Popular psychology says that all you need to be successful is to love yourself. Like, do not expect sympathy from others if you yourself do not send joyful kisses to the reflection in the morning. A stream of inspirational quotes from Miranda Kerr's Instagram certainly sounds compelling. But what to do if the shape of your ears does not leave the slightest chance to experience an ardent feeling for yourself? Even when I turn to the mirror with the winning side (three-quarters) and look bold and defiant, Miranda Kerr is not visible. But there are vague associations with my aunt on my father's side. She, by the way, is paralyzed on the left side of her face.

Narcissistic symbolism

First advice: no criticism, only kind words addressed to you. Even if you ate brisket
after eight. But when I try to slap on myself the phrase “I am the most charming and attractive”, instead of the desired happiness, I feel only annoyance. “It is not surprising,” Oksana Timofeeva, a psychotherapist and coach, encouraged, “affirmations bring us closer to a hypnotic state, but do not affect unconscious processes. In other words, positive phrases will help to strengthen self-confidence a little, but will not solve a deeper problem. There is another, intricate way to be kind to yourself without these hypnosis tricks. “Be grateful for everything you have, and there will be more happiness in life,” advises Rhonda Byrne, author of the book Magic, in an article on the site with a flying Buddha. I immediately realized that this is not the best method to increase breasts, but I must try! Thank you, world, for sending me such willpower! And for the cat, by the way, too. The next day, something really arrived - cat hair on the carpet. Although after a couple of days I noticed that close attention to positive little things still cheers me up. Not too bad for a start.

To come to inner harmony, ask yourself: “What do I really want? What am I when I don't have to pretend? Does other people's opinion really matter?

Children's surprise

Another expert, psychologist and writer Ken Page, advises: identify the traits that you were ashamed of as a child and that you are ashamed of now, realize that they are the basis of your personality, and develop them. "What? Start biting your nails again? I wonder, but Ken seems to be hinting at charisma. He believes that we impress other people not by our appearance or behavior, but by our attitude towards ourselves and the world. Do you want to become a bundle of positivity? Dig out from the depths of your soul the real you, not clogged with parents, men, boss. Over lunch in a cafe, it occurred to me that childish spontaneity is an important part of my personality. I made a catapult out of a spoon and sent the beans to visit at the next table. It is a pity that the neighbor did not notice my acting charisma, and in general did not approve of the psychological recipe.

Popular

But I didn't give up. Moreover, Margaret Paul, psychologist and author of the book “Internal Communication”, also addresses the convenient topic of childhood: “Imagine that you are a baby and treat yourself like a child: listen carefully, immediately fulfill all his desires, remind him how he important to you
do not skimp on affection. My first need was to lie on the couch with ice cream. “Then you won’t get sweets for dinner!” I severely shook my finger at myself, but immediately corrected myself: “Ay-ay, who has such beautiful hands here?” The cat looked at me suspiciously. From now on, I decided to be more careful about showing my inner adult and child, and thanks to this, it turned out that when you pay attention to all your barely audible “I want” and “I won’t”, you feel a little more harmonious.

Charismatic Feeling

After a couple of weeks, the reflection in the mirror began to wink at me in the morning. Probably, the habit of thanking the cat for the torn sofa and not scolding little Inna for wanting to sleep until eleven had an effect. Or is it that the connection between our self-confidence and external attractiveness does not exist at all? This conclusion was reached about 20 years ago by researchers Edward Diener and Brian Volsik. Their experiment showed that even beautiful people sometimes consider themselves ugly ducklings, and those whom nature has not endowed with cuteness can feel like sex bombs.

But then why do we think of ourselves in this way and not otherwise? Experts believe that it's all about our habit of looking at others. From childhood, we believe everything our parents say and no longer question judgments about our appearance or character. But cognitive psychologist Oksana Fadeeva disagrees: “An adult differs from a child in that he can independently form ideas about himself. To do this, evaluate how useful each belief is for you, whether it helps you become better. If not, you don't have to accept it." Probably, psychologists do not eat their bread in vain. And let me still not
I dance with happiness in front of the mirror, yet I learn to forgive myself for minor weaknesses, not the most successful remarks on a date and that dance at a corporate party. After all, there is no other such Inna in the Universe.

You don't love yourself if:

• You criticize your own appearance. You never get tired of scolding the reflection in the mirror even for minor flaws.
• You constantly compare yourself to others. This is normal, but personal success should not seem unimportant "in the background."
• Putting others first: "Julia is more beautiful", "Yura is smarter."
• It's hard for you to express your opinion. Do you suffer from the little man syndrome? Bad sign.
• You make decisions based on the wishes of others. You ignore interests, thinking about the benefits not for yourself, but for your parents, men, children, girlfriends.

How to learn to love yourself:

Embrace your negative traits. Nobody is perfect, but everyone has the right to be themselves. For this we are born into the world.

Don't twist. Don't take sadness to heart. What matters is not what happens, but how you feel about it.

Develop patience. Healthy Zen doesn't hurt. Do not trade for irritation, save energy for joy.

Love yourself now, not in the future. You can wait forever for the moment when you lose weight / become a star / boss. Don't live on a draft.

Do not blame yourself. If you did wrong, take it as an experience.

1. The first secret is the POWER OF THOUGHT
- Love begins with thoughts.
We become what we think. Loving thoughts create a loving life and loving relationships.

2.Secret Two: THE POWER OF RESPECT
- To love someone, learn to respect him first.
- First of all, you need to respect yourself.

3.Secret Three: THE POWER OF GIVING
- If you want to receive love, you just need to give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive.
- To love - means to give a part of yourself, without payment and reservations. Practice showing kindness just for the sake of it.
- The secret formula of love is to always pay attention not to what you can take, but to what you can give.

4.Secret Four: THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP
- To find true love, you must first find a true friend.
- To love means not to look at each other, but to look at the world together in the same direction.

5.Secret Five: THE POWER OF TOUCH
- Touch is one of the most powerful manifestations of love, breaking down barriers and strengthening relationships.
- Touch changes the physical and emotional state and makes people more receptive to love.
- Touch can help heal the body and warm the heart. When you open your arms, you open your heart.

6.Secret Six: THE POWER OF THE "GIVE FREEDOM" PRINCIPLE
- If you love someone, set him free. If he comes back to you, he is yours, if not, he was never yours.
“Even in true love relationships, people need their own space.
- If you want to learn to love, you first need to learn to forgive and free yourself from past grievances, sorrows, fears, prejudices and reservations.

7. Secret Seven: THE POWER OF COMMUNICATION
- When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes.
- To love someone means to communicate with him.
- Let people know that you love and appreciate them.
- Never be afraid to say these three magic words: "I love you."
- Never miss an opportunity to praise someone.
- Always leave a word of love for the one you love - maybe you see it for the last time.

8. Secret Eight: The Power of Devotion
- For love to be true, you need to be devoted to it, and this devotion will be reflected in thoughts and actions.
- Loyalty and fidelity is a real test of love.
- To have a relationship of love, one must be committed to that relationship.
- Loyalty distinguishes a strong relationship from a fragile one.

9.Secret Nine: THE POWER OF FEELING
- Feelings support the fire of love and do not let it die out. Intense feelings of love are characterized by deep devotion, enthusiasm, interest, and joyful excitement.
- Feelings can be rekindled by recreating past situations when feelings were inflamed.
- Spontaneity and surprises give rise to reciprocal feelings.

10.Secret Ten: THE POWER OF TRUST
- Trust is vital to a loving relationship. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and full of fear, while the other feels emotionally trapped, it seems to him that he is not allowed to breathe freely.
You can't really love someone if you don't trust them completely.
- One way to decide if a person is right for you is to ask yourself: "Do I trust him completely and without reservations?"

The word "love" is used, perhaps more often than necessary. We all want to share love, receive love, feel loved. It is the driving force in our lives. But the word itself has so many different versions and shades that its meaning has become quite subjective: "If you love me, you will do what I ask ...". We are constantly finding ways to measure someone's love - and our own - and use it to our advantage. Love is used as a cover for fear, insecurity, emptiness and deep issues that we have yet to resolve within ourselves. Are we so far from the real meaning of love that we do not always know what it is?

Don't worry, it's never too late to learn how to truly love!

1. Accept the whole. To love someone is to accept him completely, along with all the shortcomings. Love does not seek change and does not require anything. She is selfless. Love perceives a person as a whole, and its task is not to judge. Love is a safe, warm and welcoming place for your chosen one. If you are trying to change someone or looking for ways to manipulate them to get what you want, this is definitely not the kind of love we are talking about. Try to understand what is really happening. Ask yourself why you want to change this person? Then ask yourself again. And again. For example, if your answer is "I want to change him because I don't like how he does this and that," then ask yourself, "Why don't I like this?" If your answer is, "Because it bothers me," then ask yourself why it bothers you. It may turn out that what you really want is not to change the other person, but to avoid your own discomfort.

2. Support and cherish. Love is support, encouragement and motivation to become even better. Sometimes this means holding a mirror in front of the other person to help them see themselves. Love stimulates and promotes growth and development. If you find it difficult to support someone, ask yourself why? Ask yourself three questions again. These questions are a great way to get to know yourself. And the answers are a great opportunity to find hidden fears, as well as beliefs that limit you and qualities that require work on yourself. So you can also understand yourself by looking at how you treat other people, especially those you love.

3. Learn the language of love. Love is the opposite of fear. Love is the ability to give, not to take. Love asks, “What can I do for you?” and fear (or lack of love) asks, “What can I get out of it?” Love can be described as a gift received. You cherish it, be proud of it, appreciate its beauty. This gift is another person. Love respects him and always strives to protect, protect and help development. Love speaks softly and tenderly. If you find yourself yelling, taunting, manipulating, or acting aggressively towards someone you love, ask yourself how you can change this behavioral pattern. When did you start using it? Do you see it as a defense mechanism? Knowing that love means vulnerability and openness, what other ways can you reach out to the other person without making them feel bad?

4. Love means letting go. Often, when you love someone, you have to make very difficult decisions for the greater good. There are times when letting go of a person is the best thing you can do for them. And that takes courage and true love. The need to let go is sure to trigger all sorts of emotions and fears in you. Find a way to make it easier by asking yourself what is the root of this fear. Is it attachment? If so, what meaning did you give to a relationship that is so hard to give up? In what ways can you heal yourself, knowing that a person simply needs to be let go?

5. True love starts on the inside. Self love is the first requirement if you want to learn how to love someone else. You need to take care of yourself, nourish your body and soul, and feel happy. If you start giving up and falling apart, you won't be able to love anyone. If you could treat others the way you treat yourself, would they want to be around you? Accept yourself completely and undividedly, support, cherish and cherish yourself. After all, become your own fan! And also learn to let go of people, places or things that no longer mean anything in your life!

Hello! The topic of learning to love and respect yourself excites almost every person. Psychologists give a lot of smart advice, and how to put it into practice, you will learn from this material.

Subtle psychology - be able to love yourself

Some understand "to love yourself" means to be "the navel of the earth." But it's not. If you demand that everyone spins only around you, then you may soon be left alone.

So how do you learn to love and respect yourself? It is important to remember that you need to love your person not for external attributes in the form of a car, position or having a rich partner, but just like that, just because you are in the world with your weaknesses and virtues.

In life, every person makes mistakes, then scolds for them. Often, due to life mistakes, his self-esteem decreases, self-respect melts.

Do not scold for mistakes made in the past, learn from them. They are given to us for self-improvement and advancement.

Accept yourself with all the mistakes, remember that at that moment it was the only correct decision. It was the mistakes that made you stronger, more confident, because you will not make them today! There is a good expression for all occasions: “There is what is. And that's okay."

Don't self-flagellate. But this does not mean that you need to put up with it, no, you need to move forward, develop for a new life, without judging yourself, but simply loving for what you are.

No need to compare with others

If you compare with others, you will undermine so much that you just give up. Comparing oneself with others is especially characteristic of a woman. You should not do this, so as not to be driven into an exhausting race that brings only suffering and pain. You have your life, they have theirs.

You can only compare with yourself - yesterday: according to the knowledge gained, lessons learned, positive changes. Think about what has already been done, and what you need to strive for. The goal must be mandatory.

Life is not interesting without a goal. If the goal is good, large, then there will be a big one to achieve it. Most importantly, do not criticize yourself, do not judge. You should be liked the way you are, the way God created you.

To appreciate yourself more, take care of your body, love it, lead a healthy lifestyle, celebrating achievements every day.

And if they are not? There are always results, for example, I cooked a delicious dish, went to the park with a child. Isn't this a result that can be respected?

It is important to get rid of uncertainty. Positive thoughts will help with this, which means that you do not need negative information, whether it is television programs or a conversation with a neighbor.

Watch your appearance, dress with taste. It's not necessarily expensive, it's clean, tidy. and hairstyle will allow you to remain desirable and be confident in your irresistibility. And how not to love this! When you reach the goal, reward yourself - buy sweets or some kind of outfit. Encouragement gives a good impetus to move forward.

What not to do

It is advisable to put these psychologist's advice into practice so as not to waste time on unnecessary and useless things.

• There is no need to condemn anyone. Condemnation of others forces to be limited, to drive into the framework. Instead of judgment, ask questions like: Did I do everything I could to become a better person? Accept people for who they are. People are the way you see them. If you think that everyone around you is evil, petty, change your perception, start working on yourself. Maybe it's just that you are envious and mercantile.
• No need to be patient! You have to act when something is unpleasant for you. Example: when you were lit in a car, I must say that this is unpleasant for you. You did not endure, then you will have respect for your personality.
• Define the boundaries of your personality, gently let's understand what you like and what you don't. Don't let yourself sit on your neck.
• Do not complain about life, about children, about your husband, do not whine. They love a strong personality, but you yourself don’t like a whining lady, and you just want to run away from her.
• Let's not cry into your vest. You are not for tears and whining! If a person whines, ask him how he will solve his problem. When he does not want to do anything, but can only cry, then why should you listen to his whining. If you get rid of whiners, then love yourself even more. You will see, soon healthy strong people will appear around you, respecting themselves and you.
• Don't blame others, find the situation where you did wrong. You alone are responsible for your actions. After analyzing the situation, realizing your wrong, start working on yourself. Together with positive changes, self-love will come, and then respect.
• Don't be limited by other people's opinions. If you want to dance, sign up for dancing, if you want to run in the morning, get up and run. You do not offend others, so why should you limit yourself?

Important point: Don't sacrifice yourself for someone else's interests. You can help, but don't sacrifice yourself.

• Never feel sorry for yourself. Pity will make you a helpless person.

How can a man learn to respect himself?

You can also take on board many of the advice of a psychologist. But it is a little more difficult for a man in terms of organizing a state of love for himself. Too much burden on him lies in the form of responsibility for his family, children. But anyway there are purely masculine moments, for which the strong half can fall in love with themselves.

1. Always keep the promises you make.
2. Don't be afraid to take responsibility.
3. Become a support for others.
4. Treat every woman with respect, not just your loved one.
5. Know how to make good money. Prosperity adds respect to one's person.
6. Do not scandal, get rid of bad habits. A person who quit smoking or drinking alcohol immediately begins to be proud of himself for having willpower.
7. Fill your life and the life of your family with interesting events.
8. Find an activity you enjoy so you can immerse yourself in it.
9. Set a goal that will motivate you to self-development.
10. Make your dream come true. This will help you love and appreciate yourself for perseverance and aspiration.
11. Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
12. Train your body. Catching admiring glances, you will feel your importance more sharply.

Often self-respect, high self-esteem of a man depend on the opinion and assessment of a woman.

If a woman considers you a worthless person, will humiliate you in front of everyone, then respect for herself as a worthy person is unlikely to appear. Therefore, it is important for a man to choose a wise, intelligent, kind life partner.

Help for those who want to change their lives

It is useful for men and women to read books by Valery Sinelnikov. Dr. Sinelnikov has written many useful books, one of them: "Practical course: how to learn to love yourself", will help everyone to solve this subtle psychological issue. The book is really informative and very interesting. It can be downloaded online.

And the psychologist Labkovsky deduced 6 rules that will help you understand how to enjoy life.

• Do only what you want.
• Don't do what you don't want to.
• If something bothers you, talk about it right away. No lingering grudges.
• Don't speak when you are not asked.
• Answer only the question you are asked.
• Clarifying the relationship, talk only about yourself.

To the question: whether you love people, the psychologist replied: “The better you feel about yourself, the more you love people. And vice versa".

Especially for women

How to love yourself more than your husband? The answer to this question is sought by those women who dissolve in their man, forgetting about themselves.

A “dissolved” woman very soon becomes uninteresting to her husband, then he begins to look for something interesting on the side.

What to do? they try to give advice to such wives, but the fact is that it is difficult for a woman to readjust. But we must try!

1. Always be a woman, or better yet, a lady. Pay attention to how you look, how you dress, what smells you emit. An untidy woman who is disgusting to herself will alienate any man. It is not necessary to spend a lot of money, just be well-groomed, neatly dressed.
2. Let him feel like a MAN. How to do it? Be weak, trust him to do his homework, don't carry heavy bags, don't drive nails yourself.
3. More often wake up a man in him. Forget to answer his call on purpose - let him worry a little.
4. Set aside your own personal space and time to go to cafes with your friends, do what you love.
5. Do not run at the first call, but do not delay, so as not to annoy him!
6. Do not take on the entire family burden, leave some to your husband. Learn to say "no"!
7. Don't get exhausted, find time to relax.
8. Do not "strangle" your husband with your excessive attention and care. Your care should bring joy to both.
9. Do not be afraid to be alone, do not cheat, drop these fears. Fear will not bring happiness into your relationship.
10. Have a hobby, do not forget about meeting with friends, engage in self-development.
11. Talk about your feelings: “I am angry”, “I will cry now”, “I am offended”, “I feel that you have stopped loving me.” Don't blame him, just let him know. It works very well.
12. After voicing your condition, you should name the reason, and then offer the way out of the situation that YOU need. This is how you will maintain the masculine state in your husband. Never blame, a loving man will do everything to get you out of the state that you reported. If you blame, you will get disappointed, heartache and resentment.
13. Learn to calmly and gently defend your interests.
14. The most difficult thing for a “dissolved” woman is to take care of herself first, then of her husband. Try to start with clothes: first buy clothes for yourself, and then some clothes for your husband. This is a significant indicator of love for your person, and then for your husband.
15. Caring for a man should bring you and him joy, and not exhaust you.
16. Speak directly about your desires, it is difficult for a man to guess about them, they are so arranged. If you forgot, you need to gently remind. Thank you sincerely for what you have done.

And the main thing in family life - do not take dirty linen out of the hut, do not tell your friends about your life, but do not praise your husband too much, friends may think.