Self-confidence is the key to success in meeting and communicating with women. You have often heard from women that real men have disappeared. These women lack a decisive self-confident man who could take responsibility for making decisions, affairs, be a leader that a woman will follow without arguing or reasoning. You can be helpful, sexy, kind, gentle, helpful, sensual, etc. And a woman will evaluate them as positive, but in any case, she needs an alpha male (leader). She will always be on the lookout for Him if she doesn't find Him in you.
Let's talk about self-confidence. Confidence is a state in which faith and beliefs form the truth. That is, the reality of a self-confident person is determined by his belief in his own beliefs, that he can achieve what he wants. For example, how many times have you seen on the street when a couple is walking, where the woman is very beautiful, and the man clearly does not match her. You can ask yourself: "What can connect them?". The first thought is that he is rich, and because of this she is with him. Yes, you may be right, but don't you think that there are a lot of such coincidences? Not everyone has penthouses, Mercedes, factories and steamboats. Believe me that even the one who has does not have such cool women as those men who are confident in themselves and that they can get acquainted with beauties, and deserve them. Yes, you can be outraged and say to yourself: "You're lucky with such a gorgeous lady." Of course, but you did not take the initiative, and he, like Caesar, came, saw, conquered. And nothing stopped him. And now it is he with this beautiful woman.
What happens when a man doesn't show confidence in a relationship? Naturally, if there is no Leader, then a woman takes his place and begins to lead, make decisions and do what she wants, regardless of your opinion. Are you familiar with this? And if she leads, manages, then who are you and why?
What are the barriers to self-confidence?
The first is fear
Is it easy for you to get acquainted on the street, in cafes, in transport? Is it possible for you to easily approach any woman you like and say: "Hi"? If not, you are driven by fear.
One of the fears is the fear of dating. Perhaps you would like to approach her and even smile, but pass by. You do not take the initiative and do not try to try to speak.
The next fear is the fear of failure. You are not sure of your success. You would like to approach her, but you are afraid of the unknown, and suddenly ...
The third fear is the fear of making mistakes. You do not allow yourself to make mistakes, and therefore you think through everything to the smallest detail for a long time, missing the chance and time.
Doubts
In addition to fears, there are also a lot of doubts in my head. Even if you are not afraid to get acquainted, you may be full of doubts about whether she will like you, or maybe she prefers others, you may not find a common topic for conversation, etc.
excuses
You are trying to reassure yourself that she is not worthy of you, or you will meet her tomorrow, or maybe if she gave any sign, now, then perhaps you would have approached her, but you won’t, but who You are cheating? Of course, yourself. You try to find excuses not to take risks, and really just avoid initiative and activity, remaining in your usual loneliness.
How to become confident with a woman?
A woman wants a strong and self-confident leader next to her; she will not trust a weak and irresponsible man to lead herself if he does not take upon himself the right to answer and protect her. Women want to feel tender, fragile and desirable next to a strong man. You can take on the role of leader, and your word will be decisive.
Act like a leader! Be proactive! The first rule of a leader is you decide and act. You operate everywhere and in everything. You do not care what they say or think about you, everything that you do, you do for your own pleasure, this is your life, and you have the right to dispose of it as you see fit. Do you have a meeting? Choose and organize a place and time. Who you are? You are the leader. What is your task? Your task is to decide and act.
YOU set the date and time of the meeting, YOU set the meeting place. Lower all possible expectations from a woman, decisions are made by YOU. You can find out what she is interested in, but the final decision is yours. Would you like to invite her to the cinema? Then choose a movie that you like, buy tickets and pay for those places where you feel comfortable and convenient. Yes, you are an egoist, you are a male. Suppose you met, what's next? YOU take her by the hand and lead her to the cinema, and she follows you. You can tell interesting cases and stories, joke at this moment, but YOU are leading it. At the same time, do not forget to be a gentleman: let the lady go first, help take off her coat, etc. - it's just a good tone. Take action! Take the initiative.
Break stereotypes. Let's say you have in your head dating and communication template with a woman. For example, at the first meeting, we talked to her, got to know her, at the second - we decided to take her hand, and at the third - we finally kissed her ... Don't you think that this is a stereotype imposed by films and books? Why not do at the first meeting what you do only at the third? Come, hug her and kiss her on the ear. The more you think about what to do, the more you doubt and, as a result, do not do what you intended. Start thinking outside the box. Go beyond patterns and stereotypes.
In this article, I touched on the topic of fears, doubts, excuses. You create all this for yourself, because you live with your head, not with your heart. Your task is to think less, do more. You thought in your head that if you approach a woman and get to know her, you might not like her according to some of your assumptions. But you didn’t approach her, you didn’t even do anything to get to know her, and you are already building some doubts. Only your thoughts dissuade you from doing it. And if you did not think, but simply did it, you would know the exact result. And so in everything, when you are with a woman, stop thinking about when to hug her, or what and when to say. As soon as you feel the urge to hug and kiss your woman, do it. Be decisive. Surprise her and come up with surprises, be proactive and creative.
You are persistent and stubborn. You fight to the end, including all your resources, defend your point of view. You are assertive and want to get results, you do not know how to retreat, you only move forward. It often happens that at the moment of meeting a woman, she may refuse not for the reason that she did not like you, but because she checks you how persistent you are, she checks how confident you are. And if you retreat, then she is convinced that she is right.
Decide for her. Women really appreciate the quality in men to make independent decisions. Listening to yourself, your desires to make her happy, make decisions and act. Only you know how to do it in your couple, you are the leader.
Let go of the fear of loss. Build your relationship based on respect and acceptance of the opinions of both parties, trust and support are universal for building relationships.
Respect your opinion and your decisions, because they are for your happiness. A woman who appreciates and respects her partner will never allow him to be offended by her distrust, betrayal and rejection.
Show character. Relationships are not only beauty and love, they are also quarrels and misunderstandings that need to be resolved constructively. Remember that each side of the conflict has its own truth, its own vision of the situation. And only you, the leader, can hear, understand and make a constructive decision so that the conflict can be overcome.
This article will hopefully give you a different understanding of relationships and in general you will start to rethink what you have done and what you need to do in order to be confident with a woman. Everything lies in your actions, in your life position, how you present yourself, and your further relations will develop. If she sees in you a self-confident person who makes independent decisions, shows initiative and is responsible for his words and actions. Then the woman will be sure that she has found exactly the one everyone is looking for - a leader. All in your hands. Take action!
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In one situation or another. True, to experience uncertainty is justified - this is one thing, but another thing is when a person doubts everything all the time. can easily ruin a person's life. If this state of affairs does not suit you, and you are thinking about how to become a self-confident person, then you can still fix it.
Three types of behavior
There are three main types of behavior:
- Aggressive.
- Passive.
- Confident.
An aggressive person humiliates people and infringes on their interests. Such a person tries to achieve his goal no matter what. Naturally, others do not accept such a person and try to avoid it.
A passive person, on the contrary, is inferior in everything to other people, thus infringing on his own interests. Such an individual gives society the right to decide everything for itself, and as a result does not achieve its goals.
The behavior of a self-confident person differs significantly from the above types of behavior. man, what are his characteristic differences can be identified? Confident person:
Does not solve all issues at the expense of other people;
He achieves his goals without affecting the interests of others;
People are always drawn to such a person;
A confident person often experiences mental comfort;
He brings a lot of positivity into the lives of others;
Such an individual expresses his thoughts without offending the interlocutor.
How to become confident and successful, guided by these theses? Psychologists advise to start, first of all, with the body. Be sure to watch your gestures, posture, posture. Do not slouch, do not lower your head, but, on the contrary, always walk with your shoulders straight and with your head held high. When communicating with the interlocutor, look directly, and not at the floor or to the sides.
A very important element for developing self-confidence is, of course, the voice, as well as the pace of speech. How to become a confident person with the right speech? It is very important that your voice is firm, even and calm. Control it even when you are angry. The pace of speech should not be fast, no hesitations and words such as “well”, “like”, “you know”, etc.
Another important aspect is self-esteem. How to become a self-confident person? Boost your self-esteem! High (but in no case will a person become much more successful in many areas of life. Unfortunately, many people have low self-esteem. They are used to focusing on their failures and forget their achievements very quickly. It will be good to keep a diary where you you will write down your progress, even the smallest ones.After some time, you will find in your journal quite a few goals achieved.
As practice shows, women most often suffer from self-doubt. and self-confident? We recommend that you first analyze your attitude towards yourself, and then towards others. Think about how you communicate and how you feel about it that prevents you from being confident. Remember, your self-esteem should not constantly change due to negative evaluation of your behavior or from other failures.
Systematic work on yourself will definitely help you become a self-confident person, improve the quality of your life.
"Good men - transferred!" women of all ages complain. But we forget the old saying that the man is the head and the woman is the neck. In our world, we ourselves create all the conditions for a man to be successful and purposeful. But often, trying once again to reproach or push our soul mate to action, we drive him into a corner even more and kill him in our power. How to help your man become self-confident - read on I WANT!
1. Take a closer look at its qualities.
Women create for themselves the ideals of men, and then, seeing a mismatch, they give in to constant criticism and humiliation of those who are nearby. Recognize and develop in a man those qualities that will lead you and him to the desired result. Do not set impossible tasks for him, start small and offer options that both of you will like.
2. Change yourself.
It is easiest to say that your husband has not achieved anything, if at the same time you yourself sit at home all day, in a dressing gown and curlers. Become the woman for whom he wants to change - take care of yourself, be wise and well-read, set an example with your actions and activity in the work process.
3. Don't take on the role of a man
Every family should have a clear division of responsibilities. Henpecked man - has the minimum qualities of a successful man. Be weak and let him do all the hard work, protect you and protect you. At the same time, forget about the command tone, all requests should be affectionate and with a smile. Thus, you will awaken in him all the instincts of the male and push him to action.
4. Don't compare or criticize
If you are unhappy with your man, this is a stone, first of all, in your garden - you yourself made the choice, so all the claims are against you. For you, your soul mate should be the best, and it will be so if you want it. Never say that someone has done better, do not compare him with exes, colleagues or husbands of girlfriends. From this, self-esteem falls even lower, and there is absolutely no desire to act. Motivate him with compliments instead of kicking him in the back. He will want to respond to your kind words in the same way, and the constant affirmative sentences “what a fine fellow he is” will inspire him even more and make him believe in himself.
5. Create a good atmosphere around the man.
Before leaving for work, cheer him up - thus you will stimulate the man to work better and bring home more money. Happy, well-fed and well-groomed - he will match his appearance and do everything possible for your happiness.
6. Talk and consult
A man will immediately feel more important if you ask him for advice and share your thoughts. Listen to him, agree, let him feel his importance, and do everything as you see fit.
7. Thank him and praise him
Women are the best motivation for a man. Each of your thanks or compliments makes his self-esteem one point higher. Do not be afraid to praise and notice his every good deed, thereby you will make him feel his importance in your family and respect from you.
When a man is confident in himself, he can achieve a lot. He always knows what he wants, controls his life in all areas, is able to solve any problem and is always in the spotlight. Is it possible to become such a person or is it exclusively innate qualities?
What is self-esteem?
Self-confidence depends on our attitudes, personal perception of our skills and capabilities. In other words, it is faith in yourself and your own strengths. By self-esteem, we mean how a person evaluates himself. Self-confidence and self-esteem can be considered synonymous.
In the life of any man, self-esteem is of paramount importance. It depends on her how relations with women develop, how strong a man’s authority in the family, his ability to build a career, communicate with others.
What psychologists say
English psychologists have conducted a number of studies, the results of which have shown that male self-esteem is more realistic than female. Women tend to underestimate their positive qualities and not see their strengths. Yet men are familiar with the problem of low self-esteem.
Self-development must begin with increasing self-confidence. From failures, you need to learn not experiences, but useful lessons that will be useful in the future.
Insecure men are prone to depression, neurosis, and cannot express themselves. Often low self-esteem becomes the cause of life failures, causes a lot of difficulties and worries, decision-making turns into constant stress.
What affects self-esteem
The most important factor influencing the development of self-esteem is education. Many things matter: whether the family is complete, which parent invests more in the upbringing of the child. In a family where loving parents surround the child with understanding, and the father sets the right example for the son, the son will grow up as a self-confident person. If there are constant restrictions on the part of the parents, shortcomings, flaws are looked for in the son, then, of course, his self-esteem will suffer.
The child absorbs the surrounding reality. He will learn the attitudes of the family, positive and negative, will copy the behavior of his parents on an unconscious level. From the father, the son learns masculine qualities: responsibility, activity, perseverance, the ability to make decisions, self-confidence.
If it so happened that the influence of the family did not have the most beneficial effect on the formation of self-esteem, then confidence will have to be developed independently.
In addition to education, a lot of factors influence the feeling of confidence: mood, state of health, and even the time of day. Remember, in the morning you are usually much more confident than in the evening, when you are tired after a day's work.
How to increase self-esteem
There are a number of tips and rules to help build a sense of confidence and increase self-esteem.
- Do not be afraid of doubt. Doubt and a sense of insecurity are natural phenomena that accompany any new undertaking. It must be remembered that most often doubts are simply emotions that have no real basis. You do not need to try to get rid of them, you need to learn to ignore them and, despite the hesitation, continue to do what you have planned. Being confident does not mean not having fears and doubts, it means being able to overcome them.
- Don't listen to those who say you can't do something. Very often we share with loved ones, hoping to find support from them. But instead we get a new portion of doubts. Remember, all people are full of complexes and fears. In addition, many do not wish success to others simply because they themselves could not achieve anything in life. If a person who goes to low-paying jobs year after year finds out about your plans to start a business, he is unlikely to express approval simply because he himself could not achieve it.
- Create an image of your "ideal self". When you can't make up your mind to do something, like approaching a girl you don't know on the street, try to imagine what your "ideal self" would do in a similar situation. In most cases, it will turn out that all the objective obstacles you have invented are just fears, and not some kind of objective restrictions. The problem immediately loses its complexity.
- If you are afraid of something, do it. Fight fire with fire. Over and over again, the fear will recede further and further until it disappears altogether.
- Go in for sports. Male nature needs physical activity and adrenaline rushes. A fit figure will attract the attention of women and allow self-esteem to grow.
- Understand that everything depends only on you. People tend to invent barriers and restrictions where they do not exist and underestimate the strength of their will. No character traits, features of appearance or innate qualities can prevent you from becoming what you want to become. It's just a matter of perseverance and effort.
- Give up perfectionism. Absolutely everyone makes mistakes, ideal people simply do not exist. You don't have to be perfect and you have the right to fail. After all, even Churchill said that success is the movement from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
- Make a list of your accomplishments, big and small, over the years of your life. With each item, your self-esteem will increase, and rightly so.
- Don't try to be better than you are. Self-doubt is often hidden under the guise of vanity and boasting. Don't try to impress, just be yourself. And resist the temptation to compare yourself to anyone, you are unique.
- Let go of false modesty. Modesty is a wonderful quality, but not when you are trying to appear worse than you are. Learn to accept compliments and praise in your address. If you do not doubt your qualities, then others will believe in them.
- Be kind to people. When your interlocutors are located to you, then it is easier to maintain confidence.
- Do not overestimate the role of appearance. Appearance is of some importance, but it quickly recedes into the background, and charm and charisma attract people. Nevertheless, you need to take care of your appearance, which means that you simply have to be neat and fit. The posture should be even, and the smile benevolent - then your appearance will radiate confidence.
- Have your own opinion and learn to defend your point of view. This does not mean being blindly stubborn or aggressively pushing your own way. A firm position is sound and considered principles that cannot be shaken by random opinions.
- Set goals. Even small victories will help self-esteem. And, of course, it is necessary to set big goals, breaking them down into smaller ones. Plan and achieve.
- Develop. Confidence must always be backed up by real qualities and objective merits. Increasing self-esteem must necessarily be accompanied by work on yourself. Absolutely any quality can be developed.
We already wrote about how to raise self-esteem for a man or woman, in order to read more additional information and ways
The renowned author of a number of books on personal growth has written extensively on how to overcome negative self-esteem and increase confidence. He believed that self-confidence should be the hallmark of any person who wants to live a decent life. There is a lot of advice in his works on how to achieve this.
- The ability to change and become a completely new person is closely related to the willingness to discard everything old and unnecessary, including fears and other negative emotions. All fears are not dangerous until a person gives them an emotional coloring and introduces them into his subconscious, thus forming a negative scenario of his life.
- In order to achieve what you want, positive attitudes and images are very important. It is not necessary to imagine yourself after a crushing failure, on the contrary, it is important to visualize your success.
- It is necessary to develop your best self, form a positive self-esteem and fall in love with this image.
- A very good way to increase self-esteem is the law of mental substitution. In place of a negative thought, you need to put a positive one and linger on it. By constantly doing this, a person destroys negative emotions.
Open up to new sensations, try to live interestingly. Thirst for knowledge, new experiences will help you overcome your fears and insecurities. You just need to make an effort - and everything will become possible.
Most likely, it will not be a secret for you that usually self-confident men are much more successful in all areas of life than those who could not overcome some fears and complexes in themselves. If you belong to the second type, then you should not think that everything is lost - you may well gain self-confidence and go to conquer the cherished heights. So, where should you look for the origins of your insecurity? Upbringing. Most often, male self-doubt is precisely the result of upbringing - it comes from childhood. It often forms even at preschool age, when parents begin to compare their child aloud with his more skilled peers: “But Petya never gives trouble to mom!”, “Misha already knows how to count to ten, but you still can’t!” etc. Such behavior on the part of the father or mother often provides their child with a whole baggage of problems - he gradually develops a loser complex, which he eventually transfers to adolescence, and then to adulthood. Appearance. Some men are dissatisfied with their appearance, and as a result, this develops into serious self-doubt. We can talk about uneven teeth, emerging baldness, features of the figure, some external defects. Weak potency. Weak potency and other problems of a sexual nature are often the cause of self-doubt. The realization that a partner may be unsatisfied seriously unsettles many men. Too high goals. It also happens that low self-esteem appears in a man if he sets himself too high, and sometimes simply unattainable goals. Having failed to achieve the task, he begins to experience dissatisfaction, which, of course, lowers his self-confidence.
Confident vs Confident Man - What's the Difference?
To begin with, let's define what an insecure man looks like, how does he behave? Also "take a closer look" at a confident man. insecure man A young man with low self-esteem often treats everything with a high degree of skepticism, and sometimes with hostility. It is not easy for him to cost relationships with fellow students and colleagues, however, as well as with a partner. Most often, on a subconscious level, they choose similar women for themselves, which then, in turn, has a negative impact on the upbringing of common children. Often, insecure men have a rather sloppy appearance and generally look unkempt. However, there are also such owners of low self-esteem who do their best to disguise this feature, therefore they are overly scrupulous about their own appearance. It is easy for such people to make friends. Also, conflicts often occur in their family life. When a person feels insecure, he tends to blame others for his failures and mistakes. A man with low self-esteem is most often uncommunicative and withdrawn. He is often subject to someone else's opinion and influence. What image of a self-confident man has developed in modern society? Such a man will not let fear get in the way of his success. It may be about the fear of being rejected, making a mistake, getting a new reprimand. All these fears force insecure young people to stay away, but a confident representative of the strong half of humanity understands that living in fear is not taking advantage of the opportunities that life gives. Such cowardice can negatively affect a career, love relationships, friendship, and simply morale. A man who does not suffer from low self-esteem is aware that fear can appear at any moment, but at the same time he knows how to overcome this “enemy”. He will not live only in his own comfort zone - he is not alien to risk, exploring uncharted territories. Also, he will not do something in order to please someone. You have probably seen young people who go astray in order to satisfy, for example, the whim of a girl. A mature man will not do this - if he has chosen some path, and understands that this can bring good results in the future, he will continue the work. He takes care of his health, goes in for sports, develops, expanding his knowledge in areas that seem interesting or promising to him. A self-confident man does not look for an “ideal partner”, thereby following some of his complexes. He initially understands that women, like men, have not only strengths, but also weaknesses, shortcomings, and fears. He allows a woman to be weak and does not require her to live up to his expectations.
How to increase self-confidence
To boost your self-confidence, here are some effective tips. Don't fuss It is important to avoid fuss and haste - they can only be justified in the most urgent cases, and such situations in life rarely happen. You need to develop resilience to stress. Find time every day to relax and disconnect from all thoughts for at least a few minutes. Get Organized Make plans, be organized, plan ahead. You must clearly understand where you are now, where you want to be, and what needs to be done for this. Don't let situations take their course, don't leave them to chance. Get ready for the fact that you may have to adjust your plan as necessary, and understand that this is normal - do not be afraid of surprises. If possible, foresee all possible developments of a particular situation in advance, analyze how best to act in a particular outcome. In this case, "unpleasant surprises" will be minimized Set yourself achievable goals To gain self-confidence will help the implementation of the tasks set for yourself. They can be very simple or a little more complicated, but the main thing is to understand from the very beginning that they are quite achievable. An example would be cooking some interesting dish, mastering a snowboard, attending a sports training, and so on. When you complete a task, reward yourself for it. Do not forget about your even the smallest achievements - they all become the foundation for building a whole personality. So, what qualities can be described as an inner male core? First of all, we are talking about a clearly built system of our own life priorities. It is also important to distinguish between what is important to you and what is secondary. A man with an inner core is consistent in his thoughts and actions. It does not depend on other people's opinions and assessments. How to achieve it
- Determine your main life goals, which will be subordinated to other things in your life. Choose your own mission, which will give direction to the development of your inner core. Take a significant place in your life for self-development, remembering that there are no obstacles for this goal, but only excuses. Decide for yourself what exactly you want to learn and act. Devote more time to gaining new knowledge, reading, and accumulating practical skills. It is important to constantly learn something in order to develop and move forward. Do not be afraid to gain your own life experience - this is the foundation for your development. Only a man, but not a boy, can have an inner core. That is why leave all children's grievances and claims in the past, stop blaming the family for today's and past failures, and start building your own life on your own.
How to deal with low self-esteem if the environment humiliates you
First, if the environment humiliates you, this is the first reason to change it. Yes, you can fight “against everyone” and try to succeed, but in the current situation this is hardly possible. You need to move away from people who lower your self-esteem. It is also useful to spend more time with new acquaintances - sign up for any training or courses, start communicating with new people. If you again encounter humiliation from others, then this is a serious reason to analyze what is the true reason for such an attitude. Most likely, here you can not do without the help of a psychologist. by all means, make an appointment - do not deprive yourself of the chance to improve your life and overcome your own complexes.
