Women scared me, and I fled into space, but all the time I thought about women's tires and envied that you have a lot of them, and a lot of money and you live recklessly and cheerfully. and for you now it's all over, as if nothing happened"

Hollis craned his neck and shouted into the microphone:

Its end. Lespir!

Silence.

As if nothing had happened, Lespir!

It's me, Hollis.

He acted meanly. He felt that it was vile, senseless and vile to die. Applegate had hurt him, now he wanted to hurt someone else. Applegate and the Void had both severely wounded him.

You're in trouble, like the rest of us, Lespire. Its end. Like there was no life, right?

Not true.

When it's all over, it's the same as if nothing had happened. How is your life better than mine now? Now, this minute, that's what matters. Are you better now than me? Better, huh?

Yes, better.

What is it?

But those! I have something to remember! - Lespire shouted angrily from afar, clinging to his dear memories with both hands

And he was right. Hollis felt like ice-cold water, and he knew that Lespir was right. Memories and dreams are not the same thing. He always only dreamed, only wanted everything that Lespir had achieved and what he now remembers. Yes, that's right. This thought tormented Hollis slowly, ruthlessly, cutting at the most painful place.

Well, now, now, what is the joy of this for you? he called to Lespire. - If something has passed and is over, what joy does it bring? You are no better now than me.

I die in peace, - said Lespir. - There was a holiday on my street. I did not become a scoundrel before death, like you.

Scoundrel? Hollis repeated, as if tasting the word.

For as long as he could remember, never in his life had he done something mean. He just didn't dare. It must be that everything that was vile and base in him was accumulated for future use for such an hour. "Scoundrel" - he drove this word into the farthest corner of his consciousness. Tears welled up in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. Someone must have heard his breath taken away.

Don't be upset, Hollis.

Of course, this is just ridiculous. Just a few minutes ago he had been advising others, Stimson; he seemed to himself a real brave man, but it turns out that this is not courage at all, he just became numb, this happens from a strong shock, from shock. And now he is trying to squeeze into the short remaining minutes the excitement that he has suppressed in himself all his life.

I understand how you feel, Hollis, - Lespire's voice came faintly, now twenty thousand miles separated them, - I'm not offended by you.

“But aren't Lespire and I equals? - Asked himself Hollis - Here, now - don't we have one destiny? What has passed is over once and for all - and what joy from it? So and so die. But he himself understood that these arguments were empty, as if you were trying to determine the difference between a living person and a dead person - In one there is some kind of spark, something mysterious, elusive, and in the other - no.

So Lespir is not the same as he is: Lespir lived a full life - and now he is completely different, and he himself, Hollis, has been as dead for many years now. They went to death by different roads - and if death is not the same for everyone, then one must think that his death and Lespir's death will be completely different, like day and night. It can be seen that dying, like living, can be done in a thousand ways, and if you have already died once, what good can you expect from the last and final death?

A second later, his right foot was cut off. He almost laughed. All the air was out of the suit again. Hollis bent down quickly - blood was gushing, a meteorite tore off his leg and ankle-length suit. Yes, it's a funny thing - death in interplanetary space. She cuts you to pieces like an invisible evil butcher. Hollis turned the valve tight around his knee, his head spinning with pain, he struggled not to pass out; finally, the valve is turned to the full, the blood stopped, the air filled the suit again; and he straightened up and falls again, only this falls to him and remains - to fall.

Hey Hollis!

Hollis nodded sleepily, tired of waiting.

I've thought about it. Listened to what you say. All this is bad. We become bad. It's bad to die like that. Taking it out on others Are you listening to me, Hollis?

I lied to you before. Lied. I didn't fail you. I don't know why I blurted it out. Probably to annoy you. There's something about you that always wanted to annoy you. We didn't always get along. Probably, I am aging so quickly, so I hasten to repent. I listened to how vilely you spoke with Lespire, and I felt ashamed, or something. In general, it doesn’t matter, only you know, I also played the fool. Everything I've said before is a complete lie. And go to hell.

Hollis felt his heart begin to beat again. It seemed that for a long five minutes it did not beat at all, and now again the blood ran through the veins. The first shock had passed, and now the waves of anger, horror, loneliness were rolling back. As if he came out from under a cold shower in the morning, ready to have breakfast and start a new day.

Thanks Applegate.

Do not mention it. Keep your nose up, you son of a bitch!

It's you?! Hollis yelled at the entire universe.

Stone is one of them all - a true friend!

I was thrown into a meteor swarm, there are a lot of small asteroids.

What are meteorites?

I think a group of Myrmidons, they pass Mars to Earth once every five years. I landed right in the middle. It looks like a huge kaleidoscope. Metal fragments of all colors, the most different shapes and sizes. Oh, and beauty!

I fly with them. They dragged me away. Oh, damn me!

He laughed.

Hollis strained his eyes, but he couldn't see anything. Only huge diamonds, and sapphires, and emerald fogs, and the inky velvet of emptiness, and among the crystal sparks, the voice of God is heard. How strange, amazing to imagine: here Stone flies away with a meteor swarm, beyond the orbit of Mars, flies for years, and every five years returns to Earth, flashes in the earth's sky and disappears again, and so for hundreds and millions of years. Without end, and forever and ever, Stone and the swarm of Myrmidons will fly, forming more and more new patterns, like colorful pieces of glass in a kaleidoscope, which the boy admired, looking at the sun, shaking the cardboard tube again and again.

See you soon, Hollis, - Stone's voice was barely audible. - See you later!

Happily! Hollis called from thirty thousand miles away.

Don't be ridiculous, - said Stone and disappeared.

The stars closed in around.

See you later!

Do not worry!

More and more goodbyes. Short, without unnecessary words. And now the huge brain, no longer closed in unity, falls apart. They all worked so well together, with such brilliance, while they were united by the skull of a space-piercing rocket, and now one by one they are dying; the meaning of their common existence is destroyed. And just as a living being dies as soon as the brain fails, so now the very spirit of the ship perished, and the long days lived side by side, and everything that people meant to each other. Applegate is now just a finger torn from the body, there is no longer any reason to despise him, to resist him. The brain exploded - and senseless, useless fragments scattered in all directions. The voices died away, and now the emptiness is dumb. Hollis is alone, he falls

Everyone was left alone Their voices disappeared, as if a god had dropped a few words, and a short echo trembled and was lost in the starry abyss. Here the captain is carried away to the moon; here is Stone among a swarm of meteorites; and there Stimson and there Applegate flies to Pluto; and Smith, Turner. Underwood and all the rest are pieces of glass in a kaleidoscope, they have been forming a changeable thinking pattern for so long, and now they are scattered all apart, one by one

"And I? Hollis thought. - What should I do? How now to atone for a terrible, empty life? At least one good deed would atone for my meanness, it had been accumulating in me for so many years, but I didn’t even suspect! But now there's no one around, I'm alone - what good can you do when you're all alone? You can't do anything, and tomorrow night I will crash into the earth's atmosphere.

And burn, he thought. - and scatter ashes over all continents. That's the benefit of me Just a little, but still dust is dust and it will unite with the Earth.

He fell swiftly, like a bullet, like a pebble, like a weight, calm now, completely calm, feeling neither sadness nor joy - nothing; he wanted only one thing: to do something good now that everything is over, to do at least something good and to know I did it ...

"When I hit the air, I'll flare up like a meteor."

I would like to know, he said aloud, will anyone see me?

A little boy on a country road raised his head and screamed.

Mom, look, look! Falling star!

A dazzlingly bright star streaked the sky and sank into twilight over Illinois.

Make a wish, mother said. - Make a wish soon!

Translation from English by Nora Gal.