Ecology of life. Psychology: I'll tell you why some people always follow the lead of others. It's called bad boundaries, right? But here the expression "go on about" reflects the mechanism of what is happening much more accurately. Linguistic analysis generally gives a lot to psychology. As well as knowledge of economics. In order for a person to follow a lead, he, first of all, must have this very leash.

I'll tell you why some people always follow the lead of others.It's called bad boundaries, right?

But here the expression "go on about" reflects the mechanism of what is happening much more accurately. Linguistic analysis generally gives a lot to psychology. As well as knowledge of economics.

In order for a person to follow a lead, he, first of all, must have this very leash.

If you do not have a leash, it is impossible to grab and lead you by it. No collar, no leash, you are your own boss.

The leash is the same as Rapunzel's braid (and Onegin's pigtail).

This is what dangles beyond the circle of borders, when a person has an external locus of control, that is, the control center is placed outside - take whoever wants.

Theoretically, anyone can break the boundaries if you put him in extreme conditions. To a concentration camp, for example, to a psychiatric hospital, to the war, etc. In extreme conditions, most people can be forced to move the locus of control, make it external, so that they become passive and helpless, lose their support.

This applies to everyone except those who have a very strong ego and a strong locus of control. You can’t move him, which means you can’t deprive a person of his will. These are strong-willed people, it is much easier to destroy them physically than psychologically.

Most people are much quicker to let go of the locus of control from their center and hand over the reins to another. They go on about with any disorientation.

But there is a type of people who are especially vulnerable in love relationships. They don’t even need disorientation; under normal conditions, they quickly become victims. Literally - pull the string, the door will open. This is Rapunzel and Onegin. They have crowns on their heads, and their scythe dangles in the window. The same leash that you can grab onto.

See what tricks are being done with Onegin. So that the girls would not be offended and they would not think that such bad boundaries are their gender. This is not true. Gender determines only the area of ​​particular weakness of boundaries, the place where a person does not belong to himself. For women it is sex, for men it is guardianship. (Not always, just on average).

If you take a closer look at the Onegins, you will see that they always take care of someone. Most often they live with their mothers, with their parents. But this does not always mean Onegin's infantilism. No, very often this means they are overprotective. They cannot leave their parents, their parents love them and they belong to their parents. Help financially, emotionally support, cannot separate (especially when there are no other close ties). Usually such Onegin is looking for a woman who would like his mother, who would make friends with her, but then he no longer hopes for it.

Even if Onegin is not attached to his parents, he still has some kind of ex whom he takes care of, or just a girlfriend, sometimes a friend with whom he babysits. He cannot refuse him and, in principle, does not want to refuse. For him, such a separation is a strong stress, a loss of identity. It's easier to pay tribute and call it love. Or debt. Kindness. As you wish. To some extent, all people take care of someone, this is very good, but this is especially pronounced in Onegin's Onegins, they sometimes literally enslave and cannot stop it. And they don't want to. And if they want, then theoretically.

That is, this is Rapunzel's: for some reason she went, for some reason she undressed, for some reason she let herself be dragged by the hair, and after the fact she felt kinship and love - this is the same as the Onegins, when some kind of clings cling to them unfortunate relatives, needy women or even men, and they humbly feed them and solve their problems. Sometimes all my life.

It is important to understand that this is not connected with kindness, but with the crown. That is, while people think that they need to start appreciating themselves more in order not to merge boundaries, they, on the contrary, need to start respecting others more. They already have a crown, where can you appreciate yourself even more? Turn into a god?

The crown is a tough psychic protection, we also conventionally call it a tower. A person feels himself above everyone and separate from everyone. He has a crown, which is also a tower, that is, something that raises him high above everyone and at the same time protects him from their negative assessments with a fortress wall. They are nobody to rate it.

They do not want to let anyone near them, they look from above to protect their vulnerable and loose self-esteem from possible blows. That is, armor on top, jelly inside, instead of strong muscles of invulnerable self-esteem.

The crown necessarily interferes with relationships, it cannot but interfere. A person sits alone and feels the need for close relationships (this is almost an instinct, a person is a social animal), even if this need is poorly understood by him. That is, the crown comes into conflict with the needs of a person, and as a result of this conflict, ... a scythe arises. The Onegins more often have a pigtail. Some, regardless of gender, have braids.

It is the scythe that causes such an easy breaking of their borders.

Look, the princess is sitting in a tower, no one is worthy of her, she doesn’t need anyone, but there is still a need for love, especially if “society presses”, and it cannot help but press when the princess’s attitudes come into conflict with him. The princess in the tower finds a compromise and throws her scythe out of the window. She, as it were, invites candidates to prove their right to be next to her by climbing the wall.

Some candidates go around the scythe, some climb it, but they get bored soon and they jump down, but there are candidates who just pull the scythe and the princess flies down. And then he does what he is told until he comes to his senses. But she can not come to her senses for a long time, and when she comes to her senses, she risks climbing into the tower even more.

Approximately the same thing happens with the Onegins. They also throw out the pigtail, but someone can wrap this pigtail of theirs around their hand and then lead Onegin behind them on a leash. Having been such a dog in his first marriage, for example, Onegin may never want to marry again. Even the braid can be cut off and shaved bald.

To avoid such slavery and running around on a chain, Rapunzel and Onegin should get rid of the scythe, but if they don’t leave their fortress, that is, they don’t take off their crown, they will just be in prison and most likely a new scythe will grow imperceptibly. Because a braid is an indispensable attribute of a person in a crown who hopes to establish relationships on his own terms, on the terms that he will be on top, that others will be much more interested in him than he is.

And the scythe is the most vulnerable spot. If you have a crown, you probably have a scythe, and if you have a scythe, then anyone can grab and manipulate you by it, so that you will fulfill someone else's will, mistaking it for your own.

See how such a braid is arranged.

A person sits and does not want anyone, he does not need anyone, he feels super-significant, turns off subjectivity and proactivity, because he feels false autonomy - self-sufficiency. He is at the top and cannot be so humiliated as to recognize someone a priori important and interesting for himself. No, he is only conditionally interested in someone who proves his devotion to him. This is the safest candidate for his weak self-esteem.

The locus in this case becomes completely external in the relationship (it can be normal in the sphere of other resources). Everything depends on the other, and the person only agrees or disagrees, and evaluates only the strength of the need of the other. Whoever wants it more than others deserves it. Since there is no center of control inside, but it is brought out and dangles outside the window, a person very easily becomes the prey of anyone who is not too lazy to jump up a little and grab his scythe.

There is no resistance to this in a person, because in order to know what you definitely don’t want, you must also want something, be aware of your want and your Self. Therefore, stories with breaking the borders of rapunzel sometimes amaze with surrality. Literally: he rudely told me to come and bring booze, for some reason I went and brought him booze. And these are girls who looked down on normal guys for many years.

Very often, after such a rapunzel, they lock themselves in towers, deciding that masochism must be sleeping in them and they should stay away from men so that they do not wake up. This is not masochism - these are very bad boundaries from learned passivity and an expectant position in relationships, from the lack of a center, that is, a locus of control of one's own, from a crown that inspires that you should be pursued. From everything, these are very bad boundaries, and not masochism at all.

But what happens to the Onegins. They sit in the crown and are also waiting for the one that will appreciate them. He does not think that he needs from a woman, he is proud that he does not need anything from women, he has everything, he is self-sufficient, but he is ready to descend to the one who will highly appreciate him and need him very much.

Do you understand where the trap is? As soon as some woman shows him that she really needs him, literally dies without him (or doesn’t even show, but it seems so to him), he won’t be able to unstick from her, as if she wrapped his braid around her hand and leads on a leash . No, he does not reflect that he follows her like a dog, it seems to him that she depends on him.

Just as Rapunzel, receiving slaps during sex, probably thinks that the man just lost his mind from passion, so Onegin, receiving moral slaps from another hysterical woman, thinks that she is on the verge of life and death from love. This is a crown that prevents you from taking your braid from a person and telling him: go, dear.

If Rapunzel and Onegin finally realize that there is no love on the other side, but only impudence, they can cut off the scythe, leave a tuft in the hands of the invader and run higher to the tower. And sit in this tower bald. Do not throw braids anymore. Usually then the braid grows back, and sometimes not. Bald Onegins are wise minnows, bald rapunzels are sleeping beauties. It's not really an option, as you can imagine.

How to get rid of a dangling leash, it is also a braid?

The only way is to take off the crown and return the locus of control to its place, to the center, and to do this, realize that you yourself want to create connections with people, to be a proactive center of relationships, you want these relationships, maybe you are afraid of them because of the vulnerability of self-esteem, but you want to .

By starting to actively and consciously build relationships, you can maintain the locus of control where it should be, in the center of yourself, in the steering wheel area, and then there will be no leashes hanging outside, no one will grab them, you will not unconsciously hand over the steering wheel to anyone, right there notice the moment when they want to take it away from you, and calmly remove the impudent one. And most likely he won't. People instinctively feel good boundaries and bad ones.

This will be of interest to you:

This is the position: I don’t need anyone, but if you really, really need me, I can come down - this is a braid. The scythe turns into a leash very quickly, and then you walk on it and don't understand why you do what you don't want to. Or do you want? Or is it not you?

Have you noticed such a leash? Or from acquaintances. What observations? published

Go on about who. Submitting to someone else's will, to be completely dependent on someone. Komissarzhevskaya categorically refused to follow the tastes of the layman, to indulge the tastes of the philistine audience(A. Brushtein. Pages of the past).

Phraseological dictionary of the Russian literary language. - M.: Astrel, AST. A. I. Fedorov. 2008 .

See what "Go on about" is in other dictionaries:

go on about- do not go out of will, dance to the tune, be under the heel, fulfill the will, submit, dance on the pipe, be under the shoe, walk on the string, be under the heel, follow the lead, be on the lead, obey, obey, obey, hold on behind… … Synonym dictionary

go on about- Go (be) on occasion / from whom To act on whose l. to a pointer, not independently, to be dependent in one's actions on someone. You are on his side! Follow public opinion... Dictionary of many expressions

Go on about- who. Razg. Act according to whom. to a pointer, not independently, to be dependent in one's actions on someone. FSRYA, 326; BTS, 853; FM 2002, 350; ZS 1996, 66; BMS 1998, 453 ... Big dictionary of Russian sayings

go- vb., nsv., use. max. often Morphology: I walk, you walk, he/she/it walks, we walk, you walk, they walk, walk, walk, walked, walked, walked, walked, walked, walked 1. If you walk, then you move in a vertical position, alternately rearranging ... ... Dictionary of Dmitriev

go- I'm going /, you're going, past. walked, walked, nsv .; go / (to 3, 6 7, 15, 17 values), owls. 1) Walk in one direction. Walk. Go fast. Walk down the street. Balda is walking, grunting, and the priest, seeing Balda, jumps up ... (Pushkin). Come on, you look like me... Popular dictionary of the Russian language

GO- Walking in a dream at a fast pace means that in reality you will encounter unforeseen obstacles. Walking on the carpet - glory awaits you in the future. Go hunting - friends or a loved one will cheat on you. Walking on brickwork portends anxiety and ... ... Dream Interpretation Melnikov

KEEP PACE. 1. with whom. Act as agreed by someone. You can't manage everything alone ... you need people with whom you would keep pace against a common enemy (V. Stasov. Concerning a traveling exhibition). 2. with what. Act in accordance with the accepted rules, ... ... Phraseological dictionary of the Russian literary language

be in charge- dance on the pipe, be under the shoe, go on about, hold on to the skirt, obey, obey, submit, listen, dance to the tune, be under the heel, do the will, be under the heel, obey, do not go out of will, do as directed ,… … Synonym dictionary

On occasion- REASON 2, but, about the occasion, on the occasion, pl. reins, ev, m. A bridle belt attached to the bit, to the eye they rule the horse. Lead the horse on the reins (walk holding the horse by the reins). About who to be (trans.: to act not independently, with constant help ... Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov

on occasion- on occasion / (to go) ... merged. Apart. Through a hyphen.

Books

• , Root Koh, Kenneth Hawk. The book by counseling psychologist Ruth Koch and clinical psychologist and clergyman Kenneth Hock is dedicated to an inherent and essential quality of a full-fledged personality - assertive behavior. At ... Buy for 442 rubles
• Go through life, but not be on the occasion of life. How to learn to think assertively, Koch R. Assertive behavior is an integral and essential feature of a full-fledged personality. An assertive person has normal self-esteem, healthy relationships with people and God, he owns himself and ...

who. Submitting to someone else's will, to be completely dependent on someone. Komissarzhevskaya categorically refused to follow the tastes of the layman, to indulge the tastes of the philistine audience(A. Brushtein. Pages of the past).

• - preposition Does not require punctuation. My father is a little old, and I'm even very worried about real estate. M. Zoshchenko, High society history. But the financial director did not ponder this oddity for a long time...

  Punctuation Dictionary

• - /...
• - whom, what. 1. Concerning someone or something, in relation to someone or something. For your kind telegram regarding the production of The Cherry Orchard, I offer you my heartfelt thanks...
• - by water, preposition with genus. Have an appendicitis operation...

  merged. Apart. Through a hyphen. Dictionary-reference

• - REASON 2, -a, about a reason, on occasion, pl. reins, -ev, m. A bridle belt attached to the bits, to which they rule the horse. Lead the horse. from someone. be...

  Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov

• - REASON 1, -a, pl. -s, -ov, m. A circumstance that can be the basis for something. P. for a quarrel. P. for anxiety. Give a paragraph for conversations, rumors ...

  Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov

• - about the proposal; from the genus Used when referring to 1) someone or something as the object of the statement; regarding someone, something, about someone, something 2) something that is the cause of an action ...

  Explanatory Dictionary of Efremova

• - on occasion "...
• - by p "...

  Russian spelling dictionary

• - who. Razg. Unapproved In complete submission to anyone. - Just keep in mind, I will leave the House, and I will not be on your occasion ...

  Phraseological dictionary of the Russian literary language

• - what. Sib. Iron. Roll manually a bicycle, a motorcycle. FSS, 25...
• - who. Razg. Act on someone's to a pointer, not independently, to be dependent in one's actions on someone. FSRYA, 326; BTS, 853; FM 2002, 350; ZS 1996, 66; BMS 1998, 453...

  Big dictionary of Russian sayings

• - Kar. Depending on the circumstances. SRGK 4, 592...

  Big dictionary of Russian sayings

• - adj., number of synonyms: 19 was addicted was under the shoe was under the heel was under the heel doing the will doing according to orders doing under dictation holding on to the skirt not ...

  Synonym dictionary

• - dance on the pipe, be under the shoe, go on about, hold on to the skirt, obey, obey, submit, listen, dance to the tune, be under the heel, do the will, be under the heel, obey, do not go out of ...

  Synonym dictionary

• due to relatively...

  Synonym dictionary

"Go on about" in books

It's hard to go

From the book My Travels. next 10 years author Konyukhov Fedor Filippovich

Hard to walk November 24, 1995 81°50’25’’ S latitude, 80°19’30’’ W e. The weather is bad, snow is sweeping. Cold. But the road is tolerable. Tomorrow, if the weather is bad, I will work 11 hours. I just can’t get past 10 minutes, no matter how hard I try, but I should. In general, I need to walk 12 miles, then I will have time

"Go, go, in worries and tears ..."

From the author's book

“Go, go, in worries and tears…” Go, go, in worries and tears, But what have we changed in nature? All the same, the winter wind sweeps the dust And freezes the violets on the grave. Go, go, in worries and tears, Knowing the price of everything in the world, And everything that perishes before our eyes, And everything that rises on

"May I go?"

From the book Tales of the officer's cafe author Kozlov Sergey Vladislavovich

"May I go?" As is probably already clear, the Horse was terribly afraid of his wife. Despite the fact that, trying to restore order in the company, he maintained a rather tough line, at home for his wife he was nobody and his name was nothing. She was a woman with character and did what she wanted with Shura. Somehow

You can go..

From the book, Stalin knew how to joke author Sukhodeev Vladimir Vasilievich

You can go.. Supreme Commander I.V. Stalin demanded that accuracy be observed in all orders of thanks. Once, during a report by S.M. Shtemenko at Headquarters was called by I.S. Konev and personally by I.V. Stalin was informed about the liberation of a large city. It was 10 pm but

THEM GO FURTHER

From the book Love Potion author Ulyanov Mikhail Alexandrovich

THEM GO FURTHER I was here at the "Golden Aries", at the so-called cinematic party. The actor Alexander Bashirov came up to me, with whom we played with Sergei Solovyov in the film “House Under the Starry Sky”, and asked: - You are not afraid? - And what should I be afraid of? - didn't understand

NO WHERE TO GO

From the book Remember, you can not forget author Kolosova Marianna

NO WHERE TO GO In the motley complexity of Life's paths Bright opportunities Intertwined with everyday life. In the vague predawn We are looking for something, Only there is no response From the bloody darkness. The old is destroyed. There is no way forward. All the lights are out Nowhere to go... God. God

WITH WHOM TO GO INTO INTELLIGENCE?

From the book "Mole" surrounded by Andropov author Zhemchugov Arkady Alekseevich

WITH WHOM TO GO INTO INTELLIGENCE? - Vasily Iosifovich Startsev or, as everyone called him behind his back, Uncle Vasya, headed the 7th department of PSU for fifteen years, from 1957 to 1972. Record time! - says a veteran of foreign intelligence, retired colonel S. - And all this time the department was considered leading in

Where to go

From the book Your baby from birth to two years author Sears Martha

Where to go The next decision the teacher will have to make is whether to buy the child a separate potty chair or toilet seat. The student needs to decide which option he prefers if he is able to stop at one. Most children prefer

stay or go

From the book I forgive myself. In 2 vols. Volume 1 by Viilma Luule

Stay or Go From Yesterday Through Today to Tomorrow It is my hope that a recapitulation of the first book of Soul Light will do no harm to those who strive for spiritual perfection. A new perception of acquired knowledge is beneficial to a person. For me personally, repetition is extremely

Who to go with?

From the book The Great Civil War 1939-1945 author Burovsky Andrey Mikhailovich

Who to go with? According to modern Ukrainian historians, at the end of 1939 there were 8-9 thousand members of the OUN. Part of Ukraine - under the Red Army, part - under the Wehrmacht. Part of the OUN, headed by Andrei Melnik, believes that it is necessary to stake on the Third Reich. Another part in

Chapter Five Already over 30. Should I follow my age?

From the book Doctor's Advice. 7-12 issue. Questions and answers author Kurpatov Andrey Vladimirovich

Chapter Five Already over 30. Should I follow my age? Soul conflict and

To go or not to go - that is the question

From the book Benefits of Introverts by Laney Marty

To go or not to go, that is the question. There is no pleasure in having nothing to do. The beauty is that there is a lot to do - and nothing needs to be done. Mary Little Introverts are often torn apart by internal contradictions: to go or not to go to some social event. All of us

35. At the same time, the Jews said among themselves: Where does He want to go, so that we will not find Him? Doesn't He want to go to the Hellenic Diaspora and teach the Greeks? 36. What is the meaning of these words which he said: You will seek me, and you will not find me; and where will I be, there you cannot come?

author Lopukhin Alexander

35. At the same time, the Jews said among themselves: Where does He want to go, so that we will not find Him? Doesn't He want to go to the Hellenic Diaspora and teach the Greeks? 36. What is the meaning of these words which he said: You will seek me, and you will not find me; and where will I be, there you cannot come? Christ's words about

36. Simon Peter said to Him: Lord! where are you going? Jesus answered him: where I am going, you cannot follow me now, but later you will follow me. 37. Peter said to Him: Lord! why can't I follow you now? I will lay down my life for You. 38. Jesus answered him, Will you lay down your life for me? true, true

From the book Explanatory Bible. Volume 10 author Lopukhin Alexander

36. Simon Peter said to Him: Lord! where are you going? Jesus answered him: where I am going, you cannot follow me now, but later you will follow me. 37. Peter said to Him: Lord! why can't I follow you now? I will lay down my life for You. 38. Jesus answered him, Will you lay down your life for me?

Chapter 9 Not to go forward means to go back

From the book Russian families are happy in their own way author Pokusaeva Olesya Vladimirovna

Chapter 9 Not to go forward means to go back Non progredi est regredi Tatyana's story about endless relationships and endless breaks in which the end has never been put Once in a teahouse, some elderly man began obsessively giving all kinds of advice to Hodja

The most important mistake that parents follow their children, namely, children manipulate their parents, is the late recognition of this problem. It is important in early childhood to make it clear to the child that nothing can be achieved through tantrums and tears. You need to be able to negotiate and follow your words.

When a child is very small, he does not know how to attract his attention in any way except by crying, it is natural that parents will do anything to calm their child. But when a child at a conscious age uses the same methods, and parents unquestioningly fulfill the wishes of the child so that he calms down, this can lead to sad consequences.

The biggest mistake parents make is when they give up first. If the child once achieved his goal with screams and tantrums, he will know that such a method works and will do it systematically. Any parent should control the situation and not bring the child to such a state. Of course, in crowded places it is very difficult to resist when dozens of passers-by look at a crying child. Mom looks like a tyrant who does not give something to her child and eventually gives up, does what the child wants in order to remove prying eyes from herself.

You must always trust your child and speak with him on an equal footing. You need to learn to explain and seek compromises, you need to be able to distract, interest the child, but not lead to hysteria. Mom should calmly and measuredly explain that she will give the child what he requires, but only under any conditions. For example, a kid really wants to watch cartoons, and he is ready to do it around the clock. When the mother goes to the TV to turn it off, the child starts to get hysterical. In this case, the mother should negotiate on the shore. You can watch cartoons until dinner is ready, or until dad comes home from work. Children at preschool age have little time orientation. And if you tell them that you can only watch a cartoon for half an hour - this is the same as saying nothing. It is necessary to indicate the time frame so that the child understands.

If the parent has realized that the child has been manipulating him for a long time, irritation, resentment, and a desire to punish his child can serve as a natural reaction. Very often, the mother simply begins to not react, namely, to ignore her child, who is rolling in hysterics. The child may regard this behavior as indifference to him. A child can withdraw into himself, begin to think that he is not loved and does not want to understand.

In order not to go to extremes, parents should clearly distinguish between “right” and “wrong”, “good” and “bad”. Children need specifics. You don't have to deviate from your principles. It can't be that today you can eat harmful chips. Discipline and constancy are needed first of all by parents, and then by children. If the parent made a mistake, he must accept it and admit it. Then the child will admit and correct his mistakes.

But here the expression "go on about" reflects the mechanism of what is happening much more accurately. Linguistic analysis generally gives a lot to psychology. As well as knowledge of economics.

In order for a person to follow a lead, he, first of all, must have this very leash.

If you do not have a leash, it is impossible to grab and lead you by it. No collar, no leash, you are your own boss.

The leash is the same as Rapunzel's braid (and Onegin's pigtail).

This is what dangles beyond the circle of borders, when a person has an external locus of control, that is, his control center is taken outside - take it who wants it.

Theoretically, anyone can break the boundaries if you put him in extreme conditions. To a concentration camp, for example, to a psychiatric hospital, to the war, etc. In extreme conditions, most people can be forced to move the locus of control, make it external, so that they become passive and helpless, lose their support.

This applies to everyone except those who have a very strong ego and a strong locus of control. You can’t move him, which means you can’t deprive a person of his will. These are strong-willed people, it is much easier to destroy them physically than psychologically.

Most people are much quicker to let go of the locus of control from their center and hand over the reins to another. They go on about with any disorientation.

But there is a type of people who are especially vulnerable in love relationships. They don’t even need disorientation; under normal conditions, they quickly become victims. Literally pull the string and the door will open. This is Rapunzel and Onegin. They have crowns on their heads, and their scythe dangles in the window. The same leash that you can grab onto.

See what tricks are being done with Onegin. So that the girls would not be offended and they would not think that such bad boundaries are their gender. This is not true. Gender determines only the area of ​​particular weakness of boundaries, the place where a person does not belong to himself. For women it is sex, for men it is guardianship. (Not always, just on average).

If you take a closer look at the Onegins, you will see that they always take care of someone. Most often they live with their mothers, with their parents. But this does not always mean Onegin's infantilism. No, very often this means they are overprotective. They cannot leave their parents, their parents love them and they belong to their parents. Help financially, emotionally support, cannot separate (especially when there are no other close ties). Usually such Onegin is looking for a woman who would like his mother, who would make friends with her, but then he no longer hopes for it.

Even if Onegin is not attached to his parents, he still has some kind of ex whom he takes care of, or just a girlfriend, sometimes a friend with whom he babysits. He cannot refuse him and, in principle, does not want to refuse. For him, such a separation is a strong stress, a loss of identity. It's easier to pay tribute and call it love. Or debt. Kindness. As you wish. To some extent, all people take care of someone, this is very good, but this is especially pronounced in Onegin's Onegins, they sometimes literally enslave and cannot stop it. And they don't want to. And if they want, then theoretically.

That is, this is Rapunzel's: for some reason she went, for some reason undressed, for some reason she let herself be dragged by the hair, and after the fact she felt kinship and love - this is the same as the Onegins, when some kind of clings cling to them unfortunate relatives, needy women or even men, and they humbly feed them and solve their problems. Sometimes all my life.

It is important to understand that this is not connected with kindness, but with the crown. That is, while people think that they need to start appreciating themselves more in order not to merge boundaries, they, on the contrary, need to start respecting others more. They already have a crown, where can you appreciate yourself even more? Turn into a god?

The crown is a tough psychic protection, we conditionally call it a tower. A person feels himself above everyone and separate from everyone. He has a crown, which is also a tower, that is, something that raises him high above everyone and at the same time protects him from their negative assessments with a fortress wall. They are nobody to rate it.

They do not want to let anyone near them, they look from above to protect their vulnerable and loose self-esteem from possible blows. That is, armor on top, jelly inside, instead of strong muscles of invulnerable self-esteem.

The crown necessarily interferes with relationships, it cannot but interfere. A person sits alone and feels the need for close relationships (this is almost an instinct, a person is a social animal), even if this need is poorly understood by him. That is, the crown comes into conflict with the needs of a person, and as a result of this conflict, ... a scythe arises. The Onegins often have a pigtail. Some, regardless of gender, have braids.

It is the scythe that causes such an easy breaking of their borders.

Look, the princess is sitting in a tower, no one is worthy of her, she doesn’t need anyone, but there is still a need for love, especially if “society presses”, and it cannot help but press when the princess’s attitudes come into conflict with him. The princess in the tower finds a compromise and throws her scythe out of the window. She, as it were, invites candidates to prove their right to be next to her by climbing the wall.

Some candidates go around the scythe, some climb it, but they get bored soon and they jump down, but there are candidates who just pull the scythe and the princess flies down. And then he does what he is told until he comes to his senses. But she can not come to her senses for a long time, and when she comes to her senses, she risks climbing into the tower even more.

Approximately the same thing happens with the Onegins. They also throw out the pigtail, but someone can wrap this pigtail of theirs around their hand and then lead Onegin behind them on a leash. Having been such a dog in his first marriage, for example, Onegin may never want to marry again. Even the braid can be cut off and shaved bald.

To avoid such slavery and running around on a chain, Rapunzel and Onegin should get rid of the scythe, but if they don’t leave their fortress, that is, they don’t take off their crown, they will just be in prison and most likely a new scythe will grow imperceptibly. Because a braid is an indispensable attribute of a person in a crown who hopes to establish relationships on his own terms, on the terms that he will be on top, that others will be much more interested in him than he is.

And the scythe is the most vulnerable spot. If you have a crown, you probably have a scythe, and if you have a scythe, then anyone can grab and manipulate you by it, so that you will fulfill someone else's will, mistaking it for your own.

A person sits and does not want anyone, he does not need anyone, he feels super-significant, turns off subjectivity and proactivity, because he feels false autonomy - self-sufficiency. He is at the top and cannot be so humiliated as to recognize someone a priori important and interesting for himself. No, he is only conditionally interested in someone who proves his devotion to him. This is the safest candidate for his weak self-esteem.

The locus in this case becomes completely external in the relationship (it can be normal in the sphere of other resources). Everything depends on the other, and the person only agrees or disagrees, and evaluates only the strength of the need of the other. Whoever wants it more than others deserves it. Since there is no center of control inside, but it is brought out and dangles outside the window, a person very easily becomes the prey of anyone who is not too lazy to jump up a little and grab his scythe.

There is no resistance to this in a person, because in order to know what you definitely don’t want, you must also want something, be aware of your want and your Self. Therefore, stories with breaking the borders of rapunzel sometimes amaze with surrality. Literally: he rudely told me to come and bring booze, for some reason I went and brought him booze. And these are girls who looked down on normal guys for many years.

Very often, after such a rapunzel, they lock themselves in towers, deciding that masochism must be sleeping in them and they should stay away from men so that they do not wake up. This is not masochism - these are very bad boundaries from learned passivity and an expectant position in relationships, from the absence of a center, that is, a locus of control of one's own, from a crown that inspires that you should be pursued. From everything, these are very bad boundaries, and not masochism at all.

But what happens to the Onegins. They sit in the crown and are also waiting for the one that will appreciate them. He does not think that he needs from a woman, he is proud that he does not need anything from women, he has everything, he is self-sufficient, but he is ready to descend to the one who will highly appreciate him and need him very much.

Do you understand where the trap is? As soon as some woman shows him that she really needs him, literally dies without him (or doesn’t even show, but it seems so to him), he won’t be able to unstick from her, as if she wrapped his braid around her hand and leads on a leash . No, he does not reflect that he follows her like a dog, it seems to him that she depends on him.

Just as Rapunzel, receiving slaps during sex, probably thinks that the man just lost his mind from passion, so Onegin, receiving moral slaps from another hysterical woman, thinks that she is on the verge of life and death from love. This is a crown that prevents you from taking your braid from a person and telling him: go, dear.

If Rapunzel and Onegin finally realize that there is no love on the other side, but only impudence, they can cut off the scythe, leave a tuft in the hands of the invader and run higher to the tower. And sit in this tower bald. Do not throw braids anymore. Usually then the braid grows back, and sometimes not. Bald Onegins are wise minnows, bald rapunzels are sleeping beauties. It's not really an option, as you can imagine.

How to get rid of a dangling leash, it is also a braid?

The only way is to take off the crown and return the locus of control to its place, to the center, and to do this, realize that you yourself want to create connections with people, to be a proactive center of relationships, you want these relationships, maybe you are afraid of them because of the vulnerability of self-esteem, but you want to .

By starting to actively and consciously build relationships, you can maintain the locus of control where it should be, in the center of yourself, in the steering wheel area, and then there will be no leashes hanging outside, no one will grab them, you will not unconsciously hand over the steering wheel to anyone, right there notice the moment when they want to take it away from you, and calmly remove the impudent one. And most likely he won't. People instinctively feel good boundaries and bad ones.

This is the position: I don’t need anyone, but if you really, really need me, I can come down - this is a braid. The scythe turns into a leash very quickly, and then you walk on it and don't understand why you do what you don't want to. Or do you want? Or is it not you?

Have you noticed such a leash? Or from acquaintances. What observations?